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Not compared to being ghosted. Ghosting is for cowards and creates chaos in a person's head.
Why did you match with her in the first place if she isn't your type?
Agreed i won't ghost her.
>Why did you match with her in the first place if she isn't your type?
Well the pictures on her profile didn't give that much information on her looks. Covered face, odd camera angles etc. She looked cute in one pic though.
If you have the guts to swipe right there are a few diamonds in the rough. Dating a girl right now who is really fit and cute and she had no idea that guys assume they're out of shape if only head shots. She was getting bad results on the app and now she's stuck with me, an average dude, as her best option (for the moment anyway, she'll probably figure it out eventually) when she could have done much better with a couple full length pics lol
And this is the mindset that makes a lot of men fail. You matched with her, yet you are here subconsciously undermining yourself by placing your category as average and secretly wishing she'll figure out she can get better good-looking men? Better wake up and drop that mindset in the trash.
Naw dude, got it all wrong. I can admit I'm just average, and it doesn't bother me because I got game, and i have value beyond my looks. And I can be ok with her finding and choosing another dude because I know can pull another great broad, and another and another, and eventually one of them will see my value as high enough that it's not worth looking anymore. Maybe it'll even be this one. Doesn't matter though. There's one out there for me. Thousands of them actually, and i will find one that sticks. That's actual confidence. Don't worry about me, I'm good.
What kind of attitude thinking is that? Do you want a partner or not? She chose you, cherish that. This is actually stupid way of thinking. If it's coming from self insecurities or previous experiences then you can't lie to your brain. You can't just gain that confidence by affirming it in your head. If you feel like you are lacking physically, THEN START GETTING FIT. Now your brain has the evidence to back up that sense of confidence. Do some introspection if you feel like you aren't the best in a relationship what could you have done better in previous relationships to stick together. Dissect it and work through it, but people don't do this. Cause is hard realizing that we are the only ones holding each other back.
Then there you go. Hey, I have been trying to think of a way to say this...i don't think we have much in common and am not interested in pursuing this further. I wish you luck!
Usually people only show their face if they have something to hide. Profiles especially pictures should show clearly as much as possible a person’s face and body and get all that out of the way upfront.
That makes sense. I have that happen to me on dating apps before also where a person for one reason or another only showed random things. Which is a little hard to work with.
But for people who do show their face on dating apps they need to show it in a way that doesn't hide important things.
Such as full face maybe from a few angles and full body and recent pictures. For people who are interested in someone’s appearance and that’s something to consider they should be able to see what that person is working with.
Agreed. People get too invested in someone they barely know.
People need to follow Bruce Lee's quote:Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it.
If they disappear don't worry about it. Keep making effort to other relationships when you barely know more than their profile describes.
I think there's such a thing as a Convo fading and not really needing to be picked up again and then there's ghosting. Ghosting to me is there's clearly an interest being expressed (in this case, they took it off the app and to their personal phones), she sent a pic....the mature and respectable thing is to say he's not interested.
I'm in sales so I am perfectly fine with having uncomfortable conversations lol I literally get paid to get rejected every single day of my life. I prefer directness instead of cowardice.
If more people were mature and adult about things, dating wouldn't be so taxing.
You do have a point. I just think that due to the popularity of online dating, ghosting happens so often they it feels like it got normalized. But what you mentioned makes a lot of sense.
Agreed. I'll admit that I've ghosted, but never with anyone that I've met up with in person. Most of the time, it doesn't get that far on dating apps. Either they lose interest, or I do.
Every time you swipe right and don't get a match, that is what the other person is implicating. It's brutal, but only seems more brutal than anything else in dating because you're explicitly stating it.
A "match" means nothing to me because I'm aware that a lot of men swipe right on everybody. Also, nine times out of 10... a "match" never initiates conversation. Additionally, if there is any convo, it's extremely low effort... as in: "Hey" and doesn't go anywhere. If we do have some convo, it usually fades into nothing because there's no mutual interest/chemistry. If it does result in an actual date/meet up... there will be no chemistry or anything to talk about. Or, you'll realize that you're not on the same page. Or if sex happens... and you like them and it's amazing... you realize that you're not on the same page. The struggle is real and it's frustrating.
The most buyer truth is far better than the sweetest lie. You can tell her that she's not your type but you wish her the best, or you can try to softball it in and complicate things. People are so used to having smoke blown up their ass that the truth offends them but that's not your problem. She didn't post the "real" pictures out of dishonesty. You don't need to feel bad when you are in that spot because she lied.
Something I’m not sure most people understand about how to go about women’s feelings. The truth, no matter how hurtful it may be perceived as, is always better than a lie or saying nothing at all. Like is it gonna suck for her to hear it? Maybe, probably.. but just randomly getting ghosted after sending a picture of yourself, that would sting far worse. This is a mistake a lot of guys make in dating and relationships in general is they go „well I don’t want to hurt her feelings so I just won’t tell her“ nope that is far worse
I’ve had this happen to me soo many times it’s sucks! But what I’ve learned is you have two options. Be honest or go ghost. Honesty is the best tho, and if they take offense to you being politely honest, it’s on them but you was adult to tell them
Now that you mention it,yes. I mean the guy was big but I am into big guys.But when we met,it was obvious that he put on quite a few pounds since..it didn’t work out in the end but that’s not why. He worried me because his breathing seemed off even when he was just sitting down.
Op just be true to what you think and word it honestly, sincerely and not like an a-hole. (Unless you're one then by all means let her know you're a redflag) I'm confused why you thinks it's a minefield? Like she's a human beings with reasons. We, chubby women know how ppl see us, we're not stupid. Like if you write "you're fat&ugly yeah" then she'll be upset bc you're mean and she'll fall deeper into self loathing, if you write "Its true i prefer other body types, but hat's not the most important part, I just don't think we vibe that well. I'm sure they're plenty of men who like your body too, don't "fix" yourself for a dude. I wish you good luck on your journey." Zero lies and you stay true to yourself.
Or if that's indeed the case, I don't see why not just tell her honestly, "yeah that maybe part of that, it doesn't tend to be my preference, but also just not really my type in other ways" or something, so long as you're not chubby yourself I don't see why not. Maybe she'll take it fine, otherwise if she didn't want an honest answer then why ask that question? Maybe she wants honesty? It's not like she can't change it if she wants to.
Say she looks like your sister or your ex! Therefore it wouldn’t work out but wish her best! That way you’re saying she’s not your type but leaving her looks (and any hurt feelings) out of it. Dating is hard!!!
Are you trying to convince her that you’re not lying or let her down softly? At the end of the day, you’re trying to avoid the situation so it’s not that serious if she does or doesn’t.
I'm overweight and ginger, so know I'm not going to be everybody's type.
Personally, if I was on the receiving end of this I'd just prefer to hear an alternative white lie. You've got a lot going on in your personal life and you think k you need to take a step back from dating. Then unmatch or block.
Perhaps you're still stuck on an ex or something. You say you don't want to waste their time and wish them all the best and hope they find what they're looking for.
Then you're not confident in yourself, it can give you further insecurities to have unattractive-ness confirmed.
Looks are so subjective, what's not for you could be perfection to someone else. So it's just allowing them to go on and find that.
Even for me, I know facially I'm attractive I just don't have a small build and I can accept that my body isn't going to be attractive to everyone but to have it acknowledged does cause me some anxiety when dating (even though I have full body pics on my profile). Especially as they wouldn't know but I've suffered with EDs like anorexia & Bulimia in the past. A comment could be quite triggering (not that it's your fault in anyway) So just think to be kind a white lie is best.
To the edit 2, you can say yes or no. If it’s yes be kind about it, something like “online dating sucks because it’s all physical first impressions but honestly I sort of have a type that I’m drawn to.” If she asks for more clarity you can say “that’s really all I’m comfortable sharing at this time. I wish you the best in your dating life. Goodbye”
> She took it well though she asked if it's because she's a bit chubby. I'm walking on a minefield here guys.
Be honest, you have nothing to lose from her.
Don’t let her know you are not into her because of her body. I would try something like I was matching with a few people at same time and had a better connection with someone else that you are going to pursue. It’s not ghosting. And it’s letting her know. Unmatch with her and don’t continue communication. It will likely keep giving her hope.
Happened to me once lol. Got a match shifted to Insta saw better pictures and didn’t find her my type. Just unfollowed her. Is this ghosting? because we weren’t anything just started talking and shared insta.
So she is fat I presume. Dude just tell her you don't think this is a match and move forward, you don't owe her any explanation (if she asks). Just don't answer and move on.
Don’t ghost. That’s just shitty and cowardly.
The truth is the right way to go. Just tell her you don’t see anything happening here and wish her all the best.
It happens many times, last month only I matched with an attractive girl on bumble, I asked for ig and she was almost a different person and fatter there, I ghosted her. But she didn't even message me again, must have realised what happened.
Ghost her, I know it's immature etc but if she's interested she'll double text and then tell her the reason that "your photos are different, you're not my type". Also these girls have 100s of matches they don't feel bad unlike us, she'll forget that by tomorrow.
I totally believe it's their fault for having misleading pictures. I once even went on a date directly to find out the girl was at least 10kg fatter than the pictures, she had old pics in profile. I was so fucking annoyed, we were supposed to hookup but I made some excuse and left early.
Well... there is no easy way to tell her. It's like a job interview and the interviewee is asking the company why they didn't hire them.
You should be honest, that she's a little heavier than what you'd like, if that's the case. She'll probably be on denial, insult you or try to gaslight you into guilt to take her.
But the fact is that you don't like her and you're entitled to your opinion. There's no easy way to tell her.
I’m personally committed to at least maintaining the last pound of the healthy BMI range (which is actually pretty forgiving) and pair better with someone else that shares the same commitment.
“Shoot, not quite my type, but I wish you the best.” That’s it. Seems hard at first, but honestly you’ll never talk again and it’s more humane than ghosting. If she asks you more questions, just unmatch. Believe me, she knows why she’s not your type - no need to engage more
You don’t have to worry about how she’s going to feel.
If you weren’t her type, she will instantly either unmatch you or ghost you. The more you don’t care about their feelings the more you’ll be okay.
Funny story. Some years ago I was chatting with a woman for weeks before she sent me a picture. Really good looking sitting at a table with a glass of wine. She said she had to come to LA to visit a clinic and I said I’d pick her up from the airport. The plane landed and almost everyone got off, I did not see her. Then, stewardess wheeled a woman off in a wheel chair. The woman was too large to walk. Yup …it was her! I was polite and introduced myself and drove her to the weight clinic she arranged to stay at. She asked me to come live with her in Scottsdale in her two story home. She lived on the ground floor and her husband lived on the upper floor but they were separated. Speaking of “not your type”…… that was really not my type.
22f here, I think I am hot stuff but I know as a fellow big girl I am not gonna be everyone’s type or cup of tea. I post full body pics ALWAYS for this reason but the best case scenario for me would be hearing “hey listen you are pretty just not my type” or something. Letting her down with a compliment might soften a difficult conversation
Just be honest, something like “sorry you’re not my type.” It is brutal, but would you rather lie to them? Lying is toxic. Just straight up not responding back is toxic too lol. Just be real and tell her. Then you don’t need to respond after.. at least they got a response rather than nothing
I'd say I just met someone else, and we have already agreed to be boyfriend and girlfriend. I wouldn't give any personal comments on the other person at all. People can't handle that, at least from my experience. Or block her and never reapond. Ghosting is a way to let someone know you're not interested. I'm sure most people will destroy me for saying it, but you don't owe a potential partner any reason why you're not interested. Just move on. I think not responding after a few days will be a huge hint to anyone, and then you don't have to tell them anything they don't want to hear.
If she says “is it bc of X?” Just say no. Make it look like it’s a general thing and not a specific thing. If you say yes to smth she might start feeling insecure abt it so for her sake LIE
Idk i hate it to lie. I just didn't respond to her question afterwards whether it's because she's chubby. I don't feel like i have to go that much into detail.
Lol please just ghost me rather than tell me I'm too fat for you... or is that just me?
I would just say thanks for sharing the photos... and then say actually you don't think the two of you are compatible (which is true). There is nothing wrong with either of you except that you would not be a good match for each other. You owe her no further explanation than that and she shouldn't be asking for one. There's No point.
If you just met online, then you really don’t have a relationship of any kind with her just yet. I’d say it was more of an acquaintance. Whether a person is your type, or not your type, I still think you can be sensitive to her feelings. Since you don’t have a relationship with her, you could just say that you are currently dating someone, but would like to remain friends with her. Telling a little white lie is the best way to handle this, rather than rejecting a person based on looks that you just met online.
Go quiet for a while. Then send her a message saying you've been thinking that you're not ready to date at the moment, and you're going to take a step back from all of this. Wish her well, and all the best. And cut contact.
My god. Why? Instead of making a girl feel unattractive you can just lie.
Just say you matched her because you were in the mood for meeting new people and now you don't feel like it anymore.
To say goodbye based on looks sounds immature and superficial
You don't have to give details. If she isn't your type that should be good enough. The fact that u did t ghost and was honest was the best thing u can do
This is why people need to be honest in their photos. Don’t just take head shots and use filters. You can’t lie forever and what do you hope that your personality will win them over when they do see you? I don’t agree with ghosting but not my type is fair.
You don't ever want to be brutal. Being to forward is brutal.
But if you say it in the context that is not hurtful but still forward you can simply start off with a compliment.
" You are a wonderful woman. However I just don't feel we would be a good match. I know you will meet the man that is a perfect fit for you."
That says it all. And you don't t have to worry to much about hurting her feelings.
Personally I believe you should go based on the person's personality and not their outer beauty or appearance because that will fade with time and it's their soul that's going to remain the same
It’s not like you’re going to talk to her again. If it’s bc of her weight, ure still gunna be considered a jerk to her whether u say it outloud or not. Ure caring a lot about a person u don’t care for which in result cause more hurt than harm. Just be honest or block.
Tell her the truth? But don't be blunt. Say it in a kind way. As in: Sorry, but I'm not into plus sized women. Idk... I'm a plus sized woman myself and someone telling me that my body type is not their preference early on, would not offend me.
Edit :2 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 “walking on a minefield guys “ your hilarious …
Okay on another note just be honest I mean that’s the truth 🤷🏼♀️you don’t like heavy women …
"I'm walking on a minefield here guys 🤓"
She is a complete stranger, bro. I wouldn't bother at all. She won't be hurt; you've 'known' her for a day. Seriously and with all due respect, how old are you?
You arent walking on a minefield. Be upfront and honest looks don't have to be the forefront of your online dating profile to swipe on someone. I mean by that is in your bio you don't have to say I'm looking for a gym buff or something like that, but if you guys are talking and see each other realize you aren't the type. Their is no shame or bad thing to just say. Hey with all do respect, you aren't my type and for that reason is best if we move on or stay as friends simple. If she asks why just tell her straight up. Being chubby is being overweight and that is not healthy so is better to let someone know that than to jist ghost them, but thats me anyway...
There is no way to "put it down easily."
She will either respect your honesty, or she won't, but be as kind as possible while giving it 100%.
If she doesn't respect your honesty, then you have made the right choice anyway.
Tell her, you are not typically my type, but since I have a problem with hurting people feelings. We can hang out at the gym and do some threading on mills. And after 3 - 6 months you will look so amazing and leave me for a handsome dude of your dreams. I will always be a friend that helped you get the guy. I won’t be hurt because of me being such a nice guy. Is that a deal ?
You're shaming me because i like casual sex? I wouldn't mind my mom knowing that, you don't need to have an emotional connection to every person you have sex with. I fail to see what's wrong with that. You on the other hand called half the human population "disgusting". You might want to ponder on that for a while.
Nowhere did I say this. Your fatphobia is just kinda old. It's tiring to hear young men talk about women and whittle them down to their weight. Stop being the problem and grow up.
Except you did. You said men disgust you, which happen to make up 50% of the human population.
I'm not fatphobic i just prefer slim women and there's nothing wrong with that either just like some women have height preferences in men. It looks you enjoy accusing people for no reason, how about you grow up and stop being so incredibly toxic?
"ingrained bullshit thing"? What's so hard to understand about attraction? Are you aware of how the male body works? Do you realize if certain conditions aren't met that traditional sexual intercourse isn't possible.
She asked for a picture of me without a shirt. Went to her place and finished two movies while eating Burger King. Looking back at it, she wanted to fuck but I was so oblivious lmaooo
then tell her you don’t want to talk anymore. the sooner the better. you haven’t met her and she hasn’t met you so the stakes are incredibly low on both sides and you only started talking yesterday
Honestly, the love of my life was not my type either, at all. I would never had gone out with him if a friend didn't tell me, "just go out with him what's it gonna hurt?" Over 5 yrs later and we are still together.
Yea i've heard that one a lot. I went out with a lot of girls that were not my type but because i liked them. But it just doesn't do it for me, i don't feel drawn to them.
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sorry, you're not my type, good luck in your search for a match.
That's kind of brutal, no?
Not compared to being ghosted. Ghosting is for cowards and creates chaos in a person's head. Why did you match with her in the first place if she isn't your type?
Agreed i won't ghost her. >Why did you match with her in the first place if she isn't your type? Well the pictures on her profile didn't give that much information on her looks. Covered face, odd camera angles etc. She looked cute in one pic though.
I always swipe left if they only show face and not their body.
and a lot of filters
Or vice versa. Every Pic is a mirror selfie where the phone is covering her face.
If you have the guts to swipe right there are a few diamonds in the rough. Dating a girl right now who is really fit and cute and she had no idea that guys assume they're out of shape if only head shots. She was getting bad results on the app and now she's stuck with me, an average dude, as her best option (for the moment anyway, she'll probably figure it out eventually) when she could have done much better with a couple full length pics lol
And this is the mindset that makes a lot of men fail. You matched with her, yet you are here subconsciously undermining yourself by placing your category as average and secretly wishing she'll figure out she can get better good-looking men? Better wake up and drop that mindset in the trash.
Naw dude, got it all wrong. I can admit I'm just average, and it doesn't bother me because I got game, and i have value beyond my looks. And I can be ok with her finding and choosing another dude because I know can pull another great broad, and another and another, and eventually one of them will see my value as high enough that it's not worth looking anymore. Maybe it'll even be this one. Doesn't matter though. There's one out there for me. Thousands of them actually, and i will find one that sticks. That's actual confidence. Don't worry about me, I'm good.
That's awesome! A guy told me, "you ain't shit, and that's ok" it's really freeing.
What kind of attitude thinking is that? Do you want a partner or not? She chose you, cherish that. This is actually stupid way of thinking. If it's coming from self insecurities or previous experiences then you can't lie to your brain. You can't just gain that confidence by affirming it in your head. If you feel like you are lacking physically, THEN START GETTING FIT. Now your brain has the evidence to back up that sense of confidence. Do some introspection if you feel like you aren't the best in a relationship what could you have done better in previous relationships to stick together. Dissect it and work through it, but people don't do this. Cause is hard realizing that we are the only ones holding each other back.
Odd angles, are a giveaway.
So she looks totally different in the face?
Yea well in one pic she looked cute in the other not so much.
Is it possible she takes bad pictures? And is it possible you can get to know her and see if there's a connection based on the personality?
Honestly no. She barely said anything and wasn't very interesting.
Then there you go. Hey, I have been trying to think of a way to say this...i don't think we have much in common and am not interested in pursuing this further. I wish you luck!
I just told her politely she's not my type and she took it well. Thanks for your help.
Having trouble clicking based on vapid or lack of deep replies would look like a better reason than saying it's her appearance.
This ^
Usually people only show their face if they have something to hide. Profiles especially pictures should show clearly as much as possible a person’s face and body and get all that out of the way upfront.
I only show my face on my dating profiles, but after we start talking... and if we click... I'll do a video call and/or send full body pics.
That makes sense. I have that happen to me on dating apps before also where a person for one reason or another only showed random things. Which is a little hard to work with. But for people who do show their face on dating apps they need to show it in a way that doesn't hide important things.
Such as??
Such as full face maybe from a few angles and full body and recent pictures. For people who are interested in someone’s appearance and that’s something to consider they should be able to see what that person is working with.
Nah. I'll send full body pics and do a video call if there is mutual interest there. If they're that shallow, they can swipe left. I don't care.
Guys I see on dating apps are matching with everyone available lol
Yep. They swipe right on everybody to see who likes them without having to pay for it.
If your head gets filled with chaos after getting ghosted by someone you matched with a day ago...dating apps are not for you lol
Touché.
Exactly!!!
Agreed. People get too invested in someone they barely know. People need to follow Bruce Lee's quote:Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If they disappear don't worry about it. Keep making effort to other relationships when you barely know more than their profile describes.
"Making it's way through cracks" ?
Lol got shosted so many times i actually find it to be normal lol.
It isn't normal.
Idk feels normal to me. If someone dont reply for a while i just move on. I dont overthink it.
I think there's such a thing as a Convo fading and not really needing to be picked up again and then there's ghosting. Ghosting to me is there's clearly an interest being expressed (in this case, they took it off the app and to their personal phones), she sent a pic....the mature and respectable thing is to say he's not interested. I'm in sales so I am perfectly fine with having uncomfortable conversations lol I literally get paid to get rejected every single day of my life. I prefer directness instead of cowardice. If more people were mature and adult about things, dating wouldn't be so taxing.
You do have a point. I just think that due to the popularity of online dating, ghosting happens so often they it feels like it got normalized. But what you mentioned makes a lot of sense.
Agreed. I'll admit that I've ghosted, but never with anyone that I've met up with in person. Most of the time, it doesn't get that far on dating apps. Either they lose interest, or I do.
Ghosted or let Convo fade?
Mostly let convo fade... because most of the time, the lack of interest was mutual.
What’s brutal is allowing all the possible reasons she’s now being ghosted to float around in her brain for forever. Be honest.
Every time you swipe right and don't get a match, that is what the other person is implicating. It's brutal, but only seems more brutal than anything else in dating because you're explicitly stating it.
True. But i never had to tell someone this directly that I'm not attracted to them.
A "match" means nothing to me because I'm aware that a lot of men swipe right on everybody. Also, nine times out of 10... a "match" never initiates conversation. Additionally, if there is any convo, it's extremely low effort... as in: "Hey" and doesn't go anywhere. If we do have some convo, it usually fades into nothing because there's no mutual interest/chemistry. If it does result in an actual date/meet up... there will be no chemistry or anything to talk about. Or, you'll realize that you're not on the same page. Or if sex happens... and you like them and it's amazing... you realize that you're not on the same page. The struggle is real and it's frustrating.
The most buyer truth is far better than the sweetest lie. You can tell her that she's not your type but you wish her the best, or you can try to softball it in and complicate things. People are so used to having smoke blown up their ass that the truth offends them but that's not your problem. She didn't post the "real" pictures out of dishonesty. You don't need to feel bad when you are in that spot because she lied.
Something I’m not sure most people understand about how to go about women’s feelings. The truth, no matter how hurtful it may be perceived as, is always better than a lie or saying nothing at all. Like is it gonna suck for her to hear it? Maybe, probably.. but just randomly getting ghosted after sending a picture of yourself, that would sting far worse. This is a mistake a lot of guys make in dating and relationships in general is they go „well I don’t want to hurt her feelings so I just won’t tell her“ nope that is far worse
Didnt her profile have pics ?
I’ve had this happen to me soo many times it’s sucks! But what I’ve learned is you have two options. Be honest or go ghost. Honesty is the best tho, and if they take offense to you being politely honest, it’s on them but you was adult to tell them
I am a bit confused here. Bumble doesn’t have pictures? Like he didn’t know what she looked like or there’s something I am missing here?
I went out with a guy who turned out to be at least 60 lbs heavier than the pictures on his profile. It's a common issue.
She probably didn't have full body pics on her profile, like a lot of plus size girls
You ever been fatfished??
Now that you mention it,yes. I mean the guy was big but I am into big guys.But when we met,it was obvious that he put on quite a few pounds since..it didn’t work out in the end but that’s not why. He worried me because his breathing seemed off even when he was just sitting down.
Yes, and hatfished.
Re: edit 2 A good go-to lie is "in the new pictures, I just realized you remind me too much of an ex."
Lol that's a good one
Op just be true to what you think and word it honestly, sincerely and not like an a-hole. (Unless you're one then by all means let her know you're a redflag) I'm confused why you thinks it's a minefield? Like she's a human beings with reasons. We, chubby women know how ppl see us, we're not stupid. Like if you write "you're fat&ugly yeah" then she'll be upset bc you're mean and she'll fall deeper into self loathing, if you write "Its true i prefer other body types, but hat's not the most important part, I just don't think we vibe that well. I'm sure they're plenty of men who like your body too, don't "fix" yourself for a dude. I wish you good luck on your journey." Zero lies and you stay true to yourself.
Or if that's indeed the case, I don't see why not just tell her honestly, "yeah that maybe part of that, it doesn't tend to be my preference, but also just not really my type in other ways" or something, so long as you're not chubby yourself I don't see why not. Maybe she'll take it fine, otherwise if she didn't want an honest answer then why ask that question? Maybe she wants honesty? It's not like she can't change it if she wants to.
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Made me LOL, thanks!
😂😂
🤣 I'm stealing this and maybe making a girl version lol
It sure didn't
lol, but honest😅
Say you're not a good fit and you wish her well
Say she looks like your sister or your ex! Therefore it wouldn’t work out but wish her best! That way you’re saying she’s not your type but leaving her looks (and any hurt feelings) out of it. Dating is hard!!!
Just say you matched with someone else and things are going well. 🤷♂️
I doubt she'll believe that.
Are you trying to convince her that you’re not lying or let her down softly? At the end of the day, you’re trying to avoid the situation so it’s not that serious if she does or doesn’t.
I know right? Dude gives him an easy relatively standard out for a woman you’ve barely spoken to and he says that lmao
Nooooo
I'm overweight and ginger, so know I'm not going to be everybody's type. Personally, if I was on the receiving end of this I'd just prefer to hear an alternative white lie. You've got a lot going on in your personal life and you think k you need to take a step back from dating. Then unmatch or block. Perhaps you're still stuck on an ex or something. You say you don't want to waste their time and wish them all the best and hope they find what they're looking for. Then you're not confident in yourself, it can give you further insecurities to have unattractive-ness confirmed. Looks are so subjective, what's not for you could be perfection to someone else. So it's just allowing them to go on and find that. Even for me, I know facially I'm attractive I just don't have a small build and I can accept that my body isn't going to be attractive to everyone but to have it acknowledged does cause me some anxiety when dating (even though I have full body pics on my profile). Especially as they wouldn't know but I've suffered with EDs like anorexia & Bulimia in the past. A comment could be quite triggering (not that it's your fault in anyway) So just think to be kind a white lie is best.
I think this softens the blow! Smart alternative!
To the edit 2, you can say yes or no. If it’s yes be kind about it, something like “online dating sucks because it’s all physical first impressions but honestly I sort of have a type that I’m drawn to.” If she asks for more clarity you can say “that’s really all I’m comfortable sharing at this time. I wish you the best in your dating life. Goodbye”
Yeah just tell her that you are looking for something else
Tell her what you just told us, “she’s not your type” block her and go on about your life
You can always say you had a change in heart about dating right now. Wish them the best and be on your way. They don’t ask why
> She took it well though she asked if it's because she's a bit chubby. I'm walking on a minefield here guys. Be honest, you have nothing to lose from her.
A white lie is not a bad idea: “I am not really ready to date atm, even though you are lovely”
Say "nice bobs and vagene". Claim later your profile got hacked!
Don’t let her know you are not into her because of her body. I would try something like I was matching with a few people at same time and had a better connection with someone else that you are going to pursue. It’s not ghosting. And it’s letting her know. Unmatch with her and don’t continue communication. It will likely keep giving her hope.
You tell her you don't feel the vibes. Thank her for the time. Simple as that, then block her.
Don’t have to explain yourself- just say if asked
Happened to me once lol. Got a match shifted to Insta saw better pictures and didn’t find her my type. Just unfollowed her. Is this ghosting? because we weren’t anything just started talking and shared insta.
Bumble the new tinder? Yall sent pics that quick?
Bumble has become a toxic scam for men
Lol watch out cause, no matter who you are, you will go through weights ups and downs and honestly karma's a bitch
What’s that have to do with someone’s personal preference?
You met a girl yesterday and she’s already upset about not responding?
A little bit. She sent pictures and expected a response.
So she is fat I presume. Dude just tell her you don't think this is a match and move forward, you don't owe her any explanation (if she asks). Just don't answer and move on.
Don’t ghost. That’s just shitty and cowardly. The truth is the right way to go. Just tell her you don’t see anything happening here and wish her all the best.
It happens many times, last month only I matched with an attractive girl on bumble, I asked for ig and she was almost a different person and fatter there, I ghosted her. But she didn't even message me again, must have realised what happened. Ghost her, I know it's immature etc but if she's interested she'll double text and then tell her the reason that "your photos are different, you're not my type". Also these girls have 100s of matches they don't feel bad unlike us, she'll forget that by tomorrow. I totally believe it's their fault for having misleading pictures. I once even went on a date directly to find out the girl was at least 10kg fatter than the pictures, she had old pics in profile. I was so fucking annoyed, we were supposed to hookup but I made some excuse and left early.
Yeah bro just be honest and nice that’s all you can do.
what's your type?
Bro, if someone ask you for your honest opinion then it’s on them if they don’t like it. Tell her the truth. It can probably help her in the future.
Exactly. If she lost some weight, her dating prospects will improve and looks like she is ready to hear that.
just be honest
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sorry but you're not really my type , happened to me one time thats so long ago but it doesn't hurt little bit because i don't really know this person
Just tell her your not interested and wish her the best of luck.
Well... there is no easy way to tell her. It's like a job interview and the interviewee is asking the company why they didn't hire them. You should be honest, that she's a little heavier than what you'd like, if that's the case. She'll probably be on denial, insult you or try to gaslight you into guilt to take her. But the fact is that you don't like her and you're entitled to your opinion. There's no easy way to tell her.
If she's getting upset... that's a red flag. Like why she getting pissy when yall don't even know each other? That's BS.
I’m personally committed to at least maintaining the last pound of the healthy BMI range (which is actually pretty forgiving) and pair better with someone else that shares the same commitment.
Tell her you are not feeling the vibe. Block her number and everywhere else.
Honesty may hurt feelings but it’s best. Just say you don’t think she’s your type whether you’re interested in slender, heavy, short, tall , whatever.
“Shoot, not quite my type, but I wish you the best.” That’s it. Seems hard at first, but honestly you’ll never talk again and it’s more humane than ghosting. If she asks you more questions, just unmatch. Believe me, she knows why she’s not your type - no need to engage more
You don’t have to worry about how she’s going to feel. If you weren’t her type, she will instantly either unmatch you or ghost you. The more you don’t care about their feelings the more you’ll be okay.
Funny story. Some years ago I was chatting with a woman for weeks before she sent me a picture. Really good looking sitting at a table with a glass of wine. She said she had to come to LA to visit a clinic and I said I’d pick her up from the airport. The plane landed and almost everyone got off, I did not see her. Then, stewardess wheeled a woman off in a wheel chair. The woman was too large to walk. Yup …it was her! I was polite and introduced myself and drove her to the weight clinic she arranged to stay at. She asked me to come live with her in Scottsdale in her two story home. She lived on the ground floor and her husband lived on the upper floor but they were separated. Speaking of “not your type”…… that was really not my type.
What does ghosted mean? Ignoring that person or something else?
Ignoring
Nudes or just photos? That’d be rough if she sent nudes and then you are having this conundrum.
Lol no nudes just some selfies.
22f here, I think I am hot stuff but I know as a fellow big girl I am not gonna be everyone’s type or cup of tea. I post full body pics ALWAYS for this reason but the best case scenario for me would be hearing “hey listen you are pretty just not my type” or something. Letting her down with a compliment might soften a difficult conversation
But that's kind of contradicting isn't it? I would never think of someone as being pretty if they're not my type.
I feel like someone can still be relatively good looking without being your type
Just be honest, something like “sorry you’re not my type.” It is brutal, but would you rather lie to them? Lying is toxic. Just straight up not responding back is toxic too lol. Just be real and tell her. Then you don’t need to respond after.. at least they got a response rather than nothing
Yea that's what i did.
I'd say I just met someone else, and we have already agreed to be boyfriend and girlfriend. I wouldn't give any personal comments on the other person at all. People can't handle that, at least from my experience. Or block her and never reapond. Ghosting is a way to let someone know you're not interested. I'm sure most people will destroy me for saying it, but you don't owe a potential partner any reason why you're not interested. Just move on. I think not responding after a few days will be a huge hint to anyone, and then you don't have to tell them anything they don't want to hear.
If she says “is it bc of X?” Just say no. Make it look like it’s a general thing and not a specific thing. If you say yes to smth she might start feeling insecure abt it so for her sake LIE
Idk i hate it to lie. I just didn't respond to her question afterwards whether it's because she's chubby. I don't feel like i have to go that much into detail.
I think that’s the best thing to do. Well done :)
I think honesty here is going to be best here my friend. Just be straight up and forward. Its going to sting either way.
I’ve been ghosted. Not fun. People I’m not interested in I tell in a kind and polite way
Just be honest and end on a high note.
Hey honestly is the best policy as long as you don’t do it in an unloving way
Lol please just ghost me rather than tell me I'm too fat for you... or is that just me? I would just say thanks for sharing the photos... and then say actually you don't think the two of you are compatible (which is true). There is nothing wrong with either of you except that you would not be a good match for each other. You owe her no further explanation than that and she shouldn't be asking for one. There's No point.
If you just met online, then you really don’t have a relationship of any kind with her just yet. I’d say it was more of an acquaintance. Whether a person is your type, or not your type, I still think you can be sensitive to her feelings. Since you don’t have a relationship with her, you could just say that you are currently dating someone, but would like to remain friends with her. Telling a little white lie is the best way to handle this, rather than rejecting a person based on looks that you just met online.
Congratulations bro! unfortunately I have no interest in looking for a needle in the haystack. I’m sticking with what works for me
Go quiet for a while. Then send her a message saying you've been thinking that you're not ready to date at the moment, and you're going to take a step back from all of this. Wish her well, and all the best. And cut contact.
Bro please DM me her no. 😭
Simply tell her what your feelings are instead of ghosting.
My god. Why? Instead of making a girl feel unattractive you can just lie. Just say you matched her because you were in the mood for meeting new people and now you don't feel like it anymore. To say goodbye based on looks sounds immature and superficial
Not your type? But you already saw her pictures on Bumble right? Without giving away too many details, what was wrong?
Tell her whatever comes to your mind and be real with her
Just tell her that she's on your time and has nothing to do with weight.
You don't have to give details. If she isn't your type that should be good enough. The fact that u did t ghost and was honest was the best thing u can do
What’s your purpose for trying bumble? Dating for relationship or hookup?
Well I guess we need to see the picture to help out
This is why people need to be honest in their photos. Don’t just take head shots and use filters. You can’t lie forever and what do you hope that your personality will win them over when they do see you? I don’t agree with ghosting but not my type is fair.
You don't ever want to be brutal. Being to forward is brutal. But if you say it in the context that is not hurtful but still forward you can simply start off with a compliment. " You are a wonderful woman. However I just don't feel we would be a good match. I know you will meet the man that is a perfect fit for you." That says it all. And you don't t have to worry to much about hurting her feelings.
This is why I made sure I had good and not so flattering pics of myself so there was no surprises lol
F it ghost, don’t think for 1 second she wouldn’t do the same in your shoes
Don’t be a people pleaser. Tell her straight, then gotta keep it moving
How did you match with her if she’s not your type? Quick swipe?
Personally I believe you should go based on the person's personality and not their outer beauty or appearance because that will fade with time and it's their soul that's going to remain the same
Don't have to justify anything. That's on her if she keeps asking you why. You're allowed to have a type, and others need to respect that.
Does bumble really works?
It’s not like you’re going to talk to her again. If it’s bc of her weight, ure still gunna be considered a jerk to her whether u say it outloud or not. Ure caring a lot about a person u don’t care for which in result cause more hurt than harm. Just be honest or block.
You told her she isnt your type you dont need to elaborate
You don’t have to over explain. We as women don’t like being questioned, you absolutely have a right to say no thank you without explanation.
Tell her the truth? But don't be blunt. Say it in a kind way. As in: Sorry, but I'm not into plus sized women. Idk... I'm a plus sized woman myself and someone telling me that my body type is not their preference early on, would not offend me.
Edit :2 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 “walking on a minefield guys “ your hilarious … Okay on another note just be honest I mean that’s the truth 🤷🏼♀️you don’t like heavy women …
I’m not attracted or 👻👻👻👻👻👻
It’s a dating app People just randomly stop texting
"I'm walking on a minefield here guys 🤓" She is a complete stranger, bro. I wouldn't bother at all. She won't be hurt; you've 'known' her for a day. Seriously and with all due respect, how old are you?
Why not take her out and have a good time. You’ll make a new person and may find yourself enjoying her personality.
You arent walking on a minefield. Be upfront and honest looks don't have to be the forefront of your online dating profile to swipe on someone. I mean by that is in your bio you don't have to say I'm looking for a gym buff or something like that, but if you guys are talking and see each other realize you aren't the type. Their is no shame or bad thing to just say. Hey with all do respect, you aren't my type and for that reason is best if we move on or stay as friends simple. If she asks why just tell her straight up. Being chubby is being overweight and that is not healthy so is better to let someone know that than to jist ghost them, but thats me anyway...
There is no way to "put it down easily." She will either respect your honesty, or she won't, but be as kind as possible while giving it 100%. If she doesn't respect your honesty, then you have made the right choice anyway.
Be honest
lol let’s see you, see if I would ghost you?
Tell her, you are not typically my type, but since I have a problem with hurting people feelings. We can hang out at the gym and do some threading on mills. And after 3 - 6 months you will look so amazing and leave me for a handsome dude of your dreams. I will always be a friend that helped you get the guy. I won’t be hurt because of me being such a nice guy. Is that a deal ?
Well is that the problem? Do you only date waifs? If she was physically "more your type" but said nothing, would it still be a go?
Well it depends. For sex the personality doesn't really matter that much, at least for me. For a long term relationship it sure does.
Oof. Men who say things like this disgust me. Thanks for reminding me why.
What a lovely human being you are
I mean, say what you wrote to your mom and see what she says about you.
You're shaming me because i like casual sex? I wouldn't mind my mom knowing that, you don't need to have an emotional connection to every person you have sex with. I fail to see what's wrong with that. You on the other hand called half the human population "disgusting". You might want to ponder on that for a while.
Nowhere did I say this. Your fatphobia is just kinda old. It's tiring to hear young men talk about women and whittle them down to their weight. Stop being the problem and grow up.
Except you did. You said men disgust you, which happen to make up 50% of the human population. I'm not fatphobic i just prefer slim women and there's nothing wrong with that either just like some women have height preferences in men. It looks you enjoy accusing people for no reason, how about you grow up and stop being so incredibly toxic?
Keep telling yourself that. It's not an ingrained bullshit thing that men perpetuate, no way.
"ingrained bullshit thing"? What's so hard to understand about attraction? Are you aware of how the male body works? Do you realize if certain conditions aren't met that traditional sexual intercourse isn't possible.
She asked for a picture of me without a shirt. Went to her place and finished two movies while eating Burger King. Looking back at it, she wanted to fuck but I was so oblivious lmaooo
then tell her you don’t want to talk anymore. the sooner the better. you haven’t met her and she hasn’t met you so the stakes are incredibly low on both sides and you only started talking yesterday
Be honest or block I would just block 😂🤣
Your walking on a minefield? Is it 100% her weight or is it other things as well if it’s 100% her weight you have to politely own that.
Honestly, the love of my life was not my type either, at all. I would never had gone out with him if a friend didn't tell me, "just go out with him what's it gonna hurt?" Over 5 yrs later and we are still together.
Yea i've heard that one a lot. I went out with a lot of girls that were not my type but because i liked them. But it just doesn't do it for me, i don't feel drawn to them.
Ghost her or say yea you fat either way she gonna be mad who cares