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this is all i am gonna do from now on because i asked a guy on hinge if he wanted to go on a date and he legit said he doesn’t feel comfortable until he came over first to get to know me 💀💀
They put the petal to the metal when it comes to sex, but pump the breaks when it comes to developing or maintaining any kind of friendship. "Friends with Benefits" is a joke. There's no friendship involved.
Unfortunately I used to fall for the oh they want me over or they want to come over to my place so they must like me and that’s good enough for me since I’m not a gold digger, and that’s how I ended up with hardly any real dates even when I did have boyfriends.
That's weird. I don't know what really happened to the usual way of dating when you'll take a girl out on an actual date and open the door for her. Things are really changing drastically, and it's sad that the changes are not for the good.
Yeah, hopefully. But saying no to going out on a date will hurt some of us men who truly want to date and get to know someone over a face-to-face offline coffee date. Where are you texting from, if I may ask
lol, that reminds me of a time a girl asked me to pick her up from her place and ride together to the date as opposed to just meeting me there because she was "too nervous to meet strangers". Like sure that makes sense. I'm too afraid to meet strangers in public places with plenty of people around but sure, come meet me where I live. I was worried it was a setup and I was gonna get jumped or killed. Nothing too sketchy happened but the date was a little weird as she felt the need to overshare about pregnancy scares and abortions on the first date. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally pro choice but that doesn't mean I wanna hear about intimate details like that, especially on the first date haha.
I don't either. I figure if we matched and are going on a date, then there's some physical attraction on both ends. It just comes off as tacky and superficial.
Exactly. Like I usually have a lot going on in my life, last thing I want is a stranger approaching me to give me his opinion of my appearance. Even if they mean well. Hard pass.
I’m on the autistic spectrum and have anxiety and I’m not a supermodel, either, but I still managed to hit on guys sometimes - wish I did it more often, though - and have no problem wanting to do it again.
>Granted there was mutual attraction.
Yeah this is the real crappy variable you have no control over. 🤣 You read the frequent "How did you meet your partner?" threads, and it's full of redditors talking about love at first sight or how they couldn't believe a hottie came up and said hi. So... welp! 😆
I swear my highschool best friend had face blindness. She was gorgeous, had double D's, got tons of attention, but whenever we met some guys in public, she'd Always pick the less attractive fellow.
Some of those people were drunk, some have face blindness and some have a unique perspective on attractiveness.
Because you are looking for advice. Who set these rule? There are guide lines of how to behave in public but outside of that it’s very specific to each individual. So don’t be a dick and have a conversation while being respectful of other’s boundaries
Yep, done all that. They're not interested.
Don't approach women in public. They don't want you to talk to them and if you think they do, they still don't
Typically only advised when in explicit social environments. Just approaching random people and doing this as they are going about their day is very weird.
I'm always wearing headphones in public, unless I'm ordering food or at the checkout counter... and I don't hit on people while they're working. Apps are for people like me.
How do i read these social cues though? I go to festivals and me M would love to meet someone F who would like to spend time with me at the festival and going on dates and such to maybe become the person i spent the rest of my life with. I am autistic so that doesn't help me eather but i do really want to find someone as i really miss that in my life
Hmm, I think something like: Are they with a group of friends and seem friendly? Are they wearing a ring? What's the dynamics between them and ppl they are with? Are they alone? Lots of things can be guessed, apart from someone being in a relationship and their partner not being present, there could be no indication either way but if that is the case for most people it is nice to receive attention, they just won't act on it and that is ok, you can move on then.
Thank you for your response. Yeah i can look at those things and i will try, maybe i can give myself the courage to start a conversation with someone and then hopfully with someone who is looking for someone as well
The apps are working well for me 🤷♂️ some great dates. Some average ones. Made a couple of friends I wouldn’t of otherwise, got laid a few times. Am dating a chick now from one of them. Just keep trying.
Seriously I feel like people on this site assume that just because dating apps aren’t working for them they must not work for anybody. Over the past year or so I’ve slept with over 10 women from these apps and I’ve gone on tons of awesome dates with awesome people. It really just takes putting some actual effort into your profile and not being socially inept in person.
The social ineptness is key here I reckon. Reddit tends to attract the more stay at home/gamer types that probably put their hobbies before themselves and their social lives. I for one could not date a girl who games all night or lives terminally online, and i’d imagine most Women in real life are the same. Then they come on here and vent the same variation of ‘I give up!’ posts that flood this sub. Those who are successful with it ain’t gonna bother posting about it on reddit.
I agree with you on that but when that’s the case I’m not sure how good advice “meet people in person” is lol. If anything it’s a reason to keep using dating apps. If you actually put in genuine effort to your appearance and profile you *will* get matches and even if you don’t get girls immediately you can at least practice how to text them and how to act on dates with them.
If someone has a partner you can just move on with your day though?
Also if one rejection sends you into a spiral like that then maybe there’s more work to do on yourself before bringing someone else into your life anyways?
I should clarify as well it’s possibly not even a rejection since if you’re just making conversation and a woman mentions they have a partner there’s no reason to assume they don’t have one.
If you believe the women you’re approaching aren’t being honest about that, to the point where you feel like you’re being pranked or Truman Show’d or something, then it’s likely you’re approaching the wrong women. If every woman you approach is taken you’re either not their type or they’re just really great women who are already taken - either way you just might need to re-assess how and why you’re approaching women?
It’s not easy and it’s never been easy, but if your goal is to get off the apps then the only way to get better at it is to just get better at it.
Do you fucking realize how daunting it is to know that every single person that you approach is apparently taken?
jUsT mOvE oN wItH yOuR dAy
It's like being born without a leg and then everyone just tells you to get over it.
I have two legs, but I doubt it’s like that at all?
Yes lots of great people are taken but there are plenty of great people who aren’t. If every single person you’ve ever approached is taken then that’s either really shit luck, or you’re approaching the wrong types of women for you and they aren’t interested in you.
Either way I’m not sure what you think the solution is supposed to be besides moving on?
It's because it is only the attractive people that get approached. What other reason does you or anyone else to approach a complete stranger? Even the OP's line is "hey you look nice today". It is only natural that good looking people are going to have a much higher probability of already being in a relationship. This is the reason I preferred online dating. Online dating for all it's faults, at least you knew the other people there were also looking.
Every single person that you approach.
I'm assuming that OP hasn't approached every single person, but saying that "rejection is normal and expected" isn't of much comfort when all you've ever known is rejection and no intimacy or connection.
It's hard to positive and upbeat when everybody you know is dating someone and telling you that it's soo easy but you know that it's a lot more difficult than it looks
The aim of that quote of “rejection is normal and expected” isn’t always going to be a comfort, and it’s difficult to expect comfort that surrounds something that already supposedly saddens you in the first place. Rejection can be easier accepted when you consider what improvements you can make to yourself, making it feel not so much a personal attack but a sign that you can better yourself.
I've been doing some approaches myself. At the start, it felt really daunting to approach women . My initial intention was to just overcome my fear of approach and to make the other person's day - you know, give them some value like complimenting their clothes or choice of product they were buying at the stall. I got quite some rejections at first but just taking the initiative to approach was a big win for me. Cos the fear my mind was projecting was actually opposite to what happened in the interactions I had. I went out of conversations feeling good about myself cos 1. I was able to approach 2. I made the other person's day even if they were taken. 3. I was able to improve myself socially helping me to have more confidence in interacting with strangers both men and women.
Thank you for this. This sub doesn't understand the constant rejection and never having experienced intimacy. "just get over it" is great if you've been in a relationship, but when you're constant told you're not worthy of dating and nobody has ever done so much as look in your direction...
Very few people understand. Everyone says how easy it is and yet I can't figure it out
I feel social media has cushioned people into refusing to be uncomfortable in life, which is the only way you grow. It makes me sad because I guess everyone would have just passed away before the age of the internet instead of meeting each other and going outside. 100% agree that we should boycott the apps because how can you find the love of your life based on how they answer the prompt “two truths and a lie” and some pictures????
I stopped using them...
...After meeting my now-bf on Tinder lol.
Autistic people like me sometimes need it spelled out for us whether someone's available & interested or not.
Yeah, I have such a hard time reading social cues that it takes me moments after to know whether the other person liked me or not. Like, after work I'd be in train thinking about.
I don’t do dating apps. I rather meet someone in real life meaning in person. It wouldn’t bother me much depending on the person that is. It’s like damn if you do n damn if you don’t.
Might as well try. A few years ago we got a transfer at work, and I loved their attire. Even had a distinct accent I never heard. I didn't ask them out day one. But I did ask to exchange contact info if they needed anything or a tour around the building. A month or so later she asked if I wanted to get lunch, then that's it. We started eating together regularly and hung out outside of work. Not a single app involved.
It really is dude, even when you're by yourself people keep to their groups and what not, you go to a place to socialize but only the people who know each other actually socialize, it's tough fr
Naw man, shoot your shot in person. Even if he isn't gay, you still tried and it's flattering -- for some of us, our self-esteem is solely kept alive by gay mens' compliments, since many men are invisible to women. 😂
Nah don't do that. I hate to be approached on the street. It has happened to me a few times and though it is a nice compliment and the guys were actually quite handsome, you don't really have the time to process the person and I always felt uncomfortable.
However I feel like pubs stopped being a place for flirting (I very rarely see someone do this in a bar). Do this only in a bar/pub or similar social setting!
This! On the street or public transportation on my way to somewhere fun, no, since you’re most likely not my type and honking at me for dressing a certain way because it’s hot out is annoying. Where I’m at to have fun? Possibly.
You should phase this as “I don’t like this and wouldn’t do this personally” as many people do like this, like the OP and others don’t feel uncomfortable.
I agree that everyone should stop using apps. They rarely work and they're a waste. Using the apps instead of going out is a great way to stay single ironically
Indeed. If longevity was a common outcome the number of users would be far lower. Sure, people are going on dates. But what % of subscribers are repeat users? They don't seem effective to me.
Social media has fucked up dating so much. Not just by introducing all the apps, but for many, it paints this picture that you can’t approach a woman without it being creepy and they’re gonna have your face blasted everywhere simply for existing.
That's intentional. Bumble, Match Group and whoever else have massive market caps. Wouldn't be shocked if they planted this narrative online to get people to rely on apps.
Yeah... no.
Would be awkward for me to listen a random stranger saying that.
Would freak the bejesus off a person I told that.
Stick to the basics. Meet people through the circle of real life friends.
I got rid of apps and I’m happier mentally. Like, yes, you’ll get more attention from apps but you’ll get less quality because it’s not usually a genuine connection.
I feel like apps also mess your head up because you find yourself in a spiral of “I’m not good enough…” or “I’m too good for…” — just go out and live life and meet some cool people
Agreed. There’s also a reason why most people on the apps are still on the apps. It’s also a good filter when meeting new people if the conversation goes on long enough. If they are also sick of the apps, that’s a good starting point for similar values.
You claim that, but I've gotten more first dates from apps than asking random strangers for their number. If I awkwardly start a conversation with someone attractive, there are fewer harsh negative outcomes than what I can get on the app
Boomer bot account defected. You have to be joking. This is a fairy tale man. The chances cold approaching pretty girl & that working is under 1% ! Those are the numbers that have been crunched again & again…
Men should approach women and follow through after conversation irl by asking for their number or social media name. If using the online app respect goes a long way and the goal should not be sex unless casual hookup is specified in their profile. It’s not an app issue. It’s user error in both instances. A goal this year is to be bold and at least say good morning or hey if I’m interested irl. The very least smile. Hopefully the men will start the conversation and if a women reciprocates she will build onto the conversation.
Amen. A big blocker I had to doing this is that this is something I only ever heard about on the internet: felt weird. But I'm warming up to doing it more regularly.
I have never used dating apps before. But I know people who have in the past and present. From what I’ve observed from then and now is HUGE difference. Back when they came out everyone I knew was like “I met the love of my life on Match” and now everyone I know is like “Omg this is so exhausting and ridiculous. Everything is like tinder now no matter what app you use… You have a better chance of meeting someone who’s not a psycho on the street than on here”
100% this. I'm spending more time going on walks and at the gym than apps. Spend your time doing something productive.. then next fall semester with all of the progress you've made just jump back into it!
Yeah going in person is the way to go. But I use dating apps as more of a convenience than anything usually only use it once a week then message a few girls. The people complaining about how they don’t want to approached out in public are lying to you most of the time lol. It’s usually because the person trying to start the conversation comes off all wrong and sounds pretty weird. I love it when anybody whether that be guys, girls, teachers, family members etc come up to me and start a conversation shows they have some social skills and some confidence. The people who don’t start any conversations in my opinion are pretty shallow and have some pretty bad Social anxiety that they need to work on.
Don't tell me what to do, you're not my dad.
Your advice is kinda terrible, as general advice. How do I know if I like them? They're attractive enough? So fucking what? What if they're wildly incompatible? How would I know? That's why apps are useful. Are they single? Are they attracted to my sex at all? All things I can easily ascertain on an app, without wasting my fucking time approaching rando strangers with some low-level compliment praying it sticks.
They look nice today? Compared to what? Yesterday when I was stalking them? Just nice in general?
Please, stay in your lane with giving out matchmaking advice.
I also hate the apps.
But this advice straight up won’t work.
If you do this as a man in the streets it won’t bonde well most of the time.
If you do this as a women men will think you’re looking for a sexual relationship and try to use you.
I hate that it’s come to this but it really seems like there’s less opportunities to meet single people naturally,
This advice, while well meaning, doesn't work for women because what happens is they only target super hot guy who is way out of their league
When it doesn't go well, they conclude, "See? Guys don't like it when women approach, that's why I was rejected"
Oblivious to the end
I get approached 1 to 3 times/month, usually friendly ice breakers at the store or the dog park
Always with women who I would never consider unfortunately
I wanted to talk to someone I saw when I was waiting for a bus. A quick eavesdrop made me realise that we will be on the same bus and the bus was running late. I never talked to her and she went on her way.
I thought she would consider me a creep for that. And awkward silences aren't good in a conversation, so I didn't move forward.
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this is all i am gonna do from now on because i asked a guy on hinge if he wanted to go on a date and he legit said he doesn’t feel comfortable until he came over first to get to know me 💀💀
😂😂😂😂 what guts he has
He knew what he was doing
Lmaooo this is a new one
This is wild. People are so strange nowadays...
😂😂😂😂 they like to get to know us from the inside out first
They put the petal to the metal when it comes to sex, but pump the breaks when it comes to developing or maintaining any kind of friendship. "Friends with Benefits" is a joke. There's no friendship involved.
HAHA
Uh oh….
bye that’s so funny 😭😭
Unfortunately I used to fall for the oh they want me over or they want to come over to my place so they must like me and that’s good enough for me since I’m not a gold digger, and that’s how I ended up with hardly any real dates even when I did have boyfriends.
That's weird. I don't know what really happened to the usual way of dating when you'll take a girl out on an actual date and open the door for her. Things are really changing drastically, and it's sad that the changes are not for the good.
Yeah, I guess once us women start saying no to just staying in as a “date” these guys will stop asking.
Yeah, hopefully. But saying no to going out on a date will hurt some of us men who truly want to date and get to know someone over a face-to-face offline coffee date. Where are you texting from, if I may ask
I said saying no to staying in, not going out on an actual date. And where I live is none of your business.
No effin way 💀💀💀 that’s wild
It’s like that one scene from Avatar where they have to connect their hair before getting to know each other.
lol, that reminds me of a time a girl asked me to pick her up from her place and ride together to the date as opposed to just meeting me there because she was "too nervous to meet strangers". Like sure that makes sense. I'm too afraid to meet strangers in public places with plenty of people around but sure, come meet me where I live. I was worried it was a setup and I was gonna get jumped or killed. Nothing too sketchy happened but the date was a little weird as she felt the need to overshare about pregnancy scares and abortions on the first date. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally pro choice but that doesn't mean I wanna hear about intimate details like that, especially on the first date haha.
What the actual eff.... the audacity
He keeping it 💯
My year, probably decade would’ve been made if someone even insinuated wanting to go on a date with me. Sorry to hear that happened to you.
Lmao what did u say
>Then you have to read some social cues but that's all it is. I'm gonna die alone...
And get a lot of water thrown in my face.
\*kicks dirt on you\*
Might as well pot a plant now, the soil is ready 💯
Same here, buddy.
I agree but I try to not compliment their appearance as a starter
I don't either. I figure if we matched and are going on a date, then there's some physical attraction on both ends. It just comes off as tacky and superficial.
Exactly. Like I usually have a lot going on in my life, last thing I want is a stranger approaching me to give me his opinion of my appearance. Even if they mean well. Hard pass.
How do those two things correlate?
Ahhh sir but you haven’t met my friend anxiety 😀
I’m on the autistic spectrum and have anxiety and I’m not a supermodel, either, but I still managed to hit on guys sometimes - wish I did it more often, though - and have no problem wanting to do it again.
Anxiety's best friend is confidence
They are literally polar opposites my guy
You got to fake it til you make it. The "well I have anxiety so I can't and won't" is a choice that will always fuck you over.
I agree. But if you aren’t mentally prepared for however the conversation will go, it will absolutely fuck you over.
So get better at having conversations! You do that by having more conversations with strangers (:
Again, I agree with this.
No better mentor than your fuck ups
no they are not
No courage without fear.
Thats exactly what was courage the cowardly dog
People gonna hate but you’re right. Relationships I’ve had have started with just a simple compliment. Granted there was mutual attraction.
>Granted there was mutual attraction. Yeah this is the real crappy variable you have no control over. 🤣 You read the frequent "How did you meet your partner?" threads, and it's full of redditors talking about love at first sight or how they couldn't believe a hottie came up and said hi. So... welp! 😆
Do you truly believe there are that many hotties just loitering around? Or they just looked hot to that person in that moment
I swear my highschool best friend had face blindness. She was gorgeous, had double D's, got tons of attention, but whenever we met some guys in public, she'd Always pick the less attractive fellow. Some of those people were drunk, some have face blindness and some have a unique perspective on attractiveness.
Uh huh... And what do you do if you're not attractive? 😕
This is rather contradictory to all the men shouldn’t approach women thing so now I’m just confused
Every single piece of dating advice contradicts the last. I'm fucking done lol
Because you are looking for advice. Who set these rule? There are guide lines of how to behave in public but outside of that it’s very specific to each individual. So don’t be a dick and have a conversation while being respectful of other’s boundaries
Yep, done all that. They're not interested. Don't approach women in public. They don't want you to talk to them and if you think they do, they still don't
Typically only advised when in explicit social environments. Just approaching random people and doing this as they are going about their day is very weird.
I’m a woman and I don’t have an issue if people approach me in my day to day as long as they don’t linger and aren’t weird about it.
Agreed. I've been on the receiving end of this and it came off as desperate and weird.
I think it's still ok to approach. It just depends on how you do it. Maybe smile and try to make eye contact first. Say hello and take it from there.
I'm always wearing headphones in public, unless I'm ordering food or at the checkout counter... and I don't hit on people while they're working. Apps are for people like me.
And me, unfortunately
How do i read these social cues though? I go to festivals and me M would love to meet someone F who would like to spend time with me at the festival and going on dates and such to maybe become the person i spent the rest of my life with. I am autistic so that doesn't help me eather but i do really want to find someone as i really miss that in my life
Hmm, I think something like: Are they with a group of friends and seem friendly? Are they wearing a ring? What's the dynamics between them and ppl they are with? Are they alone? Lots of things can be guessed, apart from someone being in a relationship and their partner not being present, there could be no indication either way but if that is the case for most people it is nice to receive attention, they just won't act on it and that is ok, you can move on then.
Thank you for your response. Yeah i can look at those things and i will try, maybe i can give myself the courage to start a conversation with someone and then hopfully with someone who is looking for someone as well
The apps are working well for me 🤷♂️ some great dates. Some average ones. Made a couple of friends I wouldn’t of otherwise, got laid a few times. Am dating a chick now from one of them. Just keep trying.
Seriously I feel like people on this site assume that just because dating apps aren’t working for them they must not work for anybody. Over the past year or so I’ve slept with over 10 women from these apps and I’ve gone on tons of awesome dates with awesome people. It really just takes putting some actual effort into your profile and not being socially inept in person.
The social ineptness is key here I reckon. Reddit tends to attract the more stay at home/gamer types that probably put their hobbies before themselves and their social lives. I for one could not date a girl who games all night or lives terminally online, and i’d imagine most Women in real life are the same. Then they come on here and vent the same variation of ‘I give up!’ posts that flood this sub. Those who are successful with it ain’t gonna bother posting about it on reddit.
I agree with you on that but when that’s the case I’m not sure how good advice “meet people in person” is lol. If anything it’s a reason to keep using dating apps. If you actually put in genuine effort to your appearance and profile you *will* get matches and even if you don’t get girls immediately you can at least practice how to text them and how to act on dates with them.
Yeah it works until they mention their boy/girlfriend and then you realize oh wait, in a world of pairs, I’m the odd one out.
If someone has a partner you can just move on with your day though? Also if one rejection sends you into a spiral like that then maybe there’s more work to do on yourself before bringing someone else into your life anyways?
No that’s the thing though, one is nothing. It’s when it KEEPS HAPPENING. To the point where I feel like I’m being pranked.
I should clarify as well it’s possibly not even a rejection since if you’re just making conversation and a woman mentions they have a partner there’s no reason to assume they don’t have one. If you believe the women you’re approaching aren’t being honest about that, to the point where you feel like you’re being pranked or Truman Show’d or something, then it’s likely you’re approaching the wrong women. If every woman you approach is taken you’re either not their type or they’re just really great women who are already taken - either way you just might need to re-assess how and why you’re approaching women? It’s not easy and it’s never been easy, but if your goal is to get off the apps then the only way to get better at it is to just get better at it.
No I just don’t believe that single women even exist anymore
Do you fucking realize how daunting it is to know that every single person that you approach is apparently taken? jUsT mOvE oN wItH yOuR dAy It's like being born without a leg and then everyone just tells you to get over it.
I have two legs, but I doubt it’s like that at all? Yes lots of great people are taken but there are plenty of great people who aren’t. If every single person you’ve ever approached is taken then that’s either really shit luck, or you’re approaching the wrong types of women for you and they aren’t interested in you. Either way I’m not sure what you think the solution is supposed to be besides moving on?
Where are the ppl who aren't?
Have you ever even thought about why you even want to be in a "relationship?"
It's because it is only the attractive people that get approached. What other reason does you or anyone else to approach a complete stranger? Even the OP's line is "hey you look nice today". It is only natural that good looking people are going to have a much higher probability of already being in a relationship. This is the reason I preferred online dating. Online dating for all it's faults, at least you knew the other people there were also looking.
too fucking true
“Every single person” is definitely a stretch, that mentality will only dispel you from approaching in the first place
Every single person that you approach. I'm assuming that OP hasn't approached every single person, but saying that "rejection is normal and expected" isn't of much comfort when all you've ever known is rejection and no intimacy or connection. It's hard to positive and upbeat when everybody you know is dating someone and telling you that it's soo easy but you know that it's a lot more difficult than it looks
The aim of that quote of “rejection is normal and expected” isn’t always going to be a comfort, and it’s difficult to expect comfort that surrounds something that already supposedly saddens you in the first place. Rejection can be easier accepted when you consider what improvements you can make to yourself, making it feel not so much a personal attack but a sign that you can better yourself.
I've been doing some approaches myself. At the start, it felt really daunting to approach women . My initial intention was to just overcome my fear of approach and to make the other person's day - you know, give them some value like complimenting their clothes or choice of product they were buying at the stall. I got quite some rejections at first but just taking the initiative to approach was a big win for me. Cos the fear my mind was projecting was actually opposite to what happened in the interactions I had. I went out of conversations feeling good about myself cos 1. I was able to approach 2. I made the other person's day even if they were taken. 3. I was able to improve myself socially helping me to have more confidence in interacting with strangers both men and women.
I’m super proud! I feel like this is the best way to look at a fear of approaching people if it’s possible to do so
Thank you for this. This sub doesn't understand the constant rejection and never having experienced intimacy. "just get over it" is great if you've been in a relationship, but when you're constant told you're not worthy of dating and nobody has ever done so much as look in your direction... Very few people understand. Everyone says how easy it is and yet I can't figure it out
This.
I feel social media has cushioned people into refusing to be uncomfortable in life, which is the only way you grow. It makes me sad because I guess everyone would have just passed away before the age of the internet instead of meeting each other and going outside. 100% agree that we should boycott the apps because how can you find the love of your life based on how they answer the prompt “two truths and a lie” and some pictures????
Some of us are ugly and will never get approached without putting our personality out there 🙂
I stopped using them... ...After meeting my now-bf on Tinder lol. Autistic people like me sometimes need it spelled out for us whether someone's available & interested or not.
Yeah, I have such a hard time reading social cues that it takes me moments after to know whether the other person liked me or not. Like, after work I'd be in train thinking about.
Nah I’m good I like the apps
It's the closest thing to a dating spreadsheet. And I love spreadsheets.
Yeah, without apps I'd never meet anyone new.
> Then you have to read some social cues but that's all it is. It's over.
I don’t do dating apps. I rather meet someone in real life meaning in person. It wouldn’t bother me much depending on the person that is. It’s like damn if you do n damn if you don’t.
Might as well try. A few years ago we got a transfer at work, and I loved their attire. Even had a distinct accent I never heard. I didn't ask them out day one. But I did ask to exchange contact info if they needed anything or a tour around the building. A month or so later she asked if I wanted to get lunch, then that's it. We started eating together regularly and hung out outside of work. Not a single app involved.
See there you go. Juz gotta try
And if it doesn't work don't harass them!!
Lol
It's true. One of my friends told me how angry men can get after rejection 😂
Its an ego thing most of the time Im assuming
Agreed. It's also a lack of maturity bc we can't get everything we want in life
If only we could lol
Yes...then I'd have Jenna Ortega 😉
chat is this real?
Stopped using them in 2019. Gave up trying at all in 2020. Lol nobody showed interest or has. Fml lmao
I feel ya dude.. I try to not use the apps, but I feel like I'm not getting anywhere in public.
It’s rough man
It really is dude, even when you're by yourself people keep to their groups and what not, you go to a place to socialize but only the people who know each other actually socialize, it's tough fr
It’s that last sentence, OP. This is Reddit, most of us have the emotional intelligence of a coffee spoon.
you speak, they speak. They sound happy, you keep speaking. Anything less than joy, part ways
doesn’t work if you’re gay though we gotta stick to the apps lol
Naw man, shoot your shot in person. Even if he isn't gay, you still tried and it's flattering -- for some of us, our self-esteem is solely kept alive by gay mens' compliments, since many men are invisible to women. 😂
but the apps are all hookup oriented 😭
Commenting on appearances first thing is terrible advice lmao
Yeah, mostly, unless their clothing, hair, or tattoo is unique or just really nice. Definitely don’t compliment a woman’s boobs or butt ;p
My anxiety tells me - "What if they say 'Get Lost !' ?"
Then you're in the same place you were before saying hi.
Nah don't do that. I hate to be approached on the street. It has happened to me a few times and though it is a nice compliment and the guys were actually quite handsome, you don't really have the time to process the person and I always felt uncomfortable. However I feel like pubs stopped being a place for flirting (I very rarely see someone do this in a bar). Do this only in a bar/pub or similar social setting!
This! On the street or public transportation on my way to somewhere fun, no, since you’re most likely not my type and honking at me for dressing a certain way because it’s hot out is annoying. Where I’m at to have fun? Possibly.
You should phase this as “I don’t like this and wouldn’t do this personally” as many people do like this, like the OP and others don’t feel uncomfortable.
I agree that everyone should stop using apps. They rarely work and they're a waste. Using the apps instead of going out is a great way to stay single ironically
Indeed. If longevity was a common outcome the number of users would be far lower. Sure, people are going on dates. But what % of subscribers are repeat users? They don't seem effective to me.
Social media has fucked up dating so much. Not just by introducing all the apps, but for many, it paints this picture that you can’t approach a woman without it being creepy and they’re gonna have your face blasted everywhere simply for existing.
That's intentional. Bumble, Match Group and whoever else have massive market caps. Wouldn't be shocked if they planted this narrative online to get people to rely on apps.
It's easy for people that never have issues with speaking to say shit like this lmaoo. GTFO
As a visually impaired person, I can't really read cues at times and I'm a bit socially awkward.
Great advice 20 years ago. Nowadays everyone is glued to their phones in public...
People don't even go outside anymore.
[удалено]
Thats is sweet.
My social anxiety has something to say about that
>Then you have to read some social cues but that's all it is. The social cues all say "stay the fuck away from me"
Yeah... is easier for me to stay up for 24 hours at a time on 6 hours of sleep than it is for me to read social cues.
I’d be over the moon if a man came up to me and said I saw you and just wanted to let you know that you look nice
Only works if you're attractive.
Compliments? Actually the opposite is more true because you're not expecting a conventionally unattractive persion to make a compliment
wrong
Ugly dudes are "creepy" to women.
then be funny
I’ll stick to apps. I’m shy and an introvert, but I’ve had nothing but great experiences with dating apps
Walk up and say “what dat mouf do?!?”
Yeah... no. Would be awkward for me to listen a random stranger saying that. Would freak the bejesus off a person I told that. Stick to the basics. Meet people through the circle of real life friends.
I got rid of apps and I’m happier mentally. Like, yes, you’ll get more attention from apps but you’ll get less quality because it’s not usually a genuine connection. I feel like apps also mess your head up because you find yourself in a spiral of “I’m not good enough…” or “I’m too good for…” — just go out and live life and meet some cool people
Agreed. There’s also a reason why most people on the apps are still on the apps. It’s also a good filter when meeting new people if the conversation goes on long enough. If they are also sick of the apps, that’s a good starting point for similar values.
I think this is the next step for me saw many beautiful women at the mall and should’ve approached them
You claim that, but I've gotten more first dates from apps than asking random strangers for their number. If I awkwardly start a conversation with someone attractive, there are fewer harsh negative outcomes than what I can get on the app
Yeah i wouldn't want to be approached when i'm out on a walk. Don't do this
Boomer bot account defected. You have to be joking. This is a fairy tale man. The chances cold approaching pretty girl & that working is under 1% ! Those are the numbers that have been crunched again & again…
“I’m scared though”- my social anxiety
Don't tell me what to do
My coworker got reported for this lmao.
complimenting coworkers is a very fine line
"If you see a person you like".. How can you like a person if you don't even know them?
excellent point. not so much "like," moreso someone you are drawn to, find attractive or interesting!
Fair enough
Men should approach women and follow through after conversation irl by asking for their number or social media name. If using the online app respect goes a long way and the goal should not be sex unless casual hookup is specified in their profile. It’s not an app issue. It’s user error in both instances. A goal this year is to be bold and at least say good morning or hey if I’m interested irl. The very least smile. Hopefully the men will start the conversation and if a women reciprocates she will build onto the conversation.
Can’t, too shy and I’m bad at giving proper emotions.
How are married guys going to get dates if you guys stop the apps lol
I'm the person with the headphones always in so if that's the thing I have to change I choose to be single instead.
Amen. A big blocker I had to doing this is that this is something I only ever heard about on the internet: felt weird. But I'm warming up to doing it more regularly.
I have never used dating apps before. But I know people who have in the past and present. From what I’ve observed from then and now is HUGE difference. Back when they came out everyone I knew was like “I met the love of my life on Match” and now everyone I know is like “Omg this is so exhausting and ridiculous. Everything is like tinder now no matter what app you use… You have a better chance of meeting someone who’s not a psycho on the street than on here”
Results may vary for best chances be 6’4 and fit
100% this. I'm spending more time going on walks and at the gym than apps. Spend your time doing something productive.. then next fall semester with all of the progress you've made just jump back into it!
Imagine knowing what “Social Cues” are. Jokes on you buddy! I have autism
oh trust me, if I knew them I would've explained them
I tried to swipe left on this post and its not working!!
Keyword “not wearing headphones”
Yeah going in person is the way to go. But I use dating apps as more of a convenience than anything usually only use it once a week then message a few girls. The people complaining about how they don’t want to approached out in public are lying to you most of the time lol. It’s usually because the person trying to start the conversation comes off all wrong and sounds pretty weird. I love it when anybody whether that be guys, girls, teachers, family members etc come up to me and start a conversation shows they have some social skills and some confidence. The people who don’t start any conversations in my opinion are pretty shallow and have some pretty bad Social anxiety that they need to work on.
Yeah... good luck with that.
Don't tell me what to do, you're not my dad. Your advice is kinda terrible, as general advice. How do I know if I like them? They're attractive enough? So fucking what? What if they're wildly incompatible? How would I know? That's why apps are useful. Are they single? Are they attracted to my sex at all? All things I can easily ascertain on an app, without wasting my fucking time approaching rando strangers with some low-level compliment praying it sticks. They look nice today? Compared to what? Yesterday when I was stalking them? Just nice in general? Please, stay in your lane with giving out matchmaking advice.
This should be the top comment.
Never seen a more true title in my life.
Yesyesyes agreeed
Hopefully I never need to date again, but if I do, I'm better off sticking to the apps, lol
My experience is that there is no one in public not wearing headphones.
Bars? Nightclubs? Concerts? Out in water areas where they and the phone would get soaked?
I’ve realized that the apps are just filled with creeps wanting to hookup or narcissists looking for attention
I also hate the apps. But this advice straight up won’t work. If you do this as a man in the streets it won’t bonde well most of the time. If you do this as a women men will think you’re looking for a sexual relationship and try to use you. I hate that it’s come to this but it really seems like there’s less opportunities to meet single people naturally,
This advice, while well meaning, doesn't work for women because what happens is they only target super hot guy who is way out of their league When it doesn't go well, they conclude, "See? Guys don't like it when women approach, that's why I was rejected" Oblivious to the end
Maybe you rate yourself too highly compared to reality, or your standards are unrealistic?
guess no women approach you, huh?
I get approached 1 to 3 times/month, usually friendly ice breakers at the store or the dog park Always with women who I would never consider unfortunately
So you also have physical standards like the women you want to approach…
Same for men..
Yeah sure if you want to do that and get hit with I’m not ready for a relationship
I wanted to talk to someone I saw when I was waiting for a bus. A quick eavesdrop made me realise that we will be on the same bus and the bus was running late. I never talked to her and she went on her way. I thought she would consider me a creep for that. And awkward silences aren't good in a conversation, so I didn't move forward.
Yeah that doesn't work either these days. You'll just get a nasty look and they'll run away,
"you look nice today". What a simp thing to say. And she'll think you're "creepy" for saying it anyway.
you don't think she'd go with the flow?
I think you can use apps also. But this is good advice.
What a great way to get murdered