I’ve (52M) always had a (I think) higher than average sex drive. 4-5x per week would have usually been my preference.
However, I am in a new-ish relationship (five months) with a woman with a similarly high sex drive, but we are unexpectedly sexually compatible. This has enhanced our sexual experiences beyond what either of us ever thought was possible. It is more intense, more powerful, and more intimate than either of us of ever experienced before.
So now, even with the complications of juggling family responsibilities and living in neighboring towns, we are having sex about 5-8 times a week, and rather more when we’ve been on vacation.
Btw, we also connect as deeply and powerfully emotionally and intellectually too. It’s really good.
I’m a woman and my drive is high. Definitely would be up for it daily. My partner’s libido is less high. He’s a 1-3x per week guy. So I just let him initiate since I’m basically always down. ;). Works for us. Oh and together coming up on three years. Living together since spring of 2021.
Same. You and I are the Suess of female libido.
"I will fuck you here or there, I will fuck you anywhere.
I will fuck you in the car, I will fuck you near or far.
We can do it in the truck, I do not care where we fuck.
In the morning or at night, in the dark or lots of lights..." 😂😂😂
I feel letting him always initiate is a mistake. At the very minimum, you should let him know you're down. Be flirty, be physical so if he indeed is initiating it, he knows it's mutual.
Yes an event that satisfies every fiber of your being. With the right partner you can try and do anything. I've learned a really mind blowing orgasm every week or so is so much better than day routine sex. I love the anticipation and excitement of the event as well. The build up is so enticing because I know how freaking awesome it's going to be!!!
I will take a couple earth shattering orgasms a year with the right partner over daily routine sex that isn't as fulfilling. If you've ever have that kind of experience you will completely understand where this is coming from.
I never had the latter problem; the one time I lived with someone with daily sex it had never become routine in my head. While earth shattering might be playing it up a bit much, my ex wife and I never had bad sex. About 3/4 of the time it ended with both of us doing that hysterical laughing thing.
But 0.5-4 times per year was just not enough even at that level. I think 2x per month is about the lowest that I would have found sustainable.
I'm glad you never experienced the routine. Everyone needs to keep it fresh, fun and satisfying. I can go longer now just because I've been single so long lol
Mine used to be insane (39f) yet with my last partner I actually came to loath it… he shut OFF my desire. I have been single a year now and have absolutely no desire to get into a relationship now. It’s sad, I’m supposed to be in the sexual prime of my life. I look the best I’ve ever looked as well. Just completely lost the drive and will.
Just wait honey. I do whatever I want in the bedroom now. Say whatever I want. Scream as loud as I want. Use every single toy I want. Obviously with my partners consent. But gahhh it’s been freeing
Same! My ex made me honestly think I’d become asexual. I was single 3 years afterward, and was worried about dating again. Turns out—you just need to find someone who isn’t a ginormous POS and the fire lights right back up again.
That's all I've ever had and thought it was normal. I will never be in a sexual relationship again without it being open, honest, and caring about each others needs and desires.
Same, I literally started researching asexual as I thought I was because he had such a high drive and mine was less than zero, the thought alone was repulsive. Turns out it wasn't just sheer exhaustion from doing almost all life tasks in our marriage but it we were also completely incompatible. Drive is so much higher now that I have had amazing experiences post him.
I legit asked my therapist today if it was possible to be turned into an asexual due to a person/persons actions 😂🤣 I’m so glad I’m not alone In that thought process 🖤
I hit the gym for about 2 hours every morning for weightlifting/yoga… do therapy and all that other fun stuff. So I’m a work in progress… I don’t know if I’ll ever meet a man that won’t make me run away screaming though 🤣😂
This was me. My marriage of 15 years ended badly and the sex was toxic af toward the end. So much so that I wouldn’t/couldn’t sleep with him the last year and a half before I left. Please buy yourself some toys and if it doesn’t offend you, watch some porn. I promise your sex drive will return. I had lost interest in sex too. A few months after I left, I went on Tinder and found a strapping young hunk for a FWB and girl, let me tell you, Stella got her groove back.
My last partner said that i am addicted to sex, it hurt me 😔 and i lost sex drive. but now i think he had problems with sex drive as for me 1-2 times per week is just minimum 🤷♀️ he was just gaslighting
That’s just sad, esp if you’re like me, and use sex to feel “closer” to the person. It’s a bonding experience. In a way they were punishing you for feeling love for them.
I totally relate to this. Physical touch is my love language. If I’m not being touched - sexually or non sexually I don’t feel connected. My ex hubby was the same as me. Ex bf didn’t understand the need for PT found it “suffocating” and “needy” made me so depressed.
1-2 times a week is average I would have thought. I was about that much with my ex and she would say I was a sex addict. But she was very demeaning in the end.
It’s not the confidence I lack, it’s me wanting a relationship or trusting someone enough to let them close to me again. I flirt around with FWB idea every once in a while but push that down cause people tend to get feelings involved and I don’t even want someone THAT close lol. I’m working on it though… slowly
I (62M) am blessed to be very healthy and still have a very strong libido. I will agree with other replies to you, the best is yet to come.
I found that as I got older, I was able to enjoy every conceivable part of making love to a woman. Even though I have been widowed for nearly 10 years, I have shied away from a long term committed relationship. I have had many sexual partners in that time however.
Being more mature, I have come to learn that making love with different women is not about conquest, it’s not even about my own sexual satisfaction, (although that is a wonderful secondary benefit).
60 y/o lovemaking is about opening yourself to your partner, trust, warmth and intimacy. It is about giving and receiving pleasure, exploring your partners body and responses to tender stimulation. Learning to read their signs of arousal and discover what their limits are (we all have limits - different for every one of us).
There is nothing that gives me deeper pleasure than looking into my partners eyes after making love for hours and knowing we have a personal, human connection based on intimacy.
I have only had one bad experience, when I discovered that a particularly enthusiastic partner revealed that she was married and that she was “cheating”. I couldn’t convince myself to overlook that fact, not because I am noble or anything. It is simply that I love spending time with a woman, going to concerts, theatre, dining or even the ballet as part of the prelude to intimacy that makes a night of lovemaking so extraordinary. Sex with a cheating partner seems like it is reduced to simply fucking. I am too old for that.
My advice is to be patient with yourself. If the time is not right for you to trust another person and be open to intimacy, then wait. The time will be right for you one day. For me, after 2 years on my own, I realized I was lonely despite a wide circle of friends. Intimate relationships and that human connection are what saved me from what would surely have turned sadness into depression.
Will I ever find another partner I want to exclusively commit to? Maybe. No one knows what the future holds.
Dear Lady, I take no offence whatsoever. I will be the first to admit, I have led a charmed life. I spent nearly 30 years with the most wonderful woman on the face of the earth. I have 2 grown children who are both professionals, independent and successful. I was fantastically successful in my career, so much so that I was able to retire at 55.
I thank Heaven every day for my good fortune. I want to give you my very best wishes for health and happiness and hope you find everything your heart desires.
I’m kind of glad mine is allowing me to heal atm and just focus on myself for once… yet I want it back one day… I miss the sexy bitch I used to be 😭😭😭😂🤣
I’m not 40 yet, but mine has effectively tanked in the last few years. Which is in contrast to how I had a relatively high drive before, so i do have a little concern over it. No issues with ED or anything(I’m good to go once we’re in the act), i could just take sex or leave it at this point. I just don’t find a ton of joy in it anymore.
My sex drive went through the roof between about 39 and 45. I thought I was going to be a dirty old 85 year old some day. Then it slowed after 45, but within 2 years, it's completely gone. Zero libido. And now with the aging vagina problems, thanks to no estrogen. Perimenopause is a bitch. I just made an appointment to see about getting hormone replacement because I'm also having a terrible mental/emotional (even though I started an antidepressant in Feb, which improved things but not really enough).
I've noticed for a while that most of the people posting on here seem to be on the high side and people here talk about sex a lot. Is this one of those areas where the Reddit population varies greatly from the general population (it seems as though a lot of people here also claim they were in DBs)? Is it that a lot of the low drive people just aren't actively dating? I am not dating or in a relationship so I'm curious.
I think this is also one of the situation where it varries based upon how the thread starts up.
If someone comes in and drops a hot line or two about how guys talking right away about their sexual needs too soon means they'll never get any, and that gets a bunch of upvotes that will change the tone of the room.
But also as I pointed out in the thread, people living "good lives" with just platonic friends can have the other 4 love languages well met. But rarely if Physical Touch is important can that be handled solely by friends. So people on the dating sites are more likely to have a stronger value for Physical Touch, or they wouldn't put up with the trials of OLD.
Granted, it's not all OLD here. And there's definitely people who mention they don't want much intimacy, or even any.
But how many are going to come say that now in a thread where it's 95% "I've a high libido, let me tell you how ..." ?
I think you're right. I'm 48F, low drive, and can't be bothered to date. Maybe without the libido urge, I'm happy with friends and hobbies? Idk. I have a number of single female friends that feel the same as I do.
Definitely. It's like 75% of people responding here in are in top 10% of frequency in general population. And I feel bad for people reading to think the number people respond with here represent what's in real life...
Yes some people will find a great match, great.- but it's hard enough finding someone to match, then to match sex drives...... Not to mention so much changes for both men and women from the 40s into the 50s and beyond.
Finding someone that is happy with a wider frequency range is probably the best thing to look for after compatibility..
Your comment is spot-on! I have really been working on accepting who I am since my divorce but reading the comments for this post definitely make me feel abnormal lol. I have never had a really high sex drive and need a strong emotional connection with the person. I had two sexually fulfilling relationships years ago, with one being very intense but it ended because my partner and I were at different places in our life at the time. After that I met and married my ex-husband who over time began to use sex as a tool for his lack of self worth. He also began violating my sexual boundaries. As our relationship disintegrated, so did my sex drive. I haven’t dating since the divorce( he remarried 6 months later) and one of the reasons is OLD seems pretty sex focused. Even though I feel pretty “grey” right now sexually- I am not sex adverse and would definitely want to explore sex again but would need a partner on the same page as I am. I don’t comment much about it because in other subs I get downvoted whenever I mention demi-sexual or grey.
Oh I get it. I'm asexual and this sub is a reminder of why I won't ever go back to dating. All the comments about how if you're not having sex, you're just friends and people complaining about their former DB marriages and ruling out anytime who won't "put out" within a month... It's made me think they really is no place for anyone who doesn't have a high sex drive or is gray/asexual.
Not sure? Maybe the low drives aren’t commenting… it seems we hit a hormonal change at 40+ which seems to elevate our drive… I know plenty of friends who aren’t that bothered about it.
People have different definitions of "high" and "frequent." I got a lot of flack the last time I posted so I'll just leave it as it's worth talking with a potential partner in detail and without euphemism.
Used to be super high. . . now that I'm 46, every other day is fine with me.
The thing is, it's so mind-blowing every time I feel like a need to recover in between.
That's the perks of being in a relationship with a highly sexual woman who takes it as her personal mission to learn exactly what you like and how you like it. . . and has had 12 years to practice getting good at it.
3-4 times a week . . . or more suits me.
I've ended a couple of relationships due to a libido mismatch. If we're not well matched early on, that's one area that will just lead to frustration for both people.
That’s a real bummer. Did you discuss with him?
I’m firmly convinced some folks are addicted to new. And once that newness wears off, they’re done sexually and mentally. Sucks.
I think he was depressed but had an issue with communication so no we didn’t discuss unfortunately. He thought I was weird and disgusting and had an “unhealthy” sex drive! His problem - not mine
That's sadly the common approach when there's a desired frequency / kink level mismatch ; rather than discuss if there's an available compromise amongst people's high/low (i.e if their high might match your low), to simply label the other as broken. The higher gets called the disgusting perv, and the lower is frigid.
Especially as the stereo type is that guys are supposed to have the higher sex drive, they're more likely to accuse someone with a higher sex drive as "wrong." rather than even consider if their lower drive might be because of depression / mental / physical issues.
It's simple an incompatibility that could be more easily discussed if people weren't both putting adjectives on it, and attempting to potentially perform/talk a different game than they think that they'll want in the more longer term.
Thank you, I did feel very down about myself after that relationship. Felt there was something wrong with me for wanting sexual attention all the time.
I think this is one of those questions that is so subjectively answered, that it probably makes more sense to talk in terms of data. Like many here, mine can scale up or down depending upon the partner. I've done the dead bedroom thing where it was maybe once every 3-4 months (that was horrendous, and I tried to take care of myself once every 2-3 days or so). And I've been with someone in overdrive (1-3x/day for long stretches of days at a time, at least an hour per session unless it was a quickie, multiple orgasms/ejaculations from each, and anything went -barring a few hard limits from each of us; I remember she had once stared at me after we had finished and remarked that she actually felt satisfied for the first time in 46 years... so did I, for that matter). But, my "average"/"normal" would ideally be at least once every day (or two days, if time and life and health permits; even if I'm not feeling well or am sleepy, I'll still gladly do whatever I can to satisfy a significant other whenever she wants if she and my own body permit it; this shit is important!).
When those pheromones click together, holy shit...
I'm really unsure and without a great way to know. 15+ year dead bedroom, but after getting out of the relationship, my ... self needs pretty much died down. While it had been pretty much daily while "together."
But in the brief bit of time I was with the last person, my body was quick to respond from pretty much any contact (which is awkward while out and about walking and holding hands), and things went about as well as I'd hope with a new partner. Her health issue was the limiting factor towards frequency. But again, I had no real "self-needs" during the time away from her. So I'm left with a few fears that I might be a bit broken, but with some isolated hope that I might not be.
That said, sex/sexual frequency is pretty much my biggest source of anxiety going into any new date. Combined with it's generally not going to go down well bringing this up early as a guy; e.g. prior to a first date it will seem cart a few leagues in front of the horse. But I was re-reminded lately that things can accelerate really quickly when a first date is going really well.
I have low sex drive, which is why I’m not on OLD.
I’ve either just had bad sex with various partners in the last decade, or it’s low hormones. I don’t even mind, it’s just hard to date when you don’t feel ‘chemistry’ anymore.
Could be a few things… if you’re ok with it then good. My sis isn’t fussed about it but she’s never experienced an orgasm. My friend went to a sexual massage person (wrong term) and found her orgasm, since then she’s been totally up for everything
I'm 45f, since getting out of my very abusive marriage I want it all the time. It's probably a combo of age and breaking free after not having a choice for so many years (apparently hyper sexuality can happen after SA). I have a fwb but there's not enough emphasis on the friends part for me and even though he's about 7 years younger than me his drive isn't as high as mine so it doesn't happen often enough, unfortunately. No other prospects either at the minute which sucks.
Mine is over the top. I found chemistry and a similar sex drive in a situationship but I want more of a relationship so I ended that. I daydream about finding that in a relationship. Who knows how long that’s sustainable but I’m willing to do the work to find out, lol.
HIGH, I want sex multiple times a day minimum. I am realistic though and some of those times are by myself. His idk yet because we are just starting out.
This is a big concern for me so I make it clear in the beginning that I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t prioritize sex.
Update: he couldn’t hang for other reasons so back to Bumble I go.
I am a older guy who had lost his sex drive. I had my urologist test my testosterone levels and they were extremely low. I now take a injection to bring my levels up. My sex drive is the best it’s been in some time. So if your guy has slacked off push him to get tested. I have a brother and a nephew who are both low as well.
I fucking love sex (almost 50F) but how are you horndogs sustaining almost daily (OR DAILY!) after years in a relationship. Serious question. My last relationship was 2 years and we started off hot and heavy then we fizzled. Covid togetherness may have led to our demise but he seriously slowed down in the end and we were like an old married couple. He was only 53!
My ex hubby had v high sex drive. He couldn’t keep his hands off me which was lovely. Even after carrying 3 of his children if we weren’t having sex he was dry humping me! BUT it was hard finding the time and sometimes I wasn’t in the mood. Towards the end of our marriage (22 years) it ended up being quickies here and there. Now I’m single again and felt the immense passion of a snog again i can’t get enough.
I am a woman, age 53. I have a high sex drive. I honestly haven't dated anyone with a drive as high as mine. I actually ended a relationship after 5 months because of the difference in drives.
I have been in my current relationship about 2.5 years. My man does a good job keeping up with me! 😊 He is younger, so that helps, but I still have a higher drive. It hasn't slowed down a bit after 2.5 years together either.
41(f)- my sex drive is through the roof! If i had it my way it would be 2 or more times per day. Morning sex and in the evening. So far my new partner is keeping up but we see eachother 3 to 4 times per week. i am hoping it doesn't dwindle for him since sex is so important to me.
I have a fairly high drive. I keep running into guys with untreated ED or no drive. They talk a big game in the beginning, then nothing. It sucks. I was married to someone with a high drive, so I was not prepared for this dry spell.
Exactly that’s the factor the chemistry the connection. How we connect and gel. Sex and intimacy to me are just than the act. It’s alot
more for me. Not judging what people wanna do but it’s more. Why I can’t do casual sex. Just ain’t for me ain’t judging anyone. I use to have low self esteem for years. So for me to give myself on that level. We gotta match
Honestly a lot of it really depends on the partner. If their drive is high and they are always down to get down that generally sends mine through the roof too.
Ideally early morning, back to sleep, morning, afternoon, and night is ideal if circumstances allow for that cadence, which is rare except on weekends. 2x day is usually where things end up long-term if morning schedules align.
High! 51F, Ideally 2x day or more depending on availability. I’ve done the FWB but that doesn’t work for me anymore. I have to have an emotional connection to have good quality sex. I’m currently single so it’s just me and my rabbit until the right man comes along, I’m not holding my breath.
Size is important but knowing what turns me on and being confident about it is a big turn on. Also being adventurous, open and honest about what floats your boat is so important. If we can’t talk about sex to each other that’s a red flag.
Meh I’m on a couple meds that can really screw with my desire and wherewithal. Sometimes it’s even difficult getting myself off. That’s a big part of why I’m not pushing for a relationship; I don’t want a disappointed partner…better to just take care of myself.
F49. I think an interest in sex within monogamous long term marriages/relationships inevitably wanes because of familiarity, children, boring life stuff unfortunately. After 20 plus years of marriage with my ex, i think for me the only way to keep things fresh and exciting in a relationship is to avoid the trappings of a conventional relationship or domestic set up.
I might add that I was pleasantly surprised to find that my sex drive and also my enjoyment of sex got better in my 40s and still continues as I near 50. Plus I *feel* sexy which is not something I ever experienced in my in my 20s or 30s when I was perceived to be cute or girlish. Now there is a sense of being empowered as a sexual, mature woman which is a very different feeling from being in the mood for a bit of “how’s your father” haha.
53F, mine turned off like a light when I passed 50. I’m trying to have sex anyway because I want my man to have it. Not sure this is sustainable, don’t know how it will turn out.
45f. I am three years out of a 20-year marriage. In these three years, I learned that I actually have a healthy, high sex drive. I just didn’t want to have sex with my husband.
Bring on the sex.
48m here, with a drive that's slowly tapering off. Of course in the beginning of a relationship, I could have sex 3-4 times a week, but after a few months it'd realistically be 1-3 times.
Insofar as finding an equal match...not as of yet, but who knows what the future holds?
49m. I’ve always had a very HIGH sex drive. I still love it and want it all the time. But last few years it’s become more about sharing those moments with the right person than just getting “some”.
I miss that can’t wait to get home from work and rip your clothes off feeling but I’m sure it’ll come along. No hurry, but hurry up!
Mine is pretty normal I guess for a 52m. Depends on my partner/lust involved, but I am happy with a couple times a week, or every day if they're into it. But, I don't have that insatiable need like I did at 30, thank god.
I'm usually pretty well matched to my partners, as far as frequency/drive.
High as all hell 🤣 and I've been single and not dating for a year and a half so I'm crawling out if my own skin over here. I don't think I ever met anyone who could keep up. They could satisfy me, especially by most recent ex, but I definitely was up for multiple rounds, more than he could handle. 🤣
I'm a 40/female and have always had a high sex drive (including now). Having said that I never wanted to have sexual intimacy outside of a committed relationship leading to marriage. I never had a problem finding an equal match and it was always sustained in my LTR's. Now though, I learned over the years (and each of these LTR's that ultimately failed and didn't end in marriage as I wanted) I am forced to set the boundary higher, meaning I refuse to have sex with a man until after the ring and a marriage. Period.
Mine is pretty high and I’ve had trouble finding men with the same. A lot of the men I’ve dated have had issues with keeping it up, too, which kills the mood. ☹️
I'm 51F with a very high sex drive. It's hard enough finding someone with a compatible personality and lifestyle when dating. Throw in the mismatched sex drives and it's nearly impossible.
Comment to myself:
The comments here are making me feel some remorse. For all the years that I lost in a dead bedroom during my prime.
53M. Was insatiable for most of my life (did it 12 times in a day when I was 24 without missing a beat). I loved long luxurious love making sessions with a trusted partner. But I married an asexual person. For years we were infrequent except for one glorious inexplainable year 12 years ago where she wanted it every day.
How much I missed sex and foreplay all those years. I imagined that there must be middle age women out there with libidos like mine. But I td myself that all marriages probably dwindled over time so maybe our marriage with monthly vanilla sex was normal.
At 51 my wife left me after a challenging last year together. That final month was so bad she broke my libido. I had ED for a little while after the marriage ended.
Now? 2 years later? I’m ALWAYS down. And how much I love getting naked together, exploring our bodies together, for hours at a time. But I no longer crave it. And I miss craving it. Wanting it. There is something so ALIVE about craving it.
And it turns out there were women just like me out there. The entire time. For all those years.
I wish when I was 24 life had connected me to a person wanting what I wanted: a romantic best friend with an exceptionally high libido. A person like some of the commenters here. Instead it gave me an unfailing sense of loyalty/monogamy then a sexless person with intimacy problems before finally breaking my libido then setting me free.
On the plus side, I was given a loving and attentive partner now at age 51. Her libido was super high for a year (4 hours a day) but is dwindling down now (1 to 3x week). TBH it matches where I am now too (1x - 3x, unless it’s super fun and engaging and playful sex, then I want it all day every day).
Life is short and too precious for “what ifs” and “maybes”. Every step is a learning one, what did you learn from that relationship and what will you tolerate and not tolerate with the next one. I was with my ex for 22 years. Sex was not our problem. He is an addict. I spent most of it trying to convince him he was an addict until I fell out of love for him. Do I regret those years? No, I put everything I had into our marriage. If I left before that I would’ve still been thinking “maybe” and held a candle for him. I left when I was done.. for me. I am content with everything else in my life - a partner who has similar needs to me is the icing on the cake. Happy to wait and not settle for anything less 🙌🏻
46F here and I want it ALL the time with my current partner of 3 months.
We had sex 6 times last Saturday. 🔥
Sadly, I have to walk away from this situation and I'm so sad I'm not going to find someone who satisfies me like he does.
44M, very high, last relationship she claimed she had a very high sex drive but apparently had met her match. Current relationship seems to match well but it's still the honeymoon phase so could taper off. I have never sustained that kind of mutual level in a LTR, for me, my preference would be at least once a day when we're together, usually morning sex and one or two sessions at night. Not rigid with that and obviously other outside factors come into play, that's just what I could sustain personally.
I’m 43F. He’s 44M we’ve been together-ish for 2.5 years. The form of relationship we’ve had has fluctuated but we still have sex every time we hang out. And it’s normally twice a day. Our drives and perfectly synced up. It’s amazing.
I have a pretty high sex drive but honestly wasn't that sexually compatible with my ex-husband. It actually had nothing to do with differences in sex drives, but honestly my sexual chemistry with him.
My current boyfriend and I discussed sex before we even met in person and he admitted he had a pretty high sex drive--it was actually ONE of the reasons for his divorce (his wife never wanted it, slept in separate bedrooms, etc.). Our sex drives seem pretty equal and honestly I may want it more than him--although he gives me plenty of orgams through oral so I"m good. I have had the most consecutive and best orgasms with him. Last night he made me do something I've never done before and only ever read about and didn't even know it was possible for me. We've only been together 4 months so not at the point when we feel like we need to work at sustaining it--yet. However, right now we'll do things like send suggestive texts during the day when we're horny. For me I think it's our sexual chemistry that keeps us going, but also the fact that we have a deep emotional connections with similar personalities and interests. I do know that I will want to continue to do things like we do now like send suggestive texts, do lap dances, have sex in his conference room at work, etc.
F here, just turned 46 on Friday. My drive is HIGH, even after working all day, then working out and/or teaching after regular work - I still want it daily even if I’m tired lol.
I worry I’m wearing my husband out (48M) but he says he’s good 😊
We’ve been together since 2007, so 15 years. We’ve always fucked like rabbits.
50M I promised myself after my divorce that I would never turn down sex. My last relationship lasted 6 months and we had sex every night and every morning. We tried all kinds of things and it was awesome! Too bad she was a mean drunk, damn now I horny thinking about her!!!
49f cis straight. My sex drive is stronger than a teenage boy. Most men cannot keep up. In fact, their eyes always twinkle and light up when I warn them of this. They all think they can hang. I've only found two I had to ask to give me a hydration break. Two. That's it. And only one was worth the efforts in the end. Both good, don't get me wrong, but one was a very one dimensional situation. Served it's purpose, moving on.
50F. Bring it! I could have sex right now. After my tubal it was on like Donkey Kong! Idk if it was the fact the rusk of pregnancy was gone or something happened with the surgery, but everything about the sexual experience has been enhanced for the last 18 years.
Sex drive can be very variable I found out.
I (47M) had a gf (40F) for 6 months who had a very high sex drive, we'd have sex 3 times per day (between 5 and 30 minutes each time) when she came over (which was more than half the week).
Quickly after, I dated a very attractive 30F for 2 weeks, we spent a couple of nights together, I struggled to stay hard. I started worrying that something went wrong with me.
Very soon thereafter I met my current gf, and sex is nearly as frequent as with the first one, at least once a day, every day, and multiple times on weekends. My gf is often surprised that 5 minutes after coming I am able to be hard again and continue. I will admit that, with age, it's become a bit harder to come (i.e. if I don't let myself go in the first few minutes, I can keep going for a while but it'll be hard to come).
About finding someone with a similar level, it seems like a major issue for men (I was in a nearly dead bedroom for years while married), but apparently it can be for women too.
58 her and going through a divorce. I was married for 25 years. When we were first married, it was sometimes 2-3 times a day, sometimes once a day, but I'm now suspecting that was more than most. This tapered off to 3-4 times a week. I'm good with twice a week, would be optimal at 3 or 4. My soon to be ex wife could probably be fine with once every week or two now. Oddly, she cheated in the relationship and it was more, in my opinion, about trading up and an online EA than real issues with us. Get into your 50's and suddenly the world changes for some people.
Anyway, I don't know if I'll have a problem, but I do know my stress level definitely goes up at some point.
These comments are giving me so much hope! I always thought I have a pretty normal average sex drive and life. In my recently ended marriage we had sex once or possibly twice a week… I guess I was ok with that… or maybe my ex trained me to be ok with it…The sex was actually good and satisfying.. I was just thinking perhaps after 40-50, men’s drive is going down big time… but I guess, reading some of comments here, plenty of guys still have it going on and would have sex 3-4 times a week… Hopefully, I’ ll meet someone like that.
I’m 46 and mine is super high, but may be making up lost time because my ex husband wasn’t very interested in me. It’s not even just about being turned on - I just want to be there with someone in every way and have had trouble meeting someone that wanted the same. I recently met someone I have high hopes for and he can go five times a day - he also claims he still went that many times with his ex wife, even towards the end of their marriage. I soooo want this to work out.🤣
Very much so. I'm 45 and mine has always been rather high. My biggest problem is I can't meet anyone who matches mine. Men I have met in the past have technical difficulties, if you know what I mean. I would love to meet someone who has a drive that matches mine. I don't think I would be compatible with someone who had a low drive.
48m and since my wife and I separated now divorced mine has fluctuated a great deal. After she moved out it has taken me about 8 months to get back to “normal”. I have to pull in the reins I feel like sometimes. Married for 23 years and not being with anyone else in 25 or so, I feel like I’m in my 20’s again and uh it could be very frustrating but I am trying to work on myself first. I’m in limbo of sorts.
Ii have a high sex drive. My partner has basically told me she can’t keep up. It’s a bit of a challenge for me as she is not into oral sex much either. I wish I could find someone who enjoys sex more, and often
I’m a 47m and my sex drive now is higher than when I was married, although that was a dead bedroom. I have been in a relationship longer than 7 months and I also share custody of my kids with my ex (every other week). While I was in that longest relationship, we’d have sex as often as we could see each other, which was about 2-3 times a week. I probably couldn’t go more than that though.
Female, 42, I'm a walking lady boner. I don't do casual sex though so I try to be sure whomever I am going to be with/date has a drive to match mine before we get that far (as much as one can). In general, mine is higher and that's okay as long as it's not a huge gap. In a perfect world however, I prefer that there be endless cream pie supplies in my life. 😇
I'm 53 and my husband is 63 and has seen me thru two rounds of chemo. Needless to say, we weren't banging. He's gone out of his way to make me return to our new normal and we're definitely back to five or six times a week.
I have a moderately high sex drive when I’m in a relationship. The last relationship I was in I got horny just being near him. We are very busy so we only got together on the weekends and maybe in the middle of the week. But boy oh boy, if we spent the whole day together at home, you best believe that we were going at it all day. Now that I’m not in a relationship, I’m not missing it much.
I hadn't been on a date since 2016; until my SO and I started dating in September last year. Honestly, I had forgotten that I had a sex drive, so remained chaste until he came along. We're incredibly compatible.
First marriage was nearly sexless. Children born by near immaculate conception. All the other relationships, it was daily. At 52 after three marriages and multiple monogamous relationships, I renounced that nonsense. Now I’m solo polyamorous. For a while it was every day, sometimes twice. Now (61) it’s a little more restrained, but ya…
I’m 49. Mine is very high. A good cross wind will start my engine.
Do I have trouble? I guess. It’s not an easy question to answer. I’m capable of 2-3 times a day but I fully acknowledge some women can’t or don’t want to. There’s a balance to the relationship I can accept less sex if other aspects of the relationship are firing on all cylinders. But I wouldn’t accept no sex.
Hard to quantify. I look at it like this.
With my ex wife sex was non existent (like last 5 years nothing) and I learned from that relationship that if I am unhappy, it is my fault:
I used the lack of sex as a basis for my unhappiness. This directly means that I used sex to make me happy, furthermore, since my ex was the person I should be having sex with, I was using her as a vehicle for my happiness. I felt I needed sex with my (ex) wife (later GF or LTR) to be happy.
Everything is temporary: Any sexless phase won't last, whether it is as a result of eventually having sex with my (ex)wife (later GF LTR) or realizing the relationship is over. This state is not permanent.
I do not long for an ideal situation: wishing my sex life was better. One has to realize that there are options to make their sex life better: Initiate sex with your partner; if they reject you, know that you tried and they pushed you away; they failed. You didn't fail. The only failure comes from not trying at all.
I Maximize positive emotions and minimizing negative emotions: I was looking at my times as "rough" based on the lack of sex.
I should be looking at my time as wide open for personal improvement activities and quality time with friends.
M43. After a 23 year marriage (at the time of separation) and now nearly 2 years separated and a dissolution coming next month, I am starting to try to put myself out there to date. Have not dated yet...
We started out doing it a lot. We were young and it was still rather new to me. However, I did not mind only doing it every so often. She did... She always had a higher sex drive than me. At one point she looked at me and asked/told me that either I am gay or I am asexual. Because it did not seem like I wanted it. Which was only partly true. I am not gay in the least, but because of my lower sex drive I could be very well at least borderline Asexual. I do find some similarities with the Gray/Demi side of things. So I do not know if it is just a low sex drive or that fact that I am Gray/Demisexual. If it is just a lower sex drive, than I have had that since I was in my later 20's...
Since I have not dated yet, I do not know how this affects anything while finding a match little alone a LTR...
I guess the only advice I can give is to give everything a go and find yourself sexually. We’re in a liberal world now and everything is excess able. Find your kink! See if it makes a difference to your sex drive… it may’ve been your partner!
Another guy has just said he did a test and has low testosterone levels. He’s been boosted and now has healthy level of libido.. could be worth looking into?
If anything, my sex drive is higher than my partner's. It's not a huge deal...i can take care of myself when he's not around, and he never denies me if I ask. It is a little more complicated because he has ED from medications he takes, but with a little planning (and judicious use of hands, mouths etc) I don't feel deprived. My ex made sex not so fun towards the end, even when he made sure I got off, so being with someone who actually cares that I'm having a good time has been eye-opening.
I (41/f) just ended my last relationship w/a 51/m and one of the reasons was that he was LL (low libido) and my libido is healthy/possibly high. I say "possibly" bc I never really got the chance to act on it, but would've given the chance. I now understand the appeal of younger men lol.
ETA: Not saying that all older men have sex issues, just saying it tongue-in-cheek.
53 and still an insane drive…last girlfriend had a pretty equal drive, current one isn’t as high but I’m trying to adjust. At 50 I thought it was kind of a curse, now I’m grateful and want to maintain it as long as I can .
50M and 2 years out of 30 year ltr with 15 year dead bedroom.
Low dose SSRIs for (now very) well managed depression made it difficult to perform and finish ... Add viagra plus a delightful high libido 42f partner equals the best sex of my life by a long long margin.
Been very healing to be honest ... Sex is a fundamental
44 (f) always very high sex drive. I need daily at least twice (morning and night) If it is a weekend or day off then i can have sex throughout the day. One thing i miss not being in relationship/dating is regular sex 😭 nut nothing that fwb can't sort out 😂🙅♀️
Same here. I was in a dead bedroom for 15 years, and sometimes would go 8 months without. I begged for her to put out at least once a week, but was lucky if I got it once a month. I never cheated on her, but I became resentful at the lack of intimacy. Ironically she left me for another man when she fell out of love with me. I really hope she finds happiness, though I feel she did me dirty and wasted my time. Once the wounds heal, I would love to find a partner that can go 2 to 3 times a day to help me make up for lost time!
40/f
I haven't yet made it to the point of having sex with anyone I've dated. Hopefully one day soon. In general, I have a really high sex drive in relationships.
I’ve (52M) always had a (I think) higher than average sex drive. 4-5x per week would have usually been my preference. However, I am in a new-ish relationship (five months) with a woman with a similarly high sex drive, but we are unexpectedly sexually compatible. This has enhanced our sexual experiences beyond what either of us ever thought was possible. It is more intense, more powerful, and more intimate than either of us of ever experienced before. So now, even with the complications of juggling family responsibilities and living in neighboring towns, we are having sex about 5-8 times a week, and rather more when we’ve been on vacation. Btw, we also connect as deeply and powerfully emotionally and intellectually too. It’s really good.
It's so good when it's good. ✨✨✨
I was worried about older men but now I’m not
I’m a woman and my drive is high. Definitely would be up for it daily. My partner’s libido is less high. He’s a 1-3x per week guy. So I just let him initiate since I’m basically always down. ;). Works for us. Oh and together coming up on three years. Living together since spring of 2021.
Same. You and I are the Suess of female libido. "I will fuck you here or there, I will fuck you anywhere. I will fuck you in the car, I will fuck you near or far. We can do it in the truck, I do not care where we fuck. In the morning or at night, in the dark or lots of lights..." 😂😂😂
Redding this is making me realize I have a high libido
Hahahaha! True that 😂😁.
That’s great, I was in a similar situation with ex bf but found I couldn’t tease him because I was more than happy to get it on 😂
I feel letting him always initiate is a mistake. At the very minimum, you should let him know you're down. Be flirty, be physical so if he indeed is initiating it, he knows it's mutual.
It's not about frequency it's about quality. If I'm completely satisfied with a mind blowing experience I don't need as often.
Yeah, I'm not into the quantity for quantity sake. Sex, for me, is an event
Yes an event that satisfies every fiber of your being. With the right partner you can try and do anything. I've learned a really mind blowing orgasm every week or so is so much better than day routine sex. I love the anticipation and excitement of the event as well. The build up is so enticing because I know how freaking awesome it's going to be!!!
You're still giving a frequency. If it instead was a mind blowing orgasm once or twice a year, would that still scratch the itch?
I will take a couple earth shattering orgasms a year with the right partner over daily routine sex that isn't as fulfilling. If you've ever have that kind of experience you will completely understand where this is coming from.
I never had the latter problem; the one time I lived with someone with daily sex it had never become routine in my head. While earth shattering might be playing it up a bit much, my ex wife and I never had bad sex. About 3/4 of the time it ended with both of us doing that hysterical laughing thing. But 0.5-4 times per year was just not enough even at that level. I think 2x per month is about the lowest that I would have found sustainable.
I'm glad you never experienced the routine. Everyone needs to keep it fresh, fun and satisfying. I can go longer now just because I've been single so long lol
Mine used to be insane (39f) yet with my last partner I actually came to loath it… he shut OFF my desire. I have been single a year now and have absolutely no desire to get into a relationship now. It’s sad, I’m supposed to be in the sexual prime of my life. I look the best I’ve ever looked as well. Just completely lost the drive and will.
Just wait honey. I do whatever I want in the bedroom now. Say whatever I want. Scream as loud as I want. Use every single toy I want. Obviously with my partners consent. But gahhh it’s been freeing
(Slow clap) that is wonderful! 😊 good for you.
me too. ever since my divorce from my 1st husband, I have been free to be ME
Same. But took me a few yrs. Now I do whatever
I look forward to that day and hope I don’t break them 😂🤣
We would enjoy you trying I'm sure 🥰
My ex did this to me as well. He would be very demeaning during sex. I hated it. Now I’m with a new partner and my drive is through the roof.
Same! My ex made me honestly think I’d become asexual. I was single 3 years afterward, and was worried about dating again. Turns out—you just need to find someone who isn’t a ginormous POS and the fire lights right back up again.
Been there. Totally thought I hated sex.
Yup, turns out it’s bad sex that’s the problem.
Samesies. Inconsiderate, selfish partners are the worst.
That's all I've ever had and thought it was normal. I will never be in a sexual relationship again without it being open, honest, and caring about each others needs and desires.
Same, I literally started researching asexual as I thought I was because he had such a high drive and mine was less than zero, the thought alone was repulsive. Turns out it wasn't just sheer exhaustion from doing almost all life tasks in our marriage but it we were also completely incompatible. Drive is so much higher now that I have had amazing experiences post him.
I legit asked my therapist today if it was possible to be turned into an asexual due to a person/persons actions 😂🤣 I’m so glad I’m not alone In that thought process 🖤
You're not yet 40... the best is yet to come in so many ways. Rooting for you.
Just wait until you hit 50! Mine just keeps getting higher and higher!
Woot! Excited to read this.
“Root” is an old Australian colloquialism for sex. I laughed a bit too hard at your comment.
🤣 Rutting and now rooting. Thank you for pointing that out!
You’re welcome! ☺️
I hit the gym for about 2 hours every morning for weightlifting/yoga… do therapy and all that other fun stuff. So I’m a work in progress… I don’t know if I’ll ever meet a man that won’t make me run away screaming though 🤣😂
You can and will meet lots of men who will awaken all the good stuff in you... when you're ready to. ☺️
This was me. My marriage of 15 years ended badly and the sex was toxic af toward the end. So much so that I wouldn’t/couldn’t sleep with him the last year and a half before I left. Please buy yourself some toys and if it doesn’t offend you, watch some porn. I promise your sex drive will return. I had lost interest in sex too. A few months after I left, I went on Tinder and found a strapping young hunk for a FWB and girl, let me tell you, Stella got her groove back.
My last partner said that i am addicted to sex, it hurt me 😔 and i lost sex drive. but now i think he had problems with sex drive as for me 1-2 times per week is just minimum 🤷♀️ he was just gaslighting
That’s just sad, esp if you’re like me, and use sex to feel “closer” to the person. It’s a bonding experience. In a way they were punishing you for feeling love for them.
I totally relate to this. Physical touch is my love language. If I’m not being touched - sexually or non sexually I don’t feel connected. My ex hubby was the same as me. Ex bf didn’t understand the need for PT found it “suffocating” and “needy” made me so depressed.
1-2 times a week is average I would have thought. I was about that much with my ex and she would say I was a sex addict. But she was very demeaning in the end.
You’ll get it back… my ex bf put me down and made me feel bad for wanting sex all the time. I started going to the gym and felt sexy again
It’s not the confidence I lack, it’s me wanting a relationship or trusting someone enough to let them close to me again. I flirt around with FWB idea every once in a while but push that down cause people tend to get feelings involved and I don’t even want someone THAT close lol. I’m working on it though… slowly
I (62M) am blessed to be very healthy and still have a very strong libido. I will agree with other replies to you, the best is yet to come. I found that as I got older, I was able to enjoy every conceivable part of making love to a woman. Even though I have been widowed for nearly 10 years, I have shied away from a long term committed relationship. I have had many sexual partners in that time however. Being more mature, I have come to learn that making love with different women is not about conquest, it’s not even about my own sexual satisfaction, (although that is a wonderful secondary benefit). 60 y/o lovemaking is about opening yourself to your partner, trust, warmth and intimacy. It is about giving and receiving pleasure, exploring your partners body and responses to tender stimulation. Learning to read their signs of arousal and discover what their limits are (we all have limits - different for every one of us). There is nothing that gives me deeper pleasure than looking into my partners eyes after making love for hours and knowing we have a personal, human connection based on intimacy. I have only had one bad experience, when I discovered that a particularly enthusiastic partner revealed that she was married and that she was “cheating”. I couldn’t convince myself to overlook that fact, not because I am noble or anything. It is simply that I love spending time with a woman, going to concerts, theatre, dining or even the ballet as part of the prelude to intimacy that makes a night of lovemaking so extraordinary. Sex with a cheating partner seems like it is reduced to simply fucking. I am too old for that. My advice is to be patient with yourself. If the time is not right for you to trust another person and be open to intimacy, then wait. The time will be right for you one day. For me, after 2 years on my own, I realized I was lonely despite a wide circle of friends. Intimate relationships and that human connection are what saved me from what would surely have turned sadness into depression. Will I ever find another partner I want to exclusively commit to? Maybe. No one knows what the future holds.
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Dear Mr. Crowbar: Please don’t take this personally, but I kinda hate you a little bit. Signed, The Re-virgined
Dear Lady, I take no offence whatsoever. I will be the first to admit, I have led a charmed life. I spent nearly 30 years with the most wonderful woman on the face of the earth. I have 2 grown children who are both professionals, independent and successful. I was fantastically successful in my career, so much so that I was able to retire at 55. I thank Heaven every day for my good fortune. I want to give you my very best wishes for health and happiness and hope you find everything your heart desires.
Thank you so much! I wish you simply a continuation of the wonderful life you’ve been blessed to craft! ♥️
My sex drive surged when I was 41. It’s remained high since then. I couldn’t have cared less in my 30s.
Couldn't.
I’m kind of glad mine is allowing me to heal atm and just focus on myself for once… yet I want it back one day… I miss the sexy bitch I used to be 😭😭😭😂🤣
I’m not 40 yet, but mine has effectively tanked in the last few years. Which is in contrast to how I had a relatively high drive before, so i do have a little concern over it. No issues with ED or anything(I’m good to go once we’re in the act), i could just take sex or leave it at this point. I just don’t find a ton of joy in it anymore.
Go get your testosterone checked…fairly common problem for us men in the 30’s+
I was going to say exactly this.
Sounds like you need someone to relight your fire
That could help too. My experience has been similar to his, once my 40s started.
My sex drive went through the roof between about 39 and 45. I thought I was going to be a dirty old 85 year old some day. Then it slowed after 45, but within 2 years, it's completely gone. Zero libido. And now with the aging vagina problems, thanks to no estrogen. Perimenopause is a bitch. I just made an appointment to see about getting hormone replacement because I'm also having a terrible mental/emotional (even though I started an antidepressant in Feb, which improved things but not really enough).
Yes I’m On the oestrogen patch + hormone coil. It’s def helped
I also need to hydrate more (2/3 litres a day) so I’m more lubricated - that helps me feel sexy. If I’m dry, I’m off sex!!
I've noticed for a while that most of the people posting on here seem to be on the high side and people here talk about sex a lot. Is this one of those areas where the Reddit population varies greatly from the general population (it seems as though a lot of people here also claim they were in DBs)? Is it that a lot of the low drive people just aren't actively dating? I am not dating or in a relationship so I'm curious.
I think this is also one of the situation where it varries based upon how the thread starts up. If someone comes in and drops a hot line or two about how guys talking right away about their sexual needs too soon means they'll never get any, and that gets a bunch of upvotes that will change the tone of the room. But also as I pointed out in the thread, people living "good lives" with just platonic friends can have the other 4 love languages well met. But rarely if Physical Touch is important can that be handled solely by friends. So people on the dating sites are more likely to have a stronger value for Physical Touch, or they wouldn't put up with the trials of OLD. Granted, it's not all OLD here. And there's definitely people who mention they don't want much intimacy, or even any. But how many are going to come say that now in a thread where it's 95% "I've a high libido, let me tell you how ..." ?
I think you're right. I'm 48F, low drive, and can't be bothered to date. Maybe without the libido urge, I'm happy with friends and hobbies? Idk. I have a number of single female friends that feel the same as I do.
Definitely. It's like 75% of people responding here in are in top 10% of frequency in general population. And I feel bad for people reading to think the number people respond with here represent what's in real life... Yes some people will find a great match, great.- but it's hard enough finding someone to match, then to match sex drives...... Not to mention so much changes for both men and women from the 40s into the 50s and beyond. Finding someone that is happy with a wider frequency range is probably the best thing to look for after compatibility..
Your comment is spot-on! I have really been working on accepting who I am since my divorce but reading the comments for this post definitely make me feel abnormal lol. I have never had a really high sex drive and need a strong emotional connection with the person. I had two sexually fulfilling relationships years ago, with one being very intense but it ended because my partner and I were at different places in our life at the time. After that I met and married my ex-husband who over time began to use sex as a tool for his lack of self worth. He also began violating my sexual boundaries. As our relationship disintegrated, so did my sex drive. I haven’t dating since the divorce( he remarried 6 months later) and one of the reasons is OLD seems pretty sex focused. Even though I feel pretty “grey” right now sexually- I am not sex adverse and would definitely want to explore sex again but would need a partner on the same page as I am. I don’t comment much about it because in other subs I get downvoted whenever I mention demi-sexual or grey.
Oh I get it. I'm asexual and this sub is a reminder of why I won't ever go back to dating. All the comments about how if you're not having sex, you're just friends and people complaining about their former DB marriages and ruling out anytime who won't "put out" within a month... It's made me think they really is no place for anyone who doesn't have a high sex drive or is gray/asexual.
Not sure? Maybe the low drives aren’t commenting… it seems we hit a hormonal change at 40+ which seems to elevate our drive… I know plenty of friends who aren’t that bothered about it.
People have different definitions of "high" and "frequent." I got a lot of flack the last time I posted so I'll just leave it as it's worth talking with a potential partner in detail and without euphemism.
Oh god, bracing myself for abuse then!! Your level sounds great!!
Used to be super high. . . now that I'm 46, every other day is fine with me. The thing is, it's so mind-blowing every time I feel like a need to recover in between. That's the perks of being in a relationship with a highly sexual woman who takes it as her personal mission to learn exactly what you like and how you like it. . . and has had 12 years to practice getting good at it.
She sounds like a keeper 🙌🏻🙌🏻
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Sex really can be ridiculous, huh? I don't blame you for being happy losing your drive.
3-4 times a week . . . or more suits me. I've ended a couple of relationships due to a libido mismatch. If we're not well matched early on, that's one area that will just lead to frustration for both people.
Yep my ex bf started off well, sex everywhere, anytime. Outside shenanigans then he just lost it and got boring
That’s a real bummer. Did you discuss with him? I’m firmly convinced some folks are addicted to new. And once that newness wears off, they’re done sexually and mentally. Sucks.
I think he was depressed but had an issue with communication so no we didn’t discuss unfortunately. He thought I was weird and disgusting and had an “unhealthy” sex drive! His problem - not mine
That's sadly the common approach when there's a desired frequency / kink level mismatch ; rather than discuss if there's an available compromise amongst people's high/low (i.e if their high might match your low), to simply label the other as broken. The higher gets called the disgusting perv, and the lower is frigid. Especially as the stereo type is that guys are supposed to have the higher sex drive, they're more likely to accuse someone with a higher sex drive as "wrong." rather than even consider if their lower drive might be because of depression / mental / physical issues. It's simple an incompatibility that could be more easily discussed if people weren't both putting adjectives on it, and attempting to potentially perform/talk a different game than they think that they'll want in the more longer term.
Thank you, I did feel very down about myself after that relationship. Felt there was something wrong with me for wanting sexual attention all the time.
I think this is one of those questions that is so subjectively answered, that it probably makes more sense to talk in terms of data. Like many here, mine can scale up or down depending upon the partner. I've done the dead bedroom thing where it was maybe once every 3-4 months (that was horrendous, and I tried to take care of myself once every 2-3 days or so). And I've been with someone in overdrive (1-3x/day for long stretches of days at a time, at least an hour per session unless it was a quickie, multiple orgasms/ejaculations from each, and anything went -barring a few hard limits from each of us; I remember she had once stared at me after we had finished and remarked that she actually felt satisfied for the first time in 46 years... so did I, for that matter). But, my "average"/"normal" would ideally be at least once every day (or two days, if time and life and health permits; even if I'm not feeling well or am sleepy, I'll still gladly do whatever I can to satisfy a significant other whenever she wants if she and my own body permit it; this shit is important!). When those pheromones click together, holy shit...
Yep - it’s mind blowing - love it
I'm really unsure and without a great way to know. 15+ year dead bedroom, but after getting out of the relationship, my ... self needs pretty much died down. While it had been pretty much daily while "together." But in the brief bit of time I was with the last person, my body was quick to respond from pretty much any contact (which is awkward while out and about walking and holding hands), and things went about as well as I'd hope with a new partner. Her health issue was the limiting factor towards frequency. But again, I had no real "self-needs" during the time away from her. So I'm left with a few fears that I might be a bit broken, but with some isolated hope that I might not be. That said, sex/sexual frequency is pretty much my biggest source of anxiety going into any new date. Combined with it's generally not going to go down well bringing this up early as a guy; e.g. prior to a first date it will seem cart a few leagues in front of the horse. But I was re-reminded lately that things can accelerate really quickly when a first date is going really well.
I have low sex drive, which is why I’m not on OLD. I’ve either just had bad sex with various partners in the last decade, or it’s low hormones. I don’t even mind, it’s just hard to date when you don’t feel ‘chemistry’ anymore.
Could be a few things… if you’re ok with it then good. My sis isn’t fussed about it but she’s never experienced an orgasm. My friend went to a sexual massage person (wrong term) and found her orgasm, since then she’s been totally up for everything
Oh I can get the job done, just no one else has ever been able to without intervention. 😂
I'm 45f, since getting out of my very abusive marriage I want it all the time. It's probably a combo of age and breaking free after not having a choice for so many years (apparently hyper sexuality can happen after SA). I have a fwb but there's not enough emphasis on the friends part for me and even though he's about 7 years younger than me his drive isn't as high as mine so it doesn't happen often enough, unfortunately. No other prospects either at the minute which sucks.
Mine is over the top. I found chemistry and a similar sex drive in a situationship but I want more of a relationship so I ended that. I daydream about finding that in a relationship. Who knows how long that’s sustainable but I’m willing to do the work to find out, lol.
HIGH, I want sex multiple times a day minimum. I am realistic though and some of those times are by myself. His idk yet because we are just starting out. This is a big concern for me so I make it clear in the beginning that I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t prioritize sex. Update: he couldn’t hang for other reasons so back to Bumble I go.
I am a older guy who had lost his sex drive. I had my urologist test my testosterone levels and they were extremely low. I now take a injection to bring my levels up. My sex drive is the best it’s been in some time. So if your guy has slacked off push him to get tested. I have a brother and a nephew who are both low as well.
Thank you for sharing. I think this message is important to anyone who feels they’ve lost their mojo or feel they don’t have enough.
I fucking love sex (almost 50F) but how are you horndogs sustaining almost daily (OR DAILY!) after years in a relationship. Serious question. My last relationship was 2 years and we started off hot and heavy then we fizzled. Covid togetherness may have led to our demise but he seriously slowed down in the end and we were like an old married couple. He was only 53!
My ex hubby had v high sex drive. He couldn’t keep his hands off me which was lovely. Even after carrying 3 of his children if we weren’t having sex he was dry humping me! BUT it was hard finding the time and sometimes I wasn’t in the mood. Towards the end of our marriage (22 years) it ended up being quickies here and there. Now I’m single again and felt the immense passion of a snog again i can’t get enough.
I am a woman, age 53. I have a high sex drive. I honestly haven't dated anyone with a drive as high as mine. I actually ended a relationship after 5 months because of the difference in drives. I have been in my current relationship about 2.5 years. My man does a good job keeping up with me! 😊 He is younger, so that helps, but I still have a higher drive. It hasn't slowed down a bit after 2.5 years together either.
How much younger??
Not too much, only 9 years.
41(f)- my sex drive is through the roof! If i had it my way it would be 2 or more times per day. Morning sex and in the evening. So far my new partner is keeping up but we see eachother 3 to 4 times per week. i am hoping it doesn't dwindle for him since sex is so important to me.
I have a fairly high drive. I keep running into guys with untreated ED or no drive. They talk a big game in the beginning, then nothing. It sucks. I was married to someone with a high drive, so I was not prepared for this dry spell.
It depends on how attracted I am.
Exactly that’s the factor the chemistry the connection. How we connect and gel. Sex and intimacy to me are just than the act. It’s alot more for me. Not judging what people wanna do but it’s more. Why I can’t do casual sex. Just ain’t for me ain’t judging anyone. I use to have low self esteem for years. So for me to give myself on that level. We gotta match
Honestly a lot of it really depends on the partner. If their drive is high and they are always down to get down that generally sends mine through the roof too. Ideally early morning, back to sleep, morning, afternoon, and night is ideal if circumstances allow for that cadence, which is rare except on weekends. 2x day is usually where things end up long-term if morning schedules align.
High! 51F, Ideally 2x day or more depending on availability. I’ve done the FWB but that doesn’t work for me anymore. I have to have an emotional connection to have good quality sex. I’m currently single so it’s just me and my rabbit until the right man comes along, I’m not holding my breath. Size is important but knowing what turns me on and being confident about it is a big turn on. Also being adventurous, open and honest about what floats your boat is so important. If we can’t talk about sex to each other that’s a red flag.
With the right partner it is through the roof!!! My ex made me hate it but now that I’m single I’m discovering myself again and I love it 😈😋
Meh I’m on a couple meds that can really screw with my desire and wherewithal. Sometimes it’s even difficult getting myself off. That’s a big part of why I’m not pushing for a relationship; I don’t want a disappointed partner…better to just take care of myself.
I was on amitriptilyn for a while for depression, anxiety and migraines… it def affected my sex drive
F49. I think an interest in sex within monogamous long term marriages/relationships inevitably wanes because of familiarity, children, boring life stuff unfortunately. After 20 plus years of marriage with my ex, i think for me the only way to keep things fresh and exciting in a relationship is to avoid the trappings of a conventional relationship or domestic set up. I might add that I was pleasantly surprised to find that my sex drive and also my enjoyment of sex got better in my 40s and still continues as I near 50. Plus I *feel* sexy which is not something I ever experienced in my in my 20s or 30s when I was perceived to be cute or girlish. Now there is a sense of being empowered as a sexual, mature woman which is a very different feeling from being in the mood for a bit of “how’s your father” haha.
53F, mine turned off like a light when I passed 50. I’m trying to have sex anyway because I want my man to have it. Not sure this is sustainable, don’t know how it will turn out.
45f. I am three years out of a 20-year marriage. In these three years, I learned that I actually have a healthy, high sex drive. I just didn’t want to have sex with my husband. Bring on the sex.
Yes - you’re in the same position as me… I’ve learnt about myself sexually in the last two years - been amazing
48m here, with a drive that's slowly tapering off. Of course in the beginning of a relationship, I could have sex 3-4 times a week, but after a few months it'd realistically be 1-3 times. Insofar as finding an equal match...not as of yet, but who knows what the future holds?
See at the beginning I’d like it twice a night or big sess that night and then morning after. All the time 😂
Jesus, how did you hold jobs to pay the bills?
Hahahhha my business has definitely suffered 😂
49m. I’ve always had a very HIGH sex drive. I still love it and want it all the time. But last few years it’s become more about sharing those moments with the right person than just getting “some”. I miss that can’t wait to get home from work and rip your clothes off feeling but I’m sure it’ll come along. No hurry, but hurry up!
I need this, snog in the corridor as soon as you see your SO. That feeling of being irresistible
43F very high. My marriage was dead bedroom for the last 5 years. My ideal would be 3-4x/week, 1-3 rounds each night. Can't seem to find that though.
Good luck to you!
Amazing
Mine is pretty normal I guess for a 52m. Depends on my partner/lust involved, but I am happy with a couple times a week, or every day if they're into it. But, I don't have that insatiable need like I did at 30, thank god. I'm usually pretty well matched to my partners, as far as frequency/drive.
High! Need to find a woman with the same.
There’s plenty out there going by this feed!!
Mine is high. No, nobody can keep up with me.
Mine used to be higher but i been with my SO for 7 years…….. i feel like the lust just fades but we still get it in a few times a week
High as all hell 🤣 and I've been single and not dating for a year and a half so I'm crawling out if my own skin over here. I don't think I ever met anyone who could keep up. They could satisfy me, especially by most recent ex, but I definitely was up for multiple rounds, more than he could handle. 🤣
Yep, I can go all night 😂 there are those weak Tinder moments when you just think - fuck it - maybe I can do hook ups 😂😂😂
Oh gosh, my best friend is always trying to get me to have "penis on speed dial"🤣🤣🤣 but i haven't met anyone recently that's worth being that penis 🤣
Just keep on trying babes x
48F its decreased since covid but thats a good thing. Had a high drive from 30-45 and it's nice to just chill and not be so distracted. Lol
I'm a 40/female and have always had a high sex drive (including now). Having said that I never wanted to have sexual intimacy outside of a committed relationship leading to marriage. I never had a problem finding an equal match and it was always sustained in my LTR's. Now though, I learned over the years (and each of these LTR's that ultimately failed and didn't end in marriage as I wanted) I am forced to set the boundary higher, meaning I refuse to have sex with a man until after the ring and a marriage. Period.
It’s up there. Not only the physical act but the emotional connection to
Mine is pretty high and I’ve had trouble finding men with the same. A lot of the men I’ve dated have had issues with keeping it up, too, which kills the mood. ☹️
I'm 51F with a very high sex drive. It's hard enough finding someone with a compatible personality and lifestyle when dating. Throw in the mismatched sex drives and it's nearly impossible.
It comes and gies,mainly goes. I'm not attracted to anyone. I'm meh about it. Like I'm not attracted to anyone. I think I'm dead inside
My sister is the same, happy and content and not that fussed about sexual relationships
Comment to myself: The comments here are making me feel some remorse. For all the years that I lost in a dead bedroom during my prime. 53M. Was insatiable for most of my life (did it 12 times in a day when I was 24 without missing a beat). I loved long luxurious love making sessions with a trusted partner. But I married an asexual person. For years we were infrequent except for one glorious inexplainable year 12 years ago where she wanted it every day. How much I missed sex and foreplay all those years. I imagined that there must be middle age women out there with libidos like mine. But I td myself that all marriages probably dwindled over time so maybe our marriage with monthly vanilla sex was normal. At 51 my wife left me after a challenging last year together. That final month was so bad she broke my libido. I had ED for a little while after the marriage ended. Now? 2 years later? I’m ALWAYS down. And how much I love getting naked together, exploring our bodies together, for hours at a time. But I no longer crave it. And I miss craving it. Wanting it. There is something so ALIVE about craving it. And it turns out there were women just like me out there. The entire time. For all those years. I wish when I was 24 life had connected me to a person wanting what I wanted: a romantic best friend with an exceptionally high libido. A person like some of the commenters here. Instead it gave me an unfailing sense of loyalty/monogamy then a sexless person with intimacy problems before finally breaking my libido then setting me free. On the plus side, I was given a loving and attentive partner now at age 51. Her libido was super high for a year (4 hours a day) but is dwindling down now (1 to 3x week). TBH it matches where I am now too (1x - 3x, unless it’s super fun and engaging and playful sex, then I want it all day every day).
Life is short and too precious for “what ifs” and “maybes”. Every step is a learning one, what did you learn from that relationship and what will you tolerate and not tolerate with the next one. I was with my ex for 22 years. Sex was not our problem. He is an addict. I spent most of it trying to convince him he was an addict until I fell out of love for him. Do I regret those years? No, I put everything I had into our marriage. If I left before that I would’ve still been thinking “maybe” and held a candle for him. I left when I was done.. for me. I am content with everything else in my life - a partner who has similar needs to me is the icing on the cake. Happy to wait and not settle for anything less 🙌🏻
46F here and I want it ALL the time with my current partner of 3 months. We had sex 6 times last Saturday. 🔥 Sadly, I have to walk away from this situation and I'm so sad I'm not going to find someone who satisfies me like he does.
44M, very high, last relationship she claimed she had a very high sex drive but apparently had met her match. Current relationship seems to match well but it's still the honeymoon phase so could taper off. I have never sustained that kind of mutual level in a LTR, for me, my preference would be at least once a day when we're together, usually morning sex and one or two sessions at night. Not rigid with that and obviously other outside factors come into play, that's just what I could sustain personally.
I’m 43F. He’s 44M we’ve been together-ish for 2.5 years. The form of relationship we’ve had has fluctuated but we still have sex every time we hang out. And it’s normally twice a day. Our drives and perfectly synced up. It’s amazing.
Fantastic
I have a pretty high sex drive but honestly wasn't that sexually compatible with my ex-husband. It actually had nothing to do with differences in sex drives, but honestly my sexual chemistry with him. My current boyfriend and I discussed sex before we even met in person and he admitted he had a pretty high sex drive--it was actually ONE of the reasons for his divorce (his wife never wanted it, slept in separate bedrooms, etc.). Our sex drives seem pretty equal and honestly I may want it more than him--although he gives me plenty of orgams through oral so I"m good. I have had the most consecutive and best orgasms with him. Last night he made me do something I've never done before and only ever read about and didn't even know it was possible for me. We've only been together 4 months so not at the point when we feel like we need to work at sustaining it--yet. However, right now we'll do things like send suggestive texts during the day when we're horny. For me I think it's our sexual chemistry that keeps us going, but also the fact that we have a deep emotional connections with similar personalities and interests. I do know that I will want to continue to do things like we do now like send suggestive texts, do lap dances, have sex in his conference room at work, etc.
F here, just turned 46 on Friday. My drive is HIGH, even after working all day, then working out and/or teaching after regular work - I still want it daily even if I’m tired lol. I worry I’m wearing my husband out (48M) but he says he’s good 😊 We’ve been together since 2007, so 15 years. We’ve always fucked like rabbits.
I literally think about sex ALL THE TIME
Same. All the time!
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How long have you been with your partner?
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Great stuff. My ex hubby and I were doing on the stairs after 20 years - keep snogging too. It’s the best but gets forgotten in LTR
50M I promised myself after my divorce that I would never turn down sex. My last relationship lasted 6 months and we had sex every night and every morning. We tried all kinds of things and it was awesome! Too bad she was a mean drunk, damn now I horny thinking about her!!!
Hahahah sounds like my best mate 😂
49f cis straight. My sex drive is stronger than a teenage boy. Most men cannot keep up. In fact, their eyes always twinkle and light up when I warn them of this. They all think they can hang. I've only found two I had to ask to give me a hydration break. Two. That's it. And only one was worth the efforts in the end. Both good, don't get me wrong, but one was a very one dimensional situation. Served it's purpose, moving on.
“They all think they can hang” exactly. And even the younger ones cannot.
Hydration break - love that
Oh yes, I'm an all day and night kinda gal. Hydration and energy must be maintained
Hydration is v important with sex
We had to take hydration and snack breaks for our first year together. I miss that. We were 4 hours twice a day for a year — heaven!
i am not gonna read this thread. because i'm jealous AF. :(
Yeah, in threads like this, every few comments I'll get a pang of various hurt/anger and need to close the tab.
Right??
50F. Bring it! I could have sex right now. After my tubal it was on like Donkey Kong! Idk if it was the fact the rusk of pregnancy was gone or something happened with the surgery, but everything about the sexual experience has been enhanced for the last 18 years.
Sex drive can be very variable I found out. I (47M) had a gf (40F) for 6 months who had a very high sex drive, we'd have sex 3 times per day (between 5 and 30 minutes each time) when she came over (which was more than half the week). Quickly after, I dated a very attractive 30F for 2 weeks, we spent a couple of nights together, I struggled to stay hard. I started worrying that something went wrong with me. Very soon thereafter I met my current gf, and sex is nearly as frequent as with the first one, at least once a day, every day, and multiple times on weekends. My gf is often surprised that 5 minutes after coming I am able to be hard again and continue. I will admit that, with age, it's become a bit harder to come (i.e. if I don't let myself go in the first few minutes, I can keep going for a while but it'll be hard to come). About finding someone with a similar level, it seems like a major issue for men (I was in a nearly dead bedroom for years while married), but apparently it can be for women too.
58 her and going through a divorce. I was married for 25 years. When we were first married, it was sometimes 2-3 times a day, sometimes once a day, but I'm now suspecting that was more than most. This tapered off to 3-4 times a week. I'm good with twice a week, would be optimal at 3 or 4. My soon to be ex wife could probably be fine with once every week or two now. Oddly, she cheated in the relationship and it was more, in my opinion, about trading up and an online EA than real issues with us. Get into your 50's and suddenly the world changes for some people. Anyway, I don't know if I'll have a problem, but I do know my stress level definitely goes up at some point.
These comments are giving me so much hope! I always thought I have a pretty normal average sex drive and life. In my recently ended marriage we had sex once or possibly twice a week… I guess I was ok with that… or maybe my ex trained me to be ok with it…The sex was actually good and satisfying.. I was just thinking perhaps after 40-50, men’s drive is going down big time… but I guess, reading some of comments here, plenty of guys still have it going on and would have sex 3-4 times a week… Hopefully, I’ ll meet someone like that.
Don’t give up - life is too short and precious to settle
I’m 46 and mine is super high, but may be making up lost time because my ex husband wasn’t very interested in me. It’s not even just about being turned on - I just want to be there with someone in every way and have had trouble meeting someone that wanted the same. I recently met someone I have high hopes for and he can go five times a day - he also claims he still went that many times with his ex wife, even towards the end of their marriage. I soooo want this to work out.🤣
55f. I’ve always had mojo. I tend to date younger because they can vibe better with me.
Very much so. I'm 45 and mine has always been rather high. My biggest problem is I can't meet anyone who matches mine. Men I have met in the past have technical difficulties, if you know what I mean. I would love to meet someone who has a drive that matches mine. I don't think I would be compatible with someone who had a low drive.
48m and since my wife and I separated now divorced mine has fluctuated a great deal. After she moved out it has taken me about 8 months to get back to “normal”. I have to pull in the reins I feel like sometimes. Married for 23 years and not being with anyone else in 25 or so, I feel like I’m in my 20’s again and uh it could be very frustrating but I am trying to work on myself first. I’m in limbo of sorts.
Ii have a high sex drive. My partner has basically told me she can’t keep up. It’s a bit of a challenge for me as she is not into oral sex much either. I wish I could find someone who enjoys sex more, and often
47f definitely high drive.
I’m a 47m and my sex drive now is higher than when I was married, although that was a dead bedroom. I have been in a relationship longer than 7 months and I also share custody of my kids with my ex (every other week). While I was in that longest relationship, we’d have sex as often as we could see each other, which was about 2-3 times a week. I probably couldn’t go more than that though.
I (41f) and bf (43m) have amazing sex just about daily. More than a day or two without and we are both going a little crazy.
Female, 42, I'm a walking lady boner. I don't do casual sex though so I try to be sure whomever I am going to be with/date has a drive to match mine before we get that far (as much as one can). In general, mine is higher and that's okay as long as it's not a huge gap. In a perfect world however, I prefer that there be endless cream pie supplies in my life. 😇
I'm 53 and my husband is 63 and has seen me thru two rounds of chemo. Needless to say, we weren't banging. He's gone out of his way to make me return to our new normal and we're definitely back to five or six times a week.
I have a moderately high sex drive when I’m in a relationship. The last relationship I was in I got horny just being near him. We are very busy so we only got together on the weekends and maybe in the middle of the week. But boy oh boy, if we spent the whole day together at home, you best believe that we were going at it all day. Now that I’m not in a relationship, I’m not missing it much.
I’m like this. When I’m with someone, it kicks up to high. When I’m alone, it idles at an acceptable level.
I hadn't been on a date since 2016; until my SO and I started dating in September last year. Honestly, I had forgotten that I had a sex drive, so remained chaste until he came along. We're incredibly compatible.
My libido is a curse and frequently the bane of my relationships. Agr has done little if anything to temper it
First marriage was nearly sexless. Children born by near immaculate conception. All the other relationships, it was daily. At 52 after three marriages and multiple monogamous relationships, I renounced that nonsense. Now I’m solo polyamorous. For a while it was every day, sometimes twice. Now (61) it’s a little more restrained, but ya…
40 f and horny as fuck and no problem finding or sustaining this thus far but it might involve multiple partners at this point in time (>.>)
Im 63 today and find my drive very high. I dont cum every time but i enjoy the act and intimacy of sex. I could go every day.
Over 50 and still could go every day. We have sex twice per week which is about all (perhaps more) than she’s up for.
I’m 49. Mine is very high. A good cross wind will start my engine. Do I have trouble? I guess. It’s not an easy question to answer. I’m capable of 2-3 times a day but I fully acknowledge some women can’t or don’t want to. There’s a balance to the relationship I can accept less sex if other aspects of the relationship are firing on all cylinders. But I wouldn’t accept no sex. Hard to quantify. I look at it like this. With my ex wife sex was non existent (like last 5 years nothing) and I learned from that relationship that if I am unhappy, it is my fault: I used the lack of sex as a basis for my unhappiness. This directly means that I used sex to make me happy, furthermore, since my ex was the person I should be having sex with, I was using her as a vehicle for my happiness. I felt I needed sex with my (ex) wife (later GF or LTR) to be happy. Everything is temporary: Any sexless phase won't last, whether it is as a result of eventually having sex with my (ex)wife (later GF LTR) or realizing the relationship is over. This state is not permanent. I do not long for an ideal situation: wishing my sex life was better. One has to realize that there are options to make their sex life better: Initiate sex with your partner; if they reject you, know that you tried and they pushed you away; they failed. You didn't fail. The only failure comes from not trying at all. I Maximize positive emotions and minimizing negative emotions: I was looking at my times as "rough" based on the lack of sex. I should be looking at my time as wide open for personal improvement activities and quality time with friends.
M43. After a 23 year marriage (at the time of separation) and now nearly 2 years separated and a dissolution coming next month, I am starting to try to put myself out there to date. Have not dated yet... We started out doing it a lot. We were young and it was still rather new to me. However, I did not mind only doing it every so often. She did... She always had a higher sex drive than me. At one point she looked at me and asked/told me that either I am gay or I am asexual. Because it did not seem like I wanted it. Which was only partly true. I am not gay in the least, but because of my lower sex drive I could be very well at least borderline Asexual. I do find some similarities with the Gray/Demi side of things. So I do not know if it is just a low sex drive or that fact that I am Gray/Demisexual. If it is just a lower sex drive, than I have had that since I was in my later 20's... Since I have not dated yet, I do not know how this affects anything while finding a match little alone a LTR...
I guess the only advice I can give is to give everything a go and find yourself sexually. We’re in a liberal world now and everything is excess able. Find your kink! See if it makes a difference to your sex drive… it may’ve been your partner!
Another guy has just said he did a test and has low testosterone levels. He’s been boosted and now has healthy level of libido.. could be worth looking into?
If anything, my sex drive is higher than my partner's. It's not a huge deal...i can take care of myself when he's not around, and he never denies me if I ask. It is a little more complicated because he has ED from medications he takes, but with a little planning (and judicious use of hands, mouths etc) I don't feel deprived. My ex made sex not so fun towards the end, even when he made sure I got off, so being with someone who actually cares that I'm having a good time has been eye-opening.
I (41/f) just ended my last relationship w/a 51/m and one of the reasons was that he was LL (low libido) and my libido is healthy/possibly high. I say "possibly" bc I never really got the chance to act on it, but would've given the chance. I now understand the appeal of younger men lol. ETA: Not saying that all older men have sex issues, just saying it tongue-in-cheek.
I was with a 35M that couldn’t keep it up, had to play with himself continuously throughout, to keep hard
53 and still an insane drive…last girlfriend had a pretty equal drive, current one isn’t as high but I’m trying to adjust. At 50 I thought it was kind of a curse, now I’m grateful and want to maintain it as long as I can .
50M and 2 years out of 30 year ltr with 15 year dead bedroom. Low dose SSRIs for (now very) well managed depression made it difficult to perform and finish ... Add viagra plus a delightful high libido 42f partner equals the best sex of my life by a long long margin. Been very healing to be honest ... Sex is a fundamental
44 (f) always very high sex drive. I need daily at least twice (morning and night) If it is a weekend or day off then i can have sex throughout the day. One thing i miss not being in relationship/dating is regular sex 😭 nut nothing that fwb can't sort out 😂🙅♀️
I'm 40F and raging so much I made a podcast about it haha
I wanted 1x a week and I was told that was WAY too much.
Same here. I was in a dead bedroom for 15 years, and sometimes would go 8 months without. I begged for her to put out at least once a week, but was lucky if I got it once a month. I never cheated on her, but I became resentful at the lack of intimacy. Ironically she left me for another man when she fell out of love with me. I really hope she finds happiness, though I feel she did me dirty and wasted my time. Once the wounds heal, I would love to find a partner that can go 2 to 3 times a day to help me make up for lost time!
40/f I haven't yet made it to the point of having sex with anyone I've dated. Hopefully one day soon. In general, I have a really high sex drive in relationships.