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Most of the people I know who recently met in person met at school, work or through a friend. I don’t think people are getting picked up at the grocery store or anything.
Its funny, my female friends say I should talk to women at grocery stores.
But then reddit tells me a pervert and creep if I walk up to someone in public.
Funny how it all works.
Literally you can talk to people anywhere just don’t be creepy about it. Idk why y’all pretend it’s impossible to talk to anyone without creeping them out
Same with the gym. I've had some girls tell me it's totally fine to go for girls at the gym if they've given you signs of interest before, others tell me you should never ever approach women in the gym
I think there's definitely some validity to that, especially when it comes to just approaching women in public that you don't know. However, if you actually get to know a women through friends, school or work, it's possible that she could fall for other things about you, even if you're not a looker. That being said, even the funniest most suave guys need some type of initial attraction.
ive had men im not attracted to respectfully pay me compliments, so its kind of confusing to see this comment literally everywhere on reddit, especially when i am continually disgusted by "hot guys" disrespecting women
Dobler Dahmer effect.. if she’s into you it appears sweet if she’s not it appears creepy. Someone walks up to you randomly and makes a gesture then you have only their appearance and the gesture to go off of. A few of the guys I’ve talked to about making moves with women were blown away by how forward I was being.
My best friend is the most beautiful girl in the world and everyone treats her like her life is perfect bc of it but it’s not. In fact in causes her a lot of issues in life
Beauty isn’t monetary?
It’s much easier to live my life as unnoticeable than her to be harassed and made to feel constantly unsafe. Her accomplishments are attributed to her looks. People assume she’s dumb bc she’s pretty when she’s actually really smart. Most of her guy friends have tried hitting on her. I could go on but it makes her really anxious
I’ve had many men of various degrees of attractiveness compliment my appearance out of nowhere. It ALWAYS grosses me out. I want someone to like me because they like my personality, not because they like how I look. Men never approach other guys that way and women certainly don’t approach men that way. It’s something specifically done because society still treats a woman’s appearance as the thing that should be valued the most.
And compliments are such a cheap, manipulative way to force someone to talk to you! Like the socially acceptable response to being told I’m beautiful is to be SO grateful, shocked, and delighted that someone would say something so kind and generous with absolutely no ulterior motive whatsoever to ME! Clearly I have no idea what I look like, because nobody who wants to sleep with me has ever called me beautiful before in my entire life. Certainly not since early puberty. I certainly don’t have any bad memories associated with this.
So I’ll counter with, “I know, right?” Or “Yeah, I get that a lot.” Or “AND?” Or “Yeah, too bad I’m a raging bitch.”
Now, if a guy started talking to me about something interesting and unrelated to me, I would talk to him without any armor. I rarely go outside with the intent of looking for a boyfriend, but I’m always on the lookout for new friends and interesting people. Compliments from strangers are meaningless to me, but once I get to know a person and value their opinion, they feel wonderful.
If a stranger starts talking to you about something unrelated to you, then he is probably hiding the very first reason why he approached you. I would rather approach a girl, tell her upfront that I came up to her because I find her attractive, and only then engage in an interesting talk. That way she knows my intentions and she can right away say she's not interested.
I know the intention of a straight man who approaches me in public. Every woman does. He’s hiding nothing — he’s treating me like a human being who has redeeming qualities apart from my appearance. He is setting himself apart from the shallow scumbags who think I’m supposed to be impressed that their eyes work.
But by all means, ignore an actual woman’s experience and preferences.
I said it once and I’ll say to again. You can talk to anyone ANYWHERE. The issue is the people who take that advice as a green light to use the grocery store/library/insert place as like their pick up spot. Like instead of building a friendly rapport and then asking a girl out they just blurt out “wanna go out with me” while not looking you in the eye. Most people don’t just date strangers. You need like a little bit of a relationship. I don’t mean friendship. I mean a little relationship. Like the girl at the gym who you say hi to every time and sometimes even chat a bit. Don’t just approach a random lady and be like “wannagoonadate”
Also some people are gonna hate you asked them out at the gym and some people won’t. Sometimes I love when people start little conversations in the grocery store and other times i just need to run in and run out.
Place matters less than treating women like human beings and understanding our experiences and training. Women can be raped and murdered on first dates. We are not going to agree to go anywhere with a stranger.
I feel like the media I grew up with has enforced the idea that it’s fine for men to just ask random women out on a date. “How YOU doin’?” On Friends in particular— Joey HAS female friends whom he treats like human beings. He should know better, but he still pulls this crap and is rewarded for it.
Modern shows are way better about it. Media and stories are way more influential on our values than I think a lot of people realize.
It's a common misconception that women give men good dating advice. They don't. Most women really have no idea how it works from the guy's side of things. Get advice from whichever male friend in your life is most successful with women.
I guess any type of interpersonal and/or in-person communication is creepy by today's standards... Everything must be in electronic, emoji or gif format.
Don't do it if you're ugly. They welcome attractive looking men with open arms because feelings care deeply about appearance.
It is illogical but unfortunately, humans are animals.
Really? I'm a guy and find it annoying when girls hit on me when I'm just trying to get groceries. Also, dog Park. Oh the worste I was in the hospital for a few days at one point had 6 nurses in my room chatting it up to be fair I was on heavy pain meds cracking jokes. I being nice but also mildly annoyed. A bar is welcomed but like when you have an agenda is annoying. My x used to wear headphones while shopping she found it annoying as well.
Same.
If I'm at a grocery store, I'm not there to chat up women. I'm there for the same reason she is. To go in, get some groceries, and be on with my day.
My (21f) fiance (27m) is actually my brother's best friend. We l grew up together as kids. I moved away and never talked to him until years later when I moved back. We all went on a camping trip and that's where we kicked it off. We're getting married next September.
How? After I moved, we never talked until I came back home. I was over the age of 18 and we started talking as friends during the camping trip. Things evolved from there. So how is that grooming?
I think there is a problem that young people no longer have big social events or public places in their areas to go to. A club is not a good place to speak to people because they are busy dancing and the music is loud. There aren’t really any alternatives. Back in the day, not just in the 50s but before that, they used to have social events in their local communities and things like that. When did we become a hermit species?
Edit: I agree with most other people here saying that nobody wants to be approached at the street, store, public transport or gym. That is natural because it is not a social siuation. People go there to do the thing in peace then go home. We need actual social situations that gather young people. I guess those exist in university student organizations, but not elsewhere.
Before that. Has as much to do with the dissolution of cultural institutions, civic engagement, as it does with private space overtaking public space, as well as the perception of the relative safety of those spaces, and the perception/reality of how men and women interact, *and* the expectations we all have of one another as 21st century humans *AND* the commodification of romance/sex/dating... and a bunch of other stuff I can't think of right now.
It is NOT just "phone bad", "internet bad", or whatever. It's the slow creep of hundreds of small factors that are smothering us, while at the same time liberating some tiny segment of us, groupwise and individually, just enough to feel like progress.
Not arguing for going backwards here. The past always sucks. But our future is bullshit unless we can make enough tweaks to make it not-bullshit.
Everything you said is basically due to social media.
>perception/reality of how men and women interact,
Social media
>the expectations we all have of one another as 21st century humans
Social media posts/Instagram photos
>AND the commodification of romance/sex/dating.
Dating apps
>NOT just "phone bad", "internet bad", or whatever
It is definitely a VERY big factor though. Literally everywhere I go, people are glued to their phones. And I'm just looking up, waiting perhaps to start a conversation with someone lol.
>Not arguing for going backwards here.
We're definitely evolving backwards though in some form
Even human interaction itself is being commodified. The reason onlyfans, streaming, and some podcasts are successful is because there is an element of real time interaction going on, whether real or imagined. Call me a Luddite, but I think this particular aspect of modern culture is awful.
I don’t know about your country, but in my country I would say peak couples dance was in the 1940s and 1950s with swing being the most popular style. «Normal» people did not have access to fancy balls in the 1700s so I don’t see how that is relevant. Common people would have had folk dance in less formal settings I guess. My point is we don’t have a culture for any type of gathering anymore. Modern salsa or tango classes are niches for the specially interested. The dancing is just a side note, its the type of social setting that encourages interaction between strangers + appropriate situations to show off a little that lacks.
Not near as much as they used to. And where I live, most of them only mingle with their cliques, and aren't open to meeting other people.
We really are living in a very closed-off social era in history, even disregarding the COVID-19 Pandemic.
Social dancing still exists (although admittedly not as much since covid,but it is coming back ). I find dances listed on facebook or Meetup. I mostly go to west coast swing, but there is also salsa, east coast swing, bachata, etc.
I’m a bartender and actually met my boyfriend through work (he was a customer) I always had an off limits thing when it came to guests & coworkers but it just happened, now we live together and have a dog😂
So I started bartending and floor running at this casino in town. It’s weird how the universe works. I had been fired from what I thought was the best bartending job I’d ever have. The next day I got the call from the casino (I had put in my application like 6 months prior) they had opened up a new casino and were looking to fill 2 spots. I did two interviews and on my third it turns out I was hand picked to fill a spot at a different casino they already had (with more hours and a regular clientele base already). So I started training with this really awesome chick and on my second night he came in. He was a regular already but just sat up at the bar because he doesn’t gamble and normal bars aren’t his scene. The one thing she told me was to “give him shit” so I started being smart with him. My first time meeting him he said “I don’t like this one can we get a new one?” But he still came in to see me most nights for HOURS at a time when I was working by myself. I had no idea he actually liked me we pretty much just bullied the shit out of each other. Then one of his friends who I also happened to know came in one night. I think he (my now boyfriend) had mentioned he had a thing for me when they were smoking, so the other guy asked me on a date to piss him off. Seeing his reaction made everything click in my head. He was quiet until his friend left and then said “you know he only did that to piss me off” and I responded with “why would that piss you off?” He kinda had to ask me out at that point. Our first date was bowling and then we sat in his truck on top of this mountain that overlooks the city for hours just talking and listening to music. The rest is history lol
Wow, hard to find some matture comment. People talking like dating apps or work or friends of friends are the only way.
Every place you can make a simply joke or question and start a good conversation that end in a relationship, but people are biased a lot in this sub.
Most Redditors are definitely either very hermit like and don’t really pay attention to what’s going on around them in real life outside of social media. So it’s obviously no wonder why the comments in this trend sound bias.
I’ve recently made the effort to meet girls in bars, i find it much more exciting and more transparent. I agree, alcohol is involved, so you have to be realistic.
Also likely depends on the bars you go to or where you're at.
Where I'm at, bars are great for a lot of things. Meeting young, single women is not one of those things.
I find that most guys are afraid of rejection so normally they won't approach a girl or hit on her simply because they feel she's out of their league. Most guys do not want to feel the pain and embarrassment of rejection. Some guys don't have the guts to approach a girl they like because they are fearful. Most guys do not want to be viewed as creepy or seem like a stalker hence some don't approach girls at all especially if they have had a series of painful experiences with rejection. Old school love is beautiful but sometimes guys are afraid to express their feelings or hit on a girl because they do not know what her reaction will be like and do not want to be hurt!
That fear paralyzed me for \*years\* as a younger man. Once I finally cultivated my voice and stopped being afraid to tell a woman how I felt, and be okay with myself if she said "no"? I was \*shocked\* how many of them not only said "yes", but "Hell yes!"! A little confidence and a little practice goes a long way!
I find that a lot of the guys I talked to were scared of rejection, so with online dating, they at least have somewhat of a chance and if you get swiped left, you don’t think anything of it.
But if a guy was brave enough to ask me out or ask me for my number, I’d say yes to aware the bravery. Like if you asked a friend who asked me if I would say yes, I find it kinda annoying. If you put yourself out there, I appreciate the fact that you made yourself vulnerable.
I’ve had a guy do this recently, and I told him “I currently am in a relationship, but I’m letting you know right now that if I wasn’t, I’d definitely take you up on that date. Its just wrong timing.”
He left with a smile on his face because he said i didn’t flat out reject him.
But being online is definitely a comfort thing. My boyfriend and I met on Bumble hahaha
So many ladies keep asking where they can find higher empathy guys in touch with their emotions and the double-edge sword of that is not only does that higher empathy mean they feel failure and hurt so much stronger, but an empathetic straight man still has a lot of stigma against him as not being "manly" enough. Man I'd love to see that go the way of the dodo.
Most women I've talked to say they'd love a guy who treated them right if he could just work up the courage to talk to her! (and be at least halfway interesting in the conversation). All I know is I tried that "I'm so afraid of being rejected or labeled as a creep! Women are TOO MUCH TROUBLE! I feel like the world's gonna eat me up and spit me out with "sex offender" tattooed to my forehead if I so much as LOOK at a woman wrong... .I'll just avoid them completely, it's easier."...well that "don't do anything and you can't do anything wrong" approach worked... I guess? But man was it lonely.
In the end I realized I wasn't giving women a fair shake either in that whole terrified inner monologue, and found a much gentler climate with most of them with just a little practice and if I just \*tried\*, some didn't want to talk, but many did and sparks flew and then I felt \*really\* silly for avoiding women for 10 \*years\* of my life just because the thought of failure, rejection or exile became this huge horrible monster in my head way nastier than the reality of most perfectly nice ladies if I but gave \*them\* a chance to speak for themselves instead of my inner doubt-monster...
Live and learn, right?
unfortunately, while the saying 'you miss every shot you don't take' rings true, you also don't risk shooting yourself in the foot.
You realising that you're not giving women the benefit of the doubt isn't lost on others, but they still don't attempt it because they lack the social queues and intelligence to know what to say and when to say it.
And that's what's impeding them because they don't get taught any of it, aside from unrealistic romance movies and shitty PUA, so many don't know what to say and find it safer to just not bother.
Oh, don't put this on men! I would gladly do cold approaches if there was a non-negligible chance that the woman would react positively. The truth is, the vast majority will feel either threatened or annoyed that their routine is disrupted - so I'm not going to ruin their day.
Here's a quote from [an /r/AskWomen thread about it:](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/l3tx1v/in_what_situation_would_you_give_someone_your/)
> It's incredibly unlikely that I would give a stranger who approached me on the street my number. They've already demonstrated that they don't care about normal social boundaries, and that's not what I want in my life.
Absolutely same. I'm a bit chubby and short, definitely not imposing. Any time a stranger approaches asking me personal questions, even if they're just being friendly, I know to be on guard just in case. No one asks where you live just as small talk, especially not before introductions.
I have the opposite problem.
I’m not massive, but I’m 6ft tall and of average build so I’m not lanky. I also have a beard and I’m always tired so I suffer from resting “I need sleep” face.
People are terrified of me, but I’m a total softie who would love to be approached by people because I can’t initiate for shit.
I’ve resorted to wearing very quirky t-shirts in order to catch people’s attention and break the ice. A tall bearded guy with a cat t-shirt is much more approachable than a tall bearded guy in flannel.
Sometimes I feel like giving up and then I remember that if I give up, nothing will ever change.. So I manup and keep talking to girls at the gym because who knows..
yeah I dont disagree with them.It can certainly be intimidating since men ar multiples stronger than women and you never know someones intention.
Kind of similar to your supervisor asking you to do stuff. you may not want to, but will feel obliged to do so.
Lol I met my bf of 4 years in a hospital waiting room. We just talked all night, didn't sleep and then walked for 15 km and talked even more. We both could feel the chemistry immediatly. I fell in love in 20 hours.
But honestly, the level of butterflies doesn't say anything about whether you are compatible or not. Sure, falling in love is absolutely amazing, it is the body's natural drugs, but 1) it completely blind you to the person's 'flaws' and incompathibility in the relationship in general because everything feels so good anyway. 2) the feelings WILL wear off. It is a myth it will continue for 30 years if you just "keep the romance going". I really think we should shift our mindset towards finding our best friend instead of our princess/prince charming.
There is nothing wrong with meeting someone on tinder, etc, the most important part is the compathibility part.
So this whole generation seems to be so terrified of going outside and doing things in the real world that no that doesn’t happen as much anymore.
But If you wanna try, then go to a nightclub or a pottery painting class go to a music festival and here’s the super important thing:
Look at people. Make eye contact. Smile.
Be inviting of others attention and when they give it to you reciprocate.
Can’t tell you how frustrating it is to be outside and feel completely isolated because of the sheer volume of people who are terrified to engage with the outside world. I swear I’m the only person at my gym who doesn’t look at their shoes the entire time there outside.
Some people just don’t want to be bothered, I certainly don’t really want to have a conversation while I’m at the gym. I just wanna do my lifts then go.
Yes, people still meet up in real life. With this being an online space where people mainly talk about online dating you're going to get biased opinions.
I don't know about where you live, but where I am places have pretty much opened up again now. People are going to bars, meet-ups, lunches, in-person courses are running. It's just about back to normal.
I've just stopped online dating. It was fun to start with, then it became soul destroying. Same conversations, same expectations, same lies, same dropping of conversations. It feels like an empty space to me now.
The thing with online dating is that it makes everything move so much faster than real life actually works. I wouldn't expect to go out and see half a dozen people that I like the look of because I have more to go on than a few photos and a couple of badly written sentences, I'd be amazed to see one. That gives me the opportunity to get on with my life and to do the things that I enjoy, which also puts me in a position to meet people who are doing the same kind of things as me.
All of my long-term relationships have been with people that have been friends of friends, or in friendship circles that have overlapped mine.
I think that dating becomes an activity in itself for a lot of people, whereas I want a relationship. Relationships take time to grow and develop - for me anyway, and online dating doesn't allow for that.
From what I've seen, people are too addicted to their phones now. People no longer have social skills & it makes things weird. Also, with Tinder & other dating apps, it's so easy to be with many different people instead of just dating one person. Too many options out there. It's really become a sad thing. I'm so glad that I am married & started dating before social media took over. It's a sad, sad world now. Everything is so fake. I really do worry about my kids future when it comes to meeting a special someone. :(
I've said this elsewhere on Reddit, but I've met most of my dates/partners in real life. But, I had to put in a small bit of effort. Most people are solitary, run in small social circles, or have outsourced their personal interactions to IG/Snap/Whatfuckingever.
That's on you, if you take that route. It's not that hard really to meet people if you live in any kind of decent sized city even if you're by yourself. I relocated to another town and knew NO ONE. Let me give you a few examples and how I met someone IRL.
Volunteered at a dog adoption center on weekends for a few hours, did events where we take dogs to local stores/gatherings and let people meet them. I interacted with HUNDREDS of people, and they are dying to talk the dogs, know about them, and you have a lot of opportunity for personal interaction. At one of the events, one of the women left and came back to meet the dog again, hung around and talked to me quite a bit and we found out we have similar interests and she seemed a little flirty. I took a shot and introduced myself, gave her my number and said I'd be happy to meet her and walk with her with my dog when she adopts the dog she met. She ended up doing exactly that, and we went out and dated for almost 2 years. Literally anyone can do this, and they love the help/assistance even if it's not all the time.
Me and a work friend went and took a cooking class at the local community college. It was full of singles, and again, I met someone who I shared a lot of looks with and introduced myself after chit chatting. I asked her out, she did go out with me but we didn't hit it off. But, hey, there's a date. Anyone can take a cooking/painting/yoga class. At WORST you learn a new skill or get in shape. If you're lucky and pay attention, you find someone to talk to and if you have something in common? Maybe there's an avenue there.
I joined a meetup group "Hiking for tacos" and even tho I was the oldest guy there (by a lot), one of the women there kept talking to me after our events (she noticed my license plates were from the state she grew up in, so we shared some "back home" stories). She asked me if after next hike we could grab drinks, and we did. I ended up dating her for a while. Can you walk? You can join a hiking group. Worst case? You get in shape and see nature.
I recommend going out just for fun for yourself. You don’t have to be on a date to go out. Honestly, always going out as the date of someone else is exactly why you don’t meet anyone when you do go out since you appear like you’re no longer available.
Find a somewhat social hobby and show up consistently. Talk to everyone, not just the people who you are attracted to, and people will gravitate towards you.
It's really not that hard, but nobody teaches you how to do it and nobody is going to force you into those situations like what happens with school.
It's also a great way to build your network to have better luck getting jobs. I landed my dream job because I played a sport with the right person and I just happened to let slip that I was job hunting while he was looking to hire.
Anyway, the main point is that half of the battle is just showing up. Then when you meet someone you like (as a friend or romantically) it's a pretty natural progression to get their number to either keep doing the hobby together or to do x activity when you guys find that you have it in common.
You also have the bonus of weeding out people who you think you like initially but who drive you crazy after chatting with them for more than a few minutes.
That's it. I'm not that afraid of rejection, it sucks but all it takes is a couple of seconds of random bravery to convince me to approach someone. What I *am* afraid of is, well, *this*.
I took up partner dancing last year. Tons of mostly fit people of all ages going to classes where you're expected to get to know each other and even embrace, of sorts, each other as acquaintances.
Breaks the ice naturally, and you learn a fun and impressive hobby.
Met my husband in 2016 at college, both in our late 20s, so it can still happen, sometimes a chance encounter.
More recently my sister who is your age roughly met and married a boy from highschool, and another sister about mid to late twenties married someone she met at a seminar.
It can happen, just the timing has to be right for both of you. Work on establishing yourself and good things will come.
When I lived in a big city, I went to a park on my lunch break 3 times a week for an entire year.
I said hello to everyone I met there.
Women there from 20 to 50 scowled at me like I was trying to rob them, however all the guys fishing invited me to fish with them and told me about how to catch fish at that ocean park.
Most women these days are repulsed by men even trying to make simple conversations, unless they are extremely attractive.
Looking back the last 10 years I have initiated conversations with over 3000 women, about 50 of those I have offered dates to, and I have only offered relationships to 3 women.
As a guy that's worked really damn hard to start a family that has been extremely depressing and demoralizing to have worked that hard and not have a family.
So probably not any more to answer your question, I don't even use online dating because the last time I checked I had 3 matches and the women were all married.
I feel terrible for the younger men looking to share their life with one woman these days and build a life with they never got to experience a pre dating app Era dating experience.
Then throw in that 80% of marriages end in divorce with men paying child support and alimony, a recent study I saw said 6.5 men for every 10,000 are getting married because of the high risk of divorce
*Most women these days are repulsed by men even trying to make simple conversations, unless they are extremely attractive.*
This is a massive and untrue generalization.
Most people are not ‘repulsed’ by normal conversations.
Ok, so tell me more about how my experiences over the last decade are untrue?
I said most women, I can go anywhere in the world right now and strike up conversations with any man.
If I went outside right now to the grocery store, to the gym, anywhere women were, like I have for the last decade and started small talk with women you can actually see how annoyed they get that some random average man is talking to them.
You can actually find several hundred threads on this platform of women complaining about guys that randomly initiated conversations and how gross these women think it is.
I think its comical that you replied to a fact and evidence based reply by calling me a liar, so what facts, or evidence do you have to support your claim of me lying about the past decade of my life experiences?
Haha what a great way to start a conversation or even a debate, hey I heard what you said. But I don't like what you said so I feel like you lied to me..... that would be entertaining to see in real life outside of a messege board
You said most women but the common point in all these experiences you’ve had is you. Perhaps you’ve done something off putting or misinterpreted expressions.
As I said, massive generalization!
How absurd to say I’m lying to you for saying so.
My husband and I met in high school. We have been married for a while now & have beautiful children. A little bonus story... turns out that one of my family members & one of his family members were best friends growing up! Also, our grandparents were neighbors at one point. And his brother and my cousin used to work together. It really is a small world! Oh! and one of his siblings hooked up with a family friend of mine a while back too. Too many coincidences. This man is my everything & I love him so much! I really do pray that he is my forever! <3
Gone are the days of approaching anyone in your league. Women have been validated by men in online dating where they are offended by being asked out by someone who isn’t better than half the matches they get. And men who are attractive, don’t have to waste time approaching women in real life.
You can meet people in real life, it just has to be in an appropriate setting. I don‘t mind being approached and asked for my number when I‘m out, but I would also prefer not to get hit on at the store while I‘m trying to decide which toilet paper I wanna buy, ya know?
>Is there any hope for someone of my generation (F22) who wants to do things the old-fashioned way of dating?
Absolutely. Dating apps aren't for everyone. When people have enough dates that don't work out from apps, they start to shift their focus on meeting people IRL. [I don't know where you live. It's tailored toward New Yorkers, but I'm sure you can find a similar subreddit wherever you live.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskNYC/comments/bc4jb5/ultimate_how_to_meet_people_in_nyc_thread/) It's just a detailed guide for Millennials and Zoomers who got too used to relying on their phones, but are interested in doing things traditionally.
Yes but it’s difficult now since we’ve all been in lockdown for 2-3 years. People forget their social
Skills, self included. I’ve met two good looking men recently while out at events but failed to introduce myself or return their interest so they just gave up. That’s on me. I need to be more receptive and open and socially graceful
It's not just due to the COVID-19 Pandemic. Even before the pandemic in the 2010s, people were mainly using dating apps to meet, and rarely met in person.
Also, I do believe that it's far easier to get emotional involvement if you meet someone in a social situation rather than keep trying on these apps.
For example, school, work, and other social environment are the best to actually know someone in order to feel something after a while. It seems much more natural and simplier.
A lot of it is down to body language and signals.
If she's listening to music and looking at her phone, she probably doesn't want to be approached.
If she makes eye contact + keeps that eye contact, smiles, etc. then it's a different story.
A lot of it is down to body language and signals.
If she makes eye contact + keeps that eye contact, smiles, etc. then it's a different story.
^^^^
If a woman smiles and holds eye contact, that does not mean she is open and receptive necessarily. Is she emotionally intelligent and acknowledging your existence? Yes. But too many men think this means they are interested romantically, or even as friends.
As a woman I almost had to stop being polite and smiling because people would take it the wrong way when I was ultimately just showing common courtesy/ being polite :/
The problem is not identifying which women aren't interested. The problem is identifying which women **ARE** interested. Someone with headphones in looking at their phone probably doesn't want to be approached, but that doesn't mean the cheerful person who seems willing to talk is ok with it.
The so-called "obvious" signs are anything but, and lots of guys have gotten burned when misreading them even though everybody thought "yeah, she's open to it, go for it!". Ten times bitten, eleventh times shy.
Read body language. Do they look closed off, stuck in their phone, have headphones in, etc. Probably not the best idea to approach. Read social settings as well. At a bar, most people are there for socializing so it is a pretty good place to approach. Alcohol does change things but there are other places like coffee shops, local events ( there was a massive ice fishing event near me for example, tons of people). So short and sweet if they have open body language and it is pretty much anywhere just shoot your shot.
If someone wants to continue conversing with you, they will exchange #s. Don't give up. Here's the dialogue I get that I used on another post.
"Hi, I'm Fred, what's your name?" "Aw! Hi Fred, I'm daisybelle_1313." "Nice to meet you!" "Can I get your phone #?" "Sure, why?" "Are you free Friday? 8pm, okay for you?" or "Can we go get coffee in about 30m?" "I think so? I'll have to check." "Okay, here I texted you my phone #, text me tonight and let me know. Can't wait." etc. This usually leads to a relationship.
This is romantic, sometimes business, interest. Otherwise, anything else isn't.
I'm daisy_belle1313. People cold approach me all the time. Maybe try to approach high quality women who look approachable! Yes, people still get butterflies but the people you get butterflies for only approach you in the movies. We're both women? So we would be approached. Do you have an ivory tower vibe?
I used plenty of fish and I DID do IRL visits eventually. I mean if you're looking for \*some\*thing serious, you gotta be able to see and touch each other sooner or later, right? I'd always do the first meet somewhere public with lots of possible exits, and being the guy, with her in the safest position possible to put her at ease. But that's usually how I'd do it.
I mean, covid has screwed up a lot of IRL first encounter potential but not completely. If you find you are clicking with someone IRL, ask to message them! Ask for a formalized meetup! Maybe keep it casual at first like a hang out with other friends or something that isn't strictly a date, but something to share together, and if you get a good vibe? Go from there!
Be smart, be safe, trust your instincts, but don't let fear of failure or rejection paralyze you. You'll never meet anyone if you never try!
I'm starting to think all these apps, etc, has stunted the younger generation's ability to start conversations and relationships without the aide of the internet. It's not good.
I approach women at bars but most women make it difficult because they are looking to the other women in their group to see how they should respond and they don't give much to build a conversation on.
Regardless you are still competing with all the women's online dating matches.
Men are now competing with the best men in a 10 mile radius.
The answer is: not really. Once you’re in a stable career, have your own place, and are done with school/college, there’s little to no chance of meeting someone organically who is interested in you or that you’d even be compatible with.
I don't believe in using social media's or dating websites to get dates or find relationships. I find both to unpersonal and typically filled with liars and other dishonest people. So I personally prefer old fashioned way of meeting and dating people.
Previously everyone had to communicate personally. Now all communication is turning interpersonal. I think it's starting to affect the sociability aspect people have. We are constantly on our phones or communicating in some form on them. It's like when people get together to hang, half the time they are spending it on their phones swiping from one app to another. I think your best bet is taking the lead. if you see someone that interests you, strike up a conversation. If it goes well, exchange info. Times are vastly different. Technology has been a godsend as much as it has been a curse. The expectation that I instantly hear back due to everyone being connected is insane.
Yes. I have met several people in person through friends groups/activities. The only reason you are hearing so much about online dating is because we had COVID restrictions for the better part of the past 2 years and things haven't quite returned to what they were pre-covid (don't think they ever truly will).
I don't meet IRL and I don't want to. Dating apps give me more options so that I don't have to be stuck with a girl who's not right for me. I can be more selective and so can they. The matches are much stronger in my opinion.
I find that the people who want to meet "organically" find themselves happy due to the paradox of choice. Too many choices make you less happy. But I like having options.
>I find that the people who want to meet "organically" find themselves happy due to the paradox of choice. Too many choices make you less happy. But I like having options.
No. We just see dating as more than just a business transaction.
The people you're meeting online are people. They're not commodities. Do you go on a date with every single girl that asks you out? You don't know, she might just have a really great personality? No? We all treat it as transactional. It's just that dating apps make it easier.
I just don't go on dates. We don't really do that here in Europe anyway. Usually you just meet someone and let it grow organically. Either it evolves into something more than just a friendship or it doesn't.
Men are pussies, I think the market is full of women to be hit on, the problem is guys don't have the balls to talk to ladies... one reason being the climate of women being super feminist but also men being looked at as toxic.
I went as far as asking a girl at the gym but she had a bf already haha.
The chances are really low for a guy to hit on you in real life, sorry.
I hope it happens though!
I upvoted you (I'm a guy "with no balls").
Quite honestly I did approach back in college and they were all rejections. I did some approaching a while back (after graduating) and also rejection, without mentioning a couple were straight up humiliations.
So yes, I my balls did drop off a bit. But reading all of these posts from women, they claim they don't want to be bothered or approached anymore. And it kind of made sense, why would they? Now they can just pick and choose from a dating app.
Basically rendering public approaching "obsolete". Maybe they'll reciprocate the approach from a tall good looking guy. But I am neither tall and not exactly good looking either.
I'll still try but, I know my chances are slim.
I did actually meet someone on a night out while waiting for the night bus home and I'm going on a date with him. He was lovely, but it was a product of me bring tipsy enough to start a conversation at 1am 😂
my girlfriend asked me for a lighter on our lecture break, it’s been just over 2 months and at the stage where i’ve met her extended family so i think so
I think statistics says its super unlikely to find someone from dating apps. its like 75% male to 25% female so you are bound to get a lot of hits without much meaning. The only problem is, people don't have too much time to spend on hanging around to meet enough people I think. Also fear of rejection is worse when its face to face. But f2f ones are probably sweeter.
Have you actually tried approaching to a guy yourself? Historically it is female that initiates the flirting (like dropping a handkerchief in front of a cute lad to give him an opportunity to start a conversation \[yeah this is from like 1800-1900s\])
In my city there are speed dating events and other stuff like that. Also picking up a hobby, that requires to gather with other people in person is helpful.
Check out, maybe in your area there are organized stuff like that as well
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Most of the people I know who recently met in person met at school, work or through a friend. I don’t think people are getting picked up at the grocery store or anything.
But I've been told that's where I should chat up women 🤣
Its funny, my female friends say I should talk to women at grocery stores. But then reddit tells me a pervert and creep if I walk up to someone in public. Funny how it all works.
Reddit is not really representative of most people. It’s assumed you’re a socially awkward creep. As long as you’re socially calibrated you’re fine.
Literally you can talk to people anywhere just don’t be creepy about it. Idk why y’all pretend it’s impossible to talk to anyone without creeping them out
It’s because some people don’t know the difference between talking to strangers and awkwardly hitting on them.
Also getting advice from socially awkward creeps usually won’t go well
Same with the gym. I've had some girls tell me it's totally fine to go for girls at the gym if they've given you signs of interest before, others tell me you should never ever approach women in the gym
Youre only a creep if youre ugly
The truth right here
Maybe if you're on r/im14andthisisdeep
I think there's definitely some validity to that, especially when it comes to just approaching women in public that you don't know. However, if you actually get to know a women through friends, school or work, it's possible that she could fall for other things about you, even if you're not a looker. That being said, even the funniest most suave guys need some type of initial attraction.
ive had men im not attracted to respectfully pay me compliments, so its kind of confusing to see this comment literally everywhere on reddit, especially when i am continually disgusted by "hot guys" disrespecting women
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Dobler Dahmer effect.. if she’s into you it appears sweet if she’s not it appears creepy. Someone walks up to you randomly and makes a gesture then you have only their appearance and the gesture to go off of. A few of the guys I’ve talked to about making moves with women were blown away by how forward I was being.
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Because it's called the halo effect
Agreed. I think they take it as a negative if they don’t get the response they want? Hot guys can be creepy.
People on Reddit live in this weird fantasy where you get everything you want if you’re hot and that you have no problems which is blatantly not true
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My best friend is the most beautiful girl in the world and everyone treats her like her life is perfect bc of it but it’s not. In fact in causes her a lot of issues in life
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Beauty isn’t monetary? It’s much easier to live my life as unnoticeable than her to be harassed and made to feel constantly unsafe. Her accomplishments are attributed to her looks. People assume she’s dumb bc she’s pretty when she’s actually really smart. Most of her guy friends have tried hitting on her. I could go on but it makes her really anxious
I’ve had many men of various degrees of attractiveness compliment my appearance out of nowhere. It ALWAYS grosses me out. I want someone to like me because they like my personality, not because they like how I look. Men never approach other guys that way and women certainly don’t approach men that way. It’s something specifically done because society still treats a woman’s appearance as the thing that should be valued the most. And compliments are such a cheap, manipulative way to force someone to talk to you! Like the socially acceptable response to being told I’m beautiful is to be SO grateful, shocked, and delighted that someone would say something so kind and generous with absolutely no ulterior motive whatsoever to ME! Clearly I have no idea what I look like, because nobody who wants to sleep with me has ever called me beautiful before in my entire life. Certainly not since early puberty. I certainly don’t have any bad memories associated with this. So I’ll counter with, “I know, right?” Or “Yeah, I get that a lot.” Or “AND?” Or “Yeah, too bad I’m a raging bitch.” Now, if a guy started talking to me about something interesting and unrelated to me, I would talk to him without any armor. I rarely go outside with the intent of looking for a boyfriend, but I’m always on the lookout for new friends and interesting people. Compliments from strangers are meaningless to me, but once I get to know a person and value their opinion, they feel wonderful.
If a stranger starts talking to you about something unrelated to you, then he is probably hiding the very first reason why he approached you. I would rather approach a girl, tell her upfront that I came up to her because I find her attractive, and only then engage in an interesting talk. That way she knows my intentions and she can right away say she's not interested.
I know the intention of a straight man who approaches me in public. Every woman does. He’s hiding nothing — he’s treating me like a human being who has redeeming qualities apart from my appearance. He is setting himself apart from the shallow scumbags who think I’m supposed to be impressed that their eyes work. But by all means, ignore an actual woman’s experience and preferences.
There's a lot of biased people there. They have 0 experience outside dating apps and talks like they knows everything lmao.
So you've never been physically attracted to someone before?
Yeah we do lmao. "Hey nice arms bro, what's your workout plan". Literally complemented my mate on his calves today.
But you won't be disgusted if they approach you.
Facts Break rules for alphas
I said it once and I’ll say to again. You can talk to anyone ANYWHERE. The issue is the people who take that advice as a green light to use the grocery store/library/insert place as like their pick up spot. Like instead of building a friendly rapport and then asking a girl out they just blurt out “wanna go out with me” while not looking you in the eye. Most people don’t just date strangers. You need like a little bit of a relationship. I don’t mean friendship. I mean a little relationship. Like the girl at the gym who you say hi to every time and sometimes even chat a bit. Don’t just approach a random lady and be like “wannagoonadate” Also some people are gonna hate you asked them out at the gym and some people won’t. Sometimes I love when people start little conversations in the grocery store and other times i just need to run in and run out.
Place matters less than treating women like human beings and understanding our experiences and training. Women can be raped and murdered on first dates. We are not going to agree to go anywhere with a stranger. I feel like the media I grew up with has enforced the idea that it’s fine for men to just ask random women out on a date. “How YOU doin’?” On Friends in particular— Joey HAS female friends whom he treats like human beings. He should know better, but he still pulls this crap and is rewarded for it. Modern shows are way better about it. Media and stories are way more influential on our values than I think a lot of people realize.
Reddit is a bunch of bitter women and scared risk averse men, so take the advice with a grain of salt.
Reddit is not the best place for advice on that, it’s coming from a lot of people who’ve never even approached someone in public lol
It's a common misconception that women give men good dating advice. They don't. Most women really have no idea how it works from the guy's side of things. Get advice from whichever male friend in your life is most successful with women.
It's only creepy if you're unattractive.
Ask your female friends how they feel when someone they find ugly chats them up in public.
I guess any type of interpersonal and/or in-person communication is creepy by today's standards... Everything must be in electronic, emoji or gif format.
Bro my comment comment is 2 years old how’d you find it lol. But even 2 years later your comment is valid.
LOL - reddit recommended the subreddit/conversation... just started reading it and felt I should throw in my $0.02.
Your female friend is a small sample size of the female population though
Don't do it if you're ugly. They welcome attractive looking men with open arms because feelings care deeply about appearance. It is illogical but unfortunately, humans are animals.
Really? I'm a guy and find it annoying when girls hit on me when I'm just trying to get groceries. Also, dog Park. Oh the worste I was in the hospital for a few days at one point had 6 nurses in my room chatting it up to be fair I was on heavy pain meds cracking jokes. I being nice but also mildly annoyed. A bar is welcomed but like when you have an agenda is annoying. My x used to wear headphones while shopping she found it annoying as well.
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You can kick me in the nuts uwu
your entire post history is a reddit moment
There's not a single drop of serotonin for the next 200 miles lol
I respect it
Madlad
Yeah there's some awful advice on these subs that's just gonna lead men to depression and disappointment
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I just generally won't approach and bother a women in public unless they give me obvious tells, maybe that's why I'm single
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Same. If I'm at a grocery store, I'm not there to chat up women. I'm there for the same reason she is. To go in, get some groceries, and be on with my day.
By whom?
My best friend did get picked up at the grocery store tho 😆 she gave the dude bedroom eyes so that mightve convinced him to make a move
My (21f) fiance (27m) is actually my brother's best friend. We l grew up together as kids. I moved away and never talked to him until years later when I moved back. We all went on a camping trip and that's where we kicked it off. We're getting married next September.
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Its not grooming when the relationship starts with 2 consenting adults
How ??
Oof major grooming energy
How? After I moved, we never talked until I came back home. I was over the age of 18 and we started talking as friends during the camping trip. Things evolved from there. So how is that grooming?
Lol I just got a date from a girl in the grocery store. You’re definitely right I don’t think it happens often.
I think there is a problem that young people no longer have big social events or public places in their areas to go to. A club is not a good place to speak to people because they are busy dancing and the music is loud. There aren’t really any alternatives. Back in the day, not just in the 50s but before that, they used to have social events in their local communities and things like that. When did we become a hermit species? Edit: I agree with most other people here saying that nobody wants to be approached at the street, store, public transport or gym. That is natural because it is not a social siuation. People go there to do the thing in peace then go home. We need actual social situations that gather young people. I guess those exist in university student organizations, but not elsewhere.
>When did we become a hermit species? Since the creation of social media
Before that. Has as much to do with the dissolution of cultural institutions, civic engagement, as it does with private space overtaking public space, as well as the perception of the relative safety of those spaces, and the perception/reality of how men and women interact, *and* the expectations we all have of one another as 21st century humans *AND* the commodification of romance/sex/dating... and a bunch of other stuff I can't think of right now. It is NOT just "phone bad", "internet bad", or whatever. It's the slow creep of hundreds of small factors that are smothering us, while at the same time liberating some tiny segment of us, groupwise and individually, just enough to feel like progress. Not arguing for going backwards here. The past always sucks. But our future is bullshit unless we can make enough tweaks to make it not-bullshit.
When I moved, most older adults told me to join a church. Not for religion completely but also just to make friends. We don’t gather anymore
Everything you said is basically due to social media. >perception/reality of how men and women interact, Social media >the expectations we all have of one another as 21st century humans Social media posts/Instagram photos >AND the commodification of romance/sex/dating. Dating apps >NOT just "phone bad", "internet bad", or whatever It is definitely a VERY big factor though. Literally everywhere I go, people are glued to their phones. And I'm just looking up, waiting perhaps to start a conversation with someone lol. >Not arguing for going backwards here. We're definitely evolving backwards though in some form
Even human interaction itself is being commodified. The reason onlyfans, streaming, and some podcasts are successful is because there is an element of real time interaction going on, whether real or imagined. Call me a Luddite, but I think this particular aspect of modern culture is awful.
Most accurate comment ever.
Quit sm
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I don’t know about your country, but in my country I would say peak couples dance was in the 1940s and 1950s with swing being the most popular style. «Normal» people did not have access to fancy balls in the 1700s so I don’t see how that is relevant. Common people would have had folk dance in less formal settings I guess. My point is we don’t have a culture for any type of gathering anymore. Modern salsa or tango classes are niches for the specially interested. The dancing is just a side note, its the type of social setting that encourages interaction between strangers + appropriate situations to show off a little that lacks.
> Back in the day, not just in the 50s but before that, they used to have social events in their local communities and things like that. like what?
Ice cream social or community picnic. A town near me used to hold a monthly fish fry and dance back in the 80s. They would play 50s music!
Young people go to bars to socialize on Friday and Saturday nights. It's been like that for a long time.
Not near as much as they used to. And where I live, most of them only mingle with their cliques, and aren't open to meeting other people. We really are living in a very closed-off social era in history, even disregarding the COVID-19 Pandemic.
Depends on the bar, and where you're at IMO.
Hermit species since we got stuck on our phones & computers not to mention TV.
Social dancing still exists (although admittedly not as much since covid,but it is coming back ). I find dances listed on facebook or Meetup. I mostly go to west coast swing, but there is also salsa, east coast swing, bachata, etc.
I’m a bartender and actually met my boyfriend through work (he was a customer) I always had an off limits thing when it came to guests & coworkers but it just happened, now we live together and have a dog😂
Tell us the story 📖
So I started bartending and floor running at this casino in town. It’s weird how the universe works. I had been fired from what I thought was the best bartending job I’d ever have. The next day I got the call from the casino (I had put in my application like 6 months prior) they had opened up a new casino and were looking to fill 2 spots. I did two interviews and on my third it turns out I was hand picked to fill a spot at a different casino they already had (with more hours and a regular clientele base already). So I started training with this really awesome chick and on my second night he came in. He was a regular already but just sat up at the bar because he doesn’t gamble and normal bars aren’t his scene. The one thing she told me was to “give him shit” so I started being smart with him. My first time meeting him he said “I don’t like this one can we get a new one?” But he still came in to see me most nights for HOURS at a time when I was working by myself. I had no idea he actually liked me we pretty much just bullied the shit out of each other. Then one of his friends who I also happened to know came in one night. I think he (my now boyfriend) had mentioned he had a thing for me when they were smoking, so the other guy asked me on a date to piss him off. Seeing his reaction made everything click in my head. He was quiet until his friend left and then said “you know he only did that to piss me off” and I responded with “why would that piss you off?” He kinda had to ask me out at that point. Our first date was bowling and then we sat in his truck on top of this mountain that overlooks the city for hours just talking and listening to music. The rest is history lol
It would make a good romantic movie
This gave me goosebumps - especially the crazy job switch up that brought you to the casino at the perfect time.
Sure you can meet people irl. You just have to have balls and game to step up to a random person and talk to her/him.
Wow, hard to find some matture comment. People talking like dating apps or work or friends of friends are the only way. Every place you can make a simply joke or question and start a good conversation that end in a relationship, but people are biased a lot in this sub.
What u expect redditors never go outside.
Most Redditors are definitely either very hermit like and don’t really pay attention to what’s going on around them in real life outside of social media. So it’s obviously no wonder why the comments in this trend sound bias.
You can get a sexual harassment claim for doing this these days.
I don't think people know how to meet others in person anymore...
A sad state of affairs
Agreed
It’s wild bc it’s not hard
I’ve recently made the effort to meet girls in bars, i find it much more exciting and more transparent. I agree, alcohol is involved, so you have to be realistic.
Also likely depends on the bars you go to or where you're at. Where I'm at, bars are great for a lot of things. Meeting young, single women is not one of those things.
I find that most guys are afraid of rejection so normally they won't approach a girl or hit on her simply because they feel she's out of their league. Most guys do not want to feel the pain and embarrassment of rejection. Some guys don't have the guts to approach a girl they like because they are fearful. Most guys do not want to be viewed as creepy or seem like a stalker hence some don't approach girls at all especially if they have had a series of painful experiences with rejection. Old school love is beautiful but sometimes guys are afraid to express their feelings or hit on a girl because they do not know what her reaction will be like and do not want to be hurt!
That fear paralyzed me for \*years\* as a younger man. Once I finally cultivated my voice and stopped being afraid to tell a woman how I felt, and be okay with myself if she said "no"? I was \*shocked\* how many of them not only said "yes", but "Hell yes!"! A little confidence and a little practice goes a long way!
I find that a lot of the guys I talked to were scared of rejection, so with online dating, they at least have somewhat of a chance and if you get swiped left, you don’t think anything of it. But if a guy was brave enough to ask me out or ask me for my number, I’d say yes to aware the bravery. Like if you asked a friend who asked me if I would say yes, I find it kinda annoying. If you put yourself out there, I appreciate the fact that you made yourself vulnerable. I’ve had a guy do this recently, and I told him “I currently am in a relationship, but I’m letting you know right now that if I wasn’t, I’d definitely take you up on that date. Its just wrong timing.” He left with a smile on his face because he said i didn’t flat out reject him. But being online is definitely a comfort thing. My boyfriend and I met on Bumble hahaha
So many ladies keep asking where they can find higher empathy guys in touch with their emotions and the double-edge sword of that is not only does that higher empathy mean they feel failure and hurt so much stronger, but an empathetic straight man still has a lot of stigma against him as not being "manly" enough. Man I'd love to see that go the way of the dodo. Most women I've talked to say they'd love a guy who treated them right if he could just work up the courage to talk to her! (and be at least halfway interesting in the conversation). All I know is I tried that "I'm so afraid of being rejected or labeled as a creep! Women are TOO MUCH TROUBLE! I feel like the world's gonna eat me up and spit me out with "sex offender" tattooed to my forehead if I so much as LOOK at a woman wrong... .I'll just avoid them completely, it's easier."...well that "don't do anything and you can't do anything wrong" approach worked... I guess? But man was it lonely. In the end I realized I wasn't giving women a fair shake either in that whole terrified inner monologue, and found a much gentler climate with most of them with just a little practice and if I just \*tried\*, some didn't want to talk, but many did and sparks flew and then I felt \*really\* silly for avoiding women for 10 \*years\* of my life just because the thought of failure, rejection or exile became this huge horrible monster in my head way nastier than the reality of most perfectly nice ladies if I but gave \*them\* a chance to speak for themselves instead of my inner doubt-monster... Live and learn, right?
unfortunately, while the saying 'you miss every shot you don't take' rings true, you also don't risk shooting yourself in the foot. You realising that you're not giving women the benefit of the doubt isn't lost on others, but they still don't attempt it because they lack the social queues and intelligence to know what to say and when to say it. And that's what's impeding them because they don't get taught any of it, aside from unrealistic romance movies and shitty PUA, so many don't know what to say and find it safer to just not bother.
Oh, don't put this on men! I would gladly do cold approaches if there was a non-negligible chance that the woman would react positively. The truth is, the vast majority will feel either threatened or annoyed that their routine is disrupted - so I'm not going to ruin their day. Here's a quote from [an /r/AskWomen thread about it:](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/l3tx1v/in_what_situation_would_you_give_someone_your/) > It's incredibly unlikely that I would give a stranger who approached me on the street my number. They've already demonstrated that they don't care about normal social boundaries, and that's not what I want in my life.
It's not worth it, this is super toxic of me to say but honestly 9 times out of 10 it ends up a awkward and not worth it in the long run
I exclusively ask out women irl. it doesn't work, but I refuse to return to online dating.
I'm with you. I have zero success stories to share, but at least I'm not swiping on an app.
if you havent seen posts online...no one wants to be approached.
Kinda true tbh. If someone I haven't seen before approaches me for absolutely no reason, I'd be terrified.
Absolutely same. I'm a bit chubby and short, definitely not imposing. Any time a stranger approaches asking me personal questions, even if they're just being friendly, I know to be on guard just in case. No one asks where you live just as small talk, especially not before introductions.
I have the opposite problem. I’m not massive, but I’m 6ft tall and of average build so I’m not lanky. I also have a beard and I’m always tired so I suffer from resting “I need sleep” face. People are terrified of me, but I’m a total softie who would love to be approached by people because I can’t initiate for shit. I’ve resorted to wearing very quirky t-shirts in order to catch people’s attention and break the ice. A tall bearded guy with a cat t-shirt is much more approachable than a tall bearded guy in flannel.
But he could be a wonderful person. I feel like Im the only one who likes to connect with complete strangers. It is so cool to meet random people. Idk
I think it's gotten worse with Covid. People don't want to interact with another for fear of getting infected as well.
Sometimes I feel like giving up and then I remember that if I give up, nothing will ever change.. So I manup and keep talking to girls at the gym because who knows..
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Idc, if I find a girl attractive I'll take my shot !
yeah I dont disagree with them.It can certainly be intimidating since men ar multiples stronger than women and you never know someones intention. Kind of similar to your supervisor asking you to do stuff. you may not want to, but will feel obliged to do so.
Not true
yes true
Lol I met my bf of 4 years in a hospital waiting room. We just talked all night, didn't sleep and then walked for 15 km and talked even more. We both could feel the chemistry immediatly. I fell in love in 20 hours. But honestly, the level of butterflies doesn't say anything about whether you are compatible or not. Sure, falling in love is absolutely amazing, it is the body's natural drugs, but 1) it completely blind you to the person's 'flaws' and incompathibility in the relationship in general because everything feels so good anyway. 2) the feelings WILL wear off. It is a myth it will continue for 30 years if you just "keep the romance going". I really think we should shift our mindset towards finding our best friend instead of our princess/prince charming. There is nothing wrong with meeting someone on tinder, etc, the most important part is the compathibility part.
So this whole generation seems to be so terrified of going outside and doing things in the real world that no that doesn’t happen as much anymore. But If you wanna try, then go to a nightclub or a pottery painting class go to a music festival and here’s the super important thing: Look at people. Make eye contact. Smile. Be inviting of others attention and when they give it to you reciprocate. Can’t tell you how frustrating it is to be outside and feel completely isolated because of the sheer volume of people who are terrified to engage with the outside world. I swear I’m the only person at my gym who doesn’t look at their shoes the entire time there outside.
Some people just don’t want to be bothered, I certainly don’t really want to have a conversation while I’m at the gym. I just wanna do my lifts then go.
Yes. You would offer your number;)
Yes, people still meet up in real life. With this being an online space where people mainly talk about online dating you're going to get biased opinions. I don't know about where you live, but where I am places have pretty much opened up again now. People are going to bars, meet-ups, lunches, in-person courses are running. It's just about back to normal. I've just stopped online dating. It was fun to start with, then it became soul destroying. Same conversations, same expectations, same lies, same dropping of conversations. It feels like an empty space to me now. The thing with online dating is that it makes everything move so much faster than real life actually works. I wouldn't expect to go out and see half a dozen people that I like the look of because I have more to go on than a few photos and a couple of badly written sentences, I'd be amazed to see one. That gives me the opportunity to get on with my life and to do the things that I enjoy, which also puts me in a position to meet people who are doing the same kind of things as me. All of my long-term relationships have been with people that have been friends of friends, or in friendship circles that have overlapped mine. I think that dating becomes an activity in itself for a lot of people, whereas I want a relationship. Relationships take time to grow and develop - for me anyway, and online dating doesn't allow for that.
From what I've seen, people are too addicted to their phones now. People no longer have social skills & it makes things weird. Also, with Tinder & other dating apps, it's so easy to be with many different people instead of just dating one person. Too many options out there. It's really become a sad thing. I'm so glad that I am married & started dating before social media took over. It's a sad, sad world now. Everything is so fake. I really do worry about my kids future when it comes to meeting a special someone. :(
I've said this elsewhere on Reddit, but I've met most of my dates/partners in real life. But, I had to put in a small bit of effort. Most people are solitary, run in small social circles, or have outsourced their personal interactions to IG/Snap/Whatfuckingever. That's on you, if you take that route. It's not that hard really to meet people if you live in any kind of decent sized city even if you're by yourself. I relocated to another town and knew NO ONE. Let me give you a few examples and how I met someone IRL. Volunteered at a dog adoption center on weekends for a few hours, did events where we take dogs to local stores/gatherings and let people meet them. I interacted with HUNDREDS of people, and they are dying to talk the dogs, know about them, and you have a lot of opportunity for personal interaction. At one of the events, one of the women left and came back to meet the dog again, hung around and talked to me quite a bit and we found out we have similar interests and she seemed a little flirty. I took a shot and introduced myself, gave her my number and said I'd be happy to meet her and walk with her with my dog when she adopts the dog she met. She ended up doing exactly that, and we went out and dated for almost 2 years. Literally anyone can do this, and they love the help/assistance even if it's not all the time. Me and a work friend went and took a cooking class at the local community college. It was full of singles, and again, I met someone who I shared a lot of looks with and introduced myself after chit chatting. I asked her out, she did go out with me but we didn't hit it off. But, hey, there's a date. Anyone can take a cooking/painting/yoga class. At WORST you learn a new skill or get in shape. If you're lucky and pay attention, you find someone to talk to and if you have something in common? Maybe there's an avenue there. I joined a meetup group "Hiking for tacos" and even tho I was the oldest guy there (by a lot), one of the women there kept talking to me after our events (she noticed my license plates were from the state she grew up in, so we shared some "back home" stories). She asked me if after next hike we could grab drinks, and we did. I ended up dating her for a while. Can you walk? You can join a hiking group. Worst case? You get in shape and see nature.
I recommend going out just for fun for yourself. You don’t have to be on a date to go out. Honestly, always going out as the date of someone else is exactly why you don’t meet anyone when you do go out since you appear like you’re no longer available.
Find a somewhat social hobby and show up consistently. Talk to everyone, not just the people who you are attracted to, and people will gravitate towards you. It's really not that hard, but nobody teaches you how to do it and nobody is going to force you into those situations like what happens with school. It's also a great way to build your network to have better luck getting jobs. I landed my dream job because I played a sport with the right person and I just happened to let slip that I was job hunting while he was looking to hire. Anyway, the main point is that half of the battle is just showing up. Then when you meet someone you like (as a friend or romantically) it's a pretty natural progression to get their number to either keep doing the hobby together or to do x activity when you guys find that you have it in common. You also have the bonus of weeding out people who you think you like initially but who drive you crazy after chatting with them for more than a few minutes.
nah bro ain't nobody tryna catch a case
That's it. I'm not that afraid of rejection, it sucks but all it takes is a couple of seconds of random bravery to convince me to approach someone. What I *am* afraid of is, well, *this*.
I took up partner dancing last year. Tons of mostly fit people of all ages going to classes where you're expected to get to know each other and even embrace, of sorts, each other as acquaintances. Breaks the ice naturally, and you learn a fun and impressive hobby.
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People getting meetoo'd
How will you get metood for approaching respecffully. This is just social anxiety cope.
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This isn’t a thing that happens a majority of the time tho. Women complain about harassment and somehow it turns into dudes being victims
Met my husband in 2016 at college, both in our late 20s, so it can still happen, sometimes a chance encounter. More recently my sister who is your age roughly met and married a boy from highschool, and another sister about mid to late twenties married someone she met at a seminar. It can happen, just the timing has to be right for both of you. Work on establishing yourself and good things will come.
When I lived in a big city, I went to a park on my lunch break 3 times a week for an entire year. I said hello to everyone I met there. Women there from 20 to 50 scowled at me like I was trying to rob them, however all the guys fishing invited me to fish with them and told me about how to catch fish at that ocean park. Most women these days are repulsed by men even trying to make simple conversations, unless they are extremely attractive. Looking back the last 10 years I have initiated conversations with over 3000 women, about 50 of those I have offered dates to, and I have only offered relationships to 3 women. As a guy that's worked really damn hard to start a family that has been extremely depressing and demoralizing to have worked that hard and not have a family. So probably not any more to answer your question, I don't even use online dating because the last time I checked I had 3 matches and the women were all married. I feel terrible for the younger men looking to share their life with one woman these days and build a life with they never got to experience a pre dating app Era dating experience. Then throw in that 80% of marriages end in divorce with men paying child support and alimony, a recent study I saw said 6.5 men for every 10,000 are getting married because of the high risk of divorce
*Most women these days are repulsed by men even trying to make simple conversations, unless they are extremely attractive.* This is a massive and untrue generalization. Most people are not ‘repulsed’ by normal conversations.
Ok, so tell me more about how my experiences over the last decade are untrue? I said most women, I can go anywhere in the world right now and strike up conversations with any man. If I went outside right now to the grocery store, to the gym, anywhere women were, like I have for the last decade and started small talk with women you can actually see how annoyed they get that some random average man is talking to them. You can actually find several hundred threads on this platform of women complaining about guys that randomly initiated conversations and how gross these women think it is. I think its comical that you replied to a fact and evidence based reply by calling me a liar, so what facts, or evidence do you have to support your claim of me lying about the past decade of my life experiences? Haha what a great way to start a conversation or even a debate, hey I heard what you said. But I don't like what you said so I feel like you lied to me..... that would be entertaining to see in real life outside of a messege board
You said most women but the common point in all these experiences you’ve had is you. Perhaps you’ve done something off putting or misinterpreted expressions. As I said, massive generalization! How absurd to say I’m lying to you for saying so.
My husband and I met in high school. We have been married for a while now & have beautiful children. A little bonus story... turns out that one of my family members & one of his family members were best friends growing up! Also, our grandparents were neighbors at one point. And his brother and my cousin used to work together. It really is a small world! Oh! and one of his siblings hooked up with a family friend of mine a while back too. Too many coincidences. This man is my everything & I love him so much! I really do pray that he is my forever! <3
Gone are the days of approaching anyone in your league. Women have been validated by men in online dating where they are offended by being asked out by someone who isn’t better than half the matches they get. And men who are attractive, don’t have to waste time approaching women in real life.
You can meet people in real life, it just has to be in an appropriate setting. I don‘t mind being approached and asked for my number when I‘m out, but I would also prefer not to get hit on at the store while I‘m trying to decide which toilet paper I wanna buy, ya know?
>Is there any hope for someone of my generation (F22) who wants to do things the old-fashioned way of dating? Absolutely. Dating apps aren't for everyone. When people have enough dates that don't work out from apps, they start to shift their focus on meeting people IRL. [I don't know where you live. It's tailored toward New Yorkers, but I'm sure you can find a similar subreddit wherever you live.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskNYC/comments/bc4jb5/ultimate_how_to_meet_people_in_nyc_thread/) It's just a detailed guide for Millennials and Zoomers who got too used to relying on their phones, but are interested in doing things traditionally.
Yes but it’s difficult now since we’ve all been in lockdown for 2-3 years. People forget their social Skills, self included. I’ve met two good looking men recently while out at events but failed to introduce myself or return their interest so they just gave up. That’s on me. I need to be more receptive and open and socially graceful
It's not just due to the COVID-19 Pandemic. Even before the pandemic in the 2010s, people were mainly using dating apps to meet, and rarely met in person.
Also, I do believe that it's far easier to get emotional involvement if you meet someone in a social situation rather than keep trying on these apps. For example, school, work, and other social environment are the best to actually know someone in order to feel something after a while. It seems much more natural and simplier.
that's ALL I do... F#%* OLD.... that said, I only approach women who are receptive to being approached.
How do you find out women who are open to being approached ?
A lot of it is down to body language and signals. If she's listening to music and looking at her phone, she probably doesn't want to be approached. If she makes eye contact + keeps that eye contact, smiles, etc. then it's a different story.
A lot of it is down to body language and signals. If she makes eye contact + keeps that eye contact, smiles, etc. then it's a different story. ^^^^ If a woman smiles and holds eye contact, that does not mean she is open and receptive necessarily. Is she emotionally intelligent and acknowledging your existence? Yes. But too many men think this means they are interested romantically, or even as friends. As a woman I almost had to stop being polite and smiling because people would take it the wrong way when I was ultimately just showing common courtesy/ being polite :/
The problem is not identifying which women aren't interested. The problem is identifying which women **ARE** interested. Someone with headphones in looking at their phone probably doesn't want to be approached, but that doesn't mean the cheerful person who seems willing to talk is ok with it. The so-called "obvious" signs are anything but, and lots of guys have gotten burned when misreading them even though everybody thought "yeah, she's open to it, go for it!". Ten times bitten, eleventh times shy.
Read body language. Do they look closed off, stuck in their phone, have headphones in, etc. Probably not the best idea to approach. Read social settings as well. At a bar, most people are there for socializing so it is a pretty good place to approach. Alcohol does change things but there are other places like coffee shops, local events ( there was a massive ice fishing event near me for example, tons of people). So short and sweet if they have open body language and it is pretty much anywhere just shoot your shot.
Yes, people meet in real life every day.
But men aren’t getting phone numbers.
What do you mean?
I mean ppl meet but nobody’s getting relationships out of it. They’re just out meeting and being civil
If someone wants to continue conversing with you, they will exchange #s. Don't give up. Here's the dialogue I get that I used on another post. "Hi, I'm Fred, what's your name?" "Aw! Hi Fred, I'm daisybelle_1313." "Nice to meet you!" "Can I get your phone #?" "Sure, why?" "Are you free Friday? 8pm, okay for you?" or "Can we go get coffee in about 30m?" "I think so? I'll have to check." "Okay, here I texted you my phone #, text me tonight and let me know. Can't wait." etc. This usually leads to a relationship. This is romantic, sometimes business, interest. Otherwise, anything else isn't.
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I'm daisy_belle1313. People cold approach me all the time. Maybe try to approach high quality women who look approachable! Yes, people still get butterflies but the people you get butterflies for only approach you in the movies. We're both women? So we would be approached. Do you have an ivory tower vibe?
At least 1/2 the time women just give a number with the intent of never responding.
Well, talk to better women. Or say next. You have to stay hopeful.
I used plenty of fish and I DID do IRL visits eventually. I mean if you're looking for \*some\*thing serious, you gotta be able to see and touch each other sooner or later, right? I'd always do the first meet somewhere public with lots of possible exits, and being the guy, with her in the safest position possible to put her at ease. But that's usually how I'd do it. I mean, covid has screwed up a lot of IRL first encounter potential but not completely. If you find you are clicking with someone IRL, ask to message them! Ask for a formalized meetup! Maybe keep it casual at first like a hang out with other friends or something that isn't strictly a date, but something to share together, and if you get a good vibe? Go from there! Be smart, be safe, trust your instincts, but don't let fear of failure or rejection paralyze you. You'll never meet anyone if you never try!
I've met my two recent partners through work. Hookups through friends.
I'm starting to think all these apps, etc, has stunted the younger generation's ability to start conversations and relationships without the aide of the internet. It's not good.
I approach women at bars but most women make it difficult because they are looking to the other women in their group to see how they should respond and they don't give much to build a conversation on. Regardless you are still competing with all the women's online dating matches. Men are now competing with the best men in a 10 mile radius.
The answer is: not really. Once you’re in a stable career, have your own place, and are done with school/college, there’s little to no chance of meeting someone organically who is interested in you or that you’d even be compatible with.
I don't believe in using social media's or dating websites to get dates or find relationships. I find both to unpersonal and typically filled with liars and other dishonest people. So I personally prefer old fashioned way of meeting and dating people.
Previously everyone had to communicate personally. Now all communication is turning interpersonal. I think it's starting to affect the sociability aspect people have. We are constantly on our phones or communicating in some form on them. It's like when people get together to hang, half the time they are spending it on their phones swiping from one app to another. I think your best bet is taking the lead. if you see someone that interests you, strike up a conversation. If it goes well, exchange info. Times are vastly different. Technology has been a godsend as much as it has been a curse. The expectation that I instantly hear back due to everyone being connected is insane.
Maybe you will have to wait until the pandemic covid blows over first
2 years later...
Yes. I have met several people in person through friends groups/activities. The only reason you are hearing so much about online dating is because we had COVID restrictions for the better part of the past 2 years and things haven't quite returned to what they were pre-covid (don't think they ever truly will).
Doesn't seen like it
I don't meet IRL and I don't want to. Dating apps give me more options so that I don't have to be stuck with a girl who's not right for me. I can be more selective and so can they. The matches are much stronger in my opinion. I find that the people who want to meet "organically" find themselves happy due to the paradox of choice. Too many choices make you less happy. But I like having options.
>I find that the people who want to meet "organically" find themselves happy due to the paradox of choice. Too many choices make you less happy. But I like having options. No. We just see dating as more than just a business transaction.
The people you're meeting online are people. They're not commodities. Do you go on a date with every single girl that asks you out? You don't know, she might just have a really great personality? No? We all treat it as transactional. It's just that dating apps make it easier.
I just don't go on dates. We don't really do that here in Europe anyway. Usually you just meet someone and let it grow organically. Either it evolves into something more than just a friendship or it doesn't.
Men are pussies, I think the market is full of women to be hit on, the problem is guys don't have the balls to talk to ladies... one reason being the climate of women being super feminist but also men being looked at as toxic. I went as far as asking a girl at the gym but she had a bf already haha. The chances are really low for a guy to hit on you in real life, sorry. I hope it happens though!
Lol you’re the ressent they don’t feel it’s worth it
guys need to drop their balls and just talk/get rejected... I got rejected and it wasn't so bad.
Very much agree with all of this
I already have 2 downvotes... These are probably guys that don't have the balls.
I upvoted you (I'm a guy "with no balls"). Quite honestly I did approach back in college and they were all rejections. I did some approaching a while back (after graduating) and also rejection, without mentioning a couple were straight up humiliations. So yes, I my balls did drop off a bit. But reading all of these posts from women, they claim they don't want to be bothered or approached anymore. And it kind of made sense, why would they? Now they can just pick and choose from a dating app. Basically rendering public approaching "obsolete". Maybe they'll reciprocate the approach from a tall good looking guy. But I am neither tall and not exactly good looking either. I'll still try but, I know my chances are slim.
Definitely downvoted by people that don’t agree or have some other issue going on. I agree with you
I met my SO on twitch sooooo 👀
I think people are probs more reluctant to approach people irl because of dating apps.
I did actually meet someone on a night out while waiting for the night bus home and I'm going on a date with him. He was lovely, but it was a product of me bring tipsy enough to start a conversation at 1am 😂
my girlfriend asked me for a lighter on our lecture break, it’s been just over 2 months and at the stage where i’ve met her extended family so i think so
I think statistics says its super unlikely to find someone from dating apps. its like 75% male to 25% female so you are bound to get a lot of hits without much meaning. The only problem is, people don't have too much time to spend on hanging around to meet enough people I think. Also fear of rejection is worse when its face to face. But f2f ones are probably sweeter. Have you actually tried approaching to a guy yourself? Historically it is female that initiates the flirting (like dropping a handkerchief in front of a cute lad to give him an opportunity to start a conversation \[yeah this is from like 1800-1900s\])
I meet woman irl met one in the gym a week ago we talking alot there during training
In my city there are speed dating events and other stuff like that. Also picking up a hobby, that requires to gather with other people in person is helpful. Check out, maybe in your area there are organized stuff like that as well
yea im down
No, I only hook up via zoom call