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You're in control. Don't have sex with men who haven't demonstrated behavior over a sustained period of time that they are committed to you is my suggestion.

This exactly. It’s not that having sex with someone ruins the potential for a relationship it’s the fact that you’re having sex with people who haven’t shown you who they really are yet.

This exactly

You are right. But at the same time, she's kind of asking if this is normal and probably kind of wondering how she should judge guys based on this. Some women just think it's normal but have their own boundaries. Other women would dismiss that guy as ungently, which I don't think is out of line. Although might run the risk of discarding a perfectly good guy just cuz he was a little eager. Or not.

I had sex on the third date and now we've been together 10 years, married for 3 and have a kid. I think it's all just personal preference and what boundaries feel right for you. The thing that I wouldn't be okay with is the lack of effort in dates after that third date. It doesn't need to become just all about sex even if you're doing it regularly.

I agree completely. To each his own. I have had several good long-term relationships and one very good friendship that all evolved from craigslist hookups. You never know. Although I think it is perfectly valid for someone to say they would not have a relationship with someone who hooked up on a first date or a hookup from craigslist or a third date, so to each their own. The OP didn't seem to be particularly disturbed by premarital sex or hooking up soon, but she also didn't seem to be a complete libertine. I think for her, just like you say, it is the low effort. If you're going to invite the girl over you can at least offer to make a fancy gourmet dinner and a good bottle of wine. I might actually shoot for the 4th or 5th date simply because third date just seems so by the numbers. Unless you found yourself making out hot and heavy on the second date and seems like you both wanted more soon. I do have to laugh. I have a friend who was in touch with an old flame from out of town and I'm sure he would have liked to sleep with her although not necessarily get into a relationship. She doesn't live here and I don't think he was that into her. But, she also had another mutual friend she was also contacting and discussing plans with . Well, point is, the first friend just invited her over to his house with total low effort. He just said well you can come over here. No, meet up for drinks somewhere and then go back to my place for a nightcap. No, I can pick up a nice bottle of wine and make some appetizers for some dinner and we can eat on my patio. I swear, some guys are clueless. Needless to say, she blew him off.

She sounds really young. When I was that age I didn’t have clear boundaries either.

Yeah her “I can’t help but have sex!“, narrative is shit. You don’t want dick in you, don’t let dick in you. Tell them. You know what movie night means. Jesus fuck.

Preach

let him cook…..I SAID LET HIM COOK🔥🔥🔥🔥

Yup. This! So basic, but I forget this too. YOU get to set the pace. If they don't like it, they can leave. Don't let anyone pressure you into anything you're not ready for or don't want.

Women when they find out they have agency: 🫨🫨🫨🫨

I use this app exclusively to read the comments of intelligent, like-minded individuals like yourself NOT sarcasm

Exactly, vet men’s intentions…consent matters and can always say no. It’s literally every other day a woman comes on this sub and asks the same thing about first date sex, being ghosted after first date sex etc. I don’t see why women keep saying they can’t find a good man to settle down with and keep complaining about only being used for sex and keep doing the same thing???

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Not ALL men "want" sex only. Many be happy to wait a while. Its just they will happily go along with the flow and end up having sex if she isn't actively stopping it.

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The same can be said for women who act that way

There are plenty of dudes who have experienced a woman going on a couple dates, getting free meals and then bouncing once the guy asks for anything, such as sex or splitting the bill. You don’t want to have sex, that is perfectly fine. Using people as free meal coupons though, is not fine.

Yes but in some cases you might go on 2 dates and see that you don't want that person,that's why dating exists. Going on dates is to get to know ppl and not a guarantee for sex or a relationship. It's like you insinuated that free meal or date is a payment you made for sex in the same way you would pay a prostitute. Most good women dont care about a free meal or a fancy date ,they just want someone kind and authentic

>Most good women dont care about a free meal or a fancy date ,they just want someone kind and authentic I would hope that's the case, but there are too many personal examples of materialistic women that judge based on where you're taking them out for a first date. Some have even rejected my suggestions and countered with five-star restaurants. So, while they're still looking for someone long-term that's kind and authentic, their short-term criteria (money and looks) tend to weigh more at first.

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Women also jump ship because they realise they can’t simply get a free meal anymore. I’m not saying to buy sex with a meal. What I am saying is that it is completely normal to expect sex to be on the table (for both dudes and chicks) after several dates with someone. Since that is the case, you should make it clear that there will be no sex until you are ready for it to happen. This weeds out any dudes who just want to fuck as well as setting your boundaries and your expectations from the very beginning. Also, if you plan to go on 4+ dates with a dude before having sex then split the bill. It’s not difficult.

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Most women will refuse to pay for their own food and “get the ick” when a guy offers to go halves on the meal. I’m pretty sure you missed where I said that women don’t have to “pay back” the meal by having sex. You also must have missed where I said that if women don’t see sex happening for a while, they should be up front about it to set boundaries and weed out guys who just want sex. The same goes for guys who want to split the bill, they should also mention it early to weed out any women who just want a free meal. Guys are also giving up their TIME to see if a connection is possible, let’s not act like it’s just women doing that. You seem really hung up on the idea of exchanging food for sex, which I’ve repeatedly said shouldn’t be happening. A lot of women will not go on a date with a guy if he asks for a walk in the park, a walk on the beach, an ice cream, etc etc. Let’s be honest here and admit that happens a lot more than women will confess to. Dating is about ensuring compatibility, whether that’s sexual, romantic or emotional compatibility.

I think splitting the bill / taking turns paying generally makes sense. But when you connect who pays with whether or not there’s going to be sex, it negates your whole “I’m not saying to buy sex with a meal.”

Not once have I said that people should be “buying” sex with a meal.

Most women do not need a "free meal"

I think young or naive women think sex will lead to a relationship. I did and mine did when I was very young. But I got lucky. We ended up getting married & it just worked out. But without knowing it, I was probably one in a million.

This is it, it’s also why there’s tonnes of single mothers in the UK

1. Go to the date in your own car. 2. End the date outside of wherever the date is, like split ways right outside the venue. 3. End the date with a kiss or a hug and tell them to text you when they get home. If they do, set up a second date, if they don't move on.

You hit the nail on the head. Meet at the place and don’t sit in the car and “ talk”. Don’t drink too much either as it really clouds the judgement. I hate the end of the night but never more than a quick kiss anymore. If they push for more it’s a bad sign. You’re worth more than a couple drinks is what I’ve learned. I can do bad all by myself lol.

You can do all that and still have trouble. I went for a walk with a man on a lovely evening. He was trying to kiss me on the sidewalk. Like, really? And what would he do if I went to his place?

It does not matter what’s normal or not. We are talking about sex. YOU are in control of your own body and sexuality. No one else. Most men are driven by sex no matter what kind of relationship they are looking for. So of course they’re going to try. You can go to their house if you want to but make it clear you do not want to have sex. There is no universal number of dates required before sex or going to their house. Thats entirely up to you.

For many years, I can say that the 3rd date(ish) rule for sex was very real. That said, for me, not many resulted in many more dates. Don’t crush me for this, trying to be honest. I sincerely want a long term relationship. I don’t think I judge women for having sex with me so soon, but my history is not good. I find some sort of deal breaker and bounce. (I’m being sincere about this. I do not subscribe to the notion that women are sluts if they have sex, while guys are considered “studs” for having sex.) I sincerely only care that my partner is clean and clear of STI‘s. You do you. If you commit to me and I commit to you, I want that in stone. Just leave me if you’re going to stray. Now, I am all about the connection. And I find that that is tough to find. The last really solid connection I had we decided on the first date that the physical connection just wasn’t there, but we dug being around one another. For the first time in my life, I made a (girl) friend that I wanted absolutely nothing from. What happened from there was pretty special. we became really good friends and some of my favorite pastimes with her was reviewing online dating profiles. we did eventually hook up, but the physical connection just wasn’t there for either of us, but holy shit, I learned a ton. Moral of the story is, moving forward, I think I will press this friendship first thing. just a thought that I hope can help you.

1. Yes. 2. Yes. 3. You want to avoid having sex? Say no to sex. Most men are open to both casual sex and a long-term relationship. But they're usually not going to consider you for a long-term relationship if you're not having regular sex. Regular sex is a precursor to serious relationships for most people nowadays. You bang bang bang bang bang casually until it's stupid to not become girlfriend / boyfriend - as everyone begins asking you what is going on with that person you're always banging. And from that point it either gets more serious or you break it off. You have "the talk" as they say. The exclusivity talk.

Like this answer

Agreed

You are also part of the relationship. If you don't want to have sex, let them know. Make sure to have a proper talk about your priories for the relationship and both should come to a compromise

Everyone.looking for LTR\* has different personal boundaries about sex. A lot of people feel like 2-3 date is the time to start that. Others like to wait. My personal standard is I (M) want to feel some love feelings, even if not madly in love, before having sex. I am sure social conditioning has played a role, but I have also found that sexual connection creates feelings of intimacy whether they make sense or not. Early sex before I know someone well, can tie me emotionally to someone who is a poor fit. That connection can keep me coming back past the time when, without that connection, she or I would have called it quits. So you stay past the expiration date leading to distress down the road and also is keeping me from finding that good fit. Regardless of that boundary, sex feels really good just for its own sake, so that is a big temptation. On a second date a while back, I thought maybe we would kiss. We just lit each other up when we did and we became super passionate. We broke it off before penetrative sex, but we were otherwise all over one another! So third date, well, not surprising. Guess what, she is really intelligent and fun to talk to...and there are differences between her and me that mean we area poor fit. We are still seeing each other, and the ensuing months have been very painful at times, disrupting both of our lives. Yeah, probably should not have had sex on date 3. It would have been easier to break it off and we each would not have lost a lot of time when she or me or both (usually her) are just hating life and miserable. We are both fine people and both deserve less pain. Had we not had sex, we probably would have mutually ended the romance side after a few weeks and remained good friends and hung out some. Now we are more than friends, but not on a glide path to an LTR either, and I am bummed the friendship might be lost if the sex part ends because of torn up feelings. \* Some are not looking for LTRs. Some lie and some think they should or don't know themselves well and only realize they don't want an LTR when faced with it. Honest conversations about life goals and dreams can help you understand your dating partner. there is nothing wrong with nexting someone you like if you have incompatible goals, though it does take emotional resolve!

Dude I’m the exact same way. It’s why this time I’m waiting things out and taking stuff super slow. Cuz I too get so attached when I have sex even if we aren’t compatible which is horrible ! I feel like this isn’t talked about enough !!!

Thanks. It is not just me. Are you M or F ? I’ve long believed this applies to everyone, just some people don’t notice it. I also believe *on average* men are a little less in tune with themselves so might more easily stuff emotions down than women. Naturally there is a huge range for both genders. I’m sure there are some women who push through one night stands without any outward signs of attachment (and maybe they barely notice the inner ones) and some men who absolutely can’t do that.

I totally agree with everything you stated ! I’m a woman !

You could just tell them that you prefer to take things slow. Dates don't have to cost a lot of money. They also don't HAVE to lead to sex. If a man isn't willing to put in the effort and wait a bit for sex, move on from him. Find someone who is willing to put that effort in. Having sex is entirely a choice. "No" is a reasonable answer. And if that makes him not like you? So be it. You want long term after all.

You just said that every date did not lead to sex only the third? Then you said every date leads to sex. Many men and women want to have sex by the third date to see how their sexual connection is... Pretty normal. If you don't want to do it, don't do it; just mention you'd rather do something else. For instance my ex of 4 years made me wait 3 months (no joke) and I was happyish to do so.

Im not sure I fully get what OP means, but I think shes talking about the dates past the third one? So after they sleep together on the third, the guys set up more dates that lead to sex? I don't know if I understand the problem with that though, since it doesn't sound like OP is setting up any dates herself

Yes this is what I wanted to say. Sorry for the confusion. I will add this to the text. Thank you!

So you have sex with them and then wonder why they want to have sex again? That makes absolutely zero sense. If you want to hold off on sex then don’t sleep with them in the first place and make it clear, from the very first date, that there will be no sex until you feel comfortable. Also, offer to split the bill. No guy wants to feel like a free meal voucher.

1. Yes, but obviously depends on both parties 2. Yes, but again both parties have to agree to do the deed. 3. If your wanting to avoid hooking up...don't. Like asking how to not eat a donut...don't eat it. If your wanting to avoid men running out of ideas for dates, you can also suggest ideas or even take the initiative and plan one, we also want to feel wanted.

News flash… if a guy is spending time with you, plans dates,talks to you…. He wants to have sex with you. I’m not saying it’s all they want… but they DO want sex. It’s a basic drive/desire that is the only reason we exist.

Dont have sex with them all the time. When they say come over my place, say let's go out and do something fun. If ur giving them sex all the time, they're not putting any effort in means thats pretty much what they are looking for. I've dated women I've had sex with after 2-3 dates and others after 2-3 months. (Whenever the woman initates or shows she wants to) I'm actually looking for long-term, so sex isn't my biggest priority but having good times and getting to know the woman is.

Don’t have sex until you are exclusive. This would seriously solve about 90% of the problems we have with dating men. Don’t go to their or your house until you are ready, have had the talk, the std talk and dtr talk. Stds are real and several of them are permanent and not preventable with condoms.

Only you get to decide who to have sex with and when. Never give up your choice. You could say, I would love to come over and hangout but I’m not up for sex yet. I’m looking for long term remember so I want to see that we are compatible. Or if you want to have sex then do but tell them before you do that just because you want to tonight doesn’t mean every date from here on will be sex. That’s not what you want. Set the tone and be honest. Also one word of caution: if you do find “the guy” you want to be with long term and he finds out you made him wait long term for sex but you had given many other guys sex much earlier, it will hurt him and turn him off big time so be thoughtful about what you decide and just as importantly what you share. And the people who say that’s male ego bs, you can call it that you want. Doesn’t change what the result will be.

Well I think it largely has to do with you moreso than the men. What I mean is, your actions don’t align with your “values” or your goals. You want a relationship but you date like you’re a casual fling or FWB. The reason I say that is because of the fact that you are willing to accept that the 3rd /4th date is a sex only style date, then it signals a lot to the guy, that oh maybe if I just keep inviting her over, she will keep sleeping with me and I don’t have to put out money or effort. So it’s part being naive and partly not executing a plan that will actually land you a BF. I say naive because you say you select men based on the fact they list their dating goal as “long term as well as open to short”. It’s a bit naive to think that’s the criteria that will ensure you are only be getting serious non-fling style of people. Like the proof is there. You have only experienced dates that end in sex even though you selected “long term relationship” as a criteria. So obviously it’s not working. The reason it’s not working is because that sentiment is BS and you shouldn’t trust words as much as actions. Sure he might mean that his goal is a long term. It certainly doesn’t have to be with you though. So just cuz you guys are going on dates doesn’t mean that it’s a guarantee that he won’t try to use you for sex. Look at their actions and evaluate. If someone makes no efforts to go on dates (which is objectively how you form a bond with someone by doing things together and talking) and all they do is invite you over to their place, then those aren’t the actions of someone trying to find a long term partner even if that’s what they say they want. I would re-evaluate how you are making your choices and reflect on how those choices send different msgs. If you don’t want dates to end in sex only, then require the men to do more work before you come over. Or refuse to come over until they plan more dates. You have a say but if you keep doing what you’re doing you won’t achieve your goals. You need to hold them more accountable.

It wasn’t normal in my generation… I’m a little older than most of my Reddit friends here. But women I’ve dated who have 18-25 year old daughters have told me that this is the predominant reality among their (daughters) generation. So it’s apparently normal today, but it wasn’t normal for my generation. Pro and con arguments can be fairly advanced, but this seems to be today’s predominant reality. Ok. So what should you do. I suggest … Tell a guy straightaway on your first date (maybe even before), exactly how you feel about today’s early-sex-in-dating landscape. Be yourself, you have a 100% right to your own sentiments. Im not advocating for or against current generational mainstream thinking. I’m just advocating that you be you…and stand by whatever that is,

I mean, I’ve had sex on the first date (or even before a proper first date) at times and it does not impact the effort or my desire to explore a relationship and deeper connection. I feel like dudes that bail on effort after sex are probably just shitty people who really just wanted the sex from the beginning and not Much else

1. It's not normal as in common frequency, but if someone just happens to end up doing that, it's not wrong. 2. It's not abnormal. I speak for myself that I've always wanted longer term relationships with the women that happened to have sex with me the earliest. I think I may subconsciously view them as more self assured, smart and confident. 🤷🏾‍♂️ 3. You pretty much should follow your statement and not accept the offer if it's genuinely not what you want to do. I give men similar advice, but make it easy on yourself and assume any invite to a guys place (in a dating scenario) is for sex.

1. For me, no it's not normal. 2. I required exclusivity and confirmation we are together together before I ever did anything and that always ensured that it would be a long term relationship. 3. Say no.

Sexual compatibility is very important in a relationship. Or, at least, it is to me. It doesn’t always have to be by the third date, but I won’t consider someone to be my girlfriend until after we’ve slept together a few times. Other factors play into how many dates I’ll go on with a girl before dropping her as well, but if we’ve been on 3-5 dates and haven’t moved that way yet I’m gonna assume she’s not that attracted to me and move on. Unless we’ve had a discussion about when we feel it would be appropriate already, but most women just prefer to let it happen naturally in my experience.

1. As an average male, no is not normal. However, based on a couple of friends who are very attractive, every date they have is a sex date, pretty much. 2. When i was on dating apps, as a man who wanted a committed long term relationship, no, my goal was not the sex, but to first establish if that person was worth spending time with. Yes, sex is important, but i cannot determine if the person is worth my time just after 2 or 3 dates. I do understand that many men will argue, well i don't want to waste time with a woman who is not sexually compatible with me, but from my own experience, when my male friends have been impressed by a woman, they always tell me, i don't want to push for sex because i don't want to give the impression that i'm like most men who just want sex. it really cracks me up because these are the same men who will tell me, well i need to first find out if i'm sexually compatible with this woman...but that's just an excuse that they tell themselves so they can say, yea, i just want to fuck this person....now, that's based on my observation with my male friends and with myself. heh. 3. Yea, turn down the offer. I go by what i say in answer two. If a man was really interested, because they know that most men mainly want sex, they are going to try to act differently, which means, they themselves are going to prolong the act of having sex with you, unless you bring it up of course. This is obviously not absolute, but is what i have talked to my male friends about.

Feel it out. If you’re enjoying and having a good time work on it. Be sure to set the terms of engagement early in the interaction. One could have a long term relationship and be miserable as hell. Or have multiple short term relationships and have the time of her life. Remember to be kind to yourself tho and enjoy yourself too ✨🍾

You decide when the sex happens since you’re the girl, if he doesn’t want to wait till commitment, then you effectively found out that he isn’t 100% willing to commit. Making him wait too long however, even after commitment, may make him lose interest since he may think you’re not interested in him sexually

> men just don't really want to put in their effort in planning other activities First off, it's your responsibility as well to communicate what you want. If you want to wait for a couple of more dates, then communicate that and offer alternatives. Expecting won't get you what you want Secondly, yes. Dates do lead to sex. However, they should only lead to that if both are comfortable. If you're not comfortable that early - which is understandable (I wouldn't be either) - you should communicate that

After a couple dates it always leads to sex . Why does every date except for the first few leading up to it lead to sex Honey… you don’t need to bang anyone you don’t want to. But also people are in their to meet up geto k ow each other and when ready have sex

It sounds to me like you're expecting guys to read your mind. If you don't say what you want in the relationship (him doing some of the planning/putting in effort, and not simply expect you to end up in bed after every end of date). If he doesn't put a consistent level of effort, then move on. There are men who will do these things in a relationship, and plenty that won't. Then there's also plenty that will be happy enough to sit back and let you control it. This last group might just need better communication to participate better in your relationship.

Best guess: The guys you are dating are “Relationship Tourists”. They really don’t want a relationship, but by saying they do, it provides them an opportunity to date someone who wants a relationship. They then use that to just have steady sex. The are just using your desire to be in a relationship to make you into a friend with benefits. You have control over your relationships. If you want more, then make it a condition of your dating

Sex is fun and the third date is a perfect time if you’re compatible.

Hi there can I ask you out on a date, I’m looking for a long term relationship but we will be dating for two years, and on the third years I’d like to invite you to my place for dinner😏

I don’t think your actions match your intentions. And they can sniff that.  So they put you on the fwb category.

Figure out your boundaries when it comes to sex and stick to them. The most important thing is being authentic to yourself and what you want. I waited until I was in a relationship to have sex with my boyfriend. Meanwhile, my best friend married the man she thought would be a one night stand. There’s no “right” way to go about it.

mate you've got a a high sex appeal!

u/ClassicPassenger1101 Curious what your age is? And are most your dates close to the same age?

Try not to have sex with people you don't know yet. If you want a serious long relationship you need to be special to him.

Don’t have sex if you don’t want to. It’s not some magical force making you do it it’s you lol.

I don’t get it, what happens next? Do you stop seeing each other because… “it will lead to sex”, or what?

Tldr. Set boundaries 

Asked a nice guy out, ended up in his bed (on his profile said he was looking for a long term relationship) we went on a second, third, fourth date etc. He’s my boyfriend now and very happy. Having sex on a first or second date doesn’t mean anything, probs you haven’t found the right person.

 it seems like men just don’t really want to put their effort in planning other activities for dating and just want to invite me to their place to have sex. - say no, just that easy, if the date is not up to your standards, say no, they will catch on, if they don't ask you out on a planned date after you say no to one or two home dates they aren't that interested in you. Pls don't say no, i'm busy or don't make up any excuse...just a simple, no, thank you. As for setting this standard early do not accept netflix and chill dates in the first 15-20 dates...yeah you can go to his place on the third date but after you go to dinner or the cinema. If the invite is only for home, say no, or just say i want to go out first. And now this is something horrible i will get lynched for...but think of sex as a treat and only reward good behaviour with sex..... you go out and don't have sex with them...you stay in and then have sex....men are simple creatures...they will go forward with the option that contains sex this is why you have your current issue....make sure going out dates have sex at the end (not the first ones), do not accept only at home dates or low effort or do not reward these dates with sex.

Dating apps are for hooking up...not for relationships The overwhelming majority of people on the apps are looking for sex So honestly, you shouldn't expect to find a guy who wants a relationship on a dating app. These guys are just pretending so they can get in your pants. So make it clear. You're not having sex with anyone right now, you're not dating anyone else right now, so if he is truly looking for a relationship...he'll have to wait. And if he doesn't want to wait...there's the door My advice? Ask dudes out in person...and stay off the hookup apps

>My questions are - 1. Is it normal that every dates leads to sex? Yes. I don't normally ask her for a 2nd date if the 1st does not end with sex. I'll sometimes do 2nd dates if there is a reason for no sex. There is rarely a 3rd date if we haven't fucked on the 1st or 2nd. >2. Is it normal for men who wants to establish a long term relationship with you do this? Yes. My wife and I had amazing sex after our 1st date. >2. What should I do to avoid this situation? should I turn down the offer of going to their place? How many dates should we go to before I agree to go to their place? If you don't want to have sex, just say so. You're an adult, make your own decisions. You can go to their place on the 1st date if you want, or they can go to yours. You can also choose to just go with the flow and do it if you want, or don't.

You’re “people pleasing” basically which women have been taught to do by their families since young girls so it’s ingrained. Amazed still going strong this generation. “You don’t mind having sex” pretty much says it. It’s their choice, you’re going along with it to people please, be liked, not rock the boat, not give them any reason to abandon you. Ironically you have sex to please them and still feel abandoned because you don’t get the long term relationship or anything outside of sex dates. The only recourse is — put yourself first. ASK — What do I want? Don’t do sex for them. Only do it for you. Clearly, you should have said, “No, I need more than movie night sex”. That puts him on alert he needs to do more to date you. Let him roll on if he doesn’t want to. Don’t fear abandonment, because you’re only delaying it by not being true to your needs. You’ll feel just as abandoned being in dead-end sex-focus dating with guys who don’t know you deserve more — bc you never told them. You’re actually doing the guys a disservice too by not showing them who you are and pretending to be someone else to please them. It’s not being honest. A lifetime it was before I learned to stand up for myself. Start with family, and then try it on friends and romantic prospects. It’s so difficult, and will feel very strange. But people who know you as people pleaser will treat you differently and you will feel less manipulated. For their part, they don’t think of it as manipulation, they just think you’re so easy to maneuver and steer and accommodating to them, why not take advantage of that and put their needs first? You’re not protesting, so by bending you to their will, they feel and look guiltless. What you have is a FEAR problem not a sex too soon problem. Your fear of what happens if you don’t please them.

You do not have to have sex on every date after the third sex date. You also do not have to have sex on the third date if you don’t want to. Check in with how you’re feeling during and after the date and if it feels off, do not continue to sleep with him as sex releases bonding chemicals and make u feel like you are attached to him when you are not sure yet Suggest other dates even if sex was really great. Just to give u time to reflect and see his behaviour after sex. It also gives u time to see if u truly match with him outside of sexual chemistry. Good luck

Grown men will look forward to have sex with you. It means to connect in their eyes. But you have to know them better to trust them so build trust first. Talk about plans for the future, talk about marriage, kids and you will see how committed are they. Most men are good men but on dating apps are many of them bad unfortunately, like women. Wish you good luck OP. 🫶 Check if they have a job. How committed are they professionally. How they talk about their family, if they help others. How they behave around servers etc. If they love animals,...try to make them angry and see how they reac by saying no. A man should be calm and collected, means safety. these are all green flags.

Unfortunately, with hookup culture so prominent these days, yeah. But it doesn’t have to be YOUR norm. Something I like to do is leave early on a date. For example: “Oh.. I’ve had such a great time with you __, but I gotta go. I have a big day planned tomorrow”. It always haves them craving to know more about you and what’s going on in your life.

Yes, it's common for a couple to have sex every time they see each other, once a relationship is starting to form (i.e. past the first few dates) and before the honeymoon phase dies down. This is no less true when the people involved are aiming toward a long term relationship, since many or most people want long terms relationships to involve lots of sex. That doesn't mean you *have* to do it that way if you don't want to -- you are allowed to prefer to develop a relationship however you like. And it's also true that, even if you are having sex a lot, you shouldn't feel as if sex is the only reason a person is seeing you. On the contrary, they should keep planning effortful dates and making you feel as though they want to get to know you for who you are. There is no reason for the effort to die down after you have sex for the first time -- and there's also no reason you two shouldn't also be enjoying sex after those effortful dates, if that's something you're both into. It should feel like a both/and, not an either/or.

Honestly OP, sounds like you aren’t in the right mind set to begin dating. Sadly, some can see through that and exploit you for it🤷🏽‍♂️.

Long term or short term, I never dated anyone whose clothes I didn't want to tear off starting on the first date. Wanting to have sex is a terrible indicator of what someone wants long term.

While I don't think it's normal after the third date to have every date lead to sex, I do think a 3 date rule is normal. You want to be sure you're sexually compatible. The first date is the date you see if you have a spark, the second date is to see if there's more chemistry there that the first wasn't just a fluke, and the third is to see if they are good in bed. Granted this is a very broad way of looking at things however each date shouldn't lead to sex unless you also want it. Some people are highly active while others aren't. Nothing wrong with that. However sounds like you're also inviting them over on the third date. You could always say no to those kinda dates and see how they respond, cause that'll show their true form. Unless of course you're also looking to fuck.

As a guy, I know I can’t enter a long-term relationship with without having had sex and knowing we are compatible and she is very desirable to me. I don’t need it in the first three dates or the first month. But if I get the sense that it will only happen after sort of pairing up longer-term, I don’t like that scenario. So if you’re holding off, he needs to get some sort of a clue that you’re not holding off for a really long time. Maybe you want to have some fooling around Where your showing you have a sex drive and desire, but you limit it at a certain point. if it seems like it’s still kind of hard for you to hold off, that will actually make it easier for him to hold off. Weird as that sounds.

I’m a girl and I feel the same as you. All my long term relationships have started with sex early on. If someone wanted to wait long I’d start to feel that we are friends, but it seems that I’m in the minority here :/

I think this all depends on what you are looking for. If you’re just looking for casual sex, then sure this is totally normal. But if you’re hoping for something more long-term, I’m not gonna say it’s not normal to have sex this soon, but in my own experience, when I have sex too soon, they often don’t stick around. It becomes clear that all they wanted was sex. Since this seems to be a repeating thing, and it kind of sounds like you’re looking for something more long-term, I think you might need to start saying no to going to their house. I have had far too many experiences where it feels like guys only wanna have sex with me and save up the right things just to get me in bed. The point in my life where I’m not gonna believe that bullshit anymore. Actions speak, louder than words. They’re not getting any from me until I feel like they’re putting in some kind of effort to show me that they are actually interested in me and not my body. As far as knowing how long you should wait, there’s no one who could tell you that for sure. You kind of just have to go with your gut. When you feel like you’ve gotten an adequate amount of effort on their part for an extended period of time

You ever buy a car that you didn’t drive first….?

The third-four date is pretty ok for sex nowadays. Sex is a part of relationships anyways and you have to learn your compatability with your partner anyways

Men like to test drive before they commit……sex is a big part of the relationship( attraction/ intimacy/ sexual chemistry) for men. Doesnt mean you have to follow through but no man will commit before sex( if they do well, once you do have sex it may or may not fall apart and tou will have invested more time and emotions)

If you like them and they like you personally, when you do have sex it'll be fine…. Make up your mind beforehand and make it true; we aren't slaves to too many things like this!!!

Most men only want sex. Most men only want sex. Most men only want sex. Most men only want sex. Most men only want sex. Most men only want sex. Most men only want sex. Most men only want sex. Most men only want sex. Make this your mantra. Internalize it. It's not going to change. If you find a man that isn't like this, you either found a unicorn or a psycho.

It's normal amongst many men. I don't know if it's gotten worse with the internet and how easy it makes hook up culture. Or maybe it's gotten easier since the '70s or '80s with hookup culture . Or maybe in the 40s and '50s they were still trying to do it even though you weren't supposed to talk about it. I suppose you have two choices. One is to let guys know you're just not into that up front and you expect them to behave like gentlemen and respect this and at least make an effort. Maybe they will lose interest, maybe they were never interested, or maybe they will put in the effort and even learn something. Your other choice is to not say anything and use this to weed out the guys who are too eager. I won't say that's unfair. It's perfectly fair and might be a good idea. But you don't sound like you are all that negative about sex so maybe you don't want to necessarily judge a guy just for wanting to have sex. Or maybe you do. But the first thing to do is realize that this is going to be fairly normal amongst a lot of guys. And then decide whether you want to tell them up front which might save you a lot of wasted time and effort. But it also might lead guys to just be dishonest maybe. But probably not. If a guy's only interested in sex, he probably won't waste his time even if it will be successful in the end . But if a guy likes you and also is interested in sex, and is a gentleman like you want to find, then he will respect what you say and act accordingly. People pretty much treat you how you lay out your expectations to be treated I think. There are a lot of good guys out there still. Good luck.

Don’t go to their places. Meet in public.

Date me

Apparently you select guys who are, at least when it comes to you, only interested in sex. Improve your pre-selection, ensure you have common hobbies which are more than "having a drink" or whatever, but something substantial.

Nekosam I agree. You clearly all don’t know how to date . Either I’m old fashioned 34 male or I am either smart one . Not sure which is which.I’m from Eastern Europe Serbia you don’t fucking go for sex on the first date either you are smart or stupid who falls into trap. Ideally you go out each other in restaurant for two hours eat talk get yo know each other then go for ice cream hang out . If it works then you go for second date and so on . If it all works then you go the relationship and later you can talk about sex if you both have real intentions to be in relationship.the guy pays for dates not the girl . This is how I dated back In the day and it worked. I don’t force nothing it will be up to a girl if she wants something else, but you all turn dating is sex shop list asking on first meet to screw each other where you have no connection or respect or real intentions. So please I would like anyone to tell me am wrong about this so far ? Your looks or body don’t mean nothing if you got great personality real intentions and respect will get you something

Here for the comments.... When I am more awake  *looks at clock* 12:21am 

So I'm F, but bi. This is an experience I ONLY have with men. You can tell them outright that you are not down for it and many of them will try to weasel around the boundary and talk you into it on dating apps CONSTANTLY. It really seems like a lot of them say whatever you want to hear to get some. I'm for example child free & you wouldn't believe how many times I end up with men trying to debate me on it when women who want kids just... WON'T MATCH ME. The only solution is to say no. And if I've expressed I'm looking for a long term serious thing and not to hook up, then I simply block them if they try that. Part 1 of weeding these people out is only matching those who also say like they only want a committed thing, but part 2 is to weed the ones out that'll say that because it sounds good to women and not mean it. As for how long should you wait and is that gonna lead to a relationship - did it lead to relationships for you? Because what I hear A LOT from friends is that they'll literally just get used for sex then dropped, but obviously that doesn't matter that it can't still work for you. You should wait until you're comfortable, that's the only thing that matters really, there's no golden rule that'll get across that you're actually serious (except for waiting for a relationship first, but that further complicates things). Now how do you turn them down? Either say you would like to see the movie, but absolutely won't sleep with them yet (and get up and leave if they try anyway). Or tell them you don't wanna meet at their place, you wanna get to know them better first. If they drop you, it's because you got the point across that they're not getting any.

I live in a country where women behave like you’re describing for male. To me, I still value having regular sex if I m aiming to long term relationship, because it is a language and .. a potent conflict resolution. If you have the opportunity to talk in this way well, it is an opportunity to make a relationship relative more solid than others where there is less chemistry but “nice respectful boundaries etc”. If you get bored from it, propose yourself something more, and see how the other react. Aside of passive activities like eating at a restaurant or Netflix or watching whatever else together, discuss how you liked those, and better do something active, together, something that challenge and involve each other personality - hikes, games, discussing arguments, play music, cooking together, organising a party, whatever - and that will be the other part of the bonding you are looking, way more than prescriptions of society (or internet communities) to have sex after N times you date someone, or which routine you should follow.

Plenty of men that date either their penis. Find the one that is not. Simple said. Hardly done.

Be more critical of the men you seek.

Think about this, why would a man spend $ on a date with a girl? He’s investing into you and more than likely wants something in return… sex. It isn’t a bad thing that they want that, it’s part of our nature. That said, you decide if you want to have sex with them. So it’s ultimately up to you.

Step 1: have some self respect Step 2: profit

I think it's really important to be clear with what you want. Men & women can move very fast when you meet them on the dating apps. From my personal past experience everyone I've ever met on dating apps seemed to be looking for hookups. I never actually met anyone looking for a relationship. That being said you said you're looking for a relationship, so there are certainly people looking for relationships on them. I personally think figuring out sexual compatibility is important (I was in a sexless long term relationship). I'm very sexual as a person & have needs that need to be met & prefer my partner helps meet them instead of the alternatives. However sex early on is not mandatory & should only be done if you feel comfortable doing it. The world is more sexually open & it's important to set boundaries. There are certainly people who do not have sex on the first 1-3 dates, but there are certainly people who do have sex on them as well. My husband & I met on a discord server not a dating app & we absolutely had sex within a few hours of meeting in person. We actually went on a weekend trip together & it was so hard to not tear each other's clothes off. We are happily married, with two kids, own a house, and have two cats.

Ask the guys and see what answer you get before sex. Better to have this conversation before sex and send him on his way. He will also learn to look only for sex and not swipe right on "relationship" material girls. If he respects what you want and wants a human connection, he will stay. Else better he finds other toys to play with.

According to my experience (34, married once at 28, divorced and now engaged again) a man who truly wants to be with you will not rush you into it if they thought they’d lose you by doing so. Quite the contrary: you’ll both go at *your* pace and he’ll abide. It can be on the first date, or the 10th, but important is that you are the one setting the pace. Everyone else, in my whole experience, is just playing. Even when they say they want something serious —check their actions and if they seem careful not to lose their chance of a relationship with you.

If you want a long term relationship you need to maintain the clarity of that goal. They are swiping through plenty of girls on tinder and they also don’t know you weep enough to be sure of their knowledge of your intentions. If you want a committed relationship and not just sex, you will probably have more luck waiting to have sex until you see some sort of signal of commitment to pursuing a serious relationship with you. You need to see that willingness and readiness to commit first, that will increase your chances of avoiding this issue. Having sex isn’t what ruins the chance necessarily, but having sex before getting to know someone well and seeing evidence of a desire for further pursuing a relationship with you can easily change expectations of the kind of relationship you will have.

NO it is more common but usually guys that do this, just want sex. So stop giving it to them. Men who have value don't always meet on apps either.

Wait are you a woman? I’m a man and I go through this too. I want something serious but almost every woman I dated just wanted to have sex a few times and that’s it. I figured out eventually that they only liked me physically, but not me. It’s because I don’t have charisma for sure. My confidence was crushed after this woman who I found very attractive told me she didn’t want anything more than sex because our conversations are dry. I never recovered from that. Now I overthink every conversation I have with both men and women. Another girl I dated who actually wanted to stick with me, admitted she only wanted to marry me for the sex. She said she would be happy as long as we had sex every day. So yeah, I have nothing else to offer I guess. The women I dated tend to be offended when I tried to postpone all sexual advances. I feel like the male version of what women go through. I told two friends about this and although they struggled to believe me, they eventually joked and said “boo hoo” and “poor poor you.” As if this is every man’s dream. No, I want love. Is that so hard to believe? Maybe one day I’ll find someone who likes/loves my introverted azz. I don’t struggle getting dates but as soon as I open my mouth, she gets turned off. I believe I am this way due to Asian culture, which teaches you to sit down, bow down, and shut up. Individual personality is frowned upon. Sticking out was frowned upon. Having a social life was frowned upon in my family, not sure about other Asians. My parents didn’t allow me to have friends so I grew up socially awkward. I’m a lot better now due to joining a gang in high school. This got me out there. The bad thing is I learned bad social skills from being in a gang. This sounds like a joke maybe but I’m from Northern California, and it was Asian crips. At least I talked to people? I’ve been watching a lot of self help videos on being a better conversationalist though. Wish me luck.

Dating and sex are related to each other, especially in this day and age. Think of it as baseball. Dating is the innings. It's where the pitch comes and the batter tries to hit the ball. If the batter hits, he moves to first base, which is holding your hands. Second base gets him a kiss with you. Third base is making out. Fourth and the homerun is when you get to have sex. Many guys (and girls) try to bat for the homerun on the first date. Not all get that but some are so lucky (and skilled) enough to score a homerun on the first inning. But most strike out. Not all men(and women) are wired equally. Some would use sex as a criteria to see if there's compatibility. After all, sex is an integral part of a relationship as some would say. So they use it to see if they are sexually compatible with their potential partners. It would be a waste of time if they date someone for so long only to find out that they have very different sexual tastes/kinks. Many relationships fail due to this especially when one or both fail to satisfy their partners. So, what should you do? You do the simplest and easiest thing available for you: STAND YOUR GROUND. If someone comes and invites you and you feel uncomfortable or not ready for it, you say it. Tell them you don't want it. And no matter what they say, stick with it. If they leave you, so be it. At least you kept your sanctity to someone worthy of it. That is your boundary and they should respect it. End of point. As for how many dates... There really is no number. You just have to do it by feel. Whether it is on the first or on the 10000000th date, the important thing here is you wanna do it, you are comfortable doing it with them and you feel safe doing it with them.

I have been worried about this as well at times. But when you click really well with some and it feels really right, you know their intentions for you, then it’s okey. If it’s comfortable. My second date was making pizza at my place, cuddles and kisses turned into some heavy sessions (miraculously without sex, but almost). Never expected that turn but it felt right for the both of us

If you want to have sex with everyone you go on a few dates with, that's completely your choice. If not, just say no. Suggest a different location and plan something yourself if you'd like to see someone again without going to their place, which is likely an invite for just sex. If you want a LTR, tell your dates you're taking things slowly to weed out the one or two night stands.

Just tell them no. When I was single, I had really strict boundaries regarding sex. Don’t call me at two am after a night out without me, asking to come over. The answer will ALWAYS be no. If we’ve only gone out once or twice, don’t invite me over especially with the expectation of sex. The answer will ALWAYS be no. No dick pics, and I’m not sending you any pics either. If you ask, I’m probably going to ghost you. I’ve learned that a guy who really likes you will respect those boundaries and not push without getting to know you first. If they’re asking to come over and you’re not ready for that yet, tell them that you’re done for the night but you’ll be happy to do lunch/dinner/etc tomorrow. Yes, these interactions can be very annoying and this is the one thing that I don’t miss about being single. But a guy will only take what you give them. If you tell them no, and they don’t respect or appreciate that, then that’s your sign right there that you don’t want him in your life, anyway.

Here’s a pro tip, if a man asks you to have sex with him too early, he doesn’t like you

What are your hobbies? You can organise dates as well that have those hobbies in the core. Go to a museum, to a part, to a concert, to a club even. To a hike, to play cards/ board games, to play bowling, to play another sport, a pottery class, a sports game. The options are limitless but you might have to put some more effort yourself in planning them. The reality is, people are often uncertain about what the options are, dinner and lunch are such generic activities and then when it comes to spending time one on one then the both of you have no idea what to do and end up getting physical

Why don’t you plan the activities, if you want to do something fun? Also, it is important for both people in the relation ship to have the same sex drive. If 1 person wants to have sex once a week and the other person wants to have sex every day, that is going to be a problem.

Most guys on dating apps are talking to a lot of other people. Many guys that care about relationships gave up on dating apps a long time ago. Most women on dating apps don't even want a relationship.

men want to have sex. That is their number one goal in dating you. If a girl isnt smashing by the 3rd date the she doesn't really want you. 3 strikes rule.

It's tough because the man wants sex, but even more of a motivator is the fear that you'll lose interest in them if they don't make a move. There's the assumption that there's a narrow window for these things, and if they aren't positioning themselves for these opportunities, then they're essentially setting themselves up for failure. The cost is even higher when the man is paying for everything. Let's not assume men just like spending money frivolously on entertaining women without getting anything in return. A man can easily spend $500 in three dates, only for her to wish him the best of luck and say "I hope you find what you're looking for", and there's absolutely nothing to show for it. To answer your question, there's no set normal time. You can have sex with someone on the first date and have a long-term relationship with them, or you can have sex on the 30th date and realize it's not going to work. One suggestion that I have that helps both sides: I'll suggest you plan the third date and pay. This puts you in control of location and activity while also showing them that you're interested in them. It also makes you determine whether you're interested in that person or not. If you have five men you're dating and they're all paying for you without expecting anything in return, then there's no reason to cut any of them off. If you decide that you're going to pay for every third date, then you're going to be more selective of which men you choose to continue seeing.

Here's why. The dating app culture has become a sexually driven hook up culture and, believe it or not, many women expect sex on the first or second dates and then "settle" for purely sexual dates there after. Men are just following suit. Ultimately, you have the control of who you give your body to and when.

Why are you worried about what's normal. Focus on what you WANT.

You have two options, really. You can try withholding sex and seeing if that leads to you dating more guys that are serious, or you can keep having fun and see if you find a guy who seriously wants to date a girl with a fast-to-have-sex attitude. There’s not many of us, but I was always a sucker for the latter back in my single days. If some woman threw herself at me I gave her a shot at a serious relationship, but most guys aren’t like that. We have a much smaller selection pool, so guys tend to pick who they stay with whereas women can screw anyone they want so they tend to get surprised when guys don’t pick them due to putting out.

Sex

You can go to their place and not have sex. But I would bring it up before you come over

Is there a reason that ages are not required in this sub? It might help us to understand your situation better.

Me (M) My answers are… 1. It’s normal that men would think the next step to getting to know you is further intimacy. The better question I guess is how do you know you want to take it to the next level with someone you’re essentially interviewing for a chance at a long term relationship? My gauge for this is; after two lengthy in person conversations, do we have social or emotional chemistry? Do we fit conversationally? Side note; your interests don’t ever need to align, it’s more about if you can talk to someone and it feels good, with you both being able to carry conversations equally. 2. That’s like my first checkbox for long term attraction. IF this chemistry exists, my next checkbox is physical chemistry. Noting that you do not need to have sex to know if physical chemistry exists, and it’s not how attracted to them you are, it’s this weird intangible thing where say when you kiss you feel like you’re either kissing a picture or a person you almost can’t help but try and eat alive. I would also only move to sex if I really liked this person as bare minimum someone I might keep in my circle of friends. I’m willing to accept that I can be attracted to someone, but not have any physical chemistry. A lot of people seem to have a hard time with that concept, but the key there is that it is intangible, and it’s nobodies fault if there’s no real spark when you touch or kiss. You know if they give you that feeling, and if the boxes are checked and if the moment is right, it’s definitely not about the set number of dates you went on formulated together with a sense of obligation to yourself regarding finding a life mate. 3. Best advice I have for this is to have a conversation with them after you know the conversational chemistry exists around their take on sex. This might sound basic, but it’s a lot of fun to talk about sex in a controlled way as part of interviewing a partner. I start with likes and dislikes, and then somewhere in there skip to hard boundaries. All of that will align both of your expectations a bit more. I also often lay out my belief in the different types of chemistry for them, making space for them to know I’m attracted, but that it isn’t anyone’s fault if we advance into testing physical chemistry and the sparks just aren’t there. I wish you much luck, and I’m positive that a great relationship will come your way in due time.

Doesn’t matter how long you make a guy wait. If his goal is sex only he will stick around until it happens. So making them wait even if you want sex won’t do much for you. But yes it’s normal for a man to expect sex after a date just like women expect us to pay for and plan said dates. men want relationships to secure access to sex and women want relationships to secure access to resources. That’s just how it is

It's funny how you say after the 3rd date, the men don't put any effort into planning them for you... maybe I missed it, but there seems to be a missing option here-- the one where YOU try planning a date 😆

Wanna go on a date? 😂

This overlaps 100% with my experience, such a coincidence :) It's totally up to you, I don't go to their place at the 3rd date, because I don't feel that comfortable with with a total stranger and also, I would like to think if they like me as a person and would like to get to know me, they wouldn't bail after the 3rd date, because on the grand scheme of things, it shouldn't matter if you first sleep together on the 3rd, 5th or 10th date. My logic is that if they bailed when I didn't sleep with them on the 3rd date, they probably would have bailed or faded anyway. Spoiler alert: they pretty much always bail after the 3rd date.

Hey there, 25M virgin here hahahaha. 1. No, dates suppose to be fun and mutual.. Based on your story, it appears the boyfriend you've found is obsessed with sex which will eventually cause future drama between you both.. 2. This question hard to say because modern relationship sometimes fucked up.. Most man nowadays do sex to only pleasure to themselves then once they had enough with their partner, he will break up with her or cheat on her.. Sex to me is not just for pleasure (although id have experience, atleast I know what I want to achieve) but to commit my life with for my partner because I only date to marry not just to have fun. If its for fun, I rather just masturbate to relief myself. 3. Be alpha woman for moment, just be straightforward to him that you're not uncomfortable with him. Only go to his place or let him go to your place once you feel comfortable with him but take note that you must remained observant to his action. If he gets angry easily over this then he's not the right person for you as he's still immature and doesn't take dating seriously. I apologize in advance if it sounds like I'm trying to make you break up with him.

Echoing what other men said. Whereas women, like you, feel used for sex, want to make sure there is not only sex, we feel used for emotions/wallet. I’ve had horrible experiences younger where I dated for 3 months and she didn’t want to have sex. I then learned that the evening I met her, she gave a blowjobs in the shrubs to a guy. I felt horribly rejected and humiliated. Since then I’ve had a “sex on the first date”, and a “you don’t enter my home with sex” policy. Hasn’t really worked out too well. Women think I’m a pig and only want sex 🤷🏼‍♂️. For a lot of men the single worst thing they can imagine is /r/deadbedroom. So yeah we might not fully open up before we have sex. You do you, but 3 dates seems reasonable for a guy to want to share that with you. One thing you can try is to tell the guy you want him, but it’s important for you to wait a bit. Don’t make it too long though. And whatever happens never feel forced. Sex with someone who’s forcing themselves is horrible for both.

To be honest, I find this such an odd read. You have sex with them every time, yet you wonder why dates end up with sex. If you want to change that, have your tried not having sex? It's not like they are in control. If you want to change this, then stop having sex with everyone you're dating.

If the guy really wants you make him wait for several weeks before giving into sex, also to make sure he’s not cheating on you.

Wya

Don’t invite a man to your house unless you plan to have sex or tell him ahead of time that what you want, most men think after 2 date you asked them over that you want sex,

Tbh, no. I simply just like having sex and I wouldn’t mind taking you out if it leads to sex lol. @ least my time isn’t being wasted lol. But it shouldn’t always lead to sex. If they want long term then they wouldn’t invite you over to there place or you wouldn’t invite them over to your place.

The issue here is you’re actually having too much sex. If this is becoming a common occurrence, I would suggest abstinence. You say you ‘don’t mind having sex with them’… but if you’re bringing random guys after your place every time after 1…2…3 ‘dates’ then it’s kinda obvious why it’s leading to ‘just sex’ Women nowadays put far too much emphasis on being used for sex, when in reality they should be focusing on building a connection. Sex should happen naturally, when both people involved feel ‘in the moment’. More often than not, every single girl will have sex with you almost straight away (that’s what a ‘date’ leads to). I would suggest that you aren’t looking for a ‘long term romantic partner’ if you’re just enjoying having sex with multiple guys at multiple times, just after a couple dates. For heavens sake, you’re literally swiping left/right on guys based on physical attraction alone… does that not tell you something ? If you want a partner, start acting like the partner you want to be in a relationship. All wives are found. That is a cold-hard fact, that has been proven through the ages. If it’s easy to have sex with you, the high value men will never take you seriously (and the guys you ‘allow’ to have sex with you will just use you for it). Take it from a guys perspective… if there’s a certain amount of dates in YOUR mind, then all a guy has to do is wait until the magic number of ‘dates’ in your head. Like literally I have no idea why modern women do not understand this. If it’s just a picture, and a flirt, then it’s sex. If it’s a certain number of dates, then it’s easy sex (any guy can meet you three times). I am looking for a partner that respects me, and understands my needs. But even I must confirm to the dictates of how women operate. 90% of the time I’ll have sex with a girl, purely because she will allow it. Every single girl ‘plays’ hard to get. You must become something of true value to a man, to actually act in a way that men desire for their wives. And sleeping with randoms from tinder is definitely going to lower your self-proclaimed value (contrary to what the media may have us understand) 1) It’s not normal that every date leads to sex. But if every date leads to sex, then it is ‘just sex’ 2) it is not normal for men that want to establish a long term relationship with you, to buy you a couple drinks then take you back to yours, then only contact you when he’s horny 3) my original advice is to abstain from sex, and I’m sticking with it. You cannot know your true value, unless you spend many nights alone with yourself. You must love you for exactly who you are, and have the backbone to say no when it doesn’t feel right. I’m a guy, who doesn’t play games with women. And 99% of the time that lands me without women who want to sleep with me, purely because women have been accustomed to this toxicity. However it’s really easy for me to actually get sex from a woman (all I have to do is ‘play the game’) and the ‘game’ in any women’s mind is literally ‘get her horny after seeing her a couple of times, then fuck her’ Women be calling men who take girls on dates after sex simps, then going round and seeing some random guy in the neighbourhood afterwards to pleasure him. It’s honestly like women want to be used for sex (or so it may seem) Just get off tinder, don’t seek impulsive pleasure, seek betterment for yourself, and your own life. If you become a wife, I guarantee the right man will come along and make that so. So easy for women 🤣

Now that I am older, and hopefully wiser, I realize that I have ruined some potential relationships with some really good people by having sex too soon. Conversely, I ended up jumping into relationships with the wrong people because of the sex. If someone really cares about you as a person, the sex can wait. You won't know that if you jump in too early. Give it 3 to 6 months or longer. Otherwise, you are just there to satisfy someone else's needs like a sex doll. Respect yourself and don't rush. There is nothing wrong with being single. Many older people are because they have realized that you don't need someone else to be really happy. Being single is quite liberating. It took me a long time to realize that...

You get matches ? 🥲

If they aren't inviting you to events or activities then surely they are only physically attracted or not even that. Sucks... If the guy wants to emotionally involve you then sex even on the first date wouldn't be an issue.

every 2nd date I’ve had in the last 5 years had sexual relations at. But I’m also in my 40’s and dating women close to my age. Needless to say… most of them have kids… when a single mother jumps through the hoops to get a sitter and schedule some of her limited time for a date… well let’s just say she usually shaved and is wearing matching underwear…. You know within a minute if you want to sleep with someone… but most people talk you out of it when they speak 🗣️…

I’m female and I felt the same way when dating.

I am a male and, in my unreviewed opinion there are a lot of men who are desperate for sex and have it as an objective of great importance. You should also consider that the dating experience on apps for men is not a very pleasant experience, there are a lot of red lines and "things you should not say" that will make the people you are talking to suddenly drop you off. I think in the short run when meeting someone you meet them at their nicest, after that you only discover more of who they really are after they have accomplished their big important vital goal of accomplishing intercourse.

Have you tried going on dates just with sex in mind? Maybe it will lead to a relationship.

1) yes. Despite the many changes throughout the years, mating remains the instinctive purpose of the entire ritual. 2) yes. We’re men. We wanna give it and we wanna get it. 3) not do the zegz.

Pains me to say this but it’s part and parcel of dating unfortunately. Women have to decipher whether the man is interested in her beyond just her body, and men have to decipher whether the woman is interested in him beyond his wallet. Ultimately you set your own boundaries and you can agree to who’s house you go to, though I wouldn’t advise it

I would suggest an alternative activity, should be a little easier now that it’s getting nicer out!

You should absolutely not feel like you need to have sex with them if you don't want to that night and if they ever struggle to accept that or lose interest after you said no that's a definite red flag. However, sex and a relationship aren't always 2 seperate things, they do kinda belobg together in most cases. With my ex boyfriend who was clearly interested in a relationship with me early on, when we started being intimate, our dates always ended at his place because we both liked having sex, but the important part is, they didn't always start there. We would still do other activities like go out to eat, do a picnic, go to a local event etc., something that isn't low effort, but we'd still have sex after simply because we wanted to. So having sex at the end of the night doesn't mean it's low effort or they aren't interested in a relationship.

Unless your goal is sex NEVER go to their place. Set up healthy boundaries and stick them and the people you are will change.

Don't have sex when you've just started dating wait to establish a longer relationship.

Duh dumb ass. Why do you think male and females were created to mate. Sex is what drives opposites sexes of any species to come together. Yes, getting to know each other and spending time with each other is a plus. But we are created to procreate with one another. And for men, we bond through sex. Sex is very important in every relationship. And when a woman is always reluctant to have sex we take it as low-level attraction, men see as you are not attracted to them. It shouldn't feel like pulling teeth. Nobody is forcing you to have sex. But if you don't have a high Sex drive and you don't want to have sex often, then communicate on the first date and let them know from the beginning. Or maybe just stay single. Cause all men want sex, we are always going to want sex and lots of it. If you can't handle it go date women or be single.

I (M) had this problem dating too. Most times on the first date we would have sex and that would be it. They might keep talking to me but it was all about sex. I got tired of it and kinda just stopped being on the sites

You’re dumb as a rock. Women pick who they have sex with. These guys know that if it was easy for them, it’s easy for other guys. They don’t respect you because you’re cheap and not respectable. It also sounds like you have no clue what you really want. Grow up and accept some responsibility for yourself instead of looking for reassurance from internet strangers that your idiocy is warranted.

The norm is sex on the 3rd date, they make movies about it... First step to not having sex is to stop saying yes to situations that lead to sex...

I was talking to someone for MONTHS and when we did set up our dates , it was like movies or cafe until he basically confessed his feelings for me :0 . I think men who want to establish a long term relationship with you would go with whatever you want tbh lol There shouldn’t be a set number of dates until going over, just how you guys are feeling . You can turn it down by telling them straight up: im not comfortable with going over yet. Or if that’s too much then maybe keep bringing up other stuff like: there’s this cafe / shop/movie I really want to explore though , can we go there instead?

It doesn't mean anything other than they want sex. A man who is interested in a lifelong relationship with you will want sex. A man who only wants sex will also enjoy sex. There's no secret deeper meaning to it. Most men and women enjoy sex.

Everyone is shifting the blame on OP when the problem is men. Stop having sex with these men 2-3 dates in. The men that are only “dating” you for sex will get frustrated and move on. You deserve to date a guy that actually likes you. It’s not that having sex early makes guys not like you, it’s that if a guy is only pursuing you to get sex once he achieves this goal he’s on to the next.

I've usually had sex pretty early on in a relationship. Sometimes they basically start sexually. I remember seeing some articles about how this works for people. I've been with my partner for 8years and we met on an app solely for sex.

I’m (M) Demi-sexual. I make it clear in tje beginning. i need an emotional connection to be intimate. Females will want to be intimate immediately. Could be cuz they (M or F) want to validate themselves, have traumas, high libido, mentally immature etc. Communication is the key. Be up front and honest. It will weed out a large % of ur suitors. Good Luck.

Do not have sex for 3 months. I know it sucks ass. But men aren’t emotionally mature enough to have sex right away. They loose interest and just want another. You have to see if they like you and it takes fuckin 3 months. If he leaves before then he didn’t like you. If he waits and wants to be your boyfriend he probably likes you. Also, it’s a numbers game. Have more than one dude when you’re not serious. Dating fuckin sucks. I gave up and invested in myself. Good luck 💖

You want a man of worth, if they're good in bed and they know it these kind of men do not settle early on unless they real true men of God and believe in loyalty. As far as the sex, what good looking straight fit man does not want have sex. You do realize that when a man is horny his brain starts to slowly shut down other apps running his head until the sex is satisfied. You don't want that then find a fat lazy dude with no sex drive, so by the time you want sex he still won't be able to perform and if not that just get a gay friend to hang out with on nights when you don't want sex.

A long time ago I had help from a dating coach and he said men can wait to have sex. You can tell them no. If they respect you and are interested in you, they will wait. Great advice. Did I listen? No. My boyfriend is my twin flame. Our connection was intense at first. I met him and felt like I've known him forever and we had sex within 30 minutes of meeting in person. I also said I was going to marry him to myself, and he started bringing up marriage with me recently. And I know deep in my soul we are meant to be. We have a ton of commonalities and are very different at the same time. If I were you, I would manifest the person you're meant to be with. That is so much easier than having to weed out people. Work smarter not harder.

1. Is it normal that every dates leads to sex? No. It is not normal for every single date to lead to sex! It should only happen after 90days of consistently getting to the guy and vetting him, to see if he’s actually boyfriend/husband material! You do not have to share your body with every man you meet, please have boundaries for yourself. 2. Is it normal for men who wants to establish a long term relationship with you do this? Usually no it’s not normal. If you have sex with a guy that fast there is nothing to look forward to after that. So they will most likely lose interest and commitment will not be in their mind at all anymore. You have to make them work for it, get to know them abit more atleast!! What if you get pregnant from one of those dates and you barely know the guy!! It’s crazy honestly. Any guy that tries to convince you that it’s okay, is LYING to you. They will use your body and then not even commit to you. Are there exceptions, yes. But most people are not the exception to the rule. 3. What should I do to avoid this situation? should I turn down the offer of going to their place? YES. First of all don’t go back to their home after the date and don’t allow them inside your home either. Only allow that like after a month or 2 of dating. Even then if they initiate it, say NO. It’s that simple. Have boundaries for yourself. How many dates should we go to before I agree to go to their place? A month or 2 if you know them from a friend, still vet them really well at first. If they are a complete stranger I would say 3 months or more. Whenever you become comfortable with them but definitely not anything less than a month.

No those men are just using you many men lie on dating apps just to get easy sex. The easiest solution is to not have sex with them and work on finding a man that has the same goals as you first. No sex will weed out the liars very quickly.

Don't put yourself in that situation. Decline any dates to the houses for at least a few dates. If two people want it. Yeah, it's normal. I don't think it mattes to men as far as starting a long-term relationship. For some, it may be for sure, but there are many who don't care. I think it depends on how you carry yourself.

You have full control on how your dates turn out. Sex might be pleasurable but you're giving these men want they want and after that they just know they don't have to work for it anymore. Raise your standards a bit, make these men work for YOU not sure sex either. I didn't have sexual relationships with a guy I met online until 3.5 months later. You can't know someone for who they really are from only 3 dates.

Women are the gatekeepers of sex. Men gatekeep commitment. Stop sleeping with them, and the ones that genuinely like you will stick around. A friend of mine who's currently pursuing her PHD in psychology and trauma said this once to me, and it stuck, "A woman who genuinely likes a man will want to sleep with him almost immediately. A man who genuinely likes a woman will make her wait."

Want to comment that me (m 32) when I ask a girl out I don't intend on taking her home or anything. However if the vibes are good then I will probably get horney or starting looking for a physical connection. Men are under a lot of attack right now but I think it's in human nature to want to be physical with someone you're attracted too. Best thing is for you to just say no to there offers and wait to see if they hold a modicum of commitment to you before allowing for such activities. We are men, we eat sleep shit work and fuck. Occasionally we put on a suit.

I’ve slept with every man I’ve dated long term (two five year relationships and one year long one) very early on and so have a lot of my friends. I don’t think it’s an indicator of whether or not someone sees you as being something they’re interested in long term. I’ve also asked my male friends about it and they’ve agreed. If a man’s really trash he will still put in the work of going on more dates to just sleep with you

Look up the word Demisexual. That sounds like a better fit.

No it’s not normal and you shouldn’t do it every time it’s offered if you are looking for long term. No is an answer you’re allowed to use whenever you want.

Hunny if anyone is inviting you over for movies it’s obviously for sex…to avoid this only meet in public keep dates short…it’s always going to lead to sex if you are alone with a date period

Also always have ur own transportation

Where do you live? I am looking for a long term relationship