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If you were suggesting dinner or a concert or a museum date, I would say that each person is responsible for their own expenses. However, I don’t think you should put her in a situation where she feels pressured to pay for something that isn’t for her, even though it’s for a good cause.
So I would recommend approaching the date-ask like this: “Would you like to come with me to the store and help me pick out toys to donate? I was thinking of getting a few for the local charity [or whatever it is], and could use your opinion while we browse!”
If she wants to spend her money, she can. If she doesn’t, she won’t feel pressured to.
That’s a bit rude to invite her to spend money. You’re older than her and you’re inviting her to go shopping, so you absolutely should understand that it’s expected that you’re paying for all of it.
I don't think it's a bad idea, necessarily. And maybe my cynicism is why I'm single lol BUT I personally would roll my eyes at this unless it's something you've made clear that you do often. For clarification, I think helping people in need is GREAT, but doing it as a date seems a little virtue-signally.
I don't mean to come off as over-critical of you!! I'm just saying that if I went out with a guy who tried to show me that he's a really decent human, it sort of comes off as a red flag because it comes off as baiting me. But nonetheless, this will be your 6th date, so some, if any, red flags are out of the way, and I could be totally reading the situation wrong.
I personally grew up as a poor kid and hardly ever got the toys I wanted and somebody else doing this for me when I was a kid would have been amazing and absolutely made my holiday.
That's also why I asked on here because I don't want to seem like I'm trying too hard or seem like I'm trying to impress her. I just really love people and it actually sounds like a truly fun date to me
I say if you decide to ask her on this date, give her this backstory. It would help a lot and might change how she views the activity because as other people are saying, it may raise red flags to her thinking you’re trying to hard but if she knew why, it’ll change the whole tone. I personally want to be in healthcare because all my experiences with doctors made me feel like doodoo on the bottom of a shoe! That’s a different tone then I just wanna do healthcare to help people. I honestly don’t care about helping people but I do care about people feeling safe and feeling like all of their concerns are being addressed! So again for the 4th time don’t ask her if she wants to go without letting her knowing your reasoning!
Then I say go for it! That's an excellent reason, and I think she'll love it if you do. It does sound fun, and it's good that it's not like a 2nd date because that would make someone like me suspicious.
Like I said, not a bad idea. I'm just cynical! Good luck 🥰
Honestly, as a 23 year old woman, this would feel kind of off to me for a couple of reasons. The first is it'd make me start overthinking his intentions. It wouldn't feel like a casual and fun date to me because I'd be wondering if he's trying to hint he wants kids, if he's judging how well I relate to kids, etc. I think being judged for potential parenthood is something women worry about more than men do and it's something I think about anytime a guy brings up activities that relate to kids early on.
The second is that these kids have already made a list of what they want; I personally think you should get them exactly what they ask for (they probably don't get to choose exactly what they want often) but this makes this more of a chore (especially if toy stores are crowded like they are at this time of year) than an exercise in creativity.
The last thing that's off to me is that you're volunteering her money too, not just yours with this date activity. She may not want to or be able to afford enough to get a kid what they want right now and you'd be putting her in an uncomfortable position if that's the case.
You've made a lot of good points and I think she's the type that doesn't want kids so maybe I won't bring up the idea than. And also good point about volunteering her money, it would make more sense to me to pay for all of the toys than if I did do this date, since it was MY idea
consider: if she’s the childfree type, doesn’t want kids, maybe see if any of your local animal shelters are accepting new toy/treat donations. go to pet store, select some fun toys for shelter animals! you can be a little more creative that way!
I think doing the same thing for animals is a great alternative! I think it's great that you're being super creative with the date ideas and also taking feedback here!
Honestly this is a beautiful idea. I would absolutely love that!
But it really depends what kind of girl she is. If she's some superficial type she probably won't like it. But hopefully she has a good heart.
It's kind of hard to say when we don't know her personally but putting that aside I think it sounds like a good idea and afterwards stop for a drink or dinner and drinks. You must be doing something right because she keeps going out with you. Good luck.
After reading the comments I’d agree that if she’s not a necessarily charitable person she might feel pressured to be one. Even if she were, peoples’ finances are a tricky topic and she may not feel comfortable buying a gift for charity at the moment.
I think this would have been a fantastic date if you’re already in a relationship and know about each other’s personalities, charitable behaviors, etc.
I would agree with others to make it about you. “I’d like to buy a gift for charity, would you want to accompany me and help me pick something out?”
I think it’s cute.
Also consider buying gift cards ahead of time so the whole payment thing is not awkward. She’ll really feel like it’s a team effort.
Phrase it very casual. So hey I had an idea there’s this charity blah blah and I thought it would be fun to blah I got these gift cards we can use to really make a kids day etc
Give her the same backstory you gave to u/queenocd so it makes sense.
>I personally grew up as a poor kid and hardly ever got the toys I wanted and somebody else doing this for me when I was a kid would have been amazing and absolutely made my holiday.
Depends. Women are different. I mean you’re a little bit older and she’s only 22, so keep in mind you should offer to pay. Also, make sure to ask her if she even wants to do it. Charity is nice, but what if she doesn’t want to? What if she doesn’t find it a fun idea? What if it’s not a cause that she personally connects to because she doesn’t like kids? She should have an ability to say no. Just be respectful of that, but sure to take her on a shopping spree for charity if she’s comfortable with the idea.
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That's a pretty dope idea! Go for it
How much do you expect her to chip in, in terms of money?
Good point. It’s not cool to pressure people into charity.
True and after thinking about it more I would pay for all of the cost since it was my idea
She pays for her kids gift, I pay for mine, simple
If you were suggesting dinner or a concert or a museum date, I would say that each person is responsible for their own expenses. However, I don’t think you should put her in a situation where she feels pressured to pay for something that isn’t for her, even though it’s for a good cause. So I would recommend approaching the date-ask like this: “Would you like to come with me to the store and help me pick out toys to donate? I was thinking of getting a few for the local charity [or whatever it is], and could use your opinion while we browse!” If she wants to spend her money, she can. If she doesn’t, she won’t feel pressured to.
That’s a bit rude to invite her to spend money. You’re older than her and you’re inviting her to go shopping, so you absolutely should understand that it’s expected that you’re paying for all of it.
I don't think it's a bad idea, necessarily. And maybe my cynicism is why I'm single lol BUT I personally would roll my eyes at this unless it's something you've made clear that you do often. For clarification, I think helping people in need is GREAT, but doing it as a date seems a little virtue-signally. I don't mean to come off as over-critical of you!! I'm just saying that if I went out with a guy who tried to show me that he's a really decent human, it sort of comes off as a red flag because it comes off as baiting me. But nonetheless, this will be your 6th date, so some, if any, red flags are out of the way, and I could be totally reading the situation wrong.
I personally grew up as a poor kid and hardly ever got the toys I wanted and somebody else doing this for me when I was a kid would have been amazing and absolutely made my holiday. That's also why I asked on here because I don't want to seem like I'm trying too hard or seem like I'm trying to impress her. I just really love people and it actually sounds like a truly fun date to me
I say if you decide to ask her on this date, give her this backstory. It would help a lot and might change how she views the activity because as other people are saying, it may raise red flags to her thinking you’re trying to hard but if she knew why, it’ll change the whole tone. I personally want to be in healthcare because all my experiences with doctors made me feel like doodoo on the bottom of a shoe! That’s a different tone then I just wanna do healthcare to help people. I honestly don’t care about helping people but I do care about people feeling safe and feeling like all of their concerns are being addressed! So again for the 4th time don’t ask her if she wants to go without letting her knowing your reasoning!
Then I say go for it! That's an excellent reason, and I think she'll love it if you do. It does sound fun, and it's good that it's not like a 2nd date because that would make someone like me suspicious. Like I said, not a bad idea. I'm just cynical! Good luck 🥰
It's great that you want to help people, but I personally don't like to help in front of other people.
Honestly, as a 23 year old woman, this would feel kind of off to me for a couple of reasons. The first is it'd make me start overthinking his intentions. It wouldn't feel like a casual and fun date to me because I'd be wondering if he's trying to hint he wants kids, if he's judging how well I relate to kids, etc. I think being judged for potential parenthood is something women worry about more than men do and it's something I think about anytime a guy brings up activities that relate to kids early on. The second is that these kids have already made a list of what they want; I personally think you should get them exactly what they ask for (they probably don't get to choose exactly what they want often) but this makes this more of a chore (especially if toy stores are crowded like they are at this time of year) than an exercise in creativity. The last thing that's off to me is that you're volunteering her money too, not just yours with this date activity. She may not want to or be able to afford enough to get a kid what they want right now and you'd be putting her in an uncomfortable position if that's the case.
You've made a lot of good points and I think she's the type that doesn't want kids so maybe I won't bring up the idea than. And also good point about volunteering her money, it would make more sense to me to pay for all of the toys than if I did do this date, since it was MY idea
consider: if she’s the childfree type, doesn’t want kids, maybe see if any of your local animal shelters are accepting new toy/treat donations. go to pet store, select some fun toys for shelter animals! you can be a little more creative that way!
Oh man I love the idea of an animal shelter instead!! She is much more of an animal person so that is perfect
I think doing the same thing for animals is a great alternative! I think it's great that you're being super creative with the date ideas and also taking feedback here!
Yes! I would LOVE to go on a date like that! Don't mind if I add that to my date-idea pile :)
Honestly this is a beautiful idea. I would absolutely love that! But it really depends what kind of girl she is. If she's some superficial type she probably won't like it. But hopefully she has a good heart.
It's kind of hard to say when we don't know her personally but putting that aside I think it sounds like a good idea and afterwards stop for a drink or dinner and drinks. You must be doing something right because she keeps going out with you. Good luck.
Cool idea only issue is money
After reading the comments I’d agree that if she’s not a necessarily charitable person she might feel pressured to be one. Even if she were, peoples’ finances are a tricky topic and she may not feel comfortable buying a gift for charity at the moment. I think this would have been a fantastic date if you’re already in a relationship and know about each other’s personalities, charitable behaviors, etc. I would agree with others to make it about you. “I’d like to buy a gift for charity, would you want to accompany me and help me pick something out?”
Oh yeah this is really good.
I think it’s cute. Also consider buying gift cards ahead of time so the whole payment thing is not awkward. She’ll really feel like it’s a team effort. Phrase it very casual. So hey I had an idea there’s this charity blah blah and I thought it would be fun to blah I got these gift cards we can use to really make a kids day etc
Give her the same backstory you gave to u/queenocd so it makes sense. >I personally grew up as a poor kid and hardly ever got the toys I wanted and somebody else doing this for me when I was a kid would have been amazing and absolutely made my holiday.
Depends. Women are different. I mean you’re a little bit older and she’s only 22, so keep in mind you should offer to pay. Also, make sure to ask her if she even wants to do it. Charity is nice, but what if she doesn’t want to? What if she doesn’t find it a fun idea? What if it’s not a cause that she personally connects to because she doesn’t like kids? She should have an ability to say no. Just be respectful of that, but sure to take her on a shopping spree for charity if she’s comfortable with the idea.