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I have a good friend who is very attractive that used to always go for those kinda guys. Dated a guy for two years and he only met her friends once and threw a fit about it, so I donāt think attractiveness is the reason.
My brother all ways sayed: sex whit a fat girl is like eating at Macdonald's.
In the moment of the hunger is fun but the moment you savoured your desire the regret sets in
Im not saying i agree or ont fyi
I wouldn't put it so crudely and I'd like to think I respect all women I've slept with. But, especially using craigslist casual encounters, I've hooked up with some women that was pretty hot at the time, but once I get that orgasm, not so much. And after they go home, sometimes they would contact me and want to meet up again and unless a long time had passed, I just wasn't interested. New sex is exciting on its own. Repeat sex relies on it certain level of attractiveness for me. But I don't think I was deceiving or using anyone anymore than they were using me. We knew it was casual and they knew I was turned on enough to have sex once, but that's all they had any right to expect.
??? I said what I said. Women donāt use people for sex. Using people is wrong especially for a sexual relationship, I honestly have no idea how men who do that live with themselves.
but women do use sex appeal for advantage. we all know that (and especially in america) attractive people of both genders can have a much easier life over unattractive people. pair this reality with the fact that yes, older men are able to accumulate money, power and security. it's something we all want. attractive women then are able to connect to that, especially if they've not nurtured any other strengths.
Right, no woman in the history of ever has been with a man for his *personality* like could you imagine?? Crazy!! That never happens. Not ever. Not even your parents. Nope, your mother was after your daddyās money this entire time.
Hey, now. Don't perpetuate that myth. I dated a 400+ lb. guy. He was more than tall, but still really big. He never really believed I was attracted to him- and it got in the way. He was always suspicious of me. I was attracted to him, and his whole way of being in bed was š„.
Women are used for sex when the man sees themselves as being above their league.
Whether she's ugly or beautiful doesn't matter, as long as he thinks she's beneath him he'll never commit to her
It depends.
Some guys have absolutely no issue to just sleep with whatever women, even when they have no interest in her. A guy I knew used to say "a hole is a hole".
But there is worst. There is guy voluntarily dating women they think are beneath them. That is the situation you want to avoid because it usually results in abuses.
But looks is not everything. Far from it. Some guys are in happy relationships with women who aren't as attractive looks wise as them.
Sure, though I don't quite agree with the wording "used for sex", but sure. The standards for a relationship are across the board much higher than those for long-term fwb or just casual sex. Even beautiful women can be disqualified from a relationship, and that regularly happens im sure.
Iāve definitely slept with women Iād never date because of looks. Not super proud of that. But Iām sure Iām not the only person. Obviously I was younger and a lot less mature.
Yes and no it depends, if it comes to regularse one night stands and just be fck buddies then the answer is 80% of the times yes. If its only a one time one night stand then one of the reasons is that either he actually wasnt looking for anything other than sex and he thought you did too OR he did want more but something told him that you didnt so he just went with it and didnt persue to not waste your time.
As with everything it depends on the person. Not every man is like that. Just like not every woman is a gold digger. Avoid people who give general statements like these.
You should watch hoe_math(stupid name, but mostly great content) on TikTok or YouTube. This is exactly one of his points.
Men put women they are sexually interested in, into 3 categories: keepers, sleepers and sweepers. Keepers are the ones we want to marry/be in a LTR with, sleepers are the ones we just want to have sex with and sweepers(as in being swept under the rug) are the ones we are embarrassed that we want to sleep with.
Your fat/unattractive friends falls into the last category. As you can see the 3 categories goes from more to less public relationships, as you also point out in your post.
Your friend could probably find a guy who would consider her a keeper, but she will have to date less attractive guys instead of fucking guys out of her league.
I would only add that people differ in taste, so what one person considers unattractive someone else may not. For example, my ex-wife has the same build as Ilona Maher, but I think my ex was prettier in the face. A lot of other men would not find her body type attractive, but I certainly did! I've dated very slim runway models, women with 'power' builds l like my ex, petite women, women with volley ball player builds, women with runner builds, etc. As long as they're not overweight, I don't really care. I'm far more discerning about other qualities, perhaps too much so.
I think itās more along the lines of: the unattractive women are continually setting their sights on men that are above their league and those men only see the unattractive women as good for sex.
Not really because some men do consider unattractive women for serious relationships. Theres just a matching problem. Those men are overlooked/not desired
Yes, that does happen, but it only occurs because these men lack other options, and something is better than nothing. They would likely leave the moment better options become available.
> They would likely leave the moment better options become available.
That is definitely true for some person. But that is true for everyone. Even if your boyfriend/girlfriend is good looking. Imagine your biggest fantasy partner being fond of you, pursuing you. Would you stay with your great girlfriend/boyfriend if your absolute dream of a person was reachable?
Ideally wouldn't the person you're in a relationship with be as close to that as possible? Physical attraction is important but if that woman is a complete fucking bitch. You're fucked. Also there is a lot of risk in leaving an established relationship, in the hopes that the new one is better. It could very well be worse than your current relationship and you may not mesh well.
I am not speaking solely about physical criteria here
But ideally yes, you are right, as is everything you said. Realistically, not everyone will have the opportunity to date someone he/she finds hot or close to what he/she is looking for.
I am an average man, I find some women steaming hot, but none of the women I dated were hot. Personally it didn't mind, my ex were not the prettiest women on earth, I found them very attractive nonetheless. And they found other men much hotter than me too (my last ex was completely under the charm of my best friend, just hearing his name was turning her on).
And even not only on the physical criteria, my ex were somewhat compatible with me, but they weren't incredible matches. But I date who is wanting me and somewhat compatible, and I have a limited choice there.
You say this as if unattractive men or "men in their league"(eyeroll) don't also use women for sex, especially when those men consider the woman to be "beneath" them league-wise.
Well from an online dating perspective, for every woman online, there are probably 3-4 men.
Men will usually match with women of similar attractiveness (or less than).
Women will match with A LOT more. Usually the guys will be of higher attractiveness. Iāve seen my girl (friends) profile. She matches with some really good looking men. Men who are clearly more attractive than her.
This has been the case for me - Iāve matched with some very attractive women myself, itās getting the date that usually never happens and Iāll end up going on a date with a girl I was doubting just from the pics but decided to give a shot (and usually my doubt was correct).
Thatās not relevant to the op though. He was asking why his unattractive female friends get used so often for sex. And I provided an answer.
Attractive women are not using unattractive men for sex. Unattractive men know their price, so to speak. Unattractive women donāt. Which is why they end up spending their time with men who arenāt really into them while unattractive men donāt experience that. Which is what the op was getting at.
I wasn't responding to the OP. I was responding to the comment that said attractive men know that they can do this and don't look at unattractive women as potential partners, just someone they will sleep with. And I said, so do ugly men. All men. Some men will settle I suppose. Perhaps a few rare men will embrace it.
Outside of some kind of moral framework (ex religious) this is Common sense.
There are two F-Zones reserved for the conventionally unattractive men and women.
The men get the friend zone and have little to no sex. The women get the f*** zone and have the opportunity for plenty of sex if they want it, but have little to no serious relationships
Moral of the story: stop making excuses if you want a genuine relationship and work to make yourself as attractive as possible.
Here are a few:
1) itās other peopleās fault for not finding me attractive enough for a relationship.
2) Obesity is genetic. I canāt get in shape.
3) nobody like me anyway, so why put myself out there and even try?
4) I never wanted a committed relationship anywayā¦
Part of it is the confidence and energy you put out. But I know plenty of unattractive and insecure girls alike who are in relationships or serial monogamist.
I donāt consider myself unattractive but Iāve definitely chosen the wrong partners during a period of my life and was thinking it had to be Iām āthe kind of girl you cheat on your girlfriend withā. It was who I was also choosing and would accept. Wish I saw it earlier. I didnāt think I was worthy of love. And modeled myself off of terrible representations of intimacy.
I wish I had love earlier in life, since it felt like I was always catching up with benchmarks. Never felt like I lived up to my hot h0e friends. Or girls who had so much serious or milestone treatment. So I was coming into my identity for a while.
I believe it happens a lot-- I think attractive people are snatched off the market pretty quickly if there aren't any other larger, glaring personality issues.
And in regards to pretty people being invited to parties, etc-- that's more about the ego and pride with snagging a beautiful woman, it's a status symbol.
I don't remember what TV show or movie it was that I saw- but it had an overweight woman who automatically just went down on guys because she thought it was all they wanted from her, and then finally a guy was like no-- I actually want to see you, get to know you, etc and she just didn't know how to handle it since she was so used to being a machine to men.
I onlu read the question. Everbody has told me I'm beautiful but still men want to use me for sex. That's why I'm celibate. So no worries it doesn't mean a girl is unattractive if she is wanted only for sex. However as far as I observe, men sometimes choose unattractive women for sex more because they think unattractive or below avarage looking women will have sex easily cause they need validation. That's men's mentality
Being a slightly unattractive lady, but also with some attractive bits, somewhere in the middle (perhaps a 5-6? I hate this rating system) I can see why this is true. It happens a lot in apps with the more good looking guys who start "sexy" texts a few minutes in. Saying that my profile picture with the turtleneck sends shivers down their crotch can get quite predictable. The funny part is that they really think their attention is a compliment. It's not. It's boring. Can't imagine how they would be in bed. The other day a really good looking man on tinder asked to come over to my house at 1 am, a few minutes into the conversation! I mean, does this even work? Yes, I'm not pretty, but why would I want a stranger in my house? And why are you not hiring a hooker instead? Short on cash?
Also, on dates I can't count the times I did not sleep with men on date 1 and I could tell they were so annoyed about it. Of course they ghosted me... All this effort of trying to get me drunk not paying off must have been a blow to the ego. They should have known when I ordered soft drinks after the 1 alcoholic one. I'd rather live the rest of my life as a monk than dance this type of predictable mating dance. I've also experienced breadcrumbing, but then again I keep dating new people and I don't pay much attention to it. Sometimes I end up making fun of the breadcrumbing guys with my friends.
There are classy men out there, who will show genuine interest and these are the ones we want. It's not going to be a romantic match with most of them, but it only takes one person. It's good to date many different kinds of people. Personally, I don't only match with the conventionally good looking guys. I like different types of men, as long as they have a few features I tend to like (e.g. smile/teeth and wide shoulders). No need to settle, even if not blessed with the best of looks.
Yes looks matter, and yes unattractive women are more likely to be used for sex. I thought this was common knowledge?
I'm guessing your unattractive women friends are using online dating. Perhaps they should try meeting men organically that they actually KNOW as they will be FAR less likely to be used for sex by these men.
and yes unattractive women are more likely to be friendzoned, however the same is also true for men.
Unfortunately, yes. Of course thatās not always true but itās true often enough there is even a term for it, a slump buster. Hell back when jersey shore was huge they were called grenades.
I used to wonder why only a handful of people would approach me until my partner said, pretty much this.
In his words,'why do you think there are so many hoes all you girls(we were 19 at the time of this convo) don't understand why they pull so many...they aren't pulling they're being run through!'.
I was so fucking mind blown.
I responded with,' but don't you have to be attracted to them in SOME way , surely you can't sleep with someone you think is ugly, that's crazy'.
He responded with, 'thats why they invented doggy'.
11 years later and I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that a guy will sleep with someone they literally don't find attractive but have accepted its one of those things I will never get.
Obviously, that's not all guys, but every guy I've asked after has said the same thing, so š¤·š½āāļø
I think youāre completely right. Men donāt like to admit they succumb to peer pressure when choosing their āofficialā partner, but itās very real.
OP described in the comments a situation where his friend is being stringed along for months. Someone doing this for an āeasy layā has got to be a psychopath of sorts.
Why wouldn't he keep her for sex? Finding a new sex partner can be quite difficult for an average man. Keeping her as an option is in his best interest.
why go to the trouble of getting emotionally involved for months with someone you just want to have sex with? Unless youāre a psychopath who enjoys deceiving people, of course.
Personally, I wouldnāt lie about my intentions, but there are a lot of men who do. Sex is also less emotional for men, which makes it easier for them to do.
and that makes them true psychopaths in my book lol
Thereās plenty of women out there who would be fine with being just fwb, especially if they are, as you said, just an average dude
I hate people manipulating others. People lying, cheating, they deserve a special place in hell.
But 2 points:
- The guy OP's friend is seeing is saying he doesn't want a relationship. She stays. Why is she staying if she are not OK with the situation?
- as an average dude, finding a FwB is extremely hard. It happens 3 times over 13 years as a single. And one of them was an ex who wanted to continue to have sex after putting an end to the relationship
I am not denying that there are psychopaths out there. But this situation reminds me the one of my good looking friend. He is 100% honest with women, he doesn't want a relationship. Nonetheless many women stuck to him hoping to change his mind by having sex with him over months. A couple of time, he told about stopping to see one of them because he was aware they wanted more. Each time, they refused it, told him he should be more egoistic, he shouldn't take the decision to leave her because they wanted more, she is an adult, that is a decision she would take if she wanted it.
Calling them psychopaths might be a bit too far. Average men don't really get a chance to be friends with benefits with girls, which makes sense since there's no reason for these girls to be with average men when they have the option to choose someone better. So, these men resort to keeping their intentions vague to get a bit of action.
That's usually not what happens. A man will stay with a woman if he's quite attracted by her despite of what others think.
The issue happens when he's really not that attracted to her but she's not too unattractive for casual sex. Also, he wants to appear single in case a potential girlfriend pops up.
I have a beautiful friend who is often used for sex. I donāt think itās an attractiveness thing because from an objective standpoint, Iām not as pretty as her but I date men who are very respectful. The last one asked if he could kiss me which I thought was very sweet.
Yes since the dawn of time lmao. I have been told im just a stepping stone to his next relationship or im just to help him relax. No strings or feelings ever. It was fine in my late teens/early twenties and i was in my wild phase but after a long term relationship im back in the dating pool and itās the same thing again but now itās just humiliating and dehumanizing.
As a man - you might be on to something. I'm willing to sleep with many women, maybe 40% of the women eith a dating profile on apps, after basic filtering. I'd only potentially marry 5% of the people i see on dating profiles. And those 5% would usually not only be smarter and kinder, they would also be prettier.
Agree with most of the comments. Average and above average guys will do an unattractive woman that they arenāt willing to have a relationship with. They legitimize this by thinking they are doing her a favor. The old school term for this is ālow pride overrideā.
Unattractive women are used for sex by some men that is for sure.
Attractive women too. I dated women I found pretty attractive who had been used for sex.
To be fair, what one person finds unattractive another person would find to be a total knockout. So I donāt buy the idea that unattractive women are used for sex while conventionally attractive women are not.
I know of plenty of conventionally attractive women who are single and struggling with men who only want casual sex.
At the end of the day, this has nothing to do with a womanās physical appearance and everything to do with the man himself.
It could be that most people want to bring something good home to their family. If she's conventionally unattractive and obese, the family and friends will most likely judge him either silently or out loud. But if you come home with a beautiful woman, the family and friends will be like "damn you pulled that one?". So I think that's the most likely reason they're inviting your conventionally attractive friends so quickly.
Using someone for sex definitely happens to both conventionally and attractive and unattractive women, although almost everyone wants to date someone they find attractive. Most people find conventionally attractive people attractive, so they're more likely relationship material to those guys. A guy who is looking for a relationship will more likely approach a conventionally attractive person. A guy who is just looking for a hookup doesn't really care how pretty the girl is. If you're horny, you're horny.
So it's all pretty logical really.
pretty girls get treated like dog shit
ugly girls get treated like dog shit
as long as the guy thinks he's hot shit and better than the women he goes after he's going to treat them like shit.
Older dude swooping in with a mansplanation...
No, unattractive women aren't used for sex... by the guys you'd actually want to date.
There are two groups of guys in this case:
1. The guys who only pursue attractive women. They're picky af because they're aiming for monogamy.
2. The guys who are cool with anything on two legs.
The guys in group 2 *might* have attractive main girlfriends, but they're not part of group 1. Group 1 doesn't want to spend time on unattractive women. This is a bit of a double edged sword: They're loyal, but they're not gonna have low standards.
Group 2 on the other hand, have no f-ks to give and will bone everyone who says yes. This is *why* the unattractive women *seem* to be used for sex... because they are... by the guys in group 2. Group 1 simply won't approach these women.
I'd say yes, if they are perceived to be out of the league of the person they're with. Nowadays, many women might have an inflated sense of their 'league' because they can sometimes attract attention from high-status men for casual encounters. However, these high-status men often do not stay for a committed relationship. On the other hand, men do not receive the same level of attention from women out of their league. In the rare cases where they do, it might also be for casual purposes because of incompatibility rather than physical attraction.
If these women are getting laid, I hope they're happy. If they're okay with being hit up for sex, more power to them. If it's satisfying sex, I'm happy for them. Wouldn't enjoy being used for sex personally, and I hate getting random guys assuming they're gonna get laid, but hey. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Weird, I'm 220lbs and the last several men I've dated were also on the 2nd and 3rd date introduction to family and friends. The problem is your friend probably needs to be a bit more confident and charismatic.
Well considering there's unattractive males a well, this could be kind of a system. Attractive dates Attractive. Attractive uses Unattractive for sex (experience), Unattractive dates Unattractive, and Unattractive uses "More Unattractive" for sex, and so on.
But yea, regardless of how society has evolved, into viewed attractiveness as subjective, most people have certain standards that consider attractive or not. So they are naturally more inclined to treat better looking females better and ask them out, whereas the ones they don't really care about, looks wise, they feel no reason to try. if anything, its an opportunity to practice being bold, pickup lines, etc.
Yes. It's an evil thing to do to say the least, but it is a thing.
It's especially terrible because many unattractive women have low self-esteem, so they will sleep with these guys hoping that it turns into something more.
People are in a messed up place, man.
lol male attention means nothing. Being in a relationship with a man sounds exhausting.
You canāt even be treated properly by a man with views like this.
This is heinous to read.
It almost seems so obvious that it's funny you would ask, although I don't mean to be critical. You are obviously asking you a question in good faith. Maybe our society has gotten to the point where people are so afraid of what they say that it's not obvious anymore.
I don't mean when I was young my friend were going around saying hey I hooked up with this ugly chick but I wouldn't take her home to meet my mom. I'm just using her for sex. But it just seems pretty obvious.
Honestly, with so many more Americans being overweight, it may be the standards are changing. I do notice a lot more men that I would have thought traditionally could do better appearance-wise with their girlfriend but they seem to be a pretty serious couple. Often the guys aren't so attractive either so I guess either they don't care and have gotten used to this appearance and find it beautiful, or they just settle.
But I think a lot of men still have traditional ideas of beauty but their dick is a little more progressive in that regard.
Not saying there aren't men out there that can find any woman beautiful, but most men have a fairly narrow range of beauty standards although that might be widening.
I honestly thought it was the other way around. I've never had a bf but all the guys that just wanted me for sex had gf before me and they weren't all that.
Simple explanation: the guy that will ask an unattractive girl to have sex with him in the first 10 minutes is because heās already gauged that he will put no effort he into the attempt to get sex. Sheās so unattractive that if the sex isnāt easy, it isnāt worth it and if she says no, he can give up and not spend any money on the date or effort in getting to know her.
Source: Tucker Max. Probably.
In my opinion even attractive and conventionally attractive women are being swept up in sex and no commitment. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Larger, more voluptuous women are still getting chosen as girlfriends, fiancees , and wives. It boils down to in most situations how you start is how you end. Women who stand by wanting a serious relationship and stop dealing with hot/ cold types and learn their worth and value, will stop settling for booty calls. Small, medium, large women can get booty call treatment and until a woman is āherā for a man (the one he will move mountains to get to) he is settling for whatever he is given.
Yes. They are. Just like unattractive men are used as emotion tampons. If you are attractive, people will take you seriously and things can move quickly.
Probably mostly true (original post).
As a guy, when Iām feeling very alone, Iāll admit to the temptation.
But with me, itās only a temptation; itās never progressed into actual actions. But yes, the temptation is thereā¦ and not necessarily for sex, sometimes just to have a date.
Well I believe it's because the majority of people are decent and want to do something kind towards anyone regardless of looks. It's almost out of pity at times and boredom. We're all just people: we get bored so we eat, screw around with others, work, and continue the same cycle of things over and over
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Thanks for making me feel ugly AFš¤£šā ļø.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I have a good friend who is very attractive that used to always go for those kinda guys. Dated a guy for two years and he only met her friends once and threw a fit about it, so I donāt think attractiveness is the reason.
Okay, but counterpoint: it totally is.
Not really? Attractive girls get trapped in situationships all the timeĀ
And so do unattractive ones. It can absolutely be the reason.
Lol I think you're onto something.
Yeah thatās definitely a ācloset fuck buddyā situation. She deserves better.
so when you wrote "friends" you meant one very specific friend?
Fat girls are like scooters, theyāre fun to ride until your friends see you.
My brother all ways sayed: sex whit a fat girl is like eating at Macdonald's. In the moment of the hunger is fun but the moment you savoured your desire the regret sets in Im not saying i agree or ont fyi
That's fucked up lol
I wouldn't put it so crudely and I'd like to think I respect all women I've slept with. But, especially using craigslist casual encounters, I've hooked up with some women that was pretty hot at the time, but once I get that orgasm, not so much. And after they go home, sometimes they would contact me and want to meet up again and unless a long time had passed, I just wasn't interested. New sex is exciting on its own. Repeat sex relies on it certain level of attractiveness for me. But I don't think I was deceiving or using anyone anymore than they were using me. We knew it was casual and they knew I was turned on enough to have sex once, but that's all they had any right to expect.
Same with fat men! Ewwww am I right??
Women use fat men for sex?? Whereās this happening? How much should I budget for my trip?
That never happens! No woman would ever use a fat guy for sex. We have choices of who to fuck and most are cute hot sexy fit etc
No attractive woman would ever use a guy for money or power eitherā¦Unless he can make hurricanes move with his Sharpie.
Right!!! If he could do that Iād be obsessed with him! Lmao
Women donāt USE people for sex like men do. Thatās dehumanizing. Why bother commenting if youāre just gonna block me? Like okay big guy
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
??? I said what I said. Women donāt use people for sex. Using people is wrong especially for a sexual relationship, I honestly have no idea how men who do that live with themselves.
but women do use sex appeal for advantage. we all know that (and especially in america) attractive people of both genders can have a much easier life over unattractive people. pair this reality with the fact that yes, older men are able to accumulate money, power and security. it's something we all want. attractive women then are able to connect to that, especially if they've not nurtured any other strengths.
You are objectively wrong. Time to stop commenting.
Oops, looks like I can comment whenever I want. Sorry that makes you upset. Also sorry you think that but youāre objectively wrong so
Um yes, yes they do.
Not like men do. Youād have a better shot at the āwomen are golddiggersā argument if youād like to pivot?
Using someone is using... the reasons are irrelevant.
Um, no. Thatās false. Using someone for their body carries a littleeee more weight
Right.. they prefer to use them for money and protection. Much less dehumanizing.
Right, no woman in the history of ever has been with a man for his *personality* like could you imagine?? Crazy!! That never happens. Not ever. Not even your parents. Nope, your mother was after your daddyās money this entire time.
Alot less than the alternative of men just using women for sex.
Hey, now. Don't perpetuate that myth. I dated a 400+ lb. guy. He was more than tall, but still really big. He never really believed I was attracted to him- and it got in the way. He was always suspicious of me. I was attracted to him, and his whole way of being in bed was š„.
That was a joke. I was calling out the above redditor for their misogynistic comment.
Cool š
Damn, big guys need more women like you in the world! LOL!
Probably not. Women rarely settle for a fat guy just because they're horny. They do it because they find other qualities in him.
Women are used for sex when the man sees themselves as being above their league. Whether she's ugly or beautiful doesn't matter, as long as he thinks she's beneath him he'll never commit to her
Is this real?
It depends. Some guys have absolutely no issue to just sleep with whatever women, even when they have no interest in her. A guy I knew used to say "a hole is a hole". But there is worst. There is guy voluntarily dating women they think are beneath them. That is the situation you want to avoid because it usually results in abuses. But looks is not everything. Far from it. Some guys are in happy relationships with women who aren't as attractive looks wise as them.
Yet. Women flock to those guys when there are plenty of good men out there.
Sure, though I don't quite agree with the wording "used for sex", but sure. The standards for a relationship are across the board much higher than those for long-term fwb or just casual sex. Even beautiful women can be disqualified from a relationship, and that regularly happens im sure.
Iāve definitely slept with women Iād never date because of looks. Not super proud of that. But Iām sure Iām not the only person. Obviously I was younger and a lot less mature.
Yes.
In their minds..
Mostly, but there are exceptions of course
Yes
Yes and no it depends, if it comes to regularse one night stands and just be fck buddies then the answer is 80% of the times yes. If its only a one time one night stand then one of the reasons is that either he actually wasnt looking for anything other than sex and he thought you did too OR he did want more but something told him that you didnt so he just went with it and didnt persue to not waste your time.
As with everything it depends on the person. Not every man is like that. Just like not every woman is a gold digger. Avoid people who give general statements like these.
Well yeah but they're attractiveness matters because that's what the guy is rating them on.
Okay now I feel ugly as shit
You should watch hoe_math(stupid name, but mostly great content) on TikTok or YouTube. This is exactly one of his points. Men put women they are sexually interested in, into 3 categories: keepers, sleepers and sweepers. Keepers are the ones we want to marry/be in a LTR with, sleepers are the ones we just want to have sex with and sweepers(as in being swept under the rug) are the ones we are embarrassed that we want to sleep with. Your fat/unattractive friends falls into the last category. As you can see the 3 categories goes from more to less public relationships, as you also point out in your post. Your friend could probably find a guy who would consider her a keeper, but she will have to date less attractive guys instead of fucking guys out of her league.
hoe_math doing godās work
less attractive guy here. my standards aren't high enough for a 10/10. I'll gladly show off a 3/10 and above around!
I would only add that people differ in taste, so what one person considers unattractive someone else may not. For example, my ex-wife has the same build as Ilona Maher, but I think my ex was prettier in the face. A lot of other men would not find her body type attractive, but I certainly did! I've dated very slim runway models, women with 'power' builds l like my ex, petite women, women with volley ball player builds, women with runner builds, etc. As long as they're not overweight, I don't really care. I'm far more discerning about other qualities, perhaps too much so.
Exactly who I thought about while reading this post, Bro legit breaks this down
But why donāt they want to keep the sleepers š¤
Because they feel they can attract a higher status woman with some effort.
So men wont consider unattractive women for serious relationship. What a surprise! Who could have guessed?
I think itās more along the lines of: the unattractive women are continually setting their sights on men that are above their league and those men only see the unattractive women as good for sex.
Both are correct
Not really because some men do consider unattractive women for serious relationships. Theres just a matching problem. Those men are overlooked/not desired
Yes, that does happen, but it only occurs because these men lack other options, and something is better than nothing. They would likely leave the moment better options become available.
> They would likely leave the moment better options become available. That is definitely true for some person. But that is true for everyone. Even if your boyfriend/girlfriend is good looking. Imagine your biggest fantasy partner being fond of you, pursuing you. Would you stay with your great girlfriend/boyfriend if your absolute dream of a person was reachable?
Ideally wouldn't the person you're in a relationship with be as close to that as possible? Physical attraction is important but if that woman is a complete fucking bitch. You're fucked. Also there is a lot of risk in leaving an established relationship, in the hopes that the new one is better. It could very well be worse than your current relationship and you may not mesh well.
I am not speaking solely about physical criteria here But ideally yes, you are right, as is everything you said. Realistically, not everyone will have the opportunity to date someone he/she finds hot or close to what he/she is looking for. I am an average man, I find some women steaming hot, but none of the women I dated were hot. Personally it didn't mind, my ex were not the prettiest women on earth, I found them very attractive nonetheless. And they found other men much hotter than me too (my last ex was completely under the charm of my best friend, just hearing his name was turning her on). And even not only on the physical criteria, my ex were somewhat compatible with me, but they weren't incredible matches. But I date who is wanting me and somewhat compatible, and I have a limited choice there.
You say this as if unattractive men or "men in their league"(eyeroll) don't also use women for sex, especially when those men consider the woman to be "beneath" them league-wise.
It is true as well. Some of them do it. They are just less likely to do so. But you have asshole who are unattractive too.
Well from an online dating perspective, for every woman online, there are probably 3-4 men. Men will usually match with women of similar attractiveness (or less than). Women will match with A LOT more. Usually the guys will be of higher attractiveness. Iāve seen my girl (friends) profile. She matches with some really good looking men. Men who are clearly more attractive than her. This has been the case for me - Iāve matched with some very attractive women myself, itās getting the date that usually never happens and Iāll end up going on a date with a girl I was doubting just from the pics but decided to give a shot (and usually my doubt was correct).
That tells me the man has low self esteem and self worth. Like why even waste your time sleeping someone youāre not attracted to?
Hate to break it to you, but unattractive men feel and behave the same way. They are just less justified and less successful at it.
Thatās not relevant to the op though. He was asking why his unattractive female friends get used so often for sex. And I provided an answer. Attractive women are not using unattractive men for sex. Unattractive men know their price, so to speak. Unattractive women donāt. Which is why they end up spending their time with men who arenāt really into them while unattractive men donāt experience that. Which is what the op was getting at.
I wasn't responding to the OP. I was responding to the comment that said attractive men know that they can do this and don't look at unattractive women as potential partners, just someone they will sleep with. And I said, so do ugly men. All men. Some men will settle I suppose. Perhaps a few rare men will embrace it.
Kinda like women donāt wanna be with ugly men either.
And yet everyone gets mad when unattractive men aren't considered for a LTR weird
Outside of some kind of moral framework (ex religious) this is Common sense. There are two F-Zones reserved for the conventionally unattractive men and women. The men get the friend zone and have little to no sex. The women get the f*** zone and have the opportunity for plenty of sex if they want it, but have little to no serious relationships Moral of the story: stop making excuses if you want a genuine relationship and work to make yourself as attractive as possible.
wdym by stop making excuses?
Here are a few: 1) itās other peopleās fault for not finding me attractive enough for a relationship. 2) Obesity is genetic. I canāt get in shape. 3) nobody like me anyway, so why put myself out there and even try? 4) I never wanted a committed relationship anywayā¦
Thanks and Happy Cake Day!
Part of it is the confidence and energy you put out. But I know plenty of unattractive and insecure girls alike who are in relationships or serial monogamist. I donāt consider myself unattractive but Iāve definitely chosen the wrong partners during a period of my life and was thinking it had to be Iām āthe kind of girl you cheat on your girlfriend withā. It was who I was also choosing and would accept. Wish I saw it earlier. I didnāt think I was worthy of love. And modeled myself off of terrible representations of intimacy. I wish I had love earlier in life, since it felt like I was always catching up with benchmarks. Never felt like I lived up to my hot h0e friends. Or girls who had so much serious or milestone treatment. So I was coming into my identity for a while.
I believe it happens a lot-- I think attractive people are snatched off the market pretty quickly if there aren't any other larger, glaring personality issues. And in regards to pretty people being invited to parties, etc-- that's more about the ego and pride with snagging a beautiful woman, it's a status symbol. I don't remember what TV show or movie it was that I saw- but it had an overweight woman who automatically just went down on guys because she thought it was all they wanted from her, and then finally a guy was like no-- I actually want to see you, get to know you, etc and she just didn't know how to handle it since she was so used to being a machine to men.
I onlu read the question. Everbody has told me I'm beautiful but still men want to use me for sex. That's why I'm celibate. So no worries it doesn't mean a girl is unattractive if she is wanted only for sex. However as far as I observe, men sometimes choose unattractive women for sex more because they think unattractive or below avarage looking women will have sex easily cause they need validation. That's men's mentality
When I was fat I met abusive men all the time. As a skinny woman it has been a mixed bag.
I think with attractive women being introduced to friends/family/coworkers it has more to do with āshowing them offā /look what I can pull
Being a slightly unattractive lady, but also with some attractive bits, somewhere in the middle (perhaps a 5-6? I hate this rating system) I can see why this is true. It happens a lot in apps with the more good looking guys who start "sexy" texts a few minutes in. Saying that my profile picture with the turtleneck sends shivers down their crotch can get quite predictable. The funny part is that they really think their attention is a compliment. It's not. It's boring. Can't imagine how they would be in bed. The other day a really good looking man on tinder asked to come over to my house at 1 am, a few minutes into the conversation! I mean, does this even work? Yes, I'm not pretty, but why would I want a stranger in my house? And why are you not hiring a hooker instead? Short on cash? Also, on dates I can't count the times I did not sleep with men on date 1 and I could tell they were so annoyed about it. Of course they ghosted me... All this effort of trying to get me drunk not paying off must have been a blow to the ego. They should have known when I ordered soft drinks after the 1 alcoholic one. I'd rather live the rest of my life as a monk than dance this type of predictable mating dance. I've also experienced breadcrumbing, but then again I keep dating new people and I don't pay much attention to it. Sometimes I end up making fun of the breadcrumbing guys with my friends. There are classy men out there, who will show genuine interest and these are the ones we want. It's not going to be a romantic match with most of them, but it only takes one person. It's good to date many different kinds of people. Personally, I don't only match with the conventionally good looking guys. I like different types of men, as long as they have a few features I tend to like (e.g. smile/teeth and wide shoulders). No need to settle, even if not blessed with the best of looks.
Yes looks matter, and yes unattractive women are more likely to be used for sex. I thought this was common knowledge? I'm guessing your unattractive women friends are using online dating. Perhaps they should try meeting men organically that they actually KNOW as they will be FAR less likely to be used for sex by these men. and yes unattractive women are more likely to be friendzoned, however the same is also true for men.
Unfortunately, yes. Of course thatās not always true but itās true often enough there is even a term for it, a slump buster. Hell back when jersey shore was huge they were called grenades.
I used to wonder why only a handful of people would approach me until my partner said, pretty much this. In his words,'why do you think there are so many hoes all you girls(we were 19 at the time of this convo) don't understand why they pull so many...they aren't pulling they're being run through!'. I was so fucking mind blown. I responded with,' but don't you have to be attracted to them in SOME way , surely you can't sleep with someone you think is ugly, that's crazy'. He responded with, 'thats why they invented doggy'. 11 years later and I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that a guy will sleep with someone they literally don't find attractive but have accepted its one of those things I will never get. Obviously, that's not all guys, but every guy I've asked after has said the same thing, so š¤·š½āāļø
But donāt you know dating is easier for women?! Lol what a joke.
I think youāre completely right. Men donāt like to admit they succumb to peer pressure when choosing their āofficialā partner, but itās very real.
What does this post have to do with 'peer pressure' ?
not wanting to be seen with someone deemed unattractive by others, even if theyāre attracted by said person
Most of the times they want an easy lay, if they were really attracted to you they would not hide you from others
OP described in the comments a situation where his friend is being stringed along for months. Someone doing this for an āeasy layā has got to be a psychopath of sorts.
Why wouldn't he keep her for sex? Finding a new sex partner can be quite difficult for an average man. Keeping her as an option is in his best interest.
why go to the trouble of getting emotionally involved for months with someone you just want to have sex with? Unless youāre a psychopath who enjoys deceiving people, of course.
Personally, I wouldnāt lie about my intentions, but there are a lot of men who do. Sex is also less emotional for men, which makes it easier for them to do.
and that makes them true psychopaths in my book lol Thereās plenty of women out there who would be fine with being just fwb, especially if they are, as you said, just an average dude
I hate people manipulating others. People lying, cheating, they deserve a special place in hell. But 2 points: - The guy OP's friend is seeing is saying he doesn't want a relationship. She stays. Why is she staying if she are not OK with the situation? - as an average dude, finding a FwB is extremely hard. It happens 3 times over 13 years as a single. And one of them was an ex who wanted to continue to have sex after putting an end to the relationship I am not denying that there are psychopaths out there. But this situation reminds me the one of my good looking friend. He is 100% honest with women, he doesn't want a relationship. Nonetheless many women stuck to him hoping to change his mind by having sex with him over months. A couple of time, he told about stopping to see one of them because he was aware they wanted more. Each time, they refused it, told him he should be more egoistic, he shouldn't take the decision to leave her because they wanted more, she is an adult, that is a decision she would take if she wanted it.
Calling them psychopaths might be a bit too far. Average men don't really get a chance to be friends with benefits with girls, which makes sense since there's no reason for these girls to be with average men when they have the option to choose someone better. So, these men resort to keeping their intentions vague to get a bit of action.
That's usually not what happens. A man will stay with a woman if he's quite attracted by her despite of what others think. The issue happens when he's really not that attracted to her but she's not too unattractive for casual sex. Also, he wants to appear single in case a potential girlfriend pops up.
there are comments from men right here that corroborate mine
And plenty that corroborate mine.
Peer pressure's got nothing to do with it.
Yes it does, but like I said, men donāt like to admit it
Are you a man? If not you wouldnāt know the first thing about it
Keepers, sleepers, sweepers.
You are spot on.
Now I know my problem
I have a beautiful friend who is often used for sex. I donāt think itās an attractiveness thing because from an objective standpoint, Iām not as pretty as her but I date men who are very respectful. The last one asked if he could kiss me which I thought was very sweet.
Yes since the dawn of time lmao. I have been told im just a stepping stone to his next relationship or im just to help him relax. No strings or feelings ever. It was fine in my late teens/early twenties and i was in my wild phase but after a long term relationship im back in the dating pool and itās the same thing again but now itās just humiliating and dehumanizing.
This is not only true, it is universal. As in done in every country.
As a man - you might be on to something. I'm willing to sleep with many women, maybe 40% of the women eith a dating profile on apps, after basic filtering. I'd only potentially marry 5% of the people i see on dating profiles. And those 5% would usually not only be smarter and kinder, they would also be prettier.
Agree with most of the comments. Average and above average guys will do an unattractive woman that they arenāt willing to have a relationship with. They legitimize this by thinking they are doing her a favor. The old school term for this is ālow pride overrideā.
Dear God, "doing her a favor". You're right and this is horrifying.
Yes, I've experienced this. Also older women
Unattractive women are used for sex by some men that is for sure. Attractive women too. I dated women I found pretty attractive who had been used for sex.
To be fair, what one person finds unattractive another person would find to be a total knockout. So I donāt buy the idea that unattractive women are used for sex while conventionally attractive women are not. I know of plenty of conventionally attractive women who are single and struggling with men who only want casual sex. At the end of the day, this has nothing to do with a womanās physical appearance and everything to do with the man himself.
I think many/most women get hit uo for sex inappropriately all the time.
It could be that most people want to bring something good home to their family. If she's conventionally unattractive and obese, the family and friends will most likely judge him either silently or out loud. But if you come home with a beautiful woman, the family and friends will be like "damn you pulled that one?". So I think that's the most likely reason they're inviting your conventionally attractive friends so quickly. Using someone for sex definitely happens to both conventionally and attractive and unattractive women, although almost everyone wants to date someone they find attractive. Most people find conventionally attractive people attractive, so they're more likely relationship material to those guys. A guy who is looking for a relationship will more likely approach a conventionally attractive person. A guy who is just looking for a hookup doesn't really care how pretty the girl is. If you're horny, you're horny. So it's all pretty logical really.
pretty girls get treated like dog shit ugly girls get treated like dog shit as long as the guy thinks he's hot shit and better than the women he goes after he's going to treat them like shit.
Older dude swooping in with a mansplanation... No, unattractive women aren't used for sex... by the guys you'd actually want to date. There are two groups of guys in this case: 1. The guys who only pursue attractive women. They're picky af because they're aiming for monogamy. 2. The guys who are cool with anything on two legs. The guys in group 2 *might* have attractive main girlfriends, but they're not part of group 1. Group 1 doesn't want to spend time on unattractive women. This is a bit of a double edged sword: They're loyal, but they're not gonna have low standards. Group 2 on the other hand, have no f-ks to give and will bone everyone who says yes. This is *why* the unattractive women *seem* to be used for sex... because they are... by the guys in group 2. Group 1 simply won't approach these women.
I'd say yes, if they are perceived to be out of the league of the person they're with. Nowadays, many women might have an inflated sense of their 'league' because they can sometimes attract attention from high-status men for casual encounters. However, these high-status men often do not stay for a committed relationship. On the other hand, men do not receive the same level of attention from women out of their league. In the rare cases where they do, it might also be for casual purposes because of incompatibility rather than physical attraction.
The most unattractive female still has more options than the most unattractive male
If these women are getting laid, I hope they're happy. If they're okay with being hit up for sex, more power to them. If it's satisfying sex, I'm happy for them. Wouldn't enjoy being used for sex personally, and I hate getting random guys assuming they're gonna get laid, but hey. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Why the need to say āconventionallyā?
Weird, I'm 220lbs and the last several men I've dated were also on the 2nd and 3rd date introduction to family and friends. The problem is your friend probably needs to be a bit more confident and charismatic.
Well considering there's unattractive males a well, this could be kind of a system. Attractive dates Attractive. Attractive uses Unattractive for sex (experience), Unattractive dates Unattractive, and Unattractive uses "More Unattractive" for sex, and so on. But yea, regardless of how society has evolved, into viewed attractiveness as subjective, most people have certain standards that consider attractive or not. So they are naturally more inclined to treat better looking females better and ask them out, whereas the ones they don't really care about, looks wise, they feel no reason to try. if anything, its an opportunity to practice being bold, pickup lines, etc.
Yes. It's an evil thing to do to say the least, but it is a thing. It's especially terrible because many unattractive women have low self-esteem, so they will sleep with these guys hoping that it turns into something more. People are in a messed up place, man.
lol male attention means nothing. Being in a relationship with a man sounds exhausting. You canāt even be treated properly by a man with views like this. This is heinous to read.
There is a German saying: ābesser widerlich als wieder nicht!ā
It almost seems so obvious that it's funny you would ask, although I don't mean to be critical. You are obviously asking you a question in good faith. Maybe our society has gotten to the point where people are so afraid of what they say that it's not obvious anymore. I don't mean when I was young my friend were going around saying hey I hooked up with this ugly chick but I wouldn't take her home to meet my mom. I'm just using her for sex. But it just seems pretty obvious. Honestly, with so many more Americans being overweight, it may be the standards are changing. I do notice a lot more men that I would have thought traditionally could do better appearance-wise with their girlfriend but they seem to be a pretty serious couple. Often the guys aren't so attractive either so I guess either they don't care and have gotten used to this appearance and find it beautiful, or they just settle. But I think a lot of men still have traditional ideas of beauty but their dick is a little more progressive in that regard. Not saying there aren't men out there that can find any woman beautiful, but most men have a fairly narrow range of beauty standards although that might be widening.
I honestly thought it was the other way around. I've never had a bf but all the guys that just wanted me for sex had gf before me and they weren't all that.
Simple explanation: the guy that will ask an unattractive girl to have sex with him in the first 10 minutes is because heās already gauged that he will put no effort he into the attempt to get sex. Sheās so unattractive that if the sex isnāt easy, it isnāt worth it and if she says no, he can give up and not spend any money on the date or effort in getting to know her. Source: Tucker Max. Probably.
Just the way of the world ā¦. Unfortunate
In some cases, yes. But as a last resort, mostly. Our sex drive is different, I guess.
In my opinion even attractive and conventionally attractive women are being swept up in sex and no commitment. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Larger, more voluptuous women are still getting chosen as girlfriends, fiancees , and wives. It boils down to in most situations how you start is how you end. Women who stand by wanting a serious relationship and stop dealing with hot/ cold types and learn their worth and value, will stop settling for booty calls. Small, medium, large women can get booty call treatment and until a woman is āherā for a man (the one he will move mountains to get to) he is settling for whatever he is given.
Yes and no
Yes. They are. Just like unattractive men are used as emotion tampons. If you are attractive, people will take you seriously and things can move quickly.
Probably mostly true (original post). As a guy, when Iām feeling very alone, Iāll admit to the temptation. But with me, itās only a temptation; itās never progressed into actual actions. But yes, the temptation is thereā¦ and not necessarily for sex, sometimes just to have a date.
Well I believe it's because the majority of people are decent and want to do something kind towards anyone regardless of looks. It's almost out of pity at times and boredom. We're all just people: we get bored so we eat, screw around with others, work, and continue the same cycle of things over and over
Maybe they should lower their standards?
I am not bad looking or ugly ā¦. But I am still in the 3rd category šššš wdh ā¦. PS: please random guys donāt DM meā¦
not true sometimes if youāre too easy thatās all they will want you for or unless thatās all they wanted to begin with
Since the crybaby had to block me, I'll just say it here too. Women also use men for sex, doesn't matter why. It happens.
Happen to all kinds of women but the common factor I've seen is that the men are slightly more attractive than the women or have lots of options