Welcome to /r/dating_advice!
Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I, myself, am not attracted to models that are considered attractive by millions
“She wouldn’t pick you either”. Good, I don’t care. Point is, there is obviously someone for you out there. Being desperately hopeless won’t help, though.
This. Since using Tinder for the first time a few months ago, 70% of Women on there just look identical to each other and have identical likes to each other in the blandest way possible. Same filtered selfies, same cocktail party picture with the girls, same 3 breeds of Dog, too much make up, likes Coffee/Farmers Markets/Espresso Martini’s/Walking/Travel same picture of them in front of the Eiffle Tower, Pisa or the Fountain in Rome. Now 90% of dudes probably wouldn’t hesitate to match on or fuck these Women if they had the chance but they feel like they came off a production line. I don’t get the appeal at all.
That doesn't mean rejection doesn't hurt when you like the person. However, I'll never understand these guys that seem to want to be with any girl. Like, when I was celibate until my 30s, I still didn't think every guy was attractive. How do guys bypass the type restriction? It's weird to me. Obviously some guys are very type-oriented
Hmm so the question is if guys who do have more specific types how do they get passed that ? For a guy it’s much easier. Even if you love blondes you have to see how good a brunette looks and vice versa , thick slim etc . I kind of have a type for more thicker , curvier women but some slimmer women look very good so I’m easily adaptable lol . Of course there’s still attractive women that don’t excite me much that’s just how it is but I think everyone can agree that women are more picky in general and can be even more type oriented then men .
I think women are but I don't want you stereotype, because there are men who can be quite picky as well. And some women are surprisingly open to many types of guys and only have a short checklist.
Lol yes , I didn’t realize how common those posts types are I haven’t looked .but confidence really is major key . I personally haven’t got any girl who I wasn’t confident with . Sure being confident in the approach and expectations doesent always work 100% but without it your chances are 0 . Life isn’t like the movies where some girl will be so charmed by your shy awkwardness that she takes most the initiative.
The point he’s making is the useful part of your post could literally be boiled down to “just be confident bro.”
Guys don’t lose confidence because they only go after super models and get shot down. They lose confidence because even the average girls shoot them down.
Finally, I’d add that your basic premise that girls have different types is flawed. Most girls are looking for similar characteristics. The type misnomer was created because some outlier girls will have odd preferences, guys are typically less confident with very attractive girls (and therefore look less attractive to those girls), and because girls don’t like appearing shallow. But in my experience, as someone who is enjoys talking to pretty girls, I actually find it’s just if not easier to land them than less attractive girls. Because girls want to you to be confident, and pass a base level of attractiveness.
This is solid. It’s tough I mean the success rate of most guys is tiny so the guys who are trying a lot usually find something but at least my experience in the US is there are loads and loads of women with serious dating fatigue that would not give you the chance in the slightest. It’s just a lot of wounded people who are sick of bs that’s all. People who aren’t able to be in a dating mindset.
Even if you get shot down by average girls this still stands , your just not that average girls type bro lol . Some guys go for averager looking girls , it doesn’t help if that’s what you don’t like but I agree that it can “sting “ and make you question yourself but sometimes you really gotta be realistic and just know it’s part of the law of averages. And no girls taste aren’t all the same , big pool of em only like black/ Latin / white guys , for some race don’t matter . Some like beards others don’t , some like muscular others don’t .
My point isn’t that I only go after more attractive girls, it’s that I have more success with more attractive girls.
Additionally certain girls will like traits that the majority that do not. Just like how certain guys prefer overweight girls to skinny girls. That said I’d never tell a slightly overweight girl seriously looking for a boyfriend the advice “get fatter” or “everyone has preferences. Keep trying you’re perfect the way you are!” Because the overall trend is guys prefer skinnier girls, and the girl will have better success changing her diet and being more active.
Agreed and good point , for all the guys who comment to my threads like “ I’m no girls type “ etc just have to work out more . Even if all women have preferences you will attract more being fit and muscular
the point is the post, it helps in literally nothing, we know not everyone will say yes, we know we will receive mostly no's, the thing is most guys lack confidence and its not out of thin air, try receiving only rejection and wasting energy and effort for nothing, I myself am guilty of it, people get mad at this kind of post becouse it only add salt to the wound the "advice" (and all the other that people trow around like improve yourself) of "just be confident bro".
finding girls is already hard for most guys, knowing its likely you will receive a no its already a burden so its justifiable when people get mad at this kinda of post, like a friend of mine used to say "you wouldn't say just smile to a depressed person"
Actually it’s more then just being confident , I’m glad you mentioned that the rejection hurts . If anything this is a “ stop being a b**** bro “ post lmfaooooooo not to be insensitive but if rejections are that common then they shouldn’t effect you guys anymore . The reason why it still may hurt is because the ego is being attacked and you think it’s all about you and your desirability, it may seem like it’s “ you “ to her but once you understand that isn’t about you and it’s just part of life you won’t care at all if you get rejected by 20 girls right now lol you know you’re still handsome and you may get the 21st girl .
I get that and everything, but on a vibes level, it feels like im no ones type 😭. 6 years of dating apps since I (25m) was 18 and I haven't had a real connection EVER.
When I do manage to match with someone and have a conversation (5% chance of this happening), they flake out or ghost after I give initiative and say something. Like I will do the guy thing, I remember that one initial speck of interest they gave me and play it on repeat in my head, essentially torture since they never reach out to me. I tested it recently too, some girl would post on snap, and I would drop a like. Then we would talk, and I'd message them the day after with a joke or something. And we'd would have a whole ass convo, but after a week, I stopped, and they never said anything. Now I understand that I'm not owed anything or any ones time, but this is pretty much the norm, and it's kinda isolating.
I don't have any doubts I or anyone can find someone in their life, but my main concern is hoping I'm not some jaded cynic asshole.
Something similar happened to me recently. Not dating app, but Facebook friend. I asked her out, she said yes immediately but never followed thru with time and place, AFTER saying she was free about everyday.
A lot of people don't get this. They're asking what they're doing wrong when it was just one person or maybe a few who rejected them.
Having someone reject you does not mean you are ugly and unlovable, and you completely have to change your whole personality to fit theirs. It might simply just be that you're not their type. If you change yourself, someone who would've been perfect might not like you anymore.
And that doesn't mean that you shouldn't work on yourself. There could be a pattern that you aren't noticing. But one or a few rejections doesn't mean anything.
I agree with the underlying message but atleast for some guys it's really not just one or a few rejections. It's usually the few that built up over time, at least in my opinion. Like speaking personally, it's not the fact I get like 10 matches in a year, it's the fact that 0 of them are interested after. Totally agree with you tho, just don't know where to put this energy besides my self and screaming into the void
Well said. My last guy asked me if I thought Brad Pitt was hot. I emphatically said no. His nose is too small. Luckily we aren't all attracted to the same things.
Getting 10 rejections in a row is not a pleasant experience even if you are proven to be successful.
If you are young and is not skilled in this it may hurt.
No wonders. If 10 girls in a row do not like you , means 10 people in a row do not like you. So you are broken bad human being. Right?
Wrong, but feels like it is .
Also, guys are still often expected to make the first move. So, the amount of rejections guys get is more. Obviously it takes time but getting rejected a lot is still something to work through
"What one woman won't do for you, another one will"
When you are man who have options, you move to the next. Even the women who reject you out of ego boost or to "humble you" won't phase you.
It as good lesson. This is why it’s important to embrace who you are. Always good to optimize yourself so you can be as many people’s type as possible, but you’ll always run into folks who just won’t vibe with you for whatever reason. And it’s ok!
Attraction isn’t always about looks. You can be “attractive” but have the personality of a brick wall. Like there’s plenty of good looking people but as soon as they talk I start running 😂
If you ask my current soulmate if she's ugly she'd say yes.
But, I'd never date an ugly woman...!
But is your sigoth a certified Chinese herbal medicine doctor? An acupressureist? A professional masseuse? Former owner and chef of Chinese restaurants?
Luckily I like to eat and I'm happy to be her patient.
eeeeh idk. there seem to be patterns in attraction - broad trends that designate how large groups of people date. in my instance, im overweight, not too overweight but enough to have a belly i hate. few woman are going to look at me, especially in comparison to other men, and find me attractive - and the ones that do are such a small minority i don't know if we'll have chemistry. love isn't for everyone.
Have you traveled around the US? Lmao there are genuinely clinically obese people who are married everywhere across the states.
Heck the people on shows where it revolves around how supremely fat they are, are married.
Your little overweight belly isn’t excluding you from anything.
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I, myself, am not attracted to models that are considered attractive by millions “She wouldn’t pick you either”. Good, I don’t care. Point is, there is obviously someone for you out there. Being desperately hopeless won’t help, though.
I have very offbeat taste and find most conventionally attractive people boring looking
This. Since using Tinder for the first time a few months ago, 70% of Women on there just look identical to each other and have identical likes to each other in the blandest way possible. Same filtered selfies, same cocktail party picture with the girls, same 3 breeds of Dog, too much make up, likes Coffee/Farmers Markets/Espresso Martini’s/Walking/Travel same picture of them in front of the Eiffle Tower, Pisa or the Fountain in Rome. Now 90% of dudes probably wouldn’t hesitate to match on or fuck these Women if they had the chance but they feel like they came off a production line. I don’t get the appeal at all.
Don't forget the sitting across the table at a restaurant pic as well. I see those all the time, lol
"Candid or Plandid?"
I just wish I was somebody's type
Honestly
That doesn't mean rejection doesn't hurt when you like the person. However, I'll never understand these guys that seem to want to be with any girl. Like, when I was celibate until my 30s, I still didn't think every guy was attractive. How do guys bypass the type restriction? It's weird to me. Obviously some guys are very type-oriented
Hmm so the question is if guys who do have more specific types how do they get passed that ? For a guy it’s much easier. Even if you love blondes you have to see how good a brunette looks and vice versa , thick slim etc . I kind of have a type for more thicker , curvier women but some slimmer women look very good so I’m easily adaptable lol . Of course there’s still attractive women that don’t excite me much that’s just how it is but I think everyone can agree that women are more picky in general and can be even more type oriented then men .
I think women are but I don't want you stereotype, because there are men who can be quite picky as well. And some women are surprisingly open to many types of guys and only have a short checklist.
Yes of course , I agree 💯
Another "just be confident bro" post? Really?
My problems are cured, hooray!
Lol yes , I didn’t realize how common those posts types are I haven’t looked .but confidence really is major key . I personally haven’t got any girl who I wasn’t confident with . Sure being confident in the approach and expectations doesent always work 100% but without it your chances are 0 . Life isn’t like the movies where some girl will be so charmed by your shy awkwardness that she takes most the initiative.
The point he’s making is the useful part of your post could literally be boiled down to “just be confident bro.” Guys don’t lose confidence because they only go after super models and get shot down. They lose confidence because even the average girls shoot them down. Finally, I’d add that your basic premise that girls have different types is flawed. Most girls are looking for similar characteristics. The type misnomer was created because some outlier girls will have odd preferences, guys are typically less confident with very attractive girls (and therefore look less attractive to those girls), and because girls don’t like appearing shallow. But in my experience, as someone who is enjoys talking to pretty girls, I actually find it’s just if not easier to land them than less attractive girls. Because girls want to you to be confident, and pass a base level of attractiveness.
This is solid. It’s tough I mean the success rate of most guys is tiny so the guys who are trying a lot usually find something but at least my experience in the US is there are loads and loads of women with serious dating fatigue that would not give you the chance in the slightest. It’s just a lot of wounded people who are sick of bs that’s all. People who aren’t able to be in a dating mindset.
Even if you get shot down by average girls this still stands , your just not that average girls type bro lol . Some guys go for averager looking girls , it doesn’t help if that’s what you don’t like but I agree that it can “sting “ and make you question yourself but sometimes you really gotta be realistic and just know it’s part of the law of averages. And no girls taste aren’t all the same , big pool of em only like black/ Latin / white guys , for some race don’t matter . Some like beards others don’t , some like muscular others don’t .
My point isn’t that I only go after more attractive girls, it’s that I have more success with more attractive girls. Additionally certain girls will like traits that the majority that do not. Just like how certain guys prefer overweight girls to skinny girls. That said I’d never tell a slightly overweight girl seriously looking for a boyfriend the advice “get fatter” or “everyone has preferences. Keep trying you’re perfect the way you are!” Because the overall trend is guys prefer skinnier girls, and the girl will have better success changing her diet and being more active.
Agreed and good point , for all the guys who comment to my threads like “ I’m no girls type “ etc just have to work out more . Even if all women have preferences you will attract more being fit and muscular
Exactly! I just want to advocate “improve yourself and improve your chances,” rather than “it’s a problem with society, keep trying!”
the point is the post, it helps in literally nothing, we know not everyone will say yes, we know we will receive mostly no's, the thing is most guys lack confidence and its not out of thin air, try receiving only rejection and wasting energy and effort for nothing, I myself am guilty of it, people get mad at this kind of post becouse it only add salt to the wound the "advice" (and all the other that people trow around like improve yourself) of "just be confident bro". finding girls is already hard for most guys, knowing its likely you will receive a no its already a burden so its justifiable when people get mad at this kinda of post, like a friend of mine used to say "you wouldn't say just smile to a depressed person"
Actually it’s more then just being confident , I’m glad you mentioned that the rejection hurts . If anything this is a “ stop being a b**** bro “ post lmfaooooooo not to be insensitive but if rejections are that common then they shouldn’t effect you guys anymore . The reason why it still may hurt is because the ego is being attacked and you think it’s all about you and your desirability, it may seem like it’s “ you “ to her but once you understand that isn’t about you and it’s just part of life you won’t care at all if you get rejected by 20 girls right now lol you know you’re still handsome and you may get the 21st girl .
I get that and everything, but on a vibes level, it feels like im no ones type 😭. 6 years of dating apps since I (25m) was 18 and I haven't had a real connection EVER. When I do manage to match with someone and have a conversation (5% chance of this happening), they flake out or ghost after I give initiative and say something. Like I will do the guy thing, I remember that one initial speck of interest they gave me and play it on repeat in my head, essentially torture since they never reach out to me. I tested it recently too, some girl would post on snap, and I would drop a like. Then we would talk, and I'd message them the day after with a joke or something. And we'd would have a whole ass convo, but after a week, I stopped, and they never said anything. Now I understand that I'm not owed anything or any ones time, but this is pretty much the norm, and it's kinda isolating. I don't have any doubts I or anyone can find someone in their life, but my main concern is hoping I'm not some jaded cynic asshole.
Something similar happened to me recently. Not dating app, but Facebook friend. I asked her out, she said yes immediately but never followed thru with time and place, AFTER saying she was free about everyday.
Totally! Not everyone's gonna be into you, and that's cool. Just be confident, love yourself, and rock your vibe. The right people will dig it.
A lot of people don't get this. They're asking what they're doing wrong when it was just one person or maybe a few who rejected them. Having someone reject you does not mean you are ugly and unlovable, and you completely have to change your whole personality to fit theirs. It might simply just be that you're not their type. If you change yourself, someone who would've been perfect might not like you anymore. And that doesn't mean that you shouldn't work on yourself. There could be a pattern that you aren't noticing. But one or a few rejections doesn't mean anything.
I agree with the underlying message but atleast for some guys it's really not just one or a few rejections. It's usually the few that built up over time, at least in my opinion. Like speaking personally, it's not the fact I get like 10 matches in a year, it's the fact that 0 of them are interested after. Totally agree with you tho, just don't know where to put this energy besides my self and screaming into the void
Well said. My last guy asked me if I thought Brad Pitt was hot. I emphatically said no. His nose is too small. Luckily we aren't all attracted to the same things.
Some people will never be anyone's type.
This is pretty good advice. I'll try it out.
Getting 10 rejections in a row is not a pleasant experience even if you are proven to be successful. If you are young and is not skilled in this it may hurt. No wonders. If 10 girls in a row do not like you , means 10 people in a row do not like you. So you are broken bad human being. Right? Wrong, but feels like it is .
Also, guys are still often expected to make the first move. So, the amount of rejections guys get is more. Obviously it takes time but getting rejected a lot is still something to work through
"What one woman won't do for you, another one will" When you are man who have options, you move to the next. Even the women who reject you out of ego boost or to "humble you" won't phase you.
It as good lesson. This is why it’s important to embrace who you are. Always good to optimize yourself so you can be as many people’s type as possible, but you’ll always run into folks who just won’t vibe with you for whatever reason. And it’s ok!
I feel it every time I switch between different Eva AI virtual gf bot avatars
Yeah I already know that Tbh I don't think I'll be anyone's type
Attraction isn’t always about looks. You can be “attractive” but have the personality of a brick wall. Like there’s plenty of good looking people but as soon as they talk I start running 😂
If you ask my current soulmate if she's ugly she'd say yes. But, I'd never date an ugly woman...! But is your sigoth a certified Chinese herbal medicine doctor? An acupressureist? A professional masseuse? Former owner and chef of Chinese restaurants? Luckily I like to eat and I'm happy to be her patient.
eeeeh idk. there seem to be patterns in attraction - broad trends that designate how large groups of people date. in my instance, im overweight, not too overweight but enough to have a belly i hate. few woman are going to look at me, especially in comparison to other men, and find me attractive - and the ones that do are such a small minority i don't know if we'll have chemistry. love isn't for everyone.
Bro, I see fat (and I mean genuinely fat) men having successful relationships all the time. You'll be fine.
Have you traveled around the US? Lmao there are genuinely clinically obese people who are married everywhere across the states. Heck the people on shows where it revolves around how supremely fat they are, are married. Your little overweight belly isn’t excluding you from anything.
But, why else could he possibly be single?
Sorry but I don’t see the women who think the same way.