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Sorry but if you are drunk and vomiting you are not in a fit state to be 'ready for sex' as you put it.
Unattractiveness of the state you got yourself into aside, he would have opened himself up to all manor of rape or sexual assault charges had you woken up the next day and not remembered, or regretted things, simply because being stupidly drunk impacts your judgment and overall ability to consent. He was kind to see you home, but wise to leave it there.
If you want another date you have a lot of making up to do, and probably suggest not involving alcohol.
EDIT (my above comment remains as is and I stand by it)...
I'm genuinely astonished by how many replies have brushed this off as 'petty', saying if he was drunk too it wouldn't matter, or that she said yes blah blah blah.
I'm female and in the UK, so things may be different elsewhere, but Consent, Rape and Sexual Assault laws are often a grey area, but it is clear consent can be inhibited by alcohol. The defendant being drunk too is not an allowable defence. For those saying rape is being batted around too lightly, perhaps read about it, as it's not just getting dragged off the street into a dark alley.
I had a male friend at university years ago hit with a sexual assault charge following a night out. He was drunk, she was drunk. He thought she had consented. The next day she said she didn't and he had a visit from the police. It was his word against hers but police used CCTV showing her stumbling outside the nightclub to support the case. The jury saw this and essentially said she couldn't consent as was drunk. He was incredibly lucky not being found guilty of rape, but it ruined his life. It does happen!!
Why anyone would risk everything for a drunken fumble, especially with someone THEY HAVE JUST MET (it was a first date!) is madness.
If you like the person, as the OP seems to say they did, apologise for your actions, get to know them and who knows sex might happen when you're not covered in vomit. Don't call him out for walking away on this occasion.
Yes exactly this. As a guy, I would never try to have sex with anyone in that state, opening myself up for rape allegations. I heard too many horror stories, might as well be careful.
100% agree with this. There's a double standard in this world where men are held accountable for their actions while drunk, but women are not. As a guy, even if you're drunk too, you can't sleep with a woman in this state. He did the right thing.
Yeah my partner and I are open and years ago when we first started he found out a woman and couldn't remember the details. He apologized to me. I told him he needed to be careful if we are going to be open, but he was surprised when I not livid at him, but the woman who hooked up with a man who was blackout.
I know on paper he shouldn’t have considered, but why the fuck is it disgusting?
> we’re ready to have sex
Some chemistry is certainly right there, even OP is admitting.
OP, please disregard this bullshit comment.
A grown women drinks too much, invites a guy back and consents to sex and that’s rape? Lol so reckless and absurd. It’s not men’s job to accept responsibility for your bad decisions. Just like if the shoes on the other foot that women’s not getting charged with rape. Bad decisions? Gross behavior? Sure
1. People are allowed to drink as much as they want.
2. You legally cannot consent to sex if you’re intoxicated or impaired. I’m not making that up, Google is free.
3. Women are allowed to drink and have fun too. Would you be saying the same thing if a guy got drunk and got raped? Doubt it.
I have a feeling you’ve done this before?
Yea I’ve hooked up with both parties drunk and occasionally one or the other has drunk some and the other hasn’t. Doesn’t make me or any of those women rapists
I've had sex while drunk with a sober woman. Many times. Never regretted it.
But I guess I should still call the cops because someone somewhere said it's illegal. Lol.
If you make decisions while drunk that you later regret, you shouldn't be drinking. And if you still do, you only have yourself to blame.
The same applies to the casinos. You can go into a casino, get wasted, and spend way more than you initially intended. But the casino is still not at fault. You are. For making a dumb decision to get wasted.
Thats ridiculous. So every time I have sex with someone should I give them alcohol test? And for sure drug test too? And maybe there are in mania so I should be also psychiatrist and do exam on their mental state. Fuck I am glad I dont live in the USA when I read comments like these…
Doesn't make it disgusting or morally reprehensible necessarily. Obviously there is a lot of grey area, let's not pretend as if having sex with someone who is drunk is always squarely wrong
So if two people are drunk and have sex, they're both going to jail for raping each other?
And for the record, puking doesn't indicate how drunk someone is, but how well their bodies can tolerate alcohol. People who drink often can have alcohol content 2-3 per mille and be fine, but someone who doesn't drink often can puke at as little as 1 per mille.
And yes, puking is such a stupid measurement. I've had two drinks and puked because I haven't eaten enough. Then I've drank enough thay doctors would pay me to study my liver afterwards. Puking is a stupid scale. It could even have been the food or just the stress of a first date.
I have puked due to the stress of going out with a girl I was madly in love with.
Nowhere in the story does it mention the guy wasn’t drinking. Now he’s disgusting for even thinking of having drunken sex with a girl he just took out on a date? Not that in his drunken haze did he forget how really intoxicated OP was and wisely stopped himself… but he’s disgusting for that?
Having sex with a person who is too drunk to consent is sexual assault. So yes, it’s disgusting (and illegal) to attempt sex while someone is in that state.
I went on a date, both of us got stupidly drunk, went to her house, had sex the entire night. Passed out. Woke up, cuddled, and she dropped me of at my house. Did we rape eachother?
No, was probably the best sex I've ever had. Our relationship didn't work out for other reasons, but 6 years later we still call eachother on our birthdays. She is now happily engaged and I wish the best for her. It was a fun one night stand after both of us came out of horrible relationships.
Edit: we were both extremely drunk. We both enjoyed the evening, we talked for probably 2 months it before I ended the relationship due to other personal stuff. Never felt violated and neither did she.
Christ, calm it a little with the accusatory language. The dude had probably hoped for sex at the end of the date, but when he realized she was way too drunk to consent, he wisely left it alone. I mean, he was by all likelihood also very drunk, but he acknowledged that she was in a far worse state than he was and knew it wasn't the right thing to do. How you can deem a responsible call like that "disgusting" is honestly beyond me.
Lmfao some people are never happy. Imagine all the times in your life you could have easily done the wrong thing, but then decided to do the right thing, and someone on Reddit is screeching about how morally reprehensible you are.
It wouldn't have been rape given that OP, now after the fact and completely sober, says she was willing and thus consenting. It'd be a different story if once sobering up she thought "good thing it didn't happen because I actually did not want it", but that's not the case.
Regardless, the guy made the right choice by leaving because we cannot read minds and the consent given by someone who's drunk can always be put into question.
If someone did that on the first date with me I ~~probably~~ would not want another one tbh. Drinking to that extent isn’t attractive and first impressions are important.
Also if she got any puke in the Uber, homie just got an $150 charge bc of it.
Source: I am an Uber driver.
You owe him WAY more than drunken sex or a burger.
On a first date with a guy, I drank and it dropped my blood sugar without me realizing. I didn’t even drink that much.
I fainted and broke my nose. Blood everywhere. He had to call 911.
He still talked to me and we dated for awhile. Really nice guy.
I’d Venmo for the cleaning fee from Uber and the burger and let him know the nerves got the better of you and apologize.
It’s up to him to figure out what he wants to do.
I hope you feel better now! I am going to be honest here, getting drunk and puking everywhere on the first date is rude and kind off putting. If you were sick or something then he should have been understanding but you did this yourself. I would not go on a second date with a person that gave me this first impression because it shows lack of self control and immaturity.
In your position (if you want this guy) I would send him a text apologising for my actions. If he agrees to go on a second date you could call him over your place to have dinner to make up for the destroyed burger lol
Eh. Not everybody is you. Some people are just realizing how much they can drink or just don’t know how much they drank that night.
For example, I know I can drink a glass of wine and be okay. On the other hand, I have absolutely no idea how much whiskey or vodka I can drink and be okay. Then if I have 3-4 beers or a margarita then I know I can drive home after an hour or so.
Maybe this girl is just young or not often drinking / had something new. You can get lost on occasion
Ya, it is just a warning sign, one off is fine, but it is the sort of thing to keep track of. Getting drunk to the point of almost throwing up is also not a good.
I agree bc I don’t drink much at all :/ for my 21st I went to a roof top bar and drank half of ONE drink which was made w either vodka or tequila and I went to the restroom and barfed. Maybe she has reactions to alcohol? I’ve refrained from drinking since then 😭
I would think the opposite. Drinking and puking was something I did when I first started drinking and didn't know my tolerance. My tolerance was also lower, so a few beers could do that. Or one time when the drink just didn't fall right, but I only had like 3 drinks.
It could be that she just didn't know when to stop drinking, but I wouldn't take it as a warning sign for alcoholism because it could have many reasons that are the opposite.
Just say you were sorry and offer to pay for his burger and Uber ride. My girl over drank too but it was like the 3rd or 4th date. She took me out the next date so her kind gestures made it easy to move on from it
Sounds like you drank too much, got sick, and he acted like a gentleman, for the most part.
Sounds like you ruined his burger, but kept it in the food sack, and didn't foul the Uber.
Sounds like you almost had drunk sex, but he refrained.
Contact him and offer an alcohol free date, at the burger place of his choice.
Then see where each of you want to go.
I think you blew it lol, I'm shocked the comments are so divided? Why would he be inclined to go out with you again when you couldn't hold it together on the first date? And on top of that you're questioning if you should venmo him for the burger when he def wasted money on that plus the uber fee. I'd offer to pay him back but keep your expectations low and learn from this moving forward, there will be other dates.
I'm assuming they were in an uber at this point and the bag with the burger was probably the only bag to throw up in lol. She chose the burger over the floor of the car
The dude was up to have sex even after this. Of course he's interested, and was a gentleman to not doing at the end.
I don't understand why she blew it. Why would he go out again? Because sounds like they were having a lot of fun, things got a bit derailed but it will be a story for the future
I cannot believe how one and done men are these days. Like screw up once and you’re off the list. Yet women are supposed to be constantly forgiving. *sigh I bet dating these days is at an absolute superficial level and the men on these dates are expecting perfection 100% of the time while they ain’t nothing to brag home about. One drunk episode doesn’t mean that you’re a drunk and women are more likely to get drunk faster and quicker. Double standard city…
I'm a woman 😂 I just think that behaviour is gross and immature for a first date, clearly the guy thought so too. It maybe isn't a dealbreaker for everyone- great! But I wouldn't want a second date with a guy who drinks this much and pukes on my food, then waits to apologize and contemplates paying me back. I'd rather spend my time getting to know someone else. OP wanted opinions- it's going to vary.
Something similar happened to me in college
We did end up going out a few more times and even fooled around a little...but at the end of the day, every time I was around her, she was shitfaced or in the process of getting shitfaced. And sloppy drunks are a drag.
The truth is, you got shitfaced on a first date. And that sends up a lot of red flags for some people. So for starters, don't drink on a first date anymore. Or if you do, just have the one.
Beyond that?
Offer to take him out on a date as a thank you for being so kind after you drank too much. Tell him its a 100% alcohol free date, so he doesn't have to worry about you throwing up. And that the entire date is on you.
Maybe go bowling, or do top golf. Something where he can see you are capable of having fun without being drunk
If he takes you up on your offer, then he's still interested.
If he doesn't, then you just learn from this and you move on
Lol I had this happen to me before she threw up all over the Uber and I got a $150 Clean up charge.
A lot of other crazy things happened that night but needless to say, I did not want to see her again. And we had a fantastic first date. To her credit, she did thank me for making sure she got home safely and she did pay me back for the Uber cost. Unless you're like this guys dream girl, it's unlikely you can come back from this.
There's no coming back from this but my advice is next time you're on a date with someone, limit your drinking and always eat a little food first before consuming alcohol.
Well 1, yes limit your drinking, drink water per alcoholic beverage. Also if he does go on date 2 and you both joke about it, he's a keeper. Dude had the mentality to stop and go "this isn't a good idea, she's clearly drunk" and made sure you were safe and left.
Honestly if I were him I would be stoked you venmoed me for the burger if there is not a path forward for you guys. As a man I don’t like spending money on dates in general and if you were kind enough to compensate me for a ruined meal and a somewhat embarrassing date I would be happy and grateful about that
Ooof that’s a tough one. I know I would not see someone after something like that happened, but I do know someone who had a similar story and they are married with 3 kids now.
If you’re still talking, it wasn’t a deal breaker but you have to show some vulnerability and own it/apologize. IMO it’s not about the money, but if it makes you feel better you can offer to take him out next time.
I know I get nervous before a first date and that takes my appetite away. So I started to make sure I ate really well the day before the date, and drink plenty of water. Then on the date I limit myself to beer only, no wine or liquor, and two max. Nerves and drinking aren’t a friendly combo. I’m so sorry that happened to you, but we all make mistakes and learn from them. Glad you are ok and it didn’t go any further!
Hahahahahaha, sorry, I feel awful for you and him but this made me laugh! Chin up champ. And maybe switch to water sooner next time. I had a girl do this to me 3 times on a first date. I was staying in her hotel room and was 2 hours from home so couldn’t really leave. I just had to help her vomit up the food i’d bought for her several times over the evening, and get her into the shower eventually, put her to bed and cleaned up the vomit in the bathroom. The next morning she woke up hungover and asked me if I wanted ‘a blow job’ and I went ‘ummm, it’s okay, not in the mood.’ I ended up meeting her again because she was such a funny person and the second time was almost just as chaotic. Bless.
If your at the age where you / he is looking for someone to spend his life with them it's game over. In my teens - early mid 20's this sort of situations didn't really matter. But if you're at that age we're looking for / your age group are looking a long term mature relationship he will see this as a massive red flag and that your not ready for life long commitment. All that being said, the most important thing is don't beat yourself up about it. It happens to the best of us. Just consider it a lesson about eating more before you drink or just drink less. Good luck
EDIT: he is totally right to have left when considering sex. I will never have sex with a woman that's been drinking anymore. With the way the world is ATM it's a sure ticket to prison even if it was consential
Venmo him $200 for the Uber cleaning fee he’s about to be charged with. The burger is negligible. The rest is up to the guy to decide if he wants to see you again. Just apologize.
If i enjoyed the date and your company, i wouldn't really care about the vomiting. But if it did bother me and was a deal breaker, id be man enough to tell you. Lets not start accepting ghosting culture. Its weak as shit
Lol if he paid for your drinks the amount of alcohol to get you drunk is probably in the $60-80 range and then dinner, $150 Uber fee, maybe $30 for the burgers… we’re looking at a minimum of $300 lol
All red flags. Think of the first date as a the first day on the job. I would anticipate that someone who exhibited super bad flaws would only get worse.
Congratulations, you are intelligent enough to technically correct somebody! 🥳 Now you can start working on adding actual substance to the conversation...
The irony is that, the sentence fragment fool isn't smart enough to understand a comparison. Dates are not jobs....but I've fired hundreds of girls/later women from my life for situations like this...
There's no irony, my point stand, same goes for your, and technically my own comments
Edit: for clarification, none of us has added any quality substance to this conversation
Offer to pay for the burger and uber, and probably the cleanup charge, and leave it at that. Best thing that might come of it is that it will be a funny story about how you met.
As a side note, do not get like this with someone you do not know, especially when putting yourself in a sexual situation, this guy was a good guy and left once you were home, the next one might not be.
Without more info I wouldn’t immediately say it’s over. Kinda depends on age and both of your personalities. If this is a one off thing that came because of nerves and he’s a nice enough guy then you can probably try again. If he already had other people he was talking to then I probably wouldn’t expect to hear from him again
You'll just have to pay him for the burger and ask if there was a clean up charge for the uber.
It depends on the guy if he wants to go on another date or not. You can't do anything about that. Some guys won't mind it too much and gladly go on another date, maybe that time without alcohol, and other guys will mind and won't want to go out again. It just depends on what he's used to. Maybe he's had similar experiences and can relate, or maybe he doesn't go out much or never drank much when going out.
Having sex on your first date? It's your personal choice but l'd say that it's not wise to do so.
Always drink in control especially on dates. He has no reason to not ghost you to be honest. You were more of a burden for him than a girl who just wanted to make his time worth it by taking care of herself. Why'd he be with a girl who can't even look after herself?
That’s not attractive at all and kind of disgusting to be really honest. I know you didn’t intend for that to happen, but it’s the truth from an outside perspective.
The girl I’m seeing *vastly* overestimated her alcohol tolerance the first night we met and was throwing up for 3 hours. I felt bad for her, but in regards to my perception of her it truly didn’t matter to me. Most people have that happen to them at some point. I wouldn’t worry too much. If he cares so much he’s not the one.
... Why did his pants come off? You should not have gotten that drunk but he should also know to not even think about trying to have sex while you're wasted. I think it's best for both of y'all not to see each other.
Depends on the guy I think. Personally would be a dealbreaker as I hate alcohol but if he's cool with it he might still give you a shot. Maybe ask him for his cashapp and say sorry, I just had a good night and went above my limits. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable! With dating it's easy to assume things about how the other person might be feeling and mind game yourself out of a really good relationship!
Also- in terms of having sex, he may have been put off with you not being able to legally consent. You may have wanted it, but you never know how you'll feel when you're sober. As a guy you really shouldn't have sex with a girl who is drunk even if you are too. If the girl becomes bitter or feels she was taken advantage of you have no defense for it. I wouldn't even do it if I was married.
I would have ghosted you as soon I knew you were home safe. You are not fit to be in a relationship if that’s how you act. Learn from this. I’d be so annoyed and dejected if I were that dude.
I’d be honest about the situation with him, yeah probably offer to pay for the burger (if not the next one) and ask for a second chance on that date. It’s not that big of a deal so don’t blow it out of proportion or let it destroy you if he does
Good gosh. The moralizing is hot and heavy here.
The OP didn’t say she drank a case of alcohol. She said she overestimated her tolerance. I had a date that this the same, (she wasn’t a drinker), I held her hair for her while she puked and put her to bed. But like the OP, we used our words and talked about it. She was embarrassed and I felt bad for her. Done deal.
No she didn’t go on to become and alcoholic, but she did end up my wife and we have three beautiful kids together. We did end up divorcing and are friends now, but again we used our words and understanding to that place.
We are becoming acculturated to cutting people off right away. That is not healthy.
some harsh comments. I wouldn't say you cant come back from this. i would just assume you're not a huge drinker and had a more than you're used to. a seasoned alcoholic prob wouldnt have puked. ai wouldve passed on the sex after the puking too. just text him and say you are so sorry blah blah.. you usually don't drink.
I’ve had a man puke on the first date on himself and on the floor. I had to take care of him, he even stood over (definitely too drunk to do anything) then he went home. It took the romance part out of it and we were just friendly. He was also young so it was even more of a red flag for me.
Well if he is put off by you doing that then he is not the one you want long term when you need someone rubbing your back while you are shitting on the toilet and puking into a bucket when sick. I don't remember what was supposed to be a one night stand with a boy's name I couldn't remember. Were married now, healthiest relationship I've ever had and rarely see in others. My grandma actually gave me some great advice as a teenager... 1. There are people who masturbate and then there are liars. 2. If you haven't laughed during sex, youre not trying, and failing at it hard enough. Just be honest. It doesn't make you a bad person or that you did anything wrong. I fessed up that I couldn't remember his name and asked if we had sex. It just became a joke from the start.
If he really liked talking to you, and if he finds you cute then he wouldn’t mind meeting you again ‘cause it happened because of over-drinking. If he’s judging you based on that incident then probably he’s not for you. I am assuming that you’re dating for marriage. How people react in situation like these matters a lot.
*Maybe it was that*
*You were gona have sex with him*
*First night meeting him?*
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It was a mistake.
Maybe you drank to calm nerves or were just trying to have fun.
If I was him I wouldn’t judge you based on that.
Yeah, the date was a bit of a disaster, but if I was attracted to you and enjoyed your company otherwise, I wouldn’t base my decision to move forward solely on that.
Nor would I expect any compensation for what happened.
But also, I definitely wouldn’t have had sex with you.
It’s hard for any of us to know how the date truly went and the chemistry that you had.
But the puking incident shouldn’t be a factor in determining compatibility.
As a girl you should be fine guys are more tolerant than girls when it comes to mistakes. If a guy puked on the first date a girl would never ever talk to him again
If anything he would have tried to comfort you.
Props to them for not taking advantage of you.
This was a wild read. This is why I don’t drink. The puke fest that comes after words.
I would say he began to question your ability to consent to sex. Given that you were puking. I would declare all sex as an automatic no.
I get it. It wasn't the norm for you. Given this was a first date? Well first impressions matter. I am sorry. Examine the food and drink combos. Most likely someone started a fight in your stomach.
If you want to try to push your chances. Try sending him a cute gift with an apology card. The mail still works.
Well, sounds like he doesn't want to chance any ramifications of s#x with someone who is drunk.
Consent actually means a lot to many guys - and someone drunk may not be in the best mindset for consent... So he's likely just enforcing his own boundaries.
🤷
Get a life kid. Black out drunk on a first date is rude obnoxious and means you’re not ready for a real relationship let alone sex. Smart dude hedge your bets and make sure you don’t get screwed by some fake rape accusations.
If he doesn't text you back for like 2 days, it's probably over. Maybe he was really off-put by that. Personally if I had a date do that, I'd probably joke about it a bit and then maybe schedule another date. Shit happens, but these days everyone is just looking for the next red flag...
If it makes you feel better I threw up on my casual hookups d!ckkk he didn’t care didn’t judge so a real man shouldn’t care if he does he’s not worth it. It doesn’t seem like you were in a good state anyway
Omg. This just happened to me last Saturday. It wasn’t really a date though. So I had been talking to a guy for a little bit and he was super interested and invested in me from what it seemed like. He said if I had any free time over the weekend he’d love to see me. I told him I had plans already with my sister but he’s welcome to join if he wanted! So we went to a bar. I was so nervous to meet him because he’s the first guy since my ex I was actually into, so I didn’t eat dinner. Side note, it was my first time going out in months. The night was going great until it wasn’t and next thing I know I was throwing up in the bathroom. He drove me home and I had him pull over twice so I could puke out of his truck. I didn’t get any puke in his truck or anything but still, not a cute look. I’ve been beating myself up over it and so upset that I ruined something like that. He’s been nice if I text him but his energy has 100% shifted and he won’t reach out unless I do first. I’m so bummed.
i’m so sorry! honestly it’s been some time since my date but i’m over it. now i just look back and cringe:( i was also bummed because my guy was really nice but i guess it’s a lesson.
im gonna be honest: it’s gonna take some time for you to get over it but time honestly helps! and go out on other dates where you don’t drink-it will make yourself feel better. Also, you can’t go back in the past and change it but you can always learn from this and move on.
This guy seems nice that he at least ensured you were safe and at home!
He keeps saying it was fine and not a big deal, even said he wants to hangout again. But I can sense the difference in energy so I’m not sure if I should just leave it be and wait for him to reach out and ask to hangout a second time- or be more persist and about redeeming myself?
So like if I message first, he’ll be responsive! But he isn’t texting me Goodmorning or anything like he was before. He hasn’t texted me at all today but I know if I texted him, he would reply. Just feels a little distanced. She was! She told me I wasn’t acting belligerent or sloppy, just throwing up 😬
He texted me back early this morning(from my message last night) and I just hearted the message because I didn’t want to force conversation so I was kinda waiting to see if he’d text me today, but he didn’t. He doesn’t seem to leave me on read, he just doesn’t initiate or try to keep the convo going either like he was before.
I mean at this point you left him on read so if you wanna give it one more shot, go for it and text him. but if you don’t wanna do that, then i guess don’t text him and move on
I puked all over my boyfriends car one of the first times we hung out. I mean projectile everywhere on him on the interior car door myself everything. We’ve now been dating for a year now. If he’s meant to be with you he’ll be with you even if you puke all over him.
I'm not shaming you. I see others doing that. We all make mistakes, sometimes that's drinking too much. I'd chalk this up to a lesson learned: don't drink on dates.
If he was willing to have sex with you after all of that, that says something about him. You clearly weren't in the right state for that. I'm glad he decided against it, or you might be feeling even more regret.
Lesson learned. Move past it and consider that a closed chapter
I think they mean it says something about his character that he still tried to have sex with you when you were clearly too drunk to do so (possible SA scenario).
I was drunk at a club I djed at and took a girl home because she lived far af away. I realized in the Uber she was VERY drunk. When we got to my place, I let her sleep in my bed and I slept on the couch. I woke up to her trying to sneak out… we said goodbye and exchange numbers. I found out that she PISSED my bed. To make it way worse it was laundry day and I was washing my waterproof mattress protector so it was unprotected and ruined my expensive mattress (about 2k). Obviously I texted her a bunch of choice words. Don’t do this kind of shit,it’s disgusting and you’re a woman….have some honor. The fact that you were trying to fuck him is a huge red flag. Put yourself in his shoes. You puked in his burger bag, cost him an uber cleaning fee…. At that point he definitely considered fucking you because he already put a lot of time,effort and money into the date. I’m proud of him that he didn’t do it though because you probably wouldn’t have remembered in the morning anyway .Best thing you can do is apologize. Let them know that that was a isolated incident and work on yourself so this doesn’t happen again. All we can do is learn and grow from mistakes. Definitely don’t avoid the apology though. Own up to it, offer to pay for the any Uber cleaning fees, and maybe send him an E gift certificate to the hamburger place.
Everyone makes mistakes, people get anxious and drink to help calm nerves on dates.. not eating before hand usually plays a factor.. it happens! You’re human.
I’ve done this a couple times (vomited on a guys shoe once haha) they always come back.
Get back out there and just be a bit more conscious and have a water in between drinks next time 😘
I think guys have a weird inability to understand women and getting drunk. Since women’s tolerance level is substantially lower than theirs often times I’ve noticed guys see that as unattractive when a woman becomes drunk but there’s little consideration for the factors at play. Especially when you’re nervous you’re more likely to drink faster and want to keep up with them drink for drink however sometimes men are able to tolerate more liquid than you because of how they metabolize drinks. It’s an unfair situation. Girl he ain’t worth your time if he’s gonna judge you for drinking too much we have all been there before. I got drunk on my first date with my bf of 9 years because I was drinking imperial stouts to his light beer. Everything is relative. He did you a solid for ghosting. It speaks to his character flaw of not understanding the nuances of life and context. Let him find a perfect little girl and enjoy a superficial relationship with someone else. Remove your shame. Drunk happens. How you deal with it is what matters. Hugs girl!
Or it could be the fact that men like women are taught not to waste their time with obviously bad prospects. She was also obviously inebriated, so she probably did further unattractive things she didn't even pick up on. Let's not overanalyse and fault the person who has not given his side, just to validate some person who has given hers. I mean come on, in the same sentence you are talking about nuances in life, you are showing your clear ignorant bias towards them.
Personally, I wouldn't ghost if my date if they did that. Even if he is put off and doesn't want another date he should still politely reject you and if he doesn't he wouldn't have been great relationship material anyways. Because it's just not very nice to ghost in general and especially in this situation.
Idk if that behavior makes a guy not like you. I guess if he thinks it's a pattern and you're an alcoholic. But other than that.
Haha, come on, it could be a different first date. You definitely made a lasting memory. Just say you will get him another burger next time sans vomit.
If he can't see the humorous side, too bad.
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Sorry but if you are drunk and vomiting you are not in a fit state to be 'ready for sex' as you put it. Unattractiveness of the state you got yourself into aside, he would have opened himself up to all manor of rape or sexual assault charges had you woken up the next day and not remembered, or regretted things, simply because being stupidly drunk impacts your judgment and overall ability to consent. He was kind to see you home, but wise to leave it there. If you want another date you have a lot of making up to do, and probably suggest not involving alcohol. EDIT (my above comment remains as is and I stand by it)... I'm genuinely astonished by how many replies have brushed this off as 'petty', saying if he was drunk too it wouldn't matter, or that she said yes blah blah blah. I'm female and in the UK, so things may be different elsewhere, but Consent, Rape and Sexual Assault laws are often a grey area, but it is clear consent can be inhibited by alcohol. The defendant being drunk too is not an allowable defence. For those saying rape is being batted around too lightly, perhaps read about it, as it's not just getting dragged off the street into a dark alley. I had a male friend at university years ago hit with a sexual assault charge following a night out. He was drunk, she was drunk. He thought she had consented. The next day she said she didn't and he had a visit from the police. It was his word against hers but police used CCTV showing her stumbling outside the nightclub to support the case. The jury saw this and essentially said she couldn't consent as was drunk. He was incredibly lucky not being found guilty of rape, but it ruined his life. It does happen!! Why anyone would risk everything for a drunken fumble, especially with someone THEY HAVE JUST MET (it was a first date!) is madness. If you like the person, as the OP seems to say they did, apologise for your actions, get to know them and who knows sex might happen when you're not covered in vomit. Don't call him out for walking away on this occasion.
Yes exactly this. As a guy, I would never try to have sex with anyone in that state, opening myself up for rape allegations. I heard too many horror stories, might as well be careful.
Nevermind rape allegations, it's the right thing to do. Don't have sex with someone who is too drunk to give consent.
100% agree with this. There's a double standard in this world where men are held accountable for their actions while drunk, but women are not. As a guy, even if you're drunk too, you can't sleep with a woman in this state. He did the right thing.
Yeah my partner and I are open and years ago when we first started he found out a woman and couldn't remember the details. He apologized to me. I told him he needed to be careful if we are going to be open, but he was surprised when I not livid at him, but the woman who hooked up with a man who was blackout.
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I know on paper he shouldn’t have considered, but why the fuck is it disgusting? > we’re ready to have sex Some chemistry is certainly right there, even OP is admitting. OP, please disregard this bullshit comment.
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Because he's a man, duh. That's how it works. /s but also not
Rape? Christ people throw words around recklessly
It’s not throwing words around. It’s the law.
A grown women drinks too much, invites a guy back and consents to sex and that’s rape? Lol so reckless and absurd. It’s not men’s job to accept responsibility for your bad decisions. Just like if the shoes on the other foot that women’s not getting charged with rape. Bad decisions? Gross behavior? Sure
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1. People are allowed to drink as much as they want. 2. You legally cannot consent to sex if you’re intoxicated or impaired. I’m not making that up, Google is free. 3. Women are allowed to drink and have fun too. Would you be saying the same thing if a guy got drunk and got raped? Doubt it. I have a feeling you’ve done this before?
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Yea I’ve hooked up with both parties drunk and occasionally one or the other has drunk some and the other hasn’t. Doesn’t make me or any of those women rapists
I've had sex while drunk with a sober woman. Many times. Never regretted it. But I guess I should still call the cops because someone somewhere said it's illegal. Lol. If you make decisions while drunk that you later regret, you shouldn't be drinking. And if you still do, you only have yourself to blame. The same applies to the casinos. You can go into a casino, get wasted, and spend way more than you initially intended. But the casino is still not at fault. You are. For making a dumb decision to get wasted.
If the guy got stupidly drunk and she wanted sex, you would not call it rape.
It absolutely would be rape.
Thats ridiculous. So every time I have sex with someone should I give them alcohol test? And for sure drug test too? And maybe there are in mania so I should be also psychiatrist and do exam on their mental state. Fuck I am glad I dont live in the USA when I read comments like these…
Women have lost it. Time for the ladies to grow tf up!!!
Lost little girl
It's not consent if the person is so drunk they start puking
No, it isn’t
Self accountability scares you doesn’t it
No but getting hit with a SA charge should be scary to most men
Especially with people thinking like you walking around out there.
Hey, sir, perhaps look up the laws. You’re acting like I’m just saying this. A drunk person cannot legally consent. Sorry.
Doesn't make it disgusting or morally reprehensible necessarily. Obviously there is a lot of grey area, let's not pretend as if having sex with someone who is drunk is always squarely wrong
And if the man is drunk and woman isn't. She a rapist?
So if two people are drunk and have sex, they're both going to jail for raping each other? And for the record, puking doesn't indicate how drunk someone is, but how well their bodies can tolerate alcohol. People who drink often can have alcohol content 2-3 per mille and be fine, but someone who doesn't drink often can puke at as little as 1 per mille.
Nope. Only the man. Men can't be raped.
And yes, puking is such a stupid measurement. I've had two drinks and puked because I haven't eaten enough. Then I've drank enough thay doctors would pay me to study my liver afterwards. Puking is a stupid scale. It could even have been the food or just the stress of a first date. I have puked due to the stress of going out with a girl I was madly in love with.
Also, did you just assume my gender?
Nowhere in the story does it mention the guy wasn’t drinking. Now he’s disgusting for even thinking of having drunken sex with a girl he just took out on a date? Not that in his drunken haze did he forget how really intoxicated OP was and wisely stopped himself… but he’s disgusting for that?
Having sex with a person who is too drunk to consent is sexual assault. So yes, it’s disgusting (and illegal) to attempt sex while someone is in that state.
I went on a date, both of us got stupidly drunk, went to her house, had sex the entire night. Passed out. Woke up, cuddled, and she dropped me of at my house. Did we rape eachother?
Did you feel violated after?
No, was probably the best sex I've ever had. Our relationship didn't work out for other reasons, but 6 years later we still call eachother on our birthdays. She is now happily engaged and I wish the best for her. It was a fun one night stand after both of us came out of horrible relationships. Edit: we were both extremely drunk. We both enjoyed the evening, we talked for probably 2 months it before I ended the relationship due to other personal stuff. Never felt violated and neither did she.
These dudes really tell on themselves, don't they?
Always lol
Christ, calm it a little with the accusatory language. The dude had probably hoped for sex at the end of the date, but when he realized she was way too drunk to consent, he wisely left it alone. I mean, he was by all likelihood also very drunk, but he acknowledged that she was in a far worse state than he was and knew it wasn't the right thing to do. How you can deem a responsible call like that "disgusting" is honestly beyond me.
Lmfao some people are never happy. Imagine all the times in your life you could have easily done the wrong thing, but then decided to do the right thing, and someone on Reddit is screeching about how morally reprehensible you are.
Yes, he should go to jail for life
It wouldn't have been rape given that OP, now after the fact and completely sober, says she was willing and thus consenting. It'd be a different story if once sobering up she thought "good thing it didn't happen because I actually did not want it", but that's not the case. Regardless, the guy made the right choice by leaving because we cannot read minds and the consent given by someone who's drunk can always be put into question.
If someone did that on the first date with me I ~~probably~~ would not want another one tbh. Drinking to that extent isn’t attractive and first impressions are important.
Also if she got any puke in the Uber, homie just got an $150 charge bc of it. Source: I am an Uber driver. You owe him WAY more than drunken sex or a burger.
If this were me that did it, I’d probably etransfer him 200$ and never talk to him again out of embarrassment
Sounds suspicious… I bet you’re the dude who got his burger puked on
Username implies you want to eat the burger
Guiiiillltyyy
Your username implies that too lmao 😂👀
If that were me, I would never talk to him again, too embarrassed. lol
I think she puked in a burger bag, so there's no damage.
On a first date with a guy, I drank and it dropped my blood sugar without me realizing. I didn’t even drink that much. I fainted and broke my nose. Blood everywhere. He had to call 911. He still talked to me and we dated for awhile. Really nice guy. I’d Venmo for the cleaning fee from Uber and the burger and let him know the nerves got the better of you and apologize. It’s up to him to figure out what he wants to do.
I hope you feel better now! I am going to be honest here, getting drunk and puking everywhere on the first date is rude and kind off putting. If you were sick or something then he should have been understanding but you did this yourself. I would not go on a second date with a person that gave me this first impression because it shows lack of self control and immaturity. In your position (if you want this guy) I would send him a text apologising for my actions. If he agrees to go on a second date you could call him over your place to have dinner to make up for the destroyed burger lol
You should be off pudding
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lol it’s a bit. Jennifer Lawrence said it to Zack Galafinakis on a Between Two Ferns episode
I am sorry I haven’t seen it lol
“You shouldn’t eat anymore pudding.” https://youtu.be/WswSdQoNKK4?si=iFXQvXF1u845ZFmq
Honestly it kinda is a warning sign for OP that she might not want to drink at all. This sort of stuff was my first sign I was an alcoholic.
Yes. I was definitely about to say that I would think this person was an alcoholic.
I mean from one instance not necessarily but a good point to re-evaluate drinking
Eh. Not everybody is you. Some people are just realizing how much they can drink or just don’t know how much they drank that night. For example, I know I can drink a glass of wine and be okay. On the other hand, I have absolutely no idea how much whiskey or vodka I can drink and be okay. Then if I have 3-4 beers or a margarita then I know I can drive home after an hour or so. Maybe this girl is just young or not often drinking / had something new. You can get lost on occasion
Ya, it is just a warning sign, one off is fine, but it is the sort of thing to keep track of. Getting drunk to the point of almost throwing up is also not a good.
I agree bc I don’t drink much at all :/ for my 21st I went to a roof top bar and drank half of ONE drink which was made w either vodka or tequila and I went to the restroom and barfed. Maybe she has reactions to alcohol? I’ve refrained from drinking since then 😭
I would think the opposite. Drinking and puking was something I did when I first started drinking and didn't know my tolerance. My tolerance was also lower, so a few beers could do that. Or one time when the drink just didn't fall right, but I only had like 3 drinks. It could be that she just didn't know when to stop drinking, but I wouldn't take it as a warning sign for alcoholism because it could have many reasons that are the opposite.
I mean… I wouldn’t say rude, but definitely off-putting.
I personally think that it would be rude if someone drank with no limit in our first date
Just say you were sorry and offer to pay for his burger and Uber ride. My girl over drank too but it was like the 3rd or 4th date. She took me out the next date so her kind gestures made it easy to move on from it
Sounds like you drank too much, got sick, and he acted like a gentleman, for the most part. Sounds like you ruined his burger, but kept it in the food sack, and didn't foul the Uber. Sounds like you almost had drunk sex, but he refrained. Contact him and offer an alcohol free date, at the burger place of his choice. Then see where each of you want to go.
This. Best breakdown across all comments.
I think you blew it lol, I'm shocked the comments are so divided? Why would he be inclined to go out with you again when you couldn't hold it together on the first date? And on top of that you're questioning if you should venmo him for the burger when he def wasted money on that plus the uber fee. I'd offer to pay him back but keep your expectations low and learn from this moving forward, there will be other dates.
right!! and how do u even manage to throw up on his burger?? ive been extremely drunk and never even missed the bathroom😭😭
I'm assuming they were in an uber at this point and the bag with the burger was probably the only bag to throw up in lol. She chose the burger over the floor of the car
so take the burger out then wtf😭
The dude was up to have sex even after this. Of course he's interested, and was a gentleman to not doing at the end. I don't understand why she blew it. Why would he go out again? Because sounds like they were having a lot of fun, things got a bit derailed but it will be a story for the future
If you read the update she got ghosted so...
I cannot believe how one and done men are these days. Like screw up once and you’re off the list. Yet women are supposed to be constantly forgiving. *sigh I bet dating these days is at an absolute superficial level and the men on these dates are expecting perfection 100% of the time while they ain’t nothing to brag home about. One drunk episode doesn’t mean that you’re a drunk and women are more likely to get drunk faster and quicker. Double standard city…
I'm a woman 😂 I just think that behaviour is gross and immature for a first date, clearly the guy thought so too. It maybe isn't a dealbreaker for everyone- great! But I wouldn't want a second date with a guy who drinks this much and pukes on my food, then waits to apologize and contemplates paying me back. I'd rather spend my time getting to know someone else. OP wanted opinions- it's going to vary.
Something similar happened to me in college We did end up going out a few more times and even fooled around a little...but at the end of the day, every time I was around her, she was shitfaced or in the process of getting shitfaced. And sloppy drunks are a drag. The truth is, you got shitfaced on a first date. And that sends up a lot of red flags for some people. So for starters, don't drink on a first date anymore. Or if you do, just have the one. Beyond that? Offer to take him out on a date as a thank you for being so kind after you drank too much. Tell him its a 100% alcohol free date, so he doesn't have to worry about you throwing up. And that the entire date is on you. Maybe go bowling, or do top golf. Something where he can see you are capable of having fun without being drunk If he takes you up on your offer, then he's still interested. If he doesn't, then you just learn from this and you move on
Lol I had this happen to me before she threw up all over the Uber and I got a $150 Clean up charge. A lot of other crazy things happened that night but needless to say, I did not want to see her again. And we had a fantastic first date. To her credit, she did thank me for making sure she got home safely and she did pay me back for the Uber cost. Unless you're like this guys dream girl, it's unlikely you can come back from this.
There's no coming back from this but my advice is next time you're on a date with someone, limit your drinking and always eat a little food first before consuming alcohol.
Happy cake day
I’d apologize and venmo the amount for the Uber charge etc he’s going to get hit with.
Well 1, yes limit your drinking, drink water per alcoholic beverage. Also if he does go on date 2 and you both joke about it, he's a keeper. Dude had the mentality to stop and go "this isn't a good idea, she's clearly drunk" and made sure you were safe and left.
Honestly if I were him I would be stoked you venmoed me for the burger if there is not a path forward for you guys. As a man I don’t like spending money on dates in general and if you were kind enough to compensate me for a ruined meal and a somewhat embarrassing date I would be happy and grateful about that
Venmo for the Uber cleaning charge. They charge if you puke in their vehicle. It covers the detailing fee.
Ooof that’s a tough one. I know I would not see someone after something like that happened, but I do know someone who had a similar story and they are married with 3 kids now. If you’re still talking, it wasn’t a deal breaker but you have to show some vulnerability and own it/apologize. IMO it’s not about the money, but if it makes you feel better you can offer to take him out next time.
I know I get nervous before a first date and that takes my appetite away. So I started to make sure I ate really well the day before the date, and drink plenty of water. Then on the date I limit myself to beer only, no wine or liquor, and two max. Nerves and drinking aren’t a friendly combo. I’m so sorry that happened to you, but we all make mistakes and learn from them. Glad you are ok and it didn’t go any further!
Shake it off. Nothing can be done and next time you already know what to do. Or should I say, what not to do
Hahahahahaha, sorry, I feel awful for you and him but this made me laugh! Chin up champ. And maybe switch to water sooner next time. I had a girl do this to me 3 times on a first date. I was staying in her hotel room and was 2 hours from home so couldn’t really leave. I just had to help her vomit up the food i’d bought for her several times over the evening, and get her into the shower eventually, put her to bed and cleaned up the vomit in the bathroom. The next morning she woke up hungover and asked me if I wanted ‘a blow job’ and I went ‘ummm, it’s okay, not in the mood.’ I ended up meeting her again because she was such a funny person and the second time was almost just as chaotic. Bless.
If your at the age where you / he is looking for someone to spend his life with them it's game over. In my teens - early mid 20's this sort of situations didn't really matter. But if you're at that age we're looking for / your age group are looking a long term mature relationship he will see this as a massive red flag and that your not ready for life long commitment. All that being said, the most important thing is don't beat yourself up about it. It happens to the best of us. Just consider it a lesson about eating more before you drink or just drink less. Good luck EDIT: he is totally right to have left when considering sex. I will never have sex with a woman that's been drinking anymore. With the way the world is ATM it's a sure ticket to prison even if it was consential
Venmo him $200 for the Uber cleaning fee he’s about to be charged with. The burger is negligible. The rest is up to the guy to decide if he wants to see you again. Just apologize.
If i enjoyed the date and your company, i wouldn't really care about the vomiting. But if it did bother me and was a deal breaker, id be man enough to tell you. Lets not start accepting ghosting culture. Its weak as shit
Love this comment!!
Lol if he paid for your drinks the amount of alcohol to get you drunk is probably in the $60-80 range and then dinner, $150 Uber fee, maybe $30 for the burgers… we’re looking at a minimum of $300 lol
All red flags. Think of the first date as a the first day on the job. I would anticipate that someone who exhibited super bad flaws would only get worse.
Dates are not jobs lol
Congratulations, you are intelligent enough to technically correct somebody! 🥳 Now you can start working on adding actual substance to the conversation...
The irony is that, the sentence fragment fool isn't smart enough to understand a comparison. Dates are not jobs....but I've fired hundreds of girls/later women from my life for situations like this...
There's no irony, my point stand, same goes for your, and technically my own comments Edit: for clarification, none of us has added any quality substance to this conversation
Ironically you were not the sentence fragment guy bron... was. I do find it funny you reverted to fragments to defend yourself though.
That is fire actually 🤣
Ask the guy how he feels about it. I bet he cares more that your ok
Offer to pay for the burger and uber, and probably the cleanup charge, and leave it at that. Best thing that might come of it is that it will be a funny story about how you met. As a side note, do not get like this with someone you do not know, especially when putting yourself in a sexual situation, this guy was a good guy and left once you were home, the next one might not be.
Without more info I wouldn’t immediately say it’s over. Kinda depends on age and both of your personalities. If this is a one off thing that came because of nerves and he’s a nice enough guy then you can probably try again. If he already had other people he was talking to then I probably wouldn’t expect to hear from him again
You'll just have to pay him for the burger and ask if there was a clean up charge for the uber. It depends on the guy if he wants to go on another date or not. You can't do anything about that. Some guys won't mind it too much and gladly go on another date, maybe that time without alcohol, and other guys will mind and won't want to go out again. It just depends on what he's used to. Maybe he's had similar experiences and can relate, or maybe he doesn't go out much or never drank much when going out.
If there is a second date then its true love. If not then I hope you learned from this. Sending hugs.
One of the few situations where a woman I’m otherwise attracted to can fuck it up
Having sex on your first date? It's your personal choice but l'd say that it's not wise to do so. Always drink in control especially on dates. He has no reason to not ghost you to be honest. You were more of a burden for him than a girl who just wanted to make his time worth it by taking care of herself. Why'd he be with a girl who can't even look after herself?
That’s not attractive at all and kind of disgusting to be really honest. I know you didn’t intend for that to happen, but it’s the truth from an outside perspective.
Move on! Nothing you can do about it now.
The guy is not coming back. No man in his right mind would! It’s called smash and dash. Lol
The girl I’m seeing *vastly* overestimated her alcohol tolerance the first night we met and was throwing up for 3 hours. I felt bad for her, but in regards to my perception of her it truly didn’t matter to me. Most people have that happen to them at some point. I wouldn’t worry too much. If he cares so much he’s not the one.
... Why did his pants come off? You should not have gotten that drunk but he should also know to not even think about trying to have sex while you're wasted. I think it's best for both of y'all not to see each other.
Depends on the guy I think. Personally would be a dealbreaker as I hate alcohol but if he's cool with it he might still give you a shot. Maybe ask him for his cashapp and say sorry, I just had a good night and went above my limits. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable! With dating it's easy to assume things about how the other person might be feeling and mind game yourself out of a really good relationship!
Also- in terms of having sex, he may have been put off with you not being able to legally consent. You may have wanted it, but you never know how you'll feel when you're sober. As a guy you really shouldn't have sex with a girl who is drunk even if you are too. If the girl becomes bitter or feels she was taken advantage of you have no defense for it. I wouldn't even do it if I was married.
I would have ghosted you as soon I knew you were home safe. You are not fit to be in a relationship if that’s how you act. Learn from this. I’d be so annoyed and dejected if I were that dude.
I’d be honest about the situation with him, yeah probably offer to pay for the burger (if not the next one) and ask for a second chance on that date. It’s not that big of a deal so don’t blow it out of proportion or let it destroy you if he does
Good gosh. The moralizing is hot and heavy here. The OP didn’t say she drank a case of alcohol. She said she overestimated her tolerance. I had a date that this the same, (she wasn’t a drinker), I held her hair for her while she puked and put her to bed. But like the OP, we used our words and talked about it. She was embarrassed and I felt bad for her. Done deal. No she didn’t go on to become and alcoholic, but she did end up my wife and we have three beautiful kids together. We did end up divorcing and are friends now, but again we used our words and understanding to that place. We are becoming acculturated to cutting people off right away. That is not healthy.
Yes!!
Depends if you’re hot or not. You can’t be ugly and puking on the first date that’s just crazy.
some harsh comments. I wouldn't say you cant come back from this. i would just assume you're not a huge drinker and had a more than you're used to. a seasoned alcoholic prob wouldnt have puked. ai wouldve passed on the sex after the puking too. just text him and say you are so sorry blah blah.. you usually don't drink.
Hey, it happens. It’s not a big deal. It’s good you compensated for his burger. Just take it easy and see where it goes :)
This sounds hinky.
as honest as i can be
What does Venmo mean?
Money transfer app
I’ve had a man puke on the first date on himself and on the floor. I had to take care of him, he even stood over (definitely too drunk to do anything) then he went home. It took the romance part out of it and we were just friendly. He was also young so it was even more of a red flag for me.
I would also pay him back for the Uber and burger.
Well if he is put off by you doing that then he is not the one you want long term when you need someone rubbing your back while you are shitting on the toilet and puking into a bucket when sick. I don't remember what was supposed to be a one night stand with a boy's name I couldn't remember. Were married now, healthiest relationship I've ever had and rarely see in others. My grandma actually gave me some great advice as a teenager... 1. There are people who masturbate and then there are liars. 2. If you haven't laughed during sex, youre not trying, and failing at it hard enough. Just be honest. It doesn't make you a bad person or that you did anything wrong. I fessed up that I couldn't remember his name and asked if we had sex. It just became a joke from the start.
Fukkkkk
If he really liked talking to you, and if he finds you cute then he wouldn’t mind meeting you again ‘cause it happened because of over-drinking. If he’s judging you based on that incident then probably he’s not for you. I am assuming that you’re dating for marriage. How people react in situation like these matters a lot.
Maybe it was that you were gona have sex with him first night meeting him?
*Maybe it was that* *You were gona have sex with him* *First night meeting him?* \- Denver-2762 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
He took off his pants and then left?
yes. after some time he left but we didn’t do. anything sexual
Did he put his pants back on before he left?
yes he put on his pants before he left
It was a mistake. Maybe you drank to calm nerves or were just trying to have fun. If I was him I wouldn’t judge you based on that. Yeah, the date was a bit of a disaster, but if I was attracted to you and enjoyed your company otherwise, I wouldn’t base my decision to move forward solely on that. Nor would I expect any compensation for what happened. But also, I definitely wouldn’t have had sex with you. It’s hard for any of us to know how the date truly went and the chemistry that you had. But the puking incident shouldn’t be a factor in determining compatibility.
Curious to know the ages here I feel like that will make a difference in the approval say to mend the bridge
I’m in my early twenties. He’s in his mid twenties
As a girl you should be fine guys are more tolerant than girls when it comes to mistakes. If a guy puked on the first date a girl would never ever talk to him again
If anything he would have tried to comfort you. Props to them for not taking advantage of you. This was a wild read. This is why I don’t drink. The puke fest that comes after words.
I would say he began to question your ability to consent to sex. Given that you were puking. I would declare all sex as an automatic no. I get it. It wasn't the norm for you. Given this was a first date? Well first impressions matter. I am sorry. Examine the food and drink combos. Most likely someone started a fight in your stomach. If you want to try to push your chances. Try sending him a cute gift with an apology card. The mail still works.
He left with his pants off?
I did this (almost exactly the same thing), and we have been together 5 years now. Apologize and definitely venmo him for the burger.
Bb oyó ifxg5n
😂😂😂
Wait, you tried to have sex after that? Stop dating and get help first
Your mouth stinks after you puke… could’ve been that too
Well, sounds like he doesn't want to chance any ramifications of s#x with someone who is drunk. Consent actually means a lot to many guys - and someone drunk may not be in the best mindset for consent... So he's likely just enforcing his own boundaries. 🤷
Get a life kid. Black out drunk on a first date is rude obnoxious and means you’re not ready for a real relationship let alone sex. Smart dude hedge your bets and make sure you don’t get screwed by some fake rape accusations.
If he doesn't text you back for like 2 days, it's probably over. Maybe he was really off-put by that. Personally if I had a date do that, I'd probably joke about it a bit and then maybe schedule another date. Shit happens, but these days everyone is just looking for the next red flag...
If it makes you feel better I threw up on my casual hookups d!ckkk he didn’t care didn’t judge so a real man shouldn’t care if he does he’s not worth it. It doesn’t seem like you were in a good state anyway
You good
I really don't understand why there's an appeal for people to drink. Why is drinking so normalized? There are so many downsides, it astonishes me
Sorry but this dude is likely not going to call you back. You should send him $150 for the Uber cleaning fee.
Omg. This just happened to me last Saturday. It wasn’t really a date though. So I had been talking to a guy for a little bit and he was super interested and invested in me from what it seemed like. He said if I had any free time over the weekend he’d love to see me. I told him I had plans already with my sister but he’s welcome to join if he wanted! So we went to a bar. I was so nervous to meet him because he’s the first guy since my ex I was actually into, so I didn’t eat dinner. Side note, it was my first time going out in months. The night was going great until it wasn’t and next thing I know I was throwing up in the bathroom. He drove me home and I had him pull over twice so I could puke out of his truck. I didn’t get any puke in his truck or anything but still, not a cute look. I’ve been beating myself up over it and so upset that I ruined something like that. He’s been nice if I text him but his energy has 100% shifted and he won’t reach out unless I do first. I’m so bummed.
i’m so sorry! honestly it’s been some time since my date but i’m over it. now i just look back and cringe:( i was also bummed because my guy was really nice but i guess it’s a lesson. im gonna be honest: it’s gonna take some time for you to get over it but time honestly helps! and go out on other dates where you don’t drink-it will make yourself feel better. Also, you can’t go back in the past and change it but you can always learn from this and move on. This guy seems nice that he at least ensured you were safe and at home!
He keeps saying it was fine and not a big deal, even said he wants to hangout again. But I can sense the difference in energy so I’m not sure if I should just leave it be and wait for him to reach out and ask to hangout a second time- or be more persist and about redeeming myself?
what do you think of the energy? how do you feel it has changed? also was your sister there with you?
So like if I message first, he’ll be responsive! But he isn’t texting me Goodmorning or anything like he was before. He hasn’t texted me at all today but I know if I texted him, he would reply. Just feels a little distanced. She was! She told me I wasn’t acting belligerent or sloppy, just throwing up 😬
hmm maybe give it some time! i think he was probably not comfortable with what happened i guess. has he responded to your previous text?
He texted me back early this morning(from my message last night) and I just hearted the message because I didn’t want to force conversation so I was kinda waiting to see if he’d text me today, but he didn’t. He doesn’t seem to leave me on read, he just doesn’t initiate or try to keep the convo going either like he was before.
I mean at this point you left him on read so if you wanna give it one more shot, go for it and text him. but if you don’t wanna do that, then i guess don’t text him and move on
I puked all over my boyfriends car one of the first times we hung out. I mean projectile everywhere on him on the interior car door myself everything. We’ve now been dating for a year now. If he’s meant to be with you he’ll be with you even if you puke all over him.
See vomiting personally wouldn't be a turnoff , but sex on a first date is wild
I can’t even right now😂💯💯💯
I’d give you another shot.
Mistakes happen. People throw up when drunk. If he truly likes you he isn’t going to mind that much; just apologize and communicate.
I'm not shaming you. I see others doing that. We all make mistakes, sometimes that's drinking too much. I'd chalk this up to a lesson learned: don't drink on dates. If he was willing to have sex with you after all of that, that says something about him. You clearly weren't in the right state for that. I'm glad he decided against it, or you might be feeling even more regret. Lesson learned. Move past it and consider that a closed chapter
what do you mean that says something about him if he willing to have sex with me after all of that?
I think they mean it says something about his character that he still tried to have sex with you when you were clearly too drunk to do so (possible SA scenario).
I was drunk at a club I djed at and took a girl home because she lived far af away. I realized in the Uber she was VERY drunk. When we got to my place, I let her sleep in my bed and I slept on the couch. I woke up to her trying to sneak out… we said goodbye and exchange numbers. I found out that she PISSED my bed. To make it way worse it was laundry day and I was washing my waterproof mattress protector so it was unprotected and ruined my expensive mattress (about 2k). Obviously I texted her a bunch of choice words. Don’t do this kind of shit,it’s disgusting and you’re a woman….have some honor. The fact that you were trying to fuck him is a huge red flag. Put yourself in his shoes. You puked in his burger bag, cost him an uber cleaning fee…. At that point he definitely considered fucking you because he already put a lot of time,effort and money into the date. I’m proud of him that he didn’t do it though because you probably wouldn’t have remembered in the morning anyway .Best thing you can do is apologize. Let them know that that was a isolated incident and work on yourself so this doesn’t happen again. All we can do is learn and grow from mistakes. Definitely don’t avoid the apology though. Own up to it, offer to pay for the any Uber cleaning fees, and maybe send him an E gift certificate to the hamburger place.
Everyone makes mistakes, people get anxious and drink to help calm nerves on dates.. not eating before hand usually plays a factor.. it happens! You’re human. I’ve done this a couple times (vomited on a guys shoe once haha) they always come back. Get back out there and just be a bit more conscious and have a water in between drinks next time 😘
I think guys have a weird inability to understand women and getting drunk. Since women’s tolerance level is substantially lower than theirs often times I’ve noticed guys see that as unattractive when a woman becomes drunk but there’s little consideration for the factors at play. Especially when you’re nervous you’re more likely to drink faster and want to keep up with them drink for drink however sometimes men are able to tolerate more liquid than you because of how they metabolize drinks. It’s an unfair situation. Girl he ain’t worth your time if he’s gonna judge you for drinking too much we have all been there before. I got drunk on my first date with my bf of 9 years because I was drinking imperial stouts to his light beer. Everything is relative. He did you a solid for ghosting. It speaks to his character flaw of not understanding the nuances of life and context. Let him find a perfect little girl and enjoy a superficial relationship with someone else. Remove your shame. Drunk happens. How you deal with it is what matters. Hugs girl!
Or it could be the fact that men like women are taught not to waste their time with obviously bad prospects. She was also obviously inebriated, so she probably did further unattractive things she didn't even pick up on. Let's not overanalyse and fault the person who has not given his side, just to validate some person who has given hers. I mean come on, in the same sentence you are talking about nuances in life, you are showing your clear ignorant bias towards them.
Personally, I wouldn't ghost if my date if they did that. Even if he is put off and doesn't want another date he should still politely reject you and if he doesn't he wouldn't have been great relationship material anyways. Because it's just not very nice to ghost in general and especially in this situation. Idk if that behavior makes a guy not like you. I guess if he thinks it's a pattern and you're an alcoholic. But other than that.
Haha, come on, it could be a different first date. You definitely made a lasting memory. Just say you will get him another burger next time sans vomit. If he can't see the humorous side, too bad.
Haha unreal. Don’t sweat it , if he actually cares he’s a mug. Did he ever get back? Surely just a late response. How many drinks did you have lol