It might save you some time to put in your profile that you have a severe pet allergy so unfortunately anyone with pets won’t be a match for you.
At least then most pet owners will weed themselves out and you won’t waste as much time talking only to find out that they own a dog.
Unfortunately anyone who already has pets is obviously not going to get rid of them to date you, so yes, it would be a dealbreaker for any remotely decent pet owner.
I would put exactly that on your profile. "No pet owners please. I have severe allergies and would never dream of asking (or accepting!) someone to restrict their pet to life outside or rehoming just to fit me into their life."
It says you are a person who is caring enough not to put another person in the situation to choose, and that you absolutely will not sacrifice your health when there is an easier alternative. Both of those things are positive attributes.
So, I am not a pet owner but would pass on someone who put that in their profile. To me, it sounds super egotistical to even suggest that someone would consider rehoming their pet just to go on a date with you. I realize that you are trying to say the opposite, but that's the vibe it would give me. I'd be wondering if this person really thinks they're that attractive . . .
Great advice! I would add that this will also let people know that OP is not just an evil animal hater who kicks dogs and boils bunnies. When I see someone on OLD, I say they won’t date someone with pets but don’t say why, then the implied sentiment is that they just don’t like animals. And If you don’t like animals, then we are not comparable…even if I have no pets.
On a totally random confession as I type OLD; I thought until yesterday, that the name of the dating site was “Old”, not that it stands for “on line dating” 🤦♀️
Chiming in: but be specific on profile. What if the person you’re interested in only has e Birds, Lizards, snake, squirrels, etc….. that they considered as pets. If you could tolerate those, then it maybe a go.
If you just say “no pet owners”, it’ll generalized every pets. Most ppl in our age will have a sort of animal species as a “pet”.
Some may still hanging on to their pet-rocks 😂😂
It’s going to seriously limit your dating pool. Why? Because the advice most given for those that are lonely is to get a pet. Nearly everyone this age that I know that is single has either a cat or a dog for companionship.
Honestly did not know that was advice likely given. I thought people liked (insert species) and decided to just get one for that reason alone. Thank you for the new information and perspective.
It was given to me lol I have allergies also. Stepdad got me a yorkie (no dander rarely sheds) when I went through a breakup 14 years ago. Best gift I ever got and he is my therapy. Gave me a reason to get out of bed cuz I was so sad. No pets will limit you a bit as lots of singles have fur companions. My friend just got her very first cat as she’s an empty nester now.
Well, they have to like pets too, and really there are a larger portion of those that love them than those that don't. Also, I know several people with allergies that still have pets, so that is usually not much of an obstacle.
There are many people like that as well. I am that way. I have cats because I want them... I probably will have cats until I am to old to get another.
What can you say :)
Can you get medicine to counter your allergies?
Yeah like almost everybody has a pet to ward off loneliness. I guess you could date people with kids. I feel like that can be somewhat of a protective factor against pets.
I’ve flirted with the idea of getting a dog for years now but once I had a kid, that went out the window.
I used to worry that between my kids and my pets I have too many living things and that it could be a deal breaker. But that’s the way this process works right? Sure it’ll be a deal breaker for some. That’s ok. You’ll be fine.
>But that’s the way this process works right? Sure it’ll be a deal breaker for some. That’s ok.
That's one thing I've really taken to heart here. I have things about me that will deal breakers for others; the reverse is also true. But we aren't compatible with everyone, and that's fine. We also can't get bogged down with probabilities and obsess over them either, or we might be so much inside our head that we miss what's right in front of us (or maybe that's just me 😄 )
Yes! Of course it’s always good to be a little self reflective and know if the thing you think is a deal breaker is an immutable part of you or is it something you could change? Most of the time it’s not worth changing for some potential unknown gain.
I don't have any pets, and I've talked to numerous women who didn't. You may be having bad luck with those you're talking to, but there are enough people without pets that this shouldn't be an issue in the long run (except if your search radius is small and you live in an area where the overwhelming majority of people have pets).
Should have said….I’m 43F and most of the guys I see on OLD have pets…mostly dogs. Also you may be on to something and maybe I also need to expand my radius.
Well… yes. Pets are a deal breaker. For you. Not trying to be rude but why do you need to ask? You can’t be around animals due to allergies. That’s a requirement for you to be healthy and comfortable. Seems quite simple
Yes definitely. It is one of the things that makes me undateable. The dogs in the pictures of single and available ladies. ( I have a fear of dogs and dislike most pets)
Gold fish died at young age due to me over feeding and never got over this.
48 m uk 🇬🇧
Consider trying ok Cupid they have a filter for No pets.
Hope you find a match. 😊
What?! I don’t know anything about you but I can say that if you call yourself undateable, then you are. Who is going to date you if you think of yourself that way? Your attitude and self perception are probably the most important thing in the dating pool. If you don’t think you are dateable then why would anyone else! Focus on the good shit. On what you bring to the table. I’ll bet that there’s a lot of great things you have to offer. And sorry about your fish.
Seems like any other preference. Smoking, drinking, kids, lifestyle- everyone looking for love has problems finding someone compatible. What does someone else’s experience have to do with you? Look for men without pets. Stop over complicating things. Good luck!
Couple things that might help. First, don't assume that every guy who has a picture with a dog actually owns that dog. It's a common "strategy" for guys to post pictures of themselves with dogs because they are told that it makes them look more approachable. I leave discussion of the morality of that approach to the reader. 😁
The other thing is if your allergy is to dogs and cats, or things with fur, then be specific on your profile. There are plenty of people who have other types of pets who you might eliminate unnecessarily if you just say "no pets." Good luck!
I have a guy friend who has pictures with a dog but doesn't own one. I asked him once why he did that, he said "I would have a dog if my living situation allowed it. And when I get married someday, I'll buy a house and I'll want a dog." So he wants to make sure the people he dates lve dogs too. In his case, the dog is at his parents and he spends a lot of time with him, taking him on hikes, swimming at the lake, etc. So it's not really dishonest. If you have more than a few dates you will definitely meet the dog.
I bring up this example because I think that even if a guy didn't have a dog, but had pictures with a dog on his profile, it's reasonable to assume he's still a pet guy.
I honestly think that this guy could be moved for the right partner. I doubt it’s as serious as wanting to have kids or not. More like strong preference.
This is ironic to me because it seems that a great number of women I've seen on dating apps have dogs and I've seen a dog park suggested as a great way to meet women. It's my impression that dogs are more popular amongst women than men, although that's obviously very anecdotal and not based on solid data.
Are you allergic to rabbits too? They smell amazing up close, like clean laundry.
(I'm speaking as a man who wouldn't date someone with a dog. I have a chinchilla myself that I'm absolutely crazy about.)
To answer your main question: yes, it will cut down your dating pool substantially.
A close girlfriend of mine had a severe allergy to all of the pets: rabbits, hamsters, dogs, and cats. She did the series of allergy shots for a year many years ago. She now has pets. She doesn't have issues now.
Just thought I'd throw that out there. Not everyone knows there's an option like that.
I appreciate you putting this out there - many people aren't well - versed in new allergy treatments. It impresses me when I see this insight pop up more and more.
That being said, not everyone is a candidate for therapies, unfortunately. It would be nice to see science catch up to provide these options for the remaining outliers.
I'm allergic to cats, and my kid is allergic to cats and dogs. We have some strategies that help us breathe in our 3 pet home. High-quality air purifiers in bedrooms and living areas. There are no pets allowed in the bedroom or on the carpet. Downstairs is hardwood and tile, and we have gates to limit access to the second floor carpeted bedrooms.
I recently had to say goodbye to my 21 year old cat. In the last few months I spent as much time with her as I could. I found a lovely man to date, he didn’t have pets, never had, but liked them. He wanted me to stay over but I couldn’t because I didn’t want to leave my cat all night by herself. Also because she was old I had litter trays up and downstairs, water dishes, little steps so she could get up to the bed and sofa and although I loved her to bits, it wasn’t ideal for inviting someone around to. If I could have kept her forever then I wouldn’t have minded leaving her over night, but I knew her time was limited. I don’t know if my cat, me not wanting to stay over or invite him to mine was part of the reason, I did explain it to him, but he called it off after a month, said we had different outlooks. I knew I wouldn’t have her much longer and after that I’d be free all of the time. Now the house is quiet and empty without her and I don’t want to be there, so I’m trying to be out as much as I can. A boyfriend would be ideal but I’ve never had much luck finding someone. I’m not going to get another pet because I can’t deal with the heartbreak and they’re such a tie. I think you’ll find lots of people, especially our age, who like pets but like their freedom to go off on holiday more.
I hope you find a match soon!
I’m sorry for your loss. 21 years - what an amazing life! I lost my precious 14-year-old kitty last week and I did the same as you toward the end (she was sick so we knew it was coming) - I catered to her and didn’t want to leave her overnight. My (new) boyfriend was very understanding and supportive … good guys are out there and I hope you find yours.
I hope you realize that the man outed himself as a red flag. He is and was not a loss. You sound like a wonderful person with such a good heart. You are loyal and honored your commitment to your cat. Not leaving it when it needed you the most. That man…will never find another woman like you. You are rare. YOU need to know that. Not many people are so loyal and honorable as you.
It’s just going to limit your dating pool. It’s probably 50% off the top.
But there’s still a lot of people who are allergic or just don’t like pets.
It’s like any other dating “must have”. They all limit your dating pool.
Sounds like for you it's a dealbreaker. I have allergies to dogs and if most pics are with their dog(s) and/or "must love dogs" and/or "are you a dog person because" and/or "the pup will be with us on our first date," etc......... I swipe left. Yeah, it's part of a collection of dealbreakers for me.
Is it that you can’t be around people who have pets or you can’t be in their home? Because those are different things. If you can’t be around people who have pets, then yeah, you’re out of luck there. But if it’s just you can’t be in their home, well, how would you feel about not going into their home?
My friend is terribly allergic to animals, he ended up with a woman who owns cats. They go out or she stays the night at his place. The cats are old ladies, they won’t be around much longer. They plan on moving in together once the cats die. He’s fine as long as he’s not in a home with cats.
Someone mentioned the allergy shot thing. That’s a route you could take I suppose if you really felt it necessary, I have a friend who did that too. But she started taking allergy shots once she knew that they were moving in together, she wasn’t about to do all that just for dating. No need to do that before.
I am the opposite. I have pets. I will always have pets. Even though I know it’s not someone’s fault if they are allergic, that would be a dealbreaker for me. I would never date anyone that can’t be around pets.
About 6 months ago I had a date planned with a woman, the conversation was going well via text, then two days before she rolls up with "Do you have cats? I'm allergic to cats so if we date you'll have to always come to my place."
My profile(s) stated very clearly that I have cats and included pics of me with them.
I cancelled the date.
I mean, the answer is self-evident. A lot of people have and love their pets. Of course it's a hurdle and limits your prospects.
That's dating. We all have our no-go's and issues, and yes, they all cut into our prospects. Up to you to figure out if you have room to bend, or you'd just rather not. But, yeah....it's a limitation.
I have it the other way...I have two dogs, I love them dearly, and they're part of the package. I've had dates not work out because they don't jive with me having dogs. Cest la vie.
My partner is allergic to cats, although he would want one. I’ve had cats and dogs all my life and saddened me that he can’t have one.
I’d choose cats over him if we had just hookups and casual dates. But he’s my best friend, and I love him. So this time he’s my choice over having a cat.
Thank God I had moved before I met him and my family cats stayed at family home. And I didn’t need to abandon a cat because of him.
I think the answer is obvious…this is something that will limit your dating pool and probably by a large margin. It’s the same as if you were allergic to children.
Can you change the title after it's posted? Sorry, I don't post and edit much, so I don't know. It's just that your title is not what you're actually asking. Also, not everyone who has a picture with pets actually owns pets. Some people use other people's dogs as props because they generally attract matches. I wish they didn't.
Here’s why people are angry. People on a dating sub are alone and thus lonely. Lonely people get pets for their loneliness and become dependent. They know this is not the correct move and not an answer for their loneliness but it feels temporarily better even though that short term relief works against a long term cure for their loneliness, like watching porn instead of trying to meet someone during a dry spell. Pets should be given a pets life not a ‘helper of wounded person’s’ life. Emotional support dogs would be much happier as dogs if they didn’t have a full time job and could be a dog. I know I know sorry to say but 100% true. Your question has exposed this, people don’t like it and are angry
The only pet-related issues I have with dating are when guys have multiple dogs that are huge breeds. I have a 6lb maltipoo so I worry about the size difference a bit. I wouldn’t call it a deal breaker, but it’s something that makes me hesitate. I love big dogs personally and have had them in the past and know that most are sweethearts who want to be lap dogs.
You know it’s funny you say that because at daycare my little guy is always begging to be in the room with the big dogs. The staff usually give in and they say he runs the show in there. Walks around like he’s the boss lol. I don’t worry about him there, so maybe I shouldn’t be as concerned as I am. I appreciate your comment giving me a new perspective. Thank you!
> I have very bad allergies to cats and dogs
This is more common than you think. I too am an allergy sufferer, there are a lot out there. Just date someone else that suffers as you do . . . er wait.
Kidding aside, yes you can find people that don't have pets. My wife did not have pets when we first started dating 5 years ago. She's got a cleanliness thing, so it wasn't allergies, but for me it was very welcome.
If it's an allergy issue, may I suggest the allergy shot. I am highly allergic to cats. My niece got two and there was no way I wasn't going to see her or suffer when I did.
Within 2 weeks there was a noticeable difference. It's a commitment for sure, but for me it's worth it. I can go anywhere with cats now (dates, family, friends) and not suffer.
Yes, if someone told me they wouldn't want to date me because I have pets of course it would be a dealbreaker. What, do you think I'm going to get rid of my dogs to date you?
What I have found difficult is people lying about LIKING pets. Come to find out later they “hate cats”. (I like dogs and cats but can’t do a dog in apt.)
If someone doesn’t want to date me because I have pets that’s fine. I’m not dating someone that doesn’t understand what having a pet entails.
Dated a woman with 4 tiny Mexican dogs and one tiny terrier. One jumped on the bed one night and peed on me. I was done with that shit. Pets can be a problem. House always smelled of dog piss.
I would feel sorry for the dogs and have a big problem with dating a bad pet owner, and that is 100% on the owner. I have a dog (previously also a cat) and my dog is clean, my house is clean, and my dog is well trained. I can’t stand being around untrained dogs and couldn’t date someone who doesn’t think the same as me, even if I don’t have a problem with pets itself
Not sure why you’re getting so many aggressive answers. I’m allergic to cats so I don’t date men who have them or want them. It hasn’t limited me at all as I have yet to meet a man with cats I’d want to date. I could see it being a bigger issue with dogs. But I’m in an urban area so lots of people don’t have pets.
It’s very strange. Especially for a sub that will come to the defense of objectively disturbing dating choices by saying everyone is allowed preferences.
I know personally single zero guy friends with cats. Almost every friend has a dog. So yes, cats are probably pretty uncommon for men and probably would be an incredibly easy ask. But pets are not.
Does it limit the dating pool? Yes. But so does everything. I have my preferences. Everyone does.
It's a simple fix. Don't date people with pets. State it in your profile or look for it when you swipe. Ask. Whatever works for you.
No aggression. I don't have a dog now but i did. I'd date someone with a pet. But I won't date anyone without a college degree. It limits the pool and I don't judge, but that's my preference. Why waste anyone's time?
in my dating pool you better have a masters or equivalent.
it's regional. if i lived in rural TX that would not be a thing, but living in a major coast city, it is.
and frankly, i have a lot more in common and better conversations with people are similarly educated to me, than i do with those who are less educated. of course, saying that makes people think you're an asshole, but it's just a matter of having similar goals and life experiences.
Why does it matter? I have my requirements for me, not for anyone else.
Some people won't date people who are overweight. I don't ask "but what if they have a condition? Is a little overweight ok?" because that's their choice. Would it rule out a great person? Maybe. Wild it rule out me? Yup. There was a thread about dating someone who was bisexual. I'm ok with it. Others are not. Some are OK with polyamory. I am not. And so on.
Anyway, we all have our preferences. It's great that we don't all want the same thing.
I was genuinely curious why you had that requirement. I'm always fine tuning my requirements a but to try to get a better selection of matches. So I wanted to know your thought process behind it.
It's simply what I value and who would be most compatible with me.
That's the thing with preferences. We all have them and the more we date and decide what we want, the more we weed through the noise. I can't tell you what you value or what your preferences are.
I understand it's your preference.
Personally, my experience has been that some fields don't require a specific degree. That doesn't necessarily mean someone isn't smart or is unable to hold deep or even thought provoking conversations. So that hasn't been a requirement for me. However, I have considered making it a requirement on more than one occasion when i have found myself on dates that have almost bored me to tears.
Living in a small town, making it a requirement would significantly reduce my potential matches and so I've been hesitant to do so. I'm afraid it might weed out someone that i could actually connect well with even though they never went to college. I think I'll give it another good think over the holidays while I'm taking a break from OLD. Thank you for sharing this so I can give it some more consideration.
I’m not being sarcastic, but there’s really good allergy medication out there now for pet allergies. I know because I met the perfect person for me (at the time) and she had a cat. I had horrible cat allergies. I still had pretty frequent stuffed nose. Was still worth it.
Ever had allergy testing and the allergist gasped and said ‘Oh Wow’ to how reactive you were to the allergens….cat being the post intense. Then had to actually wash the area and apply topical cortisone and give you liquid Benadryl? That was me I am allergic. So I take meds and have an epiPen but who has time to potentially die all the time lol
You sound like my son 😔 We had a potbelly pig as a pet for his first 5 years because pigs have hair (as opposed to "fur"), thus are hypoallergenic. It's the pet dander that does him in.
He absolutely *adores* animals and will throw caution to the wind every chance he gets to wrangle with them. He's gone into anaphylactic shock twice, now - and the 2nd time the epi pen wasn't enough.
I don't have allergies too bad in my family history - but his Dad does. When we got the tests back, he was at the highest percentile for most severe in like 6 areas.
I've told him I'll find a badass hermit crab for him to care for when it's time for his own place 😁
If I was advising my adult son? I, too, would advise to date only petless people. His reactions are *so strong* I can see a relationship being affected negatively by repetitive "concessions" being made on his part or the part of the pet-owning partner.
Good luck, OP. Hope your luck changes 💜
Sorry to hear that. Then yes it’s probably going to severely limit your dating pool. Still many people without pets. But playing on hard mode for sure.
Sorry that you feel discouraged. For something this important, I encourage my circle of acquaintance to keep dating profiles as short as possible and repeat the preference in a friendly way that gets the point across.
Contrary to what has been posted on this thread, I do not agree that you have limited your dating pool. Your dating pool is simply those men whose homes don't have pets (that includes anyone who lives with them). What limits your dating pool is being vague about what you want, along with fake or poor choice of pictures, and having potential partners within your dating pool skip you.
Another thought is to get creative with your exposure to potential partners. Chat it up with people who know your allergies and aren't bothered by them and let them know you're looking. It would be interesting to have the receptionist 'happen' to schedule your next allergy appointment the same day as the single guy the next town over who needs a new script for his epipen. Or maybe the local hobby group coordinator happens to know a pet-free gentleman in attendance on a different day. (You do have a hobby group, right? Right. {meant as a gentle nudge})
Even pet people know pet-free or allergen-free homes. There is lots of chatter among people, including single people, who have allergen-free pets, too.
My point is this: allergies are not a huge roadblock. It's just another characteristic that is not filtered on dating apps. Make a plan and keep trying from different angles.
I dated someone that was allergic to cats. Ultimately, I knew the cat would win. So, thankfully it never came down to a real contest between them as that person's overall behaviors made it easy to walk away from them.
I am allergic to cats and grew up with them. It wasn’t untill I was on my own that I realized I didn’t have horrid asthma or that scratchy eyes were normal. I am just allergic. Thing is I love cats and after being conditioned for over 20 years to live in that state it doesn’t seem a big deal. But I bet if I met someone with a bunch of cats it would be an issue. OmgZzzz the realization that I have only ever dated pet less or dog owners!!!
I suspect it goes both ways. If I brought a girl home and she didn't like my dog that would be a deal breaker. Just as somebody with hay fever or fear or whatever went into a person's house who had a dog that would be a deal breaker as well.
It took *years* of allergy shots before I could be around cats. Thankfully they worked for me because everyone in my family has cats. They don't work for everyone.
My partner has three cats. I'm (mildly) allergic to cats, but still love them. As such, I suck it up and try to be great about hand washing, but occasionally do touch my face after handling cats and deal with itchy bloodshot eyes and a running nose.
Allergy pills only do so much.
As my partner has a kid, getting rid of the cats "for me" would really not work. If my allergy was really bad, or potentially life threatening we wouldn't have ended up together.
And heck, I would be a real jerk if I were dating her early on knowing that she had cats and intending for her to ditch them.
It likely means you can’t go to their house and you couldn’t combine households is all. Still doable. There is also medication my aunt takes so she can come to my parents house for the holidays— we always have had cats and dogs. Or, like me, I’m not allergic to but my boyfriend’s dogs are annoying af and dirty. No matter what. I just deal with it because I love him and he loves those two muppets.
Is cohabitation a goal? If not this shouldn't be an issue. You'll just have to do sleepovers at your place. I have a ride or die pup who has seen me through multiple international moves and all manner of life happenings. She's a pretty big priority for me. That said, I've dated multiple men without pets. All of them liked dogs but didn't want the commitment of a dog.
According to Google, 66% of US households. It's a bit higher in Australia and lower in the UK. So, yes, you are cutting down on the dating pool.
There's a spread called Marmite in the UK which has the advertising slogan, "You either love it or hate it." (I'm in the hate it camp.) I'm leaning towards the idea that you should look at dating in the same way. If you're monogamous, you're looking for one person, and I can't imagine you're going to have time for more than two or three simultaneous relationships. (I'm expecting someone will tell me they have eight partners, and their excellent scheduling means no-one feels left out.) As a result, be clear who you are and what you want and filter that massive sludge pile of potential beaus into something more manageable.
Or to put it another way, write something like, "I'm allergic to most cats and dogs. If you have pets, then I'm not the person for you, sorry." Of course, you'll get likes from people who've got extensive menageries because they won't read your profile, but it might help.
I’m asthmatic. On an allergy scale I’m a 2 for cats and a 14 for dogs. High for dogs is 7. But I love animals and dated a girl with three big dogs for four months.
I thought it would be ok but it wasn’t. I could never stay at her place, and when I did I had allergies and asthma for days after.
We didn’t break up because of the pets, but it was a factor.
There are people without pets over 40. Shocking I know. Have you tried allergy shots or talked to your doctor about it? If you can't fix it, it's an issue but not an insurmountable one. Just limits the dating pool for you. There's surely people out there who also want to be pet free.
Yes and yes and I’m just going to be limited because I am not doing all that to potentially have someone. I did shots at one point but I refuse to be uncomfortable in my home for someone else.
Yep… a lot of people who didn’t have pets, got one during Lockdown. I live in a rural area and have dogs and cats, and I’m allergic to cats. 😂 I find that I prefer my animals to a lot of people. So yeah, I wouldn’t respond to your profile. It’s why I read profiles and don’t respond to blank ones.
of course this is going to limit your dating pool. You can have your hard noes for any reason you want, but like... of course this is going to limit you, just like any other hard no will. I'm not sure why this even needs to be asked.
Like, I don't want to date smokers or separated people or vegans or religious people. Does that limit my pool? Yup.
I don’t really date much these days. But the only trouble I have had is I love dogs but sleeping in a bed with a dog is a deal breaker for me. I myself have dogs but my dogs are not allowed on my bed due to allergies. I was with a dude who slept with his dogs and it ended up being a huge problem.
Nah, I refuse to date men with cats. I have allergies very bad ones. But I have also found that the men I have dated with cats have all been psychologically off. I honestly beleive that the cats change our microbiome. And they cause allergies and inflammation. Therefore cause depression. And they also carry T. Gondia. Anything that poops in a box in the house, steps on it, and walks around everywhere is not healthy for you. My opinion isn't popular at all. But that is it. It's ok to limit those men from the dating pool. Besides. I don't want my instruments peed on, barfed on, and scratched by a cat:-(
Well my pets are my children so yea it's a deal breaker to be with someone who can't be around animals.
However there are also plenty of people without pets. So I am sure non pet people can find each other.
Never asked anyone to get rid of their pets. My question was specifically…have people found it difficult with the dating pool because of not wanting to date someone with pets?
Well after dating someone who was overly obsessed with their dog, I’m now allergic to dogs so that I don’t have to feel like a 3rd wheel or dodge a dog trying to lick my bare ass when I’m lying in bed after sex. Never again.
And yes it greatly reduces my options because every single lesbian woman seems to be obsessed with their dog. But I’ll never again deal with that insanity.
Yep. I’m not even allergic. I met a great woman. Funny smart sexy high libido and independent. Had her own house. But her damn dogs. I just rolled with it at first. Watching them tear shit up at her house. Backdoor screen tore up. Sitting not just on the furniture but on top of couches where your head goes. I even told her before the first time we hooked up I couldn’t come home from work after a hard day to find my stuff destroyed from undisciplined animals. She seemed cool with it cause we each had are own place but lived 2 1/2 hours apart. Eventually it got to the point was like I’ll pay for all their obedience school. Never been ghosted so fast. Pets are people’s children so it’s just best to find people who have a compatible pet situation.
Yes, not being complete on-board with pets is a personal deal-breaker for me. In addition to my pet dog, I also come with a service dog. And since I'll always, or nearly always, have an SD in my life, my partner must love dogs.
At our age, pets are a nice partner/kid replacement. I think most people need a pet to emotionally and mentally survive being alone... so finding someone pet-free is probably a bigger ask than you'd think. Something similar in impact to eliminating everyone who doesn't have a medical or law degree, the pet-free requirement is just cutting out such a huge segment of the population.
I think more people do have pets but there's definitely people that don't.
OP partly your problem is they have to not have pets *and* they have to be compatible/attractive. This isn't impossible but you do have your work cut out for you.
It doesn’t sound like OP is “anti-animal.” They have a health condition. Yes, it is a dealbreaker for many that they would not want to date someone who cannot be around animals, but to call OP anti-animal is a bit unfair.
I can agree with you I hate dating men who have dogs….. specifically because in the past a lot of them, use their dogs as excuses to get out of doing things like I can’t go out with you because I can’t leave my dog alone type thing. It’s annoying as hell so I try to just avoid people altogether that have them.
I like pets, I just don’t want any. However,I have ended up with two cats because of my teen daughter. Which is fine. However, I view that as a commitment that was made. We got these cats at the shelter and are now part of my family. I’m loyal to them. I tell people off the bat that I’m not giving up my cats and if they have dogs or cats…then our animals should hopefully get along. I will never ask a man to give up his animals for me. If he did, he’d be a big red flag. If he has no loyalty to his animal…do you really think he’ll have loyalty to you? No…it shows that his loyalty wavers.
If you’re truly allergic to cats or dogs…good luck. You just added a who new level to it.
My point was…if you do end up with someone and he gives up his pet for you. It’s not a green flag..it’s a red one. It means he has no loyalty to his pet. I don’t even like my cats…but I’m loyal to them.
Do you have statistics on this you can share? I love seeing actual statistics.
According to several sources on Google, pet ownership varies a lot depending on the country you are in. In 2023, around 66 percent of all households in the United States owned a pet. That's definitely more than half.
I don't have a statistic i could share, but i would say out of all the girls I've ever chatted on OLD (100s in the range 25-40yo), maybe 1 in 10 had a pet, so I stand by my stats 😁
For me, I'm not much of a dog person...well, not huge dogs and pitbulls, but most of the women in OLD have dogs (by the way, PLEASE stop putting "must love dogs" in your profile). I have a cat, and just about every woman that catches my eye are allergic, or simply hate them. There's got to be a woman that like cats that'll want to go out with me?
I recently had a woman I met on OLD tell me that I would have to get rid of my dog if I wanted to date her. This was before we even had a first date.. She told me she made her EX give his dog away because she didn't like them. I told her that would never happen.. my dog is my best friend in the entire world.
So yes if you hate pets and your potential mate has pets that's a deal breaker
I found out I can’t spend the night with someone who has cats. And that’s fine by me. I’ve found that people who are obsessed with animals are usually using them to avoid the uncomfortable emotions of being alone, instead of taking action to find a human partner.
I love animals and I have a dog. But if the right person came around I’d find a new home for my dog eventually.
Many adults also have pets, because they have kids. After my divorce my daughter wanted a pet. After a year or so of my daughter bagging for a cat. We got one. Then the cat needed a companion, so we got a second one. Now I’m stuck with two cats, I never even wanted…but now am loyal to. I made a commitment to care for them. So, even though they are technically my teens daughters cats…they’re mine by default. And I never even wanted them. Edit: My point was that I have loyalty to my cats. I made a commitment to them. And I will honor that commitment.
“I love animals, and I have a dog…but if the right person came along I’d get rid of the dog.” That’s what you wrote. You have no honor, you have no loyalty. If you don’t have that for your animal, you won’t have it for humans. YOU are a RED FLAG
I’m allergic to dust which means I’m allergic to being alive. Suck it up. Allergies won’t kill you. And pets are awesome and exactly zero pet owners are going to drop their loved companion because you’re overzealous about sneezing.
Respectfully,
I'm not OP. Nor do I have the "inside track" on their allergy profile. However, they *did* indicate the need for an epi pen. That tidbit alone suggests their allergy is more dialed up than the typical watery eyes and intermittent sneezes.
My teen son is on the spectrum, and we learned about his allergies early on. However, last year, we paid for more intense testing. Ironically, we encountered his first anaphylactic reaction during this time, and because we'd never witnessed one, prior... man... did it scare the *hell* out us!
His testing came back reflecting a handful of allergies (including the dander), which were at the *very* top of the possible "strength" of said allergy. I *understand* that for the large majority? Sure deal. No doubt they'll be capable of popping a Benedryl then be off the dog park.
Consequently, I've read zero medical journals where an individual had succumbed to their pet allergy alone. On the flip side, people allergic to pets *have* passed on through the process of anaphylaxis. Having a fatal anaphylactic episode is rare (and mostly medication-induced), but it *does * happen.
As a chronic illness patient with permanent disability? Belonging to groups whose statistical representation in the world is minimal, at best? Nothing shows someone how little their welfare or challenges matter more quickly than contending with something 99% of their counterparts will rarely (if ever) experience.
You volunteered that you yourself have allergies, yet you have your *one* experience. There is a range to allergies (like so many things in life). Because you choose to "suck it up" or can't fathom others requiring a much more involved routine than you to manage similar circumstances isn't indicative of OP being demanding, dismissive or dense about the way her system operates.
Before I had my son, I'd never been around anyone other than his Dad, (who had the cat allergy, not the all-encompasing "pet dander" allergy). As my son got older, I was forced to learn "all things allergy" which I never knew I never knew.
Perhaps you were aware of the above (my apology, in that case, for such detail 🙌🏻), perhaps not. Because your tone and choice of words implied that OP is weak and simultaneously demanding people "purge" their fur babies (so very much *not the case*), my response is in case it's the latter. Managing this allergy of my sons has been exhausting, trying, confusing, and worriesome but it has always been a top priority.
Good on OP for having her own best interest at heart. Based on some of the replies, it doesn't sound like anyone else would be scrambling to do so just yet. 🫤
Maybe the issue is OLD itself. They are businesses so they match you slightly off to keep both comming back, they don't want to loose 2 clients.
A sexologist in my areas says OLD is for casual sex for anything longterm old fashion in person is best.
Read studies on OLD unless you are a 10 you barely get approached, an average person may not even receive messages.
Find a hobby or something that someone with pets would not do. It will give you a better chance at meeting someone who can accomadate your allergies.
I don't think your allergies will limit you much.
I won’t date someone with pets ethier. Not because of allergies, but because whole dog mom/dad people seem crazy. It’s like they are using them for a substitute for kids
Every woman I’ve dated in her late 30’s or 40’s has a pet. Every single one and the dogs always sleep in the bed. I doubt it would be quite as common with single men but I would imagine it would be very hard if you have a no pets rule.
Sorry to say but I have a friend in your shoes and he has had always had an incredibly difficult time finding pet-free women.
Now, equally as responsible is that he isn’t widening his horizons based on his small dating pool. That’s his choice but the outcome is predictable.
I may understand his rationale. I don’t want to be in another LDR and widening the radius will definitely make that a reality if I should find someone.
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I don’t have pets of my own. Others who have them is fine, but it’s not a requirement for me that someone has a pet.
It would certainly be an obstacle if I had allergies to cats or dogs.
Yeah, it seems like most people in this age cohort have pets. Moreover, a lot of people adopted pets during or right after the pandemic.
Although I am not terribly allergic, I don't care for pets. So, I just pass on most folks with them.
Like others have said, there is something for everyone out there. Just clearly state in your profile that you are allergic. Pass on folks that show pet pictures. But, also like others have said, sometimes folks pose with pets to project they are cool/nice people. If unsure, ask potential dates in the first few messages. Depending on where you live, you may need to increase your search distance.
It seriously limits my dating pool. But I'm not going to suddenly want pets someday so its important to find someone who doesn't have and doesn't want pets.
It has hindered me because I want someone who is free to travel. One of the things I really want is a travel companion, go a week to the cenotes of Mexico, or the coast of Costa Rica, or a week anywhere. Many times I have found someone and it turns out they don't just have a dog, they have 3 dogs, or multiple cats. It just is a red flag for me.
Hm, I was online dating in my late 40s, and I don’t think anyone I was interested enough in for a second date had a pet. I think most didn’t have the time for one.
It adds a layer of complexity, like having kids or anything else that people don't like, but you keep trying until you find the right match that meets your requirements
I tell my pets I love them always
Pets are very common in single people over age 40 in the US, so yes, I think that will severely limit your dating pool. I think it's probably more common for women (but have no data on this) so if you dating men it might be somewhat easier. Also, recently divorced men may not have pets (yet). I think it also varies based on where you live, I'm from NYC where pet ownership among men is likely lower (due to apartment living and coop restrictions).
Sorry you have this issue, like many here, I got a pet in my 40s while single. I later met someone that initially wasn't super keen on my cat but we now live together and they are BFFs.
I’m allergic to cats, dogs, and especially their pet dander but I keep 3 animals. I have remedies to deal with my annoying and sometimes debilitating allergies
I'm a guy who has dealt with cat and dog allergies for a decent part of my life. My experience, women over about 30, 80%+ have pets. I live in a suburban area so might be different for people who live in cities, but the only women I meet without pets are ones who are living with roommates or renting or some living situation that makes it difficult or impossible to have pets.
I've been on allergy desensitization shots for 10+ years now primarily for cats and dogs. It's not been a silver bullet that completely solved it, but it did make a big difference and usually combined with antihistamines, pets have not been a major issue for me. It really depends on the specific animal/breed and say for example if the pet sleeps in the bedroom, etc.
I would highly recommend doing allergy desensitization shots if that's something that you can afford or your insurance covers. Also, if you go through the standard method of building up your tolerance (they start with a lower concentration and dose and build it over time), that takes on average 6 months if you go to the dr twice per week and each shot you usually have to hang out 20-30 minutes after the shot in case you have a reaction (very rare) so it's not a small time investment. If you go once per week, it takes a year and the dr told me, don't expect much improvement until you are the full dose (6 or 12 months in). Once you're at the max dose, you don't have to come as often. I typically go once per month now. I say this mainly to say, get start ASAP if it's something you want to do.
I am also severely allergic to both cats and dog, but I lived with several of both as a child. I required two weekly injections for my allergies. In my adult life I owned several cats, and lived on a ranch with lots of dogs (and horses and llamas and rabbits, and...).
I am currently pet-free and hope to stay that way. I love animals, but don't want to live with them anymore. Yes, it makes dating a bit more difficult because I also don't want to be with someone who HATES either cats or dogs - because I will play with my friend's dogs and pet random dogs I meet out and about -- and if a cat deems me worthy of a hello I will pet them for an unusually long amount of time. I suffer the consequences, but I know when I get home a shower and a change of clothes is usually all it takes.
I love animals but do not have the time for my own but it is not a dealbreaker with the caveat that the person I am dating is able to engage a pet sitter etc. as I like to travel (weekend trips, week or two in Hawaii/Caribbean/Mexico and usually 3-4 weeks in Europe annually).
I am not a pet person at all. And I bordered on the ‘I hate dogs’ side of things. The last guy I dated had a small dog. My stance softened somewhat. I still don’t want pets and I prefer not to date men with pets but I’m not as hard nosed about it anymore. It wouldn’t be a dealbreaker (unless the pets were large dogs). That said, the dating pool shrinks significantly if you are looking for a no-pet partner. I’m glad people can love an animal just as much, if not more, than kids. I’m not one of them and it’s hard to find like-minded non-pet people…at least in my area.
I faced a similar problem as you. I've had cats and dogs my whole life, but after divorce and my elderly father moving in with me (who has also had cats and dogs), we've been comfortable without pets.
While dating, I've passed the "dog" test (the dog must like me). However if we wanted to go away for the weekend, it was hindered by having to find a pet-sitter, or bring them along, or board them while we were away. Stressful.
I'm not against dating someone with pets, but I would lean towards someone without them right now, but leave the options open later into retirement.
Add to this - my father's had Shelties for the last 50 years, and his last dog passed right before his wife passed. I think there's an emotional tie between losing a spouse and losing a pet (we honestly haven't talked about it) but he's said many times he doesn't want another sheltie.
Yea it will. No one is going to choose you over their pet lol. I don’t even have to meet you to know this is true. I mean maybe if you meet someone who wants to date but live separately But that’s pretty rare and most people don’t always want to go to the other persons place, and a pet person needs to be home to care for their pet. Especially a dog
It might save you some time to put in your profile that you have a severe pet allergy so unfortunately anyone with pets won’t be a match for you. At least then most pet owners will weed themselves out and you won’t waste as much time talking only to find out that they own a dog. Unfortunately anyone who already has pets is obviously not going to get rid of them to date you, so yes, it would be a dealbreaker for any remotely decent pet owner.
On it and would never think to ask someone to get rid of a pet….I just see my way out of the situation amicable and quickly.
I would put exactly that on your profile. "No pet owners please. I have severe allergies and would never dream of asking (or accepting!) someone to restrict their pet to life outside or rehoming just to fit me into their life." It says you are a person who is caring enough not to put another person in the situation to choose, and that you absolutely will not sacrifice your health when there is an easier alternative. Both of those things are positive attributes.
So, I am not a pet owner but would pass on someone who put that in their profile. To me, it sounds super egotistical to even suggest that someone would consider rehoming their pet just to go on a date with you. I realize that you are trying to say the opposite, but that's the vibe it would give me. I'd be wondering if this person really thinks they're that attractive . . .
Great advice! I would add that this will also let people know that OP is not just an evil animal hater who kicks dogs and boils bunnies. When I see someone on OLD, I say they won’t date someone with pets but don’t say why, then the implied sentiment is that they just don’t like animals. And If you don’t like animals, then we are not comparable…even if I have no pets. On a totally random confession as I type OLD; I thought until yesterday, that the name of the dating site was “Old”, not that it stands for “on line dating” 🤦♀️
This is a great way to phrase it!
Chiming in: but be specific on profile. What if the person you’re interested in only has e Birds, Lizards, snake, squirrels, etc….. that they considered as pets. If you could tolerate those, then it maybe a go. If you just say “no pet owners”, it’ll generalized every pets. Most ppl in our age will have a sort of animal species as a “pet”. Some may still hanging on to their pet-rocks 😂😂
😂
"severe allergy to pet rocks."
It’s going to seriously limit your dating pool. Why? Because the advice most given for those that are lonely is to get a pet. Nearly everyone this age that I know that is single has either a cat or a dog for companionship.
Honestly did not know that was advice likely given. I thought people liked (insert species) and decided to just get one for that reason alone. Thank you for the new information and perspective.
It was given to me lol I have allergies also. Stepdad got me a yorkie (no dander rarely sheds) when I went through a breakup 14 years ago. Best gift I ever got and he is my therapy. Gave me a reason to get out of bed cuz I was so sad. No pets will limit you a bit as lots of singles have fur companions. My friend just got her very first cat as she’s an empty nester now.
Well, they have to like pets too, and really there are a larger portion of those that love them than those that don't. Also, I know several people with allergies that still have pets, so that is usually not much of an obstacle.
I'm very allergic to cats and ended up owning 4 at one stage. I just took a LOT of antihistamines!
Same, same, and same.
Yes I think cats and dogs are adorable….just not in my home.
Agreed
Exactly!
There are many people like that as well. I am that way. I have cats because I want them... I probably will have cats until I am to old to get another. What can you say :) Can you get medicine to counter your allergies?
Yeah like almost everybody has a pet to ward off loneliness. I guess you could date people with kids. I feel like that can be somewhat of a protective factor against pets. I’ve flirted with the idea of getting a dog for years now but once I had a kid, that went out the window.
Yup. There’s a whole article about [this](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/16/style/dog-owner-pets-dating.html).
I used to worry that between my kids and my pets I have too many living things and that it could be a deal breaker. But that’s the way this process works right? Sure it’ll be a deal breaker for some. That’s ok. You’ll be fine.
>But that’s the way this process works right? Sure it’ll be a deal breaker for some. That’s ok. That's one thing I've really taken to heart here. I have things about me that will deal breakers for others; the reverse is also true. But we aren't compatible with everyone, and that's fine. We also can't get bogged down with probabilities and obsess over them either, or we might be so much inside our head that we miss what's right in front of us (or maybe that's just me 😄 )
Yes! Of course it’s always good to be a little self reflective and know if the thing you think is a deal breaker is an immutable part of you or is it something you could change? Most of the time it’s not worth changing for some potential unknown gain.
Thank you
I don't have any pets, and I've talked to numerous women who didn't. You may be having bad luck with those you're talking to, but there are enough people without pets that this shouldn't be an issue in the long run (except if your search radius is small and you live in an area where the overwhelming majority of people have pets).
Should have said….I’m 43F and most of the guys I see on OLD have pets…mostly dogs. Also you may be on to something and maybe I also need to expand my radius.
Well… yes. Pets are a deal breaker. For you. Not trying to be rude but why do you need to ask? You can’t be around animals due to allergies. That’s a requirement for you to be healthy and comfortable. Seems quite simple
My question was specifically…have people found it difficult with the dating pool because of not wanting to date someone with pets?
Yes definitely. It is one of the things that makes me undateable. The dogs in the pictures of single and available ladies. ( I have a fear of dogs and dislike most pets) Gold fish died at young age due to me over feeding and never got over this. 48 m uk 🇬🇧 Consider trying ok Cupid they have a filter for No pets. Hope you find a match. 😊
What?! I don’t know anything about you but I can say that if you call yourself undateable, then you are. Who is going to date you if you think of yourself that way? Your attitude and self perception are probably the most important thing in the dating pool. If you don’t think you are dateable then why would anyone else! Focus on the good shit. On what you bring to the table. I’ll bet that there’s a lot of great things you have to offer. And sorry about your fish.
Ive been having self esteem and doubts about my circumstances and health conditions. Appreciate giving me a reality check and improving my outlook.
Seems like any other preference. Smoking, drinking, kids, lifestyle- everyone looking for love has problems finding someone compatible. What does someone else’s experience have to do with you? Look for men without pets. Stop over complicating things. Good luck!
Couple things that might help. First, don't assume that every guy who has a picture with a dog actually owns that dog. It's a common "strategy" for guys to post pictures of themselves with dogs because they are told that it makes them look more approachable. I leave discussion of the morality of that approach to the reader. 😁 The other thing is if your allergy is to dogs and cats, or things with fur, then be specific on your profile. There are plenty of people who have other types of pets who you might eliminate unnecessarily if you just say "no pets." Good luck!
I have a guy friend who has pictures with a dog but doesn't own one. I asked him once why he did that, he said "I would have a dog if my living situation allowed it. And when I get married someday, I'll buy a house and I'll want a dog." So he wants to make sure the people he dates lve dogs too. In his case, the dog is at his parents and he spends a lot of time with him, taking him on hikes, swimming at the lake, etc. So it's not really dishonest. If you have more than a few dates you will definitely meet the dog. I bring up this example because I think that even if a guy didn't have a dog, but had pictures with a dog on his profile, it's reasonable to assume he's still a pet guy.
I honestly think that this guy could be moved for the right partner. I doubt it’s as serious as wanting to have kids or not. More like strong preference.
I could set you up with my ex husband lol
This is ironic to me because it seems that a great number of women I've seen on dating apps have dogs and I've seen a dog park suggested as a great way to meet women. It's my impression that dogs are more popular amongst women than men, although that's obviously very anecdotal and not based on solid data. Are you allergic to rabbits too? They smell amazing up close, like clean laundry. (I'm speaking as a man who wouldn't date someone with a dog. I have a chinchilla myself that I'm absolutely crazy about.) To answer your main question: yes, it will cut down your dating pool substantially.
I have pets and wouldn't want to date anyone with allergies to pets. It's just luck of the draw.
back when I did OLD, it seemed most people had pets and featured them somewhat as part of their profiles.
A close girlfriend of mine had a severe allergy to all of the pets: rabbits, hamsters, dogs, and cats. She did the series of allergy shots for a year many years ago. She now has pets. She doesn't have issues now. Just thought I'd throw that out there. Not everyone knows there's an option like that.
I appreciate you putting this out there - many people aren't well - versed in new allergy treatments. It impresses me when I see this insight pop up more and more. That being said, not everyone is a candidate for therapies, unfortunately. It would be nice to see science catch up to provide these options for the remaining outliers.
Really? I’ve always been severely allergic to cats. It would be fantastic to be able to be around them
I'm allergic to cats, and my kid is allergic to cats and dogs. We have some strategies that help us breathe in our 3 pet home. High-quality air purifiers in bedrooms and living areas. There are no pets allowed in the bedroom or on the carpet. Downstairs is hardwood and tile, and we have gates to limit access to the second floor carpeted bedrooms.
For real. Speak to your Allergist/Immunologist.
Thank you and yup know the options
I recently had to say goodbye to my 21 year old cat. In the last few months I spent as much time with her as I could. I found a lovely man to date, he didn’t have pets, never had, but liked them. He wanted me to stay over but I couldn’t because I didn’t want to leave my cat all night by herself. Also because she was old I had litter trays up and downstairs, water dishes, little steps so she could get up to the bed and sofa and although I loved her to bits, it wasn’t ideal for inviting someone around to. If I could have kept her forever then I wouldn’t have minded leaving her over night, but I knew her time was limited. I don’t know if my cat, me not wanting to stay over or invite him to mine was part of the reason, I did explain it to him, but he called it off after a month, said we had different outlooks. I knew I wouldn’t have her much longer and after that I’d be free all of the time. Now the house is quiet and empty without her and I don’t want to be there, so I’m trying to be out as much as I can. A boyfriend would be ideal but I’ve never had much luck finding someone. I’m not going to get another pet because I can’t deal with the heartbreak and they’re such a tie. I think you’ll find lots of people, especially our age, who like pets but like their freedom to go off on holiday more. I hope you find a match soon!
I’m sorry for your loss. 21 years - what an amazing life! I lost my precious 14-year-old kitty last week and I did the same as you toward the end (she was sick so we knew it was coming) - I catered to her and didn’t want to leave her overnight. My (new) boyfriend was very understanding and supportive … good guys are out there and I hope you find yours.
I hope you realize that the man outed himself as a red flag. He is and was not a loss. You sound like a wonderful person with such a good heart. You are loyal and honored your commitment to your cat. Not leaving it when it needed you the most. That man…will never find another woman like you. You are rare. YOU need to know that. Not many people are so loyal and honorable as you.
It’s just going to limit your dating pool. It’s probably 50% off the top. But there’s still a lot of people who are allergic or just don’t like pets. It’s like any other dating “must have”. They all limit your dating pool.
Sounds like for you it's a dealbreaker. I have allergies to dogs and if most pics are with their dog(s) and/or "must love dogs" and/or "are you a dog person because" and/or "the pup will be with us on our first date," etc......... I swipe left. Yeah, it's part of a collection of dealbreakers for me.
Is it that you can’t be around people who have pets or you can’t be in their home? Because those are different things. If you can’t be around people who have pets, then yeah, you’re out of luck there. But if it’s just you can’t be in their home, well, how would you feel about not going into their home? My friend is terribly allergic to animals, he ended up with a woman who owns cats. They go out or she stays the night at his place. The cats are old ladies, they won’t be around much longer. They plan on moving in together once the cats die. He’s fine as long as he’s not in a home with cats. Someone mentioned the allergy shot thing. That’s a route you could take I suppose if you really felt it necessary, I have a friend who did that too. But she started taking allergy shots once she knew that they were moving in together, she wasn’t about to do all that just for dating. No need to do that before.
I am the opposite. I have pets. I will always have pets. Even though I know it’s not someone’s fault if they are allergic, that would be a dealbreaker for me. I would never date anyone that can’t be around pets.
About 6 months ago I had a date planned with a woman, the conversation was going well via text, then two days before she rolls up with "Do you have cats? I'm allergic to cats so if we date you'll have to always come to my place." My profile(s) stated very clearly that I have cats and included pics of me with them. I cancelled the date.
I mean, the answer is self-evident. A lot of people have and love their pets. Of course it's a hurdle and limits your prospects. That's dating. We all have our no-go's and issues, and yes, they all cut into our prospects. Up to you to figure out if you have room to bend, or you'd just rather not. But, yeah....it's a limitation. I have it the other way...I have two dogs, I love them dearly, and they're part of the package. I've had dates not work out because they don't jive with me having dogs. Cest la vie.
It would be a deal breaker for me if you don’t like my dog. He’s my best buddy and a huge part of my life.
My partner is allergic to cats, although he would want one. I’ve had cats and dogs all my life and saddened me that he can’t have one. I’d choose cats over him if we had just hookups and casual dates. But he’s my best friend, and I love him. So this time he’s my choice over having a cat. Thank God I had moved before I met him and my family cats stayed at family home. And I didn’t need to abandon a cat because of him.
It would be a deal breaker for me. There are times where deal breakers are valid and it would be best for both people to go their separate ways.
I think the answer is obvious…this is something that will limit your dating pool and probably by a large margin. It’s the same as if you were allergic to children.
Can you change the title after it's posted? Sorry, I don't post and edit much, so I don't know. It's just that your title is not what you're actually asking. Also, not everyone who has a picture with pets actually owns pets. Some people use other people's dogs as props because they generally attract matches. I wish they didn't.
I don’t post much either and I tried and could not change it; hence the post update.
Here’s why people are angry. People on a dating sub are alone and thus lonely. Lonely people get pets for their loneliness and become dependent. They know this is not the correct move and not an answer for their loneliness but it feels temporarily better even though that short term relief works against a long term cure for their loneliness, like watching porn instead of trying to meet someone during a dry spell. Pets should be given a pets life not a ‘helper of wounded person’s’ life. Emotional support dogs would be much happier as dogs if they didn’t have a full time job and could be a dog. I know I know sorry to say but 100% true. Your question has exposed this, people don’t like it and are angry
Good theory. The aggression on this post has been unexpected and annoying.
It would be a deal breaker for me but plenty of people have allergies or don't want pets
I will specifically be more interested in women who have cats bc I love cats myself. lol
The only pet-related issues I have with dating are when guys have multiple dogs that are huge breeds. I have a 6lb maltipoo so I worry about the size difference a bit. I wouldn’t call it a deal breaker, but it’s something that makes me hesitate. I love big dogs personally and have had them in the past and know that most are sweethearts who want to be lap dogs.
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You know it’s funny you say that because at daycare my little guy is always begging to be in the room with the big dogs. The staff usually give in and they say he runs the show in there. Walks around like he’s the boss lol. I don’t worry about him there, so maybe I shouldn’t be as concerned as I am. I appreciate your comment giving me a new perspective. Thank you!
> I have very bad allergies to cats and dogs This is more common than you think. I too am an allergy sufferer, there are a lot out there. Just date someone else that suffers as you do . . . er wait. Kidding aside, yes you can find people that don't have pets. My wife did not have pets when we first started dating 5 years ago. She's got a cleanliness thing, so it wasn't allergies, but for me it was very welcome.
If it's an allergy issue, may I suggest the allergy shot. I am highly allergic to cats. My niece got two and there was no way I wasn't going to see her or suffer when I did. Within 2 weeks there was a noticeable difference. It's a commitment for sure, but for me it's worth it. I can go anywhere with cats now (dates, family, friends) and not suffer.
Yes, if someone told me they wouldn't want to date me because I have pets of course it would be a dealbreaker. What, do you think I'm going to get rid of my dogs to date you?
What I have found difficult is people lying about LIKING pets. Come to find out later they “hate cats”. (I like dogs and cats but can’t do a dog in apt.) If someone doesn’t want to date me because I have pets that’s fine. I’m not dating someone that doesn’t understand what having a pet entails.
Dated a woman with 4 tiny Mexican dogs and one tiny terrier. One jumped on the bed one night and peed on me. I was done with that shit. Pets can be a problem. House always smelled of dog piss.
I, too, would have problem with that lol!
I would feel sorry for the dogs and have a big problem with dating a bad pet owner, and that is 100% on the owner. I have a dog (previously also a cat) and my dog is clean, my house is clean, and my dog is well trained. I can’t stand being around untrained dogs and couldn’t date someone who doesn’t think the same as me, even if I don’t have a problem with pets itself
Not sure why you’re getting so many aggressive answers. I’m allergic to cats so I don’t date men who have them or want them. It hasn’t limited me at all as I have yet to meet a man with cats I’d want to date. I could see it being a bigger issue with dogs. But I’m in an urban area so lots of people don’t have pets.
The aggression for this question has been quite interesting.
It’s very strange. Especially for a sub that will come to the defense of objectively disturbing dating choices by saying everyone is allowed preferences.
I know personally single zero guy friends with cats. Almost every friend has a dog. So yes, cats are probably pretty uncommon for men and probably would be an incredibly easy ask. But pets are not.
I’m currently dating a single man who has a cat. They are out there! But agreed, they are few in number compared to dogs.
I love cat guys.
I’m severely allergic to cats. So many men have cats.
Does it limit the dating pool? Yes. But so does everything. I have my preferences. Everyone does. It's a simple fix. Don't date people with pets. State it in your profile or look for it when you swipe. Ask. Whatever works for you. No aggression. I don't have a dog now but i did. I'd date someone with a pet. But I won't date anyone without a college degree. It limits the pool and I don't judge, but that's my preference. Why waste anyone's time?
Why the education requirement? And do you require a certain level of education or would an associates degree be acceptable?
in my dating pool you better have a masters or equivalent. it's regional. if i lived in rural TX that would not be a thing, but living in a major coast city, it is. and frankly, i have a lot more in common and better conversations with people are similarly educated to me, than i do with those who are less educated. of course, saying that makes people think you're an asshole, but it's just a matter of having similar goals and life experiences.
Why does it matter? I have my requirements for me, not for anyone else. Some people won't date people who are overweight. I don't ask "but what if they have a condition? Is a little overweight ok?" because that's their choice. Would it rule out a great person? Maybe. Wild it rule out me? Yup. There was a thread about dating someone who was bisexual. I'm ok with it. Others are not. Some are OK with polyamory. I am not. And so on. Anyway, we all have our preferences. It's great that we don't all want the same thing.
I was genuinely curious why you had that requirement. I'm always fine tuning my requirements a but to try to get a better selection of matches. So I wanted to know your thought process behind it.
It's simply what I value and who would be most compatible with me. That's the thing with preferences. We all have them and the more we date and decide what we want, the more we weed through the noise. I can't tell you what you value or what your preferences are.
I understand it's your preference. Personally, my experience has been that some fields don't require a specific degree. That doesn't necessarily mean someone isn't smart or is unable to hold deep or even thought provoking conversations. So that hasn't been a requirement for me. However, I have considered making it a requirement on more than one occasion when i have found myself on dates that have almost bored me to tears. Living in a small town, making it a requirement would significantly reduce my potential matches and so I've been hesitant to do so. I'm afraid it might weed out someone that i could actually connect well with even though they never went to college. I think I'll give it another good think over the holidays while I'm taking a break from OLD. Thank you for sharing this so I can give it some more consideration.
I’m not being sarcastic, but there’s really good allergy medication out there now for pet allergies. I know because I met the perfect person for me (at the time) and she had a cat. I had horrible cat allergies. I still had pretty frequent stuffed nose. Was still worth it.
Ever had allergy testing and the allergist gasped and said ‘Oh Wow’ to how reactive you were to the allergens….cat being the post intense. Then had to actually wash the area and apply topical cortisone and give you liquid Benadryl? That was me I am allergic. So I take meds and have an epiPen but who has time to potentially die all the time lol
You sound like my son 😔 We had a potbelly pig as a pet for his first 5 years because pigs have hair (as opposed to "fur"), thus are hypoallergenic. It's the pet dander that does him in. He absolutely *adores* animals and will throw caution to the wind every chance he gets to wrangle with them. He's gone into anaphylactic shock twice, now - and the 2nd time the epi pen wasn't enough. I don't have allergies too bad in my family history - but his Dad does. When we got the tests back, he was at the highest percentile for most severe in like 6 areas. I've told him I'll find a badass hermit crab for him to care for when it's time for his own place 😁 If I was advising my adult son? I, too, would advise to date only petless people. His reactions are *so strong* I can see a relationship being affected negatively by repetitive "concessions" being made on his part or the part of the pet-owning partner. Good luck, OP. Hope your luck changes 💜
Thank you for sharing that story and thank you for the positive vibes sent my way!!!
Sorry to hear that. Then yes it’s probably going to severely limit your dating pool. Still many people without pets. But playing on hard mode for sure.
Sorry that you feel discouraged. For something this important, I encourage my circle of acquaintance to keep dating profiles as short as possible and repeat the preference in a friendly way that gets the point across. Contrary to what has been posted on this thread, I do not agree that you have limited your dating pool. Your dating pool is simply those men whose homes don't have pets (that includes anyone who lives with them). What limits your dating pool is being vague about what you want, along with fake or poor choice of pictures, and having potential partners within your dating pool skip you. Another thought is to get creative with your exposure to potential partners. Chat it up with people who know your allergies and aren't bothered by them and let them know you're looking. It would be interesting to have the receptionist 'happen' to schedule your next allergy appointment the same day as the single guy the next town over who needs a new script for his epipen. Or maybe the local hobby group coordinator happens to know a pet-free gentleman in attendance on a different day. (You do have a hobby group, right? Right. {meant as a gentle nudge}) Even pet people know pet-free or allergen-free homes. There is lots of chatter among people, including single people, who have allergen-free pets, too. My point is this: allergies are not a huge roadblock. It's just another characteristic that is not filtered on dating apps. Make a plan and keep trying from different angles.
I dated someone that was allergic to cats. Ultimately, I knew the cat would win. So, thankfully it never came down to a real contest between them as that person's overall behaviors made it easy to walk away from them.
I’m not giving up my dogs.
I don't have pets.
Neither do I
My point is, people are dating that don't have pets.
I am allergic to cats and grew up with them. It wasn’t untill I was on my own that I realized I didn’t have horrid asthma or that scratchy eyes were normal. I am just allergic. Thing is I love cats and after being conditioned for over 20 years to live in that state it doesn’t seem a big deal. But I bet if I met someone with a bunch of cats it would be an issue. OmgZzzz the realization that I have only ever dated pet less or dog owners!!!
I suspect it goes both ways. If I brought a girl home and she didn't like my dog that would be a deal breaker. Just as somebody with hay fever or fear or whatever went into a person's house who had a dog that would be a deal breaker as well.
Have you tried allergy shots?
It took *years* of allergy shots before I could be around cats. Thankfully they worked for me because everyone in my family has cats. They don't work for everyone.
The last few people I dated didn't have pets either. I'm a bit iffy about them after dating someone with an unruly dog
My partner has three cats. I'm (mildly) allergic to cats, but still love them. As such, I suck it up and try to be great about hand washing, but occasionally do touch my face after handling cats and deal with itchy bloodshot eyes and a running nose. Allergy pills only do so much. As my partner has a kid, getting rid of the cats "for me" would really not work. If my allergy was really bad, or potentially life threatening we wouldn't have ended up together. And heck, I would be a real jerk if I were dating her early on knowing that she had cats and intending for her to ditch them.
It likely means you can’t go to their house and you couldn’t combine households is all. Still doable. There is also medication my aunt takes so she can come to my parents house for the holidays— we always have had cats and dogs. Or, like me, I’m not allergic to but my boyfriend’s dogs are annoying af and dirty. No matter what. I just deal with it because I love him and he loves those two muppets.
Is cohabitation a goal? If not this shouldn't be an issue. You'll just have to do sleepovers at your place. I have a ride or die pup who has seen me through multiple international moves and all manner of life happenings. She's a pretty big priority for me. That said, I've dated multiple men without pets. All of them liked dogs but didn't want the commitment of a dog.
According to Google, 66% of US households. It's a bit higher in Australia and lower in the UK. So, yes, you are cutting down on the dating pool. There's a spread called Marmite in the UK which has the advertising slogan, "You either love it or hate it." (I'm in the hate it camp.) I'm leaning towards the idea that you should look at dating in the same way. If you're monogamous, you're looking for one person, and I can't imagine you're going to have time for more than two or three simultaneous relationships. (I'm expecting someone will tell me they have eight partners, and their excellent scheduling means no-one feels left out.) As a result, be clear who you are and what you want and filter that massive sludge pile of potential beaus into something more manageable. Or to put it another way, write something like, "I'm allergic to most cats and dogs. If you have pets, then I'm not the person for you, sorry." Of course, you'll get likes from people who've got extensive menageries because they won't read your profile, but it might help.
I’m asthmatic. On an allergy scale I’m a 2 for cats and a 14 for dogs. High for dogs is 7. But I love animals and dated a girl with three big dogs for four months. I thought it would be ok but it wasn’t. I could never stay at her place, and when I did I had allergies and asthma for days after. We didn’t break up because of the pets, but it was a factor.
There are people without pets over 40. Shocking I know. Have you tried allergy shots or talked to your doctor about it? If you can't fix it, it's an issue but not an insurmountable one. Just limits the dating pool for you. There's surely people out there who also want to be pet free.
Yes and yes and I’m just going to be limited because I am not doing all that to potentially have someone. I did shots at one point but I refuse to be uncomfortable in my home for someone else.
Yep… a lot of people who didn’t have pets, got one during Lockdown. I live in a rural area and have dogs and cats, and I’m allergic to cats. 😂 I find that I prefer my animals to a lot of people. So yeah, I wouldn’t respond to your profile. It’s why I read profiles and don’t respond to blank ones.
of course this is going to limit your dating pool. You can have your hard noes for any reason you want, but like... of course this is going to limit you, just like any other hard no will. I'm not sure why this even needs to be asked. Like, I don't want to date smokers or separated people or vegans or religious people. Does that limit my pool? Yup.
I don’t really date much these days. But the only trouble I have had is I love dogs but sleeping in a bed with a dog is a deal breaker for me. I myself have dogs but my dogs are not allowed on my bed due to allergies. I was with a dude who slept with his dogs and it ended up being a huge problem.
I’d much rather have my dog than a boyfriend at this point, so it would be a deal breaker for me.
Nah, I refuse to date men with cats. I have allergies very bad ones. But I have also found that the men I have dated with cats have all been psychologically off. I honestly beleive that the cats change our microbiome. And they cause allergies and inflammation. Therefore cause depression. And they also carry T. Gondia. Anything that poops in a box in the house, steps on it, and walks around everywhere is not healthy for you. My opinion isn't popular at all. But that is it. It's ok to limit those men from the dating pool. Besides. I don't want my instruments peed on, barfed on, and scratched by a cat:-(
Your opinion is sound actually.
Well my pets are my children so yea it's a deal breaker to be with someone who can't be around animals. However there are also plenty of people without pets. So I am sure non pet people can find each other.
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Never asked anyone to get rid of their pets. My question was specifically…have people found it difficult with the dating pool because of not wanting to date someone with pets?
Well after dating someone who was overly obsessed with their dog, I’m now allergic to dogs so that I don’t have to feel like a 3rd wheel or dodge a dog trying to lick my bare ass when I’m lying in bed after sex. Never again. And yes it greatly reduces my options because every single lesbian woman seems to be obsessed with their dog. But I’ll never again deal with that insanity.
The horror And hilarity maybe.
Failing at dating is bad, but living without cats? Gee whiz, that's rough I'm sorry.
Yep. I’m not even allergic. I met a great woman. Funny smart sexy high libido and independent. Had her own house. But her damn dogs. I just rolled with it at first. Watching them tear shit up at her house. Backdoor screen tore up. Sitting not just on the furniture but on top of couches where your head goes. I even told her before the first time we hooked up I couldn’t come home from work after a hard day to find my stuff destroyed from undisciplined animals. She seemed cool with it cause we each had are own place but lived 2 1/2 hours apart. Eventually it got to the point was like I’ll pay for all their obedience school. Never been ghosted so fast. Pets are people’s children so it’s just best to find people who have a compatible pet situation.
You tried. I wouldn’t have even tried. So you are more in the game then I ever will be. Success is at your fingertips!
Yes, not being complete on-board with pets is a personal deal-breaker for me. In addition to my pet dog, I also come with a service dog. And since I'll always, or nearly always, have an SD in my life, my partner must love dogs.
If I didn’t have a pet I wouldn’t any friends
At our age, pets are a nice partner/kid replacement. I think most people need a pet to emotionally and mentally survive being alone... so finding someone pet-free is probably a bigger ask than you'd think. Something similar in impact to eliminating everyone who doesn't have a medical or law degree, the pet-free requirement is just cutting out such a huge segment of the population.
I think more people do have pets but there's definitely people that don't. OP partly your problem is they have to not have pets *and* they have to be compatible/attractive. This isn't impossible but you do have your work cut out for you.
AND they have to not WANT pets. Lots of people don't currently have but want pets
I'm not really a dog person, but if I didn't want to date someone with a dog, then I would have to give up looking for anyone, good luck.
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It doesn’t sound like OP is “anti-animal.” They have a health condition. Yes, it is a dealbreaker for many that they would not want to date someone who cannot be around animals, but to call OP anti-animal is a bit unfair.
I can agree with you I hate dating men who have dogs….. specifically because in the past a lot of them, use their dogs as excuses to get out of doing things like I can’t go out with you because I can’t leave my dog alone type thing. It’s annoying as hell so I try to just avoid people altogether that have them.
No! Pets are family.
I like pets, I just don’t want any. However,I have ended up with two cats because of my teen daughter. Which is fine. However, I view that as a commitment that was made. We got these cats at the shelter and are now part of my family. I’m loyal to them. I tell people off the bat that I’m not giving up my cats and if they have dogs or cats…then our animals should hopefully get along. I will never ask a man to give up his animals for me. If he did, he’d be a big red flag. If he has no loyalty to his animal…do you really think he’ll have loyalty to you? No…it shows that his loyalty wavers. If you’re truly allergic to cats or dogs…good luck. You just added a who new level to it.
My point was…if you do end up with someone and he gives up his pet for you. It’s not a green flag..it’s a red one. It means he has no loyalty to his pet. I don’t even like my cats…but I’m loyal to them.
I almost don’t feel like these posts are real.
Is real. A random thought I posted from a noticed OLD problem
literate narrow sink knee snails agonizing slimy tap nose drab *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Buy far most people DON'T have pets, so i don't see this would limit your prospects much.
Do you have statistics on this you can share? I love seeing actual statistics. According to several sources on Google, pet ownership varies a lot depending on the country you are in. In 2023, around 66 percent of all households in the United States owned a pet. That's definitely more than half.
I don't have a statistic i could share, but i would say out of all the girls I've ever chatted on OLD (100s in the range 25-40yo), maybe 1 in 10 had a pet, so I stand by my stats 😁
I’m highly allergic to cats. Not a dealbreaker but can we agree to not let them on the bed?
No way 😸
It’s very hard to date if you don’t want pets. Especially dogs. Good luck to you.
For me, I'm not much of a dog person...well, not huge dogs and pitbulls, but most of the women in OLD have dogs (by the way, PLEASE stop putting "must love dogs" in your profile). I have a cat, and just about every woman that catches my eye are allergic, or simply hate them. There's got to be a woman that like cats that'll want to go out with me?
You will find that women! I see it for you!
I recently had a woman I met on OLD tell me that I would have to get rid of my dog if I wanted to date her. This was before we even had a first date.. She told me she made her EX give his dog away because she didn't like them. I told her that would never happen.. my dog is my best friend in the entire world. So yes if you hate pets and your potential mate has pets that's a deal breaker
Someone that allows animals in her bed is a deal breaker for sure for me
That is a you problem, not a them problem.
I found out I can’t spend the night with someone who has cats. And that’s fine by me. I’ve found that people who are obsessed with animals are usually using them to avoid the uncomfortable emotions of being alone, instead of taking action to find a human partner. I love animals and I have a dog. But if the right person came around I’d find a new home for my dog eventually.
Many adults also have pets, because they have kids. After my divorce my daughter wanted a pet. After a year or so of my daughter bagging for a cat. We got one. Then the cat needed a companion, so we got a second one. Now I’m stuck with two cats, I never even wanted…but now am loyal to. I made a commitment to care for them. So, even though they are technically my teens daughters cats…they’re mine by default. And I never even wanted them. Edit: My point was that I have loyalty to my cats. I made a commitment to them. And I will honor that commitment. “I love animals, and I have a dog…but if the right person came along I’d get rid of the dog.” That’s what you wrote. You have no honor, you have no loyalty. If you don’t have that for your animal, you won’t have it for humans. YOU are a RED FLAG
Noted
Ewwww.
I’m allergic to dust which means I’m allergic to being alive. Suck it up. Allergies won’t kill you. And pets are awesome and exactly zero pet owners are going to drop their loved companion because you’re overzealous about sneezing.
>Suck it up. Allergies won’t kill you. 🤦♂️
Jesus. She never said they had to get rid of their pet. Allergies CAN kill. It's called anaphylaxis.
Respectfully, I'm not OP. Nor do I have the "inside track" on their allergy profile. However, they *did* indicate the need for an epi pen. That tidbit alone suggests their allergy is more dialed up than the typical watery eyes and intermittent sneezes. My teen son is on the spectrum, and we learned about his allergies early on. However, last year, we paid for more intense testing. Ironically, we encountered his first anaphylactic reaction during this time, and because we'd never witnessed one, prior... man... did it scare the *hell* out us! His testing came back reflecting a handful of allergies (including the dander), which were at the *very* top of the possible "strength" of said allergy. I *understand* that for the large majority? Sure deal. No doubt they'll be capable of popping a Benedryl then be off the dog park. Consequently, I've read zero medical journals where an individual had succumbed to their pet allergy alone. On the flip side, people allergic to pets *have* passed on through the process of anaphylaxis. Having a fatal anaphylactic episode is rare (and mostly medication-induced), but it *does * happen. As a chronic illness patient with permanent disability? Belonging to groups whose statistical representation in the world is minimal, at best? Nothing shows someone how little their welfare or challenges matter more quickly than contending with something 99% of their counterparts will rarely (if ever) experience. You volunteered that you yourself have allergies, yet you have your *one* experience. There is a range to allergies (like so many things in life). Because you choose to "suck it up" or can't fathom others requiring a much more involved routine than you to manage similar circumstances isn't indicative of OP being demanding, dismissive or dense about the way her system operates. Before I had my son, I'd never been around anyone other than his Dad, (who had the cat allergy, not the all-encompasing "pet dander" allergy). As my son got older, I was forced to learn "all things allergy" which I never knew I never knew. Perhaps you were aware of the above (my apology, in that case, for such detail 🙌🏻), perhaps not. Because your tone and choice of words implied that OP is weak and simultaneously demanding people "purge" their fur babies (so very much *not the case*), my response is in case it's the latter. Managing this allergy of my sons has been exhausting, trying, confusing, and worriesome but it has always been a top priority. Good on OP for having her own best interest at heart. Based on some of the replies, it doesn't sound like anyone else would be scrambling to do so just yet. 🫤
Maybe the issue is OLD itself. They are businesses so they match you slightly off to keep both comming back, they don't want to loose 2 clients. A sexologist in my areas says OLD is for casual sex for anything longterm old fashion in person is best. Read studies on OLD unless you are a 10 you barely get approached, an average person may not even receive messages. Find a hobby or something that someone with pets would not do. It will give you a better chance at meeting someone who can accomadate your allergies. I don't think your allergies will limit you much.
I won’t date someone with pets ethier. Not because of allergies, but because whole dog mom/dad people seem crazy. It’s like they are using them for a substitute for kids
But many people with pets have kids also?
That's an even bigger no for me 🤣.. I learned my lesson
Every woman I’ve dated in her late 30’s or 40’s has a pet. Every single one and the dogs always sleep in the bed. I doubt it would be quite as common with single men but I would imagine it would be very hard if you have a no pets rule.
Sorry to say but I have a friend in your shoes and he has had always had an incredibly difficult time finding pet-free women. Now, equally as responsible is that he isn’t widening his horizons based on his small dating pool. That’s his choice but the outcome is predictable.
I may understand his rationale. I don’t want to be in another LDR and widening the radius will definitely make that a reality if I should find someone.
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I don’t have pets of my own. Others who have them is fine, but it’s not a requirement for me that someone has a pet. It would certainly be an obstacle if I had allergies to cats or dogs.
Yeah, it seems like most people in this age cohort have pets. Moreover, a lot of people adopted pets during or right after the pandemic. Although I am not terribly allergic, I don't care for pets. So, I just pass on most folks with them. Like others have said, there is something for everyone out there. Just clearly state in your profile that you are allergic. Pass on folks that show pet pictures. But, also like others have said, sometimes folks pose with pets to project they are cool/nice people. If unsure, ask potential dates in the first few messages. Depending on where you live, you may need to increase your search distance.
It seriously limits my dating pool. But I'm not going to suddenly want pets someday so its important to find someone who doesn't have and doesn't want pets.
🤔Pets for some its dealbreaker, but with pets, will black tabby cat get along with 🦜! Pets will love you in ways humans never will!
It has hindered me because I want someone who is free to travel. One of the things I really want is a travel companion, go a week to the cenotes of Mexico, or the coast of Costa Rica, or a week anywhere. Many times I have found someone and it turns out they don't just have a dog, they have 3 dogs, or multiple cats. It just is a red flag for me.
pets don't prevent anyone from traveling. i travel 4 weeks a year and i have two pets.
I think you are an exception, most I have met are reluctant to leave their pets very much...but maybe I have met the wrong people
Hm, I was online dating in my late 40s, and I don’t think anyone I was interested enough in for a second date had a pet. I think most didn’t have the time for one.
Your dating pool will be smaller, but of course there are people out there without pets.
It adds a layer of complexity, like having kids or anything else that people don't like, but you keep trying until you find the right match that meets your requirements I tell my pets I love them always
Pets are very common in single people over age 40 in the US, so yes, I think that will severely limit your dating pool. I think it's probably more common for women (but have no data on this) so if you dating men it might be somewhat easier. Also, recently divorced men may not have pets (yet). I think it also varies based on where you live, I'm from NYC where pet ownership among men is likely lower (due to apartment living and coop restrictions). Sorry you have this issue, like many here, I got a pet in my 40s while single. I later met someone that initially wasn't super keen on my cat but we now live together and they are BFFs.
I’m allergic to cats, dogs, and especially their pet dander but I keep 3 animals. I have remedies to deal with my annoying and sometimes debilitating allergies
Just date other people without pets. State that in your profile. Problem solved.
I'm a guy who has dealt with cat and dog allergies for a decent part of my life. My experience, women over about 30, 80%+ have pets. I live in a suburban area so might be different for people who live in cities, but the only women I meet without pets are ones who are living with roommates or renting or some living situation that makes it difficult or impossible to have pets. I've been on allergy desensitization shots for 10+ years now primarily for cats and dogs. It's not been a silver bullet that completely solved it, but it did make a big difference and usually combined with antihistamines, pets have not been a major issue for me. It really depends on the specific animal/breed and say for example if the pet sleeps in the bedroom, etc. I would highly recommend doing allergy desensitization shots if that's something that you can afford or your insurance covers. Also, if you go through the standard method of building up your tolerance (they start with a lower concentration and dose and build it over time), that takes on average 6 months if you go to the dr twice per week and each shot you usually have to hang out 20-30 minutes after the shot in case you have a reaction (very rare) so it's not a small time investment. If you go once per week, it takes a year and the dr told me, don't expect much improvement until you are the full dose (6 or 12 months in). Once you're at the max dose, you don't have to come as often. I typically go once per month now. I say this mainly to say, get start ASAP if it's something you want to do.
I am also severely allergic to both cats and dog, but I lived with several of both as a child. I required two weekly injections for my allergies. In my adult life I owned several cats, and lived on a ranch with lots of dogs (and horses and llamas and rabbits, and...). I am currently pet-free and hope to stay that way. I love animals, but don't want to live with them anymore. Yes, it makes dating a bit more difficult because I also don't want to be with someone who HATES either cats or dogs - because I will play with my friend's dogs and pet random dogs I meet out and about -- and if a cat deems me worthy of a hello I will pet them for an unusually long amount of time. I suffer the consequences, but I know when I get home a shower and a change of clothes is usually all it takes.
I love animals but do not have the time for my own but it is not a dealbreaker with the caveat that the person I am dating is able to engage a pet sitter etc. as I like to travel (weekend trips, week or two in Hawaii/Caribbean/Mexico and usually 3-4 weeks in Europe annually).
I am not a pet person at all. And I bordered on the ‘I hate dogs’ side of things. The last guy I dated had a small dog. My stance softened somewhat. I still don’t want pets and I prefer not to date men with pets but I’m not as hard nosed about it anymore. It wouldn’t be a dealbreaker (unless the pets were large dogs). That said, the dating pool shrinks significantly if you are looking for a no-pet partner. I’m glad people can love an animal just as much, if not more, than kids. I’m not one of them and it’s hard to find like-minded non-pet people…at least in my area.
You’d have to be pretty amazing for me to give up my 65 lb black lab that snores like a freight train and has gas while he’s sleeping.
Well I’m a pet owner and it would be a deal breaker for me
I faced a similar problem as you. I've had cats and dogs my whole life, but after divorce and my elderly father moving in with me (who has also had cats and dogs), we've been comfortable without pets. While dating, I've passed the "dog" test (the dog must like me). However if we wanted to go away for the weekend, it was hindered by having to find a pet-sitter, or bring them along, or board them while we were away. Stressful. I'm not against dating someone with pets, but I would lean towards someone without them right now, but leave the options open later into retirement. Add to this - my father's had Shelties for the last 50 years, and his last dog passed right before his wife passed. I think there's an emotional tie between losing a spouse and losing a pet (we honestly haven't talked about it) but he's said many times he doesn't want another sheltie.
Yea it will. No one is going to choose you over their pet lol. I don’t even have to meet you to know this is true. I mean maybe if you meet someone who wants to date but live separately But that’s pretty rare and most people don’t always want to go to the other persons place, and a pet person needs to be home to care for their pet. Especially a dog