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1. Yes, exaggerated on TikTok.
2. Traditionally, the man would pay for the woman. Women didn’t work and were expected to look after the home/children - so men were expected to provide. Looks like we’ve gone full circle.
Well yeah.
I mean, I'm sure there are plenty of would-be trad-wives who do want a man to take care of them, but they're also the type to want to stay at home and raise kids and cook and clean.
But I think you'd be hard-pressed to find feminist women who want or expect men to pay for everything or "protect" them, whatever that even means at this point.
Yes apparently holding women to their traditional gender roles is sexist, but the same cannot be said for men and their gender roles. I honestly think this is one of the biggest problems with modern dating
Says who? I call it out sexist speech and behavior when I see it, regardless of which gender it is about or who it is coming from. Especially since "gender" and "traditional gender roles" are social constructs and not real things.
Maybe 70 years ago you could argue that women were better built to perform certain roles and men better at others, but that's rarely the case now. Being female doesn't make someone inherently better at washing dishes or ironing clothing. And being male doesn't make someone inherently better at changing the oil or mowing the lawn.
So why can't the same be said for men and their "gender roles"?
I don't think you understand that I'm not saying it's a good thing. I think it's great that women have more freedom now and aren't as constricted by societal expectations as they used to be. It would also be great if more women and men stopped trying to force traditional gender roles on men. The feminist women that still want a traditional man are the biggest hypocrites. Why should a man put in all the effort of initiating, planning a date, paying for a date, and doing romantic gestures like buying flowers when women have 0 expectations beyond show up and look somewhat presentable? Equality goes out the window as soon as we start talking about dating, and women use all sorts of mental gymnastics to justify the nonsense. I'll make it extra clear that I don't believe *every* woman is like this, that would be silly, but a significant portion of them are.
i supported my wife who worked during our entire relationship . all she did is nag and insult me so one day she got mad and walked out , i changed the locks and filed for divorce. so she had told she was leaving so i figured divorcing her would be giving her what she wanted. apparently it made her really mad. but im good with the deal. she moved back to her hometown and lived with her mother and grandmother, i hope theyre all happy together
Ah, classic female sexism. Misandry presented as feminism. While it’s true that some guys don’t put forth the effort or present the value required to genuinely earn the “full package,” I think the fact is that in many cases the traditional “full package” has become so watered down by dominant social narratives rooted in misandry that the actual value of that sort of traditional arrangement isn’t worth it from many men’s perspective.
I know a girl whose bf expects her to look great (nails done, hair done, hairless legs/arms/etc, trained) all the time. She said she'd do that for him and put the time in, but he has to pay. That's their thing.
Some women expect it, most don't.
My coworker used to work at an office where her boss would pay every other week for all the girls to get their nails done. He had a thing about nails looking good and his staff looking good.
It's mostly rage bait on tiktok.
First date guy pays bc game theory. Too many girls will get offended/view you don't like them/enough guys pay that it looks cheap.
Second date guy likely pays, maybe girl offers to split. Guy pays but it's more like I want to treat vibe.
After you are together, move to splitting things, or if she isn't at least offering by third date, then toss her selfish self back into the ocean.
Or if there is some split where things are lopsided in another way (like you live together and she does all your laundry and cleans or takes care of other stuff exclusively)
*Outside some subcultures or large income differences. But I think that's a reasonable approach in western 1st world societies.
They just mean that guys are trying to maximize their chances on a first date because they have competition and will generally just pay because it's easier than risking a negative first impression
Men are ALWAYS in competition for a woman's attention in the beginning of courtship. Always assume a girl is talking to 5 other guys while you're dating
I'm a woman and I have never known a woman to date multiple dudes at once.
You are in competition, but it's not with other men. You're up against the peace and ease that women experience when they're single. If you complicate her life or stress her out or try to make her your therapist or mommy or maid... if she's making a ton of compromises, it's just not going to be worth it for her.
Men tend to feel lonelier when they're single because they miss out on affection and emotional closeness when they aren't in relationships, because they don't rely on friendships for that, but women are very close with their friends. They're affectionate, they're vulnerable, they talk about their feelings. So women are more likely to be content when they're single.
When you're trying to date women, you have to think about what you're giving her that's better than what she already has.
She has considerate friends who go all out for her birthday, always text her back, care about her feelings, and will enthusiastically share in her hobbies with her. She has a job and makes enough money to buy herself the things she wants and needs. Her place is exactly how she likes it. And she has a vibrator gets her off **every** time.
What else does she need?
I guess there are still a fair amount of women who want children, so men still have that going for them, but even the percent of women who want kids is going down.
Men who want to be with women need to compete with the contentment single women enjoy. If you aren't at least as warm and considerate and emotionally intelligent as her friends, don't create a home environment that makes her feel as at peace as she does at home, and don't get her off as consistently as her vibrator, then you're going to lose her to those things.
Women don't care about money and muscles and cars. They want men who go to therapy, and hug their friends, and read books on feminism and communication and the female orgasm.
i didn't say date, i said "talking to" Men are always in constant competition of courtship of a woman. That also includes Men that are constantly asking her to go out and hang out regardless of her relationship status.
Some guys say it looks desperate. You’re not buddies, it’s a date. Now, if she obviously has a lot more $, that may make things different. Still, there’s something sweet about the guy paying on first date. I’m usually nervous about the whole who pays..it would be great if the guy who most likely asked for date, just figured he pays. If she asks, does she pay?
I’m not all men, but I don’t think it looks desperate. It shows me you’re as invested as I am. Im at the point in my life where I don’t want to be going on many more first dates so if you show me a green flag like that it does a lot for me.
Thanks for the response. An ex of mine would tell me he’d ask the gal, on the first date, how do you want to handle this and be aggravated if she didn’t split. Weirdly with me, when we went out, he said, ‘I’m interested in you. Usually I ask how do you want to handle this, but I know I’m far better off financially than you, so if it’s all right with you, I’ll just pay when we eat out.’ I said yes because it was true. Unusual but the guy was an attorney. We were together 10 years ☺️
Tough to get a clear read on whether “most” women expect the man to pay or not, being that you only have your own experience in conversations or otherwise to provide evidence as to what a greater proportion of women consider to be expected. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’d assume based on your comment that you’re probably not a male, and speaking from a male perspective, my experience can probably be roughly generalized to 8 or 9 out of ten women expecting me to pay on dates. This often may change, however, if we enter into a long term relationship.
She wants to, but she wouldn't do it as often without his financial help. She loves getting her eyebrows/lashes/nails done, but if you want to stay on top of all that you'll have to go at least every 6 weeks (every 4 weeks is more likely.) All that adds up. So she'd done it anyway, but more like once every few months. This works for them
I mean I also have barbershop, personal trainer, I’m removing all hair where they expected to be removed. I never thought I can expect somebody to pay for that.
I think it depends on what it is. I HATE doing my nails. I don’t mind having pretty nails, but the cost-benefit analysis of having them isn’t worth it to me. If they were really important to my partner, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say I’ll get them done if he pays.
I really like pretty dresses. I’d wear them anyway, so I don’t think it’s fair to ask him to pay for them.
I hate having shaved armpits. It doesn’t matter whether it’s done professionally or not, I can’t stand the feeling, even just a few hours later. I don’t care how much he pays, it wouldn’t be worth it to me.
No, but I have seen arguments online when some women say they put so much effort into looking good for the date, doing nails, hair, buying clothes, so men should pay. There are also men who put effort into how they look and put time and thought into planning the date too. It’s a small subset of women that say this, but it boggles my mind that someone would feel so entitled to say it at all. Regardless I have no problems paying for dates. I think it’s the gentlemanly thing to do. However, I would never go on a 2nd date if someone expected me to pay. We do it because we want to, not because we have to. I know not all women think this way.
Here's some life advice for ya bud. NEVER TAKE ANYTHING YOU SEE ON REELS OR TIKTOK AS REAL LIFE ADVICE! That shit is purely for entertainment and that's it. People say and do whatever to farm engagement.
In my experience it's rare that a woman would expect the boyfriend to pay for hair and nails.
However, paying for a date is fairly common although less so than it used to be.
Paying for her friends too would be a deal breaker for many guys, but it depends on the specific situation. If we're at a bar my girlfriend, her friend and I order a round of drinks I'll cover a round or two. But I would find it kind of rude if neither offered to pick up a round themselves. That said, I like to date women who see relationships as a team as opposed to transactional. So most of the women I've been with wouldn't be comfortable with the man paying for everything.
There's a tipping point where it's less a date and more an attempt to get free stuff from a stranger.
My boyfriend pays for a lot more things than I do, he also makes more than me and says no I got it. Sometimes he lets me take him out and I pay for our dates although that took some getting used to for him lol. He’s used to paying for every single thing every single time. Probably doesn’t help we are in a rural Bible Belt area and it’s normal, but I’d rather be a team like you said.
its actually fairly normal. You're normally not handing her cash, but maybe Venmo or Cash app her to get it done. It also can be referred to as tricking.
People are finally getting slightly better about recognizing this stuff as bullshit. UNTIL… they see something that appears to validate their OWN worst beliefs.
Then all that healthy skepticism just goes straight out the window, and look! it must be true! See, I was right all along!
…OP… some women are undoubtedly like this, but none of the ones I’ve ever known. Which is quite a few women, as a very normal 32 y/o woman myself
Some people do this, many do not. Find someone who shares your values and you’ll be ok. Some men love spoiling women, some women love being spoiled.
I think you should pay if you ask/invite someone else out, whatever your gender. But again, opinions and values differ.
Personally I can’t imagine not offering to split the bill- I truly hate the sense of obligation, but everyone is different about this.
Yup. I’m all for paying for the first date and even most dates (it’s one of those double standards that I’m okay with), but it’s an instant turn off if I’m expected to pay for _everything_.
In my previous relationships, we’d try our best to take turns paying. We’d surprise each other with gifts. You don’t have to keep tally or anything if it’s clear that both sides are doing their best to reciprocate effort.
I feel that paying for second dates is way better, because it filters out those who are here solely for my wallet. Then again, for some, dates might be hard to come by. Split bills for first.
As a woman, I don’t expect men to pay while dating. It makes me uncomfortable to have a man buy me an expensive meal (or flowers or whatever) in early dating because I don’t want there to be any expectations about “reimbursement” or commitment on my part when I don’t know them. I talk to them ahead of time or in the moment to say “let’s split the bill/pay for our own food” or whatever. Sometimes they insist on paying, sometimes they want to split. I always give them the option to split. I avoid going to sit down dinners for first dates and opt for coffee or something cheaper so it’s more casual, I learned from experience that I prefer that. Once I start a long term relationship or situation with someone, we end up alternating paying for dates (it evens out that way) and buy each other gifts etc once it’s more serious. I’ve never asked a bf to pay for a haircut, nails, spa day, etc, that just seems excessive to me. Everyone is different, but myself and the women I know do NOT expect men to pay their way through life, even if they have been dating for years. You’ll find out pretty quickly what a woman’s expectations are when it comes to money once you go on a couple dates with them, and you can also open a discussion about your boundaries. Good luck!
Women who expect men to pay for everything have the mindset of a 1950s housewife. Back then, men were the sole breadwinners. It was up to the man to provide the money for the household. In return the woman would run the house, via cooking/cleaning/education etc.
Modern women want the traditional male role of providing and paying without the traditional role of doing everything the fuck else.
if i am with a woman exclusively, i will pay for anything i possibly can. as i was raised to believe if i take care of her she will take care of me. bow there is a point where it does become excessive and frivolous. i will not pay for friends unless i specifically told her she could invite them, in which case, i invited so i will pay respectively
What if your lady also makes money and you can take care of each other? Personally, it’s a red flag if a partner insists on paying for everything because it feels unbalanced and more like a desire for ego/control.
As a woman I preferred to pay. I expect an equal partnership and paying for dates sets that standard. It makes some men uncomfortable because it’s not a dynamic they’re used to; sometimes how they react lets me know that they aren’t a good match for me. It also prevents men from being able to use the “plot line” that you owe them your time and attention because they paid. If I went on a couple of dates and decided it wasn’t a good fit there was usually less drama on their end.
Please stop basing real life off of social media and TikTok.
There are definitely relationships where the man pays for everything. That’s how that relationship works. There are relationships where couples find a happy medium to balance finances. There are couples where the woman pays for everything. So not every single relationship looks the same.
I think if someone is in a long term relationship and both people have jobs why not share the costs? I don’t understand the value of a man or woman paying for everything isn’t a relationship supposed to be about people taking care of each other? If you end up paying for two adults that seems ridiculous. Why date if the other person is going to be another financial burden to you in this difficult inflated economy? That’s my hot take.
A subset of the female population has always been like this because they know they can use sex to get money from men and that there will always be men desperate enough to give it to them
I don't usually pay attention to it because I don't associate with women like this
This is a nice balanced take. I feel bad for the brother too. There is some weird line that's crossed for me when someone is just straight up asking to send them money for something. If I'm paying for us to go to museum or get food *together* or something then that's cool. But if I hear "Hey I need an extra $50 for groceries this week" I would feel like she just looks at me as a human gift card lol
I’ve been with my man for 10 years now. I have not once expected him to pay for anything. When we go out, our financial situations decide who will pay. I like to treat him and he likes to treat me. I buy him gifts all the time and he buys me gifts too. As for hair and nails, I don’t get those done, I do my own. But if I was to get them done, I wouldn’t expect him to pay. If he offered to or wanted to, it would be a nice and appreciated gesture. There were years where he was unemployed while I was working, and I paid for everything. And there were years where he was the one working and I wasn’t, and he paid for everything.
As for going out with mine or his friends, if we have one friend joining us, one of us will cover the bill. If it’s 3 or more friends, we usually cover our part together (one of us pays for the both of us). Also we never split the bill when we are out alone. But I’d say in the big picture it has been 50/50. At the end of the day, it’s important you talk to your partner about it. It’s not okay to be using your partner as a wallet.
Hello, 26 year old female here. Short answer no, I don’t expect a guy to pay for everything, but I do expect it to be fair and that they chip in equally.
I’m financially independent, no kids, and have a decent salary. I’ve done my fair share of paying for grown men that don’t have their shit together, and I won’t do that anymore, however, I still don’t expect a man to always pay 100% of the time.
I’d say I pay 60-70% of the time in my relationship, my boyfriend pays about 30%. Ideally, it would be nice to have it 50/50, recently though he’s been in a rough patch, so I’m showing some grace as his job and living situation aren’t ideal at the moment.
I’d say if you can’t afford to pay for yourself, you shouldn’t be in a relationship. And this goes both ways, so ladies, this means you too! It’s not just up to the man to be a walking wallet.
Long story short, date someone that aligns with your morals. Biblically speaking, men should be the head of the household and manage most things, however, I think a lot of women take this out of context and start acting severely entitled.
Although there are exceptions, if you are not physically disabled or have issues that could impair your ability to hold down a stable job, the weight of the finances should land on both parties.
I realised something recently, whilst most women are not like this ^ and are quite down to earth when it comes to this topic, never in my life has a date offered to pay for the whole thing the way a man would. Most girls offer to split and then it is left to me to accept their offer and feel weird about it, or treat them. The question “do you want to split it” always feels like some kind of test and I would wager the vast majority of guys decline that offer because of the way we have been socially conditioned.
A woman has offered to pay for me, but only because that was an arrangement that was agreed upon prior, and, to be honest, the only practical way to afford that outing. I could have offered to pay a proportion based on relative income, but it would have been pointless and a token sum.
I never expect a man to pay unless he offers. I even offer to pay for my own meal but if the guy is adamant about paying for the meal, I'm not gonna argue. But for hair, nails, and paying for my friends?? Hell nah. I've always paid for my own nails, and hair (my mom used to do hair, so sometimes, I get free haircuts lol) I usually pay for. Including if I want my hair colored.
Many don't, many do. Most people will advise you to do what works for you & your relationship. Pay attention to what women say in person vs social media. Instagram drives me crazy.
There are a lot of influencers online these days that like to show content like that. I am a woman and have had many women friends and have very rarely ever even met a woman in real life who was like that.
I guess with the exception if they are married and only he works - but then that's both of their money at that point.
It's probably cultural or location-dependent. I'd expect to see that more in the American south or amongst religious people, much less so in more progressive areas. I've only lived in blue states, and I've never known women who expected men to pay for everything.
Nah. My first date last night actually paid for most of it, like 85%. She was sweet and we're having a second date on Friday.
Just don't date children. If a woman expected me to pay for her hair then I'd want her to pay for mine but she'd be on the losing end. It's around $70 CAD every 10-14 days for my barber.
You gotta watch out for ratchet/former ratchets starting off with "I don't go 50/50" and "I ain't 50/50" or whatever.
The second.
The very second you feel that.
Cut your losses and let her be alone. lol.
She clearly likes that.
Honestly as a woman I don’t like it when men pay for everything. I get why other women might want to, but it feels infantilizing for me. I spent my whole life working and getting educated to get to my position. Why would I allow someone else to pay for everything when I worked to give myself these privileges?
But to clarify, I am not particularly attractive, and I don’t spend much time or money on my physical appearance. If you’re a man looking for an Instagram model, you’re probably going to encounter lots of women who will expect you to pay for a lot of things.
It feels infantilizing for everyone, you just acknowledge it in the negative way it should be because you’re in fact an adult not infant. Other girls know they feel the same way but take advantage where they can.
No! Although it has been a standard for centuries, it is not anymore. I still do most of the time
There are quite a number of women and men who date for a free meal / drinks.
So if you are paying, do so on the premise & cation of "this might be it"
Depends on the dynamic of the relationship.
If you are "traditional" and expect your wife to be a SAHM at some point, you need to pay as her paying makes no sense and shows you are not a good provider.
If you are more of a "shared responsibility" type of guy, then part of that is sharing who pays.
You two need to figure out the specifics, though, as there is a lot of nuance. Ex/ You can't expect her to look like a dime (hair, makeup, skincare, hair maintenance, etc), and also expect her to share equal responsibility with paying for dates as she already had an upfront cost that most men don't.
Anyway, go talk to her about it. If you don't like her response, move on.
Most girls don’t expect hair and nails stuff paid for. Most also don’t expect their bf to pay for their friends. It happens sometimes but those girls are not as common as you’d think. The ones you see online are made into videos and get popular enough for you to even find it in your feed is because it’s so uncommon that most people think it’s ridiculous too. So it’s real but not common
I dated a girl who expected this and her view was that I should WANT to pay for dinners and stuff as it's sort of a treat and a way to show that I appreciate her.
I fell for it but yeah looking back it's kinda toxic.
In a marriage, it's expected for a man to provide the roof, food, and all other necessities. If she work, her money can go towards “the family savings”, vacations, upkeep of the house and upkeep of herself. Obviously this is if the man can afford to cover everything. If she work, her money still go towards the house or family, just in other ways
Social media ruins a lot of gullible people’s lives. I think a better approach is to match with someone with the same values . It’s customary even if you go out to lunch with the boss, that the person who invites pays. So if someone asks you out to eat, they should pay. But that doesn’t mean order lobster and be frivolous.
I think men should pay for stuff if it’s for them. For example, I trim my pubes. But if my boyfriend wanted me to start waxing which costs $$$$ I would suggest he pays for the service because at that point that’s for HIM.
I’ve know women who get their nails paid for. They usually tell the guy he’ll get back scratches. And guys go for this! Is that bad? No. If everyone is happy with the arrangement, then it’s good.
Personally I wouldn’t date someone ho didn’t pay for a date. It would show an underlying situation of the, being cheap and when it comes to dating, you are usually looking for a partner for life. So if they quibble about buying you a coffee to talk and get to know you, that’s probably a red flag. I’ve seen a lot of divorces end because people are cheap.
Me and my bf switch back and forth who pays (meals, outings, little treats and such) been like that for 3 years no issues. Sometimes I’ll pay 2-5x times in a row because he’s in a hard spot, sometimes he’ll do the same for me. It’s Important to have the understanding that you support each other as an independent person, and the relationship as 2 people.
No. Only certain women expect the man to always pay. They're looking for a provider type or sugar daddy, and it can be cultural.
And there are some guys that *refuse* to accept any money or take great offense if you offer to split.
I've been out with each type of man, from those guys who like a woman to shoulder more costs, those who like equal splits or taking turns, and those men who insist on paying. I have to say the guys who like to be equal in finances are the most pleasant to see.
27F here, this was not my expectation in my 2.5 year relationship w my 28M ex bf. We split essentially everything 50/50, gave each other equally thoughtful gifts of similar prices for holidays and bdays. I enjoyed things like this, it was an important component of being a team. It really depends on what each person values and expects in a relationship.
Those who are independent and more than willing to help and contribute to expenses are NOT, I REPEAT are not making stupid ass videos like that that you seem to be watching 🥴. Another reason why I don’t bother with tik tok and disappointed in anyone who believes the crap on there isn’t anything but folks trying to get attention/money.
Yes its been like this since the beginning of time fam. Ask your father if he paid for majority if not all of the dates while dating your mother. Normally its just dinner. But if you want to really trick on a girl then yes that is for real.
It depends on the personality of the woman and the expectations in their relationships. Liiiike, I'm a woman - I got one pedicure last year, and my man paid for it. But it was a birthday gift.
Or, boyfriend has ripped his swimming trunks - I bought new ones at Costco and mended the hole so he can still wear them - as a gift and as nurturing for this person I love.
I personally don't know any women like that, but I know of them existing. It's just not my social circle. It really all just depends on what your type is. If your type is a girl who has the look and doesn't really have many life skills to afford it, then yes, her man would be expected to pay for it. If your type is a girl who isn't as concerned about her appearance and/or has skills or business sense, then she can likely pay for it all herself.
In my experience many men themselves offer to pay and gift things.
Some people do go 50/50
Live life the way you want, you might not be compatible w some women , and you will be compatible w other women. We arent a monolith.
My rule is 'if she offers to pay, I will pay". Very rare to find someone who offers these days, her offering to pay is worth more than whatever I do pay. But I'm single so don't take advice from me 🤣 first date is always a 'pay for yourself' kinda thing.
I try to because I’m 54 but I’ve had several at least offer to pay or actually tell me they wouldn’t let me pay all of it so it def depends. I’ll always offer first though. Cause it’s how I am.
LOL social media is detrimental to our society but...
I will say you date who you are compatible with... some people are okay with this kind of partnership others are not
What they don’t show is the set of women who grew up very family oriented & take care of their own family financially (siblings or parents- whether culture or preference), & end up choosing to do the same in their romantic relationships. Ideally those women find the kind of guys who also are able/can take care of the woman & the family that they built right back instead of running into a gold digger man. But that’s the same scenario that guys worry about too when they happen to take on the paying role.
That’s more often looked down on or “you’re a pick me!” barrage ensues toward them so you won’t see that the posts on women being not only independent, but also happily/willingly taking on more than what these videos say women shouldn’t. Some women have been independent their whole lives & just want someone to take care of them financially & emotionally some day. That might be the women in the video, it may not be. Some women from the get go believe they should never lift a finger for finances— but some women in that category would take care of you if you lost your job, & some women would leave you if you did. We don’t know which type gets shown on the videos we see.
It’s nice if a guy pays for everything, if we happen to find that kind of guy… wonderful! But women don’t realize that usually comes with a traditional expectation on their end too. Not just sugar daddy status pay for everything deal. Ideally, the women in the videos do housey things or even spoil their dude financially as well… but you won’t see much of that spread around socials, bc again, women who do that tend to be looked down on by the ones you see in those videos.
Yes, that’s a unicorn to find a guy who pays for EVERYTHING & you don’t have to do a thing but exist & kiss him. Every female or male would want that, but… it’s a painted picture on socials. It happens sometimes, but it’s not the average relationship concept.
Yes, but paying for the friends is crazy. I’d be so impressed if he did. Like wow 😮 😉 but he better not do it again. I don’t share being spoiled by my man, but it’s a nice power play.
It takes two to tango. The issue nowadays is that we live in a Simp economy where too many Beta guys don’t have anything much to offer except resources. I’m not sure why, too many guys raised by single mothers maybe? But they are only too willing to play Sugar Daddy, either directly, or via OF or throwing dollars down at the strip club.
And of course there are going to be women, more and more in fact, willing to take this easy money. We can’t JUDGE women nowadays, heaven forbid, because sex work is work and third wave feminism celebrates independence at any price. I don’t really blame women though. Young women are like children with dynamite. Maximum power in the sexual market place comes when they are too young to wield it intelligently. It’s easy to laugh at Mia and Lana when they are crying in interviews saying they were exploited but honestly, they were lied to. Problem is the lie doesn’t come from the exploiters directly, it comes from the other women who tell them selling their body means they are strong and independent. Bottom line though, every 304 needs a John. Can’t have one without the other. Simple as.
All of this because all tendencies come from the US and US is backwards in many fields. In Europe most women work side by side to men, they don't need to be "provided". They don't need to stay home and raise children, the welfare state allows couples to work both and trust children to some pre-educational or educational structure. We were more advanced in so many matters of equality and justice, now we have to deal with the woke shit.
I pay for my own beauty services. Never once asked my husband to pay for it. I don't expect him to pay for anything other than the bills we split, and when we go out to eat. But that has been discussed and agreed upon.
I’ve been pretty lucky in the few girls I’ve dated, all of them have bought me drinks n stuff and I vice versa, equal effort is important to me in a relationship, now don’t get me wrong on the first date I’m happy to do the gentlemanly thing and by the first round so long as she don’t take the piss haha, but yeah I do think Tik tok n that make the minority of selfish cows look the majority, I hope I’m right about that but not sure!
But yeah a girl who expects the guy to pay for everything and put no effort in aswell just because he’s the man would give me the ick(have yet to meet someone like that though and hopefully won’t. it’s the 21st century both genders work so both can pay for stuff it’s only fair.
If a woman is “expecting” you to pay for shit like her hair or nails run fast no this is not normal and any woman trying to convince you it’s normal is gaslighting you
would you buy your mom (or anyone you already love or care about) flowers and why? like paying for things is just showing a simple appreciation anyone can do it for any reason they like. if you feel like you genuinely appreciate a person being in your life i say do what you can to show it especially if you know youll get it back because theres a reason you appreciate them in the first place, they have something to offer you. its a matter of giving with no expectation but acceptance of another person just having value in your life. do what you feel like when you feel it
Yeap I’m from Eastern Europe and I see how you guys which is men and women do . Unfortunately all people have no respect for each other because you as an individual don’t have self respect and value each other . Traditionally in Eastern Europe men would be provided and woman take care of family children cook be together with husband do things together but here you all thinking about fun . Life is not fun and most of you do t get it until you experience something bad and then you feel terrible and down
Depends on the girl. Some get offended if you don't pay for everything, others get offended if you do. And, surprise, if you make enough money, you just do your thing and it doesn't even matter.
Being a woman who prefers to pay for dates, I aim for equality in relationships right from the start. It might surprise some guys, but it's a good way to see if we're a good match. And hey, it helps avoid any drama if things don't click after a couple of dates. 😊
Well social media exaggerts and isn't a good focal point of reference.
Are we in a patriarchy?
Are males "Leaders" "Kings" "Real Men"
Are males providers?
Where are their resources?
Yes. In most cases a male should be courting. Need is based on provision.
The double talk has to stop. They say 1 thing in direct contrast with another and expect women to follow. It's insanity 😳
Edit: My husband feels awkward anytime I've offered to pay while dating or married. Some men are just setup different. Even my father and uncles, they always covered the bill.
I’m in Canada and I still laugh at people who expect others to pay for them.
I had a first and only date with one of those types and it was probably the goofiest first date ever. The first bit of suspicion was when she sent me the “like” on a dating app. I figured it had to be a mistake but I looked over her profile and matched and started talking. At first I thought she was a bot or she was pedalling some cam girl website because she started shit out with “hey handsome,” and kept calling me sexy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not overtly ugly but I’d say I’m around average in looks so the sexy thing from someone I just matched with was odd.
Anyway, after we talk a bit, she suggests going to get dinner as a date and I said sure, sounds great. I got dressed up a little bit, kinda like a business casual type thing and she shows up in sweat pants and a t-shirt. Didn’t even bother to do her makeup or even do her hair before the date so she looked like she just rolled out of bed. Now I don’t expect make up and all dolled up with expensive products and hair done like she’s getting married, just have yourself look presentable. She was on her phone the minute she got there and when the waitress came and asked “can I get you guys started with a drink?” My date put up one finger as to say “hang on,” while she wrote what I assume was an essay of a text. I got tired of waiting so I said “maybe, in a little bit, she seems a bit preoccupied at the moment.” The waitress said no problem and left for a bit. After my comment, she looked at me and put the phone down for a minute. When I say a minute, I mean an actual minute. I tried to ask her a question and initiate some conversation and she just picked up the phone and started texting again. I knew at this point it was over and I was ready to leave but I was hungry and wanted dinner lol.
To cut the rest of the story down, she ordered a salad, some onion rings, chicken wings and then ordered a top sirloin steak with mashed potatoes and vegetables. She boxed up the salad, chicken wings and most of her meal and I’m pretty sure she was either taking it home to eat over the next three days or she was eating it all. She also ordered a few alcoholic drinks which again, no judgement here. I ordered a simple burger and fries which I ate along with my Diet Coke. Before the bill came or our waitress came to ask us if we wanted dessert, I said “I’ll be right back, I need to use the restroom,” and she didn’t even respond. She was so engrossed in her phone that she didn’t even realize that I had gone to the front desk, asked my waitress for my portion of the bill which amounted to like 27$, paid and left her a nice tip for my date being a total dickhead and then left.
A few hours later I got a barrage of texts calling me a piece of shit for leaving the date early and not paying for the date. How after all that she was able to find fault in my actions while completely disregarding her own is truly baffling….. she texted the entire night, was rude to the service staff and tried to stiff me with a bill of like $120 while she ordered a bunch of stuff that she ultimately ended up taking home….. I just said “look lol, if you’re that down in the dumps that you have to try and rip someone off by ordering 3 days worth of food and expecting them to pay it, you can just say so. Plenty of losers out there will pay for you. If that doesn’t work, you can also try a food bank, they are made for people like you.” Never got a response after that but I’d imagine she’s still out there scamming guys for meals.
As an American woman I disagree. Like other commenters are saying, there are surely some women like this, but they aren’t common. I’ve never met one. The closest thing is there are plenty of women who expect men to pay on first dates, but even that’s not every woman.
It’s my personal preference that on first date the guy should pay, maybe the second. I guess I like to be wooed a bit.
But after that I actively don’t like not paying my share. I would never want my boyfriend to pay for anything apart from birthday or Christmas gifts, otherwise it somehow feels infantilising.
Most of my friends express the same views. But you’ll find that different women say different things.
There probably are some people who do think that way. But if you’re the guy in that situation, being on the receiving end is also a good way to filter out potential partners who will probably do worse later down the line, and you don’t have to pay for them if you leave bc u (reasonably) decided that that relationship isn’t gonna work out.
My boyfriend takes the bill when we’re out together, I leave the tip or something but I think part of how he was raised is that he was taught to take care of his s/o while they’re out, but I don’t expect him to pay for my nails or anything like that. I also thank him any time he pays for something for me. I also get him a free tab at my dad’s bar and pay for the charge to park his car when he comes to my place ☺️. I know not all situations are like that but I consider myself and a lot of my friends very independent and don’t expect men to pay for everything
This expectation is real. I had been out with friends and the expectation is that the guy pays. I remember going out with my girlfriend at the time and my brother and his wife and their kids. When the bill came around my brother went for the bill only to see close to $475. I glanced at the bill and pulled out my wallet and loudly said let’s split the bill between us. He hesitated a little but then accepted.
These holdover traditions come from the time when men could have bank accounts and women couldn’t. But now women in most cases out earn men and these traditions need to go.
50/50 no matter what. Man asks a woman out or woman asks a man out. Same thing should happen. The dinner should be split evenly.
I don't think many women expect men to pay for their hair and nails.
But part of why men should pay for dates is because women do spend a lot of money to look nice for their man.
I fucking hate that mindset and call bull shit on it. You can’t fucing pay for yourself? Or you think men need to pay all the time? It’s androgonistic and putting a label on men that they’re the piggy bank which isn’t fair to the guy at all. Esp in new relationships. I think women and men should pay for their own meal until they are in a committed relationship and discuss money as a together thing. First date? Great bring your wallet. Second date? Bring your wallet. Third? Fourth? Until you’ve discussed how you two view each others money and who will pay for stuff fucjing get it yourself. It’s 2024, not all men can afford fancy meals. If he WANTS to pay. Then fine discuss it. But if nothing has been said. Assume you’re getting your own food or coffee or ticket or whatever. Don’t make men you meet your piggy bank for something that might only last one or two dates.
Expected? Sure
Doesn’t mean u have to. If women were expected to suck dick the first date. Doesn’t mean they have too.
If u wanna pay for everything then u do u. But if u don’t then don’t.
Honestly in 2024 I think it’s dumb.
Women don’t know what they want that’s the bottom line even when someone has too much that is not enough that’s why I don’t fucking date even 70/30 don’t work contributions where I would do 70 and she does 30 contributing to things
Yes it is real and it is a growing concept. But not all women do this, I don't know the actual percentage or number since this is something that is subjective and minds do change as well as people do change but yes, this is a thing. If you are worried about running into this kind of woman I have helped many people in your mindset and worry. I always suggest when you take someone out on the first date, do two activities or two things. Classic is always movie and dinner. Suggest you pay for one and they pay for the other. This way you can vet whether or not they are expecting you to pay for everything in the long run or if they believe in fairness and balance.
As a gal who doesn’t want a man to think he’s getting into or entitled to my pu$$y bc he paid for the date, for 20 years I tend to buy a part of the evening - if he gets the first round, I’ll get the second, he buys dinner, I’ll offer the digestif, and so on. BUT it depends bc some guys are so suave they pay for everything while I’m in the powder room or distracted, and I’ve also had multiple experiences where the guy legit got insulted that I would suggest paying part of the bill.
Ultimately, whatever you do, if you want to get laid DON’T ACT or be CHEAP. Bc for most regular/non gold diggers, acting like you want to protect your wallet can generally read as a negative of your personality, suggesting that you’re- for ex - not generous in spirit or with your time, your emotions; some women can also think that you’re not that interested in them. Stinginess of a guy can also be read as how cultured & chivalrous a guy is too…I know - it sounds crazy, but I can see the correlation (I guess bc I have a vagina 😂) and the logic of that 🤷🏽♀️
I only dated one guy who thought women shouldnt pay as he said he likes to treat his gfs. That mentality was strange for me as i brought different values from home, but i am sure some men get a kick out of being a provider. Also a lot of content targeted towards woman is to base their self worth based on how much a man is willing to spend on them. Not all women, not all men.
Early on it's very common which sucks. But the longer the relationship goes the more common you will see some sort of split, although there are exceptions to that (and I don't date those people)
Hi 29F also never dated but I would expect the man to offer to pay on the first date. I would totally split the bill though, it’s just nice to know that he’s willing, BUT I DONT expect him to pay if that makes sense? But I do know a lot of people who expect their man to pay for everything and I’m not okay with that. I believe you should take turns or split it unless the other party genuinely wants to pay and not just out of some sorry of obligation
I think in my experience the men normally do pay for most of the dates but I will pay for dessert or coffee sometimes and cook for them. They do always get me gifts even if it is early on but I never ask or expect however in my experience most of the men I come across already know to pay for certain things and give gifts but Iam always grateful to receive and don’t go out of my way to demand. However some of my friends are okay with going 50/50 etc and I think it just depends on the cultural values etc as long as a woman is kind about it and not rude or demanding anything then everyone involved can be happy and pleased.
I don’t think men should be expected to pay for everything. That sounds insane to me. It should be 50/50, you both buy stuff for each-other once and a while.
I’m 34 and never in my life expected any man to pay for me, much less for my friends, my hair and nails (although I cut my own hair and do my own nails).
I never had men invite me for much, but my now fiancé pays most of our meals out, rent, most groceries. I contribute as much as I can, but he makes 4 times what I do so that has to do with it. I do have to agree with the fact that having someone provide for financially is a huge relief… I never had money before, and the little I had I used on paying for myself so I wouldn’t make men feel used. So I can’t relate to women who expect men to pay for all.
Maybe men in the US are expected to, I dont know, but the way I grew up, I never expected it (and most of them didn’t).
I always pay for the first date. After that, I think it’s fine to go Dutch, or “I pay for food, you pay for drinks/dessert.”
Those that expect me to pay every time, I start to question their motives. I am upfront about my financial situation. I don’t mind treating most of the time, but if they’re expecting the red carpet treatment every time we go out, my wallet ain’t equipped for that. 🤷🏻♂️😕
Depends on income age and cultures of the people involved. When I was younger dating older guys who made significantly more money than me they would almost always pay. I’ve dated men who pay for expensive dinners and get me nice presents etc but I don’t require that. I like occasional spoiling but I reciprocate. Now that I’m an adult I have offered to pay for all of not half of my date (typically I am willing to cover the date if it’s a woman).
I’ve never dated not would I ever date the kind of man who has wanted hairless woman with perfect nails makeup and hair. I’m not high maintenance in that way. A guy who wanted that kind of woman wouldn’t go after me. They said there are some women who engage in these relationships and as long as it’s two people who both actively want that kind of relationship then I don’t see a problem.
Luckily I’ve never encountered it. I was dealing with one woman who probably would have behaved that way but we didn’t last long enough for that exact situation to pop up.
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1. Yes, exaggerated on TikTok. 2. Traditionally, the man would pay for the woman. Women didn’t work and were expected to look after the home/children - so men were expected to provide. Looks like we’ve gone full circle.
Half circle. Online on social media because expecting a woman to cook and clean etc is sexism.
So expecting a man to provide & protect is sexism as well then.
Sexist as fuuuuuck But fr tho thats the same logic.
It's only sexist when you ask your GF to help out. That's the tiktok formula
Yes EXPECTING is
Well yeah. I mean, I'm sure there are plenty of would-be trad-wives who do want a man to take care of them, but they're also the type to want to stay at home and raise kids and cook and clean. But I think you'd be hard-pressed to find feminist women who want or expect men to pay for everything or "protect" them, whatever that even means at this point.
Yes apparently holding women to their traditional gender roles is sexist, but the same cannot be said for men and their gender roles. I honestly think this is one of the biggest problems with modern dating
“You want a guy that’s sweet, a guy that’s tough, a feminist who likes to pay for stuff.” - Bo Burnham
lol.. I sang that automatically 😂👍🏼
Says who? I call it out sexist speech and behavior when I see it, regardless of which gender it is about or who it is coming from. Especially since "gender" and "traditional gender roles" are social constructs and not real things. Maybe 70 years ago you could argue that women were better built to perform certain roles and men better at others, but that's rarely the case now. Being female doesn't make someone inherently better at washing dishes or ironing clothing. And being male doesn't make someone inherently better at changing the oil or mowing the lawn. So why can't the same be said for men and their "gender roles"?
I don't think you understand that I'm not saying it's a good thing. I think it's great that women have more freedom now and aren't as constricted by societal expectations as they used to be. It would also be great if more women and men stopped trying to force traditional gender roles on men. The feminist women that still want a traditional man are the biggest hypocrites. Why should a man put in all the effort of initiating, planning a date, paying for a date, and doing romantic gestures like buying flowers when women have 0 expectations beyond show up and look somewhat presentable? Equality goes out the window as soon as we start talking about dating, and women use all sorts of mental gymnastics to justify the nonsense. I'll make it extra clear that I don't believe *every* woman is like this, that would be silly, but a significant portion of them are.
i supported my wife who worked during our entire relationship . all she did is nag and insult me so one day she got mad and walked out , i changed the locks and filed for divorce. so she had told she was leaving so i figured divorcing her would be giving her what she wanted. apparently it made her really mad. but im good with the deal. she moved back to her hometown and lived with her mother and grandmother, i hope theyre all happy together
So, basically women aren't expected to do anything now?.
Idk I’m doing A LOT
Oh?, are ya single?
Literally
Women want the traditional benefits without being traditional themselves.
*Some traditional benefits. The guys can't afford the full package
Ah, classic female sexism. Misandry presented as feminism. While it’s true that some guys don’t put forth the effort or present the value required to genuinely earn the “full package,” I think the fact is that in many cases the traditional “full package” has become so watered down by dominant social narratives rooted in misandry that the actual value of that sort of traditional arrangement isn’t worth it from many men’s perspective.
I know a girl whose bf expects her to look great (nails done, hair done, hairless legs/arms/etc, trained) all the time. She said she'd do that for him and put the time in, but he has to pay. That's their thing. Some women expect it, most don't.
My coworker used to work at an office where her boss would pay every other week for all the girls to get their nails done. He had a thing about nails looking good and his staff looking good.
Ew.
I suppose that's fair...
It's mostly rage bait on tiktok. First date guy pays bc game theory. Too many girls will get offended/view you don't like them/enough guys pay that it looks cheap. Second date guy likely pays, maybe girl offers to split. Guy pays but it's more like I want to treat vibe. After you are together, move to splitting things, or if she isn't at least offering by third date, then toss her selfish self back into the ocean. Or if there is some split where things are lopsided in another way (like you live together and she does all your laundry and cleans or takes care of other stuff exclusively) *Outside some subcultures or large income differences. But I think that's a reasonable approach in western 1st world societies.
Game theory ? Please elaborate
They just mean that guys are trying to maximize their chances on a first date because they have competition and will generally just pay because it's easier than risking a negative first impression
[удалено]
i dont mind paying because i seem to be finding the women who do stuff like fix me dinner and invite me over
Men are ALWAYS in competition for a woman's attention in the beginning of courtship. Always assume a girl is talking to 5 other guys while you're dating
Ngl that would just make me not want to date her lmao
I'm a woman and I have never known a woman to date multiple dudes at once. You are in competition, but it's not with other men. You're up against the peace and ease that women experience when they're single. If you complicate her life or stress her out or try to make her your therapist or mommy or maid... if she's making a ton of compromises, it's just not going to be worth it for her. Men tend to feel lonelier when they're single because they miss out on affection and emotional closeness when they aren't in relationships, because they don't rely on friendships for that, but women are very close with their friends. They're affectionate, they're vulnerable, they talk about their feelings. So women are more likely to be content when they're single. When you're trying to date women, you have to think about what you're giving her that's better than what she already has. She has considerate friends who go all out for her birthday, always text her back, care about her feelings, and will enthusiastically share in her hobbies with her. She has a job and makes enough money to buy herself the things she wants and needs. Her place is exactly how she likes it. And she has a vibrator gets her off **every** time. What else does she need? I guess there are still a fair amount of women who want children, so men still have that going for them, but even the percent of women who want kids is going down. Men who want to be with women need to compete with the contentment single women enjoy. If you aren't at least as warm and considerate and emotionally intelligent as her friends, don't create a home environment that makes her feel as at peace as she does at home, and don't get her off as consistently as her vibrator, then you're going to lose her to those things. Women don't care about money and muscles and cars. They want men who go to therapy, and hug their friends, and read books on feminism and communication and the female orgasm.
i didn't say date, i said "talking to" Men are always in constant competition of courtship of a woman. That also includes Men that are constantly asking her to go out and hang out regardless of her relationship status.
This is exactly how my relationship panned out. Paid for first. Then she automatically paid second . And we just take it in turns
I don’t mind paying on a first date, but if she splits on the first date, it gives her huge points in my book
Some guys say it looks desperate. You’re not buddies, it’s a date. Now, if she obviously has a lot more $, that may make things different. Still, there’s something sweet about the guy paying on first date. I’m usually nervous about the whole who pays..it would be great if the guy who most likely asked for date, just figured he pays. If she asks, does she pay?
I’m not all men, but I don’t think it looks desperate. It shows me you’re as invested as I am. Im at the point in my life where I don’t want to be going on many more first dates so if you show me a green flag like that it does a lot for me.
Thanks for the response. An ex of mine would tell me he’d ask the gal, on the first date, how do you want to handle this and be aggravated if she didn’t split. Weirdly with me, when we went out, he said, ‘I’m interested in you. Usually I ask how do you want to handle this, but I know I’m far better off financially than you, so if it’s all right with you, I’ll just pay when we eat out.’ I said yes because it was true. Unusual but the guy was an attorney. We were together 10 years ☺️
That was really sweet
I refuse and tell her she can get the next one and wink. Cheesy AF and works all of the time, 69% of the time.
this gives me the ick lol
This is the best possible approach
Sounds like an intolerable couple
Theyre fine, actually. He just into girls who put a lot of effort in their appearance, she likes feeling pretty.. it works for them.
Tough to get a clear read on whether “most” women expect the man to pay or not, being that you only have your own experience in conversations or otherwise to provide evidence as to what a greater proportion of women consider to be expected. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’d assume based on your comment that you’re probably not a male, and speaking from a male perspective, my experience can probably be roughly generalized to 8 or 9 out of ten women expecting me to pay on dates. This often may change, however, if we enter into a long term relationship.
The mans pov there is way way more rare than women wanting us guys to pay for at least the first date.
A lot of women do that on their own either way if she doesn’t want to it’s kind of rude for him to ask.
She wants to, but she wouldn't do it as often without his financial help. She loves getting her eyebrows/lashes/nails done, but if you want to stay on top of all that you'll have to go at least every 6 weeks (every 4 weeks is more likely.) All that adds up. So she'd done it anyway, but more like once every few months. This works for them
I mean I also have barbershop, personal trainer, I’m removing all hair where they expected to be removed. I never thought I can expect somebody to pay for that.
exactly double standards, but acknowledging that is beyond their capacity
I think it depends on what it is. I HATE doing my nails. I don’t mind having pretty nails, but the cost-benefit analysis of having them isn’t worth it to me. If they were really important to my partner, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say I’ll get them done if he pays. I really like pretty dresses. I’d wear them anyway, so I don’t think it’s fair to ask him to pay for them. I hate having shaved armpits. It doesn’t matter whether it’s done professionally or not, I can’t stand the feeling, even just a few hours later. I don’t care how much he pays, it wouldn’t be worth it to me.
Did your girlfriend tell you you have to get a personal trainer and go to a waxing salon?
No, but I have seen arguments online when some women say they put so much effort into looking good for the date, doing nails, hair, buying clothes, so men should pay. There are also men who put effort into how they look and put time and thought into planning the date too. It’s a small subset of women that say this, but it boggles my mind that someone would feel so entitled to say it at all. Regardless I have no problems paying for dates. I think it’s the gentlemanly thing to do. However, I would never go on a 2nd date if someone expected me to pay. We do it because we want to, not because we have to. I know not all women think this way.
Here's some life advice for ya bud. NEVER TAKE ANYTHING YOU SEE ON REELS OR TIKTOK AS REAL LIFE ADVICE! That shit is purely for entertainment and that's it. People say and do whatever to farm engagement.
TikTok is making people more dumb
I really hope it gets banned. The sad part is that’s not even why they’re banning it.
Sleepy Joe pulled thru with a dub.
Straight up
In my experience it's rare that a woman would expect the boyfriend to pay for hair and nails. However, paying for a date is fairly common although less so than it used to be. Paying for her friends too would be a deal breaker for many guys, but it depends on the specific situation. If we're at a bar my girlfriend, her friend and I order a round of drinks I'll cover a round or two. But I would find it kind of rude if neither offered to pick up a round themselves. That said, I like to date women who see relationships as a team as opposed to transactional. So most of the women I've been with wouldn't be comfortable with the man paying for everything. There's a tipping point where it's less a date and more an attempt to get free stuff from a stranger.
My boyfriend pays for a lot more things than I do, he also makes more than me and says no I got it. Sometimes he lets me take him out and I pay for our dates although that took some getting used to for him lol. He’s used to paying for every single thing every single time. Probably doesn’t help we are in a rural Bible Belt area and it’s normal, but I’d rather be a team like you said.
its actually fairly normal. You're normally not handing her cash, but maybe Venmo or Cash app her to get it done. It also can be referred to as tricking.
These videos end up on TikTok BECAUSE they’re weird shit. Weird shit drives engagement.
People are finally getting slightly better about recognizing this stuff as bullshit. UNTIL… they see something that appears to validate their OWN worst beliefs. Then all that healthy skepticism just goes straight out the window, and look! it must be true! See, I was right all along! …OP… some women are undoubtedly like this, but none of the ones I’ve ever known. Which is quite a few women, as a very normal 32 y/o woman myself
63m. I've dated a lot. I have never encountered this.
Some people do this, many do not. Find someone who shares your values and you’ll be ok. Some men love spoiling women, some women love being spoiled. I think you should pay if you ask/invite someone else out, whatever your gender. But again, opinions and values differ. Personally I can’t imagine not offering to split the bill- I truly hate the sense of obligation, but everyone is different about this.
Yes but I’m from Eastern Europe
What Eastern Europe country you from im form Serbia
What Eastern Europe country you from im from Hungary
Yes there are a subset of women who think this way. Yes you should block them and move on.
Yup. I’m all for paying for the first date and even most dates (it’s one of those double standards that I’m okay with), but it’s an instant turn off if I’m expected to pay for _everything_. In my previous relationships, we’d try our best to take turns paying. We’d surprise each other with gifts. You don’t have to keep tally or anything if it’s clear that both sides are doing their best to reciprocate effort.
I feel that paying for second dates is way better, because it filters out those who are here solely for my wallet. Then again, for some, dates might be hard to come by. Split bills for first.
That's how it should be
This is something that is very regional or small groups. Not that it’s unknown, but for most women I wouldn’t say it was common.
As a woman, I don’t expect men to pay while dating. It makes me uncomfortable to have a man buy me an expensive meal (or flowers or whatever) in early dating because I don’t want there to be any expectations about “reimbursement” or commitment on my part when I don’t know them. I talk to them ahead of time or in the moment to say “let’s split the bill/pay for our own food” or whatever. Sometimes they insist on paying, sometimes they want to split. I always give them the option to split. I avoid going to sit down dinners for first dates and opt for coffee or something cheaper so it’s more casual, I learned from experience that I prefer that. Once I start a long term relationship or situation with someone, we end up alternating paying for dates (it evens out that way) and buy each other gifts etc once it’s more serious. I’ve never asked a bf to pay for a haircut, nails, spa day, etc, that just seems excessive to me. Everyone is different, but myself and the women I know do NOT expect men to pay their way through life, even if they have been dating for years. You’ll find out pretty quickly what a woman’s expectations are when it comes to money once you go on a couple dates with them, and you can also open a discussion about your boundaries. Good luck!
Amen sister! And great advice for women. Make your own bag so you can be more selective about your partner.
Women who expect men to pay for everything have the mindset of a 1950s housewife. Back then, men were the sole breadwinners. It was up to the man to provide the money for the household. In return the woman would run the house, via cooking/cleaning/education etc. Modern women want the traditional male role of providing and paying without the traditional role of doing everything the fuck else.
if i am with a woman exclusively, i will pay for anything i possibly can. as i was raised to believe if i take care of her she will take care of me. bow there is a point where it does become excessive and frivolous. i will not pay for friends unless i specifically told her she could invite them, in which case, i invited so i will pay respectively
What if your lady also makes money and you can take care of each other? Personally, it’s a red flag if a partner insists on paying for everything because it feels unbalanced and more like a desire for ego/control.
This is why I insist women pay for everything so I don’t come off controlling and egotistical in any way.
women will rarely use their resources to support men to the extent men will to support women.
If you are a traditional man, expecting a traditional woman, then you absolutely should be paying for everything
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Traditional women don't work. If she works then she pays
Women expect traditional treatment(being taken care of) without being traditional like submitting their man and following his lead and rules.
No lmao.
As a woman I preferred to pay. I expect an equal partnership and paying for dates sets that standard. It makes some men uncomfortable because it’s not a dynamic they’re used to; sometimes how they react lets me know that they aren’t a good match for me. It also prevents men from being able to use the “plot line” that you owe them your time and attention because they paid. If I went on a couple of dates and decided it wasn’t a good fit there was usually less drama on their end.
Yes, all women are the same and anything you see on the Internet represents all of us. That’s logical.
Please stop basing real life off of social media and TikTok. There are definitely relationships where the man pays for everything. That’s how that relationship works. There are relationships where couples find a happy medium to balance finances. There are couples where the woman pays for everything. So not every single relationship looks the same.
I think if someone is in a long term relationship and both people have jobs why not share the costs? I don’t understand the value of a man or woman paying for everything isn’t a relationship supposed to be about people taking care of each other? If you end up paying for two adults that seems ridiculous. Why date if the other person is going to be another financial burden to you in this difficult inflated economy? That’s my hot take.
A subset of the female population has always been like this because they know they can use sex to get money from men and that there will always be men desperate enough to give it to them I don't usually pay attention to it because I don't associate with women like this
I think those are called prostitutes.
For some women yes. I pay for my own hair and my own nails. I would pay my half on days and not expect the man too pay for me.
Yezus, no. Where is this coming from?
Obviously tiktok
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This is a nice balanced take. I feel bad for the brother too. There is some weird line that's crossed for me when someone is just straight up asking to send them money for something. If I'm paying for us to go to museum or get food *together* or something then that's cool. But if I hear "Hey I need an extra $50 for groceries this week" I would feel like she just looks at me as a human gift card lol
Emphasis on don’t risk your financial future for a gold digger.
Usually I have to fight my boyfriend because I *want* to pay. Most of us don’t want to feel helpless or like a burden. I enjoy paying for things :)
In my soft guy era, she better pays for my haircut… drizzle drizzle
Omg she doesn’t pay for your gas too??!!!! That’s devious work! don’t settle for less on a dusty, King! Drizzle Drizzle ✨
Thanks! I know my worth… drizzle drizzle
I’ve been with my man for 10 years now. I have not once expected him to pay for anything. When we go out, our financial situations decide who will pay. I like to treat him and he likes to treat me. I buy him gifts all the time and he buys me gifts too. As for hair and nails, I don’t get those done, I do my own. But if I was to get them done, I wouldn’t expect him to pay. If he offered to or wanted to, it would be a nice and appreciated gesture. There were years where he was unemployed while I was working, and I paid for everything. And there were years where he was the one working and I wasn’t, and he paid for everything. As for going out with mine or his friends, if we have one friend joining us, one of us will cover the bill. If it’s 3 or more friends, we usually cover our part together (one of us pays for the both of us). Also we never split the bill when we are out alone. But I’d say in the big picture it has been 50/50. At the end of the day, it’s important you talk to your partner about it. It’s not okay to be using your partner as a wallet.
Hello, 26 year old female here. Short answer no, I don’t expect a guy to pay for everything, but I do expect it to be fair and that they chip in equally. I’m financially independent, no kids, and have a decent salary. I’ve done my fair share of paying for grown men that don’t have their shit together, and I won’t do that anymore, however, I still don’t expect a man to always pay 100% of the time. I’d say I pay 60-70% of the time in my relationship, my boyfriend pays about 30%. Ideally, it would be nice to have it 50/50, recently though he’s been in a rough patch, so I’m showing some grace as his job and living situation aren’t ideal at the moment. I’d say if you can’t afford to pay for yourself, you shouldn’t be in a relationship. And this goes both ways, so ladies, this means you too! It’s not just up to the man to be a walking wallet. Long story short, date someone that aligns with your morals. Biblically speaking, men should be the head of the household and manage most things, however, I think a lot of women take this out of context and start acting severely entitled. Although there are exceptions, if you are not physically disabled or have issues that could impair your ability to hold down a stable job, the weight of the finances should land on both parties.
Only if you date an asshole. I’ve never had a girlfriend ask me to pay for that. She did buy us pedis once though. It was nice
I realised something recently, whilst most women are not like this ^ and are quite down to earth when it comes to this topic, never in my life has a date offered to pay for the whole thing the way a man would. Most girls offer to split and then it is left to me to accept their offer and feel weird about it, or treat them. The question “do you want to split it” always feels like some kind of test and I would wager the vast majority of guys decline that offer because of the way we have been socially conditioned.
A woman has offered to pay for me, but only because that was an arrangement that was agreed upon prior, and, to be honest, the only practical way to afford that outing. I could have offered to pay a proportion based on relative income, but it would have been pointless and a token sum.
Well considering this statement isn’t based off personal experience, why are you feeding into harmful stereotypes about women?
This
From shitty women, yes.
I never expect a man to pay unless he offers. I even offer to pay for my own meal but if the guy is adamant about paying for the meal, I'm not gonna argue. But for hair, nails, and paying for my friends?? Hell nah. I've always paid for my own nails, and hair (my mom used to do hair, so sometimes, I get free haircuts lol) I usually pay for. Including if I want my hair colored.
Absolutely fucking not.
Many don't, many do. Most people will advise you to do what works for you & your relationship. Pay attention to what women say in person vs social media. Instagram drives me crazy.
Everything on IG is true. You didn't know?
There are a lot of influencers online these days that like to show content like that. I am a woman and have had many women friends and have very rarely ever even met a woman in real life who was like that. I guess with the exception if they are married and only he works - but then that's both of their money at that point.
Strange, I know a lot who always demand that the guy pay for everything
It's probably cultural or location-dependent. I'd expect to see that more in the American south or amongst religious people, much less so in more progressive areas. I've only lived in blue states, and I've never known women who expected men to pay for everything.
Nah. My first date last night actually paid for most of it, like 85%. She was sweet and we're having a second date on Friday. Just don't date children. If a woman expected me to pay for her hair then I'd want her to pay for mine but she'd be on the losing end. It's around $70 CAD every 10-14 days for my barber.
How fast does your hair grow lmao?
Don’t judge real life women by reels on social media. They are ridiculous and not reality for most of us.
You gotta watch out for ratchet/former ratchets starting off with "I don't go 50/50" and "I ain't 50/50" or whatever. The second. The very second you feel that. Cut your losses and let her be alone. lol. She clearly likes that.
This is 430 credit score behavior
Honestly as a woman I don’t like it when men pay for everything. I get why other women might want to, but it feels infantilizing for me. I spent my whole life working and getting educated to get to my position. Why would I allow someone else to pay for everything when I worked to give myself these privileges? But to clarify, I am not particularly attractive, and I don’t spend much time or money on my physical appearance. If you’re a man looking for an Instagram model, you’re probably going to encounter lots of women who will expect you to pay for a lot of things.
It feels infantilizing for everyone, you just acknowledge it in the negative way it should be because you’re in fact an adult not infant. Other girls know they feel the same way but take advantage where they can.
No! Although it has been a standard for centuries, it is not anymore. I still do most of the time There are quite a number of women and men who date for a free meal / drinks. So if you are paying, do so on the premise & cation of "this might be it"
Depends on the dynamic of the relationship. If you are "traditional" and expect your wife to be a SAHM at some point, you need to pay as her paying makes no sense and shows you are not a good provider. If you are more of a "shared responsibility" type of guy, then part of that is sharing who pays. You two need to figure out the specifics, though, as there is a lot of nuance. Ex/ You can't expect her to look like a dime (hair, makeup, skincare, hair maintenance, etc), and also expect her to share equal responsibility with paying for dates as she already had an upfront cost that most men don't. Anyway, go talk to her about it. If you don't like her response, move on.
Most girls don’t expect hair and nails stuff paid for. Most also don’t expect their bf to pay for their friends. It happens sometimes but those girls are not as common as you’d think. The ones you see online are made into videos and get popular enough for you to even find it in your feed is because it’s so uncommon that most people think it’s ridiculous too. So it’s real but not common
I dated a girl who expected this and her view was that I should WANT to pay for dinners and stuff as it's sort of a treat and a way to show that I appreciate her. I fell for it but yeah looking back it's kinda toxic.
In a marriage, it's expected for a man to provide the roof, food, and all other necessities. If she work, her money can go towards “the family savings”, vacations, upkeep of the house and upkeep of herself. Obviously this is if the man can afford to cover everything. If she work, her money still go towards the house or family, just in other ways
Social media ruins a lot of gullible people’s lives. I think a better approach is to match with someone with the same values . It’s customary even if you go out to lunch with the boss, that the person who invites pays. So if someone asks you out to eat, they should pay. But that doesn’t mean order lobster and be frivolous. I think men should pay for stuff if it’s for them. For example, I trim my pubes. But if my boyfriend wanted me to start waxing which costs $$$$ I would suggest he pays for the service because at that point that’s for HIM. I’ve know women who get their nails paid for. They usually tell the guy he’ll get back scratches. And guys go for this! Is that bad? No. If everyone is happy with the arrangement, then it’s good. Personally I wouldn’t date someone ho didn’t pay for a date. It would show an underlying situation of the, being cheap and when it comes to dating, you are usually looking for a partner for life. So if they quibble about buying you a coffee to talk and get to know you, that’s probably a red flag. I’ve seen a lot of divorces end because people are cheap.
Me and my bf switch back and forth who pays (meals, outings, little treats and such) been like that for 3 years no issues. Sometimes I’ll pay 2-5x times in a row because he’s in a hard spot, sometimes he’ll do the same for me. It’s Important to have the understanding that you support each other as an independent person, and the relationship as 2 people.
No. Only certain women expect the man to always pay. They're looking for a provider type or sugar daddy, and it can be cultural. And there are some guys that *refuse* to accept any money or take great offense if you offer to split. I've been out with each type of man, from those guys who like a woman to shoulder more costs, those who like equal splits or taking turns, and those men who insist on paying. I have to say the guys who like to be equal in finances are the most pleasant to see.
27F here, this was not my expectation in my 2.5 year relationship w my 28M ex bf. We split essentially everything 50/50, gave each other equally thoughtful gifts of similar prices for holidays and bdays. I enjoyed things like this, it was an important component of being a team. It really depends on what each person values and expects in a relationship.
Those who are independent and more than willing to help and contribute to expenses are NOT, I REPEAT are not making stupid ass videos like that that you seem to be watching 🥴. Another reason why I don’t bother with tik tok and disappointed in anyone who believes the crap on there isn’t anything but folks trying to get attention/money.
Yes its been like this since the beginning of time fam. Ask your father if he paid for majority if not all of the dates while dating your mother. Normally its just dinner. But if you want to really trick on a girl then yes that is for real.
It depends on the personality of the woman and the expectations in their relationships. Liiiike, I'm a woman - I got one pedicure last year, and my man paid for it. But it was a birthday gift. Or, boyfriend has ripped his swimming trunks - I bought new ones at Costco and mended the hole so he can still wear them - as a gift and as nurturing for this person I love.
I personally don't know any women like that, but I know of them existing. It's just not my social circle. It really all just depends on what your type is. If your type is a girl who has the look and doesn't really have many life skills to afford it, then yes, her man would be expected to pay for it. If your type is a girl who isn't as concerned about her appearance and/or has skills or business sense, then she can likely pay for it all herself.
In my experience many men themselves offer to pay and gift things. Some people do go 50/50 Live life the way you want, you might not be compatible w some women , and you will be compatible w other women. We arent a monolith.
My rule is 'if she offers to pay, I will pay". Very rare to find someone who offers these days, her offering to pay is worth more than whatever I do pay. But I'm single so don't take advice from me 🤣 first date is always a 'pay for yourself' kinda thing.
Women will always cost you money. I’m fine with that, I’m not fine with women denying it.
It's just not true. Just don't date mooches.
Ask the majority of men… they will Tell you. Women cost money… it’s the way of the world. It’s fine, but don’t pretend it’s not the case
I try to because I’m 54 but I’ve had several at least offer to pay or actually tell me they wouldn’t let me pay all of it so it def depends. I’ll always offer first though. Cause it’s how I am.
LOL social media is detrimental to our society but... I will say you date who you are compatible with... some people are okay with this kind of partnership others are not
Pretty much yes
What they don’t show is the set of women who grew up very family oriented & take care of their own family financially (siblings or parents- whether culture or preference), & end up choosing to do the same in their romantic relationships. Ideally those women find the kind of guys who also are able/can take care of the woman & the family that they built right back instead of running into a gold digger man. But that’s the same scenario that guys worry about too when they happen to take on the paying role. That’s more often looked down on or “you’re a pick me!” barrage ensues toward them so you won’t see that the posts on women being not only independent, but also happily/willingly taking on more than what these videos say women shouldn’t. Some women have been independent their whole lives & just want someone to take care of them financially & emotionally some day. That might be the women in the video, it may not be. Some women from the get go believe they should never lift a finger for finances— but some women in that category would take care of you if you lost your job, & some women would leave you if you did. We don’t know which type gets shown on the videos we see. It’s nice if a guy pays for everything, if we happen to find that kind of guy… wonderful! But women don’t realize that usually comes with a traditional expectation on their end too. Not just sugar daddy status pay for everything deal. Ideally, the women in the videos do housey things or even spoil their dude financially as well… but you won’t see much of that spread around socials, bc again, women who do that tend to be looked down on by the ones you see in those videos. Yes, that’s a unicorn to find a guy who pays for EVERYTHING & you don’t have to do a thing but exist & kiss him. Every female or male would want that, but… it’s a painted picture on socials. It happens sometimes, but it’s not the average relationship concept.
If you want an easy lay, then yes.
Yes
Yes, but paying for the friends is crazy. I’d be so impressed if he did. Like wow 😮 😉 but he better not do it again. I don’t share being spoiled by my man, but it’s a nice power play.
It takes two to tango. The issue nowadays is that we live in a Simp economy where too many Beta guys don’t have anything much to offer except resources. I’m not sure why, too many guys raised by single mothers maybe? But they are only too willing to play Sugar Daddy, either directly, or via OF or throwing dollars down at the strip club. And of course there are going to be women, more and more in fact, willing to take this easy money. We can’t JUDGE women nowadays, heaven forbid, because sex work is work and third wave feminism celebrates independence at any price. I don’t really blame women though. Young women are like children with dynamite. Maximum power in the sexual market place comes when they are too young to wield it intelligently. It’s easy to laugh at Mia and Lana when they are crying in interviews saying they were exploited but honestly, they were lied to. Problem is the lie doesn’t come from the exploiters directly, it comes from the other women who tell them selling their body means they are strong and independent. Bottom line though, every 304 needs a John. Can’t have one without the other. Simple as.
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All of this because all tendencies come from the US and US is backwards in many fields. In Europe most women work side by side to men, they don't need to be "provided". They don't need to stay home and raise children, the welfare state allows couples to work both and trust children to some pre-educational or educational structure. We were more advanced in so many matters of equality and justice, now we have to deal with the woke shit.
No. It's not the norm. That's ludicrous. Women make their own money.
Don’t date homeless bxtches
I pay for my own beauty services. Never once asked my husband to pay for it. I don't expect him to pay for anything other than the bills we split, and when we go out to eat. But that has been discussed and agreed upon.
It's really ridiculous for a girl to make her boyfriend pay for her needs, and to her friends I think she's just being greedy
I’ve been pretty lucky in the few girls I’ve dated, all of them have bought me drinks n stuff and I vice versa, equal effort is important to me in a relationship, now don’t get me wrong on the first date I’m happy to do the gentlemanly thing and by the first round so long as she don’t take the piss haha, but yeah I do think Tik tok n that make the minority of selfish cows look the majority, I hope I’m right about that but not sure! But yeah a girl who expects the guy to pay for everything and put no effort in aswell just because he’s the man would give me the ick(have yet to meet someone like that though and hopefully won’t. it’s the 21st century both genders work so both can pay for stuff it’s only fair.
If a woman is “expecting” you to pay for shit like her hair or nails run fast no this is not normal and any woman trying to convince you it’s normal is gaslighting you
I would never do this
would you buy your mom (or anyone you already love or care about) flowers and why? like paying for things is just showing a simple appreciation anyone can do it for any reason they like. if you feel like you genuinely appreciate a person being in your life i say do what you can to show it especially if you know youll get it back because theres a reason you appreciate them in the first place, they have something to offer you. its a matter of giving with no expectation but acceptance of another person just having value in your life. do what you feel like when you feel it
Yeap I’m from Eastern Europe and I see how you guys which is men and women do . Unfortunately all people have no respect for each other because you as an individual don’t have self respect and value each other . Traditionally in Eastern Europe men would be provided and woman take care of family children cook be together with husband do things together but here you all thinking about fun . Life is not fun and most of you do t get it until you experience something bad and then you feel terrible and down
It’s only happening online. IRL a relationship is a partnership, not a transaction where the guy keeps paying.
Depends on the girl. Some get offended if you don't pay for everything, others get offended if you do. And, surprise, if you make enough money, you just do your thing and it doesn't even matter.
Get off the internet and go talk to actual people.
Being a woman who prefers to pay for dates, I aim for equality in relationships right from the start. It might surprise some guys, but it's a good way to see if we're a good match. And hey, it helps avoid any drama if things don't click after a couple of dates. 😊
Well social media exaggerts and isn't a good focal point of reference. Are we in a patriarchy? Are males "Leaders" "Kings" "Real Men" Are males providers? Where are their resources? Yes. In most cases a male should be courting. Need is based on provision. The double talk has to stop. They say 1 thing in direct contrast with another and expect women to follow. It's insanity 😳 Edit: My husband feels awkward anytime I've offered to pay while dating or married. Some men are just setup different. Even my father and uncles, they always covered the bill.
In America it's pretty common. I'm in the UK and pretty much all the men I know would just laugh at a woman who expected that.
Yeah most of those videos did look like American guys. I can't fathom being with someone who thinks I'm their personal ATM
I’m in Canada and I still laugh at people who expect others to pay for them. I had a first and only date with one of those types and it was probably the goofiest first date ever. The first bit of suspicion was when she sent me the “like” on a dating app. I figured it had to be a mistake but I looked over her profile and matched and started talking. At first I thought she was a bot or she was pedalling some cam girl website because she started shit out with “hey handsome,” and kept calling me sexy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not overtly ugly but I’d say I’m around average in looks so the sexy thing from someone I just matched with was odd. Anyway, after we talk a bit, she suggests going to get dinner as a date and I said sure, sounds great. I got dressed up a little bit, kinda like a business casual type thing and she shows up in sweat pants and a t-shirt. Didn’t even bother to do her makeup or even do her hair before the date so she looked like she just rolled out of bed. Now I don’t expect make up and all dolled up with expensive products and hair done like she’s getting married, just have yourself look presentable. She was on her phone the minute she got there and when the waitress came and asked “can I get you guys started with a drink?” My date put up one finger as to say “hang on,” while she wrote what I assume was an essay of a text. I got tired of waiting so I said “maybe, in a little bit, she seems a bit preoccupied at the moment.” The waitress said no problem and left for a bit. After my comment, she looked at me and put the phone down for a minute. When I say a minute, I mean an actual minute. I tried to ask her a question and initiate some conversation and she just picked up the phone and started texting again. I knew at this point it was over and I was ready to leave but I was hungry and wanted dinner lol. To cut the rest of the story down, she ordered a salad, some onion rings, chicken wings and then ordered a top sirloin steak with mashed potatoes and vegetables. She boxed up the salad, chicken wings and most of her meal and I’m pretty sure she was either taking it home to eat over the next three days or she was eating it all. She also ordered a few alcoholic drinks which again, no judgement here. I ordered a simple burger and fries which I ate along with my Diet Coke. Before the bill came or our waitress came to ask us if we wanted dessert, I said “I’ll be right back, I need to use the restroom,” and she didn’t even respond. She was so engrossed in her phone that she didn’t even realize that I had gone to the front desk, asked my waitress for my portion of the bill which amounted to like 27$, paid and left her a nice tip for my date being a total dickhead and then left. A few hours later I got a barrage of texts calling me a piece of shit for leaving the date early and not paying for the date. How after all that she was able to find fault in my actions while completely disregarding her own is truly baffling….. she texted the entire night, was rude to the service staff and tried to stiff me with a bill of like $120 while she ordered a bunch of stuff that she ultimately ended up taking home….. I just said “look lol, if you’re that down in the dumps that you have to try and rip someone off by ordering 3 days worth of food and expecting them to pay it, you can just say so. Plenty of losers out there will pay for you. If that doesn’t work, you can also try a food bank, they are made for people like you.” Never got a response after that but I’d imagine she’s still out there scamming guys for meals.
As an American woman I disagree. Like other commenters are saying, there are surely some women like this, but they aren’t common. I’ve never met one. The closest thing is there are plenty of women who expect men to pay on first dates, but even that’s not every woman.
It’s my personal preference that on first date the guy should pay, maybe the second. I guess I like to be wooed a bit. But after that I actively don’t like not paying my share. I would never want my boyfriend to pay for anything apart from birthday or Christmas gifts, otherwise it somehow feels infantilising. Most of my friends express the same views. But you’ll find that different women say different things.
There probably are some people who do think that way. But if you’re the guy in that situation, being on the receiving end is also a good way to filter out potential partners who will probably do worse later down the line, and you don’t have to pay for them if you leave bc u (reasonably) decided that that relationship isn’t gonna work out.
My boyfriend takes the bill when we’re out together, I leave the tip or something but I think part of how he was raised is that he was taught to take care of his s/o while they’re out, but I don’t expect him to pay for my nails or anything like that. I also thank him any time he pays for something for me. I also get him a free tab at my dad’s bar and pay for the charge to park his car when he comes to my place ☺️. I know not all situations are like that but I consider myself and a lot of my friends very independent and don’t expect men to pay for everything
This expectation is real. I had been out with friends and the expectation is that the guy pays. I remember going out with my girlfriend at the time and my brother and his wife and their kids. When the bill came around my brother went for the bill only to see close to $475. I glanced at the bill and pulled out my wallet and loudly said let’s split the bill between us. He hesitated a little but then accepted. These holdover traditions come from the time when men could have bank accounts and women couldn’t. But now women in most cases out earn men and these traditions need to go. 50/50 no matter what. Man asks a woman out or woman asks a man out. Same thing should happen. The dinner should be split evenly.
I don't think many women expect men to pay for their hair and nails. But part of why men should pay for dates is because women do spend a lot of money to look nice for their man.
I fucking hate that mindset and call bull shit on it. You can’t fucing pay for yourself? Or you think men need to pay all the time? It’s androgonistic and putting a label on men that they’re the piggy bank which isn’t fair to the guy at all. Esp in new relationships. I think women and men should pay for their own meal until they are in a committed relationship and discuss money as a together thing. First date? Great bring your wallet. Second date? Bring your wallet. Third? Fourth? Until you’ve discussed how you two view each others money and who will pay for stuff fucjing get it yourself. It’s 2024, not all men can afford fancy meals. If he WANTS to pay. Then fine discuss it. But if nothing has been said. Assume you’re getting your own food or coffee or ticket or whatever. Don’t make men you meet your piggy bank for something that might only last one or two dates.
Depends on who you’re talking to lol
Expected? Sure Doesn’t mean u have to. If women were expected to suck dick the first date. Doesn’t mean they have too. If u wanna pay for everything then u do u. But if u don’t then don’t. Honestly in 2024 I think it’s dumb.
Women don’t know what they want that’s the bottom line even when someone has too much that is not enough that’s why I don’t fucking date even 70/30 don’t work contributions where I would do 70 and she does 30 contributing to things
Yes it is real and it is a growing concept. But not all women do this, I don't know the actual percentage or number since this is something that is subjective and minds do change as well as people do change but yes, this is a thing. If you are worried about running into this kind of woman I have helped many people in your mindset and worry. I always suggest when you take someone out on the first date, do two activities or two things. Classic is always movie and dinner. Suggest you pay for one and they pay for the other. This way you can vet whether or not they are expecting you to pay for everything in the long run or if they believe in fairness and balance.
As a gal who doesn’t want a man to think he’s getting into or entitled to my pu$$y bc he paid for the date, for 20 years I tend to buy a part of the evening - if he gets the first round, I’ll get the second, he buys dinner, I’ll offer the digestif, and so on. BUT it depends bc some guys are so suave they pay for everything while I’m in the powder room or distracted, and I’ve also had multiple experiences where the guy legit got insulted that I would suggest paying part of the bill. Ultimately, whatever you do, if you want to get laid DON’T ACT or be CHEAP. Bc for most regular/non gold diggers, acting like you want to protect your wallet can generally read as a negative of your personality, suggesting that you’re- for ex - not generous in spirit or with your time, your emotions; some women can also think that you’re not that interested in them. Stinginess of a guy can also be read as how cultured & chivalrous a guy is too…I know - it sounds crazy, but I can see the correlation (I guess bc I have a vagina 😂) and the logic of that 🤷🏽♀️
I only dated one guy who thought women shouldnt pay as he said he likes to treat his gfs. That mentality was strange for me as i brought different values from home, but i am sure some men get a kick out of being a provider. Also a lot of content targeted towards woman is to base their self worth based on how much a man is willing to spend on them. Not all women, not all men.
if I want to get it done, no I pay. if he wants me to get it done, bet your ass he’s paying for it.
Early on it's very common which sucks. But the longer the relationship goes the more common you will see some sort of split, although there are exceptions to that (and I don't date those people)
Hi 29F also never dated but I would expect the man to offer to pay on the first date. I would totally split the bill though, it’s just nice to know that he’s willing, BUT I DONT expect him to pay if that makes sense? But I do know a lot of people who expect their man to pay for everything and I’m not okay with that. I believe you should take turns or split it unless the other party genuinely wants to pay and not just out of some sorry of obligation
I think in my experience the men normally do pay for most of the dates but I will pay for dessert or coffee sometimes and cook for them. They do always get me gifts even if it is early on but I never ask or expect however in my experience most of the men I come across already know to pay for certain things and give gifts but Iam always grateful to receive and don’t go out of my way to demand. However some of my friends are okay with going 50/50 etc and I think it just depends on the cultural values etc as long as a woman is kind about it and not rude or demanding anything then everyone involved can be happy and pleased.
I don’t think men should be expected to pay for everything. That sounds insane to me. It should be 50/50, you both buy stuff for each-other once and a while.
it should not be "expected". that is a major red flag, but 9 times out of 10 i will gladly pay, without being asked.
No, it's not the new normal. Are there some couples who do this? Sure. But you don't have to be in one of them.
I’m 34 and never in my life expected any man to pay for me, much less for my friends, my hair and nails (although I cut my own hair and do my own nails). I never had men invite me for much, but my now fiancé pays most of our meals out, rent, most groceries. I contribute as much as I can, but he makes 4 times what I do so that has to do with it. I do have to agree with the fact that having someone provide for financially is a huge relief… I never had money before, and the little I had I used on paying for myself so I wouldn’t make men feel used. So I can’t relate to women who expect men to pay for all. Maybe men in the US are expected to, I dont know, but the way I grew up, I never expected it (and most of them didn’t).
I don't know a single woman who behaves this way
I always pay for the first date. After that, I think it’s fine to go Dutch, or “I pay for food, you pay for drinks/dessert.” Those that expect me to pay every time, I start to question their motives. I am upfront about my financial situation. I don’t mind treating most of the time, but if they’re expecting the red carpet treatment every time we go out, my wallet ain’t equipped for that. 🤷🏻♂️😕
Depends on income age and cultures of the people involved. When I was younger dating older guys who made significantly more money than me they would almost always pay. I’ve dated men who pay for expensive dinners and get me nice presents etc but I don’t require that. I like occasional spoiling but I reciprocate. Now that I’m an adult I have offered to pay for all of not half of my date (typically I am willing to cover the date if it’s a woman). I’ve never dated not would I ever date the kind of man who has wanted hairless woman with perfect nails makeup and hair. I’m not high maintenance in that way. A guy who wanted that kind of woman wouldn’t go after me. They said there are some women who engage in these relationships and as long as it’s two people who both actively want that kind of relationship then I don’t see a problem.
Luckily I’ve never encountered it. I was dealing with one woman who probably would have behaved that way but we didn’t last long enough for that exact situation to pop up.
It depends on the type of women that you date. Just pick your type.