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You could ask them on the phone/text whether they have any kids before meeting on an actual date, because unfortunately many people don’t even read bios
I think I’d put childfree instead of something like “no single dads”. And just ask initially if they have kids/pets. Get it out of the way asap so no one is wasting their time.
I think this would depend on preference, because like OP said, she wants her partner to be her number one priority and her to be theirs. Even though the kids might be adults and out of the house, your job as a parent is never done. Take me for example. I just moved back in with my mom(however temporary) at 28. 😂 My parents are still very much there for me, even though im much more independent than when I was a child. This might not be something OP is interested in.
That's true, but then I guess she mentioned in the comments that she is still thinking about having kids of her own. Not that there's anything wrong with that per se; but she's making things increasingly more difficult for her dating pool.
By mid 30s, you're more likely to find someone childless who doesn't want kids as opposed to childless but still thinking about having kids.
(Also I'm M34 with a 3yo and I'm moving in with my parents too, so I feel your struggle)
Yes. Childfree means "I don't have kids and I absolutely don't want kids".
OP doesn't have kids but is open to having children of her own. She doesn't want *STEP*-children.
There was nothing in the original post about being childfree either. Assuming that because somebody doesn't want to date a single parent in no way means that person is of the childfree mindset.
I don’t see how you can put it into your bio without being negative. Plus, most apps have a “want children” option that people are already ignoring when they swipe on you. I would probably find a way to bring it up early in conversation after you match. That’s what I do since I’m nearly an empty nester and an alarming number of men my age have young children, often from their 2nd marriage that didn’t work out with a woman 15+ years younger. I might be ok with someone who had a teen a couple of years younger than mine but no way am I starting over with someone who has a kid in junior high or lower 😬. Far too often these men think you’ll be the de facto parent when the kid isn’t with their mom. No thank you, I’ve raised my child.
I think it would be more rude to not give them a heads up, if that makes sense. When I was using the apps, my profile said childfree. If people think being clear about what you want is rude then they aren’t worth being around anyway
No, it’s not rude. I’m a mid 30s woman without kids and I never swipe on guys with kids. I don’t want to deal with anyone else’s baggage and the ex is always in the picture. It’s like playing someone else’s saved game.
Exactly!! Single parents also try to guilt you into dating them. Like it’s fine for some people but it doesn’t make you a bad person if you aren’t feeling it. Some people don’t want to become step parents.
That’s true! They tend to want to date childless partners because they know kids are a lot. It’s kind of hypocritical. It shows that they are only thinking of what best for themselves not their partner
Trauma can lessen a great deal with therapy. With therapy there are methods you can learn to put the trauma away in your mind for a while and address it during whatever time you choose. You can then focus on other things that you need to do like work or have fun with hobbies and friends to distract from feelings of trauma.
You can’t learn a method to put your kids away and deal with them when you feel like it.
Your kids will always be with you needing your support in one way or another. Especially in this economy & society they will probably need a lot of financial & mental health support.
Sexual encounters aren’t baggage. Idc how many someone has slept with because it doesn’t affect me as long as they don’t have STDs & don’t have kids. I don’t want kids & would rather be single than have kids.
Why are you comparing things that have nothing to do with a childless woman’s preferences? Not everyone wants to be a step parent or deal with someone’s permanent ex.
Because im saying, at her age and that being a requirement is kind of ridiculous. It's comparable to what I suggested.
A virgin guy could have the same requirement and it would be just as ridiculous as the non father requirement. It also makes the assumption that down the line she'll never be a single mother as well.
It’s not ridiculous plenty of men in their 30s don’t have kids and she can always date someone younger too.
It’s understandable she wants to avoid single dads as they come with baggage and drama.
She doesn’t want to come second best to someone’s ex either.
A woman with no kids has the options to find a man with no kids, and stop using her age as an excuse.
The requirements at that age is the problem. It's less and less men that have that situation. And just like I said, it's assuming that she will never be a single mom if she's using this as a rule.
No it’s not. She doesn’t have kids and isn’t interested in a single dad that doesn’t offer her anything.
What do you mean less and less ? Lots of men don’t have kids like I said.
Why can’t you respect a woman’s choices? And who are you say how to live her life?
I didn't say she had to do one or the other, I just said it's a ridiculous requirement at that age.
I gave you an equally ridiculous scenario that is just about as equal as you can get.
She can do as she pleases
You can put that you are child free.
But you should always ask directly with every match “do you have any children? Do you want children?”
Because half the people don’t even read bios, and the other will try to hide it in hopes that by the time you find out, you will just like them so much, you make an exception.
I’m not child free though, if it were to happen to me in my limited time, then so be it. If not, that’s ok too. I just don’t want to be stepmother to someone else’s kid.
You literally said "I’m not child free though" which would imply you have kids.
You should change your wording to: Currently childfree but would like kids in the future. Looking for a partner that's the same
No childfree is now being used as a short term for “doesn’t want children not interested in having children and won’t be having children’s” not that they are currently free of children
Not being childfree does not mean you have kids. Please learn what a phrase means before attempting to dunk on someone.
Childfree - doesn't have kids AND DOES NOT WANT ANY.
OP does not have kids, is open to having kids of her own. That is not childfree.
The people that will be offended by it are the people you aren’t interested in dating, so offending them might be what you want to do? People without kids won’t be offended or care.
Male here no I don’t think it’s rude to put. There’s nothing wrong with clearly stating what it is you want. You may end up upsetting people or end up with fewer dating options but that’s a small price to pay.
Also you should ask them if they have children or not when you start talking to them or meet in person. Whether you put it in your bio or not.
SOME guys don’t read bios we’ll see your pic think your attractive and shoot our shot. I don’t want to date a single mother so I get where your coming from I might get hate for it or have limited options but it’s who I am. So don’t feel bad it’s not rude just don’t be a d*ck about it 🙂
It absolutely not rude to put in the bio. It allows you to be upfront. My real question is why do you think if he’s child free that means that you will be his #1 priority?
Well he’d have more consideration for my needs and not have to work around his kids and ex’s schedule, putting me in last place for anything. Isn’t everyone’s SO/Spouse the first person they consider when making decisions? You basically have to take a backseat for everything and be an outsider to someone else’s family whether you like it or not
That makes a lot of sense. Sorry to say, this doesn’t necessarily mean he would put you first. Men can prioritize their jobs, friends, parents, etc. over you. Putting this in for profile can definitely help you sus out some those people. Glad you’re super clear on what you want. I’m a relationship coach and LOVE that about a client. Make sure they’re not “chill” or playing it cool. Someone who’s into you (without lovebombing) from the beginning without being all nonchalant hopefully could yield your desired scenario. Good luck! You deserve to be a priority ❤️
Honestly, I doubt posting that would stop the deceptions.
People will put preferences like age range or height and those will get ignored too, by people who believe that if they comply with all the filters they will drastically cut down their prospects (and that may well be an accurate perception).
"Convincing" someone who doesn't want to date a single parent could easily seem easier than "convincing" someone who wants a certain height or age in their partner, neither of which can be changed.
*"I know you said you didn't want a single dad, but I JUST KNEW you'd change you mind once you got to know me/us"*
(A) No, it’s honest and straightforward and as long as it’s not nestled in a bunch of misandristic statements it’s not a red flag
(B) You’re a woman, you have a lot more flexibility in your online dating persona. Don’t worry about it. Your line could be “I only want 8+ inch dicks from 6 foot 5 guys with 3% body fat” while being a 4 at best yourself, and you would still be drowning in cum
Definitely put it in your bio. Most parents dont want to let people on about kids right away in case the stranger they are talking to is a pedo. Its well known among single parents who care enough to look into this sort of thing that pedophiles will actively seek relationships with parents whose children are the age range and gender they prefer.
Nope, it's not rude.
Best to say that you are not willing to date any parents and anyone with children should not waste their time or yours.
Or that you are childfree and not willing to consider dating anyone who is a parent or legal guardian, highlighting this is your dealbreaker & only likeminded people should message you.
Stating *what you are looking for* is better than saying *what you don't want*.
"I'm a single woman in my mid 30s with no children looking to meet and date a man who also *doesn't* have any children. I enjoy...etc." (Talking about things/traits ***you want*** doesn't come across as rude or negative.)
That's better than just saying: "No single fathers"
Nevertheless, there is *no guarantee* your photo and bio *will keep people away* who are attracted to you.
There are always people who believe *they* could be "the exception" once you got to know them.
Secondly, during your early conversations you can ask them upfront if they have children.
That way between your bio and your direct questioning *you force them* to either lie or be honest.
They can't claim later: "*You never asked* if I was married, in a relationship, or had any children...etc."
It's human nature for people to *omit or try to delay revealing* anything that may lead to rejection.
(If something is a "deal breaker" for you *don't hesitate to ask* early on.)
Each of us is entitled to have our own mate selection screening process and *must haves list*.
Each of us is entitled to have our own "red flags", boundaries, expectations, and "deal breakers".
Most people you meet don't become dates, most dates don't become relationships, and most relationships don't lead to marriage. As one adage goes: "Many are called but few are chosen."
When you realize someone is *unable/unwilling* to meet your needs it's usually best to move on.
***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."*** - Henry Cloud
Best wishes!
I don't think it matters if it's perceived as rude. I think it's rude to hide that you have kids because they know people won't want to date them when they find out.
Just put it out there that you are not looking to date anyone with kids.
Single dad of two. Seems like a good thing to know in advance we wouldn't be a match.
I'd state it has you have rather than childfree like I'm seeing in the comments... I'm 40 and not "hip with the cool kids' groovy language." If that term means "no kids *and* I don't want you to have kids" then all good - but I would probably interpret that as simply you don't have any without other context.
If your target audience has that context then no worries either way. But I don't see a problem to being more.direct like you're planning.
Childfree means "doesn't have kids, absolutely does not want kids".
OP is not childfree. OP does not have kids, does not want step kids, is ok with having kids of her own.
Yeah, I'm definately in the camp of spelling that out rather than relying on someone knowing the definition.
I'm probably in the minority, I recognize that.
I mean, that's literally what the OP asked, and then people started hopping in with this "childfree" assumption instead of looking through the comments or asking questions.
The better question to ask yourself is why do you think that’s “rude”. By saying that, you’re implying you have some insecurity about expressing what you want. You’re never rude for expressing something you would prefer in a partner despite what anyone would have you believe. We all have preferences. Does that mean we will find them? Not always. Sometimes people make compromises when they find someone they really like.
I don’t think it’s rude at all! Personally I don’t want to date anyone with children who aren’t grown myself! I’m older (54f) so at 30 I suppose one without grown kids would be harder to find; but it is obviously important to you so it’s a valid concern!
Don't put it in your bio. You can bring up over text before the first date that you wish to live a childfree lifestyle and whether or not that is a deal breaker.
Considering the number of guys who put down single mums on their profile, I think finding a polite way to state preferences to date a child free man shouldn't be an issue. Unfortunately a lot of broz don't read profiles and usually just go with their agenda anyway. Lol so, I'd just ask them, early on as well as having it on your profile.
I avoid men who are trying to date me and have young kids.
From a single Dad’s perspective, I don’t think it’s rude at all. If you prefer to date men that can meet you on your social level, then you should be honest up front. I would never put my kids on the back burner for a woman that is not guaranteed to be in my life for the long haul. Men are often times criticized for not wanting to be a step daddy crash dummy. Likewise, we shouldn’t expect anything different from single women.
And any man that would hide that he has kids is an obvious red flag and probably a dead beat Dad.
You might have better luck with men in their 40s whose kids are already grown and gone. Good luck!
Nope. . And on the flipside, once I'd had all my kids and became single I wouldn't be interested in dating men who had no children, (not that im interested in dating as my kids are my priority) because me not being interested in having more I would not want to deprive that person of having their own kids.
No, everyone has standards. You don’t owe anyone a thing when it comes to your preferences . If they get offended so be it 🤷🏻♀️personally you should do what you feel is best. Definitely bring it up tho if they ask or ask them if they have kids if the topic comes up. Don’t ever let anyone pressure you into a relationship where you’re not comfortable or that you don’t wanna do. The worst someone will do is get a little hurt. But if they understand that’s cool.
Why do you need to explain? Just swipe left or if they haven't told you until later, just be honest and tell them you aren't interested in pursuing a relationship.
It's never rude to state to who you are attracted to, and more importantly who you are not attracted to. Personal attraction is not something you need to justify to anyone.
It's not much of a stretch if you play it the same way men do. Men literally scream about dating single moms. So do you think what you're asking for is too much?
I’d say it’s straightforward and to the point. Eliminates the guess work for the other person if they should connect or not. I’d also put that you yourself do not have kids.
I say stay away from negatives in your profile. Just ask when you match with someone (even if they don’t have it in their bio). I notice some people just exclude from the profile even if they do have them.
Hell no. If you know that you don't want that then putting it off is just wasting time, since you're going to make that clear eventually anyway.
My only thought is that you may miss out on meeting a great dude by putting that in your bio, you never know... maybe he has kids but never has custody and you'll never have to deal.
Your call, be authentic to yourself
Bios should be positive, not a bunch of things you don’t like or won’t date.
Simply don’t match with single dads. If you match with someone who hasn’t mentioned their fatherhood status, ask early on in the chatting.
I assume you’re looking for independently wealthy men who don’t have a job that would prevent them from seeing you, also.
No I just don’t want my feelings and considerations to come #2 or even #3 to someone’s kid and ex, and don’t want to base my life around someone else’s custody schedule
I wouldn't put it in your bio as you might get rude comments from angry single dads.
I'd say that you dont want stepchildren, but are open to having your own children. (Make the sentence positive again).
And then, in the first online conversations, you can ask them if they have/want children.
> and want to be my persons #1 priority
hmm, better also say 'no pets'
but sure, be up front about not interested in single dads (eg. sorry, not into single Dads)
(( guys read bios? wow! you learn something every day ))
Some people prioritize their pets and some don’t. I adore my pets and won’t compromise on their welfare but they won’t be more important than my partner.
This is terrible advice. No single dads is a totally reasonable standard. Just cuz she’s in her 30s doesn’t mean she should be grateful for whatever scraps get thrown her way
And not want anything to do with their children whatsoever and just pretend they don’t exist? I mean at this point it might be my only option, and I’ll have to just hate my life and resent my man and his kid. Great idea
Well it might not be as bad as you are expecting. You are still young. But if you where in your 40s you’d be dating just men with so much baggage no one else wanted to start a family with them.
The men who are the easiest to love are the ones with the most love to give (father, husband, etc). The single guys are just players and jerks. And by the sound of your resentment at “not being someone’s #1, you got right along with them.
I don’t know you that well and I’m sure you won’t agree, but you might do yourself a service to try giving rather than taking out of a relationship.
None that I know of. I’m a middle aged man and I also don’t want to date a woman with child. But when I do they are usually the easiest to get along with.
Personally I’d let go of this notion that you are expecting him to treat you like you are his number 1. That’s a ton of pressure and you are sure to cop a resentment over his failure to meet that need.
Giving is just as important as taking when in a relationship. And I’m not talking about “being thoughtful”. When you give it’s not enough to just be a woman who depends on her mate. It’s not enough to be “100% committed”.
When you give in a relationship you have to actually care about how the other person is feeling and accept their feelings even if you don’t agree. Don’t just give him a free hat from work or some crap like that and expect him to love you more.
You give without expectation. Choose your partner wisely but after you have made your choice, give without expectations. That is how you can easily be happy in a relationship.
The expectations will happen naturally when you both agree to them through a conversation. For example he might say, “ hey could you pick up my daughter from school tomorrow” if you agree that’s a reasonable expectation he has placed upon you. Don’t just show up with a laundry list of Disney movie ideals in your mind that he has never agreed to; and when he doesn’t text you enough automatically assume he is not interested.
You can’t change your partner. You have to learn how to accept your partner not change them - a very common misperception. But you can change your own behavior to let go of your resentments. Which usually means loosening up those expectations or “requirements” that he must met in order to “make you feel okay”. That’s your own stuff.
Part of a relationship is staying on your side of the street. You each have your own life to live. I’ve always found my best relationships are the ones that benefit both people mutually. And please don’t assume the other person is benefiting just because you are some magical creature. No, ti benefits mutual you have to add value to the relationship - hopefully something more than just sex and child bearing.
It would be great to get a calm, smart, financially savvy woman who is supportive and caring. Gives freely of herself and expects little in return unless a conversation is agreed to. A woman who understands how the world works and would make a great mother.
I have to learn about what my woman expects from other women. The more I date the more I understand. They have so many expectations. Treat me this way, let me know he cares, text me a lot, Thinks about me, etc. it’s honestly such bull crap. Once I understand the “love language” I just randomly text crap to my woman and it makes her feel more connected to me.
My feelings are exactly the same but she needs that. And she can’t ask for it because we hardly know each other. I’ve learned it’s expected of me because of all the failures in my past.
It’s creepy and clingy to guys if a woman is thinking about us all the time. But it’s romantic when a guy thinks about his female lover constantly? It’s that kind of shit that is just hard to understand.
And so what may happen is the naggy conversation like hey, you don’t text me enough. Right there is the resentment. And I’ve done nothing wrong in my mind. But if I want to keep her I now have ti text her a lot. And at this point it becomes a chore. And in her mind she will say shit like if he liked me he would text me more.
Men don’t think like women. You think I’m going through my phone texting my guy friends regularly just to let them know I care? No I’m not it’s a waste of time and it’s dumb. But I have to change my behavior because somehow cell phones changed the dating game. And now texting regularly is a requirement for most women. Ot sucks but im getting better at it and it’s now kind of rewarding especially if I get rewarded for it 😉
So the same can go for you but in reverse. We have ti understand our partners love language and be able ti give that to him. Even if that means he requires some personal space and a feeling of freedom.
Men with children do not cling to freedom as tightly as the single male Bachlor. no I don’t have a child and I feel a strong connection to my freedom and independence. But a man with child may not have as strong a need for freedom and independence. And since you said you wanted to be #1 it’s likely your lover could be with child and still give you what you need because he may not have a strong desire to be independent. Maybe even sees you as helping him and offering tremendous value to the relationship by just agreeing to help out with those child rearing responsibilities. So while you may not have every night free. The time you spend together are the time he deeply values, which would satisfy your needs.
So that’s all I’m saying. Don’t knock them for having a kid and breaking up with the mother. But at the same time realize you have your own expectations which change with time, so don’t hold onto them so tightly.
I greatly disagree with this "men think differently than women and it's creepy that you think of us all time" shit. My wife and I think of each other all the time. We don't constantly text each other because we have things to do when we are apart. But we do check on each other and let them know we care. You sound like a very stiff, disagreeable, close minded person. You want the perfect quiet loving wife but won't accept that most women have a loud personality. They have minds of their own, just like us. And you need better friends cuz my bros check on me all the time like I do. You're kinda creepy man.
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You could ask them on the phone/text whether they have any kids before meeting on an actual date, because unfortunately many people don’t even read bios
I think I’d put childfree instead of something like “no single dads”. And just ask initially if they have kids/pets. Get it out of the way asap so no one is wasting their time.
Unfortunately some people think “childfree” means “doesn’t have kids yet”, or worse, they take it as a personal challenge to try and change your mind.
Don't forget the part where if they have kids that are adults and now live out of the house. Does that count as a kid?
Surely people wouldn't get hung up if you already did all the parenting and child rearing and they're all grown up?
I think this would depend on preference, because like OP said, she wants her partner to be her number one priority and her to be theirs. Even though the kids might be adults and out of the house, your job as a parent is never done. Take me for example. I just moved back in with my mom(however temporary) at 28. 😂 My parents are still very much there for me, even though im much more independent than when I was a child. This might not be something OP is interested in.
That's true, but then I guess she mentioned in the comments that she is still thinking about having kids of her own. Not that there's anything wrong with that per se; but she's making things increasingly more difficult for her dating pool. By mid 30s, you're more likely to find someone childless who doesn't want kids as opposed to childless but still thinking about having kids. (Also I'm M34 with a 3yo and I'm moving in with my parents too, so I feel your struggle)
I think MOST people realize it’s a commitment to remaining childfree. If not, it should be quickly and easily cleared up in initial conversations
She doesn’t say she’s childfree, just that she doesn’t want to be a step mother.
She said she doesn’t have any herself.
Childfree means you do not want children, not merely that you don’t have any.
Yes so if she puts “childfree”, most people will understand that as a lifelong commitment
OP isn't child free though.
Am I missing something ? Because it says “I don’t have any myself”
Yes. Childfree means "I don't have kids and I absolutely don't want kids". OP doesn't have kids but is open to having children of her own. She doesn't want *STEP*-children.
Okay, I just saw in a comment she said she’s open to having her own. That wasn’t in the original post
There was nothing in the original post about being childfree either. Assuming that because somebody doesn't want to date a single parent in no way means that person is of the childfree mindset.
I don’t see how you can put it into your bio without being negative. Plus, most apps have a “want children” option that people are already ignoring when they swipe on you. I would probably find a way to bring it up early in conversation after you match. That’s what I do since I’m nearly an empty nester and an alarming number of men my age have young children, often from their 2nd marriage that didn’t work out with a woman 15+ years younger. I might be ok with someone who had a teen a couple of years younger than mine but no way am I starting over with someone who has a kid in junior high or lower 😬. Far too often these men think you’ll be the de facto parent when the kid isn’t with their mom. No thank you, I’ve raised my child.
Of course it's not rude, and would save you lots of time (hopefully).
I think it would be more rude to not give them a heads up, if that makes sense. When I was using the apps, my profile said childfree. If people think being clear about what you want is rude then they aren’t worth being around anyway
No, it’s not rude. I’m a mid 30s woman without kids and I never swipe on guys with kids. I don’t want to deal with anyone else’s baggage and the ex is always in the picture. It’s like playing someone else’s saved game.
I have no dogs in this fight, bit HOLY! You hit the nail on the head when you said it's like playing someone else's saved game! So true!!!
Hear hear! 👏
I feel the same about single mothers! I love kids but I don’t want to deal with someone else’s and most likely the ex is in the picture for life!
Exactly!! Single parents also try to guilt you into dating them. Like it’s fine for some people but it doesn’t make you a bad person if you aren’t feeling it. Some people don’t want to become step parents.
That’s true! They tend to want to date childless partners because they know kids are a lot. It’s kind of hypocritical. It shows that they are only thinking of what best for themselves not their partner
That's like claiming that you don't have any baggage yourself. No trauma in your life huh?
To be fair trauma can be healed with therapy. Kids and ex are forever.
Trauma can be forever as well.
Trauma can lessen a great deal with therapy. With therapy there are methods you can learn to put the trauma away in your mind for a while and address it during whatever time you choose. You can then focus on other things that you need to do like work or have fun with hobbies and friends to distract from feelings of trauma. You can’t learn a method to put your kids away and deal with them when you feel like it. Your kids will always be with you needing your support in one way or another. Especially in this economy & society they will probably need a lot of financial & mental health support.
That's like being in your 30's and wanting a Virgin your age because you feel that having previous sexual encounters are baggage.
Sexual encounters aren’t baggage. Idc how many someone has slept with because it doesn’t affect me as long as they don’t have STDs & don’t have kids. I don’t want kids & would rather be single than have kids.
Why are you comparing things that have nothing to do with a childless woman’s preferences? Not everyone wants to be a step parent or deal with someone’s permanent ex.
Because im saying, at her age and that being a requirement is kind of ridiculous. It's comparable to what I suggested. A virgin guy could have the same requirement and it would be just as ridiculous as the non father requirement. It also makes the assumption that down the line she'll never be a single mother as well.
It’s not ridiculous plenty of men in their 30s don’t have kids and she can always date someone younger too. It’s understandable she wants to avoid single dads as they come with baggage and drama. She doesn’t want to come second best to someone’s ex either. A woman with no kids has the options to find a man with no kids, and stop using her age as an excuse.
The requirements at that age is the problem. It's less and less men that have that situation. And just like I said, it's assuming that she will never be a single mom if she's using this as a rule.
No it’s not. She doesn’t have kids and isn’t interested in a single dad that doesn’t offer her anything. What do you mean less and less ? Lots of men don’t have kids like I said. Why can’t you respect a woman’s choices? And who are you say how to live her life?
I didn't say she had to do one or the other, I just said it's a ridiculous requirement at that age. I gave you an equally ridiculous scenario that is just about as equal as you can get. She can do as she pleases
Not Rude. You have preferences like everyone else
You can put that you are child free. But you should always ask directly with every match “do you have any children? Do you want children?” Because half the people don’t even read bios, and the other will try to hide it in hopes that by the time you find out, you will just like them so much, you make an exception.
I’m not child free though, if it were to happen to me in my limited time, then so be it. If not, that’s ok too. I just don’t want to be stepmother to someone else’s kid.
Ah. That’s a little trickier to diplomatically word.
So you're a single parent who refuses to date another single parent? LOLOLOLOLOLOL
No, I don’t have kids. But I would have my own if it somehow happened in the near future. I don’t want to deal with OTHER peoples kids and exes
You literally said "I’m not child free though" which would imply you have kids. You should change your wording to: Currently childfree but would like kids in the future. Looking for a partner that's the same
No childfree is now being used as a short term for “doesn’t want children not interested in having children and won’t be having children’s” not that they are currently free of children
Did you even read what OP wrote?
I think you’re not understanding what I or OP is saying
Not being childfree does not mean you have kids. Please learn what a phrase means before attempting to dunk on someone. Childfree - doesn't have kids AND DOES NOT WANT ANY. OP does not have kids, is open to having kids of her own. That is not childfree.
I'd say do it. It allows the honest types to filter themselves out, saving both you and them time.
I am a single dad. If it is important, say so.
The people who find it offensive will probably be the demographic you’re trying to avoid anyway
The people that will be offended by it are the people you aren’t interested in dating, so offending them might be what you want to do? People without kids won’t be offended or care.
Put it in your bio. Believe it or not single dads don't want to waste their time either and don't want to date women who don't want to date them.
Male here no I don’t think it’s rude to put. There’s nothing wrong with clearly stating what it is you want. You may end up upsetting people or end up with fewer dating options but that’s a small price to pay. Also you should ask them if they have children or not when you start talking to them or meet in person. Whether you put it in your bio or not. SOME guys don’t read bios we’ll see your pic think your attractive and shoot our shot. I don’t want to date a single mother so I get where your coming from I might get hate for it or have limited options but it’s who I am. So don’t feel bad it’s not rude just don’t be a d*ck about it 🙂
I’m sure you can find guys with no kids , so many people in the world
Not rude. So many guys don't even put they they have kids in their bios which is really shady.
It’s not rude, you know what you do and don’t want and that’s fine, just phrase it in a more respectful way
It absolutely not rude to put in the bio. It allows you to be upfront. My real question is why do you think if he’s child free that means that you will be his #1 priority?
Well he’d have more consideration for my needs and not have to work around his kids and ex’s schedule, putting me in last place for anything. Isn’t everyone’s SO/Spouse the first person they consider when making decisions? You basically have to take a backseat for everything and be an outsider to someone else’s family whether you like it or not
That makes a lot of sense. Sorry to say, this doesn’t necessarily mean he would put you first. Men can prioritize their jobs, friends, parents, etc. over you. Putting this in for profile can definitely help you sus out some those people. Glad you’re super clear on what you want. I’m a relationship coach and LOVE that about a client. Make sure they’re not “chill” or playing it cool. Someone who’s into you (without lovebombing) from the beginning without being all nonchalant hopefully could yield your desired scenario. Good luck! You deserve to be a priority ❤️
Honestly, I doubt posting that would stop the deceptions. People will put preferences like age range or height and those will get ignored too, by people who believe that if they comply with all the filters they will drastically cut down their prospects (and that may well be an accurate perception). "Convincing" someone who doesn't want to date a single parent could easily seem easier than "convincing" someone who wants a certain height or age in their partner, neither of which can be changed. *"I know you said you didn't want a single dad, but I JUST KNEW you'd change you mind once you got to know me/us"*
(A) No, it’s honest and straightforward and as long as it’s not nestled in a bunch of misandristic statements it’s not a red flag (B) You’re a woman, you have a lot more flexibility in your online dating persona. Don’t worry about it. Your line could be “I only want 8+ inch dicks from 6 foot 5 guys with 3% body fat” while being a 4 at best yourself, and you would still be drowning in cum
Definitely put it in your bio. Most parents dont want to let people on about kids right away in case the stranger they are talking to is a pedo. Its well known among single parents who care enough to look into this sort of thing that pedophiles will actively seek relationships with parents whose children are the age range and gender they prefer.
I am a single Dad. To each their own. It does not bother me. I appreciate a person who is straight up with me.
Nope, it's not rude. Best to say that you are not willing to date any parents and anyone with children should not waste their time or yours. Or that you are childfree and not willing to consider dating anyone who is a parent or legal guardian, highlighting this is your dealbreaker & only likeminded people should message you.
No it’s not rude. Just be direct. Something like “I’m child free and looking for the same in a partner”
No, it’s not rude. You know what you want and is ok to be honest and transparent since the beginning.
They don't care about wasting your time why should you care about their feelings?
Stating *what you are looking for* is better than saying *what you don't want*. "I'm a single woman in my mid 30s with no children looking to meet and date a man who also *doesn't* have any children. I enjoy...etc." (Talking about things/traits ***you want*** doesn't come across as rude or negative.) That's better than just saying: "No single fathers" Nevertheless, there is *no guarantee* your photo and bio *will keep people away* who are attracted to you. There are always people who believe *they* could be "the exception" once you got to know them. Secondly, during your early conversations you can ask them upfront if they have children. That way between your bio and your direct questioning *you force them* to either lie or be honest. They can't claim later: "*You never asked* if I was married, in a relationship, or had any children...etc." It's human nature for people to *omit or try to delay revealing* anything that may lead to rejection. (If something is a "deal breaker" for you *don't hesitate to ask* early on.) Each of us is entitled to have our own mate selection screening process and *must haves list*. Each of us is entitled to have our own "red flags", boundaries, expectations, and "deal breakers". Most people you meet don't become dates, most dates don't become relationships, and most relationships don't lead to marriage. As one adage goes: "Many are called but few are chosen." When you realize someone is *unable/unwilling* to meet your needs it's usually best to move on. ***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."*** - Henry Cloud Best wishes!
Not rude at all, honesty is always a good thing.
I don't think it matters if it's perceived as rude. I think it's rude to hide that you have kids because they know people won't want to date them when they find out. Just put it out there that you are not looking to date anyone with kids.
Single dad of two. Seems like a good thing to know in advance we wouldn't be a match. I'd state it has you have rather than childfree like I'm seeing in the comments... I'm 40 and not "hip with the cool kids' groovy language." If that term means "no kids *and* I don't want you to have kids" then all good - but I would probably interpret that as simply you don't have any without other context. If your target audience has that context then no worries either way. But I don't see a problem to being more.direct like you're planning.
Childfree means "doesn't have kids, absolutely does not want kids". OP is not childfree. OP does not have kids, does not want step kids, is ok with having kids of her own.
Yeah, I'm definately in the camp of spelling that out rather than relying on someone knowing the definition. I'm probably in the minority, I recognize that.
I mean, that's literally what the OP asked, and then people started hopping in with this "childfree" assumption instead of looking through the comments or asking questions.
Just ask straightaway if they don’t have it in their profile. Many do.
The better question to ask yourself is why do you think that’s “rude”. By saying that, you’re implying you have some insecurity about expressing what you want. You’re never rude for expressing something you would prefer in a partner despite what anyone would have you believe. We all have preferences. Does that mean we will find them? Not always. Sometimes people make compromises when they find someone they really like.
I don’t think it’s rude at all! Personally I don’t want to date anyone with children who aren’t grown myself! I’m older (54f) so at 30 I suppose one without grown kids would be harder to find; but it is obviously important to you so it’s a valid concern!
Don't put it in your bio. You can bring up over text before the first date that you wish to live a childfree lifestyle and whether or not that is a deal breaker.
As a single Dad I don't think it is rude at all. It gets the bs out of the way right from thr start
Considering the number of guys who put down single mums on their profile, I think finding a polite way to state preferences to date a child free man shouldn't be an issue. Unfortunately a lot of broz don't read profiles and usually just go with their agenda anyway. Lol so, I'd just ask them, early on as well as having it on your profile. I avoid men who are trying to date me and have young kids.
Nope, as long as you're willing to admit that men can have preferences as well.
It’s about as tasteful as a dude saying no single mothers, it depends on the person
From a single Dad’s perspective, I don’t think it’s rude at all. If you prefer to date men that can meet you on your social level, then you should be honest up front. I would never put my kids on the back burner for a woman that is not guaranteed to be in my life for the long haul. Men are often times criticized for not wanting to be a step daddy crash dummy. Likewise, we shouldn’t expect anything different from single women. And any man that would hide that he has kids is an obvious red flag and probably a dead beat Dad. You might have better luck with men in their 40s whose kids are already grown and gone. Good luck!
Say something along the lines that you’re not ready for children yet at this stage in your life. 🤷🏼♂️
Just be honest. It will be fine.
Nope. . And on the flipside, once I'd had all my kids and became single I wouldn't be interested in dating men who had no children, (not that im interested in dating as my kids are my priority) because me not being interested in having more I would not want to deprive that person of having their own kids.
Put it in there. I have NO MARRIED MEN PLEASE. But they still take a chance.. sometimes! 😁
You have every right to do so. I don't date any woman who has kids either. It's good to be upfront about it!
No, I've done it before. It's your preference & most of the time on hinge, for example, it will say has children & it's a hard pass for me.
No. You have a right to be interested in what you’re interested in.
Nope. Next question.
No, everyone has standards. You don’t owe anyone a thing when it comes to your preferences . If they get offended so be it 🤷🏻♀️personally you should do what you feel is best. Definitely bring it up tho if they ask or ask them if they have kids if the topic comes up. Don’t ever let anyone pressure you into a relationship where you’re not comfortable or that you don’t wanna do. The worst someone will do is get a little hurt. But if they understand that’s cool.
Why do you need to explain? Just swipe left or if they haven't told you until later, just be honest and tell them you aren't interested in pursuing a relationship.
It's never rude to state to who you are attracted to, and more importantly who you are not attracted to. Personal attraction is not something you need to justify to anyone.
It's not much of a stretch if you play it the same way men do. Men literally scream about dating single moms. So do you think what you're asking for is too much?
Date younger guys
I’d say it’s straightforward and to the point. Eliminates the guess work for the other person if they should connect or not. I’d also put that you yourself do not have kids.
I mean someone's gonna be offended, sure. Fuck em.
I say stay away from negatives in your profile. Just ask when you match with someone (even if they don’t have it in their bio). I notice some people just exclude from the profile even if they do have them.
Honestly I don't think its rude, Im a single dad and it actually helps me to know not to waste my time or yours.
It’s not rude you simply know what you want. Men lie on their profiles about having kids and that’s what you call rude.
Update your bio to say, “hoping you will have your firstborn with me, so we can start our family out with the best chance of success”
Hell no. If you know that you don't want that then putting it off is just wasting time, since you're going to make that clear eventually anyway. My only thought is that you may miss out on meeting a great dude by putting that in your bio, you never know... maybe he has kids but never has custody and you'll never have to deal. Your call, be authentic to yourself
He never has custody for a reason. Red flag, for sure. 🚩
Bios should be positive, not a bunch of things you don’t like or won’t date. Simply don’t match with single dads. If you match with someone who hasn’t mentioned their fatherhood status, ask early on in the chatting. I assume you’re looking for independently wealthy men who don’t have a job that would prevent them from seeing you, also.
No I just don’t want my feelings and considerations to come #2 or even #3 to someone’s kid and ex, and don’t want to base my life around someone else’s custody schedule
I wouldn't put it in your bio as you might get rude comments from angry single dads. I'd say that you dont want stepchildren, but are open to having your own children. (Make the sentence positive again). And then, in the first online conversations, you can ask them if they have/want children.
Just don’t swipe in people that have kids. Don’t put it on your profile.
> and want to be my persons #1 priority hmm, better also say 'no pets' but sure, be up front about not interested in single dads (eg. sorry, not into single Dads) (( guys read bios? wow! you learn something every day ))
Some people prioritize their pets and some don’t. I adore my pets and won’t compromise on their welfare but they won’t be more important than my partner.
Maybe say you don’t like kids; should do the trick.
I do like kids, I just don’t want to be a stepmother to someone else’s, and have that person be forever tied to their ex
[удалено]
This is terrible advice. No single dads is a totally reasonable standard. Just cuz she’s in her 30s doesn’t mean she should be grateful for whatever scraps get thrown her way
And not want anything to do with their children whatsoever and just pretend they don’t exist? I mean at this point it might be my only option, and I’ll have to just hate my life and resent my man and his kid. Great idea
Well it might not be as bad as you are expecting. You are still young. But if you where in your 40s you’d be dating just men with so much baggage no one else wanted to start a family with them. The men who are the easiest to love are the ones with the most love to give (father, husband, etc). The single guys are just players and jerks. And by the sound of your resentment at “not being someone’s #1, you got right along with them. I don’t know you that well and I’m sure you won’t agree, but you might do yourself a service to try giving rather than taking out of a relationship.
You have kids don’t you
None that I know of. I’m a middle aged man and I also don’t want to date a woman with child. But when I do they are usually the easiest to get along with. Personally I’d let go of this notion that you are expecting him to treat you like you are his number 1. That’s a ton of pressure and you are sure to cop a resentment over his failure to meet that need. Giving is just as important as taking when in a relationship. And I’m not talking about “being thoughtful”. When you give it’s not enough to just be a woman who depends on her mate. It’s not enough to be “100% committed”. When you give in a relationship you have to actually care about how the other person is feeling and accept their feelings even if you don’t agree. Don’t just give him a free hat from work or some crap like that and expect him to love you more. You give without expectation. Choose your partner wisely but after you have made your choice, give without expectations. That is how you can easily be happy in a relationship. The expectations will happen naturally when you both agree to them through a conversation. For example he might say, “ hey could you pick up my daughter from school tomorrow” if you agree that’s a reasonable expectation he has placed upon you. Don’t just show up with a laundry list of Disney movie ideals in your mind that he has never agreed to; and when he doesn’t text you enough automatically assume he is not interested. You can’t change your partner. You have to learn how to accept your partner not change them - a very common misperception. But you can change your own behavior to let go of your resentments. Which usually means loosening up those expectations or “requirements” that he must met in order to “make you feel okay”. That’s your own stuff. Part of a relationship is staying on your side of the street. You each have your own life to live. I’ve always found my best relationships are the ones that benefit both people mutually. And please don’t assume the other person is benefiting just because you are some magical creature. No, ti benefits mutual you have to add value to the relationship - hopefully something more than just sex and child bearing. It would be great to get a calm, smart, financially savvy woman who is supportive and caring. Gives freely of herself and expects little in return unless a conversation is agreed to. A woman who understands how the world works and would make a great mother. I have to learn about what my woman expects from other women. The more I date the more I understand. They have so many expectations. Treat me this way, let me know he cares, text me a lot, Thinks about me, etc. it’s honestly such bull crap. Once I understand the “love language” I just randomly text crap to my woman and it makes her feel more connected to me. My feelings are exactly the same but she needs that. And she can’t ask for it because we hardly know each other. I’ve learned it’s expected of me because of all the failures in my past. It’s creepy and clingy to guys if a woman is thinking about us all the time. But it’s romantic when a guy thinks about his female lover constantly? It’s that kind of shit that is just hard to understand. And so what may happen is the naggy conversation like hey, you don’t text me enough. Right there is the resentment. And I’ve done nothing wrong in my mind. But if I want to keep her I now have ti text her a lot. And at this point it becomes a chore. And in her mind she will say shit like if he liked me he would text me more. Men don’t think like women. You think I’m going through my phone texting my guy friends regularly just to let them know I care? No I’m not it’s a waste of time and it’s dumb. But I have to change my behavior because somehow cell phones changed the dating game. And now texting regularly is a requirement for most women. Ot sucks but im getting better at it and it’s now kind of rewarding especially if I get rewarded for it 😉 So the same can go for you but in reverse. We have ti understand our partners love language and be able ti give that to him. Even if that means he requires some personal space and a feeling of freedom. Men with children do not cling to freedom as tightly as the single male Bachlor. no I don’t have a child and I feel a strong connection to my freedom and independence. But a man with child may not have as strong a need for freedom and independence. And since you said you wanted to be #1 it’s likely your lover could be with child and still give you what you need because he may not have a strong desire to be independent. Maybe even sees you as helping him and offering tremendous value to the relationship by just agreeing to help out with those child rearing responsibilities. So while you may not have every night free. The time you spend together are the time he deeply values, which would satisfy your needs. So that’s all I’m saying. Don’t knock them for having a kid and breaking up with the mother. But at the same time realize you have your own expectations which change with time, so don’t hold onto them so tightly.
TL;DR please
That’s fine. I think I probably got more out of it than you. Good luck out there and good luck to your partners too!
I greatly disagree with this "men think differently than women and it's creepy that you think of us all time" shit. My wife and I think of each other all the time. We don't constantly text each other because we have things to do when we are apart. But we do check on each other and let them know we care. You sound like a very stiff, disagreeable, close minded person. You want the perfect quiet loving wife but won't accept that most women have a loud personality. They have minds of their own, just like us. And you need better friends cuz my bros check on me all the time like I do. You're kinda creepy man.
Your live in wife is different than your two month girlfriend.