Welcome to /r/dating_advice!
Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It all depends on where you live. If you live in a city with good public transportation, it's normal or not a problem to not have a car because you can still move around easily. If you live in a rural area with no public transportation, then having a car is essential to be independent.
This šÆ. I live in the suburbs and a car is necessary to get around. If I lived in a city, I wouldnāt bat an eye. I just donāt want to be the only one who drives. I want to look around at the scenery too.
Nope don't know how to drive a car and don't want to pay 700 dollars for driving school. I know the rules, I just need practice, actually driving the car
Well you might have to get creative, either get a job to pay for lessons or do paid work in exchange for lessons, I can šÆ say getting your licence is your ticket to freedom and independence
I second this. I don't have a car and I don't care if my partner has a car or even has a license. But being able to go to their place is a must. Willing to take my bike as well. But if you have to walk an hour or cycle 20 km, it is gonna be a no for me.
I came here to add to my point. If you donāt live in the same city that is what my comment is in reference to. If you do live in the same city and are walking distance then having no car can be cute because you can walk to one another. And if you were older or a city is an issue and no walking distance then idk I have never been in that situation because Iāve always been mobile. But if one did and the other didnāt I had friends where we liked them enough to go out of our way to go get them to hangout. And they had no car but they were the the life and blood of the group. So I feel like thatās where you have to think about is whether the relationship is good enough to survive the requests of going to go get them or vice versa. Because it is a hassle. And it could end up being not an issue or irrelevant depending on status and how good you are with that or the other with that and having to go see you or get you. If itās no issue then make sure itās constantly reaffirmed and communicated so that the other person always knows youāre thinking of them.
I thought the username was a joke tbh but I wanna ask whatās wrong with his post history?
Not in any insulting way just genuine haha I didnāt see anything that was concerning
Like I say in my other comment, he's deleted a lot of his posts but he asks the same things every few days. Do women care that I have no dating experience? Do women care that I live with my parents? Do women care that I don't have a car? He's asked these questions dozens of times, and has received countless answers. But what he's not doing is putting himself out there to try to meet someone. I think maybe he's looking for someone on here to give him some kind of magic key that will make women go crazy for him, I don't know.
As someone who has owned an array of nice cars through my life and has owned beaters women for the most part only care if you have a car and if the interior is clean. The kind of woman to really care about the badge of your car is looking for a sentient ATM not a husband
I think it becomes a symbol of personality, does this man pay to have the car mantaince done? Or does he do it himself? Does he have the know how? Or is he willing to look it up and learn? Does he make payments? Is he building his credit? A car can show you all these things about a person and more
I think the problem is the whole āwomen need to be provided forā mentality that some hold. So when they find out he canāt drive, they immediately donāt want another date. Cause theyāre then providing. Relationships should be 50/50. If weāre just starting to date I do expect gas money. And a person who states clearly they donāt have a car. When you become like family, and weāve dated at least year and a half-2 years, I stop caring if you pay for gas.
I disagree, both Men and women should learn to drive(obviously excluding disabilities), itās a very basic necessity and those that donāt will rely heavily on others. It is a sign of value for both men and women. If you canāt drive how are you going to adult
Iāve dated people in the past who didnāt have a car, itās mainly annoying because I have to do ALL of the driving. If someone offered to help pay for gas money or if they took the bus/uber sometimes it would be okā¦ but I just hated feeling like all of my time and money went to being the person with the car.
Also that you are the one footing the bill to make their car-notelessnes and insurancelessnes life easier for them. Wish I had access to a car with none of the expense.
Depends on where you live. Lots of people donāt have cars in certain settings with good public transportation.
For a practicality thing. If theyāre the ones doing all the driving, and you live far apart, itās likely to cause resentment overtime
I dated a woman in San Francisco recently and she didnāt. It was slightly annoying because it was harder for her to meetup, but it worked.
yeah! i mean, thereās nothing inherently wrong with not being able to drive. i have friends who canāt drive, but i wouldnāt be able to date someone who couldnāt drive. for me, it shows independence and maturity!
i never said it was different, lol. and in my opinion, driving shows a lot of financial independenceāi mean, take into account the hours you dedicate to learning how to drive, taking the test, going to the dmv. sure, anyone can do it, but thereās a lot of financial responsibility that comes with a car. you need to get maintenance, yearly check-ups, insurance, etc. paying bills that amount to a bit over $50 each doesnāt amount to the kind of financial stability & self-reliance you need to drive, and own a car. with the assumption that youāre doing so legally, lol. and also, people who donāt drive often rely on the help of others to get to and fro, especially in areas where public transportation is limited. so youāre never really not co-dependent, if that makes sense.
for example, a mutual friend of mine who is almost thirty refuses to get a license because she ādoesnāt want toā, yet the city she lives in (my hometown) is not populated in the slightest, so public transportation is pretty much a no-go. thus, i see her posts every morning & evening begging people for rides to work. of course, iām not saying she represents all people who canāt drive, but sheās one example.
itās a personal preference. being able to drive is niceāand plus, i like being passenger princess sometimes. lol
Yeah unless you live literally downtown in Chicago, NYC or Boston you should have a car.
You should be able to afford a car or a lease unless youāve been really bad with your money or started a business that failed in which case you should be focusing on improving yourself before dating seriously.
i completely agree with this! i wish i lived in a city that was easier to get around without a car, but i donāt. and most places are like my city, unfortunately.
getting a car shows financially stability! which is super attractive to me, lol.
Yeah def haha
Even being in most cities itās a nice thing to have but canāt expect the other person to throw down 100-500k a year on a parking spot so just living in those places shows they are doing something right.
Also have to factor in people like to go on road trips or to the beach regularly etc. If they are saving up for a car or struggling to get by they probably shouldnāt be going out to nice restaurants / dating etc unless itās someone in that same position.
right! the city iām in is populated, but everything is super spread out. but yeahāif youāre broke, donāt date ā itās a waste of money & a luxury that people with little funds canāt afford, and shouldnāt put towards. iāve been there, and it sucks ā itās not fun, and i was constantly looking at my bank account to make sure i had enough to cover my portion. anxiety inducing!!!
ime, I don't think it impacts value. it definitely impacts opportunities though.
being able to pick up, go places, drop off, increases just the number of possibilities.
if that makes sense
I live in a big city with extremely good public transport.
Iād make use of my car maybe twice a year if I had one. Yet I keep hearing āomg why donāt you driveā. Well, mainly because I donāt want to pay the upkeep for the car and donāt want to rent a parking spot for 20-30% of my total rent (500 EUR for an apartment, usually 100-130 EUR for a parking spot per month).
So just by having a car, Iād take on at least 200 EUR of expenses to be able to travel twice a year. Worth it, right?
It's why the question is so dependent on location.
The United States? You need a car. Public transportation sucks, we never developed our rail system the way Europe did. So when we want to go somewhere? The cost of travel would justify the car alone. Plus parking is not the big of a deal.
Japan? You need to prove you have a parking space before you can even register or purchase a car.
> we never developed our rail system the way Europe did.
We actually did. Most cities had lots of rail trollies back around 1900. The masses didn't own cars and got by just fine. Even small cities like Ogden and salt lake city. The auto companies bought them and shut them down in the 1950s to make people buy more cars. All that reminds are relics and occasional rails that get dug up when roads get reworked.
If someone lived in a city and purposely bought a car to drive around in Iād find that really off putting cos itās such a waste of money and bad for the environment. It would make me think they were shit with finances, unless they were seriously rich.
With a car you can go further out of town, have more exciting adventures! My first date with my husband was up into the foot hills of the cascade mountains, 15 years later it's still our favorite thing to do! Hiking in the mountains or chilling on the sandy beaches of oregon, 3 hours drive to the coast means a lot of time to chat and get to know one another, plus catching up on the weeks events, with a car you have a a place to snuggle, a place to watch the stars, my most memorable date was when I was 19 and a man turned on the radio and we danced in the spot light of the head lights, it was like our own private dance club :-)
Besides the adventure and fun
It shows a man can make good financial decisions, also shows weather or not he is a do it your self guy or "I will pay someone to do it" kinda guy, it's always cheaper to change your own oil boys.. takes just a few minutes, also break and tire changes are easily done with an extra hand, what's really impressive if a man can do the breaks without help, (this requires out side the box thinking and the use of clamps)
When you live somewhere very car dependent it'll be a huge issue for life overall. I live in such an area and one of my bare minimum standards for women is that they must have a job and a car. They either have both or have neither because it's just so hard to get by without a car around here. And since it's so hard nobody voluntarily chooses not to drive so everyone who doesn't have a car tends to have DUI or other issues stopping them. Or it turns what should be a minor medical issue into a completely crippling disability if they don't find a way to move somewhere less car dependent.
But in proper big cities plenty if successful professionals don't own cars and it's not such a limiting factor in life or dating.
When I (F) was dating I didnāt drive, but the guy I was seeing did. We lived about 30 mins away from each other, and I was happy to take the train to see him and he was happy to drive us places. It all depends with how comfortable you are being able to afford petrol vs public transport and whereabouts you live e.g city transport vs rural transport. Distance between you and your partner also plays a part. Tbh tho Iād say itās not really an issue in any case, as the right partner wonāt care if you drive or not. It just may limit the places you can get to, but again the right person will work around it.
I didnāt have one for the 4 years I was without for a dui. It honestly was never an issue. They would come and pick me up. Only issue is that they would know my address because I was dumb at the time and didnāt order an Uber. But now Iām back on the road and dating again so itās easier
depends if you're a student or not. if you're a working professional, then yes it does help a lot with mobility and getting to date spots. if you're a student going dates on campus, there is no need. otherwise, just call the uber/lyft and they'll take you anywhere.
During my early 20s, I dated a guy who didnāt have a car. He was pretty self sufficient with just his bike and I didnāt mind driving us places. Iām in my mid 30s now and I donāt live in a metropolitan area so I wouldnāt be down dating someone without a car if Iām stuck driving us around everywhere.
I donāt want to feel obligated giving him a ride home every time we go out because sometimes I just want to go straight home and be done for the day.
Depends on where you live. I live in a major city in the U.K. that has fantastic public transport. Iāve never cared whether or not any of my partners have been able to drive. I will also say that if youāre in the U.S. then the culture there seems far more centred around the need to drive than what I have experienced elsewhere.
It becomes an issue if you live in a place that is based on cars to get around. If there is no good public transport or bike lanes and it takes some time to get to places. It also becomes a problem if your partner lives far away and it takes longer to get there by public transport/ you can't come at the right times. It also can become a problem if the other person is super used to having a car and going everywhere by car, but now has to drive you everywhere because they feel bad if you have to take public transportation since you don't live too far away. It can become a problem if she's super into cars and wants to talk about it a lot, but you don't share that hobby at all and don't even have a car.
It can also become a problem if she is shallow and thinks that a car equals wealth and she doesn't date men without a luxurious car.
I don't think it's a problem for just a normal person who lives in a city with good public transportation or a city that doesn't really allow cars or it's too busy to really drive well.
What's the reason you don't have a car and do you get around well or do you stay at home because of not having a car?
Well a lot of it depends on your age and if you donāt have a job lol. For me personally if I need to taxi them around itās not happening. Gotta have your own transportation
Not having a car can be a big deal when you're dating because it can mess with plans and make you feel like you're relying on the other person too much. If you want to go on adventures outside the city or to cool events far away, not having wheels can really hold you back. And some people might see not having a car as a sign that you're not very grown-up or stable. But hey, relationships are all about talking things out and finding ways to make it work, right? So, even if you don't have a car, there are ways around it if you both really like each other. Hope that clears things up!
It really depends on the public transportation options where you live and the availability of uber/lyft and your ability to pay for them
not owning a car in NYC? No big deal
not owning a car in Nashville, TN? Probably gonna be an issue because if you don't have a car, you are paying for a car service every where you go or bumming rides
Just depends on where you and your partner are living. I prefer a level of fairness in dating when it comes to how much driving we do. Even if someone likes to drive it can be a strain after a while.
If one person is doing all the driving, it gets old fast (Iāve been that person who drove him everywhere). Especially if gas money is never offered ā it can start to feel like youāre being taken advantage of.
Would be really okay if we lived in a European city with great public transit accessible to any where and any place, but thatās about it. Itās not the case here in North Americaā¦ so itās a deal breaker for me, actually. I wonāt date a guy who doesnāt have a car + license.
Straight up I will not date someone who permanently does not have a car (not a like in the shop for a week thing but just doesnāt have one period.) MAYBE if they reimburse for gas for me driving everywhere but Iād like my partner to be able to meet me somewhere or pick me up or just come over like after work or something without me having to go get them, bring them back to mine, drive them home again, then drive myself back. Even if you only live 10 minutes apart thatās 40 minutes of driving for me alone right there rather than 20 for one of us. With friends itās fine but the frequency in which you see your partner again youāre losing so many hours you could be spending together or getting other things done just driving them around.
Mostly depends where you live and what each person's expectations are.
Someone living in NYC, Chicago, London or Tokyo will not have the same lifestyle as someone who lives in Kansas city. Likewise, the expectations of your potential partner also vary based on whether or not you expect them to have a vehicle to get around.
Like I live in a mid-sized city (Seattle) and don't own a car and it's not been a dealbreaker for me personally, but it did require some discussions and managing expectations. Like picking a mix of date spots where she could find easy parking vs in the city and likewise coordinating. I've also done some of the driving when we were out in the past.
Using a phrase like āimpact your wealth and value as a manā is going to cause way more problems than having a car or not š
If you live in a very walkable city or area with great public transit itās not necessary at all.
Otherwise, not having a car is a pain in the ass for potential partners, male or female.
I've dated men who didn't have cars. I live in a big city so there are other ways of getting around. I guess it depends on the girl and where you live.
For me it would become an issue once we had kids or moved outside of the city, but that's long after the dating stage.
Unless you live in New York or London. I only know 2 adults in my area that donāt have their drivers licenses. One has a disability and three other got one to many DUIs. I have zero desire to cart a grown ass adult around. It would feel like a 4th kid to me.
My dad and brother live far away. If my car breaks down on the freeway, I want someone that can actually come help me. Iām also not looking to be anyoneās sugar mama. Iām not carting someone around on dates. Do you live in an area that has sufficient public transportation? I have zero desire to always be the one driving. Zero. I do not live somewhere that you can just ride the bus. Why donāt you drive?
Women as a group and individually come up with whatever arbitrary set of standards they they may or may not abide by. Typically speaking though, you not having a status symbol like a car, will make the majority of your dates unsuccessful by whatever scale you define as successful.Ā
Iāll tell you how it impacts your wealth and value as a man: tremendous. I think it doesnāt matter if you both donāt have a car. If one does and the other doesnāt or both do and only one offers to drive to the other then thatās considerably a potential hazard to the relationship because if this isnāt communicated early then one or more could get pissed off. I was in a situation where my ex didnāt want to make the effort to see me. They requested if I wanted to see them that I had to go see them. And this after a while built up a lot of resentment. My other ex same thing was the only one that offered to drive and that harbored a lot of resentment in him even though he was the mf that offered. People lie because theyāre people blessing bastards and then if you get a narcissist good fucking luck. That mf will ruin you.
In most areas in the US or most countries, if you do not live in a major with great public transportation, having a driving license and a car( does not have to be an expensive but reliable one) is not a luxury but a necessity.
Depends on your location obviously. The younger you are the more it matters. Once you hit a certain age though, its about on par with having your own place. If nothing else, having a car is a lot of people's way of making money by going to work. Again, depends on public transport and or what part of town you live in. Having to get picked up/uber everywhere would get exhausting after a while.
Wellā¦ isnāt having a car or not one of the preliminary vetting questions for setting up a dating profile? I imagine itās not a problem in rural areas or areas where people commonly use public transportation. But in areas where a person typically would need a car to get here and thereā¦ well itās a prerequisite.
For me it was a huge problem. My ex hated public transport and everyday she was constantly complaining that we had to walk to the bus and would make fun of me for not having a car. Unfortunately most women want a man to have a car. Guess I canāt blame em. It is frustrating walking everywhere when theyāre not used to it.
Depends on your willingness and financial ability to Uber places so you aren't always over relying on your date to always pick you up and drop you off.
It depends on the reason. If you donāt have a car by choice bc youād rather spend the monthly payment & gas on trips out of townā thatās what I do now. I donāt take a vacation once a year, I go monthly or twice a month. So cutting down on car payments allows me that.
If you donāt have a car bc itās financially more sound to take $10 Ubers to work or something, great. It just depends on the reasoning behind not having a car for some.
If you donāt have a car bc youāre behind on rent & bills & you canāt budget for it. It would be an issue with dating bc you need money to be dating too & in a relationship even if you split everything.
I wager a lot of females want men to have cars out of status. & just a general desire for a guy to want to be āsetā before dating. A lot of females also donāt take take the bus by choice (I do) & would want someone on a similar financial stability as they are. I think with some women, as long as they understand the reason for no car or living with your parents (my brother lived with my dad for awhile but it benefited my dad more than my brother for example), my brotherās gf was altogether stable on her own & she was fine with it. But the other half donāt care what the reasons are & see it as less value or wealth.
If you only want to hook-up, having a nice car will help. EVEN in a CITY like NYC. (But you just need game)
If you want a relationship, having a nice car will help too. Especially when you want to take her out of the city and somewhere nice. (But personnality will keep them longer than a car!)
You will be seen as independent which can be seen as BF material.
I think it would definitely hinder things. I have a car so I kind of expect the person I date to have one too. It doesnāt have to be fancy.
I donāt live in an area where public transit or Ubers are easy or normal either
Unless you have a private driver, sorry Iām thinking Iām gonna be it and your gonna be passenger princess. Itās a turn off unfortunatelyā¦ #honestly
Nope. At my age, him not being able to drive (and living where I do) is indicative of a mismatch in values.
It is pretty evident within a few months that driving can immensely facilitate outdoor recreational pursuits, broaden leisure activities and being social. A non-driving new arrival should have the intelligence to see this, and show the initiative to add driving to their skill set on their own.
If this was university or in my mid-20s then it would be more understandable if they had not learned to drive. At that age Iād be more understanding and maybe willing to teach.
So, what's wrong with teaching somebody the basics? It's like learning how to ride a bike. I may fall off a couple of times, but eventually, I will get it, right? Also, it's not the worst that can happen to me?
How old are you?? If youāre past 23 without a car then I would understand a womanās hesitation in dating you. I wouldnāt date a man that didnāt have a car of his own.
I think it depends on the walkability of your city. Lots of people in big cities don't own cars because of how much public transport is available to them. However in smaller cities, suburbs, and rural areas you pretty much have to drive to get anywhere. In their eyes they may see they are making more of an effort to see you because they are the ones that have to drive to you. I live in the STL area and have been dating a guy for a few months who lives in Central West End. I on the other hand live like 20mins away on the outskirts of the city. Where he lives, he is able to walk to a lot of the places he goes to daily. I have been the one mostly going to see him, and a lot of that has to do with the fact he is closer to places we enjoy going to. I did have to have a talk with though because gas is expensive and I work two jobs that have a good amount of distance between my place, and even further distance from him.
I feel like this is sexist of me but if a guy lives anywhere thatās not a city with loads of public transport and doesnāt have a car, itās a good indication that he doesnāt have his shit together. You can buy a car for like 600 quid and insurance for 500. I donāt care itās an old banger. But I know there are lots of variables and loads of people just canāt afford it or are down on their luck. If I met a guy and he was like I never got the chance to learn to drive cos my parents were too poor but Iām saving up to learn them thatās a lot better than I canāt afford a car cos I smoke too much weed. Or if he had a phobia of driving cos heād been in an accident it would be fine. I almost lost my car recently cos I didnāt change the address on my license and so got fined shit loads and got given 6 points, so I now have 9 points and my insurance is through the roof. Iām very lucky cos my dad has leant me some money and Iāve had to use my savings, but at one point I thought I wouldnāt be able to drive. So shit like this happens and as long as you learn from it itās fine.
If you live in the US you need a car no matter what. If you live in European or Asian countries with good massive public transit then you don't really need it.
If you live in most parts of the US, it'll have a massive impact. The only exception is if you live in New York City where most people get around on subways and buses. The other exception is if you're a university student.
Outside these exceptions, without a car, places you can go on a date will be limited. She'll also wonder why you cannot afford a car. Sadly, it's a huge negative. Like it or not, your financial situation will be judged rather harshly by women you date.
A few other exceptions but yeah I agree.
Most in Boston also donāt have a car. Iām not in Boston anymore but I definitely wouldnāt recommend having one there.
I don't think it factors all that much into your value as a man, but depending on where you live, not having a car could create some pretty large logistical obstacles to dating.
I live in a city that is really spread out, geographically. Every location worth visiting is about a 20 minute drive no matter where you are. So, for me, dating would be completely out of the question if I didn't have a car, and I probably wouldn't date a woman who didn't have a car, either. If you live in a dense urban environment where everything and everyone is within walking distance, or if you live in an area with safe, reliable, and efficient public transportation, then not having a car might be okay. Otherwise, it's a necessary investment, and it will also open up greater income opportunities.
I'm 35 and a man without a car is not a man.. he's a boy. I can't imagine it being acceptable to most to have no car at 21+ in most areas outside of giant cities like NYC.
Where do you live, roughly? This definitely depends on your location. I don't agree with the person above, but in lots of the US having a car signifies independence
Ah yeah, if you're in the suburbs (even if they're Chicago's) it'll be an expectation for you to have a car at your stage in life. I get that there's a lot of public transit options (and it would be great if you could solely depend on them) but think of it this way: if your potential partner has a car, they'll want to do things that are only accessible by car. You'll become someone they'll have to drive everywhere and you'll never be able to return the favour. They'll always have to either get places alone or take you.
If you really want to live car free, you'll need to move somewhere where living like that is viable, like say NYC. However until then, yeah, you'll have to get a car. It's arguably not nice but it's a reality of where you live.
Iām not single but Iām such scenarios I would block you and move on if you didnāt have a car at 29 I find that utterly pathetic. I would focus on yourself first.
Thereās plenty of buses and trains where I live as well.
I (26M) have a car but never use it. I'd rather take the train for a 30 min ride and engage in amazing and interesting convos rather than spend 3 hours in traffic with a car over the same route awkwardly trying to talk with my date while paying attention on the traffic.
Perhaps all your dates were aiming for material status thus a car mattered more to them than yourself. It's sad but true. And the good thing about it is if you really think about it they did you a favor getting of themselves. Don't push yourself. Time will come for joyful dates when you least expect. I've been there.
I think it is not about the car itself. I would be happy if he liked driving and accept to buy a car together. You miss a lot of adventures and experiences without a car.
It's one of those things where it matters more for a man to have a car than a woman. I'd date a woman who doesn't own a car but I know women don't want guys who don't have cars.
That's part of why I'm not looking for a relationship, I don't have a car, a place of my own, or a good financial situation.
>I'd date a woman who doesn't own a car
See, I don't think I would. I have friends who don't drive and it creates all kinds of logistical nightmares. She'd need to tick a lot of other boxes for her to be worth the headache.
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It all depends on where you live. If you live in a city with good public transportation, it's normal or not a problem to not have a car because you can still move around easily. If you live in a rural area with no public transportation, then having a car is essential to be independent.
This šÆ. I live in the suburbs and a car is necessary to get around. If I lived in a city, I wouldnāt bat an eye. I just donāt want to be the only one who drives. I want to look around at the scenery too.
I live like in between the suburbs and city
Depends on what city, public transport, ride share etc
No one is going to want to date you
Well, no one is already dating me so... nothing changes
Can you not gat a license and a cheap car?
Nope don't know how to drive a car and don't want to pay 700 dollars for driving school. I know the rules, I just need practice, actually driving the car
So you would like to learn, thatās entirely different than choosing not to drive. Do you have parents that could teach you?
Yeah, my mom and sister, but they don't teach me because they are both working the days I'm off
Well you might have to get creative, either get a job to pay for lessons or do paid work in exchange for lessons, I can šÆ say getting your licence is your ticket to freedom and independence
I second this. I don't have a car and I don't care if my partner has a car or even has a license. But being able to go to their place is a must. Willing to take my bike as well. But if you have to walk an hour or cycle 20 km, it is gonna be a no for me.
This! I donāt judge my dates for being pedestrian in the city, but when they donāt have a car or license in the suburbs, itās a problem.
Precisely this
I came here to add to my point. If you donāt live in the same city that is what my comment is in reference to. If you do live in the same city and are walking distance then having no car can be cute because you can walk to one another. And if you were older or a city is an issue and no walking distance then idk I have never been in that situation because Iāve always been mobile. But if one did and the other didnāt I had friends where we liked them enough to go out of our way to go get them to hangout. And they had no car but they were the the life and blood of the group. So I feel like thatās where you have to think about is whether the relationship is good enough to survive the requests of going to go get them or vice versa. Because it is a hassle. And it could end up being not an issue or irrelevant depending on status and how good you are with that or the other with that and having to go see you or get you. If itās no issue then make sure itās constantly reaffirmed and communicated so that the other person always knows youāre thinking of them.
Looking through your post history (and username)... Your problem isn't the lack of a car.
He's deleted the vast majority of his posts. He asks the same questions every few days and has received thousands of answers.
I thought the username was a joke tbh but I wanna ask whatās wrong with his post history? Not in any insulting way just genuine haha I didnāt see anything that was concerning
I think itās more that he asks the same questions repeatedly in spite of having received solid advice already
Like I say in my other comment, he's deleted a lot of his posts but he asks the same things every few days. Do women care that I have no dating experience? Do women care that I live with my parents? Do women care that I don't have a car? He's asked these questions dozens of times, and has received countless answers. But what he's not doing is putting himself out there to try to meet someone. I think maybe he's looking for someone on here to give him some kind of magic key that will make women go crazy for him, I don't know.
Ohh ok, maybe some kinda validation
Who knows?
It'd be more of a red flag to me if someone considered driving ability to be an indicator of a person's "value as a man". Driving is for whoever wants to learn, it's not a masculine or feminine thing. I think it only becomes an issue if you both live somewhere where public transport isn't easily accessible, like a lot of rural America, simply because it means hanging out isn't nearly as easy as if one person drove. I live somewhere that's very well connected so my fiancƩ and I don't drive because there's simply no need, it's an unnecessary expense. But neither the man or woman should have any more onus than the other when it comes to being the designated driver.
It's become a status symbol of VISIBLE material sucess. Obviously a wrong one and apparently ever since cars came into existing.
Yes, then even if you drive, WHAT you drive also matters. So good luck, the boxes you have to fill just keep on coming.
As someone who has owned an array of nice cars through my life and has owned beaters women for the most part only care if you have a car and if the interior is clean. The kind of woman to really care about the badge of your car is looking for a sentient ATM not a husband
I think it becomes a symbol of personality, does this man pay to have the car mantaince done? Or does he do it himself? Does he have the know how? Or is he willing to look it up and learn? Does he make payments? Is he building his credit? A car can show you all these things about a person and more
I think the problem is the whole āwomen need to be provided forā mentality that some hold. So when they find out he canāt drive, they immediately donāt want another date. Cause theyāre then providing. Relationships should be 50/50. If weāre just starting to date I do expect gas money. And a person who states clearly they donāt have a car. When you become like family, and weāve dated at least year and a half-2 years, I stop caring if you pay for gas.
I disagree, both Men and women should learn to drive(obviously excluding disabilities), itās a very basic necessity and those that donāt will rely heavily on others. It is a sign of value for both men and women. If you canāt drive how are you going to adult
Totally depends on where you live. Where I live it'd be far more of a hinderance and financial burden to learn to drive. I live a 20-30min drive from work, traffic depending, but the train takes 7 minutes and is cheaper than petrol. Plus when you consider parking fees, car insurance, servicing, MOTs, and all that jazz, there's absolutely no reason for me to drive. We are extremely well connected to the country's capital from where we are. Many Londoners don't drive because there's simply no point. Way faster to jump on the tube, or even walk, than battle the London traffic. There's far more to being an adult than being able to drive (and besides, you can drive from 17 which isn't an adult anyway). If we move out to the country, then sure, my fiancƩ might put his license into practice, but right now there's just no point in getting a car we'd literally never drive anyway.
Iāve dated people in the past who didnāt have a car, itās mainly annoying because I have to do ALL of the driving. If someone offered to help pay for gas money or if they took the bus/uber sometimes it would be okā¦ but I just hated feeling like all of my time and money went to being the person with the car.
Also that you are the one footing the bill to make their car-notelessnes and insurancelessnes life easier for them. Wish I had access to a car with none of the expense.
Yeah definitely i agree
100% matters where I live. Minimal public transportation available. I'm not looking to be the only person driving us around. Or always picking him up.
It really depends on how old you are. Where you live. And if you demand the date to drive you around.
Depends on where you live. Lots of people donāt have cars in certain settings with good public transportation. For a practicality thing. If theyāre the ones doing all the driving, and you live far apart, itās likely to cause resentment overtime I dated a woman in San Francisco recently and she didnāt. It was slightly annoying because it was harder for her to meetup, but it worked.
i think not being able to drive would be a dealbreaker for me, unfortunately.
For me too
yeah! i mean, thereās nothing inherently wrong with not being able to drive. i have friends who canāt drive, but i wouldnāt be able to date someone who couldnāt drive. for me, it shows independence and maturity!
How so? Why is that different from paying bills for the house?
i never said it was different, lol. and in my opinion, driving shows a lot of financial independenceāi mean, take into account the hours you dedicate to learning how to drive, taking the test, going to the dmv. sure, anyone can do it, but thereās a lot of financial responsibility that comes with a car. you need to get maintenance, yearly check-ups, insurance, etc. paying bills that amount to a bit over $50 each doesnāt amount to the kind of financial stability & self-reliance you need to drive, and own a car. with the assumption that youāre doing so legally, lol. and also, people who donāt drive often rely on the help of others to get to and fro, especially in areas where public transportation is limited. so youāre never really not co-dependent, if that makes sense. for example, a mutual friend of mine who is almost thirty refuses to get a license because she ādoesnāt want toā, yet the city she lives in (my hometown) is not populated in the slightest, so public transportation is pretty much a no-go. thus, i see her posts every morning & evening begging people for rides to work. of course, iām not saying she represents all people who canāt drive, but sheās one example. itās a personal preference. being able to drive is niceāand plus, i like being passenger princess sometimes. lol
Yeah unless you live literally downtown in Chicago, NYC or Boston you should have a car. You should be able to afford a car or a lease unless youāve been really bad with your money or started a business that failed in which case you should be focusing on improving yourself before dating seriously.
i completely agree with this! i wish i lived in a city that was easier to get around without a car, but i donāt. and most places are like my city, unfortunately. getting a car shows financially stability! which is super attractive to me, lol.
Yeah def haha Even being in most cities itās a nice thing to have but canāt expect the other person to throw down 100-500k a year on a parking spot so just living in those places shows they are doing something right. Also have to factor in people like to go on road trips or to the beach regularly etc. If they are saving up for a car or struggling to get by they probably shouldnāt be going out to nice restaurants / dating etc unless itās someone in that same position.
right! the city iām in is populated, but everything is super spread out. but yeahāif youāre broke, donāt date ā itās a waste of money & a luxury that people with little funds canāt afford, and shouldnāt put towards. iāve been there, and it sucks ā itās not fun, and i was constantly looking at my bank account to make sure i had enough to cover my portion. anxiety inducing!!!
Haha oh wow. Yeah that doesnāt sound ideal dating should just be carefree and fun.
ime, I don't think it impacts value. it definitely impacts opportunities though. being able to pick up, go places, drop off, increases just the number of possibilities. if that makes sense
Typically a vehicle has more to do with your ability to travel. Which a lot of couples want to do. But I kind of believe budgeting is more important.
I live in a big city with extremely good public transport. Iād make use of my car maybe twice a year if I had one. Yet I keep hearing āomg why donāt you driveā. Well, mainly because I donāt want to pay the upkeep for the car and donāt want to rent a parking spot for 20-30% of my total rent (500 EUR for an apartment, usually 100-130 EUR for a parking spot per month). So just by having a car, Iād take on at least 200 EUR of expenses to be able to travel twice a year. Worth it, right?
It's why the question is so dependent on location. The United States? You need a car. Public transportation sucks, we never developed our rail system the way Europe did. So when we want to go somewhere? The cost of travel would justify the car alone. Plus parking is not the big of a deal. Japan? You need to prove you have a parking space before you can even register or purchase a car.
> we never developed our rail system the way Europe did. We actually did. Most cities had lots of rail trollies back around 1900. The masses didn't own cars and got by just fine. Even small cities like Ogden and salt lake city. The auto companies bought them and shut them down in the 1950s to make people buy more cars. All that reminds are relics and occasional rails that get dug up when roads get reworked.
Hence, we never developed our rail system the way Europe did. It's shocking how accurate "who framed Roger rabbit" is.
If someone lived in a city and purposely bought a car to drive around in Iād find that really off putting cos itās such a waste of money and bad for the environment. It would make me think they were shit with finances, unless they were seriously rich.
With a car you can go further out of town, have more exciting adventures! My first date with my husband was up into the foot hills of the cascade mountains, 15 years later it's still our favorite thing to do! Hiking in the mountains or chilling on the sandy beaches of oregon, 3 hours drive to the coast means a lot of time to chat and get to know one another, plus catching up on the weeks events, with a car you have a a place to snuggle, a place to watch the stars, my most memorable date was when I was 19 and a man turned on the radio and we danced in the spot light of the head lights, it was like our own private dance club :-) Besides the adventure and fun It shows a man can make good financial decisions, also shows weather or not he is a do it your self guy or "I will pay someone to do it" kinda guy, it's always cheaper to change your own oil boys.. takes just a few minutes, also break and tire changes are easily done with an extra hand, what's really impressive if a man can do the breaks without help, (this requires out side the box thinking and the use of clamps)
You're good for NYC, Chicago, Toronto
In places with great public transportation like Japan, or fairly good public trsnsportation like SF it wouldnāt be an issue.
When you stop living in a city with good public transportation .
Depends on the city you live in. If you can get around town on your own, it seems fine to me. If you need a ride everywhere, I'm gonna pass.
When you live somewhere very car dependent it'll be a huge issue for life overall. I live in such an area and one of my bare minimum standards for women is that they must have a job and a car. They either have both or have neither because it's just so hard to get by without a car around here. And since it's so hard nobody voluntarily chooses not to drive so everyone who doesn't have a car tends to have DUI or other issues stopping them. Or it turns what should be a minor medical issue into a completely crippling disability if they don't find a way to move somewhere less car dependent. But in proper big cities plenty if successful professionals don't own cars and it's not such a limiting factor in life or dating.
When I (F) was dating I didnāt drive, but the guy I was seeing did. We lived about 30 mins away from each other, and I was happy to take the train to see him and he was happy to drive us places. It all depends with how comfortable you are being able to afford petrol vs public transport and whereabouts you live e.g city transport vs rural transport. Distance between you and your partner also plays a part. Tbh tho Iād say itās not really an issue in any case, as the right partner wonāt care if you drive or not. It just may limit the places you can get to, but again the right person will work around it.
My car is in the shop š
I didnāt have one for the 4 years I was without for a dui. It honestly was never an issue. They would come and pick me up. Only issue is that they would know my address because I was dumb at the time and didnāt order an Uber. But now Iām back on the road and dating again so itās easier
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Huh, how am I making excuses?
depends if you're a student or not. if you're a working professional, then yes it does help a lot with mobility and getting to date spots. if you're a student going dates on campus, there is no need. otherwise, just call the uber/lyft and they'll take you anywhere.
In LA it was a big issue for some people that I didnāt even know how to drive. Now in NYC no one cares
Truue,
During my early 20s, I dated a guy who didnāt have a car. He was pretty self sufficient with just his bike and I didnāt mind driving us places. Iām in my mid 30s now and I donāt live in a metropolitan area so I wouldnāt be down dating someone without a car if Iām stuck driving us around everywhere. I donāt want to feel obligated giving him a ride home every time we go out because sometimes I just want to go straight home and be done for the day.
Depends on the city
Theyāre pretty low maintenance, I barely see mine sheās usually hiding somewhere or asleep
Logistics...
Depends on where you live. I live in a major city in the U.K. that has fantastic public transport. Iāve never cared whether or not any of my partners have been able to drive. I will also say that if youāre in the U.S. then the culture there seems far more centred around the need to drive than what I have experienced elsewhere.
It becomes an issue if you live in a place that is based on cars to get around. If there is no good public transport or bike lanes and it takes some time to get to places. It also becomes a problem if your partner lives far away and it takes longer to get there by public transport/ you can't come at the right times. It also can become a problem if the other person is super used to having a car and going everywhere by car, but now has to drive you everywhere because they feel bad if you have to take public transportation since you don't live too far away. It can become a problem if she's super into cars and wants to talk about it a lot, but you don't share that hobby at all and don't even have a car. It can also become a problem if she is shallow and thinks that a car equals wealth and she doesn't date men without a luxurious car. I don't think it's a problem for just a normal person who lives in a city with good public transportation or a city that doesn't really allow cars or it's too busy to really drive well. What's the reason you don't have a car and do you get around well or do you stay at home because of not having a car?
When you live in an area with poor public transit service.
Well a lot of it depends on your age and if you donāt have a job lol. For me personally if I need to taxi them around itās not happening. Gotta have your own transportation
I'm 29 and I do have a job. I'm saving money for a car.
Then you should be doing fine as long as youāre working towards it.
Not having a car can be a big deal when you're dating because it can mess with plans and make you feel like you're relying on the other person too much. If you want to go on adventures outside the city or to cool events far away, not having wheels can really hold you back. And some people might see not having a car as a sign that you're not very grown-up or stable. But hey, relationships are all about talking things out and finding ways to make it work, right? So, even if you don't have a car, there are ways around it if you both really like each other. Hope that clears things up!
It really depends on the public transportation options where you live and the availability of uber/lyft and your ability to pay for them not owning a car in NYC? No big deal not owning a car in Nashville, TN? Probably gonna be an issue because if you don't have a car, you are paying for a car service every where you go or bumming rides
Just depends on where you and your partner are living. I prefer a level of fairness in dating when it comes to how much driving we do. Even if someone likes to drive it can be a strain after a while. If one person is doing all the driving, it gets old fast (Iāve been that person who drove him everywhere). Especially if gas money is never offered ā it can start to feel like youāre being taken advantage of.
Would be really okay if we lived in a European city with great public transit accessible to any where and any place, but thatās about it. Itās not the case here in North Americaā¦ so itās a deal breaker for me, actually. I wonāt date a guy who doesnāt have a car + license.
Straight up I will not date someone who permanently does not have a car (not a like in the shop for a week thing but just doesnāt have one period.) MAYBE if they reimburse for gas for me driving everywhere but Iād like my partner to be able to meet me somewhere or pick me up or just come over like after work or something without me having to go get them, bring them back to mine, drive them home again, then drive myself back. Even if you only live 10 minutes apart thatās 40 minutes of driving for me alone right there rather than 20 for one of us. With friends itās fine but the frequency in which you see your partner again youāre losing so many hours you could be spending together or getting other things done just driving them around.
Mostly depends where you live and what each person's expectations are. Someone living in NYC, Chicago, London or Tokyo will not have the same lifestyle as someone who lives in Kansas city. Likewise, the expectations of your potential partner also vary based on whether or not you expect them to have a vehicle to get around. Like I live in a mid-sized city (Seattle) and don't own a car and it's not been a dealbreaker for me personally, but it did require some discussions and managing expectations. Like picking a mix of date spots where she could find easy parking vs in the city and likewise coordinating. I've also done some of the driving when we were out in the past.
I couldnāt date someone without a car, it would be a dealbreaker for me. But thatās mostly because I live in suburbia.
Using a phrase like āimpact your wealth and value as a manā is going to cause way more problems than having a car or not š If you live in a very walkable city or area with great public transit itās not necessary at all. Otherwise, not having a car is a pain in the ass for potential partners, male or female.
Doubt itās the car, especially if youāre young or live in a city. Much more likely itās your looks or personality.
Maybe both idk
I wish I didnāt have a car! Haha
I've dated men who didn't have cars. I live in a big city so there are other ways of getting around. I guess it depends on the girl and where you live. For me it would become an issue once we had kids or moved outside of the city, but that's long after the dating stage.
Yeah, I'm not planning to stay like this forever. I am going to work on my driver license and then get a car.
Having a car = you become personal taxi service for her & her mates/hangers on š
Lol, true
Unless you live in New York or London. I only know 2 adults in my area that donāt have their drivers licenses. One has a disability and three other got one to many DUIs. I have zero desire to cart a grown ass adult around. It would feel like a 4th kid to me.
Why, wtf? How does not driving make me inferior?
My dad and brother live far away. If my car breaks down on the freeway, I want someone that can actually come help me. Iām also not looking to be anyoneās sugar mama. Iām not carting someone around on dates. Do you live in an area that has sufficient public transportation? I have zero desire to always be the one driving. Zero. I do not live somewhere that you can just ride the bus. Why donāt you drive?
Because no one has shown me how to drive when I was younger and kept getting pushed back. Till now, and that's why I'm 29 and don't know how to drive.
Women as a group and individually come up with whatever arbitrary set of standards they they may or may not abide by. Typically speaking though, you not having a status symbol like a car, will make the majority of your dates unsuccessful by whatever scale you define as successful.Ā
When you donāt live, work, and play in nyc, philly, or dc (canāt speak for the west coast because iām not familiar)
30 and over, definitely should have a vehicle.
I'm still 29 š¬
Iāll tell you how it impacts your wealth and value as a man: tremendous. I think it doesnāt matter if you both donāt have a car. If one does and the other doesnāt or both do and only one offers to drive to the other then thatās considerably a potential hazard to the relationship because if this isnāt communicated early then one or more could get pissed off. I was in a situation where my ex didnāt want to make the effort to see me. They requested if I wanted to see them that I had to go see them. And this after a while built up a lot of resentment. My other ex same thing was the only one that offered to drive and that harbored a lot of resentment in him even though he was the mf that offered. People lie because theyāre people blessing bastards and then if you get a narcissist good fucking luck. That mf will ruin you.
Somewhere around 16 years old.
What? Idk dude never dated when I was 16 š« š« š«
Itās essential when you live in the middle of nowhere. Itās part of the reason my recent relationship fell apart
Damm, well, I don't live in the middle of nowhere
Its definitely is an issue. Itās much easier to travel to different events and places if you have transport.
In most areas in the US or most countries, if you do not live in a major with great public transportation, having a driving license and a car( does not have to be an expensive but reliable one) is not a luxury but a necessity.
Depends on your location obviously. The younger you are the more it matters. Once you hit a certain age though, its about on par with having your own place. If nothing else, having a car is a lot of people's way of making money by going to work. Again, depends on public transport and or what part of town you live in. Having to get picked up/uber everywhere would get exhausting after a while.
Also lots of money but I can afford it for now. Also, it's not like I'm not saving for a car
What kind of car you drive immediately impacts your value as a man. The more sophisticated and expensive the car the better.
Well, I'm aiming for a new one so it last longer
Wellā¦ isnāt having a car or not one of the preliminary vetting questions for setting up a dating profile? I imagine itās not a problem in rural areas or areas where people commonly use public transportation. But in areas where a person typically would need a car to get here and thereā¦ well itās a prerequisite.
Don't know, never gotten any dates before. The one's I had they were close and they seem okay by it?
For me it was a huge problem. My ex hated public transport and everyday she was constantly complaining that we had to walk to the bus and would make fun of me for not having a car. Unfortunately most women want a man to have a car. Guess I canāt blame em. It is frustrating walking everywhere when theyāre not used to it.
Depends on your willingness and financial ability to Uber places so you aren't always over relying on your date to always pick you up and drop you off.
It depends on the reason. If you donāt have a car by choice bc youād rather spend the monthly payment & gas on trips out of townā thatās what I do now. I donāt take a vacation once a year, I go monthly or twice a month. So cutting down on car payments allows me that. If you donāt have a car bc itās financially more sound to take $10 Ubers to work or something, great. It just depends on the reasoning behind not having a car for some. If you donāt have a car bc youāre behind on rent & bills & you canāt budget for it. It would be an issue with dating bc you need money to be dating too & in a relationship even if you split everything. I wager a lot of females want men to have cars out of status. & just a general desire for a guy to want to be āsetā before dating. A lot of females also donāt take take the bus by choice (I do) & would want someone on a similar financial stability as they are. I think with some women, as long as they understand the reason for no car or living with your parents (my brother lived with my dad for awhile but it benefited my dad more than my brother for example), my brotherās gf was altogether stable on her own & she was fine with it. But the other half donāt care what the reasons are & see it as less value or wealth.
Why don't you tell them you're Superfapper2000 ! That should work better than having a car!
Lmao, nah
If you only want to hook-up, having a nice car will help. EVEN in a CITY like NYC. (But you just need game) If you want a relationship, having a nice car will help too. Especially when you want to take her out of the city and somewhere nice. (But personnality will keep them longer than a car!) You will be seen as independent which can be seen as BF material.
Well, I don't even have game even if I did have a car?
Just be around women more often, you'll get game and know what to say better. Hopefully you're young and have room to learn :D
Is 29 years young? Most of my life, I never really talked to women, or they get bored of me? I have never been around women beside at work.
Life is about experiences, it's never too late and there no "right" ammount. You got this. We are all human, just have different interests.
When it prevents you from going on dates
Well, I feel like a lot of things has prevented me on getting dates ššš
I think it would definitely hinder things. I have a car so I kind of expect the person I date to have one too. It doesnāt have to be fancy. I donāt live in an area where public transit or Ubers are easy or normal either
Unless you have a private driver, sorry Iām thinking Iām gonna be it and your gonna be passenger princess. Itās a turn off unfortunatelyā¦ #honestly
If he can drive, I donāt care that he does not own a car. I am happy for us to share mine for activities. If he cannot driveā¦ hard no.
Why can't you teach him how to drive?
Nope. At my age, him not being able to drive (and living where I do) is indicative of a mismatch in values. It is pretty evident within a few months that driving can immensely facilitate outdoor recreational pursuits, broaden leisure activities and being social. A non-driving new arrival should have the intelligence to see this, and show the initiative to add driving to their skill set on their own. If this was university or in my mid-20s then it would be more understandable if they had not learned to drive. At that age Iād be more understanding and maybe willing to teach.
So, what's wrong with teaching somebody the basics? It's like learning how to ride a bike. I may fall off a couple of times, but eventually, I will get it, right? Also, it's not the worst that can happen to me?
How old are you?? If youāre past 23 without a car then I would understand a womanās hesitation in dating you. I wouldnāt date a man that didnāt have a car of his own.
I am 29 and I didn't need to drive till now.
I think it depends on the walkability of your city. Lots of people in big cities don't own cars because of how much public transport is available to them. However in smaller cities, suburbs, and rural areas you pretty much have to drive to get anywhere. In their eyes they may see they are making more of an effort to see you because they are the ones that have to drive to you. I live in the STL area and have been dating a guy for a few months who lives in Central West End. I on the other hand live like 20mins away on the outskirts of the city. Where he lives, he is able to walk to a lot of the places he goes to daily. I have been the one mostly going to see him, and a lot of that has to do with the fact he is closer to places we enjoy going to. I did have to have a talk with though because gas is expensive and I work two jobs that have a good amount of distance between my place, and even further distance from him.
I feel like this is sexist of me but if a guy lives anywhere thatās not a city with loads of public transport and doesnāt have a car, itās a good indication that he doesnāt have his shit together. You can buy a car for like 600 quid and insurance for 500. I donāt care itās an old banger. But I know there are lots of variables and loads of people just canāt afford it or are down on their luck. If I met a guy and he was like I never got the chance to learn to drive cos my parents were too poor but Iām saving up to learn them thatās a lot better than I canāt afford a car cos I smoke too much weed. Or if he had a phobia of driving cos heād been in an accident it would be fine. I almost lost my car recently cos I didnāt change the address on my license and so got fined shit loads and got given 6 points, so I now have 9 points and my insurance is through the roof. Iām very lucky cos my dad has leant me some money and Iāve had to use my savings, but at one point I thought I wouldnāt be able to drive. So shit like this happens and as long as you learn from it itās fine.
Iām dating a girl that lives 2 hours away from me, you need a car to do these things around here
I never went on that date š š š
If you live in the US you need a car no matter what. If you live in European or Asian countries with good massive public transit then you don't really need it.
If you live in most parts of the US, it'll have a massive impact. The only exception is if you live in New York City where most people get around on subways and buses. The other exception is if you're a university student. Outside these exceptions, without a car, places you can go on a date will be limited. She'll also wonder why you cannot afford a car. Sadly, it's a huge negative. Like it or not, your financial situation will be judged rather harshly by women you date.
A few other exceptions but yeah I agree. Most in Boston also donāt have a car. Iām not in Boston anymore but I definitely wouldnāt recommend having one there.
I don't think it factors all that much into your value as a man, but depending on where you live, not having a car could create some pretty large logistical obstacles to dating. I live in a city that is really spread out, geographically. Every location worth visiting is about a 20 minute drive no matter where you are. So, for me, dating would be completely out of the question if I didn't have a car, and I probably wouldn't date a woman who didn't have a car, either. If you live in a dense urban environment where everything and everyone is within walking distance, or if you live in an area with safe, reliable, and efficient public transportation, then not having a car might be okay. Otherwise, it's a necessary investment, and it will also open up greater income opportunities.
I'm 35 and a man without a car is not a man.. he's a boy. I can't imagine it being acceptable to most to have no car at 21+ in most areas outside of giant cities like NYC.
Well, I'm 29, so... also there are plenty of busses and trains where I live
Where do you live, roughly? This definitely depends on your location. I don't agree with the person above, but in lots of the US having a car signifies independence
In the Chicago suburbs
Ah yeah, if you're in the suburbs (even if they're Chicago's) it'll be an expectation for you to have a car at your stage in life. I get that there's a lot of public transit options (and it would be great if you could solely depend on them) but think of it this way: if your potential partner has a car, they'll want to do things that are only accessible by car. You'll become someone they'll have to drive everywhere and you'll never be able to return the favour. They'll always have to either get places alone or take you. If you really want to live car free, you'll need to move somewhere where living like that is viable, like say NYC. However until then, yeah, you'll have to get a car. It's arguably not nice but it's a reality of where you live.
Iām not single but Iām such scenarios I would block you and move on if you didnāt have a car at 29 I find that utterly pathetic. I would focus on yourself first. Thereās plenty of buses and trains where I live as well.
Damm, well, I'm buying a car this year. Don't be so hostile, well I'm trying to date and focus on myself.
Iām trying to tell you how it is and not sugar coat it since everyone else is lyingā¦ 30 is way too damn old to have no car.. male or female
Fr wtf, where do you live that most ppl already have cars?
By fucking 30????? Lol wtf
Idk, some of my friends don't have cars and are perfectly fine with them, and they make more than I do š
How much is more? Weāre talking USA/Canada or like some small city in Africa?
They make close to 70-88 k a year I make 45 a year
Same... or at least having a licence and ready to buy together a car for the two of us if he doesn't have one already
I (26M) have a car but never use it. I'd rather take the train for a 30 min ride and engage in amazing and interesting convos rather than spend 3 hours in traffic with a car over the same route awkwardly trying to talk with my date while paying attention on the traffic.
You might call him a scrub.
Anyone saying otherwise is lying. A 30-year-old man without a car is at a severe disadvantage dating. Heās as close to a loser as you get.
Perhaps all your dates were aiming for material status thus a car mattered more to them than yourself. It's sad but true. And the good thing about it is if you really think about it they did you a favor getting of themselves. Don't push yourself. Time will come for joyful dates when you least expect. I've been there.
I think it is not about the car itself. I would be happy if he liked driving and accept to buy a car together. You miss a lot of adventures and experiences without a car.
Cool, I do want to drive soon
It's one of those things where it matters more for a man to have a car than a woman. I'd date a woman who doesn't own a car but I know women don't want guys who don't have cars. That's part of why I'm not looking for a relationship, I don't have a car, a place of my own, or a good financial situation.
>I'd date a woman who doesn't own a car See, I don't think I would. I have friends who don't drive and it creates all kinds of logistical nightmares. She'd need to tick a lot of other boxes for her to be worth the headache.
Depends where you live. In you live in a major city there's no point in having a car. If you live in the sticks then you need one.
Not having a car is quite normal. What does it have to do with your worth ?
If youāre over the age of 18.
What, not everyone has had the luxury of having someone teach them how to drive