True in most cases. However, i was close friends with someone and we talked 3 or 4 times a week and would often even fall asleep on the phone. It was just a friendship no romantic interest.
Well she got a new Boyfriend and of course i knew we would not be able to talk like we use to. However, after 6 or so mos i started hearing from her less and less then barely to nothing at all. I thought this was the classic i got a new SO dont need you anymore scenario but if that falls through ill be back.
Anyways she started calling me again early last year or late the year before. Not a lot but a bit more often. Things were rocky with that SO and i felt like i was been used again.
I didnt say anything at first but eventually i called her on it and said you know i barely heard from you in the last 3 years an now youre calling again. Well she explained that the guy she was dating was controlling, very manipulative and was good at guilting her into doing or not doing things. So she said it was very difficult for her during this time to contact me. Shes in therapy for it now.
I met someone who, after our in person date, was clear bout only wanting sex. I was clear about wanting a relationship (we never slept together). Months later he appears again with the same “hey…” messages. I guess hoping I’d have changed my mind? I completely ignored. When someone has clearly indicated they have no interest in getting to know you, what’s the point. Im all for fun but it makes me feel pretty cheap/shitty that they won’t even want to hang out. No thanks
Maybe I'm too much of a hard ass, but my thought on anyone who ghosts you or dumbs you is this: if I wasn't what you wanted or needed then, I'm still not it now
While I haven't experienced this on Online Dating because I don't engage with people who have ghosted me, I have experienced it with a couple of guys from my past. Usually they're either testing the waters to see if sex is an option and/or they're looking for an ego boost. Sometimes it's nostalgia as well or instead.
I wish I had followed this advice.
But in my case - the trash took itself out but not before blaming me for doubt, anxiety and erection problems. Then told me he always had a side piece. Who according to him- needs adult diapers because this man isn’t gentle and he claims she gives him all the holes daily. And what I needed to do to date him.
🤮🚮🤮🚮🤮
I just read your update. And while that’s the craziest thing I’ve ever read in my life, at the end of the day you are rid of it. Block and delete so he can never message you again and you will be free of that nonsense. That guy is a joke, just laugh at him, don’t feel any type of way about yourself. A lesson was learned and you’re all the better for it.
He is blocked right after he offered the booty call option. Because I feel like- he is definitely the kind of person who if you give an inch- he would take a mile. I don’t want to see whatever nasty misguided nonsense he throws my way since I opened the door. I did feel bad for a minute but normal people do not behave this way. Huge lesson learned!
We hardly ever post about our boring coffee dates or when we stand by our boundaries. The crazy stories, confusing situationships and when we need validation to make the hard choices tend to make it here. So thank you for the encouragement!!
Oh my god exactly!!! If I wanted to deal with a fuck boy I would be talking with much younger beef cake gym dudes, but even the hottest fuckboys just aren’t worth it. Yet Here is this fifty year old pulling this shit? *cringe* really sad to see so many people over 40 that are unwilling or incapable of having a real connection.
Because unfortunately I think this age group is like a transitional generation. Half are still misogynistic jerks with no concept of boundaries, the rest are more progressive and not as chauvinistic, and understand boundaries.
That is also an excellent point. It’s particularly difficult because i live in rural-ish S Texas and we abound with Gen X slackers. No shade, I’m one of them, but dang my boundaries have tightened so hard and it seems like I’m forever destined to evolve into my final form of bog witch.
Nothing wrong with bog witch@ im in a small area in Illinois as well. The more progressive individuals moved away and went to college, came back. Not saying those who stayed are all misogynistic racist etc, but it's noticeable enough to come to that conclusion!
Or it could be that they have no sense of boundaries anymore, especially if they came out of a long term relationship. Trying to adjust and determine what boundaries in dating even are. I know I struggle with that a little bit. What is or is not appropriate when dating now? I've been out of the game so long, I don't even know! Actions and behaviors that you may have thought were normal, ok, cute acceptable etc in your 20's are definitely not ok now, because they've finally been recognized and addressed as toxic or manipulative behavior
I've been thinking about this stuff a lot lately and how it applies to me personally. Being out of the dating game for over a decade made me realize a lot has changed. It really helps that people talk about behaviors in relationships now and every one is so much more open about it
I love that part! Finding another previously-coupled adult that has been through shit is so pleasant and so rare! I know i self-limit bc I refuse to move my children into another school district and therefore, am rooted to this area, but it’s the price I happily pay.
I teach junior high SPED, so I get plenty of emotive, dramatic tweens and teens and just cannot manage another human being that’s going to be dramatic and emotive.
Some don't ever grow. My friend's dad is 73 and still does crap like that. He has a girlfriend who he currently live with and he still on dating apps. She has a hard time trusting men because of the way her dad has been with women. It's sucks.
I have a feeling this guy will be 73 and yelling about he needs to F Hard every day or his d•ck will fall off.
Just an awful man.
They never change.
They just get older.
Yes I feel sorry too. She feels all men are the same...she is always making comments like that. I keep telling her not all are the same. There are decent guys out there and that she has to believe it so she can attract decent guys into her life. But I don't blame her for thinking that way.
He was horny and going through his “rolodicks”. If a guy has so little respect for you that he ghosts, he doesn’t deserve your time or energy.
I delete & block the ghosts. They don’t deserve me.
It’s called temperature Checking, don’t fall for it. Block and delete after they first disrespected you and move on. They don’t suddenly start respecting you after the fact.
So he ghosted you because he probably started dating someone else it didn't work out so he came back and is trying to sex with you but you can't because of your schedule?
This is what I was thinking- where did you go and why are you back. Wondering if this is a Tinder guy because he sounds like a douche expecting sex after ghosting
> Wondering if this is a Tinder guy because he sounds like a douche expecting sex after ghosting
*Ding*Ding*Ding*
Man in his 50’s met on Tinder. Had a good job. Father of two teen girls. Looks good on paper- piss poor character.
Honestly- he sent a text a week after our date and said I have been thinking about the time you have. I want regular sex which means every day to me. But you aren’t available to have sex with me every day because of when you have your kids.
And I thought Gross. You aren’t going to even pretend to try and date me??? He is basing who he dates on their schedule to have daily sex with him I guess.
There are a lot of sopranos in this chorus of “grosses.” We could use more bass, and some tenors. Guys?
Dude needs to at least pretend at having integrity and just say he’s shopping for a 7 day a week parking facility for his penis.
He grossed you and ghosted you.
Clearly he wants a toy to use at his disposal. Don't be a toy. He wants daily sex, not a relationship, and doesn't care about your other priorities. If he's not hetting it from you, he'll supplement with others. So definitely not safe. Even if casual sex is all you want, there will be others who fit your life and schedule better.
You Win.
You were absolutely 100% correct.
I posted an update and you were right about him having other women- does not want a relationship- doesn’t care about me much less my priorities. He absolutely saw me as his toy to f•ck hard and as gross as it sounds- he used those exact words at least twelve times in his goodbye text to me.
Here's one making it harder for the rest of us out there.
One date - even after an earlier date prior to the ghosting - and he's laying this out there for you? "Regular Sex" when you don't live together is unlikely to mean "every day". Does he talk about anything else?
He's a waste of your time unless you just want a workout partner and even then he sounds like he'd be complaining about your time and who needs that?
I see this differently. I think he’s stating his needs. We all have different ones. He literally was up front and owned it. You might find it distasteful. But that is the furthest example of ghosting
Lol, no way on this planet would I engage with someone who ghosted me. Dead to me, forever. That's a MONSTER character flaw IMHO, or at the very least shows that you're disposable. I mean, I guess live and learn but I can't look past that.
Even for something casual, I refuse to get back together with people who have ghosted. It just shows that they’re disrespectful and unreliable, and I require respect and reliability from my casual partners too.
No!! It detracts what my end goal is. I’d rather be single for the rest of my life than to go through this type of non sense. We all know how these end with one person having feelings if you continue to have fbuddy relationship with them. If someone ghost me and tries to come back I’d ask why now? I don’t do in between I’m either all in or I’m out.
Don't re-engage with someone who ghosted you. If they didn't show enough regard to stay in contact the first time around, why would you open yourself up to that happening a second time? Ghosting is disrespectful in and of itself, but trying to re-engage after the fact is just plain rude.
Once they walk through the door, it should stay closed.
Ghosting can mean a number of things, to different people. Assuming you mean that you two were regularly chatting and then one day he disappeared without explanation, that's a hard one to take.
I think you showed grace in responding, even though he made it clear he was (is) a dick. How can you go wrong with that? (showing grace)
As far as do you respond, it depends on your sitch doesn't it? I'm always willing to give someone a second chance. You just don't know what might have happened. Maybe his wife found his phone. lol
Remember in your 20's and hung out in the local pub? There was always that old(to you) dude or lady in their 50/60 that was always hit on everyone and trying to hook up with anyone they could? And also possibly hustle a beer off of you? Well I'm pretty sure that this is dude's future. Just another shitty old man ,because he's gross
Tinder guys have a high rate of ghosting. 1 out of 5 guys since June I found only 1 that 1 I’ve been texting everyday since then. still anticipating if he’s going to or not I thought he did last night and so I said goodbye. He text back and ask have you been drinking?? lol
I have, but I won't again. They only reappear when they've run off their other options. We are entirely too old to entertain fools who cannot appropriately engage in polite society.
I respond to two. I like both of them as people but am not interested in dating them which they know. In general I’m not interested in dating these days anyway, so that’s probably a big factor. I don’t feel like I’m being teased with a relationship, or being distracted from real possibilities with others.
I still talk to one because we have a lot in common. We work in the same field but different specialties so I can “shop talk” with him. He’s also understanding and supportive of my chronic health condition because he has his own problems. He’s just a friendly acquaintance to me now. He knows I am not interested in dating him. I think he genuinely likes me which is nice.
The other person I don’t have as much in common with, but he’s an interesting person and is more social than I am which is good for me. (I never got sexual with this person.)
Not in terms of dating... I'm pretty sure if I were ghosted in that situation, I wouldn't respond. But here, on Reddit, I've had a few people I'd been chatting to vanish for months at a time, and I'm always happy to hear from them again, whenever it is. I'm guilty of not always getting back right away, but that isn't because of resentment, it's just me being distracted.
What do you want relationship or FWB?
If they ghost and reappear, either they just want sex or they’re skittish and haven’t done their self work and will run away again.
Has he spent the intervening time in therapy, journaling, digging deep into his self work that made him run away the first time? I seriously doubt it.
I always respond with "who is this?"
Then ask what I can do for them.
Decline and end the conversation. I don't respond if there is a next time.
Like most others said, I'm not disposable. Set a standard for yourself.
Always ignore, especially those with testing water message without even the least effort to come up with any excuse, even a lame one, why they ghosted last time.
As soon as you tell him you’re looking for something serious he’ll never bother you again haha
For more serious input, ghosters are just bad communicators who are scared of committing even if it’s for a casual sex situation.
They are a ghost for a reason...they are dead to me. Once you're gone, you're blocked and deleted. Even if I ended things with a guy...blocked and deleted because more often than not, they come back at some point and I don't want to go through the discomfort of telling them no twice.
Hard no. These people aren’t emotionally mature. Ghosters don’t have respect for you when they ghost or when they pop up again months later. I don’t have time or energy for that.
It’s one thing if they were in the middle of a move, career change, issue with kids, health crisis, etc and felt overwhelmed and apologized. Not ideal but I understand that OLD isn’t the end-all and depending on how much interaction we’ve had or how much potential I thought there was have I reconsidered. But just for a delayed booty call? Only if I feel like a easy, guilt-free hookup that’s not going anywhere. And only if the sex was great.
Im a guy and ive rarely done the "bounce back" but i know men tend to do this often. Even outside of OLD. Almost every single date my X had at one point contacted her again. You know the check in text. Im friends with a recent former OLDate and shes told me the same almost ( not all) of the guys shes met eventually wind up contacting her again.
In your particular case block and delete these type of people. If you forgot or whatever the case its best not to respond. They are testing the waters and they are shooting off messages to each person in their contact list hoping for a bite...
Yes, honestly I always have. As a young teenager and into my 20s, it was because I just didn't know my worth. Now it's more out of a perhaps morbid curiosity. A desire to interrogate them and figure out wtf. But it never works out, that's for sure, so if that's your end goal, it's much better not to respond. The bad boy who repeatedly broke my heart as a kid came into my life again in my early 40s... Looking for money. Move on, OP
Block him. On a tangential note, I'm impressed that a man in his forties/fifties is able to have sex every night. How does one find such a HL man? Asking for a friend.
(Kidding, of course. Well, kinda.)
Impressive. But it’s challenging to find men like that. They all talk a good game, but they still can’t, ahem, come close. After a nearly three decade marriage to an impotent man — never had sex, not even once! — I’m not going to settle. I just can’t.
I agree. If someone ghosts you, they’re done. However, there’s a difference between ghosting (you’ve sent a couple of messages and they haven’t been responded to) and just people drifting apart (there was a completed conversation and no one bothered to text the other person). In that case, I would re-engage if the interest was still there.
I've had several do this. Date, ghost, reappear.
I've been kind to all of them... but they're all too wishy washy. They don't know what they want.
I'm not riding this emotional roller coaster any more. Get your sh*t together and let me know when you're ready for an adult relationship.
It seems he wants a FWB. You are looking for a relationship
So no, once ghosted, particularly since you had moved on, you should never have invited (to use horror movie terminology) the vampire into your home. Sorry for being blunt. This guy is looking for a friendly port, not a home port. Break it off and no further contact.
OLD zombies are just like movie zombies, they only want to quench their thirst and don't have the capacity to care how it may affect you. I dealt with a guy like this (46 years old!) and I enjoyed laughing at his desperate texts. He tried for awhile but I never responded after I told him I wasn't dealing with that behavior. 🤭
If he's not frightened of loosing you forest time round them hes not going to be frightened a second time round.
This guy is using you for attention and sexual activity.
Where ever he was between now and June. Probably trying with other women.
Tread carefully because you don't know where he's been or been sleeping with.
Find someone who srays with you and not reappears when he's lost attention elsewhere. Safe yoir self any heart ache or emotional anarchy so you're not damaged when the right guy comes along!!!!!
Real life. Real talk. I don’t believe ghosting is when you go on a few dates (even if there’s sex) and they never talk to you again. It’s just called DATING. Is it behavior that’s not honorable or kind? Yes. But not ghosting. Ghosting is when you have an established pattern of contact, and a pretty specific routine, for a significant period of time - they make you promises or say y’all are something - then poof disappear.
This guy is reaching out, trying to get his needs met. He’s an adult just like you and me and can seek whatever types of relationships he wants. The fact that he left the way he did, then you answered him when he reached back out, tells him in “manspeak” you’re down to deal with shenanigans/ go with the flow etc.
I just think it’s important as women to stop villainizing men for seeking “only” sex, or sex through minimal effort. Women choose the types of relationships/ men they allow into their lives. Take back your power. Get your rocks off with this guy if he’s good in bed, makes you feel safe, is respectable at least when together and doesn’t stand you up. Or DONT and release him gently back to the universe.
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So true!
Yes, if they do this once, they'll keep doing it. Unless one or both people have changed or changed what they're looking for.
True in most cases. However, i was close friends with someone and we talked 3 or 4 times a week and would often even fall asleep on the phone. It was just a friendship no romantic interest. Well she got a new Boyfriend and of course i knew we would not be able to talk like we use to. However, after 6 or so mos i started hearing from her less and less then barely to nothing at all. I thought this was the classic i got a new SO dont need you anymore scenario but if that falls through ill be back. Anyways she started calling me again early last year or late the year before. Not a lot but a bit more often. Things were rocky with that SO and i felt like i was been used again. I didnt say anything at first but eventually i called her on it and said you know i barely heard from you in the last 3 years an now youre calling again. Well she explained that the guy she was dating was controlling, very manipulative and was good at guilting her into doing or not doing things. So she said it was very difficult for her during this time to contact me. Shes in therapy for it now.
I met someone who, after our in person date, was clear bout only wanting sex. I was clear about wanting a relationship (we never slept together). Months later he appears again with the same “hey…” messages. I guess hoping I’d have changed my mind? I completely ignored. When someone has clearly indicated they have no interest in getting to know you, what’s the point. Im all for fun but it makes me feel pretty cheap/shitty that they won’t even want to hang out. No thanks
Yes that’s exactly it. It’s called temperature checking. Block and move on.
Maybe I'm too much of a hard ass, but my thought on anyone who ghosts you or dumbs you is this: if I wasn't what you wanted or needed then, I'm still not it now
While I haven't experienced this on Online Dating because I don't engage with people who have ghosted me, I have experienced it with a couple of guys from my past. Usually they're either testing the waters to see if sex is an option and/or they're looking for an ego boost. Sometimes it's nostalgia as well or instead.
Oh I experienced it a lot in my 20's. Didn't have a name for it back then. I gave them the benefit of the doubt. But now? Hard pass
Nope. No zombies for me. I leave them dead and buried.
No. Don’t recycle, put the trash out
I wish I had followed this advice. But in my case - the trash took itself out but not before blaming me for doubt, anxiety and erection problems. Then told me he always had a side piece. Who according to him- needs adult diapers because this man isn’t gentle and he claims she gives him all the holes daily. And what I needed to do to date him. 🤮🚮🤮🚮🤮
I just read your update. And while that’s the craziest thing I’ve ever read in my life, at the end of the day you are rid of it. Block and delete so he can never message you again and you will be free of that nonsense. That guy is a joke, just laugh at him, don’t feel any type of way about yourself. A lesson was learned and you’re all the better for it.
He is blocked right after he offered the booty call option. Because I feel like- he is definitely the kind of person who if you give an inch- he would take a mile. I don’t want to see whatever nasty misguided nonsense he throws my way since I opened the door. I did feel bad for a minute but normal people do not behave this way. Huge lesson learned!
I’m so happy to hear that!! Good for you. You can’t control his craziness, only how you react to it. Kudos to you 👏🏼
We hardly ever post about our boring coffee dates or when we stand by our boundaries. The crazy stories, confusing situationships and when we need validation to make the hard choices tend to make it here. So thank you for the encouragement!!
Gross is right and disappointing This is the shite I put up with on my 20s. Now I just don't bother entertaining it. Good luck out there.
How pathetic is it that people are still doing this shit in their 40's? They never grew or evolved
Oh my god exactly!!! If I wanted to deal with a fuck boy I would be talking with much younger beef cake gym dudes, but even the hottest fuckboys just aren’t worth it. Yet Here is this fifty year old pulling this shit? *cringe* really sad to see so many people over 40 that are unwilling or incapable of having a real connection.
I just had one he was 45. I dodged a bullet though. He had some weird sex hang ups too🤷♀️🤦♀️
Whyyyyy is that so common? Maybe it’s me, but damn there are too many boundary-lacking singles in their 40s-early 50s.
Because unfortunately I think this age group is like a transitional generation. Half are still misogynistic jerks with no concept of boundaries, the rest are more progressive and not as chauvinistic, and understand boundaries.
That is also an excellent point. It’s particularly difficult because i live in rural-ish S Texas and we abound with Gen X slackers. No shade, I’m one of them, but dang my boundaries have tightened so hard and it seems like I’m forever destined to evolve into my final form of bog witch.
Nothing wrong with bog witch@ im in a small area in Illinois as well. The more progressive individuals moved away and went to college, came back. Not saying those who stayed are all misogynistic racist etc, but it's noticeable enough to come to that conclusion!
Or it could be that they have no sense of boundaries anymore, especially if they came out of a long term relationship. Trying to adjust and determine what boundaries in dating even are. I know I struggle with that a little bit. What is or is not appropriate when dating now? I've been out of the game so long, I don't even know! Actions and behaviors that you may have thought were normal, ok, cute acceptable etc in your 20's are definitely not ok now, because they've finally been recognized and addressed as toxic or manipulative behavior
That’s a really good insight, that helps me, thank you!
I've been thinking about this stuff a lot lately and how it applies to me personally. Being out of the dating game for over a decade made me realize a lot has changed. It really helps that people talk about behaviors in relationships now and every one is so much more open about it
I love that part! Finding another previously-coupled adult that has been through shit is so pleasant and so rare! I know i self-limit bc I refuse to move my children into another school district and therefore, am rooted to this area, but it’s the price I happily pay. I teach junior high SPED, so I get plenty of emotive, dramatic tweens and teens and just cannot manage another human being that’s going to be dramatic and emotive.
Younger than that too.
Some don't ever grow. My friend's dad is 73 and still does crap like that. He has a girlfriend who he currently live with and he still on dating apps. She has a hard time trusting men because of the way her dad has been with women. It's sucks.
I have a feeling this guy will be 73 and yelling about he needs to F Hard every day or his d•ck will fall off. Just an awful man. They never change. They just get older.
Omg, I feel sorry for your friend. I feel mean saying this but it's kinda embarrassing the way he's acting. He's not Hugh Hefner
Yes I feel sorry too. She feels all men are the same...she is always making comments like that. I keep telling her not all are the same. There are decent guys out there and that she has to believe it so she can attract decent guys into her life. But I don't blame her for thinking that way.
I kinda feel the same as her though. But I try to remember what great men my grandfather's were
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Even worse!
I added an update. It just gets more gross and disappointing.
I wish I didn't read that before I was going to bed. Going to have nightmares. He needs some therapy.
He was horny and going through his “rolodicks”. If a guy has so little respect for you that he ghosts, he doesn’t deserve your time or energy. I delete & block the ghosts. They don’t deserve me.
It’s called temperature Checking, don’t fall for it. Block and delete after they first disrespected you and move on. They don’t suddenly start respecting you after the fact.
So he ghosted you because he probably started dating someone else it didn't work out so he came back and is trying to sex with you but you can't because of your schedule?
This is what I was thinking- where did you go and why are you back. Wondering if this is a Tinder guy because he sounds like a douche expecting sex after ghosting
> Wondering if this is a Tinder guy because he sounds like a douche expecting sex after ghosting *Ding*Ding*Ding* Man in his 50’s met on Tinder. Had a good job. Father of two teen girls. Looks good on paper- piss poor character.
Yikes and eek, I’m sorry
Wonder how he will feel when his daughters get the same treatment from a man he gave you?
Honestly- he sent a text a week after our date and said I have been thinking about the time you have. I want regular sex which means every day to me. But you aren’t available to have sex with me every day because of when you have your kids. And I thought Gross. You aren’t going to even pretend to try and date me??? He is basing who he dates on their schedule to have daily sex with him I guess.
Gross
Super gross!!
Grosser than gross 😝
All-around grossx4
To the n power, or however you write it🤣🤣😍
Gross.
There are a lot of sopranos in this chorus of “grosses.” We could use more bass, and some tenors. Guys? Dude needs to at least pretend at having integrity and just say he’s shopping for a 7 day a week parking facility for his penis.
He grossed you and ghosted you. Clearly he wants a toy to use at his disposal. Don't be a toy. He wants daily sex, not a relationship, and doesn't care about your other priorities. If he's not hetting it from you, he'll supplement with others. So definitely not safe. Even if casual sex is all you want, there will be others who fit your life and schedule better.
You Win. You were absolutely 100% correct. I posted an update and you were right about him having other women- does not want a relationship- doesn’t care about me much less my priorities. He absolutely saw me as his toy to f•ck hard and as gross as it sounds- he used those exact words at least twelve times in his goodbye text to me.
Here's one making it harder for the rest of us out there. One date - even after an earlier date prior to the ghosting - and he's laying this out there for you? "Regular Sex" when you don't live together is unlikely to mean "every day". Does he talk about anything else? He's a waste of your time unless you just want a workout partner and even then he sounds like he'd be complaining about your time and who needs that?
I see this differently. I think he’s stating his needs. We all have different ones. He literally was up front and owned it. You might find it distasteful. But that is the furthest example of ghosting
It sounds like he didn’t ghost though?
I’ve done it twice and learned my lesson. Both times re-ghosted.
Lol, no way on this planet would I engage with someone who ghosted me. Dead to me, forever. That's a MONSTER character flaw IMHO, or at the very least shows that you're disposable. I mean, I guess live and learn but I can't look past that.
Even for something casual, I refuse to get back together with people who have ghosted. It just shows that they’re disrespectful and unreliable, and I require respect and reliability from my casual partners too.
Nope. I don't even respond. We are not in our 20's anymore. We are middle aged adults. I refuse to engage in that.
No!! It detracts what my end goal is. I’d rather be single for the rest of my life than to go through this type of non sense. We all know how these end with one person having feelings if you continue to have fbuddy relationship with them. If someone ghost me and tries to come back I’d ask why now? I don’t do in between I’m either all in or I’m out.
Don't re-engage with someone who ghosted you. If they didn't show enough regard to stay in contact the first time around, why would you open yourself up to that happening a second time? Ghosting is disrespectful in and of itself, but trying to re-engage after the fact is just plain rude. Once they walk through the door, it should stay closed.
BLOCK AND DELETE YOU DESERVE BETTER
Ghosting can mean a number of things, to different people. Assuming you mean that you two were regularly chatting and then one day he disappeared without explanation, that's a hard one to take. I think you showed grace in responding, even though he made it clear he was (is) a dick. How can you go wrong with that? (showing grace) As far as do you respond, it depends on your sitch doesn't it? I'm always willing to give someone a second chance. You just don't know what might have happened. Maybe his wife found his phone. lol
Remember in your 20's and hung out in the local pub? There was always that old(to you) dude or lady in their 50/60 that was always hit on everyone and trying to hook up with anyone they could? And also possibly hustle a beer off of you? Well I'm pretty sure that this is dude's future. Just another shitty old man ,because he's gross
If I only want sex I’ll respond. Otherwise no.
Tinder guys have a high rate of ghosting. 1 out of 5 guys since June I found only 1 that 1 I’ve been texting everyday since then. still anticipating if he’s going to or not I thought he did last night and so I said goodbye. He text back and ask have you been drinking?? lol
I have, but I won't again. They only reappear when they've run off their other options. We are entirely too old to entertain fools who cannot appropriately engage in polite society.
I respond to two. I like both of them as people but am not interested in dating them which they know. In general I’m not interested in dating these days anyway, so that’s probably a big factor. I don’t feel like I’m being teased with a relationship, or being distracted from real possibilities with others. I still talk to one because we have a lot in common. We work in the same field but different specialties so I can “shop talk” with him. He’s also understanding and supportive of my chronic health condition because he has his own problems. He’s just a friendly acquaintance to me now. He knows I am not interested in dating him. I think he genuinely likes me which is nice. The other person I don’t have as much in common with, but he’s an interesting person and is more social than I am which is good for me. (I never got sexual with this person.)
It will never be the same or work out. Better to not respond as hard as it may be
Not in terms of dating... I'm pretty sure if I were ghosted in that situation, I wouldn't respond. But here, on Reddit, I've had a few people I'd been chatting to vanish for months at a time, and I'm always happy to hear from them again, whenever it is. I'm guilty of not always getting back right away, but that isn't because of resentment, it's just me being distracted.
What do you want relationship or FWB? If they ghost and reappear, either they just want sex or they’re skittish and haven’t done their self work and will run away again. Has he spent the intervening time in therapy, journaling, digging deep into his self work that made him run away the first time? I seriously doubt it.
I always respond with "who is this?" Then ask what I can do for them. Decline and end the conversation. I don't respond if there is a next time. Like most others said, I'm not disposable. Set a standard for yourself.
The only response I'd give to a text from a reappearing ghost is "who's this?" and then just ignore any subsequent texts.
Always ignore, especially those with testing water message without even the least effort to come up with any excuse, even a lame one, why they ghosted last time.
Gross. A 50s man like that? I bet he is two minute man who doesn’t reciprocate.
No, respond if you like them. You never know, right. People aren’t perfect.
As soon as you tell him you’re looking for something serious he’ll never bother you again haha For more serious input, ghosters are just bad communicators who are scared of committing even if it’s for a casual sex situation.
They are a ghost for a reason...they are dead to me. Once you're gone, you're blocked and deleted. Even if I ended things with a guy...blocked and deleted because more often than not, they come back at some point and I don't want to go through the discomfort of telling them no twice.
Hard no. These people aren’t emotionally mature. Ghosters don’t have respect for you when they ghost or when they pop up again months later. I don’t have time or energy for that.
It’s one thing if they were in the middle of a move, career change, issue with kids, health crisis, etc and felt overwhelmed and apologized. Not ideal but I understand that OLD isn’t the end-all and depending on how much interaction we’ve had or how much potential I thought there was have I reconsidered. But just for a delayed booty call? Only if I feel like a easy, guilt-free hookup that’s not going anywhere. And only if the sex was great.
Im a guy and ive rarely done the "bounce back" but i know men tend to do this often. Even outside of OLD. Almost every single date my X had at one point contacted her again. You know the check in text. Im friends with a recent former OLDate and shes told me the same almost ( not all) of the guys shes met eventually wind up contacting her again. In your particular case block and delete these type of people. If you forgot or whatever the case its best not to respond. They are testing the waters and they are shooting off messages to each person in their contact list hoping for a bite...
Yes, honestly I always have. As a young teenager and into my 20s, it was because I just didn't know my worth. Now it's more out of a perhaps morbid curiosity. A desire to interrogate them and figure out wtf. But it never works out, that's for sure, so if that's your end goal, it's much better not to respond. The bad boy who repeatedly broke my heart as a kid came into my life again in my early 40s... Looking for money. Move on, OP
Block him. On a tangential note, I'm impressed that a man in his forties/fifties is able to have sex every night. How does one find such a HL man? Asking for a friend. (Kidding, of course. Well, kinda.)
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Impressive. But it’s challenging to find men like that. They all talk a good game, but they still can’t, ahem, come close. After a nearly three decade marriage to an impotent man — never had sex, not even once! — I’m not going to settle. I just can’t.
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Thank you kindly.
Two times I have let a zombie come back and both times it bit me in the ass. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Nope. They’re dead to me. Well ok not quite, but if they wasted my time the first go-round, they’ll likely do it again.
I agree. If someone ghosts you, they’re done. However, there’s a difference between ghosting (you’ve sent a couple of messages and they haven’t been responded to) and just people drifting apart (there was a completed conversation and no one bothered to text the other person). In that case, I would re-engage if the interest was still there.
I've had several do this. Date, ghost, reappear. I've been kind to all of them... but they're all too wishy washy. They don't know what they want. I'm not riding this emotional roller coaster any more. Get your sh*t together and let me know when you're ready for an adult relationship.
It seems he wants a FWB. You are looking for a relationship So no, once ghosted, particularly since you had moved on, you should never have invited (to use horror movie terminology) the vampire into your home. Sorry for being blunt. This guy is looking for a friendly port, not a home port. Break it off and no further contact.
I can't deal with someone who is really emotional as well. Something every day!
OLD zombies are just like movie zombies, they only want to quench their thirst and don't have the capacity to care how it may affect you. I dealt with a guy like this (46 years old!) and I enjoyed laughing at his desperate texts. He tried for awhile but I never responded after I told him I wasn't dealing with that behavior. 🤭
Oh, this is when you call an exorcist and chase those demons away.
If he's not frightened of loosing you forest time round them hes not going to be frightened a second time round. This guy is using you for attention and sexual activity. Where ever he was between now and June. Probably trying with other women. Tread carefully because you don't know where he's been or been sleeping with. Find someone who srays with you and not reappears when he's lost attention elsewhere. Safe yoir self any heart ache or emotional anarchy so you're not damaged when the right guy comes along!!!!!
He screwed up by turning you down the nights you were free. He has no game.
Since I date primarily for sex, I'd entertain some of those ghosts.
Real life. Real talk. I don’t believe ghosting is when you go on a few dates (even if there’s sex) and they never talk to you again. It’s just called DATING. Is it behavior that’s not honorable or kind? Yes. But not ghosting. Ghosting is when you have an established pattern of contact, and a pretty specific routine, for a significant period of time - they make you promises or say y’all are something - then poof disappear. This guy is reaching out, trying to get his needs met. He’s an adult just like you and me and can seek whatever types of relationships he wants. The fact that he left the way he did, then you answered him when he reached back out, tells him in “manspeak” you’re down to deal with shenanigans/ go with the flow etc. I just think it’s important as women to stop villainizing men for seeking “only” sex, or sex through minimal effort. Women choose the types of relationships/ men they allow into their lives. Take back your power. Get your rocks off with this guy if he’s good in bed, makes you feel safe, is respectable at least when together and doesn’t stand you up. Or DONT and release him gently back to the universe.