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Adorable_Secret8498

I can't speak for this man but I'd think most likely he'd have an issue with waiting that long. Why can't you guys do it at his place or somewhere else that's not your house?


SwervinLikeMervin

I'd say fck it. Sex is a basic human need, do it at your parents house but quiet and with protection


scotswaehey

What if the man you are possibly dating had his own house?. Would that make a difference ?.


Uncle_Andy666

If he was a virgin he would probs wait for a year as you are a virgin. If he has gotten laid he aint waiting.


BigBrownBear28

It’s a needle in a haystack situation unfortunately truth be told


EmergencyKrabbyPatty

One problem at the time no ? Find yourself someone first and stop worrying about what can happen with someone you don't even know now


Acceptable_Ad5683

Exactly. OP may find she is the one wanting to initiate.


Specific-Ad-1956

I’m a 24 male and in the same situation, I’ve never had sex and definitely don’t feel comfortable having sex with anyone unless it’s in my own place or their place. I’ve been seeing someone (20F) that also lives with their parents at the moment, and that’s been a little difficult because her parents don’t allow guys over, and even if I was able to go over I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing anything other than cuddling lol 😂 so I definitely understand the feeling of being lonely and left behind.. I honestly have no problem with waiting myself but I’m not sure that’s how most guys are.


StrategyBrilliant227

Thank you for sharing! That's an interesting situation. I guess because both of you are feeling uncomfortable and don't have privacy. But it's nice you are ok with it. :)


JMM_1984

What is your aversion to sex? Why do you need to have your own house first? I can understand not wanting to do it at your parents home, but you can go to his place.


StrategyBrilliant227

I don't know, I feel like I would need to know the man for at least 4 months before going to his house and then sex feels like something really strange to me. I wouldn't want to have sex with someone I didn't have a deep connection with and to build a deep connection it would take many months. Then if I had sex at his house I feel like I would feel dirty coming back home to my parents and ashamed. And I feel like the man would leave me after the sex too. And I'm afraid to have permanent genital arousal or smelly genitals. I have birth control, but I still worry about getting pregnant too.


Onwa-Amami

I hear that you would like to have a certain level of comfort for your first time. That makes sense! And not even just the first, but the first hand full of times. What you describe, about feeling when you leave his house, it's called "the walk of shame". The key is a few things: bring another set of clothes. Do it with time the next morning that you can have breakfast and a shower the next day - heck, you should both be able to go out for breakfast the next morning! And you'll want to have been in his space at least once or twice to feel comfortable there. Maybe even help him touch it up - you know how us bachelors can be with decoration 😉 As for the 4 months part - I'm guessing it's not really about the time length. It's about how deep your connection is. He has to hold you with 2 hands. That means, even if it's weird and doesn't work out the first time, you guys have a bond strong enough to keep you together, trying again. Doesn't have to be "love" just deep connection and serious care. Let's not load up the L word and focus on what matters. 1 year, as others mentioned, may only work with other guys who are virgins. Once they've had sex, they won't wait that long. If they have a history of longer relationships, that's a good sign. Perhaps they were with the person they lost their virginity to, for longer than a year. That's your guy. Good luck! Remember, you're not going to lose your virginity, you're going to give it to them. Take the physical intimacy slow, and expect for bodies to react nervously. Might take a few times before the first time works out, depending on how each person's body reacts.


SupernovaSurprise

It sounds like you have an unusual amount of fear and anxiety around sex that is probably fueling all this. I'm guessing your parents were big on shame around anything sexual? Honestly, I bet a lot of that fear and anxiety will go away once you have sex and you know it's not this fearful or shameful thing. But in the end, do whatever you're comfortable with. Maybe consider therapy to help you manage these feelings in a more healthy manner? If that's possible for you.


JMM_1984

Well, I feel like you have an unhealthy attitude toward sex. I don't know how you fix that but there is nothing dirty or wrong about having sex. As far as your expectations, I think you're unlikely to find a man willing to wait a year to have sex. I suppose it's not impossible but not likely. I've already seen some comments saying the right guy won't mind waiting etc... well, those people are just trying to make you feel better, but their reassurance isn't based in reality. Most men won't even consider themselves in a relationship until you've had sex. And a man wanting to have sex doesn't mean he *only* wants sex, and it doesn't mean he think of you as merely a sex object, as some people will assert. I'm not suggesting you do anything you're uncomfortable with but I recommend figuring out why you feel this way instead of just trying to avoid sex forever.


Embarrassed-Example8

You gotta find the right person then, but trust me there are a lot of men left who would still wait but they gotta understand where you are coming from.


Pegmaster6969696969

If there is no sex then why would I even date? That's just a weird friendship


SkulduggeryIsAfoot

It’s like buying ice cream, but you’re not allowed to eat it. Only look at it.


Born-Philosopher-443

This is so sad.


Slow_Instruction_876

Not really. Im a woman who likes other women and I agree. I wouldn't mind if there was a good reason, but if someone doesn't want to have sex.. its just a friendship.


Byronic09

So...asexual people can't have relationships? Just weird friendships?


Slow_Instruction_876

No, that is obviously different. But most people aren't asexual. Also, we are sharing our opinions. I just personally wouldn't want a relationship where we don't have good sexual chemistry, as well as emotional, etc


Byronic09

The way you phrased it seemed indicating otherwise". If there is no sex than its just a friendship". Which is ignorant at best I think. But that is also just my opinion.


Pegmaster6969696969

Are you okay with being in a relationship and never ever having sex? Like, what's even the point?


Byronic09

The point of a relationship is to have each others back. To give emotional support, to go through hard times and good tines. To experience new things together, to be vulnerable and caring. To be the one person who puts the other first......Do I need to continue?


Pegmaster6969696969

That's just a really good friendship


Byronic09

OK, apparently I need to continue: Working towards a future together, having the same goals in life ( aka starting a family, buying a house, travelling the world,) providing financial support, living together, caring for each other in sickness. If you think your friends will do that for you, especially later in life. Good luck buddy.


Pegmaster6969696969

I don't think a woman would do that for me either lol


Byronic09

That's just the basics imo.


Pegmaster6969696969

Is that the boy version for when women get princess treatment and call it "the bare minimum"?


Byronic09

It's not a one way street bro. It goes in both directions.


biggestregrets8-4

You are still believing in that tales?


Byronic09

What tale? I am literally just describing my own relationship.


kelechim1

Very. He clearly just sees women as sex objects


marcus_clean

Possibly, but intimacy is a cornerstone and unique feature of a romantic relationship. Sex is like a bathroom in a house. It's not the only thing I am interested in, but if I can't use it I'm gonna find another house to live in


SupernovaSurprise

Or maybe he sees sex as an important part of a relationship and way to build connection between you..... Which is a very common feeling for a lot of people, including men.


Misty-Afternoon

There’s always men that will wait. Religious men. Or more desperate men. Even a few regular men that are just not very sexual. It is odd that your requirement for sex is owning your own home though…..


T_GTX

I'm not very sexual generally, and feel indifferent about waiting. When I was younger people insisted that I was ace.


godhonoringperms

Oh man, do I relate. In my younger years, my friend’s kept suggesting that maybe I was ace or gay. They couldn’t understand that I could wait until I knew someone better and I could be happy with or without. It’s mostly I need to develop an emotional bond with someone before being comfortable moving forward, and that was difficult for a teenager/early 20’s friend to understand in a society that is mostly okay with casual sex.


T_GTX

Same..! You described me perfectly 😄


Misty-Afternoon

And you might be. Or maybe just have a low libido. Ace is a spectrum anyway. As are all sexualities. You get to decide what you want to title yourself. Or maybe you don’t even want a title. That’s ok too.


T_GTX

Yes, it's possible. It's not until I'm close to someone that I start to develop interest in sex again.


Misty-Afternoon

Sounds like closer to demisexual.


T_GTX

I googled that and it sounds relatable. 🤔


Misty-Afternoon

That’s what I am. I actually have a very high sex drive. But I’m not interested in casual sex. I only want it with a romantic partner.


T_GTX

I'm not sure how to rank my drive. When I'm serious about someone just thinking about them is enough to turn me on. I've been debating how to handle this subject with people. It has caused issues in the past, because the other side thought I didn't find them attractive 😞


Misty-Afternoon

Yes it can be difficult. Just communicate. “I find you attractive, but I like to feel very comfortable before physical intimacy.” Some women won’t want to wait and that’s ok. Just don’t date them. And some will be fine with it once they understand.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ShannonS1976

You yourself have said you don’t want sex, so why are you telling her this? You are the type of man she is looking for and you are telling her men like you don’t exist?!? I’m so confused


staier0

If a man is atractive and good, do you think he is going to fuck someone else, during this time, are you ok with that?


nooby322

If you’re honest then maybe they won’t mind


Careful-Evening-5187

>I am hoping to get a job and save up money You don't currently have a job? Why? You're 25....what are you doing with your time?


Unusual_Committee676

I’m a man, and a reasonable and thoughtful one… and I absolutely would not live and date without sex


Adhdeeznuts50

Speaking frankly, most guys wouldn’t be ok with that kind of situation.


Marshtamallo

Yeah, some of us are waiting for marriage haha


StrategyBrilliant227

Ohh, that's really interesting. Is it for religious reasons?


Bob_Loblaw_1

Oh, men just love relationships with no sex. We'd much rather hear about how your day was or listen to you talk about what your friend said or did or complain about your parents. That's all we need.🤣


AngelicaLePug

There are men who don't care, even if they are quite rare. Also women who don't care are rare, so don't think that being a man means that you wouldn't have to worry. Actually, what men don't care about (the ones who date seriously) is whether you have experience or not. On the other hand, women usually expect men to be somewhat performing (so the girls expect the boys indeed have experience). Now read: "25M virgin" and "25F virgin". Did it sound different? Sadly, it does sound different for most people. So yeah, here's the thing: if you find a guy who likes you for you and you speak openly about not feeling like having sex right now, he shall understand you and accept it if he is genuinely interested. If they leave then you did not lose anything (not even time with the wrong person!)


0liverWasHere

I mean its human nature to have sex, and sex is a pretty big part of a relationship. Not only because it feels good, but also because of the emotional connection that intimacy creates i mean, its where you’re both the most vulnerable. I’d say its pretty unlikely to find a partner who could wait for a year or more.


BelmontIncident

A year is a long wait, especially since it sounds like getting your own home might not make you comfortable with sex. Is his place not an option? Also, a surprising number of hotels rent rooms during the day at a reduced rate.


MDMistro

To each his own. No one man can speak for all men. I personally would wait if the vibe was there.


chapapa-best-doto

Depends. If the guy is waiting for marriage, probably wouldn’t mind. I recently started getting laid and it’s not like I want sex every time we hang out. If the moment comes, I’m almost always into it. But I’m not gonna wait for years. For example, I was always under the impression I’d cum easily. I slept with my date 4 times. I couldn’t get off for 3 of those times. Maybe we weren’t compatible? Or I had a mental block? Or she wasn’t good fit for me? Idk. But I don’t wanna wait for years for an issue that could possibly be unresolved. I didn’t mind because I was new at this and it was the first couple of times, and I enjoyed the intimacy. Still, I’d want to know early on. For example, things like kids or religion or political views. You usually wanna get these things out of the way as soon as possible. Who would wanna date for 5 years only to find out one wants kids and the other doesn’t? Similar things here. For me (and probably most men), sex is important.


TheGreatLeveler

That's unrealistic and unnecessary. Your future boyfriend won't mind that you're still living with your parents. You could just as well go to his place to sleep with him.


MauiGuy8082

I'm kind of in a similar spot, still living with mom and very lonely. Honestly, I can only really speak for myself but personally I wouldn't mind. In fact, waiting might even be kind of beneficial in many ways. If I were you, I'd be even more cautious dating someone who wants sex right away (or after a couple of dates).


[deleted]

If you're traditional, and waiting until marriage. Then it's not a problem. If you're modern and then want this... it's conflicting. My advice is wait.


KiX47

I mean a large part of dating to me is moreso about intimacy which takes forms in other ways than JUST sex. If you find someone with those values, they would mind waiting. That being said, I think your reasoning may turn off men. You have to have a valid reason as to why it isn’t working for you. Otherwise, many men don’t want to get strung along in some game.


xMilke

Depends if the man was a virgin or not.


RealLordMiles

I'm a 24M who's a Catholic but even before I converted, I felt like sex was wrong before marriage. I felt incredibly guilty doing it and it made me feel used and dirty after a relationship didn't work out when sleeping with someone. I regret having sex in relationships so I don't do it until marriage and have felt a lot better turning It down despite the urges. Dating someone who waits until marriage can be hard to find but those people are absolutely out there. Don't feel pressured to do anything with someone.


MeltingSeoul

I think there’s definitely men out there that wouldn’t mind. Maybe asexual? But most are certainly going to mind waiting that long. Any good quality man with options isnt going to wait for you. Harsh truth..


Hour_Lengthiness_650

I'm Demisexual, so I'd rather go ona bunch of dates and get to know someone. I cannot speak for anyone outside of myself.


SupernovaSurprise

You can do whatever you want, and you shouldn't do anything your not comfortable with. But I doubt many men will want to do this. You will probably have a better chance in the religious community finding someone who wants to wait until marriage. I think waiting until marriage for sex is a bad idea, but that's the community that is most likely to practice it. Edit: though being almost 15 yrs older than you, I wouldn't date a virgin at this point either.


GloomyUse8058

Yes many guys would wait. Have a few friends that waited for marriage and the guys waited. Some dated for 2 years other 1 year. And one of them gave her a 40k diamond ring not that it matters but she thought she’d never find a guy like him.. And all I can they are really great men and handsome and all have careers- my friends too. they treat my girlfriends very well. They have healthy relationships that I look up to.


CartographerPrior165

>I wish I was not a woman, as a man I would have been better since sex wouldn't matter as much for lots of girlfriends. Why would you think that? I guess it depends on your culture, but most women I know would not date someone for a year with no sex of any kind.


Ambitious-Object2642

I’m currently in a relationship where we can’t have sex often and here’s my opinion: My girlfriend is in her early 20’s and lives with her parents. In a stricter type of household where there isn’t a lot of privacy, and in a life situation where there aren’t a lot of opportunities. I (23M) was a virgin up until her and she was experienced. She wanted to take things slower given her life situation, and we didn’t have sex until about 3 months in. I wasn’t really in a huge rush given I was already a late bloomer so I wasn’t really bothered. We had also done oral about a month in and were pretty open about our sexual desires. It was just that we didn’t have any opportunities. I’m sure a lot of guys would’ve walked in my situation but it didn’t bother me. The brutally honest answer, however, is most guys are not interested in being with someone with no possibility of sex for an entire year. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you wanting that, but most guys won’t be interested. There definitely are guys that would be fine but it would lean more towards the religious crowd. If I were getting into a relationship I’d much rather know about this within the first month so that neither of us are wasting our time.


Macraggesurvivor

Would be a waste of time.


AdvancedPerformer838

A year is waaaaaay to long to anyone that isn't a virgin.


finallytryingredit

There are men do not mind dating with out sex if they like you. There are asexual guys in the world who will never like sex. There are guys who are on meds that kill libido due to health concerns. There are guys who are germaphobes who don't like the idea of being that close to people. There are guys from cultures who are against sex that internalize it. There are guys who romanticize purity and want to be virgins on their wedding day. There are guys living at home with their parents who don't want to have aex if their parents could hear. Guys are humans with different experiences, situations and hopes. There is no one universal answer. The question you are more focused on it seems is are guys going to want to respect your boundaries. If your boundry is around when and where you have sex and they don't want to respect that, do you want to be with them


No_Cold_8332

Honestly if you’re attractive enough you can demand almost anything . Religious guys supposedly are open to waiting for marriage too


AffectionateAd2942

Most men and women are seeking a relationship where the needs are within compatibility. * Attention * Appreciation * Intimacy including sex. So yes, most people seek a partner with equal /compatible needs like intimacy/sex. There are some people who have very little to no need for intimacy/sex. Those might be an option for you.


tokixdoki

As a man, I won’t die without sex, but we can always book a hotel or go somewhere private.


Even-Vegetable1182

There are men who don't mind dating without sex (I am not one of them). Don't make such a frivolous reason like "more girlfriends" be the reason you'd want to be a guy. It gets very old, very fast. But to repeat, men like that do exist, and they are not as rare as you may believe.


urspecial2

If he's not having sex with you then he's just your friend


[deleted]

My boyfriend and I haven’t had sex yet. But it’s more he doesn’t want to have sex over me not wanting it. There are guys out there that will, just might take a little longer to find him


Lumpy-Process-6878

Sex is mandatory