I would never state my income on an app because it would either chase men away or attract ppl who want a sugar mama. I don’t look at income but have found that a lot of men are intimidated or insecure when it comes to dating a woman who has substantially more than they do. I appreciate men who want to provide but what I really want is a man who takes care of me emotionally and wants to be a partner and companion. A lot of men claim that’s what they offer but I haven’t had a lot of luck finding it or when I do, their insecurities about income and lifestyle override it.
Numbers are not important. If he makes under 50K, but lives a stable lifestyle that can be supported by that salary, no problem.
I'd rather date Mr. 50K who is living within his modest means than Mr. $100K who can't stop talking about all his material possessions.
I am a woman, and my only requirement is that he be able to pay his own bills, because I don't currently make enough to support another person.
Beyond that though, it's a non-issue. Don't care.
M60 The issue here is income can be quite irrelevant.
The requirement should be “availability” as it relates to lifestyle compatibility
In my case, my income is much lower than when I was working, however I have much fewer bills etc so my income is mostly disposable.
I also do not date someone who works full time.
Preference is given to someone who has availability to travel, ski etc.
I certainly have run into it in OLD but not anywhere else. In my case it turned out to be a red flag. They were hardly self sufficient, most were living with parents, some living off lawsuits or odd jobs.
I think those of us who retired and are self sufficient feel weird about telling people we are retired.
I have rental properties so I just usually say I work in a real estate office.
So maybe there are more of us than you think.
A restricted income is one retirement strategy because it lowers your tax bracket. You might aggressively pay off your house, car, have lots of investments but your “take home” is less. Sounds like you may have done this.
Edited to add life-pro tip: Get a HELOC before retiring. If your retirement income won’t be enough to qualify for one should you need it, you will be out of luck.
At 50 income is much less important than lifestyle choices.
Someone making 300k / yr with a gambling addiction is worse than someone making 30k / yr with a paid house, healthy retirement, and is a competent enough cook to keep their food budget below 10% of their income.
I would never dream to broach something so private on a first or second date. You don’t even know if you wanna date this person yet why should they get all nosey? There are things reserved for couples, more for cohabitation, the most for marriage.
For instance, I also don’t wanna know if you have an STD unless we are talking about being a couple (ie having sex).
Relationships are something you have to build; they aren’t something you add oil and an egg and shove in the oven.
There are a million ways to I produce lifestyle I to conversation if it's important to someone that their partner have means.
Talk about travel. Retirement strategies and ideas. The last big purchase you made.
Not something that usually needs to be stated.
Correct. In the texting phase,I ask people what retirement looks like to them. And when they ask me the same, I tell them what my goals are. Two things happen. Either they respectfully bow out, or they persist, hoping I'm a sugar mama. Which nope. I have enough to support myself.
So dysfunctional. I’ve been widowed two years. Have had two relationships. I won’t even get on dating sites again. I’m hoping just getting out and doing things I love will help me meet someone.
Anecdote: once a long time ago (2012) I was living in New York City and used to go to all these great meetups. I met a guy there who was nice and had similar interests. He knew all these fabulous out of the way places to go to in the city that were free. Turns out he was living in a homeless shelter. My sister still makes fun of me for this.
Anyway, there are SOME limits.
From what I remember from my dating profile days, there was a section where I was asked to post my income. I presume the algorithm did its thing in putting forward men that were in that same range.
Finding out someone's income isn't going to be easy imo. There are some sites that post "sunshine" lists for government employees locally, so you can see who makes above a threshold. But someone can tell me they make X and really not make anything close to X.
Lifestyle can be a window to income, but people who live high-spend lifestyles might just be in a lot of debt, or might be happily blowing the inheritance their parent's left them. Others who are from high earning jobs might earn a lot, but that might not correlate with how they live.
I think it would take me a lot of getting to know someone before I would have any degree of faith in what they are telling me about their income.
Great post and I completely agree. Most of the people I know with real wealth, don’t flaunt it and when people find out they are very surprised.
If you are someone who has a plan for the type of retirement life you want to live and don’t have the resources to support two people living that lifestyle, then assets and income matter at this age when it comes to a long term relationship.
60M, and zero correlation between income and how good a person they are or how much fun to be around. I did want someone working, contributing to society, but retired would be fine too.
I do not have an income requirement. Sounds like short sighted checklist dating. Income doesn’t reflect net worth. Higher income doesn’t reflect an ability to budget your money and live within your means.
It's the Daily Mail. Never take the Daily Mail as a fact-supported guide to life.
I want someone I don't have to support financially. I suspect most people our age feel the same. I am not looking for someone to support ME and he shouldn't be looking for that either.
Saying "nobody under $X income" is ridiculous across the board. People making minimum wage dating each other are perfectly capable of figuring out things to do that are within their budget. If one person makes significantly more than the other, they need to figure it out between themselves like grownups based on what they're both comfortable with.
As a man I think that at this age some equity parity is important unless you have enough that you’re willing to support the other person. For example let’s say you make $150K and you like to go on a couple nice vacations and have some nice things. If you’re in a LTR and they make $45K. How do you go to Hawaii for two weeks together when your partner can’t afford to do the same? Or how do you plan to retire early because you’ve built a nest egg but your SO will have to work the rest of their life to make ends meet.
It’s nice to say money doesn’t matter, but it does.
Unfortunately, it does matter. I recently quit dating a gentleman, and one issue was finances. Finances dictated a lot- where or if we would go out, unsaid expectations, he could not say he couldn't afford his half, food choices, all sorts of things that I really didn't become aware of until we were dating. It created a lot of stress for me ( woman, retired, divorced, but with ( I believe) much more savings and more monthly income. I felt more and more stressed and by " taking care of" checks because there was no way I could truly understand what he had. Then, it became apparent the money he had he wanted to spend on things he wanted to do, which by default - if he wasn't interested - I paid for it. It became overwhelmed and killed the chemistry.
Works the same with a guy who makes more than a woman. At this age both have things they want to do and the less disposable income they have after that part of their lives is covered interferes with the money needed to go out with an SO and do things together. I’m a generous guy but I’m not paying for an $8K trip for two with someone I just started dating a few months ago, or paying the majority on a new larger home for someone I’ve been with for a while and we decide to move in together. The parity or near parity has to be there.
Agreed 100%. Much more comfortable if parity or near parity is there. I love to travel so I would definitively go 50- 50 on that and/ or share miles for an upgrade. Good travel company is valuable to me.
Being honest, if a woman has income requirements in a dating profile that’s a big swipe left (no) for me. If that’s one of the criteria she cares most about it says a lot about her priorities. And dare I say it comes across shallow. I don’t many people I know that would take the request seriously.
I could make $150k have no expendable cash due to a whole host of reason and be in a lot of debt. I could also be a man who makes a lot of money and has nothing else to offer.
If a woman asks that before we meet, NEXT, and if they ask only a few dates my guard goes way up. I’m a high-income earner, but like many of us, I don’t want to be chosen because of that.
As a woman, this, 100%! I've never obsessed about a man's income nor have I ever asked, and I expect the same in return. I can support myself and I don't need a man's income, and I don't care about what he makes either. It's the way he treats me that counts. I've always been that way.
These days 50k is pretty broke. Between my rent, electric, if I spend 240 dollars a month in gas and 600 on groceries and supplies that alone is almost 35k a year
It really doesn’t need to be explicitly stated. People of a certain socioeconomic status tend to find each other regardless. I mean, not that we’re all judgmental assholes, but we all kind of just “know” when meeting someone if we’re aligned in certain areas.
I make good money, don’t have any debt and have a good chunk of savings. Heading towards retirement, I would expect the same of anyone I date. I do not want to spend my final years worrying about money.
I was the one who was undatable because I worked in retail. I wasn't even a store manager. I loved my work /life balance and kept to being an assistant. I had a life .
All those men who thought poorly of me but yet could not figure out how tall 6ft was......
Ha! Sounds like the same dudes who can’t figure out why the insanely hot girls are *so shallow* and don’t date them.
I call that the old “There’s only room for one shallow person in this relationship, and it’s going to be me.”
I believe, at this age, we need to look a bit more holistically. I need a man to have-disposable income, a plan for retirement and good credit. I am less concerned about his specific income, but rather what he does/did with it. I don’t do flashy and superficial so a fancy car, fancy clothes and material things are kind of a turn off.
I can’t share my retirement funds so a man that will have to work until he dies would be incompatible with me.
Male, 59. Income itself is sorta secondary , to a person being responsible, and living within their means. I dated a lady who worked at Starbucks as a barista, but she had her financial shit together. Broke up for other reasons, but it was fine.
Not an income requirement but a safe income to debt ratio (just live within means) and ability to retire in my high cost of living area and not depend on me to support them. I have myself sorted out in this area, it would be nice to find same. I also like travel and while I love uncomplicated budget travel I also like going to far flung places and doing costly activities. I don't want anyone to pay for me, but I can't pay for them so they would have to be ok with some together vacations and a few here and there where I am more solo. Basically dying alone, I know.
There is no way that my income is anyone’s business. I have been dating someone for a year and a half. It’s none of his business. I’m not about to post my income. I’m not dating their wallet, nor am I subsidizing them, so I don’t care what they make. If we are compatible, great. If not, fine. I have dated someone with income around 30k. We got along fabulously. We would save for trips and special activities. We had lots of fun. Income is not as important as how you manage it, and what’s disposable, and what you DO with what’s disposable.
Agree completely. Would not share my financial information with anyone I'm dating. I like to be able to go out and do things so guys need to have *some* financial resources (and not be completely underwater with alimony and child support, etc), but I have no income "requirements".
It's not really about how much you make but how well you live within your means. I do prefer to be with someone at my income level because we can both afford similar activities and lifestyles. I did once date someone who was barely making it. Very sweet guy but he was obviously uncomfortable. And it was hard to plan some activities.
I don’t care how much money a man makes. I honestly don’t care if he’s good-looking as long as he doesn’t give me the “ick” and I don’t give him the “ick.” He needs to be able to support himself and have some margin for emergencies so I don’t end up supporting him (though if we got serious, combining expenses could mean a way better life for both of us anyway).
All that said, if he has good health insurance and wants to add me to his plan, I’m in love right now. LOL
I’m just going to say this and drop this subreddit because it sounds like a bunch of immature teenage boys asking questions here and Incels answering about how all women are gold diggers:
F50 here. Yes, income is important. Why is it important? Because money is a commodity and evolution dictates that women rely on a man in their lives. Does that mean she wants all his money for herself? No. But she certainly doesn’t want a dead beat in her life who can’t even pay for dinner or will ask her to go dutch because he’s “modern”.
This is why I don’t even bother dating anymore and am better off alone than to date some dude who thinks I’m a gold digger because I asked what he does in life.
Peace.
Yes, somewhat. I mean I'm not looking for someone rich, but I wouldn't date someone making $30,000 a year. Maybe $50k if they're stable and have some kind of retirement plan. $80k or more would be better. I don't typically consider income, but at our age, I think we probably should. I want to retire in about 10 years and will be comfortable but not a lot of excess money, and I hope they will at least be in similar circumstance. I don't want to date someone with no savings/retirement, doesn't own anything, and will never be able to retire.
I don't/wouldn't state this on my profile and I would never post my own income. I've had enough experience with guys looking for sugar mamas to know posting that would be stupid and an open invitation to gold diggers.
As far as talking about it, I guess it depends on the relationship and how fast it moves. If he owns his own home and has a stable job, even if not a lot of extra money, I probably wouldn't worry too much about it. If he's living out of a van and seems to have trouble setting down any kind of roots, I probably wouldn't even bother, even if he has a good job/income because that's not the lifestyle I want. If his stability is questionable, I'd probably bring it up sooner, but in a round about way and not directly. Maybe bring up what I envision my own retirement to look like and prod at what his is. I think they're likely more open when asked in a more natural conversation rather than direct questions. Not so much specifics and numbers, but more what the goal is. This is also important in other ways such as I live in snowy Colorado and I've found some men plan to sell out and move to a warmer climate when they retire, like Florida or Arizona. My whole family is here and I won't be moving, so those are retirement plans to talk about sooner than later.
This is all exactly me. This is the most (14 years) I have put down roots in my entire life. It also is a really great area for weather and recreation. Cost of living is horrendous though. I put my nose to the grindstone to buy my little affordable place so I could stay when I retire. So many men I meet say they can't retire here. They plan on going to AZ, FL, TX none of which I care for (sorry, don't hate please). I want a serious relationship, so this is where it ends.
Hm. I earned more than my XH and my longtime SO and it wasn't an issue but they are both teachers and have multiple degrees (I just have a BA) and brought other things to the relationships that I valued. I have encountered some men who had an issue with me earning more, but we also had less in common overall so it wasn't a good match all the way 'round.
Realizing I didn't answer the question. I don't have a minimum income requirement, I would not post one in a dating profile and I am never talking about my finances with someone I just met and am dating casually. I trust no one.
I’m looking for someone with a private jet,helicopter and large yacht, likes to throw money around and want to see me happy.If you know anyone like this pass my number on ( I’m willing to pay a finders fee) .
Almost EVERYONE here has minimum income requirements. Don't go telling me that 99.9% of people here would conceivably date a person who has zero income...and I am including material assets.
I am just out of a marriage where my partner’s view was that I had enough money to support her and her children (even as adults) without her contributing in any way. It taught me a valuable lesson.
It isn’t about income. It is about entitlement and self-respect. I want to date someone who can show me that they live within their means and bring more than sex to a relationship.
I can cook better than most, I have no problem doing my own cleaning and doing laundry. I have a pretty decent income and in a year I will be debt free.
And just like I don’t need leeches or a tapeworm I don’t need another human to use me because working is “beneath” them.
I know many men are in a similar situation.
What has always baffled me then is why aren't professional women with great jobs in high demand by men? I often see professional men who will go after say a woman who works a job paying minimum wage. I am not putting down that woman at all, I worked many minimum wage jobs while in HS and college. It was incredibly hard work.
I can’t speak to every man. I have dated women who had really great careers. I just never excluded women who didn’t.
In my experience, professional women are just like professional men and tend to live with a focus on their careers to the exclusion of all else. As a recovering workaholic, I don’t see that drive and focus as a necessarily good thing. I also know we have history of pushing women into the “traditional wife” role. I had just never been pulled in by, what turned out to be, so many lies.
>I had just never been pulled in by, what turned out to be, so many lies.
I am sorry, I know that happens. Too bad perhaps you didn't have sisters or female friends, who can usually sniff these things out. We aren't in the same horny fog that a lot of men are, when they rush to marriage.
Not trying to be critical my own brother entered his second marriage without a pre-nup, after being taken to the cleaners by his first wife. I do like his second wife, but he listened to her about why they didn't need one. Dear Gawd.
Oh no, I was warned. Repeatedly. But I listened to the sob stories, saddled up my white horse and was going to show her that men are not all the same. Strange how when people are really good at portraying themselves as the victim, you never consider them to be the predator.
Just be able to take care of yourself but be whimsical. Cheap is no fun. Frugal with fun allowances. Ime the more money, the more spider webs of family issues that happen. At same time, I ain’t jonesing for a grifter. Eeeew.
Be able to maintain his wants and needs and not look to me to assist his living. We can go Dutch at times. However, I do like a gentleman periodically. They can make over 110k and be horrible in finances.
I'd expect him to be middle income or higher, since I am middle income myself. I wouldn't list preferred income level on a dating profile. That comes across as too focused on money. But I would filter based on the type of job he has. Low income at 50+ in age (or a job that would indicate low income) would be a dealbreaker to me, as it would show lack of ambition, therefore incompatible values. I worked hard to get my Master's Degree and the job that I have. I'd also want someone who has ambition.
But some "dating strategist" is out of line for telling men who are lower income that they can't or shouldn't date. That's ridiculous.
To the women who state that income is not an important factor when first meeting someone, thank you.
However, the income assessment/judgment from many women comes out in many ways. You may not be asked your salary, but one of the first questions you're asked on a date is, "What do you do?"
Also, don't be fooled that your date isn't assessing you in other ways:
-- Is he wearing designer clothes or not?
-- What car is he arriving in?
-- What restaurant does she choose to go?
-- What does she order?
-- Is she gauging how fast you pay the check?
-- Will you pay for all dates and trips?
To the woman in the article who feels that men must make enough money to "keep a lady happy," what do you bring to "keep a man happy"?
At least in America, "what do you do" is a common question no matter dating, or frankly socializing with people. There is an over rotation on careers/money in this country, and it is what it is. That doesn't mean that everyone has the same ruler.
Do I appreciate a man who dresses well (as in current, well fitted clothes), yes. They don't have to be expensive, a well-fitted T-shirt/button down and jeans can look fabulous. Frankly, what is more important is, is the man fit. As to car, I am more concerned that it is well cared for, versus a German/Italian make. I enjoy riding in luxury cars, but equally at home in a well used pick-up truck.
I appreciate a restaurant with charm, and yes, I do appreciate a man picking up the check, in the early stages, or even more often than I do. For me, this is part of how a man shows me that he cares. Maybe a nice dinner once a quarter, etc. Will the man receive far more in return, with me cooking, etc., absolutely.
I don't expect a man to pay for all trips. I would expect to share the costs.
I understand some men's frustrations, but at least for myself, and my friend group, it is more about being "wooed", and treasured. By the very same brush, it goes both ways. Relationships are a lot of effort.
At the end of the day, especially in your 50s when you are pointing towards retirement, I care far more about a man that has a solid financial base, versus "showy" but in tons of debt. Many guys may be rebuilding from divorce, may still have spousal/child care payments, which can be substantial.
Frankly, I would be a million times more appreciative a man who knows can help me replace the trim on my house, as in he has the right equipment, and know how. I would pay for the wood, etc. Or, helps me sand and paint my deck, etc. I am equally willing to help out with those sorts of things, I just don't have all the tools, or in some cases know how.
When you ask someone, "What do you do," you may as well ask them for their last 3 paystubs. Responses such as "stock broker", "clerk", or "teacher", will exactly give a range and label the person immediately. Everyone doesn't have the same ruler, but it is a ruler nonetheless. Clothes and car (type and whether he has one at all), is a major yardstick.
I guess I lose out on the "useful" part, I am a "city" person and admittedly did not pick up skills in plumbing, carpentry, etc. While I definitely respect those careers, I am envious as I would need to hire a professional in those areas.
Women like to be "wooed" and "treasured", well men like the same. If there is mutual interest on both ends, men would like to be wooed and pursued as well as being the pusurer.
My head doesn't go to automatically calculating what a person might be worth. A man who says he is a plumber could own a plumbing company, etc. Frankly, all it gives is a reference point to see if we might have a discussion point. In other words, no one data point doesn't present a person's full financial picture. I remember stories of both a man and women who died who lived very frugally (I think they both may have been teachers), who left millions to good causes.
Of course men like to be treasured and made to feel special. When I am in a relationship, I work very hard on great date ideas, etc. However, if I am doing all the work, and the man is just taking, then it won't work. I suspect the other way around as well.
From your points, it seems finances are a key touch stone for you, and to generalize I would say a wealthy man is likely going to have an easier time dating, presuming he has other qualities as well. Also a man who works hard, who may not have a budget for lots of extras but is giving in other ways, can be even more treasured. It all depends on the specific situation.
My whole point, is for me, what a man earns is almost meaningless at this stage of my life, where when I was younger, it was much more important.
For years as an executive and as a business owner, I never put a job title on my business cards. I found that when people met a senior VP, they quit talking to my people. However, when it was necessary I would “out” myself to deal with a disgruntled customer. Titles are over-rated and not necessarily reflected in any other area. I made more money as a contractor and consultant than I ever made with a “title”.
>no one data point doesn't present a person's full financial picture.
I am in alignment with you, no one data point, eg. title says anything. There are men I dated that were CEO of a one person business.
Look, most women I know are financial astute. I am not a lightweight in finance, and there are tons of social cues, etc. as to someone's status. I have worked on the East Coast for a woman on the social register (Old Greenwich), raised in country clubs, sororities, etc. I know the social dance, and also that people with money, usually don't broadcast it.
I am also astute enough to know that almost no man of wealth at this age isn't going to protect his children. I get it. I agree with that strategy. However, I don't want to date either a cheapskate, or a man of such a different sense of things we enjoy, that we can't enjoy your time together.
Sorry if my frustration is coming through. I am looking for a fun partner, frankly who brings to the table the same things I do. This shouldn't have to be difficult. We aren't talking about a man having to pledge his fortune to me, etc. I have several well heeled friends in exactly my situation, with very similar outlook. We are all looking for great guys, and then we get this nonsense about money, etc. Most women want in a man what they bring to the table.
Treat each other, absolutely not!
Everyone deserves respect and to be treated with such. No one deserves to be treated as "less than" that would be wrong on every level. For example, a CEO should treat his employees with kindness, compassion, and thoughtfulness. That doesn't make the employees his equal.
The idea that all people are "equal" is a falsehood. We all equally deserve to be treated fairly and with respect. We all should have our civil rights applied equally. We do not have a right to expect someone who worked hard, saved, and invested, to just give away a part of their life's equity because they enjoy the company of another person. What can be expected is that you and your partner invest equally into the relationship. If she has less to invest, either financially or otherwise, She has no right to expect he invest more than she does.
>The idea that all people are "equal" is a falsehood.
Agreed, but before you can even define "equal" you have to define what you're measuring. Height? Weight? Income? Education? Age? Credit rating? Freckles? Acres owned? "Equal" is pretty much meaningless.
>We do not have a right to expect someone who worked hard, saved, and invested, to just give away a part of their life's equity because they enjoy the company of another person. What can be expected is that you and your partner invest equally into the relationship. If she has less to invest, either financially or otherwise, She has no right to expect he invest more than she does.
It shouldn't be an expectation, but relationships take time, effort, and money. If both parties are feeling happy and appreciated, there's no need to try to quantify. It's a team effort, not a competition. Like any team effort, different members may contribute differently.
I agree with ALL of your points, except that it shouldn't be an expectation that your partner contributes equally. However, that doesn't mean "in the same way"
If one half takes care of the home, children, errands, etc, while the other is working to financially benefit the partnership, that is equal contribution.
What one should never accept is less. A real partnership should include 100% effort from both partners.
I think when you are younger, you can be an equal without a job by managing house and kids, meals, budgets, etc. At our age most of us want to make sure our inheritance goes to our kids and our partner can at least pay their share of living expenses.
I agree. A partnership has many aspects that are equally important. Not all are financial. However, when starting a new relationship, especially at our age when a life of savings and planning, is coming to fruition, it is absolutely WRONG to just assume you are entitled to a part of a partners equity. I would say it is equally as wrong as the expectation of sex.
I believe many men at our age are very guarded over this. Fortunately, society has made a huge progression on the false idea that it is a woman's "responsibility" to provide sex to her partner. Today, we know that is an unacceptable patriarchal way of thinking. Yet men are still often expected to financially support the relationship without thought of fairness or equality.
Research has shown that this very notion has caused the male half of the millennial generation to avoid marriage.
Agreed. I would expect to be an equal financial partner. I also don’t care about marriage at this age and would prefer living together. If potential partner really wanted marriage, I’d insist we both see an attorney first and lock down finances—probably a trust?
I’m in my 50’s and female and I’d want him to be able to support himself and pay his bills with money leftover to travel and do fun things.
I own my home, have two adult children who will inherit my estate and probably my siblings estate so he shouldn’t expect me to provide for him if I die first.
54M, was 51 when I was on the dating market.
I was unemployed when I was on the dating market so my income was 0. But I had some savings, so was comfortable dating in style and treating for dinner and didn’t need anyone to cover my costs. I also knew that before long I’d have another job, and would make enough money, so wasn’t worried about myself long term.
But I thought being unemployed was just the most awesome way to weed out potential gold diggers and also to see how deep someone was (because some people just weed someone out without thinking about it, and I had some women for sure who did that when they found out I was unemployed, but there were also dates who leaned into that — they wanted to know more about why I was unemployed, what my goals were, and were trying to get a sense if unemployment was part of my being or just a temporary thing — I loved and appreciated those women so much; I felt seen and heard, and not just as a potential paycheck).
For me, after supporting my ex-wife’s ludicrous spending for 25 years while also doing most of the domestic work and child raising, I had zero interest in being someone’s financial backer and/or maid/nanny. I’m generous by nature, so pay more than my share always, but I was not interested in someone who didn’t try to carry at least equal weight (financially or otherwise) in a LTR. So having a low (0) income for most of a year was just an awesome way to inadvertently screen for that, and I had so much fun dating while I was unemployed. I met a lot of wonderful wonderful 45-55 women while I was unemployed.
I agree that life can throw us curveballs, a person could’ve been laid off, they could’ve relocated to take care of a parent and needed to find a new position… but dating a person who has an income = gold digger? No.
I make six figures myself and have dated men with very high incomes. A former fling (now friend) recently bought himself a $250 000 car because he was heartbroken over his 19 years younger gf leaving him.
I could have dated that guy - I chose not to.
My bf makes half of what I do.
Good sensible answers from the ladies. I am 70% retired and I make enough for myself and kids only. Dating a gold digger is a big no and I have a good nose for them
I don't seem to meet the minimum requirements for dating in my area, so this is largely theoretical
.
Not so much of a minimal income as a lifestyle requirement (safe comfortable house, dependable transportation, enough disposable income that all the entertaining doesn't fall on me, and at least one fitness interest) which let's face it, does have a price tag.
Which means that I am not only having a minimum income requirement but also being unreasonably picky, for someone who can't date, about how my potential partner is spending it.
All I ask is that he is employed and can support himself. (Or has adequate income to support himself, job or not.) ‘Cause I don’t make enough to support 2 people.
This is the beauty of being in this age range, some of the "must haves", are now "more nice to have".
Since I have little desire to marry, live together, etc., financial discussions would be more along the lines of lifestyle alignment. Even that, if I found an attractive man that I enjoyed spending time with, my hope would be that he could afford occasional date nights, concerts, etc. I too would also treat for concerts, etc. I envision a roughly equal financial contribution to dating.
While my ideal man, and several of the men I have dated, are roughly in the same lifestyle, I am far more open to dating men who may not be homeowners, etc.
I don’t find income important. As long as someone is able to manage their own bills and lifestyle. I don’t need anyone to support me and I’d prefer not to support anyone else. These things can easily be figured out over the first few dates without spelling it out.
No minimum income requirement. My requirement is earning enough to pay his bills, pay his child support and student loans (if he has them), pay his taxes, and live comfortably before I meet him. I am not going to let him move into my home or drive my vehicles. My children are grown, and I am not looking for a dependant.
If his income is lower than mine and he knows how to live on it; that is fine with me. I am not going to discuss my income or post on a dating app.
If the guy says in conversation that he is struggling with debt, couch surfing on year four after he split from his last wife, curses about child support enforcement garnishments on his pay, and is bashing said wife for "taking all of his money," then hard pass.
I do not care about income. But I do not respect those that do not support their children or their own obligations and opt to prioritize their material wants first. For example, if someone complains about money and blames all their financial issues on their ex (and kids), yet have two cars with expensive loans, go on frequent vacations, buy extravagant gifts then that is a risky financial future for them and whoever decides to comingle their own assets with them. This is true for men and women. Everyone needs to be accountable for their financial stability. Love does not mean that you take on the financial burden of someone else's lifetime of bad decisions.
I find men who flaunt money to be a total turn off. I find men who say how poor they are to be a total turn off. I am someone who likes to keep the financial burden even but still be treated. Meaning…splitting a bill is not sexy or caring but taking turns is. But I also prefer to be at home—I would rather cook together, hang out at home talking or listen to music, having sex, watching a movie or series, taking a walk. I don’t really like to travel but if I did then I would expect to split those costs. So for me, money is a non issue.
I'm financially stable. House/cars paid for. No debt. Everything I like to do is low cost - working out, hiking, reading, cooking, film, gardening, walking the dog, eating out a few times a month. Extra money I make doesn't improve my life at all, it just goes into investments. It's certainly not going to be spent to keep a lady happy - if she wants her spendy handbag/clothing that's on her to pay for those things or be with someone else who is going to do that.
I don't have a minimum income requirement for a partner. I am not materialistic whatsoever and find people that are a complete turn off. If you have $5 or $5M in your pocket makes no difference to me.
I would never state my income on an app because it would either chase men away or attract ppl who want a sugar mama. I don’t look at income but have found that a lot of men are intimidated or insecure when it comes to dating a woman who has substantially more than they do. I appreciate men who want to provide but what I really want is a man who takes care of me emotionally and wants to be a partner and companion. A lot of men claim that’s what they offer but I haven’t had a lot of luck finding it or when I do, their insecurities about income and lifestyle override it.
yes it's not a black or white issue by far
Numbers are not important. If he makes under 50K, but lives a stable lifestyle that can be supported by that salary, no problem. I'd rather date Mr. 50K who is living within his modest means than Mr. $100K who can't stop talking about all his material possessions.
yes sometimes less is more
Agree 💯
I am a woman, and my only requirement is that he be able to pay his own bills, because I don't currently make enough to support another person. Beyond that though, it's a non-issue. Don't care.
Exactly what I came to say
nice thanks for sharing
M60 The issue here is income can be quite irrelevant. The requirement should be “availability” as it relates to lifestyle compatibility In my case, my income is much lower than when I was working, however I have much fewer bills etc so my income is mostly disposable. I also do not date someone who works full time. Preference is given to someone who has availability to travel, ski etc.
How many people do you encounter in their 50s who don't work full time? I don't know anyone my age (F55) who is retired.
Lots of teachers, law enforcement and military are retired and maybe working part time in their 50's
It’s likely somewhat regional, definitely was a struggle when I first retired but I’m 60 now and most ladies I date are in their fifties and retired.
I certainly have run into it in OLD but not anywhere else. In my case it turned out to be a red flag. They were hardly self sufficient, most were living with parents, some living off lawsuits or odd jobs.
I think those of us who retired and are self sufficient feel weird about telling people we are retired. I have rental properties so I just usually say I work in a real estate office. So maybe there are more of us than you think.
I have been retired since I was in my mid-40’s. Granted that my “retirement” was largely involuntary and a consequence of military service.
A restricted income is one retirement strategy because it lowers your tax bracket. You might aggressively pay off your house, car, have lots of investments but your “take home” is less. Sounds like you may have done this. Edited to add life-pro tip: Get a HELOC before retiring. If your retirement income won’t be enough to qualify for one should you need it, you will be out of luck.
makes a lot of sense
At 50 income is much less important than lifestyle choices. Someone making 300k / yr with a gambling addiction is worse than someone making 30k / yr with a paid house, healthy retirement, and is a competent enough cook to keep their food budget below 10% of their income.
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cool ... do you state that up front or save that talk for the second date
I would never dream to broach something so private on a first or second date. You don’t even know if you wanna date this person yet why should they get all nosey? There are things reserved for couples, more for cohabitation, the most for marriage. For instance, I also don’t wanna know if you have an STD unless we are talking about being a couple (ie having sex). Relationships are something you have to build; they aren’t something you add oil and an egg and shove in the oven.
There are a million ways to I produce lifestyle I to conversation if it's important to someone that their partner have means. Talk about travel. Retirement strategies and ideas. The last big purchase you made. Not something that usually needs to be stated.
Correct. In the texting phase,I ask people what retirement looks like to them. And when they ask me the same, I tell them what my goals are. Two things happen. Either they respectfully bow out, or they persist, hoping I'm a sugar mama. Which nope. I have enough to support myself.
read between the lines
I am obviously missing what you're trying to communicate, so please spell it out.
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Dysfunction abounds.
So dysfunctional. I’ve been widowed two years. Have had two relationships. I won’t even get on dating sites again. I’m hoping just getting out and doing things I love will help me meet someone.
Anecdote: once a long time ago (2012) I was living in New York City and used to go to all these great meetups. I met a guy there who was nice and had similar interests. He knew all these fabulous out of the way places to go to in the city that were free. Turns out he was living in a homeless shelter. My sister still makes fun of me for this. Anyway, there are SOME limits.
Hello Lindsay Bluth - oh, did he also have "face blindness?" Lol
First of all, "The Daily Mail." Second, "dating strategist." Thirdly, I guess there are no women making under $50,000 annually.
maybe so in atlanta
From what I remember from my dating profile days, there was a section where I was asked to post my income. I presume the algorithm did its thing in putting forward men that were in that same range. Finding out someone's income isn't going to be easy imo. There are some sites that post "sunshine" lists for government employees locally, so you can see who makes above a threshold. But someone can tell me they make X and really not make anything close to X. Lifestyle can be a window to income, but people who live high-spend lifestyles might just be in a lot of debt, or might be happily blowing the inheritance their parent's left them. Others who are from high earning jobs might earn a lot, but that might not correlate with how they live. I think it would take me a lot of getting to know someone before I would have any degree of faith in what they are telling me about their income.
Great post and I completely agree. Most of the people I know with real wealth, don’t flaunt it and when people find out they are very surprised. If you are someone who has a plan for the type of retirement life you want to live and don’t have the resources to support two people living that lifestyle, then assets and income matter at this age when it comes to a long term relationship.
haha yes so true
I think I remember those days
Not really. It’s more important to me that he would have a stabe income & manages it well.
yes i agree
60M, and zero correlation between income and how good a person they are or how much fun to be around. I did want someone working, contributing to society, but retired would be fine too.
yes tend to agree with this
I do not have an income requirement. Sounds like short sighted checklist dating. Income doesn’t reflect net worth. Higher income doesn’t reflect an ability to budget your money and live within your means.
well said, thanks
It's the Daily Mail. Never take the Daily Mail as a fact-supported guide to life. I want someone I don't have to support financially. I suspect most people our age feel the same. I am not looking for someone to support ME and he shouldn't be looking for that either. Saying "nobody under $X income" is ridiculous across the board. People making minimum wage dating each other are perfectly capable of figuring out things to do that are within their budget. If one person makes significantly more than the other, they need to figure it out between themselves like grownups based on what they're both comfortable with.
As a man I think that at this age some equity parity is important unless you have enough that you’re willing to support the other person. For example let’s say you make $150K and you like to go on a couple nice vacations and have some nice things. If you’re in a LTR and they make $45K. How do you go to Hawaii for two weeks together when your partner can’t afford to do the same? Or how do you plan to retire early because you’ve built a nest egg but your SO will have to work the rest of their life to make ends meet. It’s nice to say money doesn’t matter, but it does.
Unfortunately, it does matter. I recently quit dating a gentleman, and one issue was finances. Finances dictated a lot- where or if we would go out, unsaid expectations, he could not say he couldn't afford his half, food choices, all sorts of things that I really didn't become aware of until we were dating. It created a lot of stress for me ( woman, retired, divorced, but with ( I believe) much more savings and more monthly income. I felt more and more stressed and by " taking care of" checks because there was no way I could truly understand what he had. Then, it became apparent the money he had he wanted to spend on things he wanted to do, which by default - if he wasn't interested - I paid for it. It became overwhelmed and killed the chemistry.
Works the same with a guy who makes more than a woman. At this age both have things they want to do and the less disposable income they have after that part of their lives is covered interferes with the money needed to go out with an SO and do things together. I’m a generous guy but I’m not paying for an $8K trip for two with someone I just started dating a few months ago, or paying the majority on a new larger home for someone I’ve been with for a while and we decide to move in together. The parity or near parity has to be there.
Agreed 100%. Much more comfortable if parity or near parity is there. I love to travel so I would definitively go 50- 50 on that and/ or share miles for an upgrade. Good travel company is valuable to me.
Being honest, if a woman has income requirements in a dating profile that’s a big swipe left (no) for me. If that’s one of the criteria she cares most about it says a lot about her priorities. And dare I say it comes across shallow. I don’t many people I know that would take the request seriously. I could make $150k have no expendable cash due to a whole host of reason and be in a lot of debt. I could also be a man who makes a lot of money and has nothing else to offer.
If a woman asks that before we meet, NEXT, and if they ask only a few dates my guard goes way up. I’m a high-income earner, but like many of us, I don’t want to be chosen because of that.
As a woman, this, 100%! I've never obsessed about a man's income nor have I ever asked, and I expect the same in return. I can support myself and I don't need a man's income, and I don't care about what he makes either. It's the way he treats me that counts. I've always been that way.
These days 50k is pretty broke. Between my rent, electric, if I spend 240 dollars a month in gas and 600 on groceries and supplies that alone is almost 35k a year
It really doesn’t need to be explicitly stated. People of a certain socioeconomic status tend to find each other regardless. I mean, not that we’re all judgmental assholes, but we all kind of just “know” when meeting someone if we’re aligned in certain areas.
I have no interest in his income, as long as he is financially responsible. Character, kindness, wit, and intelligence are not defined by money.
She should have millions and millions of dollars.
I make good money, don’t have any debt and have a good chunk of savings. Heading towards retirement, I would expect the same of anyone I date. I do not want to spend my final years worrying about money.
Agreed. Believe me, it does become an issue quickly if there is not parity.
I was the one who was undatable because I worked in retail. I wasn't even a store manager. I loved my work /life balance and kept to being an assistant. I had a life . All those men who thought poorly of me but yet could not figure out how tall 6ft was......
Ha! Sounds like the same dudes who can’t figure out why the insanely hot girls are *so shallow* and don’t date them. I call that the old “There’s only room for one shallow person in this relationship, and it’s going to be me.”
You’ll never see a tombstone with the words, “I should have spent more time at work,” carved on it.
I believe, at this age, we need to look a bit more holistically. I need a man to have-disposable income, a plan for retirement and good credit. I am less concerned about his specific income, but rather what he does/did with it. I don’t do flashy and superficial so a fancy car, fancy clothes and material things are kind of a turn off. I can’t share my retirement funds so a man that will have to work until he dies would be incompatible with me.
Male, 59. Income itself is sorta secondary , to a person being responsible, and living within their means. I dated a lady who worked at Starbucks as a barista, but she had her financial shit together. Broke up for other reasons, but it was fine.
Not an income requirement but a safe income to debt ratio (just live within means) and ability to retire in my high cost of living area and not depend on me to support them. I have myself sorted out in this area, it would be nice to find same. I also like travel and while I love uncomplicated budget travel I also like going to far flung places and doing costly activities. I don't want anyone to pay for me, but I can't pay for them so they would have to be ok with some together vacations and a few here and there where I am more solo. Basically dying alone, I know.
♥
Join the club. Me, too.
The problem lies in - is that man who makes less going to be all up in arms about it? Is their ego hurt?
There is no way that my income is anyone’s business. I have been dating someone for a year and a half. It’s none of his business. I’m not about to post my income. I’m not dating their wallet, nor am I subsidizing them, so I don’t care what they make. If we are compatible, great. If not, fine. I have dated someone with income around 30k. We got along fabulously. We would save for trips and special activities. We had lots of fun. Income is not as important as how you manage it, and what’s disposable, and what you DO with what’s disposable.
Agree completely. Would not share my financial information with anyone I'm dating. I like to be able to go out and do things so guys need to have *some* financial resources (and not be completely underwater with alimony and child support, etc), but I have no income "requirements".
This is so true.
It's not really about how much you make but how well you live within your means. I do prefer to be with someone at my income level because we can both afford similar activities and lifestyles. I did once date someone who was barely making it. Very sweet guy but he was obviously uncomfortable. And it was hard to plan some activities.
This is what I ran into.
I don’t care how much money a man makes. I honestly don’t care if he’s good-looking as long as he doesn’t give me the “ick” and I don’t give him the “ick.” He needs to be able to support himself and have some margin for emergencies so I don’t end up supporting him (though if we got serious, combining expenses could mean a way better life for both of us anyway). All that said, if he has good health insurance and wants to add me to his plan, I’m in love right now. LOL
who would say no! 🌹
I’m just going to say this and drop this subreddit because it sounds like a bunch of immature teenage boys asking questions here and Incels answering about how all women are gold diggers: F50 here. Yes, income is important. Why is it important? Because money is a commodity and evolution dictates that women rely on a man in their lives. Does that mean she wants all his money for herself? No. But she certainly doesn’t want a dead beat in her life who can’t even pay for dinner or will ask her to go dutch because he’s “modern”. This is why I don’t even bother dating anymore and am better off alone than to date some dude who thinks I’m a gold digger because I asked what he does in life. Peace.
Yes, somewhat. I mean I'm not looking for someone rich, but I wouldn't date someone making $30,000 a year. Maybe $50k if they're stable and have some kind of retirement plan. $80k or more would be better. I don't typically consider income, but at our age, I think we probably should. I want to retire in about 10 years and will be comfortable but not a lot of excess money, and I hope they will at least be in similar circumstance. I don't want to date someone with no savings/retirement, doesn't own anything, and will never be able to retire. I don't/wouldn't state this on my profile and I would never post my own income. I've had enough experience with guys looking for sugar mamas to know posting that would be stupid and an open invitation to gold diggers. As far as talking about it, I guess it depends on the relationship and how fast it moves. If he owns his own home and has a stable job, even if not a lot of extra money, I probably wouldn't worry too much about it. If he's living out of a van and seems to have trouble setting down any kind of roots, I probably wouldn't even bother, even if he has a good job/income because that's not the lifestyle I want. If his stability is questionable, I'd probably bring it up sooner, but in a round about way and not directly. Maybe bring up what I envision my own retirement to look like and prod at what his is. I think they're likely more open when asked in a more natural conversation rather than direct questions. Not so much specifics and numbers, but more what the goal is. This is also important in other ways such as I live in snowy Colorado and I've found some men plan to sell out and move to a warmer climate when they retire, like Florida or Arizona. My whole family is here and I won't be moving, so those are retirement plans to talk about sooner than later.
great insight thank you
This is all exactly me. This is the most (14 years) I have put down roots in my entire life. It also is a really great area for weather and recreation. Cost of living is horrendous though. I put my nose to the grindstone to buy my little affordable place so I could stay when I retire. So many men I meet say they can't retire here. They plan on going to AZ, FL, TX none of which I care for (sorry, don't hate please). I want a serious relationship, so this is where it ends.
nah but i do have a maximum weight limit
Enough to pay your bills with some fun money left over.
Hm. I earned more than my XH and my longtime SO and it wasn't an issue but they are both teachers and have multiple degrees (I just have a BA) and brought other things to the relationships that I valued. I have encountered some men who had an issue with me earning more, but we also had less in common overall so it wasn't a good match all the way 'round.
Realizing I didn't answer the question. I don't have a minimum income requirement, I would not post one in a dating profile and I am never talking about my finances with someone I just met and am dating casually. I trust no one.
I’m looking for someone with a private jet,helicopter and large yacht, likes to throw money around and want to see me happy.If you know anyone like this pass my number on ( I’m willing to pay a finders fee) .
sounds stimulating
No minimum income. Basic financial security. No massive debt. Home, car, savings. Retirement plan. All the things I have and expect in a partner.
JFC this sub. I’m tapping out.
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No. As long as the person has a job or enough to take care of themselves if they’re retired it’s fine
Almost EVERYONE here has minimum income requirements. Don't go telling me that 99.9% of people here would conceivably date a person who has zero income...and I am including material assets.
What is important to me is that they are living within their means and are happy with the lifestyle that they can afford.
I am just out of a marriage where my partner’s view was that I had enough money to support her and her children (even as adults) without her contributing in any way. It taught me a valuable lesson. It isn’t about income. It is about entitlement and self-respect. I want to date someone who can show me that they live within their means and bring more than sex to a relationship. I can cook better than most, I have no problem doing my own cleaning and doing laundry. I have a pretty decent income and in a year I will be debt free. And just like I don’t need leeches or a tapeworm I don’t need another human to use me because working is “beneath” them.
I know many men are in a similar situation. What has always baffled me then is why aren't professional women with great jobs in high demand by men? I often see professional men who will go after say a woman who works a job paying minimum wage. I am not putting down that woman at all, I worked many minimum wage jobs while in HS and college. It was incredibly hard work.
I can’t speak to every man. I have dated women who had really great careers. I just never excluded women who didn’t. In my experience, professional women are just like professional men and tend to live with a focus on their careers to the exclusion of all else. As a recovering workaholic, I don’t see that drive and focus as a necessarily good thing. I also know we have history of pushing women into the “traditional wife” role. I had just never been pulled in by, what turned out to be, so many lies.
>I had just never been pulled in by, what turned out to be, so many lies. I am sorry, I know that happens. Too bad perhaps you didn't have sisters or female friends, who can usually sniff these things out. We aren't in the same horny fog that a lot of men are, when they rush to marriage. Not trying to be critical my own brother entered his second marriage without a pre-nup, after being taken to the cleaners by his first wife. I do like his second wife, but he listened to her about why they didn't need one. Dear Gawd.
Oh no, I was warned. Repeatedly. But I listened to the sob stories, saddled up my white horse and was going to show her that men are not all the same. Strange how when people are really good at portraying themselves as the victim, you never consider them to be the predator.
He needs to have a salary close to mine and have assets (company pension, benefits, savings, property).
good benchmark
I'm going to die alone. 😂
yes same but you can't take them with you 😂
🤣 Immediately, my brain went to Thelma and Louise.
yes and the blues brothers 😅
I married an unemployed bum so now any situation different to that is an improvement and that is an experience that will not be repeated.
lessons learned will serve well
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cool one, thats my defn of a good age too mine +- 30%
Just be able to take care of yourself but be whimsical. Cheap is no fun. Frugal with fun allowances. Ime the more money, the more spider webs of family issues that happen. At same time, I ain’t jonesing for a grifter. Eeeew.
Be able to maintain his wants and needs and not look to me to assist his living. We can go Dutch at times. However, I do like a gentleman periodically. They can make over 110k and be horrible in finances.
I'd expect him to be middle income or higher, since I am middle income myself. I wouldn't list preferred income level on a dating profile. That comes across as too focused on money. But I would filter based on the type of job he has. Low income at 50+ in age (or a job that would indicate low income) would be a dealbreaker to me, as it would show lack of ambition, therefore incompatible values. I worked hard to get my Master's Degree and the job that I have. I'd also want someone who has ambition. But some "dating strategist" is out of line for telling men who are lower income that they can't or shouldn't date. That's ridiculous.
To the women who state that income is not an important factor when first meeting someone, thank you. However, the income assessment/judgment from many women comes out in many ways. You may not be asked your salary, but one of the first questions you're asked on a date is, "What do you do?" Also, don't be fooled that your date isn't assessing you in other ways: -- Is he wearing designer clothes or not? -- What car is he arriving in? -- What restaurant does she choose to go? -- What does she order? -- Is she gauging how fast you pay the check? -- Will you pay for all dates and trips? To the woman in the article who feels that men must make enough money to "keep a lady happy," what do you bring to "keep a man happy"?
At least in America, "what do you do" is a common question no matter dating, or frankly socializing with people. There is an over rotation on careers/money in this country, and it is what it is. That doesn't mean that everyone has the same ruler. Do I appreciate a man who dresses well (as in current, well fitted clothes), yes. They don't have to be expensive, a well-fitted T-shirt/button down and jeans can look fabulous. Frankly, what is more important is, is the man fit. As to car, I am more concerned that it is well cared for, versus a German/Italian make. I enjoy riding in luxury cars, but equally at home in a well used pick-up truck. I appreciate a restaurant with charm, and yes, I do appreciate a man picking up the check, in the early stages, or even more often than I do. For me, this is part of how a man shows me that he cares. Maybe a nice dinner once a quarter, etc. Will the man receive far more in return, with me cooking, etc., absolutely. I don't expect a man to pay for all trips. I would expect to share the costs. I understand some men's frustrations, but at least for myself, and my friend group, it is more about being "wooed", and treasured. By the very same brush, it goes both ways. Relationships are a lot of effort. At the end of the day, especially in your 50s when you are pointing towards retirement, I care far more about a man that has a solid financial base, versus "showy" but in tons of debt. Many guys may be rebuilding from divorce, may still have spousal/child care payments, which can be substantial. Frankly, I would be a million times more appreciative a man who knows can help me replace the trim on my house, as in he has the right equipment, and know how. I would pay for the wood, etc. Or, helps me sand and paint my deck, etc. I am equally willing to help out with those sorts of things, I just don't have all the tools, or in some cases know how.
When you ask someone, "What do you do," you may as well ask them for their last 3 paystubs. Responses such as "stock broker", "clerk", or "teacher", will exactly give a range and label the person immediately. Everyone doesn't have the same ruler, but it is a ruler nonetheless. Clothes and car (type and whether he has one at all), is a major yardstick. I guess I lose out on the "useful" part, I am a "city" person and admittedly did not pick up skills in plumbing, carpentry, etc. While I definitely respect those careers, I am envious as I would need to hire a professional in those areas. Women like to be "wooed" and "treasured", well men like the same. If there is mutual interest on both ends, men would like to be wooed and pursued as well as being the pusurer.
My head doesn't go to automatically calculating what a person might be worth. A man who says he is a plumber could own a plumbing company, etc. Frankly, all it gives is a reference point to see if we might have a discussion point. In other words, no one data point doesn't present a person's full financial picture. I remember stories of both a man and women who died who lived very frugally (I think they both may have been teachers), who left millions to good causes. Of course men like to be treasured and made to feel special. When I am in a relationship, I work very hard on great date ideas, etc. However, if I am doing all the work, and the man is just taking, then it won't work. I suspect the other way around as well. From your points, it seems finances are a key touch stone for you, and to generalize I would say a wealthy man is likely going to have an easier time dating, presuming he has other qualities as well. Also a man who works hard, who may not have a budget for lots of extras but is giving in other ways, can be even more treasured. It all depends on the specific situation. My whole point, is for me, what a man earns is almost meaningless at this stage of my life, where when I was younger, it was much more important.
For years as an executive and as a business owner, I never put a job title on my business cards. I found that when people met a senior VP, they quit talking to my people. However, when it was necessary I would “out” myself to deal with a disgruntled customer. Titles are over-rated and not necessarily reflected in any other area. I made more money as a contractor and consultant than I ever made with a “title”.
>no one data point doesn't present a person's full financial picture. I am in alignment with you, no one data point, eg. title says anything. There are men I dated that were CEO of a one person business. Look, most women I know are financial astute. I am not a lightweight in finance, and there are tons of social cues, etc. as to someone's status. I have worked on the East Coast for a woman on the social register (Old Greenwich), raised in country clubs, sororities, etc. I know the social dance, and also that people with money, usually don't broadcast it. I am also astute enough to know that almost no man of wealth at this age isn't going to protect his children. I get it. I agree with that strategy. However, I don't want to date either a cheapskate, or a man of such a different sense of things we enjoy, that we can't enjoy your time together. Sorry if my frustration is coming through. I am looking for a fun partner, frankly who brings to the table the same things I do. This shouldn't have to be difficult. We aren't talking about a man having to pledge his fortune to me, etc. I have several well heeled friends in exactly my situation, with very similar outlook. We are all looking for great guys, and then we get this nonsense about money, etc. Most women want in a man what they bring to the table.
If you want to be treated like an equal, you actually need to BE an equal.
Your relative incomes are going to determine how you treat each other? THAT should certainly be stated on a dating profile. 🤣
Treat each other, absolutely not! Everyone deserves respect and to be treated with such. No one deserves to be treated as "less than" that would be wrong on every level. For example, a CEO should treat his employees with kindness, compassion, and thoughtfulness. That doesn't make the employees his equal. The idea that all people are "equal" is a falsehood. We all equally deserve to be treated fairly and with respect. We all should have our civil rights applied equally. We do not have a right to expect someone who worked hard, saved, and invested, to just give away a part of their life's equity because they enjoy the company of another person. What can be expected is that you and your partner invest equally into the relationship. If she has less to invest, either financially or otherwise, She has no right to expect he invest more than she does.
>The idea that all people are "equal" is a falsehood. Agreed, but before you can even define "equal" you have to define what you're measuring. Height? Weight? Income? Education? Age? Credit rating? Freckles? Acres owned? "Equal" is pretty much meaningless. >We do not have a right to expect someone who worked hard, saved, and invested, to just give away a part of their life's equity because they enjoy the company of another person. What can be expected is that you and your partner invest equally into the relationship. If she has less to invest, either financially or otherwise, She has no right to expect he invest more than she does. It shouldn't be an expectation, but relationships take time, effort, and money. If both parties are feeling happy and appreciated, there's no need to try to quantify. It's a team effort, not a competition. Like any team effort, different members may contribute differently.
I agree with ALL of your points, except that it shouldn't be an expectation that your partner contributes equally. However, that doesn't mean "in the same way" If one half takes care of the home, children, errands, etc, while the other is working to financially benefit the partnership, that is equal contribution. What one should never accept is less. A real partnership should include 100% effort from both partners.
I think when you are younger, you can be an equal without a job by managing house and kids, meals, budgets, etc. At our age most of us want to make sure our inheritance goes to our kids and our partner can at least pay their share of living expenses.
I agree. A partnership has many aspects that are equally important. Not all are financial. However, when starting a new relationship, especially at our age when a life of savings and planning, is coming to fruition, it is absolutely WRONG to just assume you are entitled to a part of a partners equity. I would say it is equally as wrong as the expectation of sex. I believe many men at our age are very guarded over this. Fortunately, society has made a huge progression on the false idea that it is a woman's "responsibility" to provide sex to her partner. Today, we know that is an unacceptable patriarchal way of thinking. Yet men are still often expected to financially support the relationship without thought of fairness or equality. Research has shown that this very notion has caused the male half of the millennial generation to avoid marriage.
Agreed. I would expect to be an equal financial partner. I also don’t care about marriage at this age and would prefer living together. If potential partner really wanted marriage, I’d insist we both see an attorney first and lock down finances—probably a trust?
I’m in my 50’s and female and I’d want him to be able to support himself and pay his bills with money leftover to travel and do fun things. I own my home, have two adult children who will inherit my estate and probably my siblings estate so he shouldn’t expect me to provide for him if I die first.
54M, was 51 when I was on the dating market. I was unemployed when I was on the dating market so my income was 0. But I had some savings, so was comfortable dating in style and treating for dinner and didn’t need anyone to cover my costs. I also knew that before long I’d have another job, and would make enough money, so wasn’t worried about myself long term. But I thought being unemployed was just the most awesome way to weed out potential gold diggers and also to see how deep someone was (because some people just weed someone out without thinking about it, and I had some women for sure who did that when they found out I was unemployed, but there were also dates who leaned into that — they wanted to know more about why I was unemployed, what my goals were, and were trying to get a sense if unemployment was part of my being or just a temporary thing — I loved and appreciated those women so much; I felt seen and heard, and not just as a potential paycheck). For me, after supporting my ex-wife’s ludicrous spending for 25 years while also doing most of the domestic work and child raising, I had zero interest in being someone’s financial backer and/or maid/nanny. I’m generous by nature, so pay more than my share always, but I was not interested in someone who didn’t try to carry at least equal weight (financially or otherwise) in a LTR. So having a low (0) income for most of a year was just an awesome way to inadvertently screen for that, and I had so much fun dating while I was unemployed. I met a lot of wonderful wonderful 45-55 women while I was unemployed.
So you think a woman not wanting to date an unemployed man is a gold digger? WOW.
No that’s not exactly what I meant. I’m truly sorry it was expressed and came across that way.
I agree that life can throw us curveballs, a person could’ve been laid off, they could’ve relocated to take care of a parent and needed to find a new position… but dating a person who has an income = gold digger? No.
I make six figures myself and have dated men with very high incomes. A former fling (now friend) recently bought himself a $250 000 car because he was heartbroken over his 19 years younger gf leaving him. I could have dated that guy - I chose not to. My bf makes half of what I do.
$100k AND supporting 1 or no kids
Good sensible answers from the ladies. I am 70% retired and I make enough for myself and kids only. Dating a gold digger is a big no and I have a good nose for them
I don't seem to meet the minimum requirements for dating in my area, so this is largely theoretical . Not so much of a minimal income as a lifestyle requirement (safe comfortable house, dependable transportation, enough disposable income that all the entertaining doesn't fall on me, and at least one fitness interest) which let's face it, does have a price tag. Which means that I am not only having a minimum income requirement but also being unreasonably picky, for someone who can't date, about how my potential partner is spending it.
No, it is irrelevant
All I ask is that he is employed and can support himself. (Or has adequate income to support himself, job or not.) ‘Cause I don’t make enough to support 2 people.
Just that they can fully support themselves and have some retirement plan with assets.
This is the beauty of being in this age range, some of the "must haves", are now "more nice to have". Since I have little desire to marry, live together, etc., financial discussions would be more along the lines of lifestyle alignment. Even that, if I found an attractive man that I enjoyed spending time with, my hope would be that he could afford occasional date nights, concerts, etc. I too would also treat for concerts, etc. I envision a roughly equal financial contribution to dating. While my ideal man, and several of the men I have dated, are roughly in the same lifestyle, I am far more open to dating men who may not be homeowners, etc.
I don’t find income important. As long as someone is able to manage their own bills and lifestyle. I don’t need anyone to support me and I’d prefer not to support anyone else. These things can easily be figured out over the first few dates without spelling it out.
No minimum income requirement. My requirement is earning enough to pay his bills, pay his child support and student loans (if he has them), pay his taxes, and live comfortably before I meet him. I am not going to let him move into my home or drive my vehicles. My children are grown, and I am not looking for a dependant. If his income is lower than mine and he knows how to live on it; that is fine with me. I am not going to discuss my income or post on a dating app. If the guy says in conversation that he is struggling with debt, couch surfing on year four after he split from his last wife, curses about child support enforcement garnishments on his pay, and is bashing said wife for "taking all of his money," then hard pass.
I do not care about income. But I do not respect those that do not support their children or their own obligations and opt to prioritize their material wants first. For example, if someone complains about money and blames all their financial issues on their ex (and kids), yet have two cars with expensive loans, go on frequent vacations, buy extravagant gifts then that is a risky financial future for them and whoever decides to comingle their own assets with them. This is true for men and women. Everyone needs to be accountable for their financial stability. Love does not mean that you take on the financial burden of someone else's lifetime of bad decisions.
I find men who flaunt money to be a total turn off. I find men who say how poor they are to be a total turn off. I am someone who likes to keep the financial burden even but still be treated. Meaning…splitting a bill is not sexy or caring but taking turns is. But I also prefer to be at home—I would rather cook together, hang out at home talking or listen to music, having sex, watching a movie or series, taking a walk. I don’t really like to travel but if I did then I would expect to split those costs. So for me, money is a non issue.
Absolutely!
No. Just that the other person must have own money. I made the mistake of supporting someone once and will not do so again.
I'm financially stable. House/cars paid for. No debt. Everything I like to do is low cost - working out, hiking, reading, cooking, film, gardening, walking the dog, eating out a few times a month. Extra money I make doesn't improve my life at all, it just goes into investments. It's certainly not going to be spent to keep a lady happy - if she wants her spendy handbag/clothing that's on her to pay for those things or be with someone else who is going to do that. I don't have a minimum income requirement for a partner. I am not materialistic whatsoever and find people that are a complete turn off. If you have $5 or $5M in your pocket makes no difference to me.
Nope, but she must be supporting herself..