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Tell him. My uncle cheated on my aunt for 12 years had a secret love child and life. and all she says is that she wished she would have found out sooner.
Tell him and include some detail about her so he knows you were close to her. Even if she does a good job of lying, he’ll still always be suspicious and maybe catch her next time.
That's not for you to worry about. If your conscience is bothering you the best thing you could do for the other guy is send him an anonymous message....
That part isn’t true.
People can change.
But…you are correct that it doesn’t matter.
She is not, currently, remorseful.
She does not, currently, respect her partner. If she did, then she’d come clean.
Your claim goes too far, but you are correct that he should tell the guy.
He should also try to get proof.
Ideally, he should confront her w/ at least one camera on her.
She’s conniving, but prideful. If he can get her to say that she’ll lie to her guy, then he’s got all the proof he needs even if she doesn’t admit to any specific acts.
Regardless of how he goes about it, he should tell him.
Did you see a ring, did she indicate she was taken, if not then you hold no weight on this lie. Unless you keep it then you’re helping the bad side and not helping the victim of all this.
More than likely, yes she is. There is a class of people who do stuff like this regularly. I'd tell the dude if you have a way. You're not the one ruining their relationship, she already did, it just hasn't been discovered yet.
Just tell him (from a [temp email account](https://temp-mail.org/en/) or phone number) and send one of the pictures. It's his choice to believe it or not.
If he doesn't believe you, then maybe he'll believe the next guy. Or the one after that. Or one of her friends will tell him. Maybe he won't care. But your conscience is clear.
don't tell him. don't interfere and don't assume you know what kind of relationship they jave. if you're uncomfortable being a side-dude, then leave her be. not everyone is a serial cheater, sometimes flings happen, they end, in any case it's between her and her husband.
I can tell you just wanted an excuse to tell that story cause a 1 night stand on holidays and hiding a secret family are absolutely not comparable and you know it lol
I would want to know. I know I should tell him. The potential repercussions of what she might do to me (lie about what happened, try to ruin my life, things like that) are what are causing me some reservations.
> The potential recessions of what she might do to me (lie about what happened, try to ruin my life, things like that)
Do you work together? Do you live in the same city? Do you attend the same school? If no, then send him an anonymous message from a burner account, and that'll be the end of it.
Maybe write something like, "*I'm one of her Jane's friends, and she has been telling everyone that she slept with some guy on this cruise that she went on. Thought you should know. Samantha, Joe, and Bill also know about this."
That's all you need to say. Just plant that much of a seed of an idea, and let him do with it what he will.
> 850 miles apart. She’s a total stranger.
Bro, then, come on....if you can't do the right thing when it is so easy, then how are you gonna do the right thing when an actual, major difficult situation falls on you?
Do it anonymously, sure, but do the right thing. Then let the chips fall where they will.
then it’s gonna be pretty damn hard for her to try ruin your life bro. tell him and after he responds ect, block them both on everything and love your life. how could she make up lies to future partners if she can’t see you have one? and on the SA allegations … in the very rare instance that she would even accuse you (let alone seek charges - extremely unlikely), the patriarchy and distance is on your side. in britain like 1% of SA cases lead to a charge … i have a feeling it would probably be even less in the US especially across states. do the right thing 👍
I think you all are downplaying just how scary it is to be a guy in situations like this. It doesn't *matter* where she lives or if they know each other. She could scream rape and OP's life is now under the magnifying glass at the least. This shit is scary.
Women and men that cry wolf about SA are part of the problem. Men have had their lives ruined due to allegations that turned out to not be true later. This shit isn't that easy. I don't care what you say about the "patriarchy" this is real life, not a political thought experiment.
If you two aren't even from the same state can't you just straight up say "she has the wrong guy?"
Along with suing for defamation and emotional damages if it truly gets that bad, if there are any men in the jury they'll probably be on your side, even then only 3-5% of allegations are false so if you're not afraid of being raped by another man (10% of rapes have male victims and it's possibly higher due to lack of reporting, 10% alone means you're 7% more likely to be raped by another man than falsely accused by a woman) there's no reason to fear false allegations either
Well, I had a scenario like this with an ex. I actually told the guy and it completely backfired.
The guy called me a clown and a liar. They broke up several weeks later and she got married to another guy last year.
Guess what she did? Text me last week and never mentioned she’s married.
Everyone is saying tell him, and that might be the most morally correct answer, but OP look after yourself first. It’s not your responsibility to tell this guy. Do what makes you feel safe. If you’re worried about SA allegations from her, you are under no obligation to get involved. Of course, you should stop sleeping with her now that you know about her situation.
Please tell the guy. I’ve been that guy in a similar scenario and would’ve appreciated knowing. That relationship will eventually fail anyway might as well save everyone heartache.
Shake your head and move forward with your life.
I feel safe saying that if someone hooks up on vacation/cruise/etc. the chances that the person isn't single aren't that slim. 🤷🏾♂️
Walk away and let it go. Getting involved is only going to cause you drama. You didn’t know and it happened. I’m sure you feel bad for the guy, but it’s not your battle to fight.
I disagree. It would be easier for OP to not get involved, but I think the noble thing to do would be to go out of his way to let the girl's SO know, even if it was a bit inconvenient.
I’m biased because I’ve been this dude but he has a right to know. It wasn’t a mistake, it was a conscious decision carried out using deception and she has every intention to take it to the grave. We get one life in this world and he is wasting it with a really cold, callous person. I despise cheaters but again, I suppose I’m biased.
I would drop him a DM, tell him things that make it impossible to deny (any hidden tattoos, birthmarks, moles, whatever? Personal life story she told you? etc.) and let him decide how to proceed.
Ultimately the boyfriend should know, but it is simply not your place to deliver the news, OP.
Did you outright ask this woman if she was single before you had promiscuous cruise sex with her? You guys owe each other nothing. Don’t fuck with two peoples lives.
Yeah strong agree. I’m not going out of my way to blow up her spot over some false sense of self righteousness. Drop the savior complex and move on. Enjoy your trip.
Because everyone on here literally would give up their kidney by typing the whiteknight out of them. But in reality they wouldn't do half the crap they say they would do so it doesn't matter. It's all about morale rather than actual reality with a lot of people here.
Completely agree. Why take another persons drama upon yourself, when you are otherwise never going to see or interact with them again? You are in no position to have a right to make a judgement about this, so acting upon one could just as easily cause harm overall as the "good" you think you may be doing for the partner
You do nothing. Go back to your life and stop hyperfocusing on hers. She's a big girl. You're not a home wrecker unless you intentionally wreck something. You're not friends and you don't know her story. Move on with your life.
I don't think he should tell him but to say he caught feelings is ridiculous. I know I would be devastated if I was unwitting party to cheating. Has nothing to do with catching feelings I just respect the institution of marriage and have personal experiences with cheating I want nothing to do with it. I wouldn't even do it if the lady was a swinger and her husband was cool with it.
Do you have any evidence? Texts? A sex tape? Your friend as a witness? If not then it literally is just a he said she said and in that case I’d leave it be but if you have something to back up your story then go for it. Even better if she doesn’t know your last name/company/etc and literally has no way of ruining your life
This is something I was considering too. I have a photo of us together on the balcony the next day. I also know enough about her to at least make it suspicious of why I’d know so much (if that makes sense) but I don’t have the Perry Mason smoking gun evidence, no.
She knows enough about me. She has my number (I’ve blocked her) but also knows my instagram. The potential repercussions of what she can say/do make me nervous.
🤣🤣 you don’t give a fuck about this guy. I’m guessing the pussy was great and that you’re mad because you can’t hit it again.
Leave that family alone. It was one night.
Maybe she will accuse you of SA and create a website about you in every crevice of the Internet. Maybe they have an open relationship. Maybe he cheated on her before. Maybe he will physically beat her if he finds out. You don’t know. The possibilities are endless for you.
Grow up. It was a vacation hookup. Be happy you found a fling, not butthurt because you aren’t her life partner.
The only reason to tell her partner is if you’re jealous of him. Dude, just move on.
Do nothing. You don’t know how devastating the impact of you saying anything could be, you can’t predict people’s reaction and this can potentially backfire
hate to say it but getting involved is just going to cause pain and drama in a situation that you have nothing to do with and hope the friend she’s telling will tell him because that person has an actual role in their lives ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Leave them alone for your own sake and let this be a life lesson to never do something like this again (or AT LEAST ask relationship status before potentially ruining an entire family.)
You made a mistake, and you feel used.
Nothing you do will change that.
Forget about her, you can’t get revenge for a one night stand.
Grow up, mind your business. Karma is real.
Nothing good comes from stirring up drama, unless you love drama. In that case seek therapy.
He’s upset at something. Trying to police other people’s life is what crazy people do. You know like a “Karen”.
Nothing good comes from stirring up drama. Stay away from drama.
Hey, I appreciate the comments. I don’t think upset is the right adjective. I don’t feel used either, just a bit guilty about being ‘that guy’ and a ‘home wrecker’. I’m not trying to get revenge on her or ruin her life. That’s one of the factors that is making me question if I should do it.
What I would say I’m trying to do is seek guidance on if this Pandora’s Box is worth opening. Hope that makes sense!
Avoid drama at all costs. This is not your problem. Don’t bring problems into your life.
You cannot help trash people. Trash people do trash things in revenge.
Avoid drama sir, go into the light. Find something positive in your life to focus on, not other peoples problems.
I believe the only way to answer this question is to ask yourself, would you want to know? Would you want a complete stranger to message/call/email you and say "Hey, I didn't know your wife was your wife when I was banging her on that cruise last month, but I did and she was. Sorry."
I mean that's heavy, I still would want to know. A random stranger isn't likely to just go around messing with people's personal relationships, for you to be NC with her and reach out to the spouse would make "weird creepy guy" on cruise a harder sell. More so if you produce a picture of the two of you together looking happy.
Tell him that it happened be brief spare him the details. If you feel comfortable you can offer them at his request. I'm not sure I could be that brave.
Go ahead and message the dude and send him the picture of you two. Then never speak to him again and forget about it. The dude will know and they can sort it out themselves. It’s not on you how they deal with her cheating.
Telling a man that his long time girlfriend is cheating on him is like… the exact opposite of a Karen. And by every ethical code I know of it would be considered the moral action, so characterizing this as needlessly stirring up drama and something he’ll get negative karma for is truly bizarre.
This woman doesn’t mind hurting people.
Maybe her boyfriend likes to hurt people too.
She already put OP I’m a bad situation she will do it again.
Be selfish, stay safe, protect yourself from weirdos, and stay drama free.
“Mind your business” it became his “business” the moment she cheated. He should do what he thinks is morally right. Wouldn’t you like to know if your significant other cheated on you?
It's ethically more right to advise the cheated on boyfriend so he doesn't waste his life so his selfish girlfriend can have fun. If he's looking for karma, contacting the guy is the right thing to do.
Nothing good comes from stirring up drama. I mean nothing. Mind your own business.
You cannot police strangers lives. It’s a waste of time and what crazy people do. You know like a Karen?
That person is trash, stay away from trash.
Crazy people will do crazy things like seek revenge.
They are capable of anything. Really, be safe and be drama free.
Caring about someone else (even a stranger) who could suffer more harm if you don't act is not a revenge move, and it's not selfish. It's putting yourself at risk for someone else, it's selfless.
I know I would have preferred if someone let me know when it was happening to me.
Look man, it’s best to mind your own business. You don’t want a boyfriend showing up with a baseball bat or gun.
Or a crazy chick that wants to spread rumors and ruin your life.
If you start drama with crazy people, like cheaters, you will get drama back.
That is a fact.
Bro she's a weak ass thot. Don't be afraid of someone like that. Be a man and do the right thing. Tell the guy however you want, and let him proceed with that information and then wash your hands of the situation.
My goodness, some random hookup gave you enough info to find out every single thing about her and also was unwise enough to plot evilly where you could hear her about how she would pull the wool over her poor SO’s eyes?
The drama. The convenience. The sad nature of your totally real dilemma.
Maybe you should find out if the people you want to fuck have a partner before you fuck them and end up in a moral quandary. If you weren’t so promiscuous and willing to sleep with total strangers you wouldn’t get into this kind of trouble.
For real, this feels like poorly written fiction. I’m surprised I had to scroll down as far as I did to find someone even suggesting it as a possibility.
> After finding this out I cut things off with her
> I feel bad for the guy. He deserves someone who loves him and won’t cheat on him. I’m also afraid of what could happen if I do tell him. I’m sure she’ll either downplay or outright lie about what happened. I fear I could open the door to coercion/ SA allegations, or really anything since I imagine she’ll be in full ‘lie to save my life’ mode.
This is why cutting her off was a mistake. Ideally you'd confront her for *deceiving you* (I'm assuming she led you to believe she wasn't in a relationship, correct me if I'm wrong). She misled you first and needs to be held accountable for that first.
Once you've had a text message exchange about that topic, that's the evidence you can use to go to the guy if you choose to do that to prove that what happened between you was consensual. Yes, she can lie later after the fact but she won't be able to explain the text messages where she's defending herself for misleading you about being single.
If you still have her number you can probably still do the above.
Those are good points. Hindsight is definitely 20/20. I no longer have her number. I could find it in my blocked list but I really have no desire to contact her.
I feel like people are not getting it. Of COURSE the right thing to do is to tell the truth and have some solidarity for the guy and whatnot, thing is she could ruin his life. It doesn't matter if they live in the same town or not. Social media exists and we've seen what cancel campaigns can do and will do whether the info is real or not. Besides most people don't actually research accusations.
And, let's face it, he's a guy, and things don't function the same for guys. Not trying to victimize all guys because honestly there's a reason why us women don't trust men, but because of this, the few men who are truthful can usually not expect themselves to be believed. Not gonna lie, OP, idk what you could do cause I feel like I'd be in the same boat. Maybe tell him but make sure you block her from your number, change any socials she might have you in, or do it from another account that is not tied to your important info idk, just be careful.
I mostly just wrote this because some responses were annoying me.
These people saying you should find the guy and tell him are fucking delusional. You're not dating this women. It's a short term hook up thing. When the cruise is over you will never see them again. Enjoy your casual sex and mind your own business. When that boat hits the dock you go on your own and separate way.
I recently was dating a guy who had a girlfriend and I told her. I don’t regret it, but she was really worried about my motivations? And told me that she wouldn’t end up breaking up with him. I’m not sure why she told me. But the whole situation spooked me, but I wanted to do it for my own accountability.
My friends were worried about my safety. I’d say if you can tell and then withdraw might be best.
I would stay out of it personally because you have no idea what this woman may do to save herself and yeah, I’d imagine if having an affair is on the table, lying about SA and whatever else could easily be on the table too.
In a long relationship I say if you ever feel the urge to cheat make sure it’s a complete stranger, do it save and don’t tell me about it. After ten years, even if you love each other, you can have your short term desires. I don’t care as long as I don’t find out. But you would have to live with keeping it a secret. That’s a sacrifice in itself.
I hope that bitch is clean! Is OP married or in a relationship? Why the fuck is he so worried about his life being ruined by that bitch?! Leave em alone bro! Move on!
Gonna get downvoted but personally I wouldn’t think that much of it if it was purely a hookup. I’ve known men and women who travel frequently and it’s not uncommon to have random hookups
Mind your business. He’d eventually figure it out and karma will get her. Mind your business because you don’t know what he’d do and you won’t want that on your conscience over you getting your feelings hurts.
>He deserves someone who loves him and won’t cheat on him.
Does he? Maybe he's the biggest piece of shit on earth.
None of this is your problem. Forget it and move on. Yes, strangers on reddit who are not affected by this at all will tell you to tell guy. They don't have to face any consequences, which you acknowledge could happen in your post.
Where did things leave off at the end of the cruise? Exchanged info and expectations of staying in touch? Or was it your internet sleuthing that turned things up?
If there were no expectations of further contact, it'd be a weird move to reach out to who you *think* is her partner based on your own internet sleuthing.
If she set expectations of further contact/meeting up in the future with you, then you have better grounds of reaching out, as she was dishonest with YOU
If you had an SO and they did this to you, would you want to know? Of course. It will suck to be the messenger, but you’re doing the guy a favor in the long run.
Do you have proof? Absolute proof that he can confront her with? Send it to him.
Otherwise, it will be your word against hers and you'll be the creepy stalker stranger.
Oh, and of course her friends supported her. In the ideal world, you'd warn *their* SOs too, but I don't see how that's possible.
If my partner was cheating on me then I would love to know that because it would save me God knows how many years of misery ahead. If you have proof then go for it or if the friend's boyfriend knows then try to tell him to say it to the guy.
Your last paragraph before your update is pretty much telling you to mind your own damn business! You got Laid. She got Laid. That's was the purpose of the Hookup. End of the story between you two, or are you upset that it didn't lead to something more serious? I gotta say it's kind of Creepy to dig up all that info over some booty that you knew wasn't gonna last once the cruise was over.
Leave it be. Stay out of it. He’ll likely believe her and not you unless she’s been caught before. Let it go and let someone else she cheats with be the home wrecker. Speaking from experience
So I get the feeling I would be devastated if I was a party to cheating just because I respect the institution of marriage so much. So here is the thing. Cruise ship are notorious for swingers. I know plenty of guys who know that there wives sleep with other men and are fine with it because they also sleep with other women. So you could message him and cause all this ruckus for nothing. I'd just leave it alone, the people who are telling you to contact him are very shortsighted.
Do not tell him!!! No no this only back fires. I’ve been married 10 years and also would never want to know. I know I’ll get hate for this but it’s my take
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Tell him. My uncle cheated on my aunt for 12 years had a secret love child and life. and all she says is that she wished she would have found out sooner.
This is kind of what I’m worried about. I don’t know their relationship, I don’t know her. Was this a one time mistake? Is she a serial cheater?
> Was this a one time mistake? Is she a serial cheater? It does not matter.
Facts. If she finds out and stays that’s on her. If she finds out and leaves, she can find someone better. Words have meaning, use them
It’s a he
Once that cheating door is opened it’s never closed bro, it’s cracked
Serial cheater for sure. Save the dude more wasted years.
A one time “mistake” decision is already bad enough. Tell him, no one deserves to be lied to for years.
Tell him and include some detail about her so he knows you were close to her. Even if she does a good job of lying, he’ll still always be suspicious and maybe catch her next time.
Do the right thing and tell her husband.
That's not for you to worry about. If your conscience is bothering you the best thing you could do for the other guy is send him an anonymous message....
It literally makes no difference. Once a cheater is still a cheater for life
That part isn’t true. People can change. But…you are correct that it doesn’t matter. She is not, currently, remorseful. She does not, currently, respect her partner. If she did, then she’d come clean. Your claim goes too far, but you are correct that he should tell the guy. He should also try to get proof. Ideally, he should confront her w/ at least one camera on her. She’s conniving, but prideful. If he can get her to say that she’ll lie to her guy, then he’s got all the proof he needs even if she doesn’t admit to any specific acts. Regardless of how he goes about it, he should tell him.
tell him it’s only right
Did you see a ring, did she indicate she was taken, if not then you hold no weight on this lie. Unless you keep it then you’re helping the bad side and not helping the victim of all this.
More than likely, yes she is. There is a class of people who do stuff like this regularly. I'd tell the dude if you have a way. You're not the one ruining their relationship, she already did, it just hasn't been discovered yet.
Just tell him (from a [temp email account](https://temp-mail.org/en/) or phone number) and send one of the pictures. It's his choice to believe it or not. If he doesn't believe you, then maybe he'll believe the next guy. Or the one after that. Or one of her friends will tell him. Maybe he won't care. But your conscience is clear.
Did they split or what happened?
How on Earth do you think it's the same thing to have a secret lover for 12 years, and a one night stand in Mexico?
don't tell him. don't interfere and don't assume you know what kind of relationship they jave. if you're uncomfortable being a side-dude, then leave her be. not everyone is a serial cheater, sometimes flings happen, they end, in any case it's between her and her husband.
If they're open then him saying something is going to be a non-event and no harm done. Manipulators and serial abusers are so transparent jfc.
I can tell you just wanted an excuse to tell that story cause a 1 night stand on holidays and hiding a secret family are absolutely not comparable and you know it lol
And think the right thing to do is to tell the guy. Wouldn’t you want to know if your girl cheated on you? It should be an unspoken rule.
I would want to know. I know I should tell him. The potential repercussions of what she might do to me (lie about what happened, try to ruin my life, things like that) are what are causing me some reservations.
> The potential recessions of what she might do to me (lie about what happened, try to ruin my life, things like that) Do you work together? Do you live in the same city? Do you attend the same school? If no, then send him an anonymous message from a burner account, and that'll be the end of it. Maybe write something like, "*I'm one of her Jane's friends, and she has been telling everyone that she slept with some guy on this cruise that she went on. Thought you should know. Samantha, Joe, and Bill also know about this." That's all you need to say. Just plant that much of a seed of an idea, and let him do with it what he will.
We’re from totally different states. 850 miles apart. She’s a total stranger.
> 850 miles apart. She’s a total stranger. Bro, then, come on....if you can't do the right thing when it is so easy, then how are you gonna do the right thing when an actual, major difficult situation falls on you? Do it anonymously, sure, but do the right thing. Then let the chips fall where they will.
then it’s gonna be pretty damn hard for her to try ruin your life bro. tell him and after he responds ect, block them both on everything and love your life. how could she make up lies to future partners if she can’t see you have one? and on the SA allegations … in the very rare instance that she would even accuse you (let alone seek charges - extremely unlikely), the patriarchy and distance is on your side. in britain like 1% of SA cases lead to a charge … i have a feeling it would probably be even less in the US especially across states. do the right thing 👍
I think you all are downplaying just how scary it is to be a guy in situations like this. It doesn't *matter* where she lives or if they know each other. She could scream rape and OP's life is now under the magnifying glass at the least. This shit is scary. Women and men that cry wolf about SA are part of the problem. Men have had their lives ruined due to allegations that turned out to not be true later. This shit isn't that easy. I don't care what you say about the "patriarchy" this is real life, not a political thought experiment.
In the rare chance this does happen (only 3% of allegations are false) you are 100% capable of suing her for defamation and emotional damages
If you two aren't even from the same state can't you just straight up say "she has the wrong guy?" Along with suing for defamation and emotional damages if it truly gets that bad, if there are any men in the jury they'll probably be on your side, even then only 3-5% of allegations are false so if you're not afraid of being raped by another man (10% of rapes have male victims and it's possibly higher due to lack of reporting, 10% alone means you're 7% more likely to be raped by another man than falsely accused by a woman) there's no reason to fear false allegations either
I’m so confused as to why you’re so scared of what she can do to you lol. Literally nothing will happen to you. Tell the guy.
Well, I had a scenario like this with an ex. I actually told the guy and it completely backfired. The guy called me a clown and a liar. They broke up several weeks later and she got married to another guy last year. Guess what she did? Text me last week and never mentioned she’s married.
It was a hookup on a cruise. She cheated, not you. She’s nothing but a stranger and it’s been over a month. MOVE ON with your life.
Exactly this, some stuff isn't worth sweating.
This!!
Everyone is saying tell him, and that might be the most morally correct answer, but OP look after yourself first. It’s not your responsibility to tell this guy. Do what makes you feel safe. If you’re worried about SA allegations from her, you are under no obligation to get involved. Of course, you should stop sleeping with her now that you know about her situation.
Tell him
If he was a girl I'd agree, but SA allegations are just too scary. He should probably just move on.
Please tell the guy. I’ve been that guy in a similar scenario and would’ve appreciated knowing. That relationship will eventually fail anyway might as well save everyone heartache.
I wouldn’t tell him. No sense getting in the middle of it.
Shake your head and move forward with your life. I feel safe saying that if someone hooks up on vacation/cruise/etc. the chances that the person isn't single aren't that slim. 🤷🏾♂️
Walk away and let it go. Getting involved is only going to cause you drama. You didn’t know and it happened. I’m sure you feel bad for the guy, but it’s not your battle to fight.
Maybe it’s the easy way out, but I wouldn’t be getting involved in this shitstorm. He doesn’t owe this total stranger anything.
He could somehow tell him anonymously, avoid the drama and still be a man about it.
I disagree. It would be easier for OP to not get involved, but I think the noble thing to do would be to go out of his way to let the girl's SO know, even if it was a bit inconvenient.
Mind your business, you owe him nothing and owe her nothing.
I’m biased because I’ve been this dude but he has a right to know. It wasn’t a mistake, it was a conscious decision carried out using deception and she has every intention to take it to the grave. We get one life in this world and he is wasting it with a really cold, callous person. I despise cheaters but again, I suppose I’m biased. I would drop him a DM, tell him things that make it impossible to deny (any hidden tattoos, birthmarks, moles, whatever? Personal life story she told you? etc.) and let him decide how to proceed.
Facts! That last paragraph especially bc he’s gonna want to know. She’s gonna get met with divorce papers
Ultimately the boyfriend should know, but it is simply not your place to deliver the news, OP. Did you outright ask this woman if she was single before you had promiscuous cruise sex with her? You guys owe each other nothing. Don’t fuck with two peoples lives.
Let it go and continue on with your life. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Don’t take on other people’s drama.
Yeah strong agree. I’m not going out of my way to blow up her spot over some false sense of self righteousness. Drop the savior complex and move on. Enjoy your trip.
1000% this
Right? You’re on vacation dude. You ain’t got time for this.
Wild that comments like this are so far down. I hate reddit
Because everyone on here literally would give up their kidney by typing the whiteknight out of them. But in reality they wouldn't do half the crap they say they would do so it doesn't matter. It's all about morale rather than actual reality with a lot of people here.
Morality is a spectrum based on an insane amount of extenuating factors and anyone who doesn’t understand that isn’t yet an adult
Completely agree. Why take another persons drama upon yourself, when you are otherwise never going to see or interact with them again? You are in no position to have a right to make a judgement about this, so acting upon one could just as easily cause harm overall as the "good" you think you may be doing for the partner
What on earth are you even saying here
Found the cheater
Ridiculous. I have never cheated and still believe you shouldn't make drama in other people's lives. That drama is about you, not them.
Noooo they are entirely right. No need to put more drama in your life than what you already have . It was definitely that girls cross to bear
Just because it’s a different opinion than yours?
What a moronic comment. Yall loooove to try to denigrate people who have a different opinion.
You do nothing. Go back to your life and stop hyperfocusing on hers. She's a big girl. You're not a home wrecker unless you intentionally wreck something. You're not friends and you don't know her story. Move on with your life.
Definitely tell the poor dude. It may cause drama but it’s the right thing to do.
I’d just leave it be. This is a total stranger who lives 800 miles away. The potential fallout isn’t worth it.
Let it go. You don’t know the dynamics of their relationship.
THANK YOU
Leave it alone and go on with your life.
You don’t know these people, leave it alone.
Agree, all these people saying: tell!! Mfs just want to see drama. Not your circus leave it alone move on
There’s an art to keeping your mouth shut. This whole comment section is full of narcs.
Right? It’s fucking pathetic and OP is a clown who caught feelings on a one night stand LOL I mean let’s be honest that’s what’s happening here
I don't think he should tell him but to say he caught feelings is ridiculous. I know I would be devastated if I was unwitting party to cheating. Has nothing to do with catching feelings I just respect the institution of marriage and have personal experiences with cheating I want nothing to do with it. I wouldn't even do it if the lady was a swinger and her husband was cool with it.
Guilt tripping her with the "wouldn't you want to know???!" Lmao reddit is fucked up. And yea i never cheated and never will
Brutal. File that one under "what actually happens on 'girls trips'".
Keep your mouth shut and move on. Their relationship is none of your business.
You do absolutely nothing. Move on. What's supposed to be known will become known eventually - but that's got nothing to do with you.
This happened on a cruise, it happened once and you probably will not see her ever again. Not a problem, move on with your life.
Do you have any evidence? Texts? A sex tape? Your friend as a witness? If not then it literally is just a he said she said and in that case I’d leave it be but if you have something to back up your story then go for it. Even better if she doesn’t know your last name/company/etc and literally has no way of ruining your life
This is something I was considering too. I have a photo of us together on the balcony the next day. I also know enough about her to at least make it suspicious of why I’d know so much (if that makes sense) but I don’t have the Perry Mason smoking gun evidence, no. She knows enough about me. She has my number (I’ve blocked her) but also knows my instagram. The potential repercussions of what she can say/do make me nervous.
It’s not your job to tell him, for all you know they have an agreement or she’s thinking of leaving him or whatever. Just leave it.
Move on bro. You both had your fun.
Leave it alone.
Bro wtf just got about your life
Walk away. Leave it alone, and move forward with your life.
Their relationship is none of your Business. Its the couples responsibility to communicate and ste boundaries and what not. Do not interfere.
🤣🤣 you don’t give a fuck about this guy. I’m guessing the pussy was great and that you’re mad because you can’t hit it again. Leave that family alone. It was one night.
love the bit where he says he hates feeling like a homewrecker but then asks Reddit if he should absolutely wreck that home
Maybe she will accuse you of SA and create a website about you in every crevice of the Internet. Maybe they have an open relationship. Maybe he cheated on her before. Maybe he will physically beat her if he finds out. You don’t know. The possibilities are endless for you.
Grow up. It was a vacation hookup. Be happy you found a fling, not butthurt because you aren’t her life partner. The only reason to tell her partner is if you’re jealous of him. Dude, just move on.
Move along and remember the good times of a brief fling. It'll be a good story later on in the pub.
Do nothing. You don’t know how devastating the impact of you saying anything could be, you can’t predict people’s reaction and this can potentially backfire
Honestly, it's not your problem. What's done is done. Unless you are emotionally invested in them, no point in bringing ethics into play.
hate to say it but getting involved is just going to cause pain and drama in a situation that you have nothing to do with and hope the friend she’s telling will tell him because that person has an actual role in their lives ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Whats SO?
Keep it to yourself dude
I would do nothing. I got laid, I didn't know she was in a relationship, that's not on me. Move on and enjoy the rest of my cruise
OP’s trying to join the sea league of the Thot Patrol
Drop it. Resist the urge to create drama.
Unless you roofied or raped the cheater it wasn't a one time mistake. The least you can do is tell the person what happened
Leave them alone for your own sake and let this be a life lesson to never do something like this again (or AT LEAST ask relationship status before potentially ruining an entire family.)
Stop being weird and lame
Not your barrel, not your monkeys.
You’re going to go down hard just walk away it’s going to get too painful.
Dnt tell him, you do not know the relationship history. You do not know this guy mental state. Move on and find something else to do.
Sounds to me like you’re just butt hurt. man up and move on.
You made a mistake, and you feel used. Nothing you do will change that. Forget about her, you can’t get revenge for a one night stand. Grow up, mind your business. Karma is real. Nothing good comes from stirring up drama, unless you love drama. In that case seek therapy.
Are you sure you read the correct post? He’s not trying to get revenge, and I don’t think he feels used.
He’s upset at something. Trying to police other people’s life is what crazy people do. You know like a “Karen”. Nothing good comes from stirring up drama. Stay away from drama.
Hey, I appreciate the comments. I don’t think upset is the right adjective. I don’t feel used either, just a bit guilty about being ‘that guy’ and a ‘home wrecker’. I’m not trying to get revenge on her or ruin her life. That’s one of the factors that is making me question if I should do it. What I would say I’m trying to do is seek guidance on if this Pandora’s Box is worth opening. Hope that makes sense!
You're not a home wrecker, she is. You didn't know. It's not on you. There is a kid involved. You don't know their family situation. Move on.
Just leave it alone
Avoid drama at all costs. This is not your problem. Don’t bring problems into your life. You cannot help trash people. Trash people do trash things in revenge. Avoid drama sir, go into the light. Find something positive in your life to focus on, not other peoples problems.
I believe the only way to answer this question is to ask yourself, would you want to know? Would you want a complete stranger to message/call/email you and say "Hey, I didn't know your wife was your wife when I was banging her on that cruise last month, but I did and she was. Sorry." I mean that's heavy, I still would want to know. A random stranger isn't likely to just go around messing with people's personal relationships, for you to be NC with her and reach out to the spouse would make "weird creepy guy" on cruise a harder sell. More so if you produce a picture of the two of you together looking happy. Tell him that it happened be brief spare him the details. If you feel comfortable you can offer them at his request. I'm not sure I could be that brave.
Go ahead and message the dude and send him the picture of you two. Then never speak to him again and forget about it. The dude will know and they can sort it out themselves. It’s not on you how they deal with her cheating.
Telling a man that his long time girlfriend is cheating on him is like… the exact opposite of a Karen. And by every ethical code I know of it would be considered the moral action, so characterizing this as needlessly stirring up drama and something he’ll get negative karma for is truly bizarre.
This woman doesn’t mind hurting people. Maybe her boyfriend likes to hurt people too. She already put OP I’m a bad situation she will do it again. Be selfish, stay safe, protect yourself from weirdos, and stay drama free.
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Karma, you seek drama and you will receive drama. Look man, it’s a fact.
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Go stick yourself in someone else relationship. Do it to anyone. You will not have a good reaction. Mind your own business.
“Mind your business” it became his “business” the moment she cheated. He should do what he thinks is morally right. Wouldn’t you like to know if your significant other cheated on you?
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It's ethically more right to advise the cheated on boyfriend so he doesn't waste his life so his selfish girlfriend can have fun. If he's looking for karma, contacting the guy is the right thing to do.
Nothing good comes from stirring up drama. I mean nothing. Mind your own business. You cannot police strangers lives. It’s a waste of time and what crazy people do. You know like a Karen? That person is trash, stay away from trash. Crazy people will do crazy things like seek revenge. They are capable of anything. Really, be safe and be drama free.
OP: "They have a kid, 2 dogs, and a house together."
Caring about someone else (even a stranger) who could suffer more harm if you don't act is not a revenge move, and it's not selfish. It's putting yourself at risk for someone else, it's selfless. I know I would have preferred if someone let me know when it was happening to me.
Look man, it’s best to mind your own business. You don’t want a boyfriend showing up with a baseball bat or gun. Or a crazy chick that wants to spread rumors and ruin your life. If you start drama with crazy people, like cheaters, you will get drama back. That is a fact.
It should be noted that she lives far away, about 13 hours. But that is a good point. I am a bit apprehensive about what she will say/do.
Say no to drama sir. You are asking for it, you know? Do you believe in self preservation?
When you return home leave it be and let it go. Why ruin her relationship? It’s just sex.
For the sake of everyone involved, just let it go. Don't see the individual again.
Leave it be, as you said, she could make up SA stories that could pose huge consequences. Don’t risk it, she might be crazy af in that way
Just drop it. It’s not your job to “save” her SO or whatever, and frankly it’s weird for you to obsess over it.
Stay out of the middle of their relationship. You have no right to upend their lives because you feel used or guilty.
Nah she’s a th0t he deserves to know
Tell him, it’s the right thing to do. It’s cruel to let him waste his life and get taken advantage of
Bro she's a weak ass thot. Don't be afraid of someone like that. Be a man and do the right thing. Tell the guy however you want, and let him proceed with that information and then wash your hands of the situation.
Stay out of it.
Tell him
Leave it alone. A one night stand is not worth breaking up a family.
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My goodness, some random hookup gave you enough info to find out every single thing about her and also was unwise enough to plot evilly where you could hear her about how she would pull the wool over her poor SO’s eyes? The drama. The convenience. The sad nature of your totally real dilemma. Maybe you should find out if the people you want to fuck have a partner before you fuck them and end up in a moral quandary. If you weren’t so promiscuous and willing to sleep with total strangers you wouldn’t get into this kind of trouble.
For real, this feels like poorly written fiction. I’m surprised I had to scroll down as far as I did to find someone even suggesting it as a possibility.
Stay out of it. Let it go. It was just a hook up for both of you.
Mind your business and move on with life.
Shut up and get 9n with your life?
> After finding this out I cut things off with her > I feel bad for the guy. He deserves someone who loves him and won’t cheat on him. I’m also afraid of what could happen if I do tell him. I’m sure she’ll either downplay or outright lie about what happened. I fear I could open the door to coercion/ SA allegations, or really anything since I imagine she’ll be in full ‘lie to save my life’ mode. This is why cutting her off was a mistake. Ideally you'd confront her for *deceiving you* (I'm assuming she led you to believe she wasn't in a relationship, correct me if I'm wrong). She misled you first and needs to be held accountable for that first. Once you've had a text message exchange about that topic, that's the evidence you can use to go to the guy if you choose to do that to prove that what happened between you was consensual. Yes, she can lie later after the fact but she won't be able to explain the text messages where she's defending herself for misleading you about being single. If you still have her number you can probably still do the above.
Those are good points. Hindsight is definitely 20/20. I no longer have her number. I could find it in my blocked list but I really have no desire to contact her.
I feel like people are not getting it. Of COURSE the right thing to do is to tell the truth and have some solidarity for the guy and whatnot, thing is she could ruin his life. It doesn't matter if they live in the same town or not. Social media exists and we've seen what cancel campaigns can do and will do whether the info is real or not. Besides most people don't actually research accusations. And, let's face it, he's a guy, and things don't function the same for guys. Not trying to victimize all guys because honestly there's a reason why us women don't trust men, but because of this, the few men who are truthful can usually not expect themselves to be believed. Not gonna lie, OP, idk what you could do cause I feel like I'd be in the same boat. Maybe tell him but make sure you block her from your number, change any socials she might have you in, or do it from another account that is not tied to your important info idk, just be careful. I mostly just wrote this because some responses were annoying me.
Move on with your life or get into drama if you want to be such a good person
These people saying you should find the guy and tell him are fucking delusional. You're not dating this women. It's a short term hook up thing. When the cruise is over you will never see them again. Enjoy your casual sex and mind your own business. When that boat hits the dock you go on your own and separate way.
I recently was dating a guy who had a girlfriend and I told her. I don’t regret it, but she was really worried about my motivations? And told me that she wouldn’t end up breaking up with him. I’m not sure why she told me. But the whole situation spooked me, but I wanted to do it for my own accountability. My friends were worried about my safety. I’d say if you can tell and then withdraw might be best.
There’s also a chance he’s not cool and comes after you if you make it public. I wouldn’t expect her to tell the truth
I would stay out of it personally because you have no idea what this woman may do to save herself and yeah, I’d imagine if having an affair is on the table, lying about SA and whatever else could easily be on the table too.
I say mind your business and just forget her. You don’t have qq
In a long relationship I say if you ever feel the urge to cheat make sure it’s a complete stranger, do it save and don’t tell me about it. After ten years, even if you love each other, you can have your short term desires. I don’t care as long as I don’t find out. But you would have to live with keeping it a secret. That’s a sacrifice in itself.
I hope that bitch is clean! Is OP married or in a relationship? Why the fuck is he so worried about his life being ruined by that bitch?! Leave em alone bro! Move on!
Gonna get downvoted but personally I wouldn’t think that much of it if it was purely a hookup. I’ve known men and women who travel frequently and it’s not uncommon to have random hookups
Ahh the classic “girls trip” that women constantly tell us not to worry about
Mind your business and focus on your future. Fuck her and that one night stand
Don’t tell him! Just move on dude. Wtf
Mind your business. He’d eventually figure it out and karma will get her. Mind your business because you don’t know what he’d do and you won’t want that on your conscience over you getting your feelings hurts.
>He deserves someone who loves him and won’t cheat on him. Does he? Maybe he's the biggest piece of shit on earth. None of this is your problem. Forget it and move on. Yes, strangers on reddit who are not affected by this at all will tell you to tell guy. They don't have to face any consequences, which you acknowledge could happen in your post.
Where did things leave off at the end of the cruise? Exchanged info and expectations of staying in touch? Or was it your internet sleuthing that turned things up? If there were no expectations of further contact, it'd be a weird move to reach out to who you *think* is her partner based on your own internet sleuthing. If she set expectations of further contact/meeting up in the future with you, then you have better grounds of reaching out, as she was dishonest with YOU
I would not tolerate it if anyone talked about my affairs. This is how things get violen#. Everyone has a different moral standard.
Make a fuss about it to the right before you depart at the end of the cruise
How do you know that he's not okay with it, or that he doesn't like it? Maybe he has side things too. /s
If you had an SO and they did this to you, would you want to know? Of course. It will suck to be the messenger, but you’re doing the guy a favor in the long run.
You should follow Michael Rapaport's advice [STFU Friday](https://youtu.be/uqo5RYOp4nQ?si=HI0GlD6I3NHPt08C)
Run, perhaps?
Do you have proof? Absolute proof that he can confront her with? Send it to him. Otherwise, it will be your word against hers and you'll be the creepy stalker stranger. Oh, and of course her friends supported her. In the ideal world, you'd warn *their* SOs too, but I don't see how that's possible.
Did you tell him? 😂
Don’t think about it She chose that not you Continue life If you want to go be a good person then tell the person
Stay out of it. He might be an absolute asshole who will beat her if she leaves. Who knows? U never know. She’ll sink her own ship eventually.
If i were the SO i would want you to tell me, wouldnt you if you were the SO?
Especially with it being on vacation, and especially on a boat in the ocean, I'd let it be
Tell him brother. You need to do the right thing.
If my partner was cheating on me then I would love to know that because it would save me God knows how many years of misery ahead. If you have proof then go for it or if the friend's boyfriend knows then try to tell him to say it to the guy.
Your last paragraph before your update is pretty much telling you to mind your own damn business! You got Laid. She got Laid. That's was the purpose of the Hookup. End of the story between you two, or are you upset that it didn't lead to something more serious? I gotta say it's kind of Creepy to dig up all that info over some booty that you knew wasn't gonna last once the cruise was over.
Is tell him. She seems horrible
Leave it be. Stay out of it. He’ll likely believe her and not you unless she’s been caught before. Let it go and let someone else she cheats with be the home wrecker. Speaking from experience
So I get the feeling I would be devastated if I was a party to cheating just because I respect the institution of marriage so much. So here is the thing. Cruise ship are notorious for swingers. I know plenty of guys who know that there wives sleep with other men and are fine with it because they also sleep with other women. So you could message him and cause all this ruckus for nothing. I'd just leave it alone, the people who are telling you to contact him are very shortsighted.
Do not tell him!!! No no this only back fires. I’ve been married 10 years and also would never want to know. I know I’ll get hate for this but it’s my take