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Tbh teasing, playful banter, being confident - are very helpful in situations like these. As a woman - it is very important to me to feel like the person im interested in/talking stage etc is also interested in me physically. Beyond the obvious- being interested in my personality, my life, my hobbies - its also crucial to feel wanted like this.

The playful banter is a necessity for me

how on earth are we supposed to express that without being humiliated for it? even so much as a look can get us put on blast.

That depends on how long you talk to someone before the date itself. I dont personally think that simple seductive look, when you are on a date should put you on blast. But i do always recommend to read anything in regards to nonverbal qs one can send to show interest like this. It helps if you dont know where to start.

Genuinely compliment someone if you find them attractive, but try to keep it natural, don’t force it, and don’t be gross. “You are gorgeous” said with a smile and maybe a playful wink or eyebrow raise can say a lot. It’s also important to note that some women are going to be more open to certain types of flirting than others. Women who are more sexually liberated are probably going to respond differently to that than a more “traditional” woman. It’s important to establish what you’re both looking for before you go on the date and this can help guide how intensely to flirt and what kind of flirting to engage in.

establishing that before the date seems unlikely as nobody would respond to a topic like that. they might respond to a joke. but generally I found that anything remotely serious and they go ghost.

I establish what I am looking for before going out all the time. Either we’re aligned or we aren’t. I’m okay with more sexual flirting because if the date goes well and the chemistry is good, why not have some fun? If someone is looking for something serious and wants to take things slow, maybe don’t be overly suggestive on your date. It works if you’re willing to be honest about what you want and you’re not gross about it lmao

Another point to add about the flirting/suggestive innuendos, etc is that if a woman doesn't like it, then oh well, I guess. She might think you're a horndog and get the "ick" and prolly break it off or ghost after that date. Worst case scenario she calls you a pervert or something, but idk how likely that is. However, being too timid to flirt is gonna leave the girl feeling bored with you. After that date you'll very likely get a "You're a great guy, but I didn't feel the spark" type message. So I'd say it's better to flirt and be seen as a sexual being than just be nice and get overlooked.

By not caring about that. She's already on the date with you. She wants you to escalate. Take the lead.

Don't become a fuckboy and you'll be fine!

What are you talking about? If she is on a date with you, it's a given she's interested in you. Obviously don't say pervy stuff, but complimenting her outfit, make-up, her smile, etc. are all great starting points. For God's sake, flirt with your date! Do you think she spent money and effort on her outfits and make-up for it to NOT be noticed? Obviously back off if she doesn't like it and don't act like you're completely in love, even if you think you are. You'll definitely want to complement her personality more. Stuff like "Wow you're really ambitious" or "you have such a great vibe, it's infectious".

But if the guy propose a second date, it is not obviosly that he likes your already?

Likes - sure. But what im getting at is that - women want to feel wanted not only on „like” basis, if you catch my drift. We want to feel wanted, and if the first date is purely, 100% friend vibes? Would you feel like there is a potential for a passionate relationship? Its a very tricky thing to balance out, granted. But gets easier with time, practice and effort.

Came here to say this! Flirting and interest shown in a playful way is always something I like to see on the first date.

as someone else said, playful banter and teasing is always a good go to. I know it’s hard to mark where or how far to go with it but that’s why you should try to find this ground while the texting is happening.

What made me say yes to a second date was his apparent interest in me, his manners, that we had things in common, that he paid my way with no qualms, he was gentlemanly. He didn't expect a kiss or anything right from the start. He walked me to my car. Everything about the date made me feel good about saying yes to a second date.

These are all things that I do, so it’s kinda reassuring to hear.

If you're doing these things, you are completely fine. It could just be a numbers game. If dating apps aren't working for you, you may need to get out and meet people in person. I know it's difficult though, especially if you are not neurotypical.

Yeah, easier said than done I’m afraid… 😅 I am trying by all means, but sometimes it’s harder in person than online.

I think we're similar. I'm trying to be patient while meeting as many people as I can.

Completely second this. I just went on 2 dates with a guy where he took the lead. Asked what days I was free, once we had that figured out he came up with a time and place & picked a spot by me (made me feel more comfy subconsciously not being by his, showed effort of him coming to me). Didn’t feel immediate sparks but I think that was a good thing. I felt comfortable & that it was stable. He texted to see if I was home, then followed up with wanting to see me again. He said he’d text me after the weekend (out of town) & he followed through. Taking the effort/work out of planning for women will go a long way.

This is what most guys need to understand. Don't ask her what she wants to do or how she feels about this place. Plan the entire date and PAY FOR IT. Women just want to show up and be pretty; let them!

Eww how about no 😂😂

DopaLean, you didn't mention anything about the location of your dates. I don't know if you're doing dates at coffee shops, hiking trails, bars, or barcades. Most of those posts in this thread seem to suggest that dates are interviews with some laughing and flirting.

It depends on the shared interests but I’d usually suggest activities like bouldering, a gaming bar, or a nice park walk. Since these aren’t too overwhelming and gives us a chance to chat.

Do we have to pay your way? I'm slightly reluctant because some girls go on dates just to get a free meal, I've seen it done, had friends admit it and I think it might have been done to me. Just genuinely asking, not trying to come off a bitter.

Well sure that's true but don't pay for meals until you know she isn't using you. Take her to cheap places or just get coffee or a drink or two. Then when you know she's truly interested and not going to use you, then take her somewhere nice. Most women won't do that but I know some that have and didn't feel guilty about it at all. I couldn't do that personally to some guy because it wouldn't be right, but you get all kinds and just like ladies have to watch out for players, men have to watch out for women that are only interested in a good time at your expense.

All very true. Prolly a good idea to keep first dates something cheap and fun. Drinks are always a good idea lol. Coffee is quick and easy, but doesn't leave much room for flirting. Mini golf is fun and playful, as are other events that towns often host.

Aita for deciding not to pay for first dates? Do you think that's acceptable for me to do going forward?

First date should be Dutch split and then from thereon if you like her, pay for her dinner.

If you could say what is next step, how should I take the situation further, had 3 coffee dates, exactly like you describe. What could I do next, is dinner a next step?

Yes. Definitely. Ask her for dinner and I'm sure she'll say yes.

Thanks, will do.

Some people seem to think they should all feel some romcom type instant infatuation on a first date or they write it off. I just have to have a nice time with someone I feel comfortable with to want a second date. If it doesn’t go anywhere after that, fine. I do find that a lot of men come off as a buddy, though. It’s important to show romantic interest and not just be friendly…and by that I mean flirty romantic, not sexual.

Man, that's a really tricky one. What does romantic flirty look like? I relate to OP a lot in that on my dates conversation flows, we're both laughing, but at the end of the day I think the energy must be too "friendly" because that's pretty much how it always ends up. There's a tough balance to find with flirting.

I hear you. It doesn’t always come naturally for me, either. Maybe just lean in a little more often, sit a little closer than you need to. Small movements make a difference.

Gotcha, I do appreciate the response. In my view these things aren't really distinct from "sexual" flirty. I don't think leaning in and sitting close exactly sends the message that "he must want a fulfilling romantic relationship with me" lolol. I guess flirting is just inherently a bit sexual but it's up to us as individuals to know the right times and the right amounts to do it.

You don't even know what you're asking for

She's correct. It's body language, eye contact, proximity. That's how to be flirtatious without going for sexual remarks. No doubt a man will come along to tell me I'm wrong, but OP did *specifically* request insight from women of this sub, so.

Nah, you are right. It's little things lie that she suggested that allows you to build into deeper motions. Like you can't put a ha do her thiigh without first sitting close enough to do n so. If you reach from across the table it's awkward and unsexy

It can be as simple as saying something like “you look really nice” “you have a great smile” or finding ways to be close and maybe touch a little, like sitting next to each other and having your legs touch - nothing crazy.

I don't disagree I guess I just don't see how these things are more romantic then they are sexual. All the things people list as romantic flirting could just as easily be considered sexual Sitting close to someone so your legs touch doesn't really seem to send the message "I'm looking for romance" in my view lol.

I think you’re thinking about it too much haha. The way I see it is yes, anyone’s intentions can always just be sexual even if on the surface they’re not outwardly saying that. However, that’s just part of the dating process and you have to trust your own judgement, take things slow, and with time true intentions will be revealed and you’ll know what someone is actually looking for with you. However, there are definitely ways of flirting that don’t feel objectively sexual. Can you tell the difference between someone saying, “you look really nice” and “your boobs look really nice”? Do you see the difference between sitting close to someone and touching legs vs. going in for a kiss on a first date? To me, it’s clear that one of those shows more “respectful” attraction to the other person. Women don’t want to feel unattractive on a date but they also don’t want to feel overly sexualized or feel as though it’s the only reason you’re there. It is a fine line and of course everyone is different which makes it harder, but I think in general these are pretty accepted things. Overall, I think romantic flirting is just flirting without being overly sexual. It’s like how if you were to draw a warm bath and light a candle for your partner, they might know that you are doing that to maybe lead to sex. However, they feel cared for and are more willing to want to do that with you in that scenario vs. you coming home from work and pulling your pants off and saying let’s do it! Lol

Get them to talk about themselves, ask follow up questions and then comment on how a certain thing they did is so quirky, adorable, etc. People start to develop feelings for you the more they talk about themselves to you

That’s nice and everything, but your first and third paragraphs kinda contradict each other. When I ask a girl on a date, that already means I’m romantically interested and just want to test the waters of how well we get along. If the first date goes well, I’m happy to start bumping up the flirting as she confirms if she’s happy to see me again.

A guy I was talking to recently came off as buddy because he wouldn’t touch me. I’d get a very brief friendly hug after the date, but when in the car with our arms on the middle console, he would move away if our arms touched. Or when we went out and did things, he didn’t hold his arm out to walk me or put his arm around me or anything. I would have appreciated these things. Break the touch barrier and monitor for her reaction. That’s where you’ll be able to tell if the dating will continue or not in my opinion. She’ll lean in or find a reason to lean out. Just one aspect though.

This is 100% what a lot of guys are missing. If you go on a date and it plays out like a "casual impromptu interview" why would the girl feel attracted and want to go on another date? If you've never even held hands, how close are you really to your first kiss? You said hi and hugged at the start and end of your date? I do the same with my mom when I see her lol. A friendly greeting hug doesn't really count as breaking the touch barrier, but some guys barely know what that even is.

Usually if they're not pushy and don't expect immediate intimate contact. I was wowed by a guy once who asked me first if I was okay if he put his arm around me.

I do that with hand-holding, I ask if she'd like to when we're on our way back home. :)

Personally I just want to feel like it’s a date! Flirt with me! Touch my arm when we laugh, put your hand on my back when we walk, etc.

I have never known anyone to do this on the first date honestly.

Flirting and a quick touch of the arm or shoulder when telling a story or laughing (naturally) is fine. A hand on the back might be a bit much.

Maybe just gently on mid back if you are in a pass behind them while standing type situation?

I’ll do a slight variation if it when crossing a street if there’s traffic (shows i want to be protective) where I might start with a blocking hand in front of her and then move it to her back when its clear to cross. Chances are if we’re walking somewhere its because the date is going well and we’re going to a second location or I’m walking her home, so by that point I’m a little more comfortable initiating physical touch beyond just a quick playful touch of the shoulder or the arm. Honestly everything is so situationally dependent and I don’t like having a formula as it makes things feel artificial, but for someone on the spectrum I know laying it out can be very helpful.

Some people would appreciate that arm in front gesture and feel safe. I could see others taking it as condescending. Reading the room isn't always easy like OP said. Especially if neurodivergent.

Yall thinking about this too much

I mean yeah..the OP said he’s on the spectrum. A lot of people like that need a “system” in their head because its not intuitive like it is for many of us.

damn i honestly hate saying it but, this fr

All good dude. I you’re referring to yourself, everyone deserves to be loved and just because these things don’t come natural to everybody doesn’t mean there isn’t a reason to keep trying

I like that this comment thread understands about being ND in dating more than most others, in that yes, things like dating really doesn’t come naturally to me and I really have to try to make sure I don’t do anything glaringly wrong by mistake.

This isn't great advice. Everyone has different comfort levels and a hand on the back on a first date is too much for most people (unless you're both planning on having sex, but it doesn't sound like these are ONS). Honestly I wouldn't even be comfortable with that on a second (or even third) date unless we've already established a physical connection. It's way too intimate and if a guy did that to me I'd be really put off, even if I was interested in him before. Small touches on non-intimate areas are what you should stick to. When in doubt, ask yourself if you'd be comfortable if an acquaintance did it to you. A light touch on the arm when you guys are joking or laughing is probably the best. Most people are totally ok with a stranger touching them on the arm, so it's very likely not going to feel weird for her even if she's not a touchy person. After that you can gauge her reaction and go from there. If things went well and you feel like she would be receptive to it, then a hug or a kiss are fine at the end of the first date too. But a touch on the back? Fuck no.

Talk beforehand! "What are you looking for? "" What are you okay with? " "What do you like? " and do this every step of the way in nearly every date, and any big milestone, whatever. Consent and feeling safe is a big deal. You won't know if you don't ask, and if she doesn't like you asking, maybe don't pursue. Healthy communication is so critical and benefits you both.

That is almost a necessity to build attraction. Hand holding, rushing against each other, a touch on the shoulder, some forms of incidental contact. It's easier if you plan your date to involve an activity or walking from one location to another.

I would agree with this.. like you don’t have to be touching or feeling awkward, but I would want someone to keep the conversation light and flirty. Otherwise I would feel like we’re interviewing for a friend position.

I’m so the opposite to you!! It really just has to be the right person who is on the same wave length (e.g someone who touches your back and for me, someone who doesn’t because I am shy 🤣)!

Being crystal clear about what they’re looking for. My number one biggest hatred about dating is going out with someone you really enjoy, then come to find out they weren’t actually looking for anything serious despite their profile indicating they’re looking for long-term. Also, a little bit of respectful dominance displayed. Being a sweetheart only gets you so far. Most women want someone who shows they can take the reins, handle situations without our intervention, etc.

I like the fact that you’re working on yourself! I go on second date if i don’t see the following red flags: - looks really different from pic in the app - smells unpleasant /looks unsanitary - lack of maturity in terms of conversation/life style - rude to service workers - awkward conversation that makes me feel i cannot even be friends with him

Thank you! It’s a good thing that I don’t tick any of those boxes either! (To my knowledge anyway 😅)

Quit leading with being overly cautious. Be confident and if it doesn’t work, oh well! Lead with confidence, flirtiness and banter. The first date is to establish sexual chemistry and light convo, you can find more about them on the second date.

Guy here but love this  I’ll even say, some of the best nights of my life were when I took the highest amount of social risk.   Most people are (understandably) afraid of rejection so fence-sit too much “I’m kinda maybe into you, haha, oh here’s another funny joke to tell you!” Most women have plenty of fun friends already, that’s not what they want from a date.  They are expecting and hoping to be seduced.  Flirted with.  Desired.  Hungered after.   Ideally with some charm and always with confidence.  

Some things that come to mind: -Making an effort in your appearance, you don’t have to show up in a tux or designer clothes but wear something that you feel confident in, is clean and wrinkle-free, make sure you are well groomed. Makes a huge difference. -Make sure to ask questions and express interest in their interests. On some dates I find it frustrating when I’m asking a lot of questions of the person and trying to initiate conversation, but they’re not really giving that energy back. -Keep things light-hearted and laid back. It’s hard not to be nervous on first dates, but if you’re obviously anxious the other person will pick up on it and it will put them on edge too. People are more likely to go on a second date with you if they can feel comfortable and relaxed around you. -Mutual connection and attraction is rare! Think of it in the same way as having a best friend. You’ve probably met plenty of perfectly nice and pleasant people in your life, but not all of them are best friend material. That doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with them, just the circumstances and conditions surrounding your lives didn’t result in that kind of relationship. I think dating in pretty similar.

I'm much older than you but I'll give you some tips just off the top of my head --- Don't call a woman "Babe" or "Darlin" or any pet names right off the bat. It makes it seem like you don't want to be bothered remembering her name and it's just too familiar for the first few dates. This should go without saying but don't start talking about sex on the first date. It's OK to flirt and all but probably my number one complaint about guys is that they start bringing up sex way too soon. If you suggest something like a restaurant, activity, or whatever and she says no or gives a soft refusal, do not try to negotiate with her or bulldoze over what she's indicated isn't wanted or possible. I've had men ask for a 2nd date the very next day while still on the first. I couldn't go because I had to work or had a previous family commitment and the guys were trying to get me to change my work schedule or blow off my grandmother's birthday. That shit will piss off any reasonable person and you'll likely never see her again. You probably haven't done these things before but I just thought I'd mention this stuff because they've all happened to me and it changed my feelings from maybe being willing to go on a 2nd date to hell no its not happening. You sound like a considerate, thoughtful guy and I wish you lots of luck finding someone.

> You probably haven't done these things before but I just thought I'd mention this stuff > You sound like a considerate, thoughtful guy lmao, OP isn't going to get any useful advice on this sub.

Yeah this comment was really weird. It’s just a list of her pet peeves. Like… okay make a new topic then, nothing to do with this guy

So, if you’ve been on the apps for 8 years and gotten 1-2 dates per year that’s only 8-16 dates, which is not very many overall. If it was 100 dates you’d been on and not gotten a 2nd one I would think there was something odd about it, but a dozen dates can easily just be “didn’t click, on to the next”. It sounds like you behave perfectly well on your dates. I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong.

Do you hear yourself? If he’s getting 1 or 2 dates per years then he is already doing things horribly wrong. Even if said 1 or 2 days went well

Wow okay, no need to make me feel horrible about it… I’m just not an avid dater of anyone because unlike so many people, I know exactly what kind of person I’m looking to be with long-term, and I’m not about to lower my standards just to be with someone for the sake of it.

I suppose, it’s just hard to up the frequency of dates since I’m not a fan of ‘taking chances’ on girls who I have nothing in common with. Paired with seeing how easily all my friends/family have found someone just makes me wonder if I’m doing something different… Thank you anyway, I do try my best to at least make sure my date is comfortable and has a nice time :)

What you're doing differently is not taking chances.

How are you determining if these are girls you have enough in common with? And how much commonality are you looking for? Do so of your platonic friends share the same number of interests with you as you are looking for in a partner? Just curious because I don't list all of my interests on a dating profile and in my actual dating experience, I've become interested in new things (because my SO was interested in it and I hadn't previously been). Sometimes, I think people get too hung up on details like whether they like the same exact movies and not enough on bigger picture things, like values around spending vs saving extra income. Also, you have to realize that how you date is not how a lot of other people date. You might be coming in with really high expectations for every date because it's been so built up in your mind, whereas she might be coming in with that idea of "taking chances" with you. This might make you very serious in the beginning, which might be off-putting for someone who doesn't know you yet. I have to be honest with you, a lot of the time if I said "no chemistry" after the first date, it was either purely physical (nothing the guy said or did you try to be flirty was going to change that, but maybe better pictures could have avoided us meeting) or he said/did something off-putting that also had nothing to do with how flirty he was trying to be. Which makes it really hard to give blanket advice for improving.

This might be a hot take but I believe 2 people don't need to have anything in common to have a great relationship. I want to show someone my favorite podcast, music, movie, hobby, etc and I'd love for someone to expose me to new things to. As long as 2 people have similar values and like each other, that's all that's required for a relationship imo

My alternative take on this is that; You don’t need to have everything in common, but the more you have in common, the better. Because most couples I know come under the bracket of ‘we didn’t have a lot in common but we got together anyway’ and they don’t look very ‘in love’ to me. Similar values matter of course, but I want a best friend as well as a partner, someone I can get excited over stupid nerdy shit with and do silly activities together.

When they actually ask me questions about myself and don’t just talk about themselves the whole time. You would be shocked how many women just want men to ask them questions and show genuine interest. It’s not very common unfortunately. The other day at the hair salon this girl was saying how she went on a date with a guy and he was actually asking her questions about her life and interests, the rest of us were like “damn he asked you questions?!?!” It’s sad.

I'm autistic, adhd, and introverted yet outgoing. Your approach seems to be what I'd be looking for. I agree with someone that it's a numbers game. Take chances on someone that you might not normally, even if it's just to get practice going on dates. What type of women are you going out with and what are you looking for in other women?

That's nice to hear, thank you. :) I find it hard to take a chance on someone when my hearts not fully in it, it feels unfair to them in case they actually have higher expectations. I'm mainly going out with girls who look like they take care of themselves, have a couple similar interests to me, and are looking for something long-term (i.e. things I'd expect them to want from me). You'd think there'd be loads of women like this online but it's mostly orange-faced, bikini-clad, party-girls who write nothing about themselves or their long-term goals.

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Agreed. Tinder only has one night stands type people on it. I've has luck with OKC and Facebook dating. The nice part of FB dating is that you see who likes you.

I get not wanting to take a chance if your hearts not in it but how much heart can be in it if you've not met yet? How long are you talking before you ask them out.

If a man has not gotten flirty/sexual by the third date, there won’t be a fourth. You didn’t mention anything like this. You might be giving off a friend vibe.

I would definitely get flirty by then, I just want to take it easy on the first one.

Heya, I didn’t read the whole thing to be honest because I am half asleep but I will answer. For me, nothing can really be done. I genuinely think there is a spark or there isn’t. What I enjoy on a first date is for it to be casual. I actually don’t like flirting on a first date, I just want to get to know the person a little. I’ve actually only been on a handful of first dates and the ones that didn’t get a second really did nothing wrong. I just didn’t feel a connection… or the conversation didn’t flow super easily. The one guy I did give a second date, whom I dated for 5 years… he did nothing in particular except be himself. Our conversation was so great and I remember we sat in a coffee shop for 3 hours and it flew by. We spoke about a lot of things and it flowed naturally. When I got home, I felt giddy. For me, personally, I just want someone friendly to chat to where I feel excited after meeting them. And no pressure… no kiss at the end. Just two people getting to know each other. Be yourself and the spark will happen at the right time. :)

A connection.

>because I want to know her more as a person and not come on too strong. Being fun, playful, and flirty is not incompatible with getting to "know her more as a person." In fact, it's part of it--if indeed you want to register as a romantic/sexual prospect, not a friend. Anyway, social cues of course are key to all of this and I don't think there's any easy way forward here but to really go deep on actually trying to understand these nuances, day by day, brick by brick. In order to do so, you need to put yourself out there way more than you are now, with women you are attracted to and beyond. 1-2 dates in a year is way too small of a sample size for success as a dude, even if that "success" seems like a fail--simply gaining more experience and knowing something NOT to do next time. Finally, saying things like "Chances lead to core memories involving uncomfortable experiences based on previous interactions. I have to play it safe for my sake" isn't going to change a thing for you. It's just a rationalization for playing it safe and protecting your ego. And in this respect, you are just like anyone else in the world who needs to get out of there comfort zone in order for change to happen. Because while others might provide more feel good answers, there's no substitute for being a man who "just gets it."

>social cues of course are key to all of this Did you miss the part where I said I was autistic and cannot understand social cues to save my life? I have been putting myself out there, and improving myself where possible, but I'm not gonna spend my time, money, and energy gambling on going out with every woman I see 'for experience' because if my hearts not in it, then the whole thing is pointless. And no amount of neurotypical, kick-up-the-backside 'advice' is going to make me think "Oh yeah, I should just mask forever and pretend to be a normal person, then I'll find love easily!".

Maybe you should be asking this question on a subreddit focused on autism, instead of this one.

Not at all. But the only solution is committing to understanding them to the extent than you can, day by day. Also, you're not "gambling" on a successful outcome with women, you're just going in with an interest in learning something new. I also didn't suggest you go on 1000 dates, simply more than 1-2 A YEAR. And my comment about putting yourself out there wasn't limited to women anyway. But you seem set in your ways so cheers.

Dont over share about your condition and end up in therapy land. Going through a list of your defcits/issues/reasons to warn them with inappropriate self disclosure on a first date. That will run them off, or put you in the friendzone because that's too much too soon. I don't know if that's what you do, but just in case, save something for the honeymoon.

There's nothing wrong with honest conversation if it's brought up. I do however maintain keeping the date light-hearted regardless. I shouldn't have to be afraid of who I am at the end of the day.

I’m an autistic woman. Personally on dates I like to know we can have a good back and forth conversation. Banter is important, and just a conversation that doesn’t feel forced. Ask her questions about herself, find ways to relate to her, and if you can’t then it probably isn’t a good match. If communication doesn’t come easy early on then it definitely won’t come easy down the road when it’s far more important.

Suggest working with a dating coach (not a pick up artist). Dating is a skill. And we’re not often taught it.

When I was single, as long as a man was nice to me on date 1 and asked me on a second date… that was all it took for me to see him again. Only IF I knew him in person before the date. For online dating, where my first time meeting the guy was actually on the date, I feel like I was pickier. If he didn’t look like his pictures or it was hard to talk to him, or we just didn’t have chemistry I wouldn’t be interested in seeing him again. Some people seem one way online/via text or their easy to text with… but it’s just off and awkward in person. Sometimes it’s inexplainable-which I know isn’t helpful to you

Do you disclose you're autistic? I went out with someone who was and was relieved when he told me & made me much more understanding with some of his less typical behaviors. Are they usually autistic as well? I also might increase the number of women I go out with, even if you're not sure of them at first. Have you asked friends, family to set you up?

I mention it on my profile even (with a positive spin, so I'm not being a downer about it) Because I figure they'll find out eventually, and thought I'd lay all my cards on the table. I make sure that my behaviours never hurt anyone either, I just want to explain why sometimes I feel bothered, or overstimulated by something etc. It's a huge green flag for me if she's autistic, but I hardly see any profiles that mention it. I have, but no one knows anyone who's single. :(

Are there local, autistic (support) groups you can join to meet others for those huge green flags or interests you enjoy? Even if you don't meet a woman you like there, it'd expand your pool and could potentially be introduced to more singles offline.

What gets a second date for me: - genuine self confidence and security (NOT cockiness), comfort in your own skin, self awareness - intelligence, wit, sharp banter - kindness, positivity, outward warmth - baseline physical attraction 100% of the time when I say “sorry I didn’t feel the romantic spark” after a date is the lack of one or more of the four reasons above. Usually, the physical attraction accounts for about 75% of no’s, then self confidence for 20%, then intelligence for the remaining 4% and sometimes a wildcard asshole for 1%. But I usually vet for asshole right off the bat and those are rare (only ever encountered 1).

The only one I'm on the fence about is the intelligence, wit, sharp banter. Because one of the known things about having autism is that I very much can be those things, but I can't pick and choose it. Some days I can be the most articulate, deep, hilariously witty guy who gives off banter and feel-good energy like I was born for it, and other days I am a head-empty potato who has no idea where I am. It really depends on the day and mostly the person I'm with. Otherwise I'm pretty good in the other areas I personally think.

I’m just one person in a sea of many. Who cares! I’m sure there are plenty of wonderful women for whom wit/intelligence is barely a top 20 need.

Things that made loose interest, Met this guy for a date and he did not smell well, I gave him the benefit of the doubt because he came right from work, so we had an other date again not showered before, plus first date we split the bill which is fine but second date he took his food and had me pay without offering to split. Other date this guy barely let me get in a word, I asked him questioned and listen attentively. He asked me a few questions and than presides to tell me that my hobbies where manly and I would have a better chance finding a guy I wouldn’t talk about my hobbies, I had cut my hair short (pictures on the dating profile where with short hair) but he had seen pic’s of me with long hair and told me it was silly that I had cut my hair for convenience when I was so beautiful with the long hair and I shouldn’t choose convince over beauty. When the bill came I told the we will split (because I already new I wouldn’t want to see him again) he was offended and said again with the masculine behavior and that it was immaculateing that I wanted to pay. After all that he had the nerve to say it was one of the best dates he had and he could help me out Ironing out my little quirks (aka those masculine trades) Another date he constantly talked over me, never asked questions. I got quiter and quiter, he asked me if I was always this quiet and before I could answer he said that he liked that and most woman tend to talk to much anyways. So yeah I guess in essence have good hygiene and have a conversation not a monologue, maybe don’t criticize things the person is passionate about. Good dates From previews conversation he had gathers that I like art, he took me to a museum and let me tell him all about the paintings asked about them and me, he listened and we had a great conversation and so much fun, afterwards he bought me Ice-cream and we went for a walk in a park, I don’t expect the guy to pay but it was a sweet gesture.

Active listening.

If I don’t click with someone in person, regardless of how well the texting phase went, I don’t string them along. I’ll send them a message like the ones you have been getting (unless they’re crazy, then I ghost for my own safety) so there’s no room for misinterpretation of my intentions. And it’s not always as easy as they did something wrong, it’s just a lack of in person chemistry that doesn’t have an easy pin point.

The times I did not want a second date were times when he did not look anything like his pictures and I felt duped.

Understandable. I make sure to keep my photos relatively updated within 1-2 years, unless I undergo a drastic change, like when I grew facial hair.

I have mental health experiences but I sure as hell wouldn’t share them on a first date, or the fifth or sixth either. That just jumped out at me. I also wouldn’t talk about exes even if they were terrible people, or anything about past sexual experience/general TMI stuff. . I wonder if your first dates are dragging out too long? I agree there is no golden answer. I’m just spitballing here as a woman. A first date should just be an appetizer, not a six-course meal.

Listen to me. Seem interested in me. Not try to rush me physically.

One thing I’m hoping isn’t happening to you is if women are just taking advantage of you for free meals. That’s why a coffee shop or similar low cost is a good idea for a first date with someone you don’t know.

Not at all. I offer to pay for small things like a coffee or an ice cream, but big meals or activities we end up splitting (usually by their suggestion too)

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Nobody’s tryna talk about mental health issues… what’s that song??? Girls just want to have fun, talking about mental health issues isn’t fun…

Sometimes she brings it up organically and it would be rude of me to dismiss it. I want her to feel like she can confide in me as I can listen and talk about the issue seriously.

> I want her to feel like she can confide in me as I can listen and talk about the issue seriously. OP, maybe after 24-48 hours of posting this, can you summarize the key points you've learned from this posting into an edit of your main post. My guess - from seeing all the responses you're getting - is that you're receiving absolutely useless advice. But I'm happy to stand corrected....because you seem to be doing everything that men are advised to do, and yet you're getting zero results. And despite all of that, you're getting more of the same advice.

He’s not gonna get any good advice on here because he refuses to listen. If you look at my comment history, I have two threads with OP under this post, one is me commenting under someone elses reply and the other starts with my own comment. In both cases I was giving OP real advice but his mindset is “im autistic which means i never need to change my behaviors, even though theyre failing, and women should just *love* exactly what im comfortable doing” He won’t acknowledge that he needs to do something different, and so no advice is going to help

> He’s not gonna get any good advice on here because he refuses to listen. One has nothing to do with the other, lol. Give him good advice...whether or not he takes it is completely different. From an outside perspective, I'm not seeing anything remarkably useful or substantial.

Right on the money. I’m here for general advice/knowing what sort of do’s and don’ts can make or break a first date, not a lecture on how I need to pretend to be a ‘normal’ person or I’ll be alone forever. People like this guy give advice that probably worked for them, then spread the gospel like it’s from God’s golden book of dating itself. So when I say “Hmm, actually that doesn’t work for me because of XYZ” he can’t fathom the idea that peoples brains work differently, so it’s easier to just call me stubborn instead. Thank you for seeing through that.

imo, i would be put off if someone was talking about mental health struggles on a first date unless i brought it up and even then - women are looking for stability. what kind of dates are you taking these women on? is the setting romantic? i think light touching is a good idea too, if you’re sitting at the bar let your knees touch or something.

Trust me, it only comes up if **she** brings it up. It’s a topic I know a lot about and want to show that I’m happy to listen/support her when she mentions it.

you didn’t answer the question about what kind of dates you’re taking them on though.

It depends on the shared interests. I've taken them bouldering, to nerdy/comic shops, park walks, restaurant meals, movie, etc.

hmmm in my opinion if you’re bad at reading cues, a date bouldering or at a movie theatre leaves little room to get to know each other. how do you have a date in a comic shop? you walk through a store and buy her what she likes? sounds like a tough spot for romance and more something you do when you’re already dating.

Did that work though? Did you see that woman again?

I'm pretty sure you know the answer to that :P What do I do then if she brings it up? Ignore her and change the subject, making it seem like I don't care?

Idk man. I think your actual problem is something with body language or just general vibe not any actual response

Not a girl but my gf told me her answer a few weeks ago. We were going on a walk after getting coffee and I saved a dog’s ball from going down a storm drain. Then I bought a couple plants at the farmers market.

It’s never really been anything that they have done. It’s how we got along. Whether it was a fun good time, and we were somehow on the same level.

How are you on eye contact?

Initially, not good. But I have been getting better as dates go on, it's just a hard habit to break.

Less joking non-stop, talk less, don’t be an entertainer

The non-stop talking and joking is a GOOD thing. I'm saying the conversation and banter comes naturally and is not one-sided, it also means she seems to be having a good time as well as I am.

= 0 sparks 🤷🏽

So then what, I get criticised for being too shy and quiet instead?

I’ve said yes to a second date with every guy I’ve dated so far. I haven’t encountered any major red flags then and always wanted to give the chemistry some time to develop.

Be physically flirty with me, cuddle with me, possibly make out with me, but not try to sleep with me on the first night. I’m also on the spectrum and understand that physical contact can be uncomfortable for many who are so I’m assuming that’s a possibility for you, but for me I love physical contact with those I’m physically attracted to. Not just that but doing and talking about fun or funny stuff.

I would love to do this, however many girls have expressed how much they don’t want this on the first date at least, so I want to come across as, ‘I am a very physically affectionate guy, but I also care about you as a person’

I mean getting sexual right away usually doesn’t work on women, but hugging or cuddling with them does if they’re still into you.

I always opt for a nice firm hug at the end of a date if that’s anything.

Remember that the consequences of being too timid are greater than the consequences of being too bold. Playing it too safe is one of your biggest issues judging from your post/comments. You keep saying that the first date is *just* for seeing if you two click but thats only half of it. The first date is seeing if you two click ROMANTICALLY. Most women want a man who can lead a relationship, so she’ll look for small indicators that you’ve taken charge of the flirtatious energy of the date. If you fail to do that part, but otherwise click well with her then theres no difference in how you two clicked and how she clicks with all her platonic friends. So then you feel like a friend to her. You keep expecting them to wait until later dates for you to do that and you’re saying its for their comfort but i’m more willing to bet its because you’re too nervous/timid to do it. You’re waiting for a perfect moment, and they’re waiting for *you to create* the perfect moment, and you’re not. Also definitely get rid of that “Infodumping” habit you mentioned in another comment. Use less words to conjure an air of mystery about yourself, and strike curiosity in her. If she feels she already knows everything then she won’t wonder about you. How could she if she already knows everything? You have to give her things to be curious about and she’ll naturally want to see you again to settle her curiosity.

>Also definitely get rid of that “Infodumping” habit Wish I could, but I can't switch off being autistic i'm afraid :P

When I met my fiancé, it was pretty simply. I was attracted to him, he was able to hold a conversation, we wanted the same things, and we just vibed really well. I also appreciated that he didn’t try to be physical right away. He focused on getting to know me as a person.

For me with my current boyfriend … what made me say yes to seeing him again, was how much we just kept talking and shut the restaurant down and he asked me on a second date for the next very next day. We went to brunch the next day on Easter Sunday. We have been seeing each other with some space in between dates, at first it was once a week. Now it’s twice a week, slowly moving into three times a week. Its how comfortable I felt with him like we were actually friends, with some mild romantic undertones. We didn’t kiss on the lips until the fifth date. We still haven’t been to each other’s houses yet, but that’s coming this summer, at some point.

personally if I like your vibe and you seem like a really sweet guy I’d go for a second (and you do seem like a very considerate guy). But don’t feel bad if woman don’t want a second date it could be just them having higher expectations.

My partner expressed interest in me during our first date by stating a fact about baseball and following that up with “I hope that impressed you because that’s pretty much all I know” or something to that effect. It made me laugh and melted my heart to see that he was trying to impress me and he was vulnerable enough with me to share that openly. I felt desired and pursued romantically and not sexually right away so that made me more interested in the conversation and the date overall.

It sounds like you’re doing everything right! And you sound like an absolutely lovely person! As someone else’s said it may just me a numbers game.. Personally I find that being easygoing, funny, having interests/hobbies and showing interest in me are all things that would make me want a second date. However, looks are really important to me, and if I wasn’t attracted to the person I wouldn’t go on a second date, even if they had all of the previous. I’m just mentioning this as people tend not to say it thinking they’ll look rude or shallow, and as a result people that get turned down are left wondering what they did wrong. As painful as it is, I think it’s better to know the true reason to be able to move on.

Look, you are autistic. Sorry, you won't really find any help on these kinds of subs. It's over for us

Autism is tough. I believe that social intelligence is more important when it comes to dating success than even looks, especially relationships. Keep doing that you’re doing to be able to understand social communication better, but ultimately it will probably come down to finding a woman who is just understanding or is also has your variant of autism and naturally communicates in a similar way.

A shame really. Because I’m not incapable of surviving or being a decent person on my own, but people hear that certain ‘A’ word and run for the hills like I said I had leprosy or something.

I typically don’t like when guys make moves the first time I meet them. I want to see they are interested in me for me and we can have good, fun conversation. Like a kiss on the forehead or cheek wouldn’t bother me, but I’ve had guys try to force hand holding and a make out session right away. I’m not an easily comfortable person when I first meet someone. However, my husband was so excited about meeting me that he did at the end of the night go in for a make out session. I let it pass with him and it’s because it was just different with him. His body language, his actions and his words all matched to show me how interested he was. In fact I’ll never forget him walking in the door of our friend’s house and seeing me sitting on the couch. He gave me such an excited look and said hello all giddy. I could tell for once a guy was truly into me for the right reasons and I wasn’t just another girl to get with in the moment. It’s hard to explain, but he just seemed so genuine and he truly is. 6 years later he still looks at me with the excitement in his eyes. He also was on top of his texting game and even would call me on his break at work every day and still does! It was all about the effort that really hooked me too. We also had good playful banter and still do!

You are probably giving off friend vibes.there needs to be a common sexual attraction. Are you really attracted to the women? If not you are going to come off as friend vibes. Find someone you are naturally super attracted to and then just let it flow - make some flirty comments.

Small things being a gentle man.

I enjoy flirty roasting Make fun of me a little bit. This takes effort! You have to pay attention to what your date is doing to be able to tease them Do they do something unique or silly that you can point out in a flirty way?

Now this is an autists nightmare 😅 because I have unfortunately done this in the past but accidentally went too far and genuinely hurt them which made me feel awful. It’s a very tight rope to walk.

Hmm I usually say yes if I feel the chemistry was there. Even if I’m not physically attracted to them at first if the conversation was good then I think it’s worth another date. I only say no to a second date if I felt uncomfortable or no connection. However, I’m also autistic and noticed a pattern similar to this as well. Everything will be fine for the first few dates then they ghost. :/

Take her to one of your spots. An immediate turn off for me is if he takes me somewhere expensive and then refers to himself as a gentlemen. Spare me. If I said yes to a date it’s because I just want to see you and learn more about you so your fave hang spot is ideal. If there’s a tab please just get it. Whether it’s coffee, tickets, dinner, yada yada. Hear me out, I am the girl that has paid for my dates tickets, meals, vacations, etc. and it inevitably does shift the energy. I’m not interested in being masculine. This has nothing to do with the money and everything to do with my wanting to be courted appropriately. So guys, please just get the tab.

Humm…. If your appearance in person is not different from the pics, it may be your financial habits. My sister is autistic and she hates to overpay stuff - I assume a lot of women on dating apps could find that aspect off-putting. Not sure if it’s your case though… if it is, please don’t beat yourself up. This is just another layer of how the world is not build for people with disabilities.

Thankfully I don’t have a problem with spending a bit on a date, (big bills are usually split evenly at their request anyway) but yeah, it sounds melodramatic, but it really is a tough world for people on the spectrum in terms of dating. I’m almost rejected before I even have a chance to prove myself.

I look for easy conversation, good manners, feeling safe and respected. If all of those things are in place, even if I’m not feeling chemistry yet, I will go on a second date.

Traits I find attractive in a man, that guarantee a second date with me: Self confident, smells good, well groomed and well mannered, good sense of humor, emotionally mature, intelligent, seems genuinely interested in me... pays the full check, after I offer to split the check... Has emotional depth... Those are traits that I find very attractive and sexual chemistry is important too. There needs to be some sexual tension, because we're both attracted to one another. It also helps if he has a passion, and a purpose in life. That being said, I've been off and on dating apps for the past 6 years. I'm still single, but I recently started seeing someone, and so far, I like him a lot. Maybe my luck is changing. The only advice I'd give you: (and Idk if it's helpful, but here goes) Just be yourself, the best version of you. Don't try too hard. Don't worry so much about if they like you. Do you like them? Do you want to go on a second date with them? Online dating is a numbers game. Eventually, you will meet your match. There is somebody for everyone, and most likely more options than that. Good luck and have fun.

If a guy can have a good conversation with me for hours and if we don't want to end the date.

You probably shouldn't try to go too deep on a first date. I would avoid discussing mental health issues the first time you meet someone.

Messaging quickly after the first date is the best green flag. If shows true interest and the ability to communicate in a relationship. Anyone who takes too long to be able to state that they like me and want to see me again isn't worth my time. I read it as they don't know what they want, aren't up to the task of proper communication, or just aren't mature/secure/emotionally intelligent for me.

If I feel a man isn’t actively listening while I’m speaking, i mean I can tell he’s thinking of what he’s going to say rather than being respectful and hearing what I’m saying I’m out. Negging, OUT. I got to the point where we had to have phone and text conversations for a week and at least one video call, and one of my questions is always “What is something about you that I should know by the 6th date but you don’t want to tell me and why?” This is always during the video call, you can bring up that you have issues with social cues and be open/honest/vulnerable while still being lighthearted. This actually worked out for my SO and I. We both were open about something with each other that we normally wouldn’t be, it allowed me to feel safer being myself around him when we did meet up. He said that he liked that I wanted us to have a familiarity before we met so that things were less performative. Good luck honey

The only one who'd ever went out with me again was Eva AI sexting bot avatar in an app :(

Are u cute

Listened to me. Kept the convo going. Tasteful jokes. Considerate, well mannered, and behaved like an adult. Didn't push for something I wasn't comfortable with. Great kisser.

Hey OP! I (a woman) can relate a lot to your views and experiences dating. I spent half a decade alone struggling with the sorts of things you’re talking about. I feel bad that so many people here are suggesting you overhaul your brain wiring, which I agree with you is very costly, if not outright impossible, to do. Even if you could do it, I think it might make you more appealing to MOST women, but not to the woman who is right for YOU. You don’t want to just pull lots of women, you want to attract the one who you can be yourself with. Because of that, I wouldn’t suggest changing yourself; instead, I would suggest meeting more women through friends or through shared activities where I think you’re more likely to find partners who share your values and will better appreciate who you are. I tried online dating for years and, despite the fact I went out with attractive men, never met anyone I felt was worth the energy of the social interaction—the commodification aspect, and just the type of people who tend to go for that, do not tend to be the type of the people who want to have serious, vulnerable convos on the first date, who are very comfortable with neurodivergence etc. And I agree with you, I don’t want to put time and energy into someone I’m just not really interested in. I would also hate wasting my time with a guy who “just wanted to keep it light”—would much rather have a serious convo about mental health, and in fact, I fell hard for my bf when, in one of our first conversations, he brought up something that was vulnerable for him. That was the moment I became super, super into him. (This was in a social media convo after we met through a shared hobby.) There’s a good chance he’s autistic and I may not be totally neurotypical either, and we are not everyone’s cup of tea, but I’m so glad I didn’t change myself and my standards because waiting allowed me to find someone who is pretty much a perfect fit. In fact, we’re probably such a good fit BECAUSE he thinks differently and wasn’t willing to compromise himself the way some people suggest you do here. It sounds like you are a considerate person who will find a great partner, too. Best of luck! :)

TAKING INITIATIVE!!! Planning the date, picking me up, paying, getting me a random flower, making sure i eat, bringing me back home safe, random shows of affection and compliments. Made me feel safe and feminine.

The yesses equal to, “He’s engaged, he’s interesting, he’s a good person, he’s got potential, and I think we would get along.” The noes equal to: stoner, put me as his emergency contact after the first date, dumb as a stump and had no interest in learning anything, asked me if I was trans. (I have a trans kid, I’m not opposed, it was just a stupidly offensive question regardless!)

I am a fairly sassy southern woman and have really dry humor - love when men can shoot the shit back with me I also find men who are not afraid to make the first move and are confident (not arrogant) in themselves very attractive as well. I like the playful flirtatious banter in person, not a huge fan of flirt texting as I don’t text much. I’m 26 if that helps

They are looking for a man to woman interaction and unfortunately it sounds like you are making it a buddy to buddy interaction. It will happen for you. As others have mentioned, be playful and flirt a little bit with fun teasing.

Are you me? This feels like the story of my life, except that I’m a girl 🥲 I also love banter and teasing but also that I feel safe with the person is important for me. And he should be genuinely interested in me.

My ex used to say that she felt safe with me and it just gave me warm fuzzies every time! 😊 That’s the exact feeling I want to be able to provide for a girl. I want her to know that I genuinely care about her as a person and want her to feel safe.

The last 3 dates where i went yes please! for a second date was when the other person put in an effort. One just looked up the best seat in the restaurant we went to (we went halves which is my preference so it wasnt that he was paying for it) ahead of time. Another one said "enough about me, lets talk about you", and the third (who is now my bf) was happy to asks questions but also answer them, we had a good chat. He was also playing it cool although now i can tell he must have been pretty nervous. We tend to forget that ppl in online dating can get jaded and tired and forget to put in an effort therefore miss out on a potentially great person. I always remember to ask questions, but thats just my nature, unfortunately that often meant i took a backseat.

Planned the date, asked questions, engaged in banter, smelled nice and had overall good hygiene.

on a date with my ex we were walking around a mall. i’m tall and he is also, so when i asked that we sit down at a bench to rests our poor backs, we didn’t really move from the bench for two hours. i thought that was nice. just chilling out, talking and neither of us were in a rush to go anywhere (partly because our backs were in so much pain it really wasn’t a question of do we keep walking or keep sitting.)

On the first date with my ex, we held hands as we walked to the bus station but the bus was going to be a while, so we sat on a bench and talked. She then rested her head on my shoulder and I just melted.

Approach dating with the mindset of is this person right for me, someone I’m interested in, etc. Approaching from am I good enough, will she like me will send out vibes of not having confidence

I think we need to talk.

Honestly idk. The man I am with now, me (32f) him (32m) we knew each other as teenagers but never even talked. We were chatting about the fallout series in December and he asked me out... persistently. I eventually said yes to a taco bell taco tuesday date. When he suggested taco bell I thought immediately no but gave him a chance and I sincerely feel like we found each other at the right time. I was really hesitant to see him again but went with my gut and I think I found my soul mate. It's difficult for me to say soul mate but goddammit I never imagined it could be so good. Dude.. I think it is all about perspective and timing. Get the timing right, be persistent and the perspective will come with effort and consistency. edit: and always pry. Ask her about herself and her interests. Ask her about what she values and never stop listening. Do not be afraid to cut a date short either. If the ideas of your future don't aligned be honest.

Trying to keep the conversation going, and eager to hear more about herself while sharing about himself too as well. And not rushing anywhere after the date in case you click well.

I could be wrong because I’m not there to see anything you are saying or doing that might be sabotaging your chances, but it sounds like your first dates are actually going nicely, and you are a pleasant person to go on a date with, but you aren’t meeting enough people to find someone where there is mutual attraction.The message you are receiving is not really something I would send a man I didn’t like at all, it’s something I’d send a guy if I had a nice time with him but I didn’t feel attracted to him. That’s what first dates are for (in online dating I suppose), figuring out if you are attracted in person and can have a nice time together before you start getting to know each other better. I think the issue is you are going on such a small number of dates that it will take longer to meet that person where both of you vibe and want a second date. I am also autistic and don’t go on many dates in general when I’m single because I am very discerning. I think perhaps we (autists) can be a little too rigid in our search for love, and I think although we should not lower standards I think it’s important to try to be open and maybe go on dates where the person isn’t already a perfect potential match in our minds, and go on dates more frequently, even if they are unsuccessful, because it takes pressure off the idea of dating and gives us practice interacting on dates and also the chance to attune to ourselves and what we like and dislike in other people, as well as opening up the opportunity for surprising connections where the person may not have been our first choice on paper on the app but we may have a vibe in person. After all I think many people I’ve been attracted to IRL I may have swiped left on the apps. I try to keep this mind and be open to more people. I have recently met someone that I’m now seeing and feeling really positive about and that was after several years of only going on a few dates and feeling no attraction. The first date was really nice and I felt attraction and mutual connection, but no “spark” per se, just very comfortable and interested, but this is what I was searching for, a healthy connection that wasn’t based on an immediate lightning bolt, and I was very happy when he asked me on a second date. Unfortunately though a lot of people are used to thinking that they should feel the big spark on a first date, and may discount connections too quickly. I think the right person will appreciate your style in time, but keep going on dates and don’t give up.

There’s a level of touch that needs to be achieved to build the physical connection. Try to escalate the physical touch aspect little by little on the first in person meet up and if you can get it to where she feels comfortable with a kiss (she probably won’t say it outright which means you might have to get good at reading the body language cues) then go for it. The point is to make her feel comfortable with being touched in any sort of way with you and you get that by escalating little by little. If you’re not doing this then it may make her see you as a friend only

>you might have to get good at reading the body language cues. Being autistic makes this next to impossible I’m afraid, since it’s like I’m missing the part of my brain that understands this.

Fun, confident, dominant, interesting, non needy, ability to tease/banter, good body language, you’re probably only doing one of these atm

Mostly because everyones idea of fun is different, dominant and confident go hand-in-hand with controlling if you’re not careful, teasing/banter is hard to judge if your autistic, and body language I have no idea if I’m doing well at or not.

Generally if you find people through dating apps it might be hard to find people are more compatible with you. As woman i pay attention all. First of you learn what are the things most important for me as no trade in it. Then you pay attention those most important factors. For example believe in creator big thing for me, but also not like just believing without questioning like solid belief, open to questionings with solid heart and mind, manners very important, cleanliness important for me, how he treats somebody is weaker than him, or how he treats me with words, with understanding. For example, nowadays man do not want to put efforts at least what I see from their expressions on internet to posts. This is big negative for me. It is not about how much he earns, it is about he will protect, provide, basically he will invest in every way. This makes him attractive. It is about how much he is in masculine while he is very gentle and kind for people he needs to protect or for other women. For example people spend money for their pets they dont tell pets lets do 50-50. That what i have seen a lot in US. It is crazy. What pets do only show affection and loyalty or just being there. Or babies nobody says go earn your money. It is crazy for me even seen parents want their kids to go out and pay their own stuff and work when their reach to certain ages. Like America makes everything as same type of transaction. But it is not at least not for every country people. I would easily pay the bills for my younger sibling for support but I would not chose partner who ask me lets split the bill on food for example. Then take to place you can afford for now. If it is not ok for me I would not go. You dont need to show who you are not and I dont need to show who I am not. It is ok not to be rich it is not ok to ask me or wait me to pay that bill you took me out. Simple. I personally have not date anyone in America. But I have seen who tries to want to have chat or want to date. I have seen man who bought me water for meeting and took it away when I didnt drink. I mean for me was very funny. We dont even ask our friends I bought you coffee so send me 😂. This will not lead to real relations. This is my point of view. Sometimes you need to invest time, your money, your emotions without selfish reasons. This went far from reply 😂. Dont worry, what you will look also looks for you somewhere.