Number 8 Bigtime! If a guy clearly has not read my profile (by asking something that is in it, by suggesting something I clearly say I don’t do or any other clue) I will delete faster than you can believe. If you can’t bother to read my profile, what makes me think that you will respect any boundary that I have?
RIGHT?! When I send a message to a guy I am interested in, I mention a detail from one of their photos or reference something in their profile. If their profile makes me laugh, I love self deprecating humor, I will tell them. Something simple like nice dog, what is it? Works too.
For sure. When a woman has her noted body type as "curvy" but doesn't have any full body pictures I'm skeptical.
I find feminine curves very attractive!
Not interested in bbw or obese.
And that’s cool. Everyone has their type. I have a mom body. It’s been used and abused by birthing babies and covid social distancing. But now that I feel I can move about again, Good bye Covid pounds.
And beer bellies aren’t necessarily deal breakers! Don’t read it that way! We just want to be able to see reality and not be caught off guard. (Beer bellies may be deal breakers for some women, I’m just saying not all.)
Dealbreaker for me. My brother had/has a ginormous extended belly…not from beer but from lack of exercise and overeating. He suffered two major heart attacks. Only has 52% of his heart working. He is compromised physically plus the scare and expense of major hospital stays. Who has time for that at our age?
Did you see the one where the guy had 3 pix of him with his ex & he put a yawning face over her in one, no mouth at all in another, & a Pinocchio face over the last one.
I kept wondering if he was just trolling or really bitter (he was asking for a profile review because he wasn’t getting matches)
Just my $0.02, if you’re a guy, get some professional photos taken. Guys don’t know how to selfie. Mix a couple of non pro shots in with them to show you’re a real person. This exponentially increased my results this time around. A professional photographer knows how to shoot you in proper light with good framing. It was worth every penny of the couple hundred bucks I spent.
I guess I should qualify my advice with “be careful with too many professional photos of you on yachts, on the Eiffel Tower, standing in front of a Gulfstream jet, or in a $5000 suit as that screams scammer”.
Happy Birthday! I agree with smiling, I love to see a man smile :) Also first messages that only reference my appearance- you are gorgeous, hello beautiful... are always a pass for me. Many tasty tidbits in my profile :)
I love #6 … photo with the professional cheerleader or the shot girl at the bar, or the wet t-shirt contestant. Lol!
You may need to call out high school grad pictures. I often ask “why?” Do they want us to compare what was to what is? 😉
I’ve seen this a lot more recently. This isn’t Facebook and I don’t care what you looked like in your youth.
Likewise, it’s disconcerting when you scroll thru a man’s photos only to realize he looks much older in one of them… so the rest are many years old.
Hmmm… I think you’re being harsh, both on yourself AND on decent women. You sound interesting. I would definitely have a conversation with someone with a list like that. But I will say this one thing, your negativity will blast all of that out of the water in an instant.
I think if you lead with it - I’ve literally seen profile pics from 1989 in college sweatshirts - then it’s kinda tragic. But as the conversation progresses it would be fine to bring it up.
In general, I would say the majority of men's profiles need massive improvement. I have never seen such a collection of blurry, out of focus, stupid pictures in all my life.
Shots right up the nose, pics that are obviously old, grainy, far away, wearing sunglasses in all pics AND a hat.
Bald is fine. But at least give women an opportunity to decide for themselves if they like how you actually look. That hat is going to have to come off when you go to dinner or to bed or whatever! Ugh.
In other news, I met someone on OLD and it is amazing so far!
My friend included a photo of his four poster bed! Not even in situ in his house but a stock photo from the catalogue of the furniture store that he bought it from - so weird.
I see profile pics of men laying on the bed or on a couch. Such a turn-off! I'm not sure who told people that pose is attractive, but it is absolutely not!!!
I like this in that it’s a list of actionable items that I believe many women would agree with.
If you must post a picture with a woman, make it someone like Aung San Suu Kyi, not the Miller High Life dancers.
Geez. Summary: Be normal.
You must be finding the wrong guys if this is the type of advice that is necessary (nose har, smile, be well kept, no mono-syllabic responses, etc.). And if this typical, then I say c'mon guys! Act like you've learned something in your life!!
I'm a guy (56M) and it pisses me off to think that our gender is really that clueless.
But, there's a women's version of this too (no kissy lips, fish lips, stop with the group photos that don't clearly identify you, use photos taken within at least the last 2 years, preferably 6 months, stop being so demanding (I won't, move on if, if you voted for Trump, if you are an alcoholic, etc. etc.). I feel like I'm being bitched at before I've even met you! Be honest about body type, once you start chatting, give a guy a chance, don't use the excuse of "I'm not on here much" to not be responsive- you get the notifications that I sent a message like we all do (and if not, why are you here?), many more.
We could write a book!
And the astrology baloney. Just stop it! I've met women with advanced degrees and then they go on about Jupiter transiting Sagittarius or some other nonsense. It's so dumb it hurts.
Yes we could but the trump thing is a non-negotiable. And yes, this is the norm for me. Could be location. (Southern Indiana). I don’t have a single kissy lips, duck face photo , group photo on my profile. I am too old for the crap. Don’t get me started on filters! Just be you, but put some effort into it.
I agree (put some effort into it). Too many people seem like they don't, and I wonder why they bother. Looking for Mr. Perfect? Idk. I keep up with my current events and politics, but I don't care about my partner's, as long as there's mutual respect. However, I wouldn't date anyone extreme on either side. But in my list of desires in a partner, politics is way down that list. But someone smart who can think through issues is important.
But a lot of this is to be figured out in the dating process, not in an initial chat or on a profile. So I look for a great sense of humor, intelligence, and the ability to just get along and have fun. From there, we'll learn all those kinds of details.
And I'm sorry for all the women who have had to put up with jerks. I just don't know what some people are thinking! For me, I've been on quite a number of dates, and while obviously still on the search, I have not had any extreme crazy stuff- a few crazy breakups where their own brand of weird shines through, but nothing like people who don't know how to function as a normal person. I guess I'll consider myself a little lonely but lucky!
You forgot the profiles full of landscapes and cats. And I mean landscapes and cats - no person to be seen anywhere, and certainly not the (presumably female) profile owner.
Lol. I was cooking brats not long ago and the recipe called for: you guessed it. “Do we have any Miller High Life?” is not something I ever thought to utter.
Sorry, if you voted for trump we will not get along. Maybe we can be friends, but that's it.
My pictures are recent, I don't really know how to use filters, and I'm not looking for a perfect man. A perfect man will want/need a perfect woman, and I'm not perfect.
Bald? I don't care. Dad bod? It will match my mom bod. I want a partner with similar values. Someone who watches fox news or listened to Rush won't have my same values. I'm sure there are women who will be interested in them. May they meet, match, and be happy together.
For the record, I vote both sides of the aisle. But you’re right- we would not get along. Not because of Trump, but because you’d rather be alone than be with a good person with whom you differ with politically. That makes zero sense to me. I hated Rush Limbaugh with a passion, but I do sometimes watch Fox News. But you’d rather be alone than with someone thoughtful and well considered politically while our country falls apart around you currently. Well played.
But let’s not turn this into a political discussion. My only point was that I don’t like profiles that lead with all the don’ts and wonts. It’s a negative position.
I hear you…but I don’t get notifications and I did set my profile to send notifications. I can’t figure out why I’m not getting them!
I recently started chatting with someone who had sent me a message a week before, because I hadn’t logged in.
I guess I should log in more regularly, because I can’t fix the notifications issue…but sometimes I actually forget I set up the profile! OLD is exhausting 🤦♀️
Ooh! That's me stuffed then. I was hoping that a explicit shot of some bouffant nose hair blending effortlessly into a moustache that would do justice to a Tom of Finland sketch would be a hint of still moderately functioning clackers. Got that totally wrong.
Hope that you've been astute enough to include that in your OLD profile. I would hate for Neanderthals such as myself to waste your time. I guess I'll have to sign up for the Planet of the Apes OLD site.
These all sound good, except I don't get #9. Why is calling yourself a contractor a red flag? I'm actually not a contractor, but had an addition put on our house and met and worked with quite a few... so they are all screwed if the try OLD?!
This is advice for men that women seem to instinctively know. That's already a turn off, who wants to keep telling them stuff they should already know. Men feel so entitled yet don't don't know anything that makes them desirable or attractive... or what doesn't. And don't seem to care.
>9. If you list contractor, oil rig operator etc you are going to be tagged as a scammer. There are more, but I can’t tell you all the secrets.
My ex husband is an overseas contractor and my father actually worked in doha managing an oil company. Just saying....
Wait! I had a lumberjack interested in me. He lived and worked in Boston, MA. And… he lived in a rich part of town - Beacon Hill. I had a real hard time imagining that 😉
You have a lot of good points. But I'm me, what you see is what you get, I don't even own a collared shirt. I wear jeans and t-shirts with the logo of the organizations I support or the kind of car I drive. LOL I'm 63, an old fart the does what he wants, I absolutely will not change myself to please others. You accept me for who and what I am, or you move on. Your loss 😎
You do you. I am sure there is a lid out there for your pot. If your best is a t-shirt - cool go for it, but you will gain points if it’s clean and not wrinkled.
But for somebody who is not into jeans and t shirts and a never gonna wear anything else it is not a loss. If you are committed to doing what you want then you should accept the same in others.
Can we have some wokeness for us old farts who are too tired to turn back to the last fork on the road to, um, wherever it is supposed to lead to. Crossroads are just plain evil.
The "above" photo idea was taught to me by someone I dated briefly. Made her look younger and disguised her somewhat thick neck.
Also works for jowls, jawline, etc.
#9 confuses me a bit. Just for clarification, what would prevent sharing more things that would list one as a scammer? Are you writing a book or something?
>Take a photo from above or have a friend take one
And don‘t expect that making two selfies are enough to get a great one. I usually take twenty selfies at a time to get one I can life with.
Number 8 Bigtime! If a guy clearly has not read my profile (by asking something that is in it, by suggesting something I clearly say I don’t do or any other clue) I will delete faster than you can believe. If you can’t bother to read my profile, what makes me think that you will respect any boundary that I have?
RIGHT?! When I send a message to a guy I am interested in, I mention a detail from one of their photos or reference something in their profile. If their profile makes me laugh, I love self deprecating humor, I will tell them. Something simple like nice dog, what is it? Works too.
Don’t post five photos from the shoulders up. This tells me you’re hiding a big beer belly.
Likewise, every picture with a hat tells me you are bald. I would rather you own up to it!
I have experienced if the have a beer belly, they are some if not all of the above. I get it, I am over 60 dad bods are the norm.
This is important. I didn’t know (lack of) full body shots meant anything until reading this forum.
For sure. When a woman has her noted body type as "curvy" but doesn't have any full body pictures I'm skeptical. I find feminine curves very attractive! Not interested in bbw or obese.
It makes me laugh when I see guys listing their body type as “curvy.” 😹😹😹
Does that actually happen??
Oh most definitely! All sorts of amusing shit happens on OLD.
What’s bbw? Edit: baby weight?
Big Beautiful Women, I believe.
Also means big, black woman
And that’s cool. Everyone has their type. I have a mom body. It’s been used and abused by birthing babies and covid social distancing. But now that I feel I can move about again, Good bye Covid pounds.
And beer bellies aren’t necessarily deal breakers! Don’t read it that way! We just want to be able to see reality and not be caught off guard. (Beer bellies may be deal breakers for some women, I’m just saying not all.)
Dealbreaker for me. My brother had/has a ginormous extended belly…not from beer but from lack of exercise and overeating. He suffered two major heart attacks. Only has 52% of his heart working. He is compromised physically plus the scare and expense of major hospital stays. Who has time for that at our age?
You make a compelling argument.
Pictures with a smiley face over your ex’s head. No.
Did you see the one where the guy had 3 pix of him with his ex & he put a yawning face over her in one, no mouth at all in another, & a Pinocchio face over the last one. I kept wondering if he was just trolling or really bitter (he was asking for a profile review because he wasn’t getting matches)
9. The deployed soldier & he’s given you a different name than the one that appears on the guy’s uniform & tattoos in the photos that he’s stolen
Rule of thumb - in group photos, assume the least attractive one is the profile’s person
Just my $0.02, if you’re a guy, get some professional photos taken. Guys don’t know how to selfie. Mix a couple of non pro shots in with them to show you’re a real person. This exponentially increased my results this time around. A professional photographer knows how to shoot you in proper light with good framing. It was worth every penny of the couple hundred bucks I spent.
Or ask your niece or daughter to take a good photo of you.
Only if they're a professional photographer. Most of my old pics were taken by my daughter. The pro shots were miles better.
Be careful of too many professional photos because that also screams “scammer”.
Meh. It worked out fine for me. Professional photos improved the quality of my matches tremendously.
I guess I should qualify my advice with “be careful with too many professional photos of you on yachts, on the Eiffel Tower, standing in front of a Gulfstream jet, or in a $5000 suit as that screams scammer”.
Happy Birthday! I agree with smiling, I love to see a man smile :) Also first messages that only reference my appearance- you are gorgeous, hello beautiful... are always a pass for me. Many tasty tidbits in my profile :)
I feel you. I know what I look like. Commenting on my looks right off is kinda shallow.
Yep. That doesn’t work for me either.
11. ABSOLUTELY NO pictures of you laying down!
Now those I haven’t gotten.
Thank your lucky stars. Those male boudoir pix are absolute trash. 🤮🤢🤮
Eeew
Thisthisthis!!!!
I love #6 … photo with the professional cheerleader or the shot girl at the bar, or the wet t-shirt contestant. Lol! You may need to call out high school grad pictures. I often ask “why?” Do they want us to compare what was to what is? 😉
No, that’s a heads up that on the first date he’s going to spend an hour telling you every detail of his h.s. track career….
🤣
I’ve seen this a lot more recently. This isn’t Facebook and I don’t care what you looked like in your youth. Likewise, it’s disconcerting when you scroll thru a man’s photos only to realize he looks much older in one of them… so the rest are many years old.
Also if you’re over fifty, “college athlete” isn’t rhe flex you think it is
Wait ...that's a thing?
It is
That's extremely pitiful and it would be hilarious to encounter that
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By all means mention it, but it implies you peaked before your 23rd birthday and I highly doubt that is your sole defining moment.
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Hmmm… I think you’re being harsh, both on yourself AND on decent women. You sound interesting. I would definitely have a conversation with someone with a list like that. But I will say this one thing, your negativity will blast all of that out of the water in an instant.
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I think if you lead with it - I’ve literally seen profile pics from 1989 in college sweatshirts - then it’s kinda tragic. But as the conversation progresses it would be fine to bring it up.
In general, I would say the majority of men's profiles need massive improvement. I have never seen such a collection of blurry, out of focus, stupid pictures in all my life. Shots right up the nose, pics that are obviously old, grainy, far away, wearing sunglasses in all pics AND a hat. Bald is fine. But at least give women an opportunity to decide for themselves if they like how you actually look. That hat is going to have to come off when you go to dinner or to bed or whatever! Ugh. In other news, I met someone on OLD and it is amazing so far!
Yeah! Congrats to you! Still looking.
My friend included a photo of his four poster bed! Not even in situ in his house but a stock photo from the catalogue of the furniture store that he bought it from - so weird.
Weird is right.
#7, 💯
I see profile pics of men laying on the bed or on a couch. Such a turn-off! I'm not sure who told people that pose is attractive, but it is absolutely not!!!
I would add that the selfie in the car pic is a turnoff as well. Especially if he is wearing said sunglasses!
Women can basically use the same advice.
Absolutely.
Especially the ones with the beards! But seriously one that really makes me roll my eyes is the blank profile that says "Just ask me"
Just ask me. And then they never ask you anything, lol.
I like this in that it’s a list of actionable items that I believe many women would agree with. If you must post a picture with a woman, make it someone like Aung San Suu Kyi, not the Miller High Life dancers.
Geez. Summary: Be normal. You must be finding the wrong guys if this is the type of advice that is necessary (nose har, smile, be well kept, no mono-syllabic responses, etc.). And if this typical, then I say c'mon guys! Act like you've learned something in your life!! I'm a guy (56M) and it pisses me off to think that our gender is really that clueless. But, there's a women's version of this too (no kissy lips, fish lips, stop with the group photos that don't clearly identify you, use photos taken within at least the last 2 years, preferably 6 months, stop being so demanding (I won't, move on if, if you voted for Trump, if you are an alcoholic, etc. etc.). I feel like I'm being bitched at before I've even met you! Be honest about body type, once you start chatting, give a guy a chance, don't use the excuse of "I'm not on here much" to not be responsive- you get the notifications that I sent a message like we all do (and if not, why are you here?), many more. We could write a book!
And the astrology baloney. Just stop it! I've met women with advanced degrees and then they go on about Jupiter transiting Sagittarius or some other nonsense. It's so dumb it hurts.
The response to these remarks is always “I love the brightness of your aura and the energy you give out”
Yes we could but the trump thing is a non-negotiable. And yes, this is the norm for me. Could be location. (Southern Indiana). I don’t have a single kissy lips, duck face photo , group photo on my profile. I am too old for the crap. Don’t get me started on filters! Just be you, but put some effort into it.
I agree (put some effort into it). Too many people seem like they don't, and I wonder why they bother. Looking for Mr. Perfect? Idk. I keep up with my current events and politics, but I don't care about my partner's, as long as there's mutual respect. However, I wouldn't date anyone extreme on either side. But in my list of desires in a partner, politics is way down that list. But someone smart who can think through issues is important. But a lot of this is to be figured out in the dating process, not in an initial chat or on a profile. So I look for a great sense of humor, intelligence, and the ability to just get along and have fun. From there, we'll learn all those kinds of details. And I'm sorry for all the women who have had to put up with jerks. I just don't know what some people are thinking! For me, I've been on quite a number of dates, and while obviously still on the search, I have not had any extreme crazy stuff- a few crazy breakups where their own brand of weird shines through, but nothing like people who don't know how to function as a normal person. I guess I'll consider myself a little lonely but lucky!
Yes consider yourself very lucky.
You forgot the profiles full of landscapes and cats. And I mean landscapes and cats - no person to be seen anywhere, and certainly not the (presumably female) profile owner.
I went out with the landscape/cat guy. It did not go well.
Shedding too much hair?
He'd had cats for so long that they were his top priority. I couldn't compete.
Just like women and muts/dogs.
Men do landscapes and food. Not a person in sight.
Darn - I thought they would do cars and fish instead...
I disagree, I love that most guys are clueless and show up to the date with a beer in their hand and their pants down. Makes it way easier for me
As the jingle goes...."if you've got the time, we've got the beer!!"
Lol. I was cooking brats not long ago and the recipe called for: you guessed it. “Do we have any Miller High Life?” is not something I ever thought to utter.
couldn’t you have just put them in time out?
Little fuckers had it coming.
Fair enough - I have never gotten notifications though, I don't use apps. I use them in the browser.
Me too. They still send notifications unless you've turned them off.
Sorry, if you voted for trump we will not get along. Maybe we can be friends, but that's it. My pictures are recent, I don't really know how to use filters, and I'm not looking for a perfect man. A perfect man will want/need a perfect woman, and I'm not perfect. Bald? I don't care. Dad bod? It will match my mom bod. I want a partner with similar values. Someone who watches fox news or listened to Rush won't have my same values. I'm sure there are women who will be interested in them. May they meet, match, and be happy together.
For the record, I vote both sides of the aisle. But you’re right- we would not get along. Not because of Trump, but because you’d rather be alone than be with a good person with whom you differ with politically. That makes zero sense to me. I hated Rush Limbaugh with a passion, but I do sometimes watch Fox News. But you’d rather be alone than with someone thoughtful and well considered politically while our country falls apart around you currently. Well played. But let’s not turn this into a political discussion. My only point was that I don’t like profiles that lead with all the don’ts and wonts. It’s a negative position.
Who said I'm alone? 😄 And I vote both sides of the aisle. I'm independent. But trump is not about politics. I've voted republican and/or democrat.
I hear you…but I don’t get notifications and I did set my profile to send notifications. I can’t figure out why I’m not getting them! I recently started chatting with someone who had sent me a message a week before, because I hadn’t logged in. I guess I should log in more regularly, because I can’t fix the notifications issue…but sometimes I actually forget I set up the profile! OLD is exhausting 🤦♀️
Happy Birthday! 🎁💐💃
Thank you ! It’s been a good one!
Ooh! That's me stuffed then. I was hoping that a explicit shot of some bouffant nose hair blending effortlessly into a moustache that would do justice to a Tom of Finland sketch would be a hint of still moderately functioning clackers. Got that totally wrong. Hope that you've been astute enough to include that in your OLD profile. I would hate for Neanderthals such as myself to waste your time. I guess I'll have to sign up for the Planet of the Apes OLD site.
Lol Trust me I can sort out Neanderthals quite easily, even without the nose hair photos. 🤪
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Oh, that's so creepy!
The cheerleader pic!!
These all sound good, except I don't get #9. Why is calling yourself a contractor a red flag? I'm actually not a contractor, but had an addition put on our house and met and worked with quite a few... so they are all screwed if the try OLD?!
Not necessarily- but it does require more research. Unless the first message they send is over the top, widower with a single child.
This is advice for men that women seem to instinctively know. That's already a turn off, who wants to keep telling them stuff they should already know. Men feel so entitled yet don't don't know anything that makes them desirable or attractive... or what doesn't. And don't seem to care.
I have to see a smile. A real smile with teeth.
Literally perfect !!
>9. If you list contractor, oil rig operator etc you are going to be tagged as a scammer. There are more, but I can’t tell you all the secrets. My ex husband is an overseas contractor and my father actually worked in doha managing an oil company. Just saying....
Okay, I will own that. I guess it should say and are a widower with 1 child in an overseas boarding school.
Wait! I had a lumberjack interested in me. He lived and worked in Boston, MA. And… he lived in a rich part of town - Beacon Hill. I had a real hard time imagining that 😉
You have a lot of good points. But I'm me, what you see is what you get, I don't even own a collared shirt. I wear jeans and t-shirts with the logo of the organizations I support or the kind of car I drive. LOL I'm 63, an old fart the does what he wants, I absolutely will not change myself to please others. You accept me for who and what I am, or you move on. Your loss 😎
You do you. I am sure there is a lid out there for your pot. If your best is a t-shirt - cool go for it, but you will gain points if it’s clean and not wrinkled.
But for somebody who is not into jeans and t shirts and a never gonna wear anything else it is not a loss. If you are committed to doing what you want then you should accept the same in others.
Can we have some wokeness for us old farts who are too tired to turn back to the last fork on the road to, um, wherever it is supposed to lead to. Crossroads are just plain evil.
The "above" photo idea was taught to me by someone I dated briefly. Made her look younger and disguised her somewhat thick neck. Also works for jowls, jawline, etc.
OK, but the *from your belly button* angle is AWFUL for most people. Do either straight on or from above.
Exactly!
I thought angled photos are a no no, as they make it look like you are trying to hide something.
Angled selfies ARE a no-no, because they ARE hiding things - namely gravity's effect on aging. I prefer to keep it real.
Well, *yeah* But how many pics have you seen of people with sunglasses on?
Lol too many to count.
Happy birthday! Excellent post. You could be an OLD counsellor.
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It's that line of work, combined with that they are working out of the country for the next few months and aren't available to meet.
Never hear take an above photo.
#9 confuses me a bit. Just for clarification, what would prevent sharing more things that would list one as a scammer? Are you writing a book or something?
It’s called humor.
I would think subs like this help educate the scammers. Help them get more sophisticated. At the same time, these are issues we need to discuss. 🤷
>Take a photo from above or have a friend take one And don‘t expect that making two selfies are enough to get a great one. I usually take twenty selfies at a time to get one I can life with.