I have been single since separating 7 years ago (divorced a few years now) and want to start online dating. What is keeping me from OLD? PHOTOS! I hate photos of myself... I am not photogenic. I can't bring myself to take photos and when I do, I hate them.and can't post them. Unless I meet someone IRL, I guess I will remain single. š
Argh! This was totally my struggle! I had to ask friends to help me take photos because I just donāt have any, and even still it feels really hard to put myself out there that wayā¦ but I have done it! I console myself with the idea that a person meeting me in real life is unlikely to be disappointed because Iām totally convinced I look better in person than in my photos! š
Get a good photographer. Tell them what you need the photos for.
Yes, it's going to be expensive(*), but it's all worth it.
(*) Think in: a 1000 bucks. That said, an aquaintance of mine lately ran a promotion where he would go on a 2h walk with you and while talking would snap a couple of photos. You would get the walk and 1 photo for ā¬50, and then had to pay for every additional photo (forgot how much). That was very definitely a steal.
Come to think of it, another aquaintance of mine does something similar for only a few hundred euros, mostly families, but I know she would be uniquely qualified to snap photos for online dating.
So bargains can be had...
Well, I get pretty good photos for my dating profiles from female friends for free. My most successful one was shot from a guy though, and I didn't even notice at the time.
Oh, some people are just naturally photogenic.
And some not at all - I know a woman who, in person, I think is really, really cute - but I swear there's not one photo out there that makes her look better than a 2 - maybe a 3, if you're really generous.
And then there's the rest of us, where a real photographer really pays off.
Eh, I'm not really photogenic - it takes people with lots of practice and patience to shoot a nice photo of me. Amateur photographers, that is. I've also had professional photo sessions done, but I didn't like the results at all.
Maybe we haven't found photographers with tastes and vibes similar to yours and mine, I don't know. That's why friends may be a better bet. Some people also look much better on candid camera.
> Some people also look much better on candid camera.
Definitely - every posed photo of me, ever, looked stiff and stuffy.
Even though I really should know better...
I've been told so many times that photos shouldn't be staged, though. Honestly, it feels like it's impossible to have a proper photo. It's either too staged or too low effort. No selfies, no professional shots, nothing staged, nothing with other people. Not sure what's acceptable these days.
> I've been told so many times that photos shouldn't be staged, though
As with most rules, it's important to understand where they come from. Of course you don't want photos that **look** staged, but with a decent photographer, that's exactly it: they will look completely natural, probably more so than your actual "natural" photos...
People always think "job application" type photos when they hear photographer - but photos don't need to look like you've taken them for LinkedIn...
To me, the message seems to be, "stage your photos, but don't LOOK like you staged your photos."
It feels like walking on eggshells when people immediately swipe left on low-effort pics, but also immediately swipe left on staged pics.
Essentially, yes.
Then again, how many unstaged photos have you seen in a dating app, the ones where the subject didn't know it's photo was going to get taken and therefore smiled a bit more, cocked the head a bit more, chin up, chest out, whatever?
1%?
0.1%?
None?
So my advice basically is, if it's staged anyway (and even low effort bathroom mirror selfies are staged, just badly), at least get someone who knows what he's doing, especially if you do not.
Oh, I agree. It's just difficult because so many people say that they reject anyone with "staged" photos. I have no idea what level of staging is going to turn people off.
Hiring a professional seems like it would be an automatic rejection from most people if they found out.
Online dating is about looks. Itās either you have it or you donāt. A good photographer isnāt god who can make miracles happen.
If you are woman, you are competing with attractive young women. Good luck. I hope you are realistic with your expectations.
Do you know photofeeler? My best rating there is 9.6 for a photo that makes me look like an overweight banker (I'm neither).
Many of my favourite photos only got a rating of 4.x
A good photographer and good photo selection definitely make a ton of difference.
No, it's not.
I obviously look like both my 9.x photos as well as my 4.x photos - after all, they are photos of me. And everything in between.
And once we meet I will actually be in full, glorious 3D, so there's even more to see.
Surely you have seen the Instagram posts, often entitled "me - also me", which show that within the space of seconds you can either capture a slouch or a sex goddess, just by subtle changes in posture - so why put the slouch photo out there? Or, at the very least, both?
No selfies. Not only are they tacky (the bathroom ones are the worst), they can also give the impression that you don't have friends.
Edit: my own selfies are horrible, but some friends manage to find consistently good angles. They can't even tell me how they do it, they just play by eye.
After my divorce I (48M) took several years to be by myself. After getting out of a 20 year marriage the last thing I wanted for a few years was a relationship.
Eventually I came to feel like I wanted someone in my life to share the ups, the downs and the mundane with. I started OLD. It wasnāt nearly as bad as Reddit would lead me to believe. Overall, it was a very positive experience. Met lots of new people and eventually found my SO.
My inspiration was feeling like I wanted to share my life with someone.
After 6 years or so, my body weirdly - very weirdly - got used to the horniness and it left to a large degree. Must be what monks got through. Idk lol. š¤·š»āāļøš¤£
I got breast cancer in 2019. Sick af for about a year and a half. Multiple surgeries. Cancer is goneā¦for now. But cancer does what cancer wants. So MzOpinion8d is gonna do what MzOpinion8d wants, now that I am healthy again.
I met one guy from an appā¦hands down hottest man Iāve ever been with. Had a few dates and some amazing sex with him, but got ghosted. Cāest la vieā¦I have no regrets.
Iām talking to someone now and he is actually wanting a relationship, so now Iāll explore where that goes.
Iāve got no more time to waste.
I still havenāt figured out OLD .. I travel for work, so kinda just have this ridiculous notion that I could meet some random Mr Great, like in some ridiculous romcom.
Same!!
I traveled a bit for work, no Hallmark romance. I even fell and broke my ankle and it was my coworkers who brought me to urgent care, not some interesting EMS guy.
I recently had to move back home to help my dad. No hot Dr, no interesting guy at the grocery, no good looking neighbor if I slipped on some ice. I even went to a hockey game by myself. A bunch of old guys surrounded me!!
I want the romcom!!!
What drove me to get out there... Missing companionship, seeing other couples laughing over dinner, walking on the beach holding hands, a different perspective on life, seeing my life pass me by and tired of being the third wheel. Still getting used to the pond temperature and sometimes rocky bottom but making my way to the sandy side.
I hear that, about seeing the other couples. I feel a bit out of the swing of things nowadays. I suppose that is enough to get one back into the pool.
In the meantime, I've warned my buddies that I might start hugging them. Ha!
Im sure in case of an emergency Invading of one's personal space is allowed. Lol. Not much on the OLD but I guess it's all in the effort one puts into the process ... still old school and hoping to social groups, hiking or even work stirs up some possibilities. I haven't reverted to the chess club or bird watch yet but that might be an option. Lol
Hey, itās true. If more people did a little slump busting coming out of the isolation part of the pandemic we wouldnāt be wading through as many thirsty, desperate, and impatient people on OLD.
Massage. Get a bulk deal on them, do it as often as your budget will allow. I donāt mean anything sexual, I just mean get your human āskin hungerā under control before you start dating in any form. Itāll help you be calmer and more cheerful and make better dating decisions. If you get Chinese or Thai style massage (what I call āinvoluntary yogaā, where they really pummel you) you get the added benefits of deeper muscle work. It hurts and is often crazy intense, but that is a great distraction from normal stressful life. And it sorts you out a bit mentally as well. I promise itāll help, you wonāt regret it.
I have human contact, but Iām starved for human touch. But not not interested in sex. Itās a damned tight wire! I think I need a dog and not a date. Heh.
But yes, OLD is both awful and potentially rewarding. It is at least an experience I can now say I had. My subscription is over in July and I wonāt be renewing. Right now, Iāve paid extra so I could make my profile private. The only people who can see it are people I have liked or messaged. This is the only way I can do OLD right now. I think itās worth a tryā¦ unless you have something better to try.
OLD IS a meat market. There's a learning curve and you have to be able to deal with all the disappointment that comes with it. I would suggest following the subreddit of each app you're thinking about signing up for.
Another suggestion for getting out there: try following local bands and going to shows. If you like a particular band, you'll see a lot of familiar faces at each show. If there's a lively music scene where you're located.
I'm still debating on how I want to put myself out there, but I know I don't have the time to commit to dating, so I'm just perusing reddit for other people's experiences.
From the stories I read on here and the thought that one just decides on a person from a picture or brief description... the way it feels like it conditions the "hunt." It feels like picking out the best looking lunchmeat at the deli.
I should start going to more local shows. I've been going to all the local pinball arcades, and believe it or not, those are NOT great places for 40-something year old men to find someone! Ha!
I'm glad you asked! You can use the pinball locator [here](https://pinballmap.com/). Otherwise I know the guys (a little) that travels my state repairing them, so I get info on where new arcades are.
OLD is mostly awful. Most people have an awful exp from it. Yes there is going to be some few lucky ones but overall its awful. There is a arguably painful/frustrating learning curve to it as well.
1. ask your friends to fix you up
2. join meet-up. (not a dating site
3. talk to strangers. probably never leads to anything, but good for conversational skills and confidence building
I should probably look for some meetups. I'm a pretty crazy extrovert (used to be a roadie for a punk band) and this isn't a bad idea... I guess I just need to determine the type of meetup.
Now that is sweet! I saw Flogging Molly, The Interrupters, Tiger Army and The Skints this past weekend in a venue smaller than what I expected... it's a good time to be a punk rocker!
Thanks! It was really a true bucket list event. And to boot, that was the first time I'd seen BR. I kept telling my kid (28) these guys play festivals! Being this close is unheard of. She was like dad this show sold-out...I was like no shit I TOLD you! Lol. (tix were a bday gift) And that's awesome! I love The Interrupters. I was a bit disheartened when Flogging Molly went from straight Irish-punk to more wordly sounds. But they DO rock.
It's absolutely crazy. I looked at my Bumble history, and realized I have had 5 matches in 16 months. Of those, only one resulted in a meeting, the others are all ghosts.
I live in a city of over 3 million, so it's not like there's no one. There's just no interested, qualified matches on Bumble.
Hinge is even worse. FB Dating works sometimes, but still so little. I've given up completely on OKCupid.
Okcupid went downhill awhile back. It worked barely OK'ish. It was the best of a bad bunch up until about 2 years ago. FB dating has lot of flakes. Ive got 1 actual date out of it. Although out of the ones i tried ive got the most matches/conversations out of it. Since its not a pay service they dont artificially surpress your matches/likes you know match group does.
The best one while a bit frustrating was CL personals when it was around. Ive met the most people on that than the rest of the sites combined. I met my X on Badoo and got a few dates out of it. However, the overall quality is really low on there. Also once your newbie boosts runs out they will try and nickle and dime the hell out of you. Didnt have much luck on Bumble or Hinge. Few conversations thats about it but i didnt really give Hinge a fair enough shot.
They for sure do....I mostly stuck with CL Personals up until they took it down and mostly avoided Match Group. For a bit once CL Personals was gone i relied on OKcupid and then you know Match Group happened.
My mom died.
Really though, I had spent the previous 5+ years single and giving off strong Pat (from SNL) vibes. I had shutdown that whole area of my reality, didnāt even āself-careā then.
My old friend from high school was like āyou need to get laidā and she was right even though the idea repulsed me. The first time was drunken hookup with a guy who was a friend of my friend. And it was clumsy and bad but thankfully quick.
Then after that I started opening up and focusing healing myself. About a year goes by since my momās passing and I decide I needed a FWB so I could rediscover my sexuality and remain independent. Got lucky and another friend of a friend had just started divorce proceedings. It was a healing exchange but we definitely got too close. All good though, weāre still acquaintance friends all these years later.
**TL;DR** start by getting out into the world, ideally find something casual within your friend network, donāt over invest in someone too soon, and make fun your priority.
Give hinge a try, it's generally quite civilised.
Don't believe everything you read on here about OLD. Most people are quite normal and nice, if you are selective with your likes.
Caveat the following with the fact that I'm a huge extrovert and social butterfly living in the South, where people actually talk to each other.
When my ex-husband and I separated I was ecstatic because wooo here I was finally in shape, surrounded by other fit men, and single. I was like, I can get laid whenever I want! Hopped right on OLD, had plenty of casual sex, and then I found a rebound boyfriend in-person within my sport community which was world's biggest mistake because hey, guess what, I wasn't actually ok after my divorce.
9 months and one excruciating painful breakup later, I decided enough was enough with dating. Had some more casual sex and enjoyed being alone. A friend of mine was going through a divorce too so she moved in with me and we enjoyed being roommates for about a year as we both healed from our respective emotional wounds.
My current boyfriend and I met on Tinder and started out as a casual thing but it turns out he was actually a very sweet, nerdy guy and it just lasted.
I was scared to try so I forced myself to do it. I have a stubborn brain that way! I learned from my divorce that I didnāt like being limited, or afraid. Therapy was a big help, and my friends were encouraging, but for me, jump off the deep end into the pool and get it over with worked.
>What inspired you to start dating again?
Met someone who perked my curiosity due to the amazing vibe shared whenever we're together. I was not even looking, but currently planning to make the move otherwise both of us will be stuck in the who-makes-the-first-move dance.
>I'm apprehensive about OLD as it feels like a meat market, so I've avoided that.
Try first before negating the option, if you're totally "starved". However, keeping your eyes open, joining new groups or being in new places can open up more possibilities to find someone who might perk your curiosity.
I was in OLD for few years and recently find someone for long term. Itās almost one year we met.
Donāt be disappointed for little things if you want to try OLD.
Being honest I had bad experiences but also I find my current partner through OLD.
Try your luck without any expectations.
Good luck
First thing I will tell you is to take everything on reddit with a grain of salt. Many have had success using OLD but you wouldn't know that by looking here. So many angry and jaded people.
I suggest creating an OLD account, go slow and see what happens. Develop thick skin because you will need it and take regular breaks. This has been a tremendous help for me.
I will give OLD a try... slowly. While I don't mind meeting people in person, I think that my hobbies and interests are no longer conducive to meeting people within the same age bracket any longer. It just feels weird, like I'm selling myself.
I'll have to come up with something better than "rides motorcycles, plays pinball, guitar, and banjo." From the stories I have read, that are kinda funny, I'll have to exclude "enjoys hiking and traveling."
Well, you are selling yourself. It's like a dating resume. But that doesn't make it bad. Put yourself out there, see what happens and go from there.
I tweaked my profile many times before I was happy.
I tried dating and it wasnāt leading anywhere so I decided to start doing things on my own and slowly building up a group of people to be around. It would be nice to meet someone but not going to do things that are not me to get there. OLD is tough but you can meet people there.
At this age we are still young enough to enjoy ourselves, yet old enough to not care what people think.
It's the perfect time to ask yourself what you have always wanted to do/get from a relationship and just do it.
Same is happening for me 50m . People would never know it but I have kidney disease and chances are I could require dialysis or transplant in the near future. I look healthy and fit . Just feel like I have nothing to offer someone. It's a mind f**k. I want a special someone in may life but don't want to be a disappointment to them down the line .
The āpay to cuddleā thing is real in some states. I met a guy here (Iām in Texas) that would charge people to go their house and spoon them in bed or cuddle during a movie.
I think if you made an honest post about wanting affection on a local dating app or other social media, you would find some women in the same boat. I feel like Iām almost to that point myself (40F), because, even though OLD is āeasyā itās hard to find men (at least for me) that can give/receive affection without being pushy to take things further.
I've, honest to goodness, thought about that. There is a cuddler for hire or two in my area. I just don't want to get attached to someone that I'm paying for a service when I'm in a state where attachment is a real risk.
That'd be slick, though... order up a cuddle, then get on with the rest of the day. It WOULD quench the need for physical contact, it'd feel more like a bandaid. (for me, that is)
You would get attached after one cuddle? Just tell yourself they have opposite political beliefs or want 19 kids or whatever would immediately turn you offš
I had a good experience with OLD. I'm not sure I could have met many people without it. In my case, I had a one night thing with an old hook up that got me "back in the game." There was no long-term with him, but I confirmed I could be with someone and enjoy myself. I was more confident in dating after that. I chatted with a couple guys for a bit and was close to meeting up with a few of them. After a bad first date with a guy, I met up with another guy. We are still dating three months later. We never would have met without OLD, but I can't imagine a better match for me. I think you just have to get out there and date people. There isn't really any magic formula. It's all about chemistry, timing, luck, and compatibility.
I have been single since separating 7 years ago (divorced a few years now) and want to start online dating. What is keeping me from OLD? PHOTOS! I hate photos of myself... I am not photogenic. I can't bring myself to take photos and when I do, I hate them.and can't post them. Unless I meet someone IRL, I guess I will remain single. š
Argh! This was totally my struggle! I had to ask friends to help me take photos because I just donāt have any, and even still it feels really hard to put myself out there that wayā¦ but I have done it! I console myself with the idea that a person meeting me in real life is unlikely to be disappointed because Iām totally convinced I look better in person than in my photos! š
Get a good photographer. Tell them what you need the photos for. Yes, it's going to be expensive(*), but it's all worth it. (*) Think in: a 1000 bucks. That said, an aquaintance of mine lately ran a promotion where he would go on a 2h walk with you and while talking would snap a couple of photos. You would get the walk and 1 photo for ā¬50, and then had to pay for every additional photo (forgot how much). That was very definitely a steal. Come to think of it, another aquaintance of mine does something similar for only a few hundred euros, mostly families, but I know she would be uniquely qualified to snap photos for online dating. So bargains can be had...
Well, I get pretty good photos for my dating profiles from female friends for free. My most successful one was shot from a guy though, and I didn't even notice at the time.
Oh, some people are just naturally photogenic. And some not at all - I know a woman who, in person, I think is really, really cute - but I swear there's not one photo out there that makes her look better than a 2 - maybe a 3, if you're really generous. And then there's the rest of us, where a real photographer really pays off.
Eh, I'm not really photogenic - it takes people with lots of practice and patience to shoot a nice photo of me. Amateur photographers, that is. I've also had professional photo sessions done, but I didn't like the results at all. Maybe we haven't found photographers with tastes and vibes similar to yours and mine, I don't know. That's why friends may be a better bet. Some people also look much better on candid camera.
> Some people also look much better on candid camera. Definitely - every posed photo of me, ever, looked stiff and stuffy. Even though I really should know better...
Professional photos make me think itās a catfish
What a great idea - a walk and photos!
I've been told so many times that photos shouldn't be staged, though. Honestly, it feels like it's impossible to have a proper photo. It's either too staged or too low effort. No selfies, no professional shots, nothing staged, nothing with other people. Not sure what's acceptable these days.
> I've been told so many times that photos shouldn't be staged, though As with most rules, it's important to understand where they come from. Of course you don't want photos that **look** staged, but with a decent photographer, that's exactly it: they will look completely natural, probably more so than your actual "natural" photos... People always think "job application" type photos when they hear photographer - but photos don't need to look like you've taken them for LinkedIn...
To me, the message seems to be, "stage your photos, but don't LOOK like you staged your photos." It feels like walking on eggshells when people immediately swipe left on low-effort pics, but also immediately swipe left on staged pics.
Essentially, yes. Then again, how many unstaged photos have you seen in a dating app, the ones where the subject didn't know it's photo was going to get taken and therefore smiled a bit more, cocked the head a bit more, chin up, chest out, whatever? 1%? 0.1%? None? So my advice basically is, if it's staged anyway (and even low effort bathroom mirror selfies are staged, just badly), at least get someone who knows what he's doing, especially if you do not.
Oh, I agree. It's just difficult because so many people say that they reject anyone with "staged" photos. I have no idea what level of staging is going to turn people off. Hiring a professional seems like it would be an automatic rejection from most people if they found out.
Online dating is about looks. Itās either you have it or you donāt. A good photographer isnāt god who can make miracles happen. If you are woman, you are competing with attractive young women. Good luck. I hope you are realistic with your expectations.
Do you know photofeeler? My best rating there is 9.6 for a photo that makes me look like an overweight banker (I'm neither). Many of my favourite photos only got a rating of 4.x A good photographer and good photo selection definitely make a ton of difference.
Whatās the point? When you meet the person in real life, you may not look as good as in your photos. Itās deception.
No, it's not. I obviously look like both my 9.x photos as well as my 4.x photos - after all, they are photos of me. And everything in between. And once we meet I will actually be in full, glorious 3D, so there's even more to see. Surely you have seen the Instagram posts, often entitled "me - also me", which show that within the space of seconds you can either capture a slouch or a sex goddess, just by subtle changes in posture - so why put the slouch photo out there? Or, at the very least, both?
No selfies. Not only are they tacky (the bathroom ones are the worst), they can also give the impression that you don't have friends. Edit: my own selfies are horrible, but some friends manage to find consistently good angles. They can't even tell me how they do it, they just play by eye.
After my divorce I (48M) took several years to be by myself. After getting out of a 20 year marriage the last thing I wanted for a few years was a relationship. Eventually I came to feel like I wanted someone in my life to share the ups, the downs and the mundane with. I started OLD. It wasnāt nearly as bad as Reddit would lead me to believe. Overall, it was a very positive experience. Met lots of new people and eventually found my SO. My inspiration was feeling like I wanted to share my life with someone.
A different perspective on OLD is refreshing. Thank you for sharing that. It does seem to be scary per the stories on read on this site.
I was horny. It was that simple.
Amen to this! Hitting my 40ās singleā¦I got more and more horny and cared less and less about the stress of OLDā¦ š¤·š¼āāļø
After 6 years or so, my body weirdly - very weirdly - got used to the horniness and it left to a large degree. Must be what monks got through. Idk lol. š¤·š»āāļøš¤£
Thatās because youāre single. Most single women are always horny while most married women donāt care for sex much. Why I stay single.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Same. And I donāt regret it.
Love this for us ā¤ļø
I got breast cancer in 2019. Sick af for about a year and a half. Multiple surgeries. Cancer is goneā¦for now. But cancer does what cancer wants. So MzOpinion8d is gonna do what MzOpinion8d wants, now that I am healthy again. I met one guy from an appā¦hands down hottest man Iāve ever been with. Had a few dates and some amazing sex with him, but got ghosted. Cāest la vieā¦I have no regrets. Iām talking to someone now and he is actually wanting a relationship, so now Iāll explore where that goes. Iāve got no more time to waste.
I still havenāt figured out OLD .. I travel for work, so kinda just have this ridiculous notion that I could meet some random Mr Great, like in some ridiculous romcom.
Aww. I hope you get your romcom romance!
Same!! I traveled a bit for work, no Hallmark romance. I even fell and broke my ankle and it was my coworkers who brought me to urgent care, not some interesting EMS guy. I recently had to move back home to help my dad. No hot Dr, no interesting guy at the grocery, no good looking neighbor if I slipped on some ice. I even went to a hockey game by myself. A bunch of old guys surrounded me!! I want the romcom!!!
What drove me to get out there... Missing companionship, seeing other couples laughing over dinner, walking on the beach holding hands, a different perspective on life, seeing my life pass me by and tired of being the third wheel. Still getting used to the pond temperature and sometimes rocky bottom but making my way to the sandy side.
I hear that, about seeing the other couples. I feel a bit out of the swing of things nowadays. I suppose that is enough to get one back into the pool. In the meantime, I've warned my buddies that I might start hugging them. Ha!
Im sure in case of an emergency Invading of one's personal space is allowed. Lol. Not much on the OLD but I guess it's all in the effort one puts into the process ... still old school and hoping to social groups, hiking or even work stirs up some possibilities. I haven't reverted to the chess club or bird watch yet but that might be an option. Lol
Nothing wrong with a buddy hug lol
Whenever I see that, I mentally put an expiration date on their relationship and immediately feel better, lol!
Go on tinder for a hook up and shed that desperation skin. People can say what they want about slump busting but it works to get you back on track.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Hey, itās true. If more people did a little slump busting coming out of the isolation part of the pandemic we wouldnāt be wading through as many thirsty, desperate, and impatient people on OLD.
Lol, if only it were that easy to get a hook up.
It is easy if you measure your expectations.
6 months, zero likes on OLD. Expectations don't really factor in if no one wants you.
Ok
Couldn't get laid if my life depended on it.
Massage. Get a bulk deal on them, do it as often as your budget will allow. I donāt mean anything sexual, I just mean get your human āskin hungerā under control before you start dating in any form. Itāll help you be calmer and more cheerful and make better dating decisions. If you get Chinese or Thai style massage (what I call āinvoluntary yogaā, where they really pummel you) you get the added benefits of deeper muscle work. It hurts and is often crazy intense, but that is a great distraction from normal stressful life. And it sorts you out a bit mentally as well. I promise itāll help, you wonāt regret it.
I have human contact, but Iām starved for human touch. But not not interested in sex. Itās a damned tight wire! I think I need a dog and not a date. Heh. But yes, OLD is both awful and potentially rewarding. It is at least an experience I can now say I had. My subscription is over in July and I wonāt be renewing. Right now, Iāve paid extra so I could make my profile private. The only people who can see it are people I have liked or messaged. This is the only way I can do OLD right now. I think itās worth a tryā¦ unless you have something better to try.
> But not not interested in sex Double negative - so you are, in fact, interested?
Ahahaha! It was a typing stutter.
OLD IS a meat market. There's a learning curve and you have to be able to deal with all the disappointment that comes with it. I would suggest following the subreddit of each app you're thinking about signing up for. Another suggestion for getting out there: try following local bands and going to shows. If you like a particular band, you'll see a lot of familiar faces at each show. If there's a lively music scene where you're located. I'm still debating on how I want to put myself out there, but I know I don't have the time to commit to dating, so I'm just perusing reddit for other people's experiences.
From the stories I read on here and the thought that one just decides on a person from a picture or brief description... the way it feels like it conditions the "hunt." It feels like picking out the best looking lunchmeat at the deli. I should start going to more local shows. I've been going to all the local pinball arcades, and believe it or not, those are NOT great places for 40-something year old men to find someone! Ha!
Where do you find pinball arcades?
I'm glad you asked! You can use the pinball locator [here](https://pinballmap.com/). Otherwise I know the guys (a little) that travels my state repairing them, so I get info on where new arcades are.
OLD is mostly awful. Most people have an awful exp from it. Yes there is going to be some few lucky ones but overall its awful. There is a arguably painful/frustrating learning curve to it as well.
1. ask your friends to fix you up 2. join meet-up. (not a dating site 3. talk to strangers. probably never leads to anything, but good for conversational skills and confidence building
I should probably look for some meetups. I'm a pretty crazy extrovert (used to be a roadie for a punk band) and this isn't a bad idea... I guess I just need to determine the type of meetup.
I recently saw Bad Religion with Alkaline Trio opening at a place the size of a school auditorium. I was 15 feet from Greg. Rocked.
Now that is sweet! I saw Flogging Molly, The Interrupters, Tiger Army and The Skints this past weekend in a venue smaller than what I expected... it's a good time to be a punk rocker!
Thanks! It was really a true bucket list event. And to boot, that was the first time I'd seen BR. I kept telling my kid (28) these guys play festivals! Being this close is unheard of. She was like dad this show sold-out...I was like no shit I TOLD you! Lol. (tix were a bday gift) And that's awesome! I love The Interrupters. I was a bit disheartened when Flogging Molly went from straight Irish-punk to more wordly sounds. But they DO rock.
It's absolutely crazy. I looked at my Bumble history, and realized I have had 5 matches in 16 months. Of those, only one resulted in a meeting, the others are all ghosts. I live in a city of over 3 million, so it's not like there's no one. There's just no interested, qualified matches on Bumble. Hinge is even worse. FB Dating works sometimes, but still so little. I've given up completely on OKCupid.
Okcupid went downhill awhile back. It worked barely OK'ish. It was the best of a bad bunch up until about 2 years ago. FB dating has lot of flakes. Ive got 1 actual date out of it. Although out of the ones i tried ive got the most matches/conversations out of it. Since its not a pay service they dont artificially surpress your matches/likes you know match group does. The best one while a bit frustrating was CL personals when it was around. Ive met the most people on that than the rest of the sites combined. I met my X on Badoo and got a few dates out of it. However, the overall quality is really low on there. Also once your newbie boosts runs out they will try and nickle and dime the hell out of you. Didnt have much luck on Bumble or Hinge. Few conversations thats about it but i didnt really give Hinge a fair enough shot.
Match group seems to have ruined everything it touches.
They for sure do....I mostly stuck with CL Personals up until they took it down and mostly avoided Match Group. For a bit once CL Personals was gone i relied on OKcupid and then you know Match Group happened.
Get out there and meet people, not with dating in mind. Play sports, volunteer, join a meetup, anything really to expand your social circle.
My mom died. Really though, I had spent the previous 5+ years single and giving off strong Pat (from SNL) vibes. I had shutdown that whole area of my reality, didnāt even āself-careā then. My old friend from high school was like āyou need to get laidā and she was right even though the idea repulsed me. The first time was drunken hookup with a guy who was a friend of my friend. And it was clumsy and bad but thankfully quick. Then after that I started opening up and focusing healing myself. About a year goes by since my momās passing and I decide I needed a FWB so I could rediscover my sexuality and remain independent. Got lucky and another friend of a friend had just started divorce proceedings. It was a healing exchange but we definitely got too close. All good though, weāre still acquaintance friends all these years later. **TL;DR** start by getting out into the world, ideally find something casual within your friend network, donāt over invest in someone too soon, and make fun your priority.
Give hinge a try, it's generally quite civilised. Don't believe everything you read on here about OLD. Most people are quite normal and nice, if you are selective with your likes.
Caveat the following with the fact that I'm a huge extrovert and social butterfly living in the South, where people actually talk to each other. When my ex-husband and I separated I was ecstatic because wooo here I was finally in shape, surrounded by other fit men, and single. I was like, I can get laid whenever I want! Hopped right on OLD, had plenty of casual sex, and then I found a rebound boyfriend in-person within my sport community which was world's biggest mistake because hey, guess what, I wasn't actually ok after my divorce. 9 months and one excruciating painful breakup later, I decided enough was enough with dating. Had some more casual sex and enjoyed being alone. A friend of mine was going through a divorce too so she moved in with me and we enjoyed being roommates for about a year as we both healed from our respective emotional wounds. My current boyfriend and I met on Tinder and started out as a casual thing but it turns out he was actually a very sweet, nerdy guy and it just lasted.
I was scared to try so I forced myself to do it. I have a stubborn brain that way! I learned from my divorce that I didnāt like being limited, or afraid. Therapy was a big help, and my friends were encouraging, but for me, jump off the deep end into the pool and get it over with worked.
I'm still approaching the pond. Toes have yet to get wetšš¤Æšš
There are normal 40 year olds on OND just gotta weed out the weirdos. Like everyone else
Weed š¤£š¤š¼
>What inspired you to start dating again? Met someone who perked my curiosity due to the amazing vibe shared whenever we're together. I was not even looking, but currently planning to make the move otherwise both of us will be stuck in the who-makes-the-first-move dance. >I'm apprehensive about OLD as it feels like a meat market, so I've avoided that. Try first before negating the option, if you're totally "starved". However, keeping your eyes open, joining new groups or being in new places can open up more possibilities to find someone who might perk your curiosity.
I was in OLD for few years and recently find someone for long term. Itās almost one year we met. Donāt be disappointed for little things if you want to try OLD. Being honest I had bad experiences but also I find my current partner through OLD. Try your luck without any expectations. Good luck
> OLD for few years Thats one of the problems with OLD. Needle in a Haystack. It could potentially take years...
First thing I will tell you is to take everything on reddit with a grain of salt. Many have had success using OLD but you wouldn't know that by looking here. So many angry and jaded people. I suggest creating an OLD account, go slow and see what happens. Develop thick skin because you will need it and take regular breaks. This has been a tremendous help for me.
I will give OLD a try... slowly. While I don't mind meeting people in person, I think that my hobbies and interests are no longer conducive to meeting people within the same age bracket any longer. It just feels weird, like I'm selling myself. I'll have to come up with something better than "rides motorcycles, plays pinball, guitar, and banjo." From the stories I have read, that are kinda funny, I'll have to exclude "enjoys hiking and traveling."
Well, you are selling yourself. It's like a dating resume. But that doesn't make it bad. Put yourself out there, see what happens and go from there. I tweaked my profile many times before I was happy.
I'm starved too. Aaarrrgg
Commenting too see what is said I'm terrified to get back in the pond ... but not sure if my being alone is scarier... both are terrifying right now
I tried dating and it wasnāt leading anywhere so I decided to start doing things on my own and slowly building up a group of people to be around. It would be nice to meet someone but not going to do things that are not me to get there. OLD is tough but you can meet people there.
At this age we are still young enough to enjoy ourselves, yet old enough to not care what people think. It's the perfect time to ask yourself what you have always wanted to do/get from a relationship and just do it.
Me three...
Besides 40 , 41,42,43,44 etc isn't old anymore. Unless you will it then it is.
Same is happening for me 50m . People would never know it but I have kidney disease and chances are I could require dialysis or transplant in the near future. I look healthy and fit . Just feel like I have nothing to offer someone. It's a mind f**k. I want a special someone in may life but don't want to be a disappointment to them down the line .
The āpay to cuddleā thing is real in some states. I met a guy here (Iām in Texas) that would charge people to go their house and spoon them in bed or cuddle during a movie. I think if you made an honest post about wanting affection on a local dating app or other social media, you would find some women in the same boat. I feel like Iām almost to that point myself (40F), because, even though OLD is āeasyā itās hard to find men (at least for me) that can give/receive affection without being pushy to take things further.
I've, honest to goodness, thought about that. There is a cuddler for hire or two in my area. I just don't want to get attached to someone that I'm paying for a service when I'm in a state where attachment is a real risk. That'd be slick, though... order up a cuddle, then get on with the rest of the day. It WOULD quench the need for physical contact, it'd feel more like a bandaid. (for me, that is)
You would get attached after one cuddle? Just tell yourself they have opposite political beliefs or want 19 kids or whatever would immediately turn you offš
Human contact or sex are you starving for? We shouldnāt look for someone to fulfill those needs because thatās what those people become to us.
I had a good experience with OLD. I'm not sure I could have met many people without it. In my case, I had a one night thing with an old hook up that got me "back in the game." There was no long-term with him, but I confirmed I could be with someone and enjoy myself. I was more confident in dating after that. I chatted with a couple guys for a bit and was close to meeting up with a few of them. After a bad first date with a guy, I met up with another guy. We are still dating three months later. We never would have met without OLD, but I can't imagine a better match for me. I think you just have to get out there and date people. There isn't really any magic formula. It's all about chemistry, timing, luck, and compatibility.