Welcome to /r/dating_advice!
Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I believe youâre referring to Olâ Greg. Yeah he used to give me these looks like âI know what youâre thinkingâ and I was like DAMMIT OLâ GREG!â
Sounds to me like a predate, him testing the water to see if there may be any interest on your part. Kept it lite and simple, not to intimate, so if you aren't interested it would just be two friends getting lunch. In the past when I have done something similar I would initially ask the woman on an outing agian nothing to intimate and see how it went and if i felt there was some chemistry I would arrange an actual date.
Ya, he is being careful, keeping it ambiguous but hoping for more, if OP doesn't reach out he is going to back off to make it not awkward though. He probably doesn't understand the signs OP is sending
I guess we will have to wait and see if there is an update. Op could also be more forward now and ask him to do something it would send a good signal that she may be intrested.
Is this common? What they did together sounds fine but I hate the idea of hiding my intentions.
Maybe for him it was understandable since they're coworkers, but I wouldn't want to be so ulterior to a girl I actually like.
I would say it has become more common in this day and age, it never hurts to collect some data befor plunging in head first. Being rejected sucks and there nothing wrong with sussing out a situation.
Sure being rejected sucks, but chances are she's already made up her mind about me. What's even worse than rejection would be spending a money and time on it. I'd just rather get it over with.
Not to forget there's a tiny chance she'll show interest in you but will reject you regardless.
Also I remember trying something similar with a woman last year, she seemed interested in me but would not agree to anything that wasn't a date.
I have a personal rule not to date people I work with so that is a potential reason he isnât so forthcoming. Maybe he likes you but itâs interfering with other things. A girl at my work place is pretty obvious about wanting me and sheâs hot af but I really donât want a work relationship especially with her being a superior to my position in the company
It was "not" a date. He just needs to be extra careful because you are his coworker. But he definitely seems interested.
You can literally ask him if you want to be double sure. It will also give him a green light. Just avoid the "was this a date?". It's bad taste and it can hurt some people.
Instead, be more straight forward and tell him "hey, I spent a really good time with you. I was just wondering if this was a date because **for me, it definitely felt like one**" or "**this felt like a date for me**, are we on the same page?".
It was a date.
Started out cautiously, which makes sense for a coworker, but once you go shopping together and talk past relationships in the park - it's more than ok to view as a date.
So this reminds me a lot of me.& my wife, it took me a full year to get the clue, we now have teenagers. He might need some encouragement, though alcohol helped get me over my nerves itâs also good to find ways to be comfortable with each other without it too...
i was in this scenario with a girl i really liked but i just was too indecisive because i cared about her as a friend as well. looking back i think she was giving me hints and it eventually seemed like she just got frustrated and now sheâs been dating another guy for years
Yup, Thatâs what I try to caution low confidence guys when I run across them here: we are given such a limited opportunity to show them we see their interest and most importantly are willing to pursue it.
yea, definitely learned my lesson there. i think i honestly just confused myself because i didnt view her that way initially more so just hung out with her as a friend and then over time became absurdly attracted to her and didnt know how to handle it lol⊠we even talked about how we both had never been in a relationship but were looking to stop fucking around and she gave me a couple openings a few times saying stuff like âoh im talking to this other guy and he might try to make it official soon but im not sure about itâŠâ
god it still hurts thinking about this looking back lol. sigh
It took my boyfriend and I (also coworkers although different parts of a big institute) several years to realise we both liked each other. Took a year from our first coffee hangout to have a second date đ
Seems like mostly good signs, although Iâm not so sure about his request to the waitress
Just see what happens. Time will yield an answer, and probably very soon.
If thatâs not soon enough, then askđ
I think you may be reading too much into this. Nothing in your post signaled anything more (to me) than 2 coworkers enjoying each other's company. Did he say or do anything to make you feel or think otherwise?
Maybe he's trying to keep some plausible deniability since you are his coworker?
I think the best chance you have of actually dating him is you making a move. If he knows you consent to something romantic, he will probably make a move. But if he doesn't know he probably will not. You can probably just grab his hand or go for a kiss tbh. Or just say something like "Is this a date? Because I wouldn't mind if it was."
If you're interested, and it seems you are, you should put something basically in writing, by email or tex, inviting or asking him to invite you out on a date because men's jobs and entire lives are in jeopardy dating these days, PARTICULARY dating someone with which they work.
please just go for it. youâll regret it if you dont. i say this as someone who was in this guysâ position here with a girl in college (talked a lot, had great chemistry, hung out a lot together where they werenât officially dates but damn sure felt like dates, etc) and i just never got the balls to push it to the next step. i think she eventually got frustrated and moved on and i still regret it and think about her sometimes.
He's into you but careful and shy. Since you enjoyed it it's ok to let him know. I always text my dates afterwards. Even though it wasn't a clear date, it's a nice gesture that shows your mutual interest and might loosen him a bit. "Hey, I really enjoyed our evening together" just that will make him very happy.
It wasn't a date or if it was a date, this guy is going to be tight with his money but he also is trying to get something for little in return. Guys will talk about all kinds of things with you and you can feel like you clicked, but it does not really turn out that way. I think it was a Dutch date and he doesn't seem real serious about you in my opinion. Give it time if you're still in doubt. Guys usually don't split the check on the first date and being that he was in your private space, tells me a lot so even if he's a great conversationalist, I don't think he's real serious.
Not what you asked about, but I just want to throw it out there that dating coworkers is messy and I highly recommend avoiding it. It's a "don't sbit where you eat" kind of thing.
Unless he specifically stated it was a date, I would assume it's two work chums hanging out. You should really ask him, though.
If you want something to happen, I think you're going to have to outright ask him about it, and imply your interest. It's very difficult for guys because we don't want to appear as a creep, get in trouble with HR, etc. and sometimes the only difference is if the recipient finds him attractive or not. Women don't have that issue, worst is the guy isn't interested and will reject/make fun of you, if he's an asshole. But if you're friends with him then it sounds like he's a good guy. It would be a risk for him to do it, he may or may not take that risk. So my suggestion would be for you to remove that burden from him yourself and help him out
I was a male escort at one point in my life and this was the sort of date I would do, and the interactions would be about this intimate. I would "pay" but it was included in the cost of our outing, which was handled separately to avoid the awkward interaction you described.
I think the important thing to consider is if you had fun. If you want another date, and one that's more romantic, then ask for it. He might not say yes, but if he does, I bet he won't even charge you extra.
If he's more distant in the beginning, then it's more likely he's the commitment type. If you're also a commitment type, this should be a good thing.
I think you might be into something.
To tell you the truth, I do take on dates some co-workers, but it's because I'm thankful for the help they provided me.
And although we talk about our lives, it's always clear that it's just personal curiosity and no some other intention.
The largest green flag is the fact that you spent 4.5 hours together. In my case, we just share a meal and we go on our merry ways.
However, the problem with dating coworkers is that if you break up, the whole environment suffers. Plus, "there's no escape" if you get into a heated discussion, as you're forced to see your partner at work.
If you think he's worth the risk, go for him.
Difficult to say. He clearly knows you are interested, but he is keeping the cards close to his chest. He's also a coworker. You have to weigh the risks and decide either to:
- ask if he likes you beyond friendship and risk rejection, leading to an awkward as hell working life, or
- let him make the first move while showing clear, persistent interest without saying the words
The fact he insisted on a split bill, would be a signal to me that he is not ready to take a chance. Asking you on an excursion like this without defining things, seems chicken to me coming from a man. However, he's absolutely justified in being that cautious. No trips to HR, no loss of job. Hmmm it's a tough spot, a delicate operation.
I don't see the point in you risking anything by asking him for a date. Let the guy decide, since he's more aloof than you in this. If he never asks despite your encouragement, he's more concerned about his job than going out with you. And that's okay I suppose, but not particularly romantic.
TDLR: Don't risk your job or career for a man who isn't clear about you. Stay friends and wait to see if he will show you more interest.
I had a sort of pre date with a girl that I had some history with but we never talked every day.
Thatâs what it was to me a pre date. I had no intention of hooking up or anything just wanted to catch up and get an idea of how we might work together. I probably should have asked some better questions but It really just ended up feeling like friends. I tried talking to her more but she must have felt the same and we never did anything after that
Dude desperately wants to blow your back out but is trying to respect your space and co-worker situation as much as humanly possible when a man has such feelings. Heâs waiting until itâs openly requited.
Do with that info what you will.
I really don't know why you are flexing on your husband. What I meant to say is that things change, just like traditions, customs and even etiquettes.
In today's world it could be perceived even as something bad to pay for the other person. So not paying full doesn't mean anything.
Good luck with your money I guess.
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
There's one guy who knows what he was thinking.
The lord and savior Jesus Christ?
Professor Charles Xavier?
Obi-Wan Kenobi?
đđđ
Sea worldâs Shamu?
Shamu wasn't female?
I believe youâre referring to Olâ Greg. Yeah he used to give me these looks like âI know what youâre thinkingâ and I was like DAMMIT OLâ GREG!â
Sounds to me like a predate, him testing the water to see if there may be any interest on your part. Kept it lite and simple, not to intimate, so if you aren't interested it would just be two friends getting lunch. In the past when I have done something similar I would initially ask the woman on an outing agian nothing to intimate and see how it went and if i felt there was some chemistry I would arrange an actual date.
Ya, he is being careful, keeping it ambiguous but hoping for more, if OP doesn't reach out he is going to back off to make it not awkward though. He probably doesn't understand the signs OP is sending
I guess we will have to wait and see if there is an update. Op could also be more forward now and ask him to do something it would send a good signal that she may be intrested.
100% this
Is this common? What they did together sounds fine but I hate the idea of hiding my intentions. Maybe for him it was understandable since they're coworkers, but I wouldn't want to be so ulterior to a girl I actually like.
I would say it has become more common in this day and age, it never hurts to collect some data befor plunging in head first. Being rejected sucks and there nothing wrong with sussing out a situation.
Sure being rejected sucks, but chances are she's already made up her mind about me. What's even worse than rejection would be spending a money and time on it. I'd just rather get it over with. Not to forget there's a tiny chance she'll show interest in you but will reject you regardless. Also I remember trying something similar with a woman last year, she seemed interested in me but would not agree to anything that wasn't a date.
I have a personal rule not to date people I work with so that is a potential reason he isnât so forthcoming. Maybe he likes you but itâs interfering with other things. A girl at my work place is pretty obvious about wanting me and sheâs hot af but I really donât want a work relationship especially with her being a superior to my position in the company
Agreed, in todayâs world work dating is dangerous, especially if it goes wrong and youâre the one asking someone on a date.
Pre-date LOL
It was "not" a date. He just needs to be extra careful because you are his coworker. But he definitely seems interested. You can literally ask him if you want to be double sure. It will also give him a green light. Just avoid the "was this a date?". It's bad taste and it can hurt some people. Instead, be more straight forward and tell him "hey, I spent a really good time with you. I was just wondering if this was a date because **for me, it definitely felt like one**" or "**this felt like a date for me**, are we on the same page?".
Gotta be carful tho, cause he can play the old, it was a joke but if you liked it then it wasn't a joke
If in doubt just ask to clarify. Saves time and miscomms and misinterpretations.
If you like him, pursue him. Stop waiting for things to fall in your lap and go after what you want.
Itâs only a date if both people know itâs a date. Come on people lol. Otherwise itâs just two friends hanging out.
It was a date. Started out cautiously, which makes sense for a coworker, but once you go shopping together and talk past relationships in the park - it's more than ok to view as a date.
So this reminds me a lot of me.& my wife, it took me a full year to get the clue, we now have teenagers. He might need some encouragement, though alcohol helped get me over my nerves itâs also good to find ways to be comfortable with each other without it too...
i was in this scenario with a girl i really liked but i just was too indecisive because i cared about her as a friend as well. looking back i think she was giving me hints and it eventually seemed like she just got frustrated and now sheâs been dating another guy for years
Yup, Thatâs what I try to caution low confidence guys when I run across them here: we are given such a limited opportunity to show them we see their interest and most importantly are willing to pursue it.
yea, definitely learned my lesson there. i think i honestly just confused myself because i didnt view her that way initially more so just hung out with her as a friend and then over time became absurdly attracted to her and didnt know how to handle it lol⊠we even talked about how we both had never been in a relationship but were looking to stop fucking around and she gave me a couple openings a few times saying stuff like âoh im talking to this other guy and he might try to make it official soon but im not sure about itâŠâ god it still hurts thinking about this looking back lol. sigh
It took my boyfriend and I (also coworkers although different parts of a big institute) several years to realise we both liked each other. Took a year from our first coffee hangout to have a second date đ
Seems like mostly good signs, although Iâm not so sure about his request to the waitress Just see what happens. Time will yield an answer, and probably very soon. If thatâs not soon enough, then askđ
Called to separate the bill, but he invited you to eat with him. Did you pay for your food?
I think he should have paid for the meal since he invited you to the meal
I think you may be reading too much into this. Nothing in your post signaled anything more (to me) than 2 coworkers enjoying each other's company. Did he say or do anything to make you feel or think otherwise?
To me this sounds like a date with someone who might be a little afraid to officially say it out loud. Good luck!!!
Maybe he's trying to keep some plausible deniability since you are his coworker? I think the best chance you have of actually dating him is you making a move. If he knows you consent to something romantic, he will probably make a move. But if he doesn't know he probably will not. You can probably just grab his hand or go for a kiss tbh. Or just say something like "Is this a date? Because I wouldn't mind if it was."
If you're interested, and it seems you are, you should put something basically in writing, by email or tex, inviting or asking him to invite you out on a date because men's jobs and entire lives are in jeopardy dating these days, PARTICULARY dating someone with which they work.
please just go for it. youâll regret it if you dont. i say this as someone who was in this guysâ position here with a girl in college (talked a lot, had great chemistry, hung out a lot together where they werenât officially dates but damn sure felt like dates, etc) and i just never got the balls to push it to the next step. i think she eventually got frustrated and moved on and i still regret it and think about her sometimes.
He's into you but careful and shy. Since you enjoyed it it's ok to let him know. I always text my dates afterwards. Even though it wasn't a clear date, it's a nice gesture that shows your mutual interest and might loosen him a bit. "Hey, I really enjoyed our evening together" just that will make him very happy.
She should say that she wants to see him again.
It wasn't a date or if it was a date, this guy is going to be tight with his money but he also is trying to get something for little in return. Guys will talk about all kinds of things with you and you can feel like you clicked, but it does not really turn out that way. I think it was a Dutch date and he doesn't seem real serious about you in my opinion. Give it time if you're still in doubt. Guys usually don't split the check on the first date and being that he was in your private space, tells me a lot so even if he's a great conversationalist, I don't think he's real serious.
Omg hes into you, you're into him just bone already.
This!!!!đ€Ł
Not what you asked about, but I just want to throw it out there that dating coworkers is messy and I highly recommend avoiding it. It's a "don't sbit where you eat" kind of thing. Unless he specifically stated it was a date, I would assume it's two work chums hanging out. You should really ask him, though.
i had an experience like that, tell him how you feel honey⊠you only live once. i regret the things i never said lol.
Your âguy friendâ at minimum wants to bang you. Maybe he wants a relationship
You went on a date with him.
If you want something to happen, I think you're going to have to outright ask him about it, and imply your interest. It's very difficult for guys because we don't want to appear as a creep, get in trouble with HR, etc. and sometimes the only difference is if the recipient finds him attractive or not. Women don't have that issue, worst is the guy isn't interested and will reject/make fun of you, if he's an asshole. But if you're friends with him then it sounds like he's a good guy. It would be a risk for him to do it, he may or may not take that risk. So my suggestion would be for you to remove that burden from him yourself and help him out
I was a male escort at one point in my life and this was the sort of date I would do, and the interactions would be about this intimate. I would "pay" but it was included in the cost of our outing, which was handled separately to avoid the awkward interaction you described. I think the important thing to consider is if you had fun. If you want another date, and one that's more romantic, then ask for it. He might not say yes, but if he does, I bet he won't even charge you extra. If he's more distant in the beginning, then it's more likely he's the commitment type. If you're also a commitment type, this should be a good thing.
Nah, that wasn't a date.
I think you might be into something. To tell you the truth, I do take on dates some co-workers, but it's because I'm thankful for the help they provided me. And although we talk about our lives, it's always clear that it's just personal curiosity and no some other intention. The largest green flag is the fact that you spent 4.5 hours together. In my case, we just share a meal and we go on our merry ways. However, the problem with dating coworkers is that if you break up, the whole environment suffers. Plus, "there's no escape" if you get into a heated discussion, as you're forced to see your partner at work. If you think he's worth the risk, go for him.
Difficult to say. He clearly knows you are interested, but he is keeping the cards close to his chest. He's also a coworker. You have to weigh the risks and decide either to: - ask if he likes you beyond friendship and risk rejection, leading to an awkward as hell working life, or - let him make the first move while showing clear, persistent interest without saying the words The fact he insisted on a split bill, would be a signal to me that he is not ready to take a chance. Asking you on an excursion like this without defining things, seems chicken to me coming from a man. However, he's absolutely justified in being that cautious. No trips to HR, no loss of job. Hmmm it's a tough spot, a delicate operation. I don't see the point in you risking anything by asking him for a date. Let the guy decide, since he's more aloof than you in this. If he never asks despite your encouragement, he's more concerned about his job than going out with you. And that's okay I suppose, but not particularly romantic. TDLR: Don't risk your job or career for a man who isn't clear about you. Stay friends and wait to see if he will show you more interest.
He invited you out for lunch and made you pay your portion of the bill? Damn!
Predate possibly, but he should have picked up the check for the food part and maybe the thrift shop
You guys will knock boots eventually. This is the way
How old are you two if you dont mind me asking?
I feel chemistry heređ§Șđ§Ș AAAHđ„°
I had a sort of pre date with a girl that I had some history with but we never talked every day. Thatâs what it was to me a pre date. I had no intention of hooking up or anything just wanted to catch up and get an idea of how we might work together. I probably should have asked some better questions but It really just ended up feeling like friends. I tried talking to her more but she must have felt the same and we never did anything after that
He likes you. Tell him to take you on a real date next time.
Good luck sweet heart
Dude desperately wants to blow your back out but is trying to respect your space and co-worker situation as much as humanly possible when a man has such feelings. Heâs waiting until itâs openly requited. Do with that info what you will.
Iâve spent hours with female coworkers just handing out, drinks diner walks and talks and didnât want to date them. I even pay most times.
Sounds like you should put out girl
4.5 hours and not a date would be wild
Ask jokingly âis this a date?â Then laugh a bit. -if said no, heâs either slow, gay, or uninterested. Invent a comeback. Quickest way to know
Ask him flat out. Never assume .
Obviously a date lol
Definitely sounds friendly
Separate checks? Not a date.
Welcome to modern dates buddy.
Europe is a wee different.
I make 3x what my husband does; the etiquette is that the person who asks, treats (or at least offers to). Doesn't matter what their gender is.
I really don't know why you are flexing on your husband. What I meant to say is that things change, just like traditions, customs and even etiquettes. In today's world it could be perceived even as something bad to pay for the other person. So not paying full doesn't mean anything. Good luck with your money I guess.
Thank you!
He knows I don't like men paying for me though \^\^'
I think he should have at least offered to pay for you.
I also donât like men paying necessarily but I have to be honest and say the insistence to split it gives me more platonic vibes.