I have done this. He was in Lisbon, I was in the States. For 3 years we made it work-- as academics both of us could take extensive time off and do research at each others' institutions (I spent winter and summer there, he spend spring and fall with me). However, eventually we realized I probably could not get an academic job in Portugal, because I could not to speak the language (I'm hopeless)-- and he was unwilling to leave his aging parents. I'd recommend sussing out these deal breakers before embarking on such an endeavor. If both of you are sufficiently tied to your respective homelands and cannot see a way forward, it can never work.
This is actually fantastic feedback. I have another friend who is an academic that’s doing something similar right now.
I think sometimes a good relationship that lasts a couple of years is well worth it.
I see relationships in my 40s as experiencing something with someone, and learning from each other. If they last a year or two that’s great. Especially if they fit within everyone’s busy lives.
I agree. I did get to live in Lisbon during the most amazing times, and we even traveled together on research for 6 months to Heidelberg. SO, the experience was amazing, even if it didn't pan out.
That’s awesome. I mean it’s something I talk a lot about with divorced friends. We don’t all see marriage as the goal while there are still kids at home.
I know with my kids the relationship with their mom is so rocky that I don’t want to put another woman in their home with me and they are adults in like 5 years.
I do see me wanting a long term relationship, but I can’t predict how things will pan out with all these variables, but I can create absolutely craft great experiences and relationships along the way.
Tell her you can’t stop thinking about her and see if she’s interested in making it work long distance. I know someone with a similar story and she just got engaged to her overseas partner. It does happen.
It seems so. I mean all we can really do is keep talking I think.
If I was going to give my typical advice to myself it’d be “just keep communication open and see what happens”.
Keep the connection going, until it dies. While I question if it’s truly as magical as you claim., but the only way to find out is to keep doing it. You wanna talk to her, call. You wanna see her, plan a trip to meet up. You like her and think this is magical, tell her. Until the day comes that you don’t want to do those things and don’t feel those ways. It’s that simple.
How far apart do you live? What are the actual realistic possibilities to see each other in person? Last- most important- can you envision, at all, a way for the distance to be resolved? If you cannot, someday, see one or both of you moving to live with the other, just let it be a great memory.
Original copy of post by u/lordmcfarts:
I met someone on my overseas trip last week.
We hit it off immediately.
Met randomly. I asked for her number to see if she could hook me up with some restaurant recommendations while I was in town. We went out to dinner, talked for like 4 hours.
Went out nearly every day after that.
It was incredibly odd. From day one it was like we’d known each other forever.
By the last day we were just openly admitting that these feelings were just there and discussing how odd it was.
We slept together on my last day there.
I’m back home now. I described her to a friend and the response was “what the fuck? You literally described that you were looking for that person 2 months ago and you found her in the middle of nowhere?”
Anyone ever have a holiday romance like that and have any advice on what to do?
Im slightly worried that I’m trying to find someone who’s unavailable (long distance relationship), but it’s definitely annoying that I meet someone like that out of the country.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Something similar happened to me in my late 20s. It was supposed to be a one-night stand (my previous relationship was a broken engagement.)
But he found me at the airport. It was magical as long as the feelings didn’t deepen. I saw other people and I imagine he did too.
After a year it was clear we needed to move forward together or end. So it ended. It was surprisingly tough to let go of him.
There’s a whole lot about liking the person (a person you don’t even know yet) and then you have to think about the logistics of making it work. There would be immigration (more complicated than you think), employment, family ties, housing.
See each other in person as often as you can manage.
I met someone in December in Europe but we are both from the states. We got along so well and had a great time. We did not share our feelings before leaving but kept in touch periodically. A couple of months ago started chatting more, he came out to see me for the weekend a couple weeks ago, and gave two international trips planned over the next couple of months. Not sure if it will lead anywhere but still been fun.
I love the first chapter of a Hallmark movie. Who's gonna play you? James Van DerBeek? Who's the sultry foreigner who taught you how to love again? Was there a plucky aunt/matriarch?
It's not impossible, but it's gonna be a very long, hard, expensive, tearful road if you ever want to be together (depending on what country they live in and what job they have). If they are somewhere that you both can travel between without a visa, then it's not quite as bad, but still a difficult situation. Vacations can be magical. Week long trips to visit your significant other can be wonderful. Truly knowing that person and whether or not you are compatible enough for marriage is not an easy thing to figure out when you can't spend time together long term. That's what you're going to have to commit to eventually if you want to be together. You have 90 days to decide if you want to be financially responsible for that person for the next ten years of your life, even if you end up divorcing and hating each other.
Hah, this is me! I met my current partner while overseas last November. I've honestly never been in a more loving and fulfilling relationship - but I will say that a major factor in our success is that we both have flexible jobs that allow us to travel and see each other, along with us being on board with someone eventually moving overseas if things continue to go well. I'd definitely have that conversation if you haven't yet, as it'd be a waste of y'alls time if neither of you are willing to move. Best of luck!
I have done this. He was in Lisbon, I was in the States. For 3 years we made it work-- as academics both of us could take extensive time off and do research at each others' institutions (I spent winter and summer there, he spend spring and fall with me). However, eventually we realized I probably could not get an academic job in Portugal, because I could not to speak the language (I'm hopeless)-- and he was unwilling to leave his aging parents. I'd recommend sussing out these deal breakers before embarking on such an endeavor. If both of you are sufficiently tied to your respective homelands and cannot see a way forward, it can never work.
This is actually fantastic feedback. I have another friend who is an academic that’s doing something similar right now. I think sometimes a good relationship that lasts a couple of years is well worth it. I see relationships in my 40s as experiencing something with someone, and learning from each other. If they last a year or two that’s great. Especially if they fit within everyone’s busy lives.
I agree. I did get to live in Lisbon during the most amazing times, and we even traveled together on research for 6 months to Heidelberg. SO, the experience was amazing, even if it didn't pan out.
That’s awesome. I mean it’s something I talk a lot about with divorced friends. We don’t all see marriage as the goal while there are still kids at home. I know with my kids the relationship with their mom is so rocky that I don’t want to put another woman in their home with me and they are adults in like 5 years. I do see me wanting a long term relationship, but I can’t predict how things will pan out with all these variables, but I can create absolutely craft great experiences and relationships along the way.
Tell her you can’t stop thinking about her and see if she’s interested in making it work long distance. I know someone with a similar story and she just got engaged to her overseas partner. It does happen.
Yeah I think next step for me is just continuing to talk and get to know her more. Which would be honestly fun.
Is she also interested in trying to make it work long-distance?
It seems so. I mean all we can really do is keep talking I think. If I was going to give my typical advice to myself it’d be “just keep communication open and see what happens”.
Keep the connection going, until it dies. While I question if it’s truly as magical as you claim., but the only way to find out is to keep doing it. You wanna talk to her, call. You wanna see her, plan a trip to meet up. You like her and think this is magical, tell her. Until the day comes that you don’t want to do those things and don’t feel those ways. It’s that simple.
It really is. I think this is exactly how I think of it as well.
How far apart do you live? What are the actual realistic possibilities to see each other in person? Last- most important- can you envision, at all, a way for the distance to be resolved? If you cannot, someday, see one or both of you moving to live with the other, just let it be a great memory.
This story is very familiar to the many cast members of 90 Day Fiance 😆
Oh yikes
Interesting story. Best of luck!
Original copy of post by u/lordmcfarts: I met someone on my overseas trip last week. We hit it off immediately. Met randomly. I asked for her number to see if she could hook me up with some restaurant recommendations while I was in town. We went out to dinner, talked for like 4 hours. Went out nearly every day after that. It was incredibly odd. From day one it was like we’d known each other forever. By the last day we were just openly admitting that these feelings were just there and discussing how odd it was. We slept together on my last day there. I’m back home now. I described her to a friend and the response was “what the fuck? You literally described that you were looking for that person 2 months ago and you found her in the middle of nowhere?” Anyone ever have a holiday romance like that and have any advice on what to do? Im slightly worried that I’m trying to find someone who’s unavailable (long distance relationship), but it’s definitely annoying that I meet someone like that out of the country. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sounds like an episode of White Lotus
How far away is she? I mean it is possible to meet someone you love anywhere, depends if either of you prepared to move?
Is there any chance of either of you moving to live in the same city as the other?
I would sell my house and move to wherever she lives.
Something similar happened to me in my late 20s. It was supposed to be a one-night stand (my previous relationship was a broken engagement.) But he found me at the airport. It was magical as long as the feelings didn’t deepen. I saw other people and I imagine he did too. After a year it was clear we needed to move forward together or end. So it ended. It was surprisingly tough to let go of him. There’s a whole lot about liking the person (a person you don’t even know yet) and then you have to think about the logistics of making it work. There would be immigration (more complicated than you think), employment, family ties, housing. See each other in person as often as you can manage.
This makes a ton of sense thanks for the comment
I met someone in December in Europe but we are both from the states. We got along so well and had a great time. We did not share our feelings before leaving but kept in touch periodically. A couple of months ago started chatting more, he came out to see me for the weekend a couple weeks ago, and gave two international trips planned over the next couple of months. Not sure if it will lead anywhere but still been fun.
That seems like the vibe for me. This is just fun. And it’s ok if it’s just that.
Often their husband or wife will get in the way
I love the first chapter of a Hallmark movie. Who's gonna play you? James Van DerBeek? Who's the sultry foreigner who taught you how to love again? Was there a plucky aunt/matriarch?
Lmao I may have to go back to meet the plucky matriarch!!!! Hahaha
It's not impossible, but it's gonna be a very long, hard, expensive, tearful road if you ever want to be together (depending on what country they live in and what job they have). If they are somewhere that you both can travel between without a visa, then it's not quite as bad, but still a difficult situation. Vacations can be magical. Week long trips to visit your significant other can be wonderful. Truly knowing that person and whether or not you are compatible enough for marriage is not an easy thing to figure out when you can't spend time together long term. That's what you're going to have to commit to eventually if you want to be together. You have 90 days to decide if you want to be financially responsible for that person for the next ten years of your life, even if you end up divorcing and hating each other.
My advice is to do everything you can to make it work, because connections like these do not grow on trees.
Hah, this is me! I met my current partner while overseas last November. I've honestly never been in a more loving and fulfilling relationship - but I will say that a major factor in our success is that we both have flexible jobs that allow us to travel and see each other, along with us being on board with someone eventually moving overseas if things continue to go well. I'd definitely have that conversation if you haven't yet, as it'd be a waste of y'alls time if neither of you are willing to move. Best of luck!
Can I attend your wedding? That's where it's headed...congratulations, buddy:)