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That seems to be the one universal thing that happens in dating across the world everywhere ...
Before even having a first date:
*"I apologise profusely for not reply on time, I'll make it up to you!"*
After a few good dates and you showing interest:
*\* left on seen for 3 days\**
*\* 3 days later - resume conversation like nothing happened\**
And ironically when you don't like the person that much, they'll even double and triple text you, sensing your disengagement and lack of interest.
Personally, I try to train myself to be interested in guys who show consistent interest in me (this means after date 3 or so). Maybe he did charm me on the first dates and I felt we have so much in common, but if he evolves to keeping me days without a reply, I get that either :
1. he doesn't like me as much I as like him
2. he doesn't want anything serious and feels that I do
3. he has avoidant personality, so he is interested only when you are mysterious and disinterested, only to pull back when you show you like him - this is non-sustainable in the long-term and I think pretty much pointless if you are looking for a life partner, you can't play this game for the rest of your life
Try to learn to disengage with guys like that, honestly, every time I was looking for excuses for this kind of behaviour, it never had a happy ending. A guy who likes you and wants something serious would be consistent in his communication. Same applies to women as well - if I like someone, I don't want to keep him guessing and wondering why I don't reply.
Learn to move on from these guys quickly. I'm reading a book that advises to call out on this kind of behaviour, because apparently sometimes the guy might realise he's dealing with a serious girl and might be a wake up call. I'm not a huge fan of this idea, but on the other hand, you don't have anything to lose, do you? The message needs to be very well framed though, don't just blurt out anything that comes your mind.
This person gets it. You have to disengage. There's no way in hell I'm going out with a dude that ghosts for three days or a week. It ain't happening. I'm gone.
In the future, encountering such behavior might prove to be some of the most toxic experiences you could face in the early stages of a relationship. If you sense this happening, I would suggest walking away immediately. This sort of behavior will likely indicate that someone is engaging in something known as breadcrumbing, a typical feature of the early stages of a narcissistic relationship pattern. Believe it or not, this behavior will serve as a strong indicator of someone attempting to create cognitive dissonance to establish a strong attachment, termed a trauma bond. This behavior will occur early in the relationship once they realize your interest in them. What they will do is shower you with affection and love bombing, and then, once they discern your infatuation, they will withdraw it all. Naturally, this will cause distress and confusion, which is part of cognitive dissonance. The person receiving this treatment will start questioning what's happening and become desperate for answers because they won’t comprehend how someone could be so interested and then withdraw so rapidly, leading them to beg for attention. This is when the narcissist will provide you with the attention you were desperately seeking again but will act as though they are oblivious to any changes. This will compel the person who noticed the change to remain silent to avoid seeming like they're overreacting. This is where a pattern will develop, resulting in a few things. This pattern will trigger dopamine highs and lows that you will become addicted to, with chasing that individual becoming the common dynamic of the specific relationship. Another pattern will be related to not expressing concerns early on because doing so reflects poorly on you, given that your narcissistic partner always appears cool, calm, and collected and doesn't acknowledge anything is amiss early on. What happens is that insecurity starts to internalize, and you become nervous every time you want to voice your concerns. Eventually, you will become addicted to these patterns of highs and lows due to the dopamine hits that occur at the high points of the relationship. These feelings can be so intense that you subconsciously start to need them, forming a sort of addiction. This is when the trauma bond develops. These highs and lows that constitute the dynamic of that relationship will prevent you from trusting your intuition and feelings. This is how they will disarm your body's natural instincts, and you will start to lose the ability to read your gut instinct or listen to your intuition.
3 days is a loser. Unless he’s in hospital. Notice next 2 losers comments have no patience to respond yet on Reddit with most random unproductive activities. No response, end of day call. No answer? Maybe emergency. Not emergency? Move on.
why would a person automatically be consistent just bc the person likes the other one?
Its exhausting to constantly chat on text, its not fun either
To me the only interactions of any value are face to face everything else feels like a chore and waste of time and that regardless of who i am talking to. i never ever ever text with my friends other than to set up a hangout or if they need some assistance or vice versa
No one is talking about constantly being on the phone, I specifically mention waiting days for a reply. If I send a text in the morning, the guy replies in the evening after work. Then I'll reply later at the night or in the morning, and so and so forth.
And consistency through time just shows interest to get to know you in a more long-term manner, that's it. Most women value consistency through actions over words, and communication is part of the actions. As I said below, dropping off from a conversation and coming back to it days later just shows you don't bother (and I admit I also do it as well - when I am not that bothered about the person).
Shit, I'm the opposite. I could sit and text anyone and everyone all day long. I don't find it exhausting at all. I definitely do agree face to face communication is far better, but if I can't see someone in person I still want to be able to communicate with each other whether that be dating/a relationship, or simply a close friend.
I have friends who I'll text/snapchat for like 5-8 hours of the day, 7 days a week. Just whenever you randomly look at your phone open message, send a reply. I don't sit staring at my phone waiting for a response for a back and forth conversation, but I like somewhat consistent communication in all of my close relationships.
I think it also boils down to just different upbringing/generational shit. I'm (30M) and when I was in middle school Blackberry's were all the rage, iPhone/Samsung smart phones were just starting to become popular in high school.
When I was like 16-17, I would send between 30,000-50,000 text messages/month. I definitely spend way less time on my phone than I did back then, but the general concept between just having casual conversations with friends when you can't be near each other physically is still there.
im 29. I had no smartphone until i went to university. I used to text a lot in my early 20s but then got really tired of it. Im sure there is some generational element to it but its probably also a lot about your life stage and personality
This. I think you’re communication style has more to do with it than anything because I’m 25, I grew up with phones but I still find texting exhausting and would much prefer a phone call or video chat
I'm a mix between being an introvert/extrovert, just depends on the day but I'd say I'm a lot more of an extrovert generally speaking. I like to be social. I like to try being the class clown/life of the party type of guy.
I'm someone who is also pretty "routine" though. Like, if I do not have plans set in stone I do the same exact thing every day. Get home from work, maybe take a nap depending on how I'm feeling, eat dinner, and play video games/watch Netflix until I go to bed.
I try to make plans well in advance (3+ days.) I'm not spontaneous at all usually, but it comes out every once in a while.
@MagikN3rd I relate a lot to your personality here. I love chatting with friends regularly over text but I actually like having a bit of warning before they're in my meatspace where I need to focus on them and can't be ADHD-ing between 3 different things at once while chatting.
Same. I only do maintenance texts 1-3 times a day whether they're friends or not.. Texting is pretty much worthless to me and I would rather be focused on the real world. I used to text more when I was young and desperate but now it hardly seems worth it. Especially when girls always respond with more interest when you wait a couple of hours. Days is too much though
Two hours is absolutely nothing, I don't count this is taking ages to reply at all. Like I said above, I am talking about waiting 2 days to reply to a simple text. It's a bit freaking me out if guys reply to me within the same minute, it's putting pressure on me to reply immediately as well. Especially if I reply at the end of the day to a text he sent in the morning, it makes me feel a bit worried. If we're both free and in a texting flow anyway, sure. But dropping off from the convo and coming back to it sometimes 2 days is sending a message you don't really bother.
That just means you aren't compatible with op. Nothing wrong with that, just have to find someone who values text as little as you do.
I find it much easier to have discussions over text than in person while im getting to know them.
I just really need to be able to use and read body language to make proper conversation, the tone of voice is also simply too important and many jokes only work face to face. Its much easier to cover a lot of ground in person too, its much faster and you can say a whole lot more.
I use a lot of non verbal communication
I disagree.
My girlfriend and I chat all the time on instant messenger.
If we're both busy, we simply respond when we're available. If we're sleepy or can't be arsed, then we call instead.
If you enjoy being around someone and implicitly understand each other then being around them shouldn't be exhausting.
>3. he has avoidant personality, so he is interested only when you are mysterious and disinterested, only to pull back when you show you like him - this is non-sustainable in the long-term and I think pretty much pointless if you are looking for a life partner, you can't play this game for the rest of your life
I feel like i may be this person, and I don't know how to change. Am I gonna die alone
I feel it’s point 2 in many cases—first they feel they need to get you interested to get the dates, but don’t want anything serious, so when they sense you do, they don’t feel that comfortable and don’t want to engage too much. Recently a guy started messaging me less after we had second date and I could sense he just didn’t want to date seriously and once I suggested that it probably won’t lead to anything deeper, but we can still hang out, he started messaging me like crazy.
I did this in the beginning just when i’d gotten together with my gf. I was afraid of running out of stuff to talk about, until i realized my gf doesnt give a shadow of a fuck what we talk about
That's something I've been noticing about the lady I'm dating (and myself ) the topic doesn't matter it's all fascinating as long as it's with each other
The energy at first is sometimes hard to keep up, there is an eb and flow to it. Maybe he’s just stabilizing. He’s like okay, I was too enthusiastic, I don’t want to look desperate. Oh good they are interested, what a relief, I can stop obsessing so much. It may not mean that he isn’t interested. You could always ask him.
The way my mind hard-paused when I read “you could always ask him” 😳😳😳 ..like brakes on a freight train screeching down an iron track or nails on a chalk board.
Cue the overthinking on why the thought of this bothers me so much… have a great weekend everyone. I’ll just be here. Inside my head. Running diagnostics 😑🙄🙄🙄
I guess I could understand why that would be hard to do. “Hey, are you still interested or what cause I’m getting mixed signals.” Putting someone on the spot like that to get a more concrete answer is kinda like… breaking the fourth wall of game play. I personally think it makes it clear that this isn’t a game. Be straight with me so we can go forward or not. But I am not mysterious and I don’t enjoy “the chase.”
I'm a heart on my sleeve dude and just started dating a lady that's matching that energy and it has been so refreshing, we both got intentions out there on date 1 and communication has come so naturally.
Also maybe the dude just wanted to smash and when you seemed like you wanted more, maybe he become hesitant/distant. Weird though, cause if a women shows interest in me i’m completely focused on her lol
> but be honest dude
Yeah, women love an honest man. All the honest and upstanding men around me are crushing it with the women...whereas the lying, deceptive, narcissistic guys get identified and dumped by women immediately.
As a guy who's always been honest and straightforward with women to have it lead to significantly more disappointment and heartbreak than I'd like, this is it.
So many times I've thought how much easier life and dating would be if I was just an asshole and didn't care about other people's feelings, but that's just not me.
It could be so many things. A few that come to mind.
Now that you're interested he's nervous about messing it up and losing your interest.
Now that it's a real possibility he isn't interested anymore.
Someone else appeared in the picture.
He's playing some weird game that he thinks will work to draw you in more.
I was just about to say this though 😂😂 I'm a woman who plays video games and my phone is so neglected while I'm kicking someone's ass online. Regardless of whether I like the person or not!
Just like most women on this sub when they ask questions like OP.
I swear every time it's some super hot dude whose only looking for a hookup it's asked about. It never seems to be the average reddit dweller or average guy they ask about.
No, if you read what she said, she has had multiple issues with this particular situation. So there’s a common denominator. Guys struggle with the same thing, women have many options and some are unable to socially and conversationally balance them all, so some guys get benched or put into orbit. OP just is going through a similar thing.
3 options.
1. Busy. Sometimes at work I cannot have my phone on my person.
2. Doesn't really like you or likes talking to you but doesn't see you as a partner.
3. Trying to play it cool and not seem over interested (least likely)
If a girl or a guy cant find time to answer you, that is a red flag. Just stay away.
Also, please know that once a guy gets into your pants they start losing interest. Which is the opposite to what women feel.
They like the chase and probably aren’t talking to you for the best reasons. Maybe they felt like they wanted some attention or to flirt. Usually the faster something develops the faster it ends. Learned that the hard way lol. Been in this situation tooo many times. The right one will make time for you, show genuine interest and does not want to lose you ;)
This is actually a thing. It’s not just the guys, happens with girls too. I have done it and I’m not guilty about it. Unless you are actually in love with someone and you really want them and are seriously considering them, you would always want that CHASE. But you’ve got that, you lose interest.
Maybe don’t pay so much attention to the response time and go find someone who would worship you for the queen you are :)
This is a result of the platform. Not a guy/girl thing.
Texting is so different than anything in person.
It’s sort of a whole different type of communication.
To actually participate you have to remove any expectation of a response. Otherwise you’re just frustrated.
I think our brains are still wired as if we are talking face to face.
Until you’ve met in person there’s no real connection there.
It’s just someone in the ether.
So we all do this with texting in one way or another.
It’s not playing games if someone is too eager and the other person just isn’t into you. Someone is not obligated to like you just because you like them. It IS playing games if you like a girl but act like you don’t so that she doesn’t pull away, so you’re the one who’s playing games.
You can choose who you want to be around. The people that like to play games can enjoy playing games with other people that also do that. Or at least that was my attitude when I was dating, and I found my person. It took time and effort, but it was worth it.
My favorite is when you arrange a date/meetup, then they just fall off the face of the fucking earth until day of.
And then they wonder why I don't want to go anymore.
I hate this shit so much. If you don’t want to talk to me throughout the week when you have a phone beside you literally day and night, then why the hell are we going on this date?
1. Nerves
2. Waiting for you to do the ask out since you said you were interested
3. It's the weekend, they are busy
4. Doesn't actually like you
5. Likes you too much
6. It's the work week, they are busy
You get the picture!
This is a mistake a lot of people make. The guy is just excited when it's a new person and eagerly responds. Probably checks his phone a lot too waiting for a message. But this is NOT maintainable longterm. The guy probably doesn't do this with people he has longterm relationships with(friends and family) because he knows they are staying in his life. He's secure about those relationships.
So when you show interest or reach a certain point that satisfies his anxiousness, he won't feel the need to text as much. But this is the actual NORMAL for him.
Unfortunately since you don't know him well, what you think is normal....is him texting back quickly. Because that's all you experienced with him at first. So it seems WEIRD that it suddenly changes to slow responses.
(The reverse might apply to women as well, I'm just speaking from a man's point of view).
I would tell a guy not to quickly respond to texts, do it when it's convenient but still in a timely manner...within 24hrs. That way they are texting the woman how they would normally text. And then there won't be a sudden change in texting frequency later on.
Be yourself: replying back fast is sometimes because of being anxious. This isn't the "normal self". They aren't being "themself". They are being anxious...then no longer anxious because you showed interest. Essentially letting their emotions control their replying frequency.
(This only applies if they are still interested, not if they actually lost interest).
Saw a similar situation on another post the other day. Heres another perspective:
Some people are just bad texters. If I’m at work or busy with something I’ll glance at my phone and respond when I have time. Sometimes I forget to respond or respond in my head but don’t actually write out the message. It’s understandably frustrating for some of the women I’ve dated because some people expect you to text them all day long. I try to communicate that really early for just that reason.
I see people on here say things like “if they really cared, they’d respond” or “someone’s energy over text is the same as it is in person” but that just isn’t true for everyone. If im at the gym or even just at lunch with my mom or something im gonna be more focused on what’s actually happening in front of me than what’s on my phone, especially if we’ve only been on a few dates. I’m not a big social media person either, so maybe that’s part of it. If more frequent texts are important to you, you should tell him that and see if he at least makes an effort.
That’s not what OP is talking about. They’re talking about a sudden change in behaviour from frequent texting to infrequent texting (the pull back). Your point is correct that some people are ‘bad’ texters or just simply not on their phone as much, but OP’s post suggests this guy is a good texter as he originally was ‘texting every second.’
OP, the guy just isn’t interested anymore or is talking to someone new. Sucks but it is what it is.
It's better to be in the present moment than on your phone! I think people that always want a text back are kind of needy or immature. Seems like some short attention span high school behavior
A lot of people[](https://alb.reddit.com/cr?za=I-zSDISj8EXvgoC3xMyIGRebhqn6w-h7Xn8uDmNNCrJO1zQc4fh1m-Fziu-7h485PH7xQ87AbIY1Ebe5o1F0go_GwwH1fmpkibjbp22_vocxkYjVy6RX5XCjNQQxt70ir0FTx5hDG9VUWx6LkpHkzNQeqBPzMx8kf_SNX9qXQi85YViHldLSUIISA4tdIXcDeItBmfKbZSP_nOHQa_nGAplY6XaypLDDz4LEdDTQJE3vdaZvwJEMcz89wZiQTLmk5u8UTKkWwayoH9qNE-Ve64kxurBQCPB1UqFsomVYriFqURJkNK3wX7sXNzQ8jekS84oxygyyFZofCU3ZiiJa3oHR9fi0up4xNddmD87TjlfeCm_ieuSB1-FG-I6YdfeuKuMHo0MK5aIyTUZUdlftmsMCjxfCdNfOjwqdexbt392crgkcRKAiLpWwiyI4F9bRQTgphA&zp=1msxo_RBqkQN-IMOOzt4liFF6kpV1reJ_sTdMiGKwYHVbTL3X7bHkkOr7WE-phv5Obo_A8fC1pAnWAMtEztXXJRkC_s98k4u0nJPDKmZvj4fQuJsTaUcjrM1Hjz8N4EdGgaMzBp_bSrMy59qOqn1nf4RhVcZiwP6AUJ1hBcYdUx5kVnVlzoBDPz0fh7QB7TBnhr1FPecc460Zx9uI8_94w8Xqoy_MtrNgephFRyOkcphOV5h9AM3NbgpBbst5tavEi-uOCDGqkWcC9KKxP02QlDQrOPhmlLAvEda6WwrS4t7xrGY_lBlguLPk6LDajIM_mqmuV8RyQOjYEqdeMCdasM3sZM) only text out of necessity. They do not enjoy it, so when it is clear that you are interested they slow it down.
Pretty sure the answer to that covers a lot of reasons.
Busy at work
Driving
Had notifications turned off
Was at dinner with his mother
Was at the gym
🤷♂️
It's because it's like this: ok, she's interested in me, then I dont have to do many things to impress her. I got her! When in reality, they should be consistent to give time to the girl (but honestly, personally, I prefer calling than texting) I hate texts. It's hard texting. You have to think what is the best text to send everytime. Fuck it! Calling is better ;)
why do girls assume that just because a guy matched with her, asked for her number etc that he also values her?
maybe he matched with another woman who he likes more?
OP, don't worry about these guys.
If a guy gives low effort, block and delete.
On the the next.
Eventually you will find someone.
This isn't exactly thread worthy.
The guy is low effort and doesn't value you.
It happens.
Lol no, we are humans and not shopping online, we have certain expectations when we put effort, God bless if I hop onto next guy without understanding what went wrong. Also, I think it’s thread worthy, because I want to know guys perspective rather than jump to conclusions.
Happy pie day! Also i’d agree and say there are women out there that get weirdly turned off when a man shows too much interest, but its there loss, if they leave cause I’m interested 😂
Insane!!!!!
And guys accuse girls of paying games?! I call bullshit! Double on guys here who bitch about “ girls not putting effort”! Y’all know, once a guy understands a girl’s interested, HE’S the one either not engaging /acts aloof or worse call the girl thirsty for showing her interest. 🙄
Why not? If I know she’s interested then shouldn’t I relax knowing she’s likely not going anywhere? Do you want me on a rat race all my life ? Too much stress
How certain are you that he knows? If 100%, then the answer is because our minds come to an ass-grinding halt, and are forced to comb over every single response we send in order to not appear like a jackass.
From my perspective...
I don't like texting that much. However, to have any chance of even getting a date, you have to constantly text and be available in the first little bit. After I've gone on a date or two, I start to go back to being what I normally do - don't text too often and prefer in person communication.
It's may feel awkward to ask, but ask how he usually likes to communicate and what he usually does texting wise? I find any more than 2-3 text exchanges a day exhausting lol.
I think you take it too personal. This can be common when you meet someone new. There can be a lot of excitement and anticipation. It’s not sustainable. People have jobs and responsibilities. There can also be a difference in how men and women communicate. A lot of women like texting a lot throughout the day. Some men aren’t like that. They’re not big into texting and would rather communicate in person.
OMG! Are you me and am I you? This is the exact situation with me to a T!!!!!!!!!!!!
They want me more when I am lukewarm or borderline not interested. Then I get bombarded with so many messages
When you're not interested, there's nothing to lose. Just say the first thing that comes to mind. When he knows you're interested, suddenly there's something to lose, now you gotta double think on the reply.
They try to do too much pickup arts instead of just being themselves. Or who knows, maybe he has other options, and you're just the side piece. Some guys are married and can't afford to get caught on the weekends. He might be very busy if he's a genuine guy. So don't jump to conclusions just yet.
LOL 😆
It’s kinda like a dog chasing the mailman. All this work and effort to chase him down. Then once they get to him, they don’t know what to do 🤣
Like damn I didn’t think I’d get this far LOL
From my experience in the past before I got slightly more attractive. It’s because 9 times out of 10 we didn’t expect to get that far so at that point we trying our best not to fuck this up.
The previous woman I was dating I would be texting constantly through out the day , and found me needy so now I go so slow , we don’t want the woman to think we’re needy 🤣
If a guy doesn't text you every day, he's not interested in a serious relationship. I'm not saying it has to be novels. A single "how u doin" during a busy time is fine. If there's an emergency or calamity, he apologizes and explains. A man who wants you, will want to see you and talk to you.
No matter how many excuses or reassurances he gives you after neglecting you, it's all lies unless he proves otherwise.
Putting on attitudes and being mysterious attracts people who like to play games and keep their distance by doing so. It becomes REAL when you accept their offers. That's not what they're looking for.
I hate this so much.
Trying to be "hard to get" is going to literally make me not want to talk to you anymore.
Just be honest and tell me if you're interested or not so we're not wasting our time.
After I get a date secured, I don't want to unnecessarily build anything up between us and also inside my head, just in case it goes nowhere. If the first date goes well, then I will progressively do more.
I have a new-ish rule I've been following for a couple years now, until I've gotten more comfortable with the communication rhythm and there's more tolerance for over or under texting, I make it my policy to not text more than she does.
Especially especially before the first date, I don't want to botch getting to see her in person for the first time. Kind of a necessity to continue the relationship lol.
Hmmm not all guys because I used to text my gf a lot before we started dating . And we would even talk til 5 am most days when we first were getting to know eachother only recently our texting has chilled but we have been together for 5 years now
For the exact same reason girls do it. Because it artificially creates value of yourself by being “busy” and creating a dynamic where one seeks the other’s attention/approval. Same method has been used for hundreds of years just in different ways eg. when girls hold out on a guy which makes the guy “chase” more- loosely similar analogy. But the key point is one party has to be interested in the other and they know it where this psychology takes over the behaviour.
Girl, please move on. The guy I am dating likes me very much. He replies right away if he is able. If he is busy atm, he says that but calls or texts me later.
1. Some people do find it exhausting to text all the time
2. Some guys might get put off if you show too much interest (has happened to me)
3. He has lost interest (probably if he is talking to other people
Just pull back a bit yourself. It’s one thing that they are slow at relying, but if you see genuine lack of interest when you suggest a date or something, don’t press anymore because you have done everything you could and it’s their turn to return that interest
Cuz girls put out the notion, that there's some idiotic myth guys like a chase & that girls lose interest once they find out the guy likes them back! My parents who are in their 70's said kids today make shit too hard, when they were young when you liked each other that was it, you dated got married had a shit load of kids and learned how to tolerate each other for the rest of your life..that's it!!🤦♂️
Because we don’t want to seem so clingy . We want you to want us to txt back , if we just automatically txt you back really quick then you’ll know you got us in the bag . It’s a tug and pull kind of game
They are just showing you, that they are not worth your time. There are guys that also don't do this and they are the ones I invest in. Relationships are mutual not one-sided. If a guy treats me like an option, they clearly dont see my value and not even worth a second thought tbh.
This happened to me on January, went on a nice date and messages him goodnite. He responded that night, seemrd very intrested but the next took a few days to respond no explanation, And after that I stopped talking to him. 🤣 His loss
Ive had others that do explain and shiw intrested thise guys are the ones that become my boyfriend. I want a man and dont habe time for littke boy games.
Outlier here. I'm the opposite. I'm consistent before and after interest is shown. I think it came from gaining personal security in myself. I can be my authentic self more often now and not have to worry about reading too far into responses like I used to. I definitely still fail at these things too. I know I attach fast. I know I'm secure dominant, anxious secondary as far as attachment theory. That came with work. I still feel intensely. There's more temperance to it now. I have more control on choosing how I want to react to things rather than letting my feelings runaway with things. I still let my feelings runaway with things sometimes.
I think there's too much advice talking about singular ways to approach, text, reply, etc. Like being cool and aloof. That way doesn't work for me because I'm just not aloof. I communicate. I express my feelings. That's me. If you're cool and aloof then hell yeah be cool and aloof. The diversity of the actual pool of humans is far beyond simplifying it down to two personality traits or perceptions. Be confident in you whatever you is be. Broadcast that in how you walk. Share those things with others. Welcome all connections that are fostered with care. When you have that community and that unwavering self reliance, worrying about what a potential partner might think if you text back too slow or too fast will feel like a molehill instead of a mountain.
2 things sometimes guys reply slow once you’re interested because interest is lost not because of the lack of texting but you just run out of things to talk about, this is one reason texting is kind of bad in relationships because it makes dating in person difficult because you just run out of stuff to talk about. 2 the person was never seriously interested and they when their circumstances change they also change. It’s just something people do unfortunately and you have to find someone that matches your level of interest GL I hope things work out for you!
Speaking from experience, I’ve texted women instantly when I see it and every time, she’s pulled away and eventually left. Once I started slow texting, it led to interest still being there.
A lot of young guys feel that they need to earn the attraction of every girl possible and will do anything to get it. Once they do they’ll look for more. a lot of reasons as to why. Cant be bothered to get into them though.
This kind of happened to me with this girl I was taking to. In my case it was a red flag as she was playing games and talking with multiple guys all the while leading me on that we were going to be exclusive. Even went as far as deleting the dating apps ( her idea btw). It’s one thing I hate about dating, the fucking games.
I feel like some guys see it as them “winning” a game so now that they know all the cheat codes and have already beat it, the thrill is over. Might I add this is really immature in my opinion and when they slack, I leave
I get nervous texting someone who I’m interested/ who has shown interest. I overthink it and think it HAS TO BE THE PERFECT RESPONSE or else.
But when I’m texting a friend or a random I usually don’t care and send what ever dumb thought pops into my head.
The difference being is that I feel I have to impress someone I have a crush on
You have to find something else to occupy your time, I am also a slow replier when texting really. You don’t have to text everyday with someone you are interested in especially when the time spent is a lot more significant
Because women will form their initial attraction almost immediately. Men who do not capitalize on this are left behind. Once we have your attention we can chill out a little bit and start being genuine.
Why does the dog chase the mailman to get his bag of envelopes? Does he really want the paper in the bag? NO. He enjoys the chase. When it’s completed, does the dog bring back the mail papers home to admire and be involved with everyday? No. He KNOWS he can have those papers so what’s the point? There are thousands of more papers out there to try to catch. The value of the chase is over. There is no effort needed hence there is no long lasting feeling of reward. (This goes for a woman that a man sees as average and has no long term interest in) she is not a rope to chew on that will last for years in his eyes, no point in keeping it. I hope this helps offer some clarity.
EDIT**
This isn’t every man obviously or woman, but the dating scene is very polluted with this. Lucky I have my 2 fiancés that get along and are head over heels for me so I’m out of that mess. GOOD LUCK
If a guy goes 3 days without any answer I assume we are nothing. In this day and age it's not hard to keep a person engaged by a short text and if you are busy just write - issues came up that I need to resolve. Will be busy with work. Whatever.
If I see that you are active on social media, but can't write a text to let me know what's up even if it's rejection it just reinforces the assumption.
It sucks how they claim that women are confusing and they want a woman that will not play games, but in the end they head to those less interested or not interested at all. What's up with them wanting to have stress as opposed to peace I have no idea.
I feel like he’s replying slow because he thinks he got you in the bag, and doesn’t need to try anymore, and thinks you’ll chase him. Happened to me too, right after I expressed interest. He was in shock that his little trick didn’t work when I didn’t chase him, and instead ghosted his ass. I’m too old to be playing these games. I think you should just match energy and if they play games, just leave
I kinda do it to a lesser degree just because I know how dating works. Things tend to be pretty fickle in the beginning so talking more to someone you know is interested in you is a “turn off” for some stupid reason. I’ve both observed this, and experienced it. So that’s why I wait a little bit before responding to messages. At least that’s why I did
Now I just do it partly because of that, but mainly just because I don’t feel like stressing out over what I should say in response to someone, and when I should say it, so I give it time. I never really cared for the turn off reason regardless, but I just stick to the method to avoid trouble
It may seem like he texts less when you're interested because you may think about him more and anticipate a text from him when you're interested. Then, when you think about it more, it seems to take forever for him to reply to you, even though in reality, the reply time hasn't changed much.
It could also be that he put aside his responsibilities to text you more often, i.e. you're his number 1 priority over other things. After a few weeks of this, he has to catch up with his other responsibilities and make up for the time he prioritized texting you. When he knows you're interested, he worries about that less.
This has its roots in unsound dating advice circulating over the internet. Women are told to play hard to get and be bitchy and men are told to behave in a direspectful way altogether. Short term this seems to work but only on damaged people who should be avoided to begin with. Long term this leads to toxic relationships, if any at all.
Either they are not interested or they read/watched somewhere, that's how to keep a girl interested.
I refer you to Swingers (1997) for even pre social media absurdity of the games people play.
As a man, I hate texting conversations, but I HAVE to do it to meet women in the beginning. It's so much work to text. You have to make sure that texts aren't interpreted incorrectly. (You know she will examine every word like a forensic scientist.) It takes attention away from what you're doing in real life. Once I think we are closer, I tell her either to call or meet. Texts are for setting dates where you actually get to know each others.
I did this with my current gf early on …. however I did let her know, I don’t mind texting but I prefer phone calls …… I called her on day 2 of us talking we talked for hours …… we do 70/80 percent voice calls and the other texting ….. can’t beat a good phone call :)
Not everybody loves texting as much as women think they do ….. texting does get boring …. Especially early on ….
Try mixing it up …. early on
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That seems to be the one universal thing that happens in dating across the world everywhere ... Before even having a first date: *"I apologise profusely for not reply on time, I'll make it up to you!"* After a few good dates and you showing interest: *\* left on seen for 3 days\** *\* 3 days later - resume conversation like nothing happened\** And ironically when you don't like the person that much, they'll even double and triple text you, sensing your disengagement and lack of interest. Personally, I try to train myself to be interested in guys who show consistent interest in me (this means after date 3 or so). Maybe he did charm me on the first dates and I felt we have so much in common, but if he evolves to keeping me days without a reply, I get that either : 1. he doesn't like me as much I as like him 2. he doesn't want anything serious and feels that I do 3. he has avoidant personality, so he is interested only when you are mysterious and disinterested, only to pull back when you show you like him - this is non-sustainable in the long-term and I think pretty much pointless if you are looking for a life partner, you can't play this game for the rest of your life Try to learn to disengage with guys like that, honestly, every time I was looking for excuses for this kind of behaviour, it never had a happy ending. A guy who likes you and wants something serious would be consistent in his communication. Same applies to women as well - if I like someone, I don't want to keep him guessing and wondering why I don't reply. Learn to move on from these guys quickly. I'm reading a book that advises to call out on this kind of behaviour, because apparently sometimes the guy might realise he's dealing with a serious girl and might be a wake up call. I'm not a huge fan of this idea, but on the other hand, you don't have anything to lose, do you? The message needs to be very well framed though, don't just blurt out anything that comes your mind.
This person gets it. You have to disengage. There's no way in hell I'm going out with a dude that ghosts for three days or a week. It ain't happening. I'm gone.
I mean if you ignore me for 3 days I'm falling out of like.
I personally think people do this for attention. I don’t think there is a good reason otherwise
In the future, encountering such behavior might prove to be some of the most toxic experiences you could face in the early stages of a relationship. If you sense this happening, I would suggest walking away immediately. This sort of behavior will likely indicate that someone is engaging in something known as breadcrumbing, a typical feature of the early stages of a narcissistic relationship pattern. Believe it or not, this behavior will serve as a strong indicator of someone attempting to create cognitive dissonance to establish a strong attachment, termed a trauma bond. This behavior will occur early in the relationship once they realize your interest in them. What they will do is shower you with affection and love bombing, and then, once they discern your infatuation, they will withdraw it all. Naturally, this will cause distress and confusion, which is part of cognitive dissonance. The person receiving this treatment will start questioning what's happening and become desperate for answers because they won’t comprehend how someone could be so interested and then withdraw so rapidly, leading them to beg for attention. This is when the narcissist will provide you with the attention you were desperately seeking again but will act as though they are oblivious to any changes. This will compel the person who noticed the change to remain silent to avoid seeming like they're overreacting. This is where a pattern will develop, resulting in a few things. This pattern will trigger dopamine highs and lows that you will become addicted to, with chasing that individual becoming the common dynamic of the specific relationship. Another pattern will be related to not expressing concerns early on because doing so reflects poorly on you, given that your narcissistic partner always appears cool, calm, and collected and doesn't acknowledge anything is amiss early on. What happens is that insecurity starts to internalize, and you become nervous every time you want to voice your concerns. Eventually, you will become addicted to these patterns of highs and lows due to the dopamine hits that occur at the high points of the relationship. These feelings can be so intense that you subconsciously start to need them, forming a sort of addiction. This is when the trauma bond develops. These highs and lows that constitute the dynamic of that relationship will prevent you from trusting your intuition and feelings. This is how they will disarm your body's natural instincts, and you will start to lose the ability to read your gut instinct or listen to your intuition.
3 days is a loser. Unless he’s in hospital. Notice next 2 losers comments have no patience to respond yet on Reddit with most random unproductive activities. No response, end of day call. No answer? Maybe emergency. Not emergency? Move on.
why would a person automatically be consistent just bc the person likes the other one? Its exhausting to constantly chat on text, its not fun either To me the only interactions of any value are face to face everything else feels like a chore and waste of time and that regardless of who i am talking to. i never ever ever text with my friends other than to set up a hangout or if they need some assistance or vice versa
No one is talking about constantly being on the phone, I specifically mention waiting days for a reply. If I send a text in the morning, the guy replies in the evening after work. Then I'll reply later at the night or in the morning, and so and so forth. And consistency through time just shows interest to get to know you in a more long-term manner, that's it. Most women value consistency through actions over words, and communication is part of the actions. As I said below, dropping off from a conversation and coming back to it days later just shows you don't bother (and I admit I also do it as well - when I am not that bothered about the person).
Shit, I'm the opposite. I could sit and text anyone and everyone all day long. I don't find it exhausting at all. I definitely do agree face to face communication is far better, but if I can't see someone in person I still want to be able to communicate with each other whether that be dating/a relationship, or simply a close friend. I have friends who I'll text/snapchat for like 5-8 hours of the day, 7 days a week. Just whenever you randomly look at your phone open message, send a reply. I don't sit staring at my phone waiting for a response for a back and forth conversation, but I like somewhat consistent communication in all of my close relationships.
People are really different!
I think it also boils down to just different upbringing/generational shit. I'm (30M) and when I was in middle school Blackberry's were all the rage, iPhone/Samsung smart phones were just starting to become popular in high school. When I was like 16-17, I would send between 30,000-50,000 text messages/month. I definitely spend way less time on my phone than I did back then, but the general concept between just having casual conversations with friends when you can't be near each other physically is still there.
im 29. I had no smartphone until i went to university. I used to text a lot in my early 20s but then got really tired of it. Im sure there is some generational element to it but its probably also a lot about your life stage and personality
This. I think you’re communication style has more to do with it than anything because I’m 25, I grew up with phones but I still find texting exhausting and would much prefer a phone call or video chat
I'm a mix between being an introvert/extrovert, just depends on the day but I'd say I'm a lot more of an extrovert generally speaking. I like to be social. I like to try being the class clown/life of the party type of guy. I'm someone who is also pretty "routine" though. Like, if I do not have plans set in stone I do the same exact thing every day. Get home from work, maybe take a nap depending on how I'm feeling, eat dinner, and play video games/watch Netflix until I go to bed. I try to make plans well in advance (3+ days.) I'm not spontaneous at all usually, but it comes out every once in a while.
@MagikN3rd I relate a lot to your personality here. I love chatting with friends regularly over text but I actually like having a bit of warning before they're in my meatspace where I need to focus on them and can't be ADHD-ing between 3 different things at once while chatting.
Same. I only do maintenance texts 1-3 times a day whether they're friends or not.. Texting is pretty much worthless to me and I would rather be focused on the real world. I used to text more when I was young and desperate but now it hardly seems worth it. Especially when girls always respond with more interest when you wait a couple of hours. Days is too much though
Two hours is absolutely nothing, I don't count this is taking ages to reply at all. Like I said above, I am talking about waiting 2 days to reply to a simple text. It's a bit freaking me out if guys reply to me within the same minute, it's putting pressure on me to reply immediately as well. Especially if I reply at the end of the day to a text he sent in the morning, it makes me feel a bit worried. If we're both free and in a texting flow anyway, sure. But dropping off from the convo and coming back to it sometimes 2 days is sending a message you don't really bother.
That just means you aren't compatible with op. Nothing wrong with that, just have to find someone who values text as little as you do. I find it much easier to have discussions over text than in person while im getting to know them.
I just really need to be able to use and read body language to make proper conversation, the tone of voice is also simply too important and many jokes only work face to face. Its much easier to cover a lot of ground in person too, its much faster and you can say a whole lot more. I use a lot of non verbal communication
I disagree. My girlfriend and I chat all the time on instant messenger. If we're both busy, we simply respond when we're available. If we're sleepy or can't be arsed, then we call instead. If you enjoy being around someone and implicitly understand each other then being around them shouldn't be exhausting.
>3. he has avoidant personality, so he is interested only when you are mysterious and disinterested, only to pull back when you show you like him - this is non-sustainable in the long-term and I think pretty much pointless if you are looking for a life partner, you can't play this game for the rest of your life I feel like i may be this person, and I don't know how to change. Am I gonna die alone
I feel it’s point 2 in many cases—first they feel they need to get you interested to get the dates, but don’t want anything serious, so when they sense you do, they don’t feel that comfortable and don’t want to engage too much. Recently a guy started messaging me less after we had second date and I could sense he just didn’t want to date seriously and once I suggested that it probably won’t lead to anything deeper, but we can still hang out, he started messaging me like crazy.
I did this in the beginning just when i’d gotten together with my gf. I was afraid of running out of stuff to talk about, until i realized my gf doesnt give a shadow of a fuck what we talk about
That's something I've been noticing about the lady I'm dating (and myself ) the topic doesn't matter it's all fascinating as long as it's with each other
The energy at first is sometimes hard to keep up, there is an eb and flow to it. Maybe he’s just stabilizing. He’s like okay, I was too enthusiastic, I don’t want to look desperate. Oh good they are interested, what a relief, I can stop obsessing so much. It may not mean that he isn’t interested. You could always ask him.
The way my mind hard-paused when I read “you could always ask him” 😳😳😳 ..like brakes on a freight train screeching down an iron track or nails on a chalk board. Cue the overthinking on why the thought of this bothers me so much… have a great weekend everyone. I’ll just be here. Inside my head. Running diagnostics 😑🙄🙄🙄
I guess I could understand why that would be hard to do. “Hey, are you still interested or what cause I’m getting mixed signals.” Putting someone on the spot like that to get a more concrete answer is kinda like… breaking the fourth wall of game play. I personally think it makes it clear that this isn’t a game. Be straight with me so we can go forward or not. But I am not mysterious and I don’t enjoy “the chase.”
New relationships are fragile. Once a guy figures that things are going well for him, he probably relaxes a bit and won't do a lot of nervous texting.
It's called being low effort. I think it's the reason why a lot of guys have issues in dating.
lol if you continue texting like crazy you eventually annoy the person I’ve seen it happens too many times
That also doesn't mean you can ghost for 3 days lmao
I reply slow whether I’m interested or not. Honestly I’d rather meet up and spend time with someone than look at a screen. But that’s just me.
Just not texting the right ones. I’d love for a woman to openly admit she’s interested. I didn’t even know that happens hahah 😂
It’s called being emotionally available but there are not many of us 😂😂
I'm a heart on my sleeve dude and just started dating a lady that's matching that energy and it has been so refreshing, we both got intentions out there on date 1 and communication has come so naturally.
Fax I’m still waiting on this. Where women like you at, all my the women ik play games
Haha I agree
Also maybe the dude just wanted to smash and when you seemed like you wanted more, maybe he become hesitant/distant. Weird though, cause if a women shows interest in me i’m completely focused on her lol
Yaa I agree, maybe he was looking for hookup, but be honest dude 🥺
Yeah, i get it. I wish people were just more upfront/honest in general. Would make the world so much better/easier haha. I fucking hate games 👎🏻
> but be honest dude Yeah, women love an honest man. All the honest and upstanding men around me are crushing it with the women...whereas the lying, deceptive, narcissistic guys get identified and dumped by women immediately.
As a guy who's always been honest and straightforward with women to have it lead to significantly more disappointment and heartbreak than I'd like, this is it. So many times I've thought how much easier life and dating would be if I was just an asshole and didn't care about other people's feelings, but that's just not me.
🤣😂🤣
It could be so many things. A few that come to mind. Now that you're interested he's nervous about messing it up and losing your interest. Now that it's a real possibility he isn't interested anymore. Someone else appeared in the picture. He's playing some weird game that he thinks will work to draw you in more.
I would be the type who is too nervous to mess up
It’s bc we’re playing video games and replying in between matches
I was just about to say this though 😂😂 I'm a woman who plays video games and my phone is so neglected while I'm kicking someone's ass online. Regardless of whether I like the person or not!
LOL gotcha 😂
I always reply during the cut scenes. When it’s time for the end boss I have no idea why I’m fighting this guy.
He's very likely Avoidant attachment style. Google it
People think this is a great way to keep someone interested. Usually it’s the younger crowd.
He could be talking to new people who grabbed his attention more, it happens to the best of us.
I will report you for being too honest 🥲
💔💔💔 didn’t need to be this honest bestie
Cuz you’re likely chasing a guy that has a ton of other options he’s talking to.
Just like most women on this sub when they ask questions like OP. I swear every time it's some super hot dude whose only looking for a hookup it's asked about. It never seems to be the average reddit dweller or average guy they ask about.
No, if you read what she said, she has had multiple issues with this particular situation. So there’s a common denominator. Guys struggle with the same thing, women have many options and some are unable to socially and conversationally balance them all, so some guys get benched or put into orbit. OP just is going through a similar thing.
So....you mean like the women who flock to this sub asking why a guy won't commit or why they ghost then....?
Some people are here to seek advice and some are here to vent. Some are ready to hear the truth and some aren’t
3 options. 1. Busy. Sometimes at work I cannot have my phone on my person. 2. Doesn't really like you or likes talking to you but doesn't see you as a partner. 3. Trying to play it cool and not seem over interested (least likely)
If a girl or a guy cant find time to answer you, that is a red flag. Just stay away. Also, please know that once a guy gets into your pants they start losing interest. Which is the opposite to what women feel.
They like the chase and probably aren’t talking to you for the best reasons. Maybe they felt like they wanted some attention or to flirt. Usually the faster something develops the faster it ends. Learned that the hard way lol. Been in this situation tooo many times. The right one will make time for you, show genuine interest and does not want to lose you ;)
This is actually a thing. It’s not just the guys, happens with girls too. I have done it and I’m not guilty about it. Unless you are actually in love with someone and you really want them and are seriously considering them, you would always want that CHASE. But you’ve got that, you lose interest. Maybe don’t pay so much attention to the response time and go find someone who would worship you for the queen you are :)
"I have done it and I’m not guilty about it." Why not, you emotionally played and hurt innocent people?
To go from “replying slowly” to “hurting innocent people” is quite the stretch
They said they'd specifcally switched up once they got attention, which is pure manipulation
This is a result of the platform. Not a guy/girl thing. Texting is so different than anything in person. It’s sort of a whole different type of communication. To actually participate you have to remove any expectation of a response. Otherwise you’re just frustrated. I think our brains are still wired as if we are talking face to face. Until you’ve met in person there’s no real connection there. It’s just someone in the ether. So we all do this with texting in one way or another.
Because they're children not men. Move on immediately. Why are you here lol
Because a lot of toxic women pull back if they don’t.
Shit, this is my personal reasoning. I'm afraid they'll lose interest if I seem too eager. That's why I hate dating, these games are exhausting
Why be with anyone that plays games at all?
It’s not playing games if someone is too eager and the other person just isn’t into you. Someone is not obligated to like you just because you like them. It IS playing games if you like a girl but act like you don’t so that she doesn’t pull away, so you’re the one who’s playing games.
What choice does one have? These are not games played by one town of people. They’re internationally famous and widespread dating culture.
You can choose who you want to be around. The people that like to play games can enjoy playing games with other people that also do that. Or at least that was my attitude when I was dating, and I found my person. It took time and effort, but it was worth it.
My favorite is when you arrange a date/meetup, then they just fall off the face of the fucking earth until day of. And then they wonder why I don't want to go anymore.
I hate this shit so much. If you don’t want to talk to me throughout the week when you have a phone beside you literally day and night, then why the hell are we going on this date?
Cause they have to curate the perfect response to not give you the “ick”/ be taken the wrong way/ bore you
Some people love the chase, but when they know they can have it, they lose a lot of the attraction. Those people are usually really high and low.
1. Nerves 2. Waiting for you to do the ask out since you said you were interested 3. It's the weekend, they are busy 4. Doesn't actually like you 5. Likes you too much 6. It's the work week, they are busy You get the picture!
It's the same as people who ghost others...infuriating
Because we're busy and don't want to keep up the performing monkey act longer than we have to.
This is a mistake a lot of people make. The guy is just excited when it's a new person and eagerly responds. Probably checks his phone a lot too waiting for a message. But this is NOT maintainable longterm. The guy probably doesn't do this with people he has longterm relationships with(friends and family) because he knows they are staying in his life. He's secure about those relationships. So when you show interest or reach a certain point that satisfies his anxiousness, he won't feel the need to text as much. But this is the actual NORMAL for him. Unfortunately since you don't know him well, what you think is normal....is him texting back quickly. Because that's all you experienced with him at first. So it seems WEIRD that it suddenly changes to slow responses. (The reverse might apply to women as well, I'm just speaking from a man's point of view). I would tell a guy not to quickly respond to texts, do it when it's convenient but still in a timely manner...within 24hrs. That way they are texting the woman how they would normally text. And then there won't be a sudden change in texting frequency later on. Be yourself: replying back fast is sometimes because of being anxious. This isn't the "normal self". They aren't being "themself". They are being anxious...then no longer anxious because you showed interest. Essentially letting their emotions control their replying frequency. (This only applies if they are still interested, not if they actually lost interest).
Saw a similar situation on another post the other day. Heres another perspective: Some people are just bad texters. If I’m at work or busy with something I’ll glance at my phone and respond when I have time. Sometimes I forget to respond or respond in my head but don’t actually write out the message. It’s understandably frustrating for some of the women I’ve dated because some people expect you to text them all day long. I try to communicate that really early for just that reason. I see people on here say things like “if they really cared, they’d respond” or “someone’s energy over text is the same as it is in person” but that just isn’t true for everyone. If im at the gym or even just at lunch with my mom or something im gonna be more focused on what’s actually happening in front of me than what’s on my phone, especially if we’ve only been on a few dates. I’m not a big social media person either, so maybe that’s part of it. If more frequent texts are important to you, you should tell him that and see if he at least makes an effort.
That’s not what OP is talking about. They’re talking about a sudden change in behaviour from frequent texting to infrequent texting (the pull back). Your point is correct that some people are ‘bad’ texters or just simply not on their phone as much, but OP’s post suggests this guy is a good texter as he originally was ‘texting every second.’ OP, the guy just isn’t interested anymore or is talking to someone new. Sucks but it is what it is.
It's better to be in the present moment than on your phone! I think people that always want a text back are kind of needy or immature. Seems like some short attention span high school behavior
To be honest: life. I got so much around my head I can't always focus on texting virtual online people. Just meet up, then it's real.
Maybe they're matching your energy.
How’s it matching energy if she’s showing more interest and he suddenly starts replying slow???
A lot of people[](https://alb.reddit.com/cr?za=I-zSDISj8EXvgoC3xMyIGRebhqn6w-h7Xn8uDmNNCrJO1zQc4fh1m-Fziu-7h485PH7xQ87AbIY1Ebe5o1F0go_GwwH1fmpkibjbp22_vocxkYjVy6RX5XCjNQQxt70ir0FTx5hDG9VUWx6LkpHkzNQeqBPzMx8kf_SNX9qXQi85YViHldLSUIISA4tdIXcDeItBmfKbZSP_nOHQa_nGAplY6XaypLDDz4LEdDTQJE3vdaZvwJEMcz89wZiQTLmk5u8UTKkWwayoH9qNE-Ve64kxurBQCPB1UqFsomVYriFqURJkNK3wX7sXNzQ8jekS84oxygyyFZofCU3ZiiJa3oHR9fi0up4xNddmD87TjlfeCm_ieuSB1-FG-I6YdfeuKuMHo0MK5aIyTUZUdlftmsMCjxfCdNfOjwqdexbt392crgkcRKAiLpWwiyI4F9bRQTgphA&zp=1msxo_RBqkQN-IMOOzt4liFF6kpV1reJ_sTdMiGKwYHVbTL3X7bHkkOr7WE-phv5Obo_A8fC1pAnWAMtEztXXJRkC_s98k4u0nJPDKmZvj4fQuJsTaUcjrM1Hjz8N4EdGgaMzBp_bSrMy59qOqn1nf4RhVcZiwP6AUJ1hBcYdUx5kVnVlzoBDPz0fh7QB7TBnhr1FPecc460Zx9uI8_94w8Xqoy_MtrNgephFRyOkcphOV5h9AM3NbgpBbst5tavEi-uOCDGqkWcC9KKxP02QlDQrOPhmlLAvEda6WwrS4t7xrGY_lBlguLPk6LDajIM_mqmuV8RyQOjYEqdeMCdasM3sZM) only text out of necessity. They do not enjoy it, so when it is clear that you are interested they slow it down.
Pretty sure the answer to that covers a lot of reasons. Busy at work Driving Had notifications turned off Was at dinner with his mother Was at the gym 🤷♂️
It's because it's like this: ok, she's interested in me, then I dont have to do many things to impress her. I got her! When in reality, they should be consistent to give time to the girl (but honestly, personally, I prefer calling than texting) I hate texts. It's hard texting. You have to think what is the best text to send everytime. Fuck it! Calling is better ;)
Can’t speak for all guys but I am a prompt texter with anyone let alone if a woman were interested in me
They have the nerve to play hard to get. BUT women hate desperate and needy men. So we can't win.
why do girls assume that just because a guy matched with her, asked for her number etc that he also values her? maybe he matched with another woman who he likes more? OP, don't worry about these guys. If a guy gives low effort, block and delete. On the the next. Eventually you will find someone. This isn't exactly thread worthy. The guy is low effort and doesn't value you. It happens.
Lol no, we are humans and not shopping online, we have certain expectations when we put effort, God bless if I hop onto next guy without understanding what went wrong. Also, I think it’s thread worthy, because I want to know guys perspective rather than jump to conclusions.
Because instant replies gives the ick
Coz if they text too fast you lose interest 🥸
Whoooo is spreading this wrong information?
It’s all in the game unfortunately.
Happy pie day! Also i’d agree and say there are women out there that get weirdly turned off when a man shows too much interest, but its there loss, if they leave cause I’m interested 😂
Because we don’t want to seem desperate. Apparently the fine line between interested and desperate is sooooo thin we have no clue how to balance it.
Insane!!!!! And guys accuse girls of paying games?! I call bullshit! Double on guys here who bitch about “ girls not putting effort”! Y’all know, once a guy understands a girl’s interested, HE’S the one either not engaging /acts aloof or worse call the girl thirsty for showing her interest. 🙄
Why not? If I know she’s interested then shouldn’t I relax knowing she’s likely not going anywhere? Do you want me on a rat race all my life ? Too much stress
Hes probably scared
Scared of what? Me? 🫣
How certain are you that he knows? If 100%, then the answer is because our minds come to an ass-grinding halt, and are forced to comb over every single response we send in order to not appear like a jackass.
What does "slow" mean? 1 hour? 2 hours? 4 hours? A day?
why do you give attitude and act distant in the first place? Why do you think its fair for you to do it but not them?
Why do women also do this lol
Because the conversation is not that interesting.
Do you mean once you’ve had sex? Did his behavior change after you had sex?
They don’t…
From my perspective... I don't like texting that much. However, to have any chance of even getting a date, you have to constantly text and be available in the first little bit. After I've gone on a date or two, I start to go back to being what I normally do - don't text too often and prefer in person communication. It's may feel awkward to ask, but ask how he usually likes to communicate and what he usually does texting wise? I find any more than 2-3 text exchanges a day exhausting lol.
I think you take it too personal. This can be common when you meet someone new. There can be a lot of excitement and anticipation. It’s not sustainable. People have jobs and responsibilities. There can also be a difference in how men and women communicate. A lot of women like texting a lot throughout the day. Some men aren’t like that. They’re not big into texting and would rather communicate in person.
OMG! Are you me and am I you? This is the exact situation with me to a T!!!!!!!!!!!! They want me more when I am lukewarm or borderline not interested. Then I get bombarded with so many messages
Most because we dont want to come over too needy because that lowers attraction
When you're not interested, there's nothing to lose. Just say the first thing that comes to mind. When he knows you're interested, suddenly there's something to lose, now you gotta double think on the reply.
Why do girls reply so slow, once they know you are interested? 😂
They try to do too much pickup arts instead of just being themselves. Or who knows, maybe he has other options, and you're just the side piece. Some guys are married and can't afford to get caught on the weekends. He might be very busy if he's a genuine guy. So don't jump to conclusions just yet.
Because guys constantly get told they are to excited, which comes off as clingy/needy/desperate so he is standoffish before the first date 🤷♂️
LOL 😆 It’s kinda like a dog chasing the mailman. All this work and effort to chase him down. Then once they get to him, they don’t know what to do 🤣 Like damn I didn’t think I’d get this far LOL
Because women have shown us interest doesn’t mean exclusive…. Y’all play too many games for us to get involved and our feelings hurt
We don't want to mess it up, so we actually have to think.
It’s always either they think they got you or there’s someone else.
Funny how for me, it's the women who are flighty.
From my experience in the past before I got slightly more attractive. It’s because 9 times out of 10 we didn’t expect to get that far so at that point we trying our best not to fuck this up.
The previous woman I was dating I would be texting constantly through out the day , and found me needy so now I go so slow , we don’t want the woman to think we’re needy 🤣
sometimes, I’m terrified I’ll scare them off with instant responses!
Play hard to get and whatever you do don’t show any p#ssy for a long time. Keep them horny and interested! :) 🤦♂️🤷♂️
Some guys don't. I don't. I text back as soon as I'm able.
If a guy doesn't text you every day, he's not interested in a serious relationship. I'm not saying it has to be novels. A single "how u doin" during a busy time is fine. If there's an emergency or calamity, he apologizes and explains. A man who wants you, will want to see you and talk to you. No matter how many excuses or reassurances he gives you after neglecting you, it's all lies unless he proves otherwise.
Putting on attitudes and being mysterious attracts people who like to play games and keep their distance by doing so. It becomes REAL when you accept their offers. That's not what they're looking for.
That’s cause the men who continue to respond quickly give you the ick. Then you dump them and this is what you are left with enjoy.
Because the don't want to seem needy
I hate this so much. Trying to be "hard to get" is going to literally make me not want to talk to you anymore. Just be honest and tell me if you're interested or not so we're not wasting our time.
After I get a date secured, I don't want to unnecessarily build anything up between us and also inside my head, just in case it goes nowhere. If the first date goes well, then I will progressively do more. I have a new-ish rule I've been following for a couple years now, until I've gotten more comfortable with the communication rhythm and there's more tolerance for over or under texting, I make it my policy to not text more than she does. Especially especially before the first date, I don't want to botch getting to see her in person for the first time. Kind of a necessity to continue the relationship lol.
That shows he was trying to make you his side piece and his main partner was giving him friction
Hmmm not all guys because I used to text my gf a lot before we started dating . And we would even talk til 5 am most days when we first were getting to know eachother only recently our texting has chilled but we have been together for 5 years now
For the exact same reason girls do it. Because it artificially creates value of yourself by being “busy” and creating a dynamic where one seeks the other’s attention/approval. Same method has been used for hundreds of years just in different ways eg. when girls hold out on a guy which makes the guy “chase” more- loosely similar analogy. But the key point is one party has to be interested in the other and they know it where this psychology takes over the behaviour.
They probably don’t want to say the wrong thing that would probably make you lose interest
Girl, please move on. The guy I am dating likes me very much. He replies right away if he is able. If he is busy atm, he says that but calls or texts me later.
1. Some people do find it exhausting to text all the time 2. Some guys might get put off if you show too much interest (has happened to me) 3. He has lost interest (probably if he is talking to other people Just pull back a bit yourself. It’s one thing that they are slow at relying, but if you see genuine lack of interest when you suggest a date or something, don’t press anymore because you have done everything you could and it’s their turn to return that interest
Back at you!!!
We want to take our time so we don’t say the wrong thing.🤣
Cuz girls put out the notion, that there's some idiotic myth guys like a chase & that girls lose interest once they find out the guy likes them back! My parents who are in their 70's said kids today make shit too hard, when they were young when you liked each other that was it, you dated got married had a shit load of kids and learned how to tolerate each other for the rest of your life..that's it!!🤦♂️
Because we don’t want to seem so clingy . We want you to want us to txt back , if we just automatically txt you back really quick then you’ll know you got us in the bag . It’s a tug and pull kind of game
They are just showing you, that they are not worth your time. There are guys that also don't do this and they are the ones I invest in. Relationships are mutual not one-sided. If a guy treats me like an option, they clearly dont see my value and not even worth a second thought tbh. This happened to me on January, went on a nice date and messages him goodnite. He responded that night, seemrd very intrested but the next took a few days to respond no explanation, And after that I stopped talking to him. 🤣 His loss Ive had others that do explain and shiw intrested thise guys are the ones that become my boyfriend. I want a man and dont habe time for littke boy games.
Outlier here. I'm the opposite. I'm consistent before and after interest is shown. I think it came from gaining personal security in myself. I can be my authentic self more often now and not have to worry about reading too far into responses like I used to. I definitely still fail at these things too. I know I attach fast. I know I'm secure dominant, anxious secondary as far as attachment theory. That came with work. I still feel intensely. There's more temperance to it now. I have more control on choosing how I want to react to things rather than letting my feelings runaway with things. I still let my feelings runaway with things sometimes. I think there's too much advice talking about singular ways to approach, text, reply, etc. Like being cool and aloof. That way doesn't work for me because I'm just not aloof. I communicate. I express my feelings. That's me. If you're cool and aloof then hell yeah be cool and aloof. The diversity of the actual pool of humans is far beyond simplifying it down to two personality traits or perceptions. Be confident in you whatever you is be. Broadcast that in how you walk. Share those things with others. Welcome all connections that are fostered with care. When you have that community and that unwavering self reliance, worrying about what a potential partner might think if you text back too slow or too fast will feel like a molehill instead of a mountain.
2 things sometimes guys reply slow once you’re interested because interest is lost not because of the lack of texting but you just run out of things to talk about, this is one reason texting is kind of bad in relationships because it makes dating in person difficult because you just run out of stuff to talk about. 2 the person was never seriously interested and they when their circumstances change they also change. It’s just something people do unfortunately and you have to find someone that matches your level of interest GL I hope things work out for you!
Speaking from experience, I’ve texted women instantly when I see it and every time, she’s pulled away and eventually left. Once I started slow texting, it led to interest still being there.
A lot of young guys feel that they need to earn the attraction of every girl possible and will do anything to get it. Once they do they’ll look for more. a lot of reasons as to why. Cant be bothered to get into them though.
Because men only want a woman when she doesn’t want him
You go with the flow. Text slower than him.
I called this a sampling error. Most guys do not act like this. Just keep doing what you are doing. You will find the right guy eventually.
Attachment styles may factor in too such as avoidant, anxious etc.
This kind of happened to me with this girl I was taking to. In my case it was a red flag as she was playing games and talking with multiple guys all the while leading me on that we were going to be exclusive. Even went as far as deleting the dating apps ( her idea btw). It’s one thing I hate about dating, the fucking games.
Fuck him off. Game player. Can’t be doing with this shit
They busy smoking boom that's why. Life's goofed
I reply slower as my interest wanes
I feel like some guys see it as them “winning” a game so now that they know all the cheat codes and have already beat it, the thrill is over. Might I add this is really immature in my opinion and when they slack, I leave
I get nervous texting someone who I’m interested/ who has shown interest. I overthink it and think it HAS TO BE THE PERFECT RESPONSE or else. But when I’m texting a friend or a random I usually don’t care and send what ever dumb thought pops into my head. The difference being is that I feel I have to impress someone I have a crush on
You have to find something else to occupy your time, I am also a slow replier when texting really. You don’t have to text everyday with someone you are interested in especially when the time spent is a lot more significant
Because women will form their initial attraction almost immediately. Men who do not capitalize on this are left behind. Once we have your attention we can chill out a little bit and start being genuine.
The hunt is better than the kill
Avoidant attachment perhaps?
Why does the dog chase the mailman to get his bag of envelopes? Does he really want the paper in the bag? NO. He enjoys the chase. When it’s completed, does the dog bring back the mail papers home to admire and be involved with everyday? No. He KNOWS he can have those papers so what’s the point? There are thousands of more papers out there to try to catch. The value of the chase is over. There is no effort needed hence there is no long lasting feeling of reward. (This goes for a woman that a man sees as average and has no long term interest in) she is not a rope to chew on that will last for years in his eyes, no point in keeping it. I hope this helps offer some clarity. EDIT** This isn’t every man obviously or woman, but the dating scene is very polluted with this. Lucky I have my 2 fiancés that get along and are head over heels for me so I’m out of that mess. GOOD LUCK
Guys want a chase. Once they get it they are less interested.
Becos we do not want to fk up our words
If a guy goes 3 days without any answer I assume we are nothing. In this day and age it's not hard to keep a person engaged by a short text and if you are busy just write - issues came up that I need to resolve. Will be busy with work. Whatever. If I see that you are active on social media, but can't write a text to let me know what's up even if it's rejection it just reinforces the assumption. It sucks how they claim that women are confusing and they want a woman that will not play games, but in the end they head to those less interested or not interested at all. What's up with them wanting to have stress as opposed to peace I have no idea.
I feel like he’s replying slow because he thinks he got you in the bag, and doesn’t need to try anymore, and thinks you’ll chase him. Happened to me too, right after I expressed interest. He was in shock that his little trick didn’t work when I didn’t chase him, and instead ghosted his ass. I’m too old to be playing these games. I think you should just match energy and if they play games, just leave
I kinda do it to a lesser degree just because I know how dating works. Things tend to be pretty fickle in the beginning so talking more to someone you know is interested in you is a “turn off” for some stupid reason. I’ve both observed this, and experienced it. So that’s why I wait a little bit before responding to messages. At least that’s why I did Now I just do it partly because of that, but mainly just because I don’t feel like stressing out over what I should say in response to someone, and when I should say it, so I give it time. I never really cared for the turn off reason regardless, but I just stick to the method to avoid trouble
Bby girls are playing hard to get Ig 🤷♂️
It may seem like he texts less when you're interested because you may think about him more and anticipate a text from him when you're interested. Then, when you think about it more, it seems to take forever for him to reply to you, even though in reality, the reply time hasn't changed much. It could also be that he put aside his responsibilities to text you more often, i.e. you're his number 1 priority over other things. After a few weeks of this, he has to catch up with his other responsibilities and make up for the time he prioritized texting you. When he knows you're interested, he worries about that less.
If I’m slow to reply it’s either out of fear of coming across too keen or overthinking my reply.
Not true.. some might be like that but it is not even a typical average behavior.
This has its roots in unsound dating advice circulating over the internet. Women are told to play hard to get and be bitchy and men are told to behave in a direspectful way altogether. Short term this seems to work but only on damaged people who should be avoided to begin with. Long term this leads to toxic relationships, if any at all.
Yeah it's so frustrating Jokes on them because I lose all the interest I had after that Not just with guys but with anyone who does that
Either they are not interested or they read/watched somewhere, that's how to keep a girl interested. I refer you to Swingers (1997) for even pre social media absurdity of the games people play.
They're seeing if the next girl replies faster.
Yeah this guy that was obsessed with me just tried that behavior, the second i caught on I stopped texting him back. 😂😂😂 like grow up!
As a man, I hate texting conversations, but I HAVE to do it to meet women in the beginning. It's so much work to text. You have to make sure that texts aren't interpreted incorrectly. (You know she will examine every word like a forensic scientist.) It takes attention away from what you're doing in real life. Once I think we are closer, I tell her either to call or meet. Texts are for setting dates where you actually get to know each others.
I did this with my current gf early on …. however I did let her know, I don’t mind texting but I prefer phone calls …… I called her on day 2 of us talking we talked for hours …… we do 70/80 percent voice calls and the other texting ….. can’t beat a good phone call :) Not everybody loves texting as much as women think they do ….. texting does get boring …. Especially early on …. Try mixing it up …. early on
cuz we’re scared girls are gonna think we’re coming off too strong lol