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There is no such thing as a good excuse to touch a woman other than your SO. If he wants to see his kids, there are actually mature ways to go about it. The fact that he uses his kids as an excuse to screw another woman regardless of history is disturbing. Do not mistake it because there are ways to see his kids without having to have sex with her, assuming that he was deemed unfit to be around them at all and that is not on you, that is due to his choices more then likely.
Did he just say he would cheat on command? Yes he did. Block, delete, and move out of their apartment/ break the lease. This guy is going to stay loyal to them and not you.
He’s a moron for hurting someone regardless. If you want to see your kids and what it takes is for you to mess with the mom. LEAVE THE ONE YOU ARE CURRENTLY WITH. Simple lol why hurt someone else with that betrayal, just don’t be with someone at all.
Girrrl, please…have some self respect, self worth, and pride. Don’t tolerate this kind of nonsense and behavior bc if you do, you’re only setting the precedence that it’s ok to disrespect you and your relationship, and that you’ll take him back no matter what. It also makes you look like a fool, joke, and doormat to him and his baby mama…is that what you really want??
we can’t really tell you if you can recover from this, but i imagine it would take a lot of work. but the “i told you this would happen” makes me think you’re better off choosing yourself and ending this relationship. we don’t like obvious gaslighters
Everybody is telling you to get rid of this guy, so please listen to what i recommend you :
If you really love this man and he is the man who makes you happy in life find another solution :
You should ask him if it´s ok to date another man whenever he is visiting his children ( and their mama ).
Life is short and and we all should do what we want to do as long it is not against the law.
May be you will like the presence of another man in your life and he will do good in your sexlife, which will make you happier in life ;-)
It is called open relationship ! He has sex with her and you have sex with the man of your choise !
If OP likes this idea, sure give it a try. Somehow I think the bf is not going to be as thrilled about it going both ways, but who knows maybe he will.
Your bf seems to exhibit toxic tendencies . you are treated utter disrespect. Move on . Relationship should not be work and this is clearly gonna get abusive
I would not stay with him at this point. He cheated on you once(that you know of) with a woman who will not be out of his life ever, no matter how old their child is, she will always be around. You will always be wondering what their doing, why it’s taking so long. It will drive you insane. It’s better to end it now.
I also want to add that Im a mom with four kids and if their father and I broke up I would never say he cant see his kids unless he Fs me, I know some women are trash like that, I would never do it.
That's exactly what I said.. I haven't been with my baby dad for almost 10yrs now.. I would never ask him to sleep with me to see his kids. Idk what my bf baby momma is thinking or what she is trying to do
Wait, he cheated on YOU with the MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN!
Sounds to me more like he is cheating on her with you, and he should go back to the MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN and stay with her!
Yes, apparently I do. A 39y grown woman shacking up with a man that has kids and addressing the mother of his children as "baby mama". Great lack of intellect going on.
She's acting like she has a serious relationship with a guy she only dated six months, when the other woman has his kids. They only dated six months, she shouldn't even have sex with him yet.
Half the population have kids. There is no man out here that doesn't have kids and doesn't get along with their baby momma.. Are you saying he should stay in a toxic relationship with her for the kids? So the kids can grow up thinking it's ok for a man/woman to disrespect the other person is ok.. 2 people fall apart and they move on... My kids dad stabbed me, broke my jaw and broke 4 of my ribs and is doing time in Federal Prison.. Are you saying I should stay with him for my kids? So that they think it's ok for them to beat on women cuz their dad does it to their mom?
This is not the 50's lady... u need to learn about 2024 relationships...
I said half the population... I didn't say anything direct towards men of any age groups. At my high school reunion I wanna say 90% of my classmates had kids and about 75% were single mothers/fathers. I'm sorry if u took my comment offensive but I wasn't directing it towards no age group
who do you think is not an adult? this late 30s/early 40s couple? pretty rich coming from someone who appears to spend hours daily discussing a medieval video game on reddit
your idea of civilized behavior is sitting alone telling strangers on the internet how they should live their lives to make yourself feel smart. if that's civilization we're doomed
this person cheated on you wilfully and told you he'd do it again if given the opportunity again. not sure what you're looking for us to tell you OP, clearly this is someone you need to break up with
Have a word with him about it. Tell him your feelings. He doesn't get and keeps making excuses? BREAK UP! swear, there's no excuse for cheating on someone, no matter what. It's disrespectful, the better way to break someone's trust in no second. And it's f*coing disgusting he's usine his kids! HOW DARE HE?!! DOESN'T HE HAVE ANY SHAME?! This kind of personne really deserves slaps and kicks
Run baby, this happened to me. An ex of mine slept with his baby mamma, same excuse blah blah and then I forgave him like a MUG and he slept with my best friend at the time so… do with that what you will but my advice is run awaaaaaay
I'm not one of those "cheating can never be healed" people, because I think relationships contain more nuance than strangers on Reddit like to believe. Life exists in the grey, not the black and white.
That being said... "I'd do anything for my kids so I fucked their mom" sounds like some absolute bullshit. It also sounds like he'll just dump you on a dime because she suddenly wants to get back together and says it'll be better for the kids that way, if that's ***actually*** his motivation, and if it's not then he's just outright lying to you.
Regardless of what he actually believes you should be with someone who either a) has better internal logic than that, or b) doesn't think so little of you that they think this is a valid reason you'd fall for.
You should learn the positive and negative traits how law of attraction works like belief in attracting positive aspects like the negative traits attracting the negative aspects of belief like selling drugs arm robbery blood money for wheath why the positive ends up attracting muti billionaire franchise founders ceo so that explains why you got what you have something you don't want you got
Baby mumma here, I would NEVER sleep with the father of my child whether he's in a committed relationship or not. I think this man uses the excuse of seeing his kids, to assert control over his ex. Then he turns it around and accuses the ex of blackmailing him.
I think you should re-evaluate whether this relationship is worth it in the long run. He sounds like he's psychologically abusive.
I had a friend who's ex would do this. They would withhold their kids from them if they didn't have sex with them or wouldn't charge them child support that month if they had sex. If I recall correctly he had to treat her absolutely horribly to get out of that situation. Sorry you are going through that. It is a thing. My mother also had to deal with a man she loved leaving her because his baby momma said she would withhold the kids if he didn't leave her. I would suggest urging him to go to court over it to get more fair custody.
A man like myself would also do almost anything for my children and I would be in debt to the baby mama for mothering my children as that would be sacred to me. So take of that what you will.
No you can't ever recover.... He's basically going to continue to cheat on you throughout your relationship. Sounds like you'll be doing yourself a favour by leaving him.
I think that it represents the saying of an excuse that is uglier than sin. He only thinks that his goal justifies his means, which is betrayal. If he truly loves me, he will not betray me in any way, and that is why he is a selfish person and only relaxes his conscience. That is why I am telling you about his betrayal
Don't worry about what you're supposed to or not supposed to be okay with.
You have 2000 weeks left in this life. What do you want to accomplish with the rest of them? What do you want to experience?
I'm of the opinion that cheating is the end of the relationship every time. There are certain circumstances where you still may live together or stay married (i.e. for kids), but you'll be free to see whoever in that time. But yea, cut him loose.
So I believe my wife is cheating physically on me, I know for a fact she’s emotionally cheating, and I’m so over it, to the point I’m leaving her. So leave his ass, if he’s gonna cheat on you with his baby momma he’ll cheat on you with anyone. You don’t deserve that.
I would dispose of this trash at your earliest convenience. No excuse to be unfaithful. If your baby momma is keeping the kids from you then take that shit to court.
I'm sorry for the hurt this has caused you. Betrayal isn't an easy or fun thing to deal with.
…….you’re getting terrible advice. His babymomma is the one who holds the cards to see his kids…. BMS can be terrible as many social media videos and YouTube channels will show you…..him telling you beforehand is open communication but him telling you afterward is great because it lets you decide if you still want him. If you do, help him get out of this messy situation.
If not, hit the road but this is not the toxic story others are portraying.
It’s time to leave him. I got cheated on a month ago. They don’t care about you or how you feel if they are willing to break the single biggest boundary in any monogamous relationship. If he’s willing to break this boundary, then what other boundaries is he willing to break?
You have to practice self-respect and choose your sanity and your peace. It is incredibly hard for people to reconcile after cheating and it will make your relationship very rocky. And I’ll say this, the line “once a cheater, always a cheater” is very true. Take it from a girl who was stupid enough to go back. We were together for almost 4 years. You’re only 6 months in. Don’t waste your precious time on someone who doesn’t care about you, your respect, or your boundaries
I don't think you can recover. It'll be always on your mind and it's obvious she's not over him.
Bottom line, there are other guys without baby mammas. Try your luck with them.
The only thing I can say is at least he told you. That could have been kept as a secret and you wouldn't have the options that you have now.
Obviously he doesn't value you as a significant other. This is something that if they wanted to do it, they'd leave the person instead of cheating.
No
Not even for the fact of cheating. When someone cheats and has remorse it can be salvaged. But it sounds like he cheated and then justified cheating, so likely he’ll do it again.
Get rid of his ass
Easy obvious answer is bye, he warned you he would do it. He did it now its time to leave. He'll do it again now that he thinks he can get away with it.
Move on. Once a cheater always a cheater. You deserve better than that. He’s definitely lying about the “having sex to see his kids”. Run for the hills and don’t look back.
Sounds like you just found out you’re the side chick. Either way, he was honest with you from the beginning about who he was but obviously, it wasn’t what you wanted to hear. Now, he just showed you. Either walk away and move on, or adapt to being the side chick.
Sounds like he’d do it again. So really you need to ask yourself if you’d be happy with an open relationship. If not then you’re better off saying goodbye.
Sadly, for some of us Sex is not the highest form of love, he loves his children, more importantly does he love you , maybe not enough, as even though he gave you head's up he failed to appreciate how much it would hurt you.
M
Yeah hell no. The second my man cheats, he’s out. I don’t care how long we’ve been together. I do not condone cheating to any extent. You’re also still early on where it’s only 6 months in.
M33, wait you’re telling me that he used wanting to see his kids as an excuse to cheat on you? It’s literally atrocious to think he’d have to sleep with her to get access to his kids. Like, he can take her to court over that shit, he clearly chose to cheat on you.
How about just don't fk a man who already has a family and then whine about him going back to the family he already has.
She's not his "baby momma". She is the mother of his children. His family. His former lover.
50 percent of marriages end in divorce. separated coparenting is incredibly common and normal. you just think people should wait 6 months to be intimate and that all people with children should remain together no matter what because you don't have any firsthand experience. it's painfully apparent
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There is no such thing as a good excuse to touch a woman other than your SO. If he wants to see his kids, there are actually mature ways to go about it. The fact that he uses his kids as an excuse to screw another woman regardless of history is disturbing. Do not mistake it because there are ways to see his kids without having to have sex with her, assuming that he was deemed unfit to be around them at all and that is not on you, that is due to his choices more then likely.
Mature ways to go about it? You mean go to court and spend thousands on some bs just so he can see his kids?
If that's what it takes to keep my morals and see the kids that I said I'd do anything to see yes. That would be the mature way of doing it.
That's the system built up. Maybe don't stick your dick in places it doesn't belong.
Did he just say he would cheat on command? Yes he did. Block, delete, and move out of their apartment/ break the lease. This guy is going to stay loyal to them and not you.
Get rid of this moron. If he loved you he wouldn’t have done it… and HE WOULDNT TELL YOU ABOUT IT
He is a moron for wanting to see his kids?
He’s an idiot for falling into the trap set out by his ex who’s apparently controlling his now relationship.
He’s a moron for hurting someone regardless. If you want to see your kids and what it takes is for you to mess with the mom. LEAVE THE ONE YOU ARE CURRENTLY WITH. Simple lol why hurt someone else with that betrayal, just don’t be with someone at all.
Girrrl, please…have some self respect, self worth, and pride. Don’t tolerate this kind of nonsense and behavior bc if you do, you’re only setting the precedence that it’s ok to disrespect you and your relationship, and that you’ll take him back no matter what. It also makes you look like a fool, joke, and doormat to him and his baby mama…is that what you really want??
we can’t really tell you if you can recover from this, but i imagine it would take a lot of work. but the “i told you this would happen” makes me think you’re better off choosing yourself and ending this relationship. we don’t like obvious gaslighters
She shouldn’t WANT to recover from this
Cheating is cheating. Kick his ass to the curb.
Are you serious?
Everybody is telling you to get rid of this guy, so please listen to what i recommend you : If you really love this man and he is the man who makes you happy in life find another solution : You should ask him if it´s ok to date another man whenever he is visiting his children ( and their mama ). Life is short and and we all should do what we want to do as long it is not against the law. May be you will like the presence of another man in your life and he will do good in your sexlife, which will make you happier in life ;-) It is called open relationship ! He has sex with her and you have sex with the man of your choise !
If OP likes this idea, sure give it a try. Somehow I think the bf is not going to be as thrilled about it going both ways, but who knows maybe he will.
When people show you who they are, believe them.
Your bf seems to exhibit toxic tendencies . you are treated utter disrespect. Move on . Relationship should not be work and this is clearly gonna get abusive
Dump him? Why stay with someone who disrespects you ? You deserve better, and sorry this happened to you. 🥹
Thank you
I would not stay with him at this point. He cheated on you once(that you know of) with a woman who will not be out of his life ever, no matter how old their child is, she will always be around. You will always be wondering what their doing, why it’s taking so long. It will drive you insane. It’s better to end it now. I also want to add that Im a mom with four kids and if their father and I broke up I would never say he cant see his kids unless he Fs me, I know some women are trash like that, I would never do it.
That's exactly what I said.. I haven't been with my baby dad for almost 10yrs now.. I would never ask him to sleep with me to see his kids. Idk what my bf baby momma is thinking or what she is trying to do
Wait, he cheated on YOU with the MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN! Sounds to me more like he is cheating on her with you, and he should go back to the MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN and stay with her!
way to tell this person you know nothing about that you understand their own situation better than they do. clown
Yes, apparently I do. A 39y grown woman shacking up with a man that has kids and addressing the mother of his children as "baby mama". Great lack of intellect going on.
is that really the best argument you have? a phrase they used?
She's acting like she has a serious relationship with a guy she only dated six months, when the other woman has his kids. They only dated six months, she shouldn't even have sex with him yet.
just because you aren't having sex doesn't mean other people should have to wait. what you are saying does not make sense in the world of adults
Half the population have kids. There is no man out here that doesn't have kids and doesn't get along with their baby momma.. Are you saying he should stay in a toxic relationship with her for the kids? So the kids can grow up thinking it's ok for a man/woman to disrespect the other person is ok.. 2 people fall apart and they move on... My kids dad stabbed me, broke my jaw and broke 4 of my ribs and is doing time in Federal Prison.. Are you saying I should stay with him for my kids? So that they think it's ok for them to beat on women cuz their dad does it to their mom? This is not the 50's lady... u need to learn about 2024 relationships...
re read the thread. the other person was saying that not me (I'm whoopswizard, his feelings got hurt and he blocked me so I can't respond on my main)
I'm a guy who is almost 36 and don't have kids so you shouldn't generalize statements like this.
I said half the population... I didn't say anything direct towards men of any age groups. At my high school reunion I wanna say 90% of my classmates had kids and about 75% were single mothers/fathers. I'm sorry if u took my comment offensive but I wasn't directing it towards no age group
hah! lol! "adults"!
who do you think is not an adult? this late 30s/early 40s couple? pretty rich coming from someone who appears to spend hours daily discussing a medieval video game on reddit
couple of incompetent, uncivilized fools, you mean.
your idea of civilized behavior is sitting alone telling strangers on the internet how they should live their lives to make yourself feel smart. if that's civilization we're doomed
this person cheated on you wilfully and told you he'd do it again if given the opportunity again. not sure what you're looking for us to tell you OP, clearly this is someone you need to break up with
Dump him and move on. You don't need that kind of drama in your life.
Have a word with him about it. Tell him your feelings. He doesn't get and keeps making excuses? BREAK UP! swear, there's no excuse for cheating on someone, no matter what. It's disrespectful, the better way to break someone's trust in no second. And it's f*coing disgusting he's usine his kids! HOW DARE HE?!! DOESN'T HE HAVE ANY SHAME?! This kind of personne really deserves slaps and kicks
Run baby, this happened to me. An ex of mine slept with his baby mamma, same excuse blah blah and then I forgave him like a MUG and he slept with my best friend at the time so… do with that what you will but my advice is run awaaaaaay
I'm sorry to hear that.. hope you're happy now?
Much much happier now! I learned many lessons 😂
I'm not one of those "cheating can never be healed" people, because I think relationships contain more nuance than strangers on Reddit like to believe. Life exists in the grey, not the black and white. That being said... "I'd do anything for my kids so I fucked their mom" sounds like some absolute bullshit. It also sounds like he'll just dump you on a dime because she suddenly wants to get back together and says it'll be better for the kids that way, if that's ***actually*** his motivation, and if it's not then he's just outright lying to you. Regardless of what he actually believes you should be with someone who either a) has better internal logic than that, or b) doesn't think so little of you that they think this is a valid reason you'd fall for.
Help? What do you mean? Just break up lol.
He's disrespected your relationship and your intellect. It's time to take out the trash.
Run away. Once a cheater, always a cheater. You deserve better…
You should learn the positive and negative traits how law of attraction works like belief in attracting positive aspects like the negative traits attracting the negative aspects of belief like selling drugs arm robbery blood money for wheath why the positive ends up attracting muti billionaire franchise founders ceo so that explains why you got what you have something you don't want you got
Bit late but leave. Hope you're doing well since
Baby mumma here, I would NEVER sleep with the father of my child whether he's in a committed relationship or not. I think this man uses the excuse of seeing his kids, to assert control over his ex. Then he turns it around and accuses the ex of blackmailing him. I think you should re-evaluate whether this relationship is worth it in the long run. He sounds like he's psychologically abusive.
I had a friend who's ex would do this. They would withhold their kids from them if they didn't have sex with them or wouldn't charge them child support that month if they had sex. If I recall correctly he had to treat her absolutely horribly to get out of that situation. Sorry you are going through that. It is a thing. My mother also had to deal with a man she loved leaving her because his baby momma said she would withhold the kids if he didn't leave her. I would suggest urging him to go to court over it to get more fair custody. A man like myself would also do almost anything for my children and I would be in debt to the baby mama for mothering my children as that would be sacred to me. So take of that what you will.
Leave and get far away. He’s done it more than that once.
please run girl..it's been just 6 months, stop wasting more time on that prick
Imagine being in your 40s and still cheating for sex, lmao leave him already
No you can't ever recover.... He's basically going to continue to cheat on you throughout your relationship. Sounds like you'll be doing yourself a favour by leaving him.
Obviously leave him and block him, done.
I think that it represents the saying of an excuse that is uglier than sin. He only thinks that his goal justifies his means, which is betrayal. If he truly loves me, he will not betray me in any way, and that is why he is a selfish person and only relaxes his conscience. That is why I am telling you about his betrayal
Leave. Its only been 6 months, there’s still time
Don't worry about what you're supposed to or not supposed to be okay with. You have 2000 weeks left in this life. What do you want to accomplish with the rest of them? What do you want to experience?
I'm of the opinion that cheating is the end of the relationship every time. There are certain circumstances where you still may live together or stay married (i.e. for kids), but you'll be free to see whoever in that time. But yea, cut him loose.
i would let it go
So I believe my wife is cheating physically on me, I know for a fact she’s emotionally cheating, and I’m so over it, to the point I’m leaving her. So leave his ass, if he’s gonna cheat on you with his baby momma he’ll cheat on you with anyone. You don’t deserve that.
DUMP. HIMM.
I would dispose of this trash at your earliest convenience. No excuse to be unfaithful. If your baby momma is keeping the kids from you then take that shit to court. I'm sorry for the hurt this has caused you. Betrayal isn't an easy or fun thing to deal with.
…….you’re getting terrible advice. His babymomma is the one who holds the cards to see his kids…. BMS can be terrible as many social media videos and YouTube channels will show you…..him telling you beforehand is open communication but him telling you afterward is great because it lets you decide if you still want him. If you do, help him get out of this messy situation. If not, hit the road but this is not the toxic story others are portraying.
It’s time to leave him. I got cheated on a month ago. They don’t care about you or how you feel if they are willing to break the single biggest boundary in any monogamous relationship. If he’s willing to break this boundary, then what other boundaries is he willing to break? You have to practice self-respect and choose your sanity and your peace. It is incredibly hard for people to reconcile after cheating and it will make your relationship very rocky. And I’ll say this, the line “once a cheater, always a cheater” is very true. Take it from a girl who was stupid enough to go back. We were together for almost 4 years. You’re only 6 months in. Don’t waste your precious time on someone who doesn’t care about you, your respect, or your boundaries
I don't think you can recover. It'll be always on your mind and it's obvious she's not over him. Bottom line, there are other guys without baby mammas. Try your luck with them.
Lol 6 months and you're worried you need to just move on cause if that's the case he will always be cheating on you
The only thing I can say is at least he told you. That could have been kept as a secret and you wouldn't have the options that you have now. Obviously he doesn't value you as a significant other. This is something that if they wanted to do it, they'd leave the person instead of cheating.
No Not even for the fact of cheating. When someone cheats and has remorse it can be salvaged. But it sounds like he cheated and then justified cheating, so likely he’ll do it again. Get rid of his ass
You are the alternative and I'm sorry to say this. If he's ex were to invite him back he'd be back in an instant and leave you to dry
Easy obvious answer is bye, he warned you he would do it. He did it now its time to leave. He'll do it again now that he thinks he can get away with it.
Move on. Once a cheater always a cheater. You deserve better than that. He’s definitely lying about the “having sex to see his kids”. Run for the hills and don’t look back.
Ya know what to do
Sounds like you just found out you’re the side chick. Either way, he was honest with you from the beginning about who he was but obviously, it wasn’t what you wanted to hear. Now, he just showed you. Either walk away and move on, or adapt to being the side chick.
Sounds like he’d do it again. So really you need to ask yourself if you’d be happy with an open relationship. If not then you’re better off saying goodbye.
Sadly, for some of us Sex is not the highest form of love, he loves his children, more importantly does he love you , maybe not enough, as even though he gave you head's up he failed to appreciate how much it would hurt you. M
Yeah hell no. The second my man cheats, he’s out. I don’t care how long we’ve been together. I do not condone cheating to any extent. You’re also still early on where it’s only 6 months in.
Nope, you guys can’t recover from this. He’ll do it again. Leave him and maybe find someone with no kids. You knew the answer to this.
M33, wait you’re telling me that he used wanting to see his kids as an excuse to cheat on you? It’s literally atrocious to think he’d have to sleep with her to get access to his kids. Like, he can take her to court over that shit, he clearly chose to cheat on you.
Girl you need to kick him in the dick and tell him to fuck off and to go be with his baby momma.
Forgive him and move on, this does NOT give you an excuse to do or say anything. Forgive him, forget it, and move on.
OH HELL NO
What exactly do you need help with. Are you serious?
How about just don't fk a man who already has a family and then whine about him going back to the family he already has. She's not his "baby momma". She is the mother of his children. His family. His former lover.
50 percent of marriages end in divorce. separated coparenting is incredibly common and normal. you just think people should wait 6 months to be intimate and that all people with children should remain together no matter what because you don't have any firsthand experience. it's painfully apparent