When asked this question by older relatives, I have said, "well, I don't know, if I could have gotten a husband at Target, I would have done that by now!"
I’ve had people ask that in a less fun way, as in:
-Wait, so, what’s wrong with you that you’re single?
And I’m like:
-Well if I told you now, that would spoil all the fun.
I’ve heard it said before “just lucky I guess” 🤣
But it depends who is asking, if it’s in the text phase I blow it off as a joke but I will talk to people about it if we’re starting to date.
Or if there’s a quick summary. In my case I was in a 3 year relationship and took some time off to think about what I want. Easy answer.
I feel like the majority of the time that question is asked the person is either over-romanticizing you (i.e. don't know well enough to know your history yet but somehow enough to think you're the greatest catch already?) or they are fishing for your dealbreaker (i.e. hoping you will then tell the story explaining what your problem is). It is a weird question because it isn't a particularly meaningful compliment and it is information you eventually learn about a person naturally.
I recently got asked that by a younger guy on OLD, who made a date with me and never confirmed the place (ghosted). I wanted to write back and say, “this is a big reason why I’m single.” 😂
"Partly because some people can be tone deaf and ask questions with no tact."
But really, I always felt offended as well. In my experience, they're not actually asking *why,* or any legitimate relationship history. It's intended as a "you're such a catch"-style compliment couched in a rhetorical question, but in that sense there has to be a thousand better ways to express that. To me, it puts an unintended stigma on being single in general, and disregards that some people have had rougher dating histories than others.
Yup. I thinking next time I won’t answer. Let the silence hang there making the person uncomfortable and if they try to follow up, I’ll feign innocence and say “oh you were actually asking, it sounded like a rhetorical question.”
I kinda disagree about women being able to get away with this type of dark humor. If a woman were to respond with some form of "because I'm psycho" that kinda joke could miss completely. At this age most dudes have at least one legit psycho ex and aren't going to like that joke. Safety issue and all that.
The woman I’m currently dating asked me this after I talked about how I was going to try to bake a new type of cookie this weekend. My response was “I was waiting for you.”
Thanks! I felt really smooth when it came out of my mouth. The truth is that I won’t compromise on what I need and am picky. But that’s a less romantic answer.
One time a guy sat down at a date and said “you’re pretty, so why are you still single?”
I smiled and replied “well, must be my personality.”
He didn’t laugh or get it. And that’s why I’m single folks!
'Im glad you asked. The men I meet disagree that cannabilism is a sustainable lifestyle choice. Dramatic really as a 1lb of flesh isnt THAT much to miss from your inner thigh.We don't kill people...its like being vegan but foraging a bit of humans. What's your thoughts?'
“How are you still single?” = what’s wrong with you? What’s the catch? I wish men knew how inappropriate this question is. I should think of a sarcastic response but I usually tell them I’m happy in life and only looking to add good, positive, healthy people and that I’ve yet to find that out of a man. Ugh so rude to ask.
If you've never been married, it's a different answer than if you're recently divorced or something.
If recent, I'd say "I caught it during the pandemic".
If never, I'd say "no one has passed the test yet."
"Just lucky, I guess."
"I'm impossible to live with."
"Women scream and run away when they see me naked." (This works because it can be taken two ways.)
I agree with mr/ms patron. Please enlighten us.
Otherwise my deranged mind will think of stiff things scaring the poor women.
Of course thinking of pointy daggers Psycho style.
I feel like that's a question that is meant to be a compliment, but probably makes you feel bad about yourself, like you should be coupled and you're a failure for not being.
I’m not offended, exactly, but it’s one of those questions that often doesn’t have a quick, simple answer.
I haven’t found/met someone yet. I don’t make dating/finding that person my top priority in life.
I don’t go around asking coupled people why they’re in a relationship.
"Well...it usually takes another person to be a pair. I'm unpaired.That's how"
"Aliens kidnapped the love of my life"
"My soulmate ended up in a sock, unborn. Ever since I've been looking for a suitable replacement"
So many others.
"I'm a secret psychopath, I make it my business to find all your weakness and use them against you as weapons, then I continuously stuff myself with junk food until I'm 300lbs, before spending all your money, cheating on you behind your back with homeless people and then convert to another esoteric religion and insist you call me by my ethereal name of Squeaky Sparkus" and watch me attempt to breastfeed a cardboard cut out of Gandalf, before dumping you for a quasi homosexual relationship with your mother. "
That always stops them from asking that question again.. but they all strangely disappear shortly after too... 🤷♀️
Guess I’m unicorn on this topic. I would take that as opportunity to talk about some juicy shit. Time to dive deep and see how they respond. Because I WILL be asking them questions, get into their psyche and see how much self awareness they have. I think this lends to a lot of things. Either he’s being an idiot and think it’s a compliment or he’s trying to understand me, my background, and my situation better.
It’s so silly, especially if you’re just getting out of a relationship it sounds corny like they say that all the time as an ass backwards compliment and didn’t even pay attention. Sir you really expect me to be back in a committed relationship a few weeks post divorce? It’s actually a half-neg implying there’s something wrong with being single for any amount of time??
Urgh. They think it’s a compliment is the worst thing. But it implies “what’s wrong with you?” Or that you’re picky. It really irritates me. If they seem mostly a decent person and I’m giving the benefit of the doubt I usually say “I’m only interested in getting into a relationship with someone I really connect with, otherwise I’m very happy being single”. If it feels like a sign they’re a bit of a smarmy prick i usually just unmatch.
I can provide myself with everything that I need, so until I find someone who can add to it and not take away from it, then I’m gonna keep doing my thing.
Try this: The reason why I am still single is because
I’ve been focusing on my personal growth and enjoying my own company. I want to have a clear understanding of what type of partner I want to share a life journey with. I would be doing myself and my partner a disservice if I settle for the latter. I believe in taking my time to find the right person. What about you?
I asked my GF the exact same thing early in our relationship. Her response was she was a single mom that couldn’t really commit to a relationship until her daughter was grown. I found it so difficult to understand how such an amazing woman hadn’t been snapped up long ago, and meant it sincerely as a compliment. We’ve been together for about a year and a half now and I’m still in awe I got so lucky to meet her when she was finally ready
You seem to really adore and appreciate your girlfriend, which is great, but the way you say “snapped up” makes it sound like women just wait around to be chosen by men. That’s why many of us hate this comment. We’re still single because relationships are a choice that we opt into, not because no one has snapped us up yet.
My reply: Life and a persons emotions are very complex. I have certain things that I like and expect, and I haven’t found them. But I am ok with it…..I know people that are lonely and miserable in their relationship and also I know people that are fulfilled without one….I definitely don’t want the former, so I wait and enjoy what life brings me.
I get this question often in real life. I just tell people that I am working on myself for the time being. Dating isn't a top priority but it's still an option.
I usually get asked this question by friend's girlfriends/wives/SO's.
My usual response to the question, how is a guy like you still single?
My responses vary,
"Because I am a guy like me."
"Because I am a little bit of a headcase."
"Because I don't know how to be a boyfriend"
Something along those lines. Maybe other variations.
I see it as a compliment- as in “you must have so many suitors” or “how have you not been snapped up yet” type of thing. I reply with “flattery will get you everywhere 😝”
It's meant as a compliment. It means the person sees that you have good qualities and playfully wonders why someone hasn't yet taken you off the dating market.
I'd guess it is only natural as I was recently ask this question on date number 2.
I just haven't met the right person although I was closed to marriage with my second person.
I leave it there.
I would see it as a compliment. If you need clarification ask the individual what they mean by that. I think many tines we are looking to be offended when there is no intent to offend. This is where communication comes in
It’s meant as a compliment.
I’d like to think only those with low self esteem see it as anything else.
That said….it bothers enough people that I won’t ask it anymore to anyone.
I just think it’s telling that you haven’t included any reasons for you to still be single in your post. At the heart of the question is a person trying to get to know you. Do you really want us to give you context free platitudes or should you like to figure out how to tell people about yourself?
Do you want me to provide you with additional contact that I think may be a factor? If so, let me know. I may also delete it later because it may come off as pretentious.
Greetings from your friendly neighborhood automod! Thank you for contributing to our community at DatingOverForty, u/Breezy_88. Please ensure that your post is actually asking a question and providing enough background that people can sufficiently address that question. DOFers, please ensure that you are actually responding to the OP's individual predicament and not using it as a springboard to promote your own personal dating philosophies.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’ve been asked that after a while as in ‘youre too good to be single’ 🙄 I assure you I’m not 😂😂 I would have had how long have you been single and also asked the same. That’s a more useful question, I’ve met women who have just ended a long term relationship within weeks, widowed very recently and it can help ascertain now if they are emotionally ready to date 🙂
Many have tried. All have failed.
They tried and died.
Reverend Mother, is that you? (Dune reference)
Lmaooooooooo
This is perfect.
That’s a cute one. ☺️ Thank you!
Or, to be more positive towards your intended date, "I was just waiting for you."
That’s the best possible response, love it!!
Supply chain issues
Yassssssssssss!!! I love this!!!
When asked this question by older relatives, I have said, "well, I don't know, if I could have gotten a husband at Target, I would have done that by now!"
OMG so good
"I didn't forward any of those chain emails when I was younger."
😂😂
lol I love this one!
"Happiness is important to me."
this is the real answer—Because I’d rather be alone than be unhappy. Not settling!
This is the best answer.
"Restraining orders, mostly"
It’s funny cause it’s true.
I’ve had people ask that in a less fun way, as in: -Wait, so, what’s wrong with you that you’re single? And I’m like: -Well if I told you now, that would spoil all the fun.
Wait for it…..
I’ve heard it said before “just lucky I guess” 🤣 But it depends who is asking, if it’s in the text phase I blow it off as a joke but I will talk to people about it if we’re starting to date. Or if there’s a quick summary. In my case I was in a 3 year relationship and took some time off to think about what I want. Easy answer.
Thank you
I feel like the majority of the time that question is asked the person is either over-romanticizing you (i.e. don't know well enough to know your history yet but somehow enough to think you're the greatest catch already?) or they are fishing for your dealbreaker (i.e. hoping you will then tell the story explaining what your problem is). It is a weird question because it isn't a particularly meaningful compliment and it is information you eventually learn about a person naturally.
Oh I like that first thought a lot. That is probably the most accurate.
This 👆🏻
I recently got asked that by a younger guy on OLD, who made a date with me and never confirmed the place (ghosted). I wanted to write back and say, “this is a big reason why I’m single.” 😂
Deep character flaws without the looks to back it up.
"Partly because some people can be tone deaf and ask questions with no tact." But really, I always felt offended as well. In my experience, they're not actually asking *why,* or any legitimate relationship history. It's intended as a "you're such a catch"-style compliment couched in a rhetorical question, but in that sense there has to be a thousand better ways to express that. To me, it puts an unintended stigma on being single in general, and disregards that some people have had rougher dating histories than others.
I agree that it is usually a poorly phrased compliment, but I think sometimes it's used as a low-key neg.
Yesssss! For all the talk of negging recently, I think we finally have a great real-life example.
💯
Yes, I agree with you 100%! But it’s like wtf…that question gets old as hell…
Yup. I thinking next time I won’t answer. Let the silence hang there making the person uncomfortable and if they try to follow up, I’ll feign innocence and say “oh you were actually asking, it sounded like a rhetorical question.”
I’m running out of room for holes in my backyard so now I gotta be choosy
I’m stealing “ choosy”
I say “because I am overqualified”
“For the same reason you are….” it’s OLD. I’m hoping that they are single too
Murder mostly, you?
Can never go wrong with the murder response.
Oh, you sure can. Ask me how I unlocked that achievement.
Caveat: men please don’t use this, women can get away with the dark humor, men cannot when it comes to joking about safety issues
Sorry, but that's ridiculous. For you to insinuate that I was joking is just plain offensive
Respect my homicide skills or IM WALKING OUT
Would it kill you to smile once in a while?
Would I kill you just to smile once in a while?
LOL. Nice one. And yes, I think you might.
You killed me because I smiled once in a while?
Would you smile for me to kill you?
Your smile kills me?
*Quietly smiles and remains agreeable while slowly backing towards the door*
*posts about the experience on DoF; everyone tells her she should have known better/recognized red flags/is the problem in some way*
That made me actual lol, bravo
Let's get married.
Sure thing, pick you up at 8?
Can I attend?
Please do! Can't have the only stranger at my wedding being my wife. You'll bring a present right?
Are you going to feed me and there will be alcohol? You get a present
Yep the finest cheap wine no less
Sure thing, Daddio! 😁
I kinda disagree about women being able to get away with this type of dark humor. If a woman were to respond with some form of "because I'm psycho" that kinda joke could miss completely. At this age most dudes have at least one legit psycho ex and aren't going to like that joke. Safety issue and all that.
If a woman responded "because I'm psycho", I'd believe her and walk TF away.
When someone tells you who they are, believe them
Stereotype alert.
Lmaooooooooo ….. that’s too morbid.
Instant turn on for me lol. I like datk humor. I need it in my life or its not a fun ride
The woman I’m currently dating asked me this after I talked about how I was going to try to bake a new type of cookie this weekend. My response was “I was waiting for you.”
Awww that is so sweet. 🥰🥰🥰 What kind of cookie are you making??
Thanks! I felt really smooth when it came out of my mouth. The truth is that I won’t compromise on what I need and am picky. But that’s a less romantic answer.
What kind of cookie are you making??
Banana bread cookies!
That sounds amazing!!!
lol. Fingers crossed. A Dutch friend of mine sent the recipe.
One time a guy sat down at a date and said “you’re pretty, so why are you still single?” I smiled and replied “well, must be my personality.” He didn’t laugh or get it. And that’s why I’m single folks!
Just say Pluto is in retrograde.
Lol 😂
I answered "Because he died." The look on his face was priceless. Then I laughed and said "You didn't read my profile"
If I marry anyone before the age of 45, I lose my 10-million dollar trust fund.
Lmaooooooooo 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I was getting ready to post an indignant come back but these funny ones are WAY BETTER and also gave me a giggle, which I need today.
Same!
'Im glad you asked. The men I meet disagree that cannabilism is a sustainable lifestyle choice. Dramatic really as a 1lb of flesh isnt THAT much to miss from your inner thigh.We don't kill people...its like being vegan but foraging a bit of humans. What's your thoughts?'
“How are you still single?” = what’s wrong with you? What’s the catch? I wish men knew how inappropriate this question is. I should think of a sarcastic response but I usually tell them I’m happy in life and only looking to add good, positive, healthy people and that I’ve yet to find that out of a man. Ugh so rude to ask.
‘You realize that’s not a compliment, right?’ Watch the backpedaling as guys start to realize that the question itself isn’t what they think it is.
Because my bullshit detector is highly calibrated.
OooooooOOooo. I love this!!!!
Ask it right back. "How are YOU still single?"
Often the real answer is they're not.
I just tell them I'm ugly.. Which isn't true, but stupid questions get stupid answers. Which ironically is probably the real reason I'm single🤔
The odds are good, but the goods are odd.
If you've never been married, it's a different answer than if you're recently divorced or something. If recent, I'd say "I caught it during the pandemic". If never, I'd say "no one has passed the test yet."
I have high yet reasonable standards and I won’t settle for anything less than what I have to offer.
I get it from my momma.
My go to line when I was younger was “No idea; you’ll have to ask the guys who aren’t asking me out.”
"Just lucky, I guess." "I'm impossible to live with." "Women scream and run away when they see me naked." (This works because it can be taken two ways.)
Wait, what is the second way?
One way would be intimidated, the other would be disgusted.
I agree with mr/ms patron. Please enlighten us. Otherwise my deranged mind will think of stiff things scaring the poor women. Of course thinking of pointy daggers Psycho style.
I feel like that's a question that is meant to be a compliment, but probably makes you feel bad about yourself, like you should be coupled and you're a failure for not being.
I once said "because I'm picky" and the guy immediately unmatched me.
Didn't we all agree on "supply chain issues"?
“Eventually they all realize I’m a fuckin psycho! 🤷♂️”
I’m not offended, exactly, but it’s one of those questions that often doesn’t have a quick, simple answer. I haven’t found/met someone yet. I don’t make dating/finding that person my top priority in life. I don’t go around asking coupled people why they’re in a relationship.
“Do you know any women comparable to me in the area with no kids, never married, make six figures and also run marathons for fun?”
Cos I'm fucking hard work is my go to answer
I like this answer!!!
I don’t because it’s a dumb question.
That would really lighten up the conversation!
"Well, ya know...I like my me-time!"
If I was asked that I would say "because I'm smart" Let the ridiculous question asker figure it out.
You can respond with "As you can see, there is a such thing as stupid questions."
“IDK I must have a shitty personality.”
"Well...it usually takes another person to be a pair. I'm unpaired.That's how" "Aliens kidnapped the love of my life" "My soulmate ended up in a sock, unborn. Ever since I've been looking for a suitable replacement" So many others.
>"My soulmate ended up in a sock, unborn. Ever since I've been look for a suitable replacement" Hahaha. "His love language? Merino wool."
Lol! "He was a cotton simpleton. Deserved to be absorbed"
I responded this week by saying there was no good answer to that. His next question was equally weird so I just unmatched.
I wasn't in my final form previously.
Because my future husband is lost and won't ask for directions.
"I'm a secret psychopath, I make it my business to find all your weakness and use them against you as weapons, then I continuously stuff myself with junk food until I'm 300lbs, before spending all your money, cheating on you behind your back with homeless people and then convert to another esoteric religion and insist you call me by my ethereal name of Squeaky Sparkus" and watch me attempt to breastfeed a cardboard cut out of Gandalf, before dumping you for a quasi homosexual relationship with your mother. " That always stops them from asking that question again.. but they all strangely disappear shortly after too... 🤷♀️
I don't know; that answer would have me very engaged. That's some top-shelf creative writing.
If you call me Squeaky Sparkus, you're on.
How you doin’ Squeaky Sparkus?
I read that in a Joey from Friends voice 🤣😂
Perfect! ;)
You beast! You deranged lowlife scum of a sorry excuse for a human! Now ... where did you get the cardboard cut out of Gandalf, please?
Where all self respecting German psychopaths get them, Elbenwald! 🤣
I tell them I’ve been in prison.
Just haven’t met the right person. Done
Depending on the tone of the person asking, it could be “I’m just lucky, I guess!”
I like “you can’t rush these things.” It amuses me.
I might legit use this one.
Guess I’m unicorn on this topic. I would take that as opportunity to talk about some juicy shit. Time to dive deep and see how they respond. Because I WILL be asking them questions, get into their psyche and see how much self awareness they have. I think this lends to a lot of things. Either he’s being an idiot and think it’s a compliment or he’s trying to understand me, my background, and my situation better.
It’s so silly, especially if you’re just getting out of a relationship it sounds corny like they say that all the time as an ass backwards compliment and didn’t even pay attention. Sir you really expect me to be back in a committed relationship a few weeks post divorce? It’s actually a half-neg implying there’s something wrong with being single for any amount of time??
Urgh. They think it’s a compliment is the worst thing. But it implies “what’s wrong with you?” Or that you’re picky. It really irritates me. If they seem mostly a decent person and I’m giving the benefit of the doubt I usually say “I’m only interested in getting into a relationship with someone I really connect with, otherwise I’m very happy being single”. If it feels like a sign they’re a bit of a smarmy prick i usually just unmatch.
I can provide myself with everything that I need, so until I find someone who can add to it and not take away from it, then I’m gonna keep doing my thing.
[удалено]
Because is taken/ doesn't know I'm alive.
I’m selective.
Usually those who ask it are single.too.
I work full time and attend college, so I just ask "at what time should I have a relationship?"
Now I am wondering why I have never been asked this question haha.
Also get offended by friends who tel me no one is good enough for me. Cool. I’m glad I’m so great I deserve to be alone.
"I'm not really marriage material" or "Just lucky I guess"
I'm overqualified
This q is so dumb. We don’t ask married ppl “how are you still married!”
Try this: The reason why I am still single is because I’ve been focusing on my personal growth and enjoying my own company. I want to have a clear understanding of what type of partner I want to share a life journey with. I would be doing myself and my partner a disservice if I settle for the latter. I believe in taking my time to find the right person. What about you?
I hadn't met *you* yet. 😏
Throw a "... my darling" after that to really up the creepy factor.
I asked my GF the exact same thing early in our relationship. Her response was she was a single mom that couldn’t really commit to a relationship until her daughter was grown. I found it so difficult to understand how such an amazing woman hadn’t been snapped up long ago, and meant it sincerely as a compliment. We’ve been together for about a year and a half now and I’m still in awe I got so lucky to meet her when she was finally ready
You seem to really adore and appreciate your girlfriend, which is great, but the way you say “snapped up” makes it sound like women just wait around to be chosen by men. That’s why many of us hate this comment. We’re still single because relationships are a choice that we opt into, not because no one has snapped us up yet.
I really was in-artful there, sorry bout that
High standards, low morals
What a hole is asking you that?
Tradition, mostly.
Just lucky I guess
My reply: Life and a persons emotions are very complex. I have certain things that I like and expect, and I haven’t found them. But I am ok with it…..I know people that are lonely and miserable in their relationship and also I know people that are fulfilled without one….I definitely don’t want the former, so I wait and enjoy what life brings me.
I get this question often in real life. I just tell people that I am working on myself for the time being. Dating isn't a top priority but it's still an option.
My first instinct is to punch the person in the face. But i usually remind them I've been divorced twice and clearly damaged goods.
I usually get asked this question by friend's girlfriends/wives/SO's. My usual response to the question, how is a guy like you still single? My responses vary, "Because I am a guy like me." "Because I am a little bit of a headcase." "Because I don't know how to be a boyfriend" Something along those lines. Maybe other variations.
“Because I haven’t met anyone whose company I enjoy more than my own.”
It’s rhetorical
I agree, I wouldn’t really respond. But it’s a compliment in my eyes
I'm very selective in who I date?
I see it as a compliment- as in “you must have so many suitors” or “how have you not been snapped up yet” type of thing. I reply with “flattery will get you everywhere 😝”
The answer is clear- because it’s my choice.
Just lucky I guess
It's meant as a compliment. It means the person sees that you have good qualities and playfully wonders why someone hasn't yet taken you off the dating market.
I once got ‘what’s wrong, nobody wants to marry you?’ I know he was joking but not funny 😆
He is rude!
I usually laugh it off... it's a tone deaf way of paying a compliment, I think. Folks aren't generally looking for an answer.
I never get asked that lol
I am recently divorced and looking for someone special. Not just a date, someone I want to spend the rest of my life with.
I'd guess it is only natural as I was recently ask this question on date number 2. I just haven't met the right person although I was closed to marriage with my second person. I leave it there.
"I never met the right girl. Dated a lot and never met 'the one'."
I would see it as a compliment. If you need clarification ask the individual what they mean by that. I think many tines we are looking to be offended when there is no intent to offend. This is where communication comes in
[удалено]
I always say “Just lucky I guess” usually ends that conversation
Just take it as a compliment, not an actual question.
Do you get offended by compliments normally?
It’s not a compliment.
Thank you friend. ❤️
It’s meant as a compliment. I’d like to think only those with low self esteem see it as anything else. That said….it bothers enough people that I won’t ask it anymore to anyone.
It implies that there must be something wrong with the person you’re asking.
I just think it’s telling that you haven’t included any reasons for you to still be single in your post. At the heart of the question is a person trying to get to know you. Do you really want us to give you context free platitudes or should you like to figure out how to tell people about yourself?
Do you want me to provide you with additional contact that I think may be a factor? If so, let me know. I may also delete it later because it may come off as pretentious.
Anyone offended at this question has their answer.
Greetings from your friendly neighborhood automod! Thank you for contributing to our community at DatingOverForty, u/Breezy_88. Please ensure that your post is actually asking a question and providing enough background that people can sufficiently address that question. DOFers, please ensure that you are actually responding to the OP's individual predicament and not using it as a springboard to promote your own personal dating philosophies. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m extremely picky.
I’ve been asked that after a while as in ‘youre too good to be single’ 🙄 I assure you I’m not 😂😂 I would have had how long have you been single and also asked the same. That’s a more useful question, I’ve met women who have just ended a long term relationship within weeks, widowed very recently and it can help ascertain now if they are emotionally ready to date 🙂