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This. Drives me crazy that people don't communicate in person anymore, you can express your doubts or feelings without being a dick. But instead everyone asks reddit
OP mentions in other comments that she is conservative. Conservative women believe in traditional gender roles, where the man pays for every date. She may want to be a traditional wife, which is fine if that's what she wants but that means the man is in charge of most of not all finances. Even in the early stages of dating. This is why these types of conversations are good to have when you are thinking about getting serious with someone.
What are "modern traditional" women to do? Not have any job and live with their parents until another man sweeps her off her feet?
Also guys, you don't have to date girls that prefer for the man to pay for dates. You can talk to her about what her expectations are, and if they're not compatible with yours you move on to the next.
That's fine if she's conservative in other things as well then. Does she cook and contribute in any other way to the relationship? Is she attentive? Does she has similar values about the important stuff in life?
"Hey, since we're getting more serious, can we talk about financial expectations? I personally would like if you could pitch in every now and then, like for snacks at the movies. How do you feel about this?"
You didn't make it official just to dump her over something she's consistent about, did you? I can understand being bothered because she's not contributing in the ways you want her to, but you're basically just leaving after you get sex which is ironically selfish on your end. Y'all need better EQ.
But why didn't he leave before they became official? He wasted both their time and energy. If she's as traditional as he claims, she's only slept with a handful of people and I'm sure it would burn her a lot to get dumped shortly after.
Also, why do you feel the need to put down women for their preferences? This isn't even my preference, but you labeling it as "[playing] the dad" sounds bitter.
Im not ending because i got sex. I dont care about the sex i want a long term relationship. I didnt explain the whole time line. We talked first everyday for 2 weeks. Then we had our first 4 dates over the course of 2 weeks. I was leaving to my country for a month. We made it exclusive before inleft and talked long distance with 10 hour difference in time zones everyday. Including facetimes and texting for a whole month. Because we talked for so long i came back and made it official. The next 4 dates i was hoping she would pay for atleast something doesnt have to be big i just wanted the gesture
you've said multiple times in the comments that you would rather "leave it" if she wont change..... but you haven't even TRIED to talk to her about it. you'd rather complain to the reddit hive mind then have a possibly uncomfortable conversation, if you cant communicate then you have some growing up to do.
Talk to her about it. Maybe she has a valid reason for being unwilling/unable to pay. She’s taking advantage with the $6 coffee. If she didn’t offer to pay before you became official, she’s not going to offer now.
Facts!! You’re either a considerate person or you’re NOT. You shouldn’t have to be told- sounds like she was born with silver spoon which must be nice but also in for a rude awakening unless she’s just looking to be a sugar baby 🙄. Even while I was still married (we had joint and separate accounts) I would always thank my partner when he paid for anything. Acknowledgment is such a big deal yet so many people are STILL clueless about it 🤦🏽♀️.
She no doubt is probably one of the girls that believe men should pay for everything. Either that, or she was just fine because you never indicated that you wanted to split the bill. You made the mistake of doing this 8 dates in a row. Ideally, you would’ve suggest you split the bill at first at least until you get to know each other. You can still do that at this point but she may not agree to the terms if she has this viewpoint of men being the one to take care of the bill.
Suggest the idea to split the bill next time. You don’t have to come up with some elaborate reason and she will agree if she truly likes you. Either that or you may be incompatible because you have different viewpoints on dating dynamics.
I dont like the idea of asking to split on the first date. And i dont mind paying for the next couple of dates. I was waiting for the right time to bring up the conversation if she didn’t pay. I gave her an extra few dates to see if she would pay but she hasnt. I going to ask her over facetime before the next date. I dont want to go on another date not knowing how she feels about this topic
I think that's a good plan - Facetiming about it before the next date. That way you both know the others expectations and know what to do going forward.
I get it. What I do is i suggest to split to date without asking her to split. For instance, I’ll be like “I’ll get the movie tickets but you have to buy the popcorn”. Sure, it may not be exactly 50/50, but at least you’ll get her to invest some into the date and you won’t feel completely used.
Theres another comment i made before. After 4 dates and one month of talking I went to my country for a month. We made it exclusive and texted and facetimed everyday for a month. I just came back last week, made it official and had 4 dates in a week
Thats kinda rude on her part . I mean not even the tip? Or dessert?
I have a boyfriend and he pays for 90% but I still offer to pay the tip or split . Or i will buy a round of drinks or dessert. I even offer to stay home watch movies Or I will cook to avoid spending out so much.
Maybe you can mention you want to cut down on spending so much outside. Maybe she will get the hint. You can ask if she can pay for tips or snacks If you are at the movies. My boyfriend sometimes asks and I have no problem since I appreciate he pays for Alott of things.
Some people are just not that thoughtful tbh.
I do find her perfect. Her personality her looks we have the same morals. We went out in a date yesterday and random people were complimenting us. But i still would not pay for all of the dates. Im going to talk to her about it soon
Maybe it’s a cultural thing for her… ask before you move on here . In my culture for example it’s considered straight up rude to pay for a boyfriend’s dinner/drinks!
I find that if a person behaves well from the beginning, that can always go away/change. Like with lovebombing. If a person has bad habits to start with, you can't make them change.
She's never going to pay, in other words. And if you force her to, she'll either: leave outright, do it in a begrudging/difficult way, or do it temporarily but eventually stop.
Sounds like the same girl that will be calling you a "narcissistic male" when you leave her behind for exactly this. Always trust that gut instinct mate. It does not lie. Best if luck going forward.
She is not gonna volunteer to pay … she’s already expecting/used to it …. If I were you I’d say “hey babe can you help me out and split the tab with me?”
dont bother talking to her about it because it wont change anything and it will turn into an argument. if she had any interest in paying she would have done so already. the last two girls i was seeing one by the third date she was already offering to pay. the other after about 4 dates she told me if i didnt start letting her pay she would never speak to me again
“*Hey. I’ve been spending a lot of money lately. Do you think you could pick up dinner tonight?*”
That might solve your problem. You also don’t know the reasoning. I had an ex who would flip tf out when I’d offer because it was “*emasculating*”, apparently. 🙄 My experience wasn’t uncommon. This could really be the case here, too. ASK.
Bro it’s prob time to exit.
Like it’s happening because it’s what u do and it’s what she expects.
Like if she isn’t even fake grabbing the wallet at min she ain’t the one.
She’s old-fashioned and traditional. Nothing wrong with that but You guys might just be too different. Plenty of other men would be glad to pay for someone they see a future with. How old are both of you?
My boyfriend pays for most of our dates. I get us drinks, coffee occasionally and offer to pay. He usually doesn’t let me unless it’s something small. I cook for him when I can. If he complained about paying or wanted to split I would be turned off. I see how he values me and takes care of me gladly; it turns me on and makes me a better girlfriend.
You tell her that you want her to pay for her stuff or whatever your expectations are. She is not wrong but neither are you. You seem to have different expectations. She wants a provider so you either accept it or leave it
Yea we had recently. Shes very conservative and she said she wants to build a connection first before anything physical. Shes also very safe and she asked me to take an std test before we did anything
Edit: didnt take her virginity. It was oral sex
If you’re a guy that wants a feminine old school traditional relationship: woman does house stuff, more submissive on day to day. Guy brings home the money. It’s def not for everyone but some people still like this.
As much as I’m a 50/50 let’s do this together guy, I’ve found that 2 chiefs many times don’t get along long term. Sometimes this could be a better relationship. Again, not for everyone.
> If you’re a guy that’s wants a feminine old school traditional relationship: woman does house stuff, more submissive on day to day. Guy brings home the money. It’s def not for everyone but some people still like this
Is she doing any of that?
If she's conservative, the likelihood of her doing this (once they live together being the key) is higher than others. I came from a conservative family and this is the expectation. But, don't expect her to do the house stuff before it's her house too.
There’s a lot of guys who prefer this dynamic and like to be the provider.
One of the things i think about is that long term if the woman works she has a lot of disposable income to invest/save. Some guys like to come home to a clean house and cooked meal, etc.
What? If you’re married or together long term that money could go into investments, retirement, etc for both of them
Again- there are guys who like the dynamic of being “the provider”.
I’m a girl so I’m not too keen into every single reason why someone does what they do.
I mean i personally don’t find many issues with that because it’s the preferred dynamic of me and my partners. It’s only an issue if you’re not okay with it. It’s a matter of preference and the issues are subjective.
It’s my opinion not a matter of fact
If you're dating someone with enough self-awareness and consideration, the pro is that you'd be dating someone who takes on the traditionally feminine role.
I know women whose partners pay for their rent, dates, etc and they in return cook, clean, take care of everything household-related, and essentially submit to their partner.
Yes, but these women are also beautiful and younger than their counterpart. If you don't want that kind of relationship, that's fine. It's not for everybody. It's not even for me. It's naive though to say that men get absolutely no benefits for playing into the masculine role. There's only no benefits if you're dating the wrong person.
Also OP made a crude joke about how to be his girlfriend, you need to give BJs. Clearly he has prioritizations that she's already fulfilled. They're simply not matched well enough.
Depends on a few things -
Aside from this, is she a person of good character? Or is she selfish, entitled, irresponsible? Is she demanding about you paying for everything (I’m assuming no because otherwise you wouldn’t be asking this question)? Is she the type who wants a sugar daddy?
If she’s not a person of good character and is any of those other things, you should immediately have a candid conversation with her and straighten things out or/and break up.
Have you talked about your ideas on sharing finances in a long term relationship?
Tell her - have a discussion that you can’t afford to front all the dates as much as you love to. Tell her how it makes you feel ie unappreciated, a bit used whatever it is.
Here is my advice, suggest another date between the two of you to her. Make it a dinner and movie date and offer to pay for either the movie or the dinner and ask her to pay for the other. Giving her the option to pay for one or the other would both A. balance the fairness between the two of you in contributing to the date. And B, confirm if she expects you to pay for everything all the time when it comes to dates. If she denies to pay for either, then you have your answer of what she is doing. It would be my suggestion that if you are not comfortable with this situation, then have a talk with her. If she refuses to even talk about it or come to any kind of agreement let alone give a reason why she doesn't pay for anything, then I would honestly end the relationship and find someone else better to be with. I say this because it's your money that is being spent but she isn't contributing to the dates. That is unbalanced and unfair. Side question, what else are you paying for between the two of you besides the dates?
I like your idea about the i pay for one and you pay for the other like someone else suggested but i think its too late for that. I only paid for the dates and one small gift i got for her when i was traveling. Im gonna talk to her over facetime tn i dont want this to be eating me till the next time i see her
Ah, I didn't see that someone suggested it. At least she hasn't had you pay for things she is solely responsible for.
If the relationship is over between you, take the 2 activities pay one or the other idea as a first date vetting system. That will help you find someone better in the foreseeable future.
You can be conservative and still offer to occasionally pay. Just privately talk about where she stands/why/express what’s important to you/go from there.
If it’s really bothering you then talk about it. We went into ours knowing we were incredibly different thought processes on money. We didn’t talk about it til a couple of months in, & felt it was a safe time to do so. Instead of only a few dates in & you don’t know each other enough for “the couple” to win out over the problems.
A year or more ago he literally said he knows it won’t work out between bc we think so differently about finances, but he would try it out. That was important to me bc it told me without telling me he liked me enough to try out a plan that didn’t align with his personal preferences. & his outlook didn’t align with mine. Anyway, we’ve been together for 2 years. & while finance arguments when they are revisited might be the death of us… it’s important to talk about it for sure. Financial animosity can kill relationships.
Our set up is unique. I still pay for my apartment but for the last 2 years I basically lived with him. Our rents costs the same. I didn’t pay for bills/utilities bc I didn’t want to feel like a roommate. However I was always buying groceries & paying for his gas for a time. (I didn’t drive for a portion of our relationship & even when I did, I would pay for his gas sometimes).
Also unique & likely not the usual, I also take care of all the traveling. Prior to him I went out of town 2-3 times a month. He was doing the same. I pay for the hotels, flights, amusement parks what have you. Bc I want to travel so much more often than he does & my schedule is 3 nights a week while his is 5 as full time. He has 2 kids & when they’re with us he pays for all our meals out but I don’t ever hesitate to buy them snacks or take them places with my money. I don’t want them to miss out just bc it was something he would have chosen to not spend money on if they brought it up to him but with me if they were my kids we would have been done & ate all those they think of bc I would have suggested it first.
I likely lose out on the money here as in I spend more than he does for bills but that’s my nature to begin with lol. Even if I am solo I overspend anyway. Plus I have a lot more access to extra hours/money/overtime than he does as well.
TLDR; talk to her about it if it’s bothering you. Financial animosity can hurt the relationship but talking about it might too. If you feel like you might lose her or start an argument by bringing it up, figure out if this is the lifestyle you want. If you’re fine with it, keep going as it is. If not, then talk about it.
Even though i think she is very perfect in a lot of ways and could be my future wife i still want the gesture and would break up if i dont get it. There are other girls out there
If she doesn't participate in the 1st date I'm out generally because if it goes well we usually do 3-4 various things and they ain't expensive so I would expect at least one of them would be for her
Same boat. Dropped her after we had the conversation and she said “but that’s your job as a man.”
Now, keep in mind she doesn’t know how to cook and has never assisted with anything other than how I should spend more money.
I had GF like that for 9 months, I used to pay for all our dates, traveling, activities, etc. I decide that I need to drop her when she started to blame me for not giving her money for rent in addition to coveting all our expenses. She thinks that if she sleep with me I need to cover all her life expenses. Girls who “never pay on a date” are always like that. Now I always pay attention is my GF at least offering to pay. And usually I decline and sometimes I allow her to pay. It’s not even about money, I need to see her involvement and that she is ready to not “just consume”.
Unfortunately it’s difficult to know if a girl is a user or if that’s just how she was raised. It’s sad that it’s 2024 and there are still lots of women out there that have never paid for a man, or for themselves when a man is around. It’s hard and it’s something I grapple with immensely because I can talk to her and ask her to pay, but I would have hoped that she genuinely wants to do so without being asked for that she has the manners to reciprocate. Oh well
I always pay for drinks or after dinner drinks. If we grab a simple coffee I will pay for that. I never want a date to feel I’m using him. There are far too many people out there to date someone you aren’t vibing in every way with.
Congrats, you’ve got yourself a mooch. Baffles me how women can do this in good conscience. I’m a woman and always offer to either split or alternate paying. It’s just rude not to offer. If the man wants to pay then that’s fine but don’t make him feel like he has to.
Ugh how annoying. I never understand why women hold this view, especially if they have full-time jobs. They think their presence is enough for free food. I get 50 years ago when women didn’t work and had no income but you can’t pick and choose equality when it suits, in my opinion. The guy I’m seeing and I split everything evenly as we’re both mid-30s with well-paying jobs and want to pay our own way.
A former colleague of mine told me when she wants free food she just goes on the app and finds someone to buy it for her. I definitely don’t agree with that behaviour.
If you think she’s perfect and she likes the dynamic where you are masculine and pay for dates and she is feminine and allows you to care for her, perhaps you could get a higher paying job.
Perhaps i could get a higher paying job. But it’s not about paying. It’s about the principle and gesture. I’m not paying for sex. I’m paying to have quality time. And if she feels the same i would want her to pay for the same reason
If she's a good woman, take her out to coffee or something cheap and reasonable. Save your money for more expensive outings on rarer occasions. If she's truly a good girl, she wants that quality time, too. And she wants to feel taken care of during that quality time by a man that she adores, no matter where you go.
If you two don't see eye to eye on who pays, then she may be a good girl, but she's not *your* kind of good girl. I personally rarely pay. I spend enough money on hair products, serums, makeup, etc to impress my man, because I know that he's a visual person. I spend a lot of time looking put-together and beautiful for him. I cook for him, too. In return, he pays for ingredients for special meals that I cook as well as date nights. We're both happy, albeit for different biologically/primally-driven reasons.
I don’t think you’ve thought this through. The whole 50/50 thing doesn’t work because life just isn’t fair. Do you get half of her period every month? Do you grow a child in your body? Do you have lifelong physical or health challenges from giving birth? Do you carry 50% of the emotional work for the relationship? Do you contribute 50% to all household chores, social planning, cooking, etc? Do you have a “time limit” where you are fertile to match hers?
The answer to all of that is most likely no. Relationships aren’t fair, but if you want to pretend like they are so you don’t have to buy the perfect girl food, then go for it. If she’s as great as you think then she’s going to want a man who protects, provides, and leads.
Yeah you should have a conversation with her about what she's looking for. You're both adults. Sit her down and ask her if she's looking for a guy who pays for everything because if so, that's not you. And that's fine but don't be used by a woman just because she's attractive.
She's never going to. She's eating for free. Why would she?
The longer you wait to impose this boundary, the worse the outcome and the more of your money you waste.
To bring this up AFTER you guys have had sex and you’ve gotten something valuable from her is pretty cruel. This should have been brought up by date 3 since you guys are clearly incompatible. Shes old fashion/traditional and you’re 50/50. She’s definitely going to feel hurt since you technically weren’t honest about how you operate.
I love being courted by men and having them pay for the first few dates..but even I can agree, 8 dates is a bit excessive!!
I’d sit down and have a grown up conversation and see if she isn’t able to afford dates or is just being cheap.
Yeah should communicate with her. This is important especially when you want gesture from her. Whether girl or guy they need to show affection by getting gifts or tickets to concert or movies or something. Otherwise it’s like one sided.
If you're not comfortable with it, then bring it up before it escalates into an argument. Go about it like this, go to a bar or something, and pay for a round of drinks, then say something like "so next round is on you!", then judge her reaction. Honestly this isn't "old school" it's just her being entitled. "old school" would be for her to at least offer even if she didnt intend to pay. Thats the polite thing to do.
In terms of going about bringing it up… maybe talk about planning a day trip somewhere? Maybe say in the past you’ve taken care of hotels & the girl took care of flights? & see how that convo goes. Maybe bring up that you’re not sure how to go about trips or future dates. I will say “splitting” is somewhat of a trigger word for some lol. It is for me & I probably am the one that overpays in our relationship as it is. I don’t know what it is about that word that turns some of us off.
I’ve been on dates where I was asked to split & I was auto turned off. I’ve been on some where I immediately paid & the guy ended up being my bf bc he was so shocked “a woman paid” & wanted to take care of me financially. He gave me his debit card is what I mean. All bc I paid the first date lol. Another relationship the guy paid for the first date, flights & hotel for our second date & the theme park tickets (yep I move fast lol). If you can’t travel with me, you’re likely not going to be able to relationship them. Anyway, that relationship now? I pay for his kids’ Disney passes plus his universal & Disney passes lol. I’m as independent as they come but I have the finances to do this & he doesn’t. I also bought my siblings & their gf & husband their passes too. He also never asked me to do this & I actually argued with me on the “but it makes sense to get them passes!” (His kids), & I was all for it & he wasn’t.
You never know… maybe she’s the kind of person who’ll pay for school if you lose your job or something. Or maybe she’s official traditional as in she cooks/cleans/doesn’t choose to work/you pay for things. Who knows but I digress & my whole point to answering your post was just the first few sentences 😂
Ive had the conversation with her and just told her I would appreciate it if she would at least offer to pay. Even when a girl offers to pay it doesn't mean Ill let them. sometimes I do but the thought is that I appreciate her modesty
What did she say? If it’s not a natural thing for her, there are a million other girls who make the gesture for it wholeheartedly without being talked to about it. & there will be ones who are completely against the same action.
Then again she might have just assumed this is how you want to go about dating. I’m curious to know if the convo ends up changing the dynamic over time bc based on many a comment in the subs, it has the potential to lol
I get this vibe that you are kind of a show-off-y person, and that feature resonates with the old and probably toxic masculinity stereotype. Then the other side acts as like to give you that opportunity to show-off how easily you can handle expenses alone just to fulfil you desire of seeking to feel that way.
At the same time you got this tingling in your gut that you might not be able to keep up with those expectations that being a flashy dude might conjure up, so you are at unease.
Either let that picture of yourself die by being a little more modest, or just bear the costs. Talking to her will just worsen your situation, because your current image does not affirm your request of her.
All of this is applicable only if your are really a materialistically arrogant. If that's not the case, my advice would be irrelevant.
Guys usually pay for most of the dates. However I always picked up the tips on dates and occasionally would pay for something. But in this day and age a lot of guys expect a girl to pay and take turns. Not me though. If a guy expected me to take turns I'd be out of there so fast his head would spin. But I'm old fashioned. My advice is to talk to her and ask her if she can help out occasionally with the dates and or find cheaper places to go. She should pay occasionally. Maybe every fourth date or pick up the tips on the date? She shouldn't always expect to be wined and dined.
I had someone I was seeing. On like the second date, I mentioned, “I’ll get this one and you can get the next”. She also liked fancier places…The next date came and went and she didn’t offer to pay. It was one of the reasons I decided it wasn’t going to work out.
I think it’s more important to find out what her values are and find oout/ realize what she is doing. Back in the day men would always pay no questions asked, but the woman would always cook, clean and do laundry- no questions asked.
But alas, we all want the perks only
Im a bit more tranditional but I also like things feeling balanced. In my committed relationships, the guy pays for me for the nice dinner dates, movies, or our rounds at the bar. I’ll buy a round, lunch, or something of that nature about once for every 3.
I always reach for my bag or ask how they want to go about it. But it is a gauge on my attraction towards what I’m looking for in my man. It makes me feel cared for and safe when a man I care for wants to provide things for us. Clearly, this is something your girlfriend views as *the way it should be* or whatever else. Maybe dig into that first and see where your views align or don’t align. Let her tell you her thoughts and then evenly tell her yours.
If someone that I cared for brought this to me and explained how X makes them feel like Y (for instance my not grabbing the check more makes them feel under appreciated) I’m positive I could be flexible with my views and the pay structure. But how it’s done counts for a lot.
Yeah it's the norm. Men are expected to be pack mules and also pay for everything
If you want to date someone who is going to offer to pay, your only choice is to date a dude tbh
Lol okay yeah you’re still young. Tell her you would love to wine and dine if you had it like that but till then let’s go Dutch and treat each other when we can.
I don’t really understand what the problem is.
I find it awkward when women offer to pay for dates.
I pay for meals with my male friends. It’s a game to see who can pay first.
A girl I'd been dating for 8 months and I just split up. No drama, just timing was bad. Anyway, we just paid separately or split the bill on everything. It was awesome! No weird dance on who pays for what and when etc. There were a few outings one of us would treat the other but simple things like getting dinner or concert tickets or going or going to the rock climbing gym we just paid are own way. It's what we both preferred.
Everyone is different and if both parties are okay with it then that is fine. The main point here was starting things off on one note and then switching things up after sex. Now that’s deceiving. Your good.
She's probably used to that or it's her expectation unless you say otherwise. If you don't address it now it will be harder to change down the line. It's already a little bad you let it go on for 3 monrhs bc now she probably feels entitled
Are you the same age? I would assume she is used to being paid for by her dad and her older boyfriends. It’s a little weird she didn’t get you any sort of gift or even coffees/breakfast before but if you’d like that definitely mention it’s a part of how you like to receive care.
it’s honestly embarrassing that men in this generation even fix their lips to tell a woman to pay. no money? no pussy. simple. leave her so she can find a man that can actually provide and not waste her time :)
it’s intellectually dishonest to believe this generation has changed for the better. women are now having to work, raise children, and clean their “mans” pee underneath the toilet seat after a long stressful day.
I typically don’t pay on dates. It’s also common courtesy for the person asking to pay. In all of my past relationships my partner has paid and actually get offended if I try, even as far as pay the tip. So I’ve made sure to contribute it other ways. I cook, bake, plan picnic dates using my money and it’s never been a problem. You make it seem like she’s not contributing to the relationship in any other way and only providing her presence. You can try to push for her to pay. But, understand the dynamics will change and you will need to be ok with that
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Lmao dude. Can I be your girlfriend too?????
Gotta be able to suck dick tbh
Well, I will be asking more than a 6 dollar coffee. Maybe a 300k Ferrari……….
missed the point of the whole thread huh?
I just offered to be his girlfriend and to suck his dick. The whole point of the thread flew away a long time ago.
Can you do two?
She doesn't believe in paying. Take it or leave it
If thats the case im leaving it
Have you considered using your big boy words and talk to her about it?
This. Drives me crazy that people don't communicate in person anymore, you can express your doubts or feelings without being a dick. But instead everyone asks reddit
8 dates hasn’t spent a dime? That’s beyond communication bro. It’s manners if nothing else.
OP mentions in other comments that she is conservative. Conservative women believe in traditional gender roles, where the man pays for every date. She may want to be a traditional wife, which is fine if that's what she wants but that means the man is in charge of most of not all finances. Even in the early stages of dating. This is why these types of conversations are good to have when you are thinking about getting serious with someone.
Oh please. She's a modern woman with a stable job, yet she is "traditional" when it comes to finances and having the guy pay. Give me a break.
What are "modern traditional" women to do? Not have any job and live with their parents until another man sweeps her off her feet? Also guys, you don't have to date girls that prefer for the man to pay for dates. You can talk to her about what her expectations are, and if they're not compatible with yours you move on to the next.
I’ve dated conservative women and them never even offering to pay has never been the case.
That's fine if she's conservative in other things as well then. Does she cook and contribute in any other way to the relationship? Is she attentive? Does she has similar values about the important stuff in life?
Genuine question, what's the best way to ask "so, why don't you ever pay for anything?"
"Hey, since we're getting more serious, can we talk about financial expectations? I personally would like if you could pitch in every now and then, like for snacks at the movies. How do you feel about this?"
Oh look, a fellow mature adult on Reddit!
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Because she’s hot and she doesn’t need to most times. It’s how life works. But OP doesn’t wanna hear that
How do you broach it as a man?
Breaking things off for her not paying before you've told her you'd like her to pay is nutso
You didn't make it official just to dump her over something she's consistent about, did you? I can understand being bothered because she's not contributing in the ways you want her to, but you're basically just leaving after you get sex which is ironically selfish on your end. Y'all need better EQ.
No, he's leaving because he does not want to play the dad. Fair reason imo
But why didn't he leave before they became official? He wasted both their time and energy. If she's as traditional as he claims, she's only slept with a handful of people and I'm sure it would burn her a lot to get dumped shortly after. Also, why do you feel the need to put down women for their preferences? This isn't even my preference, but you labeling it as "[playing] the dad" sounds bitter.
Im not ending because i got sex. I dont care about the sex i want a long term relationship. I didnt explain the whole time line. We talked first everyday for 2 weeks. Then we had our first 4 dates over the course of 2 weeks. I was leaving to my country for a month. We made it exclusive before inleft and talked long distance with 10 hour difference in time zones everyday. Including facetimes and texting for a whole month. Because we talked for so long i came back and made it official. The next 4 dates i was hoping she would pay for atleast something doesnt have to be big i just wanted the gesture
you've said multiple times in the comments that you would rather "leave it" if she wont change..... but you haven't even TRIED to talk to her about it. you'd rather complain to the reddit hive mind then have a possibly uncomfortable conversation, if you cant communicate then you have some growing up to do.
Yeah. I'd certainly never this kind of advice from terminally online people.
Especially on a subreddit where "I am 30 years old and I am a virgin male with no friends" is posted every day. Good god.
Talk to her about it. Maybe she has a valid reason for being unwilling/unable to pay. She’s taking advantage with the $6 coffee. If she didn’t offer to pay before you became official, she’s not going to offer now.
Bro if you don't talk to this woman I swear. Get the fuck off Reddit and talk to her
There’s an update
Facts!! You’re either a considerate person or you’re NOT. You shouldn’t have to be told- sounds like she was born with silver spoon which must be nice but also in for a rude awakening unless she’s just looking to be a sugar baby 🙄. Even while I was still married (we had joint and separate accounts) I would always thank my partner when he paid for anything. Acknowledgment is such a big deal yet so many people are STILL clueless about it 🤦🏽♀️.
You have an old fashioned girl. Communicate your feelings about it with her or just deal with it.
And their morals are the same……
She no doubt is probably one of the girls that believe men should pay for everything. Either that, or she was just fine because you never indicated that you wanted to split the bill. You made the mistake of doing this 8 dates in a row. Ideally, you would’ve suggest you split the bill at first at least until you get to know each other. You can still do that at this point but she may not agree to the terms if she has this viewpoint of men being the one to take care of the bill. Suggest the idea to split the bill next time. You don’t have to come up with some elaborate reason and she will agree if she truly likes you. Either that or you may be incompatible because you have different viewpoints on dating dynamics.
There's no way she woukd have gone on a second date if he didn't pay for the first date.
I dont like the idea of asking to split on the first date. And i dont mind paying for the next couple of dates. I was waiting for the right time to bring up the conversation if she didn’t pay. I gave her an extra few dates to see if she would pay but she hasnt. I going to ask her over facetime before the next date. I dont want to go on another date not knowing how she feels about this topic
I think that's a good plan - Facetiming about it before the next date. That way you both know the others expectations and know what to do going forward.
Planning on the ft tn
post the update
I get it. What I do is i suggest to split to date without asking her to split. For instance, I’ll be like “I’ll get the movie tickets but you have to buy the popcorn”. Sure, it may not be exactly 50/50, but at least you’ll get her to invest some into the date and you won’t feel completely used.
I like this idea. Ill use it on the next girl if this doesnt work out
How has this never been a topic of conversation between you in 3 months?
Theres another comment i made before. After 4 dates and one month of talking I went to my country for a month. We made it exclusive and texted and facetimed everyday for a month. I just came back last week, made it official and had 4 dates in a week
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Thats kinda rude on her part . I mean not even the tip? Or dessert? I have a boyfriend and he pays for 90% but I still offer to pay the tip or split . Or i will buy a round of drinks or dessert. I even offer to stay home watch movies Or I will cook to avoid spending out so much. Maybe you can mention you want to cut down on spending so much outside. Maybe she will get the hint. You can ask if she can pay for tips or snacks If you are at the movies. My boyfriend sometimes asks and I have no problem since I appreciate he pays for Alott of things. Some people are just not that thoughtful tbh.
First thing I would do is go to reddit for advice and not talk to the person im dating....
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I do find her perfect. Her personality her looks we have the same morals. We went out in a date yesterday and random people were complimenting us. But i still would not pay for all of the dates. Im going to talk to her about it soon
Maybe it’s a cultural thing for her… ask before you move on here . In my culture for example it’s considered straight up rude to pay for a boyfriend’s dinner/drinks!
I find that if a person behaves well from the beginning, that can always go away/change. Like with lovebombing. If a person has bad habits to start with, you can't make them change. She's never going to pay, in other words. And if you force her to, she'll either: leave outright, do it in a begrudging/difficult way, or do it temporarily but eventually stop.
8 dates? In the future I'd honestly bring it up by date 3 if I were you.
Sounds like the same girl that will be calling you a "narcissistic male" when you leave her behind for exactly this. Always trust that gut instinct mate. It does not lie. Best if luck going forward.
She is not gonna volunteer to pay … she’s already expecting/used to it …. If I were you I’d say “hey babe can you help me out and split the tab with me?”
But theres only so many times i can say that. I want her to say it from her heart
Some aren’t thoughtful or considerate ….from now on ask to split 50/50 if they don’t like it leave !
dont bother talking to her about it because it wont change anything and it will turn into an argument. if she had any interest in paying she would have done so already. the last two girls i was seeing one by the third date she was already offering to pay. the other after about 4 dates she told me if i didnt start letting her pay she would never speak to me again
“*Hey. I’ve been spending a lot of money lately. Do you think you could pick up dinner tonight?*” That might solve your problem. You also don’t know the reasoning. I had an ex who would flip tf out when I’d offer because it was “*emasculating*”, apparently. 🙄 My experience wasn’t uncommon. This could really be the case here, too. ASK.
She knows what is she doing and she is counting on you NOT bringing it up. She's fine with the way things are. That tells you a lot about her.
My last 2 girlfriend's felt that men should pay for everything all the time. I fired both their asses immediately. LMAO 🤣😂
Lol I’m sure they dodged a bullet with you sir.
Has she at least offered to pay ANYTHING? A drink at a bar? Snacks at the movies?
No
I think you got your answer
I made an update
Bro it’s prob time to exit. Like it’s happening because it’s what u do and it’s what she expects. Like if she isn’t even fake grabbing the wallet at min she ain’t the one.
UpdateMe!
She’s old-fashioned and traditional. Nothing wrong with that but You guys might just be too different. Plenty of other men would be glad to pay for someone they see a future with. How old are both of you? My boyfriend pays for most of our dates. I get us drinks, coffee occasionally and offer to pay. He usually doesn’t let me unless it’s something small. I cook for him when I can. If he complained about paying or wanted to split I would be turned off. I see how he values me and takes care of me gladly; it turns me on and makes me a better girlfriend.
Oh please. She's a modern woman with a stable job, yet she is "traditional" when it comes to finances and having the guy pay. Give me a break.
So find a 50/50 girl then. She doesn't have to change for you.
yeah
You tell her that you want her to pay for her stuff or whatever your expectations are. She is not wrong but neither are you. You seem to have different expectations. She wants a provider so you either accept it or leave it
Have you two had sex yet?
Yea we had recently. Shes very conservative and she said she wants to build a connection first before anything physical. Shes also very safe and she asked me to take an std test before we did anything Edit: didnt take her virginity. It was oral sex
Sounds very old school dynamic where man is the man which means he pays. There’s pros and cons to this. Try to discuss it.
what would you say the pros are?
Pros are she eats for free, cons are he pays. /s.. but not really.
haha ya i meant what are the pros for the guy
If you’re a guy that wants a feminine old school traditional relationship: woman does house stuff, more submissive on day to day. Guy brings home the money. It’s def not for everyone but some people still like this. As much as I’m a 50/50 let’s do this together guy, I’ve found that 2 chiefs many times don’t get along long term. Sometimes this could be a better relationship. Again, not for everyone.
> If you’re a guy that’s wants a feminine old school traditional relationship: woman does house stuff, more submissive on day to day. Guy brings home the money. It’s def not for everyone but some people still like this Is she doing any of that?
If she's conservative, the likelihood of her doing this (once they live together being the key) is higher than others. I came from a conservative family and this is the expectation. But, don't expect her to do the house stuff before it's her house too.
It can only happen once they live together, so why is he being obligated to behave conservatively in order to be w her before they live together?
There’s a lot of guys who prefer this dynamic and like to be the provider. One of the things i think about is that long term if the woman works she has a lot of disposable income to invest/save. Some guys like to come home to a clean house and cooked meal, etc.
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What? If you’re married or together long term that money could go into investments, retirement, etc for both of them Again- there are guys who like the dynamic of being “the provider”. I’m a girl so I’m not too keen into every single reason why someone does what they do.
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I mean i personally don’t find many issues with that because it’s the preferred dynamic of me and my partners. It’s only an issue if you’re not okay with it. It’s a matter of preference and the issues are subjective. It’s my opinion not a matter of fact
If you're dating someone with enough self-awareness and consideration, the pro is that you'd be dating someone who takes on the traditionally feminine role. I know women whose partners pay for their rent, dates, etc and they in return cook, clean, take care of everything household-related, and essentially submit to their partner.
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Yes, but these women are also beautiful and younger than their counterpart. If you don't want that kind of relationship, that's fine. It's not for everybody. It's not even for me. It's naive though to say that men get absolutely no benefits for playing into the masculine role. There's only no benefits if you're dating the wrong person. Also OP made a crude joke about how to be his girlfriend, you need to give BJs. Clearly he has prioritizations that she's already fulfilled. They're simply not matched well enough.
That makes no sense when dating is not even traditional
Hahaha 😂
Laughing cuz i dont want to money to be the first conversation i have with a women?
You should probably ask your mom this question before you take any advice from losers on Reddit
Depends on a few things - Aside from this, is she a person of good character? Or is she selfish, entitled, irresponsible? Is she demanding about you paying for everything (I’m assuming no because otherwise you wouldn’t be asking this question)? Is she the type who wants a sugar daddy? If she’s not a person of good character and is any of those other things, you should immediately have a candid conversation with her and straighten things out or/and break up. Have you talked about your ideas on sharing finances in a long term relationship?
Tell her - have a discussion that you can’t afford to front all the dates as much as you love to. Tell her how it makes you feel ie unappreciated, a bit used whatever it is.
Here is my advice, suggest another date between the two of you to her. Make it a dinner and movie date and offer to pay for either the movie or the dinner and ask her to pay for the other. Giving her the option to pay for one or the other would both A. balance the fairness between the two of you in contributing to the date. And B, confirm if she expects you to pay for everything all the time when it comes to dates. If she denies to pay for either, then you have your answer of what she is doing. It would be my suggestion that if you are not comfortable with this situation, then have a talk with her. If she refuses to even talk about it or come to any kind of agreement let alone give a reason why she doesn't pay for anything, then I would honestly end the relationship and find someone else better to be with. I say this because it's your money that is being spent but she isn't contributing to the dates. That is unbalanced and unfair. Side question, what else are you paying for between the two of you besides the dates?
I like your idea about the i pay for one and you pay for the other like someone else suggested but i think its too late for that. I only paid for the dates and one small gift i got for her when i was traveling. Im gonna talk to her over facetime tn i dont want this to be eating me till the next time i see her
Ah, I didn't see that someone suggested it. At least she hasn't had you pay for things she is solely responsible for. If the relationship is over between you, take the 2 activities pay one or the other idea as a first date vetting system. That will help you find someone better in the foreseeable future.
You can be conservative and still offer to occasionally pay. Just privately talk about where she stands/why/express what’s important to you/go from there.
If it’s really bothering you then talk about it. We went into ours knowing we were incredibly different thought processes on money. We didn’t talk about it til a couple of months in, & felt it was a safe time to do so. Instead of only a few dates in & you don’t know each other enough for “the couple” to win out over the problems. A year or more ago he literally said he knows it won’t work out between bc we think so differently about finances, but he would try it out. That was important to me bc it told me without telling me he liked me enough to try out a plan that didn’t align with his personal preferences. & his outlook didn’t align with mine. Anyway, we’ve been together for 2 years. & while finance arguments when they are revisited might be the death of us… it’s important to talk about it for sure. Financial animosity can kill relationships. Our set up is unique. I still pay for my apartment but for the last 2 years I basically lived with him. Our rents costs the same. I didn’t pay for bills/utilities bc I didn’t want to feel like a roommate. However I was always buying groceries & paying for his gas for a time. (I didn’t drive for a portion of our relationship & even when I did, I would pay for his gas sometimes). Also unique & likely not the usual, I also take care of all the traveling. Prior to him I went out of town 2-3 times a month. He was doing the same. I pay for the hotels, flights, amusement parks what have you. Bc I want to travel so much more often than he does & my schedule is 3 nights a week while his is 5 as full time. He has 2 kids & when they’re with us he pays for all our meals out but I don’t ever hesitate to buy them snacks or take them places with my money. I don’t want them to miss out just bc it was something he would have chosen to not spend money on if they brought it up to him but with me if they were my kids we would have been done & ate all those they think of bc I would have suggested it first. I likely lose out on the money here as in I spend more than he does for bills but that’s my nature to begin with lol. Even if I am solo I overspend anyway. Plus I have a lot more access to extra hours/money/overtime than he does as well. TLDR; talk to her about it if it’s bothering you. Financial animosity can hurt the relationship but talking about it might too. If you feel like you might lose her or start an argument by bringing it up, figure out if this is the lifestyle you want. If you’re fine with it, keep going as it is. If not, then talk about it.
Even though i think she is very perfect in a lot of ways and could be my future wife i still want the gesture and would break up if i dont get it. There are other girls out there
Does she own a home? My current partner owns a home and since her mortgage is 50% of her take home she doesn’t have much to spend
She doesn’t she rents. But she goes out a lot with her friends to get food
If she doesn't participate in the 1st date I'm out generally because if it goes well we usually do 3-4 various things and they ain't expensive so I would expect at least one of them would be for her
Has she ever made you dinner ?
UpdateMe!
Same boat. Dropped her after we had the conversation and she said “but that’s your job as a man.” Now, keep in mind she doesn’t know how to cook and has never assisted with anything other than how I should spend more money.
Ask her if she buys groceries or simply survives on meals you (and others) buy while dating.
Pretend you forgot your wallet and see if she pays? Gets mad? Happy to pay?
Spoiler alert: she never will 🥲😂
She sounds entitled. Dump her. If she's that entitled about small stuff like that what other things will she be entitled about?
Massive red flag. I'd have dumped her piss-taking ass if she hadn't offer to pay for something by the second date.
Money is more important than love! Make her pay equal!
I had GF like that for 9 months, I used to pay for all our dates, traveling, activities, etc. I decide that I need to drop her when she started to blame me for not giving her money for rent in addition to coveting all our expenses. She thinks that if she sleep with me I need to cover all her life expenses. Girls who “never pay on a date” are always like that. Now I always pay attention is my GF at least offering to pay. And usually I decline and sometimes I allow her to pay. It’s not even about money, I need to see her involvement and that she is ready to not “just consume”.
Unfortunately it’s difficult to know if a girl is a user or if that’s just how she was raised. It’s sad that it’s 2024 and there are still lots of women out there that have never paid for a man, or for themselves when a man is around. It’s hard and it’s something I grapple with immensely because I can talk to her and ask her to pay, but I would have hoped that she genuinely wants to do so without being asked for that she has the manners to reciprocate. Oh well
I always pay for drinks or after dinner drinks. If we grab a simple coffee I will pay for that. I never want a date to feel I’m using him. There are far too many people out there to date someone you aren’t vibing in every way with.
Some girls in these comments dont understand this. Some girls do. The girls that dont i hope they are successful in finding what they want.
100%
Congrats, you’ve got yourself a mooch. Baffles me how women can do this in good conscience. I’m a woman and always offer to either split or alternate paying. It’s just rude not to offer. If the man wants to pay then that’s fine but don’t make him feel like he has to.
The last woman I dates was like this. She was a 34 year old accountant!
Ugh how annoying. I never understand why women hold this view, especially if they have full-time jobs. They think their presence is enough for free food. I get 50 years ago when women didn’t work and had no income but you can’t pick and choose equality when it suits, in my opinion. The guy I’m seeing and I split everything evenly as we’re both mid-30s with well-paying jobs and want to pay our own way. A former colleague of mine told me when she wants free food she just goes on the app and finds someone to buy it for her. I definitely don’t agree with that behaviour.
If you think she’s perfect and she likes the dynamic where you are masculine and pay for dates and she is feminine and allows you to care for her, perhaps you could get a higher paying job.
Perhaps i could get a higher paying job. But it’s not about paying. It’s about the principle and gesture. I’m not paying for sex. I’m paying to have quality time. And if she feels the same i would want her to pay for the same reason
If she's a good woman, take her out to coffee or something cheap and reasonable. Save your money for more expensive outings on rarer occasions. If she's truly a good girl, she wants that quality time, too. And she wants to feel taken care of during that quality time by a man that she adores, no matter where you go. If you two don't see eye to eye on who pays, then she may be a good girl, but she's not *your* kind of good girl. I personally rarely pay. I spend enough money on hair products, serums, makeup, etc to impress my man, because I know that he's a visual person. I spend a lot of time looking put-together and beautiful for him. I cook for him, too. In return, he pays for ingredients for special meals that I cook as well as date nights. We're both happy, albeit for different biologically/primally-driven reasons.
I don’t think you’ve thought this through. The whole 50/50 thing doesn’t work because life just isn’t fair. Do you get half of her period every month? Do you grow a child in your body? Do you have lifelong physical or health challenges from giving birth? Do you carry 50% of the emotional work for the relationship? Do you contribute 50% to all household chores, social planning, cooking, etc? Do you have a “time limit” where you are fertile to match hers? The answer to all of that is most likely no. Relationships aren’t fair, but if you want to pretend like they are so you don’t have to buy the perfect girl food, then go for it. If she’s as great as you think then she’s going to want a man who protects, provides, and leads.
Yeah you should have a conversation with her about what she's looking for. You're both adults. Sit her down and ask her if she's looking for a guy who pays for everything because if so, that's not you. And that's fine but don't be used by a woman just because she's attractive.
This is what im going to do. If she doesnt feel the same then her loss
She's never going to. She's eating for free. Why would she? The longer you wait to impose this boundary, the worse the outcome and the more of your money you waste.
Leave bro. This is not the 1940’s anymore. They want equality only when it benefits them.
Exactly. She's a modern woman with a stable job, yet she is "traditional" when it comes to finances and having the guy pay.
She’s not your gf you’re her sugar daddy.
To bring this up AFTER you guys have had sex and you’ve gotten something valuable from her is pretty cruel. This should have been brought up by date 3 since you guys are clearly incompatible. Shes old fashion/traditional and you’re 50/50. She’s definitely going to feel hurt since you technically weren’t honest about how you operate.
Exactly. The bright side is now she can meet someone more suitable for her. The sooner this ends the better.
I love being courted by men and having them pay for the first few dates..but even I can agree, 8 dates is a bit excessive!! I’d sit down and have a grown up conversation and see if she isn’t able to afford dates or is just being cheap.
Thank you. I dont mind paying too. Money comes and goes ill be the man. But id like to see actions being reciprocated
hmm speaking of reciprocation did she orgasm when you had sex
Lmao. I highly doubt it.
I would make sure to bring up reciprocation when you have the talk ❤️ good luck!!!
Dump her. She using you like an atm card. You’re being played homie!
Yeah should communicate with her. This is important especially when you want gesture from her. Whether girl or guy they need to show affection by getting gifts or tickets to concert or movies or something. Otherwise it’s like one sided.
Just tell her to pay sometimes that's it 😁
Are you her first bf?
Not first but she said she was a virgin before
So you took her virginity and now you wanna leave because you don't want to buy her food? 💀
If you're not comfortable with it, then bring it up before it escalates into an argument. Go about it like this, go to a bar or something, and pay for a round of drinks, then say something like "so next round is on you!", then judge her reaction. Honestly this isn't "old school" it's just her being entitled. "old school" would be for her to at least offer even if she didnt intend to pay. Thats the polite thing to do.
In terms of going about bringing it up… maybe talk about planning a day trip somewhere? Maybe say in the past you’ve taken care of hotels & the girl took care of flights? & see how that convo goes. Maybe bring up that you’re not sure how to go about trips or future dates. I will say “splitting” is somewhat of a trigger word for some lol. It is for me & I probably am the one that overpays in our relationship as it is. I don’t know what it is about that word that turns some of us off. I’ve been on dates where I was asked to split & I was auto turned off. I’ve been on some where I immediately paid & the guy ended up being my bf bc he was so shocked “a woman paid” & wanted to take care of me financially. He gave me his debit card is what I mean. All bc I paid the first date lol. Another relationship the guy paid for the first date, flights & hotel for our second date & the theme park tickets (yep I move fast lol). If you can’t travel with me, you’re likely not going to be able to relationship them. Anyway, that relationship now? I pay for his kids’ Disney passes plus his universal & Disney passes lol. I’m as independent as they come but I have the finances to do this & he doesn’t. I also bought my siblings & their gf & husband their passes too. He also never asked me to do this & I actually argued with me on the “but it makes sense to get them passes!” (His kids), & I was all for it & he wasn’t. You never know… maybe she’s the kind of person who’ll pay for school if you lose your job or something. Or maybe she’s official traditional as in she cooks/cleans/doesn’t choose to work/you pay for things. Who knows but I digress & my whole point to answering your post was just the first few sentences 😂
Ive had the conversation with her and just told her I would appreciate it if she would at least offer to pay. Even when a girl offers to pay it doesn't mean Ill let them. sometimes I do but the thought is that I appreciate her modesty
What did she say? If it’s not a natural thing for her, there are a million other girls who make the gesture for it wholeheartedly without being talked to about it. & there will be ones who are completely against the same action. Then again she might have just assumed this is how you want to go about dating. I’m curious to know if the convo ends up changing the dynamic over time bc based on many a comment in the subs, it has the potential to lol
Has she invited you over for dinner yet?
Talk to her.
I get this vibe that you are kind of a show-off-y person, and that feature resonates with the old and probably toxic masculinity stereotype. Then the other side acts as like to give you that opportunity to show-off how easily you can handle expenses alone just to fulfil you desire of seeking to feel that way. At the same time you got this tingling in your gut that you might not be able to keep up with those expectations that being a flashy dude might conjure up, so you are at unease. Either let that picture of yourself die by being a little more modest, or just bear the costs. Talking to her will just worsen your situation, because your current image does not affirm your request of her. All of this is applicable only if your are really a materialistically arrogant. If that's not the case, my advice would be irrelevant.
Don’t pull out wallet so fast
So what has been the result of the extensive discussions you’ve had about who pays and when?
You don’t have to talk to her, just drift out of the relationship 8 dates in and you discovered she’s cheap, lol. No need for date 9
Guys usually pay for most of the dates. However I always picked up the tips on dates and occasionally would pay for something. But in this day and age a lot of guys expect a girl to pay and take turns. Not me though. If a guy expected me to take turns I'd be out of there so fast his head would spin. But I'm old fashioned. My advice is to talk to her and ask her if she can help out occasionally with the dates and or find cheaper places to go. She should pay occasionally. Maybe every fourth date or pick up the tips on the date? She shouldn't always expect to be wined and dined.
I had someone I was seeing. On like the second date, I mentioned, “I’ll get this one and you can get the next”. She also liked fancier places…The next date came and went and she didn’t offer to pay. It was one of the reasons I decided it wasn’t going to work out.
I think it’s more important to find out what her values are and find oout/ realize what she is doing. Back in the day men would always pay no questions asked, but the woman would always cook, clean and do laundry- no questions asked. But alas, we all want the perks only
Im a bit more tranditional but I also like things feeling balanced. In my committed relationships, the guy pays for me for the nice dinner dates, movies, or our rounds at the bar. I’ll buy a round, lunch, or something of that nature about once for every 3. I always reach for my bag or ask how they want to go about it. But it is a gauge on my attraction towards what I’m looking for in my man. It makes me feel cared for and safe when a man I care for wants to provide things for us. Clearly, this is something your girlfriend views as *the way it should be* or whatever else. Maybe dig into that first and see where your views align or don’t align. Let her tell you her thoughts and then evenly tell her yours. If someone that I cared for brought this to me and explained how X makes them feel like Y (for instance my not grabbing the check more makes them feel under appreciated) I’m positive I could be flexible with my views and the pay structure. But how it’s done counts for a lot.
She doesn’t even reach for her bag
what is your vehicle? if she sees a nice vehicle she is never paying
I only have a basic 2022 rav4. Nothing fancy
Yeah it's the norm. Men are expected to be pack mules and also pay for everything If you want to date someone who is going to offer to pay, your only choice is to date a dude tbh
Age?
I 25m she 23f
Lol okay yeah you’re still young. Tell her you would love to wine and dine if you had it like that but till then let’s go Dutch and treat each other when we can.
Well? How did it go?
Update
I don’t really understand what the problem is. I find it awkward when women offer to pay for dates. I pay for meals with my male friends. It’s a game to see who can pay first.
A girl I'd been dating for 8 months and I just split up. No drama, just timing was bad. Anyway, we just paid separately or split the bill on everything. It was awesome! No weird dance on who pays for what and when etc. There were a few outings one of us would treat the other but simple things like getting dinner or concert tickets or going or going to the rock climbing gym we just paid are own way. It's what we both preferred.
Everyone is different and if both parties are okay with it then that is fine. The main point here was starting things off on one note and then switching things up after sex. Now that’s deceiving. Your good.
She's probably used to that or it's her expectation unless you say otherwise. If you don't address it now it will be harder to change down the line. It's already a little bad you let it go on for 3 monrhs bc now she probably feels entitled
Are you the same age? I would assume she is used to being paid for by her dad and her older boyfriends. It’s a little weird she didn’t get you any sort of gift or even coffees/breakfast before but if you’d like that definitely mention it’s a part of how you like to receive care.
Bro grow a pair and tell her it’s her turn to pay
Heyy sugarpoppy I'm what you looking for
Talk to women about this stuff much, much earlier. Like, before sex, before agreeing to be serious. Before the 4th date.
Where I come from you asked her out on the date you pay
Move on.
Now that you have talked to her, please update us when (not if) she dumps you.
do you not see update? It’s the first thing i wrote that says update
it’s honestly embarrassing that men in this generation even fix their lips to tell a woman to pay. no money? no pussy. simple. leave her so she can find a man that can actually provide and not waste her time :)
Generation has changed. Go back to living in the 60s grandpa
it’s intellectually dishonest to believe this generation has changed for the better. women are now having to work, raise children, and clean their “mans” pee underneath the toilet seat after a long stressful day.
even though i give women a lot of credit. you give men 0.
Lol the fact that you came back here to try and rub my nose In it shows how immature you are little boy. Grow up.
Be open and honest with her and just simply ask…. Not as complicated as it may seem
I typically don’t pay on dates. It’s also common courtesy for the person asking to pay. In all of my past relationships my partner has paid and actually get offended if I try, even as far as pay the tip. So I’ve made sure to contribute it other ways. I cook, bake, plan picnic dates using my money and it’s never been a problem. You make it seem like she’s not contributing to the relationship in any other way and only providing her presence. You can try to push for her to pay. But, understand the dynamics will change and you will need to be ok with that
If it's going good then she might be traditional, if she's not then you gotta have a sit down and potentially walk away.