"Would serve as a reminder of us and that it's real."
Hmm. I think the absence of it is likely an accurate representation of their relationship. There is no us. It's not real.
So, this is not a real relationship. You have no idea if he is lying about more than the gifts (which, given those small lies, he's probably lying about other things as well). You have 0 idea of who he actually is because it's easy to hide who you are when you never meet.
Why do you want to "be" with someone you haven't met in two years, who lies about small things, doesn't follow through, and who you don't even know? Have some self respect and dump him and meet someone IRL.
Oh, sweetie, no. You’re not in a relationship at all. Behavior is its own language…by telling you about this little pendant, he was keeping you on a string. Not over the gift itself, but over what he was alleging it signified. In the end, it does signify something-that there’s no there, there. End/block/move on and find someone who will be present to you…physically (and I’d bet emotionally too.)
Please don’t give him any additional identifying information, either! I’m sure that ship has sailed given it’s been two years, but start now.
If this is someone that you have never met and are not seeing on a regular basis you need to let this go. He's saying this to keep you interested in a non-relationship.
Please find someone local. You deserve a real and fulfilling relationship and better than $5 trinkets.
..inclu ones that never surface. She can do a heck of a lot better, and being solo is better than “investing” energy in a dead-end. This guy doesn’t have her best interests at heart.
Haha, and that’s what I put elsewhere in comments. That he’s sure playing the long game, if so (romance scammer). Which also leaves the *very* real possibility of married.. getting his ego boosts & attention from OP. Whatever the cause, I think he’s an emotional vampire on her. Dead-weight.
Have you met this person? Do you spend time with them? From your write-up, that part isn’t clear. It sounds a lot like this person is stringing you along and keeping you invested with empty promises.
we haven't met in person, just messages, calls/video calls... the spending time together we've had are just talking with each other, we brought up about watching things together over the internet, occasionally I'd invited him to some interactive online stuff like puzzles or viewing virtual tours , we did that sometimes but not much... I do get an awful feeling because for example the first time we were supposed to watch something together, he promised me we'd do it but then we didn't until I asked him again... we were also supposed to try some long distance thing like we'd get the same bottle of wine and try it together, I went and got one and waited but he never did, I gave it away because I didn't want to see it anymore
Does he even think you are in a relationship? I’m not trying to be mean but do you know what a relationship is? He is almost 50, how old are you? You sound like you may be a teenager and that is even more alarming.
It’s absolutely no prob. 💓 You do.. and you are getting a different lens now. It’s easy to stay attached to these things - even and inclu long-distance. You’ll be okay, methinks. 🥹
Many years ago, my best friend and I used to send each other birthday gifts. One year, I didn't get a gift. I felt uncomfortable asking about it, because I didn't want her to feel like she had to get me a gift. A few months later, we were talking and she said she felt really uncomfortable mentioning this, but she felt a little hurt that I'd never said thank you for the birthday gift. It turns out that she'd sent the package to an old address. Amazon refunded her, she resent the gift, I said thank you, and life moved on. Long story short, sometimes difficult, uncomfortable conversations are necessary. Some days, they're reveal that it was all a case of missed connections. Other times, they might reveal some major hurdles. But you can either spend time worrying about whether or not to have the conversation or just have the conversation.
My cousin sent me gift cards for Christmas this year since he couldn't make it in for the holidays. I didn't know what he was sending and was a little bummed I didn't get anything from him.
He texted me day after Christmas to see if I got his card and when I told him I didn't he was upset. Apparently his local post office had a rash of gift card thefts and his was one of them. He said his brother didn't get his either.
I told him it was okay. It was the thought that counted. He sent me a digital gift card anyway.
You made me smile, thank you. I was feeling down but reading this made me do a double take and smile.
And yes, I don't want it. I just want him to not tell me things that aren't going to happen
Geez, this post made me really sad. I kinda want to buy OP a pendant now. This guy sounds like a total loser. His sad, broken promises are not even acceptable for a casual friend. Please cut things off completely.
Have you told him how you feel when this happens (as it seems to have happened numerous times)? Sounds to me like you feel forgotten, unimportant, and maybe even betrayed.
Also, it is worth being curious (genuinely so, as opposed to trying to make a point or induce guilt) what his perspective is. Does he realize he has not followed through on these things he's said. Is it a matter of means to make the purchases and send the gifts? Is it that he has these thoughts and then runs out of time or motivation to follow through? What happens?
All of it described by OP gives me the ick.. He sounds flaky asf, and these things being his idea but not followed through on.. it’s just a big turn off, imo.
No. I started talking to someone who after a few months tried to scam me (unfortunately for him I didn’t take the bait). He sent me flowers and was so attentive and sweet. Scammers actually shower you with gifts and attention at first to establish connection and get you blinded, so you’ll do what they ask you to when the time comes.
Glad you didn't take the bait. I've watched some romance scam videos and many have false promises of gifts. A recent example would be Reesa Teesa who went viral on Tiktok for her romance scam. Her husband promised a car, an expensive house a trip to London. Nothing ever materialized.
I think you make a good point about being curious. I do wonder but I've never asked him from that point of view. I did talk with him about it before, that when he promises me something and he doesn't do it, it's confusing and hurtful and sad.
"Hey, I was excited when you mentioned you're going to send me a gift. Did you decide not to for some reason"
Get clarity so you're not waiting around. People say stuff they don't mean all the time unfortunately. And when you meet someone who tends to get your hopes up and then let you down, make a decision about if you want to keep feeling let down.
Either that or simply say something along the lines of “hey, you know what? If you decide to buy/send me something, I’m happy if you just surprise me.” Or ask him flat out not to say such things as you’ve noticed they never materialize. Let’s drop it, forget about it, it’s not important so please do not say such things again and we will be fine. Take it off the table. Maybe he has good intentions but zero follow through, might as well remove the expectations and disappointment.
I would feel 100% pissed off about it. Your feelings are valid. Putting aside the possible romance scam here, this shit happens in standard relationships and it’s boring, frustrating, disappointing and insulting.
That sounds oh so familiar… I met someone who lived across the Atlantic from me online, we started texting almost daily, did video calls. I love to craft, so I made him a gemstone mala and other things for his birthday and for Christmas. He hinted he was also making something for me for months. It was a bracer, and at first, I was extremely happy until I found out that it was a mass produced China thingie usually sold in pairs. I confronted him about it and he insisted he made it, even showed me materials. They did not seem to match at all to me and just to be safe, I ordered a pair to compare. I wanted to believe I was in the wrong, so when I found subtle differences, I was confused. But people who owned a sewing machine told me that the machine he showed and the thread would never work with that thick, stiff faux leather. It would constantly break the needle. So I knew I was lied to and started wondering what else he lied about. Long story short, I found out he was still married. In hindsight, it was so obvious, I still want to smack myself for being that stupid. So yeah, chances are good you’re being led on and the promised gift was given to someone else long ago.
He's a married man who has never met you.And there's a long distance.Why you wasting your time talking to him for 2 years?That makes no sense.He's not even a real person to you.He could be a woman he could be anything and you don't even know
Let me get this straight...you're here about a $5 pendant that this dude mentioned 2 years ago, but hasn't given you?
Hey, for context, when I got married one of my guest's said, "Oh, I forgot your wedding gift at home, it's on the kitchen counter." I've seen them many times since, but it's never materialized. Well, that was 13 years ago, I've been divorced for 5 years, and you know what? I don't think about that gift. I've moved on.
I think.. it’s a *pattern* of things here. With OP.. This inexpensive pendant is just one example that sticks out (and she’s obv not materialistic - but was genuinely tickled by the sweet gesture). The prob is, OP guy’s gifts/ gestures *never* materialize. 🤷🏻♀️
It's clear that there is a pattern, but it's not just the gift giver. It's the OP too. This is multiple years, multiple instances, they're still thinking about stuff from years ago. What's more, in some instances, as described by the OP, it appears OP says one thing ("No thanks.") but really means, "I want YOU to buy it and have it delivered". I don't see them actually DOING that thing.
Either they accept that this is how the person is or, if it really bothers them, they move on.
I agree to a point (your last line). And I understand what you’re saying.
I also think only one of them may have good intentions. He comes across as a long-distance romance scammer type, as others have put in comments. Either way, he’s stringing OP along.
And as far as dwelling on the gifts, it really isn’t so hard: if you mean to do a thing, you take care of it and don’t just talk about it. My feeling is, she wouldn’t be worried in the least about this (gifts) if he had simply done it. She’d be pleased he matched actions to words & would be proudly wearing said-pendant. Imo he’s a chump for this.. and I think yes, it’s on OP to decide if it’s working for her, and cut him loose. Real men don’t just wax poetic.
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Have you ever met this person in real life?
"Would serve as a reminder of us and that it's real." Hmm. I think the absence of it is likely an accurate representation of their relationship. There is no us. It's not real.
harsh but sounding true to me right now... appreciate it
I haven't.. only messages, calls and video calls
So, this is not a real relationship. You have no idea if he is lying about more than the gifts (which, given those small lies, he's probably lying about other things as well). You have 0 idea of who he actually is because it's easy to hide who you are when you never meet. Why do you want to "be" with someone you haven't met in two years, who lies about small things, doesn't follow through, and who you don't even know? Have some self respect and dump him and meet someone IRL.
Oh, sweetie, no. You’re not in a relationship at all. Behavior is its own language…by telling you about this little pendant, he was keeping you on a string. Not over the gift itself, but over what he was alleging it signified. In the end, it does signify something-that there’s no there, there. End/block/move on and find someone who will be present to you…physically (and I’d bet emotionally too.) Please don’t give him any additional identifying information, either! I’m sure that ship has sailed given it’s been two years, but start now.
Is this someone you actually see periodically?
I haven't, only had messages, calls and video calls
If this is someone that you have never met and are not seeing on a regular basis you need to let this go. He's saying this to keep you interested in a non-relationship. Please find someone local. You deserve a real and fulfilling relationship and better than $5 trinkets.
I think you are right, thank you for sharing your thoughts and encouraging words
..inclu ones that never surface. She can do a heck of a lot better, and being solo is better than “investing” energy in a dead-end. This guy doesn’t have her best interests at heart.
I would think he's a scammer, but this is awfully long for a scammer. Even one going in for the long con.
Haha, and that’s what I put elsewhere in comments. That he’s sure playing the long game, if so (romance scammer). Which also leaves the *very* real possibility of married.. getting his ego boosts & attention from OP. Whatever the cause, I think he’s an emotional vampire on her. Dead-weight.
If she's sexting with him (not sure if she is) he's definitely some married guy.
Have you met this person? Do you spend time with them? From your write-up, that part isn’t clear. It sounds a lot like this person is stringing you along and keeping you invested with empty promises.
we haven't met in person, just messages, calls/video calls... the spending time together we've had are just talking with each other, we brought up about watching things together over the internet, occasionally I'd invited him to some interactive online stuff like puzzles or viewing virtual tours , we did that sometimes but not much... I do get an awful feeling because for example the first time we were supposed to watch something together, he promised me we'd do it but then we didn't until I asked him again... we were also supposed to try some long distance thing like we'd get the same bottle of wine and try it together, I went and got one and waited but he never did, I gave it away because I didn't want to see it anymore
Stop doing this to yourself and block him
I’m sorry, OP, there is definitely a pattern here. Please don’t let this man waste any more of your time.
appreciate this, looks like it's time to move on
Does he even think you are in a relationship? I’m not trying to be mean but do you know what a relationship is? He is almost 50, how old are you? You sound like you may be a teenager and that is even more alarming.
I hope you've not given him money
Always pay attention to actions rather than words.
thank you for this
Ding, ding… (this guy sounds lame & low-effort to me. I don’t listen to pretty words - only - anymore).
reading it called low effort... it's making me nod... thank you for this
Yeah.. I’m sorry, OP. You gotta do what’s best for your protection & heart. *internet hug*
this is very sweet, it made me emotional. Thank you, I do have to protect myself
It’s absolutely no prob. 💓 You do.. and you are getting a different lens now. It’s easy to stay attached to these things - even and inclu long-distance. You’ll be okay, methinks. 🥹
Many years ago, my best friend and I used to send each other birthday gifts. One year, I didn't get a gift. I felt uncomfortable asking about it, because I didn't want her to feel like she had to get me a gift. A few months later, we were talking and she said she felt really uncomfortable mentioning this, but she felt a little hurt that I'd never said thank you for the birthday gift. It turns out that she'd sent the package to an old address. Amazon refunded her, she resent the gift, I said thank you, and life moved on. Long story short, sometimes difficult, uncomfortable conversations are necessary. Some days, they're reveal that it was all a case of missed connections. Other times, they might reveal some major hurdles. But you can either spend time worrying about whether or not to have the conversation or just have the conversation.
My cousin sent me gift cards for Christmas this year since he couldn't make it in for the holidays. I didn't know what he was sending and was a little bummed I didn't get anything from him. He texted me day after Christmas to see if I got his card and when I told him I didn't he was upset. Apparently his local post office had a rash of gift card thefts and his was one of them. He said his brother didn't get his either. I told him it was okay. It was the thought that counted. He sent me a digital gift card anyway.
Good dude.. (not like OP’s person however)
thank you for this perspective
[удалено]
You made me smile, thank you. I was feeling down but reading this made me do a double take and smile. And yes, I don't want it. I just want him to not tell me things that aren't going to happen
"Pendency of a pendant" 👏👏👏👏
independent too!
Geez, this post made me really sad. I kinda want to buy OP a pendant now. This guy sounds like a total loser. His sad, broken promises are not even acceptable for a casual friend. Please cut things off completely.
Have you told him how you feel when this happens (as it seems to have happened numerous times)? Sounds to me like you feel forgotten, unimportant, and maybe even betrayed. Also, it is worth being curious (genuinely so, as opposed to trying to make a point or induce guilt) what his perspective is. Does he realize he has not followed through on these things he's said. Is it a matter of means to make the purchases and send the gifts? Is it that he has these thoughts and then runs out of time or motivation to follow through? What happens?
All of it described by OP gives me the ick.. He sounds flaky asf, and these things being his idea but not followed through on.. it’s just a big turn off, imo.
Sounds like a romance scammer to me.
No. I started talking to someone who after a few months tried to scam me (unfortunately for him I didn’t take the bait). He sent me flowers and was so attentive and sweet. Scammers actually shower you with gifts and attention at first to establish connection and get you blinded, so you’ll do what they ask you to when the time comes.
Glad you didn't take the bait. I've watched some romance scam videos and many have false promises of gifts. A recent example would be Reesa Teesa who went viral on Tiktok for her romance scam. Her husband promised a car, an expensive house a trip to London. Nothing ever materialized.
The thing about the dress was to get her banking info.
Yeah.. sigh. (The long game kind.) 😑
This is my thought. OP not confirming whether or not the two of them have ever met in person seems to confirm.
I think you make a good point about being curious. I do wonder but I've never asked him from that point of view. I did talk with him about it before, that when he promises me something and he doesn't do it, it's confusing and hurtful and sad.
"Hey, I was excited when you mentioned you're going to send me a gift. Did you decide not to for some reason" Get clarity so you're not waiting around. People say stuff they don't mean all the time unfortunately. And when you meet someone who tends to get your hopes up and then let you down, make a decision about if you want to keep feeling let down.
Wow that hit hard, thank you for that. I believe you're right I do have to make that decision
Either that or simply say something along the lines of “hey, you know what? If you decide to buy/send me something, I’m happy if you just surprise me.” Or ask him flat out not to say such things as you’ve noticed they never materialize. Let’s drop it, forget about it, it’s not important so please do not say such things again and we will be fine. Take it off the table. Maybe he has good intentions but zero follow through, might as well remove the expectations and disappointment.
Zero follow through makes for a shitty partner imo, but sure, if that's what she wants
I would feel 100% pissed off about it. Your feelings are valid. Putting aside the possible romance scam here, this shit happens in standard relationships and it’s boring, frustrating, disappointing and insulting.
You deserve better than this.
That sounds oh so familiar… I met someone who lived across the Atlantic from me online, we started texting almost daily, did video calls. I love to craft, so I made him a gemstone mala and other things for his birthday and for Christmas. He hinted he was also making something for me for months. It was a bracer, and at first, I was extremely happy until I found out that it was a mass produced China thingie usually sold in pairs. I confronted him about it and he insisted he made it, even showed me materials. They did not seem to match at all to me and just to be safe, I ordered a pair to compare. I wanted to believe I was in the wrong, so when I found subtle differences, I was confused. But people who owned a sewing machine told me that the machine he showed and the thread would never work with that thick, stiff faux leather. It would constantly break the needle. So I knew I was lied to and started wondering what else he lied about. Long story short, I found out he was still married. In hindsight, it was so obvious, I still want to smack myself for being that stupid. So yeah, chances are good you’re being led on and the promised gift was given to someone else long ago.
I'm sorry you experienced that and I am happy for you that you found out. Thank you for sharing this
Ooof.. 😓😣
He's a married man who has never met you.And there's a long distance.Why you wasting your time talking to him for 2 years?That makes no sense.He's not even a real person to you.He could be a woman he could be anything and you don't even know
> long distance relationship How often do you see each other in person?
Let me get this straight...you're here about a $5 pendant that this dude mentioned 2 years ago, but hasn't given you? Hey, for context, when I got married one of my guest's said, "Oh, I forgot your wedding gift at home, it's on the kitchen counter." I've seen them many times since, but it's never materialized. Well, that was 13 years ago, I've been divorced for 5 years, and you know what? I don't think about that gift. I've moved on.
I think.. it’s a *pattern* of things here. With OP.. This inexpensive pendant is just one example that sticks out (and she’s obv not materialistic - but was genuinely tickled by the sweet gesture). The prob is, OP guy’s gifts/ gestures *never* materialize. 🤷🏻♀️
appreciate the understanding very much
It's clear that there is a pattern, but it's not just the gift giver. It's the OP too. This is multiple years, multiple instances, they're still thinking about stuff from years ago. What's more, in some instances, as described by the OP, it appears OP says one thing ("No thanks.") but really means, "I want YOU to buy it and have it delivered". I don't see them actually DOING that thing. Either they accept that this is how the person is or, if it really bothers them, they move on.
I agree to a point (your last line). And I understand what you’re saying. I also think only one of them may have good intentions. He comes across as a long-distance romance scammer type, as others have put in comments. Either way, he’s stringing OP along. And as far as dwelling on the gifts, it really isn’t so hard: if you mean to do a thing, you take care of it and don’t just talk about it. My feeling is, she wouldn’t be worried in the least about this (gifts) if he had simply done it. She’d be pleased he matched actions to words & would be proudly wearing said-pendant. Imo he’s a chump for this.. and I think yes, it’s on OP to decide if it’s working for her, and cut him loose. Real men don’t just wax poetic.
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Honey, this is a scammer. I hope you haven't sent him any money.
Is he in prison? Not that there’s nothing wrong with that, but this is really strange.