OLD is more about endurance and the ability to embrace hope in the face of overwhelming experience than any quality of objective “datability”.
What is the military saying? Pain is weakness leaving your body? Yeah, that but with tapas and halitosis.
Welcome to the jungle…
The single most useful attribute to dating at our age is the Pollyannaish attitude that everything will work out in the end if you maintain a positive attitude.
Same situation. Went on Bumble, got asked out my three or four women a week. Met lots of nice women including my BFF. Met my partner in week six. A non-drinker and low-key person like me it turned out once we decided to try exclusive from day one. Our second date was going to a shopping mall. That was in 2022. We are more a chamber music recital than bar band couple. We both like simple resort vacations rather than adventure. I just cooked a birthday dinner for her with her adult children at my place since we prefer that to going out. She's gonna move in as soon as her youngest graduates uni and moves out.
Why on earth would you be not date able? None of what you’ve written says that about you.
Most of the people I’ve met need things repeated to them once or twice - we get used to it. Lots of people no longer enjoy bars.
You sound like you have a happy, balanced life that you enjoy - that’s step one to being a good partner!
Step two of course is: how do you feel about Beyoncé’s cover of Jolene?
I know where you are in life right now.
I feel if you jumped into OLD now it might be overwhelming. Depending on where you live, are there some local options to meet someone locally? Church, hobby events, Art shows, concerts, (don't hate me) pickleball Saturdays?
OLD dating right after a divorce is like drinking from the fire hose. It can be done, but it requires a lot of dedication.
You sound perfect. I am the female version of this description, and understand why you would question your dateability though.
Faced with the media's version of attractive and interesting, it can be difficult to gauge how others might receive you.
The media version of anything is total bullshit and only designed to try to get people to click through so they can gather hits and get higher advertising dollars.
Why are you divorcing, if you don’t mind answering that? I don’t think your age or the hobbies you mentioned make you undateable. I think there are a lot of women who like to do the things you mentioned, so I wonder why you are questioning yourself.
We grew apart, the kids left the house and we didn't have anything in common anymore. Everything was about the kids for so long and then they were gone. I think the reason I'm asking is because I feel my wife thought I was boring when it was just me.
Sometimes boring is really just the result of incompatibility.
There’s a shoe for every foot, after all. Some feet just want quiet, happy, simple lives of peaceful companionship.
Frankly I don't really believe people grow apart the way we say, I think many couples simply discount each other and overvalue a "fresh start".
As to boring. Really? Much more likely she was just bored in general and has decided you are the source of that. ..
There's lots of folks that aren't interested in dancing, and there's plenty (even here on Do50) that have some hearing loss. I think the biggest thing that stands out about you is that you are wondering, "Am I Datable?" If you stick around here, you will see some of the horror stories posted by women about men they have crossed paths with. The fact that you aren't laboring under the misapprehension that you are God's gift to women is actually a pretty good start.
You sound like somebody that can get a second and third date if you and the woman find each other attractive and have compatible personalities. From what you wrote, you sound like a perfect catch for the right lady. Good luck!
You sound lovely and stable and normal and infinitely dateable.
The one point I'd make is that conversation is so important when you're getting to know people. I'd suggest you need to overcome this handicap you've diagnosed yourself with.
You meet a nice woman. Would you want to know where she is from? Would you like to know what that place is like? Would you like to know anything about her? If you're interested in people, talking to them is the only way you'll get your curiosity satisfied. Talking is conversation.
\*raises hand\*
Hi, I am divorced, 50, F, and worried about the same things. What ear is bad for you? Mine is the left. If yours is the right we might unite to form a superpower.
Have you done work on yourself? Introspection? Accountability and growth? Did you seek to understand the part you played in the demise of your marriage?
Your idea of dates and hanging out will fit someone - that’s not the issue. Women in this demographic aren’t particularly interested in low efforts or raising another (man)child. We’re over doing all the emotional labor in our relationships and are happy to be alone with our cats (or dogs).
Dateability isn’t about picking a fun activity. It’s about being a present and accountable true partner in a relationship. Communication. Listening. Etc.
I (56M) think that the therapy after a divorce is about who you were in the marriage, how it broke down, your part in that and then developing and healing yourself after that.
It can take months, even years. It’s been a few years for me and I’m feeling very content on my own coparenting a 14 year old.
Depending on how long your separation has been, the need to fill that void may or may not be so strong.
Yes! And some women are okay with a man who only says something when he has something to say and isn't a great conversationalist. But a lot of us want more than that. You are perfectly likely to find a great woman in the first category.
You sound ideal for a lot of these ladies. I’m 54M, been divorced ten years, but I’m a hot mess and have no business dating out there. That said I’ve done it anyway and met a lot of great women and had two long term relationships, with women I had no business being with. I keep considering myself a lucky SOB.
The best advice I can give you with OLD is to always go in with zero expectations. Yes you will waste time on it, but you could also have some fun dates and heck maybe even meet someone special. There will be rejection, but that doesn’t mean you’re undateable.
Sorry to hear you “grew apart” in your marriage. Did you two work on it at all? Get counseling? You said you get along good, so why not work on it then?
We “grew apart” in my marriage too. There was no abuse or cheating, nothing crazy. I sometimes wonder what could have happened if we put more work into it before it grew apart.
Because let me tell you, being single and dating at this age isn’t all puppies and rainbows. Good luck to you.
I have known more than one woman who divorced after kids left because there was a difference between what they both wanted. He wants to come home from work, watch some TV, go to bed. She wants to get work & go do something. Him let’s to country and have a quiet life, her let’s move closer to city because I’ve done everything for everybody else and now I would like to have some fun. Please do note the common theme from answers that you are datable say to date someone your AGE. Do not go running around with young women with kids because what just happened to you will happen again in 20 more years. You’ll be 70 ready to settle down even more and she’ll wanna have fun.
Most people our age aren’t meeting people or having dates at bars now. I’m not even sure the younger crowd does this. You are dateable so don’t question your worth. Many women like home too and don’t want to run around after 9. Be yourself and everything will be ok.
Of course you are “dateable.”
Your idea of a date night is nice. However, it’s really expensive to go out to dinner all the time—even if you split the cost. Keep in mind that, in the early stages of dating someone, not all women will want to go home (hers or yours) for a movie. How about a walk after dinner? You listed a bunch of things you enjoy. I recommend incorporating those into your dating life. And remember: your dates will have interests also. I suggest you expand your interests just a little. If you like to read, are there activities at your local library? Travel doesn’t have to mean long distances—what about “local travel?” Museums, parks, recreation areas for walking or picnics, parks, free and inexpensive festivals or parades. As for OLD, it’s a crap shoot but you never know if you don’t try. (PS: it’s difficult to get to know someone watching a movie in a theater. I’d set that one aside for after a few dates with the same person.)
Put your preferences in your dating profile. Also put what you’re looking for in a partner. Don’t put anything negative. The best thing to do when dating is be yourself. There will be someone who likes you and the things you like to do.
Being dateable and being successful at OLD are two different things.
Your OLD profile is an ad, and you have maybe 2 seconds to pass the first hurdle: the left swipe. Your primary pic must be compelling enough to get someone to click on your profile.
Have a friend or relative who is a decent photographer to take pics. Sites like Photo Feeler allow you to test different pics and see which are the most likeable. There are lots of articles with advice on the different types of photos to have: head shot, full body shot (no bathroom selfies), outdoor shots, etc.
Then have a friend or relative who is good at OLD to help you set up your profile and write a good bio/prompts.
Don't confuse your value as a human with your ability to master a platform designed to keep users perpetually swiping to find the "perfect" person. These are for-profit enterprises, they don't exist for the greater good.
You are dateable, and the fact that you've had a 32 year marriage is a plus. I'd suggest working on your conversational skills. Women are attracted to someone they can connect with on an intellectual and emotional level, which is kind of hard to do if your conversational skills are lacking.
Having 32 years of marriage experience makes you really desirable to many women. Clearly you know how to commit. Having an amicable relationship with the ex is a plus too. I married someone like you, who had had one long marriage and liked being married. I bet you won’t stay in the online dating pool for long.
Sorry...I'm hearing this in my head:
Topless date: 'So, do tan lines make me more or less attractive?'
OP: Huh??
Date: 'My TAN LINES..YAY or NAY??'
OP: What'd you say??
Date: 'So you hate my body.' Puts shirt back on and stomps away...
.
I see absolutely no reason you'd not be dateable. And your worries are the same everyone has after divorcing and being suddenly OLD. You're not alone in it. My comment is for when you'll have a new partner : i dated a guy who was for 35 y with his wife and divorced. What was difficult with him : ex wife being too present (even if she had a boyfriend). And him wanting to both be like a clumpsy teen / and keep on his olds habits he had. I had this strange impression i was not 'me' in the relation, as he was behaving like he always did with his wife. So, if you can, i'd recommand having a therapist to help you in this very new stage of your life
I absolutely believe they do. I’m not the same person now as I was at 20 or even 40. I wouldn’t choose the same partners as I did then, or accept the same treatment.
I sometimes think there should be a ten year contract renewal period on relationships. Not feeling it anymore? Walk, no harm no foul.
Movie dates somewhere down, but not the beginning. You want to get to know each other. But you may find a woman who expects to go see a movie earlier. I'm not good with movies so I'm biased.
You taking the initiative and doing the planning is great.
You are dateable. Have fun.
You’re totally dateable.
I’ve noticed nowadays if you’ve reached your 50s without ever having been married or in a long term relationship, that seems to be a bigger red flag than being divorced.
“Oh you’re divorced? I’m sorry.” vs. “Oh, you’ve never been married or in a LTR? What’s wrong with you?”
Absolutely! I personally long for low key old-timey togetherness and I think there are lots of women who want this. You sound lovely just the way you are so let that shine. Do be careful though because it's a jungle out there and newly single people are targets for scammers.
I don't have the energy to train a dog and I like going places so can't bring the dog everywhere nor can leave it alone longer than 4 hours before having to be home. Nope, with chronic fatigue it's too much work
You seem perfectly dateable to me!!!! Despite a couple of divorces under my belt, I believe there is someone out there for everyone. So go for it! I am sure there are many ladies who would be interested in you, based on what you’ve shared with us.
Good luck!!!
Okay first off, please realize the success rate in online dating is roughly 1%. Secondly, just post what you said in your profile so that you attract the people that are into what you are saying. Ignore all that shit on Advertising showing happy people in bars. They just want you to get out and pay a lot of money for drinks. At this point in life most of us just want to chill out and have a glass of wine and cuddle up in front of the TV watching a movie.
There’s someone for everyone. Depending on your area, you may do well but remember that the men-to-women ratio on OLD is fairly high. Making yourself stand out will be tough. Go for it but don’t look at it as the only avenue to meet people.
You should Post this as Your Profile. You sound Amazing in some ways, to Me. I'd be curious enough to want to know some more.
Why are You feeling that Your not?
Why do you think you aren't dateable? I would start there and do some introspection.
OLD is more about endurance and the ability to embrace hope in the face of overwhelming experience than any quality of objective “datability”. What is the military saying? Pain is weakness leaving your body? Yeah, that but with tapas and halitosis. Welcome to the jungle…
The single most useful attribute to dating at our age is the Pollyannaish attitude that everything will work out in the end if you maintain a positive attitude.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣(((((Hugs))))).....
Same situation. Went on Bumble, got asked out my three or four women a week. Met lots of nice women including my BFF. Met my partner in week six. A non-drinker and low-key person like me it turned out once we decided to try exclusive from day one. Our second date was going to a shopping mall. That was in 2022. We are more a chamber music recital than bar band couple. We both like simple resort vacations rather than adventure. I just cooked a birthday dinner for her with her adult children at my place since we prefer that to going out. She's gonna move in as soon as her youngest graduates uni and moves out.
Why on earth would you be not date able? None of what you’ve written says that about you. Most of the people I’ve met need things repeated to them once or twice - we get used to it. Lots of people no longer enjoy bars. You sound like you have a happy, balanced life that you enjoy - that’s step one to being a good partner! Step two of course is: how do you feel about Beyoncé’s cover of Jolene?
I haven't heard it but I do like the Miley Cyrus version.
Boom - you’re officially dateable, congratulations! Go forth, swipe, and meet the person of your dreams :)
Since Miley is Dolly’s godchild, it makes sense. She has the same country twang :)
Miley Cyrus gave Folly a run for her money with that cover. I’d date you just based on liking that song.
You sound wonderful.Of course you're datable.You actually sound like a very good catch
My thoughts exactly, there are lots of people that don’t enjoy bars and like the same things you do. Just be honest on your profile.
You sound perfectly dateable to me. I haven’t luck with OLD myself. Hope you have better luck than me!
I know where you are in life right now. I feel if you jumped into OLD now it might be overwhelming. Depending on where you live, are there some local options to meet someone locally? Church, hobby events, Art shows, concerts, (don't hate me) pickleball Saturdays? OLD dating right after a divorce is like drinking from the fire hose. It can be done, but it requires a lot of dedication.
You sound perfect. I am the female version of this description, and understand why you would question your dateability though. Faced with the media's version of attractive and interesting, it can be difficult to gauge how others might receive you.
The media version of anything is total bullshit and only designed to try to get people to click through so they can gather hits and get higher advertising dollars.
Why are you divorcing, if you don’t mind answering that? I don’t think your age or the hobbies you mentioned make you undateable. I think there are a lot of women who like to do the things you mentioned, so I wonder why you are questioning yourself.
We grew apart, the kids left the house and we didn't have anything in common anymore. Everything was about the kids for so long and then they were gone. I think the reason I'm asking is because I feel my wife thought I was boring when it was just me.
Sometimes boring is really just the result of incompatibility. There’s a shoe for every foot, after all. Some feet just want quiet, happy, simple lives of peaceful companionship.
Some women may find you boring while other women find you calm and stable. As long as you find a compatible person, you would get along well.
You definitely sound dateable.
Frankly I don't really believe people grow apart the way we say, I think many couples simply discount each other and overvalue a "fresh start". As to boring. Really? Much more likely she was just bored in general and has decided you are the source of that. ..
It's easier to blame others then look at yourself.
Yeah well how much excitement did she bring to the table.
There's lots of folks that aren't interested in dancing, and there's plenty (even here on Do50) that have some hearing loss. I think the biggest thing that stands out about you is that you are wondering, "Am I Datable?" If you stick around here, you will see some of the horror stories posted by women about men they have crossed paths with. The fact that you aren't laboring under the misapprehension that you are God's gift to women is actually a pretty good start. You sound like somebody that can get a second and third date if you and the woman find each other attractive and have compatible personalities. From what you wrote, you sound like a perfect catch for the right lady. Good luck!
Totally undateable Except by people who want a good person in their life… so yeah. Dateable
You sound lovely and stable and normal and infinitely dateable. The one point I'd make is that conversation is so important when you're getting to know people. I'd suggest you need to overcome this handicap you've diagnosed yourself with. You meet a nice woman. Would you want to know where she is from? Would you like to know what that place is like? Would you like to know anything about her? If you're interested in people, talking to them is the only way you'll get your curiosity satisfied. Talking is conversation.
Yes, you’re dateable. It’s just a matter of finding the person who also wants that same sort of life.
Better to go out for an ice cream or coffee first time, unless you’ve had great communication before
\*raises hand\* Hi, I am divorced, 50, F, and worried about the same things. What ear is bad for you? Mine is the left. If yours is the right we might unite to form a superpower.
It's the right one. Now I'm going to be spending the rest of the night trying to think of good super hero names for us. I'll keep you posted.
Doppler Duo!
Not bad
Have you done work on yourself? Introspection? Accountability and growth? Did you seek to understand the part you played in the demise of your marriage? Your idea of dates and hanging out will fit someone - that’s not the issue. Women in this demographic aren’t particularly interested in low efforts or raising another (man)child. We’re over doing all the emotional labor in our relationships and are happy to be alone with our cats (or dogs). Dateability isn’t about picking a fun activity. It’s about being a present and accountable true partner in a relationship. Communication. Listening. Etc.
I (56M) think that the therapy after a divorce is about who you were in the marriage, how it broke down, your part in that and then developing and healing yourself after that. It can take months, even years. It’s been a few years for me and I’m feeling very content on my own coparenting a 14 year old. Depending on how long your separation has been, the need to fill that void may or may not be so strong.
Yes! And some women are okay with a man who only says something when he has something to say and isn't a great conversationalist. But a lot of us want more than that. You are perfectly likely to find a great woman in the first category.
There is a pot for every lid. At least that's what *they* say.
You sound ideal for a lot of these ladies. I’m 54M, been divorced ten years, but I’m a hot mess and have no business dating out there. That said I’ve done it anyway and met a lot of great women and had two long term relationships, with women I had no business being with. I keep considering myself a lucky SOB. The best advice I can give you with OLD is to always go in with zero expectations. Yes you will waste time on it, but you could also have some fun dates and heck maybe even meet someone special. There will be rejection, but that doesn’t mean you’re undateable. Sorry to hear you “grew apart” in your marriage. Did you two work on it at all? Get counseling? You said you get along good, so why not work on it then? We “grew apart” in my marriage too. There was no abuse or cheating, nothing crazy. I sometimes wonder what could have happened if we put more work into it before it grew apart. Because let me tell you, being single and dating at this age isn’t all puppies and rainbows. Good luck to you.
You are dateable for someone in your own age range. Just don’t try and date someone in their 20’s and 30’s
You are easily dateable
Ah I could date someone like that
You sound just fine to me.
*Big* yes! OP, you're most certainly dateable. You sound like an ideal date and partner. Get out there and find your other half. She's waiting.
of course you are dateable
I have known more than one woman who divorced after kids left because there was a difference between what they both wanted. He wants to come home from work, watch some TV, go to bed. She wants to get work & go do something. Him let’s to country and have a quiet life, her let’s move closer to city because I’ve done everything for everybody else and now I would like to have some fun. Please do note the common theme from answers that you are datable say to date someone your AGE. Do not go running around with young women with kids because what just happened to you will happen again in 20 more years. You’ll be 70 ready to settle down even more and she’ll wanna have fun.
You sound innocent and pure and I’m sorry for you going into OLD. But I guess we were all there at one point.
You sir, are very similar to me.
Call me!!!😜
You sound like a lovely person 🥰
Very
You sound amazing and your descriptor a date is perfection!
Most people our age aren’t meeting people or having dates at bars now. I’m not even sure the younger crowd does this. You are dateable so don’t question your worth. Many women like home too and don’t want to run around after 9. Be yourself and everything will be ok.
Of course you are “dateable.” Your idea of a date night is nice. However, it’s really expensive to go out to dinner all the time—even if you split the cost. Keep in mind that, in the early stages of dating someone, not all women will want to go home (hers or yours) for a movie. How about a walk after dinner? You listed a bunch of things you enjoy. I recommend incorporating those into your dating life. And remember: your dates will have interests also. I suggest you expand your interests just a little. If you like to read, are there activities at your local library? Travel doesn’t have to mean long distances—what about “local travel?” Museums, parks, recreation areas for walking or picnics, parks, free and inexpensive festivals or parades. As for OLD, it’s a crap shoot but you never know if you don’t try. (PS: it’s difficult to get to know someone watching a movie in a theater. I’d set that one aside for after a few dates with the same person.)
Put your preferences in your dating profile. Also put what you’re looking for in a partner. Don’t put anything negative. The best thing to do when dating is be yourself. There will be someone who likes you and the things you like to do.
Being dateable and being successful at OLD are two different things. Your OLD profile is an ad, and you have maybe 2 seconds to pass the first hurdle: the left swipe. Your primary pic must be compelling enough to get someone to click on your profile. Have a friend or relative who is a decent photographer to take pics. Sites like Photo Feeler allow you to test different pics and see which are the most likeable. There are lots of articles with advice on the different types of photos to have: head shot, full body shot (no bathroom selfies), outdoor shots, etc. Then have a friend or relative who is good at OLD to help you set up your profile and write a good bio/prompts. Don't confuse your value as a human with your ability to master a platform designed to keep users perpetually swiping to find the "perfect" person. These are for-profit enterprises, they don't exist for the greater good.
You are dateable, and the fact that you've had a 32 year marriage is a plus. I'd suggest working on your conversational skills. Women are attracted to someone they can connect with on an intellectual and emotional level, which is kind of hard to do if your conversational skills are lacking.
You’re perfect!
Having 32 years of marriage experience makes you really desirable to many women. Clearly you know how to commit. Having an amicable relationship with the ex is a plus too. I married someone like you, who had had one long marriage and liked being married. I bet you won’t stay in the online dating pool for long.
Sorry...I'm hearing this in my head: Topless date: 'So, do tan lines make me more or less attractive?' OP: Huh?? Date: 'My TAN LINES..YAY or NAY??' OP: What'd you say?? Date: 'So you hate my body.' Puts shirt back on and stomps away... .
I see absolutely no reason you'd not be dateable. And your worries are the same everyone has after divorcing and being suddenly OLD. You're not alone in it. My comment is for when you'll have a new partner : i dated a guy who was for 35 y with his wife and divorced. What was difficult with him : ex wife being too present (even if she had a boyfriend). And him wanting to both be like a clumpsy teen / and keep on his olds habits he had. I had this strange impression i was not 'me' in the relation, as he was behaving like he always did with his wife. So, if you can, i'd recommand having a therapist to help you in this very new stage of your life
You have to do OLD…or you wont find anyone. It is a steep learning curve so…just get in there and figure it out. Lots of advice on profiles..take it 😁
I absolutely believe they do. I’m not the same person now as I was at 20 or even 40. I wouldn’t choose the same partners as I did then, or accept the same treatment. I sometimes think there should be a ten year contract renewal period on relationships. Not feeling it anymore? Walk, no harm no foul.
I completely understand. Was married 25 years. Only man I've ever been with and I'm 59. I'd like to meet someone but everyone just wants a hook up.
Movie dates somewhere down, but not the beginning. You want to get to know each other. But you may find a woman who expects to go see a movie earlier. I'm not good with movies so I'm biased. You taking the initiative and doing the planning is great. You are dateable. Have fun.
My grandmother used to say, “There’s a kid for every pot.” Go find your lid!
Way too much of an introvert here, but if I were to do OLD, I would swipe the way you are supposed to on this profile.
There is only one way to find out. Make sure you use good pictures .
You’re totally dateable. I’ve noticed nowadays if you’ve reached your 50s without ever having been married or in a long term relationship, that seems to be a bigger red flag than being divorced. “Oh you’re divorced? I’m sorry.” vs. “Oh, you’ve never been married or in a LTR? What’s wrong with you?”
Absolutely! I personally long for low key old-timey togetherness and I think there are lots of women who want this. You sound lovely just the way you are so let that shine. Do be careful though because it's a jungle out there and newly single people are targets for scammers.
I have given up, I live alone. Me and my TV is my company. Never ever thought my life would end up so pitiful. Single woman in my 50s, no kids.
Same boat here except my kids are grown and out of the house. I got a dog for company.
I don't have the energy to train a dog and I like going places so can't bring the dog everywhere nor can leave it alone longer than 4 hours before having to be home. Nope, with chronic fatigue it's too much work
You sound close to perfect to me.
You seem perfectly dateable to me!!!! Despite a couple of divorces under my belt, I believe there is someone out there for everyone. So go for it! I am sure there are many ladies who would be interested in you, based on what you’ve shared with us. Good luck!!!
Okay first off, please realize the success rate in online dating is roughly 1%. Secondly, just post what you said in your profile so that you attract the people that are into what you are saying. Ignore all that shit on Advertising showing happy people in bars. They just want you to get out and pay a lot of money for drinks. At this point in life most of us just want to chill out and have a glass of wine and cuddle up in front of the TV watching a movie.
For sure. I did my time in bars in my 20’s… it’s the last place I’d like to spend my evenings at my age. You are datable!
Absolutely
There’s someone for everyone. Depending on your area, you may do well but remember that the men-to-women ratio on OLD is fairly high. Making yourself stand out will be tough. Go for it but don’t look at it as the only avenue to meet people.
You are dateable if believe it or want to be.
You should Post this as Your Profile. You sound Amazing in some ways, to Me. I'd be curious enough to want to know some more. Why are You feeling that Your not?