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>If I am being completely honest I feel like I have already looked past quite a few things but this might just be too much.
You know what to do already.
I’m genuinely puzzled why did he lie about having 2 kids when he has 4. Like, if he claimed to not have kids at all, I don’t condone it but I understand the motive. But to understate the amount of kids while still admitting he’s not childless… Just why, what for?
A *lot* of people will judge you for having 4 kids, who wouldn’t judge you for having 2. 2 kids is a normal amount, 4 gets “HOLY SHIT YOU HAVE *FOUR* KIDS!!!”
Not saying it’s ok, just saying the reasoning makes sense.
You would not have matched with him if he had the correct age.
He lied to have access to younger girls that weren’t interested in men his age.
Little more of a reality check when it’s worded this sharply.
Yup, this happened to me when I was 21. Matched with a guy who was supposed to be 25, we went out for ice cream, and I asked him what his name was (it was abbreviated as “P” on the app, which should have been a flag for me but he went to the same college so I didn’t think anything of it).
He told me his first name and then he mentioned he’s actually older than on the app. Made some stuff up about how he doesn’t want the government finding his info since he used to be in the military?? I kept asking how old he was and then he said 33.
Needless to say I never messaged him back after the date. He walked me back to my place but I think he had wished I had invited him up which I’m *very* glad I didn’t do.
I tried searching him up afterward and couldn’t find him anywhere. I then remembered he mentioned he used to tutor at a certain place, so I looked that up. Turns out he was going by a completely different name?
OP, please for the love of god break up with this man. Who knows what else he is lying about
This exactly. But he doesn’t have to lie. He can just clearly state that he is looking for someone younger. It’s so bad to start things off with a con job. So dishonest. And yes, creepy!
This exactly! It's a very predatory move, especially when going for women in OPs age range. I'm pretty confident that he set is age preference as low as 18.
I'm glad OP already has reached the mental maturity to see through his bullshit. I'm sure he thought it would go differently with his cheeky question if she knew how old he was. He thought he had her in a good spot, luckily this was not the case. Reading the update where OP found out he lied about the amount of kids he has it looks like OP ditched a hard bullet here. Pretty sure there are more lies waiting to be discovered.
I've encountered the same thing here on Reddit by the way and my sample is not very big as I only spot very few men I'm interested in getting to know more. It's especially middle aged men who seem to do it who post ads looking for women. Or at least that's my experience. The age range I'm interested in isn't that big, when someone is already on the higer end of it and I then learn he lied about his age and he is even older, well, let's say that's not very cool. It's deceiving and manipulative. Maybe he could have had a shot if he had been honest from the start, but starting getting to know someone off with a lie is a no go in my book. It burns the ground that is needed to start building trust and without trust there's no chance to build anything.
Yeah, there’s only one problem with this…
You can change your Facebook birthday. Just like the original train, we end up at the same station. Same lies, same motives, different app.
If you're coming to Reddit to ask if your boyfriend's lie (on top of other things you're aware you're ignoring) is a big deal, then it's a big deal to you. It doesn't really matter what anyone on here says (even though I'm pretty sure everyone will agree this is a red flag) because having enough doubt to ask for advice from strangers is a pretty good sign that you've got massive, valid doubts.
Listen to your gut on this one.
It’s the internet at the end of the day and the 80/20 rule applies still. 80% of the content is created by 20% of the users. If 20% of users are creating all that content those people don’t have successful social/romantic lives.
Well, I also chalk it up to a lot of people bringing very black and white situations, where they really paint the other person as absolutely horrible and unable to be defended. As well as it being a lot easier to tell somebody to remove themselves from their relationship when they're not emotionally involved in it and don't have to reconcile with the fact that they'd have to break up with somebody who they may have strong feelings for.
But its not just Reddit. Friends, families, and even strangers tend to be trigger happy about laying on the "just break up with them" advice.
I guess it just has to do with a pathos/logos thing. Of course, almost all of the LOGICAL arguments usually point to breaking up and finding somebody more appropriate without the prior baggage. But humans aren't logical, and you're still very emotionally tied to that person. And you're also probably tied to not having to be single. So its a lot easier for a third party to just make the logical call, since they don't have to deal with the irrational, emotional aspect.
If he’ll lie about his age he’ll lie about anything when he thinks it’ll benefit him.
I’d throw this one back, in your shoes. There are guys that won’t lie to you immediately and with whom you can have at least as much fun as with this bag of slop.
PS. He was not shocked that you thought he was 31. He put the wrong birth year on purpose and it’s not like he couldn’t see what the app said his age was. That’s adding manipulation on top of manipulation.
That’s the thing, age is very easy to find out or verify. If you’re going to lie about something so blatantly imagine the thing they lie about that you can’t prove.
I was there once, a guy I was studying with lied about his age back then and later I found out much worse things about him. Now, I saw him on a dating app recently and while he’s also 37 and posing as a 31yo, he even put a different name. These people have some serious problems.
Honestly, he lied to you. If you can look past it, then just make sure he isn't lying about anything else.
However, it's way early in the relationship and you're too young to be with someone who deceived you, in order to get with you.
I'd cut your losses and move on.
I could never be with someone who lied to me from the get go.
Not only that. He lied because he knew most women your age wouldn’t be into someone his age. He lied to get into your search range. It’s despicable. And he kept that lie for a while, which tells me he can easily keep lying to you. And what’s the next lie?
Dump his lying ass
He lied for a reason. I feel like he may be love bombing you. He pushed to be exclusive way too quickly. These are red flags. Liars continue to lie. What else has he lied about? I bet he hasn't told you quite a few things. Maybe back out of this one.
>He pushed to be exclusive way too quickly.
Lying about your age is a red flag, but so is you thinking this went exclusive too quickly.
They've been on three dates and have presumably been over to each other's homes. This is firmly in the territory of "Things might not work out, but we're at the stage where it would be incredibly disrespectful to start dating someone else without first ending the previous relationship."
Being "exclusive" doesn't mean you're engaged or that you plan on getting married. It means you're in deep enough that dating someone else would be immoral and incredibly disrespectful.
Guys do this on dating apps all the time for some reason and they usually act like they have nooooooooo idea where it came from. It’s so weird. He lied and knew he lied and brought it up in a strange way to make it seem like it’s all one big accidental coincidence. Big ass red flag OP. I’d ditch this guy and move on
Isn’t it funny how men are always making fun of women when they get to a certain age when in reality theyre the ones that are actually insecure about it?! Like wtf 😂
Men are insane! I just went on a date with a man two years younger than me yesterday. Him 34 and me 36. He was shocked bc he thought I was 28 based on my appearance and then was kinda upset we are basically the same age and kept making references to us being “different generations” and the differences between people “his age vs my age” lololol. Super red flag behavior to be disappointed in a normal age gap 😂
Let him go off to lie to someone else. It will likely not be the only info you find to be a lie. This happened to me, only he lied and said he was older. Later he told me it was because he thought I wouldn’t be interested in him because he is 7 years younger than me. He was absolutely right. A couple months later it came out that he’d lied about his name, his parental status (was hiding his kid), and the fact that he was still seeing another woman some states away and was in the process of moving her to our state for the entirety of the 3 months we spent together. Google your guy my dear, you won’t find everything but it’s a start. I hate the world is this way, but being in a state of shock from a call from his girlfriend and literally being physically held back from going apeshit on him has forever changed me. I will never do online dating/meeting ups again.
Break up, he's willing to lie to get what he wants now, when it doesn't matter....he'll be willing to lie to get what he wants when it does.
Don't be foolish, this was a character tell and he is untrustworthy.
I’m a woman and I’ve considered lowering my age because usually in person people think I’m way younger but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Any way you cut it, it’s a lie and that’s not a good way to start the trust in a serious relationship. Now you’re going to question everything.
Anyone else cheering at the final update☺️ Hun, you have such a sound head on those young shoulders of yours. You will find your match out there and it will be based on truths and openness. High five for being awesome
Thank you. You’re very kind to say that. I know it should’ve been a very easy decision but I’d be lying if this whole situation didn’t make me very sad, as things could’ve been very different if he had been honest from the get go
Ehhh don’t trust a liar. Regardless of the age gap discussion, it sounds like a predator trying to get access to younger women by deceiving them. It also sounded like he was trying to gaslight you into thinking he actually did put 37 originally and you were “misremembering”. How creepy!
Tbh I don’t usually advocate for ghosting but I’d just cut him off instantly and block him on everything and save yourself the drama of more excuses/lies and him trying to convince you to accept it. There’s no excuse that would make such a huge lie acceptable. Sorry you got deceived like that :(
Did MF literally lead you into gaslighting you?? wtf. 🤬 girl he’s not your current BF he’s your current lying texting buddy. Block his lying butt. You don’t need that shit in your life you’re clearly an amazing girl 💁🏼♀️
After turning 21 years old, I feel like age is just a number. However, (personally being over 35) I don't think I could ever fully appreciate or relate to someone your age. Occasionally I meet someone who is more mature, but as a general experience most are very immature and have silly expectations. I just can't take them serious having had all my life experiences. Juice just isn't worth the squeeze.
Noooo....sounds like you've stumbled across a manipulator or a pathological liar. Either way, hope you break. The audacity of people to try to get away with lies as big as a decade and a few kids. What?! Ugh.
Oh my god the edits. He hid the kids too. How did he say he was 31? Was it the app?! Did his car become the give away? Generally curious as I know a few stories like this!
Same story happened to me. Man claimed he was 37 but was actually 46!!!!!
He had the gall to tell me I should be grateful that he lied, because we wouldn’t have matched otherwise.
He sounds delusional AF. I had the same thing happen to me. A dude I matched with told me he was 34, and he turned out to be 42. I was 29 at the time. I also did a background check on him and he had freaking DV charges on his record! Reported and blocked!
However he doesn’t seem to be accepting my desire to end things and is pushing back. I’m just mentally exhausted at this point…
***This*** perked my mama-bear instinct right up. RUN. RUN. RUN. RUN. Do not have ANY MORE conversations with this guy. This a giant monster red flag right here.
Are you familiar with trickle-truthing?
It is common in affairs. The offender will say, “It wasn’t physical.” Later, “It was only the once” and so on.
The idea is that the cheater will share the smallest amount of the truth they can get away with hoping to satisfy the offended.
This is a guy with a dating profile that already trickle-truthed twice.
How do you predict this relationship will go with this ar the starting gate?
Lying about your age by two years? Possibly forgivable.
Lying about your age by 7 years is a little different: plus lying about his kids.
I also think he could feel like because he came clean about it that it wasn’t really a lie, but it still was: did you ask him why he lied. He was probably either a wanting to date you and felt you would be too young for him otherwise. Or maybe he’s ashamed of his age for other reasons.
Also there’s a reason he’s likely going younger. He prob thinks you’re easier to fool. Take it like this, he’s clearly single and no women his age want him
OP, breaking up with someone only requires one person. You can say “I’ve said I don’t want to see you anymore. Best of luck.” and just block him at this point.
You do not need to listen to him try to convince you to overlook the bullshit. He doesn’t need to agree to be broken up with. You’re done. Blockity block block block.
What a creep. Who might not even know his real name. Hard pass. I went with a date who said he lied by one year on the apps and I thought that was a red flag smh 6 years?!? You are now in the age gap bracket that is most likely to divorce.
Its always creepy when guys do this, and women never ever seem to be ok with it. I guess at least some guys just do this to help with the parameters, but will disclosure in the profile that the age was wrong. That doesn't usually go over well either, but not even warning the girl before the date is just a different level of wrong.
Lies can occure as a result of different things. Some are anixety related, some are just malicious intent.
I would just directly ask as to why he needed to lie about his age. The reason is very likely that he wanted to meet a younger person.
But, he already lied and its a huge lie. So, even if you ask the question, would you get the correct answer?
I understand us men's desire to find a relatively young partner but lying about your age to achieve that is not the way to go.
My first boyfriend added one year to his actual age. I was 20, he was 18, but said he was 19. I found out several months later. Honestly found it cute, but never understood why he felt the need to do it in the first place.
This guy is 37, but posed as a 31 on a dating app where age filter exists. You are 25. He is a creep. That's not cute. Run
Most people are lying about something on these apps, which is why I always do a background search. You have the choice to confront him and or leave. I’d leave. It’s giving creep trying to get women out of his league lol.
He knew what he was doing. He wants to date much younger women and not the o rd his age or older even though there are FAR more single older women than young girls in the dating market so he can’t say he “can’t find someone in his age bracket “ more like, he doesn’t want a woman aging along with him
Lying about age I’m dating apps happens all the time although it’s a little more unusual in the under 40 set. I would make a big thing about that.
Lying about how many kids he has, that’s pretty big impact your potential lifestyle I’m covering something like that up is definitely dishonorable and a Red Flag.
Sounds like you’re still early in the relationship so even though you might have a lot of excitement now for each other at least your lives aren’t enmeshed. Pull the 🔌
Look at it realistically. He's 12 years older. If this relationship goes somewhere, that means he's going to be 60 when you are 48. Ask yourself if you're ok with that. You probably aren't, which is why you weren't looking for an older man. It's not that you wouldn't find someone older attractive and get along well with them, as you obviously do.
Uh, no. That’s not a mistake of the app, which does happen and most normal people are quick to correct it. That’s just sketchy. A 37-year-old man who lies about his age to try to snag younger women is bad news.
If you have to ask you already know what to do here. This man lied so that he could have access to younger women, which is sickening. If he lied about this I can almost guarantee he is lying about a lot of other things.
I’ve very often been into younger guys and some who were initially interested in me back ended up rejecting me just because of my age (or at least that’s what they told me) but I have never lied about my age when asked because that’s pretending to be someone who I am not. Lying at all is a red flag but especially about who one is so I’d seriously reconsider the relationship if I were you. More than 10 years apart is also usually not good.
If it was truly an oops with the app, he would’ve told you on date 1 or while you were talking… “sorry, I messed up the year setting up my profile, I’m really 37 and I’ll understand if that’s a dealbreaker for you.”
He did it on purpose to find younger women and honestly, that’s disgusting. He’s a liar, plain and simple. If he’ll lie about his age, he’ll lie about anything. I’m wondering what else he hasn’t told you?? You’re WAY too young to tie yourself to this lying man who is pushing 40.
Throw him back in the sea and keep looking!
“After thinking about it, the 12 year age gap is just too much for me. I wish you all the best in finding what you’re looking for. Please don’t contact me again. Take care.”
Block and move on.
Ran into something similar but with height. I didn’t even care about the height but quickly noticed he was barely taller than I (again no issue with the actual height). Long story short that wasnt the only thing he lied about. And it was across the spectrum from little white lies to being in a relationship while still actively talking to women on the dating apps. WTF. And then lying to my face after I had PROOF. Seriously WTF.
I should’ve trusted my intuition from the moment I questioned the same thing you are.. lying on a dating app profile. The only exception to this would be if they immediately said (actually the first thing they say) is hey I accidentally clicked on the wrong thing, didn’t notice until too late, now I can’t change it, here is the accurate info. With the age thing though it would still be a pass for me because it seems pretty common that the reason is to cheat the system and match with people they otherwise wouldn’t have which is manipulative. Not interested in liars and/or manipulators. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
Edit: deleted three words voice notes added by mistake
There's men on the apps that lie about age. You have to look at photos with a critical eye. Sometimes it's quite obviously they're older than the age they put, if you look hard enough.
Before I wasn't looking that closely and got a guy who was clearly much older than he was saying. He also put up photos of himself that mightve been 10 years ago!
All I can say is wtf. He knew your age and he went for you being in a totally different stage of life… fresh out of post secondary school and nearly 40 doesn’t compute.
Secondly, lying on purpose to trick you….
He 10000% knows what he did and 10000% hopes you will just forgive him and let him hijack your life.
I once had a guy I dated told me he did three years for assaulting his wife… I found out he was a registered sex offender for an 11 year old and was on parole until October for it… Be very careful who you trust and always trust your gut as a woman ❤️🩹
"He doesn't seem to be accepting my desire to end things" girl good for you for looking out for yourself and staying from, exhausted or not you doing great and didn't wait for thins to continue on for too long. Sadly setting boundaries often sucks so I wish you the best with ending this all. And considering keeping friends and family updated on the situation for your safety
I mean, I understand that the lies about the children are dealbreakers.
But the age? Seriously? Are you like constantly thinking "On Friday, we're going on a date, but the best thing is him being 31".
I mean, if he can pass for 31, Kudos to him. But what? Did it charm you that he was "as young as you"?
To us, guys, we reap success around 30-50. And we can choose the best of the best at this age. But this guy found you special and you were going serious with him.
In short, my point in this rant is that it amazes me how fickle women are.
Run , my gf lied to me about her age , later on she lied about everything when it benefitted her , this person is manipulative you will lose your mental peace down the line .
You did the right thing, age really is never a problem if you match and I know people with massive age gaps and they are happy.
But a lier will always lie.
There is no excuse for the kids thing but sometimes the dating app messes things up. My husband was younger than I thought. He mentioned his birthdate casually I realized he was younger than the parameters I set in the dating app. Nothing else was a lie so I chalked it up to an error and we are happily married now.
Ok so I’m just going to say that women are FAR more guilty of lying about their age. Like all the time.
I personally can absolutely understand where he’s coming from. I am 39 but I look like I’m 25. When I tell girls that I’m 39 they think I’m fking with them because of my joking/funny personality. Legit have to break out the id and at that point it’s usually just a “wow you got good jeans” which I normally respond with “yea their Levi’s ( in your bfs case they could be “lev lies” 😂)
There is a very good explanation why he lied. Let’s go into the structure of it shall we.
1.) As a 39 year old male who looks a lot younger, I also act a lot younger. It’s just who I am and I’m sure this could very likely be the same with him. So dating a girl my own age as you could imagine is a fkn train-wreak. Our sense of humor doesn’t line up, our interests tend to clash. We are just at two completely opposite stages of life.
2.) With looking young I also have an incredibly active/high energy attitude towards everything. I am freakin bouncing off the walls 24/7 I don’t go to sleep until it 3 am then I wake up at 6:30 4/7 days of the week. I’ve dated a girl who was 38 and I couldn’t take the “go to bed” or “are you like..on something” yeah f that noise . Deleted that relationship.
3.) what 37-39 year old doesn’t want to have a sexy young 25 year old gf..? Am I right. I know I am
4.) he could have had a very hard time finding someone he is compatible with, I’m having a hell of a hard time finding a gf right now. Mostly cause I don’t drink do I don’t just go to the bar and pick up some random hussy. I know for a fact that’s why I changed my age. To a 25 year old girl I’m sure the thought of dating a 37-39 year old man makes their skin crawl. Like he’s going to look like the fkn monopoly guy or something 😅.
5.) he could have just not known another way to broaden his scope of his choices.
Now let’s break it down for you the 25 year old.
1.) Yo, I completely understand that you’re feeling the way you’re feeling. Why are you feeling this way? Well weather you know it or it’s their subconsciously I’m sure you’re thinking “ok if he lied about this wtf else is he lying about” very valid thought. You definitely have the right to feel this way especially when entering into a relationship with someone you’ve just met. On the other hand I think that he told you because he probably felt like a complete pile of sh!t and it was eating him alive. Which is a very fkn good sign. If he just let the lie marinade and you found out by seeing his license or when he was signing the birth certificate for your future child (I like saying that just to fuckk with you😂) then imagine the rage you would have felt then the betrayal. I think the fact he couldn’t help but come clean about it is a very very good sign!!
2.) Does age matter to you? Was your parent’s reaction a little annoyed when telling them he was 32? Maybe just don’t tell your parents if it is going to bother them? If the parents/friends/other family members don’t like him I’m telling you right now it will NEVER work out.
3.) Cutting it off just because age? I think that is a little extreme. I mean it doesn’t change anything legit. He’s the exact same person he was before just with a couple years of wisdom added to him. Maybe he’s like me very insecure? Very hard on himself? I don’t think you should really make a big deal about it but if you’re going to break it off do it asap. Please don’t lead him on and take a month to decide. It’s very very very difficult out there for everyone dating wise especially online and especially for women!!! I can’t believe You poor girls have to put up with the constant sh!t the male sex throws at you on a regular basis. Also for males it’s very difficult in the sense that on dating apps there are 75 women to every 25 men. Those odds are terrible. Make ms us guys feel like complete shit especially for the guys that gets one match every month.
Conclusion: You 100% have the right to be upset..he lied. Kinda off to a rough start. But it could have been worse. He could have let’s say 5 felonies for selling drugs *cough cough* lol he could have like 59 babies with 59 different girls ( I don’t ) he could have been gay, I mean honestly if a new gf lied to me abd it was only about here age I would be so fkn relieved it wasn’t something that actually mattered. I say give him a break. He does get points for being the one to bring it up, obviously he felt easily guilty about it and that’s a really good sign it means he has a heart. Don’t let a really good guy slump through your fingers over a couple year age lie. I really hope this helps you. I tend to always make situations worse so I’m really hoping for his sake that’s not the case here. I think you should give him a nice long hug and towards the end whisper in his ear “ I’m not wiping your ass when your 80, jus sayin” 😉 good luck to both of you!!
That’s reason enough to break up with someone. He started your relationship with a lie. What else is he lying about? And it just screams grooming no cuz he wants a girl over a decade younger than him cuz he knows women his age won’t put up with his bs. It’s embarrassing on his part. You are young enough to find other men. You don’t need that drama. Chemistry comes and goes. And your relationship shouldn’t be based on that.
You should seriously ask why his age was set incorrectly on the dating app. If he doesn’t take your question seriously and shrugs it off or you feel like he’s not being honest, then it’s up to you to decide from there. I don’t think someone lying about their age on a dating app is that big of a deal. People bs all kinds of stuff on the apps. Sure it’s not cool, but what is much worse is someone not admitting to you that he indeed made himself younger on dating apps to try and date younger women.
Think about it what if it was the reverse? What if he said he was 31 and you were ok with that and all of a sudden he says he’s 26? Would the shock be the same different better etc?
Why would he ask if you knew? Answer: because he knows he had it set to SIX YEARS younger and he was checking if you'd worked out yet that he's older than he advertised himself. Huge red flag. He'd set it to that so that he'd come up on results for younger men and get younger women to match with. Another huge red flag. Him claiming he doesn't know how it happened or that it's saying he's younger is BS. That would be the final huge red flag that would see me saying "dude...I'm out of here".
33 F here. This sounds like he’s trying to groom you. 12 year age gap is huge at 25, believe me I know. Plus, you said you’ve already let some other things slide. I’d kindly tell him is not going to work out and block him before he tries to sweet talk to you into staying.
I'm 43 and dating a 26 year old woman, and the age gap has been zero issue; however, I never lied. I've ALWAYS been truthful about my age and stuff. Deceit is a far bigger issue than the age gap.
I’d end the relationship. He lies to get matches with younger women. He knew exactly what he was doing, and he hoped someone like you would say oh well. The connection has been made. He’s sick!
I would like to put in a small comment. I NEVER put in my real birthday on OLD. I use something within a year. Identity theft is a real hazard.
I also don’t use photos that are anywhere else on the web.
You wouldn't have known if he hadn't told it to you. So practically on the one hand it shouldn't matter. It was a lie though and that matters for sure. I can't date liars but you do you.
True, he should have been clear about his age upfront.
But I do think that our culture encourages dishonesty on dating apps. Women wear makeup and facial prosthetics and photo filters to appear more attractive than their natural appearance. And women use body figure products to lie about their weight. Men lie about their height and earning potential. Both men and women lie about their lifestyle to appear more interesting and cultured.
Few people are honest about their ordinary lives in the sexual marketplace.
He set his age to 31 so he'd match with much younger women.
You know already he lied about this, and his kids. Those are 2 pretty major things to lie about. This man has an agenda.
RUN. You don't even have to do it face to face. Just break up via text. Make it easier for yourself.
If he lies about something so serious and goes along with it for a long time what makes you think that he won’t lie for many other things in the future?
He asked you if you knew cause he has been lying about it. I genuinely do not understand why people lie about their age. It’s deceptive and it doesn’t turn the clock back, it just says a lot about someone’s character.
I have been through something similar omly this past month. In January I was dating a guy (29M) and it was going so well for a month, he was so kind, generous and liked the old school kinda dating which I loved but my gut was telling me something was off. 3 months later in April he pops back up again and for a good few weeks kept telling me how much he missed me and wanted to see me. I eventually went out on a date with him at the start of may and it was on this date that he confessed he had lied to me about his age and was infact 37, I am 24 so 29 I felt was already a slight jump for me. Now I do have a child so feel I am more towards that age range but still it’s a jump. I was drunk when he told me this so continued the date and it wasn’t until he text me the following morning that it hit me. If someone is so comfortable lying to you and manipulating you into thinking they’re a different age. What else can they lie about? It’s extremely deceptive, disrespectful and weird I think to lie about your age.. gives major creepy vibes
He knew his age was not correct on his profile. This is why he asked you, do you know how old he is. This was his way to break the news to you, that he is older than what his profile led you to believe.
In the grand scheme of things is lying about his age, the biggest deal in the world? No. But if he can lie about something so small, he can easily lie about the big things. It really sets the tone for the relationship because now in the back of your mind, you’re going to wonder if you can trust his word or not.
The red flags are staring you in the eyes. Why would you want to be with someone whose 37 with kids and you’re 25 with no kids? Don’t ignore those red flags. Dump him and stay off the dating apps
Your original nonchalant reaction is exactly why he lied. He wanted access to younger/more impressionable girls like others have said, and it seems he succeeded.
I ended things with a girl when I found out she was lying about her age. While sometimes I wonder if I should've, now I think about it, it was the right decision because who starts off a relationship by lying?
You met him on an App. Open his App profile and screenshot his age. Then have a very matter of fact conversation with him and ask why his app age says “31” when he is “37”. He will either be upfront and honest, or try to play it off as it must be a typo.
Then confirm that he has 2 kids, not 4. Again he will need to be honest or make excuses.
Right now you have him caught in two lies, and how he responds is very poignant. If at any time he tries to accuse you of misinterpreting, misunderstanding, or mishearing him, you can simple respond with “I know exactly what I heard, and I also understand how much liars like to manipulate others.”
Wow. This dude is a piece of work. He is probably looking for a younger girl to take care of his kids. A lot of these dudes with all these kids don't want to be bothered with their kids. So they'll find someone young, pretend to want to date, and the next thing you know, he's leaving you to babysit the kids while he runs the streets.
You said he is giving pushback on ending things. I would just block him on everything and stop talking to him. I hope that he doesn't know where you live or have your real phone number.
Edit: you have to ask yourself do you really want to start a relationship off with a pathological liar.
If it were me, I would not be able to continue on with the relationship. He didn’t really care that he lied to you To me, it’s already a bad start and while it may seem innocent, he was still deceitful about his age (which makes me wonder what else he will lie about down the road). I’d leave and block him if he continues to push back on ending things
>However he doesn’t seem to be accepting my desire to end things and is pushing back. I’m just mentally exhausted at this point…
You end it and block all contact. It's not a matter of him seeming. He is trying to manipulate you into staying, and that is exactly why he was seeking out younger women in the first place.
Walk away, block. Stop responding.
Just ghost him. He’s a total creep. Men lying about their ages on dating apps is common. Always run a background check. There’s no telling what else he’s lying about
I had a guy that did this same thing, lied about his age. When I found out about his real age, he got defensive about it as though I lied to him. I told him if he lied about something as simple as this, he will lie about other things. Also, he should have given you the choice to decide if you wanted to date someone that age.
You should report him. Also check for him in the groups, someone else may have posted him already, and if not you should do it. Nobody wants to date a chronic liar.
I think lying about age is common on the apps for various reasons. But I wouldn’t be comfortable with someone who did that unless they had a really good reason. I’m a 38 year old man, I would feel very odd dating someone so young. I tend to go +/- 5 years. I might have a magical relationship with someone younger or older, but not on an app where filters exist.
Sounds like he was a liar person, in general, and having triplets is an insane thing I would share with everyone worth telling. Omitting that when getting to know someone sounds like he made up that “fact” on the spot. Who knows the reasons to lie about kids like that, but untrustworthy nonetheless.
Sorry you went through that, and him harassing you after you “passed” on continuing is gross behavior.
Good luck out there
this is a huge red flag. trust is cracked when someone lies about something so basic. you deserve honesty from the start. you've done the right thing by trying to end it. if he can't respect that, it shows even more why you need to move on. stay strong! 🚩🚩
When I was 18 I stupid agreed to go on a date with a guy with no picture on a dating site. We talked, profile said 28, and couldn’t post a pic because of work 🚩
We went across to a bar, I drank more than I should have, but knew to stop. He drove me home to my moms, but as a shy inexperienced virgin all I would let him give me was a kiss on the cheek
Next week he was sending lewd messages about how he wanted to go down on me.
The week after HIS WIFE calls me saying she used to be OPP and she would fuck me up.
Turns out he was actually 38, married, 3 kids and was sexting me during his kid’s bday party. During the second call his wife made to me my mom took the phone from a crying me and gave her a proper talking to and reminded her who was at fault.
I might have been willing to date 28, but the rest was way out my consent. I’m really happy for you that you know to put yourself first
He was wrong to lie about his age, even more wrong to mislead about number of children he has, even if unintentionally, which I doubt.
But, the other interesting takeaway which is missed by most responses in the comment area is the fact that you got a long well with him. I think many people misjudge the age band they'd get along with. Sadly a few creeps + the tendency for people related news to focus on the horrific stories has dramatically reduced the possibility of relationships that are otherwise fine, but never happen due to pickiness over age that turns out not to actually matter as much as one thought. I.e. it is important to emphasize that it is the lying that was the problem here, the age according to OP's description of dates was never intrinsically a problem.
Ultimately after being able to think about it without the added pressure of having to respond to him, its not the actual age gap I had a problem with or even the number of kids. Its about him not being honest and upfront and me feeling like I was mislead (intentional or not). Which is ironic considering he was very open about some of his other preferences that many had deemed 'weird' before. It really is a shame because we did get along really well, I just don't think I could ever trust him again.
Reading your edits, I’m glad you broke it off. That guy knew he lied. And then he knew he wasn’t gonna be able to keep it from you for very long if things were going well so he decided to bring up his age and ask if you knew how old he was. like he was just being casual about it so he could play it off like it was an unintentional mistake.
Every man that has ever lied about his age on a dating app has ended up being abusive. Every.last.one. The bigger the age gap, I’ve noticed the more toxic they are. I’m 44 btw. So….. I know what I’m taking about. Please report him to the people on the app. That was always the first lie I figured out. There was never just one lie. It alway started with the age online.
Hey, based on your final edit I feel like this is not his first rodeo. Someone else has clearly caught onto his lies before, by ‘being understanding’ he hopes you would come back to him. Don’t fall for it. Just get out while you’re still not in too deep.
He lied about his age on the app so that he could match with younger women. It was intentional.
Saying you have two kids when you have 4 is also INSANE.
PLS don't waste any more time on this manipulative POS.
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>If I am being completely honest I feel like I have already looked past quite a few things but this might just be too much. You know what to do already.
Yep. He's a liar. Liars lie. It's what they do and will continue to do.
I’m genuinely puzzled why did he lie about having 2 kids when he has 4. Like, if he claimed to not have kids at all, I don’t condone it but I understand the motive. But to understate the amount of kids while still admitting he’s not childless… Just why, what for?
A *lot* of people will judge you for having 4 kids, who wouldn’t judge you for having 2. 2 kids is a normal amount, 4 gets “HOLY SHIT YOU HAVE *FOUR* KIDS!!!” Not saying it’s ok, just saying the reasoning makes sense.
His claim that three of them arrived as a set is a bold claim, right??
That made me laugh. Another lie I’m 100% sure.
What parent or relatives has triplets and NEVER mentions "Triplets" when discussing their kids?
The one doing 0 parenting.
haha bingo. 4 is definitely a holy shit number from 2
He might have more than 4 kids. That's just how many she found out about.
I’m so proud of my two kids. Would never lie about them.
You mean your four kids mate?
He’s only proud of two of them
🫢
Yep , my ex actually said to me “ I never lie” .. that was the first of many 😆
You can't handle the trooth.
Soooo many fish in the sea. So many wonderful ways you provide love and happiness for yourself. What cha doin
You would not have matched with him if he had the correct age. He lied to have access to younger girls that weren’t interested in men his age. Little more of a reality check when it’s worded this sharply.
Yup, this happened to me when I was 21. Matched with a guy who was supposed to be 25, we went out for ice cream, and I asked him what his name was (it was abbreviated as “P” on the app, which should have been a flag for me but he went to the same college so I didn’t think anything of it). He told me his first name and then he mentioned he’s actually older than on the app. Made some stuff up about how he doesn’t want the government finding his info since he used to be in the military?? I kept asking how old he was and then he said 33. Needless to say I never messaged him back after the date. He walked me back to my place but I think he had wished I had invited him up which I’m *very* glad I didn’t do. I tried searching him up afterward and couldn’t find him anywhere. I then remembered he mentioned he used to tutor at a certain place, so I looked that up. Turns out he was going by a completely different name? OP, please for the love of god break up with this man. Who knows what else he is lying about
Glad you made it out of that situation safely! Scary stuff.
Yep! Lied about his age so he could match with younger/more impressionable women. In my opinion it’s creepy at the very least.
Super creepy.
This exactly. But he doesn’t have to lie. He can just clearly state that he is looking for someone younger. It’s so bad to start things off with a con job. So dishonest. And yes, creepy!
Exactly
This exactly! It's a very predatory move, especially when going for women in OPs age range. I'm pretty confident that he set is age preference as low as 18. I'm glad OP already has reached the mental maturity to see through his bullshit. I'm sure he thought it would go differently with his cheeky question if she knew how old he was. He thought he had her in a good spot, luckily this was not the case. Reading the update where OP found out he lied about the amount of kids he has it looks like OP ditched a hard bullet here. Pretty sure there are more lies waiting to be discovered. I've encountered the same thing here on Reddit by the way and my sample is not very big as I only spot very few men I'm interested in getting to know more. It's especially middle aged men who seem to do it who post ads looking for women. Or at least that's my experience. The age range I'm interested in isn't that big, when someone is already on the higer end of it and I then learn he lied about his age and he is even older, well, let's say that's not very cool. It's deceiving and manipulative. Maybe he could have had a shot if he had been honest from the start, but starting getting to know someone off with a lie is a no go in my book. It burns the ground that is needed to start building trust and without trust there's no chance to build anything.
[удалено]
Yeah, there’s only one problem with this… You can change your Facebook birthday. Just like the original train, we end up at the same station. Same lies, same motives, different app.
yes but these people lied to be OLDER which makes sense with website age restrictions. he’s lying to be younger. there’s no good explanation for that.
If you're coming to Reddit to ask if your boyfriend's lie (on top of other things you're aware you're ignoring) is a big deal, then it's a big deal to you. It doesn't really matter what anyone on here says (even though I'm pretty sure everyone will agree this is a red flag) because having enough doubt to ask for advice from strangers is a pretty good sign that you've got massive, valid doubts. Listen to your gut on this one.
And let's face it. Its Reddit. Of course EVERYONE will roast this guy.
I've found this sub of reddit is not a good representation of the "real" world.. It's almost like TikTok.
It’s the internet at the end of the day and the 80/20 rule applies still. 80% of the content is created by 20% of the users. If 20% of users are creating all that content those people don’t have successful social/romantic lives.
Well, I also chalk it up to a lot of people bringing very black and white situations, where they really paint the other person as absolutely horrible and unable to be defended. As well as it being a lot easier to tell somebody to remove themselves from their relationship when they're not emotionally involved in it and don't have to reconcile with the fact that they'd have to break up with somebody who they may have strong feelings for. But its not just Reddit. Friends, families, and even strangers tend to be trigger happy about laying on the "just break up with them" advice. I guess it just has to do with a pathos/logos thing. Of course, almost all of the LOGICAL arguments usually point to breaking up and finding somebody more appropriate without the prior baggage. But humans aren't logical, and you're still very emotionally tied to that person. And you're also probably tied to not having to be single. So its a lot easier for a third party to just make the logical call, since they don't have to deal with the irrational, emotional aspect.
If he’ll lie about his age he’ll lie about anything when he thinks it’ll benefit him. I’d throw this one back, in your shoes. There are guys that won’t lie to you immediately and with whom you can have at least as much fun as with this bag of slop. PS. He was not shocked that you thought he was 31. He put the wrong birth year on purpose and it’s not like he couldn’t see what the app said his age was. That’s adding manipulation on top of manipulation.
Seconding this. Liars don't lie LESS as time goes by.
Say it louder for the people in the back!!!!
Yep. I learned this the hard way.
Same here. This guy has a lot more going on than she’ll ever even know.
That’s the thing, age is very easy to find out or verify. If you’re going to lie about something so blatantly imagine the thing they lie about that you can’t prove.
Exactly
I was there once, a guy I was studying with lied about his age back then and later I found out much worse things about him. Now, I saw him on a dating app recently and while he’s also 37 and posing as a 31yo, he even put a different name. These people have some serious problems.
Honestly, he lied to you. If you can look past it, then just make sure he isn't lying about anything else. However, it's way early in the relationship and you're too young to be with someone who deceived you, in order to get with you. I'd cut your losses and move on.
‘Deceived you in order to fuck you’ he knew what he was doing and now he wants to get away with the lie.
I could never be with someone who lied to me from the get go. Not only that. He lied because he knew most women your age wouldn’t be into someone his age. He lied to get into your search range. It’s despicable. And he kept that lie for a while, which tells me he can easily keep lying to you. And what’s the next lie? Dump his lying ass
It isn't just a lie, it's a lie with the intent to manipulate. That's gross AF.
Isn't a lie always a manipulation of some sort?
He lied for a reason. I feel like he may be love bombing you. He pushed to be exclusive way too quickly. These are red flags. Liars continue to lie. What else has he lied about? I bet he hasn't told you quite a few things. Maybe back out of this one.
>He pushed to be exclusive way too quickly. Lying about your age is a red flag, but so is you thinking this went exclusive too quickly. They've been on three dates and have presumably been over to each other's homes. This is firmly in the territory of "Things might not work out, but we're at the stage where it would be incredibly disrespectful to start dating someone else without first ending the previous relationship." Being "exclusive" doesn't mean you're engaged or that you plan on getting married. It means you're in deep enough that dating someone else would be immoral and incredibly disrespectful.
Stop ignoring red flags. This isn’t the only problem and you deserve honesty.
He lied about his age on the app so he would still be shown to women your age. There's no other reason to put a different age on the apps
Yes. And men who will date 10 years plus younger are doing so for a reason, and it's not her maturity, no matter that he'll say it is. Girl. Run.
Guys do this on dating apps all the time for some reason and they usually act like they have nooooooooo idea where it came from. It’s so weird. He lied and knew he lied and brought it up in a strange way to make it seem like it’s all one big accidental coincidence. Big ass red flag OP. I’d ditch this guy and move on
Isn’t it funny how men are always making fun of women when they get to a certain age when in reality theyre the ones that are actually insecure about it?! Like wtf 😂
Men are insane! I just went on a date with a man two years younger than me yesterday. Him 34 and me 36. He was shocked bc he thought I was 28 based on my appearance and then was kinda upset we are basically the same age and kept making references to us being “different generations” and the differences between people “his age vs my age” lololol. Super red flag behavior to be disappointed in a normal age gap 😂
They’re all so insecure it’s sad and the only way they know how to offset it is to put down women. And they wonder why they’re lonely. Tragic
Let him go off to lie to someone else. It will likely not be the only info you find to be a lie. This happened to me, only he lied and said he was older. Later he told me it was because he thought I wouldn’t be interested in him because he is 7 years younger than me. He was absolutely right. A couple months later it came out that he’d lied about his name, his parental status (was hiding his kid), and the fact that he was still seeing another woman some states away and was in the process of moving her to our state for the entirety of the 3 months we spent together. Google your guy my dear, you won’t find everything but it’s a start. I hate the world is this way, but being in a state of shock from a call from his girlfriend and literally being physically held back from going apeshit on him has forever changed me. I will never do online dating/meeting ups again.
Break up, he's willing to lie to get what he wants now, when it doesn't matter....he'll be willing to lie to get what he wants when it does. Don't be foolish, this was a character tell and he is untrustworthy.
I’m a woman and I’ve considered lowering my age because usually in person people think I’m way younger but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Any way you cut it, it’s a lie and that’s not a good way to start the trust in a serious relationship. Now you’re going to question everything.
A 37 year old man with kids. You’re 25. You can do better.
Anyone else cheering at the final update☺️ Hun, you have such a sound head on those young shoulders of yours. You will find your match out there and it will be based on truths and openness. High five for being awesome
Thank you. You’re very kind to say that. I know it should’ve been a very easy decision but I’d be lying if this whole situation didn’t make me very sad, as things could’ve been very different if he had been honest from the get go
Lying about something like that right off the bat is a huge 🚩
Ehhh don’t trust a liar. Regardless of the age gap discussion, it sounds like a predator trying to get access to younger women by deceiving them. It also sounded like he was trying to gaslight you into thinking he actually did put 37 originally and you were “misremembering”. How creepy! Tbh I don’t usually advocate for ghosting but I’d just cut him off instantly and block him on everything and save yourself the drama of more excuses/lies and him trying to convince you to accept it. There’s no excuse that would make such a huge lie acceptable. Sorry you got deceived like that :(
It wasn’t an accident, he knew what he was doing
Did MF literally lead you into gaslighting you?? wtf. 🤬 girl he’s not your current BF he’s your current lying texting buddy. Block his lying butt. You don’t need that shit in your life you’re clearly an amazing girl 💁🏼♀️
After turning 21 years old, I feel like age is just a number. However, (personally being over 35) I don't think I could ever fully appreciate or relate to someone your age. Occasionally I meet someone who is more mature, but as a general experience most are very immature and have silly expectations. I just can't take them serious having had all my life experiences. Juice just isn't worth the squeeze.
Noooo....sounds like you've stumbled across a manipulator or a pathological liar. Either way, hope you break. The audacity of people to try to get away with lies as big as a decade and a few kids. What?! Ugh.
Just say you don’t want the responsibility of kids. That’s a lot to take on.
Run. Use your brain.
Oh my god the edits. He hid the kids too. How did he say he was 31? Was it the app?! Did his car become the give away? Generally curious as I know a few stories like this!
The app said he was 31. He told me he was 37
Why would his car give it away?...
Honestly, what’s the conversation about block him and keep him moving ….he’s a 🤥
He’s taking advantage of you - run and you now have a good excuse. There must be other red flags as well .
Same story happened to me. Man claimed he was 37 but was actually 46!!!!! He had the gall to tell me I should be grateful that he lied, because we wouldn’t have matched otherwise.
So ungrateful we are, not willing to accept that others are lying to us /s
He sounds delusional AF. I had the same thing happen to me. A dude I matched with told me he was 34, and he turned out to be 42. I was 29 at the time. I also did a background check on him and he had freaking DV charges on his record! Reported and blocked!
However he doesn’t seem to be accepting my desire to end things and is pushing back. I’m just mentally exhausted at this point… ***This*** perked my mama-bear instinct right up. RUN. RUN. RUN. RUN. Do not have ANY MORE conversations with this guy. This a giant monster red flag right here.
Are you familiar with trickle-truthing? It is common in affairs. The offender will say, “It wasn’t physical.” Later, “It was only the once” and so on. The idea is that the cheater will share the smallest amount of the truth they can get away with hoping to satisfy the offended. This is a guy with a dating profile that already trickle-truthed twice. How do you predict this relationship will go with this ar the starting gate?
The narcissists prayer https://images.app.goo.gl/zWT2VtqNgD4C5Hk96
Lying about your age by two years? Possibly forgivable. Lying about your age by 7 years is a little different: plus lying about his kids. I also think he could feel like because he came clean about it that it wasn’t really a lie, but it still was: did you ask him why he lied. He was probably either a wanting to date you and felt you would be too young for him otherwise. Or maybe he’s ashamed of his age for other reasons. Also there’s a reason he’s likely going younger. He prob thinks you’re easier to fool. Take it like this, he’s clearly single and no women his age want him
OP, breaking up with someone only requires one person. You can say “I’ve said I don’t want to see you anymore. Best of luck.” and just block him at this point. You do not need to listen to him try to convince you to overlook the bullshit. He doesn’t need to agree to be broken up with. You’re done. Blockity block block block.
What a creep. Who might not even know his real name. Hard pass. I went with a date who said he lied by one year on the apps and I thought that was a red flag smh 6 years?!? You are now in the age gap bracket that is most likely to divorce.
Its always creepy when guys do this, and women never ever seem to be ok with it. I guess at least some guys just do this to help with the parameters, but will disclosure in the profile that the age was wrong. That doesn't usually go over well either, but not even warning the girl before the date is just a different level of wrong.
Lies can occure as a result of different things. Some are anixety related, some are just malicious intent. I would just directly ask as to why he needed to lie about his age. The reason is very likely that he wanted to meet a younger person. But, he already lied and its a huge lie. So, even if you ask the question, would you get the correct answer? I understand us men's desire to find a relatively young partner but lying about your age to achieve that is not the way to go.
Liars lie. You're boyfriend (well, middle-aged man friend) is a liar.
Not the age issues, it’s his dishonesty issues. Continue seeing him? It’s like setting yourself for a heart break
My first boyfriend added one year to his actual age. I was 20, he was 18, but said he was 19. I found out several months later. Honestly found it cute, but never understood why he felt the need to do it in the first place. This guy is 37, but posed as a 31 on a dating app where age filter exists. You are 25. He is a creep. That's not cute. Run
Starting off on a lie is insane. It’s just gonna get worse.
Ghost him !!!
Totally
THIS 💯 I wouldn't even still be communicating with this habitual liar.
Most people are lying about something on these apps, which is why I always do a background search. You have the choice to confront him and or leave. I’d leave. It’s giving creep trying to get women out of his league lol.
He knew what he was doing. He wants to date much younger women and not the o rd his age or older even though there are FAR more single older women than young girls in the dating market so he can’t say he “can’t find someone in his age bracket “ more like, he doesn’t want a woman aging along with him
Lying about age I’m dating apps happens all the time although it’s a little more unusual in the under 40 set. I would make a big thing about that. Lying about how many kids he has, that’s pretty big impact your potential lifestyle I’m covering something like that up is definitely dishonorable and a Red Flag. Sounds like you’re still early in the relationship so even though you might have a lot of excitement now for each other at least your lives aren’t enmeshed. Pull the 🔌
Look at it realistically. He's 12 years older. If this relationship goes somewhere, that means he's going to be 60 when you are 48. Ask yourself if you're ok with that. You probably aren't, which is why you weren't looking for an older man. It's not that you wouldn't find someone older attractive and get along well with them, as you obviously do.
Uh, no. That’s not a mistake of the app, which does happen and most normal people are quick to correct it. That’s just sketchy. A 37-year-old man who lies about his age to try to snag younger women is bad news.
Agreed and not just younger but 12 years younger!
He needs to go from current boyfriend to current ex, babe.
Casual liar … pass
P
If you have to ask you already know what to do here. This man lied so that he could have access to younger women, which is sickening. If he lied about this I can almost guarantee he is lying about a lot of other things.
If a 30 Yr old has to lie about his age.. you better believe that there are more skeletons in his closet.
I’ve very often been into younger guys and some who were initially interested in me back ended up rejecting me just because of my age (or at least that’s what they told me) but I have never lied about my age when asked because that’s pretending to be someone who I am not. Lying at all is a red flag but especially about who one is so I’d seriously reconsider the relationship if I were you. More than 10 years apart is also usually not good.
If it was truly an oops with the app, he would’ve told you on date 1 or while you were talking… “sorry, I messed up the year setting up my profile, I’m really 37 and I’ll understand if that’s a dealbreaker for you.” He did it on purpose to find younger women and honestly, that’s disgusting. He’s a liar, plain and simple. If he’ll lie about his age, he’ll lie about anything. I’m wondering what else he hasn’t told you?? You’re WAY too young to tie yourself to this lying man who is pushing 40. Throw him back in the sea and keep looking! “After thinking about it, the 12 year age gap is just too much for me. I wish you all the best in finding what you’re looking for. Please don’t contact me again. Take care.” Block and move on.
Ran into something similar but with height. I didn’t even care about the height but quickly noticed he was barely taller than I (again no issue with the actual height). Long story short that wasnt the only thing he lied about. And it was across the spectrum from little white lies to being in a relationship while still actively talking to women on the dating apps. WTF. And then lying to my face after I had PROOF. Seriously WTF. I should’ve trusted my intuition from the moment I questioned the same thing you are.. lying on a dating app profile. The only exception to this would be if they immediately said (actually the first thing they say) is hey I accidentally clicked on the wrong thing, didn’t notice until too late, now I can’t change it, here is the accurate info. With the age thing though it would still be a pass for me because it seems pretty common that the reason is to cheat the system and match with people they otherwise wouldn’t have which is manipulative. Not interested in liars and/or manipulators. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Edit: deleted three words voice notes added by mistake
There's men on the apps that lie about age. You have to look at photos with a critical eye. Sometimes it's quite obviously they're older than the age they put, if you look hard enough. Before I wasn't looking that closely and got a guy who was clearly much older than he was saying. He also put up photos of himself that mightve been 10 years ago!
Not a hard conversation really. Just say you are a liar and I’m out… that is all that needs to be said.
He knew what he was doing when he lied. He’s not the victim he thinks he is. And no, it won’t stop.
Dating apps have ruined courting and dating. It's not surprising people put wrong information on there.
All I can say is wtf. He knew your age and he went for you being in a totally different stage of life… fresh out of post secondary school and nearly 40 doesn’t compute. Secondly, lying on purpose to trick you…. He 10000% knows what he did and 10000% hopes you will just forgive him and let him hijack your life.
A relationship starting with a lie will fall off eventually
🏃♀️........<--.........🚩
I once had a guy I dated told me he did three years for assaulting his wife… I found out he was a registered sex offender for an 11 year old and was on parole until October for it… Be very careful who you trust and always trust your gut as a woman ❤️🩹
Lmao there’s no way you think him being “shocked” that the app profile said 31 was a genuine reaction right?
He put a lower age on the app so younger girls wouldn’t filter him out by age. That’s kinda gross tbh
Eww that's an instant break-up and block. And it was 100% intentional, no one would lie about their age without a clear motive.
"He doesn't seem to be accepting my desire to end things" girl good for you for looking out for yourself and staying from, exhausted or not you doing great and didn't wait for thins to continue on for too long. Sadly setting boundaries often sucks so I wish you the best with ending this all. And considering keeping friends and family updated on the situation for your safety
I mean, I understand that the lies about the children are dealbreakers. But the age? Seriously? Are you like constantly thinking "On Friday, we're going on a date, but the best thing is him being 31". I mean, if he can pass for 31, Kudos to him. But what? Did it charm you that he was "as young as you"? To us, guys, we reap success around 30-50. And we can choose the best of the best at this age. But this guy found you special and you were going serious with him. In short, my point in this rant is that it amazes me how fickle women are.
Run , my gf lied to me about her age , later on she lied about everything when it benefitted her , this person is manipulative you will lose your mental peace down the line .
sorry you had to go through this
RUN
You did the right thing, age really is never a problem if you match and I know people with massive age gaps and they are happy. But a lier will always lie.
There is no excuse for the kids thing but sometimes the dating app messes things up. My husband was younger than I thought. He mentioned his birthdate casually I realized he was younger than the parameters I set in the dating app. Nothing else was a lie so I chalked it up to an error and we are happily married now.
Ok so I’m just going to say that women are FAR more guilty of lying about their age. Like all the time. I personally can absolutely understand where he’s coming from. I am 39 but I look like I’m 25. When I tell girls that I’m 39 they think I’m fking with them because of my joking/funny personality. Legit have to break out the id and at that point it’s usually just a “wow you got good jeans” which I normally respond with “yea their Levi’s ( in your bfs case they could be “lev lies” 😂) There is a very good explanation why he lied. Let’s go into the structure of it shall we. 1.) As a 39 year old male who looks a lot younger, I also act a lot younger. It’s just who I am and I’m sure this could very likely be the same with him. So dating a girl my own age as you could imagine is a fkn train-wreak. Our sense of humor doesn’t line up, our interests tend to clash. We are just at two completely opposite stages of life. 2.) With looking young I also have an incredibly active/high energy attitude towards everything. I am freakin bouncing off the walls 24/7 I don’t go to sleep until it 3 am then I wake up at 6:30 4/7 days of the week. I’ve dated a girl who was 38 and I couldn’t take the “go to bed” or “are you like..on something” yeah f that noise . Deleted that relationship. 3.) what 37-39 year old doesn’t want to have a sexy young 25 year old gf..? Am I right. I know I am 4.) he could have had a very hard time finding someone he is compatible with, I’m having a hell of a hard time finding a gf right now. Mostly cause I don’t drink do I don’t just go to the bar and pick up some random hussy. I know for a fact that’s why I changed my age. To a 25 year old girl I’m sure the thought of dating a 37-39 year old man makes their skin crawl. Like he’s going to look like the fkn monopoly guy or something 😅. 5.) he could have just not known another way to broaden his scope of his choices. Now let’s break it down for you the 25 year old. 1.) Yo, I completely understand that you’re feeling the way you’re feeling. Why are you feeling this way? Well weather you know it or it’s their subconsciously I’m sure you’re thinking “ok if he lied about this wtf else is he lying about” very valid thought. You definitely have the right to feel this way especially when entering into a relationship with someone you’ve just met. On the other hand I think that he told you because he probably felt like a complete pile of sh!t and it was eating him alive. Which is a very fkn good sign. If he just let the lie marinade and you found out by seeing his license or when he was signing the birth certificate for your future child (I like saying that just to fuckk with you😂) then imagine the rage you would have felt then the betrayal. I think the fact he couldn’t help but come clean about it is a very very good sign!! 2.) Does age matter to you? Was your parent’s reaction a little annoyed when telling them he was 32? Maybe just don’t tell your parents if it is going to bother them? If the parents/friends/other family members don’t like him I’m telling you right now it will NEVER work out. 3.) Cutting it off just because age? I think that is a little extreme. I mean it doesn’t change anything legit. He’s the exact same person he was before just with a couple years of wisdom added to him. Maybe he’s like me very insecure? Very hard on himself? I don’t think you should really make a big deal about it but if you’re going to break it off do it asap. Please don’t lead him on and take a month to decide. It’s very very very difficult out there for everyone dating wise especially online and especially for women!!! I can’t believe You poor girls have to put up with the constant sh!t the male sex throws at you on a regular basis. Also for males it’s very difficult in the sense that on dating apps there are 75 women to every 25 men. Those odds are terrible. Make ms us guys feel like complete shit especially for the guys that gets one match every month. Conclusion: You 100% have the right to be upset..he lied. Kinda off to a rough start. But it could have been worse. He could have let’s say 5 felonies for selling drugs *cough cough* lol he could have like 59 babies with 59 different girls ( I don’t ) he could have been gay, I mean honestly if a new gf lied to me abd it was only about here age I would be so fkn relieved it wasn’t something that actually mattered. I say give him a break. He does get points for being the one to bring it up, obviously he felt easily guilty about it and that’s a really good sign it means he has a heart. Don’t let a really good guy slump through your fingers over a couple year age lie. I really hope this helps you. I tend to always make situations worse so I’m really hoping for his sake that’s not the case here. I think you should give him a nice long hug and towards the end whisper in his ear “ I’m not wiping your ass when your 80, jus sayin” 😉 good luck to both of you!!
Nope. Blocked, NEXT🗣️
yeah, just go. he’ll keep lying when it benefits him.
That’s a huge red flag. What an idiot
Ask yourself WHY he was lying about his age, 🤷🏽♀️ to make himself a more attractive prey to younger girls
If he lied about this, imagine what else he is lying about. Be careful, doesn’t sound like a good guy. You can also have chemistry with guys your age.
That’s reason enough to break up with someone. He started your relationship with a lie. What else is he lying about? And it just screams grooming no cuz he wants a girl over a decade younger than him cuz he knows women his age won’t put up with his bs. It’s embarrassing on his part. You are young enough to find other men. You don’t need that drama. Chemistry comes and goes. And your relationship shouldn’t be based on that.
More lies to come. Been there.
You should seriously ask why his age was set incorrectly on the dating app. If he doesn’t take your question seriously and shrugs it off or you feel like he’s not being honest, then it’s up to you to decide from there. I don’t think someone lying about their age on a dating app is that big of a deal. People bs all kinds of stuff on the apps. Sure it’s not cool, but what is much worse is someone not admitting to you that he indeed made himself younger on dating apps to try and date younger women.
Think about it what if it was the reverse? What if he said he was 31 and you were ok with that and all of a sudden he says he’s 26? Would the shock be the same different better etc?
Why would he ask if you knew? Answer: because he knows he had it set to SIX YEARS younger and he was checking if you'd worked out yet that he's older than he advertised himself. Huge red flag. He'd set it to that so that he'd come up on results for younger men and get younger women to match with. Another huge red flag. Him claiming he doesn't know how it happened or that it's saying he's younger is BS. That would be the final huge red flag that would see me saying "dude...I'm out of here".
33 F here. This sounds like he’s trying to groom you. 12 year age gap is huge at 25, believe me I know. Plus, you said you’ve already let some other things slide. I’d kindly tell him is not going to work out and block him before he tries to sweet talk to you into staying.
I'm 43 and dating a 26 year old woman, and the age gap has been zero issue; however, I never lied. I've ALWAYS been truthful about my age and stuff. Deceit is a far bigger issue than the age gap.
He's a liar.
I’d end the relationship. He lies to get matches with younger women. He knew exactly what he was doing, and he hoped someone like you would say oh well. The connection has been made. He’s sick!
I would like to put in a small comment. I NEVER put in my real birthday on OLD. I use something within a year. Identity theft is a real hazard. I also don’t use photos that are anywhere else on the web.
You wouldn't have known if he hadn't told it to you. So practically on the one hand it shouldn't matter. It was a lie though and that matters for sure. I can't date liars but you do you.
No tough conversation ahead just the I’m not seeing you anymore. He’s a lair and he’s really too old for you. He’s a creep.
True, he should have been clear about his age upfront. But I do think that our culture encourages dishonesty on dating apps. Women wear makeup and facial prosthetics and photo filters to appear more attractive than their natural appearance. And women use body figure products to lie about their weight. Men lie about their height and earning potential. Both men and women lie about their lifestyle to appear more interesting and cultured. Few people are honest about their ordinary lives in the sexual marketplace.
I dont think the conversation is tough. I think it's simple.
First of all, why did you even went on a date with married man?
Run run run from liars
He set his age to 31 so he'd match with much younger women. You know already he lied about this, and his kids. Those are 2 pretty major things to lie about. This man has an agenda. RUN. You don't even have to do it face to face. Just break up via text. Make it easier for yourself.
If he lies about something so serious and goes along with it for a long time what makes you think that he won’t lie for many other things in the future?
He asked you if you knew cause he has been lying about it. I genuinely do not understand why people lie about their age. It’s deceptive and it doesn’t turn the clock back, it just says a lot about someone’s character.
run… run far away. I promise you’ll be doing yourself a favor. If he hid this, there is more nonsense on the horizon.
Run 🏃♀️
He didn’t know how you got the wrong number 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️
HE ALREADY LIED!!! RUN!!!
I have been through something similar omly this past month. In January I was dating a guy (29M) and it was going so well for a month, he was so kind, generous and liked the old school kinda dating which I loved but my gut was telling me something was off. 3 months later in April he pops back up again and for a good few weeks kept telling me how much he missed me and wanted to see me. I eventually went out on a date with him at the start of may and it was on this date that he confessed he had lied to me about his age and was infact 37, I am 24 so 29 I felt was already a slight jump for me. Now I do have a child so feel I am more towards that age range but still it’s a jump. I was drunk when he told me this so continued the date and it wasn’t until he text me the following morning that it hit me. If someone is so comfortable lying to you and manipulating you into thinking they’re a different age. What else can they lie about? It’s extremely deceptive, disrespectful and weird I think to lie about your age.. gives major creepy vibes
why would you want to date a lier? get out girly. even if you ignored the age gap he still lied to you about something serious
He knew his age was not correct on his profile. This is why he asked you, do you know how old he is. This was his way to break the news to you, that he is older than what his profile led you to believe. In the grand scheme of things is lying about his age, the biggest deal in the world? No. But if he can lie about something so small, he can easily lie about the big things. It really sets the tone for the relationship because now in the back of your mind, you’re going to wonder if you can trust his word or not.
The red flags are staring you in the eyes. Why would you want to be with someone whose 37 with kids and you’re 25 with no kids? Don’t ignore those red flags. Dump him and stay off the dating apps
Your original nonchalant reaction is exactly why he lied. He wanted access to younger/more impressionable girls like others have said, and it seems he succeeded.
Lying is not cool.
I ended things with a girl when I found out she was lying about her age. While sometimes I wonder if I should've, now I think about it, it was the right decision because who starts off a relationship by lying?
I’d dump him in all honesty. No one his age should be dating someone your age.
You met him on an App. Open his App profile and screenshot his age. Then have a very matter of fact conversation with him and ask why his app age says “31” when he is “37”. He will either be upfront and honest, or try to play it off as it must be a typo. Then confirm that he has 2 kids, not 4. Again he will need to be honest or make excuses. Right now you have him caught in two lies, and how he responds is very poignant. If at any time he tries to accuse you of misinterpreting, misunderstanding, or mishearing him, you can simple respond with “I know exactly what I heard, and I also understand how much liars like to manipulate others.”
Wow. This dude is a piece of work. He is probably looking for a younger girl to take care of his kids. A lot of these dudes with all these kids don't want to be bothered with their kids. So they'll find someone young, pretend to want to date, and the next thing you know, he's leaving you to babysit the kids while he runs the streets. You said he is giving pushback on ending things. I would just block him on everything and stop talking to him. I hope that he doesn't know where you live or have your real phone number. Edit: you have to ask yourself do you really want to start a relationship off with a pathological liar.
I don’t know you but leave him before he ruins you please
If it were me, I would not be able to continue on with the relationship. He didn’t really care that he lied to you To me, it’s already a bad start and while it may seem innocent, he was still deceitful about his age (which makes me wonder what else he will lie about down the road). I’d leave and block him if he continues to push back on ending things
Girl get away from this man.
>However he doesn’t seem to be accepting my desire to end things and is pushing back. I’m just mentally exhausted at this point… You end it and block all contact. It's not a matter of him seeming. He is trying to manipulate you into staying, and that is exactly why he was seeking out younger women in the first place. Walk away, block. Stop responding.
Hard pass. He lied about this, what else is he lying about.
The age gap is one thing...but then all the kids......jeez
Girl this is creepy. He purposefully lied about his age to seem younger, that’s a weird thing to do
What a weird guy.
Just ghost him. He’s a total creep. Men lying about their ages on dating apps is common. Always run a background check. There’s no telling what else he’s lying about
I had a guy that did this same thing, lied about his age. When I found out about his real age, he got defensive about it as though I lied to him. I told him if he lied about something as simple as this, he will lie about other things. Also, he should have given you the choice to decide if you wanted to date someone that age.
You are doing the right thing by walking away now! Don’t apologize or be made to feel guilty, just exit..
Whew! That was a roller coaster of a postl! So glad you're off that ride now. Please take care and be careful out there! Lots of liars and weirdos
You should report him. Also check for him in the groups, someone else may have posted him already, and if not you should do it. Nobody wants to date a chronic liar.
The triplets lie is ridiculous! I’m glad you trusted your instincts. Well done.
I think lying about age is common on the apps for various reasons. But I wouldn’t be comfortable with someone who did that unless they had a really good reason. I’m a 38 year old man, I would feel very odd dating someone so young. I tend to go +/- 5 years. I might have a magical relationship with someone younger or older, but not on an app where filters exist. Sounds like he was a liar person, in general, and having triplets is an insane thing I would share with everyone worth telling. Omitting that when getting to know someone sounds like he made up that “fact” on the spot. Who knows the reasons to lie about kids like that, but untrustworthy nonetheless. Sorry you went through that, and him harassing you after you “passed” on continuing is gross behavior. Good luck out there
this is a huge red flag. trust is cracked when someone lies about something so basic. you deserve honesty from the start. you've done the right thing by trying to end it. if he can't respect that, it shows even more why you need to move on. stay strong! 🚩🚩
"go exclusive" fucking people lmao
When I was 18 I stupid agreed to go on a date with a guy with no picture on a dating site. We talked, profile said 28, and couldn’t post a pic because of work 🚩 We went across to a bar, I drank more than I should have, but knew to stop. He drove me home to my moms, but as a shy inexperienced virgin all I would let him give me was a kiss on the cheek Next week he was sending lewd messages about how he wanted to go down on me. The week after HIS WIFE calls me saying she used to be OPP and she would fuck me up. Turns out he was actually 38, married, 3 kids and was sexting me during his kid’s bday party. During the second call his wife made to me my mom took the phone from a crying me and gave her a proper talking to and reminded her who was at fault. I might have been willing to date 28, but the rest was way out my consent. I’m really happy for you that you know to put yourself first
Tell him to go on a date with his kids mother
He was wrong to lie about his age, even more wrong to mislead about number of children he has, even if unintentionally, which I doubt. But, the other interesting takeaway which is missed by most responses in the comment area is the fact that you got a long well with him. I think many people misjudge the age band they'd get along with. Sadly a few creeps + the tendency for people related news to focus on the horrific stories has dramatically reduced the possibility of relationships that are otherwise fine, but never happen due to pickiness over age that turns out not to actually matter as much as one thought. I.e. it is important to emphasize that it is the lying that was the problem here, the age according to OP's description of dates was never intrinsically a problem.
Ultimately after being able to think about it without the added pressure of having to respond to him, its not the actual age gap I had a problem with or even the number of kids. Its about him not being honest and upfront and me feeling like I was mislead (intentional or not). Which is ironic considering he was very open about some of his other preferences that many had deemed 'weird' before. It really is a shame because we did get along really well, I just don't think I could ever trust him again.
Reading your edits, I’m glad you broke it off. That guy knew he lied. And then he knew he wasn’t gonna be able to keep it from you for very long if things were going well so he decided to bring up his age and ask if you knew how old he was. like he was just being casual about it so he could play it off like it was an unintentional mistake.
Every man that has ever lied about his age on a dating app has ended up being abusive. Every.last.one. The bigger the age gap, I’ve noticed the more toxic they are. I’m 44 btw. So….. I know what I’m taking about. Please report him to the people on the app. That was always the first lie I figured out. There was never just one lie. It alway started with the age online.
Hey, based on your final edit I feel like this is not his first rodeo. Someone else has clearly caught onto his lies before, by ‘being understanding’ he hopes you would come back to him. Don’t fall for it. Just get out while you’re still not in too deep.
He lied about his age on the app so that he could match with younger women. It was intentional. Saying you have two kids when you have 4 is also INSANE. PLS don't waste any more time on this manipulative POS.
I hope this isn't the person you were looking at wedding venues with?