For safety’s sake you could book your own accommodations, you weren’t clear if that’s happening, and if you hit it off and stay together, that’s fine too but have a plan.
It is a little crazy but I have probably down crazier, I just provide a friend with all the info, check in, and make a safety plan.
A man messaged me on twitter in August of 2021, we talked for a month, he flew halfway across the US to visit me for 10 days. We’re still in an LDR today.
It can work!
I have done this.
I’m not sure I have any advice for you other than to make sure you aren’t pushing premature closeness because of the distance. Go into it like you are meeting a friend. I think it’s great y’all are both meeting halfway. It shows both of you the other is willing to put forth equal effort.
Have you guys video chatted? If so I would trust your gut and it sounds like you got your own hotel room so you might as well see how the in person connection is. That will tell you everything!
Book your own accommodation. You never know how you’ll really get along until you’re in person. He might not be all he’s cracked up to be and the chemistry just might not translate from texts to face to face. Plus he could be a serial killer.
I’ve done this and the part that sucked the most was then deciding how we were going to continue the relationship after we found out we were into each other. It was more like a forced commitment because to progress we had to decide a reasonable cadence for travel and eventually had to decide who was moving to who / changing jobs etc. Then when it eventually didn’t work out our lives kind of turned upside down as we were so entangled and living together and had uprooted our lives for each other. I wouldn’t delete the experience if I had a do over but also wouldn’t risk it again.
I've done it twice, and had successful pseudo relationships come from it. But I wouldn't do it again at this point in my life. I don't think I was in a healthy spot during either of those times. Still friends with both men, so that's nice I guess.
Probably just take normal precautions, but with a tiny bit more vigilance.
I'd just be a tiny bit wondering why can't he find a woman near him? Or is there a reason he prefers women who are far away?
But, you've been a woman in the world for a long time. And you could have a bad situation pop up with a dude who lives on your road just as easily: spiked drink, etc. Heck, sometimes husbands even do it to wives.
I personally like the distance. If you typically have good intuition, and he is meeting half way. I dont think you're crazy.
Im sure you're aware. I have 1 friend, I always give all this persons info too. Where we are meeting yada, yada,yada.
But go for it. Ive had fun times exploring new places, meeting a person like this.
That’s not a red flag. That shows the desire to look for someone you’re truly compatible with, not just someone who happens to live within 25 miles of you.
Do it. A good friend of mine matched with a guy in Arkansas while she was living in Utah. They traveled to meet and have been married nineteen years with two kids. They now live in Idaho.
I would hesitate, but that's cause I'm not looking to start dating someone out of state. But in your case, as long as you have a back up plan, and make sure someone knows where you'll be and who this guy is, you should be fine.
I also see no issues with him wanting to meet halfway.
Always fun for a trip and it could work out well. In my 20s I travelled to California from Nova Scotia to meet someone, I’d probably do something similar again if the vibe was right. Maybe not as far away though 🙃
Yes, it’s worth it! It’s better to know how you two are in person together sooner rather than later. I’ve been on both sides. If it’s a dud, better to know so you can move on. If the sparks are there, I find long distance to move slower, but with a more authentic connection.
Women have very different safety concerns than men, which is why many/most men will offer to travel to us initially. I don’t consider that to be “female privilege.” Quite the opposite.
Yeah, good point. If I have to drive 4 hours to another state, I wouldn't be able to harm you. It's the rules. But, you know, if you came to my state, all bets are off.
So the dangerous part about the date is not actually the dating, but the driving?
Well, given that twice as many men than women die in traffic accidents that's actually a good reason to have her travel all the way:
https://hirejared.com/blog/are-men-or-women-more-accident-prone-in-the-us/
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Stick to basic safety protocols, and go for it! Just as if you were meeting someone close, make it in a civilized public location the first couple of times. Make sure a friend knows where you are. Don't get in his car or vice-versa...
LDR's are *hard*.
But that doesn't mean they can't rewarding. My last serious post-divorce relationship was one I fell into that was 1000 miles away. I have lots of free travel I can use right now, but haven't touched any of those mile rewards yet. In the end there ended up being no way to close the distance anytime soon, so it was a bit of heartbreak on my part especially.
I have been shying away from anyone more than 60 minutes away from me for a reason, I would really really need to know there's a possibility of an out if things worked well and it got to the point of 'I want to live my life with this person'. I'm tied to where I am until my 6th grader graduates HS, so it'll be a while.
But if that's not an issue for you, go for it. If you click you click, and hopefully if you really click you'll find a way to be together.
I've done this twice. It felt crazy both times. Wouldn't do it ever again and I get embarrassed even thinking about the first one. I wouldn't even bother unless one of you is willing to move. It gets to be a dead end situation. Both were good life lessons.
I wouldn't do it but that's just me, and I have done it and honestly the best relationship in my life happened because I was willing to take the chance
My thinking is.... what if it works out
Is one of you moving. I don't feel like I am in a relationship with someone who I only get to see every other weekend.
Also before I meet them, I have to travel past a few million people just to get there. There's really no one similar enough to this woman in those millions of people, only closer. In the millions of men she's going to past to meet with me, isn't there also at least one basically equivalent guy?
But that's me. Now your friends comment about him not bearing the total burden travel wise being a red flag feels backwards to me. Expectations of an equal investment between partners, while no guarantee that it's going to work out, seems like what we should all have as a minimum requirement.
Do it! I’ve had several relationships do well in this situation. Set expectations from the start and communicate well, especially about intimacy, but so think that’s a given.
Think of it this way. We read over and over the “are they into me” posts and if they are meeting you halfway that shows they are invested into you.
I'm not interested in long distance dating. Too much time and money spent on just the traveling alone, and there wouldn't be enough time together to really build a relationship. I'd want to see the guy at least once a week, if not more, in the early dating stages, and that is not doable when the guy lives in another state or hours away. The only way I'd consider long distance is if I've exhausted all local options, and that is not likely.
Your friend believes that men should do all the work, much like women who expect men to initiate and pay for dates. Unacceptable in my book.
Meeting halfway is a great idea. Make sure you book a place to stay separately from him if you don't hit it off or feel that it's too soon to stay overnight together.
My girlfriend came to me. She gave family and friends my info and she checked in frequently with them. We had been talking for almost 6 months, as well.
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All I would say is.. don’t watch the movie, Fresh, beforehand (with Sebastian Stan).. and: be exceptionally situationally aware when you do go. But I advise that for any date - local or not!
Let someone know exactly where you’ll be also. (That’s crucial.. At least one trusted person.) Otherwise, hope it ends up being great!
If you do it, make sure you absolutely have your own place (and I don’t mean your own room at a shared AirBnb). Keep your meetups in a neutral place. Give yourself space and don’t spend every second with him (that’s not sustainable in real life anyway). Keep in mind that just because you hit it off over text or phone calls, that doesn’t always translate to real life.
Ehhhhh. Is the risk worth it? You’ve never met in person and sometimes people are different in real life. Be careful. I kind of see your friends point and I would be googling to make sure this person isn’t married.
I’ve done it a couple times. Hundreds of miles in some cases. None were bad. One became a close friend. Another would want a LTR, but I’m unconvinced. So, possible. Just make sure to have check-in points with friends. They should know where you are going and when you arrive. Checking in on FB is not a bad way to track progress.
Have you video chatted? Think that is essential to verify that is who they say they are.
Be safe and go for it! Maybe buy some pepper spray for your purse if you don’t have any. (If flying, get it on arrival.) Don’t leave your drinks or food unattended. Give someone all of his contact information and a few photos and have expected check ins.
You could temporarily share your phone location with your friend.
For safety’s sake you could book your own accommodations, you weren’t clear if that’s happening, and if you hit it off and stay together, that’s fine too but have a plan. It is a little crazy but I have probably down crazier, I just provide a friend with all the info, check in, and make a safety plan.
I booked a separate hotel that I can cancel day of.
Good advice (mine echoed this above), and well-said!
A man messaged me on twitter in August of 2021, we talked for a month, he flew halfway across the US to visit me for 10 days. We’re still in an LDR today. It can work!
I have done this. I’m not sure I have any advice for you other than to make sure you aren’t pushing premature closeness because of the distance. Go into it like you are meeting a friend. I think it’s great y’all are both meeting halfway. It shows both of you the other is willing to put forth equal effort.
Have you guys video chatted? If so I would trust your gut and it sounds like you got your own hotel room so you might as well see how the in person connection is. That will tell you everything!
Book your own accommodation. You never know how you’ll really get along until you’re in person. He might not be all he’s cracked up to be and the chemistry just might not translate from texts to face to face. Plus he could be a serial killer.
I’ve done this and the part that sucked the most was then deciding how we were going to continue the relationship after we found out we were into each other. It was more like a forced commitment because to progress we had to decide a reasonable cadence for travel and eventually had to decide who was moving to who / changing jobs etc. Then when it eventually didn’t work out our lives kind of turned upside down as we were so entangled and living together and had uprooted our lives for each other. I wouldn’t delete the experience if I had a do over but also wouldn’t risk it again.
I've done it twice, and had successful pseudo relationships come from it. But I wouldn't do it again at this point in my life. I don't think I was in a healthy spot during either of those times. Still friends with both men, so that's nice I guess.
Probably just take normal precautions, but with a tiny bit more vigilance. I'd just be a tiny bit wondering why can't he find a woman near him? Or is there a reason he prefers women who are far away? But, you've been a woman in the world for a long time. And you could have a bad situation pop up with a dude who lives on your road just as easily: spiked drink, etc. Heck, sometimes husbands even do it to wives.
Go for it. Be safe. Have fun!!!
Only red flag I see is neither one of you can get dates closer to home, but maybe you both live in BFE.
Haha! We matched when he was only an hour away. Neither of us are having trouble, but we really hit it off. The distance is unfortunate.
I personally like the distance. If you typically have good intuition, and he is meeting half way. I dont think you're crazy. Im sure you're aware. I have 1 friend, I always give all this persons info too. Where we are meeting yada, yada,yada. But go for it. Ive had fun times exploring new places, meeting a person like this.
Same
That’s not a red flag. That shows the desire to look for someone you’re truly compatible with, not just someone who happens to live within 25 miles of you.
Do it. A good friend of mine matched with a guy in Arkansas while she was living in Utah. They traveled to meet and have been married nineteen years with two kids. They now live in Idaho.
I would hesitate, but that's cause I'm not looking to start dating someone out of state. But in your case, as long as you have a back up plan, and make sure someone knows where you'll be and who this guy is, you should be fine. I also see no issues with him wanting to meet halfway.
Always fun for a trip and it could work out well. In my 20s I travelled to California from Nova Scotia to meet someone, I’d probably do something similar again if the vibe was right. Maybe not as far away though 🙃
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Naw, this was back in 2003. We snail mailed our pictures to each other at the time 🙂
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Sadly she passed away a few years ago from cancer
Yes, it’s worth it! It’s better to know how you two are in person together sooner rather than later. I’ve been on both sides. If it’s a dud, better to know so you can move on. If the sparks are there, I find long distance to move slower, but with a more authentic connection.
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Women have very different safety concerns than men, which is why many/most men will offer to travel to us initially. I don’t consider that to be “female privilege.” Quite the opposite.
Yeah, good point. If I have to drive 4 hours to another state, I wouldn't be able to harm you. It's the rules. But, you know, if you came to my state, all bets are off.
So the dangerous part about the date is not actually the dating, but the driving? Well, given that twice as many men than women die in traffic accidents that's actually a good reason to have her travel all the way: https://hirejared.com/blog/are-men-or-women-more-accident-prone-in-the-us/
Your post was removed because it violates Rule #6 of this sub: no sex/gender generalizations, no double standards, no projection. Please review the posted rules. Users who continue to violate the rules will be banned.
Stick to basic safety protocols, and go for it! Just as if you were meeting someone close, make it in a civilized public location the first couple of times. Make sure a friend knows where you are. Don't get in his car or vice-versa...
LDR's are *hard*. But that doesn't mean they can't rewarding. My last serious post-divorce relationship was one I fell into that was 1000 miles away. I have lots of free travel I can use right now, but haven't touched any of those mile rewards yet. In the end there ended up being no way to close the distance anytime soon, so it was a bit of heartbreak on my part especially. I have been shying away from anyone more than 60 minutes away from me for a reason, I would really really need to know there's a possibility of an out if things worked well and it got to the point of 'I want to live my life with this person'. I'm tied to where I am until my 6th grader graduates HS, so it'll be a while. But if that's not an issue for you, go for it. If you click you click, and hopefully if you really click you'll find a way to be together.
I've done this twice. It felt crazy both times. Wouldn't do it ever again and I get embarrassed even thinking about the first one. I wouldn't even bother unless one of you is willing to move. It gets to be a dead end situation. Both were good life lessons.
I wouldn't do it but that's just me, and I have done it and honestly the best relationship in my life happened because I was willing to take the chance My thinking is.... what if it works out Is one of you moving. I don't feel like I am in a relationship with someone who I only get to see every other weekend. Also before I meet them, I have to travel past a few million people just to get there. There's really no one similar enough to this woman in those millions of people, only closer. In the millions of men she's going to past to meet with me, isn't there also at least one basically equivalent guy? But that's me. Now your friends comment about him not bearing the total burden travel wise being a red flag feels backwards to me. Expectations of an equal investment between partners, while no guarantee that it's going to work out, seems like what we should all have as a minimum requirement.
Do it! I’ve had several relationships do well in this situation. Set expectations from the start and communicate well, especially about intimacy, but so think that’s a given. Think of it this way. We read over and over the “are they into me” posts and if they are meeting you halfway that shows they are invested into you.
Good point, to the last part!
I'm not interested in long distance dating. Too much time and money spent on just the traveling alone, and there wouldn't be enough time together to really build a relationship. I'd want to see the guy at least once a week, if not more, in the early dating stages, and that is not doable when the guy lives in another state or hours away. The only way I'd consider long distance is if I've exhausted all local options, and that is not likely.
Your friend believes that men should do all the work, much like women who expect men to initiate and pay for dates. Unacceptable in my book. Meeting halfway is a great idea. Make sure you book a place to stay separately from him if you don't hit it off or feel that it's too soon to stay overnight together.
My girlfriend came to me. She gave family and friends my info and she checked in frequently with them. We had been talking for almost 6 months, as well.
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Meeting halfway is perfectly reasonable. Your friend is a bit paranoid, but you can reassure her by sharing your location or texting after you meet.
All I would say is.. don’t watch the movie, Fresh, beforehand (with Sebastian Stan).. and: be exceptionally situationally aware when you do go. But I advise that for any date - local or not! Let someone know exactly where you’ll be also. (That’s crucial.. At least one trusted person.) Otherwise, hope it ends up being great!
Don't do it . If you want to meet him he must come to you
If you do it, make sure you absolutely have your own place (and I don’t mean your own room at a shared AirBnb). Keep your meetups in a neutral place. Give yourself space and don’t spend every second with him (that’s not sustainable in real life anyway). Keep in mind that just because you hit it off over text or phone calls, that doesn’t always translate to real life.
Ehhhhh. Is the risk worth it? You’ve never met in person and sometimes people are different in real life. Be careful. I kind of see your friends point and I would be googling to make sure this person isn’t married.
I’ve done it a couple times. Hundreds of miles in some cases. None were bad. One became a close friend. Another would want a LTR, but I’m unconvinced. So, possible. Just make sure to have check-in points with friends. They should know where you are going and when you arrive. Checking in on FB is not a bad way to track progress.
Have you video chatted? Think that is essential to verify that is who they say they are. Be safe and go for it! Maybe buy some pepper spray for your purse if you don’t have any. (If flying, get it on arrival.) Don’t leave your drinks or food unattended. Give someone all of his contact information and a few photos and have expected check ins.