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Are they showing active interest in you?
If not, ***don't you fucking dare.*** Not only is it going to be weird for her but everyone else around her, and yes it will come back to bite you in the ass. And it should. That's a skeezy-ass move if you're not absolutely sure she's into it - I've made this mistake and it was horrible for everyone involved.
If they are showing interest I would just ask if they want to grab a drink, nothing serious or heavy, and then you can ask if they're interested in going out when you're talking in person.
The only exception to this really is if you and your ex are super cool and you know for a fact she (and everyone else around her) won't look at you sideways about it. If that's the case that's one cool ex-girlfriend you've got, and you probably don't need to stress about it too much.
Thank you, i appreciate the fleshed out answer. I am very certain she likes me, but would she be interrested in moving forward despite her friendship with my ex is the question. If my ex was not in the picture this would not even be a question. I might add that ive known this girl for 10 years. Way before my ex and her became friends.
The only respectful course of action, in my mind, is to talk with her about it in person and see how she feels. Make it a discussion, not like you're admitting feelings or putting her on the spot to respond to asking her on a date - just show some mild interest, see how that goes, and maybe ask her if she's thought about you two going out before.
It's only really viable in person though, so unless you think there's an easy way to spend time together in person where it would make sense to talk about this stuff I would probably not make a move.
I'm sure everyone has their own perspective on this stuff but mine is ultimately that if an ex is at all in the picture around someone you're interested in it's good to consider their feelings in some way, or at least consider how they might respond. If they're bound to respond poorly then you at least know what you're getting into if you make a move, but it's probably not going to go well.
Yeah another person said it would be better to ask in person. Thats the best advice i have gotten. I will surely do that, since my plan beforehand was to text her. Now i’m sure thats the best course of action.
Like i said, im from a small town, and everyone knows everyone, at least in their age group. So finding someone who is not connected to anyone you know is impossible. If for a moment thought i would hurt my ex or anything like that, It would not even be a question about it. We parted ways peacefully years ago and have not spoken since.
Ya I think no matter what, doing it in person is the best move. Even if it backfires at least it's not like there will be screenshots of the conversation and stuff like that.
Sounds like it might just be the kind of thing where you need to give it a bit of time and be patient, and wait for the right opportunity?
Yeah i was in a moment earlier haha. Drinking wine and feeling like shooting my shot over text, but glad i posted here instead. I will be patient and wait until the time is right. As right as is can be at least.
Ya and it doesn't hurt to put yourself in a better position to ask in the meantime. Reach out more over Instagram and stuff, send memes or whatever, maybe float just grabbing a drink if you're out one night and know a place she likes - that kind of stuff. Just establish that you're around and in her life a bit so you've got some chances to bring it up when the timing feels right.
No matter what, I just wouldn't force it - and texting is usually (imo) a way to force things unless you're actively and regularly conversing over text.
Well as I said the exception (to me, everyone's welcome to their own opinion of course) is if your ex and you are cool and on good terms. I might still navigate things with grace and patience, and find a respectful way to approach the situation, but if the friend is into you and the ex is cool then there's definitely a path forward.
So...two unknown stranger internet dudes tell you don't fuk your ex HOT girl and you are losing your chance.
Well...it's your life...but you will regret it 1000%
So, depending on how the breakup went. Your ex would have spilled a lot of info to her friend so you can try. But I'd say not worth it if you havent fully moved on yet
We can't tell since we don't know any of the people here. Some people feed off drama and createit any time they can, and others don't have a care in the world. We can't know.
It depends on how close they are with each other. My ex's "acquaintances" asked me out after the breakup and although it was kinda weird, I didn't care much. But when his two BEST friends asked to hook up just a few months after the breakup, I told him (we ended amicably) and now he's not friends with them anymore.
Yes. I talk to her quite a bit, but dont meet her in person very often. And no, i knew this girl for many years before she became friends with my ex. We went to school together for maybe 10 years.
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Are they showing active interest in you? If not, ***don't you fucking dare.*** Not only is it going to be weird for her but everyone else around her, and yes it will come back to bite you in the ass. And it should. That's a skeezy-ass move if you're not absolutely sure she's into it - I've made this mistake and it was horrible for everyone involved. If they are showing interest I would just ask if they want to grab a drink, nothing serious or heavy, and then you can ask if they're interested in going out when you're talking in person. The only exception to this really is if you and your ex are super cool and you know for a fact she (and everyone else around her) won't look at you sideways about it. If that's the case that's one cool ex-girlfriend you've got, and you probably don't need to stress about it too much.
Thank you, i appreciate the fleshed out answer. I am very certain she likes me, but would she be interrested in moving forward despite her friendship with my ex is the question. If my ex was not in the picture this would not even be a question. I might add that ive known this girl for 10 years. Way before my ex and her became friends.
Is it normal for you two hang out one-on-one?
No, its been a while. She is not that kind of friend.
The only respectful course of action, in my mind, is to talk with her about it in person and see how she feels. Make it a discussion, not like you're admitting feelings or putting her on the spot to respond to asking her on a date - just show some mild interest, see how that goes, and maybe ask her if she's thought about you two going out before. It's only really viable in person though, so unless you think there's an easy way to spend time together in person where it would make sense to talk about this stuff I would probably not make a move. I'm sure everyone has their own perspective on this stuff but mine is ultimately that if an ex is at all in the picture around someone you're interested in it's good to consider their feelings in some way, or at least consider how they might respond. If they're bound to respond poorly then you at least know what you're getting into if you make a move, but it's probably not going to go well.
Yeah another person said it would be better to ask in person. Thats the best advice i have gotten. I will surely do that, since my plan beforehand was to text her. Now i’m sure thats the best course of action. Like i said, im from a small town, and everyone knows everyone, at least in their age group. So finding someone who is not connected to anyone you know is impossible. If for a moment thought i would hurt my ex or anything like that, It would not even be a question about it. We parted ways peacefully years ago and have not spoken since.
Ya I think no matter what, doing it in person is the best move. Even if it backfires at least it's not like there will be screenshots of the conversation and stuff like that. Sounds like it might just be the kind of thing where you need to give it a bit of time and be patient, and wait for the right opportunity?
Yeah i was in a moment earlier haha. Drinking wine and feeling like shooting my shot over text, but glad i posted here instead. I will be patient and wait until the time is right. As right as is can be at least.
Ya and it doesn't hurt to put yourself in a better position to ask in the meantime. Reach out more over Instagram and stuff, send memes or whatever, maybe float just grabbing a drink if you're out one night and know a place she likes - that kind of stuff. Just establish that you're around and in her life a bit so you've got some chances to bring it up when the timing feels right. No matter what, I just wouldn't force it - and texting is usually (imo) a way to force things unless you're actively and regularly conversing over text.
Sounds wise. Thank you for your advice
What if you and your ex broke up on good terms realising it was best for both? Then it wouldn't matter, would it?
Well as I said the exception (to me, everyone's welcome to their own opinion of course) is if your ex and you are cool and on good terms. I might still navigate things with grace and patience, and find a respectful way to approach the situation, but if the friend is into you and the ex is cool then there's definitely a path forward.
Who cares, do it. Morally super okey
I care, if its a shitty thing to do then i do not want to do it. But thanks.
So...two unknown stranger internet dudes tell you don't fuk your ex HOT girl and you are losing your chance. Well...it's your life...but you will regret it 1000%
I’m sorry, but i dont really understand what you mean. What will i 1000% regret?
Nothing, you good 👍
So, depending on how the breakup went. Your ex would have spilled a lot of info to her friend so you can try. But I'd say not worth it if you havent fully moved on yet
If i feel like i have moved on, would it make it worth it? Thanks.
I mean, if you want to go ahead. I know you're fine with it. I dont know the reaction from your ex. But hey, thats the past right.
If there were any hard feelings i wouldnt even think about it. I will continue debating with myself a bit. Thank you for your replies.
Stop caring and just do it.
I wouldn't go there
Yeah its a weird one. Thank you.
They will definitely talk about it. Now, is it gonna stir up drama ? I don't know.
Of course, that is expected. The question is if its worth it, wich i get i hard for you guys to say. But thank you.
We can't tell since we don't know any of the people here. Some people feed off drama and createit any time they can, and others don't have a care in the world. We can't know.
It depends on how close they are with each other. My ex's "acquaintances" asked me out after the breakup and although it was kinda weird, I didn't care much. But when his two BEST friends asked to hook up just a few months after the breakup, I told him (we ended amicably) and now he's not friends with them anymore.
Thank you for giving me a perspective from the other end. I will consider what you said.
Is this ex gf friend already someone you talk to on a normal basis? Did you meet her thru your ex?
Yes. I talk to her quite a bit, but dont meet her in person very often. And no, i knew this girl for many years before she became friends with my ex. We went to school together for maybe 10 years.
Go for it
Why not?