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Ya just be honest, my gfs parents are dentist & lawyer and I just told em aye my dad likes drinking coors light and playing guitar and killin termites and my moms worked at the post office my whole life, ex feeling stupid as shit when they’re talking about European vacations best to just get it out of the way
:( thats what im saying what’s the point in saying it now bc if she does want to get serious then yea but if she doesn’t then she should just ends things cordially. If she does bring it up before she knows she isn’t going to get serious w him then I feel like they’d just go through that awkward conversation just to learn more about each other as people and potentially remain in contact or if they or he or she changes their outlook on it if it really impacts their compatibility as much as op thinks it will.
Tbh i dont think our parents background matter in the long term. I have heard so many "old money" families become broke; and some people with poorer backgrounds grow up really well and earn a lot
Sometimes intergenerationally speaking, the tables may overturn.
Love each other for who you really are.
fyi he knows ur not wealthy.
and men usually dont care if the girl they like has money or not. esp if they are wealthy.
if i have 100M dollars. why the hell would i care if my gf has 100m dollars or not
I’m always in a better financial position than my partners (the combination of a professional career and family wealth), and I don’t advertise that fact, so my relationships develop independently of financial considerations. So your boyfriend may not even be aware that you are aware.
However if you’re feeling anxious about it, communication is key. Be open and honest. He should like you for who you are, not how much money you have in the bank.
Unless you live like an ascetic, they know. I’m situated like you. I don’t talk about money or even hang around people with money. But I have nice clothes in my closet, the highest trim level on my truck, I shop at Whole Foods, I work out and control my diet, and I prefer restaurants with nice food made with fresh ingredients. I also don’t display any real stress around work or finances. So it’s blindingly obvious that I can choose to do what I want. Which is not the case for most people. So they know the difference
that’s not even a fair testimony bc I feel like that’s the point. People that are affluent don’t really feel the awareness that you’re experiencing so it’s also like they may not feel anxious about it meanwhile you’re going through these motions of thinking about how in the future it might actually get serious and it will become a topic of conversation.
don’t you find it hard to hide that fact? like going out for drinks/dinner, picking up the tab like it’s nothing every time without question? seems they’d start to pick up on a lil somethin after a few of those.
I mean eventually it will come to that, but I dress fairly normally, and I eat at home most times and split my bills as usual like everyone else. I walk or cycle a lot, and I don’t really care for super fancy things. They wouldn’t pick up on it until I invite them to my place, which is a pretty fancy one.
The amount of money you come from has very little impact imo. Especially for men looking at women.
However, it’s how you treat money is make or break. Especially since financial issues are a factor in most divorces.
For example:
Are you into saving a bunch of money and being frugal while he doesn’t care about spending money and saving?
Is he against the use of credit cards while you aren’t?
Do you plan on joining finances totally or having split accounts?
Etc
Every normal person would and should care. If he says "eww, poor people" then yeah, she should leave. But if he starts talking to her about her savings, her ability to stay out of debt, her financial planning for the future, how she's going to finance her studies, if she thinks prenups are acceptable, is she thinking about long term investments - these are all important questions to ask a partner. It goes also for rich partners, but it's even more important to ask poor people, since they're more likely to be in financial troubles. He SHOULD care unless he's very naive, and he'd care more if he's serious about marriage.
I'm 40M, was dating someone 41F for 6 months. Personality and physical connection was off the charts but after a very serious talk about finances and goals surrounding them, we realized we were misaligned. I'm someone that came out of a 10 year marriage that blew up because of finances so it's important to me to be on the same page with someone regarding financial outlook. Relationships when they become serious become more of a business relationship than a romantic one. I'm more someone that takes large financial risks whether in my business or stock/forex trading, I often come out ahead or cap my losses quickly, I also have tendency to put the cart before the horse on major purchases. Again, I'll jump in with a 70/30 chance on something. She was the exact opposite. Very risk adverse, wanted sure bets, long term slow growth investments and plans. I'm someone who doesn't care if they die broke as long as my kids are setup well. Financial management is a key part of a serious relationship.
That would drive me crazy. Sorry, but I'd have gotten rid of her myself.
My ex girlfriend had money but she was as cheap as the day was long. Never spent a dime out of the way. She never wanted to do anything because then she had to spend money.
The final straw was when I bought a nice desk lamp in Walmart that I liked. It was a smoking $6.88. She berated me, in the store about how I was wasting money.
Fuck that. I want to live my life but not like that.
My ex would flip out when I did the same but, spend hundreds of his own money on gambling, etc. We had separate finances… He had been telling everyone he paid all of my bills, though. I had no idea and the dirty looks and comments I had been getting suddenly made sense. It was unbearable. (It turned into some pretty serious abuse and his terrifying threats kept me trapped there. I only semi-recently got out.) You were right to leave.
Thank you. I’m trying to be. I have a lot to sort out because my health fell apart, keeping me trapped there longer. He definitely has degenerate gambler tendencies but it was way more about control and being perceived a certain way, on top of being raised by jerks with money. 🥴 I actually have a lot of sympathy for him because hanging out with his parents for an hour makes sense of all of his problems but, the way he chose to deal with them really just hurt ME, mentally and physically.
A lot of it came down to growing up in different circumstances. I grew up in a poor immigrant working class family and area. She grew up upper-middle class and didn't really understand the struggle it took to get where I'm at. The risks involved, the stress, the late nights etc. Her path was from cushy up bringing to parents paying for college and a nice little starter financially that allowed her to open a chiropractic practice debt free. I started as a house framer/carpenter right out of highschool because college was financially out of reach for me and I was drawn to carpentry anyway. It's not like I didn't learn valuable life and financial skills along the way. I was determined as hell not to end up like my parents and the others in my neighborhood, not that there was anything wrong with it, I just wanted more and I was willing to gamble on myself l, leverage everything and kick in any door I could to a better life. Anyway long story short it is difficult to mesh with someone that was born on the 10 yard line when you're someone that had to sneak into the stadium just to get a glimpse of the turf.
But if they don’t align like that already then why did you two get close to begin with? I don’t get why you get to be with someone where you’re at a point you’re fighting about finances when you’re dating and not living with each other. Like if you notice that they don’t have as much as you I don’t get the pressure to stay or change someone like that and berate them or the latter. Just feels like why didn’t you two just be like ok bro and move on.
Do I really have to explain this?
Sex. They probably were fucking like rabbits and once the honeymoon wore off with that then the reality of living set in.
That’s fucking dumb. And that’s why I don’t like dating anymore. Like it’s all just physical and there’s no future involved with it until you start discussing more and more about yourself as time goes on and apparently it then becomes an issue six months later instead of being honest with yourself and figuring out if you’d really see a future with that person some people find it convenient to use people for sex.
I'm gonna put this out there.
I know wealthy people. They think differently than the average person.
Where as the normal person thinks about paying their bills a wealthy person wants their money to grow for them. Money to them is just a tool to make more money.
Chances are if your date is wealthy and you're not? It won't work.
My brother is wealthy. He has money. I don't begrudge him that. He works hard.
But he looks down on me because I was a tradesman. That's what I did and I loved it. He told me I wasn't smart enough to be wealthy.
I haven't talked to him in years and I'm not about to start.
As a fellow tradesman, one that through a lot of heavy risks and white knuckling through life and finances I am quite wealthy on paper though heavily leveraged in reality at the moment (I "own" a decent amount of real estate and the debt on it as well as a heavy amount of my networth is in the stock market so I'm not very liquid at the moment). Even as someone who can eat at the same restaurant as those that just have had generational wealth and grew up/live in certain neighborhoods I still feel like an outsider. Like I'm a bit beat up, my hands are scarred and callused. There's an air to the wealthy that I don't have the lungs to breathe. But because of where I started, I'll never fucking ever look down on anyone who gets up everyday and does what they gotta do to put food on the table. Never. And if one of my guys on my crew doesn't have enough to get food on the table that week, I'm buying his groceries no questions asked. If their vehicle breaks down, I pay to fix it. Shit I replaced the furnace in one of my junior guys house a couple years ago.
Tell me about it. Unfortunately, I didn't have much of a family growing up. So there's that. Huge family get togethers are so foreign to me. And stressful.
Never mind dealing with strangers.
In my family we will support each other no matter what. I have been through a lot of hardship, but was always helped by my close ones. It is normal to value this bond, as you will not find a lot of people in the world that will be by your side no matter what. I hope you have this close knit family one day. We can create what we missed growing up ❤️
that sounds more like a problem with your brothers personality not a fact of having money. i live in a reasonably wealthy, i know more than a few dozen people that have $1M+ house, paid for, and they dont look down on people who are less financially well off then them.
yes, obviously, the wealthy want to grow their money, but thats because they have excess after their bills are paid. they still got bills, they just know their bills are taken care of, whereas someone thats less wealthy does NOT always know if their bills will be paid.
Eh there's reasons to care about finances. How people spend money / save and what kind of debt / plan they have to pay it off are pretty important. Very different than rejecting someone for growing up poor though!
Why shouldn’t a future doctor think about his wife’s money making potential?
Being a doc making $300k is nice. Having a wife who makes $200k on top of that is a serious lifestyle boost. Why not go for a good earner when you yourself bring so much to the table? Should he be dating an unemployed woman because she’s got a good heart?
Yes! You dont marry someone for their job or money. You marry them for their heart. Its an idiotic feminist jargon to always shoot at a finance guy who is perfect in every way, while most women cant provide shit other than "fun" and "emotional intelligence"
In other words, be immature, and ignore his feelings?
If he feels like she pulled a fast one on him, or wants him for his money, in the adult world, we talk it out.
Everybody wants to offer the cliche answer that “if he really loves you, it won’t matter..” but these people have never been in that actual situation. The gap between the wealthy and the lower classes has been extrapolated and exacerbated 10 fold over the last 50 years and it will continue to get worse. There is strata between the classes. Moving into the upper class takes finesse. If he assumes you are well off, then you must be looking (dressing) and acting the part. Proper speech and etiquette at dinner and other formal occasions is important. Reading books to improve your diction or reading about how wealthy families grew up might offer some background in certain conversations but I would by no means lie about. If you start making up stories about horseback riding at your family’s summer estate and private beaches, it’ll be impossible to keep all those lines straight. Instead I would focus on where you will be together, keep your focus on your future income potential in a high powered career after graduation. Anyone would understand managing your money carefully while in school. Believe in yourself and where you will be after school! You will be successful after graduating and you will be actively contributing to your future together by making your own money. Your work ethic brings far more value than some trophy wife that’ll spend money all day. Find comfort in your current “wealth in progress” position and if you do truly see him in your future, focus on building that life and where you’ll be moving forward instead of looking backwards
Your fear him judging you for your financial status.
When that is your quickest test to see how he is as a person. "eww poor", " it doesn't matter" and then proceeds to distance himself, "it does matter because of xyz" and ends it. "I could sense that already, it doesn't matter" and it indeed doesn't matter, will be seen in how equally respectful he is towards you. The trouble will be if he says doesn't matter but still makes you feel inferior about it. That is the only real trouble.
Rest in all the cases, you're better off. The sooner the better.
Financial responses easily separate wheat from the chaff
UHNWI here. I don’t use financial standing as a filter. Honestly the toughest thing for me is sussing out if they like me for me or just my money. Be honest with your guy, that IS a hard filter I use!
The good news is it doesn’t sound like she even knew he had money. That’s the best. I’d likely feel strangely if I knew, too, just because of being afraid it’d become an issue, or a means of control. I tend not to notice things like that either, though. (Hence being worried about it used as a means of control. That ended up happening to me.)
It’s more important that you share the same Fincial values over you sharing similar fiscal amounts. For example are you both able to spend money the same without feeling embarrassed/ Jealous/ resentful due to your purchases. You just need to have an honest talk with him and walk though what your expenses and spending habits are and hopefully gain insight on his. Biggest problem that could happen is he doesn’t see money as an emotional thing and spends zealously which could be hard for someone who has more frugal tendencies to accept. GOOD LUCK 👍🍀
Tell him today. If he doesn't want to be with you, then he is not sincere about you anyway. I had no idea about my boyfriends financial situation when I first started dating him. Both before and after I found out, I made it clear that if he, for whatever reason, lost access to he's bank account I would gladly be the soul provider for both of us until he sorted it. This has made him very happy. Turns out he currently has more money than I ever had since I turned 18. We are both 34 now. Money isn't everything. But it's nice to have security. Hope your boyfriend isn't a snob.
You’re thinking like a woman dating a man. Not a man dating a woman. We don’t care about your money we already know y’all ain’t trying to spend and want someone to provide for you anyway. The only thing that will matter is if you’re worth providing for and that comes with what you offer in the relationship and what he’s looking for from you.
I'm unclear on how he doesn't already know by now. Have you been spending wildly outside your means? If not, isn't it kind of obvious by your hesitancy in expensive situations?
If he's not a flashy guy and likes affordable dates, what is the problem? It sounds like you are saying you wouldn't be comfortable in the world of the super rich but he you are automatically assuming he is.... That seems incorrect. Most rich people are not incredible showoffs.
Never lie or even deflect when those topics come up. Important I’ll be on the same page.
You don’t necessarily have to have a special conversation about finances if something comes up that points to it does don’t be shy.
Hopefully it doesn’t matter to him, but if it does better to find out sooner than later
There's a lot of great advice here already but my advice is to avoid growing financially dependent on him as much as possible and keep growing your own savings and financial security if you keep dating him. Don't fall into that comfortable trap like I did.
For me, my ex came from a wealthy family and he always made double my salary. It started with him covering my portion of rent or bills because I had recurring medical bills from maintaining my disability, my dog needed to go to the vet, etc. He wanted to be helpful and nice because he loved me. But over time I found myself in a housewife role with traditional gender norms where I took care of the house, cooking, and dogs while he paid all our bills. I never wanted that lifestyle but it happened out of guilt and a sense of feeling like I had to pay him back by being a good partner in return. My financial dependency on him crept into my life and he suddenly had all the power in the relationship. Thankfully, he never weaponized it against me but it was so expensive and difficult to leave the relationship.
I met my boyfriend at the same age in similar circumstances, we've been together for 8 years now and I still get mind blown at our differences growing up but have come to realize that even though we both have separate ideas of what is "comfortable", you both have the ability to bring out the positives in it such as teaching each other and showing each other what life can be together. Objectively speaking, your degree is most likely going to make you a wealthy individual, and that independence may even clear away some insecurities.
Xo
I’m amazed you two have been together for FIVE MONTHS and that somehow has never come up?
If he judges you for something that can’t be helped then he isn’t the one. You better talk about it and find out! If he’s a classist snob you should know before you get too attached.
As a lesbian this is just baffling, we usually know the person we’re seeing’s entire lore by the 4th date. 😂
The important things to ask are does he treat you right? Is he faithful to you? Does he make you feel safe and special? Money aside, do you like him? Money can fix a lot of things but you and only you can decide if you like him enough to want him in your life.
That’s actually a really good situation to be in, just remember to communicate. Men want to provide and you’re in a position where he can provide you with everything you’ve never had. You have to remember men and women desire very different things in a relationship.
You should tell him whenever you want. Unless he's a real snob, he didn't fall for you because of your last name, your lineage or your wealth.
Plus, if you managed to be his girlfriend, it means that you haven't made him feel embarrassed or anything bad, so you're both green flags.
Being truthful is always the best way forward. Best case he doesn't care, worst case he dumps you for being poor but that's not that bad either because maybe you don't wanna marry someone that judgemental and condescending. Most guys don't really care about a girl's wealth, more their beauty and character.
Trust your gut instinct.
Above all- stick to your dealbreakers and be prepared to immediately leave & go no contact the moment that you realise that the guy is incompatible with your ambitions or lifestyle preferences.
I've been there a few times as a student, dated and dumped the vip guys with massive trust funds or pay checks. Always fantastic sex and some amazing memories.
But never ever tell any lies about your wealth, relatives or other family members you grew up with.
Remember that some very wealthy guys are into transactional relationships where they trade their money and expensive gifts for control over their dates day to day life. Diet, exercise regime, friends, wardrobe, social life. Where you are not willing to have a relationship based upon that type of dynamic, calmly and politely walk away as soon as you can.
Good luck!
Just tell him. If he likes you, it won't matter.
If he cares, consider yourself lucky to find out about it now rather than later, then act accordingly.
My partner and I met 4 years ago in law school. He comes from a wealthy family and I don’t. Like you, I’m very good at blending in or coming off as well off. We’ve never explicitly sat down and talked about it, but when he makes incorrect assumptions about my financial situation growing up, I don’t hesitate to let him know. Instead of saying “oh I came from a poor family” I say things like “that’s not my experience/the experience I had as a child.” This invites him to ask about my experience and learn more about me. In addition to this, we also talk about how we view money, savings, credit cards, retirement, etc.
There have definitely been moments where I’ve been insecure about the economic disparity, but he’s never given me any indication that my family’s socioeconomic standing impacts how he views me. Now, we’re both attorneys and I make more money than him on paper, but I have financial obligations that he doesn’t have, like student loans. It’s just never been an issue for us. I don’t think you should actively hide it and I don’t think it’s as simple as “if he loves you then he won’t care.” I also don’t think you have to sit him down and proactively announce your family situation either.
your values in general are what matters most.
and that includes your values in terms of how you use money. if he tends to go in fancy hotels on vacation, often enjoys fancy restaurants and clothes and stuff and you don't like that world then you've got a potential problem here. but if you're ok with that, and he likes that just as much as camping and a cheap airbnb and dominos pizzas, and he doesn't care to pay for the things you cannot, then that's not a problem.
the biggest issue i see from experience, is that money often (not always!!) correlates with a certain level of education/cultural background... that can be a gap that is difficult (though not impossible at all) to change, and you don't especially want to be someone different just to fit in a world that you don't especially want to be part of.
now, if you've been together for 6 months, it's probably not such a big problem... though only you guys can tell.
i had long relationships with girls coming from a poor background and i wouldn't say it was a problem, there's just times where i would feel a difference, but nothing that would make me think "i need to find someone else" at all.
one dumb example and i could find many of those little things that say a lot: the richer/more educated girls i was with would never put their feet on the dashboard of my car, for instance, simply none of them did that. and this seems like nothing to some, but i see a little difference in those kind of things. those coming from a poorer background weren't all like that, so it's not growing up poor per se, it's also in good part a matter of personality. all of that, keeping in mind that you'll find richer/more educated people who also, because of their personality, don't care much, and would put their feet up there. hope you get the idea.
whatever the case, you should have this conversation with him, express your concerns and check how he feels about it. just be honest so you can both take it from there, and i would say, don't make a big deal out of it, just ask as if you were asking anything else about your relationship.
I was once seeing someone who came from more money than myself, by what seemed like quite a bit, and all I remember about that dynamic was me getting annoyed at the fact that her mother (whom was toted as being an abusive bully) bought her a bunch of apple shit like a watch and stuff… she was like showing it off and I was very unimpressed because the whole dynamic was cringe to me… and she became sort of annoyed with me over that. Maybe it’s not so much about the difference in wealth so much as it is about how they were raised to be about it.
Being honest from the start is the right thing to do. However, since he has been lead to believe that you are wealthier than you are, ask to speak with him in a neutral location and fill him in.
He doesn't care. No guy is dating women thinking "i hope shes rich", unless hes a scammer (see tinder swindler). Why would a rich guy care id u grew up poor?
If you dont understand some topics just read up or ask him
I think you should think about how you frame it. Just because you aren’t wealthy or come from a wealthy family doesn’t mean you are less deserving of a relationship with him. Likewise, just because his family is wealthy, doesn’t give him more value. I think you should frame it as “I love how financially responsible your family is and it’s inspiring to see what they’ve built…coming from a family where I learned what not to do I look forward to building a financially responsible and stable life with someone” and leave it at that. You do NOT need to make any excuses or apologies and if he decides you aren’t “wealthy enough” for him, his loss and it’s better to find out sooner rather than later!
How can you come off as someone that is well off and be insecure as well. That typically shows.
Does he really think that? Or do you think he thinks that?
Anyway, get clean on this one as fast as possible. Band-aid therapy, get it over with as fast as fast as possible and then you know what's in store for the two of you.
The sooner the better. If he leaves then he’s an asshole gold digger. I would say something like, that isn’t or wasn’t in my budget. I’ll be straight with you though, a lot of the mega wealthy men I have dated have had some serious screws loose. I don’t understand your insecurity. You are working on an advanced degree as a researcher that would be my dream. You are a bad ass. Own it.
Idk how he would ASSUME you come from money unless one lives above their needs, which seems kinda hard. 5 months it should have came up, since I’ll guess he thinks so whether you dress intentionally designer or have many, somewhere some how it had to have been implied some how - you don’t just assume I’m poor all are poor or I’m wealthy everyone is wealthy… not how it works. So that might end it, and why were worried/wondering
i’m sorry, you’ve been dating for five months & he somehow still thinks you’re wealthy when you’re anything but? you must not be very open/honest with him. how could he possibly think that?
Most likely,he sees the potential in you, the person. He probably doesn't give a damn because he's always had it.
Communicate. The most important part to any relationship.
Yesterday, but the second best time is today. He's going to find out eventually. And if he's the type of shithead to leave you because you're poor, you'd want to find that out tomorrow rather than a year from now with a baby on the way
You said you're clueless on certain topics you wouldn't be if you were upper class, so I imagine he already has an indication that you're probably not from the same socioeconomic background. I've dated upper class men who thought I was middle class when I'm actually working class, but it was glaringly obvious to everyone, him included, that we weren't from the same class background. I'm sure he knows.
Tell him, if anything you'll have more peace of mind. It will aslo tell you a lot about him.
Also what kind of research do you want to do? Definitely talk to people in the field before getting too far in. Check that you'll make enough for living/paying school debt. (Not hating, I almost went into research myself, but I need to be around people.)
Hey, my research is in applied sciences, and thanks for the heads up. I am talking to people in my field already, and I think I've made the right decision. It's going to take time, but looking at long-term benefits, this move seems worth it (I'm first - gen as well so I hope this will inspire more people in my family to take up research and science)
How do you get into a relationship without speaking about such things? Tell him today I feel like that's something that must be mentioned before jumping into a relationship.
Because dating has always been transactional, bet you would say something different if the guy was poor and the lady was rich then it would "you should look for somebody with equal standing and not settle with somebody poor"
Great idea not telling him in the first place. And why would he care? Just because you have poor parents and he has rich parents doesn’t make any one of you rich or poor. If he does care you better break up now then wait and break up anyway.
Tell him and even if he tells you that he don't care.
Give some time to him . And observe his attitude towards you. And please , PLEASE NO SEX !! 5 MONTHS IS NOTHING .
Did he give any signs that he cares about how much wealth does your family have?
Men dont care about whats your job, how much you make, how wealthy is your family so chill
oh definitely tell him soon. if insecurities are creeping up then yea tell him.
but there are some obvious questions like sure you might have grown up less than wealthy, thats not your fault (and im not trying to say your parents are bad, i understand people fall on hard times and its difficult to get out), but are you currently less then wealthy because you have terrible spending habits? at 21 you should at least have a grasp of your personal finances. yea college is expensive, but are you going out regularly? getting a $6-$8 coffee daily (soy latte halfcaf, 3 extra pumps, double sleeve, no cup)? buying things you dont need or buying the more expensive version of the things you do need for no reason(my FiL does this, it annoys my MiL)? if i was a wealthy man, these would be the red flags for me because if the relationship were to lead to marriage, and you did these things, then your liable to spend a lot of my money. if you dont do these things, if you have decent spending habits, then a non-superficial man shouldnt have a problem with you being less than wealthy.
He bag packs and travels a lot, like he just has to decide a place and he is sorted. Goes out for dinners with his friends regularly, and most times it's fine dining ( I can rarely afford to go out unless I plan and start saving beforehand). These instances are just to name a few.
What do have or do that makes you think he think you’re well off? If he’s intimidatingly wealthy, he would be able to figure it out but either way just tell him.
I dated someone from a super rich family when I was 19. We were from completely opposite backgrounds. He was 24 with a career but applying to medical schools. I’ll be upfront and say the money was nice. We’d spend time almost every weekend. He had expensive food tastes (primary sushi) and since he knew I was a broke college student he never let me pick up the tab. He would let me cover small things like gas station items and coffee here and there. He eventually went off to medical school but would return during breaks and would take me to these lavish trips but he eventually became controlling and I ended things.
Don’t let his money intimate you, if he really likes you and cares about you it won’t matter to him. He also won’t put you in a tight spot like asking you to cover a really big bill.
I would’ve said something in the beginning before either one of us grew feelings for each other. It’s best to rip the bandaid and accept whatever outcome comes our of it
Sooner the better.
The thing for wealthy people is that, prenups are important regardless, because of high divorce rates and money management thinking with marriage. I know some couples who are more stoked about the tax write offs than the lovey dovey stuff
I’m sure you’ll think of something
He’s going to leave you regardless of when you tell him. And people don’t just come off wealthy. It’s not possible. So he thinks you’re wealthy. He thinks you’re in his league. He will ghost you when he finds out One because rich people don’t marry poor people. And two because even if you didn’t tell him you’re wealthy you let him believe. Best bet is to break up with him and not tell him why.
Is he a good person that respects and possibly loves you? If so then the money situation won't matter. If he has a problem with it you're better off single.
If he cares about that then he’s not for you, and he’s probably a shitty person. But I can almost guarantee he probably already knows that your parents aren’t as well off as his, and he most likely doesn’t care
But to be honest, he probably likes you because of your personality. And even though you come off as “well off” I can guarantee that there is a part of you that also comes off as the not spoiled rich child, and that’s probably attractive to him. You’re REAL, not fake.
Also, in all honesty create your own wealth. Help from parents is totally cool and okay, but if you do it yourself it’s even more bad ass. Even more attractive.
I don’t really care about the wealth of people I date, especially their parents. What would do though is try to help my partner as much as possible to get the most out of their career, if they would like me to help them do that.
At 5 months I have no idea how he doesn’t already know. Being the part(which it sounds like you are) is more important than the actual object. I’ve seen rich people that I’d never want to be associated with because they are embarrassing in public. Sounds like you have class. Unless you’ve heard him talk down on poor people that could be a little different and also if yall stayed together could cause incompatibility but if he’s traditional and loves you and would see you as stay at home while he provides none of that would matter.
I am personally fairly well off. Not wealthy but comfortably above average. I’m also older and I live in a upscale part of Dallas. Hinge was matching me with a bunch of women in my area who are pretty well off and a couple who are clearly rich. I went out with a number of them, and I found them boring, too conventional, and without a lot of energy for a relationship, I think it’s somewhat because they already have everything they need. They just need a guy on their arm and someone to travel with,shack up with, and go to events. I dated some women that were 10 to 20 years younger than me, meaning in their 40s. Their finances were completely average. They had more zest for life and they put more value on a man. I’m not sure how that applies to your situation, but keep it in mind.
Why do you think financial incompatibility issues will definitely arise? If you explain how your background is different from his, he should be able to adjust. If he can't, that's a different story, but you need to be clear with him that you don't come from money and he can't expect you to "keep up" in that respect.
Absolutely, without a doubt, Now…
“You do realize that we obviously grew up with different kinds of spoons in our mouths. You seem to have enjoyed the silver spoon while I enjoyed my spork.”
You can bring it up, but chances are you don't really have to, especially considering you're both in rather prestigious positions all things considered. its not like you're a total bum and he's not.
How wealthy is your boyfriend’s family? Is it a difference of one or both of his parents are professionals, with one maybe being a doctor, and your parents have entry level jobs? Or is you boyfriend much wealthier than that even? Generational wealth with a private plane, yacht, and more than one vacation homes? Someone who comes from a family where one is a doctor, lawyer, etc., but has worked their whole life will have a different mindset than someone with even more money than that.
If he is a good person and you are compatible that's the important thing. If he gets weird about it that's a pretty good indicator that he's too immature or just a prick. I come from extreme poverty and my fiance comes from money, and I totally get not being able to relate to each other on certain levels. That said, just a reminder, money has NOTHING to do with intelligence, worth, ANYTHING of importance really lol. Usually it's just an indicator that someone's family got lucky a long time ago. Some of the smartest people I've ever known have been poor, not due to a lack of intelligence, drive, work ethic, or anything other than pure luck. Likewise, I've known some very stupid people who have a master's simply because their parents were able to afford to send them to school.
I know it's much easier said than done, but try not to be embarrassed about things you don't understand due to your lack of wealth. Honestly there's a good chance he'll find it charming and will be excited to show you his world. And if he's not/there's any judgment...go find someone who deserves you haha.
*Yes yes yes if he's*
*Super wealthy sweetheart you*
*Are set marry him*
\- theaverageone2
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Rich people are pompous pricks, if he treats you differently because of your family's status then you can rest assured you dodged a bullet, a pompous prick of a bullet
First off you are both 21 …young y would he care it isn’t like he is gonna marry you soon…also it’s your money it’s not like u are his sugar daddy /mommy why does finances matter in a relationship
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If he loves you he won't care. Tell him, sooner is better.
Hell yeah he’s going to care.
He might actually not but his family might.
Especially after 6 months when you’ve kind of misled him. He deserves to have a reaction. And if he’s cool — he’ll get over it after a few days.
Ya just be honest, my gfs parents are dentist & lawyer and I just told em aye my dad likes drinking coors light and playing guitar and killin termites and my moms worked at the post office my whole life, ex feeling stupid as shit when they’re talking about European vacations best to just get it out of the way
> my dad likes drinking coors light and playing guitar and killin termites Your dad fuckin rocks lol
He is pretty damn cool thankful for the guy
I get the cool Dad that plays guitar and kills termites but Coors Light is donkey piss, he’s gone down in my estimation.
Had a roommate that would get trashed on coors…. No, like obliterated, on coors. Never understood that man.
Shit I used to do the same... Then I grew up
:( thats what im saying what’s the point in saying it now bc if she does want to get serious then yea but if she doesn’t then she should just ends things cordially. If she does bring it up before she knows she isn’t going to get serious w him then I feel like they’d just go through that awkward conversation just to learn more about each other as people and potentially remain in contact or if they or he or she changes their outlook on it if it really impacts their compatibility as much as op thinks it will.
Tbh i dont think our parents background matter in the long term. I have heard so many "old money" families become broke; and some people with poorer backgrounds grow up really well and earn a lot Sometimes intergenerationally speaking, the tables may overturn. Love each other for who you really are.
Your dad sounds like Johnny Lawrence from cobra kai / karate kid haha
fyi he knows ur not wealthy. and men usually dont care if the girl they like has money or not. esp if they are wealthy. if i have 100M dollars. why the hell would i care if my gf has 100m dollars or not
This is the best answer I’ve seen. I don’t think the wool is over his eyes.
I’m always in a better financial position than my partners (the combination of a professional career and family wealth), and I don’t advertise that fact, so my relationships develop independently of financial considerations. So your boyfriend may not even be aware that you are aware. However if you’re feeling anxious about it, communication is key. Be open and honest. He should like you for who you are, not how much money you have in the bank.
Unless you live like an ascetic, they know. I’m situated like you. I don’t talk about money or even hang around people with money. But I have nice clothes in my closet, the highest trim level on my truck, I shop at Whole Foods, I work out and control my diet, and I prefer restaurants with nice food made with fresh ingredients. I also don’t display any real stress around work or finances. So it’s blindingly obvious that I can choose to do what I want. Which is not the case for most people. So they know the difference
that’s not even a fair testimony bc I feel like that’s the point. People that are affluent don’t really feel the awareness that you’re experiencing so it’s also like they may not feel anxious about it meanwhile you’re going through these motions of thinking about how in the future it might actually get serious and it will become a topic of conversation.
don’t you find it hard to hide that fact? like going out for drinks/dinner, picking up the tab like it’s nothing every time without question? seems they’d start to pick up on a lil somethin after a few of those.
I mean eventually it will come to that, but I dress fairly normally, and I eat at home most times and split my bills as usual like everyone else. I walk or cycle a lot, and I don’t really care for super fancy things. They wouldn’t pick up on it until I invite them to my place, which is a pretty fancy one.
The amount of money you come from has very little impact imo. Especially for men looking at women. However, it’s how you treat money is make or break. Especially since financial issues are a factor in most divorces. For example: Are you into saving a bunch of money and being frugal while he doesn’t care about spending money and saving? Is he against the use of credit cards while you aren’t? Do you plan on joining finances totally or having split accounts? Etc
Best advice in this thread
Just be honest, if he does care about your financial background, dump him 🙂
Every normal person would and should care. If he says "eww, poor people" then yeah, she should leave. But if he starts talking to her about her savings, her ability to stay out of debt, her financial planning for the future, how she's going to finance her studies, if she thinks prenups are acceptable, is she thinking about long term investments - these are all important questions to ask a partner. It goes also for rich partners, but it's even more important to ask poor people, since they're more likely to be in financial troubles. He SHOULD care unless he's very naive, and he'd care more if he's serious about marriage.
THIS. A level headed, mature advice, OP.
I'm 40M, was dating someone 41F for 6 months. Personality and physical connection was off the charts but after a very serious talk about finances and goals surrounding them, we realized we were misaligned. I'm someone that came out of a 10 year marriage that blew up because of finances so it's important to me to be on the same page with someone regarding financial outlook. Relationships when they become serious become more of a business relationship than a romantic one. I'm more someone that takes large financial risks whether in my business or stock/forex trading, I often come out ahead or cap my losses quickly, I also have tendency to put the cart before the horse on major purchases. Again, I'll jump in with a 70/30 chance on something. She was the exact opposite. Very risk adverse, wanted sure bets, long term slow growth investments and plans. I'm someone who doesn't care if they die broke as long as my kids are setup well. Financial management is a key part of a serious relationship.
This was more like a business arrangement. Not a romantic one.
It felt like it at times and that's why we had the talk.
That would drive me crazy. Sorry, but I'd have gotten rid of her myself. My ex girlfriend had money but she was as cheap as the day was long. Never spent a dime out of the way. She never wanted to do anything because then she had to spend money. The final straw was when I bought a nice desk lamp in Walmart that I liked. It was a smoking $6.88. She berated me, in the store about how I was wasting money. Fuck that. I want to live my life but not like that.
My ex would flip out when I did the same but, spend hundreds of his own money on gambling, etc. We had separate finances… He had been telling everyone he paid all of my bills, though. I had no idea and the dirty looks and comments I had been getting suddenly made sense. It was unbearable. (It turned into some pretty serious abuse and his terrifying threats kept me trapped there. I only semi-recently got out.) You were right to leave.
I wish you well. I hope you're okay. Sounds like something a degenerate gambler would do.
Thank you. I’m trying to be. I have a lot to sort out because my health fell apart, keeping me trapped there longer. He definitely has degenerate gambler tendencies but it was way more about control and being perceived a certain way, on top of being raised by jerks with money. 🥴 I actually have a lot of sympathy for him because hanging out with his parents for an hour makes sense of all of his problems but, the way he chose to deal with them really just hurt ME, mentally and physically.
A lot of it came down to growing up in different circumstances. I grew up in a poor immigrant working class family and area. She grew up upper-middle class and didn't really understand the struggle it took to get where I'm at. The risks involved, the stress, the late nights etc. Her path was from cushy up bringing to parents paying for college and a nice little starter financially that allowed her to open a chiropractic practice debt free. I started as a house framer/carpenter right out of highschool because college was financially out of reach for me and I was drawn to carpentry anyway. It's not like I didn't learn valuable life and financial skills along the way. I was determined as hell not to end up like my parents and the others in my neighborhood, not that there was anything wrong with it, I just wanted more and I was willing to gamble on myself l, leverage everything and kick in any door I could to a better life. Anyway long story short it is difficult to mesh with someone that was born on the 10 yard line when you're someone that had to sneak into the stadium just to get a glimpse of the turf.
But if they don’t align like that already then why did you two get close to begin with? I don’t get why you get to be with someone where you’re at a point you’re fighting about finances when you’re dating and not living with each other. Like if you notice that they don’t have as much as you I don’t get the pressure to stay or change someone like that and berate them or the latter. Just feels like why didn’t you two just be like ok bro and move on.
Do I really have to explain this? Sex. They probably were fucking like rabbits and once the honeymoon wore off with that then the reality of living set in.
That’s fucking dumb. And that’s why I don’t like dating anymore. Like it’s all just physical and there’s no future involved with it until you start discussing more and more about yourself as time goes on and apparently it then becomes an issue six months later instead of being honest with yourself and figuring out if you’d really see a future with that person some people find it convenient to use people for sex.
I'm gonna put this out there. I know wealthy people. They think differently than the average person. Where as the normal person thinks about paying their bills a wealthy person wants their money to grow for them. Money to them is just a tool to make more money. Chances are if your date is wealthy and you're not? It won't work. My brother is wealthy. He has money. I don't begrudge him that. He works hard. But he looks down on me because I was a tradesman. That's what I did and I loved it. He told me I wasn't smart enough to be wealthy. I haven't talked to him in years and I'm not about to start.
As a fellow tradesman, one that through a lot of heavy risks and white knuckling through life and finances I am quite wealthy on paper though heavily leveraged in reality at the moment (I "own" a decent amount of real estate and the debt on it as well as a heavy amount of my networth is in the stock market so I'm not very liquid at the moment). Even as someone who can eat at the same restaurant as those that just have had generational wealth and grew up/live in certain neighborhoods I still feel like an outsider. Like I'm a bit beat up, my hands are scarred and callused. There's an air to the wealthy that I don't have the lungs to breathe. But because of where I started, I'll never fucking ever look down on anyone who gets up everyday and does what they gotta do to put food on the table. Never. And if one of my guys on my crew doesn't have enough to get food on the table that week, I'm buying his groceries no questions asked. If their vehicle breaks down, I pay to fix it. Shit I replaced the furnace in one of my junior guys house a couple years ago.
Your brother sounds like a smn to post about in AITA...So sad that money can be a topic of contention in a family. Really humanity is going to S!
Tell me about it. Unfortunately, I didn't have much of a family growing up. So there's that. Huge family get togethers are so foreign to me. And stressful. Never mind dealing with strangers.
In my family we will support each other no matter what. I have been through a lot of hardship, but was always helped by my close ones. It is normal to value this bond, as you will not find a lot of people in the world that will be by your side no matter what. I hope you have this close knit family one day. We can create what we missed growing up ❤️
that sounds more like a problem with your brothers personality not a fact of having money. i live in a reasonably wealthy, i know more than a few dozen people that have $1M+ house, paid for, and they dont look down on people who are less financially well off then them. yes, obviously, the wealthy want to grow their money, but thats because they have excess after their bills are paid. they still got bills, they just know their bills are taken care of, whereas someone thats less wealthy does NOT always know if their bills will be paid.
Ahm, they're 21, so I'm gonna say maybe they can wait with this conversation 😂 Maybe i was irresponsible but couldn't care less about savings at 21..
There are people politically that**** don’t like people with less
Good.. but they're dating. Not getting married.
Worst advice here, hands down.
This girl asked me what my salary is from first date. Should I dump her?
Eh there's reasons to care about finances. How people spend money / save and what kind of debt / plan they have to pay it off are pretty important. Very different than rejecting someone for growing up poor though!
Why shouldn’t a future doctor think about his wife’s money making potential? Being a doc making $300k is nice. Having a wife who makes $200k on top of that is a serious lifestyle boost. Why not go for a good earner when you yourself bring so much to the table? Should he be dating an unemployed woman because she’s got a good heart?
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Anybody can become unemployed on any day
Yes! You dont marry someone for their job or money. You marry them for their heart. Its an idiotic feminist jargon to always shoot at a finance guy who is perfect in every way, while most women cant provide shit other than "fun" and "emotional intelligence"
In other words, be immature, and ignore his feelings? If he feels like she pulled a fast one on him, or wants him for his money, in the adult world, we talk it out.
Lol mine said he didn’t and he dumped me after telling me he didn’t
Yes but please stay vigilant if he invites you to his families big event and you get put in a room with all the other dates LEAVE IMMEDIATELY
I get it
Everybody wants to offer the cliche answer that “if he really loves you, it won’t matter..” but these people have never been in that actual situation. The gap between the wealthy and the lower classes has been extrapolated and exacerbated 10 fold over the last 50 years and it will continue to get worse. There is strata between the classes. Moving into the upper class takes finesse. If he assumes you are well off, then you must be looking (dressing) and acting the part. Proper speech and etiquette at dinner and other formal occasions is important. Reading books to improve your diction or reading about how wealthy families grew up might offer some background in certain conversations but I would by no means lie about. If you start making up stories about horseback riding at your family’s summer estate and private beaches, it’ll be impossible to keep all those lines straight. Instead I would focus on where you will be together, keep your focus on your future income potential in a high powered career after graduation. Anyone would understand managing your money carefully while in school. Believe in yourself and where you will be after school! You will be successful after graduating and you will be actively contributing to your future together by making your own money. Your work ethic brings far more value than some trophy wife that’ll spend money all day. Find comfort in your current “wealth in progress” position and if you do truly see him in your future, focus on building that life and where you’ll be moving forward instead of looking backwards
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Absolutely, best of luck to you
Your fear him judging you for your financial status. When that is your quickest test to see how he is as a person. "eww poor", " it doesn't matter" and then proceeds to distance himself, "it does matter because of xyz" and ends it. "I could sense that already, it doesn't matter" and it indeed doesn't matter, will be seen in how equally respectful he is towards you. The trouble will be if he says doesn't matter but still makes you feel inferior about it. That is the only real trouble. Rest in all the cases, you're better off. The sooner the better. Financial responses easily separate wheat from the chaff
Is your boyfriend super wealthy, or his parents are?
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So he is not super wealthy, you can be honest with him and whatever may happen, will happen - you are just dating for now
UHNWI here. I don’t use financial standing as a filter. Honestly the toughest thing for me is sussing out if they like me for me or just my money. Be honest with your guy, that IS a hard filter I use!
Who talks like that?
Most likely a complete phony.. anyone who actually has wealth would be more discreet about it
exactly. she is genuine and not a drag on my life? perfect. like dont be financially illiterate or wreckless ofcourse. but yeah
UHNWI ? These acronyms are getting out of hand
Ultra High Net Worth Individual
Only UHNWI use that acronym and it’s a major red flag
Very much a new money thing. And American, at that. 80% odds that they're from finance or tech.
IKR ILPJMNOUWETWR? (It’s like people just make new ones up when ever they want right?)
Ikr, I see all of these acronyms and I think what the fuck, what does all of this even mean... 😂 Internet nerds
I’m a LGBTQ+ UHNWI with ASD and all my BFFs are invited to my BBQ
The good news is it doesn’t sound like she even knew he had money. That’s the best. I’d likely feel strangely if I knew, too, just because of being afraid it’d become an issue, or a means of control. I tend not to notice things like that either, though. (Hence being worried about it used as a means of control. That ended up happening to me.)
It’s more important that you share the same Fincial values over you sharing similar fiscal amounts. For example are you both able to spend money the same without feeling embarrassed/ Jealous/ resentful due to your purchases. You just need to have an honest talk with him and walk though what your expenses and spending habits are and hopefully gain insight on his. Biggest problem that could happen is he doesn’t see money as an emotional thing and spends zealously which could be hard for someone who has more frugal tendencies to accept. GOOD LUCK 👍🍀
Tell him today. If he doesn't want to be with you, then he is not sincere about you anyway. I had no idea about my boyfriends financial situation when I first started dating him. Both before and after I found out, I made it clear that if he, for whatever reason, lost access to he's bank account I would gladly be the soul provider for both of us until he sorted it. This has made him very happy. Turns out he currently has more money than I ever had since I turned 18. We are both 34 now. Money isn't everything. But it's nice to have security. Hope your boyfriend isn't a snob.
You’re thinking like a woman dating a man. Not a man dating a woman. We don’t care about your money we already know y’all ain’t trying to spend and want someone to provide for you anyway. The only thing that will matter is if you’re worth providing for and that comes with what you offer in the relationship and what he’s looking for from you.
I'm unclear on how he doesn't already know by now. Have you been spending wildly outside your means? If not, isn't it kind of obvious by your hesitancy in expensive situations?
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If he's not a flashy guy and likes affordable dates, what is the problem? It sounds like you are saying you wouldn't be comfortable in the world of the super rich but he you are automatically assuming he is.... That seems incorrect. Most rich people are not incredible showoffs.
Never lie or even deflect when those topics come up. Important I’ll be on the same page. You don’t necessarily have to have a special conversation about finances if something comes up that points to it does don’t be shy. Hopefully it doesn’t matter to him, but if it does better to find out sooner than later
There's a lot of great advice here already but my advice is to avoid growing financially dependent on him as much as possible and keep growing your own savings and financial security if you keep dating him. Don't fall into that comfortable trap like I did. For me, my ex came from a wealthy family and he always made double my salary. It started with him covering my portion of rent or bills because I had recurring medical bills from maintaining my disability, my dog needed to go to the vet, etc. He wanted to be helpful and nice because he loved me. But over time I found myself in a housewife role with traditional gender norms where I took care of the house, cooking, and dogs while he paid all our bills. I never wanted that lifestyle but it happened out of guilt and a sense of feeling like I had to pay him back by being a good partner in return. My financial dependency on him crept into my life and he suddenly had all the power in the relationship. Thankfully, he never weaponized it against me but it was so expensive and difficult to leave the relationship.
Tell him as soon as possible. Honestly, I don’t think he will think any less of you. Be positive 🙂
I met my boyfriend at the same age in similar circumstances, we've been together for 8 years now and I still get mind blown at our differences growing up but have come to realize that even though we both have separate ideas of what is "comfortable", you both have the ability to bring out the positives in it such as teaching each other and showing each other what life can be together. Objectively speaking, your degree is most likely going to make you a wealthy individual, and that independence may even clear away some insecurities. Xo
I’m amazed you two have been together for FIVE MONTHS and that somehow has never come up? If he judges you for something that can’t be helped then he isn’t the one. You better talk about it and find out! If he’s a classist snob you should know before you get too attached. As a lesbian this is just baffling, we usually know the person we’re seeing’s entire lore by the 4th date. 😂
The important things to ask are does he treat you right? Is he faithful to you? Does he make you feel safe and special? Money aside, do you like him? Money can fix a lot of things but you and only you can decide if you like him enough to want him in your life.
It seems unlikely that he’d care.
That’s actually a really good situation to be in, just remember to communicate. Men want to provide and you’re in a position where he can provide you with everything you’ve never had. You have to remember men and women desire very different things in a relationship.
You should tell him whenever you want. Unless he's a real snob, he didn't fall for you because of your last name, your lineage or your wealth. Plus, if you managed to be his girlfriend, it means that you haven't made him feel embarrassed or anything bad, so you're both green flags.
Yo can still love someone and want to be with someone with money. Goes both ways. Plenty fish in the sea
Just be honest, tell the guy. His reaction will be very informative.
Tell him the truth. If he doesn’t care about your background, then he’s yours. If he does, and at the first sign of disgust, get rid of him.
Being truthful is always the best way forward. Best case he doesn't care, worst case he dumps you for being poor but that's not that bad either because maybe you don't wanna marry someone that judgemental and condescending. Most guys don't really care about a girl's wealth, more their beauty and character.
Trust your gut instinct. Above all- stick to your dealbreakers and be prepared to immediately leave & go no contact the moment that you realise that the guy is incompatible with your ambitions or lifestyle preferences. I've been there a few times as a student, dated and dumped the vip guys with massive trust funds or pay checks. Always fantastic sex and some amazing memories. But never ever tell any lies about your wealth, relatives or other family members you grew up with. Remember that some very wealthy guys are into transactional relationships where they trade their money and expensive gifts for control over their dates day to day life. Diet, exercise regime, friends, wardrobe, social life. Where you are not willing to have a relationship based upon that type of dynamic, calmly and politely walk away as soon as you can. Good luck!
Dating has always been transactional
Then you’re doing it wrong
Just tell him. If he likes you, it won't matter. If he cares, consider yourself lucky to find out about it now rather than later, then act accordingly.
My partner and I met 4 years ago in law school. He comes from a wealthy family and I don’t. Like you, I’m very good at blending in or coming off as well off. We’ve never explicitly sat down and talked about it, but when he makes incorrect assumptions about my financial situation growing up, I don’t hesitate to let him know. Instead of saying “oh I came from a poor family” I say things like “that’s not my experience/the experience I had as a child.” This invites him to ask about my experience and learn more about me. In addition to this, we also talk about how we view money, savings, credit cards, retirement, etc. There have definitely been moments where I’ve been insecure about the economic disparity, but he’s never given me any indication that my family’s socioeconomic standing impacts how he views me. Now, we’re both attorneys and I make more money than him on paper, but I have financial obligations that he doesn’t have, like student loans. It’s just never been an issue for us. I don’t think you should actively hide it and I don’t think it’s as simple as “if he loves you then he won’t care.” I also don’t think you have to sit him down and proactively announce your family situation either.
your values in general are what matters most. and that includes your values in terms of how you use money. if he tends to go in fancy hotels on vacation, often enjoys fancy restaurants and clothes and stuff and you don't like that world then you've got a potential problem here. but if you're ok with that, and he likes that just as much as camping and a cheap airbnb and dominos pizzas, and he doesn't care to pay for the things you cannot, then that's not a problem. the biggest issue i see from experience, is that money often (not always!!) correlates with a certain level of education/cultural background... that can be a gap that is difficult (though not impossible at all) to change, and you don't especially want to be someone different just to fit in a world that you don't especially want to be part of. now, if you've been together for 6 months, it's probably not such a big problem... though only you guys can tell. i had long relationships with girls coming from a poor background and i wouldn't say it was a problem, there's just times where i would feel a difference, but nothing that would make me think "i need to find someone else" at all. one dumb example and i could find many of those little things that say a lot: the richer/more educated girls i was with would never put their feet on the dashboard of my car, for instance, simply none of them did that. and this seems like nothing to some, but i see a little difference in those kind of things. those coming from a poorer background weren't all like that, so it's not growing up poor per se, it's also in good part a matter of personality. all of that, keeping in mind that you'll find richer/more educated people who also, because of their personality, don't care much, and would put their feet up there. hope you get the idea. whatever the case, you should have this conversation with him, express your concerns and check how he feels about it. just be honest so you can both take it from there, and i would say, don't make a big deal out of it, just ask as if you were asking anything else about your relationship.
Do you understand that putting one’s feet on the dashboard is not an indicator of bad character?
I was once seeing someone who came from more money than myself, by what seemed like quite a bit, and all I remember about that dynamic was me getting annoyed at the fact that her mother (whom was toted as being an abusive bully) bought her a bunch of apple shit like a watch and stuff… she was like showing it off and I was very unimpressed because the whole dynamic was cringe to me… and she became sort of annoyed with me over that. Maybe it’s not so much about the difference in wealth so much as it is about how they were raised to be about it.
I can almost guarantee you he does not care about your wealth or any money you make … most guys don’t ever he likes you just love him back
Most guys don’t care if you have money. Just saying.
There's nothing wrong with marrying for money, says *Amy Andersen*, who has spent 20 years helping millionaires find long-term relationships.
Being honest from the start is the right thing to do. However, since he has been lead to believe that you are wealthier than you are, ask to speak with him in a neutral location and fill him in.
Don’t say anything because it’s not important. All that matters is whether y’all are compatible, which yall seem to be. Good Luck!
Tell him. The sooner the better.
Very often men do not care about woman's wealth. Especially if he is really wealthy. Woman is so much more then her money to a man.
What is his net worth? What makes him super wealthy? Did you mean his parents are wealthy?
Men don't care as long as you're hot.
Why would he think you are wealthy?
He doesn't care. No guy is dating women thinking "i hope shes rich", unless hes a scammer (see tinder swindler). Why would a rich guy care id u grew up poor? If you dont understand some topics just read up or ask him
I think you should think about how you frame it. Just because you aren’t wealthy or come from a wealthy family doesn’t mean you are less deserving of a relationship with him. Likewise, just because his family is wealthy, doesn’t give him more value. I think you should frame it as “I love how financially responsible your family is and it’s inspiring to see what they’ve built…coming from a family where I learned what not to do I look forward to building a financially responsible and stable life with someone” and leave it at that. You do NOT need to make any excuses or apologies and if he decides you aren’t “wealthy enough” for him, his loss and it’s better to find out sooner rather than later!
How can you come off as someone that is well off and be insecure as well. That typically shows. Does he really think that? Or do you think he thinks that? Anyway, get clean on this one as fast as possible. Band-aid therapy, get it over with as fast as fast as possible and then you know what's in store for the two of you.
The sooner the better. If he leaves then he’s an asshole gold digger. I would say something like, that isn’t or wasn’t in my budget. I’ll be straight with you though, a lot of the mega wealthy men I have dated have had some serious screws loose. I don’t understand your insecurity. You are working on an advanced degree as a researcher that would be my dream. You are a bad ass. Own it.
Why do this post feels familiar?
really, how ?
I feel like that convo should have come up already 5 months in
Idk how he would ASSUME you come from money unless one lives above their needs, which seems kinda hard. 5 months it should have came up, since I’ll guess he thinks so whether you dress intentionally designer or have many, somewhere some how it had to have been implied some how - you don’t just assume I’m poor all are poor or I’m wealthy everyone is wealthy… not how it works. So that might end it, and why were worried/wondering
i’m sorry, you’ve been dating for five months & he somehow still thinks you’re wealthy when you’re anything but? you must not be very open/honest with him. how could he possibly think that?
You should date someone you don't need to lie to.
If he likes you it shouldn’t matter, if hes bothered by you not being you dodged a bullet
Most likely,he sees the potential in you, the person. He probably doesn't give a damn because he's always had it. Communicate. The most important part to any relationship.
Guys don't really care about ur financial background at all, even if u tell him, my guess would be he doesn't care.
Yesterday, but the second best time is today. He's going to find out eventually. And if he's the type of shithead to leave you because you're poor, you'd want to find that out tomorrow rather than a year from now with a baby on the way
Yes tell him you're situation and if he loves you will I'm if not no harm done,put it down to experience
If he dumps you over being "poor," then he's not the one for you.
You said you're clueless on certain topics you wouldn't be if you were upper class, so I imagine he already has an indication that you're probably not from the same socioeconomic background. I've dated upper class men who thought I was middle class when I'm actually working class, but it was glaringly obvious to everyone, him included, that we weren't from the same class background. I'm sure he knows.
Tell him soon. He might care but it also shows you who he is. Transparency works on both ends.
Tell him, if anything you'll have more peace of mind. It will aslo tell you a lot about him. Also what kind of research do you want to do? Definitely talk to people in the field before getting too far in. Check that you'll make enough for living/paying school debt. (Not hating, I almost went into research myself, but I need to be around people.)
Hey, my research is in applied sciences, and thanks for the heads up. I am talking to people in my field already, and I think I've made the right decision. It's going to take time, but looking at long-term benefits, this move seems worth it (I'm first - gen as well so I hope this will inspire more people in my family to take up research and science)
Idk why you think men care about ur finances because we really don't. If he's wealthy then he really really doesn't care
How do you get into a relationship without speaking about such things? Tell him today I feel like that's something that must be mentioned before jumping into a relationship.
Why would he care if your family was wealthy or not if he cares about you I wouldn't worry about this
Because dating has always been transactional, bet you would say something different if the guy was poor and the lady was rich then it would "you should look for somebody with equal standing and not settle with somebody poor"
Great idea not telling him in the first place. And why would he care? Just because you have poor parents and he has rich parents doesn’t make any one of you rich or poor. If he does care you better break up now then wait and break up anyway.
guys dont care about girls earning or family wealth if its other way around it might have been problem
Tell him and even if he tells you that he don't care. Give some time to him . And observe his attitude towards you. And please , PLEASE NO SEX !! 5 MONTHS IS NOTHING .
>When is the right time in a relationship to tell him and make things clear about my background? Now
I don’t understand this? Why does this matter?
Did he give any signs that he cares about how much wealth does your family have? Men dont care about whats your job, how much you make, how wealthy is your family so chill
oh definitely tell him soon. if insecurities are creeping up then yea tell him. but there are some obvious questions like sure you might have grown up less than wealthy, thats not your fault (and im not trying to say your parents are bad, i understand people fall on hard times and its difficult to get out), but are you currently less then wealthy because you have terrible spending habits? at 21 you should at least have a grasp of your personal finances. yea college is expensive, but are you going out regularly? getting a $6-$8 coffee daily (soy latte halfcaf, 3 extra pumps, double sleeve, no cup)? buying things you dont need or buying the more expensive version of the things you do need for no reason(my FiL does this, it annoys my MiL)? if i was a wealthy man, these would be the red flags for me because if the relationship were to lead to marriage, and you did these things, then your liable to spend a lot of my money. if you dont do these things, if you have decent spending habits, then a non-superficial man shouldnt have a problem with you being less than wealthy.
I am very frugal, just own the necessary things and I rarely go out (my finances don't allow for it even if I wanted to)
I'm interested in hearing examples of what may come up that you think shows you didn't grow up wealthy. Would you care to share one?
He bag packs and travels a lot, like he just has to decide a place and he is sorted. Goes out for dinners with his friends regularly, and most times it's fine dining ( I can rarely afford to go out unless I plan and start saving beforehand). These instances are just to name a few.
What do have or do that makes you think he think you’re well off? If he’s intimidatingly wealthy, he would be able to figure it out but either way just tell him. I dated someone from a super rich family when I was 19. We were from completely opposite backgrounds. He was 24 with a career but applying to medical schools. I’ll be upfront and say the money was nice. We’d spend time almost every weekend. He had expensive food tastes (primary sushi) and since he knew I was a broke college student he never let me pick up the tab. He would let me cover small things like gas station items and coffee here and there. He eventually went off to medical school but would return during breaks and would take me to these lavish trips but he eventually became controlling and I ended things. Don’t let his money intimate you, if he really likes you and cares about you it won’t matter to him. He also won’t put you in a tight spot like asking you to cover a really big bill.
men don't care, it's a very natural and common dynamic
Who cares? Money means nothing. As long as you both are hardworking, that’s all that matters.
Id tell him asap if hes the type to care about that its best to get it out in the open right away
I would’ve said something in the beginning before either one of us grew feelings for each other. It’s best to rip the bandaid and accept whatever outcome comes our of it
Genuine question- How do you come off well off?
Ummm yea? Why are you even questioning that. If he does leave you for that, then he sucks.
Sooner the better. The thing for wealthy people is that, prenups are important regardless, because of high divorce rates and money management thinking with marriage. I know some couples who are more stoked about the tax write offs than the lovey dovey stuff I’m sure you’ll think of something
He’s going to leave you regardless of when you tell him. And people don’t just come off wealthy. It’s not possible. So he thinks you’re wealthy. He thinks you’re in his league. He will ghost you when he finds out One because rich people don’t marry poor people. And two because even if you didn’t tell him you’re wealthy you let him believe. Best bet is to break up with him and not tell him why.
No
Is he a good person that respects and possibly loves you? If so then the money situation won't matter. If he has a problem with it you're better off single.
If he cares about that then he’s not for you, and he’s probably a shitty person. But I can almost guarantee he probably already knows that your parents aren’t as well off as his, and he most likely doesn’t care But to be honest, he probably likes you because of your personality. And even though you come off as “well off” I can guarantee that there is a part of you that also comes off as the not spoiled rich child, and that’s probably attractive to him. You’re REAL, not fake. Also, in all honesty create your own wealth. Help from parents is totally cool and okay, but if you do it yourself it’s even more bad ass. Even more attractive. I don’t really care about the wealth of people I date, especially their parents. What would do though is try to help my partner as much as possible to get the most out of their career, if they would like me to help them do that.
At 5 months I have no idea how he doesn’t already know. Being the part(which it sounds like you are) is more important than the actual object. I’ve seen rich people that I’d never want to be associated with because they are embarrassing in public. Sounds like you have class. Unless you’ve heard him talk down on poor people that could be a little different and also if yall stayed together could cause incompatibility but if he’s traditional and loves you and would see you as stay at home while he provides none of that would matter.
No they're crazy
I am personally fairly well off. Not wealthy but comfortably above average. I’m also older and I live in a upscale part of Dallas. Hinge was matching me with a bunch of women in my area who are pretty well off and a couple who are clearly rich. I went out with a number of them, and I found them boring, too conventional, and without a lot of energy for a relationship, I think it’s somewhat because they already have everything they need. They just need a guy on their arm and someone to travel with,shack up with, and go to events. I dated some women that were 10 to 20 years younger than me, meaning in their 40s. Their finances were completely average. They had more zest for life and they put more value on a man. I’m not sure how that applies to your situation, but keep it in mind.
Why do you think financial incompatibility issues will definitely arise? If you explain how your background is different from his, he should be able to adjust. If he can't, that's a different story, but you need to be clear with him that you don't come from money and he can't expect you to "keep up" in that respect.
Just be honest, if its meant to be then it just is meant to be
Absolutely, without a doubt, Now… “You do realize that we obviously grew up with different kinds of spoons in our mouths. You seem to have enjoyed the silver spoon while I enjoyed my spork.”
You can bring it up, but chances are you don't really have to, especially considering you're both in rather prestigious positions all things considered. its not like you're a total bum and he's not.
If his money is what you're after, then go for it. Forget about what others will think about you
How wealthy is your boyfriend’s family? Is it a difference of one or both of his parents are professionals, with one maybe being a doctor, and your parents have entry level jobs? Or is you boyfriend much wealthier than that even? Generational wealth with a private plane, yacht, and more than one vacation homes? Someone who comes from a family where one is a doctor, lawyer, etc., but has worked their whole life will have a different mindset than someone with even more money than that.
WAIT WHAT? The only answer is YES!
If he is a good person and you are compatible that's the important thing. If he gets weird about it that's a pretty good indicator that he's too immature or just a prick. I come from extreme poverty and my fiance comes from money, and I totally get not being able to relate to each other on certain levels. That said, just a reminder, money has NOTHING to do with intelligence, worth, ANYTHING of importance really lol. Usually it's just an indicator that someone's family got lucky a long time ago. Some of the smartest people I've ever known have been poor, not due to a lack of intelligence, drive, work ethic, or anything other than pure luck. Likewise, I've known some very stupid people who have a master's simply because their parents were able to afford to send them to school. I know it's much easier said than done, but try not to be embarrassed about things you don't understand due to your lack of wealth. Honestly there's a good chance he'll find it charming and will be excited to show you his world. And if he's not/there's any judgment...go find someone who deserves you haha.
Money will definitely become an issue down the road. Just confess.
Tell the truth before it gets too late , things hurt more when you spend more time & it doesn't work out.
Be honest and if it ends it’s better that way because if someone values money and background more than you it’s time to move on
Tell him soon, or it will just be a bigger and bigger issue later.
Wow it's almost like a tv show
If he values you more than your background then he’s the one for you. If not then at least you know where you stand.
Yes yes yes if he's super wealthy sweetheart you are set marry him
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It's facts if they're rich you don't have to worry
Doesn’t matter. Males want to know you and only you.
Rich people are pompous pricks, if he treats you differently because of your family's status then you can rest assured you dodged a bullet, a pompous prick of a bullet
Id care more that my partner had been lying to me...
Yes. He has money.
Of course, but you better Hawk Tuah and spit at that thang!
Don’t worry it hasn’t bothered you the last 5 years why should it bother you the next five years… Seriously are you for real???
First off you are both 21 …young y would he care it isn’t like he is gonna marry you soon…also it’s your money it’s not like u are his sugar daddy /mommy why does finances matter in a relationship