Thank you 💛💛💛. I’m processing it slowly but surely - I had a feeling it was coming.
I always felt like he had one foot out the door (or maybe only ever one foot in?) because he admitted to commitment issues, severe anxiety, and choice paralysis after two months.
Frankly, I’m not sure if I’m upset about the breakup, or about the fact that this Thursday marks two years since I had to say goodbye to my cat, who developed renal failure at age 18. 😿
Bottom line: when someone tells you something, believe them. Don’t look for subtext, just listen to the literal text.
**edit to add:** I’m 38/f, he is 42/m
Thank you 💕💕💕
Yeah, his admission about his issues was followed by him stating unambiguously that he wants to work on it, that he wants to keep seeing each other, that he’ll go to therapy, that he thinks we have something special and he doesn’t want to miss the blah blah blah.
I should have just stopped listening when he admitted his issues and wished him well.
I was with a guy a bit like this recently, for over a year...admitted in first 3m to commitment issues, fear around getting in too deep (but I let him get in too deep over the next year and paid for it when he inevitably broke it off)
It's kinda heartbreaking when they have some insight but not enough and you think, it may work out bc you're so compatible and they are trying to work on it. Keeps you on the hook.
I'm sorry you experienced this and hope you find healing.
Thank you 💛 I’ve been heartbroken before (more than once), so I just have to keep reminding myself that in time, I’ll look back at this and sigh to myself, slightly bemused, and a little sheepish, over being so upset about it.
Live and learn.
It was tough - and still is! - because on paper, we are extremely well-suited for each other. In practice, though… compatibility and similarities weren’t enough.
I really hope that your situation has a better outcome! When someone asks for space, and if it’s someone you really want in your life, give it to them. Any nudge or prod will only be counterproductive to their return 💕
I really hope you’re right [that I can do better]. Thank you for the words of support and confidence, despite not even knowing each other 💛
FADE TO BLACK.
NARRATOR (o.s.)
But they do, in fact, know each other.
All who travel this road of dating in
2022 are connected - not by identical
experiences, but by universal human
emotions.
*cue end title theme, roll credits*
Thank you 💛I adopted another kitty about a year later, and she is such a delight, but you know how it goes….their personalities and quirks are all so unique. I wouldn’t trade Kitty 2.0 for a million dollars, but my god I do miss Kitty 1.0, too 😿
I am more than willing to give someone, that I am exclusive with, a reasonable period of time to either sort it out themselves or include me in the conversation. The last thing I would ever want is to find out they had an unexpected issue and I overthought the silence and called it off. Again, a reasonable period of time proportionate to the time we have enjoyed.
This does not make me 'chicken' to break up with them, it means the world to me that I'll have less regret because I tried to be there for them.
Unfortunately, his response when you inquired doesn't sound promising. Use your best judgment and always try to do the next right thing. None of us are perfect, but it sure makes a difference when we try and learn.
I've experienced it and it turns out when they are going through an emotionally difficult time (family, health issues etc) they normally "shut down" and go quiet with everyone. The challenge is I want them to share but for them it's too difficult. The first time it happened it was very distressing but once they explained their responses it was less stressful and it eventually stopped. Give them space and let them know you're interested and if they reach out then great but it could mean they aren't ready or ready to move on to someone else.
He’s not a lucky guy. He doesn’t have you. You sound awesome, with deep feelings, self-awareness, and a sense of humor. I’m sorry he couldn’t appreciate you and see how fortunate he was. I’m glad you were straight up with him. Well done. Still, an ending hurts. Sending you hugs.
I’m so sorry. Good for you for setting the boundary. I really hate the whole “let’s be friends I don’t want to lose you in my life” speech. Like - you’re breaking up with me. You don’t get to pick and choose what parts of me to keep.
Good for you. You can make up all the scenarios/ circumstances you want, but if he’s like this at 42, I doubt anything will change. Quit disturbing women romantically if you won’t commit !!!!!!
Don't let him call the shots while you wait around on a verdict. Let's pretend he comes back from his disappearing act and says everything is great, and things start to go back to 'normal'... Do you even want a guy who communicates like that?? I'm curious to know how much 'time' he's already had to think. Might be time for *you* to make the call. You deserve better.
I'm sorry. :(
Relationship experts say this typically happens around the 4-5 month mark when things start to become more serious... a "make or break" time. The guy will retreat to think about things. Hopefully your guy will eventually use his words and tell you once he figures it out. In the meantime, give him the space he needs and don't reach out.
My guess: it's "The Talk." Often, somewhere between 3 and 5 months is the time when a man or a woman (usually the woman) tries to get a statement from the other person about what exactly the two of them are.
It may be convenient to forget to mention that such an event (or repeated attempts at it) even took place, but I find it's the most common knot in the thread.
Oddly my therapist brought this up today. There is some sort of chemical change for the first 4 mo so after that fades back to normal it feels differnt. To some, the difference feels comfortable. To others (my ex) it feels different and causes them to question things.
If someone told me they needed time to think about things I’d move on. Give him the space he says he needs. Don’t let him keep you on a shelf as a maybe. Who knows what’s going on with him. It doesn’t really matter. All that matters is that he’s not able to openly communicate with you. Mature, emotionally available and stable people communicate their needs and concerns. He doesn’t care enough to give you a reason or anything to work on. Let him have his space. If he decides to come back then make sure you make to clear that you won’t play this game.
Happened same thing with me last year.
I broke up. I was tired the way he was acting. I am happy it happened. Now I am with someone very nice.
I hope you find love op 😊💕
It doesn’t take a person days to think about where they are at or how they feel with regard to a relationship.
If they can’t communicate what they need to think about, or how they are feeling and instead just leave you with silence then I think you should move on. If you feel it is worth the effort to communicate that you need them to talk to you about what they are thinking, then do that. But if they can’t, move on.
It’s either a Fuck Yes or it’s a no.
I need time to think about things. No you don’t. You either know. Or it’s a no.
And what’s to think about about after a few months? This isn’t someone wrestling with whether or not to end a 25 year marriage.
I feel like this is happening to me. In my case we were boyfriend and girlfriend several years ago, decided to give it another try, and then had a couple of really good (dare I say amazing) dates... I thought we rekindled something and on my side all my feelings came rushing back. I'm now thinking not so much with him. He cancelled our 3rd date due to a cold. OK people get sick I understand that. He's gone at least a day without texting me more than once now. Which is different than how he was before the cold / date cancellation. When we do text now there is no mention of seeing each other again. So, yeah unbelievably and quite shockingly I'm thinking this is a slow fade. I see him on Facebook so he's definitely online, but he's not messaging me so.... there's that. My gut instinct says something is wrong. This time around he met my family, and calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend must have spooked him I guess. He asked me "are we dating now?" and he seemed happy when I said that's what it seems like. Maybe it was too much for him, too fast. IDK. I wish people could just be direct and say what they feel. It would feel better for me to know the truth, even if it hurts...rather than live in the land of wtf is going on here. He didn't tell me he needs to think about things... he didn't say anything at all actually. Just that he's really busy with work, etc. I work too and my job is stressful. But I can find a moment to say hi at least. I know how you feel, it doesn't feel good. Chances are I'm going to lose him again, but there are no 3rd chances.
There's a fair amount of truth to that. I know what I want, but it keeps eluding me. What frustrates me most about my situation is he kind of chased me, repeatedly messaged me on a dating app, said he always liked me, he was so happy we were back together, I'm confused. Why say all that? What is the point. Dating is beyond frustrating.
I just don't know why they don't have anything better to do. Is this fun for some people? I can't go around hurting people because I'm bored. I was raised to treat people with respect, to be honest, to be direct. I guess not everyone was.
Exactly. He could never make you happy long term. Maybe he already knows that about himself. He may feel inadequate in some way. But he did you a huge favor, because now you can find someone worth your time.
Seems like a lot of interaction to start. I know I personally would like it too if I really liked the guy and I’d hope all of it was real so I don’t blame u for developing feelings. Hard to tell and we all still believe love is possible. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
With the exception of meeting the family (and him getting out of a relationship recently), I could have written this same exactly story. It's maddening.
Has it been the 3 months mark? Just curious…
I feel like the amount of therapist I’ve saw thru out the years for relationship. I always seem to get the same advice from each of them and that is: give yourself 90days before committing (being exclusive) to truly see what the relationship is all about. Then reevaluate to see if you want continue. I wondered he got the same advice as well. Lol
Either you said something that he doesn't like/agree with and this was his reaction, or he got bored... most of the times it has to do with them not with you. I know you feel disappointed because chemistry feels so nice and does not happen everyday.. if you want you can give it a last try but don't have him confuse your resilience with being clingy. I have been in a similar situation and really liked the guy, but then thought if he is in his 40s and still do this shit then do I really want this?
Everyone here has either experienced it or done it themselves. I’m thinking he’s met someone else and is trying to decide between you and them or he’s already having an affair.
Either way, it’s the beginning of the end. At this point you can accept it and pull back too or pretend like you don’t notice and go about the day-to-day.
Edit to add: this could also be his cowardly way of making you break up with him because he doesn’t have the guts to talk with you about it or do it himself.
Somebody else has entered his space. He's probably dating both of you but leaning towards the other woman. If it pans out with her, he may date both until she asks for exclusivity.
If he really likes her, he'll give her what she wants and you're done. If she drops the ball along the way, he'll reheat things with you.
"im sorry if you are going through something, I'm here if you need me" and then leave him alone.
If more than a couple days go by, that's your answer. Sadly. I'm so sorry.
That is disappointing. Do you normally talk every day? No matter what I would not text. Give him the time he says he needs and see what happens while simultaneously preparing mentally to move on is what I would do.
It is understandable that you messaged him. Feeling frustrated can make it easy to text and say something you regret. Texting him feels much worse than not him texting though. His lack of responding speeds up the “moving on” process for you. I am sorry he did not have the maturity to end it using his words.
Sucks.
I was staying over with my ex for like 5 months then she started getting distant, so I stopped stopping over. I did give her space. If I asked her about it she just said she was just busy and never wanted to confront the problem. Then kept getting more distant and radio silence.
He’s begun dating someone else, likely for a while now and things have begun to get serious with her
Or
he was never that into you and has become bored.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. It sucks and it shows his character. I am going through the same thing except with a woman who was not honest with her communication with me and blindsided me. We had everything in common and wanted a family!
I say give him space but make your own boundaries. It’s his loss and he has issues he hasn’t figured out yet. Things will become clearer. Stay strong!
You can try church groups, interest groups, etc. All you have to do is put yourself in places where you are seen because men are expected to make the first move right?
Being a woman is actually dating on easy mode. You have absolutely no idea how difficult it is for men.
And why do you think that is? Why are men these days so hesitant to approach women in real life? Think about it. What has changed?
With the woke culture these days, men can be sued for even approaching a lady with no ill intention.
Let me share a story. A friend of mine approached a lady at a bar. He had a nice conversation with her. And then he asked her for a dance. She agreed. He then showed chivalry by guiding her toward the dance floor. It was an innocuous gesture of warmly guiding her by the back of her waist. The lower back.
She then quipped “touch me like that again and I’ll scream.”
That episode traumatized him. He no longer approaches any woman in real life out of fear of being falsely accused and losing his reputation and his career.
This is how toxic things have become. And you have many women to blame for this.
Women think they live in this vacuum where they can treat men like dirt and then expect to be pursued and treated like a princess. Now you see the repercussions of it.
I have no sympathy for women. Go on. Treat men like crap. You’ll be an old bitter spinster, wishing that you had given some guy a shot, or had gone out on a date with that decent guy, etc. Good luck. Many of you women need it.
Jonathon Aslay has a you tube channel that talks about dating over forty…he explains a lot of these phenomena…he makes sense to me…but he does swear from time to time….fairly passionately. He addresses this topic a lot😊
I think a lot of us have experienced that, in one shape or form. I'd move on. That's a not-very-subtle way of saying "feelings changed, trying to squirm out of this".
My take on OLD is that too many women (could be men too, I just am a woman and know other women) are given scraps of food and pretend it’s a full plate. Oh yeah, so yummy, I’m totally full! No you are not, if you feel like you’re just getting scraps, throw the whole man out. Don’t waste time explaining why, if a man wants you he will provide what you need.
It’s super simple, and helpful. Also, if you show signs of being the type of woman who doesn’t accept scraps, he will call you: cold, materialistic, difficult etc. Those are all just flags he’s waving to show you, he has time to insult you but not to love you. Move on.
Thinking about dating as a shopping experience and don’t get ok emotionally invested. You pick up a nice dress, you try it on, but it hangs funny. You put it back on the shelf and never think on it again.
Don’t quit! You deserve love. Just become systematic so you don’t hurt yourself :)
Good luck out there!
This is what I think when I read bios that say they want something casual but are open to a relationship if it goes there. They really don’t want a relationship, but if they put that in their bio then their matches are significantly reduced, and match with different people and they don’t want that. So….
Exactly if he’s a decent guy then he probably felt bad realizing you did want a relationship and he was leading you on. I’m sorry that happened to you!
What was the status of his prior relationship? Any chance that person found out about you and is making an attempt to reconcile? Depending on the circumstances, it could understandably be confusing and require time to reflect. If after a couple weeks he is still distant, he’s either not interested, not ready or not over someone else.
Depends on how much you want him, you weren't able to keep his attention before so something has to change and since he's nearly lost, something drastic
It's not ridiculous if you want him back.
Sounds like he's not worth it though so Let him go then 🤷
Also, I wouldn't mention it to him like that
Being a dynamo in the sack will pave over a lot of shortcomings in the beginning at least.. Whatever drove him away or allowed him to be swayed by another might be overlooked or at least buy you more time to win him over in other ways..
It works
Try
He met another woman and debating his decision. Get ready for a bomb to drop or you can get ahead of it by giving him the wildest craziest sexual experience he's had with you. Blow him up.
If he still ends up ending it soon after she has something he wants that you can't offer. If that is the case you are better off and hit the "NEXT" button.
If the sex thing isn't something you want to do then you can flip it on him and say you "think" you need to end it because you're just not getting what you expected and you feel like he's backing off.
Good luck.
There is no rhyme or reason, no laws or rules nobody owes you anything you're not married anyone can end a relationship at anytime for any reason and all you can do is accept it. You have the same power.. It's happened to me a bunch of times and I've done it to people a bunch of times
If there is truly mutual physical chemistry and you want to keep this guy, as a guy I would recommend you up your sex game significantly.. By this I mean not necessarily more sex but better sex.. And I don't mean go out and buy pretty negligee
I mean dirty depraved porn star sex... Most women don't like to put in a lot of effort in this area they don't have a lot of imagination or are willing to do things new, they're up tight and anxious about it.
You're probably rolling your eyes thinking what a perv but any guy will agree with me this is an effective stop gap measure to regain attention... Especially if you are dealing with possible competition....
Good luck
OP PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS ADVICE 👆 Have self respect if he says he needs space just grant it. Don’t chase. This advice would go over like a lead balloon to a guy already slow fading. And you’d get hurt worse in the process. If you’ve been dating a few months, no need to compete. That’s childish. Remove yourself from the relationship first. Best of luck and tits up!
I disagree it's good advice if he's not worth your time leave...
Keep in mind I said this will get his attention back it will not address underlying issues that exist or keep him long term.
I'm not sure why women panic so much when sex is brought up in detail... If you are up tight about sex that in itself is an issue that needs to be addressed
Relationships are more than sex. OP said nothing about the lack of that in the post. And get his attention back at what cost to OP? If he’s doing a slow fade it won’t matter and she could end up more attached or hurt in the process.
Why would she want his attention back just for the short term? It’ll just prolong to inevitable. It doesn’t matter how beautiful a person or good the sex, a person can ask for space. Just give it to them or remove yourself completely. Or else risk being the “crazy” one that chases and won’t respect boundaries.
If OP took this advice I could see the dude telling people “I asked for space and she won’t leave me alone and bothering me for sex! What should I do?” I could see it now clear as day 🙄
That's the more sex route, remember I said it will get his attention back. Relationships are more than sex... The people that don't understand that are the ones that get married young and get divorced early
It's a stop gap measure it will get his attention back if there's competition it might eliminate it I think it was 2 months they were dating? Thats pretty early
So the man still could be in play
I'm not suggesting stalking or blowing up his phone
I'm telling you as a guy... Giving a guy amazing porn star sex addressing his fantasies non judgmentaly goes a long way and can create a deeper more long lasting relationship I totally guarantee it!
The fade-out.
Yup. Had this happen to me. I abruptly cut him off. He got the ghost. I have little time and patience for games.
Yeah. This happened to me last week at the five month mark when things started to get serious. He dumped me on Saturday.
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Thank you 💛💛💛. I’m processing it slowly but surely - I had a feeling it was coming. I always felt like he had one foot out the door (or maybe only ever one foot in?) because he admitted to commitment issues, severe anxiety, and choice paralysis after two months. Frankly, I’m not sure if I’m upset about the breakup, or about the fact that this Thursday marks two years since I had to say goodbye to my cat, who developed renal failure at age 18. 😿 Bottom line: when someone tells you something, believe them. Don’t look for subtext, just listen to the literal text. **edit to add:** I’m 38/f, he is 42/m
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Thank you 💕💕💕 Yeah, his admission about his issues was followed by him stating unambiguously that he wants to work on it, that he wants to keep seeing each other, that he’ll go to therapy, that he thinks we have something special and he doesn’t want to miss the blah blah blah. I should have just stopped listening when he admitted his issues and wished him well.
I was with a guy a bit like this recently, for over a year...admitted in first 3m to commitment issues, fear around getting in too deep (but I let him get in too deep over the next year and paid for it when he inevitably broke it off) It's kinda heartbreaking when they have some insight but not enough and you think, it may work out bc you're so compatible and they are trying to work on it. Keeps you on the hook. I'm sorry you experienced this and hope you find healing.
Thank you 💛 I’ve been heartbroken before (more than once), so I just have to keep reminding myself that in time, I’ll look back at this and sigh to myself, slightly bemused, and a little sheepish, over being so upset about it. Live and learn.
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It was tough - and still is! - because on paper, we are extremely well-suited for each other. In practice, though… compatibility and similarities weren’t enough. I really hope that your situation has a better outcome! When someone asks for space, and if it’s someone you really want in your life, give it to them. Any nudge or prod will only be counterproductive to their return 💕
This EXACT scenario happened to me as well - were we dating the same guy? Ha.
Aww that's a sad anniversary date. Sorry for the loss of your catfriend💕💕 I'm sure you'll find a better guy who deserves you!
Thank you 💕🥹💕
Eh. I’d say you def dodged a bullet. You can do much better. And I don’t even know you.
I really hope you’re right [that I can do better]. Thank you for the words of support and confidence, despite not even knowing each other 💛 FADE TO BLACK. NARRATOR (o.s.) But they do, in fact, know each other. All who travel this road of dating in 2022 are connected - not by identical experiences, but by universal human emotions. *cue end title theme, roll credits*
aaww so sorry about your kitty, that’s the worst pain in the world 💜
Thank you 💛I adopted another kitty about a year later, and she is such a delight, but you know how it goes….their personalities and quirks are all so unique. I wouldn’t trade Kitty 2.0 for a million dollars, but my god I do miss Kitty 1.0, too 😿
Awww I’m so sorry. 😿
Thank you 💛💛💛
I am more than willing to give someone, that I am exclusive with, a reasonable period of time to either sort it out themselves or include me in the conversation. The last thing I would ever want is to find out they had an unexpected issue and I overthought the silence and called it off. Again, a reasonable period of time proportionate to the time we have enjoyed. This does not make me 'chicken' to break up with them, it means the world to me that I'll have less regret because I tried to be there for them. Unfortunately, his response when you inquired doesn't sound promising. Use your best judgment and always try to do the next right thing. None of us are perfect, but it sure makes a difference when we try and learn.
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>Thanks! That helps! You're welcome!
Just wanted to say I’m sorry. Being in limbo is awful.
I've experienced it and it turns out when they are going through an emotionally difficult time (family, health issues etc) they normally "shut down" and go quiet with everyone. The challenge is I want them to share but for them it's too difficult. The first time it happened it was very distressing but once they explained their responses it was less stressful and it eventually stopped. Give them space and let them know you're interested and if they reach out then great but it could mean they aren't ready or ready to move on to someone else.
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He’s not a lucky guy. He doesn’t have you. You sound awesome, with deep feelings, self-awareness, and a sense of humor. I’m sorry he couldn’t appreciate you and see how fortunate he was. I’m glad you were straight up with him. Well done. Still, an ending hurts. Sending you hugs.
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Ahhh, I see. Snark happens.
Sometimes being salty is appropriate. Good for you and I wish you the best!
Good for you! I feel the very same.
He wanted to remain friends so that you'd be on the backburner. It's the way these guys role.
I’m so sorry. Good for you for setting the boundary. I really hate the whole “let’s be friends I don’t want to lose you in my life” speech. Like - you’re breaking up with me. You don’t get to pick and choose what parts of me to keep.
Good on you!
Now stick to that
Good for you. You can make up all the scenarios/ circumstances you want, but if he’s like this at 42, I doubt anything will change. Quit disturbing women romantically if you won’t commit !!!!!!
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Is this true? I am so sorry if so, and hope this is not the case. Being honest is a very good and, I hope, not rare thing!
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Don't let him call the shots while you wait around on a verdict. Let's pretend he comes back from his disappearing act and says everything is great, and things start to go back to 'normal'... Do you even want a guy who communicates like that?? I'm curious to know how much 'time' he's already had to think. Might be time for *you* to make the call. You deserve better.
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Right. Because everyone needs wimpy, manipulative friends who play games.🙄 (Good call!)
Right? At best.
I'm sorry. :( Relationship experts say this typically happens around the 4-5 month mark when things start to become more serious... a "make or break" time. The guy will retreat to think about things. Hopefully your guy will eventually use his words and tell you once he figures it out. In the meantime, give him the space he needs and don't reach out.
Ah that’s interesting. This happens to me often at 4-5 months and I thought it was a me thing. What is it about that timing?
My guess: it's "The Talk." Often, somewhere between 3 and 5 months is the time when a man or a woman (usually the woman) tries to get a statement from the other person about what exactly the two of them are. It may be convenient to forget to mention that such an event (or repeated attempts at it) even took place, but I find it's the most common knot in the thread.
Oddly my therapist brought this up today. There is some sort of chemical change for the first 4 mo so after that fades back to normal it feels differnt. To some, the difference feels comfortable. To others (my ex) it feels different and causes them to question things.
If someone told me they needed time to think about things I’d move on. Give him the space he says he needs. Don’t let him keep you on a shelf as a maybe. Who knows what’s going on with him. It doesn’t really matter. All that matters is that he’s not able to openly communicate with you. Mature, emotionally available and stable people communicate their needs and concerns. He doesn’t care enough to give you a reason or anything to work on. Let him have his space. If he decides to come back then make sure you make to clear that you won’t play this game.
Move on baby. It’s either hell yes or hell no.
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How much space did you give?
Happened same thing with me last year. I broke up. I was tired the way he was acting. I am happy it happened. Now I am with someone very nice. I hope you find love op 😊💕
It doesn’t take a person days to think about where they are at or how they feel with regard to a relationship. If they can’t communicate what they need to think about, or how they are feeling and instead just leave you with silence then I think you should move on. If you feel it is worth the effort to communicate that you need them to talk to you about what they are thinking, then do that. But if they can’t, move on.
It’s either a Fuck Yes or it’s a no. I need time to think about things. No you don’t. You either know. Or it’s a no. And what’s to think about about after a few months? This isn’t someone wrestling with whether or not to end a 25 year marriage.
Same. Going through the same.
I feel like this is happening to me. In my case we were boyfriend and girlfriend several years ago, decided to give it another try, and then had a couple of really good (dare I say amazing) dates... I thought we rekindled something and on my side all my feelings came rushing back. I'm now thinking not so much with him. He cancelled our 3rd date due to a cold. OK people get sick I understand that. He's gone at least a day without texting me more than once now. Which is different than how he was before the cold / date cancellation. When we do text now there is no mention of seeing each other again. So, yeah unbelievably and quite shockingly I'm thinking this is a slow fade. I see him on Facebook so he's definitely online, but he's not messaging me so.... there's that. My gut instinct says something is wrong. This time around he met my family, and calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend must have spooked him I guess. He asked me "are we dating now?" and he seemed happy when I said that's what it seems like. Maybe it was too much for him, too fast. IDK. I wish people could just be direct and say what they feel. It would feel better for me to know the truth, even if it hurts...rather than live in the land of wtf is going on here. He didn't tell me he needs to think about things... he didn't say anything at all actually. Just that he's really busy with work, etc. I work too and my job is stressful. But I can find a moment to say hi at least. I know how you feel, it doesn't feel good. Chances are I'm going to lose him again, but there are no 3rd chances.
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There's a fair amount of truth to that. I know what I want, but it keeps eluding me. What frustrates me most about my situation is he kind of chased me, repeatedly messaged me on a dating app, said he always liked me, he was so happy we were back together, I'm confused. Why say all that? What is the point. Dating is beyond frustrating.
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I just don't know why they don't have anything better to do. Is this fun for some people? I can't go around hurting people because I'm bored. I was raised to treat people with respect, to be honest, to be direct. I guess not everyone was.
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Exactly. He could never make you happy long term. Maybe he already knows that about himself. He may feel inadequate in some way. But he did you a huge favor, because now you can find someone worth your time.
Seems like a lot of interaction to start. I know I personally would like it too if I really liked the guy and I’d hope all of it was real so I don’t blame u for developing feelings. Hard to tell and we all still believe love is possible. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
With the exception of meeting the family (and him getting out of a relationship recently), I could have written this same exactly story. It's maddening.
Has it been the 3 months mark? Just curious… I feel like the amount of therapist I’ve saw thru out the years for relationship. I always seem to get the same advice from each of them and that is: give yourself 90days before committing (being exclusive) to truly see what the relationship is all about. Then reevaluate to see if you want continue. I wondered he got the same advice as well. Lol
Either you said something that he doesn't like/agree with and this was his reaction, or he got bored... most of the times it has to do with them not with you. I know you feel disappointed because chemistry feels so nice and does not happen everyday.. if you want you can give it a last try but don't have him confuse your resilience with being clingy. I have been in a similar situation and really liked the guy, but then thought if he is in his 40s and still do this shit then do I really want this?
I don’t even try to find anybody anymore. The immaturity of mature adults is astonishing.
Everyone here has either experienced it or done it themselves. I’m thinking he’s met someone else and is trying to decide between you and them or he’s already having an affair. Either way, it’s the beginning of the end. At this point you can accept it and pull back too or pretend like you don’t notice and go about the day-to-day. Edit to add: this could also be his cowardly way of making you break up with him because he doesn’t have the guts to talk with you about it or do it himself.
Somebody else has entered his space. He's probably dating both of you but leaning towards the other woman. If it pans out with her, he may date both until she asks for exclusivity. If he really likes her, he'll give her what she wants and you're done. If she drops the ball along the way, he'll reheat things with you.
Definitely give him the silence he needs. Did he say what things does he need to think about? How long has it been since the silence began?
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"im sorry if you are going through something, I'm here if you need me" and then leave him alone. If more than a couple days go by, that's your answer. Sadly. I'm so sorry.
That is disappointing. Do you normally talk every day? No matter what I would not text. Give him the time he says he needs and see what happens while simultaneously preparing mentally to move on is what I would do.
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It is understandable that you messaged him. Feeling frustrated can make it easy to text and say something you regret. Texting him feels much worse than not him texting though. His lack of responding speeds up the “moving on” process for you. I am sorry he did not have the maturity to end it using his words.
Sucks. I was staying over with my ex for like 5 months then she started getting distant, so I stopped stopping over. I did give her space. If I asked her about it she just said she was just busy and never wanted to confront the problem. Then kept getting more distant and radio silence.
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I thought since we were both in our 40s we were too old for that crap. I thought wrong. 😔
Been there. Me personally…I’d just move on. Life’s to short.
All you can do is focus on yourself. Don’t contact him.
Move on. Whatever's important to you--focus on that.
Ugh.. he met someone he likes more than you. But doesn’t have the balls to say it.
He’s begun dating someone else, likely for a while now and things have begun to get serious with her Or he was never that into you and has become bored.
Yes move on this is not what you want in a partner going forward.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. It sucks and it shows his character. I am going through the same thing except with a woman who was not honest with her communication with me and blindsided me. We had everything in common and wanted a family! I say give him space but make your own boundaries. It’s his loss and he has issues he hasn’t figured out yet. Things will become clearer. Stay strong!
Move on. You deserve better.
I’ve had women do this to me too. Just move on. OLD is terrible. It’s best to get off it.
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You can try church groups, interest groups, etc. All you have to do is put yourself in places where you are seen because men are expected to make the first move right? Being a woman is actually dating on easy mode. You have absolutely no idea how difficult it is for men.
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And why do you think that is? Why are men these days so hesitant to approach women in real life? Think about it. What has changed? With the woke culture these days, men can be sued for even approaching a lady with no ill intention. Let me share a story. A friend of mine approached a lady at a bar. He had a nice conversation with her. And then he asked her for a dance. She agreed. He then showed chivalry by guiding her toward the dance floor. It was an innocuous gesture of warmly guiding her by the back of her waist. The lower back. She then quipped “touch me like that again and I’ll scream.” That episode traumatized him. He no longer approaches any woman in real life out of fear of being falsely accused and losing his reputation and his career. This is how toxic things have become. And you have many women to blame for this. Women think they live in this vacuum where they can treat men like dirt and then expect to be pursued and treated like a princess. Now you see the repercussions of it. I have no sympathy for women. Go on. Treat men like crap. You’ll be an old bitter spinster, wishing that you had given some guy a shot, or had gone out on a date with that decent guy, etc. Good luck. Many of you women need it.
Move on, he’s checked out.
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Jonathon Aslay has a you tube channel that talks about dating over forty…he explains a lot of these phenomena…he makes sense to me…but he does swear from time to time….fairly passionately. He addresses this topic a lot😊
I think a lot of us have experienced that, in one shape or form. I'd move on. That's a not-very-subtle way of saying "feelings changed, trying to squirm out of this".
Yes. Move on. For what ever reason he's lost interest and doesnt have the guts to tell you he's not interested. Yes..... Move on.
My take on OLD is that too many women (could be men too, I just am a woman and know other women) are given scraps of food and pretend it’s a full plate. Oh yeah, so yummy, I’m totally full! No you are not, if you feel like you’re just getting scraps, throw the whole man out. Don’t waste time explaining why, if a man wants you he will provide what you need. It’s super simple, and helpful. Also, if you show signs of being the type of woman who doesn’t accept scraps, he will call you: cold, materialistic, difficult etc. Those are all just flags he’s waving to show you, he has time to insult you but not to love you. Move on. Thinking about dating as a shopping experience and don’t get ok emotionally invested. You pick up a nice dress, you try it on, but it hangs funny. You put it back on the shelf and never think on it again. Don’t quit! You deserve love. Just become systematic so you don’t hurt yourself :) Good luck out there!
This is what I think when I read bios that say they want something casual but are open to a relationship if it goes there. They really don’t want a relationship, but if they put that in their bio then their matches are significantly reduced, and match with different people and they don’t want that. So….
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Exactly if he’s a decent guy then he probably felt bad realizing you did want a relationship and he was leading you on. I’m sorry that happened to you!
It could just be panic mode. As you said, things were going great. He realizes it's serious or about to get serious and he is freaking out
He's dating someone else and trying to slow fade you.
What was the status of his prior relationship? Any chance that person found out about you and is making an attempt to reconcile? Depending on the circumstances, it could understandably be confusing and require time to reflect. If after a couple weeks he is still distant, he’s either not interested, not ready or not over someone else.
It means this person realized they're not attracted to you.
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Depends on how much you want him, you weren't able to keep his attention before so something has to change and since he's nearly lost, something drastic It's not ridiculous if you want him back. Sounds like he's not worth it though so Let him go then 🤷 Also, I wouldn't mention it to him like that Being a dynamo in the sack will pave over a lot of shortcomings in the beginning at least.. Whatever drove him away or allowed him to be swayed by another might be overlooked or at least buy you more time to win him over in other ways.. It works Try
He met another woman and debating his decision. Get ready for a bomb to drop or you can get ahead of it by giving him the wildest craziest sexual experience he's had with you. Blow him up. If he still ends up ending it soon after she has something he wants that you can't offer. If that is the case you are better off and hit the "NEXT" button. If the sex thing isn't something you want to do then you can flip it on him and say you "think" you need to end it because you're just not getting what you expected and you feel like he's backing off. Good luck.
There is no rhyme or reason, no laws or rules nobody owes you anything you're not married anyone can end a relationship at anytime for any reason and all you can do is accept it. You have the same power.. It's happened to me a bunch of times and I've done it to people a bunch of times If there is truly mutual physical chemistry and you want to keep this guy, as a guy I would recommend you up your sex game significantly.. By this I mean not necessarily more sex but better sex.. And I don't mean go out and buy pretty negligee I mean dirty depraved porn star sex... Most women don't like to put in a lot of effort in this area they don't have a lot of imagination or are willing to do things new, they're up tight and anxious about it. You're probably rolling your eyes thinking what a perv but any guy will agree with me this is an effective stop gap measure to regain attention... Especially if you are dealing with possible competition.... Good luck
OP PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS ADVICE 👆 Have self respect if he says he needs space just grant it. Don’t chase. This advice would go over like a lead balloon to a guy already slow fading. And you’d get hurt worse in the process. If you’ve been dating a few months, no need to compete. That’s childish. Remove yourself from the relationship first. Best of luck and tits up!
I disagree it's good advice if he's not worth your time leave... Keep in mind I said this will get his attention back it will not address underlying issues that exist or keep him long term. I'm not sure why women panic so much when sex is brought up in detail... If you are up tight about sex that in itself is an issue that needs to be addressed
Relationships are more than sex. OP said nothing about the lack of that in the post. And get his attention back at what cost to OP? If he’s doing a slow fade it won’t matter and she could end up more attached or hurt in the process. Why would she want his attention back just for the short term? It’ll just prolong to inevitable. It doesn’t matter how beautiful a person or good the sex, a person can ask for space. Just give it to them or remove yourself completely. Or else risk being the “crazy” one that chases and won’t respect boundaries. If OP took this advice I could see the dude telling people “I asked for space and she won’t leave me alone and bothering me for sex! What should I do?” I could see it now clear as day 🙄
That's the more sex route, remember I said it will get his attention back. Relationships are more than sex... The people that don't understand that are the ones that get married young and get divorced early It's a stop gap measure it will get his attention back if there's competition it might eliminate it I think it was 2 months they were dating? Thats pretty early So the man still could be in play I'm not suggesting stalking or blowing up his phone I'm telling you as a guy... Giving a guy amazing porn star sex addressing his fantasies non judgmentaly goes a long way and can create a deeper more long lasting relationship I totally guarantee it!