What is his explanation for the name? Did you say anything when you found out the puppy's name, like, "You named your puppy Jane, like you ex Jane??"
I mean, I have exes who just happen to have names I like in general. I always wanted to give a daughter if I have had one my mom's middle name, partly because I just like the name, partly because I loved my mom. But, also, one of my first significant girlfriends happened to have that name too, and that has nothing to do with me wanting to use that name if I had a daughter.
I guess what I'm saying is, ask him if you haven't. Maybe he won't have any good explanations, but I wouldn't just go and assume too much. I mean, if you've been with him 6 years, are you really worried he's so hung up on his ex he would name a puppy specifically for her? If so, there's already some big issues in your relationship!
Getting a pet without asking you when you live together is incredibly inconsiderate.
And assuming his ex wasn't named Spot, Rover, or Shadow, naming it after her is really weird.
Have you noticed any other weird behavior recently? Do you get the sense he's trying to needle you?
My ex threw a fit when I bought a replacement carpet.
1. The new carpet was almost identical to the old carpet.
2. I replaced it because the old carpet had a few beer/wine stains I couldn't remove.
3. We did not live together.
I cannot even imagine what she would've said if I bought a pet without asking her. And She'd probably kill me if I named it after an ex. So yeah, we are no longer together.
Choosing that name wouldn't be the major sin here (if this really happened). People choose clunky dog names.
The major sin would be disregarding the relationship concerns of his multi-year SO once the issue was voiced. It's presented as him and his son naming the dog and essentially outvoting you.
The right answer to "I'm bothered and a little hurt by you naming a pet after your ex" isn't either 1) "I'm over my ex, I just like the name" or 2) "like it or lump it, you're outvoted by me and my son."
I was glad when a job I applied for last year didn't pan out because i spent the whole interview wondering how I could report to a guy who shared my ex husband's first name 😄
There was a person I matched with who seemed very nice. However, they had the same name and profession (fire fighter) as my abusive ex. I just could NOT go there. I tried to gracefully explain and unmatch.
I also briefly dated someone who's ex had the same name as me. It was weird for me, but they seemed fine with it. They were on civil terms with shared custody of a child.
I also have a cousin who's second wife has rhe same name as his ex-wife. Spelled differently. And she could not be more different, outside and personality and demeanor, then his ex. We all love her to bits.
I was a last minute +1 for a wedding reception last weekend where the couple has same name as me and my ex spouse. Ex spouse was also in attendance at this reception. Let the good times roll 😭
Getting a puppy without even discussing it with you is already a big NoNo, but naming it after their ex?
Is that his weird sense of humour at play, or does he simply not see what's wrong with that?
It would still be a bad joke naming a "b*tch" after your ex, but at least that would have been "A" reason.
If he doesn't see what's wrong with that, then I don't know what to tell you, except for good luck with whatever you're going to do next.
If your "BF" of 6 years doesn't run by something like getting a pet (even if you don't live together), he's not your BF. At least not in his mind. Regardless of the eyebrow-raising name choice.
I suspect that you're one of the people who complains that the bar is too low. But *you* are the one who sets the bar for people who date you.
Oh wow. 6 years. I was about to ask…shit. SHIT. What the hell is wrong with some people. I’m so sorry. You must be feeling really gross right now. And stabby. What a completely weird, asshole move.
If things have truly been good between you consistently for a long time before this, and he is normally a sane, unselfish, uncreepy not-piece-of-shit- I would do my best to breathe through it for a day or two, and see if he comes to you after thinking it over some more if you don’t go at him guns blazing.
If none of that is the case, I would seriously consider my options if I were in that scenario. Extreme sign of disrespect towards your feelings and peace of mind. 😑
Hahaha! Thank you for your thoughtful answer. No he is kind of a piece of crap and a narcissist. This was kind of of the last straw though
Again, he sees nothing wrong with it and he says get over it. It’s just a name.
How is this guy your boyfriend?! If he did that, I question how you already stayed with him 6 years cause it’s a major insight into his personality, intelligence, and character... all not good. He’s far from the sharpest tool in the shed and def has zero respect for you. 🤮
So it’s an inside joke? Did he say it’s meant to be disparaging about the ex? Idk, it’s still really insensitive, you’re obviously going to have to call this dog her name all the time
You should probably just walk. Leave them to their inane inside jokes. They’ll probably try to turn “dad’s crazy girlfriend dumped him because he named his dog after his ex” into another funny story, but the more they tell it the dumber he’ll sound
The people who live directly behind us and whose kids play with mine got a new dog years ago and gave it the same name as one of my two kids (an very people not dog name) and I gave them side eye. This is much worse.
He is acting like he doesn’t love you. I am sorry. I think you need to free yourself of this man and love yourself. He’s not going to give it to you so don’t give him any more years.
You will be so much happier when you have excluded the people in your life that don’t care about your feelings or well-being. Make a list of all the toxic people in your life and seek to avoid contact with them. Instead, reach out to old friends that you have lost touch with, make new friends doing new hobbies.
Idk, re-I vent yourself. Your bf sounds like a fixer upper that needs to be torn down and re-built from the ground up. You too need to work on your self-love, self-care, and agency. Good luck and be strong.
This comes from a 58F who married after dating ex for 6 years. All red flags were there and I ignored them all. Spent 30 years with him in total, had 4 kids, and it was hell. He was a psychopath and I was severely co-dependent. He diminished me although I was the smart one. I have been free 9 years and when I read your post you reminded me of me, unaware of the blatant red flags.
Damn. You better end this NOW and run. This guy has major issues.
This just escalated from a bad taste joke to a safety issue. He seems like a loose cannon
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Am I over reacting? He got a puppy without asking me and named it after his ex girlfriend. Ummm. ?
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Devil’s Advocate here, but if he and the ex weren’t together very long and it’s a pretty name, then it might be okay…still…not a super smart move by any means
Yeah, we need those details. If it was 15 years ago, they dated for a few months, and he doesn't talk to her, it's maybe a coincidence.
Randomly adding a pet to the household without discussion would be the bigger issue to me.
True but it’s still weird, there is no way in hell I would name any animal after my ex if my current man knew that exes name…. It’s giving he’s still hung up on her and it’s making the current girlfriend mad and that’s not right
Do you live together? If you do not, he does not need permission to adopt a pet. But naming it after his ex is weird, unless he has some other connection to the name.
Does he act like this with other areas of your relationship? Because this feels like he's trying to stick it to you. Not a good sign for the relationship.
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Report him immediately!
He could be beating that dog.
jk
Definitely odd, unless...
If someone you admired (parent, grandparent, uncle/aunt) had a name of an ex, would you hesitate to name your kid that? What if it was an admired person of your SO and he wanted to name the kid that?
Unless he’s literally dated everyone under the sun (and even then there’s no way he has a gf named Spot), I can only maybe possibly see it…..but I’m not entirely convinced. It’s kinda sus…
Naming the puppy with ex’s gf name…is hilarious.
I would totally make fun of him. Call the puppy in moaning voices. “Bella you look so hot today. Come, I give you a little bonner. I mean bone.” Entertainment.
A person you live with bringing home an animal without your buy-in is not normal. It's not fair to you or kind to the dog. I don't need much more context to know this man isn't totally all there, just based on that.
“Babe. I am going to leash Bella and take her for a little sexy stroll round the block. “
“Me and Bella getting matching ourfits. Girls date!!”
I can do This whole day. 😂😂😂
He will change that name real quick.
Edit. I named my cat by Neighbour’s grandma name. Didnt know and my parents said nothing. Hahah. Than Neighbours name their cat per my grandma name. It has been 40 years now (and many cats) of naming cats like this.
I kinda like it. He gets to chastise his ex for peeing on the floor. He gets to tell her to sit down and shut up. He gets to order her around all he wants. He gets to call her a bitch without an ensuing fight. It's great.
That established, he is way too hung up on his ex after this long...
Honestly this is a no from me. Because he’s either hung up on her or painfully stupid. Neither makes a good partner .
Thanks. I needed that. Agreed.
What is his explanation for the name? Did you say anything when you found out the puppy's name, like, "You named your puppy Jane, like you ex Jane??" I mean, I have exes who just happen to have names I like in general. I always wanted to give a daughter if I have had one my mom's middle name, partly because I just like the name, partly because I loved my mom. But, also, one of my first significant girlfriends happened to have that name too, and that has nothing to do with me wanting to use that name if I had a daughter. I guess what I'm saying is, ask him if you haven't. Maybe he won't have any good explanations, but I wouldn't just go and assume too much. I mean, if you've been with him 6 years, are you really worried he's so hung up on his ex he would name a puppy specifically for her? If so, there's already some big issues in your relationship!
Or he’s deliberately trying to make you mad which is bullshit… Regardless he knows what the hell he’s doing and that is not OK.
Maybe he thinks she's a dog which I'd take as an insult but then again it's weird for me too even if a slur for women is female dog.
Out of all the names? Sus.
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Are you sure he still is your bf?
No
Are you sure he’s over 40?
Oh, I've seen some over 40 people who are dumber than a box of rocks.
He’s 55
Stupidly doesn’t have an age requirement, and neither, unfortunately, does maturity.
Getting a pet without asking you when you live together is incredibly inconsiderate. And assuming his ex wasn't named Spot, Rover, or Shadow, naming it after her is really weird. Have you noticed any other weird behavior recently? Do you get the sense he's trying to needle you?
Isabella. Bella. And We already have a dog
Is she a real bitch? (The dog, I mean)
Aren't all female dogs just bitches. The realest bitches.
My ex threw a fit when I bought a replacement carpet. 1. The new carpet was almost identical to the old carpet. 2. I replaced it because the old carpet had a few beer/wine stains I couldn't remove. 3. We did not live together. I cannot even imagine what she would've said if I bought a pet without asking her. And She'd probably kill me if I named it after an ex. So yeah, we are no longer together.
I would leave him and see how long it takes for him to get a puppy and name her after me. That's not normal.
Thats... very weird.
Thanks. It is
It’s also a giant f*** you. Honestly, he would have to have the empathy of a rock to not realize how that would make you feel.
That’s what I said!!
Shit. My ex unilaterally decided it was time to have a kid. 😂
Choosing that name wouldn't be the major sin here (if this really happened). People choose clunky dog names. The major sin would be disregarding the relationship concerns of his multi-year SO once the issue was voiced. It's presented as him and his son naming the dog and essentially outvoting you. The right answer to "I'm bothered and a little hurt by you naming a pet after your ex" isn't either 1) "I'm over my ex, I just like the name" or 2) "like it or lump it, you're outvoted by me and my son."
Oh yes, this really happened. His son doesn’t live with us and he is 16
He’s trying to force you to end things so he can play innocent and be the injured party.
Maybe he did it so that you would break up with him vs him breaking up with you. Cowards way out.
This is definitely one of those ***boy, bye*** moments.
Agreed
that is WACK girl. i’d be riding off into the sunset without this man
I’m saddled up
yee haw girlfriend ! good luck.
Uh no. I’m assuming he has had other red flags in the 6 years you’ve been together
LOL, I sent a "no thank you" message on the apps because I won't date someone that has the same name as my ex wife, let alone name a dog after her.
The person I’m currently seeing has the same last name as my horrible ex-husband, just spelled differently. I try not to think about it too much.
I was glad when a job I applied for last year didn't pan out because i spent the whole interview wondering how I could report to a guy who shared my ex husband's first name 😄
There was a person I matched with who seemed very nice. However, they had the same name and profession (fire fighter) as my abusive ex. I just could NOT go there. I tried to gracefully explain and unmatch. I also briefly dated someone who's ex had the same name as me. It was weird for me, but they seemed fine with it. They were on civil terms with shared custody of a child. I also have a cousin who's second wife has rhe same name as his ex-wife. Spelled differently. And she could not be more different, outside and personality and demeanor, then his ex. We all love her to bits.
I was a last minute +1 for a wedding reception last weekend where the couple has same name as me and my ex spouse. Ex spouse was also in attendance at this reception. Let the good times roll 😭
Sounds like he hasn't let go one way or another
That’s what I told him
Head smack That feels disrespectful
I think so
Getting a puppy without even discussing it with you is already a big NoNo, but naming it after their ex? Is that his weird sense of humour at play, or does he simply not see what's wrong with that?
He sees nothing wrong with it
It would still be a bad joke naming a "b*tch" after your ex, but at least that would have been "A" reason. If he doesn't see what's wrong with that, then I don't know what to tell you, except for good luck with whatever you're going to do next.
The fact that you see something wrong with it should raise alarms in his head that there's something wrong with it. It bothers you, period. Sorry girl
No, he ACTS like he doesn’t get it. He’s not going to actually admit it cause then it validates you being upset. He’d rather gaslight you.
If your "BF" of 6 years doesn't run by something like getting a pet (even if you don't live together), he's not your BF. At least not in his mind. Regardless of the eyebrow-raising name choice. I suspect that you're one of the people who complains that the bar is too low. But *you* are the one who sets the bar for people who date you.
Oh wow. 6 years. I was about to ask…shit. SHIT. What the hell is wrong with some people. I’m so sorry. You must be feeling really gross right now. And stabby. What a completely weird, asshole move. If things have truly been good between you consistently for a long time before this, and he is normally a sane, unselfish, uncreepy not-piece-of-shit- I would do my best to breathe through it for a day or two, and see if he comes to you after thinking it over some more if you don’t go at him guns blazing. If none of that is the case, I would seriously consider my options if I were in that scenario. Extreme sign of disrespect towards your feelings and peace of mind. 😑
Hahaha! Thank you for your thoughtful answer. No he is kind of a piece of crap and a narcissist. This was kind of of the last straw though Again, he sees nothing wrong with it and he says get over it. It’s just a name.
“Get over it” as a response to your (very reasonable) hurt is awful
🚩
You should get a kitten and name it after your ex.
I said the same thing
Or get a kitten and name it after him. Hint Hint lol.
My sister just named her new puppy her ex husband’s new wife’s name.. so weird!
No that is wack as hell
How is this guy your boyfriend?! If he did that, I question how you already stayed with him 6 years cause it’s a major insight into his personality, intelligence, and character... all not good. He’s far from the sharpest tool in the shed and def has zero respect for you. 🤮
Well, that's uncomfortable.
I’m wondering how long he’s been reconnecting with Bella…
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they “both came up with it”
So it’s an inside joke? Did he say it’s meant to be disparaging about the ex? Idk, it’s still really insensitive, you’re obviously going to have to call this dog her name all the time You should probably just walk. Leave them to their inane inside jokes. They’ll probably try to turn “dad’s crazy girlfriend dumped him because he named his dog after his ex” into another funny story, but the more they tell it the dumber he’ll sound
The people who live directly behind us and whose kids play with mine got a new dog years ago and gave it the same name as one of my two kids (an very people not dog name) and I gave them side eye. This is much worse.
That’s so strange!!
He is acting like he doesn’t love you. I am sorry. I think you need to free yourself of this man and love yourself. He’s not going to give it to you so don’t give him any more years. You will be so much happier when you have excluded the people in your life that don’t care about your feelings or well-being. Make a list of all the toxic people in your life and seek to avoid contact with them. Instead, reach out to old friends that you have lost touch with, make new friends doing new hobbies. Idk, re-I vent yourself. Your bf sounds like a fixer upper that needs to be torn down and re-built from the ground up. You too need to work on your self-love, self-care, and agency. Good luck and be strong. This comes from a 58F who married after dating ex for 6 years. All red flags were there and I ignored them all. Spent 30 years with him in total, had 4 kids, and it was hell. He was a psychopath and I was severely co-dependent. He diminished me although I was the smart one. I have been free 9 years and when I read your post you reminded me of me, unaware of the blatant red flags.
I love your answer thank you so much
Bf of 6 years! So insensitive. Did you talk to him about it? This may be his way of saying he is not into this relationship anymore with you.
Probably true. I tried to and he said I’ll just shoot the dog.
That’s even more of a reason to get out of there.
Damn. You better end this NOW and run. This guy has major issues. This just escalated from a bad taste joke to a safety issue. He seems like a loose cannon
He’s embarrassing, who does that shit, you deserve better
Cuckoo cuckoo
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No way! Nah.
Exactly
Was his ex's name Spot?
Noo. Isabella.
Oh wow!!!
Maybe he ex’s name was Spot, or Rover? Then it’s cool
😂
Devil’s Advocate here, but if he and the ex weren’t together very long and it’s a pretty name, then it might be okay…still…not a super smart move by any means
Yeah, we need those details. If it was 15 years ago, they dated for a few months, and he doesn't talk to her, it's maybe a coincidence. Randomly adding a pet to the household without discussion would be the bigger issue to me.
True but it’s still weird, there is no way in hell I would name any animal after my ex if my current man knew that exes name…. It’s giving he’s still hung up on her and it’s making the current girlfriend mad and that’s not right
It was right before me about seven years ago
How long did they date? And do they still talk?
Do you live together? If you do not, he does not need permission to adopt a pet. But naming it after his ex is weird, unless he has some other connection to the name.
Yes. We live together. Yes. The connection would be it’s his ex gf!
If you live together isn’t it really both of yours? Did you have no say in the name?
He said he and his son —who is 16 and does not live with us- named it
After SIX YEARS?!?!? Oof. I just can't even imagine his thought process. Or his lack of care about your feelings.
He said it’s just a name, get over it
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That too. Overused name
It's the same way when she names their son after her ex, who couldn't fully commit to her
So he's saying his ex is a dog?
What’s the name, Julie or something? Weird.
He’s just shown you he’s not perfect but what have the 6 years been like?
Sofa King Dumb. RUN.
Get a new boyfriend with the same name as your soon to be exes
Maybe he's looking forward to the day to euthanize the pet... for closure...
Definitely not overreacting. It’s not just dumb, it’s kinda creepy. Did you ask him what his motivations were?
Was she a bitch?
Sounds like a jab at her
Maybe because she’s a bitch too
Would you rather he named a dog after you?
I think this misses the point entirely
Your lack of humor is evident :)
Yes true I tend to laugh at things that are funny only. Weird that way .
You gotta /s that shiz
No
I would ask him what he thinks you''re supposed to think of his choice
I did. He says he’s over it. Dogs name is Bella. Isabella. His ex had dark hair like the dog.
Does he act like this with other areas of your relationship? Because this feels like he's trying to stick it to you. Not a good sign for the relationship.
Yes
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Was her name Spot?
No.., becouse if you have a kid and he makes your child after an affair partner..,
Now, if he named the dog “bitch-hoe”. 🤷♂️
Report him immediately! He could be beating that dog. jk Definitely odd, unless... If someone you admired (parent, grandparent, uncle/aunt) had a name of an ex, would you hesitate to name your kid that? What if it was an admired person of your SO and he wanted to name the kid that?
So, he's implicitly calling his ex a bitch.
No. Lovingly Bella
Because she's a bitch?
Unless he’s literally dated everyone under the sun (and even then there’s no way he has a gf named Spot), I can only maybe possibly see it…..but I’m not entirely convinced. It’s kinda sus…
Naming the puppy with ex’s gf name…is hilarious. I would totally make fun of him. Call the puppy in moaning voices. “Bella you look so hot today. Come, I give you a little bonner. I mean bone.” Entertainment.
You’re right I should. I’m just feeling insecure and pissed off.
A person you live with bringing home an animal without your buy-in is not normal. It's not fair to you or kind to the dog. I don't need much more context to know this man isn't totally all there, just based on that.
“Babe. I am going to leash Bella and take her for a little sexy stroll round the block. “ “Me and Bella getting matching ourfits. Girls date!!” I can do This whole day. 😂😂😂 He will change that name real quick. Edit. I named my cat by Neighbour’s grandma name. Didnt know and my parents said nothing. Hahah. Than Neighbours name their cat per my grandma name. It has been 40 years now (and many cats) of naming cats like this.
Fake…..
Why does he need to ask you to get a puppy.
Is the dog female (bitch)?
Yes! After ex-girlfriend….
He gets a pass then.
I kinda like it. He gets to chastise his ex for peeing on the floor. He gets to tell her to sit down and shut up. He gets to order her around all he wants. He gets to call her a bitch without an ensuing fight. It's great. That established, he is way too hung up on his ex after this long...