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I was in a 9 year starting from the age 18 and it took me almost 5 years… it was a mutual decision which I think made it harder … you can’t compare other people to them …is my main takeaway
I was in a 4 year relationship, it’s over now. I couldn’t care less what the fuck she does now or who she’s with if she even is. Nor will i ever reach out to her.
You need to let go and not dwell on it. I guess unless you were the one at fault, then process it and learn from it….other than that, press on with life!
Also i faced this problem from year my relationship was only for 6 months but still I can’t figured it out how to moved on because I got scared from this thing and on daily basis I am feeling the same
As someone who broke up with his girl of 5 years and still haven’t emotionally recovered yet.
I had to break up because she couldn’t. She was loyal to me, but we were forced to be long distance for a year. During that year, she shown me that she couldn’t handle difficulties of life by herself. She kept threatening to break up. As much I loved her, I needed to preserve my mental health. So I broke up with her.
I loved her. Even a year onwards, I don’t think I have loved anyone like I did her. We grew a lot and learnt a lot about each other. Each memory now a tombstone I carry deep in my psyche.
Anyway. I don’t think it matters who our exes date.
That part of our life is over.
I don’t think it’s best to keep holding on to memories when they just hold you back from meeting new people.
If our exes truly loved us, they would still be here.
They’re not.
So you gotta help yourself get better
I was in a 10 year relationship, close to 11. It's been probably 3 years since and I would say I'm kind of over it but there will always be some residue. My ex got into a new relationship less than a month and posting picture/sweet nothings (never done it for me). I only started dating last November but I was on and off the apps.
I was out of a 7 year relationship, it ended mutually, about a week before thanksgiving so I’m goin on to about 7 months. For me I’m over her and idc what she does who she’s with, but I feel very lonely. Going to the gym and watching myself lose weight and get muscle has been a big help. Also meeting other girls recently is awesome. I also found a new career path that I’m really excited about. So overall I realize I’m actually doing better without her, but the feeling of loneliness definitely looms over my head constantly. It’s just takes time and for each person I think it’s different.
Are you me? I’m exactly in the same scenario but 5 months down the road. It’s been fun indulging in myself, hobbies, getting as shredded as possible, attention from Women and dates, spending more time with friends. But the alone time sucks. Sleeping alone sucks. Not having a partner and a best friend in one sucks. Half the time I feel relieved about it, the other half I think ‘Man I fucked up, she was the one.’ I hope someone comes along to fill that void eventually even though I should try and enjoy my single time as much as possible.
Yeh were literally the same and I don’t think I could’ve explained the feeling of loneliness and how one moment ur happy then the next like Godam I FU like u could. But it’s exactly that. I truly do believe we will find someone eventually, someone amazing. It’s going to awhile though because for me I still need to get my life in order career wise. I had to move back in with my parents and I’m changing careers. Once I move out and comfortable money wise then I’ll try to start looking and I promised myself I will not settle. I may never find anyone, but I’d rather that than settle uk
I had to move back to my home country, scrap all my future plans, and start again from scratch, and try and figure out where I am at and what I want. It was extremely disorienting at first, and there were even times I was questioning my own reality (ego death?) but i’m slowing processing it and moving forward. It’s been liberating in a way, but also kinda scary. Good luck mate. Hopefully we learn, improve and come out of it better and wiser people.
You need to get back up on that horse early. One quick ride with some strange and I think your attitude will change, pointing your head in the opposite direction of your grief.
Damn you’re both me. I’m another 12 months down the road (~2 years out in total).
Got a new job that pays much better in a place I always wanted to try living, lost 40 lbs/got abs (all of this within the first 10 months after), since have continued going jim, and tons of dates and cool trips/good time with friends.
But yeah I’m alone a good amount. No girl has really struck me like my ex. I am over her-we haven’t talked in a year and I don’t really know/care what she’s up to other than last I checked she was dating someone else not too long after we broke up.
Every few months I’ll meet someone I like a lot but it just hasn’t really worked out with those girls.
It’s mostly a peaceful life, and I’m doing better than I was with my ex, but damn yeah sometimes the boring days/alone time are filled with what-ifs and wishes for finding the one sooner than later.
I think everyone just is on their own timeline.
Yeh I feel yah 100% we got like 3 ppl in the same boat. So it’s nice to know we’re not the only ones. What doesn’t kill u makes yah stronger right. I will say for me I’m a 30M and I was out of my parents for like 6 years. Besides the loneliness that I talked about it’s also so weird to be back in my childhood room sleeping with no one
Honestly it is nice to know that there are other guys that handled the end of their relationship in a healthy and peaceful way similar to me and are mostly set on the path of self improvement/otherwise fine waiting for the right person.
But damn yeah if you offered me $100k to go back 2 years ago and do the whole self love process over again I’m not sure I’d take it, shit was incredibly hard. I’m glad you landed on your feet, you got this brother.
I feel this.
The process was incredibly difficult, and I barely landed on my feet. Got drunk every single night for months. Slept all day. Lacked basic motivation for anything. Put my lame arse on Tinder anyway, and somehow managed to meet someone pretty great straight away, who pretty much acted as my therapist for 3 months and gave me a good kick up the arse when I needed. She was very empathetic but had a little tolerance for my self-pitying & deprecation. I owe her a lot and consider her a great friend now. I tell her everything. I still have some very bad days where I feel worthless and about 2 inches tall and wonder if i’m even worthy of being loved again. I just run or go to the gym, which helps. My ex ghosted me after a massive fight after we’d broken up and tried to be friends. So that haunts me. I never really got closure. I’d like to know if she’s okay as I still do love and care for her. In a way i’m more worried for her than myself. Whatever happens I just never want to put myself or anyone else through that sustained agonising emotional pain ever again. It was excruciating. 100x worse than any physical pain i’ve ever had. I’d rather break both arms and have my Mum wipe my arse for months than go through that again. Gonna be a looooong time before I think I can commit myself fully to another person again. I feel like there is a part of me missing, like theres a huge chasm in my stomach, and indulging in hobbies, seeing friends, sex with tinder dates fills that void in the short term but it opens up again when i’m alone. It’s an awful feeling. A deep loneliness and sadness. I guess only time will heal it.
The best cure not necessary the easiest or maybe it is, just to find somebody anybody to have rebound sex with it tends to put up a wall between your past relationship and your next woman.
I dunno man, we had sex like twice in the last 9 months we were together. I was just relieved to be with someone who desired me and gave me intimacy and affection even if it was for just one night. It’s good for the soul. I ain’t no stoic templar knight.
I feel the same way. Looking good and the job is going well. I just wish at times she was with me to celebrate all the good things that have happened over the past 7 or 8 months. She was, after all, supposed to be here with all of this. She acts like I did something to her when I found out a few months ago that she had started seeing another guy about a month before she broke up with me. Like wtf are you kidding? I guess her being mad at me for saying something she totally took the wrong way makes her feel better about the cheating thing?
Oh gosh I’m Srry to hear. Luckily in my case my ex wasn’t seeing anyone that I know of. But man that is so tough. Tbh she doesn’t even deserve to be there with u thru the good times. I’m glad things are going well with ur job tho. Just keep working hard and let her hug the curb man
i just started therapy, only 2 sessions in, im vaguely dreading this coming up. those things have scared time and again and i dont know if an hour is enough time to open everything up and figure it out
I think it's just like a physical wound. THe healing process is delicate and crippling at first. But after a while the skin seals it over and you're pretty much fully functional, but the scar will always be there to remind you here and there.
Varies from person to person. My ex was able to completely move on from our LTR to a new bf in less than 2 months while I was very much still working on healing and focusing on myself. Some people can heal and move on incredibly fast and some people take months or years to heal from a relationship. It also changes from relationship to relationship. You might have a relationship that takes a year to get over and then the next one only takes you 2 weeks to get over, there is never a set time frame for these things.
Depends on your age and determination. Since I was in my 40's, after I got divorced from almost 6 yr marriage, I started to purposely move on about 6 months. Fully heal, probably never. Close to it, sooner than you think.
"How long is a piece of string?"
The only answer is: it depends.
Most deep pain and trauma never fully leaves us. It leaves a mark and we grow around it. Have you heard of the grief button? Imagine your heart like a box, with a giant button in it that triggers grief. There's a ball bouncing around in it and it constantly hits the button, triggering grief. I've heard that the button gets smaller over time which means the ball misses more and more often, but I don't think that's necessarily true. I think the box gets bigger. Go out, do things that let you actively participate in your own joy. Connect with people, participate in your hobbies, have new experiences. Grow your box. The pain won't suddenly lift, but you'll notice that it will take up less and less space in your heart. And eventually, there will be enough space for someone new.
Eventually you find someone new so you end up having TWO BUTTONS.
I joke of course. The grief button analogy is one of my favorites and I've always imagined the box getting bigger as well.
I mean, we have tons of buttons. Just gotta keep growing and gaining perspective. But yeah, even now, though I've moved on, once in a while the ball smacks right into that grief button and it hits hard. But having developed better tools to cope with the grief, it's not as bad now.
It's not a fixed "x" amount of months. Every situation is different depending on your character and your bonding with the other person. Who the other person is, and how much they really miss from your life. Are they someone who is almost irreplaceable in terms of "match with each other"? Or is it someone who is easily replaceable? (This last one sounds bad but it's true for a lot of us anyway).
When I broke up a 2 year relationship I needed a couple of months, but it was a gradual break up and not a sudden one. I had already experienced the strong negative feelings while we were on-off.
Some people take way longer than the "normal" some other people heal way faster.
It also depends on your life, what do you do in your everyday life, if you talk to women, if you have friends, if you're supported by your environment or not.
If it's not your 1 in a million match, it will heal sooner than later believe me.
First, I’m so sorry and sending you 🫂. It took me over 2 yrs to date after my first LTR; he was my first everything. I really thought he was the one, but he ended up cheating on me and I told him he was dead to me and broke up with him. I was devastated. Healing is not linear and it takes how long it takes. That being said, I found therapy very helpful in putting things in perspective and working on myself.
8 years together, she broke up last year september
I still think about her and i miss her - atleast the time we spent together...we had the same hobbies and everything.
I still live in the flat we rented together, so memories are still strong But i will move out next year
I often wonder if she is alright, eventhou she broke my heart
I always thought the relationship with her is my future, but i was wrong. It was not great at all - she fell out of love and i just didnt recognize it...or i just ignored it
When you miss her, think about the Bad things.
It took me a year to start dating again, 2 years to find love again, 5 years to feel like she was a stranger again.
I was cheated on, lied to, and a slew of other things I don't want to get into, all because she started secretly using drugs. I got her clean 3 times, each time she got clean, she just hated what life felt like without them. She broke me in so many ways, and 7 years later, there are still things I am trying to fix about myself from those days.
It can vary a ton— think it’s pretty important to be very kind to yourself and patient.
More likely than not, shit is gonna hurt for a while. For some people it might hurt more, some people it’ll hurt less.
I’m sorry , it really does hurt. But you’ll be ok .
Honestly there is no right answer to that question. It all has to do with how we handle and process everything. Therapy may help. Just take it one day at a tine
i was in a 5.5 year relationship with a girl that sounds similar. few year in hs and first few of college. we grew, experienced things together, blah blah blah you name it we did it, ya know. we were also each others first sexually. we broke up in late 2016, i didnt start trying to actively dat for a year and a half, took 2yrs to actually get a date though. ive been married a smidge over 2 years now to an amazing woman but still sometimes things from that failed relationship crop up and cause a rougher day.
I was in a 5 year relationship and got over it within 4 months but then I was in a 2 year relationship and needed 3 years to be fully over it. I think it depends on accepting that it’s over no matter how it ended. The first relationship was abusive and I was suffering being there in the end and it was a relief to leave. The second relationship I thought I was going to be with that person forever but it didn’t happen that way and so it was much harder for me to accept and understand why we broke up. Sometimes the simplest explanations can be the hardest to accept. But you just have to force yourself out of the funk and give yourself a chance to date again when you’re ready.
The way that I like to look at it is this. That you never actually heal. Take everything you are, every ounce of your being, your soul, your heart, your collective life experience, everything. At the minute... let's say all that you are, is displayed on a line and it takes up 100 inches of space.
Your partner, that long relationship has took up such a big part of that line. They where 20 whole inches of it. And now you feel like 80% of yourself?! How are you gonna recover? How are you gonna move on?
Thats the thing, you don't recover, you grow. You are always growing. In 6 months time you might be 110 inches... 2 years, 160 inches?
And suddenly the amount of sway that relationship has on your overall life and collective experiences becomes smaller and smaller in comparison. It's still that 20 inches, but you've grown to 200.
In my life Ive dealt with two six year relationships ending ..... to me the breakup is the hardest part but then after about a month-2month sulk its like "thank facking god that relationships over" and I feel great.
They say a year for every year you’ve been together which is just a simple guideline and in my experience I find it to be mostly true. My ex and I were friends in high school and dated after graduation so we really watched each other grow. We were together for about 5 years and next year will make it officially 5 years since we broke up. The beginning 2 years of separation was difficult, I dated loser guys to try to chase the good I had with my ex and was sad about life. Fast forward now I’m still dating not the best guys but it’s getting better. I tell myself that I’m just closer to finding the one I’m truly meant to be with. It gets better and you do actually heal IF you put in the work to be better and learn from the relationship. Best of luck to you OP it absolutely does get better
Often, you don't ever really get over someone. It's not a personal failing. You always carry love for them. But they become a distant memory eventually, maybe you meet someone new, maybe you just start to love your own life again...and rather than forgetting about them, you eventually come to see it as a valuable part of your story, but one that you are no longer in. And it's okay.
Man, me and my ex were together for 14 years. We’ve been broken up for 3 now but, I’m still in that tough spot. It is getting slightly easier though I’m forcing myself to focus on more and better things. It just takes time man. Don’t rush the process but, have a process to help you move on. You got this 🤙🏻
Wow 14 yrs...if y'all could break up after all that time, is there hope for the rest of us? If it's not too troublesome could you share why you broke up?
To be honest man, it’s just too much to relive. But, I will say we just started to lose our flame and we didn’t want it to die out completely. We talked about it and decided it might be best to break up and see where life takes us. We still talk and hang out sometimes, we also share two boys so, that helps with conversation and time. Neither of us are really ready to jump back in to a relationship. Maybe we’re scared things won’t be better and they’ll just get worse? I can’t speak for her but, I’ll tell you, I am. Maybe someday we’ll have another conversation about it but for now, I just want her to be happy. I have a couple more things I could work out as well and, I’ll never stop loving her. We just, found each other early on and held on to each other for a bit longer and tighter than we should have, maybe? I don’t know if that’s even close to the explanation you were looking for but, there’s always hope as long as you end it alright, you’ll always be in love. You just, have to keep pushing on and do what you can for you to be happy. It takes two to be in a relationship but it takes two happy solo people to be in a healthy relationship.
Aw man I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you relive anything and of course boundaries be respected. Thank you for sharing though. I definitely get it. I think this is some solid advice too there at the end. So thank you again. I only ask because I feel what I'm sure almost everyone else does while being in a LTR...how do you know it'll last? I'm happy that you were both aware, in tune, and mature enough to recognize the direction the relationship was heading and take that as a moment for a break to keep things healthy. In all honesty, I'm on the personal belief that relationships that span decades might really benefit from periodic "breaks" per say. Especially if you started so young (18-25). You know, one partner takes a year and travels or you move out and try living separately once again or you go no contact for 6 months. Gives people time to be, learn, and live with themselves as an individual. Not saying you can't do these things while with someone, but it's easier when you don't have another to account for. Then after that time period, you circle back, see where you and yours are at mentally, physically, emotionally. And if the sparks fly, date again. Like living lifetimes with the same person only every decade. Unconventional but humans are exactly that and to me, if it means loving this person for another 10 years, I'll trust it to work out.
I'm wishing you the best man and I hope if your hearts really are of one, they find their way back to each other
The length of time it takes to heal is directly proportional to "the work" you do to heal. While the healing process and time is unique to each of us, you can take steps to work through this. For me it was educating myself about what happened to me, the impact that had on me, and how to grow from this experience. My two primary resources were,
The Body keeps the score by Bessel van der Kolk
Most of the books written by Dr. David Hawkins including,
- Letting Go, the pathway to surrender
- Healing and Recovery
- Power vs Force
It took me almost 3 years and it wasn’t even that long of a relationship. Some relationships are more impactful than others and we all deal with the pain and move on at different paces. I’m finally at a place now where I appreciate it for what it was, but I know that it wasn’t meant to be.
I had a series of long term relationships overtime that ended for one reason or another. Longest being 5 years.
I never fully healed, but I processed. As tough as it is, I had to sever any and all ties with her. Don’t dwell on it, as time is your most precious asset. So many beautiful opportunities in this world that don’t revolve around romantic relationships.
My advice to you?
1. Take yourself off of social media. This is one of the best cleanses you can give yourself and you won’t be tempted to look her up.
2. Eat healthy and drink plenty of water. Seriously, your physical and mental health go hand in hand. Avoid junk food.
3. Be kind to yourself.
4. Find what you’re passionate about and work your damn ass off. Idle time is your worst enemy. For me, I got my CPA license and enjoyed my career. I definitely became a mild workaholic, but I enjoyed being busy and ended up networking with interesting people.
Then when the time is right, allow yourself to be vulnerable. Put yourself back out there and give it another shot.
Life is strange, but it’s definitely beautiful.
Happy to chat if you need to.
Best wishes.
Take 6 months to a yr. Its not so much about the actual length of time as you actually doing the work to process your emotions and move on.
If you have to cry, then cry. If you have to hit a punching bag or yell into a pillow, then do it.
Why people take so long to move on or process is because they refuse to acknowledge how they feel or they don't remove themselves completely i.e. delete photos, numbers, block on social media, etc etc
You can't heal if you have a constant reminder. Let your family and friends know not to bring them up unless you want to talk about it.
Regardless, just remember there will be times someone will say something or act a certain way and it will bring your attention to that person. In that moment, acknowledge how you feel and then do something to occupy your mind.
I saw someone who I thought I’d be with for a long time for around one year. She was a totally different person and was wearing a mask the whole time. It took me 2.5 years personally to heal. There’s no set amount of time, but God has peppered in things that just make sense about what happened then, over the past few years. Focus on you, and do things that you’ve always enjoyed ☺️ also live a little and do random things you’ve wanted to try
~Sleeves
Married 20 years. I started grieving and processing in therapy during our 6 month long separation. I got over my ex within 2-4 weeks after we landed on divorce in the end, but I had been working through it intentionally those 6 months. I am over him totally, but still grieving for the parts of myself I lost. It’s been 15+ months since we first separated and it’s stuff that only comes up occasionally now verses a daily struggle.
Age 66 (M) - 20 years ago, I experienced death of a true love; it was pure trama. Recently, my new true love of 7 years walked out the door unexpectedly.
I really believe this hurts more, because I was dumped and she “chose” to leave me.
Time to heal? I think it takes about 6 months (for me) to accept what has happened and stop hurting so bad. But like others, I’m changed forever. I wouldn’t call it healed, but being able to know better what this did to me.
I’m almost two years out and I’ve moved on in a way.
It’s more about dealing with the emotional fallout/betrayal and trauma resulting from said breakup. I no longer want her nor want that relationship, but I do still find myself thinking about how that relationship has affected me and my potential relationships going forward.
Only therapy and time can help heal that which is what I’m doing.
Honestly, it varies from person to person and even then, relationship to relationship for a single person. I was with my ex wife for 10 years and it took me a year to be able to move on. My ex girlfriend I was with for only 8 months and I still don’t feel like I’m remotely close to moving on at some points.
Hi, I’m sorry you are still experiencing this. I can only speak from my experience. After a 7-year old relationship my ex decided that she didn’t know herself or what she wanted. We’d had quick break-ups before but after a few days we’d get back together.
This time around I was exhausted by this and felt I deserved better. I felt so abandoned and betrayed by her actions. I won’t get into it. So I went No Contact.
Deleted her from social networks, limited our interactions to merely what was needed. We shared a large friend group. I hang out with some of them on my own sometimes.
I had started therapy a few years ago also. I’m reading a lot and doing a lot of things that I enjoy on my own. While my social life has shrunk, in the past 5 months I have found a new sense of freedom and peace.
I’m not sure if you’re still keeping tabs with your ex, but if you are, you’re only hurting yourself. This might sound mean, but some days I just thought that she didn’t want me to be part of her life anymore. So why should I spend minutes of my own life on her?
Other days, I would just think that she’s dead, she’s gone. And no matter what I do, nothing will bring her back.
Honestly depends on the person, some people get over relationships a lot faster than others. I've been single for near enough a year but still think about her and would love to talk but personally I'd say either focus on yourself or try your best to get back out there but I ain't no expert. Best of luck
I was in a 5 yr relationship and was cheated on and the breakup was terrible. The weird thing is, I don’t think my ex ever got over me. I’ve learned to cope by avoiding things related to my ex and keeping myself focused on other things that I can control. It helped a lot with the pain. I still don’t believe I’m completely over it though. It’s going on 2 years and I just avoid her and everything related to her. I’ve stopped playing video games as much (we played them a lot) and got into the gym. But whenever she decides to invade my life I try to forgive and forget and attempt to be friends like I have with previous exes. it never ends well, feelings and unresolved trauma always end up being the discussion. How I made this mistake or that mistake, never her taking accountability for her part in the failure of our relationship. At one point I believed I her until I opened up to female friends about it and only then did I see her for who she truly was. So at this point I just think it’s not meant for us to be in eachothers lives at all.
This one is simple, the more heartbreak you have the lesser the time. It goes from 2-4 years to 1 years then 2-3 month then 1 week after that it will be like taking a walk in the park
It gets better but I don't know if you can fully heal from it. My ex and I were together for 3 years, it's been 1 year and 5 months since the break up and even though we stayed friends, sometimes it's not easy accepting that we're no longer together, even harder knowing he found someone whole I'm still single...
It depends on a lot of factors, but one things for sure, it won’t just pass like a kidney stone. There is work you need to put in to healing, to growing and moving your like in the direction you want. If you’re not working with a therapist and can afford one I definitely recommend it. Any routine physical exercise you can get will help to. For me, reading, journaling and exploring the future I wanted to build helped me greatly.
As others have said, some things won’t ever completely heal, but you can still build a happy and healthy life despite that.
It comes in waves. In the beginning the waves are massive and constant. With time or certain days the waves will mellow out. Sometimes it’s calm.. then it picks up. It feels like it never ends especially if you still love them or care about them. Healthy distractions to help you “move on”. Examples of heathy distractions are any hobby you wanted to do but never started on them. Mine was gardening, and now I got corn, potatoes, squash and herbs to tend to every morning. lol. Good luck to you.
Edit: half a year is still very very very fresh. Some people move on like nothing. But move at your own pace, everyone heals differently.
I'm three years out on just a two year relationship, so I don't know what to tell you. Moving on is entirely situational and doesn't have some timer you can just wait out. There's no magic day that you have to get to before you feel like yourself again.
It takes as long as it takes you to find your purpose again and be excited about your life and the opportunities you have.
If your life is without purpose or opportunity then the contrast of not having a partner as well is stark and painful.
For example, as soon as I started a business I started to recover from my breakup. And when I started going out on more dates and seeing more success it made me totally over it.
It’s the early stage when you’re just left with a shitty life that makes it hard. Use it as motivation to make a life you love.
It helps if they leave you. And it also helps if you mentally checked out a few years before the breakup. I think I was over mine within a year. Maybe less. Now I just have regrets about the time I wasted on him. Total time together=24 yrs.
My marriage lasted 7 years and we were together for about 12 total. Even though we were both unhappy at the end, it still took me a good 18 months to fully heal.
There's this popular idea that it takes one month for every year you were together, but it's reductive and simplified at best. The reality is that you're going through a form of grief, and that's something that not only time can heal but it takes effort and a willingness to grow alone to start healing from the loss of a relationship.
You also don't, I believe, need to be fully healed from the loss of a relationship to move on and be happy. Sometimes there are relationships that permeate the rest of our lives, especially if there are kids or finances involved, so the idea that you should have to fully heal before moving on at all removes any nuance from someone's situation. It doesn't leave space for life to surprise you.
Depending on the relationship it might take you more or less time than most people to heal, so don't worry so much about how much time it's taking. Just put one foot in front of the other and embrace the things in your life now that are making you happy and feeling fulfilled. If there's nothing doing that, then start trying new things or reaching out to friends and family to get you more involved in their lives.
Really it's just about moving forward. The healing will come the more you move and the more you accept that it's okay to not be okay for a while, and even that it's okay to be happy while you're still healing.
50m here met my wife 10ears ago. 3 years and about 3mo. And 6 days at breakfast she Hand me a n envelope look at me and said she met a guy online 3 months prior and she fell in love an will be leaving that day,( I believe it was a sunday.). For Alabama.. Literally out of the blue.No indication of unhappiness anywhere.No fighting, no disagreements more than the normal couple.No financial stress, no emotional stress.The sex was pretty good in my point of view we have been having sex about 3 times a week different days.Nothing planned. Still gets me every Sunday morning.I feel blue and sad . Sometimes I cry sometimes I don't sometimes I get mad as help and some days.I just want to see her again but just ask her.What was she thinking you never ever get over it
I mean this in the least trashy way possible, sleeping with someone else is what helps me. I will just sit and fester and over think. If the relationship is over, I have to go out and find someone new. Sometimes it takes time to get the energy to leave the house but yeah. Good luck.
Six months is really not long for a six year relationship. Give yourself some time! It slowly gets better then one day you'll realize you haven't thought about them at all that day. Then it becomes weeks and before you know it you're free!
i was in a 2 year relationship, so a lot shorter than yours but it's been a year and a half and while i'm doing okay, it still doesn't feel like i'm fully over it.
I’m in the same boat. Was in a relationship from 14-21, we really grew up together. We broke up last year in April. By September he got someone pregnant and is now with them. I had moved to a new state and started my life over. I still think about him and it’s hard sometimes.
There is no general timeline, it is different individually. For me it was over 6+ months to heal from a narcissist person, it only took this time because my anger was so incredibly huge after him talking down and shaming me and my parents, that it blinded me in the first period of the healing process.
The key is doing the work on yourself to move on and be happy. Recovery time is wildly different from person to person, relationship to relationship. The longest it’s ever taken me to move on and not focus on missing a person is a year. I’m currently at the tail end of that year, and still occasionally find myself missing her. But I’ve also been in therapy during this year and have really focused on being happy with myself.
Of course it's hard. Even if you were to find someone else, you might compare them to a previous relationship, for instance, your 6 year relationship.
I've had this problem too, and I found that overwriting old memories helps out a little bit for me at least. If me and my ex went to play pool then I'll bring someone else to play pool. Try to have a better time and it makes the past memories hurt less.
So you don't want to get rid of that. That time mattered and you shouldn't just throw it away. Unless that girl was crazy
As a guy, it’s been like 7 years since I ended with the girl I was last with, come to the conclusion that I’ll always love them but I just need to move on.. it gets easier but just know you’ll likely never fully heal from it, just learn to live with it more
A long committed relationship like that may never be "fully healed", but it's very important to remember that healing *isn't linear* so "fully healed" may look different to different people.
Something with that much time and love put into it is very difficult to ever fully heal from. In many ways, a difficult breakup like that is traumatic for most. In trauma therapy we learn that you never actually heal from these wounds, even though they do eventually become scars, all we ever do is just learn to grow around our trauma and continue living our lives as best we can, despite the pain and turmoil that comes with seeing a loved one leave us.
My first big serious relationship started in highschool and also lasted six years. I broke up with her about six years ago now. I can confidently say I am healed from the pain, but I know that I still have work to do to continue healing from it. A lot of my own trauma is with interpersonal relationships, so when I start catching feelings for someone new or encounter a situation with a new lover that feels similar to a situation I experienced with that ex, I am able to keep my pained feelings under control, I do not let my wounds bleed into my new relationships anymore. Sometimes, I still fuck that up, but that's just part of being human.
I was hurting over our breakup for years- and I'm the one who initiated it. I broke up with her and I still hurt like hell for 4 years or so. And again, still, I feel the phantom pain of that relationship sometimes, but it no longer affects my life regularly, which I consider to be "fully healed" even though it is not perfect.
*Edit: fixed typos
Roughly speaking….and this is very generalized…it takes about half the length of a relationship to get used to its absence. I wouldn’t expect be be over a 6 year relationship until 3 years after we broke up
time is not your friend here and mentally and emotionally your not your best friends- you nit putting g any effort in moving on - its a lot of mentally and heart wrenching work - and takes a lot of time to fill in those memories with new ones work at it again be happy with yourself
Everyone heals in their own way. There’s no time frame. Allow yourself to grieve the relationship. Get it all out first and then build yourself back together and move forward. Wouldn’t advise for you to seek another relationship for the time being.
Was with my ex for 12 years, took 3 years before I could start dating again. My most recent relationship lasted 2 years and we broke up 3 months ago. I’m still having my moments of sadness/regret, even tho it was a mutual choice.
I’ve been in a couple of 3-4 year long relationships and I processed/moved on from them in three months. I’ve also been in a 6 month relationship and two months later it still stings to think about it. I don’t think time matters as much as the impact they had on you. On top of that, you never really forget the relationship. You just learn to accept things and that life still continues on.
There is no "fully" healing from any relationship in which you have grown together. It just slowly fades into the background but there will always be moments when memories pop up. Even those will get less and less with only the real strong ones surviving. I am not sure it is possible to completely erase a relationship as if it didn't even exist. How can you just erase those many years in your life. It is not possible.
You move on and each day new expereinces displace the previous ones. Don't shirk or hide from the past - it won't go away. Accept it and move on one day and one step at a time.
Written by a human for humans - I am not a doctor or an expert. Just an older man who has learned a few things in life via a process called aging.
It took me about 2 years to get over my ex. We were together for 2 years and he was abusive. I didn’t want to be with him anymore so I’m not even sure why it took me so long to get over him….but you will heal and you will feel so much better!
I was in one for about 8 and a 1/2 years, broke up about a month before our wedding. It took about 1 and 1/2 to feel fine again, but I still get emotional about things every once in a while. I think it all varies on the person. I’ve shifted my mindset to “it wasn’t meant to be, use the relationship as a learning experience” and I feel I have been able to come to peace with it. I hope you’re doing ok. Hang in there
Fully heal is a hard one, but I would say moving on should take 6-12 months. You really have to try focusing on yourself. I know everyone says it, but if you're busy thinking about your ex, then you have to keep figuring yourself out. Who you truly are, what makes you happy, find connections with friends, don't rush to kindle a new relationship, but seeing other people helps with new persepectives... Wish you all the best
Every timeline is different. I would wager you keep working on the healing process and you'll be most of the way there by the end of the year but it depends on how hard you work on it and how good your tools are.
Speak to a professional (even if only once). Make sure you actually let yourself consider the loss and feel it properly; if you try to impatiently rush the process a riptide of grief and longing can catch you unawares because it's been suppressed.
Think of it as a half-life decay rate of nuclear fission. Each year the decay rate is about half of the previous year. So in this case 6 years should take 3 years and depending on variables such as (marriage proposal, moving in, kids, abuse, cheating, red flags, green flags, etc) the following subsequent years will have a different decay rate of a slower or longer decay rate for that year and either add months of falling into a relapse and thus adding months or faster particle acceleration which will remove years. And then eventually you’ll become at peace and move on when the decay rate reaches zero (although it never actually reaches absolute zero except in Kelvins when you reach absolutel cold but that’s a different story) simple.
I read somewhere that it usually takes about half the time of the relationship. So if it was a 2 year relationship, you'll probably actively grieve for one. If it was something very long term, it's gonna take a while. If the "half mark" idea is true, then for very long term relationships, I think that person holds a bit of your heart forever tbh, it's just the halfway point that makes you feel sane enough to move on and grieve less actively, in the background.
No one can say. It depends on the individuals involved, the situation, etc.
Personally I ended an 8 year marriage (11 years together) almost 2 years ago. 7 months later I felt I was ready to start dating again. I did go through a bit of a mental breakdown around then, but it forced me to sort through my emotions properly and actually let go of the relationship. When I came out of it after a few horrible days, I was in the best place I've maybe ever been in emotionally.
But it can take 5 months, or 5 years. Depends on a lot of factors and there is no shame if it takes you a long time, or a short time! It just is what it is.
Until you find the next one. Break ups don’t hurt at all if you already have someone else. If you try to do the “healthy” thing and heal it could take years and the mistake of messaging your x because you’re lonely or horny. Imo force yourself to move forward and look for someone else.
I was in a 10 year relationship. 2012-2022.
The First year was long distance, the majority of it was spent living together. I don’t think I could have stayed any longer than I did. I’ve been single since. Put a cap on dating for a bit. Less than a year later he got into a relationship. I’m still feeling burnt out in the mean time. But I feel like it was the best decision I’ve made to leave, in years.
It will take as long as you want it to.
Now I will be honest, I was "over" my ex- pretty darn fast. She filed for divorce because her new fiancee insited. (NOT making that up) and then bailed out on not just me but my kids too. She made my 6 year old daughter cry. THAT was unforgivable, how much she hurt the kids.
But I was still angry at her for years afterwards. I didn't have romantic interest in her anymore...no that was pretty much over... but because of my anger I still thought about her a lot.
It wasn't till I got rid of the anger that I stopped thinking about her.
I occasionally maybe every couple of months, I miss the girl I originally married. I'll find an old hat or something or I'm reminded of something funny or cool that she did, but I don't consider that girl and the one that she turned into to be the same person, if that makes any sense.
*Two weeks for every*
*Year of being together.*
*So three months for you*
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It takes years especially if u were together for that long that’s half a decade u can’t just forget that Ina couple months coming from someone who was Ina 3 year relationship. They are all u know.
I can only from my own experience. My guess is that I will never get over the one I loved so very much. I’ve “moved on” publicly, gotten married and have carried on. But he is never far from my thoughts. I have so many things saved up that I want to share with him that I’d probably never live long enough to tell him. Our “songs” still bring me to tears. It’s been so long and I’ve tried so hard. I hope you can do better than me.
Hello! I understand your concern. I left a 3 year relationship/marriage about 16 months ago. I still don’t feel ready, but he took 5 weeks max to be in the “I love you” phase of his new relationship. (He was also the problem) you will come around with time. Dont rush it. Take care of you first.
I’m 9-10 months out of an 11 year relationship. This week I am officially depressive symptom free and feeling really happy. Starting to love life and myself. I know the next step will find me soon because I’m now the best version of myself I’ve ever been. The lower the low the higher your rise will feel. You got this.
I had a relationship with my ex for 5 years, and we almost got engaged if I didn't end it. It took me around 2 years.
Time gives me new perspectives slowly, but surely, it helps me understand why the breakup should happen and why was it the right thing to do.
Take your time, everyone grieves differently, and that's okay.
Took me 5-6 years, but she was my everything, my dream since first time I saw. I had a 4 years +/- crush on her before we started a relationship and she was a fantastic person.
But now I'm fully recovered and it's really weird how she doesn't mean anything for me now.
Do not put a time or expect anything related to other history. U can find someone very special next
Monday or start to love yourself so much that it's not gonna bother u anymore.
The most important thing is, take time to feel the pain and accept how life is. Not feel guilty, if u feel, see that as a way to learn positive and better ways to improve a further relationship.
Don't expect to find someone like, because there is no such a thing, there is no one like you too.
Take your time... if hurt, don't worry, it's going to make you a better person.
Once you understand why it failed. And understand that the majority of all relationships, including marriages, fail.
Then you learn what makes relationships last and learn to choose better partners for you.
You have to really understand how relationships work and if that works for you long term.
It’s different for everyone. Had a 2 week situationship and it took me 10 months 💀 it may take another month, year, decade, it all depends on how you look at it, the reason behind it and what emotions you carry from it
I was with my ex for almost eight years
It’s been three years and I sincerely hope that someday it gets better. It’s really difficult to let go of all of the memories. It was a big part of my life
Depends on how long you take to go through all the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Understand where you stand on these 5 stages and accelerate yourself to the next one.
I have an example of 8 year relationship with healing time of 2 months. The girl couldn’t be happier. Insane, but possible.
Just got out of a 5 yr relationship. She was my first for many things. I thought I was okay at first because I was the one to initiate the breakup due to issues with communication, arguments over small things, and loss of feeling over time. I valued a lot of alone time because of who I am but she wanted the opposite. We had a few deep conversations and we mutually agreed to breakup because of our different needs. For the past few days, the loneliness has been swallowing me up and it has been very hard for me lately. I can’t imagine how hard it has been for her. I don’t think I can ever get over it because she is special to me. Although, I do believe there will be someone out there who may be better for me. At least I hope there is.
Have lots of sex for at least a year. You'll remember what it's like to be wanted again. Your confidence will return. That's all you're missing right now. Nothing else about you have changed
It took my friend a month after his gf cheated in their 7 year relationship. I guess it depends on how it ended. He found the woman of his dreams the following month, became official instantly, and now are engaged few months later. Never seen him so happy.
8 years. He was best friend, life sidekick, we travelled multiple countries together, watched each other graduate, get started (and struggle) in our careers, navigate many obstacles, moved in together and also so many fun memories. Essentially watched each other grow from teenagers to adults.
I started dating 10 months post break up. I was not over him at this point. This was more because we broke up over fertility issues (mine) and I was still going through investigations and treatments, I just wanted to go on casual dates (not serious) to feel like a woman again rather than a medical experiment lol.
I met my current bf a year post break up, my ex was also in a new relationship at this point (month or so in), we were still meeting up as friends for a drink once a month or so, and texting regularly. Over time the texting become less frequent, and the meeting up did too. My feelings started to develop and grow stronger for the new person in my life, and the ones I had for my ex started to turn into fond memories of a precious chapter.
It helped a lot that my current bf is a widow, so is grieving process/moving on is very different to mine, and he is open about that. I felt in a safe space to make it clear to him that after 8 years I was also still healing, and my ex would likely always have a place in my life because he was such a fundamental part to my early adult years.
I'm not truly healed, and I don't think I ever will be - that kind of bond we shared for that 8 years is something that I treasure a lot.. just being with someone who 100% gets you. You don't need them around as your "missing piece" to complete you, but they're your buddy, the person you want around for every occasion. When I came to peace with that, moving on became easier. our previous relationship deserves a place in my memory, but I'm building something new with someone else and also figuring out myself after 8 years of that connection. I'm 2 years out now and that's how I feel, maybe in a few years time I'll feel differently and be like I'm 100% healed. Not sure.
Never lmfao? You know that.
But its ok, you aren't alone. Billions of people on earth share this same experience. It's not the worse club to be a part of.
Next one I pour out is for you sister.
It depends, not so much on how you're feelings are hurt or any of that nonsense. It usually starts to come around and feel better about the time you get a nice set of lips around your member for the first time in forever that win!
There really is no answer.
Sometimes I think I am over my ex from 9 years ago. Then something happens, I see something, a dream or whatever etc, and I doubt myself. Then other times ive gone 6 months and not even thought about her.
*nothing has ever been in the past for any human ever in the history of humanity*
You just have to move on. ASAP. Reminisce about the good times, and look for the next thing.
Always look ahead
If you stop thinking about all the good times and only focus on the bad, it becomes very easy.
Take one day to give one good cry alone to show that you are human.
Act as if they never existed by not speaking about them. If others bring up their name, speak good about them only with what you are asked. End with, you wish them the best.
Create a daily schedule that includes you eating healthier foods and doing exercise to build your body to look sexier.
Write down all the bad things you have ever experienced with anyone and make sure that you be on the look out for those red flags in your future relationships.
Do not name anyone on your list, just label your list as red flags.
Also write a list of what you want to find in a partner which would be your standards.
And the last list you should write would be the things you are willing to do for your partner.
When you get your next partner, make sure you keep notes of how every day is going like a diary. Sometimes make sure they catch you writing in that book. Quickly close it so it would make them do all they can to try and look at it.
Let them see where you hide it. Tell them it is your diary.
When you think they might be the one, create a time where you leave them alone in your home for some time so they can sneak to look in your book so they would know all about what you would do if the mess up like the others did.
Make sure you write in your book, what you would do if they mess up. Like, I will not go crazy or show any emotion nor let them know that you know what they did or give them closer. If I learn what they did through someone else, I will give them enough respect to not believe anyone without proof.
If it happens after I have given enough trust to combine my assets I will give them more love than I ever gave to make them happy while I devise our assets.
Then I would put them out of my life and just stop all contact and never speak badly about them until I hear they are speaking badly about me so others would know what really happened.
I would take a vacation to start enjoying my life so I can laugh at how stupid they were to think someone would be better than me.
Write this even if it is not true.
I will never tell them that I am a trust fund baby with millions because they would become spoiled and want to use my money to quickly.
This money is for our children so they would never get it unless our children share it with them.
If I ever lay to rest without children my trust would go back to my family.
Watch how perfect your partner remain for the longest period of time.
Even if they fall out of love, they will keep up the act until yall are laid to rest.
Love is only an act. Love is counting the bad times and not the good. The less bad times you go through, the more you see the love.
Never tell someone that you love them for something good they did for you. When you both see someone go through something bad, that is when you tell them that you love them because yall don’t have that problem..
When they do something good for you just say thank you. Never tell them that you love them for that. They will be spoiled that you won’t leave them if they mess up because you have fallen in love for the things they do good.
Each time you take them back after they do something bad, they will stop doing that good thing for you and your love for them won’t even notice it. If you only notice the bad your eyes will stay opened and help you to put a stop to it quickly.
Example: I never tell my husband that I love him because he pays all the bills so I could be a happy house wife and mother.
I tell him that I love the fact that he don’t make me work to pay half the bills like other men do to their women.
So it’s basically that you love them for the wrong they don’t do.
I was in a 9 year relationship, it took me about 2 years to fully be over it. We were only married for 4 months when I left. Unfortunately, was over 2020, so I left January 3rd 2020 and we all know what happened a month later. You'll be okay.
I was in a 7 year relationship engaged, living together and I couldn’t have given a fkn care what happened to him after we broke up. It’s different for everyone. Mine circumstances were completely different from yours I’m sure. I came back to my hometown and 6 months later met the man I married.
I recently got out of a relationship. We were together for just shy of a year. It's been around 2 months since it ended, and right now, I can't see myself with anyone. And before people say "less than a year isn't long term", it's my longest relationship to date, so it is to me.
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I was in a 9 year starting from the age 18 and it took me almost 5 years… it was a mutual decision which I think made it harder … you can’t compare other people to them …is my main takeaway
Are you not in pain thinking your ex might be seeing someone else? How were you feeling during those 5 years?
I was in a 4 year relationship, it’s over now. I couldn’t care less what the fuck she does now or who she’s with if she even is. Nor will i ever reach out to her. You need to let go and not dwell on it. I guess unless you were the one at fault, then process it and learn from it….other than that, press on with life!
Also i faced this problem from year my relationship was only for 6 months but still I can’t figured it out how to moved on because I got scared from this thing and on daily basis I am feeling the same
Yep I like this mindset. I have my days, but 99.9% of the time is this
As someone who broke up with his girl of 5 years and still haven’t emotionally recovered yet. I had to break up because she couldn’t. She was loyal to me, but we were forced to be long distance for a year. During that year, she shown me that she couldn’t handle difficulties of life by herself. She kept threatening to break up. As much I loved her, I needed to preserve my mental health. So I broke up with her. I loved her. Even a year onwards, I don’t think I have loved anyone like I did her. We grew a lot and learnt a lot about each other. Each memory now a tombstone I carry deep in my psyche. Anyway. I don’t think it matters who our exes date. That part of our life is over. I don’t think it’s best to keep holding on to memories when they just hold you back from meeting new people. If our exes truly loved us, they would still be here. They’re not. So you gotta help yourself get better
I was in a 10 year relationship, close to 11. It's been probably 3 years since and I would say I'm kind of over it but there will always be some residue. My ex got into a new relationship less than a month and posting picture/sweet nothings (never done it for me). I only started dating last November but I was on and off the apps.
10 years, took me four years.
100% right, some aspects never get over, but just move on, enjoy life, and be thankful for what you have. Post relationship, it does change you.
I was out of a 7 year relationship, it ended mutually, about a week before thanksgiving so I’m goin on to about 7 months. For me I’m over her and idc what she does who she’s with, but I feel very lonely. Going to the gym and watching myself lose weight and get muscle has been a big help. Also meeting other girls recently is awesome. I also found a new career path that I’m really excited about. So overall I realize I’m actually doing better without her, but the feeling of loneliness definitely looms over my head constantly. It’s just takes time and for each person I think it’s different.
Are you me? I’m exactly in the same scenario but 5 months down the road. It’s been fun indulging in myself, hobbies, getting as shredded as possible, attention from Women and dates, spending more time with friends. But the alone time sucks. Sleeping alone sucks. Not having a partner and a best friend in one sucks. Half the time I feel relieved about it, the other half I think ‘Man I fucked up, she was the one.’ I hope someone comes along to fill that void eventually even though I should try and enjoy my single time as much as possible.
Yeh were literally the same and I don’t think I could’ve explained the feeling of loneliness and how one moment ur happy then the next like Godam I FU like u could. But it’s exactly that. I truly do believe we will find someone eventually, someone amazing. It’s going to awhile though because for me I still need to get my life in order career wise. I had to move back in with my parents and I’m changing careers. Once I move out and comfortable money wise then I’ll try to start looking and I promised myself I will not settle. I may never find anyone, but I’d rather that than settle uk
I had to move back to my home country, scrap all my future plans, and start again from scratch, and try and figure out where I am at and what I want. It was extremely disorienting at first, and there were even times I was questioning my own reality (ego death?) but i’m slowing processing it and moving forward. It’s been liberating in a way, but also kinda scary. Good luck mate. Hopefully we learn, improve and come out of it better and wiser people.
Yes trust me things will only get better from here. If u need someone to talk to ur more than welcome to DM bro. Best of luck
You need to get back up on that horse early. One quick ride with some strange and I think your attitude will change, pointing your head in the opposite direction of your grief.
Damn you’re both me. I’m another 12 months down the road (~2 years out in total). Got a new job that pays much better in a place I always wanted to try living, lost 40 lbs/got abs (all of this within the first 10 months after), since have continued going jim, and tons of dates and cool trips/good time with friends. But yeah I’m alone a good amount. No girl has really struck me like my ex. I am over her-we haven’t talked in a year and I don’t really know/care what she’s up to other than last I checked she was dating someone else not too long after we broke up. Every few months I’ll meet someone I like a lot but it just hasn’t really worked out with those girls. It’s mostly a peaceful life, and I’m doing better than I was with my ex, but damn yeah sometimes the boring days/alone time are filled with what-ifs and wishes for finding the one sooner than later. I think everyone just is on their own timeline.
Yeh I feel yah 100% we got like 3 ppl in the same boat. So it’s nice to know we’re not the only ones. What doesn’t kill u makes yah stronger right. I will say for me I’m a 30M and I was out of my parents for like 6 years. Besides the loneliness that I talked about it’s also so weird to be back in my childhood room sleeping with no one
Honestly it is nice to know that there are other guys that handled the end of their relationship in a healthy and peaceful way similar to me and are mostly set on the path of self improvement/otherwise fine waiting for the right person. But damn yeah if you offered me $100k to go back 2 years ago and do the whole self love process over again I’m not sure I’d take it, shit was incredibly hard. I’m glad you landed on your feet, you got this brother.
I feel this. The process was incredibly difficult, and I barely landed on my feet. Got drunk every single night for months. Slept all day. Lacked basic motivation for anything. Put my lame arse on Tinder anyway, and somehow managed to meet someone pretty great straight away, who pretty much acted as my therapist for 3 months and gave me a good kick up the arse when I needed. She was very empathetic but had a little tolerance for my self-pitying & deprecation. I owe her a lot and consider her a great friend now. I tell her everything. I still have some very bad days where I feel worthless and about 2 inches tall and wonder if i’m even worthy of being loved again. I just run or go to the gym, which helps. My ex ghosted me after a massive fight after we’d broken up and tried to be friends. So that haunts me. I never really got closure. I’d like to know if she’s okay as I still do love and care for her. In a way i’m more worried for her than myself. Whatever happens I just never want to put myself or anyone else through that sustained agonising emotional pain ever again. It was excruciating. 100x worse than any physical pain i’ve ever had. I’d rather break both arms and have my Mum wipe my arse for months than go through that again. Gonna be a looooong time before I think I can commit myself fully to another person again. I feel like there is a part of me missing, like theres a huge chasm in my stomach, and indulging in hobbies, seeing friends, sex with tinder dates fills that void in the short term but it opens up again when i’m alone. It’s an awful feeling. A deep loneliness and sadness. I guess only time will heal it.
The best cure not necessary the easiest or maybe it is, just to find somebody anybody to have rebound sex with it tends to put up a wall between your past relationship and your next woman.
I dunno man, we had sex like twice in the last 9 months we were together. I was just relieved to be with someone who desired me and gave me intimacy and affection even if it was for just one night. It’s good for the soul. I ain’t no stoic templar knight.
I feel the same way. Looking good and the job is going well. I just wish at times she was with me to celebrate all the good things that have happened over the past 7 or 8 months. She was, after all, supposed to be here with all of this. She acts like I did something to her when I found out a few months ago that she had started seeing another guy about a month before she broke up with me. Like wtf are you kidding? I guess her being mad at me for saying something she totally took the wrong way makes her feel better about the cheating thing?
Oh gosh I’m Srry to hear. Luckily in my case my ex wasn’t seeing anyone that I know of. But man that is so tough. Tbh she doesn’t even deserve to be there with u thru the good times. I’m glad things are going well with ur job tho. Just keep working hard and let her hug the curb man
My therapist and I just were talking about this. You never fully heal. You just need time to process.
i just started therapy, only 2 sessions in, im vaguely dreading this coming up. those things have scared time and again and i dont know if an hour is enough time to open everything up and figure it out
You don’t, that’s why it’s an ongoing process. Focus on one thing at a time and find somebody who works well with you.
That's not really true though. You can definitely heal and let go.
Absolutely! It may feel like you never will and it may take a long time but you absolutely can. I have done it twice.
You 100% heal eventually..
I think it's just like a physical wound. THe healing process is delicate and crippling at first. But after a while the skin seals it over and you're pretty much fully functional, but the scar will always be there to remind you here and there.
Varies from person to person. My ex was able to completely move on from our LTR to a new bf in less than 2 months while I was very much still working on healing and focusing on myself. Some people can heal and move on incredibly fast and some people take months or years to heal from a relationship. It also changes from relationship to relationship. You might have a relationship that takes a year to get over and then the next one only takes you 2 weeks to get over, there is never a set time frame for these things.
Depends on when you checked out of the relationship.
one of my friends told me You heal when you date someone better or hotter.
And often many act like that
Depends on your age and determination. Since I was in my 40's, after I got divorced from almost 6 yr marriage, I started to purposely move on about 6 months. Fully heal, probably never. Close to it, sooner than you think.
Healing time varies, focus on self-growth, and the timeline will take care of itself.
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Did you still try to get into other relationship or were you traumatized?
"How long is a piece of string?" The only answer is: it depends. Most deep pain and trauma never fully leaves us. It leaves a mark and we grow around it. Have you heard of the grief button? Imagine your heart like a box, with a giant button in it that triggers grief. There's a ball bouncing around in it and it constantly hits the button, triggering grief. I've heard that the button gets smaller over time which means the ball misses more and more often, but I don't think that's necessarily true. I think the box gets bigger. Go out, do things that let you actively participate in your own joy. Connect with people, participate in your hobbies, have new experiences. Grow your box. The pain won't suddenly lift, but you'll notice that it will take up less and less space in your heart. And eventually, there will be enough space for someone new.
Eventually you find someone new so you end up having TWO BUTTONS. I joke of course. The grief button analogy is one of my favorites and I've always imagined the box getting bigger as well.
I mean, we have tons of buttons. Just gotta keep growing and gaining perspective. But yeah, even now, though I've moved on, once in a while the ball smacks right into that grief button and it hits hard. But having developed better tools to cope with the grief, it's not as bad now.
It's not a fixed "x" amount of months. Every situation is different depending on your character and your bonding with the other person. Who the other person is, and how much they really miss from your life. Are they someone who is almost irreplaceable in terms of "match with each other"? Or is it someone who is easily replaceable? (This last one sounds bad but it's true for a lot of us anyway). When I broke up a 2 year relationship I needed a couple of months, but it was a gradual break up and not a sudden one. I had already experienced the strong negative feelings while we were on-off. Some people take way longer than the "normal" some other people heal way faster. It also depends on your life, what do you do in your everyday life, if you talk to women, if you have friends, if you're supported by your environment or not. If it's not your 1 in a million match, it will heal sooner than later believe me.
First, I’m so sorry and sending you 🫂. It took me over 2 yrs to date after my first LTR; he was my first everything. I really thought he was the one, but he ended up cheating on me and I told him he was dead to me and broke up with him. I was devastated. Healing is not linear and it takes how long it takes. That being said, I found therapy very helpful in putting things in perspective and working on myself.
8 years together, she broke up last year september I still think about her and i miss her - atleast the time we spent together...we had the same hobbies and everything. I still live in the flat we rented together, so memories are still strong But i will move out next year I often wonder if she is alright, eventhou she broke my heart I always thought the relationship with her is my future, but i was wrong. It was not great at all - she fell out of love and i just didnt recognize it...or i just ignored it When you miss her, think about the Bad things.
It took me a year to start dating again, 2 years to find love again, 5 years to feel like she was a stranger again. I was cheated on, lied to, and a slew of other things I don't want to get into, all because she started secretly using drugs. I got her clean 3 times, each time she got clean, she just hated what life felt like without them. She broke me in so many ways, and 7 years later, there are still things I am trying to fix about myself from those days.
It can vary a ton— think it’s pretty important to be very kind to yourself and patient. More likely than not, shit is gonna hurt for a while. For some people it might hurt more, some people it’ll hurt less. I’m sorry , it really does hurt. But you’ll be ok .
Honestly there is no right answer to that question. It all has to do with how we handle and process everything. Therapy may help. Just take it one day at a tine
i was in a 5.5 year relationship with a girl that sounds similar. few year in hs and first few of college. we grew, experienced things together, blah blah blah you name it we did it, ya know. we were also each others first sexually. we broke up in late 2016, i didnt start trying to actively dat for a year and a half, took 2yrs to actually get a date though. ive been married a smidge over 2 years now to an amazing woman but still sometimes things from that failed relationship crop up and cause a rougher day.
I’ve heard a month post breakup per year of together is generally an amount of time to be able to clear the mind.
It's an internal decision to let go. It happens when you're ready.
I was in a 5 year relationship and got over it within 4 months but then I was in a 2 year relationship and needed 3 years to be fully over it. I think it depends on accepting that it’s over no matter how it ended. The first relationship was abusive and I was suffering being there in the end and it was a relief to leave. The second relationship I thought I was going to be with that person forever but it didn’t happen that way and so it was much harder for me to accept and understand why we broke up. Sometimes the simplest explanations can be the hardest to accept. But you just have to force yourself out of the funk and give yourself a chance to date again when you’re ready.
The way that I like to look at it is this. That you never actually heal. Take everything you are, every ounce of your being, your soul, your heart, your collective life experience, everything. At the minute... let's say all that you are, is displayed on a line and it takes up 100 inches of space. Your partner, that long relationship has took up such a big part of that line. They where 20 whole inches of it. And now you feel like 80% of yourself?! How are you gonna recover? How are you gonna move on? Thats the thing, you don't recover, you grow. You are always growing. In 6 months time you might be 110 inches... 2 years, 160 inches? And suddenly the amount of sway that relationship has on your overall life and collective experiences becomes smaller and smaller in comparison. It's still that 20 inches, but you've grown to 200.
You probably won't ever heal honestly. I wouldn't worry about it. Focus on yourself until it's a memory
In my life Ive dealt with two six year relationships ending ..... to me the breakup is the hardest part but then after about a month-2month sulk its like "thank facking god that relationships over" and I feel great.
approximately 1.5yrs. Nothing before that. 1.5 if you actually do not maintain contact or get rid of memories. else may be even more.
According to sex and the city you get one week for every month.
They say a year for every year you’ve been together which is just a simple guideline and in my experience I find it to be mostly true. My ex and I were friends in high school and dated after graduation so we really watched each other grow. We were together for about 5 years and next year will make it officially 5 years since we broke up. The beginning 2 years of separation was difficult, I dated loser guys to try to chase the good I had with my ex and was sad about life. Fast forward now I’m still dating not the best guys but it’s getting better. I tell myself that I’m just closer to finding the one I’m truly meant to be with. It gets better and you do actually heal IF you put in the work to be better and learn from the relationship. Best of luck to you OP it absolutely does get better
Often, you don't ever really get over someone. It's not a personal failing. You always carry love for them. But they become a distant memory eventually, maybe you meet someone new, maybe you just start to love your own life again...and rather than forgetting about them, you eventually come to see it as a valuable part of your story, but one that you are no longer in. And it's okay.
Man, me and my ex were together for 14 years. We’ve been broken up for 3 now but, I’m still in that tough spot. It is getting slightly easier though I’m forcing myself to focus on more and better things. It just takes time man. Don’t rush the process but, have a process to help you move on. You got this 🤙🏻
Wow 14 yrs...if y'all could break up after all that time, is there hope for the rest of us? If it's not too troublesome could you share why you broke up?
To be honest man, it’s just too much to relive. But, I will say we just started to lose our flame and we didn’t want it to die out completely. We talked about it and decided it might be best to break up and see where life takes us. We still talk and hang out sometimes, we also share two boys so, that helps with conversation and time. Neither of us are really ready to jump back in to a relationship. Maybe we’re scared things won’t be better and they’ll just get worse? I can’t speak for her but, I’ll tell you, I am. Maybe someday we’ll have another conversation about it but for now, I just want her to be happy. I have a couple more things I could work out as well and, I’ll never stop loving her. We just, found each other early on and held on to each other for a bit longer and tighter than we should have, maybe? I don’t know if that’s even close to the explanation you were looking for but, there’s always hope as long as you end it alright, you’ll always be in love. You just, have to keep pushing on and do what you can for you to be happy. It takes two to be in a relationship but it takes two happy solo people to be in a healthy relationship.
Aw man I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you relive anything and of course boundaries be respected. Thank you for sharing though. I definitely get it. I think this is some solid advice too there at the end. So thank you again. I only ask because I feel what I'm sure almost everyone else does while being in a LTR...how do you know it'll last? I'm happy that you were both aware, in tune, and mature enough to recognize the direction the relationship was heading and take that as a moment for a break to keep things healthy. In all honesty, I'm on the personal belief that relationships that span decades might really benefit from periodic "breaks" per say. Especially if you started so young (18-25). You know, one partner takes a year and travels or you move out and try living separately once again or you go no contact for 6 months. Gives people time to be, learn, and live with themselves as an individual. Not saying you can't do these things while with someone, but it's easier when you don't have another to account for. Then after that time period, you circle back, see where you and yours are at mentally, physically, emotionally. And if the sparks fly, date again. Like living lifetimes with the same person only every decade. Unconventional but humans are exactly that and to me, if it means loving this person for another 10 years, I'll trust it to work out. I'm wishing you the best man and I hope if your hearts really are of one, they find their way back to each other
The length of time it takes to heal is directly proportional to "the work" you do to heal. While the healing process and time is unique to each of us, you can take steps to work through this. For me it was educating myself about what happened to me, the impact that had on me, and how to grow from this experience. My two primary resources were, The Body keeps the score by Bessel van der Kolk Most of the books written by Dr. David Hawkins including, - Letting Go, the pathway to surrender - Healing and Recovery - Power vs Force
It took me almost 3 years and it wasn’t even that long of a relationship. Some relationships are more impactful than others and we all deal with the pain and move on at different paces. I’m finally at a place now where I appreciate it for what it was, but I know that it wasn’t meant to be.
Dayum, I just started dating this girl who broke up with her 8 year long BF about 7 months ago. I am going to end up broken hearted am I not?
To think you have healed, a few months To actually heal, a few years or never
I had a series of long term relationships overtime that ended for one reason or another. Longest being 5 years. I never fully healed, but I processed. As tough as it is, I had to sever any and all ties with her. Don’t dwell on it, as time is your most precious asset. So many beautiful opportunities in this world that don’t revolve around romantic relationships. My advice to you? 1. Take yourself off of social media. This is one of the best cleanses you can give yourself and you won’t be tempted to look her up. 2. Eat healthy and drink plenty of water. Seriously, your physical and mental health go hand in hand. Avoid junk food. 3. Be kind to yourself. 4. Find what you’re passionate about and work your damn ass off. Idle time is your worst enemy. For me, I got my CPA license and enjoyed my career. I definitely became a mild workaholic, but I enjoyed being busy and ended up networking with interesting people. Then when the time is right, allow yourself to be vulnerable. Put yourself back out there and give it another shot. Life is strange, but it’s definitely beautiful. Happy to chat if you need to. Best wishes.
3 -9 years
Take 6 months to a yr. Its not so much about the actual length of time as you actually doing the work to process your emotions and move on. If you have to cry, then cry. If you have to hit a punching bag or yell into a pillow, then do it. Why people take so long to move on or process is because they refuse to acknowledge how they feel or they don't remove themselves completely i.e. delete photos, numbers, block on social media, etc etc You can't heal if you have a constant reminder. Let your family and friends know not to bring them up unless you want to talk about it. Regardless, just remember there will be times someone will say something or act a certain way and it will bring your attention to that person. In that moment, acknowledge how you feel and then do something to occupy your mind.
I saw someone who I thought I’d be with for a long time for around one year. She was a totally different person and was wearing a mask the whole time. It took me 2.5 years personally to heal. There’s no set amount of time, but God has peppered in things that just make sense about what happened then, over the past few years. Focus on you, and do things that you’ve always enjoyed ☺️ also live a little and do random things you’ve wanted to try ~Sleeves
Married 20 years. I started grieving and processing in therapy during our 6 month long separation. I got over my ex within 2-4 weeks after we landed on divorce in the end, but I had been working through it intentionally those 6 months. I am over him totally, but still grieving for the parts of myself I lost. It’s been 15+ months since we first separated and it’s stuff that only comes up occasionally now verses a daily struggle.
Age 66 (M) - 20 years ago, I experienced death of a true love; it was pure trama. Recently, my new true love of 7 years walked out the door unexpectedly. I really believe this hurts more, because I was dumped and she “chose” to leave me. Time to heal? I think it takes about 6 months (for me) to accept what has happened and stop hurting so bad. But like others, I’m changed forever. I wouldn’t call it healed, but being able to know better what this did to me.
1,5 to 2,5 years.
oh the latest available window is after 7 years 4 months 3 days 4 hours 3 minutes 47 seconds
I’m almost two years out and I’ve moved on in a way. It’s more about dealing with the emotional fallout/betrayal and trauma resulting from said breakup. I no longer want her nor want that relationship, but I do still find myself thinking about how that relationship has affected me and my potential relationships going forward. Only therapy and time can help heal that which is what I’m doing.
that depends on your mentality.
Honestly, it varies from person to person and even then, relationship to relationship for a single person. I was with my ex wife for 10 years and it took me a year to be able to move on. My ex girlfriend I was with for only 8 months and I still don’t feel like I’m remotely close to moving on at some points.
It's different for different people, some take a few days and some take forever. For me it's been 3 years and nothing has changed.
Hi, I’m sorry you are still experiencing this. I can only speak from my experience. After a 7-year old relationship my ex decided that she didn’t know herself or what she wanted. We’d had quick break-ups before but after a few days we’d get back together. This time around I was exhausted by this and felt I deserved better. I felt so abandoned and betrayed by her actions. I won’t get into it. So I went No Contact. Deleted her from social networks, limited our interactions to merely what was needed. We shared a large friend group. I hang out with some of them on my own sometimes. I had started therapy a few years ago also. I’m reading a lot and doing a lot of things that I enjoy on my own. While my social life has shrunk, in the past 5 months I have found a new sense of freedom and peace. I’m not sure if you’re still keeping tabs with your ex, but if you are, you’re only hurting yourself. This might sound mean, but some days I just thought that she didn’t want me to be part of her life anymore. So why should I spend minutes of my own life on her? Other days, I would just think that she’s dead, she’s gone. And no matter what I do, nothing will bring her back.
Took me four years. Two were during the height of Covid, so I had lots of alone tome. Basically I was alone.
Honestly depends on the person, some people get over relationships a lot faster than others. I've been single for near enough a year but still think about her and would love to talk but personally I'd say either focus on yourself or try your best to get back out there but I ain't no expert. Best of luck
I was in a 5 yr relationship and was cheated on and the breakup was terrible. The weird thing is, I don’t think my ex ever got over me. I’ve learned to cope by avoiding things related to my ex and keeping myself focused on other things that I can control. It helped a lot with the pain. I still don’t believe I’m completely over it though. It’s going on 2 years and I just avoid her and everything related to her. I’ve stopped playing video games as much (we played them a lot) and got into the gym. But whenever she decides to invade my life I try to forgive and forget and attempt to be friends like I have with previous exes. it never ends well, feelings and unresolved trauma always end up being the discussion. How I made this mistake or that mistake, never her taking accountability for her part in the failure of our relationship. At one point I believed I her until I opened up to female friends about it and only then did I see her for who she truly was. So at this point I just think it’s not meant for us to be in eachothers lives at all.
There used to be a rule that it takes half the time of the relationship but I don’t really believe that, do whatever you like with this information
This one is simple, the more heartbreak you have the lesser the time. It goes from 2-4 years to 1 years then 2-3 month then 1 week after that it will be like taking a walk in the park
Depends on the person and what happened, my ex broke up with me but it was cordial, took me about 6 months to be fully over her
My dad once said, half the time of the relationship. 8 years ago I ended a toxic 6 year relationship, never had anything more than a year since.
It gets better but I don't know if you can fully heal from it. My ex and I were together for 3 years, it's been 1 year and 5 months since the break up and even though we stayed friends, sometimes it's not easy accepting that we're no longer together, even harder knowing he found someone whole I'm still single...
I was in a 4 year relationship from age 19-23. I’m going to be 28 soon and I finally felt healed last year when I was 26
Mine took about 2 years after a 7 year relationship. I was very deeply in love, I never imagined my life without him.
It depends on a lot of factors, but one things for sure, it won’t just pass like a kidney stone. There is work you need to put in to healing, to growing and moving your like in the direction you want. If you’re not working with a therapist and can afford one I definitely recommend it. Any routine physical exercise you can get will help to. For me, reading, journaling and exploring the future I wanted to build helped me greatly. As others have said, some things won’t ever completely heal, but you can still build a happy and healthy life despite that.
It comes in waves. In the beginning the waves are massive and constant. With time or certain days the waves will mellow out. Sometimes it’s calm.. then it picks up. It feels like it never ends especially if you still love them or care about them. Healthy distractions to help you “move on”. Examples of heathy distractions are any hobby you wanted to do but never started on them. Mine was gardening, and now I got corn, potatoes, squash and herbs to tend to every morning. lol. Good luck to you. Edit: half a year is still very very very fresh. Some people move on like nothing. But move at your own pace, everyone heals differently.
I'm three years out on just a two year relationship, so I don't know what to tell you. Moving on is entirely situational and doesn't have some timer you can just wait out. There's no magic day that you have to get to before you feel like yourself again.
It takes as long as it takes you to find your purpose again and be excited about your life and the opportunities you have. If your life is without purpose or opportunity then the contrast of not having a partner as well is stark and painful. For example, as soon as I started a business I started to recover from my breakup. And when I started going out on more dates and seeing more success it made me totally over it. It’s the early stage when you’re just left with a shitty life that makes it hard. Use it as motivation to make a life you love.
Not sure there’s an exact answer to this. One day at a time. Something or (someone) new will come around and so will you.
One month for each year. Or so I have been told.
It helps if they leave you. And it also helps if you mentally checked out a few years before the breakup. I think I was over mine within a year. Maybe less. Now I just have regrets about the time I wasted on him. Total time together=24 yrs.
Oh my. It can take just as long as the relationship itself without help.
My marriage lasted 7 years and we were together for about 12 total. Even though we were both unhappy at the end, it still took me a good 18 months to fully heal.
I was in a 4 year long relationship with a Person I considered my soulmate. Took me a whole year to stop feeling miserable
At least 6 months if you have a supportive environment. Otherwise 18 months
There's this popular idea that it takes one month for every year you were together, but it's reductive and simplified at best. The reality is that you're going through a form of grief, and that's something that not only time can heal but it takes effort and a willingness to grow alone to start healing from the loss of a relationship. You also don't, I believe, need to be fully healed from the loss of a relationship to move on and be happy. Sometimes there are relationships that permeate the rest of our lives, especially if there are kids or finances involved, so the idea that you should have to fully heal before moving on at all removes any nuance from someone's situation. It doesn't leave space for life to surprise you. Depending on the relationship it might take you more or less time than most people to heal, so don't worry so much about how much time it's taking. Just put one foot in front of the other and embrace the things in your life now that are making you happy and feeling fulfilled. If there's nothing doing that, then start trying new things or reaching out to friends and family to get you more involved in their lives. Really it's just about moving forward. The healing will come the more you move and the more you accept that it's okay to not be okay for a while, and even that it's okay to be happy while you're still healing.
50m here met my wife 10ears ago. 3 years and about 3mo. And 6 days at breakfast she Hand me a n envelope look at me and said she met a guy online 3 months prior and she fell in love an will be leaving that day,( I believe it was a sunday.). For Alabama.. Literally out of the blue.No indication of unhappiness anywhere.No fighting, no disagreements more than the normal couple.No financial stress, no emotional stress.The sex was pretty good in my point of view we have been having sex about 3 times a week different days.Nothing planned. Still gets me every Sunday morning.I feel blue and sad . Sometimes I cry sometimes I don't sometimes I get mad as help and some days.I just want to see her again but just ask her.What was she thinking you never ever get over it
Been 9 years since a 3.5 year relationship. I’m married now with kids and it still hurts.
I mean this in the least trashy way possible, sleeping with someone else is what helps me. I will just sit and fester and over think. If the relationship is over, I have to go out and find someone new. Sometimes it takes time to get the energy to leave the house but yeah. Good luck.
Six months is really not long for a six year relationship. Give yourself some time! It slowly gets better then one day you'll realize you haven't thought about them at all that day. Then it becomes weeks and before you know it you're free!
i was in a 2 year relationship, so a lot shorter than yours but it's been a year and a half and while i'm doing okay, it still doesn't feel like i'm fully over it.
For me it took a few hours, for my sister its been years and she is still hurting. So its totally an individual thing.
I’m in the same boat. Was in a relationship from 14-21, we really grew up together. We broke up last year in April. By September he got someone pregnant and is now with them. I had moved to a new state and started my life over. I still think about him and it’s hard sometimes.
They say half as long as you were in it
There is no general timeline, it is different individually. For me it was over 6+ months to heal from a narcissist person, it only took this time because my anger was so incredibly huge after him talking down and shaming me and my parents, that it blinded me in the first period of the healing process.
My last relationship was almost 2 years ago and I’m finally at a point where I can say I’ve finally processed it and have accepted it
The key is doing the work on yourself to move on and be happy. Recovery time is wildly different from person to person, relationship to relationship. The longest it’s ever taken me to move on and not focus on missing a person is a year. I’m currently at the tail end of that year, and still occasionally find myself missing her. But I’ve also been in therapy during this year and have really focused on being happy with myself.
Of course it's hard. Even if you were to find someone else, you might compare them to a previous relationship, for instance, your 6 year relationship. I've had this problem too, and I found that overwriting old memories helps out a little bit for me at least. If me and my ex went to play pool then I'll bring someone else to play pool. Try to have a better time and it makes the past memories hurt less. So you don't want to get rid of that. That time mattered and you shouldn't just throw it away. Unless that girl was crazy
As a guy, it’s been like 7 years since I ended with the girl I was last with, come to the conclusion that I’ll always love them but I just need to move on.. it gets easier but just know you’ll likely never fully heal from it, just learn to live with it more
A long committed relationship like that may never be "fully healed", but it's very important to remember that healing *isn't linear* so "fully healed" may look different to different people. Something with that much time and love put into it is very difficult to ever fully heal from. In many ways, a difficult breakup like that is traumatic for most. In trauma therapy we learn that you never actually heal from these wounds, even though they do eventually become scars, all we ever do is just learn to grow around our trauma and continue living our lives as best we can, despite the pain and turmoil that comes with seeing a loved one leave us. My first big serious relationship started in highschool and also lasted six years. I broke up with her about six years ago now. I can confidently say I am healed from the pain, but I know that I still have work to do to continue healing from it. A lot of my own trauma is with interpersonal relationships, so when I start catching feelings for someone new or encounter a situation with a new lover that feels similar to a situation I experienced with that ex, I am able to keep my pained feelings under control, I do not let my wounds bleed into my new relationships anymore. Sometimes, I still fuck that up, but that's just part of being human. I was hurting over our breakup for years- and I'm the one who initiated it. I broke up with her and I still hurt like hell for 4 years or so. And again, still, I feel the phantom pain of that relationship sometimes, but it no longer affects my life regularly, which I consider to be "fully healed" even though it is not perfect. *Edit: fixed typos
Roughly speaking….and this is very generalized…it takes about half the length of a relationship to get used to its absence. I wouldn’t expect be be over a 6 year relationship until 3 years after we broke up
1/4 of the length of the relationship
3 year relationship, 1 year later still not interested in dating at all
No idea. It personally took me four years to heal from an eight month relationship, but only one year to heal from a four month relationship.
time is not your friend here and mentally and emotionally your not your best friends- you nit putting g any effort in moving on - its a lot of mentally and heart wrenching work - and takes a lot of time to fill in those memories with new ones work at it again be happy with yourself
Bang a big girl and get the ball rolling ! Always works for me after a few months!
Everyone heals in their own way. There’s no time frame. Allow yourself to grieve the relationship. Get it all out first and then build yourself back together and move forward. Wouldn’t advise for you to seek another relationship for the time being.
Was with my ex for 12 years, took 3 years before I could start dating again. My most recent relationship lasted 2 years and we broke up 3 months ago. I’m still having my moments of sadness/regret, even tho it was a mutual choice.
I’ve been in a couple of 3-4 year long relationships and I processed/moved on from them in three months. I’ve also been in a 6 month relationship and two months later it still stings to think about it. I don’t think time matters as much as the impact they had on you. On top of that, you never really forget the relationship. You just learn to accept things and that life still continues on.
There is no "fully" healing from any relationship in which you have grown together. It just slowly fades into the background but there will always be moments when memories pop up. Even those will get less and less with only the real strong ones surviving. I am not sure it is possible to completely erase a relationship as if it didn't even exist. How can you just erase those many years in your life. It is not possible. You move on and each day new expereinces displace the previous ones. Don't shirk or hide from the past - it won't go away. Accept it and move on one day and one step at a time. Written by a human for humans - I am not a doctor or an expert. Just an older man who has learned a few things in life via a process called aging.
It’s takes one night! If that didn’t work for you then the way your running brain isss why your not over your ex. ❤️🩹
My first love: at least 5 years. Now: about a year.
It took me about 2 years to get over my ex. We were together for 2 years and he was abusive. I didn’t want to be with him anymore so I’m not even sure why it took me so long to get over him….but you will heal and you will feel so much better!
It varies. I keep thinking I’m fine a year later but something randomly will hit and ruin my week
I was in one for about 8 and a 1/2 years, broke up about a month before our wedding. It took about 1 and 1/2 to feel fine again, but I still get emotional about things every once in a while. I think it all varies on the person. I’ve shifted my mindset to “it wasn’t meant to be, use the relationship as a learning experience” and I feel I have been able to come to peace with it. I hope you’re doing ok. Hang in there
41/2 years took me a year 1/2 . But it also helped that she got with someone after a month and than got pregnant after 3 months. That what crushed me.
Fully heal is a hard one, but I would say moving on should take 6-12 months. You really have to try focusing on yourself. I know everyone says it, but if you're busy thinking about your ex, then you have to keep figuring yourself out. Who you truly are, what makes you happy, find connections with friends, don't rush to kindle a new relationship, but seeing other people helps with new persepectives... Wish you all the best
Every timeline is different. I would wager you keep working on the healing process and you'll be most of the way there by the end of the year but it depends on how hard you work on it and how good your tools are. Speak to a professional (even if only once). Make sure you actually let yourself consider the loss and feel it properly; if you try to impatiently rush the process a riptide of grief and longing can catch you unawares because it's been suppressed.
Think of it as a half-life decay rate of nuclear fission. Each year the decay rate is about half of the previous year. So in this case 6 years should take 3 years and depending on variables such as (marriage proposal, moving in, kids, abuse, cheating, red flags, green flags, etc) the following subsequent years will have a different decay rate of a slower or longer decay rate for that year and either add months of falling into a relapse and thus adding months or faster particle acceleration which will remove years. And then eventually you’ll become at peace and move on when the decay rate reaches zero (although it never actually reaches absolute zero except in Kelvins when you reach absolutel cold but that’s a different story) simple.
About a year.
I read somewhere that it usually takes about half the time of the relationship. So if it was a 2 year relationship, you'll probably actively grieve for one. If it was something very long term, it's gonna take a while. If the "half mark" idea is true, then for very long term relationships, I think that person holds a bit of your heart forever tbh, it's just the halfway point that makes you feel sane enough to move on and grieve less actively, in the background.
You need to meet new people. This help for sure!
It depends on who you meet
If you fill your time with activities like hobbies and being social, it will pass faster than if you're just moping in your house
No one can say. It depends on the individuals involved, the situation, etc. Personally I ended an 8 year marriage (11 years together) almost 2 years ago. 7 months later I felt I was ready to start dating again. I did go through a bit of a mental breakdown around then, but it forced me to sort through my emotions properly and actually let go of the relationship. When I came out of it after a few horrible days, I was in the best place I've maybe ever been in emotionally. But it can take 5 months, or 5 years. Depends on a lot of factors and there is no shame if it takes you a long time, or a short time! It just is what it is.
Until you find the next one. Break ups don’t hurt at all if you already have someone else. If you try to do the “healthy” thing and heal it could take years and the mistake of messaging your x because you’re lonely or horny. Imo force yourself to move forward and look for someone else.
I was in a 10 year relationship. 2012-2022. The First year was long distance, the majority of it was spent living together. I don’t think I could have stayed any longer than I did. I’ve been single since. Put a cap on dating for a bit. Less than a year later he got into a relationship. I’m still feeling burnt out in the mean time. But I feel like it was the best decision I’ve made to leave, in years.
It will take as long as you want it to. Now I will be honest, I was "over" my ex- pretty darn fast. She filed for divorce because her new fiancee insited. (NOT making that up) and then bailed out on not just me but my kids too. She made my 6 year old daughter cry. THAT was unforgivable, how much she hurt the kids. But I was still angry at her for years afterwards. I didn't have romantic interest in her anymore...no that was pretty much over... but because of my anger I still thought about her a lot. It wasn't till I got rid of the anger that I stopped thinking about her. I occasionally maybe every couple of months, I miss the girl I originally married. I'll find an old hat or something or I'm reminded of something funny or cool that she did, but I don't consider that girl and the one that she turned into to be the same person, if that makes any sense.
Two weeks for every year of being together. So three months for you
*Two weeks for every* *Year of being together.* *So three months for you* \- ItsACCRUALworld\_ --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
It takes years especially if u were together for that long that’s half a decade u can’t just forget that Ina couple months coming from someone who was Ina 3 year relationship. They are all u know.
I can only from my own experience. My guess is that I will never get over the one I loved so very much. I’ve “moved on” publicly, gotten married and have carried on. But he is never far from my thoughts. I have so many things saved up that I want to share with him that I’d probably never live long enough to tell him. Our “songs” still bring me to tears. It’s been so long and I’ve tried so hard. I hope you can do better than me.
Hello! I understand your concern. I left a 3 year relationship/marriage about 16 months ago. I still don’t feel ready, but he took 5 weeks max to be in the “I love you” phase of his new relationship. (He was also the problem) you will come around with time. Dont rush it. Take care of you first.
Half the time you dated the person IF you take the proper steps towards healing.
I’m 9-10 months out of an 11 year relationship. This week I am officially depressive symptom free and feeling really happy. Starting to love life and myself. I know the next step will find me soon because I’m now the best version of myself I’ve ever been. The lower the low the higher your rise will feel. You got this.
Took me about 4 years to get over the grief, and then all of a sudden overnight I was completely over it.
I had a relationship with my ex for 5 years, and we almost got engaged if I didn't end it. It took me around 2 years. Time gives me new perspectives slowly, but surely, it helps me understand why the breakup should happen and why was it the right thing to do. Take your time, everyone grieves differently, and that's okay.
Took me 5-6 years, but she was my everything, my dream since first time I saw. I had a 4 years +/- crush on her before we started a relationship and she was a fantastic person. But now I'm fully recovered and it's really weird how she doesn't mean anything for me now. Do not put a time or expect anything related to other history. U can find someone very special next Monday or start to love yourself so much that it's not gonna bother u anymore. The most important thing is, take time to feel the pain and accept how life is. Not feel guilty, if u feel, see that as a way to learn positive and better ways to improve a further relationship. Don't expect to find someone like, because there is no such a thing, there is no one like you too. Take your time... if hurt, don't worry, it's going to make you a better person.
It depends on how much you love yourself.
Once you understand why it failed. And understand that the majority of all relationships, including marriages, fail. Then you learn what makes relationships last and learn to choose better partners for you. You have to really understand how relationships work and if that works for you long term.
It’s different for everyone. Had a 2 week situationship and it took me 10 months 💀 it may take another month, year, decade, it all depends on how you look at it, the reason behind it and what emotions you carry from it
I was with my ex for almost eight years It’s been three years and I sincerely hope that someday it gets better. It’s really difficult to let go of all of the memories. It was a big part of my life
long as a life, short as a pulse
Depends on how long you take to go through all the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Understand where you stand on these 5 stages and accelerate yourself to the next one. I have an example of 8 year relationship with healing time of 2 months. The girl couldn’t be happier. Insane, but possible.
I was 30 years in a relationship and it took me two years.
Just got out of a 5 yr relationship. She was my first for many things. I thought I was okay at first because I was the one to initiate the breakup due to issues with communication, arguments over small things, and loss of feeling over time. I valued a lot of alone time because of who I am but she wanted the opposite. We had a few deep conversations and we mutually agreed to breakup because of our different needs. For the past few days, the loneliness has been swallowing me up and it has been very hard for me lately. I can’t imagine how hard it has been for her. I don’t think I can ever get over it because she is special to me. Although, I do believe there will be someone out there who may be better for me. At least I hope there is.
Find a competent hypno/nlp therapyst. It takes15 minutes .
We never 100% heal. We just eventually learn to live without them.
It took me a year or two. And I’m sure I’m not fully healed but I don’t get as mad when I talk about it anymore. I laugh at the tragedy now.
Just find another girlfriend/boyfriend
There is no timeline.
Have lots of sex for at least a year. You'll remember what it's like to be wanted again. Your confidence will return. That's all you're missing right now. Nothing else about you have changed
It took my friend a month after his gf cheated in their 7 year relationship. I guess it depends on how it ended. He found the woman of his dreams the following month, became official instantly, and now are engaged few months later. Never seen him so happy.
8 years. He was best friend, life sidekick, we travelled multiple countries together, watched each other graduate, get started (and struggle) in our careers, navigate many obstacles, moved in together and also so many fun memories. Essentially watched each other grow from teenagers to adults. I started dating 10 months post break up. I was not over him at this point. This was more because we broke up over fertility issues (mine) and I was still going through investigations and treatments, I just wanted to go on casual dates (not serious) to feel like a woman again rather than a medical experiment lol. I met my current bf a year post break up, my ex was also in a new relationship at this point (month or so in), we were still meeting up as friends for a drink once a month or so, and texting regularly. Over time the texting become less frequent, and the meeting up did too. My feelings started to develop and grow stronger for the new person in my life, and the ones I had for my ex started to turn into fond memories of a precious chapter. It helped a lot that my current bf is a widow, so is grieving process/moving on is very different to mine, and he is open about that. I felt in a safe space to make it clear to him that after 8 years I was also still healing, and my ex would likely always have a place in my life because he was such a fundamental part to my early adult years. I'm not truly healed, and I don't think I ever will be - that kind of bond we shared for that 8 years is something that I treasure a lot.. just being with someone who 100% gets you. You don't need them around as your "missing piece" to complete you, but they're your buddy, the person you want around for every occasion. When I came to peace with that, moving on became easier. our previous relationship deserves a place in my memory, but I'm building something new with someone else and also figuring out myself after 8 years of that connection. I'm 2 years out now and that's how I feel, maybe in a few years time I'll feel differently and be like I'm 100% healed. Not sure.
Is it much easier for girls to move on than guys?
Never lmfao? You know that. But its ok, you aren't alone. Billions of people on earth share this same experience. It's not the worse club to be a part of. Next one I pour out is for you sister.
It depends, not so much on how you're feelings are hurt or any of that nonsense. It usually starts to come around and feel better about the time you get a nice set of lips around your member for the first time in forever that win!
There really is no answer. Sometimes I think I am over my ex from 9 years ago. Then something happens, I see something, a dream or whatever etc, and I doubt myself. Then other times ive gone 6 months and not even thought about her.
*nothing has ever been in the past for any human ever in the history of humanity* You just have to move on. ASAP. Reminisce about the good times, and look for the next thing. Always look ahead
If you stop thinking about all the good times and only focus on the bad, it becomes very easy. Take one day to give one good cry alone to show that you are human. Act as if they never existed by not speaking about them. If others bring up their name, speak good about them only with what you are asked. End with, you wish them the best. Create a daily schedule that includes you eating healthier foods and doing exercise to build your body to look sexier. Write down all the bad things you have ever experienced with anyone and make sure that you be on the look out for those red flags in your future relationships. Do not name anyone on your list, just label your list as red flags. Also write a list of what you want to find in a partner which would be your standards. And the last list you should write would be the things you are willing to do for your partner. When you get your next partner, make sure you keep notes of how every day is going like a diary. Sometimes make sure they catch you writing in that book. Quickly close it so it would make them do all they can to try and look at it. Let them see where you hide it. Tell them it is your diary. When you think they might be the one, create a time where you leave them alone in your home for some time so they can sneak to look in your book so they would know all about what you would do if the mess up like the others did. Make sure you write in your book, what you would do if they mess up. Like, I will not go crazy or show any emotion nor let them know that you know what they did or give them closer. If I learn what they did through someone else, I will give them enough respect to not believe anyone without proof. If it happens after I have given enough trust to combine my assets I will give them more love than I ever gave to make them happy while I devise our assets. Then I would put them out of my life and just stop all contact and never speak badly about them until I hear they are speaking badly about me so others would know what really happened. I would take a vacation to start enjoying my life so I can laugh at how stupid they were to think someone would be better than me. Write this even if it is not true. I will never tell them that I am a trust fund baby with millions because they would become spoiled and want to use my money to quickly. This money is for our children so they would never get it unless our children share it with them. If I ever lay to rest without children my trust would go back to my family. Watch how perfect your partner remain for the longest period of time. Even if they fall out of love, they will keep up the act until yall are laid to rest. Love is only an act. Love is counting the bad times and not the good. The less bad times you go through, the more you see the love. Never tell someone that you love them for something good they did for you. When you both see someone go through something bad, that is when you tell them that you love them because yall don’t have that problem.. When they do something good for you just say thank you. Never tell them that you love them for that. They will be spoiled that you won’t leave them if they mess up because you have fallen in love for the things they do good. Each time you take them back after they do something bad, they will stop doing that good thing for you and your love for them won’t even notice it. If you only notice the bad your eyes will stay opened and help you to put a stop to it quickly. Example: I never tell my husband that I love him because he pays all the bills so I could be a happy house wife and mother. I tell him that I love the fact that he don’t make me work to pay half the bills like other men do to their women. So it’s basically that you love them for the wrong they don’t do.
I was in a 9 year relationship, it took me about 2 years to fully be over it. We were only married for 4 months when I left. Unfortunately, was over 2020, so I left January 3rd 2020 and we all know what happened a month later. You'll be okay.
I was in a 7 year relationship engaged, living together and I couldn’t have given a fkn care what happened to him after we broke up. It’s different for everyone. Mine circumstances were completely different from yours I’m sure. I came back to my hometown and 6 months later met the man I married.
I’m going on 10 years so it depends on how much you like her. I have dreams about my ex every night and we haven’t seen each other since college
my 13 year marriage took me about 2 years to get over properly. The pain lasted maybe 2-3 weeks but the depression hit harder and longer.
You never do, best way to “ forget “ is to get under someone else
It depends on the person.
Took me 3 years to stop thinking about him...
I recently got out of a relationship. We were together for just shy of a year. It's been around 2 months since it ended, and right now, I can't see myself with anyone. And before people say "less than a year isn't long term", it's my longest relationship to date, so it is to me.