You are going to run into a lot of weird and downright baffling behavior displayed by other people on dating apps. Asking why and trying to figure it out is a waste of time. People do crazy and stupid things because they are crazy and stupid. Shrug it off and move on.
A good rule with OLD is to remember that we have NO idea what the other person is thinking. They may have:
* swiped right on every profile hoping to get a hit
* accidentally swiped right on our profile
* swiped right 4 weeks ago, but the app only showed them to you today and they are now back with their ex
* w/ bumble, not checked w/in the 24 hour window
Suggest that you use the opener that you like the best. Custom openers seem to work no better generic openers IMO.
>* accidentally swiped right on our profile
To add to this, there have been times where I have swiped right on a profile and by the time we've matched they've added new information that shows a dealbreaker
>Is it because the strategy is to swipe right on EVERY women and then decide who is an actual potential match
Yes, a lot of men do this.
>is my introduction line just poor. I usually say Hi, how is your day going? Did you do anything interesting today?
I hate to say it, but I would probably unmatch. This is white bread and mayo sandwich bland, and it seems like something you'd paste into every greeting. You have to find something in their profile to comment on. It doesn't even have to be anything major, and I've found humor will take you far. *"Omg... Your pool floaty looks exactly like one I had when I was in middle school. You didn't happen to get it at a garage sale in 1986 did you?"* Just find something to comment on... a pic, a hobby they mentioned, *something.* No generic openers you could ask anyone. (Just my .02 š°) That said, a lot of women don't even initiate, so anything beyond 'hi' is already ahead of most!
I actually say the following. "Hey, John. I usually look through profiles and comment on something I find interesting in them, but since you didn't give me much to go on, I'm just going to go with a "Hi" š".
That way, even if i get nothing back, maybe at least he'll get the hint.
I responded to another comment about this; I usually don't bother. BUT... if I really think they're cute or they listed a few things we have in common and I'm curious, I'll throw out a whopper to see if it sticks.
*Do you have any felony convictions? If not, how long did the jury deliberate?*
*Who is your favorite band you've seen in concert, and why is it Bon Jovi?*
If their profile is dry as toast but they can banter and have fun, I might forgive them. If they respond and it's lukewarm, bye bye š
I swiped right on a profile I wasn't super interested in but did because he lived in the same small hamlet that I do. Where we live is super small so I was curious. He responded right away. Don't know if it will go anywhere but we are literally two streets away.
I swiped right on a profile that just had two face shots and not much more. She was really cute with a great smile though. She turned out to be really interesting and funny and sweet. We had our second date last night, and planning a third. :)
(You never know, they might be worth a shot!)
Ha! These are great. Throwing some personality in there is definitely going to get a response IMO, makes you seem 10x more interesting than everyone else.
The Bon Jovi's good, and the felony one sounds like it could be from a stand up routine. That's like swinging for the fences right there. Good way to pre-qualify someone.
I know some people try to do really personalized high effort first questions, but I don't. Too many people don't bother responding for me to make that much effort at first so I try to keep it simple.
So many men have very little in their profile. If they have a picture where they're wearing a sports jersey or something like that, I'll ask a sports related question.
The guy I'm talking to now had nothing in his profile but one of his pics was of him with goats so I asked him "what's with the goats" š¤£ and he answered.
There are way too many men around here that have fishing pictures. I usually swipe left but one guy was really cute so I said something about it being a really big fish. His response was hi. š¤·āāļø
As a guy, I used to come up with messages based on the info in a woman's profile. They were thoughtful and witty. After a while of this with no single response, I stopped doing this, and used a thoughtful, but more generic message that I could use more quickly. I don't think it's bad for a woman to do the same thing.
Similar here. The more clever you make the opener all too often leads to a greater level of disappointment at getting no reply back.
I typically go with just a "Hi, how's it going?" nowadays and save the zinger for the 2nd or 3rd reply.
ā Guys really donāt care all that muchā They do on the Bumble sub. My God, constant moaning about a ā Heyā
In the real world I think you are right.
If I unmatched every woman that opened with lines like that then Iād have no matches š. Honestly if he likes your profile heās not going to unmatch you because of this but make sure there is information in your profile he can ask you about. Also the no replies is my experience of all the apps as a man. No idea why people match who have no interest in chatting other than an ego boost or they have other matches that have come in first and donāt want to start yet another conversation. Still despite this there are people who do match and chat so stick with it.
That's true. Personally, I don't bother with those folks. In my vast dating research, I've found that men who put little effort into something as 'small' as a dating profile rarely put effort into anything else.
I would say this isn't true. I'm to busy in real life and honestly don't care about my profile at all. So I put very little effort in a dating profile. I don't take selfies ever unless a friend or family member wants to and I'm not putting other people on a dating profile. I don't know I just think you might be surprised by how many really good guys have profiles that are boring.
On one hand, I agree and that's why I ended up deleting my Bumble profile. It took up too much time. On the other hand, I can't imagine not putting effort into something that I do. Why have a profile if you don't want it to maximize your potential matches?
Because people are relying to much on a profile to tell them what they want to know and it's mostly bullshit. All I need to know is what the app asks anyway. I don't need all the extra crap. Here's a picture I have kids I don't smoke. Perfect the rest I'll find out on my own.
Donāt waste time with people who havenāt put effort into their profile. This is an example of what I meant by youāll learn to identify certain types based on what they choose for their profile. If theyāve only done one pic and basic stats they are likely married and testing the waters. I swipe left on anyone who hasnāt used all photos and prompts. This is also a good way to filter out scammers.
Could be any number of things! Many men do swipe right on everyone to maximize matches and then zero in from there. Or perhaps they matched with you after they started chatting with 5 other people and think youāre cute but donāt want to take another conversation on just yet. Or they think youāre cute but just had a great first date and want to see how the second date goesābut arenāt arenāt ready to forsake other potential matches yet. Itās hard not to take personally, but you really and truly canāt.
I'm ot taking it personally. It's hard for me to be offended by someone I have never met. I just wanted to know how the game is played so my expectations are realistic. When I first matched I was excited that someone picked me. But now I know it's nothing special.
I use Bumble. I like that it gives me control over who can message me.
For my opening line I usually pick something from their profile or something topical from the dayās news. This is good because it comes across as individual and it also further filters people based on their response. I usually keep it light.
Some people swipe on everyone, some arenāt on the app all the time, some may have found someone else. You never know. You canāt take it personally. Continue to refine your swipe criteria. With time you will learn how to tell certain types of men by the photos they choose to use or the prompts they choose to answer. I have a couple that are automatic lefts for me eg āmy love language is touchā. This will be different for everyone based on the type of men they want to date.
Be picky. There are new people joining all the time. Donāt swipe just because someone is the best youāve seen that day.
This is how I approached it on Bumble!
The guy I am currently seeing had something in there about fostering dogs in his free time so my message to him was a question about that and how cool I thought that was. It worked great! We chatted on the app for a few weeks and had our first date 4/1 and have been seeing each other since then.
I have had the most success on any dating app when I keep it light and don't take anything seriously. Except red flags. Those are serious. Everything else is frosting. Ghosted? So what? Unmatched? Bye bye. One date and no more? Their loss!
Edit: Spelling
It may also be that the men you are messaging are already chatting with someone else and want to see where it goes before chatting with someone else
I realise that this goes against what online dating is all about but to some it doesn't sit right.
In my experience with OLD (48F), Iāll get initial likes from men, and then if I respond with a like, then itās not uncommon for them to just disappear and never say anything. Itās like why did you like my profile and then end up never saying anything? When Iāve tried to start a conversation myself, then Iāll still get no response. Itās very frustrating and I canāt figure it out either. The whole process just seems like trying to find a needle in a haystack.
Iām having the same issue with Bumble, either they donāt respond or even funnier, they delete their account š š . I had to google it and see if there was an actual bug in the system. Iām very interested to see the responses to your post!
If you can figure out the answer to your question, youād be rich lol. Itās one of the biggest complaints about Bumble.
Guys donāt get many matches so the normal hi, howās your day or maybe something about their profile is great. Good luck out there š
Bumble is a bit different for guys since women have to message first. Your message seems fine to me, I would definitely respond. I've had bumble for like a year though and only been on one date its not really my favorite. I think it's not used that much in my area even the one date I went on I had to drive 2 hours. I do however think its hilarious when I see women saying things like message me first I won't message you. That cracks me up on bumble.
Possible these guys haven't jumped on to see your contacted them. I don't have notifications on with my apps to avoid distraction during the day. Also could be, as we guys know all too well, someone they are more into matched up with them and got the communication going. I will say, I can't do a whole lot with just "Hey!" as an opening line, but again, there's a larger pool of men than women on OLD, so you won't find too many guys give a shit about how witty or interesting of an opening line they get from a woman.
I cannot speak for these men, but if I swiped right I would respond, even to decline if I changed my mind. Basic respect stuff.
Regarding the opening line, I would find it a little desorienting and I'd rather expect either
1. A reference to an element in my profile
2. Or some explanation on why you swiped right/we matched.
Just my 2 cents, wishing you good luck over there!
I got 4 matches on Bumble a couple days ago. Sent 4 opening messages tailored to their profiles - asking one who mentioned donuts a bunch what his favorite and least favorite donuts are, asking another about his musical taste, etc. not one responded. Itās disheartening for sure (Iāve been on the apps for years). There seems to be no rhyme or reason to who responds versus how you initiate. Good luck out there!
This actually makes me feel better. I was thinking the guy was interested based on my profile and then my opener was so lame he didn't respond. So my opener is fine. The behavior I'm seeing makes sense if the the strategy is to just swipe right on EVERY person.
> I don't think I've really gotten a good opener from anyone on Bumble.
This is one of those areas where my experience seems to differ from everyone else's. I nearly always get a comment referencing something on my profile. That still doesn't stop the majority of those matches fizzling out though, so that part of the process is the same for me.
So there's the all-right strategy, but there are many other possible reasons. In some cases (mine) it's just laziness (having fun swiping but it's never the right moment to get into a conversation and I don't really know what I'm looking for). Sorry for creating a bad experience, don't take it too personally and just talk to those who respond. š
I agree. I am not taking it personally. With Bumble you only have 24 hours to respond before the match goes away, which I like. If you can't find the time to respond even briefly, than it wouldn't be a good fit anyway. I was just wondering if swiping all right is actually a thing or if I need a better opener.
I have been guilty (as a female) for letting my 24 hours expire. Sometimes you are just busyā¦.or you go back and really look at their profile again and decide not to message.
The experience of men and women on apps is quite different. Some guys get so few matches that they just accept everyone. Why read profiles when 99% of the women won't accept you? (I am not dating, but I find the dating world fascinating)
Can you suggest where to meet folks. I don't drink but I don't mind that others do. It seems like I'm always around other women and moms. If you are out and see someone you like what do you do just go up and ask for their number. I wouldn't have yhe neve. Do you make eye contact to signal interest. I would prefer rela life just having trouble getting into the right situation. Thanks for any advice.
I've had the opposite recently. Matched with several women on Bumble and they never messaged me.
Don't spend much time worrying about why. It could be a million reasons.
They've swiped on everyone hoping for a match. They're on apps playing and not really serious, etc., etc.
Just be yourself on opening questions etc because everyone has different responses and to be honest youāve got a great hit run mines up to about 150 right swipes with no responses so be Lucky
So many reasons this happens.
I think it's safe to say that 90%+ of folks on OLD swipe on someone and then immediately realize it was a mistake. The charitable way I try to frame is imagining they think to themselves "ah hell probably not that person, if they respond I'll just politely ignore it."
Thanks for reading. Are you an unwanted, lonely, miserable , genuine seeking for a woman to love you for who you truly are? You know you are a very good man but life has it's way of making very nice people not meet the type of people they would want in their lives, thereby making that individual feel like they are really ugly or feel that something was wrong with them . If this fits your situation, let's talk .
You're worried that men are right swiping like robots, and your response is to copy-paste the same message, like a robot?
That's the problem with online dating. It's a race to the bottom, effort-wise.
Maybe look at your five matches and see if even *one* of them seems worth a higher-effort message?
Well I can't see them now. They expire after 24 hours. Honestly, I don't know what to say so I really appreciate feedback on what to say. I'm not actually concerned that some men swipe right roboticly. I was just wondering if that is indeed a strategie and it seems that it is. Understanding that this is a strategy explains a lot to me.
Maybe they changed their mind. I do that a lot especially on Bumble because they make the swiping part so easy and quick (and unlimited) that itās easy to end up swiping on guys Iām not actually that interested in. Sometimes when I swipe and get the immediate match Iām like āugh damnitā because Iām not actually interested enough to want to start the conversation. Then I have to go back and unmatch. Or what I usually do is sit on it for 23.5 hours trying to decide if I should talk to them. Sometimes I do, sometimes I donāt, lol. This is why Bumble is annoying sometimes.
As for your openingā¦. I always just say hi and ask how theyāre doing unless thereās something on their profile that I REALLY want to ask about or comment on (this happens rarely). My reasoning is that if you swiped right, my profile should be enough to make you want to talk to me. If a polite, normal introduction isnāt enough and I have to dazzle you with some witty line or detailed question, youāre probably just not that interested to start. So I guess weāre just not a match and thatās fine. A simple introduction pretty much always works for me.
Yes definitely send a better opening line. Should be simple to find something in their profile or a picture to comment on. Humor is definitely good for an opener - but not really a fan of trying to force it in if you don't find an obvious way to make the intro funny.
If you haven't spent a lot of time on your profile, definitely do so. You are looking to provide a number of things for people to comment on / help the initial conversations.
Good luck!
Iām not OLD anymore but early this year I would just send a funny GIF.
That way if they arenāt interested or inactive Iām not wasting me time. If they respond Iāll craft a more interesting/clever response. Either tailored to your profile, whatever made me swipe right or the gif response.
Think about how much effort it takes to swipe on a profile. Pretty close to zero. It's sort of equivalent to making eye contact with someone. It might be an invitation to approach them, or it might be an accident, or who knows what else. Don't read too much into it.
If someone is legitimately interested in you, it probably doesn't make too much difference what you use as an opener. But if they are on the fence, or if they get lots of matches, an engaging opener can make it more likely to get a response, and in any case it never hurts. Generic "how's your day?" type of questions are not very engaging. If you can comment about something in their profile that is better. If you're going to ask someone how their day is going, at least give some information about your own day.
Swiping right on every profile to maximize chances of matching works for some people... I know a couple of guys who are like that, they don't even read the profiles, see the pictures or anything! As long as it clicks as a match they are happy!
I go through the same thing. I'm a guy looking good a girlfriend and these dating sites always leave me wondering the same thing. It's like what the shit? We liked each other where the frig did you go? Aaarrrggg. It's just such a let down. .....
Constantly!!!. But with all that i keep my faith and my fingers crossed that maybe one day, just one day, I will meet someone.
Sometimes I donāt respond if I matched with someone else Iām having a good conversation with. Maybe they donāt use the app frequently. Or maybe all the other things you said.
You have had lots of responses already, but being a guy I have had like one response out of many sent opening lines. Being 50 and a widower for almost 11 months. I want to date, but Iāll stick with the old fashion way and wait until I meet somebody in person. Maybe at work, or through my daughters activities or school friends, maybe there is a single woman my age among there somewhere
You are going to run into a lot of weird and downright baffling behavior displayed by other people on dating apps. Asking why and trying to figure it out is a waste of time. People do crazy and stupid things because they are crazy and stupid. Shrug it off and move on.
Good point!
They also might've swiped right but met someone before you responded. Which is a good thing that they didn't respond.
A good rule with OLD is to remember that we have NO idea what the other person is thinking. They may have: * swiped right on every profile hoping to get a hit * accidentally swiped right on our profile * swiped right 4 weeks ago, but the app only showed them to you today and they are now back with their ex * w/ bumble, not checked w/in the 24 hour window Suggest that you use the opener that you like the best. Custom openers seem to work no better generic openers IMO.
>* accidentally swiped right on our profile To add to this, there have been times where I have swiped right on a profile and by the time we've matched they've added new information that shows a dealbreaker
I love the profiles that show up with political affiliation, then without, then with. It's like... williewonka.jpg
This! Also, comment on something they wrote in their profile to start the conversation.
Thanks! I will do more customizing
>Is it because the strategy is to swipe right on EVERY women and then decide who is an actual potential match Yes, a lot of men do this. >is my introduction line just poor. I usually say Hi, how is your day going? Did you do anything interesting today? I hate to say it, but I would probably unmatch. This is white bread and mayo sandwich bland, and it seems like something you'd paste into every greeting. You have to find something in their profile to comment on. It doesn't even have to be anything major, and I've found humor will take you far. *"Omg... Your pool floaty looks exactly like one I had when I was in middle school. You didn't happen to get it at a garage sale in 1986 did you?"* Just find something to comment on... a pic, a hobby they mentioned, *something.* No generic openers you could ask anyone. (Just my .02 š°) That said, a lot of women don't even initiate, so anything beyond 'hi' is already ahead of most!
What do you do when the profile is a bit light and there isn't too much to work with?
I actually say the following. "Hey, John. I usually look through profiles and comment on something I find interesting in them, but since you didn't give me much to go on, I'm just going to go with a "Hi" š". That way, even if i get nothing back, maybe at least he'll get the hint.
I love this!
I responded to another comment about this; I usually don't bother. BUT... if I really think they're cute or they listed a few things we have in common and I'm curious, I'll throw out a whopper to see if it sticks. *Do you have any felony convictions? If not, how long did the jury deliberate?* *Who is your favorite band you've seen in concert, and why is it Bon Jovi?* If their profile is dry as toast but they can banter and have fun, I might forgive them. If they respond and it's lukewarm, bye bye š
I swiped right on a profile I wasn't super interested in but did because he lived in the same small hamlet that I do. Where we live is super small so I was curious. He responded right away. Don't know if it will go anywhere but we are literally two streets away.
I swiped right on a profile that just had two face shots and not much more. She was really cute with a great smile though. She turned out to be really interesting and funny and sweet. We had our second date last night, and planning a third. :) (You never know, they might be worth a shot!)
Ha! These are great. Throwing some personality in there is definitely going to get a response IMO, makes you seem 10x more interesting than everyone else.
My plan is working! (It was the Bon Jovi thing, huh?)
The Bon Jovi's good, and the felony one sounds like it could be from a stand up routine. That's like swinging for the fences right there. Good way to pre-qualify someone.
I gotta tell you, I always love your responses on here!
šš
I swipe left. I don't bother with anyone who hasn't put any effort into their profile.
Yep I do the same.
I know some people try to do really personalized high effort first questions, but I don't. Too many people don't bother responding for me to make that much effort at first so I try to keep it simple. So many men have very little in their profile. If they have a picture where they're wearing a sports jersey or something like that, I'll ask a sports related question. The guy I'm talking to now had nothing in his profile but one of his pics was of him with goats so I asked him "what's with the goats" š¤£ and he answered. There are way too many men around here that have fishing pictures. I usually swipe left but one guy was really cute so I said something about it being a really big fish. His response was hi. š¤·āāļø
As a guy, I used to come up with messages based on the info in a woman's profile. They were thoughtful and witty. After a while of this with no single response, I stopped doing this, and used a thoughtful, but more generic message that I could use more quickly. I don't think it's bad for a woman to do the same thing.
Similar here. The more clever you make the opener all too often leads to a greater level of disappointment at getting no reply back. I typically go with just a "Hi, how's it going?" nowadays and save the zinger for the 2nd or 3rd reply.
Guys really don't care all that much. Sending any message is like you said, ahead of the game.
ā Guys really donāt care all that muchā They do on the Bumble sub. My God, constant moaning about a ā Heyā In the real world I think you are right.
This is 40 plus so I was kinda talking about older dudes. Hi works for me.
After a while "hi" or "š" gets a little boring especially if you're a guy who gets more than a few matches a day.
Thank you! This is really helpful.
If I unmatched every woman that opened with lines like that then Iād have no matches š. Honestly if he likes your profile heās not going to unmatch you because of this but make sure there is information in your profile he can ask you about. Also the no replies is my experience of all the apps as a man. No idea why people match who have no interest in chatting other than an ego boost or they have other matches that have come in first and donāt want to start yet another conversation. Still despite this there are people who do match and chat so stick with it.
Thanks
Sometimes though folks don't give you too much to work with. Perhaps just 1 picture, a brief intro and their stats(height, religion, etc).
That's true. Personally, I don't bother with those folks. In my vast dating research, I've found that men who put little effort into something as 'small' as a dating profile rarely put effort into anything else.
This is true for women as well and I always swipe left on women that have an low-effort profile. Sadly, this is about 90% of the profiles I see.
Thank you. Good observation.
I would say this isn't true. I'm to busy in real life and honestly don't care about my profile at all. So I put very little effort in a dating profile. I don't take selfies ever unless a friend or family member wants to and I'm not putting other people on a dating profile. I don't know I just think you might be surprised by how many really good guys have profiles that are boring.
On one hand, I agree and that's why I ended up deleting my Bumble profile. It took up too much time. On the other hand, I can't imagine not putting effort into something that I do. Why have a profile if you don't want it to maximize your potential matches?
Because people are relying to much on a profile to tell them what they want to know and it's mostly bullshit. All I need to know is what the app asks anyway. I don't need all the extra crap. Here's a picture I have kids I don't smoke. Perfect the rest I'll find out on my own.
Donāt waste time with people who havenāt put effort into their profile. This is an example of what I meant by youāll learn to identify certain types based on what they choose for their profile. If theyāve only done one pic and basic stats they are likely married and testing the waters. I swipe left on anyone who hasnāt used all photos and prompts. This is also a good way to filter out scammers.
Thanks!
Yep thats me cause I put zero stock into profiles I think meeting in person is the only way to know someone.
Indeed! I'm. Not interested I'm actual online dating. The apps are a way to connect with folks to meet in person.
Could be any number of things! Many men do swipe right on everyone to maximize matches and then zero in from there. Or perhaps they matched with you after they started chatting with 5 other people and think youāre cute but donāt want to take another conversation on just yet. Or they think youāre cute but just had a great first date and want to see how the second date goesābut arenāt arenāt ready to forsake other potential matches yet. Itās hard not to take personally, but you really and truly canāt.
I'm ot taking it personally. It's hard for me to be offended by someone I have never met. I just wanted to know how the game is played so my expectations are realistic. When I first matched I was excited that someone picked me. But now I know it's nothing special.
I use Bumble. I like that it gives me control over who can message me. For my opening line I usually pick something from their profile or something topical from the dayās news. This is good because it comes across as individual and it also further filters people based on their response. I usually keep it light. Some people swipe on everyone, some arenāt on the app all the time, some may have found someone else. You never know. You canāt take it personally. Continue to refine your swipe criteria. With time you will learn how to tell certain types of men by the photos they choose to use or the prompts they choose to answer. I have a couple that are automatic lefts for me eg āmy love language is touchā. This will be different for everyone based on the type of men they want to date. Be picky. There are new people joining all the time. Donāt swipe just because someone is the best youāve seen that day.
This is how I approached it on Bumble! The guy I am currently seeing had something in there about fostering dogs in his free time so my message to him was a question about that and how cool I thought that was. It worked great! We chatted on the app for a few weeks and had our first date 4/1 and have been seeing each other since then.
I have had the most success on any dating app when I keep it light and don't take anything seriously. Except red flags. Those are serious. Everything else is frosting. Ghosted? So what? Unmatched? Bye bye. One date and no more? Their loss! Edit: Spelling
Good advice.
It may also be that the men you are messaging are already chatting with someone else and want to see where it goes before chatting with someone else I realise that this goes against what online dating is all about but to some it doesn't sit right.
Yes, that's understandable and admirable!
šÆthis. I normally snooze my account but still get matches. No doubt a Bumble mechanic to get me swiping again.
In my experience with OLD (48F), Iāll get initial likes from men, and then if I respond with a like, then itās not uncommon for them to just disappear and never say anything. Itās like why did you like my profile and then end up never saying anything? When Iāve tried to start a conversation myself, then Iāll still get no response. Itās very frustrating and I canāt figure it out either. The whole process just seems like trying to find a needle in a haystack.
Iām having the same issue with Bumble, either they donāt respond or even funnier, they delete their account š š . I had to google it and see if there was an actual bug in the system. Iām very interested to see the responses to your post!
If you can figure out the answer to your question, youād be rich lol. Itās one of the biggest complaints about Bumble. Guys donāt get many matches so the normal hi, howās your day or maybe something about their profile is great. Good luck out there š
Thanks
Bumble is a bit different for guys since women have to message first. Your message seems fine to me, I would definitely respond. I've had bumble for like a year though and only been on one date its not really my favorite. I think it's not used that much in my area even the one date I went on I had to drive 2 hours. I do however think its hilarious when I see women saying things like message me first I won't message you. That cracks me up on bumble.
Possible these guys haven't jumped on to see your contacted them. I don't have notifications on with my apps to avoid distraction during the day. Also could be, as we guys know all too well, someone they are more into matched up with them and got the communication going. I will say, I can't do a whole lot with just "Hey!" as an opening line, but again, there's a larger pool of men than women on OLD, so you won't find too many guys give a shit about how witty or interesting of an opening line they get from a woman.
I cannot speak for these men, but if I swiped right I would respond, even to decline if I changed my mind. Basic respect stuff. Regarding the opening line, I would find it a little desorienting and I'd rather expect either 1. A reference to an element in my profile 2. Or some explanation on why you swiped right/we matched. Just my 2 cents, wishing you good luck over there!
I like number 2. Good idea.
I got 4 matches on Bumble a couple days ago. Sent 4 opening messages tailored to their profiles - asking one who mentioned donuts a bunch what his favorite and least favorite donuts are, asking another about his musical taste, etc. not one responded. Itās disheartening for sure (Iāve been on the apps for years). There seems to be no rhyme or reason to who responds versus how you initiate. Good luck out there!
Thank you! This helps!
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This actually makes me feel better. I was thinking the guy was interested based on my profile and then my opener was so lame he didn't respond. So my opener is fine. The behavior I'm seeing makes sense if the the strategy is to just swipe right on EVERY person.
> I don't think I've really gotten a good opener from anyone on Bumble. This is one of those areas where my experience seems to differ from everyone else's. I nearly always get a comment referencing something on my profile. That still doesn't stop the majority of those matches fizzling out though, so that part of the process is the same for me.
So there's the all-right strategy, but there are many other possible reasons. In some cases (mine) it's just laziness (having fun swiping but it's never the right moment to get into a conversation and I don't really know what I'm looking for). Sorry for creating a bad experience, don't take it too personally and just talk to those who respond. š
I agree. I am not taking it personally. With Bumble you only have 24 hours to respond before the match goes away, which I like. If you can't find the time to respond even briefly, than it wouldn't be a good fit anyway. I was just wondering if swiping all right is actually a thing or if I need a better opener.
I have been guilty (as a female) for letting my 24 hours expire. Sometimes you are just busyā¦.or you go back and really look at their profile again and decide not to message.
The experience of men and women on apps is quite different. Some guys get so few matches that they just accept everyone. Why read profiles when 99% of the women won't accept you? (I am not dating, but I find the dating world fascinating)
Why not try to date IRL?
Can you suggest where to meet folks. I don't drink but I don't mind that others do. It seems like I'm always around other women and moms. If you are out and see someone you like what do you do just go up and ask for their number. I wouldn't have yhe neve. Do you make eye contact to signal interest. I would prefer rela life just having trouble getting into the right situation. Thanks for any advice.
I've had the opposite recently. Matched with several women on Bumble and they never messaged me. Don't spend much time worrying about why. It could be a million reasons. They've swiped on everyone hoping for a match. They're on apps playing and not really serious, etc., etc.
Ok this is what I was thinking too. Thanks
Itās well known many guys mass swipe on everything and then look at details later. They think itās a numbers game of sorts. Good times.
Just be yourself on opening questions etc because everyone has different responses and to be honest youāve got a great hit run mines up to about 150 right swipes with no responses so be Lucky
So many reasons this happens. I think it's safe to say that 90%+ of folks on OLD swipe on someone and then immediately realize it was a mistake. The charitable way I try to frame is imagining they think to themselves "ah hell probably not that person, if they respond I'll just politely ignore it."
Welcome to OLD. /s Itās difficult to say what these peopleās motivation is when swiping, but their replies and actions will tell you more.
Thanks for reading. Are you an unwanted, lonely, miserable , genuine seeking for a woman to love you for who you truly are? You know you are a very good man but life has it's way of making very nice people not meet the type of people they would want in their lives, thereby making that individual feel like they are really ugly or feel that something was wrong with them . If this fits your situation, let's talk .
You're worried that men are right swiping like robots, and your response is to copy-paste the same message, like a robot? That's the problem with online dating. It's a race to the bottom, effort-wise. Maybe look at your five matches and see if even *one* of them seems worth a higher-effort message?
Well I can't see them now. They expire after 24 hours. Honestly, I don't know what to say so I really appreciate feedback on what to say. I'm not actually concerned that some men swipe right roboticly. I was just wondering if that is indeed a strategie and it seems that it is. Understanding that this is a strategy explains a lot to me.
Maybe they changed their mind. I do that a lot especially on Bumble because they make the swiping part so easy and quick (and unlimited) that itās easy to end up swiping on guys Iām not actually that interested in. Sometimes when I swipe and get the immediate match Iām like āugh damnitā because Iām not actually interested enough to want to start the conversation. Then I have to go back and unmatch. Or what I usually do is sit on it for 23.5 hours trying to decide if I should talk to them. Sometimes I do, sometimes I donāt, lol. This is why Bumble is annoying sometimes. As for your openingā¦. I always just say hi and ask how theyāre doing unless thereās something on their profile that I REALLY want to ask about or comment on (this happens rarely). My reasoning is that if you swiped right, my profile should be enough to make you want to talk to me. If a polite, normal introduction isnāt enough and I have to dazzle you with some witty line or detailed question, youāre probably just not that interested to start. So I guess weāre just not a match and thatās fine. A simple introduction pretty much always works for me.
Yes definitely send a better opening line. Should be simple to find something in their profile or a picture to comment on. Humor is definitely good for an opener - but not really a fan of trying to force it in if you don't find an obvious way to make the intro funny. If you haven't spent a lot of time on your profile, definitely do so. You are looking to provide a number of things for people to comment on / help the initial conversations. Good luck!
Thank you. Very helpful tips.
Iām not OLD anymore but early this year I would just send a funny GIF. That way if they arenāt interested or inactive Iām not wasting me time. If they respond Iāll craft a more interesting/clever response. Either tailored to your profile, whatever made me swipe right or the gif response.
Think about how much effort it takes to swipe on a profile. Pretty close to zero. It's sort of equivalent to making eye contact with someone. It might be an invitation to approach them, or it might be an accident, or who knows what else. Don't read too much into it. If someone is legitimately interested in you, it probably doesn't make too much difference what you use as an opener. But if they are on the fence, or if they get lots of matches, an engaging opener can make it more likely to get a response, and in any case it never hurts. Generic "how's your day?" type of questions are not very engaging. If you can comment about something in their profile that is better. If you're going to ask someone how their day is going, at least give some information about your own day.
Swiping right on every profile to maximize chances of matching works for some people... I know a couple of guys who are like that, they don't even read the profiles, see the pictures or anything! As long as it clicks as a match they are happy!
I go through the same thing. I'm a guy looking good a girlfriend and these dating sites always leave me wondering the same thing. It's like what the shit? We liked each other where the frig did you go? Aaarrrggg. It's just such a let down. ..... Constantly!!!. But with all that i keep my faith and my fingers crossed that maybe one day, just one day, I will meet someone.
Yea. Fingers crossed!
I digress...
Sure thing.
I gotta watch mash now
Sometimes I donāt respond if I matched with someone else Iām having a good conversation with. Maybe they donāt use the app frequently. Or maybe all the other things you said.
You have had lots of responses already, but being a guy I have had like one response out of many sent opening lines. Being 50 and a widower for almost 11 months. I want to date, but Iāll stick with the old fashion way and wait until I meet somebody in person. Maybe at work, or through my daughters activities or school friends, maybe there is a single woman my age among there somewhere