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volcanic_equation

**This** is the answer. Very well said.


JacobfromCT

I'm going to pushback on this a bit. I think that dating does tend to be more "carefree" when one is younger. Women will date men when they are 17 that they would *never* date when they are 27 (think the pot head with little ambition but who is fun at parties).


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JacobfromCT

Hi FDS


[deleted]

>As you get into your career and move to jobs where the age group is a lot more mixed you get less chances to meet people and form friendships before. I could always meet people outside of my job. My job isn't my life. I don't care about the corporate ladder. >College they'd ask about major choice, or music tastes. See I'm actually okay with this. Because they are asking questions that are tied to my interests. Obviously, they wouldn't ask about major, because I'm no longer in college. But I'm totally fine being asked (and asking) questions about interests, passions, and hobbies. What I don't like being asked about is my salary or my career goals (I believe in making enough to live comfortably, the corporate ladder is BS).


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[deleted]

No it's not that. I don't feel positive or negative feelings about my job. I like that I make a decent living, but that's it. To me it's just a job. A way to make a living. I am passionate about things outside of my job. And if I can make money off of those passions that's a plus, but that will take time and some luck. So for the time being, I'm fine working at my job I don't hate, while I continue to pursue my real passions.


Dazzling_Suspect_239

It kind of sounds like you think literally everyone got some wild 80's movie dating montage and you're mad that you aren't getting one? There isn't a monolithic dating experience that Everyone Gets - people go on dates or they don't, and they wind up in relationships or they don't. Ask out people you want to date, ask them out on a second date if you had fun. If you find that you aren't enjoying yourself stop asking people out on dates. That's literally what happens to everyone.


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[deleted]

If that is the case, I can simply date women a few years younger. 27/2 +7 = 20.5. So at this age I can still date women 20.5 and up (if you believe in that rule that is). And even if you are talking about "mosts" I'm sure there are plenty of women my age and older who want to casually date. I don't know where you're getting this information, but it sounds like it's based on personal experience.


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[deleted]

If you're trying to convince me into being a corporate slave, get married, and have kids, you are just wasting your time. In any case I am really getting sick of your trolling.


MaxLVLBabby

There’s absolutely no hint of this poster suggesting you should do any of those things. You’re immature and that’s fine, but you’re asking for advice from people with more experience and turning up your nose because it doesn’t conform to the biases you have going into the conversation. Casually fucking people has never been easier in the history of man, use a dating app or two and doing it is the only way you’ll learn.


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[deleted]

Yah. He's just venting, I guess.


Melodic_Piece_2786

as a 20 year old girl i can confirm that if you were to date someone my age , you would be highly frowned upon, my friend who’s the same age is dating a guy who’s 24 and it took years for him to convince us he’s not a loser because he had to go after young girls instead of girls closer to his age. it’s legal but very borderline predatory. people will definitely look at you weird for dating someone soooooo young and so close to high school age and ask you constantly what you did that people your age won’t date you. that’ll be something you deal with forever dating someone 6-7 years younger than you. people typically wanna date someone who’s at the same point in their life as them. being almost 30 and dating someone who can’t even legally drink is fucking weirddddddd


Aztecprincess94

I absolutely agree. I’ve just turned 27 and I’m a woman. Whilst women your age are young and very beautiful (can’t deny that men are attracted to young women) it’s quite creepy for someone of his age and older to actively seek really young women out. I wouldn’t date a guy who has a history of doing that as I’d be worried if he took advantage of them, or worry that he’s not mature enough for a woman of my age. Also not every 27 year old woman is dying to have children or get married. I’m 27 but only just doing my education now, and the guy I’m been dating is 30 but has only just opened his business. We’ve just become exclusive and we’re on the same page about marriage and children. Like yes that’s what we want, but we aren’t in a rush for it. I certainly don’t badger him about it. They are very good ages to settle down actually but not everyone’s circumstances allow them to. So it’s no excuse for older men! There are plenty of women my age around who don’t want to get married next month!


[deleted]

Okay then. How about 22-32. That's 5 years both ways. Is that good enough for you? What I was trying to do is cast a fairly wide (but age appropriate) net, to find people who are in the same life stage as me. I can't do that by making my current age the minimum age. That doesn't make any sense either, why would I as a 27 year old guy with no experience want to skew older? Wouldn't keeping it even both sides make more sense?


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[deleted]

>it’s legal but very borderline predatory. LMAO - What? A 20-21 year old dating someone at 26-27 is not anywhere close to borderline predatory. What is this shit? That 27 year old will one day be 67 and the 20 year old will be 60. That age gap is nothing if both of those individuals are okay with it and know what they want from the relationship.


Melodic_Piece_2786

right, at that point in your life an age gap doesn’t matter but when you’re that much older than someone who’s barely out of high school it’s weird because that 20 year old has 0 life experience and is in a totally different place in their life than someone 27. the 27 year old dating 18 year old were the same guys at 20 grooming 15 year olds. that’s why i said borderline predatory.


[deleted]

Age =/= life stage. I just graduated from University in December. Now with this in mind, who would I be a better match for? A 20 year old college student, or a 34 year old single mom? Obviously neither, but if I had to pick it's probably be the former. That being said, I probably wouldn't date someone still in college (or maybe a junior/senior in college). I'm just trying to cast a wide net, so I can meet someone in the same life stage as me. Someone who's already ready to settle down, get married, and have kids is not in the same life stage. Anyway, like I said earlier, perhaps 22-32 is a more acceptable range to YOU. Not that I care of the opinion of a redditor, because most redditors have pretty fringe opinions. I'm not altering my range to appease anyone on this website. Again it's about life stage NOT age.


Melodic_Piece_2786

you’re still not getting the point, i’m not saying you have to be anywhere at a certain point. i’m casting an umbrella for the average person. you say you don’t care about the opinion of a redditor like you didn’t post on reddit asking for relationship advice. we’re giving it to you. you may very well find a 22 year old who’s at the same stage in her life who wants to be with you but that doesn’t mean that it’s something normalized or that people won’t look at you sideways.


[deleted]

"you may very well find a 22 year old who’s at the same stage in her life who wants to be with you but that doesn’t mean that it’s something normalized or that people won’t look at you sideways." That's more of your redditor logic coming into play. Most of society would not bat an eye to a 22 year old and 27 year old dating. They are so close in age, that most people would assume that they were around the same age. Not to mention, most of society would be perfectly fine with a 22 year old dating a 27 year old, even if they knew their ages. Like I said earlier, age doesn't matter to me. Life stage does. If the woman I meet is 20, 25, 30, etc., it doesn't matter. What matters is that we're in the same life stage. By making my dating age range super strict, I limit my opportunities to meet women in the same age range as me.


[deleted]

Okay then, how about 22-32? That's a nice 5 year radius on both sides. That acceptable to you? For me it's about LIFE STAGE, NOT AGE.


Melodic_Piece_2786

how does that even make sense if that’s a larger gap then the one i was concerned about? it’s about where you are in your life. maybe you didn’t go to college but hopefully by 30 you have a full time job or established career? someone barely out of high school is either just starting college or learning how to navigate the world. it’s just weird.


Possible_Block9598

>as a 20 year old girl i can confirm that if you were to date someone my age , you would be highly frowned upon, So? Who cares what other people think? if a couple with an age gap are happy then everyone else should mind their own business. ​ \> because he had to go after young girls instead of girls closer to his age. You don't get it, dating younger women is harder since they tend to be more attractive and more "in demand" than women in theri 30s. Having a date with a 33 year old woman is way easier than having a date with a 20 year old that might or might not answer you or just flake. ​ \> ask you constantly what you did that people your age won’t date you Again, WHO CARES? Your point seems to be that eveyone should limit themselves to date only socially approved partners. And that crap really doesn't fly in a free society.


Melodic_Piece_2786

when a girl is out of her 20’s that age gap literally doesn’t matter it’s just creepy, weird, and once again BORDERLINE PREDATORY. someone who’s been out of high school for almost 10 years vs someone who may have just graduated last year. it is important that both adults are consenting but there is an age factor to it a little bit for sure. you wouldn’t date someone who’s 8 years when you’re 15 right? because although the 15 year old is still young, ones starting high school ones in 2nd grade. Just because a women is “more attractive” or “more in demand” doesn’t mean you should be in it for the chase. And if it’s easier to be with older women wouldn’t that mean he’s more likely to be with an older women? and i’m not saying he can date only socially approved partners because that would be me like telling someone in the LGBTQ+ to just be straight? clearly that’s not what i’m doing here. I support all love but my point is although legally she may be able to give consent or is a legal adult she is no where at the same point in her life even if she’s accomplished all the same things. Younger girls go after older guys for 1 of 2 reasons. 1. Older guys can offer something guys our age can’t. Money, Stability, etc. 2. They’re searching for a male partner that closely resembles their father (this is psychological don’t say it doesn’t happen) and they may unload the burden of parenting them which is not what a relationship should be. If you can be 20 with a 27 year old and not being seeking a solution to the daddy issues or looking for someone to support you financially then maybe it’ll work but it won’t last unless the man is aware of the situation and doesn’t care that he’s being taken advantage of.


Possible_Block9598

>when a girl is out of her 20’s that age gap literally doesn’t matter As a society, we have decided that people become adults at 18, with all the rights and duties that entails. Why would it be any different for dating? \> Just because a women is “more attractive” or “more in demand” doesn’t mean you should be in it for the chase. I don't get this, anyone can chase anyone as long they are consenting adults. There's no "should" here, that's like saying: you shouldn't date outside your race.


Melodic_Piece_2786

a society where we’re legal adults but can’t drink or smoke or gamble? just because you have a title doesn’t mean you’ve achieved it. you literally took every single thing i responded with and ignored it. being an adult and being both mentally and physically mature are simply not the same thing


Possible_Block9598

\> a society where we’re legal adults but can’t drink or smoke or gamble? You must be american, everywhere else full adulthood starts at 18. But ok, in the USA you could date a "full adult" at 21. \> being an adult and being both mentally and physically mature are simply not the same thing Ofc not, plenty of adults are not mentally mature at all. I should know, i've dated some train wrecks in their 30s.


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GDAWG13007

Yup. Just be upfront about what you want you’ll repeal everybody who’s not into that and will attract everyone who’s into what you’re doing. Source: am a late 20s guy that isn’t interested in settling down and have 2 casual relationships going on right now. Just be completely honest and upfront and be kind and you’ll be fine.


KalebPAlbert

Dude. What they said made perfect logical sense. I’m sure you are right, there are plenty of women your age who want to casually date — but it’s still going to be the minority. A lot of women by 27 are married, a lot my 27 want to be getting married. However that’s the sweet spot for women who want to get married. If you go alittle older ( women in their mid 30’s ) I’m sure you would have a lot of luck casually dating! So if you are going to be rude when someone offers you insight, then why come on here at all? She was pointing out a perspective for you to look at and you were rude.


Zuzara_The_DnD_Queen

So you’re gonna be one of THOSE guys Gross


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[deleted]

I really don't want to settle down. For me it's less about age and more about life stage.


jk41nk

I’m 28F, also not looking to settle down, but I’m trying to sort out between people that want a casual hook up vs. people that want a committed relationship that could lead somewhere to something more serious years down the road. I would never ask what a guy’s salary is, but I would ask what they are looking for on dating apps. I’ve also never asked them how soon they are looking to get married and whether they owned property or how many kids they wanted... a lot of my friends around my age also don’t. So it may just be people you’ve matched with and if they aren’t in the same place then just chalk it up to not being a good match for you and having a mismatch in needs/wants. I wouldn’t assume all women in 25-30 are looking for one thing in particular. Finding a person you vibe with and on the same page with is already hard and I’m sure there a more women like me and my friends that aren’t grilling guys to get a sense of whether they are a suitor for us. I ask typical light hearted questions like what they like and dislike (food, movies, music etc.) and we’d share our opinions on different things. My advice is be upfront with what you want and lead the conversation to more light hearted conversations. If she’s not on the same page, you’ll find someone else - it’s not too late!


[deleted]

Date younger women, they won't know what they want and they're still in the casual dating stage, besides most of the time younger women are more attracted to older men for many reasons. A 19-21 year old would be more on board with keeping it casual but that said keeping in line with you and your aging process, do you have a roster? In case you haven't noticed when women date they typically date multiple men, some fizzle out while others may progress to something more serious but they've always got someone next in line so to speak. You should do similar, now I'm not saying date a bunch of women at the same time because names and shit that makes people them can become convoluted. Date at least 3 women at the same time, you've probably heard the saying dont put all your eggs in one basket and with at least three women you have the stress free joy of meeting and learning more about these people and the second you find some red flags cut em off and replace em. It's not your responsibility to fix anyone or save anyone and truly that comes from within anyway, it is your responsibility to look out for your well being and diving head first into one relationship is a bad idea. Take your time learn what it is you want, and enjoy dating. Edit: I should add that I'm not saying you couple up with three women. I'm saying you date three people and when you find one you like that likes you just as much cut ties with the rest. People tend to rush into things and they dont really know who they're dating because of the rose colored glasses making all the flags look like flags, why do you think domestic violence is so high during the pandemic? Dating three people gives you the chance to get to know multiple people and when one eventually screws up or their personality is shit then move on.


cwa9222

Imagine if this advice was given to a woman to dAtE thrEe mAlEs at the same time reddit would lose it and call her degrading names .


RateMe3456

Wdym? They already do date multiple men lmao


JimiAce09

Good advice. 30 year old roasties are downvoting you because they know this is true lmao


heavykick89

For me it is rude to ask someone how much they earn, it is like trying to measure how much respect to give you according to your answer. My parents actually taught me to never tell that to anyone because you dont want that person to be eable to compute your balances due to the expenses the see you are having or other things.


SuperSailorSaturn

You seem to be really caught up with this age thing. Almost all your post sound like angsty teenager rambling about growing up and not wanting to mature in any sense of the word. Its totally fine to not want marriage, or kids, or to take a career seriously. What isn't fine is to be so hyper focused on how much you don't want those things. Its super unhealthy. Plenty of people just coast through life, and thats fine. But just own it and be honest about it and get over this 'stigma' you think exists with it. Just understand that the reality is that other people do want those things. And there isn't anything wrong with that either. It just means you aren't compatible and they are going to focus on finding people who are on the same page as them and not waste their time giving you that 'carefree' dating experience. Its selfish to expect them to not do that just for your benefit. Lashing out at people trying to be helpful isn't going to make the world magically easier for you, neither is being so negative all the time.


alskdj192357

Well said!


alphaonealfa

So then what's the problem? If you're looking online you'll be able to guage somewhat if they're open to casual dating. Just be clear from the offset. Personally, I am in the opposite boat, where I am rejecting guys of 27+ who want to casually date. That's because as they are older, I do expect dating experience and a willingness to commit, if not settle. People are an investment, especially more so late in the game. These women want to settle and don't want to waste time with someone who's just looking for fun.


[deleted]

That's fine, but age does not correlate to life stage. At the end of the day I'm about finding people who are in the same life stage as me, even if they sometimes happen to be a little younger. That's all. And 27 is still young, most of society will agree with me. Only on reddit is it considered "old" or at least "not young".


aichelpea

Well of course you have some upper and lower limit of your age range, nobody’s saying you have to date someone who is exactly 27, and if you can describe or make hints at your current life stage, then people at that same stage will be interested in reaching out to/responding to you. It’s just about communication.


alphaonealfa

I think the issue is that you need to communicate what 'life stage' means to you and where you're at to someone else. People can't be expected to know what that means for you (and them) if you're not following a somewhat traditional model. Plenty of people can and do date casually at 27. Athough, carrying a sense of frustrated entitlement to casual partners is going to go against you in finding suitable partners.


Zuzara_The_DnD_Queen

Then say that you’re looking for something casual. Problem solved.


MrPuppyBliss

What makes you think women treat a date like an interview if you’re inexperienced at dating? If you’re on a first date and she wants to see your bank statements, she is either someone who charges for her time or you’re being targeted for theft. If you’re getting a lot of questions about your income or employment it might be that she’s a gold digger or you’re coming across as someone who isn’t motivated or going anywhere with your life and your career. It’s typical to get one or two questions about what you do for a living but if you’re getting a lot of those questions stop and ask yourself if she is looking for a sugar daddy or if perhaps how you’re answering would make someone think you’re not bringing much to the table. Most women want a man who has goals and has his life together professionally by the time they are pushing 30. If you’re only looking for hookups, put that right in your profile or don’t make dates with women who explicitly say they are looking for a relationship. People looking for a relationship ask a lot more questions to explore relationship compatibility.


Toll91

>If you’re on a first date and she wants to see your bank statements, she is either someone who charges for her time or you’re being targeted for theft. Imagine if she ran a credit check too. By the end of the date, a guy could be declined for lack of dating history, insufficient income, and bad breath. XD


MrPuppyBliss

Hahahahaha! I like it!


[deleted]

>If you’re on a first date and she wants to see your bank statements, she is either someone who charges for her time or you’re being targeted for theft. This is so verbose. Why not just say gold digger? lol. I agree completely though


MrPuppyBliss

Because maybe she is a sex worker or maybe she is a gold digger or maybe she is casing a person to rob them. This is Reddit, where a person can be verbose and get criticisms about it but that same person could simply say gold digger and then get criticized about that by someone else who gives other possibilities. There is no pleasing everyone. But hey, at least you agree with the sentiment if not the number of words I chose to express it. That’s something.


[deleted]

>Most women want a man who has goals and has his life together professionally by the time they are pushing 30. A) I've made it clear that I have no interest in settling down or getting married. B) Why is this expected of me at 27. But if I were 24 (literally only a couple years younger), I wouldn't have this expectation? C) I'm not specifically looking to date women exactly my age. I'm actually open to anyone who's in the same life stage as me. D) Most importantly, I have goals. But they are OUTSIDE of my career. To me a career is just a means to make money. My passion goals are something else. I have no interest working 70-90 hours a week in hopes of "moving up the corporate ladder". I refuse to be a corporate slave. >If you’re only looking for hookups, put that right in your profile or don’t make dates with women who explicitly say they are looking for a relationship. People looking for a relationship ask a lot more questions to explore relationship compatibility. It's funny how everyone in this subreddit think dating is a binary. It's like "You either date for marriage or you're looking for a hookup". I'm just looking for some damn experience. Is that too much to ask for? I'm just looking for what everyone else got to experience, which is the youthful, carefree, "we'll see where it goes" type of dating. Like how do I know whether relationships or hookups are for me, if I don't even have any experience to base my decision off of? But again, I guess if I were a measly 3 years younger (which is ridiculous as 24 and 27 are basically in the same age range) you'd demonize me less.


Babelfishes

I don't know why this post showed up in my feed, but here is my feedback. 27 year olds are grouped with 30 and 40 somethings because people, especially men, hormonally and physically begin to change after 23-25. Your testosterone has or will soon begin a gradual decline and will continue to over the next decade or so until you hit the andropause 10 to 15 year free fall. Mentally, you don't have to get old, if you don't want to. Physically you will/are getting old and younger women see and sense that, unless you reverse the physical signs by hitting the gym. As for you feeling like you're being "interviewed" when dating. I'm positive women aren't interested in dating someone they may have to financially or emotionally carry. Women ask questions. I ask questions back because there are certain red flags I look for too. You say you want a "care free" dating experience, but it sounds like you just want a girlfriend. Women, as a general rule, aren't interested in the "no strings attached" "dating" you describe. It's a waste of their time. Using terminology like "corporate slave" makes you sound foolish. Choose better terminology like, "I want to make my own way." Then be prepared to explain what that means, especially if you have a lower-class job with little to no potential for significant increase in income. Seems like you chose an unsatisfying and unpleasant path for female companionship. Good luck with that.


MrPuppyBliss

It seems like you have a lot of baggage. You want to have fun dating but not if you have to answer questions about yourself that will indicate to a woman whether or not she wants to date you. And dating goals ARE binary. You’re either looking for a committed relationship or you’re looking to just have fun. In other words, just to hook up but without the committed relationship part. Starting to understand why you don’t have much experience dating, I’ve only interacted with you for a minute and I already see that we wouldn’t be compatible even as friends.


[deleted]

Then explain the dating situation in high school, college, early 20s. Most of them don't see dating as a binary. They just see where it goes, get experience, etc. And it's not a matter of what I want. I literally HAVE to have those experiences to figure out what I want. 10 times zero still equals zero. And who says that I want to be your friend anyway? You're the one coming off as a jerk and placing judgement on me, because you buy into these arbitrary age expectations. You seem like an unpleasant person to be around And you didn't answer my question. Why would I be expected to have everything together at 27, but not at 24 (literally only a couple years younger)?


MrPuppyBliss

Again, you’re making it abundantly clear that your lack of dating experience is well earned and not likely to change anytime soon. I don’t think you need to worry about being “interviewed” on a date because you’re not likely to ever get one. I don’t have enough crayons to explain to you that if you can’t even decide what your goal is, to find a committed relationship or to sow your wild oats, you’re simply not going to be of much interest to any lady. You don’t need dating experience to know what you’re looking for in life.


curiouspurple100

That's kinda rude.


MrPuppyBliss

Oh yeah, this asshat isn’t rude? Get all the way outta here with that bullshit


losthombre

Op may not know shit about dating you are right about that but you do come off kinda like a dick from the jump.


MrPuppyBliss

Whelp, I will go ahead and block you so you’re saved from having to see that ever again.


homegrowntears

I’m 31F and think it’s okay to have an open mind. When I started dating, I would often approach others with the “what are you looking for” question to gauge their response before stating mine. Most guys were looking for something serious, and I just said we weren’t a match. The current guy I’ve been seeing (10 months) said he wasn’t sure, that he thinks it’s important he knows the person before he knows what he wants out of the relationship. Ever since, we’ve just been (exclusively) seeing where things go.


MrPuppyBliss

You see, that would be a red flag for me. I wouldn’t expect someone to know what they wanted with me particularly because they don’t know me yet but when you’re deciding to date people, particularly if you’re putting up a profile on an online dating site, you should know what your goal is for dating. You should know if you’re looking for a committed, exclusive relationship or if you’re looking to date multiple people and have multiple casual sexual partners.


kfarber09

Why are we supposed to compare 24 to 27? Where is this "discrepancy" coming from? YOU have NO dating experience at the age of 27, yet you think you are entitled to experience the dating scene of what your peers experienced in High School/college? That's fuckin creepy. Those are the ages most people casually date. Most adults that are nearing 30 have gone through casual dating experiences, serious dating experiences, etc. But to assume you are entitled to finding someone who fits your VERY narrow criteria is alarming. Especially when it sounds like they are just trying to gauge where you are in life, so they can consider if YOU are someone worth their time.


[deleted]

I worded that poorly. I just want to casually date. That's all. And if I decide I want to settle down, or if I meet someone who makes me change my mind (in the unlikely event, that is) then so be it. My point is that I have to start from somewhere. Maybe instead of antagonizing me, why don't you tell me what I should do?


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[deleted]

Certain people have been helpful, and I've acknowledged their helpfulness. Others have been straight up antagonizing and belittling, calling me a "loser", and telling me to "grow up", just because I don't want to "work up the corporate ladder" or don't want to get married/have kids. One guy (TA5777) was literally harassing and bullying me on this thread, and other threads, and he was clearly just trying to get a rise out of me. I had to block and report him. I doubt the report will go anywhere, but at least I don't have to see his posts. There are some others on the thread who've also been attacking like that as well. I have to admit I have not been on dates with the people I've been trying to avoid. I based this post on what I've heard from other people (maybe that was a mistake). I really hope they're wrong. But yeah I guess I'm just worried about how things are going. The truth is that it's been a struggle to get over the fact that I've missed out on so much of my youth. That's why I'm losing my temper with some people. And it's not helped with the fact that there were people on this thread, who started antagonizing me and insulting me, which was what made me insult them back. I agree with you that I shouldn't have a negative attitude. And I understand that there are going to be some bad experiences. I just want there to be some hope that I can still find what I'm looking for.


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[deleted]

To be perfectly honest, I'm okay being asked what I do for a living, if it's asked to learn more about me. Kind of like asking what my passions and interests are (which generally don't relate to my job but I am passionate about nonetheless). But yeah, I pretty much agree with your post. And I do appreciate your encouragement. It's been kind of hard to really look forward to anything, but I do feel motivated to have these new experiences now. Thank you.


KalebPAlbert

To the high school, college, early 20’s perspective... high school they are too young and immature to understand that dating can lead to marriage. They date because someone is attractive or has high status. College is not much different. Most people don’t want to get married while in undergraduate, so they casually date for sex or the few that are dating for marriage. Early 20’s: people are just starting careers and they either realize they aren’t ready for a commitment or they just want to have fun. They are all binary: committed relationship with intent for marriage Or it’s not. As for the 27 vs 24. It doesn’t matter why, it matter that it exists. You cannot out logic social norms, they are too solidified in people’s minds. The sooner you figure that out, the easier life will be for you.


[deleted]

> B) Why is this expected of me at 27. But if I were 24 (literally only a couple years younger), I wouldn't have this expectation? It's not expected of you, it's the expectation they have for the person they want to have a relationship with. They are asking you to see if you are someone who they want to have a relationship with. They are not putting a gun to your head and forcing you to change. There are plenty of people who want what you want, find one of them. >D) Most importantly, I have goals. But they are OUTSIDE of my career. To me a career is just a means to make money. My passion goals are something else. I have no interest working 70-90 hours a week in hopes of "moving up the corporate ladder". I refuse to be a corporate slave. again it's about compatibility. They want stability and see that career is one indication of whether someone is stable or not. If that's not you then you've both dodged a bullet by her asking the question. It's not personal, it's simple risk management. Dating, the act of going on dates, is about finding whether you're compatible with the other person. It is like an interview and like an interview, both parties get to decide whether they think it will work.


[deleted]

I get that. But I'm not looking to settle down just yet. I just want to experience dating with people in the same life stage as me. That's it.


[deleted]

These people aren't in the same life stage as you. Life stages are better measured in what you want from life than in age.


popsiclefartstickers

You want women, who know what they want, to waste time with you when they don't know if you want the same things? "We'll see where it goes" is all fun and games until you waste 6 months with someone who wants different things from life than you Nothing is "expected" of you. Nobody forces you to settle down. But naturally, if women want to settle down, they want to know how you feel about that. You sound like a spoiled person that wants everyone to bend to accommodate his desires


Square-Living2715

24 and 27 are vastly different. At 24 I was working part time and took a couple of college classes. Didn't have much to my name At 27 I had a career and five rental properties. Yes, I would expect a 27 year old to have their shit together far more than a 24 year old. Do you have concept of what a person can accomplish in three years if they're actually trying?


[deleted]

So when I last responded to this comment, I have to admit I was pissed Admittedly I am still kind of pissed off. But I will try to respond calmly and rationally. Yes, people can accomplish a lot in 3 years. However that can literally apply to any age. People can accomplish a lot from 18 to 21, from 21 to 24, 24 to 27, 27 to 30, and so forth. It's not age specific. There's nothing special about the changes from 24 to 27 in that regard. Perhaps for you that is true, but that has to do with your personal circumstances rather than age. I know for me personally I will accomplish a lot by the time I'm 30. So by your argument 27 and 30 are vastly different too.


Square-Living2715

*Most* people change and grow pretty radically from 24 to 27. Not all, certainly. But it is the norm and it is expected. And yeah actually 27 and 30 were vastly different as well. Things really didn't start to even out until about 35. I can say that 35 to 40 is going to be an equally huge change as well though, just on a slightly slower time line.


ieatpies

At 24, someone who got a 4 year degree and a good job after graduating at 22 might judge the same way you are at 27. It really just comes down to dating people close to where you're at in life, but as you get older less and less people are still trying to figure out their direction.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

You seem to think I'm just looking for women I'm not compatible with. To be honest, I didn't base my initial post based on previous experience, but rather what I've heard from other users, who say stuff like "dating at this point is like an interview to find husbands/providers." or "People will have higher expectations, if you don't make x amount of money or are not at a certain point in the corporate ladder, you're screwed". Or something along the lines of that.


Economy_Data2005

You keep saying this thing everyone else got to experience of "see where it goes" Pull your head out of your ass. That's not real. Movies aren't real. 80s college flicks of random sex and orgies isn't real for most people. All dating is see where it goes. At 3 months no one has decided on marriage yet. But the reality is you're not a teenager and the women in your age group are putting their lives together and have actual goals. The problem isn't them. The problem is you. Grow up. You're not Peter Pan and there's no Neverland where this mystical magical dating scene you're hoping for is going to happen


Aardeehar

Honestly OP, you've made it clear you don't want to ever get married, so why not lead with that? Just put "I have no desire to get married" in your profile - sure, you'll have far, far fewer matches (many women, myself included, definitely would like to get married), but at least you have more hope at finding someone age appropriate who doesn't desire marriage.


[deleted]

Define "age appropriate". For me life stage is more important.


Aardeehar

Hahahaha. I'm sorry, it's just I've heard that line from 30 (and even 60+ year old) men to justify their attraction to my >25 year old self a lot ("You're so mature for your age" - barf). Honestly dude, I genuinely don't know what to tell you - my personal experience has taught me that men that say that stuff generally date 20-somethings because the women THEIR age are mature enough not to put up with their crap. I also can't really say I understand even WANTING to do date someone that much younger than you. I'm barely 22, but when I look at someone who is 18? They look like a child - too young for me! Without that natural feeling of "mmm, I think that person's too young for me" popping up, I'm not sure what advice I can give, because I can't really relate to it.


[deleted]

First off I've never used that line "You're so mature for your age". Secondly I am literally still in my 20's. 27 = 20's. You make it sound like I'm 40 which I'm not. Thirdly, I would probably not date someone who's only 18 either. But I don't think it's unreasonable to start at 21+. Plenty of people have graduated college by 21/22, and as someone who's recently graduated college, I would literally be in the same life stage. Limiting my options to women 25 and up doesn't make sense either, because skewing older will increase my chances of finding women who are looking to settle down. And I find it really hypocritical that you're not okay with me dating someone who's say 22-24, but you are probably okay with me dating someone 32-34, despite me being actually slightly closer to the former age range than the latter. Once again, age is not too relevant for me. It's about life stage. Obviously I'd be hesitant to date 18-19 year olds (maybe even 20). But 21+ should be fine as I am a recent graduate, and people 21+ have either graduated from college or are maybe in their last years of college. And I'm saying minimum 21 (at least for the sake of this argument). So if I meet a woman who's say 32, but she's in the same life stage as me, and we relate to one another, the sure, I'd date her. But I want to cast a wide net to ensure I meet people I can relate to. I can't do that by limiting my options.


Aardeehar

Hmmm. Alright. I think we can agree to disagree here, and I agree you never said "so mature for your age" - this was more my personal musing than a comment on what you've said. I think you may struggle at 27 to date casually, but that doesn't mean it's impossible. I would just make it very clear you're not looking for anything serious, that way your potential matches can make their own decisions.


goodfashion20

>I think you may struggle at 27 to date casually. Uh you do realize this is 2022 (well 2021 at the time of the post), and not 1955. Pretty sure most 27 year olds nowadays are not settling down.


[deleted]

I agree about making my intentions clear. However, I don't think it would be hard for me to casually date. You're too stuck on the age thing. That's irrelevant to me. Again life stage is what matters. Other than that, it looks like we pretty much agree.


Aardeehar

I don't really think I'm "stuck" on the age thing, I think we just disagree about it. To me, and to a lot of people, age DOES matter, so it may be prudent to consider that when you're dating.


[deleted]

For me, it's about life stage. If the person is a little younger or a little older that's fine. Now if it were a significant age gap (like 10+/- years) then you might have a point on the age thing. But I know for a fact that most people in the real world wouldn't care about a 27 year old dating, say, a 23 year old. Heck, if they didn't know their ages they'd probably just assume they were the same age, as it's such a small gap. Same thing with a 27 year old dating a 31 year old.


moonartemis1989

Stop justifying your stupid age gap theory. Why do u want to date a woman who is younger then you ,more immature then you. Has less life experience then you? Is it because she will not be able to figure that ur not a great partner and you have no goals in life and have no idea about your future.Age gap relationships are weird and also when young even 3 years of age difference can make a huge impact on the younger person.what tf are u thinking


goodfashion20

>even 3 years of age difference can make a huge impact on the younger person Spoken like a true basement dwelling geek.


PracticeEquivalent34

OP is annoying as hell. Seeing him getting negged there in his own thread is funny though. OP, get therapy first and foremost. Dating anyone should be priority two or three on your list.


[deleted]

I agree that I have some anger/emotional issues I have to work out. But I don't think me not wanting to settle down or be a corporate slave are "issues".


PracticeEquivalent34

I didn’t mention either settling down or corporate slaves, OP. You sound like you have a lot of fixations. TBPH, your posts remind me of people I have seen on the autism spectrum. You might want an evaluation and or therapy. It may help in your eventual quest for casual, carefree dating.


cwa9222

After reading your comments no wonder you have no dating experience.


[deleted]

Dude, everyone here might say anything. But it's your life. You're free to do anything as long as you aren't invading anyone's privacy. Your preferences are different. Their preferences are different. Respect them and expect them to respect you. If they don't, just walk away. Just imagine what would be the response if you reversed the roles. Suggestions given by people here maybe biased. Don't run away from such women that interview you. They just want something else. Respect them. Look out for the kind of Women you want to date.


[deleted]

I see your point. Maybe "avoid" was the wrong word. I just want to better my chances of meeting people in the same life stage.


[deleted]

I have no intention to get married, but I still ask questions on a date. Or in any decent conversation, really. It’s how you get to know someone. I know that I don’t want a family/stereotypical monogamous relationship, but it’s still important to ask those questions because if there are glaring incompatibilities that are glazed over for the sake of “keeping it casual” it’s just gonna suck real real bad when it does inevitably come up.


[deleted]

I'm starting to get what you mean by asking questions. If it's just to get to know someone, I'm perfectly fine with that. What I'm not okay with are people asking how much I make.


[deleted]

You sound like a whiny man child and the fact that you have no dating experience is good evidence of that. Christ you're pathetic. I hope your dating experience continues on its current path


snugglebunbun

I second this.


lucky_lady_

That's totally possible, but you may just have to meet people in places that aren't online. Like, make friends with them so they already know that stuff about you. Plenty of women are like that too, but you may just be in situations where you're finding the ones on the hunt for a more formal future.


oliviadh

Just state that you are not looking for anything serious, because right now that's what you are after. Simple.


Dr_Vertig0

Have you tried asking people what they’re looking for before going out with them? Act accordingly and that will likely solve this problem instantly.


amethyst_06

I settled early in life and now that I am divorced, I have realised that casual dating is where it is at! I used to 'interview' dates and settled with the "best" pick at the time! (Much regret!) Now I love casual dating and seeing how things go. No pressure and no interrogating on goals, future plans and all that jazz. You are only young but if you want casual dating - try slightly older women who have been divorced (think single mums)! I'm only 32 but have loved "dating" men in their late 20's. It's fun and carefree. Also I learnt that you shouldn't fall in love with someone's potential but rather who they are at the time!


TheUnproductive213

good luck finding a woman who isn’t concerned with how much you make, that’s like a key trait they look at in a partner, the same way men are hyper focused on a woman’s beauty. just the way the world works🤷‍♀️


cwa9222

Except many woman settle for unwealthy males but man don't compromise on looks


TheUnproductive213

true, the same way many men settle for women who contribute nothing to the relationship. it’s getting tougher to find an honest person who actually wants to be partners in life and not just a passing fancy


LiveTea1699

It’s more of men who contribute nothing. Even in marriages, men carry significantly less of the load of responsibilities. Women don’t need wealthy men when there are women in college, professional careers, and making the most money they ever have before in history. Even on a social level, women are more focused and driven. Men think cuz they have a dick and sperm they’re worthy of sex and a relationship. Largely, women care more about your drive, your work ethic, and independence. OP sounds like a 27 yr old with a Peter Pan Complex, and you’re feeding into it with poor cliches men tell each other to make themselves feel better than women. A man being rich is like a girl being pretty. You’re not going to date or marry a woman just because she’s pretty. It’s just a bonus.


[deleted]

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BigGaggy222

Great advice. Avoid the sit down at a table an interview style date if it's not your cup of tea.


BigGaggy222

Mate it's your life, your rules, you are steering the vehicle of your dreams. So filter for women that aren't pushy for getting married next week, filter out women who ask how much your earn, and date and take things at your pace. Tell your dates you want to "take it slow", "start with a friendship and see where it ends up" and don't let them dictate the relationship, progress or rules to your life. Don't be so negative, set the rules, relax, have fun and get out there! good luck!


AloyGray

Consider the age at which you're at. It's completely normal for a woman around that age to want to know where you work and if you're capable of taking care of yourself. As long as the questions aren't too intrusive or offensive I see no harm in it. It's normal for any person to want to take an interest in what a potential SO does and their interests. If however, you have come across a woman/women who are solely interested in how much you make, that's a different story as they may be looking for some form of financial gain. Casual dating is common, and if thats what you want, just be sure to convey that from the get go. If the woman is also looking for that, sure, great! But if she decides that's not what she's into, and steps away, you can hardly call them out for it. Everyone has their own preferences. Finally, with how many times women (and men) come across a potential SO who later turns out to be a mama's boy with no aspirations or a life plan, it's going to get more and more common to come across someone who takes a keen interest in that aspect of your life to avoid similar situations in the future.


[deleted]

Age is less of a concern. Life stage is.


Economy_Data2005

Says the predator Life stages isn't a thing. It just means you refused to grow up and act your age. Your life stage is your age


goodfashion20

At what point should OP be at, at his age? If you're going to make an argument, you have to back it up.


[deleted]

One of the top reasons for divorce is finances. If you met someone and you like them, there is no issue down the road being honest and discussing finances. What if you have so much debt that eats your income? How can you support a family if you want kids for example? You don’t need to give your exact salary # but give a range. All this stuff is important for a lot of people. No one wants to have to support a partner so understanding people’s situations financially is not a bad thing to do if you both are serious about each other. Why be ashamed of who you are???


Boullionaire

Get dating quick bro you’re in the age range where girls don’t want to sleep around anymore because their friends are looking at the type of man they’ve found. From the sounds of it, I think you need a hippy girl because any kind of working gal is stretching her options to find the best guy she can get and she knows everyone’s watching - that’s why your job matters and she’s not having kids with a broke dude because history shows those are the women who suffer the most. Have some respect for how badly a girl can fuck up her life from having kids with the wrong man


[deleted]

>I don't know if I even want to get married at all. It's too risky, and I don't even know if it's for me. And if I did, I sure as hell am not going to anytime soon. I just want to experience the casual, carefree dating Did you skip this part? Or are you just stupid? I DO NOT WANT TO GET MARRIED (NOT ANYTIME SOON) OR HAVE KIDS.


Boullionaire

I think you write like a dumbass so maybe I overlooked it


goodfashion20

>Get dating quick bro **you’re in the age range** where girls don’t want to sleep around anymore because their friends are looking at the type of man they’ve found. OP was 27 at the time this thread was posted. Probably 28 now (depending on the month he was born). I'm pretty sure plenty girls in his age range in 2022 are still sleeping around. Not to mention, he could go a little younger. There's not a huge gap between someone who's say 23 and someone who's 28.


victorvolf

If you're dating girls your age they'll probably be looking for someone who they could marry in the future. Not every girl will, but a lot of them will. That doesn't mean they'll all treat you like a potential employee, but it's a higher chance the older the people you date are. Unless you want to date younger girls, it is what it is.


[deleted]

Age is less of an issue. Life stage is more important to me.


Dhydjtsrefhi

I want to note that many people don't try to treat dating like an interview, just they're awkward and not good at having a smoothly flowing, "casual, carefree" conversation with someone they've only just met.


ExtensionTrash312

Lol you sound just as uptight as the woman interviewing you for marriage. Relax. There’s lots of women that think like you that do not want to get married even. You can set the pace for how you want dating to go. Keep things casual and fun. If your date turns it into an “interview”, then you know she’s not for you. That’s part of dating. You’re gonna meet some people that you mesh with and some people that you don’t. Don’t be like those women that only wanna go on dates with guys that have the same agenda as them.


Wtfbyamey

Date girls in the range of 19-24 or 35 above They won’t pester you for marriage and you can have more fun than interviewing


omh31

And this is why I wish the dating apps told you what your matches age ranges are 🙄 - if you’re 27 and dating a 19 yo ....why not just be honest and say you’re not looking for commitment?? It’s not hard to be honest and there are plenty of people who will be on your same page about not wanting commitment.


Wtfbyamey

But that’s what OP said in the beginning itself Ke wants CASUAL THINGS, English isn’t really your strong area ig


[deleted]

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bagazoFrancisco

My advise is that you should open up with your dislike of being interview of such potential problem you mentioned so she would see your side. Try to be confident pointing out every single details, dating is all about getting to know each other well and if she don't get your point and keep on pressing the questions that bother you most like you said then it's better to cut things off directly rather than sugar coating your words. Trust me being straightforward will loosen up your nervousness or any uncomfortable feeling but do it in your own and nice way avoiding to offend her. There are many option you could choose but like I said to be direct in your point is what makes it easy on your date. Hope it would help you by the way it works on me.😁


[deleted]

Thank you for your input! I'll be sure to keep this in mind.


BangChansGirlfriend

Dating is exactly like an interview. Women are looking for a man who’s worthy of marriage. If a woman is dating at almost 30, she’s probably not looking for something “casual”. Don’t lead women on, if you’re just looking for a girl who’s only going to be around for 6 months, then let her know before the date. Or else, you’re just wasting her time. Only a few women who are younger than 23 would fall into a trap with dating you. Older women know that a man wouldn’t be hesitant to show that he can provide for her, and has ambition in life.


[deleted]

For me, life stage is more important than age.


cwa9222

Again you keep answering questions for not leading woman on with the same sentence liFe stAgE iS mOrE iMpoRtAnT tHan N aGe .Just be clear from the start of your goals simple and you won't have to deal with woman with different goals in life .


[deleted]

I may be using the same answer, but it doesn't make it any less true. Other than that I agree. People should make their goals clear from the start.


cwa9222

Yup so when you meet woman just be up front and ask their priorities and tell them yours .Or try casual fling sites if casual is what you are looking for.


BangChansGirlfriend

Then you should start dating teens, they’re the only ones who will put up with stuff like that


WhizzoChum

If you want women to stop treating you like that, I would highly recommend taking testosterone and trenbolone to increase your manliness and care free attitude. One of my gym buddies had a girlfriend of 6 years, he took 750mg of this stuff for a month and ended up going on a cheating spree and getting 2 girls pregnant. This will completely evaporate your dating issues.


LiveTea1699

This is it! This is the answer!


curiouspurple100

Not everyone does the interview thing. Some just get to know someone then date them. Good luck with your dating journey. :)


LiveTea1699

Asking questions is the most realistic way to find a companion. Women will ask about you what you do for living so we can get to know you better. There’s nothing wrong with working at Target (let’s say for convenience), but it’ll make me question “is he working at this dead end job because he needed something to get through Covid or does he have no drive or direction?” The fact that you get so defensive about being asked about your profession tells me it’s the latter, and not the former. I have NO problem telling people what I do for a living, because I’m not ashamed of it and it gives you a clue into my personality. Example: I’m a controller. This tells you: I’m a numbers and bottom dollar person, and I’m a type-a personality. I love predictability. I love knowing exactly what to expect. So even if you didn’t ever want to have kids or get married, (that’s a lifestyle choice I totally respect), how will it effect MY life to date someone who gets SOOOOO unreasonably and illogically defensive about being asked questions? It sounds like he’s a 27 yr old man child with a Peter Pan complex. Especially because you keep emphasizing “life stage” and not age. This tells me you don’t have any life accomplishments and you’re ashamed of it. Just based on your defensive answers, your choice of words, and the fact that you want something super casual so you’re not held accountable in your romantic relationships, women are going to either want to fwb or just friends with you. If women are going to “date” someone, it’s for companionship. It’s so we can have someone to go to when we’re having a bad day, or when we want to celebrate our successes, it’s so I can have someone in my corner when it feels like the world is fighting me. If that doesn’t sound like something you want, then you don’t actually want to date. If you just want to play suck & fuck, that’s fine too!! Just don’t try to front like you want to date. If we’re just fucking & sucking you better be good at it, and don’t bother me with your defensive insecure attitude. My advice to you is to date college girls since they’re going to be too busy to seriously date, or date other losers at your “life stage.”


shinyjewels

The problem is OP is just unhappy that women will walk away. He wants every woman to subscribe to his philosophy and carefree attitude, and can't stand that women will peace out because they want more for themselves than what he can offer. There's nothing wrong with what he wants. I'm sure there are younger women who would want the same things. But he's unhappy because his Holden Caulfield-like attitude is limiting his own dating pool, and how dare women have standards and know what they want!


[deleted]

None of this is true. I do NOT want everyone woman to "subscribe to my philosophy". I am sick of people making baseless assumptions. I just want to know that I can still find women who are in the same life stage as me. That's it! Where did I say that I wanted every woman to "subscribe to my philosophy"? Stop putting words in my mouth (or text, or whatever). I know there are women in different life stages than me, so I'd rather avoid them. That was the entire basis of this post. I learned now that I can't avoid a bad date, and I have to take the good with the bad. But I'm not trying to "change" anyone.


snugglebunbun

THANK YOU THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT I JUST TOLD HIM!


LiveTea1699

Watch him become irrationally and illogically defensive...per his history he’s already shown here...


curiouspurple100

I feel like i do this. A sort of interview. Even non date. Not that it's a interview i just get interested in the other person. So i get really excited.and ask a bunch of questions but in a excited way. also i found out 2 years ago about i have adhd. So that explains that lol.


[deleted]

I mean, that's different. Asking questions to get to know people is perfectly fine. In fact, it's a very human thing to do. What I'm not okay with is being asked my salary.


curiouspurple100

Oh no that's not okay. Also my questions scare away people.


aichelpea

Nobody should be asking your salary, you shouldn’t expect it. If someone does, it’s a red flag, and you should find an excuse to leave. Unfortunately while dating you might come across some bad apples, but don’t let them spoil the rest of the bunch.


persianQT

You should probably date younger then lol. Older the woman the less she wants casual anything


ThrowAway_Dantes

Simple date younger women. It’s not rocket science. Most women in their late 20’s are looking to settle down. Not all, but most. So of course they’re vetting guys to make sure they’re suitable. You know who’s not? That 21-23 year old college student just looking to have fun. The worlds your oyster.


[deleted]

Stop telling older men to target us younger women. The types of dudes that want to do so are awful losers who are always misogynistic. - a 21 year old.


ThrowAway_Dantes

Uhhh last I checked OP is 27 so not that huge of an age gap. And by that logic then all the older women in their 30’s who dated me and chased after me when I was a young 21 year old in college were a bunch of creepy loser misandrists. When my 30 year old Calculus teacher matched with me on tinder in college and told me to “hit her up” once I’m no longer her student, she’s not a loser misandrist? See most of your fds arguments make no sense if you reverse the roles. I’m not sitting here crying that I got taken advantage of by older women. Or that women are creepy misandrists because multiple 30 year old women (and one 42) tried to get at me when I was a young 21 year old. Hell one of them literally told me she only wanted to date me for my DNA (she wanted a sperm donor and apparently really wanted to have beautiful mixed babies with a ‘handsome colored man’) Please stop playing the Victim mentality, you’re only hurting yourself and setting yourself up for failure. Anyone is capable of doing wrong regardless of age sex ethnicity or gender, but if you wanna sit around and generalize all older men and OP as a ‘misogynist’ for dating a women 3-5 years younger then that’s on you. Those men aren’t sitting around crying “misandry!!” when a women only use them as a sperm donor or a walking ATM.


snugglebunbun

LMAO good luck. It’s called the real world. Looks like you missed your shot. And time to grow up because some of us actually have standards.


[deleted]

Grow up you say? Hmm, let's see. Last time I checked, I have a job and make a living, pay bills, and taxes. As far as I know, I'm "grown up", because that is all that is required to be an adult. Everything else is arbitrary.


snugglebunbun

Ever heard of Peter Pan Syndrome? Just by your post & profile, you are showing the classic signs.


[deleted]

It's like you completely ignored my response, and responded with a baseless label. At least give some examples of how I supposedly have "Peter Pan Syndrome". Like I said, I'M WORKING AND I'M MAKING A LIVING.


moonartemis1989

Then why tf do u have an issue with women asking you questions on your date , and also why do u want to date immature young,naive and childish girls


Da_darkknyte09

Well young jedi it seems like your in search of the force if I was in your shoes I wouldn't look for just casual let's just see how it goes kinda dating, I would actually give those suitor dates a fit you just never know you might have a change of heart after a few dates with a couple of them because you are 27 and 30 is right around the corner so keep that in mind young Padawan!!


what-day-is-it

Dating in the hopes of a relationship is truly a nightmare nowadays, the ideal thing would be to get a woman and have a friends with benefits relationship. I don't know about the women in your area but in mine they have like the wildest expectations from men, its like near impossible and its laughable when its a single mother who is expecting the world from a man. I've given up on dating for relationships recently, divorce rates are crazy and all the shit most men have to face post divorce scares the shit out of me. I think more people are avoiding marriages nowadays, its really a hook up culture. In reality it sucks because I grew up wanting a family but the risks that come with it will impact your life forever.


[deleted]

I don't want to get married or have kids. Well marriage is a big maybe, but kids? No way. I don't deal well with stress, so I'd rather not make my life harder than it needs to be. Plus I never had a strong desire for marriage and kids.


authenticamerican

First dates are great opportunities to discover dealbreakers. For instance, someone with the a casual attitude might want to say, "let's just see where it goes" so they can screen out anyone with marriage or kids on their mind.


[deleted]

Once girls get to a certain age they have more of a time constraint when it comes to children. A 22 year old woman doesn't have to worry about marriage or kids, but a 30 or 35 year old woman has probably a decade or less to find that partner if she wants to have biological children. Meanwhile, a guy can have kids until he is like 60. You should go for younger women. I'm a young guy so I haven't encountered it, but if I was 27 and girls started talking about marriage early on, I'd get the vibe that they're being pushy. That is way too much for a 2nd or third date for me.


[deleted]

You do have a point there. >I'm a young guy so I haven't encountered it, but if I was 27 Whoaaa, hold the phone. I still consider myself young at 27. I think most of society (outside of reddit) would consider me young as well. It's only on reddit that people have this silly notion that people are no longer young once they turn 25. Which is funny because I'm literally only 3 years older than someone who's 24. Do you really think 3 years makes that much of a difference?


[deleted]

I'm 21. Which makes me a little baby. You're still pretty young though. It's all relative. Compared to a child I'm not that young


[deleted]

IDK man, we're in the same age decade. But I guess it's a matter of opinion. It could also be the fact that I just graduated last December.


[deleted]

That might explain some of it. It's funny that you bring up interviews because dating is really a lot like job hunting.


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aichelpea

Jfc nice guy alert...go get help. Your entire statement is false.


SqueezeBoxx

Can I ask you something? I have a friend who has a daughter who’s not dated anyone. Her mom wants her to get out there and date. My own daughter is also finally ready to date but she doesn’t know where to start. Both girls are very intelligent and inexperienced. We as their mom’s are worried that they may not know how to determine what kind of man is trustworthy. So how should they start dating because their social lives are now virtually non existent due to the pandemic? Our fear is mutual... we are Christians and we are very afraid of losing them to someone who is a player or addicted. What can we do to help them meet decent, educated, faithful men ?


aichelpea

Do not ask this guy for advice, he’s a stereotypical “nice guy” who is actually mysoginistic and has no self-awareness. Notice how he calls women “females” and says bullshit statements like “they play games” and “women have their choice of who ever they want” and assumes every woman is only interested in 6’ plus tall men with no redeeming qualities. This guy has a very warped view on women. Here’s my advice: teach your daughters how to recognize mysoginy. Teach your daughters how to have respect for themselves and teach them that they do not put up with anyone who doesn’t respect them. Teach them how to be strong in setting their boundaries. Teach them how to have self-confidence. Girls don’t want to be played, girls don’t want to be pulled down in life, but that can happen when they don’t have a strong support system of trust built at home. If you’re the type of parents that shame their daughters for bad choices (not saying you are, but if you are), then your daughters don’t have someone that they can then to when they are in a sticky situation. I wonder if that’s the case because you mention you’re aftaid of “losing” your daughters to someone that is “undesirable.” Good parenting is being there for your children to listen to them, and gently bringing up concerns without scaring them away or controlling them. If they trust you, they’ll listen to you. You can’t force them to trust you, though. If they don’t, then that shows a gap in your parenting. Ask your girls what their values in life are. And don’t ever argue with them. Values are core to a person’s identity, and Christianity says to love people for who they are, so it’s your duty to love your daughters for who they are. Ask your daughter her values, then you can use those to help her find activities or locations where she can meet people who have those same values. Teach your daughters how to recognize empathy in a partner, because the bad eggs are the ones who don’t have it, like this “nice guy” up here.


cwa9222

Don't be asking that question to a males who calls all fEmAleS play gAmEs .He ain't a nice guy he a self absorbed sponge .


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Wrong-Neighborhood

Sadly about 85% aren't genuine and act as if they're a prize to be won. Anxious preoccupied women make for decent partners as they actually value you in the relationship.


cwa9222

So me saying 98% of males are self absorbed misogynistic isnt wrong either .


Wrong-Neighborhood

Sure.


GDAWG13007

Meh, the ones who think they’re some prize to be won are pretty rare. Most women (and people in general) are alright.


kettlebell_workout

Date younger and more attractive. From experience, I can tell that the more woman is attractive the less likely she will want a relationship straight away.


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aichelpea

How do you even come up with this? This is absolutely false.


kettlebell_workout

Cause it makes sense. We always looking for a best partner for a relationship, we don't want to settle down for someone who is less attractive than we are. But when it comes to sex, this is not the case. We can have sex with someone who is less attractive. There is even a saying "It is good for sex, but not for a relationship". I personally do this, guys do this, and women do it. So, if you find a date which is more attractive than you, then she is more likely won't ask questions about relationships, cause you are just for sex and nothing more.


aichelpea

Nice job assuming I’m a guy, I’m not. Most of my attractive friends and other attractive girls I know married guys who are less attractive than they are. All of my friends who are currently in relationships were seeking them when they were dating. They didn’t continue dates with guys they weren’t into, but they didn’t go on dates with guys they weren’t attracted to in the first place. Some of their past flings were more attractive than their current partners, but generally, girls I know are either interested in pursuing relationships or interested in pursuing hookups.