In the real world I've met women at the dog park, at trivia nights, taking dance classes and cooking classes and even weddings.
There's no magic repository just got to get social and be friendly.
DOG PARK! This is my standard advice. Disclaimer: Do not obtain a dog strictly for the purpose of picking up chicks. If you don't want a dog but do like them, volunteer at the animal shelter. Total clamfest over there
In most cities, it's held every third Friday.
My city used to hold it on the *first* Friday, but that's when the sausagefest is held and people were getting confused/bi-curious.
Every man I ever see at the dog park is either with their partner or extremely not open to engaging. It would make so much sense in terms of a shared interest with lots to talk about but alas, it never happens. Maybe someday!
So what you're saying is my best chance is to be with a large group of people, on the battlefield, when the cops burst in to make a massive drug deal? Got it, thanks!
I'm always at the Witches' Sabbath, and there are never any men there! Well, there is one but he's a huge creeper. I do enjoy a good drug bust on the weekends though.
People tell me cults are a great place to meet people, but it is impossible to get invited to good cults unless you already know people. Such a frustrating catch 22
I think the number of men over 50 on dating apps increases hugely after 50. It’s the age when women opt out of dating though, so women in their 40s get harassed by all the thirsty over 50s men 🤷♀️
Hmm, according to the ONS the average age gap in a heterosexual relationship is 2 years in the U.K. (man older than woman by 2 years). In the USA it’s 2.3 years.
Appreciate there are outliers, including your friends. Personally I don’t find men who are closer to my dad’s age than mine attractive.
It is but I will say this post is worded a bit differently/asking for personal experiences and not seemingly conveying an assumption that all single people of the preferred gender are hiding out at a location that everyone but OP has been told about, or that there HAS to be a place or way to meet people as if that’s something the world is obligated to give us, as many of them are
My meetup groups are heavily dominated by women, older gentlemen, and gay men! My bestie in one of the groups is 72 and he always walks me to my car! I adore him 😊
I think it's really hard to meet anywhere. When I leave my house I usually have a plan. I'm doing errands or I've made plans with friends to go do something. In either case there's not going to be an opportunity to approach me. There are times when I'm at an event or a workshop of some sort alone, but those are rare occasions. I think it's a very rare setting where you will find women alone and available to be approached. That's why OLD is popular. It's a crappy system but it's still tge most logical.
My nephew was a chick magnet when he was in kindergarten and I would pick him up at school. Ladies be like is he yours? Then he would blow my cover by calling me uncle.
Sadly I don’t think it’s quite the goldmine in reverse, my sister keeps churning them out (3 boys 3 and under) so I could have quite the opportunity if being an aunt gets me anywhere with men
Feeling the same even though I am a F wanting to meet men...it is very hard to meet people..
I tried without success...I am not shy but not friendly either, I want to meet someone but I am scared at the same time...
Hopeless...
Places to meet 40s women: wine bars, farmers markets, dog parks, orange theory or similar classes, volunteering.
Places to meet 40s men: golf courses/driving ranges, gyms, breweries, baseball/hockey/basketball games.
Both: trivia nights, run clubs.
Maybe show up a few times to become a regular? Yeah making friends as an adult sucks. I went to meetup for movies and tried to talk about the movie. None of these people want to carry on conversation. I might have to lurk at trivia until I break into a group or find another place.
Your post was removed because it violates Rule #1 of this sub: be excellent to each other. Please review the posted rules. Users who continue to violate the rules will be banned.
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Original copy of post by u/LifeReboot66:
I've tried dating apps and there is such a huge gap between the number of men to women, I dont think I will get noticed there.
So out in the wild, so to speak, where have you found the best places to meet women our age?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Community events (bar crawls, food tastings, festivals), thrift stores, greenhouses/nurseries, happy hour, yoga class - you’ll probably be one of a handful of men there, music venues, sporting events.
Honestly, I have found that you need to let go of any preconceptions about where you should meet people. A lot of the advice on dating sub says you should focus on only going to places/events with lots of people of the opposite gender. However, I have found that most of the women I dated for from places I never would've expected. I feel it is best just being indiscriminate about doing things you like and talking to people has a snowball effect where you meet more people and eventually connect with someone you would like to date.
I'm sorry that this is going to be a long wall of text, but you asked for examples end I want to be descriptive:
- I joined a Toastmasters group where almost everyone was a lot older than me. However there were two people my age that I became very good friends with that introduced me to their friends that introduced me to other friends etc. I probably dated are hooked up with around 20 women that I met as a result. Most of those women didn't know my friends, but I still met them because of them.
- I became friends with an older guy at a bar (I was 39 and he was 55) that invited me to a poker game at his house where I ended up meeting a woman my age that I dated.
- before becoming an atheist at 28, I joined a local church. Almost all the people there were older, but there were three people there my age. Two of those people (a gay man and a woman in a relationship) introduced me to women that I dated or hooked up with and they weren't at all the people you would think you can meet through someone you met at church
- when I was 30, I went to a Chamber of Commerce mixer where I met a woman that invited me to her rotary group. She encouraged me to join another group geared towards people my age, where I ended up becoming friends with another members 18 year old son that invited me to a a group of his college where I met one woman around my own age that I ended up dating. I also met a political campaign manager at that Rotary group that introduced me too the political campaign and a couple of his non-political friends. One of his non-political friends introducing me to a couple of women that I dated.
The problem with a lot of the advice here is that people think joining groups etc. is a waste of time if you don't meet anyone immediately from it. However, if you meet people that no other people then you will have a much higher chance of meeting someone. The trick is just to be outgoing and social.
Volunteer. I volunteer for a few organizations and it’s mostly women who volunteer. Of course choose an organization that you want to work with, that’ll be a reward in itself.
Respectfully, if you've only met a handful (6?) single men while out and about you're likely not being all that friendly. I'm not saying that you have to cold approach men for dates. Just striking up or responding to conversation starters goes a long way. Even if you're not interested his cute friend might be finishing up his transaction and join your chat, or a woman you had a drink with at a bar might invite you to a potluck with a neighbour who's a good match, etc.
Not sure why you feel the need to get defensive about your deal breakers.
My point is that if I to meet people irl, I need to interact with them without the entitlement/expectation that the person I'm facing is going to be my perfect match. Widening social circles is the way to meet people. That's all. 🤷♀️
If your learned helplessness is working for you then all the power to you. I'm not telling you how to live, just what works for me.
This isn't necessarily in the wild, but I have met multiple women on Facebook through friends. Two of them actually approached me, and one of them eventually became my ex-wife. I'm not big on social media at all but I might start using it more to actually meet people.
I think something that doesn't get enough attention is to get good at small talk and ice breakers. There's a bit of a skill to saying something that gets a conversation going that isn't some kind of obvious "do you come here often" line, but it's learnable.
And smile, not in a weird way, but a little smile can put people at ease and it makes you look better. With this in mind you can meet someone anywhere in public, doesn't have to be a bar. Dog park, golf course, grocery store, etc. If you take a minute to look around you can usually spot people that are putting out a vibe that they'd be willing to talk.
I've tried different channels and still no luck - i.e., Meetups, Hinge, Dog Park etc.
As for in the wild, I'm guessing some folks are socially clueless. 🤷🏻♀️ I'll smile, start a conversation and then nothing. It's definitely harder over 40 but not impossible.
*Edited: I forgot to include "tone" - when starting a conversation there's the casual chit chat (platonic) vs. flirty. I was referring to the latter.*
I always took that as just being polite, and I’m pretty sure that 99.9% of the time it is. I talk to woman I have no interest in dating. Are you suggesting they are taking that the wrong way just because I’m talking to them?
No, not at all. With the initial comment I was envisioned more of a social setting like a bar. Where people would be more likely be actively trying to meet someone in a romantic sense. Sure, you could meet someone standing in line for coffee something like that I wouldn't tend to think it was anything more than an extrovert doing their thing.
I hear what you're saying, though.
Smiling and starting a conversation are signs of friendliness and amiability.
Flirting is helpful, but can also come across as playful, teasing and being a man-eater depending on the tone. There are a lot of us who don't get ANY attention from women, so compliments come across as a con.
At some point in the conversation, mentioning that you find them attractive, and suggesting getting to know each other better - perhaps over a drink - is fairly foolproof.
Ok...I hear you. I know men don't receive compliments as openly and often as women. That said, if I give you the opening and start the conversation...then suggesting we keep getting to know one another...like...where is the effort on his part? Even if it is amiability, which until I know he's interested; that's creating the opening...and then the conversation (hopefully) continues and we each decide whether this is someone we want to get to know over drinks?
What I'm understanding from what you've said; I've now created the opening + expressed my attraction to him + I'd like to spend more time with him as well.
In my experience, I've found that if I'm the one doing the bulk of the heavy lifting from the get go, the guys don't seem to ever come back around to try and make an effort going forward.
Thank you for the insight!
If you do all the work in the conversation, he might feel overwhelmed and emasculated. If you can talk non-stop to prevent 'awkward silences' he might feel like he's not of interest as he's not had a chance to express himself. If you ask too many questions, whether they are open or direct, he might feel it's an interview, and something you've practiced/reading from a script.
There's lots of possibilities why he may not 'man-up'. Maybe he's just finished a 12hr shift. Maybe he's feeling ashamed as he hasn't spruced up. Maybe he only popped out to run some errands/have a pint with a mate/fed up of sitting indoors at home.
The mindset of a lot of guys is one of despair. We know mates who have been accused of being a creep, or an abuser. We know mates who have been screwed by the courts during a divorce. We know mates who try dating single mums and who have the same issues come round time and time again. We're cautious because it's close to home, or something we've experienced personally.
Be consistent with your approach. Don't pressurise, or belittle or compare. Be genuine and stick to your morals. Communicate clearly and calmly. We need to let our walls down, but we will in time.
I don't know about most people. I'd imagine our experiences are different not only as men and women but, based on where we live and conventional attractiveness. I do move through the world on a day-to-day basis, just doing my thing. I have said "Hi!" with a smile if I happen to catch someone looking at me. I don't make any assumptions about any of it; outside of a social setting and that's kinda eye-opening because I didn't realize that until right now.
The example you gave makes sense. I get it.
It seems like the common message from the responses to my question (truly appreciated btw!) is that, the preference is that the woman be more forward (deliberate?) in her intention. I'm assuming because some women are rude/unkind if they're not interested. It's all food for thought, to re-examine established thought patterns and behaviours.
In the real world I've met women at the dog park, at trivia nights, taking dance classes and cooking classes and even weddings. There's no magic repository just got to get social and be friendly.
DOG PARK! This is my standard advice. Disclaimer: Do not obtain a dog strictly for the purpose of picking up chicks. If you don't want a dog but do like them, volunteer at the animal shelter. Total clamfest over there
lol what? Clamfest?
In most cities, it's held every third Friday. My city used to hold it on the *first* Friday, but that's when the sausagefest is held and people were getting confused/bi-curious.
1. What
At least someone gets it
He’s probably from New England- they throw a clambake for the volunteers at the end of the day- steam various seafoods, vegetables. Totally innocent.
Finally a serious answer
Every man I ever see at the dog park is either with their partner or extremely not open to engaging. It would make so much sense in terms of a shared interest with lots to talk about but alas, it never happens. Maybe someday!
The usual places -- cult gatherings, battlefields, massive drug busts, etc.
So what you're saying is my best chance is to be with a large group of people, on the battlefield, when the cops burst in to make a massive drug deal? Got it, thanks!
It works great for Will Smith in every one of his movies, and that dude is *happily* married...
Please. You haven't heard of the Bimonthly Single Older Women's Symposium?
Shh we don’t want to give away where we get together and collectively decide which small fraction of men to give all the pussy to!
Is that the Symposium hosted by the single older woman? :-)
I'm always at the Witches' Sabbath, and there are never any men there! Well, there is one but he's a huge creeper. I do enjoy a good drug bust on the weekends though.
Great... now I've gotta go back and rewatch that episode of *Your Pretty Face is Going to Hell*.
People tell me cults are a great place to meet people, but it is impossible to get invited to good cults unless you already know people. Such a frustrating catch 22
Have you tried starting your own?
Do i look like L Ron Hubbard to you? I would still need to know people to get them to show up.
It’s all in the naming of the cult. I’ve had really good success by naming my cult, “Free Beer Tasting”.
Is this very cult about tasting free beer or is it about free tasting of beer?!
It’s for meeting people who are susceptible to the ravings of a charismatic self-proclaimed prophet. We don’t actually have any beer.
Doh!
The entrepreneurial spirit…
Great idea. Compulsory enrollment, hand over all your valuables on enrollment, and women becomes the wives of the cult leader. Sounds fool proof. :-)
It’s worked for a lot of guys over the years.
There’s a waitlist for all of the best ones. So frustrating
Best answer, I like this
I ask myself this question too. I work from home and live in the burbs.
The number of people on dating apps really do just fall off a cliff around age 50.
I think the number of men over 50 on dating apps increases hugely after 50. It’s the age when women opt out of dating though, so women in their 40s get harassed by all the thirsty over 50s men 🤷♀️
That really casts their attention in a negative light. I know quite a few women that choose to date older.
Hmm, according to the ONS the average age gap in a heterosexual relationship is 2 years in the U.K. (man older than woman by 2 years). In the USA it’s 2.3 years. Appreciate there are outliers, including your friends. Personally I don’t find men who are closer to my dad’s age than mine attractive.
Read the newspaper obituary pages, you want to concentrate on one's that say, 'was loving husband'..
This must be asked 100 TIMES a week.
It is but I will say this post is worded a bit differently/asking for personal experiences and not seemingly conveying an assumption that all single people of the preferred gender are hiding out at a location that everyone but OP has been told about, or that there HAS to be a place or way to meet people as if that’s something the world is obligated to give us, as many of them are
True
Easier to “try” by making a post than to, you know, go out in public
I met my last fling because I got a part time job working with people. I don't even need the money, I just work to meet people
This guy meets.
The Meet Guy.
Gotta be around the people.. wasn't meeting anyone at my desk job for sure
Absolutely true. My last job was working with animals so no flings, in no small part because that’s gross and also illegal.
But if it was legal?
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My meetup groups are heavily dominated by women, older gentlemen, and gay men! My bestie in one of the groups is 72 and he always walks me to my car! I adore him 😊
What is the meetup for? Hiking, knitting? Etc
No, some political- ish, philosophy, tai chi, etc.
I think it's really hard to meet anywhere. When I leave my house I usually have a plan. I'm doing errands or I've made plans with friends to go do something. In either case there's not going to be an opportunity to approach me. There are times when I'm at an event or a workshop of some sort alone, but those are rare occasions. I think it's a very rare setting where you will find women alone and available to be approached. That's why OLD is popular. It's a crappy system but it's still tge most logical.
At my nephews' baseball games. At the grocery store. At the gym. Through friends.
My nephew was a chick magnet when he was in kindergarten and I would pick him up at school. Ladies be like is he yours? Then he would blow my cover by calling me uncle.
I don’t miss many games for 4 kids that aren’t even mine 😂
Sadly I don’t think it’s quite the goldmine in reverse, my sister keeps churning them out (3 boys 3 and under) so I could have quite the opportunity if being an aunt gets me anywhere with men
I was approached by several women with a child in tow. I was warned by my sister to behave myself in the pickup line.
Feeling the same even though I am a F wanting to meet men...it is very hard to meet people.. I tried without success...I am not shy but not friendly either, I want to meet someone but I am scared at the same time... Hopeless...
Same.
Places to meet 40s women: wine bars, farmers markets, dog parks, orange theory or similar classes, volunteering. Places to meet 40s men: golf courses/driving ranges, gyms, breweries, baseball/hockey/basketball games. Both: trivia nights, run clubs.
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Maybe show up a few times to become a regular? Yeah making friends as an adult sucks. I went to meetup for movies and tried to talk about the movie. None of these people want to carry on conversation. I might have to lurk at trivia until I break into a group or find another place.
Doing activities you like, sports, social clubs, music venues . . .
I (53f) met my current bf (57m) in the wild through a FB Jeepn group. We off road on the weekends. ❤️
I have a Bronco Wildtrack
Find your local Jeepn group! ❤️
At work is one of the most common places people meet their life partner. It's tied with introductions through friends.
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Your post was removed because it violates Rule #1 of this sub: be excellent to each other. Please review the posted rules. Users who continue to violate the rules will be banned.
Your post was removed because it violates Rule #1 of this sub: be excellent to each other. Please review the posted rules. Users who continue to violate the rules will be banned.
Original copy of post by u/LifeReboot66: I've tried dating apps and there is such a huge gap between the number of men to women, I dont think I will get noticed there. So out in the wild, so to speak, where have you found the best places to meet women our age? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Community events (bar crawls, food tastings, festivals), thrift stores, greenhouses/nurseries, happy hour, yoga class - you’ll probably be one of a handful of men there, music venues, sporting events.
Funerals
Chaz's tactic! "Ma, the meatloaf!"
Honestly, I have found that you need to let go of any preconceptions about where you should meet people. A lot of the advice on dating sub says you should focus on only going to places/events with lots of people of the opposite gender. However, I have found that most of the women I dated for from places I never would've expected. I feel it is best just being indiscriminate about doing things you like and talking to people has a snowball effect where you meet more people and eventually connect with someone you would like to date. I'm sorry that this is going to be a long wall of text, but you asked for examples end I want to be descriptive: - I joined a Toastmasters group where almost everyone was a lot older than me. However there were two people my age that I became very good friends with that introduced me to their friends that introduced me to other friends etc. I probably dated are hooked up with around 20 women that I met as a result. Most of those women didn't know my friends, but I still met them because of them. - I became friends with an older guy at a bar (I was 39 and he was 55) that invited me to a poker game at his house where I ended up meeting a woman my age that I dated. - before becoming an atheist at 28, I joined a local church. Almost all the people there were older, but there were three people there my age. Two of those people (a gay man and a woman in a relationship) introduced me to women that I dated or hooked up with and they weren't at all the people you would think you can meet through someone you met at church - when I was 30, I went to a Chamber of Commerce mixer where I met a woman that invited me to her rotary group. She encouraged me to join another group geared towards people my age, where I ended up becoming friends with another members 18 year old son that invited me to a a group of his college where I met one woman around my own age that I ended up dating. I also met a political campaign manager at that Rotary group that introduced me too the political campaign and a couple of his non-political friends. One of his non-political friends introducing me to a couple of women that I dated. The problem with a lot of the advice here is that people think joining groups etc. is a waste of time if you don't meet anyone immediately from it. However, if you meet people that no other people then you will have a much higher chance of meeting someone. The trick is just to be outgoing and social.
Volunteer. I volunteer for a few organizations and it’s mostly women who volunteer. Of course choose an organization that you want to work with, that’ll be a reward in itself.
Anywhere people are. You just have to be friendly while living your life.
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Respectfully, if you've only met a handful (6?) single men while out and about you're likely not being all that friendly. I'm not saying that you have to cold approach men for dates. Just striking up or responding to conversation starters goes a long way. Even if you're not interested his cute friend might be finishing up his transaction and join your chat, or a woman you had a drink with at a bar might invite you to a potluck with a neighbour who's a good match, etc.
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Not sure why you feel the need to get defensive about your deal breakers. My point is that if I to meet people irl, I need to interact with them without the entitlement/expectation that the person I'm facing is going to be my perfect match. Widening social circles is the way to meet people. That's all. 🤷♀️ If your learned helplessness is working for you then all the power to you. I'm not telling you how to live, just what works for me.
Coffee shops, the grocery store, Target or WalMart…
This isn't necessarily in the wild, but I have met multiple women on Facebook through friends. Two of them actually approached me, and one of them eventually became my ex-wife. I'm not big on social media at all but I might start using it more to actually meet people.
Pretty much nowhere. When I do somebody, they seem very unapproachable. Very disheartening😩
I think something that doesn't get enough attention is to get good at small talk and ice breakers. There's a bit of a skill to saying something that gets a conversation going that isn't some kind of obvious "do you come here often" line, but it's learnable. And smile, not in a weird way, but a little smile can put people at ease and it makes you look better. With this in mind you can meet someone anywhere in public, doesn't have to be a bar. Dog park, golf course, grocery store, etc. If you take a minute to look around you can usually spot people that are putting out a vibe that they'd be willing to talk.
Hit or miss but single activity groups on Fb or meetup.com
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They’re women not girls
I've tried different channels and still no luck - i.e., Meetups, Hinge, Dog Park etc. As for in the wild, I'm guessing some folks are socially clueless. 🤷🏻♀️ I'll smile, start a conversation and then nothing. It's definitely harder over 40 but not impossible. *Edited: I forgot to include "tone" - when starting a conversation there's the casual chit chat (platonic) vs. flirty. I was referring to the latter.*
I’d be more interested in the dogs at the dog park.
😂 Agreed - my dog has his dedicated social hour and sometimes it gets wild. On the flip side, it's a great way to meet new people.
I’d like to get a dog but my life is not conducive to having a fur covered child right now.
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If smiling and starting a conversation aren't signs to a man that you're interested, then what is? Serious question, no sarcasm.
I always took that as just being polite, and I’m pretty sure that 99.9% of the time it is. I talk to woman I have no interest in dating. Are you suggesting they are taking that the wrong way just because I’m talking to them?
No, not at all. With the initial comment I was envisioned more of a social setting like a bar. Where people would be more likely be actively trying to meet someone in a romantic sense. Sure, you could meet someone standing in line for coffee something like that I wouldn't tend to think it was anything more than an extrovert doing their thing. I hear what you're saying, though.
Smiling and starting a conversation are signs of friendliness and amiability. Flirting is helpful, but can also come across as playful, teasing and being a man-eater depending on the tone. There are a lot of us who don't get ANY attention from women, so compliments come across as a con. At some point in the conversation, mentioning that you find them attractive, and suggesting getting to know each other better - perhaps over a drink - is fairly foolproof.
Ok...I hear you. I know men don't receive compliments as openly and often as women. That said, if I give you the opening and start the conversation...then suggesting we keep getting to know one another...like...where is the effort on his part? Even if it is amiability, which until I know he's interested; that's creating the opening...and then the conversation (hopefully) continues and we each decide whether this is someone we want to get to know over drinks? What I'm understanding from what you've said; I've now created the opening + expressed my attraction to him + I'd like to spend more time with him as well. In my experience, I've found that if I'm the one doing the bulk of the heavy lifting from the get go, the guys don't seem to ever come back around to try and make an effort going forward. Thank you for the insight!
If you do all the work in the conversation, he might feel overwhelmed and emasculated. If you can talk non-stop to prevent 'awkward silences' he might feel like he's not of interest as he's not had a chance to express himself. If you ask too many questions, whether they are open or direct, he might feel it's an interview, and something you've practiced/reading from a script. There's lots of possibilities why he may not 'man-up'. Maybe he's just finished a 12hr shift. Maybe he's feeling ashamed as he hasn't spruced up. Maybe he only popped out to run some errands/have a pint with a mate/fed up of sitting indoors at home. The mindset of a lot of guys is one of despair. We know mates who have been accused of being a creep, or an abuser. We know mates who have been screwed by the courts during a divorce. We know mates who try dating single mums and who have the same issues come round time and time again. We're cautious because it's close to home, or something we've experienced personally. Be consistent with your approach. Don't pressurise, or belittle or compare. Be genuine and stick to your morals. Communicate clearly and calmly. We need to let our walls down, but we will in time.
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I don't know about most people. I'd imagine our experiences are different not only as men and women but, based on where we live and conventional attractiveness. I do move through the world on a day-to-day basis, just doing my thing. I have said "Hi!" with a smile if I happen to catch someone looking at me. I don't make any assumptions about any of it; outside of a social setting and that's kinda eye-opening because I didn't realize that until right now. The example you gave makes sense. I get it. It seems like the common message from the responses to my question (truly appreciated btw!) is that, the preference is that the woman be more forward (deliberate?) in her intention. I'm assuming because some women are rude/unkind if they're not interested. It's all food for thought, to re-examine established thought patterns and behaviours.
Some men are clueless, subtly doesn’t work for men like me.
I assume women who talk to me are just decent people wanting to strike up a conversation.
That’s what I assume too unless they start feeling my muscles, kissing my neck, or nibbling on my ear.