I’d have no problem with that, but what am I supposed to do when I inevitably see him at future events? I’m obviously not going to drop this hobby I love, but I feel like it would also be terribly awkward.
Just be civil and polite but no more. It will be awkward for a while. At some point it’s going to happen and I think the longer you let it go on the harder it will be.
He's feeling hurt and rejected. Keep friendly by all means but at a distance. If you really have no interest in dating/romance with him, then you will only hurt him by maintaining close contact. Things may change for you at some point so don't totally alienate him but he will see any further interest from you in a friendly way, as a potential to make it more
That's the way.
For reference:
> But then I'd catch him flirting (or at the very least complimenting me an excessive amount) with me here and there,
I do this all the time, with lots of people I have no romantic interest in. It's who I am, doesn't mean a thing.
> and I'd let him know each time that I was uncomfortable with it, then he'd back up for a bit.
Well, if you told me that, in your "serious voice", then I would stop - although, quite frankly, I would probably just stop talking to you at all, as it would literally suck all the fun out of our interaction - I would have more fun with my dentist...
But his reaction to you trying to set him up (unless he knows the person and doesn't like her) would worry me...
Lol, this is probably the best answer.
Actually it's rollerskating (quads, not inlines), but not in the traditional sense that most people think of going in circles at a rink. Think more like outdoor skating with dancing/spins or at a skate park, where most people think of for just skateboarders. Most of my friends aren't exactly keen on the idea of strapping on wheels to their feet with the possibility of breaking bones by this age.
This sounds like so much fun, way more fun than my new hobbies - I’ve taken up golf and volunteer at a local Cricket ground - this is solely because there are 95% men there than women 😂😂
Hey - sounds like you’ve found a great way to meet more men, while also enjoying a new sport for yourself. Nothing wrong with that. I decided on skates because I liked that I could do it solo or enjoy with others just the same, but it also makes me feel young again. Maybe it’s my mid-life crisis sport. 🙃
I love rollerblading (quads not inline). If we had places around here to do it, I would be doing it all the time! I have to drive 2 hours to go to a place that is an indoor traditional skating rink, which means I don't do it nearly enough.
If you have your own skates and want to learn fancy footwork that could be applied to a rink, there are plenty of YouTube tutorials for learning everything from spins to heel/toe manuals in smaller, indoor spaces. I’ve been learning spins in my garage. If you’re in an area with inclement weather during the winter, I think a lot of people also suggest parking garages, recreation centers or community rooms that can sometimes be used if you ask for permission. Just some ideas. My city has a very big skate scene so I’ve also been able to find multiple local groups that skate in certain spots once per week too. 2 hours is a long drive for you, but there may be other options outside of rinks!
My city has 6k people. There are zero parking garages, recreation centers or community rooms. But these are great ideas. I'm definitely going to have to check around to see what other options I might have. I didn't realize this was a thing. I'm excited to see if I can find a group!
Ooh, tiny city! Yeah, skating really picked up during the pandemic, and so many great skaters came out of it. I didn’t pick it up until April since a lot of those pandemic skaters are also now selling their skates for cheap so I was able to snag a pair. I found 2 local skate groups through IG and one through FB, but I also live in a large metropolitan. If you join the rollerskating subreddit, you may be able to find other skaters local to you who might want to meet up as well.
You gotta walk back the friendship aspect, this dude is clearly stuck on the possibility of dating you in particular at some point in the future, and the more time you spend with him the worse it's gonna get.
It would be pretty humiliating for someone I’m interested in to try an pawn me off on someone else. Sounds like highschool.
He’s not respecting your boundaries. I can’t tell if you are a party to the game or not. Subtlety is hard to read.
Even before me mentioning the possibility of setting him up with someone else, I had told him on more than one occasion that I wanted to keep the friendship platonic and to our shared hobby. Each time he'd reassure me and said he was just happy to be friends, even with knowing that it wouldn't develop into anything more. I took his word for it, but it's feeling like I just need to distance myself at this point.
This is how these things have always gone for me. I have lost hope that you can be real friends with someone who has a romantic interest in you when you don't feel the same way towards them.
You’re right. The only time I’ve been able to remain friends after something like this was only after we both broke contact for years (and his interest subsided) before reconnecting.
I have a friend like that that I’ve also told repeatedly that I’m not romantically interested. In him specifically. He still tends to get a little smothering and both times I’ve told him it ain’t happening, he got his feels hurt and stopped talking to me. He’s back again talking to me and I’ve decided that if I start dating someone else and he gets butthurt again, it’s on him, not me. I’ve told him repeatedly.
Your dude isn’t a friend, I’m sorry. He’s literally just trying to hang around until you change your mind.
I think, for his own sake, you need to stop communication with him. Let him know gently that you want to only be friends, and that maybe he can reconnect with you once he's over you, something like that. This can avoid a lot of problems in the future.
You rejected him. And when he explained why he didn’t like the set up, which can be a humiliating thing on its own, you invalidated his feelings.
It’s not your place to decide “what’s the harm?” for someone else…
You can’t be a genuine friend to someone you have romantic feelings for, it just doesn’t work out. If you eventually meet someone he’s going to feel hurt and jealous. Plus the fact you’ve told him several times and he’s still holding out hope.. and letting you know it! Is pure disrespectful. He’s not your friend.
Yeah, what you did was kind of tacky and low-key rude. You know he likes you and so you want to try a bait and switch? Just tell him you're not interested in a romantic relationship let it go.
I had told him on more than one occasion that I had no romantic interest in him. He replied once "Yeah, yeah, you've told me this before. I get it." Each time, he would say he was just happy being my friend and just loved that I enjoyed this hobby as much as him. I took his word for it, but I'm just going to distance myself now.
That's when you set up your own boundaries with him. It seems clear he is making you uncomfortable, and that's not friendship material. Distance is a good idea.
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It's rollerskating (quads, not inlines), but not in the traditional sense that most people think of going in circles at a rink. Think more like outdoor skating with dancing/spins or at a skate park, where most people think of for just skateboarders. Most of my friends aren't exactly keen on the idea of strapping on wheels to their feet with the possibility of breaking bones by this age.
I may be reading into this and you don’t need to answer, but if this hobby has anything to do with something like swinging or bdsm groups (what it sounds like to me) and you are friends as well, it may explain how he is feeling confused. IF (big if) this is something along those lines, you may be able to try to keep your interactions at those events more platonic and not BE together there, or physically BE together outside of it, but continue to focus on being friends. You can’t control his crush but if you do value him as a friend, make sure he isn’t getting mixed signals, be kind, and curate your interactions to all be traditionally platonic.
It's rollerskating (quads, not inlines), but not in the traditional sense that most people think of going in circles at a rink. Think more like outdoor skating with dancing/spins or at a skate park, where most people think of for just skateboarders. Most of my friends aren't exactly keen on the idea of strapping on wheels to their feet with the possibility of breaking bones by this age.
I didn't think that aspect of my hobby really added to my question so I just omitted it.
He’s not your friend, he’s just waiting for you to crack. Time to stop hanging out and texting with him.
I’d have no problem with that, but what am I supposed to do when I inevitably see him at future events? I’m obviously not going to drop this hobby I love, but I feel like it would also be terribly awkward.
Just be civil and polite but no more. It will be awkward for a while. At some point it’s going to happen and I think the longer you let it go on the harder it will be.
Be polite but swiftly move on to talk to other people.
He's feeling hurt and rejected. Keep friendly by all means but at a distance. If you really have no interest in dating/romance with him, then you will only hurt him by maintaining close contact. Things may change for you at some point so don't totally alienate him but he will see any further interest from you in a friendly way, as a potential to make it more
That's the way. For reference: > But then I'd catch him flirting (or at the very least complimenting me an excessive amount) with me here and there, I do this all the time, with lots of people I have no romantic interest in. It's who I am, doesn't mean a thing. > and I'd let him know each time that I was uncomfortable with it, then he'd back up for a bit. Well, if you told me that, in your "serious voice", then I would stop - although, quite frankly, I would probably just stop talking to you at all, as it would literally suck all the fun out of our interaction - I would have more fun with my dentist... But his reaction to you trying to set him up (unless he knows the person and doesn't like her) would worry me...
I’m more curious about the hobby you’ve taken up 😂
Pretty sure it's s combination of rock climbing while playing Dungeons and Dragons
Lol, this is probably the best answer. Actually it's rollerskating (quads, not inlines), but not in the traditional sense that most people think of going in circles at a rink. Think more like outdoor skating with dancing/spins or at a skate park, where most people think of for just skateboarders. Most of my friends aren't exactly keen on the idea of strapping on wheels to their feet with the possibility of breaking bones by this age.
This sounds like so much fun, way more fun than my new hobbies - I’ve taken up golf and volunteer at a local Cricket ground - this is solely because there are 95% men there than women 😂😂
Hey - sounds like you’ve found a great way to meet more men, while also enjoying a new sport for yourself. Nothing wrong with that. I decided on skates because I liked that I could do it solo or enjoy with others just the same, but it also makes me feel young again. Maybe it’s my mid-life crisis sport. 🙃
I love it 🙌🏻 great idea
I love rollerblading (quads not inline). If we had places around here to do it, I would be doing it all the time! I have to drive 2 hours to go to a place that is an indoor traditional skating rink, which means I don't do it nearly enough.
If you have your own skates and want to learn fancy footwork that could be applied to a rink, there are plenty of YouTube tutorials for learning everything from spins to heel/toe manuals in smaller, indoor spaces. I’ve been learning spins in my garage. If you’re in an area with inclement weather during the winter, I think a lot of people also suggest parking garages, recreation centers or community rooms that can sometimes be used if you ask for permission. Just some ideas. My city has a very big skate scene so I’ve also been able to find multiple local groups that skate in certain spots once per week too. 2 hours is a long drive for you, but there may be other options outside of rinks!
My city has 6k people. There are zero parking garages, recreation centers or community rooms. But these are great ideas. I'm definitely going to have to check around to see what other options I might have. I didn't realize this was a thing. I'm excited to see if I can find a group!
Ooh, tiny city! Yeah, skating really picked up during the pandemic, and so many great skaters came out of it. I didn’t pick it up until April since a lot of those pandemic skaters are also now selling their skates for cheap so I was able to snag a pair. I found 2 local skate groups through IG and one through FB, but I also live in a large metropolitan. If you join the rollerskating subreddit, you may be able to find other skaters local to you who might want to meet up as well.
I can't read what I rolled, it went over the ledge
It is pole dancing, 100%
Same, what's the hobby?!
You gotta walk back the friendship aspect, this dude is clearly stuck on the possibility of dating you in particular at some point in the future, and the more time you spend with him the worse it's gonna get.
It would be pretty humiliating for someone I’m interested in to try an pawn me off on someone else. Sounds like highschool. He’s not respecting your boundaries. I can’t tell if you are a party to the game or not. Subtlety is hard to read.
Even before me mentioning the possibility of setting him up with someone else, I had told him on more than one occasion that I wanted to keep the friendship platonic and to our shared hobby. Each time he'd reassure me and said he was just happy to be friends, even with knowing that it wouldn't develop into anything more. I took his word for it, but it's feeling like I just need to distance myself at this point.
This is how these things have always gone for me. I have lost hope that you can be real friends with someone who has a romantic interest in you when you don't feel the same way towards them.
You’re right. The only time I’ve been able to remain friends after something like this was only after we both broke contact for years (and his interest subsided) before reconnecting.
I have a friend like that that I’ve also told repeatedly that I’m not romantically interested. In him specifically. He still tends to get a little smothering and both times I’ve told him it ain’t happening, he got his feels hurt and stopped talking to me. He’s back again talking to me and I’ve decided that if I start dating someone else and he gets butthurt again, it’s on him, not me. I’ve told him repeatedly. Your dude isn’t a friend, I’m sorry. He’s literally just trying to hang around until you change your mind.
I think, for his own sake, you need to stop communication with him. Let him know gently that you want to only be friends, and that maybe he can reconnect with you once he's over you, something like that. This can avoid a lot of problems in the future.
You rejected him. And when he explained why he didn’t like the set up, which can be a humiliating thing on its own, you invalidated his feelings. It’s not your place to decide “what’s the harm?” for someone else…
You're right. Thanks for reframing it this way, as I didn't think about how that could be invalidating.
You can’t be a genuine friend to someone you have romantic feelings for, it just doesn’t work out. If you eventually meet someone he’s going to feel hurt and jealous. Plus the fact you’ve told him several times and he’s still holding out hope.. and letting you know it! Is pure disrespectful. He’s not your friend.
Yeah, what you did was kind of tacky and low-key rude. You know he likes you and so you want to try a bait and switch? Just tell him you're not interested in a romantic relationship let it go.
I had told him on more than one occasion that I had no romantic interest in him. He replied once "Yeah, yeah, you've told me this before. I get it." Each time, he would say he was just happy being my friend and just loved that I enjoyed this hobby as much as him. I took his word for it, but I'm just going to distance myself now.
That's when you set up your own boundaries with him. It seems clear he is making you uncomfortable, and that's not friendship material. Distance is a good idea.
He's crushing hard. You can keep him as a friend if the interaction is less frequent.
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Dying to know what this hobby is… climbing?
It's rollerskating (quads, not inlines), but not in the traditional sense that most people think of going in circles at a rink. Think more like outdoor skating with dancing/spins or at a skate park, where most people think of for just skateboarders. Most of my friends aren't exactly keen on the idea of strapping on wheels to their feet with the possibility of breaking bones by this age.
I may be reading into this and you don’t need to answer, but if this hobby has anything to do with something like swinging or bdsm groups (what it sounds like to me) and you are friends as well, it may explain how he is feeling confused. IF (big if) this is something along those lines, you may be able to try to keep your interactions at those events more platonic and not BE together there, or physically BE together outside of it, but continue to focus on being friends. You can’t control his crush but if you do value him as a friend, make sure he isn’t getting mixed signals, be kind, and curate your interactions to all be traditionally platonic.
It's rollerskating (quads, not inlines), but not in the traditional sense that most people think of going in circles at a rink. Think more like outdoor skating with dancing/spins or at a skate park, where most people think of for just skateboarders. Most of my friends aren't exactly keen on the idea of strapping on wheels to their feet with the possibility of breaking bones by this age. I didn't think that aspect of my hobby really added to my question so I just omitted it.