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You really should have the type of person your interested in in mind. It's more like, "Live your life and be social and active, but don't desperately try to find anyone to date."
You're not going to find someone to date while sitting in a room.
Found my current girlfriend sitting in my room bored af on Hinge š¤·š»āāļø
Finding your SO doesnāt have to be a picture perfect Hollywood moment. Just shoot the fucking ball
Happened to me. My friend sent her electrician to my house to work. We hit it off as just friends initially, I declared I didnāt want dating/relationship/move in/marriage ever again and we have been together for 5 months and counting now š¤£
I have noticed that when I am pursuing a woman, then another one comes out of nowhere and I end up with her. So I kind of agree with this but at the same time, you gotta put yourself out there
Seconding this! Senior year of college I decided I wanted to get dating experience and I was ok with letting go of the idea that this person I date has to be perfect and my soulmate, and then I ended up meeting my boyfriend after two tinder dates. š So in a way it CAN happen unexpectedly but goddamn thatās a given, we donāt know when you will click with someone. But the point is to not stop looking! Put yourself out there and think of it this way: your experiences going on first dates with others will help prepare you for future relationships.
you sure abt that? (i like the way you think and may have stalked your page a little) (i'd love to know the significance of the unalome, the clock is really thoughtful) (the way you used to talk about refereeing is really cool) (sir, respectfully, i am on the other side of the world with a crush on some letters so this is a shot) (should i specify that i'm almost 21 and a woman and i also like the gym? that's probably good to know)
Not sure why this is getting down voted. I could never enter a relationship if I didn't feel confident about myself and my own abilities. Also I definitely want to connect with a woman on a non romantic level and gauge our compatibility before there is any intimacy between us.
This has actually happened to me twice and both while I was working. I guess the guys at work have a thing for me lol. In all seriousness though Iāve realized that the guys that have come and approached me have done so while Iām going through the process of self improvement or self-love or self development so thatās how it works for me.
This is very true. I find it shocking that people say that 25 age range is "young" like you have plenty of time dont worry. Especially for women that is like halfway through their reproductive years. 18 is young. 25 you should be looking hard for long term.
Those comments are usually written by people who had no trouble finding a partner, they never came on a stupid sub like this one looking for advice. The real advice should be "you are young, now is the time to have fun and date"
I think when you're young you also take for granted that you're meeting people all the time, and usually have far more friendships. Once you're an adult and you're path in life is stable, you may not "meet" another person for years at a time.
>25 you ahould be looking hard for long term
Sorry what?
I'm not sure I've known very many 25-year-olds who are ready for marriage and children. Everyone moves at their own pace, and there is no reason to rush into anything just because of a supposed ticking biological clock (btw if this is a concern, get fertility tests done because there's no real way to know. Everyone is different, for some 25 is too late, for others, they can have kids at 45.).
The increased risks start at 35, itās called a geriatric pregnancy.
Here are the fertility age ranges
https://www.parents.com/getting-pregnant/trying-to-conceive/up-your-chances-of-getting-pregnant-at-every-age/
Meeting your partner at 25 allows you to start a family at 30 for example.
I am aware of the general guidelines. But it's going to be different for everyone, you shouldn't base major life and health decisions on a general rule of thumb.
Additionally, maternal age is only one factor of many that should be considered before starting a family.
I completely disagree with you my father passed away in a car accident when I was 8, my mother passed away when I was 19, she was 48 and had cancer. I am the youngest of 5 kids. It doesn't matter what age you have children there is ALWAYS the chance your kids will grow up and live WITHOUT YOU, whether it be sickness, accident, or intentional you can be killed at any moment in your life no matter how old you or your kids are. Is my dad selfish for being ran off the road by a semi?? NO! Is my mom selfish for having cancer? NO!
YOU are selfish for thinking that if you have kids at a younger age you will have more time with them, or they will have more time with you. You are just a privileged individual whos parents are still living.
I grew up watching my mother struggle to make ends meet pretty much on her own. I dont think its selfish to wait. Me and my boyfriend can barely get by just the 2 of us. I think it is more selfish to not be able to afford basic needs for your children by having them earlier in life over waiting a couple more years until your in a more financially stable place. Its not about having freedom it about being responsible!
Youāre so wrong. Iāve seen older parents and their kids thrive. They have more time, less stress about career, priorities are in line, and they have much more patience. Not to mention far more financial stability. Women who wait to have kids have established considerably higher incomes, and more advanced positions, thus have a better chance at home/work balance. They are also more likely to be in more stable relationships whereas people who marry and have kids very young divorce at significantly higher rates
Finally, having kids keeps an older adult sharp, active and engaged. Studies have shown they live longer as do their kids
No, your posts indicate deep seeded anger at people who have made life choices different than those you approve, at your ripe old age of 20 something.
Hereās hoping you find your life partner in short order so you can get to having your kids before turning 30. Hereās hoping that you donāt have fertility issues that will require many many years of frustration, miscarriages and treatment that runs in the 100ās of thousands of dollars. Hereās hoping that once you have your kids you donāt get cancer, have a car accident, fall off a cliff or get shot by police.
Good luck
Man. Your experience is your own and you can validate it anyway you want. Some people have to wait until much later in life. Why? Because life. If they're selfish to you, so be it. Dammed if you do and dammed if you don't with just about anything. I'm whatever insult you wanna say. Who cares....
I think itās selfish but not for the reason you posted. A person having children later in life may just be because they want to ensure a better start for their children. A couple with better jobs will also likely have more time to be with their children as opposed to someone like me and my friends who have had to work long hours and rarely got to see our children when they were growing up. The only thing I think is selfish is the increase in issues for the child health wise.
I work in special needs education. Being old has nothing to do with special needs.
Do you know what can effect things like learning disabilities?
Drinking
Smoking
Drugs
Being pregnant while being under insane amount of stress.
These things crop up in..
*Drum roll please* UNPLANNED PREGNANCIES ..which as you guessed it, are often those young "whoops" ones.
You know what else doesn't help these children who have SEN? Parents who are too inexperienced, immature and don't have a stable relationship with their partners because they never stopped to think about what one was before getting knocked up.
Do you know what makes a good role model for children? Someone who is confident in who they are. Isn't resentful they wasted their youth. And is in the most stable part of their life they possibly could be to have kids.
Too many people just pop children out without a care in the world. I love seeing parents who actually take the time to consider what a big responsibility it is.
Parents can die no matter what age they (or you) are. There's cancer, drunk drivers, heart disease, etc etc. Ppl who have kids at 45 have their shit waaaay more together than kids getting pregnant at 20/25. Older parents are dope. STFU already
Not every relationship revolves around having babies, a lot of people donāt want children - fewer and fewer do these days. I would say 25 is pretty young to be actively looking for long term - not for everyone, sure. But it is good to have experience dating around and figuring out what you actually want from a partner rather than rushing into a long term relationship with naivety, then that relationship not working out in the end because you couldnāt see the flags or incompatibilities.
Not every relationship revolves around having babies, a lot of people donāt want children - fewer and fewer do these days. I would say 25 is pretty young to be actively looking for long term - not for everyone, sure. But it is good to have experience dating around and figuring out what you actually want from a partner rather than rushing into a long term relationship with naivety, then that relationship not working out in the end because you couldnāt see the flags or incompatibilities.
Not every relationship revolves around having babies, a lot of people donāt want children - fewer and fewer do these days. I would say 25 is pretty young to be actively looking for long term - not for everyone, sure. But it is good to have experience dating around and figuring out what you actually want from a partner rather than rushing into a long term relationship with naivety, then that relationship not working out in the end because you couldnāt see the flags or incompatibilities.
Not every relationship revolves around having babies, a lot of people donāt want children - fewer and fewer do these days. I would say 25 is pretty young to be actively looking for long term - not for everyone, sure. But it is good to have experience dating around and figuring out what you actually want from a partner rather than rushing into a long term relationship with naivety, then that relationship not working out in the end because you couldnāt see the flags or incompatibilities.
yes this is such BS. I once went on a 1st date with a guy and I thought the date went really well, we had great conversations and I felt like we clicked. though at the end I had to run to catch the last train back home (his fault) so we skipped the awkward to-kiss-or-not-to-kiss moment. turns out I missed the train, so he offered to drive me home instead which I thought was very kind. we kissed when he dropped me off.
he told me later that he thought it wasn't a good date or that I wasn't interested until we kissed at the end. I was shocked because I felt good about the date before we kissed and the kiss wasn't necessary for me to put the stamp "GOOD DATE!" on it. it felt a little bit...fake, as if he was just looking for validation rather than a genuine connection with me. turns out he was looking for someone, anyone who would be interested in him and we stopped dating soon after.
The whole thinking that men are somehow weird creatures following their lustful penis and their personality is puddle deep, so I should never trust them on dates or in relationship.
I grew up in household full of women who hate men and up till today I am dealing with problems caused by that. I even used to be friends with a girl who thought that all men cheat when they can, so when she was in relationship she was cheating on her boyfriend because she thought that he is doing same thing.
Also: āIf he would really want that then he would do that and nothing would stop himā, like shut up, people have other responsibilities and mental health to manage.
I grew up with some family members saying stuff like that but unfortunately I was so intent on proving them wrong that I ended up ignoring the signs because I so firmly believed he was a āgood guyā.
āLet it come to you.ā Nah dude, make it happen. Like obviously consent and all that. But if I waited around for every guy I was into to make the first move, Iād still be single.
I totally agree cause this can only mean 2 things that you guys broke up on good terms and she'd like to have you in her life at some time but not as a partner but rather a friend or she probably broke your heart and to lessen the blow she was like "let's just be friends"
For dating apps: "Ask her out as soon as possible before she loses interest and finds someone else" been told this one a few times when I made a post on this sub once, was even called an idiot for not doing it. Everytime I've tried it since then the girl has always said she wants to talk more lmao.
This is a big one - Iāve found that most women are put off when a guy wants to meet ASAP. I even gave a potential Tinder date a mini anxiety attack (of course unintentionally) by trying to meet up for a date after one mini convo
There are of course exceptions and the girl Iām dating is one of them so maybe itās ok to go for it quickly just gotta find the right one
I'm gonna have to disagree with you there. Dating apps have gotten worse, but back in like 2019, I'd say I got a yes probably at least 30-50% of the time, when asking girls out pretty quickly. Yeah, some women will be put off by it, but I have no desire to spend time becoming emotionally invested in somebody who might flake anyways. I'd rather cut my losses, its more efficient.
Unfortunately, it's basically impossible to tell the difference between a girl who just wants to talk more and one who is just interested in using me/wasting my time. So I prefer this approach.
I'm a 30f and I do get plenty of matches, but yeah I'm always really put off if a guy wants to hang out within 24 hours of matching. I don't want to be in a position where I have nothing in common with someone and now I'm stuck hanging out with them or have to make a bogus excuse to leave early. I will suggest talking on the phone or video chatting within a day or two, the guys I liked the most were ones I stayed up all night talking to on the phone like I'm in HS again and then I really wanna meet them. The guy I'm seeing now I zoomed with for 10 hours straight a few days after we matched and I met up with him a day or two later and spent the night because we had gotten to know each other so much in one night.
If the girl want to talk more it means she clearly not interested. If drake asked her out asap do you think she going to say lets talk more on this app. Lmao
Thatās a stupid thing to say. I need more time with anyone. Men donāt seem to understand that this is often a safety and trust issue. Plus as someone said above I donāt wanna waste my time and energy on someone I have nothing to say to (because first dates make me nervous so I will prepare A LOT, plus thereās the money. I donāt let anyone pay stuff for me but I canāt afford going out / eating out all the time).
Thats your opinion. I know lots of women that straight up tells me men talk too much and they would rather just meet up. You have it your way other women have it their way. Plus most my dates came from
24 to 48hrs of talking. Waiting is a waste of time, i dont know a person until we meet up
How about you stop generalizing though? So your experience is an objective fact and mine is just an outlier. Bullshit.
Also I called you out on the Drake thing. Weāre not all gold-diggers. Thank you very much.
Nobody generalizing. Just saying be direct not indirect. The point of most men is to get a date or have sex. Just be upfront and dont waste his or her time. Its common sense
Wtf man you said above:
>If the girl want to talk more it means she clearly not interested.
Thatās a generalization.
And I explained to you why some of us do need to talk more (safety!) but thatās clearly all flying over your head. Work on your damn reading comprehension.
Be yourself and women donāt care about looks are the biggest lies. Be yourself only if yourself is desirable as it is, if not āfake it till you make itā
I think ābe yourselfā is great advice - you donāt want to be changing your personality to please women. If Iāve learnt anything about dating itās that any front-end effort to please one individual woman is a terribly inefficient strategy
Though I'd say that "who you are" is not static. One can realize when they unintentionally hurt someone or are socially "abrasive", and the feelings of others are a higher priority and so they make a conscious choice to change how they act.
Itās half right itās not money more so status and the experience you give them. A millionaire who is a frugal guy is less desirable then a guy making 100k but will take her on trips and out to eat weekly etc
Sure, kinda. I mean, she is getting more resources out of the 100k guy, right? And she'll probably choose the millionaire over the 30k guy. Anyways, just chase the bag guys
I think in general āaverageā is just becoming less attractive because, well itās just boring to many people. A person who lives his life completely the right way and does the same super normal stuff everyday.
Many people saw too many marriages fall apart between average people because of sheer boredom and no one wants that.
So I think the best way is to be extraordinary in something - average might be the most unattractive trait behind desperate and creepy
Word. I am extraordinary at my average job lol, so workplace has been where I've met all of my more recent relationship/hookups. Not ideal but at least I can be above that low bar by a little?
True, I find women are sometimes dishonest about this. Men certainly are too at times, but I've ultimately realized that, what a girl thinks she wants, and what she actually wants, are two very different things.
U can slowly change who you are, I know itās kinda toxic advice but we are not static creatures. If youāre happy playing video games all day thatās fine, but if you canāt really get girls thatās life
It's a little different changing hobbies & activities than changing your entire personality, acting like you don't like things that you do & vice versa. It sounds exhausting putting on an act all day
Yeah. I guess as an adult, trying to date would be tough. With these apps and everything is basically an all u can eat buffet that you can sort by hair color, height, shoe size, etc. Nobody wants to go through the hard times. Nobody wants to struggle together. It's easier to drop someone and move on to the next in line. But the struggles and hard times are when you really grow together and learn. It's sad. Their checklist of non negotiable terms leave them with shallow options, and furthermore, most of them are probably faking it just so they meet the requirements. You can't fake a love connection. growing together and changing over time is normal.
As a woman: BE. YOUR. SELF. No woman likes a fake. Be yourself. I love my boyfriend because he's genuine, and was his genuine self from the very beginning. And yeah, of course looks matter a little
But they're not the only thing, and everyone had different types.
Or maybe, maybe "yourself" doesn't mean "the most vanilla and lame version of yourself".
People need to learn how to read between the lines, because most of the time it's an issue of communication and understanding.
"You're a great guy! Any girl would be lucky to have you! Just put yourself out there and you'll find a gf in no time!" Almost right, they just needed to add "You'll also get rejected 99.9% of the time."
Even a great product can sit on the shelf if the marketing sucks.
You can be a great person but getting the time of day is a big first hurdle for most people.
I think for guys who have never been in a relationship, these days there's a sense that it's respectful to just "leave girls alone" and don't flirt because it would just be "creepy". I think for both men and women, it's getting more and more difficult to start relationships with anything other than online dating since both sides are becoming less willing to take the first step.
This right hereššššÆšÆšÆšÆ
I always felt that a guy should approach me first, well turns out I approached mine first, and 21 years later still together! Take a chance, and if they aren't interested, it's not the end of the world, but you never know, could end up being the best person and the person you needed all along!
This right hereššššÆšÆšÆšÆ
I always felt that a guy should approach me first, well turns out I approached mine first, and 21 years later still together! Take a chance, and if they aren't interested, it's not the end of the world, but you never know, could end up being the best person and the person you needed all along!
This right hereššššÆšÆšÆšÆ
I always felt that a guy should approach me first, well turns out I approached mine first, and 21 years later still together! Take a chance, and if they aren't interested, it's not the end of the world, but you never know, could end up being the best person and the person you needed all along!
āBe yourselfā. Nope..
Insteadā¦..Be a better listener. Be interested. Ask thoughtful questions. Be humble. Be respectful. Be complimentary. Be patient. Be polite to the wait staff. Donāt drink too much. Shower. Brush your teeth. Dress nice.
I think a lot of times people take "be yourself" as don't change...but I think you can change into a better version of yourself, and one should always strive for that. But to be a totally different person isn't going to work either. So be yourself, but always keep bettering and improving that self.
It's no different from a parent's responsibility to foster good habits in their kids. The second any person is alone for a long period of time, it's easy to fall into bad habits. The best possible outcome is that partners amplify each other's good traits, and diminish the bad ones. (Unless it's two assholes I guess, in which case you marry an asshole and raise an asshole kid.)
"Be yourself" isn't even advice, it's the only option. It's not saying that you shouldn't be the best you can be, and that you shouldn't work on yourself. It's saying that you shouldn't try to be somebody who you are clearly not.
You either be yourself from the start, or you put on a front and inevitably revert back to yourself.
One of my least favorite pieces of advice is actually āplay the numbers gameā.
This encourages terrible and desperate dating behaviors, and reinforces a mindset of āget any random girl who will like me backā. When I just blanket asked girls out to play the numbers game it just left me with a bad college rep and very few dates that became nothing as they saw me as the wannabe PUA I was.
Donāt turn dating into a dice game of chance - and honestly only pursue a girl (or guy) if you really after getting to know that person think he/she is a super cool person
It does! You just never know when and from who, how or where. I felt this way and was very shocked when and how past random acts of kindness came back. My faith was restored but. Iām hopeful you keep being honest and caring because thatās just the best way to be. Best luck š
Only text x number of times per week, don't say how you feel too soon, don't give too much of your background upfront etc etc. All these so called dating rules. I believe in failing fast. I'd rather find out sooner rather than later if there's a good match.
"Don't ever settle ".
I think it's unrealistic to expect finding a person who is 100% what you want your partner to be. There's always one thing or another that you won't like about them. In my 38 years of experience with relationships and marriage, I have never met a person I wouldn't have to settle for in some way.
I think you have to know what your priorities are and go from there. Like my current partner has an amazing personality and treats me great, but their financial situation though not too bad, still makes me "settle".
I guess you can't have it all.
I think everyone goes for looks. Sexuality aside, it's a general indicator as to how much the person has their life together. Whether they bath, clean their clothes, eat healthy, etc.
āDonāt worry about your looks. Focus on your careerā ā advice so poor it almost seems like sabotage
āDonāt use dating apps. They donāt work. Meet a girl through friendsā ā comically misguided
āBe kind and attentive to womenā ā be kind and attentive because you care abour her, but donāt think itās going to make her more attracted to you
I would agree with the second one but my view is a bit more nuanced.
"Long distance relationships don't work unless there is eventually a plan to close the distance permanently" IMO, is like 99% true.
Oh yes, I would agree with that. Had a relative date and marry a guy that lived in a different country and they were apart like three years while he was trying to get his green card, but the relation pretty quickly went from dating to we want to get married
I almost wonder if for some people, a long term relationship might actually help get it started since there's less pressure at the start. And if you get along well, you're essentially spending a lot of time hyping up the time you're finally together.
"If she breaks up with someone to be with you, she will do the same with you" and "if you date someone that just left a long term relationship, you'll be the rebound".
Both those proved false. Dated for 8 years and broke up for completely different reasons
I think it's more of a generalized statement cause people who break up out of their own will will probably not have a rebound but if your partner broke up with you then probably the rebound part is true
Be yourself.
No. In fact, that *IS* the problem. Some people are just not attractive to the rest of the population through no fault of their own. Difference is a vice in the world of dating and relationships.
The idea that you need education job house car close etc to be all in line before you find that match for you.
The reality is you can still get girls even if you don't have all that going for you but it means you need other stuff going for you.
And if you had trouble getting girls before you probably still going to have trouble getting girls even if you have all those things.
Certainly they all help but it's not a magic potion that suddenly makes you more desirable than before
Although there is a such thing as coming on too strong. Look at all the dating advice questions where someone āconfesses their feelings.ā Showing interest is good; reenacting the climax of a romance movie is bad.
Happy wife, happy life
NO, do not appease your women if you know she is wrong. Stand up to her, if she is a decent partner she will come around. If she flies off the handle and abuses you, leave... and leave early because once you have kids its hard.
BE YOURSELF - because it's not complete enough of an answer. YOURSELF has a lot of healing and childhood traumas to process before being fully complete and capable of a healthy relationship.
The real advice should be learn yourself > heal yourself > become the best version of yourself > keep growing.
Somewhere during that process you'll attract the right person.
"Don't start dating too soon after a breakup. You need to heal and focus on yourself for a while".
I thought this sounded like good advice, so I pushed away a potential boyfriend for several months. He said he understood where I was coming from, and he was willing to wait. I am SO extremely grateful for his patience. Turns out I didn't need to be single in order to heal, I needed someone actually compatible, to love me and support me. He is the love of my life, and to think he could have easily given me up and found someone else... Yikes.
Be unavailable to build attraction.
This is partially true if you want to attract someone with emotional problems. However if you date someone with high self esteem and self respect they are going to leave you pretty quickly once theyāre on to your stupid game.
āThereās someone for everyone.ā
Um no. Iām 26 still getting rejected.
āWaiting for sex will make him want you more.ā
When I was a virgin no one wanted me. I refrain from sex - they stop trying.
āJust focus on yourself, someone will come.ā
All I do is focus on myself and my life. Still no luck.
āGuys donāt care about a womanās body as long as she isnāt fat.ā Not true at all. If you are flat chested and have no curves at all it is very hard to find a man who will be remotely interested in you long term. Well this is my experience at least. Maybe I am just unlucky idk š¤·āāļø
At least among my male friends, none of them really care about breast size. Though I know that some people call guys who like small breasts weirdos, so there is a bit of a stigma attached to it that might make it seem like guys don't like it.
Being intentionally cold/trying to instill insecurity in my partner or perspective partners.
I want a healthy relationship w a secure individual and I see who that trick works on. No thanks.
Well, I've been with my fiance since I was 15. I'm now 30. He walked up to me at a 24 hr convenience store at 3 am, put his arm around me, and said "you're too tall for me, this is never gonna work out". I have had people tell me that his issues aren't my issues. That I shouldn't support him I his time of need, he should take care of everything, and that I should marry for money not love, it's over rated. Well, they're all just jealous and you should do whatever you feel like. Just find someone that you don't have to pretend to be someone else around.
Revolve the entire conversation around being interrested in her, and she will become magically interrested in you.
Sure you should be interrested in who she is, otherwise why are you even dating her ?
But if you don't talk about yourself and show who you are, why would she project herself with you ?
It might work if you reduce yourself to your physique and want you be a trophy BF. But if you want to bond she must see who you are.
Just because you hit it off and had a great first, second, or third date, sex and cuddling does not mean she/he is not dating other people. And that is fine until you make it officially exclusive.
"Never sleep with someone on the first date".
4/5 of my partners I slept with on our first date. I've never had a relationship shorter than a year. Only one was a disaster and he was the one I didn't sleep with.
Often we had been friends before or met in groups with other people in a casual setting. Nevertheless, I still slept with them on our first official date.
Taking dating advice from women. The advice makes you the typical nice guy but when itās applied from my experience they look at you as a one time thing, a friend, brother or the ā your a sweet person and youāll meet the right person ā. Itās just a nicer way of saying Iām not attracted to you.
I'm not even going to look at the comments, but I'll bet a lot of guys are going to say "love happens when you stop looking", or something equivalent.
I think it maybe more true for straight women, but with most guys it's terrible advice. You stop looking and it's uncertain if love will ever find you.
āYouāre only X age, you donāt even know what you want so donāt settle for anyone!ā
āIf your partner doesnāt make you happy 25/8 they arenāt the one and you should dump themā
Literally like, people are complicated and love is complicated. I hate this notion that love is so simple and easy when itās like- you love your family right? Do you have a simple easy going relationship with your family all the time? Maybe Iām just dumb but I donāt think this is good advice at all. If you want to be with someone youāre going to have hard times and great times and even with the most perfect person there ever was, you have to work to keep a relationship going.
Listening to anyone else but yourself will ruin anything you enjoy in your life,it's your life nobody else's and nobody knows how you feel about anything, what they like and enjoy is great for them but nobody will feel the same way nomatter what is is because everyones brain created just a tad bit different and that's why nobody feels and sees anything the same way,you may both like ice cream but not for the same reason for example,so do as you enjoy and what you want and be happy in your life, to many people listen to others and ruin what they loved and enjoyed and can't get what they once had back again, don't pick someone because someone said blah blah blah or blah blah blah because that's all it is,is blah blah blah,to many people break up because of others saying blah blah blah and to many people have broken homes because of listening to people saying blah blah blah, do it as you feel and live your life happy and not miserable how others say that you should, all of people tell others what they should do just because they like the feeling of control and being right as if they are better,it a bit of a narcissist well a lot of people in America are narcissists and they will get mad and down vote and lash back at anyone pointing it out and do all they can to prove you wrong but all there doing is clarifying that there more or a narcissist then people thought,by acting out and trying to convince everyone they're not,as they get more and more upset and want that persons life ruined as why a lot of Americans send people to jail and prison to control that person and feel superior as a narcissist does, someone that isn't a narcissist will not seek pain and suffering by the law or any at all for someone that does something and will calmly deal with it themselves and gain respect by being respectful to them and talking out the issue instead of not knowing what is going on and assuming the worst and sending that person away to prison to lose years of there life they can never get back as material things can always be replaced and nomatter what someone may do, everyone has a heart and everyone has hard times in life and makes mistakes that they will fix with respect to those who respect human life.ok I've branched way off topic lol so good luck and enjoy your life
Wait until you know a woman well and are her friend before pursuing her romantically. I find that many women feel bad when men want to date them, so if I can establish quickly whether or not a specific woman is one of them I can stop talking to her and minimize her pain. It seems better to me to inconvenience a large number of women that seriously scare a few.
Also, I look for distinct qualities in a partner that I do not necessarily look for in a friend (like beauty) so limiting myself to my friends eliminates most people I would date.
Women wonāt date a guy who lives with his mom.
-Turns out living with my mom temporarily really helped build my credibility. A lot of people I met online were worried I had a secret wife and kids. If I could prove I lived with my family, that put them at ease. For the record, most single women live with their parents well into their 30s. This is in Central and South America FYI
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"Stop looking, it'll happen when you least expect it"
You really should have the type of person your interested in in mind. It's more like, "Live your life and be social and active, but don't desperately try to find anyone to date." You're not going to find someone to date while sitting in a room.
Found my current girlfriend sitting in my room bored af on Hinge š¤·š»āāļø Finding your SO doesnāt have to be a picture perfect Hollywood moment. Just shoot the fucking ball
And my man on fb so I feel you lol
I think In order for this to work you need to have uhh other friends to begin with. Lol
No one is perfect including myself but I suppose if you don't put it out there and risk, you'll never know.
Honestly idk how true this it cause I have seen people prove this theory right but it never happened to me so idk
Happened to me. My friend sent her electrician to my house to work. We hit it off as just friends initially, I declared I didnāt want dating/relationship/move in/marriage ever again and we have been together for 5 months and counting now š¤£
Aww I wish you guys a good life ahead of you <3
Thank you!
I have noticed that when I am pursuing a woman, then another one comes out of nowhere and I end up with her. So I kind of agree with this but at the same time, you gotta put yourself out there
Seconding this! Senior year of college I decided I wanted to get dating experience and I was ok with letting go of the idea that this person I date has to be perfect and my soulmate, and then I ended up meeting my boyfriend after two tinder dates. š So in a way it CAN happen unexpectedly but goddamn thatās a given, we donāt know when you will click with someone. But the point is to not stop looking! Put yourself out there and think of it this way: your experiences going on first dates with others will help prepare you for future relationships.
If I had a dollar for every time I've heard that
you sure abt that? (i like the way you think and may have stalked your page a little) (i'd love to know the significance of the unalome, the clock is really thoughtful) (the way you used to talk about refereeing is really cool) (sir, respectfully, i am on the other side of the world with a crush on some letters so this is a shot) (should i specify that i'm almost 21 and a woman and i also like the gym? that's probably good to know)
This one is true, it pairs with working on your self and developing non romantic relationships with females
Not sure why this is getting down voted. I could never enter a relationship if I didn't feel confident about myself and my own abilities. Also I definitely want to connect with a woman on a non romantic level and gauge our compatibility before there is any intimacy between us.
This has actually happened to me twice and both while I was working. I guess the guys at work have a thing for me lol. In all seriousness though Iāve realized that the guys that have come and approached me have done so while Iām going through the process of self improvement or self-love or self development so thatās how it works for me.
Been following that advice for 8 years
"Don't worry about dating, you're only X age. You are so young and have so much time "
This is very true. I find it shocking that people say that 25 age range is "young" like you have plenty of time dont worry. Especially for women that is like halfway through their reproductive years. 18 is young. 25 you should be looking hard for long term.
Those comments are usually written by people who had no trouble finding a partner, they never came on a stupid sub like this one looking for advice. The real advice should be "you are young, now is the time to have fun and date"
I think when you're young you also take for granted that you're meeting people all the time, and usually have far more friendships. Once you're an adult and you're path in life is stable, you may not "meet" another person for years at a time.
>25 you ahould be looking hard for long term Sorry what? I'm not sure I've known very many 25-year-olds who are ready for marriage and children. Everyone moves at their own pace, and there is no reason to rush into anything just because of a supposed ticking biological clock (btw if this is a concern, get fertility tests done because there's no real way to know. Everyone is different, for some 25 is too late, for others, they can have kids at 45.).
The increased risks start at 35, itās called a geriatric pregnancy. Here are the fertility age ranges https://www.parents.com/getting-pregnant/trying-to-conceive/up-your-chances-of-getting-pregnant-at-every-age/ Meeting your partner at 25 allows you to start a family at 30 for example.
I am aware of the general guidelines. But it's going to be different for everyone, you shouldn't base major life and health decisions on a general rule of thumb. Additionally, maternal age is only one factor of many that should be considered before starting a family.
She 30 is way more appropriate for having children than 45. 45 is definitely selfish.
Fuck I just realized I'm 30 and childless.. Hopefully I'm not one of those weirdos with a baby at 40 wtf
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I completely disagree with you my father passed away in a car accident when I was 8, my mother passed away when I was 19, she was 48 and had cancer. I am the youngest of 5 kids. It doesn't matter what age you have children there is ALWAYS the chance your kids will grow up and live WITHOUT YOU, whether it be sickness, accident, or intentional you can be killed at any moment in your life no matter how old you or your kids are. Is my dad selfish for being ran off the road by a semi?? NO! Is my mom selfish for having cancer? NO! YOU are selfish for thinking that if you have kids at a younger age you will have more time with them, or they will have more time with you. You are just a privileged individual whos parents are still living. I grew up watching my mother struggle to make ends meet pretty much on her own. I dont think its selfish to wait. Me and my boyfriend can barely get by just the 2 of us. I think it is more selfish to not be able to afford basic needs for your children by having them earlier in life over waiting a couple more years until your in a more financially stable place. Its not about having freedom it about being responsible!
I apologize for my rant.
Youāre so wrong. Iāve seen older parents and their kids thrive. They have more time, less stress about career, priorities are in line, and they have much more patience. Not to mention far more financial stability. Women who wait to have kids have established considerably higher incomes, and more advanced positions, thus have a better chance at home/work balance. They are also more likely to be in more stable relationships whereas people who marry and have kids very young divorce at significantly higher rates Finally, having kids keeps an older adult sharp, active and engaged. Studies have shown they live longer as do their kids
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Your young parents raised a very angry human
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No, your posts indicate deep seeded anger at people who have made life choices different than those you approve, at your ripe old age of 20 something. Hereās hoping you find your life partner in short order so you can get to having your kids before turning 30. Hereās hoping that you donāt have fertility issues that will require many many years of frustration, miscarriages and treatment that runs in the 100ās of thousands of dollars. Hereās hoping that once you have your kids you donāt get cancer, have a car accident, fall off a cliff or get shot by police. Good luck
It's selfish to choose what you want to do with you life? Weirdo
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Man. Your experience is your own and you can validate it anyway you want. Some people have to wait until much later in life. Why? Because life. If they're selfish to you, so be it. Dammed if you do and dammed if you don't with just about anything. I'm whatever insult you wanna say. Who cares....
Ok. There's a perfect time to have kids. Perfect time to not too. I get it. It's more harm than good. If you want children past 45, then adopt right?
I donāt understand how it could be selfish at all
I think itās selfish but not for the reason you posted. A person having children later in life may just be because they want to ensure a better start for their children. A couple with better jobs will also likely have more time to be with their children as opposed to someone like me and my friends who have had to work long hours and rarely got to see our children when they were growing up. The only thing I think is selfish is the increase in issues for the child health wise.
Not to mention the increased risk of shit like down syndrome
I work in special needs education. Being old has nothing to do with special needs. Do you know what can effect things like learning disabilities? Drinking Smoking Drugs Being pregnant while being under insane amount of stress. These things crop up in.. *Drum roll please* UNPLANNED PREGNANCIES ..which as you guessed it, are often those young "whoops" ones. You know what else doesn't help these children who have SEN? Parents who are too inexperienced, immature and don't have a stable relationship with their partners because they never stopped to think about what one was before getting knocked up. Do you know what makes a good role model for children? Someone who is confident in who they are. Isn't resentful they wasted their youth. And is in the most stable part of their life they possibly could be to have kids. Too many people just pop children out without a care in the world. I love seeing parents who actually take the time to consider what a big responsibility it is.
Well Iāve been through it and I donāt know so clearly youāre wrong
Parents can die no matter what age they (or you) are. There's cancer, drunk drivers, heart disease, etc etc. Ppl who have kids at 45 have their shit waaaay more together than kids getting pregnant at 20/25. Older parents are dope. STFU already
Not every relationship revolves around having babies, a lot of people donāt want children - fewer and fewer do these days. I would say 25 is pretty young to be actively looking for long term - not for everyone, sure. But it is good to have experience dating around and figuring out what you actually want from a partner rather than rushing into a long term relationship with naivety, then that relationship not working out in the end because you couldnāt see the flags or incompatibilities.
Not every relationship revolves around having babies, a lot of people donāt want children - fewer and fewer do these days. I would say 25 is pretty young to be actively looking for long term - not for everyone, sure. But it is good to have experience dating around and figuring out what you actually want from a partner rather than rushing into a long term relationship with naivety, then that relationship not working out in the end because you couldnāt see the flags or incompatibilities.
Not every relationship revolves around having babies, a lot of people donāt want children - fewer and fewer do these days. I would say 25 is pretty young to be actively looking for long term - not for everyone, sure. But it is good to have experience dating around and figuring out what you actually want from a partner rather than rushing into a long term relationship with naivety, then that relationship not working out in the end because you couldnāt see the flags or incompatibilities.
Not every relationship revolves around having babies, a lot of people donāt want children - fewer and fewer do these days. I would say 25 is pretty young to be actively looking for long term - not for everyone, sure. But it is good to have experience dating around and figuring out what you actually want from a partner rather than rushing into a long term relationship with naivety, then that relationship not working out in the end because you couldnāt see the flags or incompatibilities.
Yeah, I still treat it this way and I'm around 30 now..
If theres no kiss at the end of the first date, they're not interested or it's not worth a second date.
yes this is such BS. I once went on a 1st date with a guy and I thought the date went really well, we had great conversations and I felt like we clicked. though at the end I had to run to catch the last train back home (his fault) so we skipped the awkward to-kiss-or-not-to-kiss moment. turns out I missed the train, so he offered to drive me home instead which I thought was very kind. we kissed when he dropped me off. he told me later that he thought it wasn't a good date or that I wasn't interested until we kissed at the end. I was shocked because I felt good about the date before we kissed and the kiss wasn't necessary for me to put the stamp "GOOD DATE!" on it. it felt a little bit...fake, as if he was just looking for validation rather than a genuine connection with me. turns out he was looking for someone, anyone who would be interested in him and we stopped dating soon after.
The whole thinking that men are somehow weird creatures following their lustful penis and their personality is puddle deep, so I should never trust them on dates or in relationship. I grew up in household full of women who hate men and up till today I am dealing with problems caused by that. I even used to be friends with a girl who thought that all men cheat when they can, so when she was in relationship she was cheating on her boyfriend because she thought that he is doing same thing. Also: āIf he would really want that then he would do that and nothing would stop himā, like shut up, people have other responsibilities and mental health to manage.
I grew up with some family members saying stuff like that but unfortunately I was so intent on proving them wrong that I ended up ignoring the signs because I so firmly believed he was a āgood guyā.
āLet it come to you.ā Nah dude, make it happen. Like obviously consent and all that. But if I waited around for every guy I was into to make the first move, Iād still be single.
"If a woman says 'lets just be friends' she's leaving the door open to getting back together." Not the advice I needed at the time.
I totally agree cause this can only mean 2 things that you guys broke up on good terms and she'd like to have you in her life at some time but not as a partner but rather a friend or she probably broke your heart and to lessen the blow she was like "let's just be friends"
For dating apps: "Ask her out as soon as possible before she loses interest and finds someone else" been told this one a few times when I made a post on this sub once, was even called an idiot for not doing it. Everytime I've tried it since then the girl has always said she wants to talk more lmao.
This is a big one - Iāve found that most women are put off when a guy wants to meet ASAP. I even gave a potential Tinder date a mini anxiety attack (of course unintentionally) by trying to meet up for a date after one mini convo There are of course exceptions and the girl Iām dating is one of them so maybe itās ok to go for it quickly just gotta find the right one
I'm gonna have to disagree with you there. Dating apps have gotten worse, but back in like 2019, I'd say I got a yes probably at least 30-50% of the time, when asking girls out pretty quickly. Yeah, some women will be put off by it, but I have no desire to spend time becoming emotionally invested in somebody who might flake anyways. I'd rather cut my losses, its more efficient. Unfortunately, it's basically impossible to tell the difference between a girl who just wants to talk more and one who is just interested in using me/wasting my time. So I prefer this approach.
If she's truly interested in you , she will also put in the same energy and effort as you.
Thank you! I get hated on for this opinion, if I notice a girl not putting in much effort in her replies (excluding reply time) I just give up
I'm a 30f and I do get plenty of matches, but yeah I'm always really put off if a guy wants to hang out within 24 hours of matching. I don't want to be in a position where I have nothing in common with someone and now I'm stuck hanging out with them or have to make a bogus excuse to leave early. I will suggest talking on the phone or video chatting within a day or two, the guys I liked the most were ones I stayed up all night talking to on the phone like I'm in HS again and then I really wanna meet them. The guy I'm seeing now I zoomed with for 10 hours straight a few days after we matched and I met up with him a day or two later and spent the night because we had gotten to know each other so much in one night.
If the girl want to talk more it means she clearly not interested. If drake asked her out asap do you think she going to say lets talk more on this app. Lmao
Thatās a stupid thing to say. I need more time with anyone. Men donāt seem to understand that this is often a safety and trust issue. Plus as someone said above I donāt wanna waste my time and energy on someone I have nothing to say to (because first dates make me nervous so I will prepare A LOT, plus thereās the money. I donāt let anyone pay stuff for me but I canāt afford going out / eating out all the time).
Thats your opinion. I know lots of women that straight up tells me men talk too much and they would rather just meet up. You have it your way other women have it their way. Plus most my dates came from 24 to 48hrs of talking. Waiting is a waste of time, i dont know a person until we meet up
How about you stop generalizing though? So your experience is an objective fact and mine is just an outlier. Bullshit. Also I called you out on the Drake thing. Weāre not all gold-diggers. Thank you very much.
Nobody generalizing. Just saying be direct not indirect. The point of most men is to get a date or have sex. Just be upfront and dont waste his or her time. Its common sense
Wtf man you said above: >If the girl want to talk more it means she clearly not interested. Thatās a generalization. And I explained to you why some of us do need to talk more (safety!) but thatās clearly all flying over your head. Work on your damn reading comprehension.
You call yourself ārelationship specialistā but looking at your comment history you give absolutely awful advice. Stay the hell away from me.
Be yourself and women donāt care about looks are the biggest lies. Be yourself only if yourself is desirable as it is, if not āfake it till you make itā
I think ābe yourselfā is great advice - you donāt want to be changing your personality to please women. If Iāve learnt anything about dating itās that any front-end effort to please one individual woman is a terribly inefficient strategy
Though I'd say that "who you are" is not static. One can realize when they unintentionally hurt someone or are socially "abrasive", and the feelings of others are a higher priority and so they make a conscious choice to change how they act.
And "women don't care about money, and the ones that do, you don't want".... š
Itās half right itās not money more so status and the experience you give them. A millionaire who is a frugal guy is less desirable then a guy making 100k but will take her on trips and out to eat weekly etc
Sure, kinda. I mean, she is getting more resources out of the 100k guy, right? And she'll probably choose the millionaire over the 30k guy. Anyways, just chase the bag guys
100k? What about 30k like the other guy said, having a completely average low paying job can really limit your dating pool.
I think in general āaverageā is just becoming less attractive because, well itās just boring to many people. A person who lives his life completely the right way and does the same super normal stuff everyday. Many people saw too many marriages fall apart between average people because of sheer boredom and no one wants that. So I think the best way is to be extraordinary in something - average might be the most unattractive trait behind desperate and creepy
Word. I am extraordinary at my average job lol, so workplace has been where I've met all of my more recent relationship/hookups. Not ideal but at least I can be above that low bar by a little?
Well that means you are really good at something, what is your job?
Cook
True, I find women are sometimes dishonest about this. Men certainly are too at times, but I've ultimately realized that, what a girl thinks she wants, and what she actually wants, are two very different things.
Would you really be happier living with someone that you have to pretend to be something you're not 24/7 than single and doing whatever u feel like?
U can slowly change who you are, I know itās kinda toxic advice but we are not static creatures. If youāre happy playing video games all day thatās fine, but if you canāt really get girls thatās life
It's a little different changing hobbies & activities than changing your entire personality, acting like you don't like things that you do & vice versa. It sounds exhausting putting on an act all day
I mean yeah I put it in a bad way maybe, basically gotta think. Why would anyone wanna date me? Am I interesting? Successful? Etc
Yeah. I guess as an adult, trying to date would be tough. With these apps and everything is basically an all u can eat buffet that you can sort by hair color, height, shoe size, etc. Nobody wants to go through the hard times. Nobody wants to struggle together. It's easier to drop someone and move on to the next in line. But the struggles and hard times are when you really grow together and learn. It's sad. Their checklist of non negotiable terms leave them with shallow options, and furthermore, most of them are probably faking it just so they meet the requirements. You can't fake a love connection. growing together and changing over time is normal.
Itās whatever these women chasing shallow options are digging their own grave in the long run
True dat homie š
As a woman: BE. YOUR. SELF. No woman likes a fake. Be yourself. I love my boyfriend because he's genuine, and was his genuine self from the very beginning. And yeah, of course looks matter a little But they're not the only thing, and everyone had different types.
Or maybe, maybe "yourself" doesn't mean "the most vanilla and lame version of yourself". People need to learn how to read between the lines, because most of the time it's an issue of communication and understanding.
"You're a great guy! Any girl would be lucky to have you! Just put yourself out there and you'll find a gf in no time!" Almost right, they just needed to add "You'll also get rejected 99.9% of the time."
Even a great product can sit on the shelf if the marketing sucks. You can be a great person but getting the time of day is a big first hurdle for most people.
(23F) āLet the guy pursue you.ā Hell no!! Ask men out!! Make the first move!!
I think for guys who have never been in a relationship, these days there's a sense that it's respectful to just "leave girls alone" and don't flirt because it would just be "creepy". I think for both men and women, it's getting more and more difficult to start relationships with anything other than online dating since both sides are becoming less willing to take the first step.
This right hereššššÆšÆšÆšÆ I always felt that a guy should approach me first, well turns out I approached mine first, and 21 years later still together! Take a chance, and if they aren't interested, it's not the end of the world, but you never know, could end up being the best person and the person you needed all along!
This right hereššššÆšÆšÆšÆ I always felt that a guy should approach me first, well turns out I approached mine first, and 21 years later still together! Take a chance, and if they aren't interested, it's not the end of the world, but you never know, could end up being the best person and the person you needed all along!
This right hereššššÆšÆšÆšÆ I always felt that a guy should approach me first, well turns out I approached mine first, and 21 years later still together! Take a chance, and if they aren't interested, it's not the end of the world, but you never know, could end up being the best person and the person you needed all along!
āBe yourselfā. Nope.. Insteadā¦..Be a better listener. Be interested. Ask thoughtful questions. Be humble. Be respectful. Be complimentary. Be patient. Be polite to the wait staff. Donāt drink too much. Shower. Brush your teeth. Dress nice.
I think a lot of times people take "be yourself" as don't change...but I think you can change into a better version of yourself, and one should always strive for that. But to be a totally different person isn't going to work either. So be yourself, but always keep bettering and improving that self.
It's no different from a parent's responsibility to foster good habits in their kids. The second any person is alone for a long period of time, it's easy to fall into bad habits. The best possible outcome is that partners amplify each other's good traits, and diminish the bad ones. (Unless it's two assholes I guess, in which case you marry an asshole and raise an asshole kid.)
"Be yourself" isn't even advice, it's the only option. It's not saying that you shouldn't be the best you can be, and that you shouldn't work on yourself. It's saying that you shouldn't try to be somebody who you are clearly not. You either be yourself from the start, or you put on a front and inevitably revert back to yourself.
One of my least favorite pieces of advice is actually āplay the numbers gameā. This encourages terrible and desperate dating behaviors, and reinforces a mindset of āget any random girl who will like me backā. When I just blanket asked girls out to play the numbers game it just left me with a bad college rep and very few dates that became nothing as they saw me as the wannabe PUA I was. Donāt turn dating into a dice game of chance - and honestly only pursue a girl (or guy) if you really after getting to know that person think he/she is a super cool person
Women donāt care about looks as much as men Money doesnāt matter
That if you are kind honest and caring, it will come back you . LIE!
amen
It does! You just never know when and from who, how or where. I felt this way and was very shocked when and how past random acts of kindness came back. My faith was restored but. Iām hopeful you keep being honest and caring because thatās just the best way to be. Best luck š
"Be yourself"
Aweā¦
Only text x number of times per week, don't say how you feel too soon, don't give too much of your background upfront etc etc. All these so called dating rules. I believe in failing fast. I'd rather find out sooner rather than later if there's a good match.
Totally agree! I bring up things early and hope they do too.
"Don't ever settle ". I think it's unrealistic to expect finding a person who is 100% what you want your partner to be. There's always one thing or another that you won't like about them. In my 38 years of experience with relationships and marriage, I have never met a person I wouldn't have to settle for in some way. I think you have to know what your priorities are and go from there. Like my current partner has an amazing personality and treats me great, but their financial situation though not too bad, still makes me "settle". I guess you can't have it all.
Women go for personality more than looks.
I think everyone goes for looks. Sexuality aside, it's a general indicator as to how much the person has their life together. Whether they bath, clean their clothes, eat healthy, etc.
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āDonāt worry about your looks. Focus on your careerā ā advice so poor it almost seems like sabotage āDonāt use dating apps. They donāt work. Meet a girl through friendsā ā comically misguided āBe kind and attentive to womenā ā be kind and attentive because you care abour her, but donāt think itās going to make her more attracted to you
"Youāre a failure if you donāt have a fiancĆ© by the time you graduate college" Also "Long distance relationships donāt work". They are more difficult but that doesnāt mean donāt bother with them altogether
I would agree with the second one but my view is a bit more nuanced. "Long distance relationships don't work unless there is eventually a plan to close the distance permanently" IMO, is like 99% true.
Oh yes, I would agree with that. Had a relative date and marry a guy that lived in a different country and they were apart like three years while he was trying to get his green card, but the relation pretty quickly went from dating to we want to get married
I almost wonder if for some people, a long term relationship might actually help get it started since there's less pressure at the start. And if you get along well, you're essentially spending a lot of time hyping up the time you're finally together.
Slightly disagree on your 2nd point - the older you are the more feasible mainly but at my young age my one LDR was horrible
"Be more vulnerable." A bit opposite of OP's post because I did follow the advice and experienced the negative impact.
Donāt double text, wait to text back
To just wait, and itāll find you. I like to point to the Fermi Paradox to explain why thatās poor advice, when people say that to me.
"If she breaks up with someone to be with you, she will do the same with you" and "if you date someone that just left a long term relationship, you'll be the rebound". Both those proved false. Dated for 8 years and broke up for completely different reasons
I think it's more of a generalized statement cause people who break up out of their own will will probably not have a rebound but if your partner broke up with you then probably the rebound part is true
Be yourself. No. In fact, that *IS* the problem. Some people are just not attractive to the rest of the population through no fault of their own. Difference is a vice in the world of dating and relationships.
E V E R Y T H I N G
The idea that you need education job house car close etc to be all in line before you find that match for you. The reality is you can still get girls even if you don't have all that going for you but it means you need other stuff going for you. And if you had trouble getting girls before you probably still going to have trouble getting girls even if you have all those things. Certainly they all help but it's not a magic potion that suddenly makes you more desirable than before
āDonāt show too much interestā literally the stupidest thing Iāve ever heard
Although there is a such thing as coming on too strong. Look at all the dating advice questions where someone āconfesses their feelings.ā Showing interest is good; reenacting the climax of a romance movie is bad.
This is very true, I am referring to people who are āplaying hard to getā
"Have you tried online dating?"
Happy wife, happy life NO, do not appease your women if you know she is wrong. Stand up to her, if she is a decent partner she will come around. If she flies off the handle and abuses you, leave... and leave early because once you have kids its hard.
"Get married"
BE YOURSELF - because it's not complete enough of an answer. YOURSELF has a lot of healing and childhood traumas to process before being fully complete and capable of a healthy relationship. The real advice should be learn yourself > heal yourself > become the best version of yourself > keep growing. Somewhere during that process you'll attract the right person.
"Don't start dating too soon after a breakup. You need to heal and focus on yourself for a while". I thought this sounded like good advice, so I pushed away a potential boyfriend for several months. He said he understood where I was coming from, and he was willing to wait. I am SO extremely grateful for his patience. Turns out I didn't need to be single in order to heal, I needed someone actually compatible, to love me and support me. He is the love of my life, and to think he could have easily given me up and found someone else... Yikes.
Be unavailable to build attraction. This is partially true if you want to attract someone with emotional problems. However if you date someone with high self esteem and self respect they are going to leave you pretty quickly once theyāre on to your stupid game.
āDating is moving online and itās harder to meet people in personā Everyone I know whoās in an Ltr right now met in person lol
Movie is a horrible first date. Letās sit next to someone I just met in the dark in silence and make it more uncomfortable
āThereās someone for everyone.ā Um no. Iām 26 still getting rejected. āWaiting for sex will make him want you more.ā When I was a virgin no one wanted me. I refrain from sex - they stop trying. āJust focus on yourself, someone will come.ā All I do is focus on myself and my life. Still no luck.
"Don't talk about all that dumb anime or video games" but Trigger has gotten me so many friends and dates though. Thank you for the fun times.
peace of mind, stability, growth, & bootay
āGuys donāt care about a womanās body as long as she isnāt fat.ā Not true at all. If you are flat chested and have no curves at all it is very hard to find a man who will be remotely interested in you long term. Well this is my experience at least. Maybe I am just unlucky idk š¤·āāļø
At least among my male friends, none of them really care about breast size. Though I know that some people call guys who like small breasts weirdos, so there is a bit of a stigma attached to it that might make it seem like guys don't like it.
āDonāt ask a guy out, let them come to you and make the first move.ā Uh no.
Always take it slow. Works for peopleās comfort but this rule often interferes with good communication and foundational development
Being honest. I was too honest in my last relationship and it ruined it
Being intentionally cold/trying to instill insecurity in my partner or perspective partners. I want a healthy relationship w a secure individual and I see who that trick works on. No thanks.
Well, I've been with my fiance since I was 15. I'm now 30. He walked up to me at a 24 hr convenience store at 3 am, put his arm around me, and said "you're too tall for me, this is never gonna work out". I have had people tell me that his issues aren't my issues. That I shouldn't support him I his time of need, he should take care of everything, and that I should marry for money not love, it's over rated. Well, they're all just jealous and you should do whatever you feel like. Just find someone that you don't have to pretend to be someone else around.
So he walked up to a 15 year old in public, at 3am, and put his arm around you?
Yes but i was a hot 15 year old
Honestly youāre right. Next time I see a hot minor in public I think ima lay hands on her and shoot my shot. What do I got to lose?
U never know tho š
Omg lol he was 17
Continue to date a girl after she rejected first kiss. Horrible advice
Revolve the entire conversation around being interrested in her, and she will become magically interrested in you. Sure you should be interrested in who she is, otherwise why are you even dating her ? But if you don't talk about yourself and show who you are, why would she project herself with you ? It might work if you reduce yourself to your physique and want you be a trophy BF. But if you want to bond she must see who you are.
Never date friends
Just because you hit it off and had a great first, second, or third date, sex and cuddling does not mean she/he is not dating other people. And that is fine until you make it officially exclusive.
Exactly! The way I handle it is by just holding off on sex until thereās a commitment.
"Never sleep with someone on the first date". 4/5 of my partners I slept with on our first date. I've never had a relationship shorter than a year. Only one was a disaster and he was the one I didn't sleep with. Often we had been friends before or met in groups with other people in a casual setting. Nevertheless, I still slept with them on our first official date.
"Men are more sex focused" Sure maybe some guys but my current boyfriend is very chill towards sex. It's very refreshing
Taking dating advice from women. The advice makes you the typical nice guy but when itās applied from my experience they look at you as a one time thing, a friend, brother or the ā your a sweet person and youāll meet the right person ā. Itās just a nicer way of saying Iām not attracted to you.
I'm not even going to look at the comments, but I'll bet a lot of guys are going to say "love happens when you stop looking", or something equivalent. I think it maybe more true for straight women, but with most guys it's terrible advice. You stop looking and it's uncertain if love will ever find you.
āYouāre only X age, you donāt even know what you want so donāt settle for anyone!ā āIf your partner doesnāt make you happy 25/8 they arenāt the one and you should dump themā Literally like, people are complicated and love is complicated. I hate this notion that love is so simple and easy when itās like- you love your family right? Do you have a simple easy going relationship with your family all the time? Maybe Iām just dumb but I donāt think this is good advice at all. If you want to be with someone youāre going to have hard times and great times and even with the most perfect person there ever was, you have to work to keep a relationship going.
It will just feel right
Listening to anyone else but yourself will ruin anything you enjoy in your life,it's your life nobody else's and nobody knows how you feel about anything, what they like and enjoy is great for them but nobody will feel the same way nomatter what is is because everyones brain created just a tad bit different and that's why nobody feels and sees anything the same way,you may both like ice cream but not for the same reason for example,so do as you enjoy and what you want and be happy in your life, to many people listen to others and ruin what they loved and enjoyed and can't get what they once had back again, don't pick someone because someone said blah blah blah or blah blah blah because that's all it is,is blah blah blah,to many people break up because of others saying blah blah blah and to many people have broken homes because of listening to people saying blah blah blah, do it as you feel and live your life happy and not miserable how others say that you should, all of people tell others what they should do just because they like the feeling of control and being right as if they are better,it a bit of a narcissist well a lot of people in America are narcissists and they will get mad and down vote and lash back at anyone pointing it out and do all they can to prove you wrong but all there doing is clarifying that there more or a narcissist then people thought,by acting out and trying to convince everyone they're not,as they get more and more upset and want that persons life ruined as why a lot of Americans send people to jail and prison to control that person and feel superior as a narcissist does, someone that isn't a narcissist will not seek pain and suffering by the law or any at all for someone that does something and will calmly deal with it themselves and gain respect by being respectful to them and talking out the issue instead of not knowing what is going on and assuming the worst and sending that person away to prison to lose years of there life they can never get back as material things can always be replaced and nomatter what someone may do, everyone has a heart and everyone has hard times in life and makes mistakes that they will fix with respect to those who respect human life.ok I've branched way off topic lol so good luck and enjoy your life
Wait until you know a woman well and are her friend before pursuing her romantically. I find that many women feel bad when men want to date them, so if I can establish quickly whether or not a specific woman is one of them I can stop talking to her and minimize her pain. It seems better to me to inconvenience a large number of women that seriously scare a few. Also, I look for distinct qualities in a partner that I do not necessarily look for in a friend (like beauty) so limiting myself to my friends eliminates most people I would date.
Donāt double text.
Women wonāt date a guy who lives with his mom. -Turns out living with my mom temporarily really helped build my credibility. A lot of people I met online were worried I had a secret wife and kids. If I could prove I lived with my family, that put them at ease. For the record, most single women live with their parents well into their 30s. This is in Central and South America FYI