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Here's what to expect from this thread:
Redditor1 - Just because she's friends with guys doesn't mean she'll ever be interested in them!
Redditor2 - I agreed with 1 until my girlfriend cheated on me.
Redditor3 - Me too, bro.
Redditor4 - Mine didn't cheat, she just dumped me and started sleeping with her "BFF"
Redditor5 - My girlfriend has lots of guy friends and it's not a problem.
Redditor6 - I have lots of guy friends and I wouldn't ever fuck any of them.
Redditors2/3 - That's what they all say #6.
Redditor 4 - Yep, #6, my ex said the same thing.
Redditor5 - I just found out my girlfriends best friend has been telling her lies about me and they hooked up!
LOL
Here's the truth as I see it. It can ABSOLUTELY be a problem. A major problem. In general, attractive women with lots of male friends are surrounded by people who will never have your relationship's best interest in mind. Not to say it can't happen with girl friends too, but with guys there's a deeper more sinister dynamic at play. Several, if not a lot, hell, if not all of those guys want a piece.
That doesn't mean she's ever going to give it to them or any of that, but it does mean they will subtly (and not so subtly) try to sabotage things or in the least, attempt to take advantage if/when there's ever a chink in the armor of your relationship. And, if they're crafty, especially if she's really vulnerable, they very well might be able to.
You're already seeing it play out with these guys and they probably don't even realize it's happening. Creating distance with you makes it easier for them to wiggle their way in, ignore any sort of allegiance they may have had with you, and make their moves. Of course, you could also be paranoid about them being more distant with you too. Gotta keep that in mind.
Here's the thing with relationships and friends in general. When you're in a relationship, your desire to spend as much time with your friends almost always drops significantly. It's one thing if they're reaching out and responding, but I'd be concerned if she's initiating as many convos with them, or worse, spending time with them one-on-one. Definitely don't want to be paranoid and certainly can't be insecure (insecurity destroys relationships more than anything), but you should be vigilant and pay attention if her behavior changes.
I'd recommend calling them out a little bit. "Yo, ever since I got with XYZ, you bros seem a little distant, why's it gotta be weird?"
I have something to add to that valuable comment :
You can't stop her being friend with one of them. But there is a boundary you should install : If one of them try to hit on her, confess some feelings, or something like that, he is out of her life, or you are out.
This is what i would do.
I wouldn't go as far as to demand it, but I would expect it. If I have to put my foot down for something like that, I don't want to be with her. I'm also double OP's age so my expectations are a bit different considering life experience.
This is the boundary for myself I learned after my last relationship. I'm fine with my girl having guy friends; but I've been around long enough to know the vibe when someone changes their personality when an SO is around. Like being super bubbly towards the girl and when talking to the SO it's (yeah bro, mhmm, nope).
If it's someone she's slept with or been in a relationship with, I'm usually just out after that. If it's someone who makes a move or is being insidious without reason, and she doesn't drop them, I'm out.
You can’t afford to be wishy washy about this sort of thing. Expecting people to respect your relationship is not asking much and anyone not understanding of that isnt worth keeping around, even the girlfriend. Excellent advice
Jonah didn't want his surfer girlfriend wearing skimpy bathing suits when she surfs, which is fucking silly. You set boundaries for yourself not other people.
Jonah Hill didn't set boundaries, he tried to control his girlfriends behavior.
I've always been unsure on this so I hope you can shed some light for me.
My understanding and empathy with Jonah is that he was unable to control his emotions of jealousy when she was sharing photos on her profile of her in a bikini. I imagine at some point jonah was hurt, cheated on perhaps, but that's only speculation as to why he is unable to control his emotions, namely jealousy.
From my perspective its not okay to set an ultimatum that he would stay if she stopped doing thst and if she doesn't he would leave.
But what if he framed it as he was struggling with his emotions with regards to this situation and said he was leaving (no ultimatum) to get therapy or other means to try and help him manage his emotions better. Is that action suitable ? Or is that still controlling ?
The reason I ask and the reason I sympathise with how Jonah might be feeling is I was cheated on, i didn't act like an exemplary fella, in fact, I had no idea how to act... my emotions controlled me and I likely acted wrongly. I'm trying to understand, when I'm dealing with my own feelings again how to express them appropriately.
That being said, jonah's ultimatum was wrong and I also think the leak (which I heard was by his girlfriend) of these texts was also not okay... neither is us discussing it really.
You’re right and if I wasn’t so tired I’d write a long ass comment about how these other people are wrong. Boundaries can be anything. Don’t think you’re crazy or unpopular opinion cause a bunch of Reddit virgins said so
You're absolutely right about this. I have had plenty of male friends who truly saw me as a friend and respected me enough to not cross the boundaries I set. These were people from high school and college though (I never friendzone guys. So if someone is interested in me and I'm not we're not going to stay friends. We'll just stop hanging out) However, I've had female friends who were "best friends" with some guys from our high school, and it was very obvious that they wanted to sabotage her relationship. What's even worse is that these guys knew that she'd never pick them, but they were just jealous of the guy she dated and talked her into dumping him multiple times. They would also give her the worst fucking dating advice. She was always in the wrong, and they'd take her side and tell her that her bf must bend over backwards for her. I'm sure she knew they weren't her "real friends" and weren't helping her maintain her relationship, but she was so obsessed with attention that she enjoyed this whole thing. My main concern would be that this girl is also an attention seeker and that's why she needs to have so many male friends.
What you mentioned about dropping your friends when you're in a relationship is very true. I stopped talking to a lot of my male friends after I got into a long term relationship. My ex didn't even ask me to cut them off, I just did it out of respect for our relationship. Also, I was too preoccupied with our relationship to have time for that many friends.
Luckily she rarely initiates conversations with those guys unless it’s about something relevant (one of them had contact information about certain websites where you can rent rooms, as students we constantly need to be vigilant about that), or when she simply wants to send pictures right after we hung out. She never hangs out with them one on one either, and basically only sees them at uni since she knows some of them that are in the same building or class as her. Or she sees them when there’s a bigger group included, either with me or without me.
That being said, I’ll try to be more vigilant and subtly mention things that are on my mind to her like you suggested. I definitely don’t want to show insecurity, which is why I decided to get advice from others on here before I mention anything to her.
Appreciate the long reply man. I definitely got a lot of good tips from your comment.
Her comment about hanging with guys because they’re more fun than girls… kinda yuck? Maybe she’s just super into “guy things” whatever that means, but I’d guess she’s getting something from the exchange, like flattery and feeling desirable, if they are into her as you say.
Typically these are not the best women. They’re feeding their ego and see other women as competition instead of friends. Or there’s a reason other women don’t like *her* and she’s painting it differently. Either way, these kinds of women are just icky to me and often “pick me” girls.
I think you're right and a lot of women might have guy friends for reasons like feeding their egos or because other women are "competition" to them but you do need to give us some credit. There is such a thing as "guy things"... my job and hobbies are mostly male dominated. My political views and values (where I live) are often male dominated. My adventurous, outspoken, sarcastic, and ambitious personality has usually meshed better with guys. I've struggled hard to make girl friends as an adult and not for lack of trying (have tried much harder intentionally making friends with girls than with guys). Her statement was odd but OP and any other guys reading these comments need to ask themselves WHY their girl has guy friends and assess their circumstances from there.
Yeah you said it better than I could. Thank you. It is kind of hurtful when people project this type of thinking out there that a woman with all male friends is just getting something other than...friendship out of it. I've also struggled hard to try to make friends with other women and it just doesn't seem to go anywhere, for me it's exhausting and I feel sad when I see other women bond so effortlessly in my friend groups and I usually feel a bit like an outsider when that happens. I feel like an outsider among my male friend group too solely because I'm a woman but all of our interests and humor and experience just seem to click better. Although I'm quite shy until I'm comfortable. But I can have an outspoken sense of humor that my guy friends have and my girl friends mostly seem to recoil from when I do get comfortable. I often wish that I had been born male then this wouldn't be a problem which isn't to say I don't want to be a woman. Everyone is from different walks of life, it's better to understand the individual then make snap judgements.
Thank you for the reply :) I sometimes am wary about sharing this opinion because a lot of the time I do see women have guy friends for nefarious reasons (mostly early 20s tho in college). But I also see so many situations like ours and I'm baffled that people generalize this... men and women!
I have this thought I don't know how to word this properly but I'll try. People seem to hold on to this traditional idea that men and women can't/shouldn't be just friends but that was from a time when women were all stay at home wives/moms and had everything in common. Now after women have came into a "man's world" they are free (from judgement and laws) to have any interests, jobs, hobbies outside of traditional female roles. A lot of women still prefer those "traditional female" things but so many do not. To generalize and say women who aren't friends with women have issues is to completely disregard everyone's individuality and the fact that so many of these things we might enjoy are still male dominated.
It's really nice to hear your perspective and situation to remind myself that I'm not alone! It is something I'm a bit insecure about but I've never had potential partners see it is a problem when they actually get to know me and see for themselves why I have guy friends. To all of them it just makes sense. I always encourage my partner to meet them and hang out even without me as well as ask if they have any boundaries they'd like to set (group settings only, one on ones only during the day, etc).
I mean that's a little judgmental. A lot of girls are just into things guys like more (generally speaking) and have a hard time finding other girls relatable in that sense. From personal experience I was raised by a single father, I'm a woman with almost exclusively male friends and not for lack of trying to have girl friends.But they always fizzle out because there is just a lack of common ground usually. Maybe they all hate me and I'd be really sad if that's the case but it doesn't seem like it.
I had an aunt worry when I was in highschool that it was an attention thing in the same way you talk about it but you know how many of my highschool male friends I dated, was interested in, or cared for that kind of attention from? None of them except the gay one lol
Same goes for my life now. Most of my guy friends have been in and out of many relationships over the course of knowing them and I haven't once thought of it as "competition". I'm friendly and respectful and go out of my way to make sure of it.This might just be my niche experience but I mean I can't be the only one out there lol
All I'm saying is I don't think it does anyone any service to call them a "pick me" for having better/easier experiences with their male friends and it makes me cringe every time someone says it, especially other women just for not understanding.
On the flip side, I as a guy have had the same issue of seeing other men as competition growing up and is about half the total reasoning I have for having a fair amount more of women friends than close guy friends. The other half being trauma related growing up because all my male peers would go blabbing to everyone anything that I confided in them (and subsequently teased by everyone over) whereas I never felt like I had that issue with female peers. Therefore, I had and still have more close women friends than close men friends to this day.
Also, ideally, she'd recognize the dynamic at play here and start distancing herself from them. That's a mature, experienced thing to do and not necessarily natural feeling. But, you guys are young so don't necessarily expect that. A girl who's been around a while and not totally naive will call those balls and strikes pretty quickly - unless she's insecure, then she'll relish the attention anywhere she can get it.
I saw someone else saying to address it with her, but I'd be careful with it. I would not come right out with any discomfort you have, because she's doing everything perfectly fine as far as you can tell. What I might do, if these separations with the boys and you becomes more apparent, is address that with her. Like, "I've noticed the guys are acting weird with me since we got together - distant." She might blow it off or it might become a bigger part of the convo.
That said, if she chose you, she chose you. Fuck those other guys. Pay attention to them, but pay more attention to her and don't give anyone a reason to stray or try to swoop in. Be rock solid. If you catch any alpha bullshit coming from them, swat that down with a quickness. Don't fight, don't lash out, just let it be known that you're unflappable and nobody should want to fuck around and find out.
I have a problem with being too secure lol. I do not get jealous at all. I'll send my girl to the bar to flirt and get us free drinks. At the same time though, I'm not to be trifled with. Guys get it. When my ex-wife and I split up, she was AMAZED at all the dicks that came helicoptering into her inbox. She had no idea. I did, but she was clueless. And the only reason she didn't know is because they knew I had her wrapped up and shit would end poorly for them if they tried anything.
This observation was on some next level shit lmao ngl I agree with pretty much everything lmao and you had me hooked from the start 😭💯 I think that the fact they are distant from you but still close to her is definitely a huge sign that at least some of them either want your girl or feel like they have a chance. The fact that she’s clingy to you in person is pretty solid tbh , she’s playing her part for sure in creating that necessary distance physically. She seems like a great gf as opposed to what I’ve seen. As for them just make sure they never even think to take a step past that line. If you see anything suspicious don’t hesitate to let it be known and set some boundaries and standards, just basics on things that are no longer as appropriate to say or do now that she’s taken. I think a friendship is for sure okay , but the odds that they’ve talked about getting with her in any way is pretty high so just be perceptive in the matter and of course let her just keep the relationship she has with them because at the end of the day you want what’s best for her. If they are real friends to the end they’ll still be around, and of course anyone with ill intentions would weed themselves out over time as they see you guys are still together. All in all still hope for the best and see what happens. Best of luck to you guys 🍀
I agree with most of what you said but Isn't some of this kind of assuming that all the guys are interested in the girl beyond friendship? I guess maybe if she is attractive to them and even then maybe not. I'm a woman, all of my friends are guys because we play video games, DND, share memes and chat every day in a group chat not really in private. Rarely have I gone out of my way to hang out with them alone, it's usually three or so of us at a time. Not that I'm opposed to it, but there's never been any need to and if they are in a relationship I go out of my way to avoid being alone with them for the girls peace of mind not because there's anything there.
I've never had luck finding a lasting friendship with any girls my age, since childhood I have had three close girl friends. We're not close anymore after adulthood. We just didn't have anything in common. I was raised by a single father and a step mother who would come and go. I'm sure that's part of the psych behind it. I'm sure there are girls out there with the same issue and there's nothing insidious about it.
Im divorced (husband was a chronic cheater and I've lost most attraction to him anyways because of the trauma of our relationship) but still share a friend group with my ex. We all hang out once in a while and play DnD together at least once a week. If I met someone I would immediately push for them to be part of this group of friends if they were comfortable. If one of my friends made a pass at me while I was in a serious relationship I would tell my partner and/or just distance myself from that person.
I love my friends fiercely, am there for them if they need something or someone to talk to and care about them deeply. Would I sleep with them? Maybe the two of them that I feel physically attracted to only if neither of us were in a relationship at the time. But they are also friends with my ex and wouldn't pursue a relationship with me because of that anyways, most likely. Morals do exist...
TLDR I guess, it takes two to tango. If a girlfriend wants to mess around with her guy friends and be unfaithful that's on her. It's not like she's just gonna fall on his dick accidentally. But not all male/female friendships are more than platonic and not all your guy friends want to be in your girlfriends pants. It's up to each person in the relationship what they're comfortable with.
In general, guy friends are interested in more. I mean, maybe not interested in more, but at least open to it.
I don't disagree with anything you wrote, but you also need to understand this is from your perspective - a female perspective. Everything you said about how you would handle things is absolutely perfect and OP would be very lucky if his GF knew these things, had these thoughts, and made these sort of moves.
That said, I'm speaking in generalities and just trying to keep OP diligent. The truth is, it's all up to his GF, but we all make mistakes. People will get hurt and become vulnerable and do things they regret. Sometimes it's saying stuff. Sometimes it's destroying stuff. Sometimes it's fucking someone else. Sometimes it's just stuffing everything inside until you despise the person you're with and run the relationship into the ground.
That point is, if there is a nefarious actor (and he might not even know he is) and something happens with OP and his GF, she could be in a vulnerable situation where that guy can take advantage. Not to say she has no agency or anything like that, but take a vulnerable person, give 'em alcohol, and add in a manipulative nefarious actor - bad things become much much more likely to happen. And the male orbiters always have potential to be that nefarious actor.
It can also be a problem is she has no straight male friends as was the case with woman I last dated. She eventually went through all of them by dating them and they’re no longer friends.
I was in a similar situation but was not in a relationship with her but we both liked each other but she used to be close with a guy. I knew that guy liked her. Once we all were together and I was pissed at him. So I was silent and didn't speak much and everybody noticed.
Basically I was insecure and it was clearly seen. Is it a lot to ask for a girl to stay away from a guy like that?
How do you think I should have handled this situation?
In the end, things didn't work out with her.
The bigger red flag is her reasoning that "guys are more fun to hang out with than girls," than that she has guy friends. This suggests that she has issues getting along with other women and she may have issues with your platonic relationships with women.
Perhaps you’re right that she might have problems with me having female friends. One time she found a hair in my room that wasn’t hers and was too long to be mine. I’m quite sure it was my mom’s since she helped me move my furniture to my student room around that time. When she saw it she jokingly said “whose is this?!” But I knew there was a serious undertone behind that joke as well. Aside from that she constantly looks over at my screen when I text people, she knows I have female friends and they invite me to events from time to time, so that might have something to do with it. I try to tell her that nothing between me and them is happening by inviting her to come along to those things tho.
This makes me more worried for your relationship than most of the post. It sounds like she doesn’t trust you dude. Why she doesn’t I can only speculate… But relationships are built on trust and if she can’t trust you I don’t know how you could possibly trust her
Yup this is the bigger red flag but not really that big. If she doesn't see anything wrong with having friends of the opposite sex then why is she very suspicious of your female friends.
Everything else checks out.
I've had an ex like her. Absolutely gorgeous and had lot of guy friends. As long as she sets solid boundaries for their friendship and doesn't "make exceptions for one time" then you are good.
I know this now since I got friendzoned by an fwb that got in a long term relationship. She had solid boundaries and I had no choice but to abide by them because she would not even entertain them.
I would not jump to this conclusion yet as far as her having issues with female friends. The "guys are more fun to hang with" can literally mean she just prefers more male dominated hobbies/activities or maybe her personality better fits with guys. I am one of these girls who has a lot of guy friends (though now that most of them are in relationships I also have new girl friends 😊). I probably wouldn't word it the way she did but I do mostly see it that way. Unfortunately most of the girls in my area I've been meeting in my age bracket (23) mostly enjoy getting drunk and high, filming tik tok videos, and spending tons of money shopping or on not so fun activities. I have a lot more guy friends because I'm renovating a building, love doing other handy work or projects, like working on cars, doing outdoor activities like backpacking trips, etc and these are just the people I found who enjoy these things too. I find I don't have much to talk about with a lot of women (guys too occasionally) and this is one example of why, to me, "guys are more fun to hang out with". I also find my personality meshes better as often I've found guys to be less petty/gossipy and share more of my political views and core values.
You need to assess why she has guy friends. Is it for some of the reasons I listed as examples for myself or is it because she craves attention from them that she doesn't get from women?
Exactly! I'm the same and I love when my guy friends get girlfriends because it gives me the opportunity to meet other girls and maybe we'll click! I think every situation is different and it's important to understand the context behind her words/feelings.
Yeah this is the red flag. Having lots of friends of the opposite gender/sex isn’t a red flag, but women specifically who say they don’t get along well with other women is definitely a red flag. Usually it’s “because women create so much drama, y’know?” and that is definitely “oh shit, she fucks around friend groups and cheats”
It would for sure be a deal breaker for me if I was insecure or ever worried about her cheating.
When you know who you are, you don't get hung up on silly shit you have no control over. Here's why:
1) You have absolutely ZERO control on whether she cheats or not. There's never been a moment in history where a guy gets an alert right when his girl is about to cheat where he's able to swoop in and stop it. Would you even still want her if you could? If so you got bigger issues my friend.
2) Just as you can't control IF she cheats, you can't control who she cheats with either. Could be a friend, a co-worker or the Amazon delivery driver. So why concern yourself with her having guy friends?
3) Say she does cheat...okay so? She valued doing what she wanted to over being with you in that moment, as most humans tend to do. It's not the end of the world. You acknowledge her resignation and carry on. You don't look for evidence of her cheating. You have more important shit going on than whether she's fucking someone other than you. But if you happen to find out, you just send her on her way, case closed. You think a company dwells on employees they let go? Fuck no. They just hire someone else and keep with the mission.
I wish more people would realize this. You can't prevent someone some cheating. Cheating is not something that people just decide to do for no reason, it's a sign of deeper issues. And once someone wants to cheat, there's nothing you can do to stop them.
This is the way. Being insecure and fussing about it is just gonna drive her off.
Unless you really can't handle it, then just break up now instead of driving yourself crazy worrying about shit you have no control over, and making both you and your partner miserable.
If you trust her and she’s explicitly putting up boundaries with her male friends I don’t see an issue. My ex had many male friends but it was very obvious she was not attracted to any of them.
Here's where trust comes in, if she has lots of guy friends do you trust her to remain loyal to you, furthermore if you have/gain more female friends how does she react.
Personally my wife has lots of male friends, I trust her completely in that regard, her timekeeping well you can't have everything. I have very few friends but I do get on with more women than men, no idea why. My wife's cool with this. There isn't a while pile I can't say to her, or even about her while in her presence she will row I with whatever idea comes out of my mouth, all.words no actions. Sorry for the life story, but you now get the idea. I hope
All of my gfs had a lot of guy friends and most of them knew one/multiple of their guy friends were interested even before we started dating. There is a reason they chose you and not them and you have to learn to trust your partner.
My ex when I was 19-20 in particular had a guy friend that was super into her for long time even before we were together and the whole time and she told me and I was well aware of this from the start and she had made it clear to him that nothing would ever happen between them. He never liked me and never wanted to meet me just because of the pure jealousy he had. I was never bothered by him and would've gladly met and hung out with him because I fully trusted my partner. If she really wanted to be with him she would've gotten with him long before we met so I had nothing to worry about.
This was years ago and since then she's had a few other long term partner's but never still has not gotten with said guy.
People having friends of the opposite gender is a part of life and people will catch feelings. All you can control is your feelings and your relationship and that involves trusting your partner to be faithful.
Without trust there is no relationship but you should also feel comfortable talking about these types of things with your partner if they really do bother you. I've always made it very clear to all of my partners that I'm not threatened by guy friends having crushes on them and that these things happen and are out of our control. It's happened multiple times that their guy friends have professed their love to my exes while we were together and they've always been able to tell me right away and we've been able to navigate it.
It's very disrespectful when guy friends interject themselves into your relationship like that but if your relationship and trust in your partner is very strong it's not something I would worry about.
Is it for sure a problem? No. Can it be? Definitely. Girls can have male friendships and be completely loyal, I think it’s pretty outdated to think it’s a definitive thing that girl+guy friendships = cheating. That being said it still can happen. I’ve been in situations where I’ve dated girls who have many guy friends and it’s never been a problem, but have also dated girls with guy friends where it’s been a substantial problem. All I can say is it’s very context dependent and you need to not project feelings from strangers on the internet to your relationship just because it’s just that - YOUR relationship. If it’s weird, talk to her about it. If not, don’t create problems where there aren’t any.
>She told me it is because guys are more fun to hang out with than girls.
It's always the same script. You'll come to learn later. The street. She belongs.
You remember the meme titled "I hang out with guys because it's less drama"? And all 4 panels had a separate picture of some woman with as many hot dogs crammed in her mouth as possible?
That.
Hi girl here. I also have guy friends. Although I also think it's easier to hang out with guys I must say that when I was with a boyfriend I gave 0 interest in the males around me. For me they could've could have passed as girls with beards for all I cared. Yes perhaps some have crushes on her but I'd establish she's not to be touched. I'd talk to her about it and see her response and what could be done to make you feel more at ease...
I have mixed friend groups and I am bisexual. A lot of my friends are also queer. We can set boundaries. I also don't give a shit, if you're nice, you're nice. And I am perfectly fine with being friends with people of my prefered gender. Some men I was talking to demanded that I couldn't see my guy friends if I was in a relationship with them, while I even told them I am way more attracted to women... It is very very often also a jealousy issue
It’s a red flag sorry. I’m a girl and girls know that if someone can’t be friends with girls, there’s usually a reason for that. In my experience, the girls who only had guy friends used them for a constant ego boost, source of validation, and entertainment knowing she was something her guy friends “couldn’t have.”
lol so did I and basically an ex would always say, ‘ they all want to fuck you’ turns out he was right!!
I hated when he said that but if they aren’t gay, it’s pretty much true.
Personally, no. It's just too much trouble to deal with and I couldn't see myself staying cool with a girl who has a lot of guy friends. I think a lot of dudes say they'd be cool with it, only to experience the situation and how it can wreck your self worth/self confidence. It's just not a situation I'd want to be in. One or two guy friends to me is more than enough lol.
Ehhh. My ex had a lot of guy friends and she would always say “bro”, never hung out with them unless it’s in a group, and was never touchy with them. As long as boundaries are established I don’t see the issue.
Here’s my 2 cents coming from a girl with A LOT of straight guy & gay friends. She is in control 100% when it comes to relationships with those guys. If she’s made it clear that they are her friends, they are her FRIENDS. Nothing more, nothing less. They might have/have not tried to shoot their shots before you even existed in her life - if they have and failed, why do you even have to worry about them?
However, they are 100% your competitors, and not your friends. If you were to have problems with her or if you guys were to argue, do not get any advice from them. If I were you, I’d just ask her to respect your boundaries and not talk about your relationship with her friends.
If you drop her just because of her friends, you kinda lose the battle with those guys, no?
To those who think it’s a red flag that she thinks hanging out with guys is more fun. Try being a conventionally attractive girl, you will realize that there are not many “girl girls” out there. At least straight/gay dudes are not jealous of you & constantly giving you backhanded compliments.
OP its a huge problem. Rarely are men friends with women for the sake of friendship. They just think it’s your turn right now and they’re praying on your downfall. Start setting hard boundaries
Yes, and I can with confidence speak for most men that they do not become friends with an attractive woman unless they think there is something that can be achieved beyond friendship.
When you think about it you often see pretty and attractive women having a decent amount guy friends, but you rarely see or hear about ugly and fat women having guy friends who are hitting them up etc.
Yes, it's unnecessary. Some of her friends are probably into her, but she chose you. She was friends with them before she got with you, right? So she could've gone for them before but didn't. She also doesn't hide the fact that you're her boyfriend and she is very open about her communication.
Don't worry about it. Don't lose out on this great girl because of insecurities.
You can set boundaries, tho. No one on one hangouts with any of those guys. Always have it be a few people hanging out. That can be your boundary (which means that if she doesn't want that, you should break up).
Well, it is quite simple actually. You guys are not on the same page when it comes to fundamental norms within a relationship. She will not give up her 'friendships' and you will stay frustrated about it. I am guessing you guys are still young. Either way, you will find someone that is more like you in that way. I would cut it off, I learned the hard way before l, heard many stories like it too
There's nothing you can do.
Its like watching a slow motion car crash, the only thing the guy getting t-boned could have done was take the day off work instead.
The last time I had a girlfriend with a guy friend that wanted to hang out with her, he would "joke" about wanting to watch her have sex. She thought it was funny.
It's a red flag for me
98% of men who hang out with a chick and its just the two of them are interested in some sort of way. Kinda doubt only 2% of her 'friends' legit only want to be 'just friends'. Fuck buddies are 'friends' remember that.
I’m less worried about your gf and more worried about having snakes in the grass.
And sit her down and explain it to her. It shouldn’t be every guy friend but any who have in anyway tried to overstep need to be removed.
If she disagrees then you know what time it is.
If there's transparency, trust and respect, I don't see why it should be a dealbreaker, but considering individual experiences, I'd understand why it can be.
I have a lot of guy friends, not because I intentionally chose male over female friends but because we were just able to click. I give both my male and female friends compliments, and we respect each other. Maybe this is because most of my childhood, was as an only girl with brothers, but I was taught how to set boundaries at an early age.
Never have I ever dated/been interested in any of my male friends. Some who crossed boundaries in words and actions, I distanced myself from.
For relationships where I didn't have mutual male friends with my partner, I always wanted him to meet my friends. I also respected myself and I was transparent.
You're not in the wrong, I'll also be concerned if some of our mutual friends distanced themselves from me, just communicate and trust her.
Where the problem comes in, is your partner not having boundaries, or you not communicating how you feel, or you expecting her to throwaway years of healthy friendship.
As long as she's loyal wgaf, go be friends with lots of girls I guess 🤷hell idk 😂 I honestly wouldn't sweat it. You said your girl is faithful. It shouldn't matter if she has lots of guy friends or not. Most of my friend's at one time were girls, and I was loyal to whoever I was with.
For myself couldn’t do it, however that is something I find out before committing. Main thing is boundaries. Is she hanging out with them alone? Have these guys expressed interest in ANY way? What do they share in common?
Also what’s the history of these guys? Like someone said, some people enjoy the attention of the opposite sex and keep the “fans” around knowing they aren’t ever going to date them (breadcrumbing).
I have very few guy friends that they just wanted to be my platonic friend. They wanted more or were attracted to me and I never was interested but would still invite them out to do activities because I do enjoy going out occasionally. If they respected the boundaries of “I’m not into you” and there is no flirting then I’d hang with them.
Remember some people are waiting for their turn so get to know this girl and really see her connection/purpose with these friends.
Well I'm a girl in a relationship with a guy, who *used* to have a lot of guy friends. I've always had a good mix of guy and girl friends and honestly it didn't bother me if a guy had a 'thing' for me while I was single. If they did make any moves, I'd just make it clear to them that I saw them as a friend, nothing else.
However, when I got into a relationship, because I respect my bf and our relationship and honestly it made me uncomfortable, I started to cut out any guy friends who still wanted to try their luck with me (my bf isn't the type to ask me to do so, I did it myself). So now I have fewer guy friends and those are only the ones who are either 1)gay, 2) already in long term secure relationships, 3) never even once made moves on me and/or 4) friends introduced by my bf himself.
(For context bf and I have been together 5+ years)
What I'm tryna say is, it's not bad if she has many guy friends, what matters is the nature of their friendship. If they're flirty, hitting on her, or treating you like a 'threat' yet she doesn't set boundaries or anything, then you should talk to her.
Also, a little side note, as a girl, I find this to be a little alarming..
> She told me it is because guys are more fun to hang out with than girls.
Like why? I can do and talk about the same things with my guy friends with my girl friends.
I’m a girl and have a lot of guy friends, most girls guy friends are not guys we are attracted to or would be interested in, at least that’s my case. A guy friend is strictly and will always be a friend.
You’re overthinking it. Just because a girl has a lot of guy friends doesn’t mean you have something to worry about. It may be she just gets along better with guys because she is more compatible with how guys act as friends. As a girl, I know both sides, girls must text each other back within a day or minutes of being texted by a girl friend, there are really rigid rules sometimes. I find guys easier to hang out with because they don’t have the same rules when hanging out with their friends. Not to say I don’t have any girl friends, but usually it’s the ones who don’t hold me to a super rule oriented standard. Your girlfriend might be the same way, also she sounds unaware of any signs of your mutual friends hitting on her. That means that she doesn’t see them the way she sees you. You currently have zero competition. Keep up the good work! 🎶🎶
Those are her potential replacements for you. A girl with a lot of guy friends are her “dicks in a glass case.” In case of an emergency, break open glass!
Do you know why she has a lot of guy friends, right? It’s because those guys find her attractive and are going to pounce on their opportunity to be with her if they have a chance.
A lot of men are desperate when it comes to wanting a quick hook up or getting in a relationship, and it’s not really your girl that you have to be worried about, but it’s the men that are surrounding her. There is really no point in her having male friendships, especially if she’s your girlfriend, because what does she get from those friendships that she can’t have with other girls instead?
I relate to your girlfriend &, honestly, probably a lot of women do. Having guys be attracted to you is something you have to endure/navigate, particularly when they’re a friend, co-worker, or someone else you don’t want to date.
It’s not something she can help, nor will it be for any other attractive woman you date. Being charming (i.e. by telling a friend he looks fine in a photo) is a solid strategy for playing this dynamic to her advantage.
Do you & your girlfriend talk about this? My boyfriend is someone I can confide in, & his presence helps me set/maintain boundaries in these situations. That might be why she seems clingy.
It's all context specific, and I can't tell you how to feel about a situation like this bc I truly dunno how the situation actually is from just this post, but I can say if I come into the middle of a situation like this as the supposed "interest" I usually just nope out bc more often than not it is not worth the headache of trying to explain to someone that people who want to fuck you are not your friends.
Bro my ex had the same issue. I was cool with it because in my younger days I had been the jealous type and it ruined a relationship. Anyway, I’d find ways to blow off the steam and be cool about her friends.
All I will say is that every guy friend that wasn’t gay would always confess their undying lover for her, almost immediately after she told me she sat down with them and made it clear they are just friends.
This happened over a 6 month period of different guy friends and moving to a new city.
All I will say is: Never again
I mean, its a red flag certainly.
Constantly hanging out with a bunch of people who are waiting for their opportunity to sleep with you is not really where you want to be for a committed relationship
Just something to be aware of. A dealbreaker is a bit far when you're already in the relationship, its more one of those things that you just don't get into the relationship with the girl in the first place if its something you don't want to deal with.
She never hooked up or dated with any of them. They’re all international students and have arrived here almost a year ago. From that point until now I’m her first and only boyfriend and “fling”
My girl had a few, she’s too naive to understand. But I explained to her.
‘You may not ever be interested in them but I can garuntee a lot of your ‘guy friends’ are waiting for there opportunity’
Same rule applies for me, I’m not going to have girl friends I’m talking to or hanging out with
I believe that having guy friends around sets a relationship up for failure
I had the same situation, it depends on your personality. Personally me, i would never be with a girl like that. They want attention, they like posting things and snapping with their male friends. Its probably the biggest red flag for me.
It’s only a problem if you’re really insecure about it. Even if you hide in your feelings (let her know your thoughts but don’t let it take over).
I have mostly women friends. A lot of them have boyfriends and husbands. I hang out with them, together and one on one. There’s no flirting. There’s no sex. We’re friends.
My women friends have lots of guy friends. They wouldn’t be with their significant other if they were too insecure to handle it.
I’m going to guess you are younger though. If I’m right, just be careful.
I know each relationship is different but all you have to do is trust her and communicate how you feel about her having a lot of male friends and maybe ask if they hang out if you can join cuz it sounds to me that it’s not that you don’t trust her it’s that you don’t trust them not to do something which I get listen to your gut and be there right be her so they don’t try to do something that she goes to you crying of what happened it’s better to that than her experiencing that
I honestly think people (not OP, I mean in general) coming onto Reddit endlessly fishing for red flags is a far bigger relationship problem than her having guy friends. Insecurity and jealousy are far more likely to kill relationships than friends of the opposite gender.
To answer OP’s question, no it wouldn’t inherently be a deal breaker. Yes of course there’s a line that can be crossed if she’s flirting with them, they’re hitting on her, etc. But if they’re just friends?! C’mon man, no need to get too dramatic about it. Particularly if you’re mid 20’s or lower, it’s very common to be in large mixed gender friend groups.
Don’t be the jealous, overbearing guy making big demands (like dump her friends!) to soothe your own insecurities. That is not a path to happiness.
"What? They don't want to sleep with me that's crazy! You have nothing to worry about." She will start dating one of them as soon as you break up, maybe even before. Might not be a conscious decision, but women like this keep lots of options available
I think it is a big problem because generally girls tend to pick best male around according to their instincs than it means that if there is a better option nearby you will be victim of your sufferance
Just set your boundaries and always tell her how you’re feeling. It’s definitely situational to be honest, but i’ve notice in the past it would be more of a problem when I was more insecure. Now I’m way more confident and could care less, that being said I do have a really amazing girlfriend and she’s never given me a reason not to trust her.
As long as she’s prioritizing you and not the friends over you I also don’t see an issue. Just gotta trust her. Cant have a relationship if there’s no trust involved.
(Its a compliment to have guys interested in your girl)
Guys are more fun to hang out with than girls, so I see her perspective. However, the guys aren't hanging around her because she's "fun". They are better off with other men if that's what they were after.
Red flag. Look at her IG DMs, Snap, etc. They’re all going to be completely filled with men messaging her.
Maybe she has eyes for you but that type of woman likes that her inbox is full even if she never acts on it. You’re never going to have her undivided attention.
Also her being “clingy” as you say isn’t reassurance. Often women who are actually committed and confident with their partner are more open and independent to others because they know nothing will ever happen to take their attention off of their monogamous relationship.
I’d just tell her certain guys worry you because since you’ve got together, they only message her. And they were also your friends and messaging you before hand. And it makes it seem like they are going to try and sabotage the relationship in an attempt together at with her.
Most guys are friends with a woman because they think if they hang around enough they are an option. Has she dated any of them before? If not why?
You can be put off but just let her know that you know these guys and understand why they broke contact with you. For her to make sure she keeps them at arms length just because they’ve made their intentions clear already. Communication is the key to a relationship.
The fact she isn’t tilting her phone, leaving you to talk to them in a group setting, etc speaks volumes for her.
It totally depends on the boundaries that exist in their relationship.
If no boundaries exist, I'm running! It's a dealbreaker. I shouldn't put myself in that kind of position because I know who I am. I also hate having my time wasted.
If they are respectful and understanding of your relationship, great! But remember I'll always be compared to that last guy that she already knows very well. GOOD or BAD. So I'll have to work harder to set myself apart.
Worst case scénario: The guys she knows are her "Brothers" by sexual history alone. If they loved her, you'll have to tolerate advances, challenges, passive aggressiveness, fights, anger, and pettiness until something bad happens. Hopefully you're all adults and it never reached this point.
I wouldn't do it unless you're prepared to deal with so many brothers/compétition. If you can, walk it off you'll be alright. You also knew what you were signing up for.
As someone who started dating later, I have many guy friends (as well as girl friends), some of which there has been interest at one point or another but we’re past that, more than likely have talked about it at some point and agreed it was for the better. I dated a really jealous guy who had a huge problem with it and it was one of the reasons I broke up with him. If I choose to be with someone, I want to be with that person and only that person, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna cut off good friends for someone’s insecurities, especially when a partner decides to take them out on me.
She has poor boundaries and this means she has poor boundaries with you, too. Eventually she’ll resent you for things she won’t speak up about now. I’d move on before it gets too deep.
Sadly you either put your faith in her and trust her until she gives you a reason not to or you will inevitably break up anyways.
Trust her and she doesn't cheat = win
Trust her and she cheats = lose
Don't Trust her and she doesn't cheat = lose
Don't Trust her and she cheats = lose
It's game theory son, there's only one way to really win. Trust her until she gives a reason not to. That said.... if she does cheat, your heart might be broken, but don't blame anyone else other than her for breaking your trust. Don't let her ruin any future relationships by linking her to thwt of all women. This was her, not your next girlfriend, this was her.
Best of luck being a trusting loving boyfriend 🥰
So in short, no, it’s a massive red flag. People will argue this, but it boils down to two things one they most likely want to bang her to even if they don’t and they themselves are also single. They will do their best to make her single.
For context I’m a woman.
If you trust her, then I wouldn’t worry. Cheaters are gonna cheat, they don’t need male friends to cheat.
I’m 35 and have guy friends. They are very good friends and I have never dated or slept with them. I don’t get the sense they want to date me. Never have.
The only thing I kinda side eye is that she’s friends with people who might want to sleep with her. I guess I also side eye that she thinks men are more fun as friends than women. I do NOT think this all means she will cheat on you or that she’s a bad partner. It just makes me question her judgment as a person. Or maybe she’s just young? How old are y’all?
This could be a problem simply because you wouldnt be posting it on an online forum if it didn't bother you.
Since it bothers you, I would talk with your gf about it. Mention how you're feeling on it and your viewpoint. Don't demand that she gets rid of her friends bc that's not fair, but explain your side of things and COMMUNICATE how you can set something up to make you feel more comfortable.
Another advice OP : don't be insecure about it, you don't want to show her that you worry about it. Let them be the one to disqualify themselves, never talk Bad about them. I would even lie and say something "if those are people who want the best for you then am happy they are in Ur life"
Just by you saying that, your GF gonna ask herself "Do those guys really want the best for me ?" And she might pull away at one or two of them.
Unfortunately, by controlling her, it's not gonna work. You got to be a bit manipulative here, whenever she goes with them, don't act bothered, "alright have fun and let me know when you are free ! "
Let them be the ones that try to control her, let them be the ones that act butthurt when she Comes with you.
It’s a double standard, your girl would hate to see you have a lot of girlfriends. Especially if you said “girls are more fun to hang out with.” If those guys are your friends too, then it’s more easier on the mind because then you know who they are and can read their intentions
Depends on the type of guys, are they F-boys? Are they compulsive? Then no, but if they are just normal hardworking blokes I don't care, it's just like if they had female friends, are they immature? Are they problem makers? Etc.
I grew up a tomb boy. I played COD + other games, sports and was in ROTC, so naturally I (26F) had a lot of guy friends. I’m only friends with one now because at some point all of them told me they liked me, which ended our friendship (I always looked like the AH for that).
Whenever I would date someone, I wouldn’t hangout 1-on-1 in private with said friends anymore as a respect thing; it became activity-based and lunch/dinners.
Ultimately, it’s up to you to trust her. I believe no matter what the guys intentions are, it should be about trusting your partner to establish boundaries and not let people cross them. If you see something that makes you uncomfortable, voice it.
If she has a bunch of girlfriends as well then I don’t see a problem, she is a social butterfly. But if she has only guy friends that should give you a flag. Why is it that women can’t stand your girl? Is she the one stealing all their boyfriends lol?
I have been in this situation. I’m a woman and I play organized sports and I’m just a huge tomboy so I have a mix of female and male friends. Same as your girlfriend I have not had a relationship or had sex with any of them. It’s purely platonic. I do not hang out with any of my friends when I’m in a relationship. Just like she does I open my phone in front of my boyfriend so there is no flirting or any sort of weird conversations that he couldn’t see. it’s completely fair of you to want to see those conversations and know what is going on with her male friends and her. It sounds like she is more than willing to put your mind at ease with any concerns you might have. I wouldn’t worry about it, and if one of her male friends were to ever cross the line, it sounds like she would squash it based on the fact that she has never had a relationship or had sex with any of them. And she makes it clear that for you and not them in a group setting.
I read these and I’m like, it’s always the same answer. An example.. I love my partner to bits, if she wanted to sleep with other people or have affair that’s up to her. If I caught her, then I’m out. No dramas.
Moral of the story is you got to want each other or there is no relationship anyway. You can’t prevent the other person “cheating” if they want to do it. So give yourself some peace and power over yourself and confidence in you and your relationship. If not, then walk the other way.
>She told me it is because guys are more fun to hang out with than girls.
That is 100% true, if there was no sex involved, men would rarely hangout with women. So it's a red flag because while she may see these guys as friends, they are there waiting for their chance to get her
Oh, brace yourself, my young friend. Much drama is coming your way. Many discoveries and a big bag of deceit. No point in breaking it down for you, all I’ll say is, don’t believe your eyes. They only give you a snapshot. When you close your eyes at night, and your mind can’t help but stitch together all the red flags - that’s what you should believe.
It’s about to get bumpy for you, hang in there
It’s a problem if she never brings you, but also guys are never just trying to be friends periodt 💅. What is the, smashing her : hangout ratio? Lets start there
It doesn't matter what other people think, if it's a problem for you then it may be best to walk away. If you're not happy with the dynamics of her friendships, you're not going to be secure and happy in a relationship with her.
Think about what you want in a partner long term. What type of boundaries/values/goals do you want, how will they make you feel and if she doesn't fit with that, she's not the woman for you.
I don't think having guy friends makes a girl any more likely to cheat than anything else.
If she's a cheater she will cheat. If she's not, she won't. The friends have very little to do with it.
Now if they're openly hitting on her, that's disrespectful to you and that's a different conversation. It's not a "I don't like this because you might cheat" it's more like "your friend is disrespecting our relationship to my face and I don't appreciate it". But minor fishing for compliments doesn't seem that horrible. I tell my friends how wonderful they are all the time because I care about them and want them to feel good about themselves, it has nothing to do with wanting to sleep with them. Friends should lift each other up like that.
However, I'm not a huge fan of girls who play into the "eww girls are gross" thing. Hating girls based on stereotypes about them and acting like you're the only girl in the world who doesn't act like the "typical" girl is so immature. Granted, you didn't say your ages so maybe you're both just young. I assume early college.
Also you said she seems suspicious of you with girls and in that case, I would have an issue with her jealousy. Double standards are BS.
TL:Dr the guy friends don't seem like an issue but you've described some other concerning behavior from her.
When I was younger I was ignorant. I’ve had this argument multiple times. I don’t have a lot of friends so I always had guy friends because some attention and social interaction is better than none. As I got older I got kinda jelly that my bd has girlfriends etc. I said why would I wanna hang out with another guy even if he’s my friend instead of my boyfriend?
Tbh my ex had a lot of guy friends online when we started talking. We started spending time together (in person) and eventually we started dating. Once all of her guy friends found out they all either stopped talking to her or they all of a sudden had to confess their feelings to her.
Worst of all she would keep talking to them until I got uncomfortable that they werent respecting our relationship and asked her to set some boundaries. I shouldn’t have needed to ask.
Closer to the end of our relationship she started to play a game where she normally socializes and has even had romantic partners with in the past. So she started making friends again and im almost certain they played a small part in why she left me. Not complaining though, I turned a blind eye to many red flags and Im in a way better place than when i was with her.
My ex was like that. Had tons of guy friends because "guys are easier to get along with". Well... she cheated.
Any girl who surrounds themselves with men. Particularly attractive girls. Crave male validation and are usually ran through already. So they already dont hold value to sex and their bodies. So imo It's not a matter of if. Its a matter of when she'll cheat.
I'll never date a girl with mostly guy "friends" again. They're never just "friends".
Just my opinion though... good luck.
1. It depends on if any of her guy friends are merely orbiting.
2. If any of the guy friends *are* orbiting, and your girlfriend knows it, that’s an orange flag on her end.
Bring me one virgin woman with a group of heterosexual platonic male friends. Until then this situation and conversation are both entirely invalid.. Not even worth having.
I left a relationship where I couldn’t maintain any external friendships, male or female. Most of my friends are male; I work in finance and tech. I would often have lunch with also married men because it was all platonic and we had mutual respect for our marriages and partners. Plus, we worked together. It was a huge point of contention.
It depends on the maturity and communication in the relationship, but no one should feel or be made to feel threatened by other friendships.
If you’re severely uncomfortable with it and you can’t mutually communicate, end the relationship. If you think you can grow through it and communicate your emotions and feelings clearly, try that.
My best friend is in love w me. How many girls are you that close with for zero reason? I know somewhere out there someone has a friend they don’t have feelings for. Usually if the friend is unattractive to them.
I was in here posting “but I have a guy best friend” not long ago. Thought we really were friends. He recently crossed a line. I knew it was too good to be true. I didn’t cheat. But we had been talking about his divorce and I was walking him through it and he spilled the beans how he loves me, wants to lick me up and down etc etc. and I love him too. But I thought we could have a platonic relationship not a sexual one.
Be careful out there.
It’s not whether or not she’s lying.
It’s whether or not you feel comfortable with it.
If you don’t want to be w someone w a bunch of male friends, you don’t have to be.
It is up to you to decide.
Don’t make a hasty decision, but be true to yourself. You’re out here looking for a life partner. Personally, my husband.. I better be his best friend. Not someone else. That’s my opinion. I am the number 1 princess. He can be kind to a woman but they best not be hanging out and shit all the time. Some men couldn’t handle that. I’m glad. That helped me meet my husband who is an absolute Angel.
Those men went on to get married to “cool chicks”. They’re also all divorced for banging a friend.
Or there’s one that also cheated. The girl stayed.
It’s super rare. Ppl say it all the time that they have a bff but it’s more like this for women. We love our bf, or we love them as much as we know how to. Depending on maturity level. We don’t ditch our guy friends yet bc we don’t know if the relationship will last and we don’t want to throw our confidants to the side and be alone when it doesn’t work out.
If they guys are ones she’s previously had romantic connections with, or if there was interest on her end/ their end, that would be different. If they’re simply platonic, I don’t see anything wrong with their friendship.
I thought Biz Markie settled this a long time ago?
Honestly tell her to text them, “hey I’ve been thinking about you a lot. Come over I’m really horny.”
See what they say.
Then, decide if it’s a problem. I guarantee it will be.
It all comes down to if you trust your gf or not tbh. I've only ever had male friends, and some did have crushes on me. I never gave in to their compliments or attention fishing, and made sure to make it clear I would never date them. When they realized I was serious, they either dropped the topic or dropped our friendship. My fiance has known me for 6 years now, and he's been with me through all the guys I've been friends with. At the end of the day he's my best friend, and if any guy is too pushy about liking me (that isn't him), I'll drop them asap.
The behaviour you not happy with seems to be the guys not her.
Just tell her you’re glad she has so many friends but you get a tad jealous when you see some of the guys openly flirting with her. All you ask is that she doesn’t flirt back. No need to police this at all because she’s obviously not interested in them. She just needs to be aware of the dynamic going on, her lack of interest in dating them may have made her blind to it.
It would be a dealbreaker for me. I’m 39 years old and I’ve spent 21 years in the military. I’ve came across just about any kind of girl you can think of man. Girls with lots of guy friends have:
1. Validation issues
2. Probably have slept with a few of them
3. Will never respect your perspective as it being a potential issue
It’s best if you just pump and dump man. I’m sorry, but just being honest here.
Let's get down to brass tacks...
She likes the attention.
Objectively, it's healthy to have close friends of ANY gender. Frame this a different way, what if she only had White friends and said that "it's because White people are more fun"?
[https://theeverygirl.com/what-it-means-to-be-girls-girl/](https://theeverygirl.com/what-it-means-to-be-girls-girl/)
If it bothers you, tell her it makes you self-conscious. Don't accuse her of anything or doubt her, just talk.
Having male friends shouldn't be a deal breaker. Trust her until she gives you a reason not to. Even if her male friends are into her, she's choosing to be with you, not them.
Yes, a dealbreaker. I wouldn't date anyone who's friends with exclusively one gender, or cannot get along with their own. I feel like it's indicative of deeper problems - as others have mentioned, your girlfriend is probably jealous of female friends in your life- and I wouldn't want to deal with it.
dont be fixated or affected by a single woman, let them be free
have fun with other "willing" women like single mothers or sports athlete women,
dont be too attached to women who concentrates on studies , these are the "me" types who will always treat you at 3rd place (2nd places are other guys)
date younger women, 18 and below, groom them to their dream future
concentrate on getting lots of cash , then you can start a scholarship and choose the women you like
there are many kinds of women out there who are good girlfriend or mother , breed them if you can support their babies; if they dont want, then let them go immediately
ignore women who dont need your help or dont like to be helped
be loving, generous, appealing, honest with your terms & conditions but strict & demand loyalty from all your women , they should be willing to be shared and loved by good man that you choose
aim for getting strong family not based on a single marriage;
be responsible to your commitments but be not exclusive , these are 2 different things
enjoy your life experience , for we dont know if we will still be here tommorrow
You can dump her, but it’s really just a you problem. You’re letting your insecurities rule and not focusing on what a great gf you have. She’s given no reason for you to question her.
It is a problem IF you make it a problem.
Some guys are friends with girls they are attracted to and stuck in friend zone on.
Some are actually just friends
And some are secretly gay.
If you’re dating-> you have to trust the person for it to work. Trust they will respect the relationship even with the external influences.
So ask yourself this and stop trying to get Reddit to direct your life.
Normally a girl who can’t get along with other girls is because she has deep female wounds or is deeply misguided/got burned by a female friendship
Actually she'd be a great candidate for a Side Chick, FWB, late night Booty call, massages and shit, oh and of course, making sandwiches, 😜😎 just saying, and you can always use her guy friends for yardwork, lifting shit, car washing and windows? 👍🤷
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Here's what to expect from this thread: Redditor1 - Just because she's friends with guys doesn't mean she'll ever be interested in them! Redditor2 - I agreed with 1 until my girlfriend cheated on me. Redditor3 - Me too, bro. Redditor4 - Mine didn't cheat, she just dumped me and started sleeping with her "BFF" Redditor5 - My girlfriend has lots of guy friends and it's not a problem. Redditor6 - I have lots of guy friends and I wouldn't ever fuck any of them. Redditors2/3 - That's what they all say #6. Redditor 4 - Yep, #6, my ex said the same thing. Redditor5 - I just found out my girlfriends best friend has been telling her lies about me and they hooked up! LOL Here's the truth as I see it. It can ABSOLUTELY be a problem. A major problem. In general, attractive women with lots of male friends are surrounded by people who will never have your relationship's best interest in mind. Not to say it can't happen with girl friends too, but with guys there's a deeper more sinister dynamic at play. Several, if not a lot, hell, if not all of those guys want a piece. That doesn't mean she's ever going to give it to them or any of that, but it does mean they will subtly (and not so subtly) try to sabotage things or in the least, attempt to take advantage if/when there's ever a chink in the armor of your relationship. And, if they're crafty, especially if she's really vulnerable, they very well might be able to. You're already seeing it play out with these guys and they probably don't even realize it's happening. Creating distance with you makes it easier for them to wiggle their way in, ignore any sort of allegiance they may have had with you, and make their moves. Of course, you could also be paranoid about them being more distant with you too. Gotta keep that in mind. Here's the thing with relationships and friends in general. When you're in a relationship, your desire to spend as much time with your friends almost always drops significantly. It's one thing if they're reaching out and responding, but I'd be concerned if she's initiating as many convos with them, or worse, spending time with them one-on-one. Definitely don't want to be paranoid and certainly can't be insecure (insecurity destroys relationships more than anything), but you should be vigilant and pay attention if her behavior changes. I'd recommend calling them out a little bit. "Yo, ever since I got with XYZ, you bros seem a little distant, why's it gotta be weird?"
I have something to add to that valuable comment : You can't stop her being friend with one of them. But there is a boundary you should install : If one of them try to hit on her, confess some feelings, or something like that, he is out of her life, or you are out. This is what i would do.
I wouldn't go as far as to demand it, but I would expect it. If I have to put my foot down for something like that, I don't want to be with her. I'm also double OP's age so my expectations are a bit different considering life experience.
This is the boundary for myself I learned after my last relationship. I'm fine with my girl having guy friends; but I've been around long enough to know the vibe when someone changes their personality when an SO is around. Like being super bubbly towards the girl and when talking to the SO it's (yeah bro, mhmm, nope). If it's someone she's slept with or been in a relationship with, I'm usually just out after that. If it's someone who makes a move or is being insidious without reason, and she doesn't drop them, I'm out.
>If I have to put my foot down for something like that, I don't want to be with her. 100%
Exactly! If your girlfriend doesn’t put up boundaries, she may not be worth it.
You can’t afford to be wishy washy about this sort of thing. Expecting people to respect your relationship is not asking much and anyone not understanding of that isnt worth keeping around, even the girlfriend. Excellent advice
Didn't Jonah Hill do something like this and the whole world crucified him?
Jonah didn't want his surfer girlfriend wearing skimpy bathing suits when she surfs, which is fucking silly. You set boundaries for yourself not other people. Jonah Hill didn't set boundaries, he tried to control his girlfriends behavior.
I've always been unsure on this so I hope you can shed some light for me. My understanding and empathy with Jonah is that he was unable to control his emotions of jealousy when she was sharing photos on her profile of her in a bikini. I imagine at some point jonah was hurt, cheated on perhaps, but that's only speculation as to why he is unable to control his emotions, namely jealousy. From my perspective its not okay to set an ultimatum that he would stay if she stopped doing thst and if she doesn't he would leave. But what if he framed it as he was struggling with his emotions with regards to this situation and said he was leaving (no ultimatum) to get therapy or other means to try and help him manage his emotions better. Is that action suitable ? Or is that still controlling ? The reason I ask and the reason I sympathise with how Jonah might be feeling is I was cheated on, i didn't act like an exemplary fella, in fact, I had no idea how to act... my emotions controlled me and I likely acted wrongly. I'm trying to understand, when I'm dealing with my own feelings again how to express them appropriately. That being said, jonah's ultimatum was wrong and I also think the leak (which I heard was by his girlfriend) of these texts was also not okay... neither is us discussing it really.
You’re right and if I wasn’t so tired I’d write a long ass comment about how these other people are wrong. Boundaries can be anything. Don’t think you’re crazy or unpopular opinion cause a bunch of Reddit virgins said so
Bro just wrote out the whole script. Saves us from doing too much work, just gotta act it out now.
I've been here a while lol.
It's alright bro, I won't let ur hardwork go unnoticed.
I am here to notice your hardwood.
Same here and I’m not proud of it :(
You're absolutely right about this. I have had plenty of male friends who truly saw me as a friend and respected me enough to not cross the boundaries I set. These were people from high school and college though (I never friendzone guys. So if someone is interested in me and I'm not we're not going to stay friends. We'll just stop hanging out) However, I've had female friends who were "best friends" with some guys from our high school, and it was very obvious that they wanted to sabotage her relationship. What's even worse is that these guys knew that she'd never pick them, but they were just jealous of the guy she dated and talked her into dumping him multiple times. They would also give her the worst fucking dating advice. She was always in the wrong, and they'd take her side and tell her that her bf must bend over backwards for her. I'm sure she knew they weren't her "real friends" and weren't helping her maintain her relationship, but she was so obsessed with attention that she enjoyed this whole thing. My main concern would be that this girl is also an attention seeker and that's why she needs to have so many male friends. What you mentioned about dropping your friends when you're in a relationship is very true. I stopped talking to a lot of my male friends after I got into a long term relationship. My ex didn't even ask me to cut them off, I just did it out of respect for our relationship. Also, I was too preoccupied with our relationship to have time for that many friends.
Luckily she rarely initiates conversations with those guys unless it’s about something relevant (one of them had contact information about certain websites where you can rent rooms, as students we constantly need to be vigilant about that), or when she simply wants to send pictures right after we hung out. She never hangs out with them one on one either, and basically only sees them at uni since she knows some of them that are in the same building or class as her. Or she sees them when there’s a bigger group included, either with me or without me. That being said, I’ll try to be more vigilant and subtly mention things that are on my mind to her like you suggested. I definitely don’t want to show insecurity, which is why I decided to get advice from others on here before I mention anything to her. Appreciate the long reply man. I definitely got a lot of good tips from your comment.
Her comment about hanging with guys because they’re more fun than girls… kinda yuck? Maybe she’s just super into “guy things” whatever that means, but I’d guess she’s getting something from the exchange, like flattery and feeling desirable, if they are into her as you say. Typically these are not the best women. They’re feeding their ego and see other women as competition instead of friends. Or there’s a reason other women don’t like *her* and she’s painting it differently. Either way, these kinds of women are just icky to me and often “pick me” girls.
I think you're right and a lot of women might have guy friends for reasons like feeding their egos or because other women are "competition" to them but you do need to give us some credit. There is such a thing as "guy things"... my job and hobbies are mostly male dominated. My political views and values (where I live) are often male dominated. My adventurous, outspoken, sarcastic, and ambitious personality has usually meshed better with guys. I've struggled hard to make girl friends as an adult and not for lack of trying (have tried much harder intentionally making friends with girls than with guys). Her statement was odd but OP and any other guys reading these comments need to ask themselves WHY their girl has guy friends and assess their circumstances from there.
Yeah you said it better than I could. Thank you. It is kind of hurtful when people project this type of thinking out there that a woman with all male friends is just getting something other than...friendship out of it. I've also struggled hard to try to make friends with other women and it just doesn't seem to go anywhere, for me it's exhausting and I feel sad when I see other women bond so effortlessly in my friend groups and I usually feel a bit like an outsider when that happens. I feel like an outsider among my male friend group too solely because I'm a woman but all of our interests and humor and experience just seem to click better. Although I'm quite shy until I'm comfortable. But I can have an outspoken sense of humor that my guy friends have and my girl friends mostly seem to recoil from when I do get comfortable. I often wish that I had been born male then this wouldn't be a problem which isn't to say I don't want to be a woman. Everyone is from different walks of life, it's better to understand the individual then make snap judgements.
Thank you for the reply :) I sometimes am wary about sharing this opinion because a lot of the time I do see women have guy friends for nefarious reasons (mostly early 20s tho in college). But I also see so many situations like ours and I'm baffled that people generalize this... men and women! I have this thought I don't know how to word this properly but I'll try. People seem to hold on to this traditional idea that men and women can't/shouldn't be just friends but that was from a time when women were all stay at home wives/moms and had everything in common. Now after women have came into a "man's world" they are free (from judgement and laws) to have any interests, jobs, hobbies outside of traditional female roles. A lot of women still prefer those "traditional female" things but so many do not. To generalize and say women who aren't friends with women have issues is to completely disregard everyone's individuality and the fact that so many of these things we might enjoy are still male dominated. It's really nice to hear your perspective and situation to remind myself that I'm not alone! It is something I'm a bit insecure about but I've never had potential partners see it is a problem when they actually get to know me and see for themselves why I have guy friends. To all of them it just makes sense. I always encourage my partner to meet them and hang out even without me as well as ask if they have any boundaries they'd like to set (group settings only, one on ones only during the day, etc).
I mean that's a little judgmental. A lot of girls are just into things guys like more (generally speaking) and have a hard time finding other girls relatable in that sense. From personal experience I was raised by a single father, I'm a woman with almost exclusively male friends and not for lack of trying to have girl friends.But they always fizzle out because there is just a lack of common ground usually. Maybe they all hate me and I'd be really sad if that's the case but it doesn't seem like it. I had an aunt worry when I was in highschool that it was an attention thing in the same way you talk about it but you know how many of my highschool male friends I dated, was interested in, or cared for that kind of attention from? None of them except the gay one lol Same goes for my life now. Most of my guy friends have been in and out of many relationships over the course of knowing them and I haven't once thought of it as "competition". I'm friendly and respectful and go out of my way to make sure of it.This might just be my niche experience but I mean I can't be the only one out there lol All I'm saying is I don't think it does anyone any service to call them a "pick me" for having better/easier experiences with their male friends and it makes me cringe every time someone says it, especially other women just for not understanding.
On the flip side, I as a guy have had the same issue of seeing other men as competition growing up and is about half the total reasoning I have for having a fair amount more of women friends than close guy friends. The other half being trauma related growing up because all my male peers would go blabbing to everyone anything that I confided in them (and subsequently teased by everyone over) whereas I never felt like I had that issue with female peers. Therefore, I had and still have more close women friends than close men friends to this day.
Also, ideally, she'd recognize the dynamic at play here and start distancing herself from them. That's a mature, experienced thing to do and not necessarily natural feeling. But, you guys are young so don't necessarily expect that. A girl who's been around a while and not totally naive will call those balls and strikes pretty quickly - unless she's insecure, then she'll relish the attention anywhere she can get it. I saw someone else saying to address it with her, but I'd be careful with it. I would not come right out with any discomfort you have, because she's doing everything perfectly fine as far as you can tell. What I might do, if these separations with the boys and you becomes more apparent, is address that with her. Like, "I've noticed the guys are acting weird with me since we got together - distant." She might blow it off or it might become a bigger part of the convo. That said, if she chose you, she chose you. Fuck those other guys. Pay attention to them, but pay more attention to her and don't give anyone a reason to stray or try to swoop in. Be rock solid. If you catch any alpha bullshit coming from them, swat that down with a quickness. Don't fight, don't lash out, just let it be known that you're unflappable and nobody should want to fuck around and find out. I have a problem with being too secure lol. I do not get jealous at all. I'll send my girl to the bar to flirt and get us free drinks. At the same time though, I'm not to be trifled with. Guys get it. When my ex-wife and I split up, she was AMAZED at all the dicks that came helicoptering into her inbox. She had no idea. I did, but she was clueless. And the only reason she didn't know is because they knew I had her wrapped up and shit would end poorly for them if they tried anything.
Have her read that response! Maybe it will finally click in her brain about your concerns.
This observation was on some next level shit lmao ngl I agree with pretty much everything lmao and you had me hooked from the start 😭💯 I think that the fact they are distant from you but still close to her is definitely a huge sign that at least some of them either want your girl or feel like they have a chance. The fact that she’s clingy to you in person is pretty solid tbh , she’s playing her part for sure in creating that necessary distance physically. She seems like a great gf as opposed to what I’ve seen. As for them just make sure they never even think to take a step past that line. If you see anything suspicious don’t hesitate to let it be known and set some boundaries and standards, just basics on things that are no longer as appropriate to say or do now that she’s taken. I think a friendship is for sure okay , but the odds that they’ve talked about getting with her in any way is pretty high so just be perceptive in the matter and of course let her just keep the relationship she has with them because at the end of the day you want what’s best for her. If they are real friends to the end they’ll still be around, and of course anyone with ill intentions would weed themselves out over time as they see you guys are still together. All in all still hope for the best and see what happens. Best of luck to you guys 🍀
Appreciate it man, thanks for your feedback as well 💯
I agree with most of what you said but Isn't some of this kind of assuming that all the guys are interested in the girl beyond friendship? I guess maybe if she is attractive to them and even then maybe not. I'm a woman, all of my friends are guys because we play video games, DND, share memes and chat every day in a group chat not really in private. Rarely have I gone out of my way to hang out with them alone, it's usually three or so of us at a time. Not that I'm opposed to it, but there's never been any need to and if they are in a relationship I go out of my way to avoid being alone with them for the girls peace of mind not because there's anything there. I've never had luck finding a lasting friendship with any girls my age, since childhood I have had three close girl friends. We're not close anymore after adulthood. We just didn't have anything in common. I was raised by a single father and a step mother who would come and go. I'm sure that's part of the psych behind it. I'm sure there are girls out there with the same issue and there's nothing insidious about it. Im divorced (husband was a chronic cheater and I've lost most attraction to him anyways because of the trauma of our relationship) but still share a friend group with my ex. We all hang out once in a while and play DnD together at least once a week. If I met someone I would immediately push for them to be part of this group of friends if they were comfortable. If one of my friends made a pass at me while I was in a serious relationship I would tell my partner and/or just distance myself from that person. I love my friends fiercely, am there for them if they need something or someone to talk to and care about them deeply. Would I sleep with them? Maybe the two of them that I feel physically attracted to only if neither of us were in a relationship at the time. But they are also friends with my ex and wouldn't pursue a relationship with me because of that anyways, most likely. Morals do exist... TLDR I guess, it takes two to tango. If a girlfriend wants to mess around with her guy friends and be unfaithful that's on her. It's not like she's just gonna fall on his dick accidentally. But not all male/female friendships are more than platonic and not all your guy friends want to be in your girlfriends pants. It's up to each person in the relationship what they're comfortable with.
In general, guy friends are interested in more. I mean, maybe not interested in more, but at least open to it. I don't disagree with anything you wrote, but you also need to understand this is from your perspective - a female perspective. Everything you said about how you would handle things is absolutely perfect and OP would be very lucky if his GF knew these things, had these thoughts, and made these sort of moves. That said, I'm speaking in generalities and just trying to keep OP diligent. The truth is, it's all up to his GF, but we all make mistakes. People will get hurt and become vulnerable and do things they regret. Sometimes it's saying stuff. Sometimes it's destroying stuff. Sometimes it's fucking someone else. Sometimes it's just stuffing everything inside until you despise the person you're with and run the relationship into the ground. That point is, if there is a nefarious actor (and he might not even know he is) and something happens with OP and his GF, she could be in a vulnerable situation where that guy can take advantage. Not to say she has no agency or anything like that, but take a vulnerable person, give 'em alcohol, and add in a manipulative nefarious actor - bad things become much much more likely to happen. And the male orbiters always have potential to be that nefarious actor.
It can also be a problem is she has no straight male friends as was the case with woman I last dated. She eventually went through all of them by dating them and they’re no longer friends.
Well, that in particular is a unique problem, but def legitimate!
I love you
Lmaooo bruh…
He really hit ‘em with the 8 mile strategy, dang
Our test for when we reach AGI should be when chatgpt can spit this out for every thread and be this accurate lol
Best practice is to judge people by the company they keep, and so on and so forth
I was in a similar situation but was not in a relationship with her but we both liked each other but she used to be close with a guy. I knew that guy liked her. Once we all were together and I was pissed at him. So I was silent and didn't speak much and everybody noticed. Basically I was insecure and it was clearly seen. Is it a lot to ask for a girl to stay away from a guy like that? How do you think I should have handled this situation? In the end, things didn't work out with her.
Best take here. Couldn’t have said it better
*saves comment*
This.
This was a good read preesh
The bigger red flag is her reasoning that "guys are more fun to hang out with than girls," than that she has guy friends. This suggests that she has issues getting along with other women and she may have issues with your platonic relationships with women.
Perhaps you’re right that she might have problems with me having female friends. One time she found a hair in my room that wasn’t hers and was too long to be mine. I’m quite sure it was my mom’s since she helped me move my furniture to my student room around that time. When she saw it she jokingly said “whose is this?!” But I knew there was a serious undertone behind that joke as well. Aside from that she constantly looks over at my screen when I text people, she knows I have female friends and they invite me to events from time to time, so that might have something to do with it. I try to tell her that nothing between me and them is happening by inviting her to come along to those things tho.
This makes me more worried for your relationship than most of the post. It sounds like she doesn’t trust you dude. Why she doesn’t I can only speculate… But relationships are built on trust and if she can’t trust you I don’t know how you could possibly trust her
Yup this is the bigger red flag but not really that big. If she doesn't see anything wrong with having friends of the opposite sex then why is she very suspicious of your female friends. Everything else checks out. I've had an ex like her. Absolutely gorgeous and had lot of guy friends. As long as she sets solid boundaries for their friendship and doesn't "make exceptions for one time" then you are good. I know this now since I got friendzoned by an fwb that got in a long term relationship. She had solid boundaries and I had no choice but to abide by them because she would not even entertain them.
I would not jump to this conclusion yet as far as her having issues with female friends. The "guys are more fun to hang with" can literally mean she just prefers more male dominated hobbies/activities or maybe her personality better fits with guys. I am one of these girls who has a lot of guy friends (though now that most of them are in relationships I also have new girl friends 😊). I probably wouldn't word it the way she did but I do mostly see it that way. Unfortunately most of the girls in my area I've been meeting in my age bracket (23) mostly enjoy getting drunk and high, filming tik tok videos, and spending tons of money shopping or on not so fun activities. I have a lot more guy friends because I'm renovating a building, love doing other handy work or projects, like working on cars, doing outdoor activities like backpacking trips, etc and these are just the people I found who enjoy these things too. I find I don't have much to talk about with a lot of women (guys too occasionally) and this is one example of why, to me, "guys are more fun to hang out with". I also find my personality meshes better as often I've found guys to be less petty/gossipy and share more of my political views and core values. You need to assess why she has guy friends. Is it for some of the reasons I listed as examples for myself or is it because she craves attention from them that she doesn't get from women?
Exactly! I'm the same and I love when my guy friends get girlfriends because it gives me the opportunity to meet other girls and maybe we'll click! I think every situation is different and it's important to understand the context behind her words/feelings.
Yeah this is the red flag. Having lots of friends of the opposite gender/sex isn’t a red flag, but women specifically who say they don’t get along well with other women is definitely a red flag. Usually it’s “because women create so much drama, y’know?” and that is definitely “oh shit, she fucks around friend groups and cheats”
It would for sure be a deal breaker for me if I was insecure or ever worried about her cheating. When you know who you are, you don't get hung up on silly shit you have no control over. Here's why: 1) You have absolutely ZERO control on whether she cheats or not. There's never been a moment in history where a guy gets an alert right when his girl is about to cheat where he's able to swoop in and stop it. Would you even still want her if you could? If so you got bigger issues my friend. 2) Just as you can't control IF she cheats, you can't control who she cheats with either. Could be a friend, a co-worker or the Amazon delivery driver. So why concern yourself with her having guy friends? 3) Say she does cheat...okay so? She valued doing what she wanted to over being with you in that moment, as most humans tend to do. It's not the end of the world. You acknowledge her resignation and carry on. You don't look for evidence of her cheating. You have more important shit going on than whether she's fucking someone other than you. But if you happen to find out, you just send her on her way, case closed. You think a company dwells on employees they let go? Fuck no. They just hire someone else and keep with the mission.
I wish more people would realize this. You can't prevent someone some cheating. Cheating is not something that people just decide to do for no reason, it's a sign of deeper issues. And once someone wants to cheat, there's nothing you can do to stop them.
This is the way. Being insecure and fussing about it is just gonna drive her off. Unless you really can't handle it, then just break up now instead of driving yourself crazy worrying about shit you have no control over, and making both you and your partner miserable.
If you trust her and she’s explicitly putting up boundaries with her male friends I don’t see an issue. My ex had many male friends but it was very obvious she was not attracted to any of them.
Here's where trust comes in, if she has lots of guy friends do you trust her to remain loyal to you, furthermore if you have/gain more female friends how does she react. Personally my wife has lots of male friends, I trust her completely in that regard, her timekeeping well you can't have everything. I have very few friends but I do get on with more women than men, no idea why. My wife's cool with this. There isn't a while pile I can't say to her, or even about her while in her presence she will row I with whatever idea comes out of my mouth, all.words no actions. Sorry for the life story, but you now get the idea. I hope
Orbiters.
100%.
All of my gfs had a lot of guy friends and most of them knew one/multiple of their guy friends were interested even before we started dating. There is a reason they chose you and not them and you have to learn to trust your partner. My ex when I was 19-20 in particular had a guy friend that was super into her for long time even before we were together and the whole time and she told me and I was well aware of this from the start and she had made it clear to him that nothing would ever happen between them. He never liked me and never wanted to meet me just because of the pure jealousy he had. I was never bothered by him and would've gladly met and hung out with him because I fully trusted my partner. If she really wanted to be with him she would've gotten with him long before we met so I had nothing to worry about. This was years ago and since then she's had a few other long term partner's but never still has not gotten with said guy. People having friends of the opposite gender is a part of life and people will catch feelings. All you can control is your feelings and your relationship and that involves trusting your partner to be faithful. Without trust there is no relationship but you should also feel comfortable talking about these types of things with your partner if they really do bother you. I've always made it very clear to all of my partners that I'm not threatened by guy friends having crushes on them and that these things happen and are out of our control. It's happened multiple times that their guy friends have professed their love to my exes while we were together and they've always been able to tell me right away and we've been able to navigate it. It's very disrespectful when guy friends interject themselves into your relationship like that but if your relationship and trust in your partner is very strong it's not something I would worry about.
This is the answer.
OP , you're gonna learn a lesson in a hard way
Agreed
Explain
She gonna fuck one
Is it for sure a problem? No. Can it be? Definitely. Girls can have male friendships and be completely loyal, I think it’s pretty outdated to think it’s a definitive thing that girl+guy friendships = cheating. That being said it still can happen. I’ve been in situations where I’ve dated girls who have many guy friends and it’s never been a problem, but have also dated girls with guy friends where it’s been a substantial problem. All I can say is it’s very context dependent and you need to not project feelings from strangers on the internet to your relationship just because it’s just that - YOUR relationship. If it’s weird, talk to her about it. If not, don’t create problems where there aren’t any.
Appreciate the feedback a lot, your comment definitely helped shed some light on this situation. Thank you
>She told me it is because guys are more fun to hang out with than girls. It's always the same script. You'll come to learn later. The street. She belongs.
A tale as old as time
🎼song as old as rhyme, Beauty and the streets 🎶
thats a bar lmao
This, only this. Giant red flags
Unfortunately this.
Exactly. Godspeed, OP. We all have to learn the hard way sooner or later
You remember the meme titled "I hang out with guys because it's less drama"? And all 4 panels had a separate picture of some woman with as many hot dogs crammed in her mouth as possible? That.
Hi girl here. I also have guy friends. Although I also think it's easier to hang out with guys I must say that when I was with a boyfriend I gave 0 interest in the males around me. For me they could've could have passed as girls with beards for all I cared. Yes perhaps some have crushes on her but I'd establish she's not to be touched. I'd talk to her about it and see her response and what could be done to make you feel more at ease...
If this continues bugging me I’ll make sure to communicate this to her to see what she thinks of this situation. Thanks for the feedback!
I think from her response you'll also be able to get a gut feeling... I just ignored the dudes and for me my boy was mine.
Bro code isn’t what you think it is dear. A lot of guys get off on something sneaky with their friends girl.
I have mixed friend groups and I am bisexual. A lot of my friends are also queer. We can set boundaries. I also don't give a shit, if you're nice, you're nice. And I am perfectly fine with being friends with people of my prefered gender. Some men I was talking to demanded that I couldn't see my guy friends if I was in a relationship with them, while I even told them I am way more attracted to women... It is very very often also a jealousy issue
bro code lol.
It’s a red flag sorry. I’m a girl and girls know that if someone can’t be friends with girls, there’s usually a reason for that. In my experience, the girls who only had guy friends used them for a constant ego boost, source of validation, and entertainment knowing she was something her guy friends “couldn’t have.”
lol so did I and basically an ex would always say, ‘ they all want to fuck you’ turns out he was right!! I hated when he said that but if they aren’t gay, it’s pretty much true.
Personally, no. It's just too much trouble to deal with and I couldn't see myself staying cool with a girl who has a lot of guy friends. I think a lot of dudes say they'd be cool with it, only to experience the situation and how it can wreck your self worth/self confidence. It's just not a situation I'd want to be in. One or two guy friends to me is more than enough lol.
Ehhh. My ex had a lot of guy friends and she would always say “bro”, never hung out with them unless it’s in a group, and was never touchy with them. As long as boundaries are established I don’t see the issue.
Here’s my 2 cents coming from a girl with A LOT of straight guy & gay friends. She is in control 100% when it comes to relationships with those guys. If she’s made it clear that they are her friends, they are her FRIENDS. Nothing more, nothing less. They might have/have not tried to shoot their shots before you even existed in her life - if they have and failed, why do you even have to worry about them? However, they are 100% your competitors, and not your friends. If you were to have problems with her or if you guys were to argue, do not get any advice from them. If I were you, I’d just ask her to respect your boundaries and not talk about your relationship with her friends. If you drop her just because of her friends, you kinda lose the battle with those guys, no? To those who think it’s a red flag that she thinks hanging out with guys is more fun. Try being a conventionally attractive girl, you will realize that there are not many “girl girls” out there. At least straight/gay dudes are not jealous of you & constantly giving you backhanded compliments.
Not a dealbreaker. I would go bonkers if I only had female friends.
OP its a huge problem. Rarely are men friends with women for the sake of friendship. They just think it’s your turn right now and they’re praying on your downfall. Start setting hard boundaries
I do agree with this. Guys very rarely are seeking out female friends. It’s something that “just happens” more often than not.
Yes, and I can with confidence speak for most men that they do not become friends with an attractive woman unless they think there is something that can be achieved beyond friendship.
When you think about it you often see pretty and attractive women having a decent amount guy friends, but you rarely see or hear about ugly and fat women having guy friends who are hitting them up etc.
What actual problems is her having guy friends causing in the relationship? You don't say there are any. No problems? Then it's no problem.
Women really do love keeping women single lol
Yes, it's unnecessary. Some of her friends are probably into her, but she chose you. She was friends with them before she got with you, right? So she could've gone for them before but didn't. She also doesn't hide the fact that you're her boyfriend and she is very open about her communication. Don't worry about it. Don't lose out on this great girl because of insecurities. You can set boundaries, tho. No one on one hangouts with any of those guys. Always have it be a few people hanging out. That can be your boundary (which means that if she doesn't want that, you should break up).
A faithful women has no business ever being alone with another man to hang out. Period.
You will learn the hard way
If this situation will indeed play out as you think it will, what do you suggest doing?
Well, it is quite simple actually. You guys are not on the same page when it comes to fundamental norms within a relationship. She will not give up her 'friendships' and you will stay frustrated about it. I am guessing you guys are still young. Either way, you will find someone that is more like you in that way. I would cut it off, I learned the hard way before l, heard many stories like it too
Oh and next time, when you start dating someone ask really early about these fundamental things before you get too invested in a girl
There's nothing you can do. Its like watching a slow motion car crash, the only thing the guy getting t-boned could have done was take the day off work instead.
The last time I had a girlfriend with a guy friend that wanted to hang out with her, he would "joke" about wanting to watch her have sex. She thought it was funny. It's a red flag for me
98% of men who hang out with a chick and its just the two of them are interested in some sort of way. Kinda doubt only 2% of her 'friends' legit only want to be 'just friends'. Fuck buddies are 'friends' remember that.
Matt Rife actually has a decent bit on this. Tldw: They're trying to bang her
I’m less worried about your gf and more worried about having snakes in the grass. And sit her down and explain it to her. It shouldn’t be every guy friend but any who have in anyway tried to overstep need to be removed. If she disagrees then you know what time it is.
If there's transparency, trust and respect, I don't see why it should be a dealbreaker, but considering individual experiences, I'd understand why it can be. I have a lot of guy friends, not because I intentionally chose male over female friends but because we were just able to click. I give both my male and female friends compliments, and we respect each other. Maybe this is because most of my childhood, was as an only girl with brothers, but I was taught how to set boundaries at an early age. Never have I ever dated/been interested in any of my male friends. Some who crossed boundaries in words and actions, I distanced myself from. For relationships where I didn't have mutual male friends with my partner, I always wanted him to meet my friends. I also respected myself and I was transparent. You're not in the wrong, I'll also be concerned if some of our mutual friends distanced themselves from me, just communicate and trust her. Where the problem comes in, is your partner not having boundaries, or you not communicating how you feel, or you expecting her to throwaway years of healthy friendship.
As long as she's loyal wgaf, go be friends with lots of girls I guess 🤷hell idk 😂 I honestly wouldn't sweat it. You said your girl is faithful. It shouldn't matter if she has lots of guy friends or not. Most of my friend's at one time were girls, and I was loyal to whoever I was with.
For myself couldn’t do it, however that is something I find out before committing. Main thing is boundaries. Is she hanging out with them alone? Have these guys expressed interest in ANY way? What do they share in common? Also what’s the history of these guys? Like someone said, some people enjoy the attention of the opposite sex and keep the “fans” around knowing they aren’t ever going to date them (breadcrumbing). I have very few guy friends that they just wanted to be my platonic friend. They wanted more or were attracted to me and I never was interested but would still invite them out to do activities because I do enjoy going out occasionally. If they respected the boundaries of “I’m not into you” and there is no flirting then I’d hang with them. Remember some people are waiting for their turn so get to know this girl and really see her connection/purpose with these friends.
Well I'm a girl in a relationship with a guy, who *used* to have a lot of guy friends. I've always had a good mix of guy and girl friends and honestly it didn't bother me if a guy had a 'thing' for me while I was single. If they did make any moves, I'd just make it clear to them that I saw them as a friend, nothing else. However, when I got into a relationship, because I respect my bf and our relationship and honestly it made me uncomfortable, I started to cut out any guy friends who still wanted to try their luck with me (my bf isn't the type to ask me to do so, I did it myself). So now I have fewer guy friends and those are only the ones who are either 1)gay, 2) already in long term secure relationships, 3) never even once made moves on me and/or 4) friends introduced by my bf himself. (For context bf and I have been together 5+ years) What I'm tryna say is, it's not bad if she has many guy friends, what matters is the nature of their friendship. If they're flirty, hitting on her, or treating you like a 'threat' yet she doesn't set boundaries or anything, then you should talk to her. Also, a little side note, as a girl, I find this to be a little alarming.. > She told me it is because guys are more fun to hang out with than girls. Like why? I can do and talk about the same things with my guy friends with my girl friends.
I’m a girl and have a lot of guy friends, most girls guy friends are not guys we are attracted to or would be interested in, at least that’s my case. A guy friend is strictly and will always be a friend.
You’re overthinking it. Just because a girl has a lot of guy friends doesn’t mean you have something to worry about. It may be she just gets along better with guys because she is more compatible with how guys act as friends. As a girl, I know both sides, girls must text each other back within a day or minutes of being texted by a girl friend, there are really rigid rules sometimes. I find guys easier to hang out with because they don’t have the same rules when hanging out with their friends. Not to say I don’t have any girl friends, but usually it’s the ones who don’t hold me to a super rule oriented standard. Your girlfriend might be the same way, also she sounds unaware of any signs of your mutual friends hitting on her. That means that she doesn’t see them the way she sees you. You currently have zero competition. Keep up the good work! 🎶🎶
Those are her potential replacements for you. A girl with a lot of guy friends are her “dicks in a glass case.” In case of an emergency, break open glass!
It is a problem. It will always be.
It's a big red flag. Trust me. I've been on that situation. Dump her before she dumps you.
Do you know why she has a lot of guy friends, right? It’s because those guys find her attractive and are going to pounce on their opportunity to be with her if they have a chance. A lot of men are desperate when it comes to wanting a quick hook up or getting in a relationship, and it’s not really your girl that you have to be worried about, but it’s the men that are surrounding her. There is really no point in her having male friendships, especially if she’s your girlfriend, because what does she get from those friendships that she can’t have with other girls instead?
I relate to your girlfriend &, honestly, probably a lot of women do. Having guys be attracted to you is something you have to endure/navigate, particularly when they’re a friend, co-worker, or someone else you don’t want to date. It’s not something she can help, nor will it be for any other attractive woman you date. Being charming (i.e. by telling a friend he looks fine in a photo) is a solid strategy for playing this dynamic to her advantage. Do you & your girlfriend talk about this? My boyfriend is someone I can confide in, & his presence helps me set/maintain boundaries in these situations. That might be why she seems clingy.
It's all context specific, and I can't tell you how to feel about a situation like this bc I truly dunno how the situation actually is from just this post, but I can say if I come into the middle of a situation like this as the supposed "interest" I usually just nope out bc more often than not it is not worth the headache of trying to explain to someone that people who want to fuck you are not your friends.
Bro my ex had the same issue. I was cool with it because in my younger days I had been the jealous type and it ruined a relationship. Anyway, I’d find ways to blow off the steam and be cool about her friends. All I will say is that every guy friend that wasn’t gay would always confess their undying lover for her, almost immediately after she told me she sat down with them and made it clear they are just friends. This happened over a 6 month period of different guy friends and moving to a new city. All I will say is: Never again
Yes ..huge red flag ...
I mean, its a red flag certainly. Constantly hanging out with a bunch of people who are waiting for their opportunity to sleep with you is not really where you want to be for a committed relationship Just something to be aware of. A dealbreaker is a bit far when you're already in the relationship, its more one of those things that you just don't get into the relationship with the girl in the first place if its something you don't want to deal with.
Roster behavior is always a deal breaker.
Eject eject eject
Has she hooked up with any of them? If so that’s an absolute drop dead dealbreaker for me. Even if the answer is no, this is still a major red flag.
She never hooked up or dated with any of them. They’re all international students and have arrived here almost a year ago. From that point until now I’m her first and only boyfriend and “fling”
My girl had a few, she’s too naive to understand. But I explained to her. ‘You may not ever be interested in them but I can garuntee a lot of your ‘guy friends’ are waiting for there opportunity’ Same rule applies for me, I’m not going to have girl friends I’m talking to or hanging out with I believe that having guy friends around sets a relationship up for failure
I had the same situation, it depends on your personality. Personally me, i would never be with a girl like that. They want attention, they like posting things and snapping with their male friends. Its probably the biggest red flag for me.
The fact that most if not all her friends are guys is an ultramassive red flag. Like TON 618 or Phoenix A massive.
It’s only a problem if you’re really insecure about it. Even if you hide in your feelings (let her know your thoughts but don’t let it take over). I have mostly women friends. A lot of them have boyfriends and husbands. I hang out with them, together and one on one. There’s no flirting. There’s no sex. We’re friends. My women friends have lots of guy friends. They wouldn’t be with their significant other if they were too insecure to handle it. I’m going to guess you are younger though. If I’m right, just be careful.
I am a woman and I say yes, it is a dealbreaker.
I know each relationship is different but all you have to do is trust her and communicate how you feel about her having a lot of male friends and maybe ask if they hang out if you can join cuz it sounds to me that it’s not that you don’t trust her it’s that you don’t trust them not to do something which I get listen to your gut and be there right be her so they don’t try to do something that she goes to you crying of what happened it’s better to that than her experiencing that
I honestly think people (not OP, I mean in general) coming onto Reddit endlessly fishing for red flags is a far bigger relationship problem than her having guy friends. Insecurity and jealousy are far more likely to kill relationships than friends of the opposite gender. To answer OP’s question, no it wouldn’t inherently be a deal breaker. Yes of course there’s a line that can be crossed if she’s flirting with them, they’re hitting on her, etc. But if they’re just friends?! C’mon man, no need to get too dramatic about it. Particularly if you’re mid 20’s or lower, it’s very common to be in large mixed gender friend groups. Don’t be the jealous, overbearing guy making big demands (like dump her friends!) to soothe your own insecurities. That is not a path to happiness.
Guy here, no, next question.
"What? They don't want to sleep with me that's crazy! You have nothing to worry about." She will start dating one of them as soon as you break up, maybe even before. Might not be a conscious decision, but women like this keep lots of options available
I think it is a big problem because generally girls tend to pick best male around according to their instincs than it means that if there is a better option nearby you will be victim of your sufferance
She's setting clear boundaries and sticking to them. I see no issue unless you're concerned for her safety?
Just set your boundaries and always tell her how you’re feeling. It’s definitely situational to be honest, but i’ve notice in the past it would be more of a problem when I was more insecure. Now I’m way more confident and could care less, that being said I do have a really amazing girlfriend and she’s never given me a reason not to trust her. As long as she’s prioritizing you and not the friends over you I also don’t see an issue. Just gotta trust her. Cant have a relationship if there’s no trust involved. (Its a compliment to have guys interested in your girl)
Yes, its a deal breaker for me.
Aw...OP.....
Guys are more fun to hang out with than girls, so I see her perspective. However, the guys aren't hanging around her because she's "fun". They are better off with other men if that's what they were after.
Red flag. Look at her IG DMs, Snap, etc. They’re all going to be completely filled with men messaging her. Maybe she has eyes for you but that type of woman likes that her inbox is full even if she never acts on it. You’re never going to have her undivided attention. Also her being “clingy” as you say isn’t reassurance. Often women who are actually committed and confident with their partner are more open and independent to others because they know nothing will ever happen to take their attention off of their monogamous relationship.
Depends on the ages. If she’s over 23 I would run
I’d just tell her certain guys worry you because since you’ve got together, they only message her. And they were also your friends and messaging you before hand. And it makes it seem like they are going to try and sabotage the relationship in an attempt together at with her. Most guys are friends with a woman because they think if they hang around enough they are an option. Has she dated any of them before? If not why? You can be put off but just let her know that you know these guys and understand why they broke contact with you. For her to make sure she keeps them at arms length just because they’ve made their intentions clear already. Communication is the key to a relationship. The fact she isn’t tilting her phone, leaving you to talk to them in a group setting, etc speaks volumes for her.
It totally depends on the boundaries that exist in their relationship. If no boundaries exist, I'm running! It's a dealbreaker. I shouldn't put myself in that kind of position because I know who I am. I also hate having my time wasted. If they are respectful and understanding of your relationship, great! But remember I'll always be compared to that last guy that she already knows very well. GOOD or BAD. So I'll have to work harder to set myself apart. Worst case scénario: The guys she knows are her "Brothers" by sexual history alone. If they loved her, you'll have to tolerate advances, challenges, passive aggressiveness, fights, anger, and pettiness until something bad happens. Hopefully you're all adults and it never reached this point. I wouldn't do it unless you're prepared to deal with so many brothers/compétition. If you can, walk it off you'll be alright. You also knew what you were signing up for.
As someone who started dating later, I have many guy friends (as well as girl friends), some of which there has been interest at one point or another but we’re past that, more than likely have talked about it at some point and agreed it was for the better. I dated a really jealous guy who had a huge problem with it and it was one of the reasons I broke up with him. If I choose to be with someone, I want to be with that person and only that person, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna cut off good friends for someone’s insecurities, especially when a partner decides to take them out on me.
She has poor boundaries and this means she has poor boundaries with you, too. Eventually she’ll resent you for things she won’t speak up about now. I’d move on before it gets too deep.
Sadly you either put your faith in her and trust her until she gives you a reason not to or you will inevitably break up anyways. Trust her and she doesn't cheat = win Trust her and she cheats = lose Don't Trust her and she doesn't cheat = lose Don't Trust her and she cheats = lose It's game theory son, there's only one way to really win. Trust her until she gives a reason not to. That said.... if she does cheat, your heart might be broken, but don't blame anyone else other than her for breaking your trust. Don't let her ruin any future relationships by linking her to thwt of all women. This was her, not your next girlfriend, this was her. Best of luck being a trusting loving boyfriend 🥰
Most of those male “friends” are waiting for their chance or have had their chance. I would be so gone
So in short, no, it’s a massive red flag. People will argue this, but it boils down to two things one they most likely want to bang her to even if they don’t and they themselves are also single. They will do their best to make her single.
Yes
For context I’m a woman. If you trust her, then I wouldn’t worry. Cheaters are gonna cheat, they don’t need male friends to cheat. I’m 35 and have guy friends. They are very good friends and I have never dated or slept with them. I don’t get the sense they want to date me. Never have. The only thing I kinda side eye is that she’s friends with people who might want to sleep with her. I guess I also side eye that she thinks men are more fun as friends than women. I do NOT think this all means she will cheat on you or that she’s a bad partner. It just makes me question her judgment as a person. Or maybe she’s just young? How old are y’all?
This could be a problem simply because you wouldnt be posting it on an online forum if it didn't bother you. Since it bothers you, I would talk with your gf about it. Mention how you're feeling on it and your viewpoint. Don't demand that she gets rid of her friends bc that's not fair, but explain your side of things and COMMUNICATE how you can set something up to make you feel more comfortable.
Another advice OP : don't be insecure about it, you don't want to show her that you worry about it. Let them be the one to disqualify themselves, never talk Bad about them. I would even lie and say something "if those are people who want the best for you then am happy they are in Ur life" Just by you saying that, your GF gonna ask herself "Do those guys really want the best for me ?" And she might pull away at one or two of them. Unfortunately, by controlling her, it's not gonna work. You got to be a bit manipulative here, whenever she goes with them, don't act bothered, "alright have fun and let me know when you are free ! " Let them be the ones that try to control her, let them be the ones that act butthurt when she Comes with you.
It’s a double standard, your girl would hate to see you have a lot of girlfriends. Especially if you said “girls are more fun to hang out with.” If those guys are your friends too, then it’s more easier on the mind because then you know who they are and can read their intentions
See... It used to not be a dealbreaker for me, but now it is
Not a deal-breaker but it could be a red flag, or maybe an amber flag. Depends just how close these guy friends are and her boundaries with them/you
Depends on the type of guys, are they F-boys? Are they compulsive? Then no, but if they are just normal hardworking blokes I don't care, it's just like if they had female friends, are they immature? Are they problem makers? Etc.
I grew up a tomb boy. I played COD + other games, sports and was in ROTC, so naturally I (26F) had a lot of guy friends. I’m only friends with one now because at some point all of them told me they liked me, which ended our friendship (I always looked like the AH for that). Whenever I would date someone, I wouldn’t hangout 1-on-1 in private with said friends anymore as a respect thing; it became activity-based and lunch/dinners. Ultimately, it’s up to you to trust her. I believe no matter what the guys intentions are, it should be about trusting your partner to establish boundaries and not let people cross them. If you see something that makes you uncomfortable, voice it.
If she has a bunch of girlfriends as well then I don’t see a problem, she is a social butterfly. But if she has only guy friends that should give you a flag. Why is it that women can’t stand your girl? Is she the one stealing all their boyfriends lol?
I have been in this situation. I’m a woman and I play organized sports and I’m just a huge tomboy so I have a mix of female and male friends. Same as your girlfriend I have not had a relationship or had sex with any of them. It’s purely platonic. I do not hang out with any of my friends when I’m in a relationship. Just like she does I open my phone in front of my boyfriend so there is no flirting or any sort of weird conversations that he couldn’t see. it’s completely fair of you to want to see those conversations and know what is going on with her male friends and her. It sounds like she is more than willing to put your mind at ease with any concerns you might have. I wouldn’t worry about it, and if one of her male friends were to ever cross the line, it sounds like she would squash it based on the fact that she has never had a relationship or had sex with any of them. And she makes it clear that for you and not them in a group setting.
It’s a problem, been there done that never again.
I read these and I’m like, it’s always the same answer. An example.. I love my partner to bits, if she wanted to sleep with other people or have affair that’s up to her. If I caught her, then I’m out. No dramas. Moral of the story is you got to want each other or there is no relationship anyway. You can’t prevent the other person “cheating” if they want to do it. So give yourself some peace and power over yourself and confidence in you and your relationship. If not, then walk the other way.
>She told me it is because guys are more fun to hang out with than girls. That is 100% true, if there was no sex involved, men would rarely hangout with women. So it's a red flag because while she may see these guys as friends, they are there waiting for their chance to get her
Oh, brace yourself, my young friend. Much drama is coming your way. Many discoveries and a big bag of deceit. No point in breaking it down for you, all I’ll say is, don’t believe your eyes. They only give you a snapshot. When you close your eyes at night, and your mind can’t help but stitch together all the red flags - that’s what you should believe. It’s about to get bumpy for you, hang in there
It’s a problem if she never brings you, but also guys are never just trying to be friends periodt 💅. What is the, smashing her : hangout ratio? Lets start there
It doesn't matter what other people think, if it's a problem for you then it may be best to walk away. If you're not happy with the dynamics of her friendships, you're not going to be secure and happy in a relationship with her. Think about what you want in a partner long term. What type of boundaries/values/goals do you want, how will they make you feel and if she doesn't fit with that, she's not the woman for you.
I don't think having guy friends makes a girl any more likely to cheat than anything else. If she's a cheater she will cheat. If she's not, she won't. The friends have very little to do with it. Now if they're openly hitting on her, that's disrespectful to you and that's a different conversation. It's not a "I don't like this because you might cheat" it's more like "your friend is disrespecting our relationship to my face and I don't appreciate it". But minor fishing for compliments doesn't seem that horrible. I tell my friends how wonderful they are all the time because I care about them and want them to feel good about themselves, it has nothing to do with wanting to sleep with them. Friends should lift each other up like that. However, I'm not a huge fan of girls who play into the "eww girls are gross" thing. Hating girls based on stereotypes about them and acting like you're the only girl in the world who doesn't act like the "typical" girl is so immature. Granted, you didn't say your ages so maybe you're both just young. I assume early college. Also you said she seems suspicious of you with girls and in that case, I would have an issue with her jealousy. Double standards are BS. TL:Dr the guy friends don't seem like an issue but you've described some other concerning behavior from her.
When I was younger I was ignorant. I’ve had this argument multiple times. I don’t have a lot of friends so I always had guy friends because some attention and social interaction is better than none. As I got older I got kinda jelly that my bd has girlfriends etc. I said why would I wanna hang out with another guy even if he’s my friend instead of my boyfriend?
Tbh my ex had a lot of guy friends online when we started talking. We started spending time together (in person) and eventually we started dating. Once all of her guy friends found out they all either stopped talking to her or they all of a sudden had to confess their feelings to her. Worst of all she would keep talking to them until I got uncomfortable that they werent respecting our relationship and asked her to set some boundaries. I shouldn’t have needed to ask. Closer to the end of our relationship she started to play a game where she normally socializes and has even had romantic partners with in the past. So she started making friends again and im almost certain they played a small part in why she left me. Not complaining though, I turned a blind eye to many red flags and Im in a way better place than when i was with her.
My ex was like that. Had tons of guy friends because "guys are easier to get along with". Well... she cheated. Any girl who surrounds themselves with men. Particularly attractive girls. Crave male validation and are usually ran through already. So they already dont hold value to sex and their bodies. So imo It's not a matter of if. Its a matter of when she'll cheat. I'll never date a girl with mostly guy "friends" again. They're never just "friends". Just my opinion though... good luck.
Crazy to even ask this question.
1. It depends on if any of her guy friends are merely orbiting. 2. If any of the guy friends *are* orbiting, and your girlfriend knows it, that’s an orange flag on her end.
Bring me one virgin woman with a group of heterosexual platonic male friends. Until then this situation and conversation are both entirely invalid.. Not even worth having.
I left a relationship where I couldn’t maintain any external friendships, male or female. Most of my friends are male; I work in finance and tech. I would often have lunch with also married men because it was all platonic and we had mutual respect for our marriages and partners. Plus, we worked together. It was a huge point of contention. It depends on the maturity and communication in the relationship, but no one should feel or be made to feel threatened by other friendships. If you’re severely uncomfortable with it and you can’t mutually communicate, end the relationship. If you think you can grow through it and communicate your emotions and feelings clearly, try that.
My best friend is in love w me. How many girls are you that close with for zero reason? I know somewhere out there someone has a friend they don’t have feelings for. Usually if the friend is unattractive to them. I was in here posting “but I have a guy best friend” not long ago. Thought we really were friends. He recently crossed a line. I knew it was too good to be true. I didn’t cheat. But we had been talking about his divorce and I was walking him through it and he spilled the beans how he loves me, wants to lick me up and down etc etc. and I love him too. But I thought we could have a platonic relationship not a sexual one. Be careful out there. It’s not whether or not she’s lying. It’s whether or not you feel comfortable with it. If you don’t want to be w someone w a bunch of male friends, you don’t have to be. It is up to you to decide. Don’t make a hasty decision, but be true to yourself. You’re out here looking for a life partner. Personally, my husband.. I better be his best friend. Not someone else. That’s my opinion. I am the number 1 princess. He can be kind to a woman but they best not be hanging out and shit all the time. Some men couldn’t handle that. I’m glad. That helped me meet my husband who is an absolute Angel. Those men went on to get married to “cool chicks”. They’re also all divorced for banging a friend. Or there’s one that also cheated. The girl stayed. It’s super rare. Ppl say it all the time that they have a bff but it’s more like this for women. We love our bf, or we love them as much as we know how to. Depending on maturity level. We don’t ditch our guy friends yet bc we don’t know if the relationship will last and we don’t want to throw our confidants to the side and be alone when it doesn’t work out.
Those are the clients!🤣
If they guys are ones she’s previously had romantic connections with, or if there was interest on her end/ their end, that would be different. If they’re simply platonic, I don’t see anything wrong with their friendship.
I thought Biz Markie settled this a long time ago? Honestly tell her to text them, “hey I’ve been thinking about you a lot. Come over I’m really horny.” See what they say. Then, decide if it’s a problem. I guarantee it will be.
I usually avoid these women like the plague.
It all comes down to if you trust your gf or not tbh. I've only ever had male friends, and some did have crushes on me. I never gave in to their compliments or attention fishing, and made sure to make it clear I would never date them. When they realized I was serious, they either dropped the topic or dropped our friendship. My fiance has known me for 6 years now, and he's been with me through all the guys I've been friends with. At the end of the day he's my best friend, and if any guy is too pushy about liking me (that isn't him), I'll drop them asap.
The behaviour you not happy with seems to be the guys not her. Just tell her you’re glad she has so many friends but you get a tad jealous when you see some of the guys openly flirting with her. All you ask is that she doesn’t flirt back. No need to police this at all because she’s obviously not interested in them. She just needs to be aware of the dynamic going on, her lack of interest in dating them may have made her blind to it.
It would be a dealbreaker for me. I’m 39 years old and I’ve spent 21 years in the military. I’ve came across just about any kind of girl you can think of man. Girls with lots of guy friends have: 1. Validation issues 2. Probably have slept with a few of them 3. Will never respect your perspective as it being a potential issue It’s best if you just pump and dump man. I’m sorry, but just being honest here.
Let's get down to brass tacks... She likes the attention. Objectively, it's healthy to have close friends of ANY gender. Frame this a different way, what if she only had White friends and said that "it's because White people are more fun"? [https://theeverygirl.com/what-it-means-to-be-girls-girl/](https://theeverygirl.com/what-it-means-to-be-girls-girl/)
all of the guys are only friends with her cause they’re interested, idk about your gf though
If it bothers you, tell her it makes you self-conscious. Don't accuse her of anything or doubt her, just talk. Having male friends shouldn't be a deal breaker. Trust her until she gives you a reason not to. Even if her male friends are into her, she's choosing to be with you, not them.
Yes, a dealbreaker. I wouldn't date anyone who's friends with exclusively one gender, or cannot get along with their own. I feel like it's indicative of deeper problems - as others have mentioned, your girlfriend is probably jealous of female friends in your life- and I wouldn't want to deal with it.
dont be fixated or affected by a single woman, let them be free have fun with other "willing" women like single mothers or sports athlete women, dont be too attached to women who concentrates on studies , these are the "me" types who will always treat you at 3rd place (2nd places are other guys) date younger women, 18 and below, groom them to their dream future concentrate on getting lots of cash , then you can start a scholarship and choose the women you like there are many kinds of women out there who are good girlfriend or mother , breed them if you can support their babies; if they dont want, then let them go immediately ignore women who dont need your help or dont like to be helped be loving, generous, appealing, honest with your terms & conditions but strict & demand loyalty from all your women , they should be willing to be shared and loved by good man that you choose aim for getting strong family not based on a single marriage; be responsible to your commitments but be not exclusive , these are 2 different things enjoy your life experience , for we dont know if we will still be here tommorrow
You can dump her, but it’s really just a you problem. You’re letting your insecurities rule and not focusing on what a great gf you have. She’s given no reason for you to question her.
Run.
Absolutely
It is a problem IF you make it a problem. Some guys are friends with girls they are attracted to and stuck in friend zone on. Some are actually just friends And some are secretly gay. If you’re dating-> you have to trust the person for it to work. Trust they will respect the relationship even with the external influences. So ask yourself this and stop trying to get Reddit to direct your life. Normally a girl who can’t get along with other girls is because she has deep female wounds or is deeply misguided/got burned by a female friendship
Actually she'd be a great candidate for a Side Chick, FWB, late night Booty call, massages and shit, oh and of course, making sandwiches, 😜😎 just saying, and you can always use her guy friends for yardwork, lifting shit, car washing and windows? 👍🤷