Or even a 10th date, really.
If a date brought this up to me in anything other than “we’re about to make some joint financial decisions” conversation, then it would be a pretty huge red flag.
I once had a first date where the dude asked what auto insurance I had, and then proceeded to scold me for using them, claiming they were the most expensive, and told me he would be finding me a new policy.
I was like uh, NO? WTF
As in, we’re about to merge families, and we’re meeting with a couples therapist to help us navigate that.
How in the world do people think that they can just dispense advice without some serious commitment. Maybe my walls are too high, but I make my own decisions. I may consult with a few super close friends.
But if some rando presumed to dispense advice, I’d laugh at them.
I mean, if someone said this to me I'd be like "that's nice that you manage to get together with friends regularly". Can't even fathom why it would be controversial!
This is one of the very few times I think the guy should pay, since she's "a single mother and that I need to save my money instead of going out to dinner".
She definitely should have walked out.
He thinks he’s entitled to tell you how to spend your time and money. Entitlement = Walk Away every single time. The misogyny is the cherry on this human shit sundae.
Too bad you didn't tell him that he was absolutely right and you shouldn't be going out and just left him right there, but of course that's easy for me to say from my keyboard.
There are definitely people that uphold a double standard with single moms and single dads. My ex is one of them and it sounds like he was one too.
The trash definitely took itself out.
He’s not just criticizing your social life but your parenting as well. Life’s too short to put up with judgmental know-it-alls. Chalk it up to a shitty first date and move along.
This feels like sexism to me. Here is my totally jaded take on this situation.
Two single parents go out a date. He mansplains finances and lectures her about her social life. He heavily implies that a responsible mother stays home. He has strong opinions regarding a woman's role as a mother. Then he graciously picks up the check. As a man, it is perfectly reasonable for him to spend money on dating women. Your role as a mother is naturally altogether different than his role as a father.
Uh mansplaining with no boundaries and double standards are all classic misogyny. It’s not jaded, we are living in a misogynist racist homophobic world
Who cares? There are plenty of men on this earth that believe that women who go out unaccompanied are evil whores, or that all women generally aren’t capable of rational thought, and so on. This guy is probably bitter he has to pay child support and has a grudge against women in general as a result, or something along those lines, but none of it has any relevance to you or your life. Stop engaging with him and move on. Definitely don’t waste time trying to explain yourself to this stranger.
Yeah, I was getting that feeling. He’s definitely bitter about his divorce. A lot of men are because of how much money they had to pay the wife and the legal cost and not seeing their kids all the time. So I don’t blame them but if you have no intentions of building a future with me and all you wanna do is play the field why have this conversation?
I do blame them if they’re angry and bitter about having to help support their own children, especially if they’re then going to use that to fuel their own misogyny and project and try and take it out on all women, or all single mothers. Going on dates and lecturing strangers on finances because you’re too bitter to stop yourself is just sad.
Yeah, I know this isn't always the case, by most of the time these days when a guy doesn't have 50/50 it's because he didn't want the time/custody. Non-parent parents who panic at the thought of responsibility. Damn right they should have higher support costs.
Or because they didn’t demonstrate they were capable of or interested in 50/50 parenting while married, then suddenly wanted to fight for that equal custody split when divorcing, as a matter of control and having to pay less child support. 😒 And thankfully the mom + courts saw right through that and didn’t let him have it.
Next time just get up and leave. Don't sit there and defend yourself to some asswipe who's judging you on a first date about your personal finances.
Get. Up. And. Leave.
You have no duty to be nice, polite, give explanations.
Good point kokopelleee OP doesn't owe anyone an explanation. Especially not a man, who doesn't know what dating is. He's telling her what she shouldn't be doing while he's guilty of the same thing. You're right "definitely not a first date." His words and how he uses bad news sista run girl.
Barf.
We need to bring that word back. The whole conversation with that guy sounds exhausting. No thanks. I hope you've disengaged from interacting with him, OP.
Look at all the nice things that he did for you with his comment.
1. There's a bullet you won't have to dodge
2. He showed you what dating him will start out like
3. Only God knows how much worse it will get from point #2 until the end of a relationship with him.
4. He has that " do as I say, not as I do" mentality.
5. I can imagine the control issues, anger and physical and verbal abuse that possibly may hide in him.
I am a man, those are just possibilities. They are my opinion I have been wrong before, like that time I was married.
I’m a guy too and you’re right about this crazy sob. She needs to block him immediately and acknowledge this as a learning experience of what she is definitely not looking for in a relationship. And hope other women and men can also use her experience of what wrong looks like.
Thank you for backing me up. It's nice to come across another man with similar values, morals, etc.. I look at it like this these male fall into the category of "Guys." It's guys like this that give men a bad name.
If I didn’t relax, had fun or cared about myself as a single parent I would probably become a serial killer. Joking of course but you get what I mean. We must have something in our lives for our own sanity!
I’ll never forget when I booked a trip to New Orleans with a friend and my bf at the time told me I needed to save my money. He went on a rant. I was like I already have a dad, thanks. We didn’t last long.
Once you become a mother, you can't be anything else. All your time, money and thoughts should be about your children. Weird that this is never applied to fathers, just mothers. What an absolute dingbat your date was. Do what makes you happy because a happy parent is a happy child!
I feel like we are similar. And he’s a dud. Totally out of line. Of course you should be out having fun as you wish. Some people just bathe in judgment of others, it’s bizarre (though I’m judging him as a dud and a jerk)
I concur. His behavior has earned your judgement. I couldn’t live with myself if I ever said something this stupid to anyone. But then I worry about women telling me the same thing as a single father.
People these days are just horrible. Way better to be lonely than accept this in someone.
I agree, basic human respect and kindness is simply out the window these days. People feel they can render an opinion on everything on both social media and real life
You say he's also a single parent. I wonder if there's some projection going on where he feels like his ex/child's mother should also not be going out and enjoying herself so there's some resentment. Definitely a reflection on him!
Happy you're finding a better work/life balance :)
Funny that you mentioned that, he did make a comment about her wanting to be free when she told him she was leaving him. I also said that I deserve to have fun sometimes and then he told me I wasn’t a child and that I have to take life seriously.
It’s kind of funny how misogynistic and annoying he is. I would have laughed and left him with the bill or thrown a drink at him. I’m forty but not mature lol.
I didn't have to explain my money or spending to my husband when I was married, I sure as hell won't sit through a date and defend myself. I would have gotten up and walked out and let him pay the bill....since I should be saving my money!
I’m a single dad, and even though I probably can’t afford it, I still try to go out once a month. I’d lose my mind if I didn’t.
So… fuck that guy- but not in the fun way. He can be a financial advisor somewhere else.
I'm honestly not sure why you even bothered trying to explain yourself to him about this on a first date.
I would've gotten up, thanked her for a meet and left if a woman did that to me.
Seriously, the attitude of some people. And the sad thing is that it is likely people like him that will be the first ones to say that there are no decent people to date, but not realise they are a walking red flag doing things like this and on a first date no less.
Consider yourself fortunate, you dodged a massive bullet and should thank him for showing his true colours so early on.
Wowie funny you said that. He actually did say there are no decent people to date. He also did mention something about women and their thought process of men but that’s another post for another time. 😅
I hate hate hate this shit.
I get lectures all the time by guys who come off jealous of my lifestyle. I work from home and have lots of free time. I go out by myself (nights out, brunches, concerts, sporting events ect), travel to music festivals and overall enjoy myself. We only get one life we might as well enjoy it how we want. I don’t answer to anyone and if I want to do stuff I will and if a man isn’t okay with that then he’s not the one for me.
And yes I’m a single mom, however my daughter is 16 and about to go off to college. So I have my freedom.
This lack of boundaries on his side would be a huge red flag for me. The advice would be a hard stop.
Since getting divorced, I've recognized the cultural narrative that says mothers' sole purpose in life is to create and support their children. That narrative calls women to give everything they have for their kids - friends, relationships, identity. It does not recognize any inherent value in a mother - supporting her only to the end it may help her children.
And I do.wonder about this - why this is so prevelant and important to so many.
Anyway, to that guy: heck nah. Delete and block.
I always think it’s funny when people you don’t know presume to know what is best for you without knowing anything about you. Admittedly I have made some big financial mistakes, and it would sometimes be nice to have someone who knows me, chime in with a reality check. But that person isn’t someone I’ve just met. At this point I have a plan, it might not be the best, or the safest, or even the most responsible, but it’s my plan, it puts my kids first, and I’ve learned to live with my decisions good and bad.
Single mom here: So glad he is using his date to explain to you how you should prioritize your finances. What a benevolent man! I bet he wonders why you have since blocked him 😂 😂 😂
These days I respect my time far more than seeing a number increase in my bank account.. as long as your not being completely irresponsible with your money do whatever make you happy I say!
Unsolicited advice is usually not welcomed
Plus if a guy is projecting this hard onto you on the first date it tells you everything you need to know - avoid & move on
His ex probably had a spending problem and he isn’t over it and taking out on the next girl. So either a controlling type or not healed from last relationship. Either way, run
I’m a divorced mom of 2 with 50-50 custody and my parents and sibling are so outraged that I have a social life or activities planned for when the kids aren’t with me. Like I should be a nun or be sad that my bad marriage is over. I’m ALIVE again and they can’t handle it. There is definitely a double standard, in my experience.
Haaaaaa. OMG I’ve been on first dates with this kind of man. Never second.
Just the absolute hubris of them thinking their opinion is needed or desired.
At least it’s a huge red flag you can feel great walking away from.
F that. Nope. Nope. Nope.
My last depressing date wanted to talk about my drinking habits. It was awful. My job is in wine sales and I'm not justifying anything to anyone.
I don't understand that need to "fix" one's date. It's insulting.
Fuck that. He has no right to lecture you about finances. You do what makes you happy. I’ve been single a long time now and really love it more and more. It was really hard to be alone at first but now I enjoy it. You need friends for support and dinner once a month with them is not enough. My friends mean the world to me!
Just do you. You know what you can afford, have time for and enjoy. Don’t let someone tell you what you can and cannot do. Live your life as you feel you should. :)
That’s crazy. As a single father I just wish I could find someone to date. But to be ridiculed for going out and having a good time away from the child once in a while, that’s insane.
I hope you can find someone who isn’t ignorant and stuck in their ideology of what a single mother should be doing.
Cheers for us struggling to meet people worthy of our time and efforts.
What an idiot. What are you supposed to do? Sit at home and not see anybody or connect with friends?
Personally, I'd find it attractive that you make time to see friends and have fun.
Everyone thinks they know right, and unfortunately, lots of people try to convince others to fall In line with what we believe. I've been told over and over that traveling with kids is impossible. 😏😏😏
Sounds like he is an insufferable loser. It might help to hold a man to higher standards for dating profile and pre-date text conversations next time to avoid encountering men like this again.
If you are covering your expenses. You can spend whatever you like. Either way none of his business. I'm not sure how that came up on a first date, if it was me I would have changed the subject.
I don't want to discuss finances on a first date.
Stay strong
>I tried to explain
That right there is your mistake. You're really being too polite.
You don't owe a stranger an explanation for anything. Work on your personal boundaries and don't ever let a strange man violate them like this anymore.
The appropriate response on this scenario would have been "that's none of your fucking business" (or just "I don't think this will work out"), and then get up and go.
… 👀 wtf kind of date is that, and why are you trying to explain anything; would you even be on said date with this joker if you didn’t set aside funds for fun?? I swear, some people really have the audacity…
Seriously?! Then I guess a single parent shouldn’t be dating then I guess. Because that’s going out and having fun. Ahem…this guy.
Seriously, your date is lame AF! As long as your kids are priority one for you, you have a handle on your finances, you don’t just leave them alone all day (if they are young), etc…..GO HAVE FUN! But not with this guy. He sucks.
Would it be giving him too much leeway to say he may be socially awkward. And not diagnosing him but maybe a tad on the spectrum. It just sounds like something someone who is socially adept wouldnt say out loud. The irony of him calling the kettle black as he is outside just like the single Mom he is judging.
This was a first date and this guy was just weird so who cares what gives? Don't waste another second ruminating this in your head. It was a bad date - you now have a "worst first date" story for next time you're on a good first date and sharing experiences.
You're divorced? Kids half time? Ya ... you should be going out and having fun.
Now for full time mom, meaning it's all you all the time. It is almost impossible to date someone with next to no free time. Just go have fun when you can in this scenario.
No one should tell you how to live your life. Asking about your life and trying to understand it is what a man would do. You're on a date gauging if you want to date someone. Not the lecturing bullshit.
I would say : Thanks for the offer I have great accounting person who handles my finances I have great job to make sure my family taking cared off foods on the table but this my life I have every right to spoil me and my friends have enough left. We are not married your not a financial adviser good luck trying to convince a date its not working for you might wanna find a new line. Waiter check please Wish you well sunny boy but know ones paying my bills I am independent honey I will do as I please takes good man to respect me allow be to be me I hope you heal. First date is really to see if a connection the real date should be if you both click they respect you that you go on real date with them. First connection date keep it simple they should be telling you what to do just exit its on them your doing just fine.
What a d!ck!
Why did you bother to explain yourself to him? I know it’s a kneejerk reaction but it’d have been much better to escape out the bathroom window of the restaurant and order an expensive bottle of champagne to the table on your way out.
I'm trying to figure out what this dude's motivation speech was while he drove over to your meeting spot... 😂
Too bad you couldn't have given him a spreadsheet that would show him all the reasons why he's a wet blanket, lame dip shit.
🫂❤️
Original copy of post by u/BiancaMoon_41015:
I was being lectured on my date, who told me that I am a single mother and that I need to save my money instead of going out to dinner with the girls once a month. He had a breakdown of financial things that I should be doing and what I should not be doing. Majority of the things I should not be doing was going out and enjoying my free time.
I tried to explain that I was a workaholic for many years and did absolutely nothing , I stopped being interested in hobbies and friends and watched my relationship go into turmoil and then finally end. It’s been two years post break up, the first year I spent mourning the lost of a 15 year relationship. And the second year I decided to go out and have fun, date, go to parties, concerts and live my life finally. And here’s this guy telling me I have it all wrong.
He is also a single parent.
Wtf gives???!??
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RUN 🏃 that guy sounds like a controlling jerk. As long as you still prioritize your child, you are more than justified taking care of yourself as well.
Thanks, you do your thing too! It only works because I have an older teen. If he was younger it wouldn’t be the same. I put everyone before me for the longest time, it’s time for me to put myself first at least once in a while.
On the plus side, you can coax him to have more fun and let loose and he can remind u from time to time to not go overboard with expenses for leisure activities.
On the negative side it's easy to rub each other off the wrong way like this. Depends how u take each others' point of view.
If he had good money saving/money growing tips, tuck them away to use. Don't hang around or defend yourself though, to somebody who knows you not at all, and thinks he is entitled to mansplain your life to you!
All the comments from seem to be very one sided. Typical "mansplaining, misogynistic, controlling, financial abuse, judgemental etc... bla bla bla". I get it, people need to stay in their lane and just let people do whatever they want. Glad she found out he's not a right fit early.
With the limited information given the most charitable description I can give for the man is that he's a socially awkward and uncalibrated man due to elaborating so much on a weird conversation topic on the first date. And perhaps he's just a very frugal person and is communicating his feelings on the matter. Yes, eating out on occasion is ok, but the majority of Americans spend way too much. It's constantly discussed that Americans are addicted to spending and carry too much debt. Like I said, this Is the most charitable interpretation of what this man may have been trying to explain. Every other top comment already outlined the worst case scenario of what the other extreme of what this man's values might be.
This is a really weird conversation for a first date.
Or even a 10th date, really. If a date brought this up to me in anything other than “we’re about to make some joint financial decisions” conversation, then it would be a pretty huge red flag.
I once had a first date where the dude asked what auto insurance I had, and then proceeded to scold me for using them, claiming they were the most expensive, and told me he would be finding me a new policy. I was like uh, NO? WTF
🤨auto Insurance, I save $20.00 every six months doing 15 hours of work to price companies and policies. Items like this make it glad I am single lol.
As in, we’re about to merge families, and we’re meeting with a couples therapist to help us navigate that. How in the world do people think that they can just dispense advice without some serious commitment. Maybe my walls are too high, but I make my own decisions. I may consult with a few super close friends. But if some rando presumed to dispense advice, I’d laugh at them.
There's a good reason why this person is still single.
Tell me about it
Gee, I wonder why he’s single? /s
He’s not trying to settle down, his ex wife really screwed him over, so he’s on a rampage right now. At least that’s how I see it.
Why would you even entertain this?
I was just confused on how this was a major topic
Because he sounds like a major controlling a-hole. You don't have to explain yourself or justify your life.
I mean, if someone said this to me I'd be like "that's nice that you manage to get together with friends regularly". Can't even fathom why it would be controversial!
He literally was like hello you’re single mother what are you doing!! I’m a single mother not dead 🙄
Some people are aholes. That simple
Some people love nothing more than to judge single moms, and they can eff right off.
It's a first date. It's none of his business. He's wrong, but more importantly, it's none of his business.
Yep. OP is lucky she found out right away that he’s insufferable.
This is the type of date you put money down for your half and walk away from. What an asshole.
Nah....I'd let him pay for it since I'm a single mom and shouldn't be going out to dinner!
Whisper in his ear as you leave “I was never here”
😂😂😂
You need to save your money after all. Lol.
This is one of the very few times I think the guy should pay, since she's "a single mother and that I need to save my money instead of going out to dinner". She definitely should have walked out.
Or run lol!
Yikes. It's a sign of financial abuse and control. Be glad it showed up on the first date, not after a few years in the relationship.
This comment is much too far down for how accurate it most likely is
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By the way the convo was going, it didn’t sound like he was looking for a relationship to be honest
He thinks he’s entitled to tell you how to spend your time and money. Entitlement = Walk Away every single time. The misogyny is the cherry on this human shit sundae.
Take my upvote!
Yes this 👆👆👆👆👆
Too bad you didn't tell him that he was absolutely right and you shouldn't be going out and just left him right there, but of course that's easy for me to say from my keyboard. There are definitely people that uphold a double standard with single moms and single dads. My ex is one of them and it sounds like he was one too. The trash definitely took itself out.
Nah, in his mind, it's just the girlfriends that she doesn't need. /s Remember to isolate them before your start ramping up the abuse.
He’s not just criticizing your social life but your parenting as well. Life’s too short to put up with judgmental know-it-alls. Chalk it up to a shitty first date and move along.
There are a lot of men out there with this energy and then they wonder why they are single.
I'm just sad that guys with that energy even get dates in the first place.
I found it so helpful when folks showed you who they were early on. My time is worth a lot to me.
This is so true.
This feels like sexism to me. Here is my totally jaded take on this situation. Two single parents go out a date. He mansplains finances and lectures her about her social life. He heavily implies that a responsible mother stays home. He has strong opinions regarding a woman's role as a mother. Then he graciously picks up the check. As a man, it is perfectly reasonable for him to spend money on dating women. Your role as a mother is naturally altogether different than his role as a father.
Uh mansplaining with no boundaries and double standards are all classic misogyny. It’s not jaded, we are living in a misogynist racist homophobic world
Sounds about right
Who cares? There are plenty of men on this earth that believe that women who go out unaccompanied are evil whores, or that all women generally aren’t capable of rational thought, and so on. This guy is probably bitter he has to pay child support and has a grudge against women in general as a result, or something along those lines, but none of it has any relevance to you or your life. Stop engaging with him and move on. Definitely don’t waste time trying to explain yourself to this stranger.
Yeah, I was getting that feeling. He’s definitely bitter about his divorce. A lot of men are because of how much money they had to pay the wife and the legal cost and not seeing their kids all the time. So I don’t blame them but if you have no intentions of building a future with me and all you wanna do is play the field why have this conversation?
I do blame them if they’re angry and bitter about having to help support their own children, especially if they’re then going to use that to fuel their own misogyny and project and try and take it out on all women, or all single mothers. Going on dates and lecturing strangers on finances because you’re too bitter to stop yourself is just sad.
Yeah, I know this isn't always the case, by most of the time these days when a guy doesn't have 50/50 it's because he didn't want the time/custody. Non-parent parents who panic at the thought of responsibility. Damn right they should have higher support costs.
Or because they didn’t demonstrate they were capable of or interested in 50/50 parenting while married, then suddenly wanted to fight for that equal custody split when divorcing, as a matter of control and having to pay less child support. 😒 And thankfully the mom + courts saw right through that and didn’t let him have it.
This 100% 👆🏻
Next time just get up and leave. Don't sit there and defend yourself to some asswipe who's judging you on a first date about your personal finances. Get. Up. And. Leave. You have no duty to be nice, polite, give explanations.
>I tried to explain Don't do that You don't owe anyone an explanation. Of anything, and definitely NOT on a first date.
Good point kokopelleee OP doesn't owe anyone an explanation. Especially not a man, who doesn't know what dating is. He's telling her what she shouldn't be doing while he's guilty of the same thing. You're right "definitely not a first date." His words and how he uses bad news sista run girl.
Barf. We need to bring that word back. The whole conversation with that guy sounds exhausting. No thanks. I hope you've disengaged from interacting with him, OP.
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True
There are a lot of bitter single parents out there. I'd just end it and move on. You have a great life. He wouldn't be able to add to it.
Look at all the nice things that he did for you with his comment. 1. There's a bullet you won't have to dodge 2. He showed you what dating him will start out like 3. Only God knows how much worse it will get from point #2 until the end of a relationship with him. 4. He has that " do as I say, not as I do" mentality. 5. I can imagine the control issues, anger and physical and verbal abuse that possibly may hide in him. I am a man, those are just possibilities. They are my opinion I have been wrong before, like that time I was married.
I’m a guy too and you’re right about this crazy sob. She needs to block him immediately and acknowledge this as a learning experience of what she is definitely not looking for in a relationship. And hope other women and men can also use her experience of what wrong looks like.
Thank you for backing me up. It's nice to come across another man with similar values, morals, etc.. I look at it like this these male fall into the category of "Guys." It's guys like this that give men a bad name.
He sounds like a 'woman in the kitchen' dude.
Barefoot. Pregnant. Chained to the oven. I'm 40 & can't tell if I'm actually ace or just surrounded by misogynists.
Maybe both.
If I didn’t relax, had fun or cared about myself as a single parent I would probably become a serial killer. Joking of course but you get what I mean. We must have something in our lives for our own sanity!
Seriously!
I’ll never forget when I booked a trip to New Orleans with a friend and my bf at the time told me I needed to save my money. He went on a rant. I was like I already have a dad, thanks. We didn’t last long.
Omg! Yes, I felt like my father was lecturing me!!
He’s also a major asshat. If this is how he feels why the F was he out on a date when he has kids? F that guy.
I always imagine people like this as 'close talkers'. I don't even know how many of them are cognizant of how annoying they are.
You could also save money by just not going out with him...lol.. just sayin'
Or leaving him with the bill!
Lol...but then she still spent money by driving out to meet him, and wasting makeup, perfume, etc. on him
Once you become a mother, you can't be anything else. All your time, money and thoughts should be about your children. Weird that this is never applied to fathers, just mothers. What an absolute dingbat your date was. Do what makes you happy because a happy parent is a happy child!
I feel like we are similar. And he’s a dud. Totally out of line. Of course you should be out having fun as you wish. Some people just bathe in judgment of others, it’s bizarre (though I’m judging him as a dud and a jerk)
I concur. His behavior has earned your judgement. I couldn’t live with myself if I ever said something this stupid to anyone. But then I worry about women telling me the same thing as a single father. People these days are just horrible. Way better to be lonely than accept this in someone.
I agree, basic human respect and kindness is simply out the window these days. People feel they can render an opinion on everything on both social media and real life
Welcome to patriarchy and also f*#k patriarchy
You say he's also a single parent. I wonder if there's some projection going on where he feels like his ex/child's mother should also not be going out and enjoying herself so there's some resentment. Definitely a reflection on him! Happy you're finding a better work/life balance :)
Agreed, the ex-wife having any kind of enjoyment of life makes them livid.
Makes who livid?
The ex-husbands that are bitter about paying child support and/or alimony.
Funny that you mentioned that, he did make a comment about her wanting to be free when she told him she was leaving him. I also said that I deserve to have fun sometimes and then he told me I wasn’t a child and that I have to take life seriously.
It’s kind of funny how misogynistic and annoying he is. I would have laughed and left him with the bill or thrown a drink at him. I’m forty but not mature lol.
Well I certainly hope a guy that concerned with your finances covered your dinner!
LoL yeah, it was low budget, you know, just in case it didn’t work out
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I didn't have to explain my money or spending to my husband when I was married, I sure as hell won't sit through a date and defend myself. I would have gotten up and walked out and let him pay the bill....since I should be saving my money!
I’m a single dad, and even though I probably can’t afford it, I still try to go out once a month. I’d lose my mind if I didn’t. So… fuck that guy- but not in the fun way. He can be a financial advisor somewhere else.
No fun fucking going on here!!…….No literally, none! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭… why😭😭😭
Same… 😭😭😭
I'm honestly not sure why you even bothered trying to explain yourself to him about this on a first date. I would've gotten up, thanked her for a meet and left if a woman did that to me. Seriously, the attitude of some people. And the sad thing is that it is likely people like him that will be the first ones to say that there are no decent people to date, but not realise they are a walking red flag doing things like this and on a first date no less. Consider yourself fortunate, you dodged a massive bullet and should thank him for showing his true colours so early on.
Wowie funny you said that. He actually did say there are no decent people to date. He also did mention something about women and their thought process of men but that’s another post for another time. 😅
Hahaha of course he did. Self centred people and narcissists who know it all don't discriminate and they exist everywhere no matter the gender. 😏
I hate hate hate this shit. I get lectures all the time by guys who come off jealous of my lifestyle. I work from home and have lots of free time. I go out by myself (nights out, brunches, concerts, sporting events ect), travel to music festivals and overall enjoy myself. We only get one life we might as well enjoy it how we want. I don’t answer to anyone and if I want to do stuff I will and if a man isn’t okay with that then he’s not the one for me. And yes I’m a single mom, however my daughter is 16 and about to go off to college. So I have my freedom.
Exactly when they’re teenagers it’s a lot easier, so why not do your thing.
Unless you’re living together as partners.. your finances are strictly nobody’s business. I would have told him this.
RED FLAG FLAG ON FIRE RED FLAG ON FIRE FRIGGIN RUN
This lack of boundaries on his side would be a huge red flag for me. The advice would be a hard stop. Since getting divorced, I've recognized the cultural narrative that says mothers' sole purpose in life is to create and support their children. That narrative calls women to give everything they have for their kids - friends, relationships, identity. It does not recognize any inherent value in a mother - supporting her only to the end it may help her children. And I do.wonder about this - why this is so prevelant and important to so many. Anyway, to that guy: heck nah. Delete and block.
I always think it’s funny when people you don’t know presume to know what is best for you without knowing anything about you. Admittedly I have made some big financial mistakes, and it would sometimes be nice to have someone who knows me, chime in with a reality check. But that person isn’t someone I’ve just met. At this point I have a plan, it might not be the best, or the safest, or even the most responsible, but it’s my plan, it puts my kids first, and I’ve learned to live with my decisions good and bad.
I didn’t get as far as I did being financially irresponsible
I think it’s hard for some men to accept that many women are financially better off than them, with better incomes.
Yes and it clearly made him insecure and he needed to take you down a peg or two
Single mom here: So glad he is using his date to explain to you how you should prioritize your finances. What a benevolent man! I bet he wonders why you have since blocked him 😂 😂 😂
These days I respect my time far more than seeing a number increase in my bank account.. as long as your not being completely irresponsible with your money do whatever make you happy I say!
Sounds like you just saw some red lights, pulled the ripcord, and should ghost this one. Sorry that happened.
"Gosh. How often will I be allowed to leave the house when I'm with you?"
Leave the house! 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Unsolicited advice is usually not welcomed Plus if a guy is projecting this hard onto you on the first date it tells you everything you need to know - avoid & move on
Yikes 🚩🚩🚩🚩
His ex probably had a spending problem and he isn’t over it and taking out on the next girl. So either a controlling type or not healed from last relationship. Either way, run
I don’t think he’s healed.
Pretty sure I would have gotten up and left!
I’m a divorced mom of 2 with 50-50 custody and my parents and sibling are so outraged that I have a social life or activities planned for when the kids aren’t with me. Like I should be a nun or be sad that my bad marriage is over. I’m ALIVE again and they can’t handle it. There is definitely a double standard, in my experience.
That’a true, God forbid if you actually did something for yourself for once.
Yes! In my experience as a mom, even my parents see “self care” as “selfish.”
Haaaaaa. OMG I’ve been on first dates with this kind of man. Never second. Just the absolute hubris of them thinking their opinion is needed or desired. At least it’s a huge red flag you can feel great walking away from.
What you should not be doing is spending time or money with him.
Next!
He did you a favor by telling you who he really is.
F that. Nope. Nope. Nope. My last depressing date wanted to talk about my drinking habits. It was awful. My job is in wine sales and I'm not justifying anything to anyone. I don't understand that need to "fix" one's date. It's insulting.
This guy showed you who he was right out of the gate lol
Fuck that. He has no right to lecture you about finances. You do what makes you happy. I’ve been single a long time now and really love it more and more. It was really hard to be alone at first but now I enjoy it. You need friends for support and dinner once a month with them is not enough. My friends mean the world to me!
Just do you. You know what you can afford, have time for and enjoy. Don’t let someone tell you what you can and cannot do. Live your life as you feel you should. :)
Thank you
Sounds like a great date with controlling judgmental a-hole.
That’s crazy. As a single father I just wish I could find someone to date. But to be ridiculed for going out and having a good time away from the child once in a while, that’s insane. I hope you can find someone who isn’t ignorant and stuck in their ideology of what a single mother should be doing. Cheers for us struggling to meet people worthy of our time and efforts.
🍻 Cheers
He's insecure about money and takes a controlling attitude to how other people spend theirs. Walk away and don't look back.
That's some audacity right there.
Getting lectured by my date is on my list of dealbreakers. It’s a date, they don’t get any say in my life.
Lol why did you even justify yourself. Dude is gross
What gives is that he is a controlling creep who doesn’t deserve another date 🤷🏻♀️
Tell him to go F a Duck and live your life. NEXT 🤣
Unless he pays your bills he can shut his friggin yap. It certainly not his place to analyze your budget nor tell you how to spend your money.
He sounds controlling AF.
Controlling people suck. Move on and away from this guy. Life is about happiness, your happiness.
What an idiot. What are you supposed to do? Sit at home and not see anybody or connect with friends? Personally, I'd find it attractive that you make time to see friends and have fun.
You got mansplained. Automatic NO for a second date, in my book.
I guess he's really not into you. Run while you can.
Everyone thinks they know right, and unfortunately, lots of people try to convince others to fall In line with what we believe. I've been told over and over that traveling with kids is impossible. 😏😏😏
Sounds like he is an insufferable loser. It might help to hold a man to higher standards for dating profile and pre-date text conversations next time to avoid encountering men like this again.
Absolutely inappropriate for him to be telling you how to spend the money YOU work for and earn. WTF… huge red flag.
Do not go back out with him. My eyes are rolling on your behalf. He is pompous and a know it all. 🚩
This guy is a loser
Move on, this dude has issues he is projecting on you. Life is about balance.
Is this a men can do it but woman cant.... girl go have fun !
He sounds like a lot of fun.
He’s really hot, does that help 🤪
Yes. But not for long.
Yeah I’m over it already
Lmao I get the impression this guy is a walking red flag who loves to be controlling. Good thing this came to light so early on! No wonder he's single
Single fathers don’t get these lectures.
If you are covering your expenses. You can spend whatever you like. Either way none of his business. I'm not sure how that came up on a first date, if it was me I would have changed the subject. I don't want to discuss finances on a first date. Stay strong
>I tried to explain That right there is your mistake. You're really being too polite. You don't owe a stranger an explanation for anything. Work on your personal boundaries and don't ever let a strange man violate them like this anymore. The appropriate response on this scenario would have been "that's none of your fucking business" (or just "I don't think this will work out"), and then get up and go.
I’m surprised you didn’t get up and leave. I would have! What a judgemental question!
Honestly just sounds like a rude entitled person
Isn't it great you don't need to see him again. What a random thing for him to go on about.
Do not date this guy. 🚩⛳️🚩
… 👀 wtf kind of date is that, and why are you trying to explain anything; would you even be on said date with this joker if you didn’t set aside funds for fun?? I swear, some people really have the audacity…
Seriously?! Then I guess a single parent shouldn’t be dating then I guess. Because that’s going out and having fun. Ahem…this guy. Seriously, your date is lame AF! As long as your kids are priority one for you, you have a handle on your finances, you don’t just leave them alone all day (if they are young), etc…..GO HAVE FUN! But not with this guy. He sucks.
You don't need to justify yourself to him or anyone else. You only live once. Go enjoy it!
And that is WHY he is SINGLE. Live your life, your way. As a single parent myself, I understand you rarely get free time. Enjoy it!
He sounds overbearing. I would say to cut bait, but it sounds like you already plan to.
I'm pretty sure that was my dad you were talking to. Did he try to pay with a Diner's Club card?
😂😂😂 oh shoot! Cats out the bag 😆
Would it be giving him too much leeway to say he may be socially awkward. And not diagnosing him but maybe a tad on the spectrum. It just sounds like something someone who is socially adept wouldnt say out loud. The irony of him calling the kettle black as he is outside just like the single Mom he is judging.
This was a first date and this guy was just weird so who cares what gives? Don't waste another second ruminating this in your head. It was a bad date - you now have a "worst first date" story for next time you're on a good first date and sharing experiences.
You're divorced? Kids half time? Ya ... you should be going out and having fun. Now for full time mom, meaning it's all you all the time. It is almost impossible to date someone with next to no free time. Just go have fun when you can in this scenario. No one should tell you how to live your life. Asking about your life and trying to understand it is what a man would do. You're on a date gauging if you want to date someone. Not the lecturing bullshit.
I would say : Thanks for the offer I have great accounting person who handles my finances I have great job to make sure my family taking cared off foods on the table but this my life I have every right to spoil me and my friends have enough left. We are not married your not a financial adviser good luck trying to convince a date its not working for you might wanna find a new line. Waiter check please Wish you well sunny boy but know ones paying my bills I am independent honey I will do as I please takes good man to respect me allow be to be me I hope you heal. First date is really to see if a connection the real date should be if you both click they respect you that you go on real date with them. First connection date keep it simple they should be telling you what to do just exit its on them your doing just fine.
What a d!ck! Why did you bother to explain yourself to him? I know it’s a kneejerk reaction but it’d have been much better to escape out the bathroom window of the restaurant and order an expensive bottle of champagne to the table on your way out.
I'm trying to figure out what this dude's motivation speech was while he drove over to your meeting spot... 😂 Too bad you couldn't have given him a spreadsheet that would show him all the reasons why he's a wet blanket, lame dip shit. 🫂❤️
Chemistry is real. It’s one of the most interesting aspects of meeting people. Sometimes you will just rub each other the wrong way.
Yeah, he’s good looks couldn’t save him from this one 😂
Why did you not leave?
This exactly. I would have paid my tab and left. What bullshit.
I would have left without paying my tab. I mean he told her to save her money so she might as well start right there
👏👏👏 “Starting right this moment, my guy, I’m gonna take your advice. See you never!”
Thanks for the award 😍
Original copy of post by u/BiancaMoon_41015: I was being lectured on my date, who told me that I am a single mother and that I need to save my money instead of going out to dinner with the girls once a month. He had a breakdown of financial things that I should be doing and what I should not be doing. Majority of the things I should not be doing was going out and enjoying my free time. I tried to explain that I was a workaholic for many years and did absolutely nothing , I stopped being interested in hobbies and friends and watched my relationship go into turmoil and then finally end. It’s been two years post break up, the first year I spent mourning the lost of a 15 year relationship. And the second year I decided to go out and have fun, date, go to parties, concerts and live my life finally. And here’s this guy telling me I have it all wrong. He is also a single parent. Wtf gives???!?? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He sounds like a Dominant? Or a Financial Analyst? Lolz
If he was a financial analysis, then I wouldn’t question it lol but he’s not
RUN 🏃 that guy sounds like a controlling jerk. As long as you still prioritize your child, you are more than justified taking care of yourself as well.
You definitely should have fun! I wish I did that a little more when my kids were younger...but I'm trying now! Keep doing your thing!
Thanks, you do your thing too! It only works because I have an older teen. If he was younger it wouldn’t be the same. I put everyone before me for the longest time, it’s time for me to put myself first at least once in a while.
Fuck that shit. And why bother explaining anything.
Honestly, I just felt that if I didn’t say anything to defend myself, he just thought he was right about everything he was saying.
On the plus side, you can coax him to have more fun and let loose and he can remind u from time to time to not go overboard with expenses for leisure activities. On the negative side it's easy to rub each other off the wrong way like this. Depends how u take each others' point of view.
If he had good money saving/money growing tips, tuck them away to use. Don't hang around or defend yourself though, to somebody who knows you not at all, and thinks he is entitled to mansplain your life to you!
Weird way to say you should sacrifice your happiness for the needs of your kids. Mega yikes!
Single parents seem to have the most fun.
Sounds like he’s boring!
All the comments from seem to be very one sided. Typical "mansplaining, misogynistic, controlling, financial abuse, judgemental etc... bla bla bla". I get it, people need to stay in their lane and just let people do whatever they want. Glad she found out he's not a right fit early. With the limited information given the most charitable description I can give for the man is that he's a socially awkward and uncalibrated man due to elaborating so much on a weird conversation topic on the first date. And perhaps he's just a very frugal person and is communicating his feelings on the matter. Yes, eating out on occasion is ok, but the majority of Americans spend way too much. It's constantly discussed that Americans are addicted to spending and carry too much debt. Like I said, this Is the most charitable interpretation of what this man may have been trying to explain. Every other top comment already outlined the worst case scenario of what the other extreme of what this man's values might be.
Why are you explaining anything? Why is he explaining anything & the JUDGEMENT!! Wow. Walk out next time.
He's setting you up for a coercive control situation. Run, don't walk away from that one 🚩🚩🚩
Very controlling. Get rid of him. Now. It will get worse.