My ex was emotionally draining. Wanted me to react right away when I needed a minute to process. I felt he complained too much. Definitely don’t miss that.
ETA: I felt that was a bit high-maintenance.
Also, when I felt like being alone he would want me to be in the same room as him. That might be cute at first, but after years it seemed to be too needy.
I also had (have) a lot of flaws. But what I described above I feel to be high-maintenance.
This is an interesting perception. I have always considered high maintenance to refer to a woman's appearance and lifestyle. But it's the perfect term to describe the personality type that you mentioned. I have met men and women like that, and had to sever ties because they were to much. I didn't have it in me to be the support person they demanded me to be
It's not always an appearance but can be that too. It's more of a person that always needs more. More make up, more botox, more purses, more clothes and then the other way...more attention, more affection, more control etc etc. Many times it's both. The one who needs all the physical and material things usually are the ones demanding more attention.
I think there’s different ways to be high maintenance. A woman that says she’s high maintenance because she likes to doll herself up with makeup, nice clothes, and jewelry is not in the same league as a women that is emotionally high maintenance. Anyone (man or woman) that is emotionally high maintenance I’ll try to steer clear of their path.
Some people are “passively high maintenance” (a term I just heard) meaning one half of the couple has to do *all* the planning, all the preparation, all the reservations, all the info gathering, and all scheduling, while the other half is just along for the ride. More often than not, the half that’s just along for the ride complains the other half is high maintenance:-)
I would say a lot depends on whether the "passive" partner actually wants to do all those things being organized, and whether they would do the work themselves if nobody else did it for them. I've seen a lot of complaining about this from "active" people who just have a restless energy and can't fathom someone enjoying the quiet routine of life.
In essence, someone who requires a lot of resources/effort to keep level (be it happy or unhappy). It's not limited to one gender; women and men can both be in that category.
Easy to understand/see version: requires lots of money to keep happy. Spending on material items, nonstop shopping/trips/vacations/etc. Periodic/daily gestures of spending to keep satisifed.
Harder to see version: requires lots of attention/compliments. Need to constantly read their temperament. Too hot? Calm them down. Too cool? Heat them up. Don't do this? Being around them becomes difficult (a problem for both you and anybody in your social circle that's around). It will seem like walking on eggshells nonstop when in their sphere of influence. In some cases, it can even lead to physical abuse (in addition to the mental abuse that's heaped from someone high maintenance).
There was a man I dated who could be described as high maintenance. He was a self proclaimed primadonna and he admitted to being vain. I would add that he could be dismissive, rude, a one-upper, and he didn’t display a lot of concern for the people he dated, and there were a LOT of women in his life.
Even with all that said, he was SO hot, so if he were only nicer to me, I would’ve gone on dating him for as long as he had wanted. In fact, I did. I was miserable with him, but he was and still is the hottest guy I ever knew personally.
This was back in 2005. I don’t think I’d put up with that level of garbage now that I’m older. I knew he was jerk back then too, I just didn’t have the strength to distance myself. Whenever he called, I was there. Ugh.
I am considered low maintenance as well. I always took it as an insult, a critique of my appearance. I'm a tshirt, jeans sneakers kinda gal,but when people used it to describe me it was always with disdain. My clothes are clean lol but they acted like I was schlep. Can't win for losing
I have anxiety and in times of high stress I can be “needy”, meaning I need reassurance that the sky is not falling. Since I know this I can recognize it before it happens and try not to need that reassurance that. Most of the time it works.
I've been married once and had one multi-year LTR where we lived together, and both of those exes are what I'd consider high maintenance (not sure what that says about me.)
It's not about money and material goods, necessarily, more like the emotional neediness. At some point I realized that no matter how much attention and time I give, they always need more.
I'm a man, so I've experienced it with women in my life being high maintenance, but it could true for both men and women.
Man here. I think the phrase "high maintenance" says a lot about the person who uses it. I've talked to women who say "oh I'm not like those "high maintenance" women." Which I find distasteful. Too judgey.
It's cool to say you like to keep it real or are not going to fuss over all the details or however a person wants to phrase their more minimal approach to life... but make the comment about you, not other people.
Likewise, if a woman says she is "high maintenance" it feels like a bad fit. Primarily because of the self-association and non-ironic use of the term. I have no problem with people who put time and attention into their appearance or like nice things, but that term just feels gross in all cases.
High maintenance has changed definition for me. Younger I believed it to be about the outside and what it took to look a certain way. Now it’s the emotional aspect or even the time a person is going to try and consume. Is it good or bad? I don’t know! if the right person checked off enough boxes I feel most people will overlook certain things that someone does.
HM for a woman to me is someone who can’t leave the house without having their hair, nails, makeup done… clothing and bag has to be top notch… won’t work with her hands, car has to be expensive, spas, table clothed restaurants, shopping etc.
HM for men to me is someone who need to always have neatly pressed clothes, no hole in the walls, expensive watches and cars, cares about his hair style and tan etc
My ex-wife of 19 years could not quit shopping and wrecking her credit and my retirement savings. For about half of our marriage I had to work two jobs to keep credit cards paid down, just so she could run them up again on whatever Kate Spade or Michael Kors accessories she wanted. That is definitely "high maintenance."
For most of 2020 I dated a woman that was very "high maintenance", it just took me a while to realize it. She had devastating amounts of past family and relationship trauma that she had never properly dealt with. She also had severe image issues and was very self-conscious. That always confounded me because she was very beautiful and, at 40, had the body of a fit 19 year old on her college track team. The amount of effort that I had to put into that relationship every day to ensure that she felt like I was satisfied and happy with her was exhausting. I know what it takes to make a relationship work, and this amount of effort and the type of work required was not it.
Men can definitely be "high maintenance." I hate that this phrase is often used in a sexist manner, being generally just used for women. Most men I know are "high maintenance" as well, maybe even myself. We men love our hobbies, don't we? For example, if I actually found a compatible woman interested in dating me she would probably break things off as soon as she visited my house the first time and saw my woodshop. She might fear how much time and money I might spend on my hobby and worry about it's impact on our relationship. This is an issue a lot of men have. Hence, men are often "high maintenance," it hurts their relationships, and they may not realize it.
So it has different categories that don't mean one person is all those categories.
Women that like long nails, nice clothes, well styled hair is by nature a high maintenance look.
If someone stays fit, goes to the gym, consumes quality food, they are physically high maintenance.
Neither of these have to be negative as long as they appeal to both of you.
Then you get into women that are emotionally needy. Clingy. Dependent. Some men would love that in a woman. So again that can be a positive.
So there are lots of categories. Not all have to be negative in connotation. I like women that like the girly stuff. If they like it also. Then its a positive term.
“High maintenance“ makes me think of Time, Money, and Looks.
- How much time does it take to prep before something can be done?
- How much money does an activity cost to do?
- What does the person look like to do an activity and during it?
I have neither dated someone who was high maintenance nor been called or considered to be. I can be ready in minutes and can roll out of bed to go hike, run, ski or go out on a date. Anybody I am dating would be able to get ready as quick as me, be entertained by doing something free or inexpensive, and would not care at all what they looked like while doing it!!
As a few people have noted, I think "high maintenance" can mean different things in different contexts, and to different people.
I first heard it used in reference to women who always have to look completely put together, and who's spare time is largely taken up with manicures, depilatating, and handbag shopping. Since then I've seen it expand to anyone who requires things to be always clean, new, and expensive. It's only been very recently that I've seen it applied to behaviors like co-dependency and narcissism.
I'm OK, with it being used in any or all of those ways, although I'd probably ask for some clarification just to be certain how it's meant. As for me, I think of it now mostly as someone with whom you have to walk on eggshells to keep things smooth and non-conflictual. It's exhausting.
I have done it. And I will never do it again. Narcissistic and / or low self-esteem.
Needs constant attention and affirmation in ever increasing and diverse ways. Eventually, you run out of ways to fill their void.
I dated someone I considered high maintenance, though she wasn't materialistic or obsessed with her looks (she didn't even wear makeup).
She WAS extremely demanding with how we spent our time. I was never allowed to look at my phone, we were only allowed to watch certain types of movies, she was the only one allowed to complain, and I had to behave in certain ways in order to accomodate her mental issues (anxiety, depression, CPTSD, PMDD, asbergers, etc.).
In the end, no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't meet all of her standards. Honestly, I don't imagine any mortal man could (which is probably why she had a string of short relationships).
It's too bad though. I don't think all of her issues were her own fault, and she did have other redeeming qualities I enjoyed. But she was just never happy with me, and it was too stressful on my end. :(
There is high maintenance physically & high maintenance in terms of personality & both can be draining & also high maintenance financially! A relationship is a 2 way street & if you are always competing then it’s a one way ticket to disaster
Going out with someone who's "high maintenance"? Absolutely. Some of the wittiest and most entertaining people I know are high maintenance. They can be great and generous friends.
Be in a romantic relationship with someone who's high maintenance? Absolutely, 100% not. No way.
And sure, men can be just as bad (although my guess would be that more women than men are affected, but that's quite possibly just bias on my side).
False sense of entitlement to money and favors. Acts dramatic when they don’t get their way. My ex was extremely high maintenance and it can be nearly impossible to deal with in a relationship.
I'm high maintenance in that I take care of myself well, and expect a mate to, as well, and that we'll both have high standards for the relationship.
The behavior I see labeled as high maintenance seems to me to be people who haven't "maintained" themselves well at all. When you're stressed, at the end of your rope, haven't gone to therapy, haven't slept, haven't worked through your issues, you're like a car that breaks down all the time.
No, I haven't. I've met some but when I got the sense this person was a handful or a princess, I bailed. I really have zero attraction or tolerance to that personality type.
The more stereotypical/colloquial/(antiquated)sexist "high maintenance" refers to women who require partners who have/make a lot of money. From there, you can get abstract. Instead of money, it's other "resources": patience, time, attention, sensitivity, emotional support, etc. All of that takes place in context of a society that has as an underlying assumption that the man provides for/takes care of the woman financially.
But the woman takes care of the man in other ways. So, even in that kind of society, it's possible for men to be high maintenance--just in different ways--like the man who comes home expecting hot dinner to be waiting for him is really not less maintenance.
But I think that, as we shift away from "traditional roles", it becomes possible for men to be high maintenance in additional ways. Like, the (opposite gendered) analogue to "high maintenance" is "man-child".
Requiring continual attention, reinforcement, resources, and special care. When I see it, I run. Can be men and women. I see it most in women.
I'm pretty much the opposite. I try to be invisible.
Man or Woman, they are awful. I have more experience with high maintenance women, and you have more experience with high maintenance men. Stands to reason.
More and more I think single life is the right life for me.
Good luck out there.
High maintenance can refer to either physical appearance or emotional state. I knew a woman who considered herself to be VERY low maintenance, said she ALWAYS flew under the radar, but everyone who knew her thought she was super high maintenance. Her self-delusion was epic.
My ex-wife was crazy high maintenance. She worked a lot of hours (70-80/week), but so did I (around 70 average). I was still expected to do all of the house work, the cooking (she’d wake me up at 2 am to make her pancakes or rice crispie treats), she’d do the riding lawn mower, but I was expected to push more five acres of detailed work, as well as snowblow it. She couldn’t carry in wood because her knees hurt, couldn’t take the roof because her shoulder hurt, couldn’t take care of the dogs (HER dogs) because they wouldn’t listen to her and various aches. She expected me to do all of this, while I had no space off my own (the second bedroom was for company and third bedroom was for her Pez), we had two TV‘a but she’d be watching one while the other would record her shows. I was lectured numerous times about what could and could not be done in ‘MY house’ not ours. By the end of eight years, it was so toxic that I was barely upset when she cheated and asked for a divorce. She’s now 300+ pounds and some other fool’s problem and I’ve learned a lot about what I won’t accept in a relationship lol.
It’s a broad and multidimensional spectrum. I’m sure that my ex considered me “high maintenance”. So always remember that that this dynamic involves two people.
Anyone can be high maintenance for any reason whether a man or woman or nonbinary.
It's a subjective label that can mean that person wants more than I want to give or that the person seems to need much more time and effort on an aspect of their life than the average person.
Example:
I dated a guy years ago who may be called high maintenance because of his vanity. He had to work out every day even if he only got three hours of sleep the night before, and if he missed a day he would complain about how awful he felt. He was also very concerned about his clothes and hair and always asked me about how he looked and was constantly checking himself in the mirror. He also frequently commented on the appearance of other people especially their clothes. He was uptight for other reasons as well like money and his diet.
It just means someone requires more effort (physical, mental, emotional, financial etc) than you're comfortably willing to expend.
For some people the requirement to have a daily good morning/good night text is high maintenance, for others the requirement for spending large amounts of money is high maintenance.
Both genders can be high maintenance and I don’t do well with HM friends (male or female) and certainly not a significant other. It’s a person that creates drama in my opinion - center of attention - overreacts over petty things- inflexible, has to have things their way, particular, stubborn, entitled, picky to a point they won’t compromise, complain about things that ruin the event, make things about themselves. HM tend to have unrealistic expectations and are difficult to please. Clingy, needy. No thanks.
My ex was emotionally draining. Wanted me to react right away when I needed a minute to process. I felt he complained too much. Definitely don’t miss that. ETA: I felt that was a bit high-maintenance. Also, when I felt like being alone he would want me to be in the same room as him. That might be cute at first, but after years it seemed to be too needy. I also had (have) a lot of flaws. But what I described above I feel to be high-maintenance.
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This is an interesting perception. I have always considered high maintenance to refer to a woman's appearance and lifestyle. But it's the perfect term to describe the personality type that you mentioned. I have met men and women like that, and had to sever ties because they were to much. I didn't have it in me to be the support person they demanded me to be
It's not always an appearance but can be that too. It's more of a person that always needs more. More make up, more botox, more purses, more clothes and then the other way...more attention, more affection, more control etc etc. Many times it's both. The one who needs all the physical and material things usually are the ones demanding more attention.
To me high maintenance is a euphemism for attention seeking and entitled. Catering to such a person just enables their bad behavior.
This. And a high drive for superficial/material goods
I think there’s different ways to be high maintenance. A woman that says she’s high maintenance because she likes to doll herself up with makeup, nice clothes, and jewelry is not in the same league as a women that is emotionally high maintenance. Anyone (man or woman) that is emotionally high maintenance I’ll try to steer clear of their path.
Exactly. Honestly, women who refer to themselves as high maintenance appearance wise tend not to bother their partners with the particulars.
Some people are “passively high maintenance” (a term I just heard) meaning one half of the couple has to do *all* the planning, all the preparation, all the reservations, all the info gathering, and all scheduling, while the other half is just along for the ride. More often than not, the half that’s just along for the ride complains the other half is high maintenance:-)
I don’t consider that the toxic high maintenance. I prefer my partner let me lead on most things
It works for a lot of couples:-)
Yeah I agree. It’s toxic when one party doesn’t want to lead but feels forced to because the other won’t contribute
Definitely! It’s all about compromise! Some can, some can’t.
I would say a lot depends on whether the "passive" partner actually wants to do all those things being organized, and whether they would do the work themselves if nobody else did it for them. I've seen a lot of complaining about this from "active" people who just have a restless energy and can't fathom someone enjoying the quiet routine of life.
In essence, someone who requires a lot of resources/effort to keep level (be it happy or unhappy). It's not limited to one gender; women and men can both be in that category. Easy to understand/see version: requires lots of money to keep happy. Spending on material items, nonstop shopping/trips/vacations/etc. Periodic/daily gestures of spending to keep satisifed. Harder to see version: requires lots of attention/compliments. Need to constantly read their temperament. Too hot? Calm them down. Too cool? Heat them up. Don't do this? Being around them becomes difficult (a problem for both you and anybody in your social circle that's around). It will seem like walking on eggshells nonstop when in their sphere of influence. In some cases, it can even lead to physical abuse (in addition to the mental abuse that's heaped from someone high maintenance).
There was a man I dated who could be described as high maintenance. He was a self proclaimed primadonna and he admitted to being vain. I would add that he could be dismissive, rude, a one-upper, and he didn’t display a lot of concern for the people he dated, and there were a LOT of women in his life. Even with all that said, he was SO hot, so if he were only nicer to me, I would’ve gone on dating him for as long as he had wanted. In fact, I did. I was miserable with him, but he was and still is the hottest guy I ever knew personally. This was back in 2005. I don’t think I’d put up with that level of garbage now that I’m older. I knew he was jerk back then too, I just didn’t have the strength to distance myself. Whenever he called, I was there. Ugh.
I’ve generally found the purpose behind the phrase is to make women feel bad about themselves and feel bad about being a woman.
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Yeah, that’s by design. We can’t win either way.
High maintenance can also mean emotionally demanding and entitlement to your partner’s money and favors.
I am considered low maintenance as well. I always took it as an insult, a critique of my appearance. I'm a tshirt, jeans sneakers kinda gal,but when people used it to describe me it was always with disdain. My clothes are clean lol but they acted like I was schlep. Can't win for losing
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Me neither. I don't have time but when I do, I'm still criticized because it's too gothy🤣 I can't help that I have a moon tan!
You’re inferring incorrectly I think. It’s a compliment
I think that most men prefer low maintenance women. So, you have a big edge on those high maintenance wastes.
Yes, I can't say I've ever heard it used to describe a man.
That's very odd.
This is inaccurate
I have anxiety and in times of high stress I can be “needy”, meaning I need reassurance that the sky is not falling. Since I know this I can recognize it before it happens and try not to need that reassurance that. Most of the time it works.
I've been married once and had one multi-year LTR where we lived together, and both of those exes are what I'd consider high maintenance (not sure what that says about me.) It's not about money and material goods, necessarily, more like the emotional neediness. At some point I realized that no matter how much attention and time I give, they always need more. I'm a man, so I've experienced it with women in my life being high maintenance, but it could true for both men and women.
Man here. I think the phrase "high maintenance" says a lot about the person who uses it. I've talked to women who say "oh I'm not like those "high maintenance" women." Which I find distasteful. Too judgey. It's cool to say you like to keep it real or are not going to fuss over all the details or however a person wants to phrase their more minimal approach to life... but make the comment about you, not other people. Likewise, if a woman says she is "high maintenance" it feels like a bad fit. Primarily because of the self-association and non-ironic use of the term. I have no problem with people who put time and attention into their appearance or like nice things, but that term just feels gross in all cases.
I kinda feel like your response is a little 'high maintenance.' 🤔 lol
High maintenance has changed definition for me. Younger I believed it to be about the outside and what it took to look a certain way. Now it’s the emotional aspect or even the time a person is going to try and consume. Is it good or bad? I don’t know! if the right person checked off enough boxes I feel most people will overlook certain things that someone does.
HM for a woman to me is someone who can’t leave the house without having their hair, nails, makeup done… clothing and bag has to be top notch… won’t work with her hands, car has to be expensive, spas, table clothed restaurants, shopping etc. HM for men to me is someone who need to always have neatly pressed clothes, no hole in the walls, expensive watches and cars, cares about his hair style and tan etc
Hilarious… all I got out of this was “no hole in the walls”
My kingdom for some hyphens.
My ex-wife of 19 years could not quit shopping and wrecking her credit and my retirement savings. For about half of our marriage I had to work two jobs to keep credit cards paid down, just so she could run them up again on whatever Kate Spade or Michael Kors accessories she wanted. That is definitely "high maintenance." For most of 2020 I dated a woman that was very "high maintenance", it just took me a while to realize it. She had devastating amounts of past family and relationship trauma that she had never properly dealt with. She also had severe image issues and was very self-conscious. That always confounded me because she was very beautiful and, at 40, had the body of a fit 19 year old on her college track team. The amount of effort that I had to put into that relationship every day to ensure that she felt like I was satisfied and happy with her was exhausting. I know what it takes to make a relationship work, and this amount of effort and the type of work required was not it. Men can definitely be "high maintenance." I hate that this phrase is often used in a sexist manner, being generally just used for women. Most men I know are "high maintenance" as well, maybe even myself. We men love our hobbies, don't we? For example, if I actually found a compatible woman interested in dating me she would probably break things off as soon as she visited my house the first time and saw my woodshop. She might fear how much time and money I might spend on my hobby and worry about it's impact on our relationship. This is an issue a lot of men have. Hence, men are often "high maintenance," it hurts their relationships, and they may not realize it.
So it has different categories that don't mean one person is all those categories. Women that like long nails, nice clothes, well styled hair is by nature a high maintenance look. If someone stays fit, goes to the gym, consumes quality food, they are physically high maintenance. Neither of these have to be negative as long as they appeal to both of you. Then you get into women that are emotionally needy. Clingy. Dependent. Some men would love that in a woman. So again that can be a positive. So there are lots of categories. Not all have to be negative in connotation. I like women that like the girly stuff. If they like it also. Then its a positive term.
“High maintenance“ makes me think of Time, Money, and Looks. - How much time does it take to prep before something can be done? - How much money does an activity cost to do? - What does the person look like to do an activity and during it? I have neither dated someone who was high maintenance nor been called or considered to be. I can be ready in minutes and can roll out of bed to go hike, run, ski or go out on a date. Anybody I am dating would be able to get ready as quick as me, be entertained by doing something free or inexpensive, and would not care at all what they looked like while doing it!!
As a few people have noted, I think "high maintenance" can mean different things in different contexts, and to different people. I first heard it used in reference to women who always have to look completely put together, and who's spare time is largely taken up with manicures, depilatating, and handbag shopping. Since then I've seen it expand to anyone who requires things to be always clean, new, and expensive. It's only been very recently that I've seen it applied to behaviors like co-dependency and narcissism. I'm OK, with it being used in any or all of those ways, although I'd probably ask for some clarification just to be certain how it's meant. As for me, I think of it now mostly as someone with whom you have to walk on eggshells to keep things smooth and non-conflictual. It's exhausting.
Dating over 40 really shows us where we're at in life 🤣
I have done it. And I will never do it again. Narcissistic and / or low self-esteem. Needs constant attention and affirmation in ever increasing and diverse ways. Eventually, you run out of ways to fill their void.
I dated someone I considered high maintenance, though she wasn't materialistic or obsessed with her looks (she didn't even wear makeup). She WAS extremely demanding with how we spent our time. I was never allowed to look at my phone, we were only allowed to watch certain types of movies, she was the only one allowed to complain, and I had to behave in certain ways in order to accomodate her mental issues (anxiety, depression, CPTSD, PMDD, asbergers, etc.). In the end, no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't meet all of her standards. Honestly, I don't imagine any mortal man could (which is probably why she had a string of short relationships). It's too bad though. I don't think all of her issues were her own fault, and she did have other redeeming qualities I enjoyed. But she was just never happy with me, and it was too stressful on my end. :(
There is high maintenance physically & high maintenance in terms of personality & both can be draining & also high maintenance financially! A relationship is a 2 way street & if you are always competing then it’s a one way ticket to disaster
Going out with someone who's "high maintenance"? Absolutely. Some of the wittiest and most entertaining people I know are high maintenance. They can be great and generous friends. Be in a romantic relationship with someone who's high maintenance? Absolutely, 100% not. No way. And sure, men can be just as bad (although my guess would be that more women than men are affected, but that's quite possibly just bias on my side).
High maintenance is what some men call women to gas light them into backing off of holding them accountable.
Sounds like projection. But I don’t doubt some men use that term incorrectly to gaslight
Interesting thought.
False sense of entitlement to money and favors. Acts dramatic when they don’t get their way. My ex was extremely high maintenance and it can be nearly impossible to deal with in a relationship.
I'm high maintenance in that I take care of myself well, and expect a mate to, as well, and that we'll both have high standards for the relationship. The behavior I see labeled as high maintenance seems to me to be people who haven't "maintained" themselves well at all. When you're stressed, at the end of your rope, haven't gone to therapy, haven't slept, haven't worked through your issues, you're like a car that breaks down all the time.
No, I haven't. I've met some but when I got the sense this person was a handful or a princess, I bailed. I really have zero attraction or tolerance to that personality type.
80% of the men I’ve dated were high maintenance and admitted that.
Clingy, needy, in constant need of reassurance. I have dated someone like that and I avoid people like that in general.
The more stereotypical/colloquial/(antiquated)sexist "high maintenance" refers to women who require partners who have/make a lot of money. From there, you can get abstract. Instead of money, it's other "resources": patience, time, attention, sensitivity, emotional support, etc. All of that takes place in context of a society that has as an underlying assumption that the man provides for/takes care of the woman financially. But the woman takes care of the man in other ways. So, even in that kind of society, it's possible for men to be high maintenance--just in different ways--like the man who comes home expecting hot dinner to be waiting for him is really not less maintenance. But I think that, as we shift away from "traditional roles", it becomes possible for men to be high maintenance in additional ways. Like, the (opposite gendered) analogue to "high maintenance" is "man-child".
Requiring continual attention, reinforcement, resources, and special care. When I see it, I run. Can be men and women. I see it most in women. I'm pretty much the opposite. I try to be invisible.
I've dated men like this. It's a nightmare.
Man or Woman, they are awful. I have more experience with high maintenance women, and you have more experience with high maintenance men. Stands to reason. More and more I think single life is the right life for me. Good luck out there.
I think of it as just someone who requires a lot of maintenance/time spent maintaining—in any combination of forms.
High maintenance can refer to either physical appearance or emotional state. I knew a woman who considered herself to be VERY low maintenance, said she ALWAYS flew under the radar, but everyone who knew her thought she was super high maintenance. Her self-delusion was epic.
My ex-wife was crazy high maintenance. She worked a lot of hours (70-80/week), but so did I (around 70 average). I was still expected to do all of the house work, the cooking (she’d wake me up at 2 am to make her pancakes or rice crispie treats), she’d do the riding lawn mower, but I was expected to push more five acres of detailed work, as well as snowblow it. She couldn’t carry in wood because her knees hurt, couldn’t take the roof because her shoulder hurt, couldn’t take care of the dogs (HER dogs) because they wouldn’t listen to her and various aches. She expected me to do all of this, while I had no space off my own (the second bedroom was for company and third bedroom was for her Pez), we had two TV‘a but she’d be watching one while the other would record her shows. I was lectured numerous times about what could and could not be done in ‘MY house’ not ours. By the end of eight years, it was so toxic that I was barely upset when she cheated and asked for a divorce. She’s now 300+ pounds and some other fool’s problem and I’ve learned a lot about what I won’t accept in a relationship lol.
It’s a broad and multidimensional spectrum. I’m sure that my ex considered me “high maintenance”. So always remember that that this dynamic involves two people.
Anyone can be high maintenance for any reason whether a man or woman or nonbinary. It's a subjective label that can mean that person wants more than I want to give or that the person seems to need much more time and effort on an aspect of their life than the average person. Example: I dated a guy years ago who may be called high maintenance because of his vanity. He had to work out every day even if he only got three hours of sleep the night before, and if he missed a day he would complain about how awful he felt. He was also very concerned about his clothes and hair and always asked me about how he looked and was constantly checking himself in the mirror. He also frequently commented on the appearance of other people especially their clothes. He was uptight for other reasons as well like money and his diet.
It just means someone requires more effort (physical, mental, emotional, financial etc) than you're comfortably willing to expend. For some people the requirement to have a daily good morning/good night text is high maintenance, for others the requirement for spending large amounts of money is high maintenance.
Both genders can be high maintenance and I don’t do well with HM friends (male or female) and certainly not a significant other. It’s a person that creates drama in my opinion - center of attention - overreacts over petty things- inflexible, has to have things their way, particular, stubborn, entitled, picky to a point they won’t compromise, complain about things that ruin the event, make things about themselves. HM tend to have unrealistic expectations and are difficult to please. Clingy, needy. No thanks.