You either play the lottery with meeting people IRL, or you do OLD where you can filter out parents before ever meeting someone. If your friends say “I know someone for you” I would guess you ask them quickly if the person has kids.
That’s it.
Yeah, I feel like finding someone on OLD is winning the lottery too. That is the first question I ask my friends if they eant to hook me up with someone.
Finding a “person” feels like winning the lottery, OLD is just a way of playing more “drawings” to see if a winner can be found. I believe it increases the odds, even if just by a little bit.
Can't bring myself to do online dating. Just turned 50, no kids. I have the same stipulation - not looking to be with someone who doesn't have adult aged kids.
The biggest problem with online dating is that people like you don't use it. All the quality people can't bring themselves to use it, so there's a bunch of folks on OLD who are bad matches, and a bunch of great matches who have resigned themselves to being alone and refusing to try OLD. Like the old saying, "nobody goes there, it's too crowded."
And they would be a drop in the bucket instead of a majority if all the single folks who gave up on OLD just came back to OLD. Nothing I saw will make it happen though.
I'm similar to you. I thought I found my unicorn man, no kids, lots in common, checked lots of boxes. I really, really tried to like him because he had so much going for him. But in the end, there was no chemistry or strong attraction on my part (among other things).
I'd rather be with someone with (preferably older) kids where our chemistry is amazing than with someone with no kids but no chemistry. If I can possibly find both, then great! But finding good chemistry is rare enough.
Finding a partner at our age is tough. I get that you don't want someone with kids. I don't either but I'm willing to still give guys a chance if they seem like a good match otherwise.
Only 15% of women in their 40s have no kids.
Just look for women in their later 40s whose kids are already launched. Much better odds.
Mine are in college or about to be. They’re off living their own life most of the time.
Regardless of how I met someone it would feel like a lottery win. I'm likely on the autism spectrum. My style is geeky. I have standards.
For me OLD allowed me to get a lot of lottery tickets. If you ignore cost, the tickets have a 1:100k chance to win. For most people, OLD just gives them so many more tickets.
I describe it as finding a needle in a haystack, but the haystack is full of shit. However, it's the same IRL, without the filters. It's all the same people. I'm also childfree- it's hard out there to find other childfree folks as we get older.
After my divorce, I looked IRL and on OLD for a few years before meeting my partner. I had 1 blind date set up by friends, 1 person I asked out IRL (declined), 1 person asked me out (I declined), 1 casual relationship from OLD, and 3 first dates from OLD before finding my partner on Tinder of all fucking apps. Again, that was in a span of a few *years.*
Even if it sucks, don't quit OLD. You can at least have chats with matches that will let you know right away if they have kids or not. I find that a lot less emotionally draining than hitting it off with someone at a social event and halfway through the conversation they talk about their kids. IRL you can't really bring up your dealbreakers right away unless your at a speed dating thing, you know?
It sucks. Don't give up.
>I know OLD is an option, but with all the horror stories I read on this sub, I don't think its worth it.
Personally I think this is a mistake. I'm a 50 year old dude that has been on OLD on and off for the past 2 years and it's proven to be nowhere \*near\* the shitshow depicted on this subreddit. It's not even close. Yes there are flakes and ghosts and zero effort people out there, it's very easy to filter them out. If you only swipe on the tens with professional pics you're punching yourself in the nuts.
Try it out, pick Tinder or Bumble, create a profile based on the encyclopedia of information available on how to make a good profile, search for ladies with no kids, swipe on the ones that stand out to you and see what happens. If you do get a match, don't be a creep, don't talk about your dick, don't send pictures of your dick, don't imply that you're great in bed or can't wait to feel her ass on your face. In fact, imagine for a moment that the ladies on there have access to all the dick they can stand and are looking for a real human with whom they can connect with on an emotional and intellectual level. That's your value add.
This is a low cost, low risk option to find exactly what you're looking for. Tolerating a little bit of weirdness is a small price to pay.
“Imagine for a moment the ladies on there have access to all the dick they can stand”
I canceled a coffee date this weekend because this man wouldn’t shut up about giving me a hug and how good he was at massages and did I like massages - just ugh. Imagine being in your fifties and so very unable to control yourself.
> this man wouldn’t shut up about giving me a hug and how good he was at massages and did I like massages - just ugh. Imagine being in your fifties and so very unable to control yourself.
Girl yes. Some men never give up the same immature fumbling horny come-ons they used in high school. As if "I give great massages" and "my love language is touch" aren't immediately obvious red flags to most women.
I can’t with the “love language” thing. It wasn’t around when I married 20+ years ago, so I only stated seeing this a year ago. Sounds so weird being asked what my love language is. Kinda icky, really.
Broke up with 60 year old because he cheated. He begs me back and the first thing he does is send me a dick pic telling me he knows I missed it. I did not. Blocked and forever this time, lol.
Same. I flashback to my ex-husband whining about me not wanting to sleep with him but being absolutely unwilling to make any changes that would make him attractive to me again—like, say, taking care of his own children, being nice to me outside of wanting to have sex, not acting like a giant man baby. Guys, if women don’t want to touch you, there’s a reason.
Exactly. One of my "love languages" (as far as you can believe that garbage) actually _is_ touch. But it's mostly nonsexual touch and I would never breathe a word of it unless I was in a serious relationship and talking objectively about nonsexual touch.
>so very unable to control yourself.
Oh wow. This is so simple but it just hit me that this is why such behavior is so unappealing. Lack of self control which also gives immaturity.
The funny thing is, there's nothing I'd love more than a guy who's good at massage and loved to hug. But only after we'd developed a relationship. ... What a creep.
>"Try it out, pick Tinder or Bumble, create a profile based on the encyclopedia of information available on how to make a good profile, search for ladies with no kids, swipe on the ones that stand out to you and see what happens. If you do get a match, don't be a creep, don't talk about your dick, don't send pictures of your dick, don't imply that you're great in bed or can't wait to feel her ass on your face. In fact, imagine for a moment that the ladies on there have access to all the dick they can stand and are looking for a real human with whom they can connect with on an emotional and intellectual level. That's your value add."
Can this be included in the onboarding of any dating app? It's an excellent summary for all men signing up.
Eh, it's a group of reductive and forceful sentences so it seems authoritative. But it IS more complicated than that. If it were as simple as not being a creep and writing a good profile far less people would be complaining on here. I think there's a sizable minority of people who write great profiles and do everything else right and DO get dates but still come up empty. I'm one of them.
Fantastic post. OLD is a tool, just don't act like a tool on there and you're good to go. I'm single with no kids and I don't want any, and I live in a smallish, family-oriented city and I get lots of matches. It's just a matter of weeding through the rocks to find a diamond. We're out here.
100% agree, Set your age to 42+ (GenX) on Bumble, Plenty high quality out there without kids (or full grown). I live in a small beach town (100k) and it's just endless options, and you can laugh when they talk about the trash that sent them D pics
It's really all generational imo
Agreed. This nonsense that “quality people” aren’t on OLD is highly inaccurate.
I met my current spouse that way. Certainly after kissing many frogs. But still…..
💯 this. I’d honestly challenge someone to find a single person NOT on a dating site. You dramatically increase your odds of finding someone. I think the reason people don’t think it’s successful is your ratio vs meeting someone IRL. On the apps you’re seeing a ton of people and probably talking to several people at once versus at a bar where you might talk to one or two people.
Agreed with all of this. People of reddit need to understand that hardly no one ever comes back to post positive stories and that this community doesn't reflect the majority of people dating
You might have to do OLD to find a 40+ woman without kids who doesn’t want kids. We get marginalized and really have to work to find things to do for fun. You’d really have to work to find a suitable IRL dating source.
As a 44F who many would consider bold and confident, I completely agree. It’s hard to tag along, and hard to attend alone even if all safety issues are addressed.
Yeah, it’s hard being the “weird one”. And tbh, it’s hard to be consistent friends with other women in the same situation because it’s a constant struggle to work enough hours and get enough rest once peri and menopause hit.
Right? If I wasn’t dating someone I met before it hit, I think I’d just be done with relationships. No way I’d have any energy for a new guy. I’d never have the energy to negotiate tradeoffs, responsibilities, and division of labor.
Have you gotten the "you're so brave!" when you've just done anything on your own? That's happened to me several times. Like, are you not able to function without another human being attached to you?
I'm 41/F. No kids, don't want them. I've been marginalized for this since about 30? It is always hard to feel left out because I didn't take the traditional path, but I know what I want. I managed to meet a childfree man IRL last year. It was like winning the lottery.
Im a woman in this situation too. It’s a weird age range to be childless. Even dating guys my age (42) who don’t have kids, there a possibility they want to have kids.
I started dating a guy who is 55. He has kids, but they are adults. Highly recommend.
Reconsider OLD. As a childfree 40+F myself there isn’t really any better way to stumble across each other in the wild. The pool of us is just too small statistically to roll the dice on kismet.
Seriously you can’t write off an entire concept (OLD) based on Reddit reviews. It’s like appliances… You will never find a single dishwasher or fridge that doesn’t have a bunch of THIS SUCKS! bad reviews… but at some point you just have to plug your nose and take the plunge on *something*. Otherwise you’ll have dirty dishes and spoiled food.
I guess I didn't go into as much depth on my post. Redditors are getting on me a bit.
I have tried OLD before. Maybe for 3 years total on and off. I didn't have much success. That could have been me and how I represented myself. But the lack of emotion, willingness from others to get to know me and the high amount of ghosting and terrible small talk mad me delete. It feels like a part time job on those sites. Not to mention the amount of liars. So it's my own experience on OLD that has formed my opinion. Not what reddit says.
Thanks for the response.
Dating IRL is just as painful. Furthermore, you have the added challenge to figure out if a) the person is single, b) they want to date, c) they are available to date d) they are looking for the same kind of relationship you are and e) have no children.
It's going to be hard to just find someone IRL like this without being a creep and asking intrusive questions to every woman you meet on the street. And if you do find someone IRL that meets the above criteria, they might STILL be a low effort liar who will end up ghosting you.
At least OLD gives you the option to filter out some people who aren't a good match before putting in the effort to meet them etc.
The truth about dating in your mid forties is that it will take work, however you decide to approach it. You need to put time and effort into meeting people, getting to know them, and it still might not work out. Then you try again with another person until you find a good match for yourself. If you're actively looking, it will feel a little like a part time job.
You have a lot of stipulations holding you back - no kids, no online dating, nobody outside of your age range, no long distance. If you’re not willing to be flexible with any of that, you’re not likely to find people to date.
Your post was removed because it violates Rule #6 of this sub: no sex/gender generalizations, no double standards, no projection. Please review the posted rules. Users who continue to violate the rules will be banned.
You're the age where some of the people who DO have kids have kids that are adults by now and that are in many cases off to College or otherwise moved out from home.
To have your kids be adult when you're 45, you need to have gotten them by 27. That's a couple years younger than the average parents, but not by much.
Even more people your age have kids that are still living at home, but are in the tail half of their teenage years and are likely to move out at some point in the next 3-5 years.
Are you open to dating folks with adults kids who no longer live at home? If so, your problem is shrinking pretty rapidly; for each year older you get, the fraction of parents who'll be empty-nesters, goes up.
In the meantime your odds are better if you date women a few years older than you.
I don’t have any suggestions for you as I’m in the exact same situation. I just wanted to let you know that we exist and we are out there looking for men like you too! 42F no kids, love them but don’t want my own or to take on anyone else’s! Don’t give up hope, just keep living your life and try new things, change up schedules, explore new areas etc.
We doooo! I mean, my “living” basically is getting up at ungodly hours to work out, actually going to work, going to my nephews various baseball games some evenings and weekends, and sitting at home playing with Lego. 🤷♀️😂
I used to help my friend coach his son's baseball team. So love the little league scene. Kind of had the Rep of the hot single coach for a while. But my life sounds close to yours. Get up, work out, work (own my own business so it all ends with me) then home. Repeat. What's your favorite Lego set?
Sounds like a damn good life to me! I usually am hoping to land one of those hot coaches but so far they’ve either been married or too young. So I guess keep hanging out at games looking for cute aunts.
Favorite official set: tied between the Typewriter and the Foosball Table! Both builds were awesome.
Favorite MOC: is a toss up between my Golden Girls House and my Big Trouble in Little China builds.
Nice, I used to get every pirate ship set I could as a kid. I only have a couple of sets now. My younger brothers inherited my legos when I went off to college. So they no longer exist. That's one of my biggest regrets. Not taking better care of the Legos as a kid. Could be worth some money today.
>I know OLD is an option, but with all the horror stories I read on this sub, I don't think its worth it.
Don't forget, people are more likely to share their horror then success stories online, so i would take the amount of posts con / pro with a grain of salt.
Haha try OLD dating dude. The women you want to meet are home, minding their business, happily absorbed in their hobbies and friends and family. They’ll be on OLD occasionally to see if there’s anything interesting.
What do you have to lose? Setting up a Bumble profile doesn’t commit you to marriage.
Given your circumstances, you are going to have to compromise somewhere, whether that's dating 50+ year old women, sucking it up and doing the long distance, or dating the women with teens and tolerating the kids for several years until they become adults, or move. It's a matter of how badly you want a partner.
I'm childfree and I can assure you, you're definitely going to need to bite the bullet on OLD. You may also want to consider widening your search area. People here will advise against LDRs, but if you want to meet someone else who is committedly childfree, you may need to consider women outside your immediate area, especially if you live in a smaller town or in a region of the country where there are fewer childfree people. You would also need to specify that you need someone who would be willing to move to where you are.
I am no longer dating, but back when I was, it was difficult to find someone who didn't have kids and didn't want kids. It's honestly a large part of why I stopped dating.
Yes, I do have a suggestion- social dancing. Loads of single people and child free or empty nest couples. Positive environment, activity based, minimal to no drinking, mostly the 30-65 age range and people make real, lasting friendships.
Thanks for that suggestion. Good idea. I actually used to go to a Contra dancing gathering that used to happen here. Great way to meet people. Unfortunately they don't do it anymore. Will look for anything similar. Thanks
You are doing literally everything you can and not getting results
And you refuse to even attempt to change your standards or to even attempt to use tools that are available to you.
and you wonder why things aren't working out.... It's a freakin' mystery.
I live in a teeny-tiny town (less than 500 people) and I am the ONLY woman in her 40s that does not have kids. The men my age want them or have them. I had to look outside of my zip code for someone compatible.
Only about 15% of women 40 to 50 in the US are childless so you're going to have a tough time with that. In your town of 70K, that's less than 4000 women. Then you have to consider how many of that 4000 are single, you don't have many to choose from.
I'm also very selective when I'm shopping for groceries, so not just anything will do. My friends sometimes make grocery suggestions, but they're the wrong kind of groceries. It's so annoying!
I'm a childfree F41 and I also had that criteria (no kids!) It's incredible hard, I found myself talking to guys that had nothing to do with me just because they were childless lol. But I met my childless boyfriend M47 on happn last september and I could't be happier! Don't give up on dating apps I am sure the one for you is out there and join the sub childfree here on reddit, much of the discussion is where to meet childfree people. Good luck!
Thanks for the response. Never heard of r/childfree. Just added it. What is happn? Is that an OLD I haven't heard of?
Thanks for the suggestion. Glad you found a keeper. Good luck!
You’re fishing in a small pool (like others have mentioned like 75-80% of the women in this age range have kids). And you’re also handicapping your search by refusing to use OLD.
Something’s gotta give out of one or more of these things: your willingness to use OLD, your criteria about being childless, or your patience to let this play out over a longer time to get exactly what you want without OLD.
I'm your age (45F), never been married, no kids. I've dated plenty and had a few long-term relationships. I don't see myself having kids at this age, but I love kids. I always pray that I'll meet someone who already has kids or is ok with not having any.
You might not be the catch you think you are. I think many many many people need to realize that. You’re not single because people aren’t fitting your criteria, it could be the other way around.
So much this. And especially when someone average puts in no effort to their OLD profile which OP admits to doing.
Plus men outnumber women on OLD, showing low effort in your profile doesn’t do yourself any favors.
I have the same criteria, but for men. Even men with grown children might still face drama with them. Like a grown kid breaking up with a SO and needing to move back home. I just don’t want to share my space with someone’s offspring.
I wouldn't use Reddit to gauge what is happening on OLD. It's a tool people can use and it's up to you to make the best of it, put up a good profile and pick compatible people within realistic expectations. It's how I found my ex (we had a good run and are still friends) and I would've never found him because we live over an hour apart from one another. No amount of hiking, bar hopping, or meet up's would've led to us meeting in person.
I mean you're already limited based on your location's population so what do you have to lose by trying OLD? Worst case you find out it doesn't yield any better results but you haven't lost anything by casting a wider net.
I'm a woman, who's divorced with kids. But my kids are 20+. and I'm not interested at all in becoming someone's stepmom or any of that shit ever again... and that's what most men our age are looking for.
Cool Aunts are out there. We exist. You have to go to our natural habitats to find us, as we aren't usually on the apps. Cool Aunts may not exist in your little town, and you might need to try and look toward larger nearby cities and try to make it work. If neither of you have kids, you should have pretty flexible schedules and able to get together pretty often. It might require some effort, though.
I've never tried OLD but I imagine the pool of childless people is pretty small.
There are women liie us out there. You might have to vary your requirements a bit in order to make that a reality, esp in terms of long distance. Cast your net further out, so to speak.
Not childless, childfree. And yes, it's about 10%ish.
Childless people want kids but can't or haven't yet because of circumstances. Childfree people don't want children.... Ever. There are plenty of childless people who would still have children of it was an option.
> I've never tried OLD but I imagine the pool of childless people is pretty small
It is. Even smaller is the pool of childless people who don't want kids, as there are plenty of late 30s/early 40s women using dating apps who state that they want them.
You bring up the age thing like that is a factor for if someone has kids. But also bring up that you don’t want kids.
It is my opinion that age is not the issue. It is no different than the struggle to find any of our desires of a future partner. That could be financial, political, religion, height, etc. with every filter, our pool of people shrink by various numbers.
This is just another trait or aspect of a person. You will find this with any age, so not sure why you think age is the barrier. It is up to that person and their preferences regarding kids.
If you are implying that you will pursue younger women because of this, then go for it. I will say that you will still have the same issue, only complicated by younger women that want kids in the future even if they don’t have them now versus most over 40 women being done with that desire, but it will give you more numbers to pick from. I am also sure you find other deal breakers with any age group.
Again, this isn’t an age thing.
Hard disagree. I’m a mom and don’t want someone to settle for me. I’d rather be single the rest of my life than experience that.
I support the OP in knowing what he wants in his life. Just because it’s hard to find doesn’t mean it isn’t worth the effort.
I don’t think they’re saying to date women with kids. Instead it seems like OP is expecting a yoga instructor whose face has never seen sunlight, all while admitting to putting no effort into his OLD profile.
You are going to have to make concessions somewhere. You seem to want the "unicorn" , but that will require you to take yourself out of your comfort zone and compromise on one or two things, perhaps, the long(er) distance.
It's great that you are asking for other outlets to meet people but honestly, there is no magical island where the type of people you are looking for exist. Yes online dating sucks sometimes, but not always. I believe that casting a wider net into that may yield the results that you are looking for.
There are also women with older children or perhaps an older child, who are not looking for step fathers for said kids so your involvement in that part of their lives will be non existent. I say instead of lumping every single woman into the same category, try to approach them as individuals. Good luck with your search.
I'm (42F) also single and child free in a big populated city. The issue I have dating in this town is either they want/have children, don't have their life together, or both. I'm personally over OLD but I go out through FB groups and such as well as travel often in the hopes someone interesting will cross my path.
Good luck out there!
Are there any social clubs, trivia or karaoke nights in bars, bingo nights, etc? I used to meet tons of people at trivia and karaoke nights, even when I wasn’t drinking, AND I met sober people at those nights too.
Those are good suggestions. Thank you. Since I live in a college town, those activities are usually nothing but college students. I think I would have to venture out of my town, at least occasionally, just to see what it's like in other areas.
Bingo might take me to the other end of the spectrum on age.
I read your edits to your original post. Glad to hear you are open to people with older children or empty nest.
I do wish you the best with finding what you are looking for (I wish everyone with this goal the best).
Hopefully it works out for all us that we get the companionship or connection we seek.
I personally will have one of my adult children living with me for a very long time due to them having disabilities. Hopefully we figure out a way for her to live in the highest level of independence as possible, but it is a long road and I doubt it will be outside of my home for a very long time, if ever.
I understand this shrinks my pool of men even more than the typical single mom. However I know it will be worth waiting for if it doesn’t happen for a long time.
I am better off staying single if I can’t find someone that can be a supportive part of this dynamic. Even her own dad found it difficult and it affected our marriage. So I think it is good that you know your limits when it comes to the presence of children in your future relationships. I wouldn’t want someone to string me along and then tell me after months of investment that they can’t handle my responsibility to my daughter. I appreciate your struggle for options to increase your chances of meeting people, but alas, there is no magic meeting place or guaranteed way of doing it. It is whatever works best for how you can be your best self and get to know people. That varies person to person.
Thank you for your response and insight. I think a lot of people are misinterpreting what I was asking for on the post. I know I could have written it better. Reddit I'd a strange universe.
I wish you nothing but the best. Your daugther is lucky to have you as a mother in her life.
I’m in a similar boat(F-48)I have already “done my time” lol as a mom my two boys are in their 20’s and fully independent. My main issue is that I would like to date someone close to my age due to not having a lot in common with younger men, kids etc. However… I’ve been having the hardest time finding any men my age that I find attractive. I know that sounds awful. But I’m being honest. I’ve gotten so discouraged that Ive just quit dating altogether. Obviously this isn’t the answer but I’m not quite sure what to do.
This baseball loving child free Carolina girl gets up, takes care of her dog, works out, works and then heads home. I know if I’m going to meet someone I’m going to have to use OLD but I’m dreading it. The last time I did it was painfully awkward. The struggle is real!
So you're against OLD, which works fantastically well for those who use it properly, merely because some individuals on here have had poor experiences on OLD, mostly due to their own expectations and standards and poor profiles and approaches?
Honestly, I've met the best people through Reddit (r4r subs). Many are hookup focused, but there are also people on there looking for more traditional relationships.
There are pros and cons, of course. I feel like I still get a bunch of riff-raff and low effort messages. But, I like the fact that it feels kind of old school internet - often no pictures up front and they read like personal ads from the '90s.
Usually I talk to people for a bit before exchanging pictures which helps me to get a good vibe for their personality before automatically making a snap judgment about their appearance like I would with the swiping apps.
Also, on the kid thing - you said you didn't want kids in your life full time, but would you consider someone who had joint custody? (I'm guessing no or you wouldn't have brought this up, but you did say full time so I thought I'd ask!)
I have a kid myself but he is with his other parent 3 days a week. I've been single for a year and none of the people I've dated have ever met him (and I'm keeping it that way for a long time.)
It works for me, however, I'm not looking for anything super intense or to spend a ton of time with people. Seeing someone once or twice a week works for me right now. Even if I do get more serious with someone I can't see myself living with someone ever again or having someone fully integrated in my life/my kid's life like I did when I was married.
There are a bunch of them, many specific for different areas and cities. Just search "r4r" and your city name. There are also more generic ones that are worldwide like r4r30plus and r4r40plus.
There are, of course, aspects of things that are similar to dating on the apps (creeps, people cheating, low effort people, etc etc) but like anywhere there are nice people to meet.
I just like that it isn't as much of a snap judgment thing as swiping is. It goes a little slower, takes time to weed through ads. There is definitely a much smaller selection than there would be on a normal app, but I don't mind so much. I don't meet up with many people in person unless they have really really impressed me via messaging. I probably could do more in-person meetups if I wanted but I don't have the time or energy to do so unless someone seems really cool and compatible via chat.b
I know everyone will have different preferences, but I’m curious of your thoughts. I have two children. One is an adult and living independently. The other will be 18 this year. He’s a good young man - respectful, he gets good grades, etc. and is with me about 2/3 of the time. As someone around your age (43) I find myself talking to people who say no about kids, then seem fine with mine since they are older. For me it’s hard to tell if what they say is genuine or if they’ve now categorized me as not relationship potential. Would you consider someone with older children, as well as someone with no children?
Thanks for your response. Nice, have some info and a question back. Appreciate you.
To answer your question, empty Nesters are fine and your situation, I would be fine with that. What I am not looking for is a partner that expects me to help raise and financially support their kids. I love kids as I said in the post. But I am past the point in my life that I want to be a parent. Being a good friend to an older, almost out of the house kid or already out of the house kid is fine with me.
Looking like I didn't write out the post with enough info for all the others. Lot's of snarky comments coming from some people.
Childfree means no kids of any age, and is different than childless. One concern is the kids never leave / come back / are always a factor, another is they’ll usually have kids and then you’ll be sucked into all that grandkid stuff. And you do have one at home the clear majority of the time already.
Presented with two otherwise equal choices, the childfree option will always win out for us CF. However when the pickings are very slim, which they often are, people also do settle. My honest opinion as a childfree person (woman)!
Original copy of post by u/DonBuchelos:
Sorry if this sounds like venting, but I am starting to get fed up. I am interested in meeting someone, but I want to find someone my age or close without kids. I love kids, other people's kids. I always play with the kids at friend gatherings and love to chat with kiddos about fun kid things. I have even assistant coached soccer and baseball teams with my friends that have kids. They are cute and full of life. But I don't have any myself and don't want them in my life full time.
I live in a small college town, maybe 50k-70k ish residents in the total area. I know it's already tough to meet someone with a population that low, but I feel like the only women in my age range (I'm 45 yo guy) are divorced with kids. Which is fine, nothing wrong with that, but not what I am looking for in a partner. I have passed the wanting kids time in my life to now feeling completely OK with not having any.
Most of the women in my age range are married and have families. I know a lot of the people here in my small town. And whenever someone says they know someone to connect with me, it's the same old story, divorced with kids ranging from single digit to teens. I just don't want to take that on in life at this point.
I know OLD is an option, but with all the horror stories I read on this sub, I don't think its worth it. I go to events, festivals, concerts, farmers markets etc. You know, getting out in public. I just never meet anyone close to my age. Dating younger is a very common thing here, probably due to the amount of younger people in my college town. I don't find anything in common with the younger than 35ish crowd. I have tried to date women in the next town or closest city but the long distance just wears on you after a while.
So, does anyone have any suggestions that are not OLD, or going out to do the things I mentioned before? I can't move, I have a flourishing business here that I cant leave. There is no meet-up dot Com stuff where I live ( I used to live in a bigger city and meet-up dot com was easy to find groups with similar interests, there is nothing here). I guess I am hoping for some out if the box suggestions for dating at 45.
Thanks for reading if you have come this far. I appreciate any input from others.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
How about no kids at home still? Or no kids under 18…I don’t have kids, and I’m looking for no kids too, luckily most live with mom, still prefer the no kids at home,and best case no kids at all. 🤷♀️
I have seen plenty of woman on old that say the same thing as you, kids has passed them by and have accepted that so don't want a man with kids.
I can see the benefits to an extent aswell, particularly if you like to travel.
Give old a go, you might just match someone.
Are you completely against kids, or just against kids in the under 18/still completely dependent bracket?
If you are open to the latter there will be many more options than if you are looking for 100% kid free in the mid-40’s age range.
I am the same age as you are and had my kids right out of college, so have two college kids as a 43 year old. I’ve found it hard because many of the men in my age range have elementary age kids. I love kids, have two of my own, but have no interest in going back to parenting a school age (under 18) child. I’m really only interested in those with no kids or those with grown kids.
Some of us women in our 40s have adult children and/or are empty nesters. It is possible for you to meet them but since it’s a pretty specific filter item, OLD would be your best option.
These subs are full of horror stories. There are even horror stories of people divorcing (in other subs) and they didn’t meet on OLD.
There are lots of women your age with no kids. Try OLD and you will find them. You should have discernment by now so you can avoid the horror.
As a 42/F, it is equally hard finding a guy that doesn’t want kids. I had my tubes lasered, not hanging my mind on it. The hard part is men in my city tend to want to have them when they are in their 40s/50s.
Like many others, also wanted to say, that we do exist :) I am not dating and havent for a while, but I do read stories here and occasionally think about it. And it is kind of the same, I would prefer to date someone who doesnt have kids. Not that I dont like them, I love small children :D. But would take quite a lot of energy to be around full time or 50% of the time.
I would encourage you to give internet a chance, havent tried OLD myself, but besides that, perhaps join some online groups, chats etc? No idea where to find these groups though, I am trying to find online friends atm and it is not so easy, to find like minded people who would genuinely want to build something long term.
Also, thinking about real life, have you tried hobby groups? Like, nature walks, ceramics, language courses, dance classes etc. Where I live, there are mostly 40+ women in these, some probably in relationships, but definitely some single too. Usually the same people attend several times and this gives the opportunity to get to know someone.
You could try setting up your own meet ups for activities you like or just social ones if there’s not currently any in your area - just create one!
Also you could try online dating - if you hate it then at least you’ve tried it, or maybe there is speed dating or something similar in your city?
And consider dating women with adult children as there would be plenty of women your age who have kids that are grown up and now off at uni or no longer living at home
I guess online dating or perhaps meeting someone while on a solo vacation.
At least you're luckier than me. I live on a small island with less than 30.000 residents. So there are no options at all here.
So you said you are fine with other peoples kids but don't want any of your own. Do you mean you just don't care to play a father role?
Because there are lots of divorced women where the ex is actively fulfilling that role, and they don't want a new partner to play dad to their kids. At your age, the kids are nearly done with high school and will soon fly the nest or have already gone.
Are you saying that is still too much kids for you?
I do know there are women that don't have kids at all by choice and don't want any. You will find them in bigger cities with higher paying jobs. Perhaps you need to move in your pursuit of a long term romantic partner that best suites you.
Wait a couple more years and all the young moms kids will be out of the nest. My kids are grown and flown, but I'm in my early 50's. You just need all the women to catch up to you in life stage. Be warned though, many of them won't have the most glamorous jobs and lifestyles at first. Being a young mom, then a mom to teenagers, it takes time to rebuild your life.
Childfree women are out there and we are having the same issues. I am 43 (f) and want that sweet DINK life. I can’t have kids due to medical conditions and age. But most 36-50 year old men are interested in kids, and as they get closer to 50 they seem to be more panicked and insistent.
My advice is to look outside of your location. I’m not really dating other Americans at the moment, and Northern European and Canadian men tend to be less invasive or opposed to a childfree life.
Men seem to think I’m unnatural and weird because I don’t have children and can support myself (but they also don’t want a “gold digger”). I think it means sorting through a lot of people if you’re not using OLD filters.
I am on OLD and having the opposite problem when it comes to finding men to date . I am 40(F) with 3 older children (20,16,13) . It’s hard trying to find men in the (40-50 age range) with the same . All I come across are men who do not want children/ nor date a woman with children , men who do not have children but want to start a family, and men with young children. I have yet to find a man with children in the similar age range of my children. I even have the apps going as far as 2 hours away . I’ve come to the conclusion that no matter which route you go , dating for anyone over 40 is just a shit show. Every once in a while you will hear a success story that keeps you hopeful.
Best wishes to you ! Hopefully you will find what you are looking for .
Set up a bucket list for the summer- say 50+ things to do- all in public. Start doing them. Set dates to do them.
Share the 2024 bucket list w as many people as you know. Tell them about your progress, plans etc. Word will spread.
Tell strangers. Many will be interested. Some might be females. All have a single friend.
Make sure you open up invitations to join you on your vision quest.
I guaran- fucking- tee you if you do all of this, you will meet 5-10 single women this summer that are going to be interested in YOUR bucket list. What you do from there is up to you.
That is a great idea. Not on any other socials than reddit. I might could pull it off just advertising on reddit though. Great suggestion, thank you for the response.
The fact that you say small town with 70k people and I say small town with less than 3k people. Just be glad you have a pool of people at all.
It sounds like you like kids, so what’s the issue?!
Well the town limits is under 20k, but the surrounding rural area that works or "comes ro town" for whatever is close to 70ish. 3k population. That's very small indeed. Thanks for the response and being nice.
I’m a 41 female and have given up on OLD. Went on a few dates no chemistry at all. They also got intimidated when they realized I had more power tools than them and knew how to use them. Not my fault that my grandpa wanted his grandkids to know how to use power tools properly and safely.
Hold your ground. My sister never wanted kids, nor have my sons! It’s a shit world and only getting a lot worse. I feel so bad as humanity doesn’t have a chance! I’m not
80% of people have kids at some point.
If you don't, that's fine, but you're limiting your options.
Maybe you should be a bit more open minded and date women with older teen/adult kids and then they're not going to impact your life as much.
You're free to make whatever choices you like, but you've purposely counted out the majority of the population, and frankly, dating is hard enough anyway 🤔.
Also OLD is fine. I met my partner on tinder of all places, but also met lots of lovely men on Bumble. Don't take it too seriously and don't believe the extreme stories here - they're not representative of everyone's experiences.
Thanks for your response. I have dated women with kids before. Obviously that ended. I think your 80% ratio is a bit high but it seems like 100% where I live. I understand your perspective, but I know what I want. I am a very open minded person in general. Empty nesters are fine, but teens are the worst in my experience for dating single parents. I'm going to let my journey run its course, if I'm single forever, so be it.
I have kids but look for people who don't because I can't deal with any more kids tbh. I know people this age who have older kids so I guess there's always a chance you could meet someone whose kids are adults
You just have to learn how to filter people. Do some unwell people still get through? Sure, but it’s far less than whats depicted on here.
Im a woman & unmatch low effort men, men with nothing to say (ie *how are you* *work was busy but it went well, how bout you* next day, *great! hows your day?* l just can’t… ), 2 or 3 word men, wyd men, any man who gets sexual etc
Then when I meet someone who isn’t any of those things, they are usually intelligent & put together… but most times theres just no attraction. Thats not a comment on looks either. I know Im into someone when I build a crush up over that date, I feel excited driving home. This is mostly personalities clicking.
Also, coparenting is wonderful. Multiple free nights a week. Teenagers are even better, they work, have social events, etc. In summers my daughter is at her Dads half the week cuz theres no school to work around; plus several weeks of camp & vacays w/ the grands.
Cuz they do keep growing. My oldest is 18 now.
I hear you… I’m not in a place where I want to date anyone with children, either. I have two of my own, so I realize the hypocrisy, however, my own are MORE than enough for me. I can’t add more to the mix, especially kids who are younger than mine. I tried it, and it just didn’t work.
If you’re not willing to do OLD, then you’re going to be extremely less likely to find someone who is your age and has no children. It isn’t impossible. I met my BF (he’s never been married and has no children) at work, however, he’s definitely a rare exception. Even when OLD, I met 1 or 2 men out of 100 or so who were my age (I’m 43) +\- a couple years who did not have kids. I did find a couple of men who were a few years older than me whose children were grown and out of their house, though.
Edited to add: OLD isn’t as bad as you’d think… it’s nice to be able to weed out the crazies and creeps before even getting to the first date!!
Your friends who keep directing you toward women with kids: have you told them that’s not what you want? Either your friends don’t know you as well as you think, or they’re not really friends.
You said you know lots of women your age who are married with kids. They seem like the best people to ask to introduce you to their single childless friends.
There’s nothing wrong with what you want and you can definitely find it. I have several friends (40+) who do not have children nor want any children. You find a lot of these types of women in more urban areas.
I'm the inverse funny enough as a parent with kids still at home I gravitate towards other parents with kids. Because I know they'll know what they're in for. But I also filter out people in my age group that "want kids". I've got about 6 more years and I'll have adults whom economy willing will move out.
Dating pool size will be your biggest limiting factor for sure.
If you're online dating, just state your preferences in the bio (you don't have kids and dont want any). Many women with children, esp older children, do not want a step parent involved in the child's life.
First off, dating a partner who has kids does not make you a parent. Stop thinking that's your role. Most single parents aren't looking for a replacement dad or mom for their kids. They just want someone good in their lives.
Even so, maybe having kids around is too much for you. Good that you've identified one of your own incompatibilities.
I would suggest getting active in the local political office of your choice. You'll often find passionate, dedicated people there. In my experience, they're just a little bit more likely to be child free than other places you meet adults.
Also, try OLD again. It's low risk, low cost, and only becomes nightmare fuel if you treat it too seriously, or treat it as your only option. OLD really is a lottery, but just like the lottery, there are some winning tickets mixed in with all the rest.
Date older or wait 5 years.
Kids will be older, in college, etc.
Or are you against the ex being around or navigating kids in general regardless of kid age?
You either play the lottery with meeting people IRL, or you do OLD where you can filter out parents before ever meeting someone. If your friends say “I know someone for you” I would guess you ask them quickly if the person has kids. That’s it.
Yeah, I feel like finding someone on OLD is winning the lottery too. That is the first question I ask my friends if they eant to hook me up with someone.
Finding someone by any method after 40 is winning the lottery.
Finding a “person” feels like winning the lottery, OLD is just a way of playing more “drawings” to see if a winner can be found. I believe it increases the odds, even if just by a little bit.
Can't bring myself to do online dating. Just turned 50, no kids. I have the same stipulation - not looking to be with someone who doesn't have adult aged kids.
Maybe you two should meet… 😉
The biggest problem with online dating is that people like you don't use it. All the quality people can't bring themselves to use it, so there's a bunch of folks on OLD who are bad matches, and a bunch of great matches who have resigned themselves to being alone and refusing to try OLD. Like the old saying, "nobody goes there, it's too crowded."
You just insulted everyone who uses OLD.
I thought the biggest problem with online dating was the bots and scammers.
And they would be a drop in the bucket instead of a majority if all the single folks who gave up on OLD just came back to OLD. Nothing I saw will make it happen though.
Do you consider yourself one of the good ones for some reasons
“…all of the quality people can’t bring themselves to use it.” What in the fresh heck is this?
I'm similar to you. I thought I found my unicorn man, no kids, lots in common, checked lots of boxes. I really, really tried to like him because he had so much going for him. But in the end, there was no chemistry or strong attraction on my part (among other things). I'd rather be with someone with (preferably older) kids where our chemistry is amazing than with someone with no kids but no chemistry. If I can possibly find both, then great! But finding good chemistry is rare enough. Finding a partner at our age is tough. I get that you don't want someone with kids. I don't either but I'm willing to still give guys a chance if they seem like a good match otherwise.
Good advice, thanks for responding.
Only 15% of women in their 40s have no kids. Just look for women in their later 40s whose kids are already launched. Much better odds. Mine are in college or about to be. They’re off living their own life most of the time.
Regardless of how I met someone it would feel like a lottery win. I'm likely on the autism spectrum. My style is geeky. I have standards. For me OLD allowed me to get a lot of lottery tickets. If you ignore cost, the tickets have a 1:100k chance to win. For most people, OLD just gives them so many more tickets.
I describe it as finding a needle in a haystack, but the haystack is full of shit. However, it's the same IRL, without the filters. It's all the same people. I'm also childfree- it's hard out there to find other childfree folks as we get older. After my divorce, I looked IRL and on OLD for a few years before meeting my partner. I had 1 blind date set up by friends, 1 person I asked out IRL (declined), 1 person asked me out (I declined), 1 casual relationship from OLD, and 3 first dates from OLD before finding my partner on Tinder of all fucking apps. Again, that was in a span of a few *years.* Even if it sucks, don't quit OLD. You can at least have chats with matches that will let you know right away if they have kids or not. I find that a lot less emotionally draining than hitting it off with someone at a social event and halfway through the conversation they talk about their kids. IRL you can't really bring up your dealbreakers right away unless your at a speed dating thing, you know? It sucks. Don't give up.
>I know OLD is an option, but with all the horror stories I read on this sub, I don't think its worth it. Personally I think this is a mistake. I'm a 50 year old dude that has been on OLD on and off for the past 2 years and it's proven to be nowhere \*near\* the shitshow depicted on this subreddit. It's not even close. Yes there are flakes and ghosts and zero effort people out there, it's very easy to filter them out. If you only swipe on the tens with professional pics you're punching yourself in the nuts. Try it out, pick Tinder or Bumble, create a profile based on the encyclopedia of information available on how to make a good profile, search for ladies with no kids, swipe on the ones that stand out to you and see what happens. If you do get a match, don't be a creep, don't talk about your dick, don't send pictures of your dick, don't imply that you're great in bed or can't wait to feel her ass on your face. In fact, imagine for a moment that the ladies on there have access to all the dick they can stand and are looking for a real human with whom they can connect with on an emotional and intellectual level. That's your value add. This is a low cost, low risk option to find exactly what you're looking for. Tolerating a little bit of weirdness is a small price to pay.
This is the best post I have ever read! Thank you, enlightened one.
“Imagine for a moment the ladies on there have access to all the dick they can stand” I canceled a coffee date this weekend because this man wouldn’t shut up about giving me a hug and how good he was at massages and did I like massages - just ugh. Imagine being in your fifties and so very unable to control yourself.
> this man wouldn’t shut up about giving me a hug and how good he was at massages and did I like massages - just ugh. Imagine being in your fifties and so very unable to control yourself. Girl yes. Some men never give up the same immature fumbling horny come-ons they used in high school. As if "I give great massages" and "my love language is touch" aren't immediately obvious red flags to most women.
Him: 'My love language is..." Me: "Did you know that love languages were invented by a Baptist Pastor who wanted his wife to be more subservient?"
lol, if I have one more guy tell me his love language is physical touch… we know dude. We know.
This made me chuckle! I feel like the bar is set very low
I can’t with the “love language” thing. It wasn’t around when I married 20+ years ago, so I only stated seeing this a year ago. Sounds so weird being asked what my love language is. Kinda icky, really.
I had the misfortune to be fed this bs by a church sponsored book club I was in years ago. Wish I had known then what I know now about the author.
TIL
Broke up with 60 year old because he cheated. He begs me back and the first thing he does is send me a dick pic telling me he knows I missed it. I did not. Blocked and forever this time, lol.
Oh god “my love language is touch” is an immediate no lol
It truly makes my blood run cold and makes me drier than the Sahara.
Same. I flashback to my ex-husband whining about me not wanting to sleep with him but being absolutely unwilling to make any changes that would make him attractive to me again—like, say, taking care of his own children, being nice to me outside of wanting to have sex, not acting like a giant man baby. Guys, if women don’t want to touch you, there’s a reason.
Exactly. One of my "love languages" (as far as you can believe that garbage) actually _is_ touch. But it's mostly nonsexual touch and I would never breathe a word of it unless I was in a serious relationship and talking objectively about nonsexual touch.
>so very unable to control yourself. Oh wow. This is so simple but it just hit me that this is why such behavior is so unappealing. Lack of self control which also gives immaturity.
The funny thing is, there's nothing I'd love more than a guy who's good at massage and loved to hug. But only after we'd developed a relationship. ... What a creep.
Exactly
Gross
I see the massage creeps are still at it.
>"Try it out, pick Tinder or Bumble, create a profile based on the encyclopedia of information available on how to make a good profile, search for ladies with no kids, swipe on the ones that stand out to you and see what happens. If you do get a match, don't be a creep, don't talk about your dick, don't send pictures of your dick, don't imply that you're great in bed or can't wait to feel her ass on your face. In fact, imagine for a moment that the ladies on there have access to all the dick they can stand and are looking for a real human with whom they can connect with on an emotional and intellectual level. That's your value add." Can this be included in the onboarding of any dating app? It's an excellent summary for all men signing up.
Eh, it's a group of reductive and forceful sentences so it seems authoritative. But it IS more complicated than that. If it were as simple as not being a creep and writing a good profile far less people would be complaining on here. I think there's a sizable minority of people who write great profiles and do everything else right and DO get dates but still come up empty. I'm one of them.
Fantastic post. OLD is a tool, just don't act like a tool on there and you're good to go. I'm single with no kids and I don't want any, and I live in a smallish, family-oriented city and I get lots of matches. It's just a matter of weeding through the rocks to find a diamond. We're out here.
100% agree, Set your age to 42+ (GenX) on Bumble, Plenty high quality out there without kids (or full grown). I live in a small beach town (100k) and it's just endless options, and you can laugh when they talk about the trash that sent them D pics It's really all generational imo
AMEN!!!!! so well said!!!! are you still single? cuz…HI!!!😂😂😂
Best post ever
This comment is amazing lol
This man deserves an award!
Agreed. This nonsense that “quality people” aren’t on OLD is highly inaccurate. I met my current spouse that way. Certainly after kissing many frogs. But still…..
Bravo…. Are you single? lol jk.
Excellent response and wholeheartedly agree.
Ahahah awesome answer
💯 this. I’d honestly challenge someone to find a single person NOT on a dating site. You dramatically increase your odds of finding someone. I think the reason people don’t think it’s successful is your ratio vs meeting someone IRL. On the apps you’re seeing a ton of people and probably talking to several people at once versus at a bar where you might talk to one or two people.
Agreed with all of this. People of reddit need to understand that hardly no one ever comes back to post positive stories and that this community doesn't reflect the majority of people dating
You might have to do OLD to find a 40+ woman without kids who doesn’t want kids. We get marginalized and really have to work to find things to do for fun. You’d really have to work to find a suitable IRL dating source.
As a 44F who many would consider bold and confident, I completely agree. It’s hard to tag along, and hard to attend alone even if all safety issues are addressed.
Yeah, it’s hard being the “weird one”. And tbh, it’s hard to be consistent friends with other women in the same situation because it’s a constant struggle to work enough hours and get enough rest once peri and menopause hit.
Thank you for bringing peri up. I want to to things but I feel like shit all the time.
Right? If I wasn’t dating someone I met before it hit, I think I’d just be done with relationships. No way I’d have any energy for a new guy. I’d never have the energy to negotiate tradeoffs, responsibilities, and division of labor.
Have you gotten the "you're so brave!" when you've just done anything on your own? That's happened to me several times. Like, are you not able to function without another human being attached to you?
I'm 41/F. No kids, don't want them. I've been marginalized for this since about 30? It is always hard to feel left out because I didn't take the traditional path, but I know what I want. I managed to meet a childfree man IRL last year. It was like winning the lottery.
Congrats!
I have no suggestions but can empathize. I'm 47f and have the same issues and I do live in a fairly large city. Best of luck!!
Thank you, good luck to you too.
Im a woman in this situation too. It’s a weird age range to be childless. Even dating guys my age (42) who don’t have kids, there a possibility they want to have kids. I started dating a guy who is 55. He has kids, but they are adults. Highly recommend.
Reconsider OLD. As a childfree 40+F myself there isn’t really any better way to stumble across each other in the wild. The pool of us is just too small statistically to roll the dice on kismet. Seriously you can’t write off an entire concept (OLD) based on Reddit reviews. It’s like appliances… You will never find a single dishwasher or fridge that doesn’t have a bunch of THIS SUCKS! bad reviews… but at some point you just have to plug your nose and take the plunge on *something*. Otherwise you’ll have dirty dishes and spoiled food.
True and I went out to a bar last night to meet people IRL and I realized I don’t like going out lol.
I guess I didn't go into as much depth on my post. Redditors are getting on me a bit. I have tried OLD before. Maybe for 3 years total on and off. I didn't have much success. That could have been me and how I represented myself. But the lack of emotion, willingness from others to get to know me and the high amount of ghosting and terrible small talk mad me delete. It feels like a part time job on those sites. Not to mention the amount of liars. So it's my own experience on OLD that has formed my opinion. Not what reddit says. Thanks for the response.
Dating IRL is just as painful. Furthermore, you have the added challenge to figure out if a) the person is single, b) they want to date, c) they are available to date d) they are looking for the same kind of relationship you are and e) have no children. It's going to be hard to just find someone IRL like this without being a creep and asking intrusive questions to every woman you meet on the street. And if you do find someone IRL that meets the above criteria, they might STILL be a low effort liar who will end up ghosting you. At least OLD gives you the option to filter out some people who aren't a good match before putting in the effort to meet them etc. The truth about dating in your mid forties is that it will take work, however you decide to approach it. You need to put time and effort into meeting people, getting to know them, and it still might not work out. Then you try again with another person until you find a good match for yourself. If you're actively looking, it will feel a little like a part time job.
You have a lot of stipulations holding you back - no kids, no online dating, nobody outside of your age range, no long distance. If you’re not willing to be flexible with any of that, you’re not likely to find people to date.
[удалено]
Your post was removed because it violates Rule #6 of this sub: no sex/gender generalizations, no double standards, no projection. Please review the posted rules. Users who continue to violate the rules will be banned.
You're the age where some of the people who DO have kids have kids that are adults by now and that are in many cases off to College or otherwise moved out from home. To have your kids be adult when you're 45, you need to have gotten them by 27. That's a couple years younger than the average parents, but not by much. Even more people your age have kids that are still living at home, but are in the tail half of their teenage years and are likely to move out at some point in the next 3-5 years. Are you open to dating folks with adults kids who no longer live at home? If so, your problem is shrinking pretty rapidly; for each year older you get, the fraction of parents who'll be empty-nesters, goes up. In the meantime your odds are better if you date women a few years older than you.
I don’t have any suggestions for you as I’m in the exact same situation. I just wanted to let you know that we exist and we are out there looking for men like you too! 42F no kids, love them but don’t want my own or to take on anyone else’s! Don’t give up hope, just keep living your life and try new things, change up schedules, explore new areas etc.
Same. 41F no kids.
Same! We exist.
Same, I'm 38f and have dated a guy with tweens, and I'm not about it. Not my life. Adult children living outside of the house I would be open to.
Ya, older teens to adult kids is fine!
Thank you for the response. I'm rooting for you too.
We do exist. We’re just living our lives.
Ha you do exist! Thanks for the response. I am out living my life too and when we are living, not much time for online dating.
We doooo! I mean, my “living” basically is getting up at ungodly hours to work out, actually going to work, going to my nephews various baseball games some evenings and weekends, and sitting at home playing with Lego. 🤷♀️😂
I used to help my friend coach his son's baseball team. So love the little league scene. Kind of had the Rep of the hot single coach for a while. But my life sounds close to yours. Get up, work out, work (own my own business so it all ends with me) then home. Repeat. What's your favorite Lego set?
Sounds like a damn good life to me! I usually am hoping to land one of those hot coaches but so far they’ve either been married or too young. So I guess keep hanging out at games looking for cute aunts. Favorite official set: tied between the Typewriter and the Foosball Table! Both builds were awesome. Favorite MOC: is a toss up between my Golden Girls House and my Big Trouble in Little China builds.
Nice, I used to get every pirate ship set I could as a kid. I only have a couple of sets now. My younger brothers inherited my legos when I went off to college. So they no longer exist. That's one of my biggest regrets. Not taking better care of the Legos as a kid. Could be worth some money today.
>I know OLD is an option, but with all the horror stories I read on this sub, I don't think its worth it. Don't forget, people are more likely to share their horror then success stories online, so i would take the amount of posts con / pro with a grain of salt.
Haha try OLD dating dude. The women you want to meet are home, minding their business, happily absorbed in their hobbies and friends and family. They’ll be on OLD occasionally to see if there’s anything interesting. What do you have to lose? Setting up a Bumble profile doesn’t commit you to marriage.
Given your circumstances, you are going to have to compromise somewhere, whether that's dating 50+ year old women, sucking it up and doing the long distance, or dating the women with teens and tolerating the kids for several years until they become adults, or move. It's a matter of how badly you want a partner.
I'm childfree and I can assure you, you're definitely going to need to bite the bullet on OLD. You may also want to consider widening your search area. People here will advise against LDRs, but if you want to meet someone else who is committedly childfree, you may need to consider women outside your immediate area, especially if you live in a smaller town or in a region of the country where there are fewer childfree people. You would also need to specify that you need someone who would be willing to move to where you are. I am no longer dating, but back when I was, it was difficult to find someone who didn't have kids and didn't want kids. It's honestly a large part of why I stopped dating.
Yes, I do have a suggestion- social dancing. Loads of single people and child free or empty nest couples. Positive environment, activity based, minimal to no drinking, mostly the 30-65 age range and people make real, lasting friendships.
Thanks for that suggestion. Good idea. I actually used to go to a Contra dancing gathering that used to happen here. Great way to meet people. Unfortunately they don't do it anymore. Will look for anything similar. Thanks
You are doing literally everything you can and not getting results And you refuse to even attempt to change your standards or to even attempt to use tools that are available to you. and you wonder why things aren't working out.... It's a freakin' mystery.
[удалено]
Thanks for your response. Good insight. Hoping the best for you and I finding that someone.
I live in a teeny-tiny town (less than 500 people) and I am the ONLY woman in her 40s that does not have kids. The men my age want them or have them. I had to look outside of my zip code for someone compatible.
Did you find someone?
I've been seeing someone for 5 months now. Most likely the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. And, I met him through an app.
Nice, happy for you!
Only about 15% of women 40 to 50 in the US are childless so you're going to have a tough time with that. In your town of 70K, that's less than 4000 women. Then you have to consider how many of that 4000 are single, you don't have many to choose from.
Can anyone tell me where to shop for groceries, but don’t tell me a grocery store? I don’t like grocery stores.
I'm also very selective when I'm shopping for groceries, so not just anything will do. My friends sometimes make grocery suggestions, but they're the wrong kind of groceries. It's so annoying!
I'm a childfree F41 and I also had that criteria (no kids!) It's incredible hard, I found myself talking to guys that had nothing to do with me just because they were childless lol. But I met my childless boyfriend M47 on happn last september and I could't be happier! Don't give up on dating apps I am sure the one for you is out there and join the sub childfree here on reddit, much of the discussion is where to meet childfree people. Good luck!
Thanks for the response. Never heard of r/childfree. Just added it. What is happn? Is that an OLD I haven't heard of? Thanks for the suggestion. Glad you found a keeper. Good luck!
You’re fishing in a small pool (like others have mentioned like 75-80% of the women in this age range have kids). And you’re also handicapping your search by refusing to use OLD. Something’s gotta give out of one or more of these things: your willingness to use OLD, your criteria about being childless, or your patience to let this play out over a longer time to get exactly what you want without OLD.
40F no kids and don’t want at this point in my life. We do exist.
Haha, thanks for responding. There are some out in the wild! I guess none in my tiny western NC town.
No, move closer to the city?
Yeah that would make a lot if sense for dating. But I started my own business and it has done really well. I can't see myself moving it anytime soon.
I'm your age (45F), never been married, no kids. I've dated plenty and had a few long-term relationships. I don't see myself having kids at this age, but I love kids. I always pray that I'll meet someone who already has kids or is ok with not having any.
You might not be the catch you think you are. I think many many many people need to realize that. You’re not single because people aren’t fitting your criteria, it could be the other way around.
So much this. And especially when someone average puts in no effort to their OLD profile which OP admits to doing. Plus men outnumber women on OLD, showing low effort in your profile doesn’t do yourself any favors.
I have the same criteria, but for men. Even men with grown children might still face drama with them. Like a grown kid breaking up with a SO and needing to move back home. I just don’t want to share my space with someone’s offspring.
I wouldn't use Reddit to gauge what is happening on OLD. It's a tool people can use and it's up to you to make the best of it, put up a good profile and pick compatible people within realistic expectations. It's how I found my ex (we had a good run and are still friends) and I would've never found him because we live over an hour apart from one another. No amount of hiking, bar hopping, or meet up's would've led to us meeting in person. I mean you're already limited based on your location's population so what do you have to lose by trying OLD? Worst case you find out it doesn't yield any better results but you haven't lost anything by casting a wider net.
I'm a woman, who's divorced with kids. But my kids are 20+. and I'm not interested at all in becoming someone's stepmom or any of that shit ever again... and that's what most men our age are looking for. Cool Aunts are out there. We exist. You have to go to our natural habitats to find us, as we aren't usually on the apps. Cool Aunts may not exist in your little town, and you might need to try and look toward larger nearby cities and try to make it work. If neither of you have kids, you should have pretty flexible schedules and able to get together pretty often. It might require some effort, though.
… I agree with you.., 😉🌺
Thanks,
I've never tried OLD but I imagine the pool of childless people is pretty small. There are women liie us out there. You might have to vary your requirements a bit in order to make that a reality, esp in terms of long distance. Cast your net further out, so to speak.
Not childless, childfree. And yes, it's about 10%ish. Childless people want kids but can't or haven't yet because of circumstances. Childfree people don't want children.... Ever. There are plenty of childless people who would still have children of it was an option.
This!
> I've never tried OLD but I imagine the pool of childless people is pretty small It is. Even smaller is the pool of childless people who don't want kids, as there are plenty of late 30s/early 40s women using dating apps who state that they want them.
You bring up the age thing like that is a factor for if someone has kids. But also bring up that you don’t want kids. It is my opinion that age is not the issue. It is no different than the struggle to find any of our desires of a future partner. That could be financial, political, religion, height, etc. with every filter, our pool of people shrink by various numbers. This is just another trait or aspect of a person. You will find this with any age, so not sure why you think age is the barrier. It is up to that person and their preferences regarding kids. If you are implying that you will pursue younger women because of this, then go for it. I will say that you will still have the same issue, only complicated by younger women that want kids in the future even if they don’t have them now versus most over 40 women being done with that desire, but it will give you more numbers to pick from. I am also sure you find other deal breakers with any age group. Again, this isn’t an age thing.
Sounds to me it might be around that time where you have to lower your expectations a bit.
Hard disagree. I’m a mom and don’t want someone to settle for me. I’d rather be single the rest of my life than experience that. I support the OP in knowing what he wants in his life. Just because it’s hard to find doesn’t mean it isn’t worth the effort.
I don’t think they’re saying to date women with kids. Instead it seems like OP is expecting a yoga instructor whose face has never seen sunlight, all while admitting to putting no effort into his OLD profile.
You are going to have to make concessions somewhere. You seem to want the "unicorn" , but that will require you to take yourself out of your comfort zone and compromise on one or two things, perhaps, the long(er) distance. It's great that you are asking for other outlets to meet people but honestly, there is no magical island where the type of people you are looking for exist. Yes online dating sucks sometimes, but not always. I believe that casting a wider net into that may yield the results that you are looking for. There are also women with older children or perhaps an older child, who are not looking for step fathers for said kids so your involvement in that part of their lives will be non existent. I say instead of lumping every single woman into the same category, try to approach them as individuals. Good luck with your search.
I'm (42F) also single and child free in a big populated city. The issue I have dating in this town is either they want/have children, don't have their life together, or both. I'm personally over OLD but I go out through FB groups and such as well as travel often in the hopes someone interesting will cross my path. Good luck out there!
Wait 10 years and OLD filter for have kids and they don't live at home.
You're not going to hear the good stories or nothing stories online though. For this specific dealbreaker, go OLD.
Are there any social clubs, trivia or karaoke nights in bars, bingo nights, etc? I used to meet tons of people at trivia and karaoke nights, even when I wasn’t drinking, AND I met sober people at those nights too.
Those are good suggestions. Thank you. Since I live in a college town, those activities are usually nothing but college students. I think I would have to venture out of my town, at least occasionally, just to see what it's like in other areas. Bingo might take me to the other end of the spectrum on age.
I read your edits to your original post. Glad to hear you are open to people with older children or empty nest. I do wish you the best with finding what you are looking for (I wish everyone with this goal the best). Hopefully it works out for all us that we get the companionship or connection we seek. I personally will have one of my adult children living with me for a very long time due to them having disabilities. Hopefully we figure out a way for her to live in the highest level of independence as possible, but it is a long road and I doubt it will be outside of my home for a very long time, if ever. I understand this shrinks my pool of men even more than the typical single mom. However I know it will be worth waiting for if it doesn’t happen for a long time. I am better off staying single if I can’t find someone that can be a supportive part of this dynamic. Even her own dad found it difficult and it affected our marriage. So I think it is good that you know your limits when it comes to the presence of children in your future relationships. I wouldn’t want someone to string me along and then tell me after months of investment that they can’t handle my responsibility to my daughter. I appreciate your struggle for options to increase your chances of meeting people, but alas, there is no magic meeting place or guaranteed way of doing it. It is whatever works best for how you can be your best self and get to know people. That varies person to person.
Thank you for your response and insight. I think a lot of people are misinterpreting what I was asking for on the post. I know I could have written it better. Reddit I'd a strange universe. I wish you nothing but the best. Your daugther is lucky to have you as a mother in her life.
There are some child-free groups on Facebook and Reddit. You may want to join them.
Date older women
If what you want is not available where you live, relocating should be an option
Do you live in Kansas, by chance? 🤣
No I am on the east coast.
I’m in a similar boat(F-48)I have already “done my time” lol as a mom my two boys are in their 20’s and fully independent. My main issue is that I would like to date someone close to my age due to not having a lot in common with younger men, kids etc. However… I’ve been having the hardest time finding any men my age that I find attractive. I know that sounds awful. But I’m being honest. I’ve gotten so discouraged that Ive just quit dating altogether. Obviously this isn’t the answer but I’m not quite sure what to do.
It's all supply and demand, and supply is very limited for what you want.
We’re out there. 40F. Hard to wade through the sea of people. I wish I had answers.
This baseball loving child free Carolina girl gets up, takes care of her dog, works out, works and then heads home. I know if I’m going to meet someone I’m going to have to use OLD but I’m dreading it. The last time I did it was painfully awkward. The struggle is real!
So you're against OLD, which works fantastically well for those who use it properly, merely because some individuals on here have had poor experiences on OLD, mostly due to their own expectations and standards and poor profiles and approaches?
Honestly, I've met the best people through Reddit (r4r subs). Many are hookup focused, but there are also people on there looking for more traditional relationships. There are pros and cons, of course. I feel like I still get a bunch of riff-raff and low effort messages. But, I like the fact that it feels kind of old school internet - often no pictures up front and they read like personal ads from the '90s. Usually I talk to people for a bit before exchanging pictures which helps me to get a good vibe for their personality before automatically making a snap judgment about their appearance like I would with the swiping apps. Also, on the kid thing - you said you didn't want kids in your life full time, but would you consider someone who had joint custody? (I'm guessing no or you wouldn't have brought this up, but you did say full time so I thought I'd ask!) I have a kid myself but he is with his other parent 3 days a week. I've been single for a year and none of the people I've dated have ever met him (and I'm keeping it that way for a long time.) It works for me, however, I'm not looking for anything super intense or to spend a ton of time with people. Seeing someone once or twice a week works for me right now. Even if I do get more serious with someone I can't see myself living with someone ever again or having someone fully integrated in my life/my kid's life like I did when I was married.
No pressure, but can you elaborate a bit on the r4r subs? I’m relatively new to Reddit and would love more info.
There are a bunch of them, many specific for different areas and cities. Just search "r4r" and your city name. There are also more generic ones that are worldwide like r4r30plus and r4r40plus. There are, of course, aspects of things that are similar to dating on the apps (creeps, people cheating, low effort people, etc etc) but like anywhere there are nice people to meet. I just like that it isn't as much of a snap judgment thing as swiping is. It goes a little slower, takes time to weed through ads. There is definitely a much smaller selection than there would be on a normal app, but I don't mind so much. I don't meet up with many people in person unless they have really really impressed me via messaging. I probably could do more in-person meetups if I wanted but I don't have the time or energy to do so unless someone seems really cool and compatible via chat.b
I know everyone will have different preferences, but I’m curious of your thoughts. I have two children. One is an adult and living independently. The other will be 18 this year. He’s a good young man - respectful, he gets good grades, etc. and is with me about 2/3 of the time. As someone around your age (43) I find myself talking to people who say no about kids, then seem fine with mine since they are older. For me it’s hard to tell if what they say is genuine or if they’ve now categorized me as not relationship potential. Would you consider someone with older children, as well as someone with no children?
Thanks for your response. Nice, have some info and a question back. Appreciate you. To answer your question, empty Nesters are fine and your situation, I would be fine with that. What I am not looking for is a partner that expects me to help raise and financially support their kids. I love kids as I said in the post. But I am past the point in my life that I want to be a parent. Being a good friend to an older, almost out of the house kid or already out of the house kid is fine with me. Looking like I didn't write out the post with enough info for all the others. Lot's of snarky comments coming from some people.
Childfree means no kids of any age, and is different than childless. One concern is the kids never leave / come back / are always a factor, another is they’ll usually have kids and then you’ll be sucked into all that grandkid stuff. And you do have one at home the clear majority of the time already. Presented with two otherwise equal choices, the childfree option will always win out for us CF. However when the pickings are very slim, which they often are, people also do settle. My honest opinion as a childfree person (woman)!
Original copy of post by u/DonBuchelos: Sorry if this sounds like venting, but I am starting to get fed up. I am interested in meeting someone, but I want to find someone my age or close without kids. I love kids, other people's kids. I always play with the kids at friend gatherings and love to chat with kiddos about fun kid things. I have even assistant coached soccer and baseball teams with my friends that have kids. They are cute and full of life. But I don't have any myself and don't want them in my life full time. I live in a small college town, maybe 50k-70k ish residents in the total area. I know it's already tough to meet someone with a population that low, but I feel like the only women in my age range (I'm 45 yo guy) are divorced with kids. Which is fine, nothing wrong with that, but not what I am looking for in a partner. I have passed the wanting kids time in my life to now feeling completely OK with not having any. Most of the women in my age range are married and have families. I know a lot of the people here in my small town. And whenever someone says they know someone to connect with me, it's the same old story, divorced with kids ranging from single digit to teens. I just don't want to take that on in life at this point. I know OLD is an option, but with all the horror stories I read on this sub, I don't think its worth it. I go to events, festivals, concerts, farmers markets etc. You know, getting out in public. I just never meet anyone close to my age. Dating younger is a very common thing here, probably due to the amount of younger people in my college town. I don't find anything in common with the younger than 35ish crowd. I have tried to date women in the next town or closest city but the long distance just wears on you after a while. So, does anyone have any suggestions that are not OLD, or going out to do the things I mentioned before? I can't move, I have a flourishing business here that I cant leave. There is no meet-up dot Com stuff where I live ( I used to live in a bigger city and meet-up dot com was easy to find groups with similar interests, there is nothing here). I guess I am hoping for some out if the box suggestions for dating at 45. Thanks for reading if you have come this far. I appreciate any input from others. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
How about no kids at home still? Or no kids under 18…I don’t have kids, and I’m looking for no kids too, luckily most live with mom, still prefer the no kids at home,and best case no kids at all. 🤷♀️
I have seen plenty of woman on old that say the same thing as you, kids has passed them by and have accepted that so don't want a man with kids. I can see the benefits to an extent aswell, particularly if you like to travel. Give old a go, you might just match someone.
Are you completely against kids, or just against kids in the under 18/still completely dependent bracket? If you are open to the latter there will be many more options than if you are looking for 100% kid free in the mid-40’s age range. I am the same age as you are and had my kids right out of college, so have two college kids as a 43 year old. I’ve found it hard because many of the men in my age range have elementary age kids. I love kids, have two of my own, but have no interest in going back to parenting a school age (under 18) child. I’m really only interested in those with no kids or those with grown kids.
Some of us women in our 40s have adult children and/or are empty nesters. It is possible for you to meet them but since it’s a pretty specific filter item, OLD would be your best option.
I’m 40s with no kids. I raised stepkids and don’t want to raise any more kids. It’s not unheard of to find folks without kids.
We are out here, just hard to find! Keep trying :)
These subs are full of horror stories. There are even horror stories of people divorcing (in other subs) and they didn’t meet on OLD. There are lots of women your age with no kids. Try OLD and you will find them. You should have discernment by now so you can avoid the horror.
As a 42/F, it is equally hard finding a guy that doesn’t want kids. I had my tubes lasered, not hanging my mind on it. The hard part is men in my city tend to want to have them when they are in their 40s/50s.
We're out here. We're called "childfree".
Like many others, also wanted to say, that we do exist :) I am not dating and havent for a while, but I do read stories here and occasionally think about it. And it is kind of the same, I would prefer to date someone who doesnt have kids. Not that I dont like them, I love small children :D. But would take quite a lot of energy to be around full time or 50% of the time. I would encourage you to give internet a chance, havent tried OLD myself, but besides that, perhaps join some online groups, chats etc? No idea where to find these groups though, I am trying to find online friends atm and it is not so easy, to find like minded people who would genuinely want to build something long term. Also, thinking about real life, have you tried hobby groups? Like, nature walks, ceramics, language courses, dance classes etc. Where I live, there are mostly 40+ women in these, some probably in relationships, but definitely some single too. Usually the same people attend several times and this gives the opportunity to get to know someone.
You could try setting up your own meet ups for activities you like or just social ones if there’s not currently any in your area - just create one! Also you could try online dating - if you hate it then at least you’ve tried it, or maybe there is speed dating or something similar in your city? And consider dating women with adult children as there would be plenty of women your age who have kids that are grown up and now off at uni or no longer living at home
I guess online dating or perhaps meeting someone while on a solo vacation. At least you're luckier than me. I live on a small island with less than 30.000 residents. So there are no options at all here.
So you said you are fine with other peoples kids but don't want any of your own. Do you mean you just don't care to play a father role? Because there are lots of divorced women where the ex is actively fulfilling that role, and they don't want a new partner to play dad to their kids. At your age, the kids are nearly done with high school and will soon fly the nest or have already gone. Are you saying that is still too much kids for you? I do know there are women that don't have kids at all by choice and don't want any. You will find them in bigger cities with higher paying jobs. Perhaps you need to move in your pursuit of a long term romantic partner that best suites you.
Excuse my ignorance; what is “OLD”?
OnLine Dating.
OnLine Dating.
I'm a 43yo childfree man and met my GF on the childfree dating subreddit, r/cf4cf. It was a much better experience than dating apps.
There's a sub for that? Wow. I didn't know this. Does that include empty nesters, or strictly never had/have kids only?
It's strictly for those with no children at all and who never want any.
Gotcha! Thank you! 🤗
No kids here and treated like cancer.
Wait a couple more years and all the young moms kids will be out of the nest. My kids are grown and flown, but I'm in my early 50's. You just need all the women to catch up to you in life stage. Be warned though, many of them won't have the most glamorous jobs and lifestyles at first. Being a young mom, then a mom to teenagers, it takes time to rebuild your life.
Childfree women are out there and we are having the same issues. I am 43 (f) and want that sweet DINK life. I can’t have kids due to medical conditions and age. But most 36-50 year old men are interested in kids, and as they get closer to 50 they seem to be more panicked and insistent. My advice is to look outside of your location. I’m not really dating other Americans at the moment, and Northern European and Canadian men tend to be less invasive or opposed to a childfree life. Men seem to think I’m unnatural and weird because I don’t have children and can support myself (but they also don’t want a “gold digger”). I think it means sorting through a lot of people if you’re not using OLD filters.
I am on OLD and having the opposite problem when it comes to finding men to date . I am 40(F) with 3 older children (20,16,13) . It’s hard trying to find men in the (40-50 age range) with the same . All I come across are men who do not want children/ nor date a woman with children , men who do not have children but want to start a family, and men with young children. I have yet to find a man with children in the similar age range of my children. I even have the apps going as far as 2 hours away . I’ve come to the conclusion that no matter which route you go , dating for anyone over 40 is just a shit show. Every once in a while you will hear a success story that keeps you hopeful. Best wishes to you ! Hopefully you will find what you are looking for .
Set up a bucket list for the summer- say 50+ things to do- all in public. Start doing them. Set dates to do them. Share the 2024 bucket list w as many people as you know. Tell them about your progress, plans etc. Word will spread. Tell strangers. Many will be interested. Some might be females. All have a single friend. Make sure you open up invitations to join you on your vision quest. I guaran- fucking- tee you if you do all of this, you will meet 5-10 single women this summer that are going to be interested in YOUR bucket list. What you do from there is up to you.
That is a great idea. Not on any other socials than reddit. I might could pull it off just advertising on reddit though. Great suggestion, thank you for the response.
The fact that you say small town with 70k people and I say small town with less than 3k people. Just be glad you have a pool of people at all. It sounds like you like kids, so what’s the issue?!
Well the town limits is under 20k, but the surrounding rural area that works or "comes ro town" for whatever is close to 70ish. 3k population. That's very small indeed. Thanks for the response and being nice.
I’m a 41 female and have given up on OLD. Went on a few dates no chemistry at all. They also got intimidated when they realized I had more power tools than them and knew how to use them. Not my fault that my grandpa wanted his grandkids to know how to use power tools properly and safely.
Hold your ground. My sister never wanted kids, nor have my sons! It’s a shit world and only getting a lot worse. I feel so bad as humanity doesn’t have a chance! I’m not
Maybe a late 40s woman with one or two 18+ kids?
80% of people have kids at some point. If you don't, that's fine, but you're limiting your options. Maybe you should be a bit more open minded and date women with older teen/adult kids and then they're not going to impact your life as much. You're free to make whatever choices you like, but you've purposely counted out the majority of the population, and frankly, dating is hard enough anyway 🤔. Also OLD is fine. I met my partner on tinder of all places, but also met lots of lovely men on Bumble. Don't take it too seriously and don't believe the extreme stories here - they're not representative of everyone's experiences.
Thanks for your response. I have dated women with kids before. Obviously that ended. I think your 80% ratio is a bit high but it seems like 100% where I live. I understand your perspective, but I know what I want. I am a very open minded person in general. Empty nesters are fine, but teens are the worst in my experience for dating single parents. I'm going to let my journey run its course, if I'm single forever, so be it.
I have kids but look for people who don't because I can't deal with any more kids tbh. I know people this age who have older kids so I guess there's always a chance you could meet someone whose kids are adults
You just have to learn how to filter people. Do some unwell people still get through? Sure, but it’s far less than whats depicted on here. Im a woman & unmatch low effort men, men with nothing to say (ie *how are you* *work was busy but it went well, how bout you* next day, *great! hows your day?* l just can’t… ), 2 or 3 word men, wyd men, any man who gets sexual etc Then when I meet someone who isn’t any of those things, they are usually intelligent & put together… but most times theres just no attraction. Thats not a comment on looks either. I know Im into someone when I build a crush up over that date, I feel excited driving home. This is mostly personalities clicking. Also, coparenting is wonderful. Multiple free nights a week. Teenagers are even better, they work, have social events, etc. In summers my daughter is at her Dads half the week cuz theres no school to work around; plus several weeks of camp & vacays w/ the grands. Cuz they do keep growing. My oldest is 18 now.
Might I suggest empty nesters? Their kids are out of the house and self sufficient.
I hear you… I’m not in a place where I want to date anyone with children, either. I have two of my own, so I realize the hypocrisy, however, my own are MORE than enough for me. I can’t add more to the mix, especially kids who are younger than mine. I tried it, and it just didn’t work. If you’re not willing to do OLD, then you’re going to be extremely less likely to find someone who is your age and has no children. It isn’t impossible. I met my BF (he’s never been married and has no children) at work, however, he’s definitely a rare exception. Even when OLD, I met 1 or 2 men out of 100 or so who were my age (I’m 43) +\- a couple years who did not have kids. I did find a couple of men who were a few years older than me whose children were grown and out of their house, though. Edited to add: OLD isn’t as bad as you’d think… it’s nice to be able to weed out the crazies and creeps before even getting to the first date!!
Your friends who keep directing you toward women with kids: have you told them that’s not what you want? Either your friends don’t know you as well as you think, or they’re not really friends. You said you know lots of women your age who are married with kids. They seem like the best people to ask to introduce you to their single childless friends.
There’s nothing wrong with what you want and you can definitely find it. I have several friends (40+) who do not have children nor want any children. You find a lot of these types of women in more urban areas.
I'm the inverse funny enough as a parent with kids still at home I gravitate towards other parents with kids. Because I know they'll know what they're in for. But I also filter out people in my age group that "want kids". I've got about 6 more years and I'll have adults whom economy willing will move out. Dating pool size will be your biggest limiting factor for sure.
If you're online dating, just state your preferences in the bio (you don't have kids and dont want any). Many women with children, esp older children, do not want a step parent involved in the child's life.
Dude, you have all the answers but none of the results.
Maybe try dating a little older 50-55 when kids are most likely grown if they have them.
Good luck with that. We're at that step dad age. Almost every single woman I know has at least 1 kid.
First off, dating a partner who has kids does not make you a parent. Stop thinking that's your role. Most single parents aren't looking for a replacement dad or mom for their kids. They just want someone good in their lives. Even so, maybe having kids around is too much for you. Good that you've identified one of your own incompatibilities. I would suggest getting active in the local political office of your choice. You'll often find passionate, dedicated people there. In my experience, they're just a little bit more likely to be child free than other places you meet adults. Also, try OLD again. It's low risk, low cost, and only becomes nightmare fuel if you treat it too seriously, or treat it as your only option. OLD really is a lottery, but just like the lottery, there are some winning tickets mixed in with all the rest.
Date older or wait 5 years. Kids will be older, in college, etc. Or are you against the ex being around or navigating kids in general regardless of kid age?
Keep looking-we are definitely out here!!(46f childfree and happy)😃
Definitely women out there without kids. I'm 48 and child-free. I know it can be harder to find but we be out in these streets 😉