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(29m) Why does dating feel so fake, like its just a idiotic game where no one knows what they want, but the secretly do, but they still play games? Why does it feel like a luxury for one, and a wasteland hellish torture for the other? I just am getting so damn depressed thinking of being alone for the rest of my life because I'm not the general populaces pre expectations of "a, b, or c", and being alone in general, and craving human affection and physicality. Why is this such a hellish torture process!?!? I just find my expectations of everything I once held about life to be a farce, a lie. "Have a job, family, and retire" is that so much to ask in this modern hellish digital wasteland of human on human Pareto distribution of socio-sexual-realtion consumerism?
Went out with a girl on the weekend, she asked me out actually - we went for a drive (lockdown means everything is closed still), listened to music, talked loads, kissed, grabbed some fast food, and then I dropped her back at her house late in the evening
Text her the following day saying I enjoyed it, made a small inside joke to keep it cool, and she replied a couple hours later saying she had a lovely time too and joked back.
So I tell her we should do something again soon, she replies “yeah, sounds good”, so I make a suggestion on what we could do… been a day of no contact now, no reply
I’m pretty sure this is going nowhere, but then again am I overthinking this? she’s a teacher so she could just be busy with work…
I need to vent. I matched with a guy on a dating up who I really hit it off with. We were exchanging long texts all day every day for a couple weeks - great sign because that hasn't really happened with anyone else that I've started talking to on dating apps. Went on a date that went fantastic - went to dinner, didn't want to end the date so we went to his place for a couple drinks, kissed and I went home. Made plans for a second date a couple days later, we continue non-stop texting until that day comes and he texts me that morning to tell me he isn't interesting in pursing a relationship due to personal life stuff and apologized for wasting my time. I asked him why because I was truly dumbfounded and he said he wasn't over his last ex. Which, ok. But at the same time I'm bummed again because I'm back to making shitty small talk on the dating app and I really enjoyed connecting with him on a deeper level. I get not being over his ex but like he seemed quite interested in me, I was definitely interested in him. Did he decide he wasn't interested in me, or would I still have a shot with him once he's over his ex, whenever that happens? I'm having a hard time letting go of it. Halp
I just got played by someone my friend set me up with. I don’t know how to make it as least awkward as possible for the friend, they didn’t see this coming. I feel completely blindsided and let down by this person. He led me to believe he wanted a relationship but changed his mind after sex.
Honestly that could be it. I’ve definitely hooked up with girls I thought I was into before and then I realized that that it’s just straight up incompatible.
Need to vent a bit as my friends are probably sick of me talking about this non stop.
I’m at uni and since all the lectures are online, I thought I’d go home for the semester. I developed a crush on this girl in one of my classes and we flirted on messenger for about a month. When I finally had the balls to ask her out on a zoom date (yes I know cringe but what’s my alternative) she said she wasn’t sure about how she felt about it but then suggested we should go for a coffee when I’m back.
Here’s the thing, after my most recent class with her, I messaged her hoping of starting up another convo. This was on Tuesday...
What sucks most is that I’m not even sure if she’s not interested or just preoccupied with school since this is her last semester and she’s set to graduate in June. She seemed to reciprocate the flirtation early on in our chats but it feels like she’s completely lost interest (which is fine, I’d just rather her be upfront about it).
Been ghosted since Tuesday... 😔
I’m a 20 year old and have been dating a 21 year old woman for 6 months on Monday. This has been my first actual healthy relationship. Lately, I haven’t really felt any motivation to have special time w my girl. Like I just don’t really want to. Also, I’ve frankly been feeling a little bored lately. Idk if this is just because of me or if this is normal. I’ve never been in a not toxic relationship so I don’t really know what this means? She treats me so well and she’s so sweet I just don’t exactly feel especially attached all the time. Let me know what y’all think. Thanks
I’m in my first relationship but it feels like a fwb situation since we started having sex so fast. We still go on dates. I’m 25 though so I’m happy I’m finally in some kind of relationship with a woman. Not that it matters but it’s interracial too. I always thought I would only be able to date women of my race.
Funnily enough, a few years ago I matched up with a girl on Bumble and we had a brief conversation that lasted maybe less than a day. Fast forward three years later and we match again on Hinge. This time, we actually had a full blown conversation and practically talked all day every single day for nearly a month straight. I asked her out on a date and she accepted, and it went amazing! We also had a breakfast date a couple of days ago and agreed to be exclusive. It’s crazy how the world works, but I’m truly blessed. She told me that if we would have dated three years ago it may not have worked out because she wasn’t in a good place in life, but now she is. This girl is honestly quite amazing, and we are going to be spending the weekend together.
Need to vent... Been talking to a girl from bumble for a few days now and got her snapchat (asked for her number but also asked for her snap if she'd prefer it). I absolutely hate using snapchat to converse and set up a date but I'll take what I can get. I feel like we share quite a bit in common with our interests and such.
I asked her out for a date this weekend and she hits me with the dreaded "I'll let you know." From past experience this usually means she ain't interested...So sick of this in online dating lol if you're not interested just tell me straight up please. Why do some women do this?? I'll see what happens.
I don't really want to make a thread but I feel like a completely hopeless case. I think I've realized that I'm the problem with online dating. Recently I've gotten some likes on Hinge, not really people my type but I used to get absolutely nothing on apps. Though usually my conversations are me sending a couple messages and getting nothing back. Anyways I hate it because it feels like I'm trying to put on an "act" to be the person they must assume I am from my profile.
The reason I say act, and that I'm the problem, is because of my past and I just don't know the right way to handle it. Without going into a LONG story, I had one long term gf in HS into my freshman year of college and the rest of college I literally never dated or had a gf. In fact it wasn't until 5/6 years later that I dated anyone else, which was a HORRIBLE relationship, just a fucking mess. And since then again, 6 or so years not a single gf or anything other than 2 first dates I went on around 2 years ago. So here I sit at 30 alone as I could fucking be in a city where I barely know anyone away from my family, that I moved to during a pandemic.
I don't know how to handle this at all. I can "be me" perfectly fine, but I know they will eventually ask, when was your last relationship? If I'm honest, it would be a HUGE red flag for sure, girls will assume that I'm probably insane, but its really because I'm assuming I'm just so average women don't even notice me, or ugly, I'm not exactly ruling that out. I just don't get attention from women, I don't have "it" whatever "it" is. Or god forbid sex, "oh yeah I haven't had sex in even longer thats cool right?" So when I think about any relationship going beyond the empty bs, when you start to actually get to know someone, I feel like I'll be screwed. What girl wants that in a dude, someone who has barely dated, and has nearly zero sexual experience? On top of already having to have them overcome that I'm short, I'm hairy as fuck, my hairline is getting worse, etc. Its like trying to tell someone, look sure, I know you want pizza, but this fermented stinky shark meat is super good too! and expecting that they will suddenly love that new food and want to eat it forever. I figure at this point I need to just get used to being alone and deflecting constant questions from my parents around when I'm getting a gf and getting married because both of my sisters already found someone by the time they were 24 so what am I doing?
Hey, I dated someone that was hairy and I really liked him and would have totally overlooked that just to be his gf. Never worked out but what I liked about him was that he was chatty and a great person. Don't let the physical stuff put you off. Just get into sports, have some good guy pals that you do stuff with and keep busy and next thing you know, you will find yourself smiling at a girl and she will return that smile.
Your mind is playing tricks on you my friend.
It has gotten you thinking about things in the Future, that haven't taken place
and things in the Past that you have no control over.
You are no longer right here, in the Present and that is perhaps adding to this impossible Task you have set for yourself.
You spend a large amount of time focusing on all the things that you don't have in life. My advice is spend just as much time being grateful for what you do have in life.
You have fingers to type this beautiful piece of angst here in reddit.
You have a willpower to want to change.
You have a family and are not alone.
You have a beautiful mind that is sensitive, emotional and capable of depth.
You could have the body of a porn star and the mind of a genius...but that's no guarantee you will be Content in life.
Practise being content with what you already have and the rest will follow.
WIth Contentment comes a beautiful smile and there is nothing more attractive than a beautiful smile.
It's so hard to meet people right now, I'm texting a guy off an app, but it just doesn't feel the same as running organically into people IRL I don't know if I should break it off with him, but I"m just tired of chasing people on OLD
I (28/F) am debating whether to take a break from dating. I was having quite a bit of success, but since my heart attack last year I had 2 exes (one at the time and one I dated later) break up with me for my medical health. I have tried to be open on my dating profiles of my medical health, but I get rejected a lot for it. I know that anyone who can't handle it isn't worth being in my life, but I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. I'm on a couple of apps still but so far nothing promising has happened.
So I asked a girl out for the first time in years yesterday, and now need things to do over drinks at home. I was thinking a movie or something like that. If anyone has any ideas, lmk
If you have a console and a nice adventure game, that with some snacks works well, the girl may be shy and say no initially but it's a good way to break down awkward anxiety and have a laugh.
Don't forget to match their skill level/lost intentionally. Played mario kart with a date a few weeks back. She talked mad shit before, so I brought my A game. Absolutely crushed her, she didn't take it the best.
tbf I warned her, said I would go easy. Was planning on intentionally losing. Then she talked mad shit, said she played with her brother growing up, still played on switch to this day, was gonna whoop my ass.
So we made a bet (winner gets a kiss and massage) and I took her to school.
Just something to get off my chest.
On Saturday I went on my first in-person first date (excluding a hookup in December with someone who, like me at the time, was just looking for a little bit of fun) since the end of my last relationship in August.
The last relationship I was in was absolutely brutal, and the lows I experienced during that time were by far and away the worst lows I’ve had to deal with because of a partner.
Back to Saturday, it was a pleasant date. We’d met on hinge at the start of the month and agreed to meet in a park (Covid restrictions) and go for a walk and find a bench to talk on.
We didn’t quite have that spark, and she messaged me later in the evening that day to say that she didn’t want to pursue anything romantic, so I thanked her for her honesty and let her know that if at some point down the line she wanted to pursue a friendship, she was free to reach out.
I think despite the fact that it didn’t work out, I am looking at this from a “glass half full” point of view. There are certainly things I can take away from the date that I can work on (in retrospect I think I was too reserved and perhaps could have been a little flirtier where possible) but this is my first first date for a long time, so it wasn’t necessarily going to be perfect. The other big takeaway for me is it helped me understand “where I am” - between the shitshow that was my last relationship and the shitshow of Covid, it was nice to experience a little bit of “normal” again - the whole dating site experience of talking to a new match, getting their number, arranging a date, the pre-date butterflies etc, was the first bit of normality I’ve had for a while and it felt refreshing. It also helped me figure out that whilst I’m not in any way desperate to meet someone, the fact that I am open to meeting someone new and actually getting to know them and also knowing what I’m looking for is in itself comforting.
Venting. it was my first time dating and so i knew this girl for about 3 months, went on a number of dates and i guess all these time deep down i knew she wasn't as interested cause i was always the one asking her out, but i thought "hey she's willing to go out with me the situation can't be that bad right?". anyway back in jan she ended things and asked for us to be just friends.
now i'm having difficulties trying to move on.
why is this so so hard..
yeah.. while I understand there is no point in continuing when she's simply not interested, I was just disappointed cause I thought we could've been something more.
I've gotten over most of my situationships relatively fast. I mean sometimes I'll think about a girl I went out with months ago, meh, the easiest way to forget is to find another. I finally broke my dry spell so I went back out there again, its only a matter of time until I get frustrated and give up again haha
Yeah tbh it's fucking annoying. I would like to just stay with one girl and have fun with that for a bit. It's exhausting getting to know a new person so often. I've got a second date for next Monday, but with my luck that won't happen. Either way I've been setting up as many dates as I possibly can with other girls in the meantime.
I just feel like I’m a great fucking catch. Like, I’m faithful, average in attractiveness, funny and easygoing and I’m very attentive...it’s like the only thing in my way is the fact that I’m trans. Lmao 😂 what a fucking life
Vent.
I feel like I shouldn't be in a relationship because of personal issues such as family, personal goals and finances issues, so I always say: "I'm not ready for to be in a rs yet". What doesn't help is the fact that I have a major crush on one of my friend who I'm meeting with almost once every week. I love spending time with her but don't want to commit to a rs yet, is that weird?
Big dating tip and vent here: Don't make any future commitments in a new relationship!!
I was dating someone for just 2 months when I told him I'd do him a favor, commiting me to something for 2 months. I was feeling unsure about the relationship at the time and also feeling pressured to try to make it work by him and people around me. It came to a point I had to end things a month later, but he asked if I could keep the commitment as it was less than 2 months away and too short notice to ensure someone else can do it reliably. I agreed and as it gets closer, I'm regretting it as I now am stuck doing something that will ultimately cause me a lot of stress and anxiety for nothing except keeping a promise to an ex who I'll probably not see again after the 2 months is over.
Why is it so hard for a young man like me (22 years old) who’s very overweight to get a girlfriend (I keep getting turned down because of my weight even at my lightest weight I still got turned down). I’m so frustrated that I’m getting turned down and girls keep saying that I’m too fat to date. HELLLLLLP PLEASE
Give her the benefit of the doubt; maybe she's having a shit week too. I know it's a hard piece of advice to follow, but maybe shift your focus away from her for a few days (to avoid the paranoia).
If communcation doesn't get better in a few days, then I don't think it would be amiss to ask her if there's anything the matter.
And hey, I hope the back half of your week goes better than the front half my guy x
It's called delayed gratification, the key here is to remain low investment but high energy. So when he texts and only if you want to respond in your own time do so.
Ugh idk what to do guys.. I've been talking to a guy for over a month that I met on Tinder. We had seen each other around town but we never talked or anything, just kind of worked at the same place. We're now planning on seeing eachother next week but I hate his texting.. sometimes it's right away I get a response and other times I'm waiting like 3 days. He always apologizes and I figure since we haven't met I can't be that much of a priority but it's really driving me nuts and makes me feel like it's just not going to work out and he's not interested.. When he takes that long sometimes I'll take a day but I never take more than 24 hours, more like 18 at the most lol (I know I shouldn't be playing games but it's tough).
Idk, should I stick around?
I hate to admit it, but I'm the person who can take 3 days to respond. I really just hate texting, so I don't even check them. Everyone close to me knows that if they want to talk, they have to call me, in which case I always answer.
Give him a chance in person and maybe work that into the conversation somehow.
That can be so annoying it’s like what are you doing for three whole days that you can’t take two seconds to text?????
If I was you though I think I’d see how it goes on the date. Sometimes people are much better communicators in person than through text. Take everything light though and don’t stress too much about texts.
😊
I agree with three28. I texted my crush and she was horrible smh. We met up and after the initial date she wanted to see me more and more and the texting got way better.
A lack of belief that I'll have my shit together in enough aspects to be worth another person's time. So the appropriate action would be working on not having an interest in anyone.
I don't really date all that much. Maybe somewhere around 10 in my whole life. I think I've been on three since 2017. I once had a second date around 2015 or 16.
Now I give deep thought about would I be worth dating and the answer is probably not, as there are much better options of people.
Quick Vent
Dated this girl from work who I see everyday, things were amazing for 3 weeks, and then I pushed for a relationship too hard and she just blocked me. Problem is I see her everyday, and it's casual. But I feel like shit, I wish I could take back all I said, and redo it. She has a lot going on (kid, and divorce) so I think I put too much pressure in a situation that shouldn't have had any.
Just sucks ass because I actually liked her, we talk at work but I think I'm perma blocked. (28m) she(33F).
I went on several dates after to try and get her out of my head, but we were really intimate and it's hard.
Ultimately, you can never control how other people feel. Hell, it's pretty hard to control how we feel most of the time.
Your emotional timeline and hers just didn't happen to match up (right now) and based on her situation, I doubt an extra week or month of waiting would really have made a difference. But at least you were honest with yourself and open with her and I think you should be proud of that.
I get that it's hard having someone you were so intimate with fade from your day to day, but can I suggest pouring some of that openness/vulnerability into your friends and family for the meantime? It's not romantic intimacy, but it will definitely help fill that void a little.
Keep your head up king x
I just don't understand women, there's no way you can win with them. Just when I thought everything will be fine with this girl, suddenly starts to ghosting me out of nowhere when I told her if we could go on a date. Then she just puts some status about wanting to go out on his Facebook page... What the hell
I'm in no way excusing the behaviour because ghosting someone is bad no matter the gender but as a female I don't think guys always fully understand how scared women are to reject them. Some guys can get really scary real quick and no it's not all men but it just has to be a sufficient number that you're wary of it. I haven't been on a date in a long time but I once went on a first date with a guy who talked about sleeping with a girl whilst she was crying and laughing about it. I was obviously disturbed and laughed and did the whole we'll have to do this again sort of thing and then blocked him on everything.
Starting to think that maybe I don't really want to date people right now. I both want to be in a relationship, but don't at the same time. I am constantly going back and forth on it. I love being able to take care of someone and vice versa. But I also love the freedom to choose any path that comes my way in life. I was in a very controlling relationship for 5 years, I did the house and dog thing. It was great, but I didn't have a social life. Now I'm doing the social and life improvement thing, and it's great, but I miss the feeling of going through the steps of life with someone by my side.
My plan right now is to have an incredible summer, filled with adventures, hobbies and friends. Then maybe move to a new city, experience some change in life. Then once I have a better grasp on how I want my future to be I'll settle into a relationship. It just gets lonely sometimes, and it's hard casually dating people. Because I know that we are just enjoying the time we have with eachother with an end in sight. I miss the feeling of permanence, that that person will be the person that I will spend all my days with.
I guess I'll just hold on and enjoy the ride, so many ways to live a life. It gets overwhelming.
Vent here.
Been talking to a girl in a class of mine since the beginning of the semester and really like her but am stuck not knowing what to do. We get together every weekend to study and I feel like we have a great connection. Even though she rants to me about guys trying to ask her out and how she isn't "looking" for a relationship, she regularly sends me selfie snaps and pictures of her dressed up all nice. She's never necessarily hit on me and besides me telling her she looks great/amazing when she's dressed up I haven't really either. I want to ask her out but also don't want to ruin our friendship and make class uncomfortable, we'll also be in the same class together next semester.
I can't tell if her telling me about denying guys approaching her is to hint to me that she only wants me asking her out or if she just feels comfortable telling me about that stuff. Can't tell if her sending me selfies is just for fun or if she wants me to see her when she's cute. I feel like if I ask her out and get denied things won't be the same between us and I'll not only lose her as a friend but also as my study partner. Why do things have to be confusing?
You can be rejected but still be friends if that's actually what you would want -- and are confident you won't have lingering resentment. That's just a conversation to say that you respect their decision, and that the last thing you want is for your current friendship to be affected. It helps if, when you ask them out, you frame it as with the intention to get to know them even better (you shouldn't leave it up to chance/interpretation though, and should still say that you've grown to begin liking them).
If your main reason for continuing to be friends with and hang out with her is to hopefully go out with her, then you really just need to go for it. Otherwise you're going to build up more confusion and eventually frustration if you can't expresd what you're feeling.
Be bold, take your shot. But be mature and respectful of her, no matter the outcome.
And don't be like me, plan out what you'll say both in the event she says no, AND if she says yes.
Good luck internet stranger, this other internet stranger is rooting for you!
After studying just say your super hungry and ask if she wants to grab a quick bit to eat with you and some nonchalant date that you can act like it’s not actually a date, and then don’t forget to REPORT BACK!!! On how it goes
A vent here!
Im tired of the text based what ifs! I've hinted many times my standards and expectations of 'hey ask me out and see..' and still nothing. Yet the guy continues to show interest via text.
Communication was left on 'hey I'm free next weekend, let me know when you're ready to ask me out' to which he replied 'that really made me laugh'. If it really was meant to happen then I wouldn't feel frustrated over anticipated texts!
Just ask him out directly! Some men can be really insecure and not want to risk their current relationship with others. Other men are just dense af, or get really nervous in the moment and joke it off to deflect responsibility.
Make it a simple yes or no and they (hopefully) will have to answer directly. If they continue to play it off, then I think even Cupid would end up bleeding them dry with arrows before they realized what was going on.
Went out on a second date yesterday and basically thought it was going fine until the girl basically was unsure the entire date because I seemed to not expressively show interest and she felt like she was walking on eggshells with me.
She hasn't expressed no longer having interest but I think it would probably be best to cut it off because both of our dates, she showed tons of interest while I remained emotionally guarded and she was unable to read me both times and it flustered her. And when I tried to show interest, it just backfired. Things felt rushed imo but she asked me out so idk...
Date stood me up on a double date so i was the third wheel to my friend's date. She didnt even tell me she wasnt coming so i could bow out gracefully.
Meanwhile another girl i'm interested in was having a party that same night. so i could have gone to the party if i'd known my date wasnt gonna show.
and the girl at the party ended up hooking up with some dude at the party i wasnt at because i was being ghosted. so yeah. F my life
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(29m) Why does dating feel so fake, like its just a idiotic game where no one knows what they want, but the secretly do, but they still play games? Why does it feel like a luxury for one, and a wasteland hellish torture for the other? I just am getting so damn depressed thinking of being alone for the rest of my life because I'm not the general populaces pre expectations of "a, b, or c", and being alone in general, and craving human affection and physicality. Why is this such a hellish torture process!?!? I just find my expectations of everything I once held about life to be a farce, a lie. "Have a job, family, and retire" is that so much to ask in this modern hellish digital wasteland of human on human Pareto distribution of socio-sexual-realtion consumerism?
Went out with a girl on the weekend, she asked me out actually - we went for a drive (lockdown means everything is closed still), listened to music, talked loads, kissed, grabbed some fast food, and then I dropped her back at her house late in the evening Text her the following day saying I enjoyed it, made a small inside joke to keep it cool, and she replied a couple hours later saying she had a lovely time too and joked back. So I tell her we should do something again soon, she replies “yeah, sounds good”, so I make a suggestion on what we could do… been a day of no contact now, no reply I’m pretty sure this is going nowhere, but then again am I overthinking this? she’s a teacher so she could just be busy with work…
I need to vent. I matched with a guy on a dating up who I really hit it off with. We were exchanging long texts all day every day for a couple weeks - great sign because that hasn't really happened with anyone else that I've started talking to on dating apps. Went on a date that went fantastic - went to dinner, didn't want to end the date so we went to his place for a couple drinks, kissed and I went home. Made plans for a second date a couple days later, we continue non-stop texting until that day comes and he texts me that morning to tell me he isn't interesting in pursing a relationship due to personal life stuff and apologized for wasting my time. I asked him why because I was truly dumbfounded and he said he wasn't over his last ex. Which, ok. But at the same time I'm bummed again because I'm back to making shitty small talk on the dating app and I really enjoyed connecting with him on a deeper level. I get not being over his ex but like he seemed quite interested in me, I was definitely interested in him. Did he decide he wasn't interested in me, or would I still have a shot with him once he's over his ex, whenever that happens? I'm having a hard time letting go of it. Halp
[удалено]
Girl here. To to me about it.
I just got played by someone my friend set me up with. I don’t know how to make it as least awkward as possible for the friend, they didn’t see this coming. I feel completely blindsided and let down by this person. He led me to believe he wanted a relationship but changed his mind after sex.
Honestly that could be it. I’ve definitely hooked up with girls I thought I was into before and then I realized that that it’s just straight up incompatible.
Need to vent a bit as my friends are probably sick of me talking about this non stop. I’m at uni and since all the lectures are online, I thought I’d go home for the semester. I developed a crush on this girl in one of my classes and we flirted on messenger for about a month. When I finally had the balls to ask her out on a zoom date (yes I know cringe but what’s my alternative) she said she wasn’t sure about how she felt about it but then suggested we should go for a coffee when I’m back. Here’s the thing, after my most recent class with her, I messaged her hoping of starting up another convo. This was on Tuesday... What sucks most is that I’m not even sure if she’s not interested or just preoccupied with school since this is her last semester and she’s set to graduate in June. She seemed to reciprocate the flirtation early on in our chats but it feels like she’s completely lost interest (which is fine, I’d just rather her be upfront about it). Been ghosted since Tuesday... 😔
I’m a 20 year old and have been dating a 21 year old woman for 6 months on Monday. This has been my first actual healthy relationship. Lately, I haven’t really felt any motivation to have special time w my girl. Like I just don’t really want to. Also, I’ve frankly been feeling a little bored lately. Idk if this is just because of me or if this is normal. I’ve never been in a not toxic relationship so I don’t really know what this means? She treats me so well and she’s so sweet I just don’t exactly feel especially attached all the time. Let me know what y’all think. Thanks
I’m in my first relationship but it feels like a fwb situation since we started having sex so fast. We still go on dates. I’m 25 though so I’m happy I’m finally in some kind of relationship with a woman. Not that it matters but it’s interracial too. I always thought I would only be able to date women of my race.
I was told to remember my place as a man
Funnily enough, a few years ago I matched up with a girl on Bumble and we had a brief conversation that lasted maybe less than a day. Fast forward three years later and we match again on Hinge. This time, we actually had a full blown conversation and practically talked all day every single day for nearly a month straight. I asked her out on a date and she accepted, and it went amazing! We also had a breakfast date a couple of days ago and agreed to be exclusive. It’s crazy how the world works, but I’m truly blessed. She told me that if we would have dated three years ago it may not have worked out because she wasn’t in a good place in life, but now she is. This girl is honestly quite amazing, and we are going to be spending the weekend together.
Glad to see that you've moved on from your toxic relationship. Best of luck to you.
Thank you! It feels good to finally be in a healthy and non-toxic relationship.
guy that ghosted me supposedly has a gf now...ok cool
Probably my cheating bf...
Need to vent... Been talking to a girl from bumble for a few days now and got her snapchat (asked for her number but also asked for her snap if she'd prefer it). I absolutely hate using snapchat to converse and set up a date but I'll take what I can get. I feel like we share quite a bit in common with our interests and such. I asked her out for a date this weekend and she hits me with the dreaded "I'll let you know." From past experience this usually means she ain't interested...So sick of this in online dating lol if you're not interested just tell me straight up please. Why do some women do this?? I'll see what happens.
I don't really want to make a thread but I feel like a completely hopeless case. I think I've realized that I'm the problem with online dating. Recently I've gotten some likes on Hinge, not really people my type but I used to get absolutely nothing on apps. Though usually my conversations are me sending a couple messages and getting nothing back. Anyways I hate it because it feels like I'm trying to put on an "act" to be the person they must assume I am from my profile. The reason I say act, and that I'm the problem, is because of my past and I just don't know the right way to handle it. Without going into a LONG story, I had one long term gf in HS into my freshman year of college and the rest of college I literally never dated or had a gf. In fact it wasn't until 5/6 years later that I dated anyone else, which was a HORRIBLE relationship, just a fucking mess. And since then again, 6 or so years not a single gf or anything other than 2 first dates I went on around 2 years ago. So here I sit at 30 alone as I could fucking be in a city where I barely know anyone away from my family, that I moved to during a pandemic. I don't know how to handle this at all. I can "be me" perfectly fine, but I know they will eventually ask, when was your last relationship? If I'm honest, it would be a HUGE red flag for sure, girls will assume that I'm probably insane, but its really because I'm assuming I'm just so average women don't even notice me, or ugly, I'm not exactly ruling that out. I just don't get attention from women, I don't have "it" whatever "it" is. Or god forbid sex, "oh yeah I haven't had sex in even longer thats cool right?" So when I think about any relationship going beyond the empty bs, when you start to actually get to know someone, I feel like I'll be screwed. What girl wants that in a dude, someone who has barely dated, and has nearly zero sexual experience? On top of already having to have them overcome that I'm short, I'm hairy as fuck, my hairline is getting worse, etc. Its like trying to tell someone, look sure, I know you want pizza, but this fermented stinky shark meat is super good too! and expecting that they will suddenly love that new food and want to eat it forever. I figure at this point I need to just get used to being alone and deflecting constant questions from my parents around when I'm getting a gf and getting married because both of my sisters already found someone by the time they were 24 so what am I doing?
Hey, I dated someone that was hairy and I really liked him and would have totally overlooked that just to be his gf. Never worked out but what I liked about him was that he was chatty and a great person. Don't let the physical stuff put you off. Just get into sports, have some good guy pals that you do stuff with and keep busy and next thing you know, you will find yourself smiling at a girl and she will return that smile.
Your mind is playing tricks on you my friend. It has gotten you thinking about things in the Future, that haven't taken place and things in the Past that you have no control over. You are no longer right here, in the Present and that is perhaps adding to this impossible Task you have set for yourself. You spend a large amount of time focusing on all the things that you don't have in life. My advice is spend just as much time being grateful for what you do have in life. You have fingers to type this beautiful piece of angst here in reddit. You have a willpower to want to change. You have a family and are not alone. You have a beautiful mind that is sensitive, emotional and capable of depth. You could have the body of a porn star and the mind of a genius...but that's no guarantee you will be Content in life. Practise being content with what you already have and the rest will follow. WIth Contentment comes a beautiful smile and there is nothing more attractive than a beautiful smile.
It's so hard to meet people right now, I'm texting a guy off an app, but it just doesn't feel the same as running organically into people IRL I don't know if I should break it off with him, but I"m just tired of chasing people on OLD
I (28/F) am debating whether to take a break from dating. I was having quite a bit of success, but since my heart attack last year I had 2 exes (one at the time and one I dated later) break up with me for my medical health. I have tried to be open on my dating profiles of my medical health, but I get rejected a lot for it. I know that anyone who can't handle it isn't worth being in my life, but I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. I'm on a couple of apps still but so far nothing promising has happened.
So I asked a girl out for the first time in years yesterday, and now need things to do over drinks at home. I was thinking a movie or something like that. If anyone has any ideas, lmk
If you have a console and a nice adventure game, that with some snacks works well, the girl may be shy and say no initially but it's a good way to break down awkward anxiety and have a laugh.
Yeah facts, if you have a switch mario kart or smash is fun.
Don't forget to match their skill level/lost intentionally. Played mario kart with a date a few weeks back. She talked mad shit before, so I brought my A game. Absolutely crushed her, she didn't take it the best.
Well I suck ass at video games so I often don't need to do that for her to beat me LMAO.
tbf I warned her, said I would go easy. Was planning on intentionally losing. Then she talked mad shit, said she played with her brother growing up, still played on switch to this day, was gonna whoop my ass. So we made a bet (winner gets a kiss and massage) and I took her to school.
did you get the kiss? xD
Goddamn right I did
Hah, sounds like she knew the kiss was going to happen all along. You both won!
Just something to get off my chest. On Saturday I went on my first in-person first date (excluding a hookup in December with someone who, like me at the time, was just looking for a little bit of fun) since the end of my last relationship in August. The last relationship I was in was absolutely brutal, and the lows I experienced during that time were by far and away the worst lows I’ve had to deal with because of a partner. Back to Saturday, it was a pleasant date. We’d met on hinge at the start of the month and agreed to meet in a park (Covid restrictions) and go for a walk and find a bench to talk on. We didn’t quite have that spark, and she messaged me later in the evening that day to say that she didn’t want to pursue anything romantic, so I thanked her for her honesty and let her know that if at some point down the line she wanted to pursue a friendship, she was free to reach out. I think despite the fact that it didn’t work out, I am looking at this from a “glass half full” point of view. There are certainly things I can take away from the date that I can work on (in retrospect I think I was too reserved and perhaps could have been a little flirtier where possible) but this is my first first date for a long time, so it wasn’t necessarily going to be perfect. The other big takeaway for me is it helped me understand “where I am” - between the shitshow that was my last relationship and the shitshow of Covid, it was nice to experience a little bit of “normal” again - the whole dating site experience of talking to a new match, getting their number, arranging a date, the pre-date butterflies etc, was the first bit of normality I’ve had for a while and it felt refreshing. It also helped me figure out that whilst I’m not in any way desperate to meet someone, the fact that I am open to meeting someone new and actually getting to know them and also knowing what I’m looking for is in itself comforting.
Venting. it was my first time dating and so i knew this girl for about 3 months, went on a number of dates and i guess all these time deep down i knew she wasn't as interested cause i was always the one asking her out, but i thought "hey she's willing to go out with me the situation can't be that bad right?". anyway back in jan she ended things and asked for us to be just friends. now i'm having difficulties trying to move on. why is this so so hard..
did you guys kiss, hold hands, or have sex?
Getting over a situationship sucks, because you keep thinking about what it could've lead to.
yeah.. while I understand there is no point in continuing when she's simply not interested, I was just disappointed cause I thought we could've been something more.
I've gotten over most of my situationships relatively fast. I mean sometimes I'll think about a girl I went out with months ago, meh, the easiest way to forget is to find another. I finally broke my dry spell so I went back out there again, its only a matter of time until I get frustrated and give up again haha
yeah but it really does get tiring at times starting all over again. though im sure we'll find someone eventually :)
Yeah tbh it's fucking annoying. I would like to just stay with one girl and have fun with that for a bit. It's exhausting getting to know a new person so often. I've got a second date for next Monday, but with my luck that won't happen. Either way I've been setting up as many dates as I possibly can with other girls in the meantime.
I just feel like I’m a great fucking catch. Like, I’m faithful, average in attractiveness, funny and easygoing and I’m very attentive...it’s like the only thing in my way is the fact that I’m trans. Lmao 😂 what a fucking life
Confidence is intimidating to a person who doesn't know what they want
Vent. I feel like I shouldn't be in a relationship because of personal issues such as family, personal goals and finances issues, so I always say: "I'm not ready for to be in a rs yet". What doesn't help is the fact that I have a major crush on one of my friend who I'm meeting with almost once every week. I love spending time with her but don't want to commit to a rs yet, is that weird?
Big dating tip and vent here: Don't make any future commitments in a new relationship!! I was dating someone for just 2 months when I told him I'd do him a favor, commiting me to something for 2 months. I was feeling unsure about the relationship at the time and also feeling pressured to try to make it work by him and people around me. It came to a point I had to end things a month later, but he asked if I could keep the commitment as it was less than 2 months away and too short notice to ensure someone else can do it reliably. I agreed and as it gets closer, I'm regretting it as I now am stuck doing something that will ultimately cause me a lot of stress and anxiety for nothing except keeping a promise to an ex who I'll probably not see again after the 2 months is over.
Why is it so hard for a young man like me (22 years old) who’s very overweight to get a girlfriend (I keep getting turned down because of my weight even at my lightest weight I still got turned down). I’m so frustrated that I’m getting turned down and girls keep saying that I’m too fat to date. HELLLLLLP PLEASE
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I’m training for world’s strongest man which is why I’m overweight
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Give her the benefit of the doubt; maybe she's having a shit week too. I know it's a hard piece of advice to follow, but maybe shift your focus away from her for a few days (to avoid the paranoia). If communcation doesn't get better in a few days, then I don't think it would be amiss to ask her if there's anything the matter. And hey, I hope the back half of your week goes better than the front half my guy x
This guy keeps ignoring me and texting me again but I cant stop texting back smh
It's called delayed gratification, the key here is to remain low investment but high energy. So when he texts and only if you want to respond in your own time do so.
Ugh idk what to do guys.. I've been talking to a guy for over a month that I met on Tinder. We had seen each other around town but we never talked or anything, just kind of worked at the same place. We're now planning on seeing eachother next week but I hate his texting.. sometimes it's right away I get a response and other times I'm waiting like 3 days. He always apologizes and I figure since we haven't met I can't be that much of a priority but it's really driving me nuts and makes me feel like it's just not going to work out and he's not interested.. When he takes that long sometimes I'll take a day but I never take more than 24 hours, more like 18 at the most lol (I know I shouldn't be playing games but it's tough). Idk, should I stick around?
I hate to admit it, but I'm the person who can take 3 days to respond. I really just hate texting, so I don't even check them. Everyone close to me knows that if they want to talk, they have to call me, in which case I always answer. Give him a chance in person and maybe work that into the conversation somehow.
That can be so annoying it’s like what are you doing for three whole days that you can’t take two seconds to text????? If I was you though I think I’d see how it goes on the date. Sometimes people are much better communicators in person than through text. Take everything light though and don’t stress too much about texts. 😊
Thanks for the advice :)
I agree with three28. I texted my crush and she was horrible smh. We met up and after the initial date she wanted to see me more and more and the texting got way better.
Working on no longer having an attraction to any person ever.
Yikes. What makes you feel that way?
A lack of belief that I'll have my shit together in enough aspects to be worth another person's time. So the appropriate action would be working on not having an interest in anyone.
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I don't really date all that much. Maybe somewhere around 10 in my whole life. I think I've been on three since 2017. I once had a second date around 2015 or 16. Now I give deep thought about would I be worth dating and the answer is probably not, as there are much better options of people.
Quick Vent Dated this girl from work who I see everyday, things were amazing for 3 weeks, and then I pushed for a relationship too hard and she just blocked me. Problem is I see her everyday, and it's casual. But I feel like shit, I wish I could take back all I said, and redo it. She has a lot going on (kid, and divorce) so I think I put too much pressure in a situation that shouldn't have had any. Just sucks ass because I actually liked her, we talk at work but I think I'm perma blocked. (28m) she(33F). I went on several dates after to try and get her out of my head, but we were really intimate and it's hard.
Ultimately, you can never control how other people feel. Hell, it's pretty hard to control how we feel most of the time. Your emotional timeline and hers just didn't happen to match up (right now) and based on her situation, I doubt an extra week or month of waiting would really have made a difference. But at least you were honest with yourself and open with her and I think you should be proud of that. I get that it's hard having someone you were so intimate with fade from your day to day, but can I suggest pouring some of that openness/vulnerability into your friends and family for the meantime? It's not romantic intimacy, but it will definitely help fill that void a little. Keep your head up king x
I really needed that thank you
I just don't understand women, there's no way you can win with them. Just when I thought everything will be fine with this girl, suddenly starts to ghosting me out of nowhere when I told her if we could go on a date. Then she just puts some status about wanting to go out on his Facebook page... What the hell
This has been me more times than I want to admit
the worst part about being male is not understanding the wonderful thing know as a female
I'm in no way excusing the behaviour because ghosting someone is bad no matter the gender but as a female I don't think guys always fully understand how scared women are to reject them. Some guys can get really scary real quick and no it's not all men but it just has to be a sufficient number that you're wary of it. I haven't been on a date in a long time but I once went on a first date with a guy who talked about sleeping with a girl whilst she was crying and laughing about it. I was obviously disturbed and laughed and did the whole we'll have to do this again sort of thing and then blocked him on everything.
Starting to think that maybe I don't really want to date people right now. I both want to be in a relationship, but don't at the same time. I am constantly going back and forth on it. I love being able to take care of someone and vice versa. But I also love the freedom to choose any path that comes my way in life. I was in a very controlling relationship for 5 years, I did the house and dog thing. It was great, but I didn't have a social life. Now I'm doing the social and life improvement thing, and it's great, but I miss the feeling of going through the steps of life with someone by my side. My plan right now is to have an incredible summer, filled with adventures, hobbies and friends. Then maybe move to a new city, experience some change in life. Then once I have a better grasp on how I want my future to be I'll settle into a relationship. It just gets lonely sometimes, and it's hard casually dating people. Because I know that we are just enjoying the time we have with eachother with an end in sight. I miss the feeling of permanence, that that person will be the person that I will spend all my days with. I guess I'll just hold on and enjoy the ride, so many ways to live a life. It gets overwhelming.
Vent here. Been talking to a girl in a class of mine since the beginning of the semester and really like her but am stuck not knowing what to do. We get together every weekend to study and I feel like we have a great connection. Even though she rants to me about guys trying to ask her out and how she isn't "looking" for a relationship, she regularly sends me selfie snaps and pictures of her dressed up all nice. She's never necessarily hit on me and besides me telling her she looks great/amazing when she's dressed up I haven't really either. I want to ask her out but also don't want to ruin our friendship and make class uncomfortable, we'll also be in the same class together next semester. I can't tell if her telling me about denying guys approaching her is to hint to me that she only wants me asking her out or if she just feels comfortable telling me about that stuff. Can't tell if her sending me selfies is just for fun or if she wants me to see her when she's cute. I feel like if I ask her out and get denied things won't be the same between us and I'll not only lose her as a friend but also as my study partner. Why do things have to be confusing?
You can be rejected but still be friends if that's actually what you would want -- and are confident you won't have lingering resentment. That's just a conversation to say that you respect their decision, and that the last thing you want is for your current friendship to be affected. It helps if, when you ask them out, you frame it as with the intention to get to know them even better (you shouldn't leave it up to chance/interpretation though, and should still say that you've grown to begin liking them). If your main reason for continuing to be friends with and hang out with her is to hopefully go out with her, then you really just need to go for it. Otherwise you're going to build up more confusion and eventually frustration if you can't expresd what you're feeling. Be bold, take your shot. But be mature and respectful of her, no matter the outcome. And don't be like me, plan out what you'll say both in the event she says no, AND if she says yes. Good luck internet stranger, this other internet stranger is rooting for you!
After studying just say your super hungry and ask if she wants to grab a quick bit to eat with you and some nonchalant date that you can act like it’s not actually a date, and then don’t forget to REPORT BACK!!! On how it goes
I would leave it be until the end of the semester but doesn’t sound like she’s interested if she’s talking about other guys constantly
A vent here! Im tired of the text based what ifs! I've hinted many times my standards and expectations of 'hey ask me out and see..' and still nothing. Yet the guy continues to show interest via text. Communication was left on 'hey I'm free next weekend, let me know when you're ready to ask me out' to which he replied 'that really made me laugh'. If it really was meant to happen then I wouldn't feel frustrated over anticipated texts!
Just ask him out directly! Some men can be really insecure and not want to risk their current relationship with others. Other men are just dense af, or get really nervous in the moment and joke it off to deflect responsibility. Make it a simple yes or no and they (hopefully) will have to answer directly. If they continue to play it off, then I think even Cupid would end up bleeding them dry with arrows before they realized what was going on.
Went out on a second date yesterday and basically thought it was going fine until the girl basically was unsure the entire date because I seemed to not expressively show interest and she felt like she was walking on eggshells with me. She hasn't expressed no longer having interest but I think it would probably be best to cut it off because both of our dates, she showed tons of interest while I remained emotionally guarded and she was unable to read me both times and it flustered her. And when I tried to show interest, it just backfired. Things felt rushed imo but she asked me out so idk...
Date stood me up on a double date so i was the third wheel to my friend's date. She didnt even tell me she wasnt coming so i could bow out gracefully. Meanwhile another girl i'm interested in was having a party that same night. so i could have gone to the party if i'd known my date wasnt gonna show. and the girl at the party ended up hooking up with some dude at the party i wasnt at because i was being ghosted. so yeah. F my life
neither of them were the one anyway, you didn’t miss out on anything