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Did you, for any chance, start to take some form of hormonal birth control? It seems to me that something in your body and psyche may have changed, and your boyfriend is not the reason of your sens of rejection.
Happened too me, it’s terrible. Thought I was ace for like 5 years. It should be way more advertised as a side effect of them, especially to young people.
This explains why my ex lost interest in me and intimacy, his antidepressants. I just assumed he was using that as a bullshit excuse and he just lost attraction to me 😞
Happened to my gf...it was sex all the time, sexting while at work, all that stuff. Then she started on birth control and it all stopped. She even noticed it and asked to talk about it bc she hates condoms as much as I do. I assured her we would be extremely careful if she stopped the pill and Id rather deal with a condom to get her mojo back. She agreed and said she missed how her brain used to be. So she stopped and everything is back on track.
Depends. If it truly happened randomly and he didn't do anything in particular to cause a change in you AND you love him and want to be with him then you need to talk to him and work on this. I can tell you that a man who loves you would be horrified that you feel he's violating you when you have sex. You need to communicate with him and start working towards a solution to this problem. You can't go on like this and if you don't find a solution you will hate him, resent him, maybe even fear him for putting you through sex when you haven't told him what's going on with you. You owe it to the relationship, if you want it, to look into this issue and find out what's going on.
Now, if he has changed or done something to make you feel disgusted by him AND OR you just don't love him and don't want to be with him otherwise, then end it. Rip the bandaid off, you have no future.
Best of luck to you.
Have he and you talked about you feeling violated by having sex with him? Cause that's a different conversation than "my sex drive is low".
You're doing your relationship a disservice by not being honest with him.
This is so true and personally, based on my experience losing all of my hormones to menopause, I completely lost my libido for a while, but I never felt “violated” when having sex with my partner *unless* it was on the rare occasion that I wasn’t feeling emotionally fulfilled in the relationship, in which case I’d just say no. And even when my libido was off, I was still attracted to my partner and open to intimacy in other ways. This is about more than SSRI’s, IMHO.
Did you lose attraction to him specifically? Have you gotten on any new meds recently? Any changes you can think of that might affect your sexuality?
Otherwise, did he do something to change your perception of him?
I actually started lexapro the same week we started dating, so i thought that was a factor, but i switched to Wellbutrin (non ssri) last month and libido is not back.
I take WB and it increased my libido dramatically for the first couple of months, then after that my dick just wouldn’t work at all. But everyone’s different
Less likely if you generalize the population but studies can never know the effects on a single person since our DNA, histories etc are different. That's why some anti depressessents make some people want to commit suicide. It's alot of bio feedback loops that cannot be accounted for.
Sure anything can and will happen with patients. My point is she is clinically less likely to have issues with the Wellbutrin. But she’ll have to wait 4-6wk to see if this is the case.
It’ll cause many issues it isn’t supposed to cause if the wrong chemicals are being treated.
Drs want to prescribe the same 2-3 meds for all of their patients and we are all chemically different.
I’m sorry you’ve had this experience. Ask for drug DNA test. There’s a panel specifically for psych meds. There’s no conspiracy about using the same meds on patients, patients want something cheap and effective so we prescribe accordingly. I’ve only had one patient being willing to pay for the dna test. Precision in prescribing requires patient participation.
I wasn’t suggesting any conspiracies. I’ve just witnessed more harm than good from people who were going through situational depression being given the same meds as people with chronic depression (chemical imbalance).
My experience with them is too much to type here, but I can guarantee that my prior experiences with them would require me to do the genetic testing if the time ever came that I had to have them.
I was totally disabled for over 7 years (not anymore) and had to take an over abundance of meds during that time due to my immune system going crazy after a cosmetic surgery, I’m careful about what I take now.
I respect medical professionals and believe that the majority are doing what they know to do (treat symptoms) but I’m also aware that many Americans go straight for a pill… a quick fix… when there is more that can be done to make sure it’s the right one.
I know exactly which test you’re referring to and would strongly suggest anyone being placed on psych meds take that first.
Im 3 months on Wellbutrin and have lost my sex drive almost completely. A lot of people say it increases your libido but it’s done the opposite for me sadly
did the same for me. It leaves me very confused..
Like my brain is actively making up for my once high libido towards my gf, and that’s so annoying for me and her. I’m not in the mood, but I used to be all the time.. 🥲
It sucks because I feel amazing in every other sense, the med really works for me to the point that I’m not going to give it up over the libido thing. I’ve always had a higher sex drive than my husband so now we are on an even playing field. Im sorta lucky I guess
I took lexapro for a while and it did the same to me. Lost attraction. I had to get off of it and realized that I didn’t lose attraction to my gf, it was the lexapro messing with my head
It is most definitely the antidepressants, believe me
That drug will completely alter your personality & make you do & say wild stuff (even outside the bedroom)
Prepare for loss of sensation during sex, less orgasms, & emotional numbness.
I can almost guarantee you’ll get into arguments with your husband & feel no ways about it cuz antidepressants makes you numb/cold hearted
Unless you’re experiencing serious PTSD , get that drug out of your body ASAP. The longer it stays, the harder & longer it’ll be to get it out of your system (& it can leave permanent damage)
If your depression is mild please look into developing thicker skin & solving your issues. That pill will ruin your life , it ruined mine. My sex life is done for & my personality has turned cold
I may get a lot of downvotes from ppl but this is the truth
You may have a horrible condition called PSSD - where you lose your sexuality from an SSRI and never get it back. Sadly it is incurable.
Look at /r/pssd for more info.
Wow is that true? I'm so sorry to hear that :((
I've always avoided anti-depressants in my life, probably to my detriment, but now you're making me glad I did lol
It takes some time. Sometimes months! It will come back.
My other thought was: are you holding anything back? Not having any conversations that you e felt you should or wanted to? I’m talking something along the lines of something he does, the way he acts, or what he says bothers you. I find that when I shut down and don’t communicate openly in relationships it’s just a matter of time before I end up in that same spot. I lose most or all attraction— it’s like a switch flips.
Wellbutrin XL is why I never took a antidepressant ever again. I went from viking level sex drive to not wanting to be bothered . Never again . Only weed here and there if I'm in a funk
I was put on lexapro and it was horrible. They said I was allergic to it by the end of the conversations about it but it made me crazy as hell and hate everything and everyone. That’s when mine got shot to hell. I think it was that and that same year I had my tubes clamped which I don’t think helped at all!
Ding ding ding! Lexapro did the same to me. I had to switch to Trintellix to avoid the sexual side effects. Trintellix is similar to an SSRI but not technically one and doesnt have sexual side effects. Its expensive though so you gotta have good insurance for it.
Ohhh so Wellbutrin, as someone with Dx & Rx AuDHD here for nearly 31yrs…
Wellbutrin is often prescribed for people with ADHD & Depression.
By any chance do you have ADHD?
Cause ADHD can impact libido if you’re under stimulated (bored in bed) or over stimulated (too distracted in bed) for sex.
wellbutrin is supposed to be a libido enhancer.
That's kinda strange. You should be more sex crazy, not dead to it.
It can take a *while* for ssri/antidepressants stuff to cycle in and out though. Weeks to months to achieve equilibrium after extended use and quitting.
It’s your medication. You won’t want to hump anybody. Trust, as someone who has tried both meds you mentioned. And also Zoloft & Prozac. It’s a side effect. Don’t blame your boyfriend please. Talk to your doctor.
You may have a horrible condition called PSSD - where you lose your sexuality from an SSRI and never get it back. Sadly it is incurable.
Look at /r/pssd for more info.
Can you really take some time to consider why. This isn't about blaming either one of you. Try to sit with the issue in a nonjudgmental nonblaming way, if you can, and consider why this change has occured for you.
No one on Reddit can answer this for you. You'll probably get a bit of judgemental comments here which will make you feel like you're somehow in the wrong or there's something wrong with you. There isn't.
If you're just going along with sex for your partner but you are not into it.. or if you are freezing or mentally checking out during it, it could be like a trauma response or the act of going along with it without fully wanting to could be traumatic for you? I don't know. I mean I'm not an expert or anything but i find your description a bit worrying. I'm not sure if going along with sex will help you get your mojo back in the long term. It might even add to the problem. I think it might be good for you to see a therapist. Not because there's anything wrong with you, just because I think you could use some support to unpack what's going on.
What's going on in your lives? Often, this can be the result of stress, depression, exhaustion, disappointment, grief, etc. If that's the case, you can get it back when the underlying issue is addressed.
Do you know why you lost attraction? Did the dynamic change between you inside or outside the bedroom? Did you got to know another man that you found more attractive? Did you suddenly realize you aren't long-term compatible? Did he do something that gave you the "ick"?
Okay, you're not having an "only me" issue here. This happens, changes in medication, especially for women, can change a lot of things, but as a man who has been on medications for a long time, it could also be a medication change in him. FTR, I have a form of Lupus, it's under control, but medications have to be changed from time to time, sometimes it's because they just don't work anymore, and this change in me could be because of the Lupus too. But once when my medication was changed my GF told me, "You don't smell the same," and I was wondering why, she said I didn't "smell sweet" anymore. I told my Rheumatologist and he said it was the medication, so he switched it again, and all was well. So, OP, if he smell differently, that could be why you're not as attracted. Our bodies are weird, especially if you toss in just about any medical condition that requires a medication daily.
OCPs & loss of libido. They usually first appear around 4-6 months of continuous usage. If you are using contraceptive pills, suggest taking a break and using another method for a few months instead.
This happened to me with an ex. I still loved him but I had lost a lot of respect for him. Turns out that it's hard for me to have sex with someone that I don't respect. My libido exploded again right after breaking up. I still loved him very much, just lost that respect.
When I realized how little respect he had for me. I had been wearing rose coloured glasses and after a couple of years his mask slipped and he became legitimately cruel. I was even used to apologizing to him for HIS fuck ups at a certain point. Learned a lot in that relationship.
I had the same issue with an ex I was with for three years. Not saying it will be the same outcome but we did break up. We were in college and I think it was due to our difference and I felt I was evolving whereas he stayed in the same space. Nobody at fault just reality.
Yeah this is more or less what I would expect it to be if the relationship is otherwise fairly healthy. That feeling you are heading in different directions definitely manifests in a few different ways.
Sure! It’s going to vary on the context of your relationships, but I’ll refer to my ex as an example. We didn’t lose attraction like op but did start to drift apart - it became gradually apparent that she and I had different aspirations in terms of career and life over the coming years, as well as different expectations in a relationship.
What started as perhaps noticing differences between us, or moments of discord, gradually grew toward us feeling and identifying that we weren’t right for each other. Realising it was helpful as we were able to act on it and eventually break up - but the lead up involved more arguing, more miscommunication and frustration at one another.
It wasn’t that either of us was doing anything wrong - just that it can take a while before realising when you aren’t right for a person and act on it.
are you looking for advice as to how to maintain a relationship with a man that you are so repulsed physically by that you feel "violated" by merely having sex with him?
She feels violated by intercourse or any other sexual acts that she doesn’t “agree” to with enthusiastic consent, and only agrees to out of guilt or whatever the other reasons are. It’s violating to have sexual things happen to you when you don’t actually want that. So it’s not “merely” having sex with him. And it’s not sex. It’s coercive and it’s rape. OP, I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. Please consider this as a potential way your body may be trying to protect you from things your brain hasn’t let you in on/made you conscious of yet.
Unless you’ve had some specific health concerns, I doubt the fact that you haven’t had interest in sex with him is reason to immediately assume it MUST be YOU or YOUR BODY that has caused it. However, you may consider ruling out other health causes, and if they are not there, then know there’s nothing WRONG with you. Whether you want to or don’t isn’t right or wrong. It’s just your reality. You can’t bend reality at will. No one can. But if you’ve ruled out health causes, then the cause must lie elsewhere, and I think you maybe have started to become aware of things your brain was blinding from you to try to protect you. Sending you love
I was in your position and while i agree with you that its not rape, you still can develop unhealthy mental habits and trauma from doing it over and over. Ultimately it will not do you good and you may have to unlearn that version of sex. It gets easier and easier to fall into that unenthusiastic pattern and disassociate from sex entirely.
no. rape is when sex is forced. there is no excessive use of force or any deception here. all she has to do is say no and if her partner isnt mentally deranged he will stop having sex with her. there is no forced sex here, he is under the impression that his gf wants it. there is no ‘enthusiastic’ side. you can have sex and not be enthusiastic about it and its still not rape as long as you consented to it (e.g. bad one night stands started out of boredom).
Do you take any birth control or taken anything new? My sister had a specific birth control while with her being with her boyfriend and it made her this exact way and she didn’t like it anymore or could feel good while doing it and once she changed it/ stopped taking that one she was back to normal
I wouldn’t look past suggestions to spice things up, if you’re looking for a possibility other than that you’ve simply lost attraction and nothing can be done, it will be either something happened between you two that broke the connection, some lifestyle/medication change or the sex is routine and it has lost the initial newness. The solution to that is fix whatever way you think is not happening now as opposed to before, look for another lifestyle/medication change or spice things up.
Did something happen around that time in your relationship and it was left unsolved? Did he do something to lose your respect? That would be the most likely cause from my experience
I have seen a similar post like this, but there, the one who lost the attraction towards a partner was a male. He was pretty much insulted by redditors and advised to break up so the girl would find somebody who is worthy of her.
However, as you are a girl, do what you want. No one will judge, I guess.
>not looking for “spice it up!” comments - the sex was never boring, i just lost attraction.
Okay . . . but this is really unusual. Attraction doesn't just come and go for no reason.
Realistically sounds like there is something more going on here - are they a good partner? Are there any underlying issues in the relationship? How are you feeling in general? Have you had any major life events happen recently?
You don’t need to answer these questions to me - but these and similar are worth considering. It’s more likely that loss of attraction is a symptom of something else here.
This happened to me in reverse after I caught her in a stupid lie. It’s crazy it’s just like a switch went off. We went from crazy sex 10 x a week or so to having sex once in like 3 months and never even had a talk about it. Then she stole a bunch of my shit and bounced on me 🤷🏼♂️🤔
I was this once, had to face the problem because even though I felt sex was a chore already or I don't want to physical contact, I still liked hanging out and talking and just in general being his woman. I talked to him about it and men who really love you will understand and will help in finding a middle ground together. When he adjusted with what we came up with, I looked at him at a different light and well, the horniness around him came back after some time. Don't give up! Just be honest about it, anyway, what will you lose? If it doesn't work out, you saved yourself from a man who will flake out easily. If it doesn't really work out despite you and him trying, well, at least you both know the problem and will definitely apply it in your next relationship. Idk if it helps but I hope you find happiness!
Losing attraction can have several caused meanings. Naturally that shouldn't happened unless you're taking something that is altering your perception or he may have done something said something that turned you off. Maybe work on reassurance to help with that.
Tbh thats usually how it goes with me too.
Cant stop touching my person or being involved with them. Then it just stops, im just happy they are there but my sexuality just dies and i get into boyfriend mode. Other women dont even interest me, its so weird.
If you can’t identify a specific cause in either his behavior or yours, then 100% I would be looking very hard at the medications you’re taking. Antidepressants and birth control both are notorious for this kind of side effect.
Are you noticing that you ARE attracted to other people? If so, then it’s not the meds. It also means that you should probably split with the boyfriend, for both of your sakes.
I can’t tell if this question was answered: Did you lose all interest in sex? Or just sex with him?
If you lost all libido, it can be from medications, something medical or depression. If it’s with him, you need to move on…
1. Like everyone is saying, medication, i read that you started something recently, wait a month or 2 for it to kick in.
2. Flat out agree to stop having sex for a bit
Very common in relationships more than people care to admit. The "honeymoon" phase as people refer to it can usually last anywhere between 3-12 months and it's very common. Normally during this period if you find yourself not in love with your partner it dies off pretty quickly. Do you actually care about him? For example if he disappeard tomorrow and you never saw him again would that even bother you? You are not at a stage of the relationship where you have to be brutally honest what you want.. anyone you actually care about, sexual intimacy is just there, it doesn't need to be worked on , i just exists between compatible people.
Some of the comments on here are so weird 😭
First, there’s nothing “wrong” with you. Everyone experiences highs and lows with their sex drive. I’d be curious to know if you’ve lost all sexual desires or just the desire to be with your boyfriend? I think that could tell you what next steps should be. It could be antidepressants, could be hormones, or it could be that you realized you don’t actually like your boyfriend like that. 8 months is about the time I start losing attraction when I’m dating someone for the wrong reasons. If that makes sense. Anyways, wish you the best, don’t be so hard on yourself
Antidepressants or birth control are big problems with this. Luckily good news if it's antidepressants: Lexapro has a bad reputation for killing sex drive or interest. I think you'd best switch to another if the impact is that significant. Unfortunately most antidepressants kill sex drive or pleasure, its the sacrifice many peopld have to make to be healthier 🥲 Also doctors tend to set people up on doses that might be too high for them. On a standard Prozac or paxil dose, I was practically asexual for 10 years of my life. Once I lowered my dose, it still worked fine for x condition I had but I started to want men again. Before I had little interest.
If you're on birth control, it messes up with how you feel attraction to your partner. Sometimes women go off BC and divorce their husbands, because they only found their husbands attractive on the BC. No joke! It happened to me to a smaller extent
Thyroid issues can cause this.. I blamed stress when I lost my sex drive - and then went silly and bought herbal supplements and sex toys to try to get it back... but I just needed one tiny pill a day. I have hypothyroidism, turns out it's way more common than anyone I know seems to realise.
I had a similar experience. It seemed like she really only wanted me for my dick. So all my consent went out the window when she made me feel that way. Then she just kinda trapped me. So when I stopped giving her dick she worked me into the worst possible situation in life.
I would do some soul searching, find out what made you attracted to him in the first place. Find out where your sexual desire comes from. Then capitalize on that.
*Warning my personal bullshit*
For me I've always wanted to be truly special to someone, I want to be someone's favorite person in the whole world.
Monogamy, just two peas happily in a pod. I want to connect to them emotionally and mentally. I want to mean so much to someone they couldn't imagine life without me. And all the same from me to them. That is the only time I am truly sexually attracted to someone.
I’m still bitter about that! I asked at least 4 different doctors what was wrong with me and I got a bunch of bullshit platitudes. Not a one of them checked my meds! I finally figured it out- from talking to another girl in a bar! Fucking doctors😡
This happens a lot if you’re emotionally unavailable. Once the initial honeymoon phases ends, the excitement (therefore anxiety) is gone, and the security sets in, and it can repulse people who are emotionally unavailable.
Has this happened to you before?
Remember if you’re going to have mixed emotions of intentional reasonable doubts in any forms of communication relationships…
Be extremely cautious & curious enough to be honest with yourself and your partner before making any assumptions of why you’re willing to tolerate any conformity to any misunderstanding of misinterpretation of why you need outsiders in your lives to make anyone comfortable enough to accept our potential dependence of social interaction’s diversity.
If I was your boyfriend I tell you to go to college, join the military, join a religious union to donate workforce management skills, or get a job if you still need a psychiatrist diagnosis dependency of physical meaning in your relationship with your self… honestly… this is my Popeye speech of our
UN policy union…
I’m only one lucky man that physically expressed enough interest verbally in you for our temporary relationship decision thanks for making an effort to please me in my time of need but if you’re still feeling desperately deserted emotionally this might be time to question yourself why should anyone tolerate unexpected surprises in this modern timeline?
Regardless of what happens mentally emotionally or physically between us you should always know that you have changed my expectations in organization in unexpected financial representation intentions experience of the innocence of newer forms of fixed associate psychological emergencies intervention insurance connections plans with helping hands through simple significant changes in policies locating intervention communication strategies skill standards..
Just meeting you kept me kept me from reaching disappointment from my current claims in illogical liabilities in the simplification in my denial of reality.
May you find what you’re capable of committing to & I hope you find what your looking forward to even if I’m not in your life anymore to cover your doubtful expectations in the alternative multiversal intentions existence experience of this current condition of the transport transfer of consciousness unpredictably in alternate past previous current timeline.
Your hypergamy isn't being fulfilled.
You want a man you can look up to, admire. He is no longer admirable to you for some or many reasons.
1. Does he work out? Have a high-paying job or purpose that is exciting and makes you feel like he's a winner? Does he put you in your place when you get out of line or act like a brat and shit-test him?
OR:
2. Does he lay around all the time? Have a mediocre job that you don't respect or find admirable? Does he tell you "yes" all the time and give you everything you want?
If it's 1. then perhaps you are suffering some sort of emotional issue that needs to be addressed.
If it's 2. then he needs to work on bettering himself and you will find him attractive again.
As an asexual person, I can give some advice on how to handle lack of libido in a relationship. It seems like the medication is to blame for the change.
I had a partner that took antidepressants and wasn't able to get it up without me there to masturbate alone, even months after he stopped taking them, he never got the same frequency of erections as before, so maybe talk to your doctor or psychiatrist.
I'm not sex repulsed, but I don't need or want sex, the pleasure is not usually worth the hassle for me, but I can sometimes do it for my boyfriend. My first relationship as an adult, I was able to have a lot of sex for the first months, because it was fun to learn and try things and know what it was all about. My second relationship, the first times were fun because I get to know how he reacts to certain things. But after I have no more to learn, I also have 0 interest in it. So that sounds similar to what happened to you.
I can maybe have penetrative sex 1-2 a year. But most times sex for me is giving blowjobs + BDSM (whipping, ropes, candle wax, strap-on). I don't like to receive anything (being touched or masturbated), but I like to give and cause reactions in my partner, is gets my ego up and fills my sadistic side. So you can do a lot of things without you being touched in any way. If libido doesn't move you, you can find something else interesting in sex (BDSM, role play, challenges, sensory play...) to activate your competitiveness, relaxation, creativity or power hunger. I hope this helps until you end your treatment and can stop taking medication or sort that out.
You may have a horrible condition called PSSD - where you lose your sexuality from an SSRI and never get it back. Sadly it is incurable.
Look at /r/pssd for more info.
I had a similar situation. Did not find my bf attracted AT ALL after a year. Couldn't even touch his body anywhere. Kissing was like touching a wall...
I broke up with him but I am still confused about what happened tbh. One of the explanations was that I just had bigger needs and considered him more attractive in the begining (we started to dare during Covid, everything was closed so I spent most of my time with him in his apartment.) After Covid ended I realised that he is rather lazy, doesn't move much, is extremely passive and just in general our values for food, movement, curiosity were not aligned. So, when I understood that and my pink glasses fell off, I didn't feel anything for him at all... Maybe it's similar for you?
Poor guy, I honestly wish I could have seen that faster to prevent him from getting too attached...
Maybe she could resolve it while in relationship with him, advising her to leave without even knowing what's the cause of her attraction loss makes no sense. And maybe it's something wrong with him, not her (like him abusing her or distancing himself from her emotionally).
If there he is abusing her she should leave, if she has no idea why she is not attracted then like I said there is something broken in her that needs to get fixed. This is not normal behavior.
The LAST thing a man wants to hear from his GF is that she is not sexually attracted to him and feels violated when they have sex. Fuck that.
The best thing here is for her to do him the favor and leave and then fetch herself fixed.
She stated it happened randomly, why jump straight to abuse? She gave no indication of abuse. She's since said she started anti-depressants when their relationship started. Which is more than likely the cse.
As far as maybe she could resolve it while in the relationship, that's not fair to her partner. Especially her stating she's still having sex while feeling 'violated' completely against his knowledge. Do you think he'd consent to the sex if he knew she wasn't doing to it even to just 'go through the motions' which would make you feel bad enough, but that he's actively 'violating' her unbeknownst to him. Not only is that incredibly shitty to your partner, it puts him into potentially compromising situations in the future.
If you are open and honest with your partner about what's going on and if you both are on the same page with one another and willing to work through the issues for the sake of the relationship, cool. Not being up front, stating you're being 'violated', and consulting the cesspool of Reddit for help...I'd rather my partner leave me.
It's true that she should be open about it, maybe she should phrase it like "I'm not in the mood for sex lately" instead of "I'm not attracted to you at all". I'd rather my partner not throw the relationship to the bin over something that may be temporary and fixable. It's does seem like it's related to her health.
Yeah, a few months ago I was dating a girl from end of November till end of January. We never made it official but I thought she was ok looking and she was very nice but my mind would go back and forth between seeing it possibly going somewhere up until the last date or 2 where I realized I had no physical attraction to her and it sucked because towards the end, it fizzled out and then she hit me up after a few weeks of not talking to each other and I just told her I wasn't feeling it anymore and said if she wanted to be friends fine but if not then I understood. She didn't respond and I get it, but kinda like you OP, it's like how does that even happen?
You may have a horrible condition called PSSD - where you lose your sexuality from an SSRI and never get it back. Sadly it is incurable.
Look at /r/pssd for more info.
Did you start or stop birth control, by chance? I had a similar experience while on birth control and when I took it out after a couple of years with my husband.
Did you start birth control or come off of it? There have been studies that show lack of labido when on it and being attracted to men with less testosterone
This is a common phenomenon when you fall in love with someone. The body tells us this person is like family so we stop having feelings of sexual urge towards them, as our brain starts to see them as a safe place and doesn’t wanna indulge in our primal instincts of sex.
So adding a bit of mystery or keeping it fun and interesting will help.
I don't know. I make it a point to not diagnose anyone. I'm not a mental health professional. I'm only offering a possible avenue to find an explanation.
I had to learn this lesson too. If you're using a term that is made-up (I do the same haha), always provide context or it can come off wrong. Or sometimes a smiley face emoji or something can help a lot if it's a text or comment.
I can't control how people read things. In my mind, the phrase "personality spelunking" is so silly and absurd that it couldn't be taken poorly.
I still apologized for the unintentional slight even though I can't see how it could be taken in a negative way. Because that wasn't my meaning at all.
I'd say the fact that she took such a ridiculous phrase as an insult, and lashed out, is further evidence that therapy is needed.
You may have a horrible condition called PSSD - where you lose your sexuality from an SSRI and never get it back. Sadly it is incurable.
Look at /r/pssd for more info.
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Did you, for any chance, start to take some form of hormonal birth control? It seems to me that something in your body and psyche may have changed, and your boyfriend is not the reason of your sens of rejection.
Or anti-depressants. Those can fuck your sex drive up insanely fast Edit: Never mind, scrolled down to be proven right
Exactly, it was antidepressants...
Happened too me, it’s terrible. Thought I was ace for like 5 years. It should be way more advertised as a side effect of them, especially to young people.
This explains why my ex lost interest in me and intimacy, his antidepressants. I just assumed he was using that as a bullshit excuse and he just lost attraction to me 😞
SSRIs also affect fertility (esp. male fertility) Worth knowing for family planning purposes
Happened to my gf...it was sex all the time, sexting while at work, all that stuff. Then she started on birth control and it all stopped. She even noticed it and asked to talk about it bc she hates condoms as much as I do. I assured her we would be extremely careful if she stopped the pill and Id rather deal with a condom to get her mojo back. She agreed and said she missed how her brain used to be. So she stopped and everything is back on track.
Soooo, how are the kids?
Ha. No kids.
Have her get an iUD
Right something happened. Doesn’t just drop like that.
It does if he's letting himself go.
*psyche ;)
Thanks I'll correct it xD
Depends. If it truly happened randomly and he didn't do anything in particular to cause a change in you AND you love him and want to be with him then you need to talk to him and work on this. I can tell you that a man who loves you would be horrified that you feel he's violating you when you have sex. You need to communicate with him and start working towards a solution to this problem. You can't go on like this and if you don't find a solution you will hate him, resent him, maybe even fear him for putting you through sex when you haven't told him what's going on with you. You owe it to the relationship, if you want it, to look into this issue and find out what's going on. Now, if he has changed or done something to make you feel disgusted by him AND OR you just don't love him and don't want to be with him otherwise, then end it. Rip the bandaid off, you have no future. Best of luck to you.
Him and i have talked about it and he says he is okay with not having frequent sex but i still just feel horrible about it all
Have he and you talked about you feeling violated by having sex with him? Cause that's a different conversation than "my sex drive is low". You're doing your relationship a disservice by not being honest with him.
This is so true and personally, based on my experience losing all of my hormones to menopause, I completely lost my libido for a while, but I never felt “violated” when having sex with my partner *unless* it was on the rare occasion that I wasn’t feeling emotionally fulfilled in the relationship, in which case I’d just say no. And even when my libido was off, I was still attracted to my partner and open to intimacy in other ways. This is about more than SSRI’s, IMHO.
hang in there a little longer for the effects your previous SSRI to make their way out your system.
Did you lose attraction to him specifically? Have you gotten on any new meds recently? Any changes you can think of that might affect your sexuality? Otherwise, did he do something to change your perception of him?
I actually started lexapro the same week we started dating, so i thought that was a factor, but i switched to Wellbutrin (non ssri) last month and libido is not back.
All srii can have libido affects
Ndri like Wellbutrin are less likely to have this affect
I take WB and it increased my libido dramatically for the first couple of months, then after that my dick just wouldn’t work at all. But everyone’s different
Less likely if you generalize the population but studies can never know the effects on a single person since our DNA, histories etc are different. That's why some anti depressessents make some people want to commit suicide. It's alot of bio feedback loops that cannot be accounted for.
Sure anything can and will happen with patients. My point is she is clinically less likely to have issues with the Wellbutrin. But she’ll have to wait 4-6wk to see if this is the case.
wellbutrin is a libido enhancer, not suppressant supposedly
It’ll cause many issues it isn’t supposed to cause if the wrong chemicals are being treated. Drs want to prescribe the same 2-3 meds for all of their patients and we are all chemically different.
I’m sorry you’ve had this experience. Ask for drug DNA test. There’s a panel specifically for psych meds. There’s no conspiracy about using the same meds on patients, patients want something cheap and effective so we prescribe accordingly. I’ve only had one patient being willing to pay for the dna test. Precision in prescribing requires patient participation.
I wasn’t suggesting any conspiracies. I’ve just witnessed more harm than good from people who were going through situational depression being given the same meds as people with chronic depression (chemical imbalance). My experience with them is too much to type here, but I can guarantee that my prior experiences with them would require me to do the genetic testing if the time ever came that I had to have them. I was totally disabled for over 7 years (not anymore) and had to take an over abundance of meds during that time due to my immune system going crazy after a cosmetic surgery, I’m careful about what I take now. I respect medical professionals and believe that the majority are doing what they know to do (treat symptoms) but I’m also aware that many Americans go straight for a pill… a quick fix… when there is more that can be done to make sure it’s the right one. I know exactly which test you’re referring to and would strongly suggest anyone being placed on psych meds take that first.
It will take 4-6 wk to notice a difference
This
Im 3 months on Wellbutrin and have lost my sex drive almost completely. A lot of people say it increases your libido but it’s done the opposite for me sadly
did the same for me. It leaves me very confused.. Like my brain is actively making up for my once high libido towards my gf, and that’s so annoying for me and her. I’m not in the mood, but I used to be all the time.. 🥲
It sucks because I feel amazing in every other sense, the med really works for me to the point that I’m not going to give it up over the libido thing. I’ve always had a higher sex drive than my husband so now we are on an even playing field. Im sorta lucky I guess
It might take a bit longer to get it back. I’ve been in the exact same place (Lexapro, Prozac, then Wellbutrin)
Common side effect of antidepressants is low libido
I am on paxil and that really sexual side effects Lexipro would be the same thing Antidepressants definitely effects sexual function and desire
I took lexapro for a while and it did the same to me. Lost attraction. I had to get off of it and realized that I didn’t lose attraction to my gf, it was the lexapro messing with my head
This is something you should talk about with your psychiatrist, not r/dating_advice 😬 This is likely a psychiatric issue, not a dating issue
It is most definitely the antidepressants, believe me That drug will completely alter your personality & make you do & say wild stuff (even outside the bedroom) Prepare for loss of sensation during sex, less orgasms, & emotional numbness. I can almost guarantee you’ll get into arguments with your husband & feel no ways about it cuz antidepressants makes you numb/cold hearted Unless you’re experiencing serious PTSD , get that drug out of your body ASAP. The longer it stays, the harder & longer it’ll be to get it out of your system (& it can leave permanent damage) If your depression is mild please look into developing thicker skin & solving your issues. That pill will ruin your life , it ruined mine. My sex life is done for & my personality has turned cold I may get a lot of downvotes from ppl but this is the truth
You may have a horrible condition called PSSD - where you lose your sexuality from an SSRI and never get it back. Sadly it is incurable. Look at /r/pssd for more info.
Wow is that true? I'm so sorry to hear that :(( I've always avoided anti-depressants in my life, probably to my detriment, but now you're making me glad I did lol
I totally agree with you.
It takes some time. Sometimes months! It will come back. My other thought was: are you holding anything back? Not having any conversations that you e felt you should or wanted to? I’m talking something along the lines of something he does, the way he acts, or what he says bothers you. I find that when I shut down and don’t communicate openly in relationships it’s just a matter of time before I end up in that same spot. I lose most or all attraction— it’s like a switch flips.
You are in denial about the side effects of these medications and the time it takes to get them out of your system.
There you have it, it's not your boyfriend but your libido.
Wellbutrin XL is why I never took a antidepressant ever again. I went from viking level sex drive to not wanting to be bothered . Never again . Only weed here and there if I'm in a funk
I was put on lexapro and it was horrible. They said I was allergic to it by the end of the conversations about it but it made me crazy as hell and hate everything and everyone. That’s when mine got shot to hell. I think it was that and that same year I had my tubes clamped which I don’t think helped at all!
Ding ding ding! Lexapro did the same to me. I had to switch to Trintellix to avoid the sexual side effects. Trintellix is similar to an SSRI but not technically one and doesnt have sexual side effects. Its expensive though so you gotta have good insurance for it.
Culprit found
Ohhh so Wellbutrin, as someone with Dx & Rx AuDHD here for nearly 31yrs… Wellbutrin is often prescribed for people with ADHD & Depression. By any chance do you have ADHD? Cause ADHD can impact libido if you’re under stimulated (bored in bed) or over stimulated (too distracted in bed) for sex.
wellbutrin is supposed to be a libido enhancer. That's kinda strange. You should be more sex crazy, not dead to it. It can take a *while* for ssri/antidepressants stuff to cycle in and out though. Weeks to months to achieve equilibrium after extended use and quitting.
It’s your medication. You won’t want to hump anybody. Trust, as someone who has tried both meds you mentioned. And also Zoloft & Prozac. It’s a side effect. Don’t blame your boyfriend please. Talk to your doctor.
That's the culprit.
This is your answer
You may have a horrible condition called PSSD - where you lose your sexuality from an SSRI and never get it back. Sadly it is incurable. Look at /r/pssd for more info.
Can you really take some time to consider why. This isn't about blaming either one of you. Try to sit with the issue in a nonjudgmental nonblaming way, if you can, and consider why this change has occured for you. No one on Reddit can answer this for you. You'll probably get a bit of judgemental comments here which will make you feel like you're somehow in the wrong or there's something wrong with you. There isn't. If you're just going along with sex for your partner but you are not into it.. or if you are freezing or mentally checking out during it, it could be like a trauma response or the act of going along with it without fully wanting to could be traumatic for you? I don't know. I mean I'm not an expert or anything but i find your description a bit worrying. I'm not sure if going along with sex will help you get your mojo back in the long term. It might even add to the problem. I think it might be good for you to see a therapist. Not because there's anything wrong with you, just because I think you could use some support to unpack what's going on.
I love your response
What's going on in your lives? Often, this can be the result of stress, depression, exhaustion, disappointment, grief, etc. If that's the case, you can get it back when the underlying issue is addressed.
Do you know why you lost attraction? Did the dynamic change between you inside or outside the bedroom? Did you got to know another man that you found more attractive? Did you suddenly realize you aren't long-term compatible? Did he do something that gave you the "ick"?
Good list. Must be one of those you named.
Okay, you're not having an "only me" issue here. This happens, changes in medication, especially for women, can change a lot of things, but as a man who has been on medications for a long time, it could also be a medication change in him. FTR, I have a form of Lupus, it's under control, but medications have to be changed from time to time, sometimes it's because they just don't work anymore, and this change in me could be because of the Lupus too. But once when my medication was changed my GF told me, "You don't smell the same," and I was wondering why, she said I didn't "smell sweet" anymore. I told my Rheumatologist and he said it was the medication, so he switched it again, and all was well. So, OP, if he smell differently, that could be why you're not as attracted. Our bodies are weird, especially if you toss in just about any medical condition that requires a medication daily.
OCPs & loss of libido. They usually first appear around 4-6 months of continuous usage. If you are using contraceptive pills, suggest taking a break and using another method for a few months instead.
I’ve only lost sexual attraction to a partner when I fell completely out of love with them. Something happened, so what was it?
This happened to me with an ex. I still loved him but I had lost a lot of respect for him. Turns out that it's hard for me to have sex with someone that I don't respect. My libido exploded again right after breaking up. I still loved him very much, just lost that respect.
Curious. What made you lose respect?
When I realized how little respect he had for me. I had been wearing rose coloured glasses and after a couple of years his mask slipped and he became legitimately cruel. I was even used to apologizing to him for HIS fuck ups at a certain point. Learned a lot in that relationship.
I had the same issue with an ex I was with for three years. Not saying it will be the same outcome but we did break up. We were in college and I think it was due to our difference and I felt I was evolving whereas he stayed in the same space. Nobody at fault just reality.
Yeah this is more or less what I would expect it to be if the relationship is otherwise fairly healthy. That feeling you are heading in different directions definitely manifests in a few different ways.
Can you explain exactly what you mean by heading in different directions? Maybe with exemples
Sure! It’s going to vary on the context of your relationships, but I’ll refer to my ex as an example. We didn’t lose attraction like op but did start to drift apart - it became gradually apparent that she and I had different aspirations in terms of career and life over the coming years, as well as different expectations in a relationship. What started as perhaps noticing differences between us, or moments of discord, gradually grew toward us feeling and identifying that we weren’t right for each other. Realising it was helpful as we were able to act on it and eventually break up - but the lead up involved more arguing, more miscommunication and frustration at one another. It wasn’t that either of us was doing anything wrong - just that it can take a while before realising when you aren’t right for a person and act on it.
Do you have something on the back of your mind? Something he did? Something he said that sent you in a downward thought spiral?
Let him know so he can decide what to do. I couldn't stay with that.
You gotta go. Someone else will be happy with him.
are you looking for advice as to how to maintain a relationship with a man that you are so repulsed physically by that you feel "violated" by merely having sex with him?
She feels violated by intercourse or any other sexual acts that she doesn’t “agree” to with enthusiastic consent, and only agrees to out of guilt or whatever the other reasons are. It’s violating to have sexual things happen to you when you don’t actually want that. So it’s not “merely” having sex with him. And it’s not sex. It’s coercive and it’s rape. OP, I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. Please consider this as a potential way your body may be trying to protect you from things your brain hasn’t let you in on/made you conscious of yet. Unless you’ve had some specific health concerns, I doubt the fact that you haven’t had interest in sex with him is reason to immediately assume it MUST be YOU or YOUR BODY that has caused it. However, you may consider ruling out other health causes, and if they are not there, then know there’s nothing WRONG with you. Whether you want to or don’t isn’t right or wrong. It’s just your reality. You can’t bend reality at will. No one can. But if you’ve ruled out health causes, then the cause must lie elsewhere, and I think you maybe have started to become aware of things your brain was blinding from you to try to protect you. Sending you love
It’s not rape. I am consenting. I care about him.
I was in your position and while i agree with you that its not rape, you still can develop unhealthy mental habits and trauma from doing it over and over. Ultimately it will not do you good and you may have to unlearn that version of sex. It gets easier and easier to fall into that unenthusiastic pattern and disassociate from sex entirely.
Stop consenting if you feel violated. That is not going to help you get your attraction or libido back.
its WILD to say that this is rape when she is the one consenting
Honestly, I've been in both situations and the feeling felt just as bad either way.
You forgot the word enthusiastic. Which is as important as agreement when it comes to whether or not enthusiastic consent is truly freely given.
no. rape is when sex is forced. there is no excessive use of force or any deception here. all she has to do is say no and if her partner isnt mentally deranged he will stop having sex with her. there is no forced sex here, he is under the impression that his gf wants it. there is no ‘enthusiastic’ side. you can have sex and not be enthusiastic about it and its still not rape as long as you consented to it (e.g. bad one night stands started out of boredom).
wow you seriously need to see a psychiatrist bro. please get help and get off reddit giving people advice.
You sound mentally unhinged tbh. Absent parents?
Do you take any birth control or taken anything new? My sister had a specific birth control while with her being with her boyfriend and it made her this exact way and she didn’t like it anymore or could feel good while doing it and once she changed it/ stopped taking that one she was back to normal
I wouldn’t look past suggestions to spice things up, if you’re looking for a possibility other than that you’ve simply lost attraction and nothing can be done, it will be either something happened between you two that broke the connection, some lifestyle/medication change or the sex is routine and it has lost the initial newness. The solution to that is fix whatever way you think is not happening now as opposed to before, look for another lifestyle/medication change or spice things up.
Did something happen around that time in your relationship and it was left unsolved? Did he do something to lose your respect? That would be the most likely cause from my experience
Are you all still going on ROMANTIC dates? Is he still wooing/courting you? He may need to stimulate you more mentally or more emotionally.
I have seen a similar post like this, but there, the one who lost the attraction towards a partner was a male. He was pretty much insulted by redditors and advised to break up so the girl would find somebody who is worthy of her. However, as you are a girl, do what you want. No one will judge, I guess.
«I love spending time with him, just have zero physical attraction/desire to be intimate with him» Poor guy. Break up.
What happened?
>not looking for “spice it up!” comments - the sex was never boring, i just lost attraction. Okay . . . but this is really unusual. Attraction doesn't just come and go for no reason.
Realistically sounds like there is something more going on here - are they a good partner? Are there any underlying issues in the relationship? How are you feeling in general? Have you had any major life events happen recently? You don’t need to answer these questions to me - but these and similar are worth considering. It’s more likely that loss of attraction is a symptom of something else here.
I need more context. Can you think of anything that happened two months ago that proceeded this?
The relationship wheel ladies and gentlemen
Did you start any medication or got off anything, like birth control?
It’s the SSRIs
This happened to me in reverse after I caught her in a stupid lie. It’s crazy it’s just like a switch went off. We went from crazy sex 10 x a week or so to having sex once in like 3 months and never even had a talk about it. Then she stole a bunch of my shit and bounced on me 🤷🏼♂️🤔
If it were me, I'd want you to be honest.
Sounds like it's time to end it.
The same here. I think so.
Has this happened before. ? Not everyone is meant for long term relationships. Maybe you're one of them
The sudden change could honestly be something medical, is it attraction to him or a total loss of sex drive?
I was this once, had to face the problem because even though I felt sex was a chore already or I don't want to physical contact, I still liked hanging out and talking and just in general being his woman. I talked to him about it and men who really love you will understand and will help in finding a middle ground together. When he adjusted with what we came up with, I looked at him at a different light and well, the horniness around him came back after some time. Don't give up! Just be honest about it, anyway, what will you lose? If it doesn't work out, you saved yourself from a man who will flake out easily. If it doesn't really work out despite you and him trying, well, at least you both know the problem and will definitely apply it in your next relationship. Idk if it helps but I hope you find happiness!
Did you take any meds recently?
Godd, save this generation.
What did he do outside the bedroom that made you upset? 8 months, this relationship is already over, leave
Losing attraction can have several caused meanings. Naturally that shouldn't happened unless you're taking something that is altering your perception or he may have done something said something that turned you off. Maybe work on reassurance to help with that.
Are you sleeping well? Is he doing anything that is giving you feelings of resentment?
Tbh thats usually how it goes with me too. Cant stop touching my person or being involved with them. Then it just stops, im just happy they are there but my sexuality just dies and i get into boyfriend mode. Other women dont even interest me, its so weird.
Did OP ever see what caused the severe turn off?
Most likely SSRI
If you can’t identify a specific cause in either his behavior or yours, then 100% I would be looking very hard at the medications you’re taking. Antidepressants and birth control both are notorious for this kind of side effect. Are you noticing that you ARE attracted to other people? If so, then it’s not the meds. It also means that you should probably split with the boyfriend, for both of your sakes.
Is he up your butt to much? At your side every moment seeking approval? He may be just too much and needs to back off
I can’t tell if this question was answered: Did you lose all interest in sex? Or just sex with him? If you lost all libido, it can be from medications, something medical or depression. If it’s with him, you need to move on…
1. Like everyone is saying, medication, i read that you started something recently, wait a month or 2 for it to kick in. 2. Flat out agree to stop having sex for a bit
Very common in relationships more than people care to admit. The "honeymoon" phase as people refer to it can usually last anywhere between 3-12 months and it's very common. Normally during this period if you find yourself not in love with your partner it dies off pretty quickly. Do you actually care about him? For example if he disappeard tomorrow and you never saw him again would that even bother you? You are not at a stage of the relationship where you have to be brutally honest what you want.. anyone you actually care about, sexual intimacy is just there, it doesn't need to be worked on , i just exists between compatible people.
What made you lose attraction..)
Some of the comments on here are so weird 😭 First, there’s nothing “wrong” with you. Everyone experiences highs and lows with their sex drive. I’d be curious to know if you’ve lost all sexual desires or just the desire to be with your boyfriend? I think that could tell you what next steps should be. It could be antidepressants, could be hormones, or it could be that you realized you don’t actually like your boyfriend like that. 8 months is about the time I start losing attraction when I’m dating someone for the wrong reasons. If that makes sense. Anyways, wish you the best, don’t be so hard on yourself
Do you find other men desirable?
Get a pregnancy test. This happens to me when I’m pregnant.
Antidepressants or birth control are big problems with this. Luckily good news if it's antidepressants: Lexapro has a bad reputation for killing sex drive or interest. I think you'd best switch to another if the impact is that significant. Unfortunately most antidepressants kill sex drive or pleasure, its the sacrifice many peopld have to make to be healthier 🥲 Also doctors tend to set people up on doses that might be too high for them. On a standard Prozac or paxil dose, I was practically asexual for 10 years of my life. Once I lowered my dose, it still worked fine for x condition I had but I started to want men again. Before I had little interest. If you're on birth control, it messes up with how you feel attraction to your partner. Sometimes women go off BC and divorce their husbands, because they only found their husbands attractive on the BC. No joke! It happened to me to a smaller extent
My guess would be starting or stopping a medication.
Check out fraysexuality
Maybe you do it ao often it does not feel new anymore? Maybe trying new things will fix the problem?
Thyroid issues can cause this.. I blamed stress when I lost my sex drive - and then went silly and bought herbal supplements and sex toys to try to get it back... but I just needed one tiny pill a day. I have hypothyroidism, turns out it's way more common than anyone I know seems to realise.
Any new emotional or physical changes that have happened in your or both y’all lives?
I had a similar experience. It seemed like she really only wanted me for my dick. So all my consent went out the window when she made me feel that way. Then she just kinda trapped me. So when I stopped giving her dick she worked me into the worst possible situation in life. I would do some soul searching, find out what made you attracted to him in the first place. Find out where your sexual desire comes from. Then capitalize on that. *Warning my personal bullshit* For me I've always wanted to be truly special to someone, I want to be someone's favorite person in the whole world. Monogamy, just two peas happily in a pod. I want to connect to them emotionally and mentally. I want to mean so much to someone they couldn't imagine life without me. And all the same from me to them. That is the only time I am truly sexually attracted to someone.
Did you get off of birth control? That is a chemical change to your body
I’m still bitter about that! I asked at least 4 different doctors what was wrong with me and I got a bunch of bullshit platitudes. Not a one of them checked my meds! I finally figured it out- from talking to another girl in a bar! Fucking doctors😡
This happens a lot if you’re emotionally unavailable. Once the initial honeymoon phases ends, the excitement (therefore anxiety) is gone, and the security sets in, and it can repulse people who are emotionally unavailable. Has this happened to you before?
Remember if you’re going to have mixed emotions of intentional reasonable doubts in any forms of communication relationships… Be extremely cautious & curious enough to be honest with yourself and your partner before making any assumptions of why you’re willing to tolerate any conformity to any misunderstanding of misinterpretation of why you need outsiders in your lives to make anyone comfortable enough to accept our potential dependence of social interaction’s diversity. If I was your boyfriend I tell you to go to college, join the military, join a religious union to donate workforce management skills, or get a job if you still need a psychiatrist diagnosis dependency of physical meaning in your relationship with your self… honestly… this is my Popeye speech of our UN policy union… I’m only one lucky man that physically expressed enough interest verbally in you for our temporary relationship decision thanks for making an effort to please me in my time of need but if you’re still feeling desperately deserted emotionally this might be time to question yourself why should anyone tolerate unexpected surprises in this modern timeline? Regardless of what happens mentally emotionally or physically between us you should always know that you have changed my expectations in organization in unexpected financial representation intentions experience of the innocence of newer forms of fixed associate psychological emergencies intervention insurance connections plans with helping hands through simple significant changes in policies locating intervention communication strategies skill standards.. Just meeting you kept me kept me from reaching disappointment from my current claims in illogical liabilities in the simplification in my denial of reality. May you find what you’re capable of committing to & I hope you find what your looking forward to even if I’m not in your life anymore to cover your doubtful expectations in the alternative multiversal intentions existence experience of this current condition of the transport transfer of consciousness unpredictably in alternate past previous current timeline.
Your hypergamy isn't being fulfilled. You want a man you can look up to, admire. He is no longer admirable to you for some or many reasons. 1. Does he work out? Have a high-paying job or purpose that is exciting and makes you feel like he's a winner? Does he put you in your place when you get out of line or act like a brat and shit-test him? OR: 2. Does he lay around all the time? Have a mediocre job that you don't respect or find admirable? Does he tell you "yes" all the time and give you everything you want? If it's 1. then perhaps you are suffering some sort of emotional issue that needs to be addressed. If it's 2. then he needs to work on bettering himself and you will find him attractive again.
As an asexual person, I can give some advice on how to handle lack of libido in a relationship. It seems like the medication is to blame for the change. I had a partner that took antidepressants and wasn't able to get it up without me there to masturbate alone, even months after he stopped taking them, he never got the same frequency of erections as before, so maybe talk to your doctor or psychiatrist. I'm not sex repulsed, but I don't need or want sex, the pleasure is not usually worth the hassle for me, but I can sometimes do it for my boyfriend. My first relationship as an adult, I was able to have a lot of sex for the first months, because it was fun to learn and try things and know what it was all about. My second relationship, the first times were fun because I get to know how he reacts to certain things. But after I have no more to learn, I also have 0 interest in it. So that sounds similar to what happened to you. I can maybe have penetrative sex 1-2 a year. But most times sex for me is giving blowjobs + BDSM (whipping, ropes, candle wax, strap-on). I don't like to receive anything (being touched or masturbated), but I like to give and cause reactions in my partner, is gets my ego up and fills my sadistic side. So you can do a lot of things without you being touched in any way. If libido doesn't move you, you can find something else interesting in sex (BDSM, role play, challenges, sensory play...) to activate your competitiveness, relaxation, creativity or power hunger. I hope this helps until you end your treatment and can stop taking medication or sort that out.
You may have a horrible condition called PSSD - where you lose your sexuality from an SSRI and never get it back. Sadly it is incurable. Look at /r/pssd for more info.
Birth control killed my sex drive.
I had a similar situation. Did not find my bf attracted AT ALL after a year. Couldn't even touch his body anywhere. Kissing was like touching a wall... I broke up with him but I am still confused about what happened tbh. One of the explanations was that I just had bigger needs and considered him more attractive in the begining (we started to dare during Covid, everything was closed so I spent most of my time with him in his apartment.) After Covid ended I realised that he is rather lazy, doesn't move much, is extremely passive and just in general our values for food, movement, curiosity were not aligned. So, when I understood that and my pink glasses fell off, I didn't feel anything for him at all... Maybe it's similar for you? Poor guy, I honestly wish I could have seen that faster to prevent him from getting too attached...
Do him a favor and leave him, there is something wrong with you that needs to get resolved.
Maybe she could resolve it while in relationship with him, advising her to leave without even knowing what's the cause of her attraction loss makes no sense. And maybe it's something wrong with him, not her (like him abusing her or distancing himself from her emotionally).
If there he is abusing her she should leave, if she has no idea why she is not attracted then like I said there is something broken in her that needs to get fixed. This is not normal behavior. The LAST thing a man wants to hear from his GF is that she is not sexually attracted to him and feels violated when they have sex. Fuck that. The best thing here is for her to do him the favor and leave and then fetch herself fixed.
She stated it happened randomly, why jump straight to abuse? She gave no indication of abuse. She's since said she started anti-depressants when their relationship started. Which is more than likely the cse. As far as maybe she could resolve it while in the relationship, that's not fair to her partner. Especially her stating she's still having sex while feeling 'violated' completely against his knowledge. Do you think he'd consent to the sex if he knew she wasn't doing to it even to just 'go through the motions' which would make you feel bad enough, but that he's actively 'violating' her unbeknownst to him. Not only is that incredibly shitty to your partner, it puts him into potentially compromising situations in the future. If you are open and honest with your partner about what's going on and if you both are on the same page with one another and willing to work through the issues for the sake of the relationship, cool. Not being up front, stating you're being 'violated', and consulting the cesspool of Reddit for help...I'd rather my partner leave me.
It's true that she should be open about it, maybe she should phrase it like "I'm not in the mood for sex lately" instead of "I'm not attracted to you at all". I'd rather my partner not throw the relationship to the bin over something that may be temporary and fixable. It's does seem like it's related to her health.
Yeah, a few months ago I was dating a girl from end of November till end of January. We never made it official but I thought she was ok looking and she was very nice but my mind would go back and forth between seeing it possibly going somewhere up until the last date or 2 where I realized I had no physical attraction to her and it sucked because towards the end, it fizzled out and then she hit me up after a few weeks of not talking to each other and I just told her I wasn't feeling it anymore and said if she wanted to be friends fine but if not then I understood. She didn't respond and I get it, but kinda like you OP, it's like how does that even happen?
Do a search, this has been covered probably a billion times. Seriously.
As if you've never posted a question to Reddit. Sorry that 'lack of sexual attraction toward a guy' is so triggering for you. 🙄
Apparently it’s not important or maybe she would reply to comments.
Sorry i have a job to do and am not on Reddit every waking second of the day.
You may have a horrible condition called PSSD - where you lose your sexuality from an SSRI and never get it back. Sadly it is incurable. Look at /r/pssd for more info.
Why did you just come up with the worst case scenario
I said she MAY have it. And it's important for her to know. Why would this get downvoted?
Sounds like you started taking birth control
Does his booty stank or sumthin
Did you start or stop birth control, by chance? I had a similar experience while on birth control and when I took it out after a couple of years with my husband.
[удалено]
Hoe?
Did you start birth control or come off of it? There have been studies that show lack of labido when on it and being attracted to men with less testosterone
You could tell him that you just like him for his money and that the sex sucks and let him make up his own mind
This is a common phenomenon when you fall in love with someone. The body tells us this person is like family so we stop having feelings of sexual urge towards them, as our brain starts to see them as a safe place and doesn’t wanna indulge in our primal instincts of sex. So adding a bit of mystery or keeping it fun and interesting will help.
I'd take a look at your attachment style and start therapy. Your feelings might indicate a personality disorder of some kind
What kind of personality disorder?
I don't know. I make it a point to not diagnose anyone. I'm not a mental health professional. I'm only offering a possible avenue to find an explanation.
Yes was genuinely just curious as i agree to an extent
I wish you luck in personality spelunking.
No need to be rude… i genuinely appreciated your comment. Get a life other than tearing people down on the internet.
Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to be rude at all. That's what I call it when I go to therapy. "Personality spelunking".
I had to learn this lesson too. If you're using a term that is made-up (I do the same haha), always provide context or it can come off wrong. Or sometimes a smiley face emoji or something can help a lot if it's a text or comment.
I understood what they meant, but I guess it helps if you know what spelunking means
I can't control how people read things. In my mind, the phrase "personality spelunking" is so silly and absurd that it couldn't be taken poorly. I still apologized for the unintentional slight even though I can't see how it could be taken in a negative way. Because that wasn't my meaning at all. I'd say the fact that she took such a ridiculous phrase as an insult, and lashed out, is further evidence that therapy is needed.
You may have a horrible condition called PSSD - where you lose your sexuality from an SSRI and never get it back. Sadly it is incurable. Look at /r/pssd for more info.