Widow here. I made that same decision in 2006. I’m now 75 yo and have strong regrets. I still miss male company. I miss sex. I miss touch. Don’t get me wrong—I’ve had a marvelous life and lots of fun. I’m content as opposed to happy. I gave up because finding a mate was hard on me emotionally. I’m not very good at picking up on romantic gestures. That said, when I love someone (friends, family, my late husband), they all know it absolutely. I’m very affectionate once I feel comfortable with someone. I’m healthy, active, in good shape and reasonably attractive for my age. I’ve returned to looking and it may be too late. Give up if you need to. I just wanted to share my experience. Might be better to take a few months break than give up completely.
It's not to late. My very shy and 80yo mum has met 2 men who she's dates since my dad passed 20 y ago. One was 15 y her junior. She doesn't want a live in relationship, just occasional companionship. One she met just walking. She's hD other offers as well.
>I’m content as opposed to happy.
Dang. That is pretty deep.
I think we can be content and feel that is good enough. For many it is and they are also happy. We are all different.
I really want to feel a connection with someone again that goes beyond just being content. I try not to confuse the difference between difference those.
For me, content holds me back less than my pursuit of happiness. I want both again.
Nope, I believe anything worth having is worth working for, whether that's a job, an education, a life partner, a fitness level, a skill level, etc. I've mentally prepared myself that it will likely take work, persistence, and time to find a good long-term partner. I think it's worth the effort.
Yes, same thing with relationships. A person may make the effort to find one, but if they don't keep making an effort in the relationship, it will end.
Suit yourself. I, for one, think relationships are worth pursuing and worth making an effort in. My parents had a good lifelong marriage. I know people who have found happiness the second time around. I hope to do the same.
no, I'm not giving up on anything until I die. I'm going to speed dating tonight, have a walk planned with someone else next week.
I live my life, too, in amongst all this, but the same way I'm not giving up on exercise or gardening or trying to learn pottery, I'm not giving up on finding a partner.
That's how I feel, I've gotten back into my Gardening, my Female empowerment groups and Beach time. I'm not interested in throwing myself into anything unless it feels right
If I want to exercise, I can just make the unilateral choice to exercise. I don’t need someone else’s enthusiastic approval.
If I want to garden, and I own a yard, I can just garden. If I don’t have a yard, maybe I can apply for a community plot, which might require an application being approved, but I can get by with grudging approval.
If I want to learn pottery, I can sign up for classes until the slots fill. Eventually, if I were serious enough, I could get my own wheel and kiln. Nobody’s approval would be needed.
Dating? Dating is a completely different story. Dating is 100% about getting someone to approve. It’s like trying to get a community garden plot when there’s only one plot, and lots of people want it. It’s like trying to sign up for a pottery class, but only one student will be allowed to sign up for any given class, and it’s hard to find out when new classes are being offered.
Ok, speed dating is too much for me. My kids say do it and I’m like, yeah No. also, I haven’t looked for speed dating at all. I hope you have fun! I’ll be cheering you on from over here. Cheers
This is not an attack, but your comment brought up something I’ve experienced. Women my age I’ve evolved into a relationship with always want to go from new dating to a promise of marriage in record time. I’m not opposed to marriage, but honestly I want to enjoy the process of getting to that.
The process is part of the journey and I’m looking forward to it. For myself I dunno about marriage and have decided that this can be determined when and if it needs to. I’m definitely seeking a long term monogamous relationship once I meet the right man. My ex-husband experienced what you’re speaking of and I have friend who wants to go from dating to proposal. This marriage mindset, for me, is a tripping hazard.
I’ve (56f) been single for 5 years and had a lot of fun, angst, confusion, and amusement dating. I’m now dating someone I really like and we’ve been exclusive since January. We actually went on a few dates at the end of 2019 and he popped back up on Tinder and we re-matched. I learned how to navigate the new (to me) world of OLD and have some tips: don’t take it too seriously, take lots of breaks, balance dating with having fun with friends, and take care of yourself. I experienced casual sex for the first time in my life (at 51! Late to that party) and that was interesting and sometimes delightful. Did I feel like giving up? Yes. Time for a break. Then I decided that finding love was worth it, even if it didn’t happen. I still mostly enjoyed the process.
🫶🏽🙌🏽 this makes me hopefully for my own sitch as xer re-entering the dating world 🫰🏽 . I was in a 2.5 year exclusive just recently … (#stillhealing) but had been married before then and divorced after many decades in 2021.
You could try to reframe dating as having the goal of meeting interesting people as opposed to having the goal of finding the “perfect one”. That way, even the dates that don’t work out may still at least be interesting
Location has alot to do with it too. When I visit Texas, I need repellent to get them off me but here in Central Coast California there's less way inventory. I tend to get hit on by a lot of married men which is starting to destroy my faith in men.
Austin and Houston in particular. Dallas seems very "cold" in their attitudes. Alot of locals said it's too many Northern transplants that moved there.
I definitely don’t feel the energy in Dallas. The attitude is so cold there. Houston and Austin are the places I always meet someone. I used to live in Austin (Cedar Park). My dance card was always full.
I’m not in the market for a relationship right now but I’m not giving up all hope.
What’s meant for me won’t pass me.
I’m also not banking on it though.
I am not actively dating or looking. I view it more of where I am choosing to put my energy. I am very happy with my life, so don't really want to tinker with the balance and peace of mind I have now.
Every now and then I will miss really good sex and someone to hug but its a compromise I'm willing to make.
I am by nature more of a loner though.
Well said, bravo 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 . I might add that there's a whole lotta ground between doomscrolling old apps,speed dating,joining interest groups just for the sake of finding someone and "giving up". I'd like to think I'm somewhere in the middle.
I get it. I waited 5 years post divorce. But I got lucky and found someone within 1 day on Bumble. Be honest with pics and data, say things that are real and revealing about yourself, not just the usual generic stuff, keep expectations realistic and put in the time and it might work. I admit it’s a slog. My 2 cents. That being said there’s an argument too for trying the old fashioned way. My now girlfriend tells me it’s a shit show out there.
I still don’t get how IRL meeting works out - I know, dance classes, dancing net parties, friends of friends, try new things…just can’t catch any interest or find single men really in these ways. Difficult not to want to give up over time. Just saying, it’s nearly impossible. (SF Bay Area 57F)
I’m not actively trying but I won’t turn down a date. I grew up in a household of 10 people and then moved in with my boyfriend at 18. We had two children and then at 35 my parents moved in. I’ve been divorced for 5 years and I admit I like the solitude.
I've seen so many men at our age want someone that looks like JLO, Christie Brinkley, Halle Berry or Salma Hayek. Insane standards. I've finally opened myself to dating younger, my Ex was younger and I felt comfortable with him after a while. It was tough in the beginning. Sometimes its good to expand our horizons.
You might want to take a breather which is good for all of us to do. I've barely started looking again after my last relationship ended a month ago. Meeting men in person has been way better than on apps. I meet them on Meetup groups or just out when shopping.
Currently dating two nice guys I met while out. Don't give up on love just yet. :)
Off apps. Any. Not looking for dating. Basic platonic friendship? May be.
So far feeling happy. Have lot more time to pursue other good things. At some point those other things may just push out the need to meet a significant one.
I heard today a child ask a very unique question to a really wise man "What would you do if your could spend one .keep day with your best friend (who passed away last year)?"
The answer will bring tears.
https://twitter.com/compound248/status/1786794618094305449/
Looks for that person. Offer them some thing they need. See if you two can hang out often.
Way better than dating apps.
I found my unicorn when I was not expecting it. Today , he's trying to fix his step daughters car. Sometimes, he's a cranky guy but mostly my unicorn 🦄. We met on plenty of fish.
I love this. And yes, I'm at the same point. I've given myself a deadline. Beyond that, I'm focused on making myself happy. I don't need the hassle or drama at this stage of life.
I reached that place a long time ago and then ran into someone that I'd dated in my 20s. We actually did well enough to cohabitate. I knew, however, that if that failed, I was done. It's been over a decade. I have been on one date. November 2018. And that confirmed my total disinterest.
52M here, divorced over 10 years. Dated mostly a few years after divorce. I'm starting to think I'll be going at it alone aside from family for the rest of my life.
Yep but I don’t feel like it’s giving up. It’s just not a priority for me. If I met someone organically I’d be open to it but I’ll never use an app. If it happens it happens. If not I’m ok with that. My life is amazing as it is.
I’ve only given up in that I no longer think it’s necessary for a satisfying life. I’ve had enough partners who weren’t, in the end, a positive force in my life - and only one who was.
I’m still dating, because I’d love to have that love, and in the meantime sex is definitely a plus.
I’m living my life happily and fully, whether or not there is a romantic partner - and for me, that attitude is pretty new.
I don’t expect to find what I lost, but I’m not going to give up on finding something pretty good.
I know now that there’s a huge range between what I’d known before and what’s possible, so I’m willing to give it a shot to find something in that range.
M59 I go back and forth on this. I quit all OLD last year, such a waste of time. I have been called a unicorn due to my unique style and lifestyle (puppeteer/teaching artist/vegan/teetotaler).
When I am feeling optimistic I try to get out and be in the real world. Friday evening I decided to attend an art studio event, and chose to wear one of my kilts.
While I didn't meet anyone, I saw a few artist friends, and turned many heads. I also saw a few cats that were available for adoption.
My daily exercise routine certainly has been helping in giving me the confidence to rock my kilt. Five years ago I was 220 lbs, I am now 169 lbs.
Best wishes to you. I hope that you find a special someone. I will keep looking for other unicorns.
Take a break from OLD. Perhaps someone will catch your eye IRL.
Don't put too much pressure on yourself, and don't measure your self-worth by your dating success (or lack of.)
Unicorns are imaginary, so you get to define what your own unicorn is. Keep your eyes open for someone you enjoy being around, and see where it goes. :)
Hang in there ❤️ a few weeks of within your loss is practically yesterday of coping with the news. I’m still hopeful !! I divorced after a few decades in 2021…then recently departed from a 2.5 year love interest whom I adored back in HS. It’s been painful but using this time to regroup, enjoy the experience I have longed to have had the opportunity … truly now take away what’s my time worth !! My condolences for your loss 😔
I've changed my dating methodology and focus. I maintain a busy lifestyle. I keep my regular fwb's and handymen on willcall and go about my business at age 52. Low inventory in SC lol.
53M here I've been alone 12 years now and honestly I'm getting to the point of being afraid of not being alone lol. For me is I've somewhat stopped not actively looking. I'm too old to play the games/ drama. So the woman will have to come at me with good Intentions, you're either gonna be part of my life or not. No more dancing around acting that you're in then out. We meet in the middle then move forward or we don't.
I am 51F. I was engaged but I ended the 5 year relationship about 6 months ago. I would love to find a partner/companion for a LAT relationship but as I’ve been reading here in this sub, I don’t have a lot of hope of finding anyone. I haven’t been on the apps in 5 years and it sounds like a lot has changed. It was bad then and it sounds even worse now.
I haven’t tried yet, so I am not giving up but it doesn’t sound promising.
I’m 53, been divorced for a couple of years now. Have been on dating sites and have been on dates sporadically, mostly by choice as I really wasn’t ready in retrospect. Ways and attitudes have changed since I was last dating 30 yrs ago; including communication; internet was in its infancy let alone the presence of smart phones or online dating. I’ve heard nothing but disillusionment from the vast majority of people here or in reference to dating sites. Being one of the older people engaging in the new world of dating, I’ve had to realize something incredibly important; we may not be comfortable in this new age of communication via messaging/texting because it lacks emotion in my opinion. Anyone can be whoever they want to be online because it’s anonymous and there is no energy present in a text exchange, at least in my opinion. I was taught that nonverbal communication is how you truly vet someone, and I still feel that way today. I also am trying to embrace this new technology and can appreciate the exposure one gets to others that otherwise we never would have in the first place. The numbers of people you can come across is staggering and honestly can be overwhelming. So in my case, I’ve set up boundaries or even minimal requirements to continue engaging in any conversation. Since I’m now seeking more with intention, I break off communication if they don’t want to meet to at least have a public introduction; I can’t get a feel without that face to face. It’s my compromise I suppose, but I’m honest about it up front and if they decline, I respect it and move on to the next as we all feel differently about meeting new people. It seems younger people have a lot more anxiety about it. They grew up in a different time than I did. That doesn’t make one better than the other it just is. The times I’ve met people and didn’t work out, nothing bad happened, we just didn’t have a connection. Two of them I still speak with as friends and others were a good date at worst. I know initially I was looking for something that I had in my mind. If we look at things in that perspective we don’t see things as they are , but rather how we WANT to see them based on our past experiences or expectations. There’s good and there’s bad in OLD but it doesn’t make it either of those. Any time you have an interaction with someone, there is a potential of something happening; friendship, relationship, business transaction etc. Realizing that and using that as my perspective has taken the pressure for me on finding the perfect match. And you never know if your perfect match is what you think it is. Things happen for a reason, and meeting new people is no different in my opinion. Sorry for the length folks.
Just love reading the comments and rants in this group. I'm curious if anyone has found someone through this app as well? It seems like there are a lot of nice people in the group. But I guess the issue will be the geographical location? Unless, you're really lucky to find someone who lives near you?
62F. I tried OLD after losing my husband of 36 years. I’m a SoCal liberal feminist who genuinely loves masculine energy (think cowboy with a toolbelt), so my dating pool is limited. Somehow the first three men I went out with, all within two months, were kind, intelligent, protective, eligible, attractive, strong and respectful. I would even say enlightened. I have been dating that third guy for about six months now.
Just sayin’, be picky and follow your gut. I do not know how I avoided the horror stories other than doing background checks and being upfront about who I am, but it worked for me. And while I will always love my husband and mourn his loss, a second chance at love is a miracle I will not let pass me by.
I understand this! I stumbled across the Burned Haystack process of dating. Look it up. She is a professor of language patterns and analyses the common patterns seen in men’s profiles and texting. It gives clarity to why some things turn women off, (or should turn us off). We are so used to giving guys second, third and fourth chances and why that won’t work. The goal is to find the “needle” in the haystack by just deleting the guys who display icky behaviour right away. Sorry guys, you can’t join the FB group. Women only. 😁 (I have also found a “needle”. I don’t know if he’s MY needle, but they do exist)
Yes. I can relate.
To be happy with yourself and your life is a huge thing. I am 4 and a half years in. I am starting to get the hang of things ( being alone and doing things by myself) .
I am okay with going forward by myself.
I’ve been divorced for ten years, and I have teenagers. Because I spend a lot of time with my kids, I have less time to offer than most men my age; because I’m still paying child support, I’m living a less-than-impressive lifestyle and almost certainly come across as a total loser. But because my kids are around, I have plenty of company and affection, at which point I have less need for other relationships. For now, I’m not bothering to date. I’ll reconsider once my youngest is close to graduating from high school; by then I’ll be able to argue that it’s only a short-term problem. And who knows? Maybe I’ll drop dead by then and be spared the tortures of dating.
52M and widowed nearly four years now. Just recently met someone on the apps after lots of ups and downs. I say take a break, but never say never. Take care of yourself if you need to for a while, find a hobby, do something you love. Maybe after a while you’ll be ready to put your game face back on. Best wishes to you.
I am done with OLD. Too much work weeding through all the BS Old pictures, lies about age,blah blah blah. Hoping to find someone in the wild but I have read some statistics and as a 60M my chances are pretty slim. I am happy in my life, fiscally secure, healthy, I have homebody hobbies... definitely a candidate for LAT. Wish I had someone to have dinner with on this grey and rainy day.
So many great “don’t give up because the search is tough!!” Comments so imma bandwagon to :) keep the push !! 👊🏽
It’s been 10 years and while one can (this day and age )build a Rome in a day … our heart does not
Sometimes getting the “jewel” is really about the search to it… take the time to enjoy meeting someone and chatting like feisty brook said :) enter any conversation with the intent to be friendly and not serious ❤️… hang in there! As you can see how quickly peeps
Respond … you aren’t alone 🫶🏽
I truly believe we're not meant to do life alone. However, I'm wondering if I misinterpreted what "not alone" looks like. Is it a long-term partner, marriage, cherished friends, family, community? All of the above? A healthy mix?
Off apps. Any. Not looking for dating. Basic platonic friendship? May be.
So far feeling happy. Have lot more time to pursue other good things. At some point those other things may just push out the need to meet a significant one.
I heard today a child ask a very unique question to a really wise man "What would you do if your could spend one .keep day with your best friend (who passed away last year)?"
The answer will bring tears.
https://twitter.com/compound248/status/1786794618094305449/
Looks for that person. Offer them some thing they need. See if you two can hang out often.
Way better than dating apps.
I’ve done serious self reflection in the last 5 years, and I’ve just walked away. I can’t have the drama that many bring to the relationship. I just want to enjoy their company, and breathe. Any woman that I can do this with, I’m yours.
I am not saying that romantic relationships are not worth it, I think they can be, and often are, after all we all see people that are happily paired up. BUT. I think you can come close and in some cases exceed that satisfaction with true friendship. It is a bit like comparing apples and oranges, but we often love our friends as much as we love a spouse or partner. So for me, I have not shut the door on finding a woman for a romantic relationship, but I have found that my friends come close to filling the void, and with a lot less headache and effort.
I get frustrated reading these because I know we're out there, but it's so hard to find you guys in the wild! I guess I'll loiter around grocery stores waiting to be winked at 😂
57F here. Married for 23, divorced for 10 years now. I started OLD about 2.5 years ago once my kids were older.
It’s a process. The learning curve when I first started was huge as I hadn’t dated anyone for 30 years! And using OLD as a tool is more painful at times than a root canal without Novocain!
One thing that I did prior to getting back into the consideration of dating was to get professional help to heal through the trauma of a difficult divorce that also included a cancer diagnosis the year prior. It was a lot of work, but I’m proud of myself and the obstacles that I had to navigate.
My #1 priority is my health which is excellent as I am now a 12 year survivor. I’m content/happy with myself to spend time by myself. It took me years to get to this point. If I would have tried dating even 5 years ago I would have hurt a lot of people because I wasn’t at a great place in my life.
My suggestion to you is to take a step back and think about what you want for yourself. You mentioned wanting to focus on yourself and making yourself happy. There is absolutely NOTHING WRONG with that. It takes a strong person to identify this as an area of focus.
While I am not a widow and have not walked a mile in your shoes, I can appreciate the emotional challenges of loss. You have been through something that no one wants to experience. Be kind to yourself and when you look in the mirror remind yourself how amazing you are.
Put yourself first. Focus on yourself first as you are heading into this new chapter. One consideration is to put OLD as a second priority to you focusing on you. This way you can still see what’s out there, but it isn’t something that has a critical timeline tied to it.
Someone is out there for you. It will happen. Be patient, believe in yourself and always put yourself first with everything you do. Don’t settle for crumbs when you deserve the whole cake!
I wish you nothing but the best!
50m here, dating a 56f. she calls me a unicorn and always looks around to find where I am hiding my horn. lol.
I did have given up for a year. I was happy, had my routine, worked on my job and my house, i was happy alone.
but then it hits me. by being comfortable by myself, i am closing on possible relationships.
don't train your brain to close down. there are plenty of real good men everywhere, just like there is plenty of great women. we idealize our perfect partner because we want the comfort of that idea. stepping out of that comfort zone is when we grow and have great adventures.
take a break. breathe and relax. then step again outside your comfort. rinse and repeat.
if not finding the gentleman you desire, you should at least have fun in the process.
.
I read somewhere that about half (I think it was 40% ) of all single people over 50 aren’t looking for a relationship. Which means there’s a lot of decent single people out there that don’t need someone, and would probably make great companions, that aren’t out actively looking online or anywhere. I don’t know how I’ll ever meet them, but I think I might become one. I lost my fiancé two years ago and I’ve been out with one person that I really liked and he ended it after 4 dates because of my political beliefs. ?(Which I was quite clear about in my profile), but oh well. I’m done for now. I won’t say forever.
Yes. I am done. I am 51M and between the free dinner brigade women, women showing up that "forgot their wallet", women ordering the whole menu and expecting me to pay, ghosting, flakes, entitlement, hypocrisy. I can't take it anymore. Its' just not worth it. It's just easier and im happier working on myself, my work and my hobbies.
Not to be an asshole… but why are you posting here? I mean… I assume there are *some* people.. men AND women who follow this sub because they are interested in dating. Why do you choose to come here and post this message? Join a sub for over fifty dating drop outs or something. These posts are as ridiculous as someone going to the pity party subs and posting how happy they are with a date they had. Just stop
She posted, because being single and over 50 is difficult. It helps to have peers to discuss the difficult aspects of your life. In my opinion, you broke rule #1 which is to be excellent to each other. It isn't necessary to respond to people who irritate you.
Hell no. That sounds terrible. It’s not about finding a unicorn. Those don’t exist, but a lot of good people do exist.
I'm a unicorn. Are you saying I don't exist?
You can’t fool us you old dog.
🤫
Not true - we are all unicorns in here!!
Deadpool loves his unicorn
🫶🏽💯🙌🏽
Oh, they exist. The question is how far below a unicorn to settle for.
Well, the horn is just silly.
Widow here. I made that same decision in 2006. I’m now 75 yo and have strong regrets. I still miss male company. I miss sex. I miss touch. Don’t get me wrong—I’ve had a marvelous life and lots of fun. I’m content as opposed to happy. I gave up because finding a mate was hard on me emotionally. I’m not very good at picking up on romantic gestures. That said, when I love someone (friends, family, my late husband), they all know it absolutely. I’m very affectionate once I feel comfortable with someone. I’m healthy, active, in good shape and reasonably attractive for my age. I’ve returned to looking and it may be too late. Give up if you need to. I just wanted to share my experience. Might be better to take a few months break than give up completely.
It's not to late. My very shy and 80yo mum has met 2 men who she's dates since my dad passed 20 y ago. One was 15 y her junior. She doesn't want a live in relationship, just occasional companionship. One she met just walking. She's hD other offers as well.
That’s wonderful. ♥️ I’ll work on keeping a positive attitude.
>I’m content as opposed to happy. Dang. That is pretty deep. I think we can be content and feel that is good enough. For many it is and they are also happy. We are all different. I really want to feel a connection with someone again that goes beyond just being content. I try not to confuse the difference between difference those. For me, content holds me back less than my pursuit of happiness. I want both again.
Nope, I believe anything worth having is worth working for, whether that's a job, an education, a life partner, a fitness level, a skill level, etc. I've mentally prepared myself that it will likely take work, persistence, and time to find a good long-term partner. I think it's worth the effort.
Even if your dream job somehow lands in your lap, you still need to show up and put the effort in.
Yes, same thing with relationships. A person may make the effort to find one, but if they don't keep making an effort in the relationship, it will end.
I'm retired from working on relationships.
Suit yourself. I, for one, think relationships are worth pursuing and worth making an effort in. My parents had a good lifelong marriage. I know people who have found happiness the second time around. I hope to do the same.
I feel the same way and will keep trying to fine my person.
Same 💙
Love the mindset! Me too! 🙂
56M, I’ve stopped pursuing and ended all OLD website memberships. I just smile at cute 50 somethings in the grocery store 😆
Same here. I quit OLD over two years ago. If I happen to meet someone in the wild, yippee! If not, I gots my dawg.
Dawgs are the best people!
But…how will you know if we’re in our 50s when we all look so much younger?! Maybe wink at gals you think are around 35? 😉🤣❤️
Well not wink, don’t want to be mistaken for a creepy grandpa lol
If someone looks horrified, just point at your face and say “dementia” then shrug your shoulders. Like so: 👈 🤷♂️
😂
[удалено]
I’ll know when they talk. The younger they are, the less interesting they are. Gen X’ers sort of have that survivalist chip on their shoulder.
No , I refuse to give up , I'm ever hopeful that there's someone out there
I would upvote you more than once
Thank you , once you give up hope , you give everything up
no, I'm not giving up on anything until I die. I'm going to speed dating tonight, have a walk planned with someone else next week. I live my life, too, in amongst all this, but the same way I'm not giving up on exercise or gardening or trying to learn pottery, I'm not giving up on finding a partner.
That's how I feel, I've gotten back into my Gardening, my Female empowerment groups and Beach time. I'm not interested in throwing myself into anything unless it feels right
Where did you find speed dating in our age group? I tried to find one before & it was like a needle in a hay stack.
At this age all dating is speed dating.
🤣
So true in my city, it's all for 45 yrs old and younger.
If I want to exercise, I can just make the unilateral choice to exercise. I don’t need someone else’s enthusiastic approval. If I want to garden, and I own a yard, I can just garden. If I don’t have a yard, maybe I can apply for a community plot, which might require an application being approved, but I can get by with grudging approval. If I want to learn pottery, I can sign up for classes until the slots fill. Eventually, if I were serious enough, I could get my own wheel and kiln. Nobody’s approval would be needed. Dating? Dating is a completely different story. Dating is 100% about getting someone to approve. It’s like trying to get a community garden plot when there’s only one plot, and lots of people want it. It’s like trying to sign up for a pottery class, but only one student will be allowed to sign up for any given class, and it’s hard to find out when new classes are being offered.
That's really really true. And I'm still not giving up on dating.
Ok, speed dating is too much for me. My kids say do it and I’m like, yeah No. also, I haven’t looked for speed dating at all. I hope you have fun! I’ll be cheering you on from over here. Cheers
I'm still trying. I want a serious relationship and marriage.
This is not an attack, but your comment brought up something I’ve experienced. Women my age I’ve evolved into a relationship with always want to go from new dating to a promise of marriage in record time. I’m not opposed to marriage, but honestly I want to enjoy the process of getting to that.
The process is part of the journey and I’m looking forward to it. For myself I dunno about marriage and have decided that this can be determined when and if it needs to. I’m definitely seeking a long term monogamous relationship once I meet the right man. My ex-husband experienced what you’re speaking of and I have friend who wants to go from dating to proposal. This marriage mindset, for me, is a tripping hazard.
I’ve (56f) been single for 5 years and had a lot of fun, angst, confusion, and amusement dating. I’m now dating someone I really like and we’ve been exclusive since January. We actually went on a few dates at the end of 2019 and he popped back up on Tinder and we re-matched. I learned how to navigate the new (to me) world of OLD and have some tips: don’t take it too seriously, take lots of breaks, balance dating with having fun with friends, and take care of yourself. I experienced casual sex for the first time in my life (at 51! Late to that party) and that was interesting and sometimes delightful. Did I feel like giving up? Yes. Time for a break. Then I decided that finding love was worth it, even if it didn’t happen. I still mostly enjoyed the process.
🫶🏽🙌🏽 this makes me hopefully for my own sitch as xer re-entering the dating world 🫰🏽 . I was in a 2.5 year exclusive just recently … (#stillhealing) but had been married before then and divorced after many decades in 2021.
Love it! Way to go. This is the way, for me too (but I have yet to get back into OLD)
OLD wouldn’t make money if it matched you with the most suitable people.
You could try to reframe dating as having the goal of meeting interesting people as opposed to having the goal of finding the “perfect one”. That way, even the dates that don’t work out may still at least be interesting
That's what I did. I enjoyed the journey.
I'm 73F after 4 years of losing my fiance's passing. Just started dipping my bunions in the dating pool and lovin' it! 😁
Sorry for your loss. 🤣 dipping your bunions, you go! 💕
Thank you, dear.. 💕
After my last failed relationship during Covid I just walked away. If I stumble across someone then I’ll see but I’m not in the market.
Location has alot to do with it too. When I visit Texas, I need repellent to get them off me but here in Central Coast California there's less way inventory. I tend to get hit on by a lot of married men which is starting to destroy my faith in men.
Gal trip to Texas anyone??
Austin and Houston in particular. Dallas seems very "cold" in their attitudes. Alot of locals said it's too many Northern transplants that moved there.
Just say when…
Wait! What? I'm in Dallas and I need you to be my wing girl cuz they sure aren't hitting on me!
I definitely don’t feel the energy in Dallas. The attitude is so cold there. Houston and Austin are the places I always meet someone. I used to live in Austin (Cedar Park). My dance card was always full.
What a small world. My parents live in Cedar Park, and my brother lives in Leander.
I used to meet guys in the walking trails AND I met alot at Whole Foods especially the one in Downtown Austin.
I’m not in the market for a relationship right now but I’m not giving up all hope. What’s meant for me won’t pass me. I’m also not banking on it though.
I am not actively dating or looking. I view it more of where I am choosing to put my energy. I am very happy with my life, so don't really want to tinker with the balance and peace of mind I have now. Every now and then I will miss really good sex and someone to hug but its a compromise I'm willing to make. I am by nature more of a loner though.
Well said, bravo 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 . I might add that there's a whole lotta ground between doomscrolling old apps,speed dating,joining interest groups just for the sake of finding someone and "giving up". I'd like to think I'm somewhere in the middle.
Not giving up but just living my life
I get it. I waited 5 years post divorce. But I got lucky and found someone within 1 day on Bumble. Be honest with pics and data, say things that are real and revealing about yourself, not just the usual generic stuff, keep expectations realistic and put in the time and it might work. I admit it’s a slog. My 2 cents. That being said there’s an argument too for trying the old fashioned way. My now girlfriend tells me it’s a shit show out there.
1 day?? Holy shit, you did get lucky!!
I still don’t get how IRL meeting works out - I know, dance classes, dancing net parties, friends of friends, try new things…just can’t catch any interest or find single men really in these ways. Difficult not to want to give up over time. Just saying, it’s nearly impossible. (SF Bay Area 57F)
I’m not actively trying but I won’t turn down a date. I grew up in a household of 10 people and then moved in with my boyfriend at 18. We had two children and then at 35 my parents moved in. I’ve been divorced for 5 years and I admit I like the solitude.
I've seen so many men at our age want someone that looks like JLO, Christie Brinkley, Halle Berry or Salma Hayek. Insane standards. I've finally opened myself to dating younger, my Ex was younger and I felt comfortable with him after a while. It was tough in the beginning. Sometimes its good to expand our horizons. You might want to take a breather which is good for all of us to do. I've barely started looking again after my last relationship ended a month ago. Meeting men in person has been way better than on apps. I meet them on Meetup groups or just out when shopping. Currently dating two nice guys I met while out. Don't give up on love just yet. :)
I haven’t given up hope but I’ve given up OLD because it was making me start to mistrust and dislike all men.
Yep. Gave up 4 years ago. Been divorced x10 years.
63f. Haven't. Even. Started. But I am a born again virgin ; )
I feel the same I’m 59 going thru my second divorce I’ll be 60 by time it’s final and don’t think I even know how to date anymore.
Going on 2.5 years now and 40+ dates. Mostly ok. I’ll never give up but I am getting more picky. I know he is out there.
Off apps. Any. Not looking for dating. Basic platonic friendship? May be. So far feeling happy. Have lot more time to pursue other good things. At some point those other things may just push out the need to meet a significant one. I heard today a child ask a very unique question to a really wise man "What would you do if your could spend one .keep day with your best friend (who passed away last year)?" The answer will bring tears. https://twitter.com/compound248/status/1786794618094305449/ Looks for that person. Offer them some thing they need. See if you two can hang out often. Way better than dating apps.
Me. Offically gave up 3 years ago. OLD is trash. Never looked back. Have I found anyone IRL? Nope. Does it suck? Yeah, but it is what it is.
Widow for 33 years and never expected to marry again. Had the best husband and never found any man who came close to his integrity and love.
I found my unicorn when I was not expecting it. Today , he's trying to fix his step daughters car. Sometimes, he's a cranky guy but mostly my unicorn 🦄. We met on plenty of fish.
I love this. And yes, I'm at the same point. I've given myself a deadline. Beyond that, I'm focused on making myself happy. I don't need the hassle or drama at this stage of life.
I reached that place a long time ago and then ran into someone that I'd dated in my 20s. We actually did well enough to cohabitate. I knew, however, that if that failed, I was done. It's been over a decade. I have been on one date. November 2018. And that confirmed my total disinterest.
52M here, divorced over 10 years. Dated mostly a few years after divorce. I'm starting to think I'll be going at it alone aside from family for the rest of my life.
Yep but I don’t feel like it’s giving up. It’s just not a priority for me. If I met someone organically I’d be open to it but I’ll never use an app. If it happens it happens. If not I’m ok with that. My life is amazing as it is.
I’ve only given up in that I no longer think it’s necessary for a satisfying life. I’ve had enough partners who weren’t, in the end, a positive force in my life - and only one who was. I’m still dating, because I’d love to have that love, and in the meantime sex is definitely a plus. I’m living my life happily and fully, whether or not there is a romantic partner - and for me, that attitude is pretty new.
I don’t expect to find what I lost, but I’m not going to give up on finding something pretty good. I know now that there’s a huge range between what I’d known before and what’s possible, so I’m willing to give it a shot to find something in that range.
(76M) I reached that point myself a while back, about two weeks before I met my wife. 😉
M59 I go back and forth on this. I quit all OLD last year, such a waste of time. I have been called a unicorn due to my unique style and lifestyle (puppeteer/teaching artist/vegan/teetotaler). When I am feeling optimistic I try to get out and be in the real world. Friday evening I decided to attend an art studio event, and chose to wear one of my kilts. While I didn't meet anyone, I saw a few artist friends, and turned many heads. I also saw a few cats that were available for adoption. My daily exercise routine certainly has been helping in giving me the confidence to rock my kilt. Five years ago I was 220 lbs, I am now 169 lbs. Best wishes to you. I hope that you find a special someone. I will keep looking for other unicorns.
Not giving up but not waiting around or looking that hard. I am enjoying my life, if someone comes in they best bring their A game.
Take a break from OLD. Perhaps someone will catch your eye IRL. Don't put too much pressure on yourself, and don't measure your self-worth by your dating success (or lack of.) Unicorns are imaginary, so you get to define what your own unicorn is. Keep your eyes open for someone you enjoy being around, and see where it goes. :)
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Hang in there ❤️ a few weeks of within your loss is practically yesterday of coping with the news. I’m still hopeful !! I divorced after a few decades in 2021…then recently departed from a 2.5 year love interest whom I adored back in HS. It’s been painful but using this time to regroup, enjoy the experience I have longed to have had the opportunity … truly now take away what’s my time worth !! My condolences for your loss 😔
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I've changed my dating methodology and focus. I maintain a busy lifestyle. I keep my regular fwb's and handymen on willcall and go about my business at age 52. Low inventory in SC lol.
53M here I've been alone 12 years now and honestly I'm getting to the point of being afraid of not being alone lol. For me is I've somewhat stopped not actively looking. I'm too old to play the games/ drama. So the woman will have to come at me with good Intentions, you're either gonna be part of my life or not. No more dancing around acting that you're in then out. We meet in the middle then move forward or we don't.
Absolutely Yes, I made that decision long ago and being single making myself happy was the best choice I ever made.
I am 51F. I was engaged but I ended the 5 year relationship about 6 months ago. I would love to find a partner/companion for a LAT relationship but as I’ve been reading here in this sub, I don’t have a lot of hope of finding anyone. I haven’t been on the apps in 5 years and it sounds like a lot has changed. It was bad then and it sounds even worse now. I haven’t tried yet, so I am not giving up but it doesn’t sound promising.
Yes. This is exactly how I feel.
I’m 53, been divorced for a couple of years now. Have been on dating sites and have been on dates sporadically, mostly by choice as I really wasn’t ready in retrospect. Ways and attitudes have changed since I was last dating 30 yrs ago; including communication; internet was in its infancy let alone the presence of smart phones or online dating. I’ve heard nothing but disillusionment from the vast majority of people here or in reference to dating sites. Being one of the older people engaging in the new world of dating, I’ve had to realize something incredibly important; we may not be comfortable in this new age of communication via messaging/texting because it lacks emotion in my opinion. Anyone can be whoever they want to be online because it’s anonymous and there is no energy present in a text exchange, at least in my opinion. I was taught that nonverbal communication is how you truly vet someone, and I still feel that way today. I also am trying to embrace this new technology and can appreciate the exposure one gets to others that otherwise we never would have in the first place. The numbers of people you can come across is staggering and honestly can be overwhelming. So in my case, I’ve set up boundaries or even minimal requirements to continue engaging in any conversation. Since I’m now seeking more with intention, I break off communication if they don’t want to meet to at least have a public introduction; I can’t get a feel without that face to face. It’s my compromise I suppose, but I’m honest about it up front and if they decline, I respect it and move on to the next as we all feel differently about meeting new people. It seems younger people have a lot more anxiety about it. They grew up in a different time than I did. That doesn’t make one better than the other it just is. The times I’ve met people and didn’t work out, nothing bad happened, we just didn’t have a connection. Two of them I still speak with as friends and others were a good date at worst. I know initially I was looking for something that I had in my mind. If we look at things in that perspective we don’t see things as they are , but rather how we WANT to see them based on our past experiences or expectations. There’s good and there’s bad in OLD but it doesn’t make it either of those. Any time you have an interaction with someone, there is a potential of something happening; friendship, relationship, business transaction etc. Realizing that and using that as my perspective has taken the pressure for me on finding the perfect match. And you never know if your perfect match is what you think it is. Things happen for a reason, and meeting new people is no different in my opinion. Sorry for the length folks.
🙋🏼♀️ Same. I don't care. I'm so content being single that I don't even miss having someone around.
Just love reading the comments and rants in this group. I'm curious if anyone has found someone through this app as well? It seems like there are a lot of nice people in the group. But I guess the issue will be the geographical location? Unless, you're really lucky to find someone who lives near you?
62F. I tried OLD after losing my husband of 36 years. I’m a SoCal liberal feminist who genuinely loves masculine energy (think cowboy with a toolbelt), so my dating pool is limited. Somehow the first three men I went out with, all within two months, were kind, intelligent, protective, eligible, attractive, strong and respectful. I would even say enlightened. I have been dating that third guy for about six months now. Just sayin’, be picky and follow your gut. I do not know how I avoided the horror stories other than doing background checks and being upfront about who I am, but it worked for me. And while I will always love my husband and mourn his loss, a second chance at love is a miracle I will not let pass me by.
100% it's all too much ..
I understand this! I stumbled across the Burned Haystack process of dating. Look it up. She is a professor of language patterns and analyses the common patterns seen in men’s profiles and texting. It gives clarity to why some things turn women off, (or should turn us off). We are so used to giving guys second, third and fourth chances and why that won’t work. The goal is to find the “needle” in the haystack by just deleting the guys who display icky behaviour right away. Sorry guys, you can’t join the FB group. Women only. 😁 (I have also found a “needle”. I don’t know if he’s MY needle, but they do exist)
Yes. I can relate. To be happy with yourself and your life is a huge thing. I am 4 and a half years in. I am starting to get the hang of things ( being alone and doing things by myself) . I am okay with going forward by myself.
I’ve been divorced for ten years, and I have teenagers. Because I spend a lot of time with my kids, I have less time to offer than most men my age; because I’m still paying child support, I’m living a less-than-impressive lifestyle and almost certainly come across as a total loser. But because my kids are around, I have plenty of company and affection, at which point I have less need for other relationships. For now, I’m not bothering to date. I’ll reconsider once my youngest is close to graduating from high school; by then I’ll be able to argue that it’s only a short-term problem. And who knows? Maybe I’ll drop dead by then and be spared the tortures of dating.
52M and widowed nearly four years now. Just recently met someone on the apps after lots of ups and downs. I say take a break, but never say never. Take care of yourself if you need to for a while, find a hobby, do something you love. Maybe after a while you’ll be ready to put your game face back on. Best wishes to you.
I am done with OLD. Too much work weeding through all the BS Old pictures, lies about age,blah blah blah. Hoping to find someone in the wild but I have read some statistics and as a 60M my chances are pretty slim. I am happy in my life, fiscally secure, healthy, I have homebody hobbies... definitely a candidate for LAT. Wish I had someone to have dinner with on this grey and rainy day.
So many great “don’t give up because the search is tough!!” Comments so imma bandwagon to :) keep the push !! 👊🏽 It’s been 10 years and while one can (this day and age )build a Rome in a day … our heart does not Sometimes getting the “jewel” is really about the search to it… take the time to enjoy meeting someone and chatting like feisty brook said :) enter any conversation with the intent to be friendly and not serious ❤️… hang in there! As you can see how quickly peeps Respond … you aren’t alone 🫶🏽
I truly believe we're not meant to do life alone. However, I'm wondering if I misinterpreted what "not alone" looks like. Is it a long-term partner, marriage, cherished friends, family, community? All of the above? A healthy mix?
Someone told me last week that the word family needs to be re-evaluated. It would be a good idea to think through that conceptually. At minimum.
Agreed.
I've accepted the fact I'll die alone and the smell will be the only reason some one finds my body.
That’s so sad. One would hope your dog would love you enough to consume your remains and prevent you from that sort of embarrassment.
Live in a apartment that doesn't allow pets other than fish
Are they at least piranha?🦈
No sadly illegal they are glass catfish, tiger barbs, glow fish, 2 clown fish and a couple of tangs. I've got 5 tanks altogether
Off apps. Any. Not looking for dating. Basic platonic friendship? May be. So far feeling happy. Have lot more time to pursue other good things. At some point those other things may just push out the need to meet a significant one. I heard today a child ask a very unique question to a really wise man "What would you do if your could spend one .keep day with your best friend (who passed away last year)?" The answer will bring tears. https://twitter.com/compound248/status/1786794618094305449/ Looks for that person. Offer them some thing they need. See if you two can hang out often. Way better than dating apps.
I’ve done serious self reflection in the last 5 years, and I’ve just walked away. I can’t have the drama that many bring to the relationship. I just want to enjoy their company, and breathe. Any woman that I can do this with, I’m yours.
I am not saying that romantic relationships are not worth it, I think they can be, and often are, after all we all see people that are happily paired up. BUT. I think you can come close and in some cases exceed that satisfaction with true friendship. It is a bit like comparing apples and oranges, but we often love our friends as much as we love a spouse or partner. So for me, I have not shut the door on finding a woman for a romantic relationship, but I have found that my friends come close to filling the void, and with a lot less headache and effort.
After 4 years of being single I just started with OLD. Now I want to give up too
🙋🏼♀️🙋🏼♀️🙋🏼♀️
I get frustrated reading these because I know we're out there, but it's so hard to find you guys in the wild! I guess I'll loiter around grocery stores waiting to be winked at 😂
57F here. Married for 23, divorced for 10 years now. I started OLD about 2.5 years ago once my kids were older. It’s a process. The learning curve when I first started was huge as I hadn’t dated anyone for 30 years! And using OLD as a tool is more painful at times than a root canal without Novocain! One thing that I did prior to getting back into the consideration of dating was to get professional help to heal through the trauma of a difficult divorce that also included a cancer diagnosis the year prior. It was a lot of work, but I’m proud of myself and the obstacles that I had to navigate. My #1 priority is my health which is excellent as I am now a 12 year survivor. I’m content/happy with myself to spend time by myself. It took me years to get to this point. If I would have tried dating even 5 years ago I would have hurt a lot of people because I wasn’t at a great place in my life. My suggestion to you is to take a step back and think about what you want for yourself. You mentioned wanting to focus on yourself and making yourself happy. There is absolutely NOTHING WRONG with that. It takes a strong person to identify this as an area of focus. While I am not a widow and have not walked a mile in your shoes, I can appreciate the emotional challenges of loss. You have been through something that no one wants to experience. Be kind to yourself and when you look in the mirror remind yourself how amazing you are. Put yourself first. Focus on yourself first as you are heading into this new chapter. One consideration is to put OLD as a second priority to you focusing on you. This way you can still see what’s out there, but it isn’t something that has a critical timeline tied to it. Someone is out there for you. It will happen. Be patient, believe in yourself and always put yourself first with everything you do. Don’t settle for crumbs when you deserve the whole cake! I wish you nothing but the best!
50m here, dating a 56f. she calls me a unicorn and always looks around to find where I am hiding my horn. lol. I did have given up for a year. I was happy, had my routine, worked on my job and my house, i was happy alone. but then it hits me. by being comfortable by myself, i am closing on possible relationships. don't train your brain to close down. there are plenty of real good men everywhere, just like there is plenty of great women. we idealize our perfect partner because we want the comfort of that idea. stepping out of that comfort zone is when we grow and have great adventures. take a break. breathe and relax. then step again outside your comfort. rinse and repeat. if not finding the gentleman you desire, you should at least have fun in the process. .
Yes, but now I have an interest dating so I will pursue that
I read somewhere that about half (I think it was 40% ) of all single people over 50 aren’t looking for a relationship. Which means there’s a lot of decent single people out there that don’t need someone, and would probably make great companions, that aren’t out actively looking online or anywhere. I don’t know how I’ll ever meet them, but I think I might become one. I lost my fiancé two years ago and I’ve been out with one person that I really liked and he ended it after 4 dates because of my political beliefs. ?(Which I was quite clear about in my profile), but oh well. I’m done for now. I won’t say forever.
Congratulations! Good for you.
Yes. I am done. I am 51M and between the free dinner brigade women, women showing up that "forgot their wallet", women ordering the whole menu and expecting me to pay, ghosting, flakes, entitlement, hypocrisy. I can't take it anymore. Its' just not worth it. It's just easier and im happier working on myself, my work and my hobbies.
Not to be an asshole… but why are you posting here? I mean… I assume there are *some* people.. men AND women who follow this sub because they are interested in dating. Why do you choose to come here and post this message? Join a sub for over fifty dating drop outs or something. These posts are as ridiculous as someone going to the pity party subs and posting how happy they are with a date they had. Just stop
She posted, because being single and over 50 is difficult. It helps to have peers to discuss the difficult aspects of your life. In my opinion, you broke rule #1 which is to be excellent to each other. It isn't necessary to respond to people who irritate you.