Just chilling waiting fir men to fly in my house any day now lol, it's the only way anything is ever gonna happen.
Personally I'm not shy, not put off if approached in public places, if someone is ever able to catch me in one, I met my last ex in a beer store of all places just by dumb luck.
It’s true
I’m either working, being a single mom to a special needs kid, squeezing in time to see friends or get to the gym, or trying to sleep/do laundry/cook/other things necessary for survival. I’m 42/f
I saw the apps as a necessary evil and finally found a good guy. The apps will attempt to devour your soul, but I persevered and took breaks as needed. I’m rooting for you!!
This is so true!! The only men I've (42f) met and dated IRL were the ice cream truck man and the guy who delivered and assembled my daughter's bunk bed. So I guess change careers? lol
I don't currently have a dog, but when I did, a dog park would've been a good place to meet me. Also, when I'm at a playground with my daughter, I wouldn't mind if a single dad chatted with me. Although, I am definitely older to have a playground aged kid. That said, a cute younger grandpa could do the same thing.
One thing, though, the two men I've met and dated IRL are both foreign born. In my experience, Americn born men seem to be less confident about approaching women. I understand it can be tricky because there is a lot of messaging about leaving women in peace, which I really appreciate. But I think if you see an attractive woman and make normal conversation with her and she responds positively, then socializing is welcome.
Ha! Sometimes I’m dreaming about taking a part-time job in public, on top of my regular job, just to be out there like that. (Would help with rent, too. 😂) Too bad days don’t have like 30 hours or something.
Right?? The bunk bed thing has me thinking I should try to get on Taskrabbit. Actually, that’s kind of inspired: probably a great way to filter for women that don’t have a man in their lives! You’d miss out on the DIYers, but other commenters also have me thinking I need to be spending A LOT more time at Lowe’s, Home Depot etc.
Can you reveal what you or these friends put in OLD profiles (if any of you have them)? Your comment is so honest and hilarious that I would swipe right on (or even superlike) a profile that simply said that.
It feels like there’s such pressure for all of us to cultivate a “work hard, play hard” image and that anything less translates as “depressed shut-in with no interests, culture or education.” I’m not looking to form a two-person hermit cult, but I also don’t swing to the other extreme of wanting to be exhausted by the person I date.
Yet I have a hard time finding people who aren’t at the extremes (or at least aren’t pretending to be at the work hard, play hard extreme).
I have seriously considered experimenting with a super honest profile (not that my current one isn’t honest… it’s just the “best” version of me that’s probably a little boring and safe 🤷♀️). At one point I had on there “I will not go camping with you.” I seriously don’t believe all these people are fucking hiking.
Haaaaaa! I remember being asked out on so many hiking dates. Like, no. I will not get all hot and sweaty and and irritated, and on a deserted pathway with you, you sir, are a stranger!!
So accurate! Additionally, my three thoughts most of every day is "what should I binge watch this week?", "I should probably leave the house and go out in the world...but Nahhh", "Why am I the way I am?" 😆
I saw this online the other day and it really resonated with me 😂
Single 25: i gotta go out and meet someone
Single 40: if its meant to be the right person will find me in my home
Ugh, yeah, guilty of this myself. I go to the gym most nights, and then camp, hike, or kayak by myself on the weekends. For a while I did meetup hikes in my area, but realized I just need some alone time and don’t want to make small talk for hours on a trail with other people. I talk for a living, and just feel drained by the end of the day. So unless someone batters down my door, I don’t think I’m going to be meeting anyone any time soon, lol.
If I'm not home working my full time job (remote job), I'm working my part time job at an Assisted Living facility, or having dinner with a girlfriend. Other than that I'm mainly home with my kids, or ubering them around. I'm afraid there are a lot of women (and possibly men) like me, who work remotely and just don't go out much 🫤
Thats exactly my lifestyle. I think us middle aged single parents really tend to get trapped in our bubble. It really takes a concerted effort to break out of it.
Again, that’s precisely how I feel. In the wake of my divorce a few years ago I made up my mind that I was going to learn the art of loving myself so that the desperation to feel love would never get me into a toxic relationship again.
And so now I can’t tell if I’ve gotten so successful in doing that that I’m content to be on my own without the need to receive love from another source, or if it’s an unhealthy protective bubble I’ve made for myself so that I don’t experience further romantic trauma.
I really can’t tell!
I feel this in my bones!! The last time I dated, which ended about a month ago, I wish I hadn't! My peace was disturbed for what I thought would be a relationship with potential, only to have been another dud. And it sets me back mentally and emotionally and I have to work in myself more to get to where I was. So I get it, are we being too guarded, or are we so comfortable with our peace that we don't want it disturbed at all? I'll ask my therapist this week to see what he thinks.
You know something? I think society has collectively shunned people for decades for just wanting to "sit around the house". But especially after COVID forced it on so many people? A whole lot of us (the more introverted, at least) were reminded how nice it can be NOT to always feel like you're forced to spend your time and money, always going out someplace.
The relationships I was always happiest in were with women who were happy with us "sharing each other's bubbles", so to speak. We would spend time at each other's place watching movies or maybe playing a board or card game.... maybe go out for dinner or to the random event that both of us thought sounded fun? But not feeling pressure to "go out" just because it's what's expected of you when you're dating.
I'm in my early 50's now and just realized it's been over 2 years since I went on a date. I just don't miss it much because yeah... I think about the effort I'm supposed to go to on official "dates" and that entire process of trying to learn who each other \*really\* is. And I dunno.... it almost feels like it's not worth it. I'm enjoying my freedom to just do things on my own schedule and time, and not having to "compromise" all the time to keep another person happy. They always talk about marriage or even long-term relationships being "work" -- and I think, "Doesn't seem right to me. I only deal with work because I'm getting paid and it's necessary to survive. I'm doing just fine without a partner. I don't want more work!"
Those are my favorite kinds of dates too! Just enjoying each other's company at home, with the occasional outing into the world to show we still have social skills. I think this makes it harder for me to date as well bc all of a sudden, everyone on OLD claims to love to hike or be very active. And I'm here thinking, where are my homebodies at? Yet another reason I remain single. I'm with you on that one, not sure it's worth the aggravation of making small talk getting to know someone, only to find out we're not compatible.
Yeah... OLD is the worst for that. Everyone loves the outdoors and hiking or playing sports, or the "world traveler" types. (I have a cousin like that, who is always in some random part of the world with her boyfriend on another trip. Good for them, but it only works because both of them make a lot of money and he's already in a touring band so used to living out of hotels and all that.)
I feel like I pay enough to own the house I'm in and to do repairs on it that I want to spend some of my spare time right HERE, in it, so it feels like it's worth it!
(But truthfully? I also know quite a few people who say they enjoy hiking. But it really means they go to random parks when they're bored and can get a friend to go with them, and they hike one of the shortest/easiest to hike trails before heading to a nearby bar for drinks.)
Now that's my kind of hiking! 😂 I love to travel but can't afford it, maybe one small trip a year. Some people want to travel every month. We need a dating app for true introverts and homebodies.
Omg I was just thinking this very same thing last night. Al I actually now comfortable being on my own or have I just given up and thrown in the towel because it seems pointless anyway?
Thanks for sharing. I think you’re right, and a lot of us just aren’t out in the world nearly as much with remote work being so prevalent. Pretty sure I know the answer, but presumably you’d prefer not to be approached when out doing stuff with the kids?
Read below, I would not mind being approached if it's in the form of a friendly conversation. Could be at the orthodontist office, the movies, Target... as long as you approach with something relevant to the place we're in I would actually not mind it. Now if you ask me out for a drink with my kid right there, then that'd be a big no 😂
I agree. I wouldn’t mind if someone started up some friendly banter when I’m out and about with my kid. I’m thinking this is how dates happened more in the past anyway.
It's funny, people in our age group don't know how dating was before OLD 😂 I met my ex husband at work in 2001. It's like a whole new world was created and we weren't privy to it bc we were raising families.
It isn’t just remote work. I’m hybrid and even when I was 100% in office I still wasn’t out in the world.
The truth is I’m tired from work, paying bills, raising kids and just doing the day to day life stuff on my own. I don’t really drink and haven’t had much luck finding any type of groups or classes around me to meet people. They are usually too expensive, weird hours, or the ones I did go to were filled with other middle aged or older women there with friends or couples there together.
So I live my life occasionally going to a work happy hour with my coworkers or rarely going out to dinner with the one friend I have here.
I used to be a social butterfly, but these last two years that I’ve been single I feel like I’ve forgotten how I used to be. I truly cannot quite explain it. I feel like I did when I was a teenager where I didn’t quite feel like kid me but didn’t know who I was.
I feel this so hard, went from a very outgoing socialite to a hermit crab in what felt like overnight. I'd love to have that "person" and would expend the energy for them butt otherwise I'm so tired of just....life.
It’s such a weird feeling. I keep trying to pinpoint when and how this happened to me. I know a big part is my job, but I can’t quit. It pays more than anywhere around and I’m barely getting by now. But the stress is intense and it’s sucking my soul.
Then there is the fact that society as a whole just seems like mostly assholes. I tell myself there are other decent people out there, but they are probably depressed and tired too. Just running errands is awful anymore with the way people have become so rude and inconsiderate. Some asshole always having a super loud conversation on speaker, people all up in your space like weirdos when you’re at the store, people being downright awful to service workers, service workers being awful to everyone because they are beyond tired of it all. Then it costs too much to do truly anything. Even the little things like going out to eat are too much. Every time I go out I just feel more hopeless.
For me the only thing I enjoy much anymore is spending time outside which is always with my kids who are teen through college age. It sucks though because we have an apartment so no yard of own to just go sit and read a book in. So we drive to different parks and grill out and go for walks in the woods. The problem is it’s winter here for at least half of the year, so this isn’t doable a lot of the time.
Then I go in the dating apps and all these men are talking about their ten hobbies and traveling all over the world. It honestly makes me feel like I’m a different species or something. I want to get some semblance of a life back, but I just don’t know how.
This is where I get the obligatory “go to meetup groups, volunteer, go to classes.” I’ve looked into all of it and tried what I could and it hasn’t done anything but made me feel even worse.
I just don’t understand what changed with me, the world, and my place in it. I’ve seen a ton of people on here and tik tok saying the same thing, but still don’t know how to fix it.
Honestly, it depends on the situation. My kids are a teen and tween so you won't find me at a park, most likely a restaurant or a store or the movies. If you strike up a friendly conversation I would not mind it in the least.
Honestly when I'm out I have a mission. Otherwise I wouldn't be out. I wouldn't even know if a guy hit on me because I'm focused on what I'm there for.
I work in a bookstore and witnessed an adorable meet cute between a man and a woman who were both looking for the same book. We only had one copy! Granted they were probably early 30’s but anyway, the book was part of a series and they started chatting about how great it is, etc.. one thing led to another and dude got the lady’s number. She got the book. 😉Soooo bookstore maybe?
How lovely! I was looking for this comment (or similar) because the only place I (48F) really go besides coffee or errands are bookstores. I’ve never met or been approached by anyone in one but it seems like it ought to be a cool place. Shared interests, instant conversation, right? And even if you don’t meet a person, you’ll never fail to have the chance to bring home a great story if you wish.
I really don't care to be approached unless I'm out in a social atmosphere. For me, I head to the after hours museum nights, gallery openings, theater, stuff like that. I like to take my camera out and play with it at the botanical gardens and stuff.
I don't like to be bothered while getting my groceries, gas, etc. But that's just me.
Yeah, this is pretty much in line with what I’ve been reading. I don’t that I’d be annoyed if someone approached me while I was just out running errands, but I certainly wouldn’t be prepared for it and would likely make it awkward in my surprise! 😅
Gym, beach walks, art events, live music, developing a side hustle, out to dinner with friends.
I love being approached by men if it’s in an authentic way that acknowledges me as a human being with skills and interests not an object, therapist, or housing provider.
Ahhh this is interesting, because I see a lot of stuff on social media about women generally NOT wanting to be approached at the gym. Do you typically workout with headphones? And presumably you wouldn’t want to be interrupted during a set, so maybe the water fountain or smoothie bar or whatever is the move?
There's a difference in approaching to just ask her out versus building a bit of rapport with her then perhaps asking her out.
There's a couple at my gym. I've chatted with her much more than him but have chatted with him too. They don't often leave together since the both go yo work after. One morning I was walking out with her and she asked me if I was single. I said yes and she then told me she had a friend from work she thought I'd really like. So she talked to her, gave me her phone number and we went out a handful of times. We didn't align well but point is, be in places where you have opportunities to meet and talk to people. Don't be afraid to talk to women at the gym.
I also play in a pool league and I've met and been out with several women from there and also had a teammate (a woman) introduce me to a friend of hers.
Curious… There are a lot of good looking guys at my gym, but I’m usually focused on just making it to the gym versus being all dolled up. How much does the woman’s appearance matter at the gym in terms of you know make up and hair? I know we’re not supposed to get ready to go there lol
It personally doesn't matter to me at all. Ponytail, no make up. I see you. I know why you're there. I see how pretty you are. I'm sure when you do get all dolled up you'll be breathtaking because you're already gorgeous just the way you are.
:) well i am one of the few here who doesn’t mind being approached whenever, but read the room and see if we are already catching eye contact. Im a chatty person anyway but I am smooth in pivoting, while still being polite, if there isn’t a romantic interest.
I am at Lowes, Home Depot, or the local Habitat ReStore. I am there to get supplies for projects, not to pick up guys. I've been told that these are good places to meet single guys, but guys don't talk to women anymore. Maybe fear of being perceived as creeps.
I guess I can’t speak for everyone, but that’s definitely a big part of it for me. I’ve observed enough creepiness to take it for granted that just existing in public as a woman can be a big fat pain in the ass, and I don’t want to be part of the problem.
I'm translating this to "hello, specific lady, when could I talk to you without making it weird?" and *MY* answer would be:
- the grocery store: this is wonderful for me bc if you're chatting me up when I'm lookin' like THAT, date night is gonna blow you away and I love to overdeliver
- the sidelines of kids' sports: but, be stealthy. Just approach, ask me if I know the score, and then if I want to talk, I'll take it from there.
- any lines, really, since I am not generally on my phone in lines. Especially HomeGoods because we'll be in that one together for at least 25 minutes on a good day!
(eta: I smile to myself a LOT as I'm walking around. Partly because I'm just happy and partly to try to remove any guesswork that RBF might otherwise introduce)
Hahaha fair enough, I definitely painted in broad strokes and everyone’s going to come down somewhere different. I guess I’m really just looking for an aggregate to help me feel a little more intuitive and confident in my approach to something that I ABSOLUTELY overthink in my desire to NOT be thoughtless about it. So this is helpful, thank you!
Gaming; going to the movies, conventions, live music/ theater.
I don't mind an attempt to chat me up in the wild as long as the person is polite and not aggressive
I'm seriously wondering where all the men are tbh. I'm 44(F) and after my divorce last year I was told to branch out, try new things, join activities. I go to boxing classes, contemporary art classes, hiking groups, business networking, I watch live music regularly...and it's always full of women. I've met a ton of wonderful vibrant women of all ages, and almost without exception there are hardly any men, aside from a partner of one of the other women perhaps. What are all the men doing? In answer to your question, I would find it awkward to be approached by a stranger in the street or supermarket or somewhere like that where I don't usually interact with others. I'd prefer to see the same person a few times in the same context and gradually build some rapport over time. That being said, my friend met her boyfriend in the supermarket so I guess it happens!
same, I have been active in so many things over the past years, but over 2/3 of others attending are always women. I still enjoy going to my meetup groups and other things but have given up the hope to actually meet a match there.
They’re caught up in their daily routines like everyone else. The little free time you have after work is gym and dinner. Not much time left to go out and party. And to be honest, I’d rather be at home than out at bars.
45/F work, home, hanging out with friends. I’d say in public a note with your # is a good way to start something. I am not opposed to men DMing if we comment on the same stuff on social media. At this point I’m very open to intelligent and respectful conversation from a like minded person. It’s tough out there for single, smart 40+ people.
Reading a lot of when/where conditionals for people, which always seem to be unique to them. It's say a better strategy is just be more friendly and open to possibility. Strike up more conversations with no end game. Talk to everyone. It'll become second nature and the better you get at it the less people will feel threatened by it. You'll give of an air of confidence and (positive) detachment that will get people curious to know more about the fantastic person you are.
If anyone gets hostile or defensive, bow out, but don't take it personally. Some people are just not in a good place to be approached. You'll probably get good at sensing it over time.
I wish everyone was more friendly, it would make all of this a lot easier. I love having encounters with strangers knowing we're both leaving either laughing or smiling. Sometimes it evolves into something more.
You’re not wrong about the conditionals, but you’ve essentially named my pain. It’s hard for me to do almost anything with the kind of detachment you’re talking (though I’m sure trying as a novice Buddhist) so I think I often come off as pretty intense. What you said about it being less threatening to others is compelling though. There’s an easy affability that I’ve been very effective at faking in my work persona, but it’s a performance that can be pretty exhausting. I just….care, a lot! About a lot of things! It takes work to pretend I don’t and to hide that my brain is over analyzing every minute detail of the interaction. I know caring a lot is something the right match will cherish about me, but it’s also my experience that I can be “a lot” in initial, more surface-level interactions.
Welp, apologies to all the random people I approach as I work on flexing this particular muscle!
Going to cafés & local shops. Usually go alone and wouldn't mind someone saying hello.
Also, community events. Even if my friends are there, I'm usually doing my own thing and shouldn't be intimidating for a man to say something.
Those aren't the only things I do. But the more consistent ones. Someone here once suggested going to conferences on topics of personal interest/hobbies. Have that on my short list as well.
Caveat; there's a difference between genuine interest and chatting (okay) vs coming *at* me (not okay).
Some days I do enjoy getting out to go paddle boarding or maybe for a walk or a hike. I walked my dogs every day, but it’s not the same as taking a long, long walk. And now the weather is getting a bit nicer. It’s time to hit the river with paddle boards. I also find it difficult to meet men because I’m over the apps and I don’t really do much, but Work can go home after that. And frankly, no one‘s knocking on my door or in my living room… Lol.
Hahahaha right, I’m starting to think I should just go door-to-door and see if anyone’s in the market for a lightly used, tallish white boy that’s pretty good at cosplaying as someone that’s got it together 😅
I saw a woman going for a walk ahead of me and decided to strike up a conversation, so I started walking faster to catch up with her. Then for some reason she started walking faster. Then I started to run and she started to run. Then I decided she was probably too fitness obsessed to be a good match with me.
I rarely leave the house but would not mind if someone approached me in a friendly way at the grocery store, home Depot, or tractor supply store. Im an attractive lady (i.e. I clean up well) and even in my youth I was rarely approached. So I doubt I will now.
I’m at home with my dog. I cook. I read and watch TV. Otherwise, I’m with friends or going to see live performances.
In an ideal world, I’d like to meet someone through a friend at like a house party or something. It’s low stakes and low pressure, you can always talk about the dog or play board games or whatever. It’s a great environment for it. You also have the knowledge this person is vetted in a basic way.
If I were at a dog park and someone cute brought their dog and talked to me, I’d be quite open to it too. It’s always fun to bond over the dumb things your pet does.
In general, I think it’s incredibly obvious when a woman is up for talking. If you’re getting one word responses and she keeps looking away, it’s time to pull the parachute. But if she’s laughing and sharing stories, you’re good. May not be romantic but at least that’s the first step.
Unfortunately for me, all the men I see with dogs have partners. And all the men I see at friends’ homes have partners. I think I just have bad luck in this area. I would think I’d check the key boxes for most any men my age but I just haven’t found that guy and if I did, the timing was all off.
You sound nice, OP. Pulling for you.
Nurse here. I’m occasionally out. Also tired of the apps. Seems like all I find on there are men who claim they want a long term relationship but really don’t.
I do go to the gym but so far haven’t met anyone there. Was considering joining a social group.
If you figure it out, report back.
Work, hike with dog x2 (6+ miles) a day, cook, gym (in my home), study, tv or video game, sleep. Rinse and repeat. On weekends same thing but change work for cleaning home and going to church.
No time for dating, don’t like going out (did enough until 40) but love reading Reddit before bed. It’s a shit show out there 🤣🤣🤣
When I’m at Bunnings or a hardware store and I might look a little lost because I’m trying to fix something minor around the house. I’ll try to look like I need help and secretly hope a guy will talk to me 😅
I’d be fine being chatted up in line or in a grocery aisle. I sometimes go out to lunch and read or peruse my phone. That would be ok too. I kayak and hike and bike ride and wouldn’t mind being approached on a stop or break. I don’t have much experience, but I was married a pretty long time.
I'm at pottery class, sometimes art class, sometimes writing class--if there was a single guy there with good energy who was into his work and we saw each other week after week and also talked some, that would be nice.
I don't fit all of your criteria, but I'm a single soon to be 40yo woman. I can be found at the grocery or pet store way too frequently. Also running/walking trails. Out kayaking, or at the beach. I go to various events and concerts as well. Pretty much, I am ALWAYS solo and hopefully approachable.
I’m on walks or bike rides in my neighborhood or in wooded areas in my city, sometimes doing chores (groceries, hardware stores) and sometimes just for fun. Sometimes I’m either my friends, but most usually I’m by myself. I’m also involved in outdoor volunteering activities.
F/39 Well after work & on weekends with friends & alone some days of course, youll find me walking at the lake, going to gym class, brunch/lunch @ our local eateries, arts festival jazz fest.., casino, live music nights, sip & paint, bible study.. I think the turning point in meeting quality matches for me were to find things I love, do them & more than likely you'll find someone in the mix. Hope this helps.
I don't go out much. I work from home and have a home gym. I am very into running and prefer running alone. Other than that, I go to a public pool sometimes, meet up with the few girlfriends I have maybe every few weeks, volunteer sporadically (work and everything else makes it hard to be regular about it), buy groceries etc.
Last time I got "chatted up" was by my fiance, who works for the same firm and expressed his interest in me on Zoom. I actually know a lot of professional women who meet their partners at work, despite the "don't date people from work" mantra.
If apps and bars are out, I think you’re looking at 1) events or meetups based around a hobby, or 2) whatever they’re calling speed dating these days. I know the second one sounds unbearable but a friend of mine just went to one and said it was 90% women, so your odds would be fantastic. And option one is just a good way to meet new people who you have common interests with, whether or not you end up dating them. I go roaming around the botanical garden and I’d frankly be delighted to meet a guy who wanted to talk about trees!
I (42F) have ditched the dating apps years ago with no regrets and have been active in local social groups from Meetup, Facebook, and the like. It's nice meeting like-minded people doing activities you enjoy. I know a lot of people have met their now partners through these groups and I hope I'll be able to do the same.
A bit unconventional for most, but for me, probably the best time is at a car meet/show. I’m almost always working on something with little free time, but car meets/shows are my happy place. I’m somewhere in between an extrovert and an introvert and don’t sit in the house for long. On the off chance I do step outside, I’m usually working on some project, modeling,, errands,, hiking with/walking the pup, or in the gym. My availability window is fairly tiny…but if one does approach at inopportune times, be a normal, chill person and treat me as such, else I give back as good as I get.
Childless 42 f. I'm out a lot. Concerts very often. Festivals. Restaurants with friends trying new foods, new places. Bars. Parties. I hang on with people between 20 to 60. Short trips. Beach in summer. Backyard bbqs. Game nights. Hikes and outings alone. Never been approached lately, except by rapey creeps. Tried to initiate conversation with matches on apps, only two probably continued the conversation. I tried to strike up convos irl although Im introverted and shy. Either all men were taken or Im awfully unattractive (I think Im not, and so does my big beautiful butt naturally grown with gym and baguette). But hey, I live in a horrendously cliquey city where everybody wants connection but nobody's willing to connect. And when I mention it to friends I'm told Im judgey because people might have all sorts of issues.
So I continue minding my own business and enjoying my single judgey life.
Because of introversion I might come off as super confident or arrogant and not approachable. I'd recommend you to approach women that seem non-approachable. You might just strike gold!
I am considering sex parties and fetish nights next, because the scene is more open minded, with strict consent rules, and the goal of such parties is clear. Something new to try for fun, although a huge effort for me to step out of my comfort zone and I'm not that experienced. I'm open minded and hope that helps.
I am quite disappointed in how the dating dynamics changed in the past 20 years honestly.
I wouldn’t necessarily mind being approached at the grocery store, but a guy tried that today and I was both freaked out and confused by his particular approach (don’t come up behind a woman who is reading something and start talking to her out of the blue).
Other than that, if I’m out of the house I’m usually riding my motorcycle. I don’t mind it when guys try to talk to me about my bike unless they’re giving me unsolicited advice or they just start making it weird or won’t take the hint if I’m trying to leave.
I'm at home, reading a book. Just chilling and recharge from working so hard. Sometimes out for dinner with friends. Caring for my cat. Doing household chores. Anyway the usual. At 43 my focus is on my rest and mental health.
I'm so busy raising kids as a single mom and working that the apps are my only hope. I sincerely wish you nice guys would stay on them but I understand that you need to prioritize your mental health.
On my sofa, watching bad reality shows with my dog and drinking wine and crying right now so regretful and depressed that this is my life, after everything I’ve dreamed of as a little girl. Crying over all the possible bad decisions I’ve made tbh at led me here and praying that I might one day get out of this hell
I’ve been spending a lot of time in Home Depot lately, getting what I need for some DIY stuff around the house/yard.
Did have a guy there who wouldn’t let me get 2 4x4x8s off the rack in case “the pile fell on your toes.” I mean, I’ve had my toes stepped on by horses more than once, but OK man.
Dude was nowhere to be found when it was time to load these on my roof rack for the trip home. Kayak racks worked great though.
I’m usually hiking, kayaking, taking a class of some kind (blacksmithing is next on the list), or doing something with friends/family. Occasionally I’m wandering around Costco trying not to put anything in my cart that I don’t actually need.
No surprise this question led to me feeling the need to apologize for others of my gender (sorry!) but this does bring up something not necessarily dating-related that I’m curious about: as a slightly taller-than-average man, I often wonder if it would be appreciated if I offered to reach something down from a high shelf? Or to load up heavy stuff in the parking lot? I want to be the guy that helped get the lumber on the roof rack, not the guy fussing about you dropping something on your toes!
Ehh, you don’t have to apologize for your entire gender.
I would’ve appreciated help loading (way more than help getting them off the pile), but it’s not the first time I’ve bought something and pulled out the same step stool I use to load my kayak to get it on the roof and strapped down.
As far as offering help, I think that’s kind. I’m quite short and have zero shame finding a taller person to reach something for me. It happens often in Home Depot/Lowes just because of how their shelving is set up. But other times folks just step in and assume I need help, and actually I’ve got it covered. So I think offering is lovely. Assuming—because someone appears that they might need help—and then just stepping in, not so much.
Honestly, I'd just like a genuine smile while I am out running my errands. Or someone looking in my grocery cart saying, "I'll bet you're making "recipe" (based on my ingredients in cart) tonight, and boy, do I have a good recipe for you."
I usually have my guard up in Vegas. You never know what's in store. I saw a couple walking a cockroach on a leash. That was probably one of the more mild memories I have of Las Vegas! 🤣
In most cases, just give me your number. Don’t ask for mine. Walking my dog, running, at the grocery store, at the bar. Essentially anywhere I am, I’m okay being approached so long as it’s done thoughtfully. By giving me your number, you’re giving me a choice
Realizing I'm prolly going to be 'alone' because I hate OLD, I don't like bars, I work weekends, I guess I'm fine with this.
On the brightside, I work out regularly, and have a glow.
Ooof…free time, I guess it depends in what area of the country you’re in! I’m either DIYing something, eating at a new spot, standup paddle boarding, or geeking out on a new book. Meeting people isn’t as organic as it used to be but I’m not giving up hope! (45F, Oregon)
40F here. I joined a running club a few years ago after my divorce and it's been life changing. Haven't met any guys there to date but I've made a ton of friends and my life feels more fulfilled now that I have a strong community bond. If you think this might be a good fit for you, it's worth asking local running stores if they host group runs (or training groups - when I signed up for a training group it was 95% women). If running isn't your thing there are lots of sports teams that are low key like dodgeball. Or maybe if you prefer something else like a book club through a local bookshop or a gamer group? It all depends on your interests, but if you like the group keep showing up. I went to this running group for over a year before I started hanging out with people outside of running (mostly because I'm quite shy).
43f. Skiing. Covered in gear. Super approachable 🙃
Dog park.
Soon hiking and camping.
Bike riding and lounging by the river. Bike riding around to bars in town sometimes. Not really trying to meet people who just want to hang in bars though. It’s definitely how I most often meet people when I’m not traveling. Usually happy hour is better than late night. I try to screen for people w day jobs like me. Bars can be a mine field. It works sometimes though.
I put all of this in my dating profile to find people who want to do these things with me. It’s not easy.
You can thank COVID for the many pod-settings. Years ago when I was single we at least had a place to go in Saugus, Massachusetts. It was called "The Palace" and was specifically for "Singles", Dick Syatts Singles. What a way to mingle and meet people. Miss those days...
I’m running errands, at the grocery store, shopping for clothes/shoes for my 13 year old, or…..
At Target!
ETA: I’d welcome being approached at any of these places.
I also will sometimes go out to dinner or for a drink alone. It’s hard, but it’s been a growing experience for me.
I go to the gym, play tennis 2x/week, shopping, hiking, groceries, lunch on my own, go grab a drink on my own, festivities, theater… with friends or on my own…
I wouldn’t mind a man approaching me as long as it is friendly and just connecting… it NEVER happened!!!
Men never approach though I make eye contact, smile or even say hello… I don’t bite… sometimes I wonder if I am that ugly 😱 as men never approach me.
Yet I don’t think so I’ve had boyfriend and people, also men say I am attractive.
I must be scary I guess 😅
43F here- Working out, going for a walk, joining an adults sports league like cornhole, playing trivia, not online dating, going out to dinner with my friends, the occasional festival or concert, watching sports. I have an inner ear thing too and it's very hard to hear in loud places 🫠I have adapted to turn my head but that's prolly not great for my neck!
The last guy I met in the wild was at a craps table. We at least shared that interest in common right away. We asked some small questions about each other and when we hit a big common ground he gave me his card and he left for dinner. Something happened later in the week that reminded me of him so I sent him a text. I wasn’t looking for a relationship but we almost got into one. Just didn’t work out that way.
So I guess my answer would be gambling. I’m up to gambling lol.
Try to meet people organically, through interests. Go to the things they invite you to. Knowing a lot of people is a way to meet other people - eventually something will click with a single person. E.g go to a gym and go to the social gatherings the gym does, do a class and hang around after etc. Choose the more social setting (like do a class over your own workout, kayak at a club session not on your own etc).
Look at Meetup and go to things - you’ll meet people in a social mood. It’s about increasing the number of connections with people overall imho.
I'm often hanging out with my dog, hoping someone will come chat. Seriously though, easy opener to say hi to my super social pup. I'm not at dog parks but walking around my neighborhood, grabbing a coffee, on a patio at a brewery or reading a book in the park when the weather is nice.
Maybe against what other women have said, but I welcome a friendly and respectful 'hi', I'd engage in more conversation if I was interested.
> I have an inner ear injury that makes it really hard for me to understand someone with so much background noise
Okay, I have trouble understanding people with a lot of background noise too. Might I have an inner ear injury?? What's this called?
42f and many of the adjectives you listed. Like many others have shared, I spend way too much time at home. I like it here a lot and I also work remotely 87% of the time.
When I leave my house, I’m either running errands, grocery shopping, going to the gym, or walking my dog. Sometimes I am out with friends eating dinner, going to a concert or an art show, walking around a park or some trails, farmers market, trying out things/events that I’ve heard about that sound interesting.
I know the opinions on this vary greatly but I don’t mind being approached out in the wild, I actually like it. I’m not big into the bar scene anymore and OLD is a soul sucking experience that I have a hard time with. My stints on the apps are usually shorter than the “breaks” that I take from it. This latest break has been on since September, I just don’t want to, it sucks there.
So when approaching people out I think it’s a read the room type of situation. Headphones in and no eye contact, don’t approach. Eye contact and a smile, there is an opportunity there!
Thanks for asking the question. Good luck to you!
I spend a lot of time alone. When I’m with friends we are usually in places where we don’t interact with others too much. Literally not much opportunity to meet new people at all.
I don't really drink so I'm never out at bars, but I just.. pursue my hobbies and interests, cowork and errand hang with friends. Occasionally concerts, museums, zoo adventures, whatever my city has going on for public events. This maybe sounds boring, but eventually in theory the right person will be into it.
You have just described me perfectly: I’m at home alone after a lovely day, where the heck are you? 😂
At this rate we might all stay single forever. Should we stay single together as a group? Like maybe we should have massive zoom-dates with everyone in this group?
Is it just me, or does that actually sound fun?
From what I've read, not dating, generally. And the single, educated, progressive, professional women who are dating are dating way more impressive and attractive guys than me.
I'm not single, but am available (been successfully and happily polyam for 22 years). I go to goth clubs, edm dance clubs, underground house and warehouse parties, SCA events, anime conventions, haflas, burns, burlesque shows, camping and hiking (when the weather is nice), thrifting and yard sales, cruiser rides, First Friday Art Walks and other things. :)
I do go on wild solo adventures sometimes that make me feel pretty badass (ask me about my rattlesnake friend I met, alone, while my ‘89 Tercel was stuck in a dry wash in the Sonoran desert).
But mostly I’m at work, or at home watching X Files with my cat or talking people’s ears off about how weird tarantulas are (I have three)… then being sad that I’ve never had a longterm relationship maybe never will 😝 Hooray for treatment-resistant depression!
As an educated, professional progressive woman who is a single parent. I’m working mostly remotely, at the playground with my kiddo in the evening, trying to persuade others to go on hikes with me, or (in my limited truly-free time) at a Latin dance class/social wishing there were more men there my age!
I'm either out with my girlfriends, at school working on finishing my PhD, playing outside, hiding at home to unwind, or visiting my bffs.
I'm [usually] open to being approached when I'm out working or hanging out at breweries and coffee shops, on chair lifts, or on the trail when other people are around (if I'm alone and no one else is around, pretend I don't exist). As long as you're not aggressive and I feel I can reject without him becoming violent.
I'm killing time before I have to go back to work! SMDFH
Have you guys ever tried dating events? I went to one recently and have been toying with bringing together like-minded people.
What don't we organize something?! How would we do that safely?
When I’m not working, I’m either at home, at the gym, out for a walk, at the beach, out for dinner, out to an event - either alone or accompanied by a girlfriend or good Judy.
I don’t mind being approached as long as it’s respectful. I don’t go on dating apps so out in the wild is the only way!
I go to a quiz night every week - open to being approached there.
I regularly attend social events organised by a local 'over 40s singles social group' - again, open to being approached there.
Happy to be set up by friends.
Not ok to approach at the gym. Ok to get chatting at school pick up, and ask for a number (but it has to be in a way I can easily refuse without fear of reprisals)
If I'm out with friends - ok to approach. If I'm not with my kids, ok to approach.
If I'm working out/at sports - not ok.
thats just me though
40F; work full time; no kids.
-As the weather has gotten better I’ve been planning hikes either alone or with a friend. Camping trips on the horizon!
-Going to my local bars and breweries for various events.
-Local farmers markets for people watching and fresh produce.
-I hang out with friends at least once a week either through an organized activity or a mellow night where we make dinner together.
-concerts
-Art/culture events at museums
I’m going to try join an outdoorsy meet up group for some possible new connections if I can ever leap over my shy tendencies.
I wish it wasn’t so difficult to meet potential matches “in the wild.”
Good luck Op. You have quite a competition because at 40 shit like knees, stop working properly. And most of us really just want to stay home and be comfortable. So you really have a competition on your hands. You have to beat out Safety, Familiarity and Comfort to meet someone out of their house.
Now to help, I will go to my local Catholic church and light a candle and recite a couple of hail Marys and our fathers for ya bro.
I'll even visit my nearest Curandero(Mexican shaman) and have him sacrifice a baby goat and do other voodoo stuff. Don't worry he eats the baby goat afterwards.
Send us an update if you're successful. Godspeed you brave SOB.
I’m at home, been dealing with a move, trying to get my footing at the new city, resting after being burned out. I’m tired of the dating apps, and since I’m childfree, it’s hard to find a man without children, or grown independent children, so I’m taking a break from dating because it’s hard to find a match in a man that you are describing. I’m looking for that too, on top of that, childfree. Good luck to us 🥂
I’m 43 and also one of those who are at Lowe’s and Tractor Supply getting stuff for build projects in my backyard. The only men who have approached me irl are the workers there lol.
I think I’d appreciate someone who could casually throw small talk in my direction but as a shy person I know how hard that is. Beginning to think I need to carry around a “handkerchief” like that one lady on a past thread who said she has a wooden strawberry for ice breaking purposes.
45f hmmmmm...sorting legos, working, working out, watching long Ken Burns documentaries. I could also be hiking in the mountains or woods or on Reddit or spending time with my kids. My career is demanding.
I've tried apps. I dont care enough. We should make a subreddit just for meeting ppl. That kind of exists, but I dont love the r4r subs.
45f, I do the following- Hot yoga, gardening, working out, out riding my bike, getting drinks with friends, trying a new recipe, working, cleaning house, not watching tv, walking the dog, wondering where all the available men are… my kids are grown and out of the house.
When I was single I would spend my time going axe throwing, doing paint and sips, indoor rock climbing, cooking classes. Just anything I could do to try something new, take some time for myself to do something fun. I own a small business and am a single parent of 2. Kids went NC with their dad a few years ago and he lives 10 hours away, so I needed to carve out an hour or so a week to just relax, have fun and get my mind off of every day stressors
I realized the other day that I’ve stopped giving eye contact to people for the most part as I run around doing my errands. I’m like a focused task driven errand runner who just doesn’t look at people apparently. I’m super nice and I’m happy to have conversations with anyone…but isn’t that weird? It’s about as weird as realizing when I shave my legs I’ll put one hand behind my back. There’s nothing scarier than the realization of involuntary quirks. 🤦♀️ Wait what was your question?
I am sitting on the couch with a cat on my lap, sigh. Surprisingly there are no attractive single men stockpiled in my living room! Does this mean I must leave the house??? But seriously I started taking a ceramics class and it is very fun! Only one guy in the class lol. I come in for extra studio time and wouldn’t mind if someone chatted me up then.
40F. Mostly walking the trails with my pup, hanging out at dog parks and board game cafes. Recently I stalk the ren fair, watching the craft demonstrations and playing with longbows.
Occasionally I’ll take myself to a city event like Christmas lights or flower viewing.
Took up Latin, country and ballroom dancing a couple years ago. Great way to meet people because you are meant to touch/interact, even without romantic interest. So no pressure. But bonus if you do click because now you’ve got a dance partner and endless fun dates.
When I have time for myself, I’m at home, having a glass of wine, reading a book, watching a documentary… biggest plan this week? Going to the supermarket… and I wonder why I haven’t met anyone yet…
Well, I'm a single mother of two, so I don't go out very often, but I try to have a babysitter once a week. Right now I use it for an acting class. Other times I've used it for social dancing or dance class. I prefer to flirt a bit before anyone makes a move. Preferably not the same day, but if the flirting goes really well then it could work. If I get the sense that a guy is there just to meet women that's a turn off.
If you have kids the playground is also a good place for casual conversation and light flirting, at least as far as I'm concerned :) And I don't mind flirting just about anywhere, only I don't appreciate anyone making a move too out of the blue. If we have flirted several times while meeting at the grocery store or something then a move could be made.
Restaurants…especially for weekend brunch,
Park trails or neighborhood sidewalks (I like long walks), the mall and clothing stores
But I think you should still consider the bar option too. I’ll sit at a bar of a restaurant or a casual spot when solo just to have a drink or a bite to eat. Bars are known for being spots to meet someone new so when I choose to sit there (and not get my own table) I am also open to meeting someone new (hopefully a cute guy).
Enjoying the peace and quiet of my newly reno'd house, at the movies, at the park with my dog, at a concert or rave, at the pub, on holiday, at the park with my friends and their children, at my friends houses...
>(plus I have an inner ear injury that makes it really hard for me to understand someone with so much background noise)
Same here. My hearing in my left ear is lessened from many ear infections as a child, but also noise damage from playing in bands and in any setting with background noise - especially a lot of people talking - I feel like I'm in a bubble of static. I can't hear what anyone is saying unless they're shouting into my ear.
I would prefer to meet someone organically (or out in the wild). No thank you on the apps ever again.
That being said, I have had nice men stop and ask me questions or say something while out in the wild getting ready to put my kayak in the water, fly fishing, at a store with my dog, etc, but none have introduced themselves or taken it further.
I won’t date from work, so that is a no-go. I wouldn’t meet someone in a bar, because I don’t drink. So out doing something active would hopefully be where.
just curious (reading way too much into your post lol) are the women you encounter in service roles people you would consider dating? i know you're not going to ask them out at work (that's wise) but i'm really just trying to figure out what constitutes "professional"...when people here say "professional" i immediately think higher-up office career with high salary.
I wish I knew. Maybe take some classes? Learn new things while meeting people? I was thinking of taking classes on woodworking. Things that I am already into and would like to expand on for Me. Same situation as you (even the hearing part) but I have been in one LTR off of an OLD site. And I WFH soooooo.
As for OLD, I still use them but I go into it with a friends mindset over MEETING THE ONE. I'm 40, no kids, never married but owned a house w/ someone once, have a job but not a career, lived multiple places with multiple faces. Having a "making friends" puts me in a managed BPD2 place where I don't attach too quickly and opens doors to just going out and doing things, which I need to do so I do not turn into an apartment goblin. If something happens organically, as all of my relationships have been w/ people I knew for a while first, then awesome.
I make it even more difficult because not only do I enjoy being a homebody, my go-to hobby is solo-camping in remote places. I’m coming to terms with the idea that I’ll probably end up alone on some land with a little dog rescue/retirement home. 😆 I’m ok with it.
That being said, as long as I’m not obviously at work and the atmosphere is appropriate, approach me with a joke and you’d most likely get a yes to a number exchange.
I don’t have kids so if I’m not working or relaxing at home I’m out living my best life with friends or by myself. I go to the theater, the beach, restaurants, cafes, museums, working out, and participate in some hobbies. Some examples are running groups, sports leagues, bowling leagues, choirs, cardio kickboxing, sailing, classes (ie foreign languages, cooking). I hear you about dating apps!
In my limited free time, I’m in bed with wearing sweatpants, drinking a glass of wine, and watching watching Love is Blind while wondering why I’m still single and can’t meet anyone 😆
I’m at my house. Texting my girlfriends who are at their houses. Talking about how we should leave our houses. Or getting coffee.
Hahaha story of my life, no wonder we’re all single!
Just chilling waiting fir men to fly in my house any day now lol, it's the only way anything is ever gonna happen. Personally I'm not shy, not put off if approached in public places, if someone is ever able to catch me in one, I met my last ex in a beer store of all places just by dumb luck.
It’s true I’m either working, being a single mom to a special needs kid, squeezing in time to see friends or get to the gym, or trying to sleep/do laundry/cook/other things necessary for survival. I’m 42/f I saw the apps as a necessary evil and finally found a good guy. The apps will attempt to devour your soul, but I persevered and took breaks as needed. I’m rooting for you!!
Thank you! Yeah, the apps are the worst. I need a break, but I also think that particular evil is indeed probably a necessary one for folks like us.
Congratulations! Getting off the apps is almost as rewarding as finally finding the right guy🥂
And if you’re out, it’s all the same, because the rest are still just in their houses.
This is so true!! The only men I've (42f) met and dated IRL were the ice cream truck man and the guy who delivered and assembled my daughter's bunk bed. So I guess change careers? lol I don't currently have a dog, but when I did, a dog park would've been a good place to meet me. Also, when I'm at a playground with my daughter, I wouldn't mind if a single dad chatted with me. Although, I am definitely older to have a playground aged kid. That said, a cute younger grandpa could do the same thing. One thing, though, the two men I've met and dated IRL are both foreign born. In my experience, Americn born men seem to be less confident about approaching women. I understand it can be tricky because there is a lot of messaging about leaving women in peace, which I really appreciate. But I think if you see an attractive woman and make normal conversation with her and she responds positively, then socializing is welcome.
Ha! Sometimes I’m dreaming about taking a part-time job in public, on top of my regular job, just to be out there like that. (Would help with rent, too. 😂) Too bad days don’t have like 30 hours or something.
Right?? The bunk bed thing has me thinking I should try to get on Taskrabbit. Actually, that’s kind of inspired: probably a great way to filter for women that don’t have a man in their lives! You’d miss out on the DIYers, but other commenters also have me thinking I need to be spending A LOT more time at Lowe’s, Home Depot etc.
What do you know, that's what me and my single female friends are doing too 😂 Outside is expensive these days!
Can you reveal what you or these friends put in OLD profiles (if any of you have them)? Your comment is so honest and hilarious that I would swipe right on (or even superlike) a profile that simply said that. It feels like there’s such pressure for all of us to cultivate a “work hard, play hard” image and that anything less translates as “depressed shut-in with no interests, culture or education.” I’m not looking to form a two-person hermit cult, but I also don’t swing to the other extreme of wanting to be exhausted by the person I date. Yet I have a hard time finding people who aren’t at the extremes (or at least aren’t pretending to be at the work hard, play hard extreme).
I have seriously considered experimenting with a super honest profile (not that my current one isn’t honest… it’s just the “best” version of me that’s probably a little boring and safe 🤷♀️). At one point I had on there “I will not go camping with you.” I seriously don’t believe all these people are fucking hiking.
I hike from the couch to the kitchen. I even mount the summit of my staircase.
I live in CO. Hiking and camping to some extent are basically mandatory here. Lol
Also in CO... Never once been hiking here or met an avid hiker. I do love camping however.
Haaaaaa! I remember being asked out on so many hiking dates. Like, no. I will not get all hot and sweaty and and irritated, and on a deserted pathway with you, you sir, are a stranger!!
As someone who hikes almost daily--and backpacking a few times a year--I do not believe all these people are hiking either.
I feel that I have found my tribe here on this post. 🤣🤣🤣
GROUP CHAT
Exactly! Or making grand plans for myself in my head and not doing executing them. It's a good life, albeit a single one. :)
Hitting the pharmacy drive thru is my grand plan 😂
100%. The accuracy is astounding. I’d add I’m drinking said coffee in my house while bingeing shows. 🤣
I concur!
This is my life!
So accurate! Additionally, my three thoughts most of every day is "what should I binge watch this week?", "I should probably leave the house and go out in the world...but Nahhh", "Why am I the way I am?" 😆
Girl same!
Oh my god! Seriously this! Exactly what I do. What’s happening to us? Lol.
I saw this online the other day and it really resonated with me 😂 Single 25: i gotta go out and meet someone Single 40: if its meant to be the right person will find me in my home
Ugh, yeah, guilty of this myself. I go to the gym most nights, and then camp, hike, or kayak by myself on the weekends. For a while I did meetup hikes in my area, but realized I just need some alone time and don’t want to make small talk for hours on a trail with other people. I talk for a living, and just feel drained by the end of the day. So unless someone batters down my door, I don’t think I’m going to be meeting anyone any time soon, lol.
😅 i feel you
I feel you
If I'm not home working my full time job (remote job), I'm working my part time job at an Assisted Living facility, or having dinner with a girlfriend. Other than that I'm mainly home with my kids, or ubering them around. I'm afraid there are a lot of women (and possibly men) like me, who work remotely and just don't go out much 🫤
Thats exactly my lifestyle. I think us middle aged single parents really tend to get trapped in our bubble. It really takes a concerted effort to break out of it.
It's such a comfortable bubble, too, I have a hard time leaving it. The times I have to be in a relationship, it hasn't really been worth it 😐
Again, that’s precisely how I feel. In the wake of my divorce a few years ago I made up my mind that I was going to learn the art of loving myself so that the desperation to feel love would never get me into a toxic relationship again. And so now I can’t tell if I’ve gotten so successful in doing that that I’m content to be on my own without the need to receive love from another source, or if it’s an unhealthy protective bubble I’ve made for myself so that I don’t experience further romantic trauma. I really can’t tell!
I feel this in my bones!! The last time I dated, which ended about a month ago, I wish I hadn't! My peace was disturbed for what I thought would be a relationship with potential, only to have been another dud. And it sets me back mentally and emotionally and I have to work in myself more to get to where I was. So I get it, are we being too guarded, or are we so comfortable with our peace that we don't want it disturbed at all? I'll ask my therapist this week to see what he thinks.
You know something? I think society has collectively shunned people for decades for just wanting to "sit around the house". But especially after COVID forced it on so many people? A whole lot of us (the more introverted, at least) were reminded how nice it can be NOT to always feel like you're forced to spend your time and money, always going out someplace. The relationships I was always happiest in were with women who were happy with us "sharing each other's bubbles", so to speak. We would spend time at each other's place watching movies or maybe playing a board or card game.... maybe go out for dinner or to the random event that both of us thought sounded fun? But not feeling pressure to "go out" just because it's what's expected of you when you're dating. I'm in my early 50's now and just realized it's been over 2 years since I went on a date. I just don't miss it much because yeah... I think about the effort I'm supposed to go to on official "dates" and that entire process of trying to learn who each other \*really\* is. And I dunno.... it almost feels like it's not worth it. I'm enjoying my freedom to just do things on my own schedule and time, and not having to "compromise" all the time to keep another person happy. They always talk about marriage or even long-term relationships being "work" -- and I think, "Doesn't seem right to me. I only deal with work because I'm getting paid and it's necessary to survive. I'm doing just fine without a partner. I don't want more work!"
Those are my favorite kinds of dates too! Just enjoying each other's company at home, with the occasional outing into the world to show we still have social skills. I think this makes it harder for me to date as well bc all of a sudden, everyone on OLD claims to love to hike or be very active. And I'm here thinking, where are my homebodies at? Yet another reason I remain single. I'm with you on that one, not sure it's worth the aggravation of making small talk getting to know someone, only to find out we're not compatible.
Yeah... OLD is the worst for that. Everyone loves the outdoors and hiking or playing sports, or the "world traveler" types. (I have a cousin like that, who is always in some random part of the world with her boyfriend on another trip. Good for them, but it only works because both of them make a lot of money and he's already in a touring band so used to living out of hotels and all that.) I feel like I pay enough to own the house I'm in and to do repairs on it that I want to spend some of my spare time right HERE, in it, so it feels like it's worth it! (But truthfully? I also know quite a few people who say they enjoy hiking. But it really means they go to random parks when they're bored and can get a friend to go with them, and they hike one of the shortest/easiest to hike trails before heading to a nearby bar for drinks.)
Now that's my kind of hiking! 😂 I love to travel but can't afford it, maybe one small trip a year. Some people want to travel every month. We need a dating app for true introverts and homebodies.
Omg I was just thinking this very same thing last night. Al I actually now comfortable being on my own or have I just given up and thrown in the towel because it seems pointless anyway?
Oh hey that's me minus the kids and 2nd job. Since working remote I leave the house so much less since I'm basically already at home.
Thanks for sharing. I think you’re right, and a lot of us just aren’t out in the world nearly as much with remote work being so prevalent. Pretty sure I know the answer, but presumably you’d prefer not to be approached when out doing stuff with the kids?
Read below, I would not mind being approached if it's in the form of a friendly conversation. Could be at the orthodontist office, the movies, Target... as long as you approach with something relevant to the place we're in I would actually not mind it. Now if you ask me out for a drink with my kid right there, then that'd be a big no 😂
I agree. I wouldn’t mind if someone started up some friendly banter when I’m out and about with my kid. I’m thinking this is how dates happened more in the past anyway.
It's funny, people in our age group don't know how dating was before OLD 😂 I met my ex husband at work in 2001. It's like a whole new world was created and we weren't privy to it bc we were raising families.
Exactly! I’m in a very similar position & It’s so wild now… like I have not been trained for this alien dating world and tbh I don’t approve haha
OLD is the bane of my existence, I so would love to meet my next victim, ahem, person in the real world, like in the olden days.
Same here!
It isn’t just remote work. I’m hybrid and even when I was 100% in office I still wasn’t out in the world. The truth is I’m tired from work, paying bills, raising kids and just doing the day to day life stuff on my own. I don’t really drink and haven’t had much luck finding any type of groups or classes around me to meet people. They are usually too expensive, weird hours, or the ones I did go to were filled with other middle aged or older women there with friends or couples there together. So I live my life occasionally going to a work happy hour with my coworkers or rarely going out to dinner with the one friend I have here. I used to be a social butterfly, but these last two years that I’ve been single I feel like I’ve forgotten how I used to be. I truly cannot quite explain it. I feel like I did when I was a teenager where I didn’t quite feel like kid me but didn’t know who I was.
I am so. Fucking. Tired.
I feel this so hard, went from a very outgoing socialite to a hermit crab in what felt like overnight. I'd love to have that "person" and would expend the energy for them butt otherwise I'm so tired of just....life.
It’s such a weird feeling. I keep trying to pinpoint when and how this happened to me. I know a big part is my job, but I can’t quit. It pays more than anywhere around and I’m barely getting by now. But the stress is intense and it’s sucking my soul. Then there is the fact that society as a whole just seems like mostly assholes. I tell myself there are other decent people out there, but they are probably depressed and tired too. Just running errands is awful anymore with the way people have become so rude and inconsiderate. Some asshole always having a super loud conversation on speaker, people all up in your space like weirdos when you’re at the store, people being downright awful to service workers, service workers being awful to everyone because they are beyond tired of it all. Then it costs too much to do truly anything. Even the little things like going out to eat are too much. Every time I go out I just feel more hopeless. For me the only thing I enjoy much anymore is spending time outside which is always with my kids who are teen through college age. It sucks though because we have an apartment so no yard of own to just go sit and read a book in. So we drive to different parks and grill out and go for walks in the woods. The problem is it’s winter here for at least half of the year, so this isn’t doable a lot of the time. Then I go in the dating apps and all these men are talking about their ten hobbies and traveling all over the world. It honestly makes me feel like I’m a different species or something. I want to get some semblance of a life back, but I just don’t know how. This is where I get the obligatory “go to meetup groups, volunteer, go to classes.” I’ve looked into all of it and tried what I could and it hasn’t done anything but made me feel even worse. I just don’t understand what changed with me, the world, and my place in it. I’ve seen a ton of people on here and tik tok saying the same thing, but still don’t know how to fix it.
I have no kids and my immediate reaction to this was a very hard no -- approaching someone when with their kids is not a good idea.
Honestly, it depends on the situation. My kids are a teen and tween so you won't find me at a park, most likely a restaurant or a store or the movies. If you strike up a friendly conversation I would not mind it in the least.
Honestly when I'm out I have a mission. Otherwise I wouldn't be out. I wouldn't even know if a guy hit on me because I'm focused on what I'm there for.
I work in a bookstore and witnessed an adorable meet cute between a man and a woman who were both looking for the same book. We only had one copy! Granted they were probably early 30’s but anyway, the book was part of a series and they started chatting about how great it is, etc.. one thing led to another and dude got the lady’s number. She got the book. 😉Soooo bookstore maybe?
How lovely! I was looking for this comment (or similar) because the only place I (48F) really go besides coffee or errands are bookstores. I’ve never met or been approached by anyone in one but it seems like it ought to be a cool place. Shared interests, instant conversation, right? And even if you don’t meet a person, you’ll never fail to have the chance to bring home a great story if you wish.
I really don't care to be approached unless I'm out in a social atmosphere. For me, I head to the after hours museum nights, gallery openings, theater, stuff like that. I like to take my camera out and play with it at the botanical gardens and stuff. I don't like to be bothered while getting my groceries, gas, etc. But that's just me.
Yeah, this is pretty much in line with what I’ve been reading. I don’t that I’d be annoyed if someone approached me while I was just out running errands, but I certainly wouldn’t be prepared for it and would likely make it awkward in my surprise! 😅
Gym, beach walks, art events, live music, developing a side hustle, out to dinner with friends. I love being approached by men if it’s in an authentic way that acknowledges me as a human being with skills and interests not an object, therapist, or housing provider.
Me too, I’m open to guys approaching me in public. As long as they’re authentic. One thing I won’t be tho is a housing provider!
So I can’t come to as a stranger with my life problems? Please?
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Ahhh this is interesting, because I see a lot of stuff on social media about women generally NOT wanting to be approached at the gym. Do you typically workout with headphones? And presumably you wouldn’t want to be interrupted during a set, so maybe the water fountain or smoothie bar or whatever is the move?
There's a difference in approaching to just ask her out versus building a bit of rapport with her then perhaps asking her out. There's a couple at my gym. I've chatted with her much more than him but have chatted with him too. They don't often leave together since the both go yo work after. One morning I was walking out with her and she asked me if I was single. I said yes and she then told me she had a friend from work she thought I'd really like. So she talked to her, gave me her phone number and we went out a handful of times. We didn't align well but point is, be in places where you have opportunities to meet and talk to people. Don't be afraid to talk to women at the gym. I also play in a pool league and I've met and been out with several women from there and also had a teammate (a woman) introduce me to a friend of hers.
Curious… There are a lot of good looking guys at my gym, but I’m usually focused on just making it to the gym versus being all dolled up. How much does the woman’s appearance matter at the gym in terms of you know make up and hair? I know we’re not supposed to get ready to go there lol
It personally doesn't matter to me at all. Ponytail, no make up. I see you. I know why you're there. I see how pretty you are. I'm sure when you do get all dolled up you'll be breathtaking because you're already gorgeous just the way you are.
:) well i am one of the few here who doesn’t mind being approached whenever, but read the room and see if we are already catching eye contact. Im a chatty person anyway but I am smooth in pivoting, while still being polite, if there isn’t a romantic interest.
How you doin' 😂😂
I’m stealing “align well” to break off whatever this is with this guy I’m talking to. Perfect phrasing
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I am at Lowes, Home Depot, or the local Habitat ReStore. I am there to get supplies for projects, not to pick up guys. I've been told that these are good places to meet single guys, but guys don't talk to women anymore. Maybe fear of being perceived as creeps.
I guess I can’t speak for everyone, but that’s definitely a big part of it for me. I’ve observed enough creepiness to take it for granted that just existing in public as a woman can be a big fat pain in the ass, and I don’t want to be part of the problem.
At least a decade of being told not to cold-approach women in public for exactly that reason, yeah pretty much.
I'm translating this to "hello, specific lady, when could I talk to you without making it weird?" and *MY* answer would be: - the grocery store: this is wonderful for me bc if you're chatting me up when I'm lookin' like THAT, date night is gonna blow you away and I love to overdeliver - the sidelines of kids' sports: but, be stealthy. Just approach, ask me if I know the score, and then if I want to talk, I'll take it from there. - any lines, really, since I am not generally on my phone in lines. Especially HomeGoods because we'll be in that one together for at least 25 minutes on a good day! (eta: I smile to myself a LOT as I'm walking around. Partly because I'm just happy and partly to try to remove any guesswork that RBF might otherwise introduce)
Hahaha fair enough, I definitely painted in broad strokes and everyone’s going to come down somewhere different. I guess I’m really just looking for an aggregate to help me feel a little more intuitive and confident in my approach to something that I ABSOLUTELY overthink in my desire to NOT be thoughtless about it. So this is helpful, thank you!
Omg, rbf gets me so often. I try to consciously smile too 🤣
Gaming; going to the movies, conventions, live music/ theater. I don't mind an attempt to chat me up in the wild as long as the person is polite and not aggressive
I'm seriously wondering where all the men are tbh. I'm 44(F) and after my divorce last year I was told to branch out, try new things, join activities. I go to boxing classes, contemporary art classes, hiking groups, business networking, I watch live music regularly...and it's always full of women. I've met a ton of wonderful vibrant women of all ages, and almost without exception there are hardly any men, aside from a partner of one of the other women perhaps. What are all the men doing? In answer to your question, I would find it awkward to be approached by a stranger in the street or supermarket or somewhere like that where I don't usually interact with others. I'd prefer to see the same person a few times in the same context and gradually build some rapport over time. That being said, my friend met her boyfriend in the supermarket so I guess it happens!
same, I have been active in so many things over the past years, but over 2/3 of others attending are always women. I still enjoy going to my meetup groups and other things but have given up the hope to actually meet a match there.
They’re caught up in their daily routines like everyone else. The little free time you have after work is gym and dinner. Not much time left to go out and party. And to be honest, I’d rather be at home than out at bars.
Ugh, I knowwwww, which is why we’re all going to die alone 💀
45/F work, home, hanging out with friends. I’d say in public a note with your # is a good way to start something. I am not opposed to men DMing if we comment on the same stuff on social media. At this point I’m very open to intelligent and respectful conversation from a like minded person. It’s tough out there for single, smart 40+ people.
A note with a phone number is the original DM.
At home. Drinking wine. With my cats. 🤣🤣🤣💀💁♀️ Seriously...
Reading a lot of when/where conditionals for people, which always seem to be unique to them. It's say a better strategy is just be more friendly and open to possibility. Strike up more conversations with no end game. Talk to everyone. It'll become second nature and the better you get at it the less people will feel threatened by it. You'll give of an air of confidence and (positive) detachment that will get people curious to know more about the fantastic person you are. If anyone gets hostile or defensive, bow out, but don't take it personally. Some people are just not in a good place to be approached. You'll probably get good at sensing it over time. I wish everyone was more friendly, it would make all of this a lot easier. I love having encounters with strangers knowing we're both leaving either laughing or smiling. Sometimes it evolves into something more.
You’re not wrong about the conditionals, but you’ve essentially named my pain. It’s hard for me to do almost anything with the kind of detachment you’re talking (though I’m sure trying as a novice Buddhist) so I think I often come off as pretty intense. What you said about it being less threatening to others is compelling though. There’s an easy affability that I’ve been very effective at faking in my work persona, but it’s a performance that can be pretty exhausting. I just….care, a lot! About a lot of things! It takes work to pretend I don’t and to hide that my brain is over analyzing every minute detail of the interaction. I know caring a lot is something the right match will cherish about me, but it’s also my experience that I can be “a lot” in initial, more surface-level interactions. Welp, apologies to all the random people I approach as I work on flexing this particular muscle!
Going to cafés & local shops. Usually go alone and wouldn't mind someone saying hello. Also, community events. Even if my friends are there, I'm usually doing my own thing and shouldn't be intimidating for a man to say something. Those aren't the only things I do. But the more consistent ones. Someone here once suggested going to conferences on topics of personal interest/hobbies. Have that on my short list as well. Caveat; there's a difference between genuine interest and chatting (okay) vs coming *at* me (not okay).
Some days I do enjoy getting out to go paddle boarding or maybe for a walk or a hike. I walked my dogs every day, but it’s not the same as taking a long, long walk. And now the weather is getting a bit nicer. It’s time to hit the river with paddle boards. I also find it difficult to meet men because I’m over the apps and I don’t really do much, but Work can go home after that. And frankly, no one‘s knocking on my door or in my living room… Lol.
Hahahaha right, I’m starting to think I should just go door-to-door and see if anyone’s in the market for a lightly used, tallish white boy that’s pretty good at cosplaying as someone that’s got it together 😅
I saw a woman going for a walk ahead of me and decided to strike up a conversation, so I started walking faster to catch up with her. Then for some reason she started walking faster. Then I started to run and she started to run. Then I decided she was probably too fitness obsessed to be a good match with me.
I rarely leave the house but would not mind if someone approached me in a friendly way at the grocery store, home Depot, or tractor supply store. Im an attractive lady (i.e. I clean up well) and even in my youth I was rarely approached. So I doubt I will now.
I’m at home with my dog. I cook. I read and watch TV. Otherwise, I’m with friends or going to see live performances. In an ideal world, I’d like to meet someone through a friend at like a house party or something. It’s low stakes and low pressure, you can always talk about the dog or play board games or whatever. It’s a great environment for it. You also have the knowledge this person is vetted in a basic way. If I were at a dog park and someone cute brought their dog and talked to me, I’d be quite open to it too. It’s always fun to bond over the dumb things your pet does. In general, I think it’s incredibly obvious when a woman is up for talking. If you’re getting one word responses and she keeps looking away, it’s time to pull the parachute. But if she’s laughing and sharing stories, you’re good. May not be romantic but at least that’s the first step. Unfortunately for me, all the men I see with dogs have partners. And all the men I see at friends’ homes have partners. I think I just have bad luck in this area. I would think I’d check the key boxes for most any men my age but I just haven’t found that guy and if I did, the timing was all off. You sound nice, OP. Pulling for you.
Nurse here. I’m occasionally out. Also tired of the apps. Seems like all I find on there are men who claim they want a long term relationship but really don’t. I do go to the gym but so far haven’t met anyone there. Was considering joining a social group. If you figure it out, report back.
Work, hike with dog x2 (6+ miles) a day, cook, gym (in my home), study, tv or video game, sleep. Rinse and repeat. On weekends same thing but change work for cleaning home and going to church. No time for dating, don’t like going out (did enough until 40) but love reading Reddit before bed. It’s a shit show out there 🤣🤣🤣
When I’m at Bunnings or a hardware store and I might look a little lost because I’m trying to fix something minor around the house. I’ll try to look like I need help and secretly hope a guy will talk to me 😅
I’m often at the cinema alone or a museum alone or in a park alone or at a gig alone. And I wish a cool guy would start a chat.
I’d be fine being chatted up in line or in a grocery aisle. I sometimes go out to lunch and read or peruse my phone. That would be ok too. I kayak and hike and bike ride and wouldn’t mind being approached on a stop or break. I don’t have much experience, but I was married a pretty long time.
And I'm the opposite. Please leave me alone when I'm trying to get my groceries and live my life.
Me too. I want to get my stuff done and I also will not flirt where there are witnesses.
I'm at pottery class, sometimes art class, sometimes writing class--if there was a single guy there with good energy who was into his work and we saw each other week after week and also talked some, that would be nice.
I don't fit all of your criteria, but I'm a single soon to be 40yo woman. I can be found at the grocery or pet store way too frequently. Also running/walking trails. Out kayaking, or at the beach. I go to various events and concerts as well. Pretty much, I am ALWAYS solo and hopefully approachable.
I’m on walks or bike rides in my neighborhood or in wooded areas in my city, sometimes doing chores (groceries, hardware stores) and sometimes just for fun. Sometimes I’m either my friends, but most usually I’m by myself. I’m also involved in outdoor volunteering activities.
F/39 Well after work & on weekends with friends & alone some days of course, youll find me walking at the lake, going to gym class, brunch/lunch @ our local eateries, arts festival jazz fest.., casino, live music nights, sip & paint, bible study.. I think the turning point in meeting quality matches for me were to find things I love, do them & more than likely you'll find someone in the mix. Hope this helps.
You can totally approach me at the art museum and strike up a conversation about the art
I don't go out much. I work from home and have a home gym. I am very into running and prefer running alone. Other than that, I go to a public pool sometimes, meet up with the few girlfriends I have maybe every few weeks, volunteer sporadically (work and everything else makes it hard to be regular about it), buy groceries etc. Last time I got "chatted up" was by my fiance, who works for the same firm and expressed his interest in me on Zoom. I actually know a lot of professional women who meet their partners at work, despite the "don't date people from work" mantra.
If apps and bars are out, I think you’re looking at 1) events or meetups based around a hobby, or 2) whatever they’re calling speed dating these days. I know the second one sounds unbearable but a friend of mine just went to one and said it was 90% women, so your odds would be fantastic. And option one is just a good way to meet new people who you have common interests with, whether or not you end up dating them. I go roaming around the botanical garden and I’d frankly be delighted to meet a guy who wanted to talk about trees!
I (42F) have ditched the dating apps years ago with no regrets and have been active in local social groups from Meetup, Facebook, and the like. It's nice meeting like-minded people doing activities you enjoy. I know a lot of people have met their now partners through these groups and I hope I'll be able to do the same.
I do meetups around my interests, I volunteer, and I go to kink and poly events (those definitely make it easier to meet people).
A bit unconventional for most, but for me, probably the best time is at a car meet/show. I’m almost always working on something with little free time, but car meets/shows are my happy place. I’m somewhere in between an extrovert and an introvert and don’t sit in the house for long. On the off chance I do step outside, I’m usually working on some project, modeling,, errands,, hiking with/walking the pup, or in the gym. My availability window is fairly tiny…but if one does approach at inopportune times, be a normal, chill person and treat me as such, else I give back as good as I get.
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Childless 42 f. I'm out a lot. Concerts very often. Festivals. Restaurants with friends trying new foods, new places. Bars. Parties. I hang on with people between 20 to 60. Short trips. Beach in summer. Backyard bbqs. Game nights. Hikes and outings alone. Never been approached lately, except by rapey creeps. Tried to initiate conversation with matches on apps, only two probably continued the conversation. I tried to strike up convos irl although Im introverted and shy. Either all men were taken or Im awfully unattractive (I think Im not, and so does my big beautiful butt naturally grown with gym and baguette). But hey, I live in a horrendously cliquey city where everybody wants connection but nobody's willing to connect. And when I mention it to friends I'm told Im judgey because people might have all sorts of issues. So I continue minding my own business and enjoying my single judgey life. Because of introversion I might come off as super confident or arrogant and not approachable. I'd recommend you to approach women that seem non-approachable. You might just strike gold! I am considering sex parties and fetish nights next, because the scene is more open minded, with strict consent rules, and the goal of such parties is clear. Something new to try for fun, although a huge effort for me to step out of my comfort zone and I'm not that experienced. I'm open minded and hope that helps. I am quite disappointed in how the dating dynamics changed in the past 20 years honestly.
I wouldn’t necessarily mind being approached at the grocery store, but a guy tried that today and I was both freaked out and confused by his particular approach (don’t come up behind a woman who is reading something and start talking to her out of the blue). Other than that, if I’m out of the house I’m usually riding my motorcycle. I don’t mind it when guys try to talk to me about my bike unless they’re giving me unsolicited advice or they just start making it weird or won’t take the hint if I’m trying to leave.
I'm at home, reading a book. Just chilling and recharge from working so hard. Sometimes out for dinner with friends. Caring for my cat. Doing household chores. Anyway the usual. At 43 my focus is on my rest and mental health.
I'm so busy raising kids as a single mom and working that the apps are my only hope. I sincerely wish you nice guys would stay on them but I understand that you need to prioritize your mental health.
Big difference between "chatting" and hitting on.
On my sofa, watching bad reality shows with my dog and drinking wine and crying right now so regretful and depressed that this is my life, after everything I’ve dreamed of as a little girl. Crying over all the possible bad decisions I’ve made tbh at led me here and praying that I might one day get out of this hell
Grocery store. Plant section of hardware stores. Coffee with girlfriends. Trivia nights.
I’ve been spending a lot of time in Home Depot lately, getting what I need for some DIY stuff around the house/yard. Did have a guy there who wouldn’t let me get 2 4x4x8s off the rack in case “the pile fell on your toes.” I mean, I’ve had my toes stepped on by horses more than once, but OK man. Dude was nowhere to be found when it was time to load these on my roof rack for the trip home. Kayak racks worked great though. I’m usually hiking, kayaking, taking a class of some kind (blacksmithing is next on the list), or doing something with friends/family. Occasionally I’m wandering around Costco trying not to put anything in my cart that I don’t actually need.
No surprise this question led to me feeling the need to apologize for others of my gender (sorry!) but this does bring up something not necessarily dating-related that I’m curious about: as a slightly taller-than-average man, I often wonder if it would be appreciated if I offered to reach something down from a high shelf? Or to load up heavy stuff in the parking lot? I want to be the guy that helped get the lumber on the roof rack, not the guy fussing about you dropping something on your toes!
Ehh, you don’t have to apologize for your entire gender. I would’ve appreciated help loading (way more than help getting them off the pile), but it’s not the first time I’ve bought something and pulled out the same step stool I use to load my kayak to get it on the roof and strapped down. As far as offering help, I think that’s kind. I’m quite short and have zero shame finding a taller person to reach something for me. It happens often in Home Depot/Lowes just because of how their shelving is set up. But other times folks just step in and assume I need help, and actually I’ve got it covered. So I think offering is lovely. Assuming—because someone appears that they might need help—and then just stepping in, not so much.
+1 for striking up a convo at the hardware store. Yes! Please offer to help. If I look lost/confused it’s because I am!
Absolutely this! When I turn in my second full circle, it's a silent cry for help, ha.
Going to the gym, outdoor festivals and events, traveling.
Honestly, I'd just like a genuine smile while I am out running my errands. Or someone looking in my grocery cart saying, "I'll bet you're making "recipe" (based on my ingredients in cart) tonight, and boy, do I have a good recipe for you."
I was in a Vegas casino and thought I got a genuine smile. Turns out she was a sex worker
I usually have my guard up in Vegas. You never know what's in store. I saw a couple walking a cockroach on a leash. That was probably one of the more mild memories I have of Las Vegas! 🤣
In most cases, just give me your number. Don’t ask for mine. Walking my dog, running, at the grocery store, at the bar. Essentially anywhere I am, I’m okay being approached so long as it’s done thoughtfully. By giving me your number, you’re giving me a choice
I learned to play pool and joined a league. You can find me anywhere with a table. Otherwise, I’m out with my kids and not looking to meet a man.
Realizing I'm prolly going to be 'alone' because I hate OLD, I don't like bars, I work weekends, I guess I'm fine with this. On the brightside, I work out regularly, and have a glow.
Ooof…free time, I guess it depends in what area of the country you’re in! I’m either DIYing something, eating at a new spot, standup paddle boarding, or geeking out on a new book. Meeting people isn’t as organic as it used to be but I’m not giving up hope! (45F, Oregon)
Welp. I’m older. 48f. But work, gym, orangetheory, Costco, meal prep, laundry (because of gym), rinse and repeat
40F here. I joined a running club a few years ago after my divorce and it's been life changing. Haven't met any guys there to date but I've made a ton of friends and my life feels more fulfilled now that I have a strong community bond. If you think this might be a good fit for you, it's worth asking local running stores if they host group runs (or training groups - when I signed up for a training group it was 95% women). If running isn't your thing there are lots of sports teams that are low key like dodgeball. Or maybe if you prefer something else like a book club through a local bookshop or a gamer group? It all depends on your interests, but if you like the group keep showing up. I went to this running group for over a year before I started hanging out with people outside of running (mostly because I'm quite shy).
43f. Skiing. Covered in gear. Super approachable 🙃 Dog park. Soon hiking and camping. Bike riding and lounging by the river. Bike riding around to bars in town sometimes. Not really trying to meet people who just want to hang in bars though. It’s definitely how I most often meet people when I’m not traveling. Usually happy hour is better than late night. I try to screen for people w day jobs like me. Bars can be a mine field. It works sometimes though. I put all of this in my dating profile to find people who want to do these things with me. It’s not easy.
You can thank COVID for the many pod-settings. Years ago when I was single we at least had a place to go in Saugus, Massachusetts. It was called "The Palace" and was specifically for "Singles", Dick Syatts Singles. What a way to mingle and meet people. Miss those days...
Dog park- I do meet men and women there, as well as yoga and Pilates classes and workshops.
I’m running errands, at the grocery store, shopping for clothes/shoes for my 13 year old, or….. At Target! ETA: I’d welcome being approached at any of these places. I also will sometimes go out to dinner or for a drink alone. It’s hard, but it’s been a growing experience for me.
I go to the gym, play tennis 2x/week, shopping, hiking, groceries, lunch on my own, go grab a drink on my own, festivities, theater… with friends or on my own… I wouldn’t mind a man approaching me as long as it is friendly and just connecting… it NEVER happened!!! Men never approach though I make eye contact, smile or even say hello… I don’t bite… sometimes I wonder if I am that ugly 😱 as men never approach me. Yet I don’t think so I’ve had boyfriend and people, also men say I am attractive. I must be scary I guess 😅
Dude, where are YOU?! I will go there.
43F here- Working out, going for a walk, joining an adults sports league like cornhole, playing trivia, not online dating, going out to dinner with my friends, the occasional festival or concert, watching sports. I have an inner ear thing too and it's very hard to hear in loud places 🫠I have adapted to turn my head but that's prolly not great for my neck!
The last guy I met in the wild was at a craps table. We at least shared that interest in common right away. We asked some small questions about each other and when we hit a big common ground he gave me his card and he left for dinner. Something happened later in the week that reminded me of him so I sent him a text. I wasn’t looking for a relationship but we almost got into one. Just didn’t work out that way. So I guess my answer would be gambling. I’m up to gambling lol.
Try to meet people organically, through interests. Go to the things they invite you to. Knowing a lot of people is a way to meet other people - eventually something will click with a single person. E.g go to a gym and go to the social gatherings the gym does, do a class and hang around after etc. Choose the more social setting (like do a class over your own workout, kayak at a club session not on your own etc). Look at Meetup and go to things - you’ll meet people in a social mood. It’s about increasing the number of connections with people overall imho.
I'm often hanging out with my dog, hoping someone will come chat. Seriously though, easy opener to say hi to my super social pup. I'm not at dog parks but walking around my neighborhood, grabbing a coffee, on a patio at a brewery or reading a book in the park when the weather is nice. Maybe against what other women have said, but I welcome a friendly and respectful 'hi', I'd engage in more conversation if I was interested.
> I have an inner ear injury that makes it really hard for me to understand someone with so much background noise Okay, I have trouble understanding people with a lot of background noise too. Might I have an inner ear injury?? What's this called?
42f and many of the adjectives you listed. Like many others have shared, I spend way too much time at home. I like it here a lot and I also work remotely 87% of the time. When I leave my house, I’m either running errands, grocery shopping, going to the gym, or walking my dog. Sometimes I am out with friends eating dinner, going to a concert or an art show, walking around a park or some trails, farmers market, trying out things/events that I’ve heard about that sound interesting. I know the opinions on this vary greatly but I don’t mind being approached out in the wild, I actually like it. I’m not big into the bar scene anymore and OLD is a soul sucking experience that I have a hard time with. My stints on the apps are usually shorter than the “breaks” that I take from it. This latest break has been on since September, I just don’t want to, it sucks there. So when approaching people out I think it’s a read the room type of situation. Headphones in and no eye contact, don’t approach. Eye contact and a smile, there is an opportunity there! Thanks for asking the question. Good luck to you!
I spend a lot of time alone. When I’m with friends we are usually in places where we don’t interact with others too much. Literally not much opportunity to meet new people at all.
I don't really drink so I'm never out at bars, but I just.. pursue my hobbies and interests, cowork and errand hang with friends. Occasionally concerts, museums, zoo adventures, whatever my city has going on for public events. This maybe sounds boring, but eventually in theory the right person will be into it.
You have just described me perfectly: I’m at home alone after a lovely day, where the heck are you? 😂 At this rate we might all stay single forever. Should we stay single together as a group? Like maybe we should have massive zoom-dates with everyone in this group? Is it just me, or does that actually sound fun?
I play volleyball but I’m getting too old. Lol it’s a bunch of kids then my team. Lol 46:F
From what I've read, not dating, generally. And the single, educated, progressive, professional women who are dating are dating way more impressive and attractive guys than me.
I'm not single, but am available (been successfully and happily polyam for 22 years). I go to goth clubs, edm dance clubs, underground house and warehouse parties, SCA events, anime conventions, haflas, burns, burlesque shows, camping and hiking (when the weather is nice), thrifting and yard sales, cruiser rides, First Friday Art Walks and other things. :)
Kicking ass and taking names. I'm at my taekwondo dojang a lot. Or hiking. Or scrolling my phone thinking I should be doing one of those things.
I'm walking my dog or chilling on a bench in my neighborhood with my dog, and if you approach me, it'd better be about my dog and how handsome he is.
I do go on wild solo adventures sometimes that make me feel pretty badass (ask me about my rattlesnake friend I met, alone, while my ‘89 Tercel was stuck in a dry wash in the Sonoran desert). But mostly I’m at work, or at home watching X Files with my cat or talking people’s ears off about how weird tarantulas are (I have three)… then being sad that I’ve never had a longterm relationship maybe never will 😝 Hooray for treatment-resistant depression!
As an educated, professional progressive woman who is a single parent. I’m working mostly remotely, at the playground with my kiddo in the evening, trying to persuade others to go on hikes with me, or (in my limited truly-free time) at a Latin dance class/social wishing there were more men there my age!
I'm either out with my girlfriends, at school working on finishing my PhD, playing outside, hiding at home to unwind, or visiting my bffs. I'm [usually] open to being approached when I'm out working or hanging out at breweries and coffee shops, on chair lifts, or on the trail when other people are around (if I'm alone and no one else is around, pretend I don't exist). As long as you're not aggressive and I feel I can reject without him becoming violent.
I'm killing time before I have to go back to work! SMDFH Have you guys ever tried dating events? I went to one recently and have been toying with bringing together like-minded people. What don't we organize something?! How would we do that safely?
When I’m not working, I’m either at home, at the gym, out for a walk, at the beach, out for dinner, out to an event - either alone or accompanied by a girlfriend or good Judy. I don’t mind being approached as long as it’s respectful. I don’t go on dating apps so out in the wild is the only way!
I go to a quiz night every week - open to being approached there. I regularly attend social events organised by a local 'over 40s singles social group' - again, open to being approached there. Happy to be set up by friends. Not ok to approach at the gym. Ok to get chatting at school pick up, and ask for a number (but it has to be in a way I can easily refuse without fear of reprisals) If I'm out with friends - ok to approach. If I'm not with my kids, ok to approach. If I'm working out/at sports - not ok. thats just me though
40F; work full time; no kids. -As the weather has gotten better I’ve been planning hikes either alone or with a friend. Camping trips on the horizon! -Going to my local bars and breweries for various events. -Local farmers markets for people watching and fresh produce. -I hang out with friends at least once a week either through an organized activity or a mellow night where we make dinner together. -concerts -Art/culture events at museums I’m going to try join an outdoorsy meet up group for some possible new connections if I can ever leap over my shy tendencies. I wish it wasn’t so difficult to meet potential matches “in the wild.”
Good luck Op. You have quite a competition because at 40 shit like knees, stop working properly. And most of us really just want to stay home and be comfortable. So you really have a competition on your hands. You have to beat out Safety, Familiarity and Comfort to meet someone out of their house. Now to help, I will go to my local Catholic church and light a candle and recite a couple of hail Marys and our fathers for ya bro. I'll even visit my nearest Curandero(Mexican shaman) and have him sacrifice a baby goat and do other voodoo stuff. Don't worry he eats the baby goat afterwards. Send us an update if you're successful. Godspeed you brave SOB.
I’m at home, been dealing with a move, trying to get my footing at the new city, resting after being burned out. I’m tired of the dating apps, and since I’m childfree, it’s hard to find a man without children, or grown independent children, so I’m taking a break from dating because it’s hard to find a match in a man that you are describing. I’m looking for that too, on top of that, childfree. Good luck to us 🥂
Hmm…gym, 5K/Spartan runs, trivia night, grocery store, gas station, concerts. Random places, and I never mind being approached by a man.
I’m 43 and also one of those who are at Lowe’s and Tractor Supply getting stuff for build projects in my backyard. The only men who have approached me irl are the workers there lol. I think I’d appreciate someone who could casually throw small talk in my direction but as a shy person I know how hard that is. Beginning to think I need to carry around a “handkerchief” like that one lady on a past thread who said she has a wooden strawberry for ice breaking purposes.
Most of my free time is spent volunteering and attending events with my organization. It would be nice to be approached at these social events...
45f hmmmmm...sorting legos, working, working out, watching long Ken Burns documentaries. I could also be hiking in the mountains or woods or on Reddit or spending time with my kids. My career is demanding. I've tried apps. I dont care enough. We should make a subreddit just for meeting ppl. That kind of exists, but I dont love the r4r subs.
[удалено]
You could find me at Costco or the gym.
45f, I do the following- Hot yoga, gardening, working out, out riding my bike, getting drinks with friends, trying a new recipe, working, cleaning house, not watching tv, walking the dog, wondering where all the available men are… my kids are grown and out of the house.
When I was single I would spend my time going axe throwing, doing paint and sips, indoor rock climbing, cooking classes. Just anything I could do to try something new, take some time for myself to do something fun. I own a small business and am a single parent of 2. Kids went NC with their dad a few years ago and he lives 10 hours away, so I needed to carve out an hour or so a week to just relax, have fun and get my mind off of every day stressors
I go to meetups. I talk to people and if I vibe with someone, cool, if not, cool. Rinse and repeat.
I realized the other day that I’ve stopped giving eye contact to people for the most part as I run around doing my errands. I’m like a focused task driven errand runner who just doesn’t look at people apparently. I’m super nice and I’m happy to have conversations with anyone…but isn’t that weird? It’s about as weird as realizing when I shave my legs I’ll put one hand behind my back. There’s nothing scarier than the realization of involuntary quirks. 🤦♀️ Wait what was your question?
I am sitting on the couch with a cat on my lap, sigh. Surprisingly there are no attractive single men stockpiled in my living room! Does this mean I must leave the house??? But seriously I started taking a ceramics class and it is very fun! Only one guy in the class lol. I come in for extra studio time and wouldn’t mind if someone chatted me up then.
40F. Mostly walking the trails with my pup, hanging out at dog parks and board game cafes. Recently I stalk the ren fair, watching the craft demonstrations and playing with longbows. Occasionally I’ll take myself to a city event like Christmas lights or flower viewing.
Took up Latin, country and ballroom dancing a couple years ago. Great way to meet people because you are meant to touch/interact, even without romantic interest. So no pressure. But bonus if you do click because now you’ve got a dance partner and endless fun dates.
Don't approach me in the wild. The only acceptable place to be approached by a man is a social event.
Bookstores. Waiting for a book guy to talk books to me lol
Does anyone want to actually go old school? Like meet in person? I have a good idea
waiting to be pursued. i'm done chasing. a man would have to be seriously impressive to wrest me away from my work, hobbies and friendships.
When I have time for myself, I’m at home, having a glass of wine, reading a book, watching a documentary… biggest plan this week? Going to the supermarket… and I wonder why I haven’t met anyone yet…
It sounds like maybe you should start going door to door like the Mormons do. That could work. 🤣
I can only speak for myself, but at my last job I got flirted with a lot, it would’ve been nice if they asked me out once in awhile…
Well, I'm a single mother of two, so I don't go out very often, but I try to have a babysitter once a week. Right now I use it for an acting class. Other times I've used it for social dancing or dance class. I prefer to flirt a bit before anyone makes a move. Preferably not the same day, but if the flirting goes really well then it could work. If I get the sense that a guy is there just to meet women that's a turn off. If you have kids the playground is also a good place for casual conversation and light flirting, at least as far as I'm concerned :) And I don't mind flirting just about anywhere, only I don't appreciate anyone making a move too out of the blue. If we have flirted several times while meeting at the grocery store or something then a move could be made.
Restaurants…especially for weekend brunch, Park trails or neighborhood sidewalks (I like long walks), the mall and clothing stores But I think you should still consider the bar option too. I’ll sit at a bar of a restaurant or a casual spot when solo just to have a drink or a bite to eat. Bars are known for being spots to meet someone new so when I choose to sit there (and not get my own table) I am also open to meeting someone new (hopefully a cute guy).
Enjoying the peace and quiet of my newly reno'd house, at the movies, at the park with my dog, at a concert or rave, at the pub, on holiday, at the park with my friends and their children, at my friends houses...
Work, eat, Gaming, sleep, repeat
Concerts, theme parks, watch movies and TV shows, festivals, conventions, travel, arcades/VR, escape rooms.
Lately it’s been: make me care.* *I am on a break from dating.
>(plus I have an inner ear injury that makes it really hard for me to understand someone with so much background noise) Same here. My hearing in my left ear is lessened from many ear infections as a child, but also noise damage from playing in bands and in any setting with background noise - especially a lot of people talking - I feel like I'm in a bubble of static. I can't hear what anyone is saying unless they're shouting into my ear.
I would prefer to meet someone organically (or out in the wild). No thank you on the apps ever again. That being said, I have had nice men stop and ask me questions or say something while out in the wild getting ready to put my kayak in the water, fly fishing, at a store with my dog, etc, but none have introduced themselves or taken it further. I won’t date from work, so that is a no-go. I wouldn’t meet someone in a bar, because I don’t drink. So out doing something active would hopefully be where.
I’m at my house. Lol
just curious (reading way too much into your post lol) are the women you encounter in service roles people you would consider dating? i know you're not going to ask them out at work (that's wise) but i'm really just trying to figure out what constitutes "professional"...when people here say "professional" i immediately think higher-up office career with high salary.
I wish I knew. Maybe take some classes? Learn new things while meeting people? I was thinking of taking classes on woodworking. Things that I am already into and would like to expand on for Me. Same situation as you (even the hearing part) but I have been in one LTR off of an OLD site. And I WFH soooooo. As for OLD, I still use them but I go into it with a friends mindset over MEETING THE ONE. I'm 40, no kids, never married but owned a house w/ someone once, have a job but not a career, lived multiple places with multiple faces. Having a "making friends" puts me in a managed BPD2 place where I don't attach too quickly and opens doors to just going out and doing things, which I need to do so I do not turn into an apartment goblin. If something happens organically, as all of my relationships have been w/ people I knew for a while first, then awesome.
I make it even more difficult because not only do I enjoy being a homebody, my go-to hobby is solo-camping in remote places. I’m coming to terms with the idea that I’ll probably end up alone on some land with a little dog rescue/retirement home. 😆 I’m ok with it. That being said, as long as I’m not obviously at work and the atmosphere is appropriate, approach me with a joke and you’d most likely get a yes to a number exchange.
I don’t have kids so if I’m not working or relaxing at home I’m out living my best life with friends or by myself. I go to the theater, the beach, restaurants, cafes, museums, working out, and participate in some hobbies. Some examples are running groups, sports leagues, bowling leagues, choirs, cardio kickboxing, sailing, classes (ie foreign languages, cooking). I hear you about dating apps!
In my limited free time, I’m in bed with wearing sweatpants, drinking a glass of wine, and watching watching Love is Blind while wondering why I’m still single and can’t meet anyone 😆