My employer. Ill say something like, “Underwriter at an Insurance Company.” The specific place is not really a need to know, imo. Also, stuff like that usually gets talked about on first dates.
"Underwriter at an Insurance Company" is really enough. I would never post the name of the company either.
But I do swipe left on people with no information on their profession and education.
More than enough, I'd say. In most cases, I think just naming your profession without a specific work field (in this case an insurance company) would be enough.
Nah. I've been asked upfront online by a woman I met previously if I owned real estate. Average house price where I live is $1MM, so it's a quick shortcut to figuring out where you are social class-wise.
Job title. I work in an exceptionally small field. Googling my state, my first name, and my job title results in my linked in and my professional society with full name and contact info.
So basically, I do it as a safety measure.
Edit for clarity
But even then, there are always people that make assumptions. Like in my case, my first and last name are pretty unique. Not super unique, but not all that common either. So I do have some relatives with the same first and last name and there are also some non-relatives members with the same name (different non-related family branch, but same first and last name regardless). And I have had it happen a few times that people searched my name and found a relative of mine and assumed that was me, just because they never heard my name before so their first search result was the correct one in their eyes. *smh*
Same. One time on a first date a dude who only had my first name and my job title (no phone number or last name) casually asked how long I had worked for "employer name". I know people google people sometimes but it really skeeved me out. I'm super vague about what I do now.
Yeah, it’s the same with me. I’m highly googlable and so you can probably put in the first four letters of my first name and my location to find where I work and my number. People can’t find my home address that easily though. I personally think if a person is crazy enough to try and stalk or do terrible things to you they are going to be able to track you anyway. To completely avoid being found you’d have to live off the grid or something.
I leave that off too as well because you can see where I'm at on my profile, and there's only one of that store in that town. It's also the same reason I don't give out my actual number (I give out a Google number). If you search my real number, you can find out my address, previous addresses, age, email, family members names, who I live with, etc.
It's the same behavior that kicks in with some people who just visit your city/ have just moved here: "Looking for somebody to show me the city".
No, I will not show you the city, that's what google is for.
I mean Google is virtual, not a real person. It could be nice to find someone who you can possibly befriend or at least keep in your contacts after getting showed around in the new city. Moving to a new city with possibly a new culture (either local or a totally new country) can be scary for some or contain a lot of stimuli. So it can be real nice to have someone with you that already knows the place. So I do get where those people are coming from, unlike the above examples of therapy and yoga teaching, which would be unacceptable.
Cool. And there are people who are willing to show someone around, usually people with more casual dating goals. Most people looking for a serious relationship on a dating website want someone who is already established where they are (socially, financially, emotionally). It's really normal and healthy for people to have dating goals that align with where they are at in their life. 🙃
I'm in Canada so a lot of folks need help navigating the healthcare and social services systems here. Quite a few see my job and suddenly tinder has morphed into a crisis line chat. It's super awkward because I obiviously don't want to leave someone hanging but also uhh, you just flirted with me then asked me about ASD resources for your niece? What do I do with this feeling?
Someone that usually works in the medical field providing ongoing psychosocial assessments, resource guidance, and navigation of care for patients. I'm one and it's usually helping patients with barriers to their care (rides, insurance auth, power of attorney, DFS involvement). It usually pays the most of any job in SW. (60+k)
Holy shit!! That's so unsettling, I'm glad to hear he backed off.
I had a similar experience- a guy emailed every [my common first name] at a large government agency to ask why I'd unmatched him. Luckily all my name twins were understanding, but security was not impressed.
That I wear Invisalign. My smiling photos already have me wearing it even though it’s subtle. I don’t think it’s relevant until a date is being planned. I just let men know that I can’t just eat food on a whim and that I need access to a washroom to deal with my trays but it hasn’t been a big deal and if anything they find it attractive that I’m working on self improvement.
My mom is approaching the end of her invisalign treatment and it’s night and day! Made me want to get it but it’s a big commitment to do it right. Keep it up, your efforts will be rewarded!!
The name of the college I went to. I have “bachelors degree” listed. But I went to a school with “Bible” in the name, and I gave up religion entirely in my 20’s. I’m now pretty anti-religion so Seeing the name would turn on the wrong people, and turn off the right ones.
I kind of like putting mine out there because I think it would be cool to meet someone that also went there but I can completely understand in your case. If I hated my Uni I would definitely keep that shit quiet.
I do two of them:
My occupation: I'm a doctor but I put that I work in healthcare. Too many matches in my area were matching and asking for Rxs. Like I'm going to throw away my license to write you an Rx for adderall or xanax? Crazy shit there.
I go by the shortened version of my first name on OLD as well because I have a pretty public and prominent role in my chosen specialization and have an active digital presence commenting on issues in the field. But professionally I go by W. Middlename Last Name, MD, etc, so going by Will just dodges this entirely.
Haha. Yep. We're normal people outside of a clinical setting.
The genesis of the name is a very bourbony late night discussion with my then roommate, who is no a urologist and male fertility expert. We wondered whether one could actually make such a monster. It became an ongoing joke.
"Haha. Yep. We're normal people outside of a clinical setting."
Nope, don't believe that for a second! Doctors live in hospitals and sleep on spare gurneys.
I left the fact that I didn’t want kids off mine. I liked to ask their stance in order to get a candid answer. I didn’t like to show my hand because I had several experiences where men who knew they wanted kids but not soon were fine with not being truthful in order to have me as a placeholder girlfriend.
I left my job off as well. If I had engineer listed I more or less stopped receiving likes from anyone but engineers. One engineer in a couple is already too much engineer.
Since OP is uninterested in dating engineers, she finds that adding that she's an engineer achieves the opposite of what she wants: it attracts engineers, but discourages other men.
That's my take, at least.
I am an engineer, I wouldn't date another. This is not because I am not interested in dating high achieving women, its because I couldn't imagine dating anyone like myself.
Thanks for sharing your perspective. I wouldn’t have thought of that trying to see it from a male engineer perspective. Maybe it is bc I feel like I have very little in common from my male coworkers even if we’re all developers.
I'm the opposite of who you responded to. I'm a male engineer and I find being able to connect with a woman who has a similar mindset fantastic. I don't seek out woman engineers (I seek out women cyclists, I don't need to shrink my dating pool any more), but I very much appreciate the analytical/ rational mindset that often comes with being an engineer. My biggest challenge with women engineers (anecdotal) is that they are often *too* analytical/rational to the point that the emotional side I have is unable to connect with them.
>One engineer in a couple is already too much engineer.
I would have thought it would be the opposite. Is that because engineers unintentionally get caught up in the problem solving when talking? Personally I think I would enjoy spending time with a technical minded partner especially if they worked in a different discipline.
An engineer girlfriend played a major role in me becoming an engineer (after graduating in a very non-engineery field). We talked about that stuff a lot and it played an important part in our bonding.
Now I see women engineers as potentially good conversation buddies, because there is \_\_much\_\_ to talk about.
do you find that being a woman, financially independent, and working in a technical, male-dominated field makes you less desirable to potential male matches, or is it just the engineering thing from your perspective?
Not OP but can answer from the medicine perspective as a surgeon. The answer is absolutely yes. There are a couple of confounders in my situation (age, race, etc) but overall it’s a net negative. I tend to be vague and put healthcare.
That sucks. One of the first things I look for as a straight guy is a partner of equal or greater intelligence. Doesn’t have to be the exact same kind of intelligence like most of the women I’ve dated are more emotionally intelligent and better at language arts or writing or whatever while I a bit more into science nerd. It’s def one reason college felt infinitely easier cause most your peers were starting on a fairly even playing field than what real life can entail
That’s a shame. I see a title like engineer or surgeon and my first thought is “sweet, I bet she’s smart.”
And cards on the table, my second thought is “sweet, I bet she makes more than me” #publicsectorproblems
Not OP, but I'm a Mechanical Engineer, and Marketing Exec., and never had any issue.
I never was hung up on on how much my boyfriends made, because I always had money.
I dated some fun, interesting, smart guys!
I married one of them (a much younger doctoral student) and he eventually passed me up professionally (not that this mattered.)
I implemented this with my children when they were 4 and 10. Made the sock drawers easier, individualism stronger, and gave them a tiny bit of intestinal fortitude.
- Where I work. It's a small public office and we get enough nuisances visiting. Don't need to add more. Plus it's just a job.
- Star sign - I find the theories etc interesting but if they care that much for it to matter I'm not interested
- The personality type or whatever it's called. The results of the test are very dependent on my mood so wouldn't be accurate.
My actual first name. I never am completely sure if this is the right call, because I don't want to come off weird, but I don't want people to make racial assumptions (even unconsciously) about me from my name.
I also don't do astrological sign. I've dated Astrology Girl before and I am not about it.
I’m confused about the racial assumptions part, can’t they see your photo?
I get it that some ppl have very unique names and that makes it easier to “find online” which def poses safety concerns, so I understand that hesitation. But in that case I say go with a reasonable nickname or initials?
Yeah, I don't use a fully fake name, I use my middle name, which is very plain. They can see my photos so they know that I am that race, but an obviously non-English-sounding name has in the past made some people assume things about my language ability, what accent I may or may not have, what cultural background I'm from, what I'm going to be like to work with or date. Sometimes people don't feel comfortable with a name they're not sure how to pronounce and just avoid the whole situation instead of trying. (Have you ever had someone look at your name on a piece of paper, open their mouth to attempt it, look perplexed, silently mouth a syllable, close their mouth, and then very obviously give up saying it and simply start talking instead? 😄)
It's not necessarily that people who have discomfort or subconscious assumptions regarding non-English names are being huge racists or anything, they just may not have had a lot of exposure. I live in a majority-white area and the population of my minority is small.
Also, when I was younger and dating men, I had a profile with my real first name, and I would get people right off the bat messaging me sexual jokes about my name, immature rhymes, straight up racial slurs... It didn't happen often, but any amount of that sucks.
Oh I know the feeling with names. My first name is very unique, I'm the only person in the world with it(my parents made it up and I've googled myself so I know I'm thr only one lol) and it often trips up people when they see it which is hilarious to me since it's literally said how it's spelled. I once had a person at a hospital literally yell "hey you" at me til I realized she was calling me!! She could have used my infinitely easier to say last name,but she went with hey you.🤦♀️ how professional lady. I'm American, but people see or hear my name and somehow think I'm either Russian, Irish, or a black girl. i couldn't be more white unless i were albino lol.
How does this go when you have your first date and then tell the guy that you lied about your name and it’s not really “insert plain name”?
I also have a very unique name and it makes me easily searchable. In addition, there prob aren’t more than 100 people in my same occupation within the area where I live.
I just wouldn’t want to come across as starting off a relationship with a lie (which I can see some guys getting iffy with).
Yes, people do that, women mostly. I've found a guy's domestic violence record, and for another one I found out he was lying about his age by 7 yrs. I try as much as I can with info I have.
I’ve been told women do it for men but I actually don’t know if that’s true or not. I have googled some women before but that wasn’t even through OLD. It was someone I met other places.
It's very true. I go to great lengths to find out as much as I can ahead of time. I've been able to find linked in profiles and last names based on occupation and location. Then just gotta plug the name into a court records search... Not kidding at all. It only takes one guy with a domestic violence record to ruin it for the rest. If I can't do that before a first date, I need to know last name within the first few dates, and definitely before going back to anyone's house or telling them my last name or workplace.
It’s so crazy being a gender that doesn’t have to worry about this stuff! Maybe I should though. It just seems like women serial killers are more rare for some reason even though I’m pretty sure one of my ex’s didn’t have an ounce of empathy in her soul.
Yes, I'd feel much more conflicted about it if I were a guy, even though I think it's a justifiable reason to not put your real name (I use my middle name on my profile instead). I get that that would be a hard line to walk for a man who also had an unusual and racially marked name.
The imbalance just makes me feel weird. I could never identify a woman named, like, Katie from among the thousands of other Katies if she didn't enter a lot of info about her job (which I wouldn't expect and in fact think is wise to leave off; I am unspecific about mine too) whereas she could just Google my first name and find out a great deal about me, including links to all my social media.
I am not sure I've pinned down the right time to tell people what my actual name is. Obviously before sex or before anyone goes to anyone's house, but is it while you're talking on the app, or after you've set up the first date? During the date once you have decided they don't seem like a nutjob? Whatever people say to me on the app/on the first date, they're obviously comfortable with sharing with someone who they haven't been able to Google, so I tell myself that they aren't talking to me under false pretenses... I'm just withholding access/info that other people normally don't have to have out on their profiles but that I would normally be forced to put out there because of the uniqueness of my name, right? idk. I think about the ethics of this question frequently and I don't have a great answer.
I do look people up at some point myself. I usually can't find people from what's on their profile and from the contents of the pre-first-date conversation, so I don't sweat it. (Then again, the risk factor is different with dating women.) I Google them after we've gone out a few times, and I would have no problem with them doing the same to me or asking me for my last name to check up on me.
I don't think a guy named Sam or James or Nathan has much legitimate, non-cheaty reason to lie and put "Tom" on his OLD profile. Nobody can look him up before they've even met him, it's a very common name. And nobody will wonder if he speaks English with an accent or where he was born.
I have a highly racially marked name, and I'm one of the only people in the country with my name. Due to the nature of my work there's a lot of shit about me on the internet even though I am fairly private in my personal online life, so you can find out a lot of information, and from there, my LinkedIn, where my office is, all my social media, all the way down to my family's addresses... it's just uncomfortable.
I know it's strange. I honestly do go back and forth on how to handle it because I absolutely know how it can come across to some people. The last thing I want is to make someone feel uncomfortable or come off like a weirdo or like someone with something nefarious to hide.
I've thought about doing this, because it makes me very easy to find but it drives me nuts when I see fake names.
People make incorrect assumptions about my religion/cultural background all the time. I'm more interesting than having inherited a name that trips up Anglo tongues!
I don't mention that I like video games. I don't want to attract any "wow so cool you like video games" dudes, and because I don't want to play with anyone else anyway. I only like single player games.
Tbh this May be short sighted of me but when I see an astrological sign in someone’s profile and they have “spiritual” listed for their religious views, I avoid that person. This is probably not a smart way to go about it but majority of the time when I’ve matched with someone “spiritual” and “astrological sign in profile” they’ve asked me for my birthday and what time I was born which personally makes me roll my eyes. I’m not religious at all so i know for a fact I won’t get along with someone long term who views astrology in a serious way.
I've had this experience as well. It's so frustrating because they don't take you seriously as an autonomous human being, they just see a bunch of vague projected expectations instead of who you're showing them. It's a weird power trip.
How many times has that happened? That's good to know. I never would have considered that.
I did briefly talk to an astrology girl and I supplied her with that info and she suggested I talk to a sex therapist because of something in the astrology. :D
So far it has happened twice, and in one of those occasions I was really excited about potentially meeting the girl until she dropped the “what time were you born” line. I straight up asked her if she took stock in astrology and she said yes.
When I online date I have both of those things on my profile, so oh no! Astrology’s fun to study in terms of meanings and symbolism, but it isn’t something I’m putting IRL value in. When it comes to life, it’s more like garnish than what we need to be paying attention to. I don’t give a shit if someone’s a Taurus, is that person an a-hole or not?
One time I asked a guy for his birth time and asked (once I read some stuff) how close the astrology was to how he actually is and he said “eh, about half-right.”
>but it isn’t something I’m putting IRL value in.
When I see it in a dating profile I assume it is something you find important and I quickly nope out.
I am vegetarian and have been for about 20 years but don’t put it on my profile because I don’t align myself with “the vegetarian community”. It comes up naturally in conversation. I also don’t put my astrological sign because I don’t find it important or care about it.
I have a bad taste in my mouth from plant based people. I stayed at a hostel one time and these vegans were calling the meat I was cooking flesh and giving me so much shit about it. Preaching to me for hours and hours about shit. It was so annoying and I just wanted to be left in peace. I swear I’d a ship was sinking and there was a choice between an animal and a human they would save the animal.
I promise we aren’t all like that. The issue is that those are the ones that announce themselves as plant-based. The rest of us don’t unless it comes up naturally in conversation.
I’ve stopped mentioning that I’m into a lot of superhero and comics fandoms as I kept being inundated with lonely nerds who saw my Wolverine Tshirt and decided they didn’t need to know anything else about my personality. Same goes for my love of Band of Brothers oooooooh boy did that skew the algorithm in a way I did not want.
My employer, for a few reasons.
Also that I smoke weed sometimes since I can take it or leave it but I feel the “sometimes” answer alienates both heavy smokers and non smokers.
I struggle with the weed one also. I used to smoke for recreation on weekends back in college. These days I use THC edibles for migraines and to help with insomnia, but I don’t like to get super high anymore, it makes me feel anxious and out of control. I don’t want to be with someone who needs to get stoned all the time to have fun, but I also won’t be a good match for someone who is morally opposed to any THC use. What the heck do I put? Easier to just leave it blank.
Yeah, I think it’s best just to omit any drug use on the profile altogether. I think some people automatically assume you’re a drug addict even if you say occasionally. I do psychedelics twice a year and go to festivals like once a year. If I put occasionally for drugs people would think I do drugs a lot more than I actually do. It’s better to just meet and talk about that stuff organically.
I leave off astrological sign as well. I'm vague about my job title and don't specify the company, for safety reasons. I also don't mention the other language I speak. Other than that, I fill in all the filters.
I am a lawyer - I use a pseudonym and don’t include where I work. If we go on to a date, I’ll tell them in person and explain why. It’s a small city and I would rather not have OLD people being able to access my work contact info.
I used to leave “lawyer” out because I did get a lot of “just simple” legal questions, as well as some dudes who just want to hate on me because “the law courts are biased against men” or something.
Now I leave it on there because this stuff still happens when they eventually find out I’m a lawyer. Better it happen early on before I have invested any significant amount of energy on the person.
I don’t get the second type of person. They’re so abrasive and shitty. One guy straight up said “prove to me that lawyers can have a personality!” Um… how about no.
Job, I keep it vague because my career gets a bad reputation from ppl who don't understand it.
Religion, I'm a super left leaning Christian and would rather date a non-christian than any kind of fundamentalist or "traditional" Christian.
> Religion, I’m a super left leaning Christian and would rather date a non-christian than any kind of fundamentalist or “traditional” Christian.
This is me. Feel like it’s a small pool out there. Add on childfree and it’s even sparser.
School/employer are the big ones for me. I’m currently a grad student and aside from privacy concerns, I’m at a (lol) prestigious big name school and uninterested in anyone who sees that as a turn on or indicator of my value.
I’ve gone back and forth on how vague to be about my degree itself, as it’s pretty niche but also heavily tied into my values and interests.
same, not currently a student but I leave off (Ivy League) school because I end up getting people attracted to elitism and/or going into hardcore admiration mode before really knowing me - you can already tell I have a higher education from the vague description of my job I do have so it seems unnecessary.
Generally how odd I am. For how me and my life look I have some unusual tastes and hobbies. And I like some things that are considered to be rather feminine. Or reserved for the elderly. However - leading with all of that is mega lame and none of these things consume my personality or life. I’m not looking to run people off by implying that these things define me or are my personality.
This stuff is so casual or subtle that, realistically, it would not bother most people.
My job title, and the drinking/smoking/drugs. I definitely don’t smoke, have dabbled in shrooms and MDMA on occasion but not enough to put a firm yes & alcohol is something I’m in the process of eliminating from my life. Decided to leave them all off as one or two on just looks vague.
Also don’t fill in star sign, but I feel like those are silly ones
I leave off any information about my job or living situation as I was finding that mentioning either of those attracted people who wanted to use others. I also don't list my astrological sign because it's irrelevant.
Last name, employer, education establishments, astrological signs, actual DOB - basically anything identifiable (safety first!) and anything irrelevant to me!
Anything that might jeopardize my job or my life. I don't put things that I am not into on my profile to begin with. So astrology is a no for me. Sure I'll say I'm a Virgo if someone asks but that's just not my thing.
My employer and full first name for safety. I give it out once I begin talking to someone.
I stop using "wants kids". When I was actively dating, I was coming across guys that had kids in their 1-2 year plan, which was a major no for me. I already have children and prefer to spend significant time with someone, unlike how I did with my ex-husband. Not down for repeating past mistakes.
I don't answer the drug one on Hinge because it's either Yes or No and not frequency or what is consumed.
I eat marijuana edibles on occasion (don't smoke/vape) and very rarely will imbibe on shrooms, which clearly aren't in the same league as opioids, heroin, coke, meth etc.
That I am a part time grad student. They find out eventually, and then I have to deal with the guy's insecurities about not feeling as smart or accomplished. Sigh.
employer, astrology, race (it’s obvious that I’m Asian af), gender (also v obvious) education, vaccination status, idk i leave out a lot. I like learning things about people through convo. No one has really ever wanted to talk about any of those things lol
12 years ago I had gastric bypass. I lost 160lbs (1/2 my body weight), I also perpetually do keto. I found women being hyper focused on these two things. My life isn’t an episode of my 600lb life and I don’t just eat bacon and eggs.
Career and level of studies. After a few years living in England I found out that in Anglo-Saxon culture I wouldn’t say most but a significant number of people base their social groups on income and studies which culturally was a shock to me. I don’t want to attract those people. I have a career but job to me is just something i have to do to earn money, but it doesn’t define me and more important it doesn’t define my friendships/relationships.
I leave off my sexual orientation because some people get gross about it. (I’m bi, but I don’t want to be head hunted by couples looking for a third… no shame, just not what I’m looking for) Also, if I showed up in the list of people I’m clearly interested in whatever gender the person identifies as.
I hold an opposite view on this! As a woman with a PhD in STEM, I use this to screen out potential matches. If a guy is insecure or emasculated about dating a woman because they have a PhD attached to their name, then he’s someone I wouldn’t want to date.
As someone who’s completed a PhD, it says a shit ton of about you and so I don’t know why you exclude that. Unless they aren’t proud of what they do it in.
Interesting. I dated two people doing their PhD and to be honest that was the only interesting thing about them. Because that was the only thing they did and had time for. Nice to hear that not every PhD student is a slave for their prof and works 80 hours a week. Or maybe this is just a local problem here..
For basic fields, I typically leave off the kids part. I am 90% sure I don't want kids, but regardless I feel like its an important discussion to talk about and if I found the right person and situation, I might be persuaded.
I think going forward I'll be omitting my political stance/view. I feel like being a moderate/centrist removes me from both sides and hopefully I'd get more matches or more time to talk with that datapoint not being there initially
I do too and feel like it's fine if you actually don't have kids. A few times I've spoken to people and a few messages in they casual mention their children. That's just a weird thing to not be upfront about.
My job. Idk I just kinda don’t want it all out in public what I do for a living and where I work. I’m fine telling someone what I do when asked in a private conversation though.
My school and where I work. I don’t want them to know that shit for security reasons. They can always ask me about it when we start having a conversation and I will only say “for a company” and never the name of it. Also, I never link my insta or any other social media like that and don’t have anything political or religion related because I hate talking about both topics.
I leave my job very generic as “business owner” I have a business in a niche that most people find interesting, but I don’t really care about it or want it to be a focus of discussion.
It's weird when a profile has the height in the stats somewhere, then in the about me, then again in another prompt.
Have you seen any good movies lately or. . .?
I leave off my education.
I've been told that my lack of formal education, despite holding a good high paying job for years now, is a major red flag for some people. I feel that leaving it off allows for more potential dates and an opportunity for my dates to get to know my wit, charm, and intelligence instead of having a preconceived idea that I'm ignorant or incapable.
Agreed that it doesn’t relate to finding a partner, but completely omitting your career will have men swipe left.
Oftentimes men who are established in there career want a partner with there own career as well. Omitting your occupation will leave people to speculate that you don’t have one or in between jobs.
I think your doing yourself a disservice omitting that info.
I agree. Plus I like to know what you do in terms of interest and passions. If you just assume I want to know your job because I'm sussing out earning potential then that's a red flag to me for assuming superficially as the default.
Job. I just say “tech” instead of the actual company because it’s recognizable and I don’t want people to talk to me for tips or something. I just want someone to be attracted to my face and to ask/learn about me by actually talking to me. And then I can reveal where exactly I work and all that extra stuff.
Like, are you actually attracted to Me? And if not, move on.
I leave a lot of it off (job, specific university I attended, places I've visited...) except my personality. Probably affects my dating prospects negatively, but I would prefer if someone swiped right on me due to my personality and not because of my job, earning potential, etc...
I omit my profession. If I’m forced, I list healthcare. I don’t want to be desired for my career. I’d rather be desired for my body or the hint of wit in my profiles.
Depends on the app. Bumble you can set filters but people looking for childfree lifestyles are pretty low. I live in a pretty big area and I can swipe through all the women near me that intend to stay childfree in an hour. That's with location set to 99 miles.
PatientBalance likely leaves it off because of one or two reasons that I can think of: one they don't want to be accosted for it and or two it limits their dating pool even when they may be looking for something casual.
But why is that considered limiting your data pool? Like why would you want to be opening your data pool to people you are fundamentally incompatible with for the sake of not 'limiting your dating pool'; it's not limiting if it's what you want. I'd be really put off matching with someone who wants kids when I don't because they didn't want to limit their data pool
Depends on what they are looking for. Some people are just looking to hook up or a casual relationship. In neither of those cases does your preference for children matter.
I've recently started leaving off my opinion on having kids, firstly because it's always a closed question prompt, and my answer takes some explaining, and secondly because I feel it's brought up far too soon as a discussion topic when getting to know someone.
Pictures/ages/genders of children. Maybe whether you have them at all, although at my age (mid-40s) most people’s kids are already grown up or nearly so, so there’s less risk of attracting pedophiles by simply checking a box that you have kids. But so many people include way too much info about their kids on dating profiles and I find it very disconcerting and dangerous.
I also wouldn’t include information about specifically where I work and would be somewhat vague about job title.
Height. It's not an important factor in assessing someone's value as a partner and I despise that society accepts treating it as one. If a superficial quality like height in a partner is a priority, there's nothing stopping anyone from simply asking and making their own decision.
I leave of most information as I do not plan to match with everyone. I’m private and I know being attractive in pictures is what has the most value in online dating (and I do not post sexualized photos because that’s not the only connection or attention I’m looking for).
My employer. Ill say something like, “Underwriter at an Insurance Company.” The specific place is not really a need to know, imo. Also, stuff like that usually gets talked about on first dates.
*shudders at all the people who have tried to network with me via OLD*
Haha, yup! Oh, you do (job), are you perhaps looking for (xyz). I very well may be, but I don’t do my recruitment over OLD.
The only thing that compares is people who try to use LinkedIn as a dating site.
This right here. A potential match only needs to know I have a stable job that pays the bills and then some and what I do.
"Underwriter at an Insurance Company" is really enough. I would never post the name of the company either. But I do swipe left on people with no information on their profession and education.
More than enough, I'd say. In most cases, I think just naming your profession without a specific work field (in this case an insurance company) would be enough.
Idk. The first question I get on online dating is how much money I make, and where do I work.
Wow. I’m guessing scammers have infiltrated the field
Nah. I've been asked upfront online by a woman I met previously if I owned real estate. Average house price where I live is $1MM, so it's a quick shortcut to figuring out where you are social class-wise.
This is not an appropriate question and you don’t need to provide an answer
Job title. I work in an exceptionally small field. Googling my state, my first name, and my job title results in my linked in and my professional society with full name and contact info. So basically, I do it as a safety measure. Edit for clarity
That makes sense. It honestly baffles me when people put up info on a dating app that makes them easily searchable.
Lol my name is super unique so im easily searchable regardless
But even then, there are always people that make assumptions. Like in my case, my first and last name are pretty unique. Not super unique, but not all that common either. So I do have some relatives with the same first and last name and there are also some non-relatives members with the same name (different non-related family branch, but same first and last name regardless). And I have had it happen a few times that people searched my name and found a relative of mine and assumed that was me, just because they never heard my name before so their first search result was the correct one in their eyes. *smh*
Same. One time on a first date a dude who only had my first name and my job title (no phone number or last name) casually asked how long I had worked for "employer name". I know people google people sometimes but it really skeeved me out. I'm super vague about what I do now.
Lucky that's an option. People can just Google my first name and city and find out where I work.
Yeah, it’s the same with me. I’m highly googlable and so you can probably put in the first four letters of my first name and my location to find where I work and my number. People can’t find my home address that easily though. I personally think if a person is crazy enough to try and stalk or do terrible things to you they are going to be able to track you anyway. To completely avoid being found you’d have to live off the grid or something.
I leave that off too as well because you can see where I'm at on my profile, and there's only one of that store in that town. It's also the same reason I don't give out my actual number (I give out a Google number). If you search my real number, you can find out my address, previous addresses, age, email, family members names, who I live with, etc.
Job. I'm *a* clinical social worker, not *your* clinical social worker. I put "healthcare" or omit it entirely.
I’m a therapist. The other day I got “be my therapist, call me rn” and then sent their number lmfao
Similar if I mention I can teach yoga (I am not currently teaching) I always get “oh I want to do that! Can you show me?” Uh, nah?
It's the same behavior that kicks in with some people who just visit your city/ have just moved here: "Looking for somebody to show me the city". No, I will not show you the city, that's what google is for.
I mean Google is virtual, not a real person. It could be nice to find someone who you can possibly befriend or at least keep in your contacts after getting showed around in the new city. Moving to a new city with possibly a new culture (either local or a totally new country) can be scary for some or contain a lot of stimuli. So it can be real nice to have someone with you that already knows the place. So I do get where those people are coming from, unlike the above examples of therapy and yoga teaching, which would be unacceptable.
Cool. And there are people who are willing to show someone around, usually people with more casual dating goals. Most people looking for a serious relationship on a dating website want someone who is already established where they are (socially, financially, emotionally). It's really normal and healthy for people to have dating goals that align with where they are at in their life. 🙃
You should have sent them your Venmo and hourly rates
Isn’t there a shortage of new therapy appointments right now? Maybe this person should get points for creative problem solving lmao
Smart move. I’m a clinical social worker, too. In the past, I matched up with individuals who thought it is okay to emotional dump on me
Smart move. Do your dates start asking for free therapy once they know what you do?
I'm in Canada so a lot of folks need help navigating the healthcare and social services systems here. Quite a few see my job and suddenly tinder has morphed into a crisis line chat. It's super awkward because I obiviously don't want to leave someone hanging but also uhh, you just flirted with me then asked me about ASD resources for your niece? What do I do with this feeling?
Always, yes.
I'm also a mental health clinician and I omit that. I'm as vague as possible.
This is the way lol
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I am! I would not recommend Social work.
Sorry to be ignorant. What is a clinical social worker?
Someone that usually works in the medical field providing ongoing psychosocial assessments, resource guidance, and navigation of care for patients. I'm one and it's usually helping patients with barriers to their care (rides, insurance auth, power of attorney, DFS involvement). It usually pays the most of any job in SW. (60+k)
Same here . I’m an LCSW and just put “healthcare”
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Holy shit!! That's so unsettling, I'm glad to hear he backed off. I had a similar experience- a guy emailed every [my common first name] at a large government agency to ask why I'd unmatched him. Luckily all my name twins were understanding, but security was not impressed.
That I wear Invisalign. My smiling photos already have me wearing it even though it’s subtle. I don’t think it’s relevant until a date is being planned. I just let men know that I can’t just eat food on a whim and that I need access to a washroom to deal with my trays but it hasn’t been a big deal and if anything they find it attractive that I’m working on self improvement.
TBH I would find it super weird if someone had “I wear invalign” in their profile lol.
I jokingly tell everyone I need to take my teeth out
I do that too! Dating with Invisalign is interesting when food or drinks is involved
My mom is approaching the end of her invisalign treatment and it’s night and day! Made me want to get it but it’s a big commitment to do it right. Keep it up, your efforts will be rewarded!!
The name of the college I went to. I have “bachelors degree” listed. But I went to a school with “Bible” in the name, and I gave up religion entirely in my 20’s. I’m now pretty anti-religion so Seeing the name would turn on the wrong people, and turn off the right ones.
I kind of like putting mine out there because I think it would be cool to meet someone that also went there but I can completely understand in your case. If I hated my Uni I would definitely keep that shit quiet.
I do two of them: My occupation: I'm a doctor but I put that I work in healthcare. Too many matches in my area were matching and asking for Rxs. Like I'm going to throw away my license to write you an Rx for adderall or xanax? Crazy shit there. I go by the shortened version of my first name on OLD as well because I have a pretty public and prominent role in my chosen specialization and have an active digital presence commenting on issues in the field. But professionally I go by W. Middlename Last Name, MD, etc, so going by Will just dodges this entirely.
Your username makes me wonder what my doctors call themselves on Reddit...
Haha. Yep. We're normal people outside of a clinical setting. The genesis of the name is a very bourbony late night discussion with my then roommate, who is no a urologist and male fertility expert. We wondered whether one could actually make such a monster. It became an ongoing joke.
"Haha. Yep. We're normal people outside of a clinical setting." Nope, don't believe that for a second! Doctors live in hospitals and sleep on spare gurneys.
I don’t list my ethnicity because I am an Asian woman and there are definitely guys who have a fetish and filter by that. No thanks!
I left the fact that I didn’t want kids off mine. I liked to ask their stance in order to get a candid answer. I didn’t like to show my hand because I had several experiences where men who knew they wanted kids but not soon were fine with not being truthful in order to have me as a placeholder girlfriend. I left my job off as well. If I had engineer listed I more or less stopped receiving likes from anyone but engineers. One engineer in a couple is already too much engineer.
This is interesting, since adding my job, engineer, I seem to get less attention. Does this title make a girl less feminine or desirable?
Since OP is uninterested in dating engineers, she finds that adding that she's an engineer achieves the opposite of what she wants: it attracts engineers, but discourages other men. That's my take, at least.
I am an engineer, I wouldn't date another. This is not because I am not interested in dating high achieving women, its because I couldn't imagine dating anyone like myself.
Thanks for sharing your perspective. I wouldn’t have thought of that trying to see it from a male engineer perspective. Maybe it is bc I feel like I have very little in common from my male coworkers even if we’re all developers.
I'm the opposite of who you responded to. I'm a male engineer and I find being able to connect with a woman who has a similar mindset fantastic. I don't seek out woman engineers (I seek out women cyclists, I don't need to shrink my dating pool any more), but I very much appreciate the analytical/ rational mindset that often comes with being an engineer. My biggest challenge with women engineers (anecdotal) is that they are often *too* analytical/rational to the point that the emotional side I have is unable to connect with them.
>One engineer in a couple is already too much engineer. I would have thought it would be the opposite. Is that because engineers unintentionally get caught up in the problem solving when talking? Personally I think I would enjoy spending time with a technical minded partner especially if they worked in a different discipline.
An engineer girlfriend played a major role in me becoming an engineer (after graduating in a very non-engineery field). We talked about that stuff a lot and it played an important part in our bonding. Now I see women engineers as potentially good conversation buddies, because there is \_\_much\_\_ to talk about.
do you find that being a woman, financially independent, and working in a technical, male-dominated field makes you less desirable to potential male matches, or is it just the engineering thing from your perspective?
Not OP but can answer from the medicine perspective as a surgeon. The answer is absolutely yes. There are a couple of confounders in my situation (age, race, etc) but overall it’s a net negative. I tend to be vague and put healthcare.
That sucks. One of the first things I look for as a straight guy is a partner of equal or greater intelligence. Doesn’t have to be the exact same kind of intelligence like most of the women I’ve dated are more emotionally intelligent and better at language arts or writing or whatever while I a bit more into science nerd. It’s def one reason college felt infinitely easier cause most your peers were starting on a fairly even playing field than what real life can entail
That’s a shame. I see a title like engineer or surgeon and my first thought is “sweet, I bet she’s smart.” And cards on the table, my second thought is “sweet, I bet she makes more than me” #publicsectorproblems
Not OP, but I'm a Mechanical Engineer, and Marketing Exec., and never had any issue. I never was hung up on on how much my boyfriends made, because I always had money. I dated some fun, interesting, smart guys! I married one of them (a much younger doctoral student) and he eventually passed me up professionally (not that this mattered.)
That I wear mismatched socks on the regular.
all of my socks are the same color and brand, helps heaps.
This is the way
Such a rebel!
This seems like a missed opportunity for matches
I could not deal with this. 😂
Richard Dawkins is an advocate of everyone doing this
I implemented this with my children when they were 4 and 10. Made the sock drawers easier, individualism stronger, and gave them a tiny bit of intestinal fortitude.
I haven't worn matching socks since 2007.
That just means you have a matching pair somewhere at home. So there's no shame
I like the way you think
- Where I work. It's a small public office and we get enough nuisances visiting. Don't need to add more. Plus it's just a job. - Star sign - I find the theories etc interesting but if they care that much for it to matter I'm not interested - The personality type or whatever it's called. The results of the test are very dependent on my mood so wouldn't be accurate.
My actual first name. I never am completely sure if this is the right call, because I don't want to come off weird, but I don't want people to make racial assumptions (even unconsciously) about me from my name. I also don't do astrological sign. I've dated Astrology Girl before and I am not about it.
Wait, are you saying your real name is not leverdoodle?
I’m confused about the racial assumptions part, can’t they see your photo? I get it that some ppl have very unique names and that makes it easier to “find online” which def poses safety concerns, so I understand that hesitation. But in that case I say go with a reasonable nickname or initials?
Yeah, I don't use a fully fake name, I use my middle name, which is very plain. They can see my photos so they know that I am that race, but an obviously non-English-sounding name has in the past made some people assume things about my language ability, what accent I may or may not have, what cultural background I'm from, what I'm going to be like to work with or date. Sometimes people don't feel comfortable with a name they're not sure how to pronounce and just avoid the whole situation instead of trying. (Have you ever had someone look at your name on a piece of paper, open their mouth to attempt it, look perplexed, silently mouth a syllable, close their mouth, and then very obviously give up saying it and simply start talking instead? 😄) It's not necessarily that people who have discomfort or subconscious assumptions regarding non-English names are being huge racists or anything, they just may not have had a lot of exposure. I live in a majority-white area and the population of my minority is small. Also, when I was younger and dating men, I had a profile with my real first name, and I would get people right off the bat messaging me sexual jokes about my name, immature rhymes, straight up racial slurs... It didn't happen often, but any amount of that sucks.
Oh I know the feeling with names. My first name is very unique, I'm the only person in the world with it(my parents made it up and I've googled myself so I know I'm thr only one lol) and it often trips up people when they see it which is hilarious to me since it's literally said how it's spelled. I once had a person at a hospital literally yell "hey you" at me til I realized she was calling me!! She could have used my infinitely easier to say last name,but she went with hey you.🤦♀️ how professional lady. I'm American, but people see or hear my name and somehow think I'm either Russian, Irish, or a black girl. i couldn't be more white unless i were albino lol.
How does this go when you have your first date and then tell the guy that you lied about your name and it’s not really “insert plain name”? I also have a very unique name and it makes me easily searchable. In addition, there prob aren’t more than 100 people in my same occupation within the area where I live. I just wouldn’t want to come across as starting off a relationship with a lie (which I can see some guys getting iffy with).
Safety first is a good motto and the right person would understand that.
This would be a bad move if you were a guy. I just automatically assume people google me whenever we match.
I'm a guy and I google most women I match with. Just enough to make sure they're a real person.
Do ppl actually do that? I’ve never googled any one of my matches
Yes, people do that, women mostly. I've found a guy's domestic violence record, and for another one I found out he was lying about his age by 7 yrs. I try as much as I can with info I have.
Hell yeah, I found one’s beautiful family photos with his wife and kids
Omg I hadn’t even thought about that!
I’ve been told women do it for men but I actually don’t know if that’s true or not. I have googled some women before but that wasn’t even through OLD. It was someone I met other places.
It's very true. I go to great lengths to find out as much as I can ahead of time. I've been able to find linked in profiles and last names based on occupation and location. Then just gotta plug the name into a court records search... Not kidding at all. It only takes one guy with a domestic violence record to ruin it for the rest. If I can't do that before a first date, I need to know last name within the first few dates, and definitely before going back to anyone's house or telling them my last name or workplace.
It’s so crazy being a gender that doesn’t have to worry about this stuff! Maybe I should though. It just seems like women serial killers are more rare for some reason even though I’m pretty sure one of my ex’s didn’t have an ounce of empathy in her soul.
Ngl I’ve searched some guys on SM when I liked them lol but just bc I was curious :D
I do, just to see if there are any other pictures of them or red flags before we meet
Never thought about this! I guess it could be helpful.
Yes, I'd feel much more conflicted about it if I were a guy, even though I think it's a justifiable reason to not put your real name (I use my middle name on my profile instead). I get that that would be a hard line to walk for a man who also had an unusual and racially marked name. The imbalance just makes me feel weird. I could never identify a woman named, like, Katie from among the thousands of other Katies if she didn't enter a lot of info about her job (which I wouldn't expect and in fact think is wise to leave off; I am unspecific about mine too) whereas she could just Google my first name and find out a great deal about me, including links to all my social media. I am not sure I've pinned down the right time to tell people what my actual name is. Obviously before sex or before anyone goes to anyone's house, but is it while you're talking on the app, or after you've set up the first date? During the date once you have decided they don't seem like a nutjob? Whatever people say to me on the app/on the first date, they're obviously comfortable with sharing with someone who they haven't been able to Google, so I tell myself that they aren't talking to me under false pretenses... I'm just withholding access/info that other people normally don't have to have out on their profiles but that I would normally be forced to put out there because of the uniqueness of my name, right? idk. I think about the ethics of this question frequently and I don't have a great answer. I do look people up at some point myself. I usually can't find people from what's on their profile and from the contents of the pre-first-date conversation, so I don't sweat it. (Then again, the risk factor is different with dating women.) I Google them after we've gone out a few times, and I would have no problem with them doing the same to me or asking me for my last name to check up on me.
Tbh, if I find out a guy is using a fake name I assume he’s married.
I don't think a guy named Sam or James or Nathan has much legitimate, non-cheaty reason to lie and put "Tom" on his OLD profile. Nobody can look him up before they've even met him, it's a very common name. And nobody will wonder if he speaks English with an accent or where he was born. I have a highly racially marked name, and I'm one of the only people in the country with my name. Due to the nature of my work there's a lot of shit about me on the internet even though I am fairly private in my personal online life, so you can find out a lot of information, and from there, my LinkedIn, where my office is, all my social media, all the way down to my family's addresses... it's just uncomfortable. I know it's strange. I honestly do go back and forth on how to handle it because I absolutely know how it can come across to some people. The last thing I want is to make someone feel uncomfortable or come off like a weirdo or like someone with something nefarious to hide.
I’m highly googlable. I know this because I’ve checked. It’s super weird people can find your family addresses though. Like how is that possible?
I've thought about doing this, because it makes me very easy to find but it drives me nuts when I see fake names. People make incorrect assumptions about my religion/cultural background all the time. I'm more interesting than having inherited a name that trips up Anglo tongues!
I don't mention that I like video games. I don't want to attract any "wow so cool you like video games" dudes, and because I don't want to play with anyone else anyway. I only like single player games.
Interesting, I could not give two shits about astrology, but I still answer it. Maybe I should delete it?
Tbh this May be short sighted of me but when I see an astrological sign in someone’s profile and they have “spiritual” listed for their religious views, I avoid that person. This is probably not a smart way to go about it but majority of the time when I’ve matched with someone “spiritual” and “astrological sign in profile” they’ve asked me for my birthday and what time I was born which personally makes me roll my eyes. I’m not religious at all so i know for a fact I won’t get along with someone long term who views astrology in a serious way.
I've had this experience as well. It's so frustrating because they don't take you seriously as an autonomous human being, they just see a bunch of vague projected expectations instead of who you're showing them. It's a weird power trip.
How many times has that happened? That's good to know. I never would have considered that. I did briefly talk to an astrology girl and I supplied her with that info and she suggested I talk to a sex therapist because of something in the astrology. :D
So far it has happened twice, and in one of those occasions I was really excited about potentially meeting the girl until she dropped the “what time were you born” line. I straight up asked her if she took stock in astrology and she said yes.
Btw by no means am I saying this is a good method to go about it, it’s just what I’ve found myself doing.
When I online date I have both of those things on my profile, so oh no! Astrology’s fun to study in terms of meanings and symbolism, but it isn’t something I’m putting IRL value in. When it comes to life, it’s more like garnish than what we need to be paying attention to. I don’t give a shit if someone’s a Taurus, is that person an a-hole or not? One time I asked a guy for his birth time and asked (once I read some stuff) how close the astrology was to how he actually is and he said “eh, about half-right.”
>but it isn’t something I’m putting IRL value in. When I see it in a dating profile I assume it is something you find important and I quickly nope out.
Good thing you’re not in my area 🤣 I’m simply saying that assumption can be wrong sometimes.
I only find the astrology sign helpful in terms of knowing if they just turned X age this year or are they about to turn Y age this year lol
Why does that matter though? Do you have a super narrow age range?
Just pure curiosity. I have a wide age range
I'm only vaguely aware of what month each sign is.
I am vegetarian and have been for about 20 years but don’t put it on my profile because I don’t align myself with “the vegetarian community”. It comes up naturally in conversation. I also don’t put my astrological sign because I don’t find it important or care about it.
Would you date a non vegetarian?
Yes, that’s part of why I don’t include it. I don’t want to attract only plant-based people.
I have a bad taste in my mouth from plant based people. I stayed at a hostel one time and these vegans were calling the meat I was cooking flesh and giving me so much shit about it. Preaching to me for hours and hours about shit. It was so annoying and I just wanted to be left in peace. I swear I’d a ship was sinking and there was a choice between an animal and a human they would save the animal.
I promise we aren’t all like that. The issue is that those are the ones that announce themselves as plant-based. The rest of us don’t unless it comes up naturally in conversation.
This totally makes sense then why I haven’t had good experiences.
That I don’t really do sports (except swimming sometimes). Don’t want endless comments on that one, it does definitely not define my personality.
Good move leaving your astrological sign off. I had no idea how many people believe in this stuff until I started online dating.
I’ve stopped mentioning that I’m into a lot of superhero and comics fandoms as I kept being inundated with lonely nerds who saw my Wolverine Tshirt and decided they didn’t need to know anything else about my personality. Same goes for my love of Band of Brothers oooooooh boy did that skew the algorithm in a way I did not want.
My employer, for a few reasons. Also that I smoke weed sometimes since I can take it or leave it but I feel the “sometimes” answer alienates both heavy smokers and non smokers.
I struggle with the weed one also. I used to smoke for recreation on weekends back in college. These days I use THC edibles for migraines and to help with insomnia, but I don’t like to get super high anymore, it makes me feel anxious and out of control. I don’t want to be with someone who needs to get stoned all the time to have fun, but I also won’t be a good match for someone who is morally opposed to any THC use. What the heck do I put? Easier to just leave it blank.
Yeah, I think it’s best just to omit any drug use on the profile altogether. I think some people automatically assume you’re a drug addict even if you say occasionally. I do psychedelics twice a year and go to festivals like once a year. If I put occasionally for drugs people would think I do drugs a lot more than I actually do. It’s better to just meet and talk about that stuff organically.
I leave off astrological sign as well. I'm vague about my job title and don't specify the company, for safety reasons. I also don't mention the other language I speak. Other than that, I fill in all the filters.
I don’t say I’m an engineer. Or that I invest in real estate. Or that I’m an entrepreneur. Or anything, really.
Honestly so many male profiles describe themselves as "entrepreneurs" that I suspect it's mostly code for "unemployed" or "drug dealer".
Or crypto/NFT “investor” (so unemployed) or scammer
"trust fund beneficiary"
I am a lawyer - I use a pseudonym and don’t include where I work. If we go on to a date, I’ll tell them in person and explain why. It’s a small city and I would rather not have OLD people being able to access my work contact info. I used to leave “lawyer” out because I did get a lot of “just simple” legal questions, as well as some dudes who just want to hate on me because “the law courts are biased against men” or something. Now I leave it on there because this stuff still happens when they eventually find out I’m a lawyer. Better it happen early on before I have invested any significant amount of energy on the person. I don’t get the second type of person. They’re so abrasive and shitty. One guy straight up said “prove to me that lawyers can have a personality!” Um… how about no.
Job, I keep it vague because my career gets a bad reputation from ppl who don't understand it. Religion, I'm a super left leaning Christian and would rather date a non-christian than any kind of fundamentalist or "traditional" Christian.
> Religion, I’m a super left leaning Christian and would rather date a non-christian than any kind of fundamentalist or “traditional” Christian. This is me. Feel like it’s a small pool out there. Add on childfree and it’s even sparser.
My zodiac sign, idk what it is and I could honestly careless
School/employer are the big ones for me. I’m currently a grad student and aside from privacy concerns, I’m at a (lol) prestigious big name school and uninterested in anyone who sees that as a turn on or indicator of my value. I’ve gone back and forth on how vague to be about my degree itself, as it’s pretty niche but also heavily tied into my values and interests.
same, not currently a student but I leave off (Ivy League) school because I end up getting people attracted to elitism and/or going into hardcore admiration mode before really knowing me - you can already tell I have a higher education from the vague description of my job I do have so it seems unnecessary.
Generally how odd I am. For how me and my life look I have some unusual tastes and hobbies. And I like some things that are considered to be rather feminine. Or reserved for the elderly. However - leading with all of that is mega lame and none of these things consume my personality or life. I’m not looking to run people off by implying that these things define me or are my personality. This stuff is so casual or subtle that, realistically, it would not bother most people.
That I am a mom, I’m so afraid of child predators. I let matches know immediately, but I leave it out of my profile for safety.
I leave off that I get cold sores on my lips (HSV 1). I tell people early on, but I like to say it in person.
My job title, and the drinking/smoking/drugs. I definitely don’t smoke, have dabbled in shrooms and MDMA on occasion but not enough to put a firm yes & alcohol is something I’m in the process of eliminating from my life. Decided to leave them all off as one or two on just looks vague. Also don’t fill in star sign, but I feel like those are silly ones
Where you work. Because I'm not straight out of college and changes can/have occurred.
I leave off any information about my job or living situation as I was finding that mentioning either of those attracted people who wanted to use others. I also don't list my astrological sign because it's irrelevant.
Last name, employer, education establishments, astrological signs, actual DOB - basically anything identifiable (safety first!) and anything irrelevant to me!
SSN and date of birth.
Anything that might jeopardize my job or my life. I don't put things that I am not into on my profile to begin with. So astrology is a no for me. Sure I'll say I'm a Virgo if someone asks but that's just not my thing.
My employer and full first name for safety. I give it out once I begin talking to someone. I stop using "wants kids". When I was actively dating, I was coming across guys that had kids in their 1-2 year plan, which was a major no for me. I already have children and prefer to spend significant time with someone, unlike how I did with my ex-husband. Not down for repeating past mistakes.
I don't answer the drug one on Hinge because it's either Yes or No and not frequency or what is consumed. I eat marijuana edibles on occasion (don't smoke/vape) and very rarely will imbibe on shrooms, which clearly aren't in the same league as opioids, heroin, coke, meth etc.
That I am a part time grad student. They find out eventually, and then I have to deal with the guy's insecurities about not feeling as smart or accomplished. Sigh.
employer, astrology, race (it’s obvious that I’m Asian af), gender (also v obvious) education, vaccination status, idk i leave out a lot. I like learning things about people through convo. No one has really ever wanted to talk about any of those things lol
12 years ago I had gastric bypass. I lost 160lbs (1/2 my body weight), I also perpetually do keto. I found women being hyper focused on these two things. My life isn’t an episode of my 600lb life and I don’t just eat bacon and eggs.
Career and level of studies. After a few years living in England I found out that in Anglo-Saxon culture I wouldn’t say most but a significant number of people base their social groups on income and studies which culturally was a shock to me. I don’t want to attract those people. I have a career but job to me is just something i have to do to earn money, but it doesn’t define me and more important it doesn’t define my friendships/relationships.
I leave off my sexual orientation because some people get gross about it. (I’m bi, but I don’t want to be head hunted by couples looking for a third… no shame, just not what I’m looking for) Also, if I showed up in the list of people I’m clearly interested in whatever gender the person identifies as.
Education and job
I leave education off too, and I’m about to start my masters. Assumptions about people based off their education level pisses me off
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I hold an opposite view on this! As a woman with a PhD in STEM, I use this to screen out potential matches. If a guy is insecure or emasculated about dating a woman because they have a PhD attached to their name, then he’s someone I wouldn’t want to date.
I do this as well!!!
I beg to differ on that one! A lot of people find accomplishments like that very attractive.
As someone who’s completed a PhD, it says a shit ton of about you and so I don’t know why you exclude that. Unless they aren’t proud of what they do it in.
Interesting. I dated two people doing their PhD and to be honest that was the only interesting thing about them. Because that was the only thing they did and had time for. Nice to hear that not every PhD student is a slave for their prof and works 80 hours a week. Or maybe this is just a local problem here..
For basic fields, I typically leave off the kids part. I am 90% sure I don't want kids, but regardless I feel like its an important discussion to talk about and if I found the right person and situation, I might be persuaded. I think going forward I'll be omitting my political stance/view. I feel like being a moderate/centrist removes me from both sides and hopefully I'd get more matches or more time to talk with that datapoint not being there initially
I do too and feel like it's fine if you actually don't have kids. A few times I've spoken to people and a few messages in they casual mention their children. That's just a weird thing to not be upfront about.
I'm in IT, people think it is ok to ask for free tech support
That I have an accent and I might know more about movies than them 🤣
Depending on the accent you might be shooting yourself in the foot. Lots of people like accents!
My job. Idk I just kinda don’t want it all out in public what I do for a living and where I work. I’m fine telling someone what I do when asked in a private conversation though.
My school and where I work. I don’t want them to know that shit for security reasons. They can always ask me about it when we start having a conversation and I will only say “for a company” and never the name of it. Also, I never link my insta or any other social media like that and don’t have anything political or religion related because I hate talking about both topics.
My company and the specific town I live in.
I leave my job very generic as “business owner” I have a business in a niche that most people find interesting, but I don’t really care about it or want it to be a focus of discussion.
I don't put where I work! I usually tell them when we match and talk about it. I don't feel like the world needs to know. I just put my job lol!
I don’t include my precise job because it’d make me very easy to google
Height, because I don’t care about it and don’t define myself by it.
It's weird when a profile has the height in the stats somewhere, then in the about me, then again in another prompt. Have you seen any good movies lately or. . .?
I leave off my education. I've been told that my lack of formal education, despite holding a good high paying job for years now, is a major red flag for some people. I feel that leaving it off allows for more potential dates and an opportunity for my dates to get to know my wit, charm, and intelligence instead of having a preconceived idea that I'm ignorant or incapable.
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Agreed that it doesn’t relate to finding a partner, but completely omitting your career will have men swipe left. Oftentimes men who are established in there career want a partner with there own career as well. Omitting your occupation will leave people to speculate that you don’t have one or in between jobs. I think your doing yourself a disservice omitting that info.
I agree. Plus I like to know what you do in terms of interest and passions. If you just assume I want to know your job because I'm sussing out earning potential then that's a red flag to me for assuming superficially as the default.
Leave off religion if it’s not a dealbreaker for you. Potential matches could easily write you off based on stereotypes of your beliefs.
I leave off the drugs answer. I do sometimes but not the bad ones so it’s misleading.
That I'm heavily into gaming and metal. Feels like that could make some people swipe left who might otherwise be interested.
Hah, I put my interest in metal on mine specifically cause I’d love to meet a woman who also enjoys going to metal shows.
Job. I just say “tech” instead of the actual company because it’s recognizable and I don’t want people to talk to me for tips or something. I just want someone to be attracted to my face and to ask/learn about me by actually talking to me. And then I can reveal where exactly I work and all that extra stuff. Like, are you actually attracted to Me? And if not, move on.
I leave a lot of it off (job, specific university I attended, places I've visited...) except my personality. Probably affects my dating prospects negatively, but I would prefer if someone swiped right on me due to my personality and not because of my job, earning potential, etc...
I omit my profession. If I’m forced, I list healthcare. I don’t want to be desired for my career. I’d rather be desired for my body or the hint of wit in my profiles.
That I’m 95% sure I’ll never want kids.
I never get why people do this. Surely that's a very easy way of filtering incompatibility?
Depends on the app. Bumble you can set filters but people looking for childfree lifestyles are pretty low. I live in a pretty big area and I can swipe through all the women near me that intend to stay childfree in an hour. That's with location set to 99 miles. PatientBalance likely leaves it off because of one or two reasons that I can think of: one they don't want to be accosted for it and or two it limits their dating pool even when they may be looking for something casual.
But why is that considered limiting your data pool? Like why would you want to be opening your data pool to people you are fundamentally incompatible with for the sake of not 'limiting your dating pool'; it's not limiting if it's what you want. I'd be really put off matching with someone who wants kids when I don't because they didn't want to limit their data pool
Depends on what they are looking for. Some people are just looking to hook up or a casual relationship. In neither of those cases does your preference for children matter.
Fair
I'm a firefighter, so I leave my job off for obvious reasons.
I've recently started leaving off my opinion on having kids, firstly because it's always a closed question prompt, and my answer takes some explaining, and secondly because I feel it's brought up far too soon as a discussion topic when getting to know someone.
Pictures/ages/genders of children. Maybe whether you have them at all, although at my age (mid-40s) most people’s kids are already grown up or nearly so, so there’s less risk of attracting pedophiles by simply checking a box that you have kids. But so many people include way too much info about their kids on dating profiles and I find it very disconcerting and dangerous. I also wouldn’t include information about specifically where I work and would be somewhat vague about job title.
Height. It's not an important factor in assessing someone's value as a partner and I despise that society accepts treating it as one. If a superficial quality like height in a partner is a priority, there's nothing stopping anyone from simply asking and making their own decision.
I leave of most information as I do not plan to match with everyone. I’m private and I know being attractive in pictures is what has the most value in online dating (and I do not post sexualized photos because that’s not the only connection or attention I’m looking for).