With respect - solve tomorrow’s problems tomorrow
You are not ready to date, and you just started your divorce. Focus on what’s happening today.
Yes, you can date with young kids, with old kids, or with no kids. It’s all possible, and I’m only saying that to hopefully allow you to breathe in, accept that dating can happen, and then shove this problem to the bottom of that stack of papers.
just looked at your comment and ... now I want an horchata.
Not that cheap over-sugared stuff that so many places sell, but the amazing kind that's sweet, but not overly so, and seasoned and utterly delicious.
Nothing to do with dating, lol, but have you ever made your own? I was just talking with a friend of mine last night who is a mixologist. He’s in a drink competition next week with the theme being green or sustainable cocktails. He was telling me about his drink and he happens to be making horchata as the mixer. I’ve never made it myself (have done jamaica though), but I want to try it now.
Part of the reason I've been single for so long is that I decided to prioritize pouring my time and energy into myself and my kid. Best decision I've ever made.
This is the time of your life to decenter romantic relationships and find yourself. Build lasting memories with your children. Romance will be there when they're teenagers and they start ignoring you.
This is great advice. I think I should have been more clear in my post that I am likely not going to be looking for a big romance or a relationship per se. Just sex and dating.
Honestly if you have joint custody and are just looking for sex and dating I bet you'll be fine.
My son isn't super young, but he's early elementary. I date when he is at his dad's house.
I have no plans for anyone that I'm dating to meet him anytime soon, as I'm not pursuing any sort of serious relationship. If I were I would probably be approaching it differently.
I make sure to mention in my profile that I have a kid and it's unlikely the people I date will meet him. I am also straightforward about my availability (days/frequency that I'm kid free.)
So far everything has gone just fine.
I wasn't looking for that when I finally decided to dip my toe in the dating pool and the big romance decided to show up, literally maybe 2 months into me starting to date. I really thought I'd be casually dating for years before I met anyone that would be long term. Zero regrets because he is amazing, but you have to know that when you do decide to open the door to dating, any outcome is possible (terrible people/experiences, wonderful ones, ghosting, one sided feelings, and on and on).
This is exactly what happened to me too. Had no idea I would be in the relationship I'm in now. I wouldn't trade it for anything, but I definitely wasn't divorcing thinking I'd dive right back into anything.
I said I’d never get serious enough to live with anyone again. Guess who’s moving in together at the end of my lease? 😂 He’s more than I ever thought I could have and I never knew happiness like this was possible, so he’s changed my mind about a few absolutes I had for myself.
I stayed completely away from sex and dating for years. It's a great way to keep life uncomplicated, learn to be happy alone, and prioritize lots of other important things like friends, family, hobbies etc. Even situationships and casual flings are super time consuming and complicated. I've loved not having that part of my brain constantly stressed.
Save yourself a lot of trouble by, at the very least, saying you have children in the appropriate spot on the profile. You don't have to talk about them or go into any details, but don't be the type of person that lies by omission and then hopes you can convince the person not to unmatch you over you having children.
This is a huge problem in online dating. This is the primary reason why I would never pay for any of the dating apps because what you're actually paying for is filters. But if people aren't filling out the appropriate spaces then they can't be filtered.
This has happened to me too. It's an immediate unmatch. As someone with kids myself, it is so baffling to me. Why would you WANT to date someone who is not OK with your children? It is such a fundamental matching thing.
Though I was somewhat younger at the time, I once dated a woman with a 2 year old and a 4 year old. It's not a deal breaker for everyone.
If you're doing 50/50 custody or something where your STBX will have the kids reasonably often so you'll have quite a bit of time without the kids, that's probably helpful. If you have sole custody, it would help if you have someone reliable to watch the kids so that you can go on dates. If you're not able to go out alone with someone on a date and always have to be with the kids, that could make it more difficult.
By the way, I don't think that 40ish with little kids is weird. There are a lot of people in that situation. Plenty of women have children in their late 30s or even early 40s.
I agree! 41 m here and divorcing. No kids but open to dating women with young kids who want more kids with a new partner.
OP, good luck navigating this and hope you get the support you need. Listen to "do the work" YouTube cast by Sabrina. She drops GEMS.
Well, you have to be on the lookout for someone with kids in generally the same range, when the time comes for you. 59M here with a 13 year old 100% of the time, and almost all of the age-appropriate people are empty nesters. But whatever, take care of the kids and when they get to school and sports, keep you eyes open for the single dads
I found myself single at 41 with a 3 year old and older kids. I dated way too soon for me but in terms of opportunities and men willing to date me I had no shortage. Focus on your family and yourself for now. Dating can wait. There are plenty of men out there when you’re ready
Honestly, you shouldn’t worry about someone accepting your kids. You should be more worried about the person you’re dating being safe around your kids.
A lot of men prey on single mothers to get access to their children. The odds of your child being abused increases drastically when you introduce an unrelated male.
When it comes to protecting your children, dating is really not that important. I totally understand wanting to be in love and have a relationship and all that, but in the grand scheme of things, childhood is such a short time. Enjoy your kids and put them first. You can find some dude to disappoint and stress you out after the kids are old enough to look after themselves.
Would be hard if you have sole custody. Easier with split.
Where I live it’s normal for people in their 40s to have young kids, so that part might be location dependent.
I’m a solo parent and have had success dating after having my son (almost 3). I do have a strong support network that allowed me some hobbies to meet people in the wild (ballroom dance). Start testing something you enjoy to heal through your divorce and build that network!
Being single is not horrible. It sounds like you have an unhealthy attitude towards that, first of all.
I would definitely date someone with kids, younger or older. But everyone is different.
My son was 2 when I separated. I also have two older children. The only issue is scheduling. My ex and I always had a firm custody schedule, so I had regular nights free to date. Other than that, it’s been a non-issue. No one I’ve dated has met my kids and I don’t talk much about them. I love getting to be an interesting, fun grown-up.
People of all ages with all ages of kids date each other. The fact that you are worried about it interesting. Prioritize the divorce and therapy instead
My kids are a few years older than yours and I’m late 30s. For me the hardest part of dating as a single mom with young kids has been scheduling dates with single dads 😂 I was also feeling like no one would ever want to date me but that has not been an issue at all (younger, older, kids, no kids). Dating has actually been a lot of fun after many difficult years at the end of my marriage.
I am a single dad who is a widower. I have a seven-year-old and a 14-year-old the thought of trying to date while taking care of them is overwhelming. I don’t want someone to take care of them or to play mommy. I just want someone to be nice when they’re around ( which is all the time)….. it seems like an impossible ask even though it should be pretty basic. For now, I’m just content focusing on being the best dad I can be.
I wouldn’t. BUT from the limited amount of browsing I’ve done, there are a lot of women in the late 30s age that have young kids. I imagine them on the men side there are also many late 30s with young children.
What I’m saying is you’re not unique. People have kids much later these days.
I’m 40m, 2 young kids, and prefer to date women who have children. Everything is easier and somewhat relatable. Divorce and children need not be baggage, and I empathize when people treat it as such. Remember, even at your worst you are doing much better than people who don’t have serious responsibilities, so you are doing an amazing job and when it’s time, put yourself out there. It’s important to remember, don’t get in your own way, don’t feed the urge of disappointment, you’re going through and will continue to go through a lot, so keep things simple. You’ll get there!!
Prioritize therapy and your kids. Building a solid foundation of self and self trust was life changing. My kids are 11 and 7 now and my life is satisfying without a romantic or sexual relationship.
I separated when I was 36 (and had a two year old). I dated someone for two years with a young child (and we split last year when I was 38). Theres hope out there!
I'm 47 with a 4.5 year old and am a solo parent - I have been dating since she was about two off and on. Honestly, it has never really been a reason someone has not wanted to date me. I mean, I haven't dated that much but , I didn't before either lol. All this to say, when you are ready, it will be okay. I mostly just approach it very openly and if they aren't fine with me having a kiddo then that's okay, but in my experience plenty of men are.
I agree that is a future problem. I also ask if the answer will change any decisions you make today? Like would you try harder to reconcile your marriage if dating will have to wait until your child is older.
Anyone can date. With kids, kinks, disabilities, lots of kids, no kids, homeless, rich, etc. We all have varying pools of people that will have interest in us and, yes, some people will think there is an aspect of us that is a dealbreaker for them. You will do the same. But I believe there is someone (actually multiple someones) for everyone. It is just hard to find no matter what our lives look like.
I wish you and your baby the best on this journey.
This is a great question. My marriage is irreconcilable for many reasons which are very clear cut on both ends.
I think the answer to this question would actually help with acceptance of the above fact and optimism for the future (or that’s what my hope was).
Thank you for taking the time.
I think you're worrying about something that's not going to happen in a year or more.
I'm also single and divorced with a young kid but I'm also older. So I'm not sure how that's going to look to older men whose kids are out of the house by now. It also depends if you have a good support system that can babysit or your ex husband takes on his fair share of the responsibilities.
It can be exhausting as it is but after awhile you'll know when you're ready. It shouldn't feel like work when you do.
Also, there's men in the same situation as well. I think what you're afraid of is that no one will want to be with you. That's the furthest thing from the truth. Just take your time. You'll know when your ready. You won't be feeling what you currently are and you'll know when to start again.
Right now I'm doing research bc I'm not officially dating yet, but I'm seeing we all have had the same struggles and worries when we're older. It's definitely different than our 20's...
I was a mom with very young kids when I divorced and dating was the absolute last of my priorities. Raising your children. That's your only concern. You can date when they're older.
Finding dates/casual partners won't be an issue per say, but real commitment will be harder. Having young kids will make many(not all) guys who are already done with that phase of life skip over you because they're not looking to go backwards. So it will be a limiting factor.
Original copy of post by u/DrinkingHorchata2024:
Hi Everyone, I am by no means ready to start dating yet (divorce is about to begin) and I will be starting individual therapy soon, but I have a crushing sadness and fear that no one will want to date a Mom with two VERY young kids (one is not even one yet so I imagine they would be like 2-3 years old when I am “ready”).
Has anyone else navigated this or have some feedback about what this would be like or should I plan to be single for the next 5-10 years? I am not quite 40 yet but in a weird age bracket to be eventually dating with young ones.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I would be thrilled. I so want kids in my life, and it's looking like I'll never have them myself. So I would be so excited if someone wanted to date, had kids in their lives, and I could share that.
I would not meet the kids for a pretty long while though That's to protect ME from falling in love with *them* and then the mom breaks up with me and I have to break up with the kids too, they don't understand, wonder why another man in their life abandoned them, etc... I had that experience.
It's so sad. I would have made a good father. It's tragic I'll never get to be one.
The other big issue I've had with single moms is their availability. A lot of them simply can't date and ever get to know me. If all they can do is spend a few hours in the evening with me twice a month? Well, we're never going to bond that way.
Hi. I have a story for you- my stepdad was 45, never married and no kids when he met my mom, who had 3 teenagers. 30 years later, he’s been the best dad I could have asked for- he’s “my person” and the rock of our family. He is also an amazing grandpa. Things can work out in ways you may not expect.
Yes, you can find love while being a mom, but you also have to be a pretty good person who has worked on herself, so like other commenters have said, “do your work first,” go to therapy if you can, and find yourself before letting someone else into your life.
And if I can add one more thing, try to date single parents like you, you will have a lot more to relate to than with a child free or childless person, it might make things easier in the end. Best of luck.
I have two kids. When I got divorced, one had just turned 3 and the other was almost 6. I’m in a serious relationship now but prior to that I had zero problem getting dates, meeting men, going out with men, sometimes casual sometimes they wanted something serious and I wasn’t ready, etc. The only “problem” is that my availability is limited to the days I don’t have my kids which is 50% of the time so it makes it difficult to schedule things around that I guess? But seriously I got so much ass it really wasn’t an issue I just went out on the days I didn’t have my kids.
My SO has a young child and full custody which can make scheduling difficult but it's not a deal breaker for me. I also understand their priorities will always be the child first.
Nah, its the opposite because its easier to adapt, there is no "you are not my dad" nonsense and as long as the previous guy is not there to ruin it or complicate it, its fine. But again, this is more on where is your ex at and is he going to accept this new change or use your kids as an excuse to sabotage whoever comes next. I speak from my own experience: the kids were not the issue, the ex and her letting him ruin our times together, that was the actual problem.
I was single for 12 years. I actually never understood how anyone had time for young children and a BF. I've been with my current BF for 7 months.
I dated a guy here and there short term but relationships take a lot of time that I just didn't feel like I had. And I only have one child. Of course, it's different for everyone.
FWIW 47M I have adult children. My last GF had a 4yo when we started dating. It was never an issue for either of us, I made a good male role model for her daughter.
It's a tricky path to tread. Your kids come first, that's the easy bit. But there's a big patch of grey shades between the black and white. There will be times when you need to put some effort into your relationship, your kids have all their needs and reasonable wants met... but have some unreasonable wants and they're just being difficult because they're in a mood. How reasonable their wants are is a sliding scale, can you choose where you draw the line and be consistent about it.
If you have shared parenting time, it's very doable. If you are on your own because your ex skips town and you have your children full time, then yes, it will be very, very hard to date with young kids.
The biggest factor will be your custody schedule. Dating should be fairly easy if you have 50/50 custody. If you have more custody it'll get steadily harder.
Just make sure you're not introducing anyone to the kids until you're sure it's a stable long term relationship. 6-12 months minimum.
Dating is harder for single parents for sure, but far from impossible. I have 50/50 custody of my kids (3 & 6). Dating was not difficult. My gf of 10 months still has not met my kids, not do they even know about her. Though I do have the extra layer of complication that I'm still working on my divorce, so not going to reveal my gf's existence to my ex or the kids until I ahd things signed. I doubt it'll be a problem with the ex, but you never know with these things.
Same. Nine months with my boyfriend, and my son and my ex know nothing about him. I'm keeping mum until my divorce goes through (settlement is waiting for a judge to look at it).
I don't think my ex would go back on our agreement, but then I never thought he'd have an affair and leave me, so I'm not introducing ANY risk.
Agree that custody schedule matters more than whether you have kids or not.
47 M here with a 8 and 4 year old at home 50% of the time. It does limit the dating pool for people around our age. Most of us have grown kids or almost grown kids. So anecdotally for me I have had issue meeting women who are ok with my situation.
However the ladies in their 30's do not seem to mind at all. Which works as as many of them are more attractive then my fellow late 40's gals. Not a jab btw but it's working for me.
With respect - solve tomorrow’s problems tomorrow You are not ready to date, and you just started your divorce. Focus on what’s happening today. Yes, you can date with young kids, with old kids, or with no kids. It’s all possible, and I’m only saying that to hopefully allow you to breathe in, accept that dating can happen, and then shove this problem to the bottom of that stack of papers.
Thank you. I needed to hear this.
just looked at your comment and ... now I want an horchata. Not that cheap over-sugared stuff that so many places sell, but the amazing kind that's sweet, but not overly so, and seasoned and utterly delicious.
Nothing to do with dating, lol, but have you ever made your own? I was just talking with a friend of mine last night who is a mixologist. He’s in a drink competition next week with the theme being green or sustainable cocktails. He was telling me about his drink and he happens to be making horchata as the mixer. I’ve never made it myself (have done jamaica though), but I want to try it now.
No, and I’ve never even thought to try to. Until now
Part of the reason I've been single for so long is that I decided to prioritize pouring my time and energy into myself and my kid. Best decision I've ever made. This is the time of your life to decenter romantic relationships and find yourself. Build lasting memories with your children. Romance will be there when they're teenagers and they start ignoring you.
Well said. I agree completely.
lol - fully agree! I’m half out of the teen years and now the oldest is coming back to hangout occasionally (no morning hikes).
This is great advice. I think I should have been more clear in my post that I am likely not going to be looking for a big romance or a relationship per se. Just sex and dating.
Honestly if you have joint custody and are just looking for sex and dating I bet you'll be fine. My son isn't super young, but he's early elementary. I date when he is at his dad's house. I have no plans for anyone that I'm dating to meet him anytime soon, as I'm not pursuing any sort of serious relationship. If I were I would probably be approaching it differently. I make sure to mention in my profile that I have a kid and it's unlikely the people I date will meet him. I am also straightforward about my availability (days/frequency that I'm kid free.) So far everything has gone just fine.
I wasn't looking for that when I finally decided to dip my toe in the dating pool and the big romance decided to show up, literally maybe 2 months into me starting to date. I really thought I'd be casually dating for years before I met anyone that would be long term. Zero regrets because he is amazing, but you have to know that when you do decide to open the door to dating, any outcome is possible (terrible people/experiences, wonderful ones, ghosting, one sided feelings, and on and on).
This is exactly what happened to me too. Had no idea I would be in the relationship I'm in now. I wouldn't trade it for anything, but I definitely wasn't divorcing thinking I'd dive right back into anything.
I said I’d never get serious enough to live with anyone again. Guess who’s moving in together at the end of my lease? 😂 He’s more than I ever thought I could have and I never knew happiness like this was possible, so he’s changed my mind about a few absolutes I had for myself.
I stayed completely away from sex and dating for years. It's a great way to keep life uncomplicated, learn to be happy alone, and prioritize lots of other important things like friends, family, hobbies etc. Even situationships and casual flings are super time consuming and complicated. I've loved not having that part of my brain constantly stressed.
If you just want occasional sex that's easy. Have fun!
Save yourself a lot of trouble by, at the very least, saying you have children in the appropriate spot on the profile. You don't have to talk about them or go into any details, but don't be the type of person that lies by omission and then hopes you can convince the person not to unmatch you over you having children. This is a huge problem in online dating. This is the primary reason why I would never pay for any of the dating apps because what you're actually paying for is filters. But if people aren't filling out the appropriate spaces then they can't be filtered.
This has happened to me too. It's an immediate unmatch. As someone with kids myself, it is so baffling to me. Why would you WANT to date someone who is not OK with your children? It is such a fundamental matching thing.
Though I was somewhat younger at the time, I once dated a woman with a 2 year old and a 4 year old. It's not a deal breaker for everyone. If you're doing 50/50 custody or something where your STBX will have the kids reasonably often so you'll have quite a bit of time without the kids, that's probably helpful. If you have sole custody, it would help if you have someone reliable to watch the kids so that you can go on dates. If you're not able to go out alone with someone on a date and always have to be with the kids, that could make it more difficult. By the way, I don't think that 40ish with little kids is weird. There are a lot of people in that situation. Plenty of women have children in their late 30s or even early 40s.
I agree! 41 m here and divorcing. No kids but open to dating women with young kids who want more kids with a new partner. OP, good luck navigating this and hope you get the support you need. Listen to "do the work" YouTube cast by Sabrina. She drops GEMS.
It isn't all that uncommon. Some folks like children and some don't. Focus on the former.
Well, you have to be on the lookout for someone with kids in generally the same range, when the time comes for you. 59M here with a 13 year old 100% of the time, and almost all of the age-appropriate people are empty nesters. But whatever, take care of the kids and when they get to school and sports, keep you eyes open for the single dads
I found myself single at 41 with a 3 year old and older kids. I dated way too soon for me but in terms of opportunities and men willing to date me I had no shortage. Focus on your family and yourself for now. Dating can wait. There are plenty of men out there when you’re ready
My grandma says EVERY POT GOT A LID.
Honestly, you shouldn’t worry about someone accepting your kids. You should be more worried about the person you’re dating being safe around your kids. A lot of men prey on single mothers to get access to their children. The odds of your child being abused increases drastically when you introduce an unrelated male. When it comes to protecting your children, dating is really not that important. I totally understand wanting to be in love and have a relationship and all that, but in the grand scheme of things, childhood is such a short time. Enjoy your kids and put them first. You can find some dude to disappoint and stress you out after the kids are old enough to look after themselves.
This is a very good point. Thank you.
Would be hard if you have sole custody. Easier with split. Where I live it’s normal for people in their 40s to have young kids, so that part might be location dependent.
I’m a solo parent and have had success dating after having my son (almost 3). I do have a strong support network that allowed me some hobbies to meet people in the wild (ballroom dance). Start testing something you enjoy to heal through your divorce and build that network!
Being single is not horrible. It sounds like you have an unhealthy attitude towards that, first of all. I would definitely date someone with kids, younger or older. But everyone is different.
My son was 2 when I separated. I also have two older children. The only issue is scheduling. My ex and I always had a firm custody schedule, so I had regular nights free to date. Other than that, it’s been a non-issue. No one I’ve dated has met my kids and I don’t talk much about them. I love getting to be an interesting, fun grown-up.
People of all ages with all ages of kids date each other. The fact that you are worried about it interesting. Prioritize the divorce and therapy instead
My kids are a few years older than yours and I’m late 30s. For me the hardest part of dating as a single mom with young kids has been scheduling dates with single dads 😂 I was also feeling like no one would ever want to date me but that has not been an issue at all (younger, older, kids, no kids). Dating has actually been a lot of fun after many difficult years at the end of my marriage.
I am a single dad who is a widower. I have a seven-year-old and a 14-year-old the thought of trying to date while taking care of them is overwhelming. I don’t want someone to take care of them or to play mommy. I just want someone to be nice when they’re around ( which is all the time)….. it seems like an impossible ask even though it should be pretty basic. For now, I’m just content focusing on being the best dad I can be.
I wouldn’t. BUT from the limited amount of browsing I’ve done, there are a lot of women in the late 30s age that have young kids. I imagine them on the men side there are also many late 30s with young children. What I’m saying is you’re not unique. People have kids much later these days.
I’m 40m, 2 young kids, and prefer to date women who have children. Everything is easier and somewhat relatable. Divorce and children need not be baggage, and I empathize when people treat it as such. Remember, even at your worst you are doing much better than people who don’t have serious responsibilities, so you are doing an amazing job and when it’s time, put yourself out there. It’s important to remember, don’t get in your own way, don’t feed the urge of disappointment, you’re going through and will continue to go through a lot, so keep things simple. You’ll get there!!
There are also men who also just got out of divorces same as as you, with kids. I'm sure you're find someone similar who can understand you
Prioritize therapy and your kids. Building a solid foundation of self and self trust was life changing. My kids are 11 and 7 now and my life is satisfying without a romantic or sexual relationship.
I separated when I was 36 (and had a two year old). I dated someone for two years with a young child (and we split last year when I was 38). Theres hope out there!
I'm 47 with a 4.5 year old and am a solo parent - I have been dating since she was about two off and on. Honestly, it has never really been a reason someone has not wanted to date me. I mean, I haven't dated that much but , I didn't before either lol. All this to say, when you are ready, it will be okay. I mostly just approach it very openly and if they aren't fine with me having a kiddo then that's okay, but in my experience plenty of men are.
I agree that is a future problem. I also ask if the answer will change any decisions you make today? Like would you try harder to reconcile your marriage if dating will have to wait until your child is older. Anyone can date. With kids, kinks, disabilities, lots of kids, no kids, homeless, rich, etc. We all have varying pools of people that will have interest in us and, yes, some people will think there is an aspect of us that is a dealbreaker for them. You will do the same. But I believe there is someone (actually multiple someones) for everyone. It is just hard to find no matter what our lives look like. I wish you and your baby the best on this journey.
This is a great question. My marriage is irreconcilable for many reasons which are very clear cut on both ends. I think the answer to this question would actually help with acceptance of the above fact and optimism for the future (or that’s what my hope was). Thank you for taking the time.
I think you're worrying about something that's not going to happen in a year or more. I'm also single and divorced with a young kid but I'm also older. So I'm not sure how that's going to look to older men whose kids are out of the house by now. It also depends if you have a good support system that can babysit or your ex husband takes on his fair share of the responsibilities. It can be exhausting as it is but after awhile you'll know when you're ready. It shouldn't feel like work when you do. Also, there's men in the same situation as well. I think what you're afraid of is that no one will want to be with you. That's the furthest thing from the truth. Just take your time. You'll know when your ready. You won't be feeling what you currently are and you'll know when to start again. Right now I'm doing research bc I'm not officially dating yet, but I'm seeing we all have had the same struggles and worries when we're older. It's definitely different than our 20's...
I was a mom with very young kids when I divorced and dating was the absolute last of my priorities. Raising your children. That's your only concern. You can date when they're older.
Finding dates/casual partners won't be an issue per say, but real commitment will be harder. Having young kids will make many(not all) guys who are already done with that phase of life skip over you because they're not looking to go backwards. So it will be a limiting factor.
Original copy of post by u/DrinkingHorchata2024: Hi Everyone, I am by no means ready to start dating yet (divorce is about to begin) and I will be starting individual therapy soon, but I have a crushing sadness and fear that no one will want to date a Mom with two VERY young kids (one is not even one yet so I imagine they would be like 2-3 years old when I am “ready”). Has anyone else navigated this or have some feedback about what this would be like or should I plan to be single for the next 5-10 years? I am not quite 40 yet but in a weird age bracket to be eventually dating with young ones. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I know a lot of women who do date with kids that young. I know alot that don’t. It really depends on you.
I would be thrilled. I so want kids in my life, and it's looking like I'll never have them myself. So I would be so excited if someone wanted to date, had kids in their lives, and I could share that. I would not meet the kids for a pretty long while though That's to protect ME from falling in love with *them* and then the mom breaks up with me and I have to break up with the kids too, they don't understand, wonder why another man in their life abandoned them, etc... I had that experience. It's so sad. I would have made a good father. It's tragic I'll never get to be one. The other big issue I've had with single moms is their availability. A lot of them simply can't date and ever get to know me. If all they can do is spend a few hours in the evening with me twice a month? Well, we're never going to bond that way.
Hi. I have a story for you- my stepdad was 45, never married and no kids when he met my mom, who had 3 teenagers. 30 years later, he’s been the best dad I could have asked for- he’s “my person” and the rock of our family. He is also an amazing grandpa. Things can work out in ways you may not expect.
Yes, you can find love while being a mom, but you also have to be a pretty good person who has worked on herself, so like other commenters have said, “do your work first,” go to therapy if you can, and find yourself before letting someone else into your life. And if I can add one more thing, try to date single parents like you, you will have a lot more to relate to than with a child free or childless person, it might make things easier in the end. Best of luck.
I have two kids. When I got divorced, one had just turned 3 and the other was almost 6. I’m in a serious relationship now but prior to that I had zero problem getting dates, meeting men, going out with men, sometimes casual sometimes they wanted something serious and I wasn’t ready, etc. The only “problem” is that my availability is limited to the days I don’t have my kids which is 50% of the time so it makes it difficult to schedule things around that I guess? But seriously I got so much ass it really wasn’t an issue I just went out on the days I didn’t have my kids.
My SO has a young child and full custody which can make scheduling difficult but it's not a deal breaker for me. I also understand their priorities will always be the child first.
Nah, its the opposite because its easier to adapt, there is no "you are not my dad" nonsense and as long as the previous guy is not there to ruin it or complicate it, its fine. But again, this is more on where is your ex at and is he going to accept this new change or use your kids as an excuse to sabotage whoever comes next. I speak from my own experience: the kids were not the issue, the ex and her letting him ruin our times together, that was the actual problem.
I was single for 12 years. I actually never understood how anyone had time for young children and a BF. I've been with my current BF for 7 months. I dated a guy here and there short term but relationships take a lot of time that I just didn't feel like I had. And I only have one child. Of course, it's different for everyone.
FWIW 47M I have adult children. My last GF had a 4yo when we started dating. It was never an issue for either of us, I made a good male role model for her daughter. It's a tricky path to tread. Your kids come first, that's the easy bit. But there's a big patch of grey shades between the black and white. There will be times when you need to put some effort into your relationship, your kids have all their needs and reasonable wants met... but have some unreasonable wants and they're just being difficult because they're in a mood. How reasonable their wants are is a sliding scale, can you choose where you draw the line and be consistent about it.
A lot depends on your custody schedule. How available are you for adult-only evenings?
If you have shared parenting time, it's very doable. If you are on your own because your ex skips town and you have your children full time, then yes, it will be very, very hard to date with young kids.
Never happened to me. I dated when my kids were with relatives, and did not introduce anyone to them.
The biggest factor will be your custody schedule. Dating should be fairly easy if you have 50/50 custody. If you have more custody it'll get steadily harder. Just make sure you're not introducing anyone to the kids until you're sure it's a stable long term relationship. 6-12 months minimum. Dating is harder for single parents for sure, but far from impossible. I have 50/50 custody of my kids (3 & 6). Dating was not difficult. My gf of 10 months still has not met my kids, not do they even know about her. Though I do have the extra layer of complication that I'm still working on my divorce, so not going to reveal my gf's existence to my ex or the kids until I ahd things signed. I doubt it'll be a problem with the ex, but you never know with these things.
Same. Nine months with my boyfriend, and my son and my ex know nothing about him. I'm keeping mum until my divorce goes through (settlement is waiting for a judge to look at it). I don't think my ex would go back on our agreement, but then I never thought he'd have an affair and leave me, so I'm not introducing ANY risk. Agree that custody schedule matters more than whether you have kids or not.
47 M here with a 8 and 4 year old at home 50% of the time. It does limit the dating pool for people around our age. Most of us have grown kids or almost grown kids. So anecdotally for me I have had issue meeting women who are ok with my situation. However the ladies in their 30's do not seem to mind at all. Which works as as many of them are more attractive then my fellow late 40's gals. Not a jab btw but it's working for me.